User blog:AndyParsons/Fidel Castro vs Mao Zedong. Dem Epic Rap Battles

I've always wanted to do this yee

The First Secretary of the Communist Party of Cuba, Prime Minister and President of Cuba, Fidel Castro, goes against the 1st Chairman of the Central Committee of the Communist Party of China, Mao Zedong.

Too much links to put in so I just made a rap meanings instead

Intro
DEM EPIC RAP BATTLES!

MAO ZEDONG!

VS!

FIDEL CASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTRO!

BEGIN!

Battle=

Mao Zedong (0:05):
Comrades! Attack! We shall shed some Revolution,

On this un-Cultured little swine, a knowledge redistribution!

I reformed these lands, all the way from Yan’an to Vietnam!

This stupid Cuban’s gonna be exiled from Beijing to Taiwan!

You made a mess at the Moncada and you floundered at Grenada,

Like, what kind of shit did you learn while you were dwelling in Havana?

Mighta escaped the CIA, but against me, you won't last, bro,

‘Cause Mao’s coming up with 638 lines to kill Castro!

Fidel Castro (0:22):
You don't put up a fight, you squinting ugly ass bastard!

Your rhymes are even shittier than what the lower class heard!

I’m the OG socialist, got dope flow like the Pink Tide!

I'm a Rap God with The Pope and Mandela by my side!

I’ve read your Little Red Book, and you really should admit,

That you hated scholars ‘cause you know you can't write for shit!

I've handled guns since twenty-one, there's no way you can harm me!

After this, I’ll sweep your blood off the floor with your Red Army!

Mao Zedong (0:39):
Scuffling with my Red Army, sure as hell you’re in trouble!

You’re ‘bout to meet your ultimate defeat in this class struggle!

And I'm glad that you have banned your statues from being made,

So when I visit Cuba, I don't have to bear seeing your face!

‘Cause by God, that bush is lookin’ like Chewbacca’s armpit,

You’re a Cuban Santa Claus dressed up in a Kermit outfit!

You got some bright visions, man, you sure do dream big!

But you only achieved in turning Cuba into a Bay of Pigs!

Fidel Castro (0:56):
Shut your fat lips, Mussolini, you don't want to start a war!

I’ve seen manlier leadership from your wife in the Gang of Four!

History will absolve me and record down your evil,

Documenting how you became an enemy of your own people!

You've got no political power, I've got the guns controlled!

Now Castro's gonna smoke you like you're a Chinese casserole!

So rush back to your country and shit out another Five Year Plan,

On how to be a coward and avoid world wars with Japan!

Mao Zedong (1:14):
Don't even bring up Japan, man, you knew that we were busy,

Woulda been made easy if baldy decide to side with me,

Who is the founder of new China, the constructor of an era,

While you hid behind your brother and stole credits from Guevara!

Crushing foes with no regrets, heart as Cold as the War gets!

China's a superpower, man! Cuba ain’t no threat!

News flash, Castro, you’ve just got played like a Fidel!

So why don’t you end this crisis by sucking my missile?

Fidel Castro (1:31):
That rugby hair makes you look like an idiot, for serious!

Born the day after Christmas, that’s all ‘bout you that's Special, Period!

Cuba’s got power, mother fucker! We don’t care about your schemes!

You should take another Long March to get away from my regime!

Battle me? Why don’t you learn how to rule your own country properly?

Your leadership took a Great Leap Forward to famine and poverty!

You can't defeat me! Just like your economy, you're crippled!

This large hammer will give a total beatdown to this sickle! Rap Meanings=

Mao Zedong:
'''Comrades! Attack! We shall shed some Revolution,'''

On this un-Cultured little swine, a knowledge redistribution!

(Mao starts off the battle by commanding his people, or comrades, to attack Castro. He claims that he will start another revolution, one specifically similar the Cultural Revolution during the period from 1966 to 1976, which was started by Mao to regain power in the Communist Party of China. The CPC, following a Maoist vision, had implemented land reformation in the 1949 revolution, to redistribute the wealth and power from rich landlords to rural poor. Here, Mao says that instead of wealth and power, he will redistribute his knowledge to the “uncultured” Castro.)

I reformed these lands, all the way from Yan’an to Vietnam!

(Mao claims that he reformed lands, from Yan’an, the Headquarter of the CPC and the center of the Chinese Communist Revolution, to Vietnam, where China, under Mao’s approval, participated in the Vietnam War and successfully aided the communist side to victory, thus gaining power over.)

This stupid Cuban’s gonna be exiled from Beijing to Taiwan!

(The term “Cuban exile” refers to the Cubans who fled Cuba to seek political asylum out of fear of Fidel Castro’s takeover of Cuba. Near the end of the Chinese Civil War, with the Communists taking over most of mainland China, the Nationalists were forced to retreat from Nanjing to Taipei, which they reestablished as the temporary capital of the Republic of China. Mao says that Castro will be removed from Beijing, the capital of People's Republic of China, to Taiwan.)

