User blog:TheScottBird/TheScottBird Reviews: Artists vs TMNT

Hey guys, TheScottBird here again. If you haven't voted on this week's ERB Elimination Game, please go do that before you read all of this. Anyways, I'm feeling sick today with the flu and I'm really bored, so what other thing to do to cure my boredom than review an ERB?

I am doing this today because I've been noticing other users reviewing random ERBs, so I thought: "why shouldn't I?" So today, I will be reviewing the newest ERB (and season three finale), Artists vs TMNT.

Renaissance Artists:Edit
Cowabunga, dude, so let's get it on.

Reptiles against the fathers of the Renaissance.

We got the classical technique,

To kick these three toed freaks back under the street. (Ooh)

I take a turtle and I turn him into mincemeat.

You don't really wanna step to da Vinci.

I love the ladies, I like to keep it mellow,

So let me pass the mic to my man, Donatello!

(Okay, so Leonardo is finished. My favorite line of his in this verse is "We classical technique/To kick these three-toaed freaks back under the street." Donatello's face when he pops up onto the screen is the best part of Leonardo's verse though. One thing I don't understand though, is why Leonardo got four bars during the artists' first verse while the rest of the artists only got two.)

(Ugh!) Hard shell, but you're gross in the middle.

Wouldn't wanna touch you with a six foot chisel.

Born in goop, raised in poop,

I slice through a group of ninjas like fruit, oops!

(Well, I already like Donatello's verse better than Leonardo's. The reference to Fruit Ninja was great, but I honestly don't know why they added in that "oops" at the end. My favortie line by Donatello in this verse is "Born in goop, raised in poop/I slice through a group of ninjas like fruit, oops!")

(Yo) Raphael, and I came to flow,

Deemed dope by the Pope, and I boned til I croaked.

I'm an emcee Shredder, but I get the feeling,

<span style="color:rgb(255,0,0);">I should pass it up to my man on the ceiling!

(I just checked the article for this battle, and I'm glad I'm not the only one who noticed that Raphael suddenly makes Donatello's banana transparent. Anyways, Raphael's verse is now my favorite out of the three artists who have rapped. My favorite line by Raphael is "Raphael and I came to flow/Deemed by the Pope and I boned till I croaked." Actually, now that I have read the rap meanings for this battle, that line right there is my favorite line in any ERB to date.)

<span style="color:rgb(255,128,0);font-size:14px;">(Ohhh) Michelangelo, and I'm a giant,

<span style="color:rgb(255,128,0);">I made David, but I'll slay you like Goliath!

<span style="color:rgb(255,128,0);">I'm a rap God, and you can't quite touch me.

<span style="color:rgb(255,128,0);">This battle's your Last Judgement, trust me!

(I still like Raphael's part better than the three artists. The reference to "Rap God" was great, as it is the first time ERB has mentioned the fricking best rapper ever! My favorite line by Michelangelo is "I'm a rap God and you can't quite touch me/This battle's your Last Judgement, trust me!" Did anyone else notice that the part about the Last Judgement was the first line we ever heard of this battle?)

<span style="color:rgb(51,204,255);">W <span style="color:rgb(128,0,255);">e  <span style="color:rgb(51,204,255);">d <span style="color:rgb(128,0,255);">r <span style="color:rgb(51,204,255);">o <span style="color:rgb(128,0,255);">p  <span style="color:rgb(51,204,255);">s <span style="color:rgb(128,0,255);">c <span style="color:rgb(51,204,255);">i <span style="color:rgb(128,0,255);">e <span style="color:rgb(51,204,255);">n <span style="color:rgb(128,0,255);">c <span style="color:rgb(51,204,255);">e.

<span style="color:rgb(255,0,0);font-size:14px;">W <span style="color:rgb(255,128,0);">e  <span style="color:rgb(255,0,0);font-size:14px;">g <span style="color:rgb(255,128,0);">o <span style="color:rgb(255,0,0);font-size:14px;">t  <span style="color:rgb(255,128,0);">t <span style="color:rgb(255,0,0);font-size:14px;">h <span style="color:rgb(255,128,0);">e  <span style="color:rgb(255,0,0);font-size:14px;">m <span style="color:rgb(255,128,0);">a <span style="color:rgb(255,0,0);font-size:14px;">t <span style="color:rgb(255,128,0);">h <span style="color:rgb(255,0,0);font-size:14px;">e <span style="color:rgb(255,128,0);">m <span style="color:rgb(255,0,0);font-size:14px;">a <span style="color:rgb(255,128,0);">t <span style="color:rgb(255,0,0);font-size:14px;">i <span style="color:rgb(255,0,0);font-size:14px;">c <span style="color:rgb(255,128,0);">s!

