User blog:Hippie Rat/David Blaine vs Criss Angel

I wrote this a while ago and so, like, why not post it when two of the dudes in this one go up against each other in ERB? Magician Battle Royalle. Enjoy.

Lyrics
Announcer:

Epic Rap Battles of History! David Blaine vs Criss Angel! Begin!

Criss Angel:

Believe it, bitch,

I'm today's big Phenomenon spotlighting magic tricks.

David Blaine is just fake and plain,

I'm a frightening stuntman who's immune to pain!

It's a Magicjam, so give it a hand,

To the wizard man responsible for this program!

This Angel is a fucking demon illusionist,

Leaving this Johnny Knoxville biting the Angeldust.

David Blaine:

For my first trick, I'm going to make an emo disappear,

Dude must've been in Chemical Romance, because now he ain't here.

You'll be frozen in time seeing my feats, taste defeat,

When I emerge from being six feet deep.

First I'm here, then you can't see this, you can't beat this, I'm a genius,

David Blaine's got the powers of Jesus!

This sadist should be put in a mental institution,

Because his victory in this is only an illusion.

Penn & Teller:

Blast off! First scam, you rose up on a crane,

Next scam, you stabbed yourself to amaze. Now what is there to gain?

Living in the streets endlessly attempting tricks again and again,

Until one finally works, man I'll three of club you to death.

Ain't no mystery, camera trickery,

It's bullshit your names will go down in history.

You use camera angles to fly, what you do that for?

I'll make you both fall through your invisible trap doors.

The Masked Magician/Valentino:

You're not the only ones here revealing secrets,

I'll show all your props and sleight-of-hand frequent sequence.

With your shifting compartments, flashy stunts,

Fixed bits and pieces to bedazzle runts.

Underground spaces to move from there to here, or,

Not to mention the plethora of mirrors.

You all need to make new material instead of reaching for new lows,

Or I'll break you like the magician's code.

David Copperfield:

Well, I take things to all new levels,

You all do the same stuff in all your TV specials.

What the Dickens are you doing trying to step up to me?

Criss here is no more of a parody than Jim Carrey in that magician movie.

I make my tricks big, and I'm standing tall,

Tornado of fire, Statue of Liberty, and the Great Wall.

I can tell you right now that you don't belong in my museum of the conjuring arts,

Because you simply call yourselves magicians, yet you lack the magic part.

Harry Houdini:

Oh please, you'd screw up even a simple milk can,

You wouldn't make a living as a YouTube magic man.

This Hungarian ain't escaping this battle, I'm an artist,

Imprint on the magic world, I made the hardest.

You make millions, but all you do is hack it,

You all belong in my special straight jacket.

You won't know how it all works when you see me,

Cause to praise someone in magic, they're a modern-day Houdini.

Announcer:

Who won? Who's next? You Decide! Epic Rap Battles of History!

Poll
Who won? Criss Angel David Blaine Penn & Teller Valentino David Copperfield Harry Houdini