User blog:AndyParsons/Ernest Hemingway vs Mark Twain. Dem Epic Rap Battles

Will add references later I promise

Intro
DEM EPIC RAP BATTLES!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY!

VS!

MARK TWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN!

BEGIN!

Ernest Hemingway (0:20):
It's the death of an awful author and that's all she wrote!

The Macho Man is wrecking your puny Mississippi Steamboat!

Spend some time on practicing and maybe learn to write better,

Instead of spending all your cash investing on a typesetter!

Socialism and narcissism, you put shame to journalism!

You’re bashing writers, but you're the one who needed criticism!

Stepping up to me, we all know how the ending’s gonna be:

Your wife and children fishing for the Old Man in the Sea!

Mark Twain (0:41):
I’ve been through much in Hannibal and I can surely take on you, man,

If I can call the President out, challenging you ain't something new, man.

I’m the master of satire, brilliant writings and in this strife,

You cannot keep up with me like how you cannot keep a wife!

In this battle, just like n-word Jim, you should’ve run away!

And I’d have used that word if Fandom™ wasn’t touchy nowadays.

The Prince of Literature spitting on this Pauper is just too miserable,

We all know your victory will be like your books, it must be fictional!

Ernest Hemingway (1:02):
You’re the King of Plagiarizing, Twain, you're basically a Dick-ens!

You stole his plot device and style and all the characters he’s written!

I'm a better author and rapper than this Great American Douche,

I've seen much better rhyming when I'm reading Mother Goose!

Mark Twain (1:12):
You don’t belong in literary, all your novels suckle berries!

Stop muddling up your vocabulary, look them up in a dictionary!

I’m Roughing It and crushing it, after I’m done with it, you’re through!

And on your funeral, no bell’s gonna be tolling for you!

Ernest Hemingway (1:22):
Speaking of Nobel, what sort of honor you’ve got?

I’ve got a Pulitzer and literature has forgotten your spot!

You’ve got no skills whatsoever, you can't write and you can't fight,

You should have leave all your novel pages like your suit: plain white!

I’m the Star of Kansas City, you’re the star of writing shitty,

And I’ve beat down Wallace Stevens, so go ahead and try to hit me!

Here’s a little sneak peek on your little life and no offense,

But it seems that you’re as dumb as those who painted Sawyer’s fence.

Mark Twain (1:42):
I'm like a shooting star, short-lived but brightest in the sky,

You went crazy later life, getting spied on by FBI!

I'm applauded and lauded, while you got broomed out of the room!

My book sales are like your head, because both of them go boom!

You tiny brain will never fathom my genius mind, I’m too clever!

You wrote about the sea and now you will be part of it forever!

You can't beat me, I'm the one with greatest reputation in the nation!

You've just lost, brother, just like the whole entire generation!

Outro
WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT? Who won? Ernest Hemingway Mark Twain