The architects of rebirth are rap addicts!

You beat the Foot, but it won't go well,

<span style="color:rgb(128,0,255);">When you catch an Italian  boot to the half shell!

(Well, out of these four lines, my favorite is "You beat the Foot, but it won't go well/When you catch an Italian boot to the half-shell!" Loved that reference to turtles in a half-shell. I previously thought that last part was a reference to Super Mario Bros., considering that the Mario Bros vs Wright Bros battle is being played in the turtles' background. But, I read the rap meanings, and it's not a reference to Mario afterall. Anyways, as of now, the artists have compared themselves to the turtles a TON, made quite a few solid disses, and overall have my vote for the win right now.)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles:Edit
<span style="color:rgb(51,204,255);font-size:14px;">The wisdom of our master,  (Splinter)

<span style="color:rgb(128,0,255);">Taught us not to rush to violence,  (Master Splinter)

<span style="color:rgb(255,0,0);">But our master,  (Master Splinter)

<span style="color:rgb(255,128,0);">Ain't here, dude! (Hee-yah)

(I used to think this little "introduction" for the turtles was pointless, but now I understand the diss they made in there. Still, why was this in there? Did anyone else notice that Michelangelo has the wrong voice actor during this part? Anyways, none of these lines rhyme and I have no favorite part. The diss in this, which took two bars to do, was pretty great, but the artists obviously still hold the title of being the winners so far for me. The turtles' eyes are very weird, especially Mikey's during his line in this part.)

<span style="color:rgb(51,204,255);">I don't think you wanna mess with my katana blades!

<span style="color:rgb(51,204,255);">Get back in your floppy helicopter, fly away!

(I thought the theory that Leonardo's blades were Katanas was proven false...but whatever. I can't say if I have a favorite line or not in this, because THE TURTLE'S INDIVIDUAL VERSES ARE SHORTER THAN THE ARTISTS'! Why on Earth would ERB do this? I know they tried to make the turtles as awesome as possible, which they did, but why would they lessen the length of the turtles' verses? It just doesn't make sense! But anyway, I guess that each turtle is dissing their respective name-dweller, so the diss about da Vinci's floppy plane is pretty solid.)

<span style="color:rgb(255,128,0);">I can bebop and steady rock a mic, sucka!

<span style="color:rgb(255,128,0);">I'm a pristine Sistine nun chucka!

(The reference to Bebop and Steady-rock is great, but Mikey doesn't acutally diss anyone in here, but instead compliment himself. So...yeah. He does reference the Sistine Chapel though, but doesn't make a diss about it.)

<span style="color:rgb(255,0,0);font-size:14px;">(Ugh!) Oh hi, I'm a cool but rude guy.

<span style="color:rgb(255,0,0);">Put you back in school with the tip of my two sai.

(I love the reference to Raphael being a "cool and rude guy." This line, though, does mimick Leonardo's exactly, but instead describes Raph instead of Leo.)

<span style="color:rgb(128,0,255);font-size:14px;">Uh, Dona-tell me who you are again, dude,

<span style="color:rgb(128,0,255);">Cause I don't Gattamelata clue what you do.

(Well, ladies and gentlemen, we've found the turtle with the best verse. This line is not that good, but at least Donnie doesn't talk about himself through the whole verse. In fact, he is holding his bo staff during the battle, but he is smart enought to know that if he is already weilding his weapon, then the artists should have a clue that the turtles are dangerous. Anyways, the line about the Gattamelata was okay, but the "Dona-tell" me part was sort of mehhh.)

Renaissance Artists:Edit
<span style="color:rgb(128,0,255);">That's because you mutants are too immature.

<span style="color:rgb(51,204,255);">You wouldn't know genius if it pissed in your sewer!

<span style="color:rgb(255,0,0);">We got the talent , <span style="color:rgb(128,0,255);">a <span style="color:rgb(255,128,0);">n <span style="color:rgb(128,0,255);">d  <span style="color:rgb(255,128,0);">t <span style="color:rgb(128,0,255);">h <span style="color:rgb(255,128,0);">e  <span style="color:rgb(128,0,255);">m <span style="color:rgb(255,128,0);">i <span style="color:rgb(128,0,255);">n <span style="color:rgb(255,128,0);">d <span style="color:rgb(128,0,255);">s , <span style="color:rgb(255,0,0);">and the rhymes so sweet,

<span style="color:rgb(255,128,0);">We're like your NES game, cause we can't be beat!

