User blog:Dark Cyan/CyGIR Rap Battles 12: Mae Borowski vs Wirt

Hello, everyone. And welcome to CyGIR Rap Battles! It's time for your monthly dose!

Wait, it's the first of September. we missed August. Shit! This was big battle, though, and I've been busy with moving, and college. Okay? Okay.

This battle pits Night In The Woods cat Mae Boroeski against Over The Garden Wall traveller Wirt.

Enjoy!

Beat: The Woods

Mae Borowski
(starts at 0:27)

What are you wearing, dude? Harfest is like two months away

You meant to be Palecat?...You don’t know who that is? Have you even played?

Bro, I gotta get you hooked up with Demon Tower. Prepare to say bye to your boyhood

Though I get the feeling you’d suck at it, you’re so beta. Git gud, scrub!

Wirt
(starts at 0:37)

Where are we now? Some kind of….furry town. Um, Excuse me Ma’am?

Could you please move aside? Greg and I got to get to a real Poetry slam

Listen, this isn’t the type of thing that you just swap on the sidewalk;

Unless you’re asking for a Langtree style schooling. So back off!

Mae Borowski
(starts at 0:47)

 Yo? Nah, Gregg, not you, I'm we're addressing the elephant in the room.

You're the double G, while it's kinda evident this kid’s missing a few.

If you want to talk poetry, Selma knows a thing or two about cuteness

But my attacks instead will leave you feeling a black-and-blueness!

Look, it’s been a Weird Autumn for me. I’ve seen things that you wouldn’t believe

And tried to do something about them! “Huh. There are people being turned into trees. Let’s leave.”

No wonder you’re actually jealous of a Jason Funderberker making moves on your crush

For such a pussy, it’s ironic the woods are the closest you’ll get to a bush!

Wirt
(starts at 1:07)

Greg, stay ten feet behind; her lives’ shown she’s prone to easily explode

I know we’re a mini-series…..but Cheese and Crackers does she have too many episodes!

Dr. Hank should really up your dose or your turgid moans will attract the Beast!

You struggled Huskin’ Bea, but with ease I’ll unravel your many insecurities.

So let’s take a peak! Behind the snappy tongue and flabby tum; it’s pretty awful

A mind so rewinded; I could’ve sworn I was chastising Maxine Paw-field

Unless hitting the ‘age appropriate drinks’ invigorates you to keep up this chat;

My brother and I will be on our way. We know what happens when you step to bat

Mae and Gregg
(starts at 1:27)

Aaaaaagh! Hey dude! What seems to be the prob? I’m total shit with children.

 Tried discipline? Isn’t it punishment enough that he’s dressed up like a pilgrim?

 Dude, he’s shit talking your symptoms! Doesn’t that just slightly piss you off?

 He’s a hypocrite! Yeaaaaah! Flaunts his Aesop, but ditches his tagalongs like “Eff the Crops! <font face="Lucida Sans Unicode"> The only Crimes here are their rhyme schemes! If only they’d actually burgled those turts…

<font face="Lucida Sans Unicode"> He could’ve eaten one to drop a better verse! Wirt would’ve still wound up being served his dirt.

<font face="Lucida Sans Unicode"> True, he’s got the habit for doing that. Yeahhhhh…isn’t he face down with the fishes?

<font face="Lucida Sans Unicode"> I didn’t get it. All I got was we don’t need a bell’s ring to beat this whipped bitch!

<font face="Lucida Sans Unicode"> Dude! What? …Nice! I mean it’s in the family biz, but really, I don’t like to preach;

<font face="Lucida Sans Unicode">But it’s a basic tip: if you wanted to save travel time, buy an effin child leash!

<font face="Lucida Sans Unicode">Y’know, it's Too Bad his Bro’s brittle bones weren’t ground into lantern fuel!

<font face="Lucida Sans Unicode"> Too bad the gnome didn’t roam the lone Unknown as that antlered dude’s tool!

