User blog:Dark Cyan/Cyan's Rap Battles of Literature 13: Victor Hugo vs Leo Tolstoy

Hello, everyone. And welcome back to Cyan's Rap Battles of Literature!

I really need to stop writing these the day I release them.

We're seeing a return to form this week. There are no characters of the Authors coming to play. No third parties. No Creepypasta authors, just two literary giants battling it out in a straight rap battle.

This battle features legendary French author Victor Hugo against legendary Russian author Leo Tolstoy to settle once and for all the most legendary non-English author.

Enjoy!

Beat: Upside Down

Victor Hugo
(starts at 0:21)

An hour before Sunset, on the eve of a day,

In early July, Hugo steps to the plate.

Against a crusty, bearded, geriatric old scab.

I'm about to make a Cossack Les Misérables.

We're looking at The Last Day of a Condemned Man.

I'll Military Press you like The Hunchback of Notre-Dame!

You looked up to me like a hero, and now we're battle rapping?

Of course you're going to lose. What did you think would happen?

Leo Tolstoy
(starts at 0:42)

You're facing the greatest writer in the world, if you get the picture.

Another French Dumas challenging the Master of Literature.

I wouldn't talk about childhood heroes if I was in your place.

You used to look up to Napoleon. Here, wipe that egg off your face.

I took everything you tried to do, and improved it.

A big deal since Childhood, Boyhood and Youth, bitch.

A well-bred Count versus a chubby Republican freak.

Talent versus Luck. We're bigger opposites than War and Peace.

Victor Hugo
(starts at 1:02)

Your ingratitude to your idol really spoils my constitution.

That's a History of a Crime. I'd rather start a revolution,

Than listen to this poser rip apart his inspiration.

I'm the greater author, greater vocation, greater fame and greater Nation!

My works are a perfect blend of prose and Social Activism.

You just publish any old crap. I'll call you Activision!

If it's still not clear, Leo, let me paint you a picture.

You're on a cold train to your doom, whereas I'm the Victor!

Leo Tolstoy
(starts at 1:24)

Stop acting like a big deal. You look like an utter fool.

Your only legacy's a shit musical and a Disney cartoon.

Go sit with Flaubert and Verne. You're not France's only Golden Boy.

Sure, you were influential, but you're not exactly Leo Tolstoy.

My books are truly gifts to the literary world, end to end.

With more engaging main characters than you have friends.

From The Death of Ivan Ilyich to Anna Karenina.

You might write like a master but you rap like a beginner.

Poll
WHO WON? Victor Hugo Leo Tolstoy