User blog:Bobdave/Bobdave's Rap Battles Season 2 - Ash Ketchum vs Charles Darwin

So here's a fucking original piece of shit. Hey look guys, I'm so original, here's a unique fucking suggestion I came up with the other day. This shit is so fucking special it's the main exhibition at the snowflake fucking museum. LOVE ME.

This is not a confirmed return of my rap battles, nor anything else I make, but I still decided to put it in with my other battles cuz why not and it's been a year since I made anything so might as well new season!

But about the actual battle itself, this took me a couple of days to write up as well as the custom instrumental creation which took like four hours. I'd appreciate if you could comment on the Instrumental as well (and maybe also tell me I'm pretty). Generally I'm pleased with how this turned out and I kinda made it cuz I was sick and bored. I really have to thank Barry and Matt for reviewing my lines and Bran and Hank for their help in coming up with a line which I think turned out very well thanks to them. I don't really have much else to say, it's the guy from the Yu-Gi-Oh! Live Action movie vs the guy who invented gravity or something.

Italicised lines take up twice the length of a normal line. There's the instrumental.

Announcer:
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY

CHARLES DARWIN

VS

ASH KETCHUM!

BEGIN!

Charles Darwin
On the Origin of this pairing I can't quite say

It's a world-renowned biologist versus anime

You enslaved your pets and watch them evolve and grow

But haven't aged a day since the first episode

'Cause really, all you've ever managed is a change of clothes

And getting friendzoned by five different hoes

You're no pro! Your whole Frontier career is a joke

You'll get more pounded than your mother did by Samuel's Oak

And I'm really far too busy to be lecturing a boy

With a smaller chance to win than Brock with Jenny or Joy

But if a Digimon copy's got a notion he could Thrash me

It's probably best that I leave him running off like his daddy

Ash Ketchum
Man, this rhymer's like Grimer, he doesn't sting, he stinks

This guy's so old and dumb he could be the missing link

You sailed South America but got hit by seasickness

You'll drop dead quicker in this skirmish than your kids did

While you're scribbling and thinking 'bout distinctions in finches

And trying to build bridges between chimps and extinct shit

I'm stacking up stats in my 'Dex by the dozen

Talk about selective breeding, you married own cousin

And you jumped ship from Edinburgh, saw blood and you were gone

Then feasted on the creatures you did research on

And if you need more proof that you have nothing left to offer

You're being replaced on the tenner by chick-fic author

Charles Darwin
I lie with kings, you'll be tossed in that Rock Gym you lost in

Spitting Seed Bombs at me? You've got Mendel problems

You Flailed around with Misty but failed to make a Splash

Better pray to Arceus you don't get Christmas Bashed

A clash with the trainer trash that is Ash? I'd really rather face Red between me and you

It's ridiculous to spit wits to an imbecilic kid who denied evolution to his Pikachu

But if you truly think that you can handle a mind

With more power than any Psychic you'll ever find

Then watch as a Machamp squishes this Weedle

And takes notes on your beating from the bow of the Beagle

Cuz this shit is survival of the fittest

And you'll be feeling more Blue than your rival when I'm finished

So while the chosen one picks up Pika-feces

I'll be jotting down the Ketchum as an extinct species

Ash Ketchum
You know, it's funny that before you were submerged in turf

That your final turgid work was on Earthworms and dirt

You spent eight years on barnacles and wrote about rocks

But when I spit a verbal Rocket it'll leave you blasting off

And the Professor can't guess if you're a girl or a guy

Because you got an extra X but you're missing a Y

I'm spitting Diamonds and Pearls, my Platinum raps are polished

I'll take Gold, while you're Silver 'cause you pilfered from Wallace

And this fossil can stick to digging up bits of bones

Your head'll be in a Helix from my lyrics off the Dome

You seem Krabby, maybe go home and take a lie Down

Cuz you know only a Kingler is allowed to wear the crown

And if you drown in the Hydro Pump of flow that I'm jetting

Natural selection didn't choose you's what I'm guessing

But I'm surprised your heart's still functioning with how I've beaten you

One Thunderbolt should do the trick, Pikachu!!!

Announcer
WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!

epic (the logo grows bigger)

Rap! (bigger...)

BATTLES! (the logo bursts into it's normal size)

OF HISTORY!

WHO WON? Ash Ketchum Charles Darwin

There was no Endslate cuz I could find enough good pictures of Darwin. :)

Also, that poll has a capitalised title because it was the only one that wasn't already a poll. :)