(For some reason, the artists referencing the TMNT NES game was pretty pointless to me. Sure, it was a great diss, but it just wasn't a line that an artist would say in my opinion. In a nutshell, that diss is easily forgettable. So, they make two sorta-solid disses, and then compare themselves to the ninjas again. The artists are still winning in my opinion, but the turtles' first verse beats this one. But, nonetheless, the artists' first verse is still dominating the battle.)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles:Edit
<span style="color:rgb(51,204,255);">Yo, go ahead and hate, we'll just skate on by.

<span style="color:rgb(255,128,0);">You guys draw more dicks than New York Pride!

<span style="color:rgb(128,0,255);">We're the  TMNT, drop-kicking Italy! (Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!)

<span style="color:rgb(255,128,0);">Chowing on your tower made of pizza,  <span style="color:rgb(51,204,255);">save a slice for me!

(Well, this verse right here is better than the turtles' first verse and the artists' second verse, but utlimately the artists still win in my opinion. Back to reviewing the lines, well...the line about skating was pretty okay. The New York Pride reference was really un-needed...until I realized the turtles reside in New York. That's when I realized that that diss was golden, but it is still partially a homophobic line I guess, but not really. But what makes it even more golden is that the TMNT are teenagers, so of course they're going to say something like that. That diss is the best in the battle in my eyes.The final line of the battle was great, but I thought Mikey should've been the one to ask for a slice of pizza, not Leo. Now to my final results.)

Well, this battle wasn't the best, but it was still epic, funny, and great altogether. The addition of Smosh was awesome, and the redemption of Rhett & Link was epic. I wish that they could've gotten another duo of males to voice two of the turtles, but Peter and Lloyd taking the roles of them was also fine. One thing that irked me though is that the turtles would constantly switch voice actors, or maybe it's just me... Anyways, the battle was really unfair to me, as the artists' first verse dominated the entire battle...but only because it was longer than it was supposed to be. Or, in other words, the turtles' first verse was shorter than it was supposed to be. So, now that we are at my final results, I'm calling this match-up a tie. The only reason being is because of the unfairness on the artists' behalf, and also because the TMNT were actually good! It's not like they entirely sucked. If they had two extra lines each during that first verse, then I would be able to choose a side. But, right now, it's a tie.

My favorite lines of the battle:

Leonardo: "We got the classical technique/To kick these three-toaed freaks back under the street."

Donatello: "Born in goop, raised in poop/I slice through a group of ninjas like fruit, oops."

Raphael: "Deemed dope by the Pope and I boned till I croaked."

Michelangelo: "I'm a rap God and you can't quite touch me/This battle's your Last Judgement, trust me."

Leonardo: "Get back in your floppy helicopter, fly away."

Michelangelo: "You guys draw more dicks than New York Pride."

Raphael: "Oh hi, I'm a cool but rude guy/Put you back in school with the tip of my two Sai."

Donatello: "'Cause I don't Gattamelata clue what you do."

Artists overall: "Deemed dope by the Pope and I boned till I croaked."

Turtles overall: "Yo, go ahead and hate, we'll just skate on by/You guys draw more dicks than New York Pride."

Favorite line: "Deemed dope by the Pope and I boned till I croaked."

Favorite diss: "Yo, go ahead and hate, we'll just skate on by/You guys draw more dicks than New York Pride."

Worst lines
Leonardo: "So let me pass the mic to man, Donatello!"

Donatello: N/A

Raphael: "I should pass it up to my man on the ceiling!"

Michelangelo: "Michelangelo and I'm a giant!"

Leonardo: "I don't think you wanna mess with my Katana blades."

Michelangelo: "I can bebop and steady-rock a mic, sucka/I'm a pristine Sistine nun chucker."

Raphael: N/A

Donatello: "Uh, Dona-tell me who you are again, dude?"

Artists overall: "So let me pass the mic to my man, Donatello" and "I should pass it up to my man on the ceiling!"

Turtles overall: "The wisdom of our master/Taught us not to rush to violence/But our master/Ain't here, dude!"

Worst diss: "So let me pass the mic to my man, Donatello" and "I should pass it up to my man on the ceiling!"

Well, I hope you guys enjoyed! Leave some feedback below!