User blog:NovaBomb123/ERBOE No.6 "Ted Mosby vs. Jim Halpert"

Welcome back to Epic Rap Battles of Everything, and today's episode features How I Met Your Mother's Protagonist Ted Mosby vs. The Office's fan favorite Jim Halpert.

[Ted Mosby] How's it going? You think you're a big fish

and like your pranks on Dwight, you're childish

i'm a lot like you but i'm stylish

I'll burn down your office with this diss

you think you go Ham but you're cheesy

to think I was starting off easy

Duncan, i'll kick your ass completely

I hope these next few lines cut deeply

starting off, so you'd best back off Krasinski

you hide in a Quiet Place, it's a pity

in Shrek The Third being dense, feel that gravity

Monsters Vs. Aliens? what insanity

I'm Six Months older than you, and I lasted longer

so walk away, and go tell Pam to call the doctor

My wife is hotter, smarter and sharper, it's proper

leave you paper cut, call me and i'll put you under

[Jim Halpert] Alrighty, you need to calm down, Radnor

why the anger? why you give no answer?

you be acting like yo girl got cancer

you act like a rapper and cause laughter

You tell us this virginity story about Molly...

the smoking probably left you hardly able to flee

you tell your family a story of insanity

know how you take tragedy? it's bloody funny honey

This is How I Met Your Mother last night

With Michael Scott causing a fright tonight

at your wedding you had Two Best Men right?

and I thought you and Marshall was a sight

Karen, Natalie, Victoria and Robin

just to name a few that you may have forgotten

Hopeless Romantic, so pardon if you've fallen

but this is the last straw, guess it's a smokin' gun

[Ted Mosby] Hey Jim, You'd best fear this jello-encased rhyme scheme

put up your pencil fence 'fore it's a crime scene

like Dwight but with actual obscene gasoline

cuz when I'm lighting fires, they will stay unclean

You may have the skills of an Engineer

but it would appear those skills disappear

I can see your fear while in this frontier

this time your injuries will be severe

You mess with Dwight so much, where's the gaydar?

Your show doesn't compare, you're not on the radar

To compare, you're a star but i'm a quasar

the fact you think you can win is still bizarre

You dated Kary and Karen.

but Pam was your main intention?

the red headed art school lesson?

got no taste, out of the question.

[Jim Halpert] Hey there, You think too much Mosby

so you'd better listen closely

you know nobody knows this phony

have a participation trophy

On Family Guy you playing yourself

while making bad jokes like you were still twelve

how'd you get your career? what kinda spells?

get the hell out my office for your health

I hear You've been looking for the one?

So here I am, i'm here to beat you son

like she left the altar, you'd be broken

leave you broken up and I've just spoken

So head back to Shaker Heights

and I've got a great surprise

kick your ass twice, it's quite nice

mess with your future demise

[Ted Mosby] So Jim, you're well known for your pranks?

kick your ass from here to the banks

and I'm sure that Dwight will say thanks

when I help him raise through the ranks

You put a dude's desk in the bathroom

and you two dudes should get your own room

you assume dude consumes a girl's perfume

i'll call you two the next bride and groom, dude

i'm putting your win in the vending machine

here's a bag of quarters and nicotine

and you may be bringing in all of that green

But I was kicking ass in twenty fourteen

So go step out the office, get on a farm

look at Pam, raise the charm, cuz I've come to harm

and some aliens are here, raise the alarm

Because your office is really not the bomb

[Jim Halpert] You talk about Dwight, and that ain't right

cuz that dude can't take a fright at night

but despite that you think I take pipe

so we are about to fight tonight

So you used to be an architect

i'm not a project, change the subject

i'll kick your ass with a blunt object

and it'll be a great content concept

so you want to correct me?

you're about to be wrecked see

slapsgiving, won't go hungry

kicking your ass constantly

Alright Ted, you'd better head over across the pond

if you're wanting someone on your level to respond

you rap like you're a blonde, I bet Barney raps beyond

Jim Halpert left you dropped and you really shouldn't be shocked