User blog:Alanomaly/Alanomaly Rap Battles - Wonder Woman vs Xena: Warrior Princess

This site is so dead it makes both my love life and sex life look like they're in their prime. That's kinda sad.

So I got enough of my writing mojo back to do this battle. I saw Wonder Woman this past weekend, absolutely loved it, and I think that's part of what got me back into the swing of writing. Please keep in mind I did this throughout the past few hours and I only just got back into writing. That's not an excuse if anything's bad... Okay yes it is who the fuck am I fooling

I give to you, Wonder Woman, Princess Diana of Themyscira, battling Xena: Warrior Princess. Or as I like to call it, what ERB should have done instead of fucking up. But we all make mistakes. And Wonder vs Wonder was one of ERB's mistakes.

I got the idea for how to go about this battle thanks to Flats, as you'll see in the endslate. So let's get to it.

Lyrics
(Note: Gal Gadot's lyrics are in gold, Xena's lyrics are in green , Lynda Carter's lyrics are in red , and Gabrielle's lyric is in orange .)
 * -|Battle=

ALANOMALY RAP BATTLES



VS



BEGIN

Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot)
One hundred years ago, I walked away from mankind. My help, they didn't deserve,

But now I've wandered back of my own accord, this αντιγραφή is to be served!

If you try to spit fire, I'll walk through it unscathed, just like a battlefield,

I defeated your father once, that should prove enough to make you yeild!

Let me guess, you tried to make yourself known as a warrior after you left home,

But you weren't allowed to return, so now you try to repent while wandering alone,

Auntie Diana knows best, you'll never be able to run away from your past,

Speaking of which, didn't my other brother, Herc, beat your ass?

Just one arrow left you in bed for days, and yet defeating me is what you mean, huh?

Great Hera! Don't make me laugh! Your people will be disappointed by you once more, Xena!

Xena
Symbol of independence? Ha, I doubt that you could even be bothered,

When you've got a ton of male lovers, like Steve, Bruce, Clark, and Arthur!

I'm like a female warrior Neo, the way I tackle tricks and traps set by Morpheus,

A clay baby brought to life by the power of Zeus? Could you be anymore BS?

I mean, I've seen a lot of things, but come on, that's worse than Flashpoint,

Sure, your film did well, but your franchise is still in a trash point!

It's no Wonder, Woman, your fame was only ever because of your gender,

If telling the truth with no lasso was a crime, then I'm the first offender!

Your too small boobs are making every single male fan of yours peeved,

But hey, anyways, they wouldn't save BvS ratings, much less Steve!

Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot)
You wanna make this about gender and sex? You're the same way! And with no room to talk breasts,

You can't even begin to walk two inches out of town without someone attempting an arrest!

It's unfortunate, you'll never be brought back, you'll always be left behind like Lynn,

While I'm- I'll let you finish in a bit, but I'd like to take this battle for a spin!

[Gal Gadot's Wonder Woman turns around, only to see...]



Wonder Woman (Lynda Carter)
Give it your best shot, I'll deflect you both like Bullets and Bracelets,

I brought plenty entertainment while I fought Nazis on a weekly basis!

But really, ladies, please! We're grown women, we shouldn't be enemies,

Given the right chemistry, I'm certain that we'd get along splendidly!

Oh, I'm kidding! I'd never be on the same page as Miss Oedipus here,

And, quite frankly, dear, I don't know how I feel about your version being queer!

Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot)
Agent Carter, who do you think you're fooling? I mean, at this outfit, I'll take a gander,

You expect anyone to believe you're Amazon when you're dressed as the Star Spangled Banner?

Xena
And how do you block anything with those tiny Gauntlets on your wrists?

I mean, at least what that Gal's packing is more than enough to block my fist!

Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot)
Oh, don't try teaming with me, or I'll go back to proving that you're not Lucy Flawless,

A simple human? A Diana without the heroes I know? Neither a match against the god-killing goddess!

Wonder Woman (Lynda Carter)
Now don't go all high and mighty, acting like you're completely faultless,

Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot)
Let's be honest: I'm the hottest without even going topless, your acting is like a novice,

And I promise you'll be jobless while this tallness goddess is still spotless!

Xena
You're spotless? Ha! Don't speak too Fast, we could get Furious!

