User blog:ERBofSmoshery/Calvin and Hobbes vs Ash and Pikachu - Epic Rap Battles of History: Season 2 Episode 3

Main characters from the daily Calvin and Hobbes comic strip, Calvin and Hobbes, and protagonist of the Pokémon anime and manga series, Ash Ketchum, accompanied by his most famous Pokémon, Pikachu, rap against each other to see which adventurous kid-and-creature duo will come out on top

Cast
TomSka as Calvin and Hobbes (animation)

EpicLLOYD as Calvin (voice)

Nice Peter as Hobbes (voice)

Anthony Padilla as Ash Ketchum

Animeme as Pikachu (animation) and Ash's Pokémon (animation, cameos)

Ian Hecox as Pikachu (voice) and Brock (cameo)

Lyrics=

Note: Calvin will be in are red, Calvin as Stupendous Man will be in red italics , Hobbes will be in orange , Ash will be in blue , and Pikachu will be in yellow . Duo rapping together will be in normal text

Calvin and Hobbes:
'' Some diabolical fiends threaten to set a new system of rule! ''

'' But, a Crimson Bolt blasts in to free the city from the fools! ''

'' Just who is this mystery figure who always saves the day? Kapwing! ''

'' Yes, the Defender of Freedom is here! It's Stupendous... '' Calvin!

Huh? Wake up dude! We ain't got time for your fantasies around here!

Sorry Hobbes. Now let's go flash and bash these seizures in the rear!

Just like your Noodles! Yes, that was more of an outrageous Incident

Than the launching of those fight scenes with the Ball bore impotence!

But let's just focus on their adventures, when they're tryin' to catch 'em all

'Cause quite honestly, I've seen better plans in a game of Calvinball!

Are you a boy, or are you a girl? Even your gender's not persistent!

And your flow is like your chance of getting older; non-existent!

Ash and Pikachu:
Let me Forewarn that my wild win appears a Hypno-brainer

'Cause what's a mindless little kid against a fully respected Trainer?

All Fired Up with Re-Volts to send this single Shock Show-down

I've seen more dose of Pallets in my First Generation hometown!

Our stats are growing higher when we're traveling to Badge the win

We grab more mics than Machamp, so go snatch your box, Calvin

'Cause we're fighting round the nations, representing Generations

And it seems that half your battle's set in your imagination!

Don't try to Torrent raps against my Squad of Blastoises!

I can tell why his creator didn't want to give him voices!

You're sure to lack experience when it comes to all my features

So prepare to feel the power from the masses of my creatures!

Calvin and Hobbes:
Your first choice of catch would've been better for Victory Road

But you and Pika got your ass kicked by a guy with his eyes closed!

The way you treat your creatures is a wreck! Your put to shame!

And you're lame! With only Digimon to Claim your Fame!

We'll smash this ball boy out! Strike! But here comes the catch;

That you'll sure burn down to Ash when ol' Misty Meets Her Match!

Ha! And now they've fainted, and this rat is left dormant

We'll drop you down faster than my father's performance!

Ash and Pikachu:
How nice that you're trying to get your stuffed toy involved!

You spend your life in your mind, and you clearly haven't yet evolved!

And it's G.R.O.S.S. the way the parents function lower than their child!

But I'd expect nothing less for a smoker! That's just wild!

And you're honestly quite comical for a kid who lives in a box

But your Rocket Ships just gave your life a School of Hard Knocks!

I'll let Tracer search your comics if you think my show's a crime!

'Cause when my stuff comes on, I'll leave you clinging like it's bathtime!

Rap Meanings=

Calvin and Hobbes:
Some diabolical fiends threaten to set a new system of rule!

(This line is a reference to a Calvin and Hobbes comic strip featuring Stupendous Man. One line in the comic says: "Some diabolical fiend threatens to establish a totalitarian system of rule!". Calvin (as Stupendous Man) is calling Ash and Pikachu diabolical enemies, and saying that they appear to be trying to take control over the battle)

But, a Crimson Bolt blasts in to free the city from the fools!

