George Carlin vs Richard Pryor



George Carlin vs Richard Pryor is the seventy-fifth installment of Epic Rap Battles of History and the fourth episode of Season 6. It features American stand-up comedians George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Bill Cosby, Joan Rivers, and Robin Williams in a stand-up comic battle royale. It was released on July 13th, 2019.

Cast
Nice Peter as George Carlin

Zeale as Richard Pryor

Gary Anthony Williams as Bill Cosby

Jackie Tohn as Joan Rivers

EpicLLOYD as Robin Williams

Lyrics
[Note: George Carlin is in gray, Richard Pryor is in red , Bill Cosby is in dark brown , Joan Rivers is in light brown , and Robin Williams is in blue .]

George Carlin:
Here we go, it's George Carlin. I'm a mad dog snarling.

I was born in the Bronx and brought up in Harlem.

I'm dope at spitting bars and getting crowds hardy harring,

While you're the least threatening black dude since Carlton!

Now, there's seven words you can't say on a TV set,

But this is the pissing fucking cunting Internet

And my cocksucking motherfucking bits are the tits!

Non-stopping brain droppings like my wit's got the shits!

So call this Pryor-rhea: I doo doo on you constantly!

No pauses in my punchlines, no commas in my comedy!

You'll be down for the count when this counter-culture counterman

Serves you with a stand-uppercut you can't counter, damn!

I'm Wilder than Gene when I'm killing a beat!

You're steady taking second place, now that's a Silver Streak!

Richard Pryor:
Any rap battles with you, I'll be winning 'em!

Your style's like two drinks: it's the minimum!

(Ooh!) It's ya boy from Peoria, Illinois!

One hand on my mic, one hand on my groin

'Cause ain't no set tighter in this whole damn game

Even the shit that I spit off the top: flames! (Stand up!)

My delivery is rupturing the tummies!

You tell a joke and people go, "Hmm, that's funny."

My mama was a prostitute and grandma ran the brothel!

Seen some shit but not as awful as your haircut debacle!

I'm the original brother (Hey!) to give the scene some color! (Hey!)

The most iconic stand-up comic! Stand down, motherfucker!

Bill Cosby:
(Hey!) You forgot the Cos and you know it's a mistake!

I eat emcees for breakfast like they're made of chocolate cake!

I'm the greatest...

What's wrong... what's wrong with my lip?

Did somebody put something in my pudding?

They put something in the pudding. It's in the pudding...

Joan Rivers:
Oh, shut up, you stupid son of a bitch, you know you blew it!

I'd have attacked you two first, but your hearts beat me to it! (Oh!)

Cosby, you can't be here! (Ah!) You're making people nervous (Ah!)

So let me end you real quick like I was Hannibal Buress! (Ohh!)

It turns out you were just like your sweater: monstrous!

The men that I slept with only wished they were unconscious!

My sex jokes offend, you're on the sex offender registry!

Oh, who are you wearing now? Is that State Penitentiary?

Enough with the roofies, let me move on to Rufus.

My jokes always had bite, you started out toothless

And you just kept talking, you wouldn't shut up.

Honestly, I'm glad you died. Fourteen specials was enough!

And Richard, can we talk? Can I call you Dick?

Like your fifth wife did when you remarried your sixth?

At this point, I've got more plastic than flesh,

But my Tupperware body couldn't keep your raps fresh!

(I think my pudding-)

So don't throw down with Rivers! The flow is too relentless!

I haven't thrashed celebrities this bad since The Apprentice!

I'm closing this battle! No one else compares!

The only place I'm in the middle is on Hollywood Squares!

Robin Williams:
Good morning, movie bombs! Nice shoulder pads, chief!

I'm a genie in the bottle for some comic relief!

O Carlin, my Carlin, what can I say about you?

Except I don't think you've had a good shit since 1962!

Mork aged backwards and Joan, you must too!

80 years old but that nose looks brand new! Nanu!

Yo Pryor, I Doubtfire makes a good shampoo!

Left you running down the street like "Oh, no!"

Comedy ain't easy, I've played plenty of dumps,

And believe me, we've all hit plenty of bumps.

(Yeah!) But now I've got the Flubber flows that'll get the club jumping!

You got second-hand raps. "Found 'em Good Will Hunting!"

Got more hair on my arms than a Monchhichi!

And I'll finish this battle like it's Jumanji!

I love the prince, but you'll never have a friend like me!

Thanks folks, that's my time! Gotta set myself free!

