User blog:Hippie Rat/Shia LaBeouf vs Tom Cruise

Hey yo hi hello, Hippie Rat here again. This time we got the arguably insane Shia LaBeouf and Tom Cruise battle rapping to see just who is the better actor.

I've been writing some battles simultaneously recently, so my next few may take a bit to come out. But enjoy anyway :)

Update on stuff. I finished creating "thumbnails" for my battles. Check out all my previous battles for that. Also, Justin released The Ultimate Video Game Rap Battle's audio. It hit below the belt to find out that battle had 4 more lines than [http://epicrapbattlesofhistory.wikia.com/wiki/User_blog:Hippie_Rat/Mario_vs_Link._The_Super_Smash_Brothers_Rap_Battle. Mario vs Link - The Super Smash Bros Rap Battle], the battle I spent a great 7 months or so writing. Thanks for not warning me that, Mr. One Person Who Read My Battle, Stofferex. Haha lol jk it was great. Granted, there were many people writing TUVGRB compared to there being only one me, so you know, individual record stands. Finally, today I had my first job interview. I'm pretty confident it went well. So yeah, I may be working at Chick-Fil-A soon. Anyway, enjoy the battle.



Lyrics
Announcer:

Epic Rap Battles of History! Shia LaBeouf vs Tom Cruise ! Begin!

Tom Cruise:

Wow! The bag-wearing ugly weirdo who played Indy's asshole kid,

Is stepping to the gosh-darn top-gun best actor who ever lived?!

You're so mixed-up you're bringing me back to dyslexic,

Take a tip from Tom Cruise, I do my own stunts and my own lyrics.

Let me teach you a thing or two about acting, kid,

It's a lot like dangling over a laser grid.

You can't go in a sweaty fidgety mess trying to get top bill,

'Cause when you're facing Tom Cruise, that Mission is Impossible.

You...can't compare to me,

You wanna spit in my face? Get arrested like Broadway and Walgreens.

not famous anymore; take your trawler, keep fishing for someone who cares,

And I'mma turn Shia into shag carpeting that I dance on in my underwear!

Shia LaBeouf:

Stoooooooooop! What're you doing?

When messing with Shia LaBeouf, you're Cruising for a bruising.

You spent your childhood on changes, got that divorcing and movin' shit,

I spent my childhood on Holes cash, Even Stevens and diggin' shit.

You're disgustin'. What if I came at you with a pogo stick?

Hopped up on top of scientologists like a Jehovah's Witness.

Your dancing is stupid; your energy's ridiculous,

I'm about to give you a pimp slap bigger than your Tropic Thunder hands was.

This might be right up your alley since you're meat-packing and stuff:

When people ask "Where's The Beef?" they're talking 'bout moi, le boeuf.

Ain't helping you, but you can still help me,

You're failing this battle worse than the bomb in Valkyrie.

Tom Cruise:

Holes cash? Man, show me the money,

You make me sick, got me the color of money. *beautiful tom cruise wink*

I'm a legend, you're losin' it, I got all the right moves,

Glass? I shatter it. Taps? I act in it. New York don't love you.

"I Am Sorry" is just Rhythm 0 plus a paper bag,

Watch me take it off and rape the date from Nymphomaniac.

And I'll stomp you down like you were Oprah's sofa,

'Cause your act in this is worse than Transformers.

Shia LaBeouf:

My movies blow up, call it Energon,

Doe, I'mma back out now 'fore I get sued like Jane and John.

Get it Tom? You're a self-centered diva, was loved then lost it,

Had to shout about Katie Holmes because sound is muffled in the closet!

I hear you like to run; from Jerry Macguire to Top Gun,

So step to actual cannibal and you'll be running for your life from Shia LaBeouf.

Tom, here's the truth, I just hope that you can handle it:

Quit the act. Run far and away. Just do it.

Announcer:

Who won? Who's next? You Decide! Epic Rap Battles of History!

Polls
Who won? Tom Cruise Shia LaBeouf

Who's next? Andy Kaufman vs Robin Williams James Bond vs Indiana Jones