''(Continuing from the last line, Stupendous Man says that he won't let them take control over the battle, and also states that he will save the city from the two fools. The Crimson Bolt is another name that Stupendous Man sometimes calls himself. This line is also a slight reference to the same Calvin and Hobbes comic referenced in the past line. This time, the comic says: "A Crimson Bolt blasts across the night sky, striking fear into the hearts of all evildoers!"

'''Just who is this mystery figure who always saves the day? Kapwing!'''

(Yet another reference to the comic: "Who IS this mysterious masked man?". 'Kapwing' is a sound effect used when Stupendous Man dashes off somewhere. Stupendous Man is copying the voices of the many people he has saved, asking himself who the mystery figure is who always saves them)

'''Yes, the Defender of Freedom is here! It's Stupendous... Calvin!'''

(He then answers all the people, calling himself the Defender of Freedom, which is another different name that Stupendous Man is sometimes called. But just before he is about to reveal his real name, Hobbes interrupts him)

'''Huh? Wake up dude! We ain't got time for your fantasies around here!'''

(Hobbes tells Calvin to wake up, as Stupendous Man is just an alter ego inside his own mind)

'''Sorry Hobbes. Now let's go flash and bash these seizures in the rear!'''

(Calvin apologises for losing himself in his thoughts, a thing that he often does. The next part of the line is a reference to a banned Pokémon episode which gave kids seizures. Calvin calls Ash and Pikachu 'seizures' and says that him and Hobbes should proceed to 'flash and bash' them in the rear, basically meaning kick their butts. The flash and bash line is a reference to all the flashing lights and loud noises in the Pokémon seizure scene. Hobbes then relates this to...)

'''Just like your Noodles! Yes, that was more of an outrageous Incident'''

(...Calvin's Noodle Incident. Nothing much is known about the incident, but Hobbes is saying that they should bash Ash and Piakchu in the butt just like the Noodles did to Calvin, which basically means the Noodles 'hit him in the butt', or came back and ruined his life. Calvin then admits that the Noodle Incident was terrible, and even slightly worse than...)

Than the launching of those fight scenes with the Ball bore impotence!

(...the releasing of fight scenes in the Pokémon series. Calvin then says the fights scenes are incredibly boring and lack any action. The Ball word is also a reference to the Poké Balls, which are used in the fight scenes)

But let's just focus on their adventures, when they're tryin' to catch 'em all

(Hobbes then says that they should now focus on the Pokémon adventures, when Ash and Pikachu are out to "catch 'em all", a reference to the famous Pokémon tag line, "Gotta catch 'em all!")

'Cause quite honestly, I've seen better plans in a game of Calvinball!

(Hobbes states that the adventures don't have any planning at all, and relates them to a game played in the Calvin and Hobbes comics, Calvinball. The main rule in this game is that you have to make the game up as you go along. Hobbes says that the game still has more planning involved in it than any of Ash's adventures, even though no planning is involved)

'''Are you a boy, or are you a girl? Even your gender's not persistent!'''

(This is a reference to a line said by Professor Oak at the beginning of the Pokémon games: HeartGold and SoulSilver. Calvin repeats the question, and Hobbes says that Ash can't even keep his gender continuing firmly, a reference to how Ash is a boy but is voiced by a girl in the Anime series)

And your flow is like your chance of getting older; non-existent!

(Ash never seems to go past the age of 10 in the Pokémon series. Calvin is saying that his flow is non-existent, just like the chance of him turning getting any older)

Ash and Pikachu:
Let me Forewarn that my wild win appears a Hypno-brainer

(Ash is warning Calvin (as no one can see Hobbes except Calvin) that his win is a no-brainer. Many references are included here. Forewarn is an Ability used by Psychic Pokémon, but has a double meaning, as it also means to inform someone of an incoming problem. 'Wild win' is a reference to the quote used at the start of a Pokémon battle: "A wild ... appeared!". Hypno is a Psychic Pokémon, but the line is also a play on words, as it mixes into 'no-brainer')

'Cause what's a mindless little kid against a fully respected Trainer?

