User blog:Bantha117/Ron Swanson vs Theodore Roosevelt - ORRBoUDQ (OGTTIAL) Season 1



GODDAMN that was a tough nut to crack. Doesn't help that I'm a cracked nut meself. Oh well, time for Munkee Show & Tell.

On behalf of myself and Tigger, welcome to the 5th (originally 4th) installment of ORRBoUDQ (OGTTIAL). That's Overrated Rap Battles of Undetermined Quality (Oh God That Title Is Absurdly Long) if you haven't figured it out by now. Today we see the 26th President of the United States and renowned badass of the 20th century Teddy Roosevelt, facing off against the perhaps equally badass fictional head of the Parks & Recreation department Ron Swanson (of Parks and Recreation fame), in a battle of American badassery. Credits to Mr. Scrawnald Scribblebibble for the suggestion.

I take full responsibility for the lateness and suck of this battle. :P

Tigger's Note: I didn't carry nearly enough burden on this battle that I felt I should have. Sure, Munkee knows more about both competitors, but I do enough lyric tinkering, in my opinion. Either that, or Munkee was just 2gud4me.

Instrumental
At time of writing, the insert video thingie is being fgt. Perhaps some time later I'll change this, but for now, the beat is here.

Ron Swanson vs Theodore Roosevelt
OVERRATED RAP BATTLES OF UNDETERMINED QUALITY!

OH GOD! THAT TITLE IS ABSURDLY LONG!



VERSUS



BEGIN!

Theodore Roosevelt
Begin at 0:40

You're in for a rough ride, Ron! You'd better be ready.

Not even help from Leslie could beat President Teddy!

I speak harsh, carry big disses, and now I'm betting

You'll be tripping up this time worse than Freddy Spaghetti!

I’m on a mountain far greater than any pyramid of yours.

Think you're badass? HAH! You squeal at a lil' horse!

Continents get split when Roosevelt lets loose!

It takes more than a mustache to stop a Bull Moose.

Ron Swanson
Begin at 1:00

Bull Moose? I decline. The term for YOU is bullshit.

I'm a real man, the only fit to rock the Bully Pulpit!

There are two acceptable verses: yours is not one.

Your "big disses" all miss against Ron F***ing Swanson.

You're like Tammy: Satan's butthole, a grade-A bitch,

And a joke of bureaucracy with that high voice pitch.

I took down Gryzzl, son, a Teddy doesn't scare me.

Anyone would have been better as mayor, even Jerry.

Theodore Roosevelt
Begin at 1:20

If a bullet couldn't stop me, then how could you possibly?

Libertarian in government, a parodoxical oddity,

With economic prospects and foolish concepts so shoddy

No matter how much gold you bury, so get off of my property.

Couldn't eat a banana. When I want things done, I just do it.

You're beloved on TV, but when it comes down to it

You're as fake as your values, while I'm an American bastion.

Now get back or I'll silence your ass like Li'l Sebastian.

Ron Swanson
Begin at 1:40

Show some goddamned respect!

You're famous for a toy, nothing more, nothing less.

Weak-willed, sick kid, but still I'd expect

A better challenge from a Republican reject!

Go back to Africa, Ted, you might have a shot there.

As a politician you brought as much change as my hair.

Should've got Frankie's help 'fore you lost your life's light.

It's your third loss, son. Go say good day to your wife.

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

WHY IS MUNKEE SUCH A FGT HE COULDN'T FINISH THIS ON TIME?



OVERRATED...

RAP BATTLES...

OF UNDETERMINED QUALITY!

OH GOD! THAT TITLE IS ABSURDLY LONG!

Who won dis? Ron Swanson Theodore Roosevelt