User blog:JakeTheManiac/Dr. Phil vs Sigmund Freud. Mega Rap Battles of History 4



Welcome to another installment of MRBoJ. This battle features psychotherapist and the greatest philosopher of the twentieth century, Sigmund Freud versus psychologist and the greatest Phil-osopher (bpf) of the twenty-first century, Dr. Phil McGraw. But like most psychologists, they have patients with many problems. Today, three patients will rap against Freud and discover what is truly wrong with them. As always, give comments and tell me what I should do next. And as always, enjoy the battle! (Note: some words that Freud say are meant to be pronounced differently, like strategy (in order for it to rhyme with comedy).)

The Beat: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GtQhz6YMwPg

Cast:

EpicLLOYD as Dr. Phil McGraw (body actor)

Doug Walker as Sigmund Freud

Nice Peter as Emperor Caligula and Dr. Phil McGraw (voice)

Jenna Marbles as Lindsay Lohan

Zach Sherwin as The Joker

The Battle:

(Dr. Phil starts at :30)

MEGA RAP BATTLES OF JAKESTORY!

DOCTOR PHIL!

VS!

SIGMUND FREUD!!!

BEGIN!

Dr. Phil:

Hello, I'm Dr. Phil and have we got a guest!

Sigmund Fraud and I will battle to be the best psychiatrist

When you step to me, you'll never be the same

I'm the best emcee, heck, it's even in my name

I don't hate anyone, but you, I really despise

I will finish you faster than when you got euthanized

My time is almost up and you have three patients today

They are some crazy basket cases, that's all I got to say

Sigmund Freud:

I'm the greatest thinking mind from the Czech Republic

And it seems as though I've found my first subject

I'll rap you and rip you till I get an examination

Spitting rhymes is my new substitute for masturbation

You've been riding Oprah's coattails since you started your career

All your insults were terrible, and did not inspire fear

You have a severe case of being full of crap

You aren't a good psychiatrist and you certainly can't rap

Phil:

Let the true test begin, the greatest battle of the age

So will the first patient please come on to the stage?

Caligula:

Professor Freud, you don't know what's coming to ya

Rapping royalty by the name Emperor Caligula

I'll shove my little soldier's boot right up your rear

Give nasty stares for life, I even practice at a mirror

I don't care if your my sibling, I'd bed ya, may seem insane

But when I'm done with you, oh dear, you'll die in vain

You can hate me as long as you fear me, you will, indeed

After this, you will worship me, like folks do to my steed

Freud:

Well, Emperor DeLarge, your results aren't very fair

You're a sexed up Julius Caesar and a king with no hair

The first Roman ruler to be killed, that's tragic

That wouldn't've happen if you weren't so psychopathic

Your perversities are enough to make Jeffery Dahmer cringe

You're an insult to Rome and way off the fringe

I see you as an incestuous evil genius, at best

Your departure from here is more celebrated than your death!

Phil:

That was impressive, but you still need to learn

So young lady, come on down, it's now your turn

Lindsay Lohan:

Let this Teenage Drama Queen give you her Confessions

My rhymes will eat at you like cancer from your cigar obsession

You're not on my level, I've worked with Tina Fey

You couldn't help me, no matter what you say

I'm young, I've been arrested, I'm not what I seem

So have fun attempting to Interpret my Dreams

I'm a Mean Girl who can be Freaky any day of the week

I know I've got problems, so go ahead and Speak

Freud:

I've read upon your case and I have a diagnosis

You appear to suffer from a case of cocaine psychosis

You were in some good movies and had a nice career strategy

Now you're getting more bombed than InAPPropriate Comedy

Why don't you drive off into The Canyons with your Fully Loaded car?

Your 15 minutes of shame is over, you're no longer a star

McGraw, your guests aren't that problematic, is that all you've got?

Do you have any more tricks up your sleeve that you have brought?

Phil:

Well, Siggy, I do, your next patient's a master at that

So, Mister Joker, are you ready? Where are you at?

The Joker:

Right here, Dr. Phail! You wanna play rough? Let's go, then!

I'm a real sick mind, unlike Caligula or Lohan

I'll drive you out of the studio, like the Nazis did your family

You haven't faced nothing yet, I'm the definition of insanity

Everything that you said was just a Freudian slip

You became a doctor just to get lucky with a chick

Then you got married, I hang with sexy ladies like Harley Quinn

Beating you would mean nothing, sometimes a win's just a win

All my raps might as well end this, call them a Killing Joke

Your flow is more hilarious than the way that you croaked

Why so serious, Freud? I think you've learned pretty fast

Not to mess with the Joker, The Man Who got the last Laugh!

Freud:

I'm not frightened by you, but I know the sick way you play

You're where you don't belong, Ronald, the McPlay Place is that way

You make me grin, without the laughing gas. You're nothing

I've seen scarier clowns in movies by Stephen King

You won't even come near me, let alone attack, man

Your game plan sounds as great as your attempt to kill the Batman

You should've stuck to stand up, I hear you were great at that

Until your wife got killed and you fell in to that vat

Put away every single deadly weapon you've ever owned

Prepare for defeat, this Clown Prince of Crime has been dethroned

I prescribed a butt whipping, you learned who the boss is

This appointment is over, now get out of my office!

WHO WON?!?!

WHO'S NEXT?!?!

YOU DECIDE!!!!!

MEGA! (mega!)

RAP! (rap!)

BATTLES! (battles!)

OF! (of!)

JAKESTORY!!! (JAKESTORY!!!!)

Who won? Dr. Phil Sigmund Freud Caligula Lindsay Lohan The Joker