User blog:Scrav/Mediocre Rap Battles - David Cameron vs Nigel Farage

Foreword
Some of you may remember that I told you I was going to record the rap battles I'm going to be releasing (audio only at first.) Well, that may or may not end up happening. There a lot of things I need first just to record audio, from finding people who can provide the voices for the rappers (other than myself) to getting the software and hardware needed. So I've decided to just release the lyrics for now.

Anyway, this first battle is one I wrote a while ago and will probably only be understood by my fellow Englishmen, but it's the only one I've finished writing so far. I hope you enjoy it nonetheless.

David Cameron vs Nigel Farage


'''MEDIOCRE RAP BATTLES! '''Are... are we really calling it that?

Uh, DAVID CAMERON!

VS!

NIGEL FARAGE!

'''BEGIN! '''Can I go now?

Nigel Farage
Yo! What's up, Dish Face? It's Nigel Farage

People, get this namby-pamby out and put me in charge

Don't step up your game, save yourself the bother

England's about to have a new chapter and I'mma be the author

You can make quip after quip about UKIP

But say what you want, you need to tighten your grip

'Cause you're a soft toff whose promises are starting to wear off

With your pathetic credibility how can I not scoff?

I tell it like is while you fill us with doubt

Like those bloody Romanians you need to get out

You'll say anything if it'll get you elected, who'da thunk it?

You can't the mess you're making, call you David... Blunkett

David Cameron
Well I'm sorry that you feel that way

But the European Union is here to stay

And if you carry on trying to make the public anti-gay

You'll be going home empty-handed come election day

I don't think I've ever seen a bigger ball of sleaze

You're using the EU's own money to bring it to its knees?

Your ethics are the last this country should be put through

Everybody's love is worth the same but I really hate you

And I'm blind? You undermine minorities on a regular basis

And try constantly to make us believe that you're not a racist

In summary, we have an evil lying prophet of misogyny

Who won't shut his mouth but all that comes out is hypocrisy

Nigel Farage
You make these accusations yet so many people like me

Pull Clegg's head out of your arse and maybe you'll be able to fight me

Today you picked the worst person to try and clash with

I had a plane crash but I rose from the ashes

So no matter how you try to defeat me, forever I will strive

To introduce our island to an ideology on which we'll thrive

Whenever you are faced with an important issue you just skive

How can you run the country when you couldn't keep your son alive?

David Cameron
...WINSTON!

Winston Churchill
I fought on the beaches and I fought on the streets

So I'll have no problem fighting a man with so few seats

I'm the Right Honourable Churchill

Representing England when it wasn't on the brink of coming to such a trivial standstill

So though I probably have more pressing matters to attend to

I took on the Nazis and I take you on too

Beating you with just my words til you're black and blue

And I will never surrender like it's World War 2

People shut up and listen when I pick up the mic

And tell them how I'll end your reign faster than I did the Third Reich

So sick is what I'm spitting that wives put down their knitting

And the words I'm transmitting get them helping unremitting

I defeated a nation of racists

Razed their abrasive, invasive ways of attaining a hateful oasis

Yes, I've dealt with your kind, you're going to get dethroned

Which I believe these days they call "getting pwned"

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE BECAUSE I HAVEN'T ACTUALLY WRITTEN THAT MANY OTHER BATTLES YET!

MEDIOCRE RAP BATTLES!