User blog:The Flatwoods Monster/Authors vs Directors 2. Epic Rap Battles of Horror Season 5

sorry msv

it's been ages since these guys posted so go check out TK and BTTF's work if you haven't already

Hi everyone and welcome back to Epic Rap Battles of Horror Season 5 Set 3 Finale holy shit what a mouthful. Today's match-up basically no one asked for. I think this is the fourth time i've dicked you guys into guessing a mad scientist battle except this time it was on purpose, i promise that's the last time i'll do it and i'll actually focus on good hints from now on lmao. In actuality, this battle was somewhat suggested by Legion except he gave me a line-up that i think was almost 100% different from the one i used, and TK suggested a battle with two combatants who both appear in this battle under the same theme of the one he wanted, so that counts. Speaking of TK, he's one of the several guests I have in this battle, alongside Dark Cyan and another last minute Grav. A double thanks to TK and Grav as they both looked over my verses and helped me be progressively less shit than i would've been without their help.

anyways, that's a healthy amount of rambling so let's get on with it, today's battle is the obligatory sequel of the season without really being a sequel. I chose this battle for a sequel over others (rip serling vs crypt keeper 2) for two big reasons, 1. I haven't explored the authors/directors quota nearly as much as i should, and 2. the S3 original somehow won an award back when. idfk how that happened, the only good part about that battle was TK, even the beats sucked. That all being said, today's battle features a recasting of the S3 battle before it, with "Godfather of the Dead" and pioneer of the Zombie genre, George Romero, rapping against the founder of modern Sci-Fi and author of "Frankenstein," Mary Shelley , to see who's the better art medium. Hope you enjoy, thanks again to all my guests, and I'll be back for the final five battles sometime in the far-off future as two of those battles are gonna take forever to write.

Announcer:
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HORROR!



VS!



BEGIN!

George Romero:
I’m coming to get you, Mary! This wench just took a wrong step,

‘Cause unlike the only thing you’re famous for, this battle’s no contest!

Sure, you invented the concept; But it’s fame is thanks to the Dawn’d Dead,

While the real Adam is your nonsense; Stitched together from other author’s projects!

Brought a high-rise to sci-fi yet only identified by your last name,

I’m the Corleone of Tombstones, but you were the one needing a brain!

My flows have bit you and split you but that’s nothing new for a divorcee

Even Riordan scores more than you; Jackson’s not the first water-logged Percy

Mary Shelley:
Cursed, cursed creator! Let me give vent to my anguish!

I, whom remain iconic, whilst your legacy does languish

You truly have no grounds upon which to act dismissive

I may be a one hit wonder, but most among your films were misses!

Your facial features’ sizes are mixed more than the reception of Creepshow

And by my observations, the best roles you have taken recently are cameos

So watch as the Sci-Fi Horror mistress slays this B-movie prick;

The man whom simultaneously created and ruined the zombie flick!

Stanley Kubrick:
Kubrick’s got the new tricks to Sommer-settle down Sappho with raps,

Brewed flicks that paved Glory’s Path; Someone get this rat a Bath

You’re an imposter claimin’ fame from works your husband authored,

While my box office prospers and wins my oscars, all while on the Clockwork

And a dropout! Can’t even combine minds to what an AI brings,

Plus your style’s so dead, there’s no reviving it with lightning,

Less faith only gains me more praise; Improved upon works by King,

You’re not the brightest bulb in the box; My legacy is still Shining

Edgar Allan Poe:
The clock strikes midnight. A wicked man enters mid-fight.

He's been bit, like his writing's been ripped in horrid light.

To his right stands his lady, who's been jipped, not unlike his plight.

Together, they will strike their villains with might. A grim sight.

They're in a cave, where no one can save them. There, calls a Raven.

How terribly craven of them. But, not even Craven.

Not in cave, anymore. Baltimore. A rapping at their chamber door.

Beating in the floor. Glimpses of gore. Hideous horror. Visions of Lenore.

Rob Zombie:
Somebody get this Pussy Liquor; man, it’s bout to get heavy

Groove connecting with two dudes like the libido of Shelley

I’d like, diss Poe on his cousin but I fucked a girl named Shaun,

But if I wanna hide my mistress I don’t write her a fucking Song

Of course you cheated, oh jeez, your wife didn’t have tits when you married,

You look like my first album’s abortion, but that’s Mary who miscarried

I direct erect! Check my films, beard, dick, they’re all fucking uncut!

‘Cause I push myself into my art! Shock rock and bust a neck nut, fuck!

I admit, you two suffered for your work, next time just give me a holler,

I’ll reimagine you guys a better life and make eighty million dollars!

