Alexander the Great vs Ivan the Terrible



Alexander the Great vs Ivan the Terrible is the sixty-fourth installment of Epic Rap Battles of History and the sixth episode of Season 5. It features the first Tsar of All Russia, Ivan the Terrible against Greek king and warrior, Alexander the Great. After Ivan the Terrible kills Alexander the Great, Frederick the Great, Pompey the Great, and Catherine the Great intervene. It was released on July 12th, 2016.

Cast
Nice Peter as Ivan the Terrible, Rasputin (reused footage, cameo), Vladimir Lenin (reused footage, cameo), and Vladimir Putin (reused footage, cameo)

Zach Sherwin as Alexander the Great

EpicLLOYD as Frederick the Great, Joseph Stalin (reused footage, cameo), and Mikhail Gorbachev (reused footage, cameo)

Meghan Tonjes as Catherine the Great

Mike Betette as Pompey the Great (cameo)

Illjaz Jusufi and Burim Jusufi as Catherine the Great's backup dancers (cameo)

PewDiePie as Mikhail Baryshnikov (reused footage, cameo)

Lyrics
[Note: Ivan the Terrible is in brown, Alexander the Great is in red , Frederick the Great is in dark blue , Catherine the Great is in light blue , Pompey the Great is in tan , and additional voices are in italics.]

Ivan the Terrible:
Look alive, crème de la Kremlin's arriving!

Try to serve Ivan: no surviving!

You're a land rover; I'm a land expander!

Here to hand you your first loss, Alexander!

I'll school you like Aristotle!

Smack you harder than you hit that bottle!

You're nothing but an overrated lush; I'll crush ya!

I'm the first Tsar of all of Russia!

You're an asshole with an anastole!

I'm heaven sent, divine and holy!

So don't even try to approach the God,

Or you'll get a huge sack like Novgorod!

Alexander the Great:
Hey, fella! Swell diss,

But now you got the Panhellenist from Pella hella pissed!

Stepping up's foolish as well as useless!

Little Vasilyevich, let me spell out the list:

I brought foes to their knees in Phoenicia!

Breezed through Gaza to Giza!

Had the Balkans, Persia, Syria, Iraq,

And Pakistan in my expansion pack,

While you died in the middle of a game of chess!

You got vodka bars: flavorless!

And what I'm 'bout to spit will be the craziest,

So go fix me a drink so I can stay refreshed!

Kudos! Greek for the glory I got

From winning every single war that I fought!

So this will be straight forward: I'll take up this sword that I brought

And slice you in half like the Gordian knot!

And I'll soar to the top like the eagle whose feather I would sport

In the helmet that I wore

As I swatted my many enemies; shattered 'em like a porcelain pot,

And they'd be praying for the torture to stop,

But I would leave 'em contorted and they'd be screaming and roaring

Until their vocals cords were torn up and shot!

And I would holler "Bucephalus!", hop up on my horsey, and trot!

I win, Ivan; I vanquish! I'm an immortal; you're not!

Ivan the Terrible:
Enough! (Ugh.) I don't stand a chance against your skills!

на здоровье! A drink to your victory! Yes, I will.

It seems no one can defeat me; I weep, it's all so easy!

...ugh. What's wrong? I feel a bit… queasy.

Ha! You've been poisoned! Oh, the pain is unbearable!

My stomach's riddled with holes! (Ugh.) I'm terrible.

There's no great who could defeat this Russian!

Frederick the Great:
(Psst!) What about a flute-busting Prussian?

''Old Fritz! Old Fritz! Old Fritz! Old Fritz!''

''Old Fritz! Old Fritz! Old Fritz! Old Fritz!''

I'm Frederick the Great! Out the gate, first servant of state!

Oblique attack tactics ain't exactly straight!

I've got creative talents and battle malice!

Hard as steel on the field, genteel in the palace!

Russia's fucked up, but no wonder why!

With your tundras and taigas and bears! Oh my!

I would pay a guy to tear out my eyes

If I had to look at your troll face every night!

Now, bring me my chair!

I'm weary from tearing you a new derrière from here to Red Square !

Fought a Seven Years' War; I ain't scared of a Tsar

'Cause beating you only took me twelve bars!

Ivan the Terrible:
Oh, what a humiliating defeat!

I know when I am beat, so, of course, take a seat!

I'd keep ripping you to shreds, but I'll take a break instead

And just rest my little head. Why don't you drop dead, Fred?!

(Hmm.) My expectations were a lot higher,

But at least I saved the rubles on the garrote wire.

It's another great day and another great victory

'Cause no great can beat me! What about me, Pompey? Yeah!

Catherine the Great:
Macedonians, Prussians, and Romans; those aren't worthy opponents.

It takes a Russian to take down a Russian! I'm Cat. I'm a cat; you're a rodent!

How are you the head of our state when the state of your head was such a crazy one?

Such sick shit going through your brain that you stuck a spike through your own son! (Oooh!)

You're unbalanced, like I unbalanced the European powers with the wars I waged!

I brought the Russian empire straight out the olden days and right into the golden age!

I'm the boss bitch that you just can't meddle with!

This whole battle's like Alaska 'cause I settled it!

Ivan the Terrible:
(Mmm.) What a beautiful Queen to beat me in a battle.

Accept this gift, Your Highness; I hear you enjoy the saddle!

Catherine the Great:
That horse story is a pile of shit,

Though I do keep 'em chomping at the bit!

But you're never gonna get it, nyet!

Couldn't spin in my chamber if this were Russian roulette!

I'm picking up where Peter the Great left off!

Bringing sexy back to House Romanov!

So don't call me Queen, I'm far more great!

Empress to Tsar 8, bitch! Checkmate!

General
"It's a very special kind of person Who takes the time to read this, one frame. Thank you for being a part of this. Sincerely Pete & Lloyd"
 * This is the second-longest video to date, but the longest rap battle to date, with an overall rapping time of 3:47.
 * This is the first finale/mid-season finale battle to feature a female rapper.
 * This is the first battle since Hulk Hogan and Macho Man vs Kim Jong-il to give title cards to rappers appearing partway through the battle.
 * This is also the first battle to give a title card to a cameo.
 * At 4:09, a flash of text appears, reading:
 * Ivan says 'на здоровье' meaning 'health' in Russian

Errors

 * During the outro, Brennan Seltzer's suggestion appears twice.
 * At 1:43, Ivan the Terrible's shadow partially overlaps Alexander the Great's corpse when it should fall behind it.
 * The knee Alexander the Great falls to after being poisoned changes from the right to the left between shots.