(Ash then explains why he will prevail: Calvin is just a little kid who doesn't think about what he's doing, and Ash is a highly-respected Pokémon Trainer)

All Fired Up with Re-Volts to send this single Shock Show-down

(Pikachu is saying that he is fully powered up with volts that will send Calvin down. This line also has multiple references. All Fired Up!, Pikachu Re-Volts, and Electric Shock Showdown are all Pokémon episodes. The single shock show-down line also has another meaning: it is calling Calvin's verse a shock show, basically saying it was a shocking experience because it was so bad. Show-down is also a play on words, as it refers to the shock show mentioned earlier, and also says that Pikachu will bring Calvin's shock show down)

I've seen more dose of Pallets in my First Generation hometown!

(Ash lives in Pallet Town. Generation I's Pallet Town was mainly grey. Ash is referring to Calvin's first verse, saying that it lacked any colour, basically it was boring, and says that even the grey Pallet Town has more colour. The 'Pallet' part of the line is a play on words, as Pallet Town is the name of the town, but palettes are also a board with lots of colours on them used by artists)

Our stats are growing higher when we're traveling to Badge the win

(Many stats are used in the Pokémon series, such as HP, Attack, and Defense. Ash and Pikachu are saying that their stats are growing and growing, making them more powerful. Badges are gained when a Gym Leader has been defeated, so they are saying that they will win this battle and gain a Badge from it at the end)

We grab more mics than Machamp, so go snatch your box, Calvin

(Machamp is a four-armed Fighting Pokémon. Ash and Pikachu are saying that they each grab more mics than Machamp, which is a play on words. To 'grab' the mic basically means to take control over it, so they are saying that they could control four mics each. Machamp could also literally grab four mics, as he has four arms. Calvin spends a lot of time in a box, imagining it is some sort of machine so he can get out of difficult situations. They state that he should go back and hide in his box, because...)

'Cause we're fighting round the nations, representing Generations

(...they travel round lots of different Regions in many different Generations of Pokémon games, so they can't be messed with. But also because...)

And it seems that half your battle's set in your imagination!

(...Calvin would feel more comfortable in the box, considering half of his battle is set inside his mind. This is referring to him rapping as Stupendous Man at the start, and rapping with Hobbes for the whole battle)

Don't try to Torrent raps against my Squad of Blastoises!

(Torrent is an Ability used by Water Pokémon. Ash is saying that Calvin shouldn't try and shoot and raps against him and his Blastoises. This is a reference to the group of Squirtles, the Squirtle Squad, as Blastoise has evolved from Wartortle and Squirtle)

I can tell why his creator didn't want to give him voices!

(Bill Watterson wasn't keen on giving Calvin and Hobbes voices. Pikachu makes a joke about this and says that Bill didn't give him a voice because he was scared that his raps would be as bad as they have been)

You're sure to lack experience when it comes to all my features

(Ash is saying that due to all his skills and features, Calvin is sure to come out worse)

So prepare to feel the power from the masses of my creatures!

(At this point, Ash opens his arms and reveals all of his Pokémon. He is basically showing Calvin everything he has, and saying that he should be prepared to lose)

Calvin and Hobbes:
Your first choice of catch would've been better for Victory Road

(Ash originally wanted Squirtle as his first Pokémon, but got Pikachu instead. Calvin makes fun of this and says that Squirtle would've been a better choice if Ash wanted to at least try and get a victory. This is also a reference to Victory Road, a cave that is often filled with expert Trainers that serves as the final test before facing the Elite Four of a particular region)

But you and Pika got your ass kicked by a guy with his eyes closed!

(Continuing from the last line, Hobbes proves that Pikachu is bad by saying that him and Ash managed to lose to Brock, who looks like he always has his eyes closed)

'''The way you treat your creatures is a wreck! Your put to shame!'''

(Hobbes says that Ash treats Pokémon horribly, by capturing them and stuffing them in tiny Poké Balls. Calvin then says that they should be put to shame)

'''And you're lame! With only Digimon to Claim your Fame!'''

(Hobbes simply calls Ash and Pikachu lame. Digimon is a Japanese media franchise involving creatures like Pokémon. Calvin is saying that Digimon is better and should claim all of Pokémon's fame. This is also a reference to the Pokémon episode, A Claim to Flame!)

