User blog:Cherrae Witch/DIO vs Dracula - A Rap Battle

lick my clit, Amy

After years and years of memeing about it, this seems like the perfect time to actually make it a reality. Halloween is rolling around, tons of people speculating about Drac in a battle, Dracula stuff and JoJo have had things happening to them in recent, and ye.

Classic literature vampire and horror icon Dracula faces off with the vampire nemesis of the Joestar bloodline, Dio Brando, otherwise known as DIO, in order to see which of these unkillable bloodsuckers rules the night. Of course though, I couldn't make it that simple.

amy was gonna just make this a joke battle, but i wont allow it. muda muda or smth.

Beat
https://youtu.be/JHBBy0kU6H0

DIO (0:25)
Oh, you're approaching me? Then come as close as you'd like,

Dio Brando on the mic, even clocks stop and watch once nightfall strikes

If you still want to fight, don't be surprised when you go in for a bite,

Suddenly I'm out of sight, a hole in your chest, while you ignite once its bright

Perhaps a cross as a pike, oh, and you despise garlic, am I right?

What a weakling, what cryptonite will your hundreth author write?

With my might, I'll make even this corpse's blood run white,

Understand, parasite? The World will revolve you into the sunlight.

Dracula (0:45)
What was once a man enters the kings castle under moonlit midnight sky lights,

He boasts of being dark, but is as flashy as that of a brutish British Twilight.

As if you're one to mock weakness, poor man's kung-fu almost ripped you asunder

Trapped under London's waters, giving head to a dead brother until you were plundered.

You fled to the desert, and from your hunters you bunkered,

A shell of a man, flustered because his father was but a drunkard.

Struck mother til she suffered, so you put him to eternal slumber.

Yet you still fall to a pure mortal? Then perhaps all humans aren't dumber.

DIO (1:06)
Futile, futile! Perhaps you're better off in the shadows, hiding behind brides,

Harkening back to pre-Harker, where you were busy crying because your wife died.

Women throw themselves at my side, but with your demise, that's something you know well,

A hopeless romantic, no Eliza wishing to come to his Transylvanian love Hotel.

You're just sad, Vlad, shouldn't you be dancing with Billy and Mandy?

If you're going to mock me at least bring out Sandler and Lee.

I'm a God of a man! Am I supposed to be scared by this fruitless abused mess?

Foolishness, Tepes! Your wit and disses are just useless useless USELESS!

Dracula (1:27)
I may have brides at my side, but I'm capable of fighting my own battles,

Who's the one scared in his mansion during the Joestar's travels?

I went against God, peasant, and I'll do it again if you so ask,

You claim to be self-made, but your powers came from a mask!

My legacy lives on post-mortem, your children hardly know you exist,

It took all that is holy to strike me down, you just lost to some fists!

Just like your predecessors, I'll leave you doomed as but a statue,

You are a man, a pile of secrets! Enough talk, have at you!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PdPpWBr6PQ0

(The beat comes to a stop as DIO summons the world, freezing time)

DIO
Your turn is over, as now your rhymes and time have unfurled,

Not even the beat can keep up in the power of The World.

Look at you, one who is undead, yet even still can be killed.

An ambitious one yes, but never once got his fill.

The universe itself reset and bent to me, I obtained Heaven,

Reality in my grip, infinite time is mine, though the seconds are only eleven.

From Stoker to a joker, you weren't taken serious up until your doom,

(DIO uses The World to punch a hole through Dracula's abdomen)

I've wasted enough of it on you, but now, time will resume.

Dracula (1:48)
(Time resumes and the beat starts back up as Dracula lifts DIO by the neck)

I know your tricks boy, I'm timeless, long revered since my reign with my schemes,

You're but a memory, known only for obese teens spouting dead memes.

I see you know tarot cards, and I studied magics before my rule,

Now tell me, why did they give the wrong non-human trash The Fool?

I'm the Impaler here, you're just a thug attempting to act heartless,

Yet another Dio that's come second to the Prince of Darkness.

You're named after God, but we're both monsters and demons all the same.

But when I show you how horrific I can be, you won't die screaming your name.

(The Beat stops once more, DIO and Dracula both turn to the door of the castle they are in, four figures are at the entrance, the famous slayers of the two, Van Helsing, Julius Belmont, Jotaro Kujo, and Jonathan Joestar) 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Im_kuPBdd5U new beat

Vampire Hunters (0:23)
The Doctors are in, and with us we have some real man power

Saviors of the night, we are the ones who make horrors cower

Mein Gott is not on your side, not the least because of your luck with priests

We defeat cursed beasts, we may have bad blood, but on ours you will not feast.

We've killed you both before, we can put an end to your cursed blood and soul

We handle vampires quick and with ease, you could call it Cruz control.

For generations our bloodlines have left bloodsuckers like you lot conquered

We'll make you begone, you don't belong in this world, monsters!

Yare yare, don't say World, heard enough of that shit from the vampires

When we Stand up to fight, we'll leave assholes like you more than retired.

Eyes of Heaven watching the Joestars, Dio, it'll end like last time we fought,

There's a reason you've already lost, cuz you really piss us off.

You've taken too many lives, and Vlad, you've taken too many wives!

You may reject your humanity, but the goodness of man will always survive!

Once both great men, but turning to immortality to fill the void,

How I wish we could save you two, but you have to be destroyed.

DIO and Dracula (1:09)
Bah, you humans are always interfering with our affairs,

If you storm our lairs, we'll show you true despair.

I see this as opportunity, let's put our conflict to an end.

My friend, shall we show our guests here the meaning of revenge?

Excellent proposal, I'll start by bringing hell to Belmont and Helsing

No matter how many times you've felled me, I will always keep rebelling.

I'll let you meet Quincy, Abe, you games end here and you cannot harm me.

Speaking of game ends, Julius, I'll put a stop to Belmonts like my name was Konami.

My two greatest threats have arrived, walking here just to die,

The blood of the Joestars will be all mine, truly the greatest high!

Your body's served me well Jonathan, I've never felt stronger,

As for Jotaro, you know two JoJos can't stop me, just like you couldn't save your daughter.

Whips, fists, alchemists, yet you cannot match either of us in wits,

You're unfit for this, admit it! You may as well quit and submit!

You think you've brought power? We'll slay you four within the hour!

Cower in fear, mortals, because now your blood is ours!

Vampire Hunters (1:56)
You've fallen for our trap, creatures like you are just so predictable

You were pit against eachother to see who was more despicable.

Then we arrive after your rhymes, and we made it just in time,

We will survive, and make the both of you pay for your crimes.

Still don't get it? Teaming up against us doesn't mean shit,

You damn idiots, weren't you just bragging about your wit?

You're after our blood, but you're going to end up with none,

This battle is done, for now's the rising of the sun!

(With a thrown cross, a lash from the Vampire Killer, a Zoom Punch, and Star Platinum, the windows to the castle burst open, revealing that the sun had risen, now burning Dracula and DIO)

We waited til morning to strike, bided our time til it was right

We knew you'd want a fight, and you'd jump in for a bite,

But no matter your might, your fright, we smite those of the night

And now that it's bright, vanquish under the light!

(With loud, anguished screams, both Dio and Dracula begin to burn and disintegrate under the intense rays of the sun, ending the battle)

Misc Stuff
who won

whos next

hell if i know

Who Won DIO & Dracula The Vampire Hunters Between the vampires who won DIO Dracula