Edgar did his Lines on Ale? I smoke crack up my crack, bitch!

This won’t be the first time that I’ve ruined two classics!

Max Brooks:
You’re graded F in raps, so pay attention to this Oral History

They saved the best for last ‘cause even toddlers knows it ends with Z

So Meet the Creeper whose seething features as fake as a placebo

You’ve proven clueless in music but I’ve got Everything You Need Know

‘Cause the only thing frightening about the eye-roll-inducing gore you over-do

Is that you chose to use those lower moves while you were sober, too

You’re Limited to Closure through the half a Heart & Mind I’ve got to show you

How I’d bulldoze over you but you’d want to substitute our beef with tofu

This diction is no fiction; a livid home stripped of life by the violent vision,

Baked couch potatoes taking up dust like the beautiful works we’ve written!

The mother declares dinner in the kitchen; egads, the dead have risen!

So here’s the Rob Zombie Survival Guide; Turn off the television!



Announcer:
WHO WON?

WHO’S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HORROR!

Rap Meanings
{{Hidden |header = Rap Meanings|content= ===George Romero:===

'''I’m coming to get you, Mary! This wench just took a wrong step,'''

(“I’m coming to get you!” is a quote from several George Romero films. Romero starts off pretty simple by saying that Mary’s taken a “wrong step” in facing him.)

‘Cause unlike the only thing you’re famous for, this battle’s no contest!

(“Frankenstein” is undoubtedly the most popular work by Mary Shelley and debatably the only reason she’s known. What most people don’t know is that the book was written as a part of a little contest between her, her husband Percy and her friend Lord Byron. Not even an official contest, just a fun game while it was raining outside. Romero claims the matchup is “no contest,” because he’s known for many films whereas she only has one book she wrote for fun.)

Sure, you invented the concept; But it’s fame is thanks to the Dawn’d Dead,

(Mary Shelley is commonly attributed with the invention of the Sci-Fi genre and what it entails, including zombie horror films which Romero specializes in. However, the zombie genre didn’t take off until Romero’s hit film “Dawn of the Dead.” Romero claims that, though Mary came up with the concept of zombies and living dead, it was Romero that made it as big as it was.)

While the real Adam is your nonsense; Stitched together from other author’s projects!

(Adam is the name of Frankenstein’s monster, and, being comprised of other human’s body parts, Romero compares him to Mary’s stories. Basically, he’s implying that Mary stole all of her writing tactics from those who came before her, mashing them up into one style that she calls her own.)

Brought a high-rise to sci-fi yet only identified by your last name,

(Romero targets Mary’s fame again, saying she’s acclaimed for inventing sci-fi, but historians only care about her last name because of her connection to Percy Shelley, which is weirdly true. For some reason, people cared a lot about Percy for the longest time and Mary got overshadowed as a result.)

I’m the Corleone of Tombstones, but you were the one needing a brain!

(George Romero’s title is “The Godfather of the Dead,” so Romero makes a joke relating to the film “The GodFather’s” main antagonist/protagonist, Vito Corleone. Romero claims that he’s the face of the zombie genre, and yet Mary was the one needing a “brain” in the same way that zombies search to eat brains. This is both because he finds Shelley stupid, but also that she had brain cancer.)

My flows have bit you and split you but that’s nothing new for a divorcee

(“Bit you” is in reference to the way most zombie tropes spread their virus. When a marriage ends, the bride and husband are considered “split.” Mary remarried three times.)

Even Riordan scores more than you; Jackson’s not the first water-logged Percy

(Rick Riordan is a the commonly-criticized writer of the Percy Jackson novels, which focus around a young boy named Percy who has control over the water. Mary’s husband, Percy Shelley, died from drowning after a shipwreck. Romero claims that even Rick Riordan, a joke of an author some might say, has more frequently good books than her)

Mary Shelley:
'''Cursed, cursed creator! Let me give vent to my anguish!'''

(Both ‘Cursed, cursed creator’ and ‘give vent to my anguish’ are quotes from Frankenstein. Mary is using them to say that Romero is a ‘cursed creator’ of films, and that she is about to take the gloves off)

I, whom remain iconic, whilst your legacy does languish

(To this day, Frankenstein is still a household name, while Romero’s zombie films are seen more as bygone classics of yesteryear)

You truly have no grounds upon which to act dismissive

(Mary takes exception to Romero’s disses against her, implying that he’s no better.)

I may be a one hit wonder, but most among your films were misses!