'''We'll smash this ball boy out! Strike! But here comes the catch;'''

(Hobbes says that him and Calvin will smash Ash and Pikachu out of the competition. This also has many references to baseball, which is a game played by Calvin and Hobbes a lot. The ball boy in baseball retrieves and supplys the balls, just like Ash with the Poké Balls. To smash someone out could mean to either get them 'out' in the game, or literally hit the ball out of the stadium. A strike is when a batter swings and misses the ball, doesn't swing at all, or hits a foul ball. The fielders' aim is to catch the ball and get the batter out, but this is also a play on words, meaning that a disadvantage is coming...)

That you'll sure burn down to Ash when ol' Misty Meets Her Match!

(A carry-on from the last line, Ash and Misty have been portrayed as having a relationship with each other. Hobbes is saying that Ash will literally burn and shrivel down to Ash in disappointment, a pun on his name, when he realises Misty likes someone else instead. This is a pun considering ash comes from fire, which is on a match, and is also a reference to the Pokémon episode, Misty Meets Her Match)

'''Ha! And now they've fainted, and this rat is left dormant'''

(Calvin approves of the joke and makes a reference to the famous Pokémon losing quote: "... has fainted!" by saying that now Ash has fainted due to being beaten and Pikachu has been left inactive...)

We'll drop you down faster than my father's performance!

(...him and Hobbes will drop them faster than his father's performance polls. The polls are a running gag in the Calvin and Hobbes comic strips, where his dad's performance is being levelled, and has literally dropped down off the bottom of the graph)

Ash and Pikachu:
How nice that you're trying to get your stuffed toy involved!

(Pikachu is mocking Calvin by saying that it's nice of him to bring a stuffed toy along with him in the battle. This is a reference to how everyone except Calvin only sees Hobbes as a stuffed toy, explaining the fact why there have been no direct disses at him)

You spend your life in your mind, and you clearly haven't yet evolved!

(Calvin spends most of his time daydreaming. Evolution is a main part in the Pokémon games. Pikachu is saying that Calvin clearly hasn't developed or evolved, as he is still dreaming things up, even in this battle)

And it's G.R.O.S.S. the way the parents function lower than their child!

(Get Rid Of Slimy girlS, or G.R.O.S.S. for short, is an exclusive club made by Calvin and Hobbes. Ash is saying it's disgusting that Calvin's parents function even worse than their child. This is explained in the next line)

'''But I'd expect nothing less for a smoker! That's just wild!'''

(Calvin's mother once gave Calvin a cigarette so he could learn not to smoke the hard way. Pikachu is saying that he's not suprised Calvin's family is disfunctional, because of the way Calvin acts at home. This is another reference towards the "A wild ... appeared!" quote)

And you're honestly quite comical for a kid who lives in a box

(Another bash at his cardboard box. This is also a joke about how Calvin and Hobbes never got past being a comic strip, so he is literally stuck in a square box at the back of a newspaper. Pikachu is saying that Calvin's rhymes are comical, a pun on the comics that he comes from)

But your Rocket Ships just gave your life a School of Hard Knocks!

(Calvin often wears underpants with rockets on them, as they are his lucky pair. They are sometimes unlucky though, so Pikachu is saying that they just make his life worse, and he probably gets bullied because of them, hence the hard knocks joke. This is also a reference to the Pokémon episodes, Jumping Rocket Ships! and the School of Hard Knocks. School of hard knocks is also a phrase which means to learn something the hard way, another joke about how they make him unlucky)

I'll let Tracer search your comics if you think my show's a crime!

(Tracer Bullet is a private investigator and another alter ego of Calvin. Ash is saying that he will call Tracer in to investigate into Calvin's comics if he really thinks that the Pokémon shows are abusive. This is a joke saying that the comics are so bad, it's a crime)

'Cause when my stuff comes on, I'll leave you clinging like it's bathtime!

(Calvin hates bathtime, and his parents often have to drag him away to get him to wash. Ash is saying that once Pokémon comes on, Calvin will be clinging to the seat because it's so good)

Poll
Who won? Calvin and Hobbes Ash and Pikachu