James Bond vs Austin Powers



James Bond vs Austin Powers is the sixty-second installment of Epic Rap Battles of History and the fourth episode of Season 5. It features British Secret Service agent, James Bond, rapping against International Man of Mystery, Austin Powers. It was released on June 14th, 2016.

Cast
Nice Peter as Austin Powers

Ben Atha as James Bond (Daniel Craig)

EpicLLOYD as James Bond (Sean Connery)

Sulai Lopez, Samantha Kellie, and Dante Cimadamore as Ming Tea (cameo)

Lyrics
[Note: James Bond (Daniel Craig) is in blond, Austin Powers is in dark blue , and James Bond (Sean Connery) is in gray .]

James Bond (Daniel Craig version):
I've beefed with Le Chiffre and No and Blofeld with the cheek scar,

But they were not as crooked and rotten as your teeth are!

I'll go balls to the Walther on this wack twat in an ascot!

Blast shots atcha like gas from the back slot of a fat Scot!

Permission from the Crown to put a scoundrel down? I've earned it!

I'm licensed to kill; you couldn't get a learner's permit!

After twenty-four films, I'm still reaching new heights!

Your third movie died; guess You Only Live Twice!

Spell my name! The ladies wanna B on D!

Any sex appeal you might have is beyond me!

I'm bespoke from my head to my toe, and after this flow, I'm done!

I only need one round: Golden gun!

Austin Powers:
You look a lot more blond in your movie, baby.

That's alright. Let's just keep it groovy, baby!

(Yeah!) Basil Exposition told me this would be boring,

But Jesus, man, even my mojo's snoring!

I've never seen such a miserable spy!

I've also never seen a man with glistening thighs!

I mean, you can't shag properly with that waxed tush!

Birds flock to the musk of my chest bush!

(Yeah!) I'll hypnotize you with a little striptease,

And then judo chop; I'm swinging on you like the sixties!

(Yeah!) You're defenseless; my rhymes can't be deflected!

You're like all the sex I've ever had: unprotected!

(Yeah!) People want a hero with a little personality!

No one wants to sit through your gritty reality!

Maybe Q can craft some new plot lines!

You made Thunderball two bloody times!

I'm one of a kind; you're always getting remade!

You can't touch me; double oh, behave!

James Bond (Daniel Craig version):
(Ugh!) I can't believe I'm wasting my time with this clown!

I should be on an island with a fucking model by now!

Sipping dry martinis and peeling off bikinis,

Not rapping against Swedish penis-pumping weenies!

Yeah, that's not mine…

I didn't say I was finished! I'm sick of your silly gimmicks!

I'm the best spy in the business; just ask all the critics!

And I've been through hell, so yeah, I'm a bit of a cynic,

But I'm the original model that your frilly ass mimics!

James Bond (Sean Connery version):
I wouldn't exactly call you original…

It's the most prominent dominant bomb spy, so pay homage!

Handing out ass-whippings, I'm on some real James Bondage!

Your performance doesn't stir me, and I'm certainly not shaken!

If I wanted shitty acting in my action film, I'd go and watch Taken!

I see your modern gadgets, and I piss on them all!

I don't need a Q to break your balls!

I'm the granddad of the brand millions of fans have been sold on!

You're so far up on my nuts I should call you Bond. Gold Bond.

(Yeah, um…) Could I get back in my rap, please?

Rap these, you velvety hack! Jeez!

James Bond (Daniel Craig version):
It's the movie business, and you've had your six!

The world has had quite enough rug-wearing misogynists!

Austin Powers:
Yeah, to be honest, you are a bit rapey.

I mean, I like to swing, but Dr. No means no, baby.

James Bond (Sean Connery version):
Oh please, I'm an extraordinary gentleman! I'm distinguished!

If they made a Mini-Me, they'd have to cast Peter Dinklage!

James Bond (Daniel Craig version):
Or maybe they should cast a Bond who's actually English!

James Bond (Sean Connery version):
Why, pussy, aren't you the cunning linguist?

James Bond (Daniel Craig version):
As a matter of fact, I've got a knack for licking old cunts!

