User blog:Stevethebarbarian/TF2 Battle Royale

SSo, let's just do it.

Scout
Yo dudes, I'm kinda suprised,

I never thought that I'd have rap against you guys,

But hey, I'm makin' cash, so what?

I'm still gonna' leave all your asses in a rut.

I'm runnin' fast, killin' faster,

Gonna take a chunk out the skull of every BLU bastard,

You can't catch me, you can't come close,

I'm beatin' ya all till you give up the ghost,

A baseball bat, that's all I need,

I'll bring down a Heavy with the greatest of ease.

Scattergun always right at my side,

I'll make swiss cheese out of all'a your hides,

I'm knockin' you fools right outta the park,

You come too close, and I'll leave my mark,

To tell the truth, I'm a pretty big deal,

So why don't you just back off and heal?

Soldier
I don't need to heal, screw the Medic,

If you want to pick a fight then it's gonna be hectic,

I'll rain death on you, from the sky,

Try to screw with me and your whole country's gonna die,

Killing maggots since World War Two,

Don't you dare think that I'll stop with you!

You can move pretty fast, but I think I can stop it,

Can those little feet of yours outrun a rocket?

The Demo tried to beat me, we all know how that turned out,

He declared WAR and I went all out,

Unless you think you can make your skull harden,

I wouldn't try standing up to a market garden.

So why don't you little punks go home,

Or I'll send your swords and axes straight back to aincient Rome!

Pyro
MMMPH!

MMMPH!

MMMMMMMMMMPH!

(Also, spoiler alert, the Pyro can't talk and dosen't have an extablished personality, so I'm not even going to try to write raps for him.)

Demoman
Ha, mate, you rap like a little girl!

Just like the rest of you, doin' little twirls,

And as for WAR, Soldier, trust me,

You only won cause the Market Gardner was OP.

Your rocket launcher is a pansy's weapon,

Shootin' straing forward like it's aim is set in,

Well get this buddy, it can't shoot around corners,

And your raps are just as predictable, you're still just a laywer.

I'M DRUNK, what's your excuse?

Your shovel broke from overuse?

At least I have two strategies I can use,

Mr. "Airshots, Rocket Jumping, and a Shotgun I Never Use."

Step around that corner, you'll walk right into my stickies,

And when you die, just blame it on your stuck keys.

What's that on the ground? Oh yeah, a grenade,

Maybe you should just GET OUT OF THE WAY!

Argh, I just can't deal with your smell,

They'll have to give you a good bath... IN HELL!

Heavy
You little babies don't know what you are doing,

Trying to survive while your birth you're still rueing.

Unlike you, I joined this team for a reason,

My family in Russia is surving the winter season.

Speaking of that, Soldier, Zhanna deserves better than you,

You couldn't outfight her armed and with Merasmus' voodoo.

I am the Heavy, and this is my gun,

Just try to lift her, she weighs a ton,

But not nearly as much as the pile will weigh,

When they pick up your bodies later today.

If you touch Sasha, you'll definitely die,

Or at least get beaten, little baby, so cry!

I'm a fan of the medic, but I don't need him,

I'll tear through your ranks at the mercy of my whim,

Some people may be faster than me, that's definitely true,

But when they can outrun bullet, I'll bid adeiu.

If you have any more questions, talk to the shotgun,

I'm busy with sandvitch, and I'm still number one.

Engineer
Just keep eatin' that sandwich, buddy, and I'll keep buildin' guns,

Whack you hard enough with this wrench to give you the runs,

When my sentries see you, get out of the way,

Or your friends'll see you in heaven that day.

I'll build dispensers, but they're runnin' on empty,

They ain't gonna help you unless you're trusted by my sentries,

They're pretty good judges of character, I'd say,

If they see you wearin' the wrong color, they'll blow you away!

Ha!

So why don't you little boys just run home to your mama?

I've got this hand in honor of my papa,

I heard you never knew yours, Scout,

But no matter, I'm sure you and him will work things out.

Teleporter, goin' up!

I'm not a troll, you won't get stuck,

So step right in, but don't come back,

Cause I won't give you one inch of slack.