You made a mess at the Moncada and you floundered at Grenada,

(Fidel Castro led an attack at the Moncada Barracks on 26 July 1953, in which Castro was arrested and imprisoned for a year, marking the start of the Cuban Revolution. After the death of leftist Maurice Bishop, who was in power in Grenada, the U.S. invaded Grenada in 1983 to counter the influence of left wing revolutionary leaders and, despite Cuban forces being sent, resulted in a U.S. victory and Grenada became a democratic nation. Mao considers both of these events as Castro's failures.) 

 Like, what kind of shit did you learn while you were dwelling in Havana?

(Castro studied law and adopted leftist anti-imperialist politics at the University of Havana. Mao thinks that Castro learnt nothing there.)

Mighta escaped the CIA, but against me, you won't last, bro,

‘Cause Mao’s coming up with 638 lines to kill Castro!

(Castro famously survived an estimated number of 638 assassination attempts by the Central Intelligence Agency. Even so Mao claims he can't stand against his rhymes.)

Fidel Castro:
You don't put up a fight, you squinting ugly ass bastard!

(Castro is not intimidated by Mao, instead he calls him ugly.)

Your rhymes are even shittier than what the lower class heard!

(Mao has spread his thoughts across peasants in China, who are considered the lower class of the economy. Castro claims that Mao’s rhymes are as bad as what the peasants have heard from him.)

I’m the OG socialist, got dope flow like the Pink Tide!

(Both Mao and Castro are socialists, which is someone who believes in social ownership and workers’ control of the means of production, and Castro says he is the original one. The Pink Tide was a trend in Latin America in which democracies stray away from neo-liberal economy model and turn to left-wing governments.)

I'm a Rap God with The Pope and Mandela by my side!

(Castro had met three Popes: Pope John Paul II, Pope Benedict XVI, and Pope Francis, all of which he had friendly relationships with. Nelson Mandela, according to himself, was inspired by Castro, and were friends and allies with him.)

I’ve read your Little Red Book, and you really should admit,

That you hated scholars ‘cause you know you can't write for shit!

(The Little Red Book, or Quotations from Chairman Mao Tse-tung, was a book of selected statements from speeches and writings by Mao Zedong. During the course of the Cultural Revolution, scholars were often beaten, abused, humiliated or even murdered to destroy the “Four Olds”. Castro said that Mao only hated scholars because he can’t write himself, therefore out of jealousy, used his influence to murder them.)

I've handled guns since twenty-one, there's no way you can harm me!

(Castro joined the Party of the Cuban People (Partido Ortodoxo) in 1947, and after student violence escalated, he received death threats, urging him to leave his university. Therefore, he armed himself with a gun and surrounded himself with armed friends.)

After this, I’ll sweep your blood off the floor with your Red Army!

(The Chinese Workers' and Peasants' Red Army, or the Chinese Red Army, was the armed force of the Communist Party of China. Castro claims he will sweep the floor clean with Mao’s own army.)

Mao Zedong:
Scuffling with my Red Army, sure as hell you’re in trouble!

(Mao warns Castro not to trifle with his army.)

You’re ‘bout to meet your ultimate defeat in this class struggle!

(Socialism in China emphasizes the importance of class struggle, and was especially prominent during Mao’s reign. Mao says he will defeat Castro in this class struggle.)

And I'm glad that you have banned your statues from being made,

So when I visit Cuba, I don't have to bear seeing your face!

(To prevent a cult of personality being created, no streets, buildings, institutions or localities in Cuba is named after him. In 1959 the Italian sculptor Enzo Gallo Chiapardi made a bust of Fidel, but Castro ordered to destroy it.)

‘Cause by God, that bush is lookin’ like Chewbacca’s armpit,

You’re a Cuban Santa Claus dressed up in a Kermit outfit!

(Mao thinks that Castro’s beard is ugly, and his outfit makes him look like Santa Claus and Kermit, both harmless.)

You got some bright visions, man, you sure do dream big!

(While Castro embraced anti-imperialist ideas and sought to free Cuba from the dictatorship of its military leader, Fulgencio Batista...)

But you only achieved in turning Cuba into a Bay of Pigs!

(...Mao says that his only achievement is turning Cuba into a Bay of Pigs, which was also the name of a failed invasion of Cuba launched by the U.S. President in office, John F. Kennedy, to overthrow the communist government of Castro.)

Fidel Castro:
Shut your fat lips, Mussolini, you don't want to start a war!

(Castro compares Mao to Benito Mussolini, the Fascist Il Duce of Italy during WWII, and warns him not to start a war.)

I’ve seen manlier leadership from your wife in the Gang of Four!