After I beat you, I'll kick the shit out of the man who does your stunts!

James Bond (Sean Connery version):
Now, you listen here, you little duck-faced runt!

I'm all in! I'm ready to die any day that you want!

Austin Powers:
There's no competition in a battle of best looks.

Your man-scaped ass can't beat my chest bush!

You're too clean; you look like you bleach and wax your tush!

You're like a broken record…groovy baby

I love your outfit baby, that'd go nice with my bed

Especially that shag rug you've got on your head

Is that all, have you had it?

I think Q should have made you a rapping gadget

I'm not impressed by your suit or those groovy shoes

You look like you escaped an episode of Scooby-Doo

I put the "oh, oh" in double 0-0-7, you're all libidos and tuxedos

James Bond (Daniel Craig version):
I'm cool and distinguished, stunning and English

When I rap against Pussy Galore's, I become a cunning linguist

Get off my nuts! What are you, Gold Bond?

Quit jacking my style, dude! You need to hold on.

The only thing allowed on my nuts is Gold Bond.

James Bond (Sean Connery version):
Without me, the show never goes on!

You're on my nuts so much, I should call you Gold Bond!

All up on my nuts like Bond…Gold Bond.

Unknown rappers:
While I save the UK, you spoof me with goofy silly stuff

Once I spit the fill I leave you ruffled like your frilly cuffs

The way you treat your women is simply despicable

Your movies are like YouTube ads…mostly skippable

I'm taking out Brosnans, Moores and Daltons.

My car's the tits. Could call my Aston Martin Dolly Parton.

I wish I had a Moneypenny for every time you got creepy

Your teeth look like someone pissed on a whiter picket fence

My member will never be as desensitized as your audiences

General

 * This is the first battle of Season 5 to feature fictional rappers.
 * This is the eighth battle overall where both characters are fictional.
 * Nice Peter and EpicLLOYD had previously freestyled a James Bond vs Austin Powers battle during the ERB Tour 2015.
 * The roles were reversed in it, with Peter portraying Sean Connery's James Bond and Lloyd portraying Austin Powers.
 * This is the sixth rap battle to feature two versions of the same character.
 * This is the first battle to have a rapper battle against another incarnation of themselves.
 * This is the first battle to feature a third-party rapper whom both title rappers rap back against in retaliation.
 * This is the fifth battle to use more than one beat.
 * This is the second battle where each rapper has their own beat, after Steven Spielberg vs Alfred Hitchcock.
 * This battle had the most locations (without counting reused footage), with eight different locations in total.
 * One comment in the "You Decide" sequence says "Erbp did it first," referencing Epic Rap Battle Parodies, a fan-made ERB series, and their season one finale that featured James Bond vs Austin Powers.
 * A preview of Alexander the Great can briefly be seen during the "More Battles" end slate of the main Behind the Scenes video.
 * While Sulai Lopez and Samantha Kellie were credited as Go-Go Dancers at the end of the video, Dante Cimadamore is credited as portraying "1960s Dante Cimadamore".

Production

 * As stated by EpicLLOYD in the main Behind the Scenes video, this battle was shot on the same day as J. R. R. Tolkien vs George R. R. Martin.
 * This is the first battle since Steven Spielberg vs Alfred Hitchcock to have the Epic Rap Battles of History logo overlapping both characters on the cover art.
 * However, if you count the cover art of the censored version for Frederick Douglass vs Thomas Jefferson, where both characters were behind the logo, this will be the second.

Errors

 * During the line, "Let's just keep it groovy, baby!", "groovy" is misspelled as "goovy".
 * Around 1:26, the go-go dancer's leg becomes partially transparent around the peace sign on her leg.
 * At 1:29, Gillian Shagwell's dress overlaps Austin Powers' arm.
 * During the line, "I didn't say I was finished! I'm sick of your silly gimmicks!", Ben Atha doesn't fully mime the word "of".
 * During the line "If I wanted shitty acting in my action film, I'd go and watch Taken!", "shitty" is misspelled as "shitting".
 * At 3:00, when Sean Connery's Bond slaps Daniel Craig's Bond, the latter's right hand glitches out.