And you! What's wrong with a heroine being bi-curious?

Wonder Woman (Lynda Carter)
Oh, don't start questioning me! I'll prove to be sharper than your ring!

Xena
Oh, too bad that your tiara's not made out of real metal. Zing!

Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot)
Gal Gadot dot dot. I'll be taking this from here. Hold on! You're a one hit Wonder, I'm in two films this year!

The biggest difference between us? I'm fly, you're grounded! Make like your plane and disappear!

Wonder Woman (Lynda Carter)
Comments on the League trailer, people are focusing on your rear, get yourself a cape!

You'd be good at your role if you practiced acting as much as you did getting in shape!

Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot)
You're outdated, times have changed, and you're desperate for a cameo in my sequel,

Despite our fights for our rights, you and I will forever be far from equal!

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?



ALANOMALY [whip crack] RAP BATTLES
 * -|Rap Meanings=

Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot)
One hundred years ago, I walked away from mankind. My help, they didn't deserve,

(In Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, Wonder Woman mentions she walked away from mankind 100 years prior to the movie, meaning it was just after World War I, when the Wonder Woman movie takes place. Hippolyta, Ares, and even Diana herself say that mankind doesn't deserve the help of the Amazons during the movie.)

But now I've wandered back of my own accord, this αντιγραφή is to be served!

(Despite having walked away from mankind, Diana has come back to deal with Xena. She also refers to Xena as an "αντιγραφή," pronounced "antigrafí," which is Greek for copy. "Of my own accord" might refer to Diana being a symbol of independence.)

If you try to spit fire, I'll walk through it unscathed, just like a battlefield,

(In the final battle of Wonder Woman between Diana and Ares, she walks through the battlefield of fire created by the two of them, completely unharmed by the fire. "Spit fire" refers to rapping. Wonder Woman says she'll be as unscathed against Xena's raps as she was against the fire in her battle with Ares.)

I defeated your father once, that should prove enough to make you yeild!

(It was touched upon in Xena: Warrior Princess that Ares might be Xena's father. In Wonder Woman, Diana defeated Ares. Diana suggests that fact alone should make Xena give up.)

Let me guess, you tried to make yourself known as a warrior after you left home,

(Diana is assuming that Xena is following in the her footsteps, meaning they both left home in hopes of doing something that would give them a name.)

But you weren't allowed to return, so now you try to repent while wandering alone,

(In many renditions of Diana's lore, she was unable to return to Themyscira once she left. Xena was disliked within her own town of Amphipolis, even by her own mother, due to her burning and murdering people, and thus was not allowed to stay at first. After her actions, Xena wandered alone, even refusing to take Gabrielle along as help.)

Auntie Diana knows best, you'll never be able to run away from your past,

(Diana makes a play on the phrase "Mother knows best," in this case referring to herself as "Auntie Diana." If both Diana's lore and Xena's lore are taken into consideration, then it is possible that Diana is Xena's aunt. Diana and Ares were both brought to life by Zeus, and Diana even refers to Ares as "brother" in her movie. Ares is thought by some to be Xena's father, and thus Diana would be her aunt. In the first episode of Xena: Warrior Princess, Draco mentions that Xena will never be able to run away from her past, and Diana brings this up by quoting him, as if she's speaking from experience.)

Speaking of which, didn't my other brother, Herc, beat your ass?

(When Xena first appeared, it was in an episode of Hercules. However, she actually faces him in a final fight during the episode The Gauntlet, where she is defeated. As Hercules is the son of Zeus, he'd be a brother to Diana, same as Ares. Hercules also defeated the Amazons in his lore, the Amazons being Diana's people.)

Just one arrow left you in bed for days, and yet defeating me is what you mean, huh?

(In the second episode of Xena: Warrior Princess, Xena is shot with an arrow, only to be put in bed temporarily. Diana mocks this.)

Great Hera! Don't make me laugh! Your people will be disappointed by you once more, Xena!

(In the DC Animated Universe, specifically Justice League and Justice League: Unlimited, Diana was known for exclaiming Great Hera. In this case, she exclaims it due to how humored she is by Xena attempting to defeat her. Xena's family and village were disappointed by her actions as an antagonistic warrior. Diana says that they will once again be disappointed in her when she is defeated by Diana.)

