User blog:Joeaikman/Rap Battles of Thrones - Book I Chapter I - Joffrey Baratheon

'''Written by User:Joeaikman and User:BreZ. If you read on you risk spoilers for both the Game of Thrones TV show and A Song of Ice and Fire book series. You have been warned'''

Joffrey was sat on his throne, looking bored as members of his court mingled before him. The eunuch was stood at the bottom of the steps to his right, his mother to his left. The old maester was absent, as well as the little minor Lord. They were all nothing compared to him. He was the king, chosen by the 7 to lead. That meant he could do as he like.

"Where is he?" He called out "where is this challenger who thinks he can best me! The Kng of Westeros! I'll have his head!". As he spoke one of his Kingsguard turned, armour sparkling, he removed his helmet to reveal...

ALEXANDER THE GREAT

Joffrey looks shocked "y...you?"

VERSUS

His face contorts with rage

JOFFREY BARATHEON!!!!!

Begin!

I am the King! That means I do as I please!

I order you to bend the knee and swear fealty to me

Or else I'll command Ser Meryn to teach you a lesson

Heed, or the Septon should be expecting another beheading

I smite mites with Ice, leave you more isolated than Pyke

You went Renly on your wife, end your lines like Robb Stark's life

I [hhttp://gameofthrones.wikia.com/wiki/Mycah Butcher Boys] before me, make like my Uncle and run‏

Or we will see how you rap without fingers or a tongue‏

I've got the Macedonian flow to own this royal Jon Snow

I'm surprised they found a crown that could contain your ego‏

Trample this vandal under my sandals if he wants to tangle

Strategic battle angles something you just couldn't handle

This time you won't be able to wangle your way to the mantle

All civilians of the Andals were thankful when you got mangled

Give you an ample sample of your frantic near satanic antics

You're no romantic, the only combat you do is shooting rabbits

I have the Fury of the Stag, Hear the Roar of this Lion

A Baratheon will win this like the Battle of the Trident

Put you in confinement if you’re tryin’ to be defiant

So don’t deny it; If you’re Great, then I’m fucking giant!

I can bond an alliance with my family jewels

Make my enemies be truthful and admit I won the duel

Bow down to my rule and I’ll allow you to live as my fool

In this lyrical war you just got Aris-totally schooled

Congrats, you were awarded the title Lord of the broken records

Screaming “I am the King” seems to be the only chord you can afford

You hurt whores because you have no idea how to use your sword

You’d risk war, have lackeys hit wards sore just ‘cause you’re a wee bit bored

With Aerys on the throne things went less downward

You're just a little shit coward who's drunk on power

Like the Mud Gate all your defences are shoddy

You should stay silent like the sisters tending your body

Who won? Joffrey Baratheon Alexander the Great