User blog:WonderPikachu12/Captain Qwark vs Zapp Brannigan. Epic Rap Battles: Video Games vs History Off-Season

The Ratchet & Clank movie premieres this weekend, and as such, I decided I'd celebrate with this Ratchet & Clank battle! No, not Ratchet & Clank themselves, since they'll be saved for an on-season battle in the future. Instead, for this off-season battle, we have anti-hero antagonist-to-protagonist of the Ratchet & Clank series, Captain Qwark, face against reoccurring antagonist of the Futurama series, Zapp Brannigan, in a battle of two extremely egotistical space captain antagonists. Proooooobably should be working on Season 3. :P But we can consider this as part of it, as these guys are pretty villainous in their own right, right?

This battle is dedicated to Cave, since he suggested it and such, yee.

Enjoy!



(Starts at 0:00)

EPIC RAP BATTLES: VIDEO GAMES VS HISTORY

CAPTAIN QWARK

VS

ZAPP BRANNIGAN

 Zapp Brannigan: 

(0:14)

Wait, what're we doing again?

 Kif: 

(0:15)

Sir, this is a rap battle.

BEGIN!

 Zapp Brannigan: 

(Starts at 0:17)

I am the man with no name. Zapp Brannigan, at your service,

Aiming to hurt this worthless, nervous, worse-than-a-piece-of-dirt off of my shirt! Kif!

Ugh. Yes, sir? Dispose of this wannabe superhero off of my ship at once. I can't.

Why not? Sir, this isn't my battle. You're the one here that needs to rap.

Fine! I'll do this myself, then. Big Z will beat Leslie on the defense.

I'm delivering sharp rhymes right at you even faster than Planet Express.

Losing yet again to a galactic hero, you can put this defeat in your next vid-comic!

Heck, I could even beat you while I'm going commando! You're already on it.

 Captain Qwark: 

(0:45)

This spastic brat wants to bat wits with a real captain in this battle rap? Sick!

I got the hits to spit at Zapp n' Kif. In fact, my win will be Qwarktastic!

I'm shooting out disses so hard and fast, that you know my blaster runs hot!

Your entire show's just like how that mutant cyclops left your dick: flopped!

While you're stuck with direct-to-video slops, I'll be off starring on the big screens!

Q-Force you out of this battle, you can't beat the wrath of the Florana Tree Beast!

You'll be beat, you weak freak! There's never been a better adventurer!

You're the doof poop of DOOP! I love it when a great diss comes together!

 Zapp Brannigan: 

(1:14)

Zapp Brannigan's rap begins again, against a mindless twit.

Really, your verse was so simple, that even an idiot could've devised it!

I'm beloved by everyone! Right, Kif? Sigh. Whatever you say.

Stuck with three guys in a fourway? Hah! What are you, gay?

 Captain Qwark: 

(1:28)

I'm gay? Please, you're couldn't score snu-snu without it being out of pity!

You're alone, alone, alone, while I'm always getting great publicity!

With these IRON. HARD. ABS. I'll always be besting ya!

You've lost and proven you have a serious mental disorder: diss-lexia.

WHO WILL WIN?

VOTE IN THE POLL BELOW, YOU IDIOTS.

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF CARTOONS!!!!

Who won? Captain Qwark Zapp Brannigan and Kif Kroker