Xena
Symbol of independence? Ha, I doubt that you could even be bothered,

(Both Xena and Diana are considered symbols of independence for women. However, Xena doubts Diana could be considered as such.)

When you've got a ton of male lovers, like Steve, Bruce, Clark, and Arthur!

(Continuing off of her last line, Xena claims that Diana can't be a symbol of independence for women when she's had love interests such as Steve Trevor, Bruce Wayne/Batman, Clark Kent/Superman, and Arthur Curry/Aquaman.)

I'm like a female warrior Neo, the way I tackle tricks and traps set by Morpheus,

(Xena compares herself to Neo, the main character of The Matrix. Neo was trained by a man named Morpheus in order to take down the Matrix. Xena battled the God of Dreams, Morpheus. In both cases, an artificial world was used, for Xena it was her own dreamworld, while for Neo it was the Construct.)

A clay baby brought to life by the power of Zeus? Could you be anymore BS?

(The origin story of Gal Gadot's Wonder Woman was that Hippolyta crafted her from clay, then she was brought to life by the Greek god Zeus. Xena calls out the ridiculousness of this origin story.)

I mean, I've seen a lot of things, but come on, that's worse than Flashpoint,

(As Xena has had as many run ins with Greek gods as Diana has, she recognizes the amount of supernatural stuff she's seen, but even then still criticizes Diana's origins. She also compares them to the storyline of Flashpoint, a storyline where the Flash (Barry Allen) goes back in time and saves his mother from being born. However, this creates the Flashpoint universe, where things are drastically different. This universe's differences, however, are much more for the sake of drastic change than actually making sense. For example, Aquaman and Wonder Woman have an affair and then go to war when Diana kills Mera, Aquaman's wife, even though this has no relevance to Barry's mother still being alive.)

Sure, your film did well, but your franchise is still in a trash point!

(Out of the four films of the DC Extended Universe, so far, Wonder Woman has had the best box office success as well as the best rating from critics such as Rotten Tomatoes. While Xena admits to this, she still points out that, as this is one of four films, the DCEU is still in their down time.)

It's no Wonder, Woman, your fame was only ever because of your gender,

(Xena makes an obvious pun on Wonder Woman. She then accuses Diana of only ever getting the fame she got for being a woman.)

If telling the truth with no lasso was a crime, then I'm the first offender!

(Diana has the Lasso of Truth, which compels anyone to tell the truth. Xena, however, does not have the Lasso being used on her, but still claims to be telling the truth through saying she'd be guilty of a crime if telling the truth was one.)

Your too small boobs are making every single male fan of yours peeved,

(Many fans reacted to Gal being casted as Wonder Woman by commenting on her breasts, saying they were too small for the character. Xena says this irritates any male fans of Diana who would be sexually aroused by larger breasts.)

But hey, anyways, they wouldn't save BvS ratings, much less Steve!

(Xena says that even if Gal's breasts were as big as those of Diana in the comics, it wouldn't have saved the ratings of the unpopular Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, just like how the relaitonship Steve and Diana had could not save Steve from being killed in Wonder Woman.)

Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot)
You wanna make this about gender and sex? You're the same way! And with no room to talk breasts,

(Diana questions if Xena really wants to make the battle be about gender and sex, once again referring to how Xena could be seen as a copy of Diana. She also mentions that Xena has no room to talk about breast size, as neither of the two have rather large breasts.)

You can't even begin to walk two inches out of town without someone attempting an arrest!

(Due to Diana's actions as an antagonistic warrior, many people consider her an enemy, and therefore would enjoy seeing her punished for her crimes.)

It's unfortunate, you'll never be brought back, you'll always be left behind like Lynn,

(Diana claims that Xena and her franchise will forever be a cult classic that will never get a sequel or reboot. She also compares this to the Lynda Carter Wonder Woman franchise (Lynn being used as a short for Lynda), which ended, and rather than getting a reboot, Wonder Woman was used in the live action movies and cartoon shows.)

While I'm- I'll let you finish in a bit, but I'd like to take this battle for a spin!

