User blog:Beerman8299/Lord Voldemort vs. Darth Sidious

It's finally finished! And coincadentally being released on John Williams' 88th birthday. To the man that composed music for some of the most iconic movies ever, happy birthday! This battle is one that I'm sure we've all had cross our mind at one time or another, so I decided to make my own. Today's matchup is between the main antagonist in the Harry Potter series, Lord Voldemort (A.K.A. Tom Riddle, A.K.A. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, A.K.A. You-Know-Who, A.K.A. The Dark Lord), and the main the antogonist of the Star Wars series, Darth Sidious (A.K.A. Emperor Palpatine, A.K.A. The Emperor, A.K.A. Chancellor Palpatine, A.K.A. Sheev Palpatine).



Battle
Darth Sidious

vs.

Lord Voldemort

Begin!

Lord Voldemort (as Tom Riddle)
I have the power to vanquish this Dark Lord of the Sith.

The one who tries to hide his face, perhaps because he's a little bitch.

You may have won in the prequels, but I don't see us as equals.

You've already lost twice in the originals and the sequels.

I have the high the ground already, so you better start jumpin'.

You only gained complete control because of a retarded Gungan.

I called up the whole squad, my Death Eater brethren.

To watch your ass get beat by me, the true heir of Slytherin.

I can have bad things happen to you, if I want, but I'd rather you live to tell the tale.

The Story will be called the Tragedy of Darth Sidious the Frail.

You've got more wrinkles than a space slug, and a bigger weakness than your exhaust port.

Now I'll garner a death sentence like I'm a thug at Mos Eisley Spaceport.

I'm destroying you from the inside, like the Second Death Star's core.

This is the start AND the finish to the Third Wizarding War.

Darth Sidious (as Sheev Palpatine)
Look at you, it's You-Know-Who.

I would have you join me, but you're not worth The Rule of Two.

Riddle me this Voldy. You know what's an anagram of MY name?

"Dis Hard", because that's the true nature of my game.

My First and Final order will be to 66 your ass.

So you're lucky you won't experience my Force lightning blast.

I'm the Master empirical Imperial MC.

This Duel of Fates is proceeding exactly as I have forseen.

What's wrong? You look mad and a bit moody today.

Thanos must have snapped you to a galaxy far, far away.

I have the power of every Sith Lord that has ever lived.

As well as the abilities of Zeus at my fingertips.

You had to raid a tomb to get the balls to take on me, you couldn't just do it.

But I'll make your bars illegal because I am the Senate.

Lord Voldemort (transforms from Tom Riddle)
Not yet you aren't you manipulator of Midichlorians.

Rise of Skywalker couldn't even live up to the hype of The Mandalorian.

Just like the Americans, you've lost the Space Race.

Your entre star fleet was built upon the use of copy and paste.

You're a soul-sucking fiend, as foul as a Dementor.

Now you're an empty-shell and the universe is saved from its worst attacker.

You pulled some crazy sorcery and ended up The Nun living off of machines.

You pushed the boundaries of magic and always kept Bella-tricks up your Sheev.

You're a strong fighter, but this battle isn't even close to a TIE.

You can't save yourself from death this time and will end up just like Darth Plagueis the Wise.

You still don't know when to give up, even at the end of your Imperial Era.

I'm going to kill you Darth Sidious. AVADA KEDAVRA!

(Sidious immediately responds with Force lightning as the streams connect)

(Force lightning is deflected back at Palpatine turning him white and even more wrinkled)

(An explosion occurs and both are forced back)

(Both stand up as Palptine puts on a black robe and pulls the hood over his head)

Darth Sidious (as Emperor Palpatine)
Is that the best you can do you slimy salamander?

Your wand is too weak, better go kidnap Ollivander.

Point your stick as hard as you want, it's no match against the Dark Side.

Who need a pet snake when i have my bars to leave you petrified.

He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Names must be ashamed of the fame he's given to Harry Potter.

You're only a Second Voice rapper, better pass the mic on to your daughter.

I spit like the Goblet of Fire man, you spit doggerel lines like muggle men.

There is no Defense Against my Dark Arts, cancel your time in the Room of Requirement.

Without your soul fragments dispersed, you'd a pair of hor-crutches.

Your diary couldn't survive a Basilisk fang, but got covered in shit from some toilet flushes.

What happened to your nose? You can't pick up the scent of my Force sensitve flows.

You either chased parked cars or got smacked by the Whomping Willow.

Lord Voldemort
You're arrogance blinds you ya prune-faced bastard.

You died so quickly it appears only light speed is faster.

Three Spaceballs of death? I find your lack of creativity disturbing.

And all three blew up. It seems from your mistakes you weren't learning.

You'll never show up again on the Marauder's Map, nor even on other planets.

Vader ended up literally overthrowing you, this mischief had been managed.

Darth Sidious
Oh, I'm afraid that Lord Voldemort might actually win.

But to test this theory let the final battle begin.

Snake venom and unicorn blood mixed to make your protein shake.

Relying on so many other bodies, you turned Quirinus Quirrell into an Edward Mordrake.

You unable to stop the Chosen One, while I prevented the Jedi prophecy.

I will rise up again so that once more the Sith will rule the galaxy! HAHAHAHAHA!

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE! Who won? Lord Voldemort Darth Sidious Epstein didn't kill himself.