(Jiang Qing, Mao’s wife from 1939 to 1976, was known for playing an important role in the Cultural Revolution and the formation of the “Gang of Four”, which had significant influence during said period. Castro claims that even Mao’s wife was manlier than him.)

History will absolve me and record down your evil,

(“History will absolve me” is the title of a famous speech made by Castro, in defense of his attack on the Moncada Barracks. Castro says that while history will find him not guilty, it will record Mao’s evil doing.)

Documenting how you became an enemy of your own people!

(An enemy of the people is a person who opposes to a policy, a cause, person or a group, acting against the society. Castro says that Mao, with his genocide on his own kin, is an enemy of his own people.)

You've got no political power, I've got the guns controlled!

(One of Mao’s famous quotes was “Political power grows out of the barrel of a gun”. In Cuba, unauthorized personnel are not allowed to possess firearm. With no firearms, Castro says Mao will not have any political power.)

Now Castro's gonna smoke you like you're a Chinese casserole!

(Castro is known for smoking Cuban cigars before he was advised by his doctors to stop. Castro claims he will smoke Mao like a casserole, usually cooked slowly in the oven.)

So rush back to your country and shit out another Five Year Plan,

(China's Five-Year Plans are social and economic development initiatives.)

On how to be a coward and avoid world wars with Japan!

(During the course of WWII, the “Hundred Regiments Offensive” was the only time the CPC fought with Imperial Japan according to non-CPC sources, and Castro calls Mao a coward for avoiding wars with Japan.)

Mao Zedong:
Don't even bring up Japan, man, you knew that we were busy,

(Mao claims that the reason he didn’t fight with Japan was because he was busy fighting Kuomintang in the Chinese Civil War.)

Woulda been made easy if baldy decide to side with me,

(Kuomintang, under Chiang Kai-shek’s rule, initially refuses to cease battling with the CPC even when Japan had already invaded Manchuria in 1931. Chiang only agrees to an alliance with the CPC against Japan after being kidnapped by Warlord General Zhang Xueliang. Mao says that had Chiang agreed to side with him at first, he would have won over Japan easily.)

Who is the founder of new China, the constructor of an era,

While you hid behind your brother and stole credits from Guevara!

(Mao says that while he founded the People's Republic of China (“New China”) and heavily influenced the modern history of China, Castro was behind his brother, Raúl Castro, and Che Guevara, during the Cuban Revolution, and stole Che’s credits as the main revolutionary of the movement.)

Crushing foes with no regrets, heart as Cold as the War gets!

(Mao was known as a ruthless dictator who eliminates political enemies by means of hard labour, public humiliation and murder. The Cold War was a military tension between the capitalist U.S. and the communist Soviet Union between 1947 and 1991, in which both Cuba and China participated in.) 

''' China's a superpower, man! Cuba ain’t no threat!'''

(Mao claims that China is a superpower and is not intimidated by Cuba, which is of a much smaller size compared to China.)

News flash, Castro, you’ve just got played like a Fidel!

(Mao says that Castro “got played like a fiddle”, or manipulated skillfully, making a pun on Castro’s name.)

So why don’t you end this crisis by sucking my missile?

(The Cuban Missile Crisis was a confrontation between the U.S., led by John F. Kennedy, and Cuba, led by Castro and under the Soviet Union’s influence, during the Cold War, to the point which a nuclear war was almost triggered. Mao tells Castro to end the battle by sucking his missile, or penis, to admit defeat.)

Fidel Castro:
That football hair makes you look like an idiot, for serious!

(Castro compares Mao’s hairstyle to an American football, and says it makes him look stupid.)

Born the day after Christmas, that’s all ‘bout you that's Special, Period!

(Mao was born on 26 December, 1893. The Special Period was an extended period of economic crisis in Cuba due to the dissolution of the Soviet Union. Castro makes a pun on it and says that Mao is not a special person.)

'''Cuba’s got power, mother fucker! We don’t care about your schemes!'''

You should take another Long March to get away from my regime!

(The Long March was a military retreat taken by the Chinese Red Army from Jiangxi to Shaanxi, to evade the pursuit of the Kuomintang. Castro tells Mao to get away through another Long March from his reign.)

'''Battle me? Why don’t you learn how to rule your own country properly?'''

Your leadership took a Great Leap Forward to famine and poverty!

''The Long March was a military retreat taken by the Chinese Red Army from Jiangxi to Shaanxi, to evade the pursuit of the Kuomintang. Castro tells Mao to get away through another Long March from his reign.)''

'''You can't defeat me! Just like your economy, you're crippled!'''

This large hammer will give a total beatdown to this sickle!

(The symbol for communism is depicted as hammer and sickle. Castro calls himself a hammer, which is a pun on “going ham”, or going crazy, and threatens to beat Mao. He calls Mao a “sickle”, making a pun on sicko.)

Outro
WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT? Who won? Fidel Castro Mao Zedong