(Gal Gadot's Wonder Woman is about to mention how she's in the movies, but is quickly interrupted by the Lynda Carter Wonder Woman. The way Lynda interrupts is a reference to Kanye West interrupting Taylor Swift. "Spin" refers to how Lynda's Diana would spin to change into her Amazon outfit.)

Wonder Woman (Lynda Carter)
Give it your best shot, I'll deflect you both like Bullets and Bracelets,

("Shot" refers to, attempt, a gunfire, and the figurative "shots fired" in terms of insults. "Bullets and Bracelets" is a nickname for the Trial of Flashing Thunder, a trial used to choose which Amazon would go to the world of man and protect it from Ares' corruption. Lynda's Wonder Woman went through this trial and passed.)

I brought plenty entertainment while I fought Nazis on a weekly basis!

(The first season of Lynda Carter's Wonder Woman show took place in World War II (differing from Gal Gadot's movie, which took place in World War I), and she faced Nazis several times during this portion of the show. Weekly basis refers to the show having been aired on a weekly basis, the same way as most shows.)

But really, ladies, please! We're grown women, we shouldn't be enemies,

(In an episode of Wonder Woman, Lynda's Wonder Woman initially refuses to fight a woman, stating they shouldn't be enemies with each other due to them both being women.)

Given the right chemistry, I'm certain that we'd get along splendidly!

(I don't think I really need to explain this one. It doesn't have extra meaning, it's just straight forward. It means what it says.)

Oh, I'm kidding! I'd never be on the same page as Miss Oedipus here,

(Lynda retracts her statements. She then goes onto say she'd never be on Xena's side. She refers to Xena as "Miss Oedipus," as Oedipus was a Greek character who eventually married his own mother. In this case, it's once again calling back to the idea of Ares being Xena's father, despite Ares seeming somewhat sexual in the way he acts towards Xena when the two are alone.)

And, quite frankly, dear, I don't know how I feel about your version being queer!

(Lynda's Wonder Woman had relationships with men, while Gal Gadot is open to her Wonder Woman being bisexual, like the current comics version, even suggesting the idea of Halle Berry playing a female love interest for her Wonder Woman. Lynda says she's not sure how she feels about this difference.)

Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot)
Agent Carter, who do you think you're fooling? I mean, at this outfit, I'll take a gander

(Agent Carter is the name of a Marvel comic book character, who Gal's Wonder Woman references due to Lynda's last name. Gal then goes onto criticize Lynda's attempts at being a believable Wonder Woman.)

You expect anyone to believe you're Amazon when you're dressed as the Star Spangled Banner?

(While Gal's Wonder Woman wears less flashy armor, Lynda's Wonder Woman wore the more traditional armor for the character. This includes bright colors as well as white stars on the blue of her outfit. Gal calls Lynda out on looking more like an American symbol rather than an Amazon, who is a Greek warrior.)

Xena
And how do you block anything with those tiny Gauntlets on your wrists?

(Xena comments on Lynda's rather small bracelets, questioning how they block anything.)

I mean, at least what that Gal's packing is more than enough to block my fist!

(Continuing from her last line, Xena mentions how Gal's gauntlets at least are able to block a fist, and therefore have more skin blocked from attacks. She also makes a pun on Gal's name.)

Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot)
Oh, don't try teaming with me, or I'll go back to proving that you're not Lucy Flawless,

(Gal pushes Xena away, as the latter tries to join the former in insulting Lynda. Gal makes a pun on Lucy Lawless, Xena's actress, reminding her of her flaws.)

A simple human? A Diana without the heroes I know? Neither a match against the god-killing goddess!

(As the possible father-daughter relationship between Ares and Xena is unknown still, it's possible Xena is still very much a human. Lynda's Wonder Woman had no interaction with the other members of the Justice League, whereas Gal's has already befriended Batman and Superman, and will soon befriend the others. Gal mentions neither could match her. She refers to herself as a "god-killing goddess" as she is revealed to be so by the end of Wonder Woman.)

Wonder Woman (Lynda Carter)
Now don't go all high and mighty, acting like you're completely faultless,

(Lynda suggests Gal not get too cocky, in that she has faults of her own.)

Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot)
Let's be honest: I'm the hottest without even going topless, your acting is like a novice,

(Gal compares her beauty to both Lynda and Xena, saying she's the hottest of the three without even having to go topless and expose her breasts, as she hasn't done so, whereas both Lynda Carter and Lucy Lawless have done topless scenes. She also specifically compares Gal's acting to Lynda's acting, calling Lynda a novice actor in comparison.)

And I promise you'll be jobless while this tallness goddess is still spotless!

(Gal promises that her acting ability is able to surpass both Lynda's and Lucy's, meaning they'd be obsolete. Gal and Lucy are tied for being the tallest of the three, at 5'10", while Lynda falls one inch short. "Spotless" implies Gal has not been affected by anything the other two have said.)

Xena
You're spotless? Ha! Don't speak too Fast, we could get Furious!

(Xena is skeptical of Gal being "spotless." She also references the The Fast & The Furious franchise, another movie franchise Gal is in.)

And you! What's wrong with a heroine being bi-curious?

(Xena, like the modern Wonder Woman, is a bisexual character, eventually getting into a relationship with her friend, Gabrielle. This line is a direct response to Lynda's queer line.)

Wonder Woman (Lynda Carter)
Oh, don't start questioning me! I'll prove to be sharper than your ring!

(Rather than answering Xena's question with a possibly controversial answer, Lynda insists Xena stop questioning her. Lynda then says she's sharper than Xena's ring, which is one of Xena's weapons she commonly uses.)

Xena
Oh, too bad that your tiara's not made out of real metal. Zing!

(Xena responds to the "sharp" comment with mentioning how Lynda's tiara is clearly not made of metal, as opposed to Gal's tiara looking metallic. Gabrielle adds emphasis onto it with "Zing!")

Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot)
Gal Gadot dot dot. I'll be taking this from here. Hold on! You're a one hit Wonder, I'm in two films this year!

(Gal makes a pun of her own last name and "dot dot dot," an ellipsis, commonly used for trailing off, sarcasm, or a pause. Despite Xena trying to cut in again, Gal quickly takes the spotlight again to take on Lynda. While Lynda did have many episodes, her show did not get any sequels or reboots, as explained in the Xena-Lynda comparison above. However, Gal is appearing in two 2017 movies, Wonder Woman and Justice League.)

The biggest difference between us? I'm fly, you're grounded! Make like your plane and disappear!

(Gal points out that one of the biggest differences between her Wonder Woman and Lynda's is the ability of flight. Gal's has the ability, while Lynda's does not, and therefore is grounded. However, Lynda's is able to fly using her invisible jet, hence the "disappear" line.)

Wonder Woman (Lynda Carter)
Comments on the League trailer, people are focusing on your rear, get yourself a cape!

(A shot in the trailer for Justice League has a clear shot at Gal's rear end, and many people have commented on it, both positively and negatively. Lynda comments that Gal should avoid this all together by covering up with a cape, possibly similar to the one the former used.)

You'd be good at your role if you practiced acting as much as you did getting in shape!

(Gal, like many actors, has spent a lot of time getting into shape for her role. Lynda, however, states she should spend as much time practicing her acting as she did exercising.)

Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot)
You're outdated, times have changed, and you're desperate for a cameo in my sequel,

(Gal claims that Lynda is outdated due to the modernization of acting and the expansion of universes. She also calls her desperate for a cameo, as it has been rumored several times that Lynda would make a cameo in Wonder Woman 2.)

Despite our fights for our rights, you and I will forever be far from equal!

(In Lynda's theme, the lyrics state she is fighting for her rights, which Gal somewhat does in her own solo film as well the way she stands up to men of authority. However, despite these common goals, Gal ends the battle with saying the two will forever be unequal.)

Poll
Who Won? Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot) Wonder Woman (Lynda Carter) Xena: Warrior Princess

Hints Explained

 * James Bond vs Austin Powers: Daniel Craig's Bond and Austin Powers battling with Sean Connery's Bond showing up later with all three going back and forth is the same format of this battle.
 * Lawless: This is a reference to Lucy Lawless, Xena's actress.
 * Jodie Whittaker and William Hartnell: Jodie Whittaker is the current Doctor in Doctor Who, and William Hartnell was the first, referring to Gal Gadot and Lynda Carter being two different actresses with the role of Wonder Woman.
 * WonderPikachu12: "Wonder."