(Frankenstein was Mary Shelley’s only successful book, making her a one hit wonder. Romero, on the other hand, made several successful films but made many more flops than he did classics.)

Your facial features’ sizes are mixed more than the reception of Creepshow

(Shelley insults Romero’s face, comparing its mismatched features to the mixed reviews that the Romero film ‘Creepshow’ received)

And by my observations, the best roles you have taken recently are cameos

(George Romero partakes in many cameos, both in his own movies and others, and as he directs less and less films, these cameos start to become his main source of film involvement.)

So watch as the Sci-Fi Horror mistress slays this B-movie prick;

(‘Frankenstein’ is seen by many as one of the pioneers of both modern Science Fiction and modern Horror. Mary also states that Romero’s films are B-movies)

The man whom simultaneously created and ruined the zombie flick!

(Romero’s early zombie films, ‘such as Dawn of the Dead’ spawned many other films involving zombies, a trend that is still going, but Romero's later attempts at the genre were generally panned by critics, and, as Mary claims, ‘ruined’ the genre.)

Stanley Kubrick:
Kubrick’s got the new tricks to Sommer-settle down Sappho with raps,

(Kubrick enters, claiming right off the bat that he’s got the plans to shut Mary up with his raps. Sommerset is the city Mary lived in near the end of her life. Stanley refers to Mary as Sappho, who was a lesbian poet that lived way before her but basically was so lesbian that she invented both the term “lesbian” and “sapphic.” Basically, it’s the worlds most sophisticated way of saying “you’re gay.”)

Brewed flicks that paved Glory’s Path; Someone get this rat a Bath

(“Path of Glory” was a Kubrick film. Bath was another city Shelley lived in near the later years of her life. People back in Shelley’s time were seriously unsanitary, typically only bathing once or twice a month to conserve on water.)

You’re an imposter claimin’ fame from works your husband authored,

(There is some controversy surrounding “Frankenstein” and other works by Shelley regarding how much Percy Shelley helped her write them. Kubrick claims that Mary piggy-backed all her stories and fame off of her husband’s work.)

While my box office prospers and wins my oscars, all while on the Clockwork

(Kubrick has been consistently successful in box office and filmography. He makes a reference to another one of his films, “Clockwork Orange.” He’s basically saying his films win him oscars and boost his profits all while on a short time schedule, as Kubrick was known to be very coordinated with his films.)

'''And a dropout! Can’t even combine minds to what an AI brings,'''

(Mary Shelley was a school drop-out. Kubrick claims she couldn’t even outsmart artificial intelligence. “AI” was a film Kubrick took part in making.)

Plus your style’s so dead, there’s no reviving it with lightning,

(A reference to Frankenstein, as Victor revives his monster with a lightning bolt. Kubrick claims Mary’s style is so dead, she couldn’t even bring it back in the same way Frankenstein did. Probably because that’s not how hearts work.)

Less faith only gains me more praise; Improved upon works by King,

(“The Shining” is one of Kubrick’s most acclaimed, beloved movies. It was based on the Stephen King novel of the same name, but shared very little similarities, much to the aggravation of King. Regardless, the film is still put on a pedestal as amazing, so Stanley claims he only made King’s works better by adding his own touch.)

You’re not the brightest bulb in the box; My legacy is still Shining

(Referencing The Shining again, Kubrick makes the pun by saying Mary is “not the brightest bulb,” or dimwitted. Light bulbs shine. Figure it out.)

Edgar Allan Poe:
'''The clock strikes midnight. A wicked man enters mid-fight.'''

(Edgar Allan Poe’s verse is written in a narrative format, much like most of the writer’s works. He describes himself as someone similar to the narrator from The Tell-Tale Heart, a vile man who acts out his heinous deeds in the dead of night.)

He's been bit, like his writing's been ripped in horrid light.

(Poe claims that his works have been overlooked by society, who would rather favor Kubrick and Romero’s popular and cinematic productions.)

To his right stands his lady, who's been jipped, not unlike his own plight.

(Poe continues accusing Kubrick and Romero, claiming that they wronged both him and Shelley.)

'''Together, they will strike their villains with might. A grim sight.'''

(Banding together, Poe states that he and Shelley will defeat their opponents. Poe claims that they will be so victorious, that they will leave Kubrick and Romero in terrible shape or even death.)

'''They're in a cave, where no one can save them. There, calls a Raven.'''

(Calling reference to The Mask of the Amontillado, Poe states that he will trap his opponents in a remote cave, where no one will find or help them. The eponymous animal from The Raven is described to further taunt Kubrick and Romero.)

'''How terribly craven of them. But, not even Craven.'''