Richard Pryor:
I’m the golden glove champion of this shit

It doesn’t get more iconic black comic than this

I’ll drop you like the N-bomb after I got back from Africa

Thoughtful’s what they say after you go up

You’re right, I guess words change, we used to just say “you suck”

You look like an extra from Grumpy Old Men


 * Poetry on Attica


 * I ain’t mad atcha


 * …ass’ll get kicked


 * …back of the hip


 * Windowing shopping for street cred

Joan Rivers:
You always make the lists of stand-ups near the top

But your movies ended up like your cheeks: flops!

I'm headlining this battle! No one else compares!

Robin Williams:
Except you haven’t had a good shit since 1962!

And yo Pryor, I Doubtfire makes a good shampoo!

Lit yourself up and ran down the street like "Oh, no!"

And the road ain't been easy, we've played plenty of dumps,

But I got the Flubber flows that'll get the club jumping!

You got second-hand raps. "Hey we found these Goodwill Hunting!"

That's my time now watch me set myself free!

But you couldn’t hold a candle to my success if you were granted three wishes!

But don’t hold candles Richard, we all know what happens then!

There’s a sweetness to comedy that all of you lack

And weird for me to end this battle with that

But I’m here to bring a little bit of joy back

Being good at comedy doesn’t mean you’re always on the attack

It doesn’t take a genius to know a guy as manic as me


 * Thanks for opening for me


 * Academy Award


 * More and money


 * Dead Poetic Society


 * Comedy store


 * Patch Adams


 * Awakenings


 * A hairy sweaty mess


 * Popeye


 * Always “On”


 * Comedy is tragedy


 * Night at the Museum

General

 * This battle was written in conjunction with members of the ERB Patreon. Patrons in the "Writer" and "Director" tiers on Discord were able to submit lines for the rappers, which were then incorporated into the battle. As well, the addition of Robin Williams was a result of requests from patrons upon being told the matchup.
 * This is the fourth-longest rap battle to date, with an overall rapping time of 3:18.
 * This is the third "battle royale", after Rasputin vs Stalin and Steven Spielberg vs Alfred Hitchcock.
 * This is the first battle royale:
 * to feature a female rapper.
 * not to be finished by a character portrayed by Nice Peter.
 * where EpicLLOYD does not portray a title rapper.
 * to not use neither Pete nor Lloyd in more than one role.
 * to not be either a season finale or mid-season finale.
 * to primarily consist of four rappers, rather than five.
 * to have only one rapper still living at the time of its release.
 * Counting Donald Trump vs Ebenezer Scrooge and Alexander the Great vs Ivan the Terrible, where a multitude of rappers serve as a gauntlet for their singular opponent, it is the fifth "cavalcade battle" as termed by Lloyd.
 * The first beat from this battle appears at the end of "Nice Peter's Favorite Rap Battle. s." and during the behind the scenes for Ronald McDonald vs The Burger King.
 * This is the second battle without the "Begin" slate during the intro, after Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates.
 * However, unlike that battle, the announcer still shouts "Begin!"
 * This is the first battle where an instance of the middle finger insult gesture (in this case, during Richard Pryor's title card) is blurred out. In previous battles that feature this gesture, it is completely unobscured. As well, it appears uncensored later on in the battle, with both George Carlin and Joan Rivers using it against Pryor.
 * This is the second battle where something was visually censored, after Zeus vs Thor.
 * This is not counting the commercial for George Washington vs William Wallace, in which William Wallace had his crotch censored while lifting his kilt.
 * Steve Irwin can be seen at the very end of the outro, along with a link to the ERB Patreon.
 * This battle is referred to as "Richard Pryor vs George Carlin" in the description.

Production

 * The is the second battle to use a hyphen in the title instead of a period, after Freddy Krueger vs Wolverine. The title was later changed to have a period.
 * This is the first battle to use the signature red color scheme in the intro since Donald Trump vs Hillary Clinton.
 * This is the first battle to feature a laugh track.
 * However, the demo of Miley Cyrus vs Joan of Arc that is featured on the Epic Rap Battles of History Season 3 CD features a laugh track.
 * This is the eighth battle to use more than one tagged instrumental.

Errors

 * When Richard Pryor says "I'll be winning 'em" the apostrophe is misplaced, resulting in the subtitles saying "I'll be winning' em."
 * When Joan Rivers says "Honestly, I'm glad you died" the word "I'm" is written as "I' m".
 * When Bill Cosby says "I think my pudding-" in Rivers' verse, the subtitle is missing the "my".
 * In the line "Found 'em good will hunting" the apostrophes are misplaced, resulting in the subtitles saying "Found'em good will hunting."