<font face="Lucida Sans Unicode">It’s time you face life’s sucky truths! That Bea-yatch would’ve ditched you two for good!

<font face="Lucida Sans Unicode">And I’ll spit a controversial opinion: I wouldn’t spend ONE Night in Elijah’s Wood!

<font face="Lucida Sans Unicode"> Awooo! Mae u rule! Dude, we totally made them roll off ANOTHER track!

<font face="Lucida Sans Unicode">Here’s a true darkness that REALLY oughtta spook you; My Entire Ass!

Wirt and Greg
(starts at 2:07)

Did you hear somebody say something? I just heard a cat mewling. Pathetic

But those two rapped at- No, Greg, I was trying to do a…forget it.

I’m half-expecting Mae to choke out, freak out, bow out and cop out

Stay in school, Greg. I don’t want to see you become another college dropout

Haha! That fox has cups on his ears. That’s silly!

Come on, you’re both 20! Too old for delinquent activity!

You have a job! Quit leaving abandoned cars and light tubes destroyed-

That does look like fun… -Or you’ll both be unemployed!

We’re a better story. Better characters! Better villain. Better trees!

Better quest. Better woods! Better atmosphere. Better Bea!

(beat stops)



(beat resumes)

Here, fox. Take George Washington, and stop feeling so down! <font face="Lucida Sans Unicode"> I don’t want your toad!

I know, I’ll cheer you up with a joke! Why did the sheep cross the road?

Even if you’re all friends, that doesn’t explain why Mae’s not sacked,

From the band! Her bass playing’s Bass Ackwards! That’s a rock fact!

I’ll stay off the powerlines, thanks. I like to play safely.

Maybe play detectives? But it took you too long to crack the Casey

It took us minutes, not days. And I though we went on a wild goose chase

And as for you bringing up Jason Funderberker, Go Get Dead, Angel Face

Mae and Gregg
(starts at 2:47)

<font face="Lucida Sans Unicode">Urgh. We do not talk about that! You want a taste of my n I g h t m a r e e y e s?

<font face="Lucida Sans Unicode">You two aren’t exactly the pillars of justice. Crimes? Crimes

<font face="Lucida Sans Unicode">Remember that horse you stole? Or the money you conned from that old guy?

<font face="Lucida Sans Unicode"> Your rhymes are all lies. Nice Try. Accept the Lost Consolation Prize

<font face="Lucida Sans Unicode"> Let me give them my two cents ‘cuz when it comes to sense, they're lacking

<font face="Lucida Sans Unicode"> What kind of elder brother loses their sibling? You’re the ones who need sacking!

<font face="Lucida Sans Unicode">So take your ‘Alex Hirsch presents Wind In The Willows’ asses outta this neighbourhood!

<font face="Lucida Sans Unicode">Chapter closed! You two are nothing but Babes in the Wooooods!

Wirt and Greg
(starts at 3:07)

Huh... that was a special type of bland that Potatoes and Molasses couldn’t even fix;

I know! I’ll count that puppy’s ankle sheep and ask the Queen to grant a better diss wish!

Greg, that carries crippling baggage! Aw beans! Ain’t that just the way it always is?

Don’t worry too hard; he’s on one of his down days, so he’s being especially sensitive.

He needs a big hug! Without his Captain, this bug’s like a boat: wayward and amiss;

Well kid, is it shocking this fox rocks filler like the twink he is?

(Wirt Covers Greg’s ears)

Beatrice!!

Can we go home now Wirt? As soon as Burowskis buried next to the Garden Wall;

Think she’ll reunite with her kitty friend? Aw Greg, that’s the loveliest lie of all.

WHO WON? Mae and Gregg Wirt and Greg

(Bea laying on her sofa in a reclined position while Beatrice cleans out her teeth, bird and crocodile style. The bird sticks out her head, and glares at the poll really, really hard)

WHO WON? Mae and Gregg Wirt and Greg w/ Beatrice