(Kubrick and Romero have now been defeated, taunted, and locked in a cave where they will later die - they are described as cowering in fear, or craven. Poe then mentions their inferiority in the horror movie genre by stating they are not as good as Wes Craven, another horror director.)

'''Not in cave, anymore. Baltimore. A rapping at their chamber door.'''

(Poe’s narration has jumped to a new setting; his hometown of Baltimore, Maryland, where he has an advantage over his opponents. Referencing The Raven again, he describes someone knocking furiously on the door to the building they are in. “Rapping” also refers to the rap battle itself, Poe metaphorically coming to defeat the two with rap.)

'''Beating in the floor. Glimpses of gore. Hideous horror. Visions of Lenore.'''

(Poe describes the macabre: gore and death, which will be coming soon to Kubrick and Romero. The beating in the floor refers to the victim of The Tell-Tale Heart, whose heart still beats despite its owner being murdered and hidden under the floorboards. In The Raven, the narrator is haunted by memories of a lost love named Lenore, and is now haunting Poe’s enemies.)

Rob Zombie:
Somebody get this Pussy Liquor; man it’s bout to get heavy

(Pussy Liquor was the name of one of Rob Zombie’s most notable songs, which was apart of the “heavy” metal genre.)

Groove connecting with two dudes like the libido of Shelley

(Rob Zombie’s groove is hitting Shelley and Poe, similar to Shelley’s sexual exploits, which included a threesome.)

I’d like, diss Poe on his cousin but I fucked a girl named Shaun,

(Rob admits it would be hypocritical for him to diss Poe on screwing his cousin considering he was once in love with a woman named Shaun.)

But if I wanna hide my mistress I don’t write her a fucking Song

(But Rob follows up with stating that Poe’s foolish because while he desperately tried to hide the existence of his mistresses from his wife, he wrote several poems dedicated to them, including one titled Song.)

Of course you cheated, oh jeez, your wife didn’t have tits when you married,

(Poe married his cousin at a weirdly young age, thirteen, so she wouldn’t have even developed breasts yet. Rob says that, because of this, it’s no wonder Poe cheated on his wife.)

You look like my first album’s abortion, but that’s Mary who miscarried

 (Rob Zombie’s first album was titled Hellibilly Deluxe, something he stated was named after a demon hillbilly. Rob Zombie comments on how Poe resembles a demon hillbilly’s abortion, but states that Mary was the one who lost a fetus.)

'''I direct erect! Check my films, beard, dick, they’re all fucking uncut!'''

 (Rob Zombie in very into and passionate about his works, comparing his films to his beard and both to his penis, an uncut film meaning that he doesn’t cut anything out of his films like most directors, he doesn’t cut his beard, and that he isn’t circumsized.)

'''‘Cause I push myself into my art! Shock rock and bust a neck nut, fuck!'''

(Rob explains why he’s sexual about his films by stating he puts himself inside them, alluding that his methods of throwing his personality into his directing are similar to sexual intercourse. One of Rob’s music genres is called shock rock, and bust a nut means to ejaculate. Frankenstein’s Monster has neck nuts through which he was shocked to life with.)

I admit, you two suffered for your work, next time just give me a holler,

(Rob admits the two authors suffered in their lifetime and suggests they talk to him)

I’ll reimagine you guys a better life and make eighty million dollars!

(Because Rob will think up a better life for them, similar to his occupation of reimagining the horror genre through reboots, making eighty million dollars in the process.)

'''Edgar did his Lines on Ale? I smoke crack up my crack, bitch!'''

(Rob claims Poe wrote most of his works drunk, naming one of Poe’s poems, Lines on Ale, to do so. He then brags that he even beat Poe at that by stating he did crack up his crack, proving his drug superiority.)

This won’t be the first time that I’ve ruined two classics!

(Zombie calls Shelley and Poe classics, inferring that they’re old, as well as stating he’s ruined two classics before, Halloween and Halloween 2 being movies he rebooted to less than satisfactory reception.)

Max Brooks:
You’re graded F in raps, so pay attention to this Oral History

(Max begins with a theme of school. He says that Rob has “scored an F in raps,” or failed to meet expectations, so he warns that Rob should listen to his “oral history,” or recounting of what’s happening in the battle. “An Oral History of the Zombie War” was the alternative title to World War Z.)

They saved the best for last ‘cause even toddlers knows it ends with Z

(Max claims “they” [me] saved his appearance for last because he’s the best of the authors and directors before him. The alphabet ends with the letter Z, obviously, and World War Z was the most popular work by Brooks. The alphabet’s obviously taught to kids at a young age, so Max says even toddlers know that Brooks would rap last and best, because the alphabet ends with the letter Z and the battle ends with World War Z.)