Medic
Greetings, mein freund, just call me Doktor,

Like Metal Gear Rising, I'm gonna chop ya,

So watch your backs, don't touch the syringes,

I'd hate to see someone accidentaly injured!

Perhaps you shoud look to the Engie for healing,

Because releif is the last thing that you dummkopfs will be feeling!

I carry this saw for amputation,

The head and neck are my specialization,

So if you want to keep your brains inside your skull,

I'd suggest wating a bit till my equipment is dull.

My Medigun is ready, but it won't be used on you,

With a little Ubersawing, I'll be invincible too!

And for anyone who'd like to say that I'm the weakest class,

Why don't you get down, bend over, and kiss my ass?

Sniper
Howdy, mate, welcome to the outback,

Keep your head down if you want to keep it out of a sack,

Because this hitman is bringin' the heat,

Collect your bounty, buy myself a treat,

Then make Jarate on your grave,

But I'll always make sure to take time to shave,

C'mon mate, professionals have ''standards! ''

I can't go around lookin' like I got no manners,

Be polite, what I allways say,

And if you dissagree, you'll die someday.

Be efficient, rule number two,

And if you dissobey it then I figure I'll just quickscope you,

360 MLG, pro shot, m8,

It's skill, not hax, don't bring the hate!

Shootin' down the Heavy in just one shot,

Scout can't outrun the weapon's I've got,

I'll use the Huntsman to airshot the Soldier,

Then end the Spy with a razoroback and a kukri over my shoulder.

Spy
Speaking of that, I'm right behind you,

If you don't listen carefuly, may I bid you adieu,

If you thought that I was really on your team,

Then you might as well just retire, because you're career was a dream.

I have no idea why I'm surrounded by imbeciles,

But if I have to bring you down, I suppose I can improvise.

I promise, this revolver is not just for show,

Now your brain's on the ground, what do you know?

Gentlemen, there is a Spy in your midst,

And he will kill you all like the handsome rougue he is.

All I did was kill you, but you got blood on my suit!

How dare you do that, you pathetic little newt!

Sniper, you think a razorback will save you?

Not when I use this knive to close-shave you.

I'll just go for a stairstab, and then a taunt kill,

And you will be dead, and I'll be king of the hill.

Sniper
Hey mate, I know you're not a big fan-

But I'm kinda tired 'a fighting with ya, man.

We're not on the same side right now, it's true...

But we're both professionals, me and you.

Spy
That's true enough, I must confess,

I can still kill you, but I digress.

We're surrounded by animals, as you can see,

So why don't we smoke them all, you and me.

Heavy
You can make alliance, so can I,

Medic, you've always responed to my cry,

So DOCTOR, come now, I need your assistance!

There's a team of two babies who need an ass-whipping.

Medic
Of course, mein freund, I'm happy to help,

We'll bring down the Sniper, and the backstabbling alp.

If you wish for assistance, I'll be at your side,

Just one UberCharge, and the match is all ''mine! ''And yours, of course, my dear ally.

Heavy
Of course, doctor.

Demoman
Hey, buddy, we've got reeeeal big  problem!

We have to fight against a Heavy and the Medic in his pocket,

All the night's we've spent drowning in Bud...

Why don't we forget about WAR and leave these fools drowning in BLOOD!

Soldier
I agree with you, comrade, we have to work together!

We Americans have to stay on the same side, whatever the weather!

So you bring the grenades, and I'll bring the rockets!

It'll be the fourth of July again, except with more crockets!

Engineer
Right, because random crits are fair and balanced,

Hey Scout, want to make it a challenge?

We'll pound all six of these boneheads into submission,

And then I promise I'll work on your transmission.

Scout
Fine, if you promise, than it's a deal,

At least we speak the same language, 'cept you call steak veal,

With your firepower and my raw genius and speed,

We'll be an unstoppable team... ok, fine, I'll bring all the metal you need.

Does this mean there'll be a sequel?
I don't know and don't care.

Who won? Who's next? I decide!
But you can help...



What characters would you prefer to see in another rap battle?

Undertale characters

Rocky's return

More TF2

Hiccup Horrendous Haddock

Charlemagne and/or Charles Martel

Tokugawa

Winston Churchill

Darth Vader

All of these ideas suck! (If you pick this, screw you.)