So Meet the Creeper whose seething features as fake as a placebo

(“Meet the Creeper” is a Rob Zombie song. “Seething features” is a fancy way of saying he’s shitting out films without taking time to perfect them. A decent-sized part of World War Z features the government giving placebo cures to the sick to keep them detained. A placebo is basically a fake given to someone under the impression that it’s real. Max says that Rob’s films are as “fake,” or low-budget and full of filler, as an actual placebo pill is.)

You’ve proven clueless in music but I’ve got Everything You Need Know

(Max claims that Rob is clueless at rapping, but not to worry, because he’s about to teach him how to. “Everything You Wanted To Know About Zombies” was a book by Max Brooks.)

‘Cause the only thing frightening about the eye-roll-inducing gore you over-do

(Max begins to build up, claiming that the only thing he finds scary about how exploited the gore and blood special effects in the “Halloween” films by Rob Zombie is…)

Is that you chose to use those lower moves while you were sober, too

(...that he chose to make the creative decision to include the over-done gore while he was sober. Rob has stated before that he’s very much “against alcohol,” because he “doesn’t need it” to come up with his ideas. Max claims the only thing scary about Zombie’s over-exploited gore is that he thought it was a good idea, and he couldn’t have been drunk in doing so.)

You’re Limited to Closure through the half a Heart & Mind I’ve got to show you

(“Closure, Limited” was an alternative title for a World War Z extension. Max references it here by saying that Rob’s choices are limited to his inevitable failure and undoing at Max’s raps. Max references the G. I. Joe comic he wrote and illustrated, “Heart & Mind,” by making a pun on the phrase “I’ve got half a mind to _____.”)

How I’d bulldoze over you but you’d want to substitute our beef with tofu

(Max claims he’d like to show Rob how bad he’d destroy him, or “beef with him,” which means to have a feud with him, but he cannot, as Rob is a loud and prominent vegan. He makes a play on the stereotype that vegans like to replace all meats in recipes with tofu.)

This diction is no fiction; a livid home stripped of life by the violent vision,

(Max begins to illustrate a scene; a desolate home that is void and barren.)

Baked couch potatoes taking up dust like the beautiful works we’ve written!

(Said home features “couch potatoes,” or people obsessed with watching television and not ever moving. “Baked” implies that they’re also high, while making a pun on “baked potatoes.” Since they are not moving, Max claims the said couch potatoes are “taking up dust” like the books that he, Shelley and Poe wrote due to the advancement of technology, basically saying they are becoming stupid and obsolete through illiteracy.)

The mother declares dinner in the kitchen; egads, the dead have risen!

(The mom of the couch potatoes previously mentioned call out that dinner is ready, the only reason the kids would want to get off the couch. “The dead have risen” is a comedic way of saying the kids finally get off their asses to move.)

So here’s the Rob Zombie Survival Guide; Turn off the television!

(Max wraps up by revealing his true intent was the spite aimed towards the obsession with watching television and movies and how nobody reads paper books any more. He concludes by referencing his own book, “Zombie Survival Guide,” making a pun by saying it’s the guide to surviving Rob, and that all you have to do is “turn off the TV,” or stop watching and grab an actual book.)

}}

Outro


Who won? Directors (George Romero, Stanley Kubrick & Rob Zombie) Authors (Mary Shelley, Edgar Allan Poe & Max Brooks)

HINT DEDUCTIONS: (im going to get so much shit for this)

Happy Father's Day: The blue God pictured is Shiva, the Hindu God of Death. Sitting next to him is Vishnu, his father. "Happy Father's Day" was meant to highlight that part. Since Vishnu is both a God and the father of the God of Death, he is technically the "God-Father of Death," which is George Romero's nickname.

Happy Birthday: Pretty straight-forward, August 30th, the day that hint was posted, is Mary Shelley's birthday.

Kanye West: This was one of those dick-with-you hints. Kanye is a huge fan of Stanley Kubrick's works. That's really the extent of it.

Jack Skellington: Reference to Tim Burton and his being-a-director-ness as he appeared in the original battle, as well as Jack being the King of Halloweentown, which references Halloween, a film Rob Zombie rebooted twice, as well as Jack vs Myers being a popular match-up.

What was the best battle of this set? Fran Bow vs The Baudelaires UBOA vs Nosferatu Red vs Cloverfield Tony the Talking Clock vs Ticci Toby Authors vs Directors 2

Which set was better? Set 1 Set 2 Set 3