User blog:Jella141/The Doctor vs Rick Sanchez - Historical Epic Rap Battles



The Doctor vs Rick Sanchez is the ninth installment of Historical Epic Rap Battles and the ninth episode of Season 1. It features title character and protagonist of the long-running BBC science fiction television programme Doctor Who, t h e D o c t o r, rapping against fictional character from the American animated television series Rick and Morty, Rick Sanchez , in a battle of the genius beings who travel the universe.

Intro










Battle
[Note: ''For the rappers, the Ninth Doctor is in gray, Rick Sanchez and Tiny Rick are in light blue , the Tenth Doctor is in brown , Pickle Rick is in dark green , the Eleventh Doctor is in purple , and the Twelfth Doctor is in red. The Council of Ricks individually are in different shades of gold ( Riq IV, Zeta Alpha Rick , Quantum Rick , Rick Prime , Ricktiminus Sancheziminius , and Maximums Rickimus ), while they are in regular text when rapping together. For the cameos, Morty Smith is in yellow, Armagheadon is in light orange , and Cornvelious Daniel is in light green .'']

Ninth Doctor:
(Beat starts at 0:31)

The sonic detects an imperfect carbon copy: Doc 's reject twin!

Extract this mad scientist from his lab; place him in the loony bin!

Always endangering Morty; your caretaking practices are immoral!

Split this cranky lank in two; get walked through like your portals!

Haven't aged one bit! Fantastic, isn't it? I'm still in my prime,

Whilst you've more lines on your forehead than the wrinkles in time!

Fixing paradoxes with ease; you flop at keeping your family intact!

I'm the Doctor. I save people, although I'm killing it on this track!

Rick Sanchez:
(0:58)

Whatever, Turd Lord. Y-You've a sonic screw or two loose yourself.

Aw geez, Rick. Maybe y-you should, I-I dunno, not pick a fight or else—

Or else what, Morty?! L-L-Listen, Morty! He reeks of *urp* shitty plots!

Speaking of shits, gonna go take one, but first, SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT!

Get Schwifty with the kids! I'm hip; you're old news! Check the ratings!

Drop Szechuan bars; you'll crave more like, "This shit is fucking amazing!"

Y-You're a sick fuck! 2,000 years old and sucking face with chicks!

Wubba lubba dub-dub, bitch! Make way for *urp* PICKLE RIIIIICK!



Tenth Doctor:
(1:25)

Blimey! Your childish retort lacks brilliance! Let's go! Allons-y!

Don't blink! Don't even blink! Spit faster than the eye can see!

The Master's moniker would suit me on the mic against this amateur!

The TARDIS ' translation couldn't even process such drunken slurs!

I'm delectable; you're Dalek -table, despised throughout the galaxy!

Possess less empathy than Krombopulos, murdering others casually!

Well, perhaps you'd fancy my second heart; you're without one at all!

Stepped out on your daughter for 14 years without one phone call!



Pickle Rick:
(1:53)

Christ, he's worse than the first. I thought Jerry was unbearable.

Butter Bot's served me better! I-I mean, fuck, *urp* that was terrible!

Both hearts broke for Rose! Oh shit, my condolences… psych!

Least you still got Martha. Wait, she left! Donna? Oh right, mind wiped!

I'd say steer clear from me, b-but your piloting skills are unsatisfactory!

That blue box is bigger inside?! I've a universe in my fucking battery!

Murdered a sewer of rats, bitch! Pickle Rick can take any prick in a brawl!

Since you find babies so tasty, y-you can *urp* lick, lick, lick my balls!



Eleventh Doctor:
(2:20)

That pickle schtick's overrated, simply an outdated meme!

Geronimo! Been on the BBC since '63; I own the sci-fi scene!

Take a lesson from the trendy-attire expert: lab coats aren't cool!

Your stutter's unsuited for spitting; only thing flowing from you's drool!

Constantly corrupt Morty's mentality; he's either mortified or disgusted!

I blend together with every companion similar to fish fingers and custard!

Question my prowess as a pilot? You tend to fly intoxicated a ton!

Lost track of all the bad apples I've sent fleeing! Basically, run.



Tiny Rick:
(2:48)

Guess who can also rejuvenate, bitch?! Tiny Rick's in the house!

W-Why are you staring at me like that?! Help me! LET ME OUT!

Ahem. A minor glitch. Where were we? That's right. Y-You suck ass!

Won't be smelling victory, I'm afraid, just the stench of my flatulent gas!

Another dis is what the Doctor ordered! Preferred you dead on Trenzalore!

Your show's a fucking snore! I've got gore; t-that's the shit fans adore!

Gave River Song your schlong! She's been Amy's baby all along?! Gross!

Who could fear a dude whose name's revelation scares him the most?!



Twelfth Doctor:
(3:15)

Fear these eyebrows! One glance, and you'll be shaking in your shoes!

Took self-harm to another level; decimated a whole citadel of yous!

My predecessors fought well; now the Oncoming Storm rains down Hell!

Bent on substances to suppress the endless depression you can't quell!

Solid bars? You've come into contact with them once: whilst locked-up!

Drown out your babble with a guitar riff! Seriously, shuttity up up up!

Season 4 awaits you; it'll take a further two years to see what's in store!

Am I a good man? Just ask the Time Lords. Gallifrey falls no more!



Council of Ricks:
(3:43)

Order, order, or-*uuurp*-der! The Council of Ricks is in session, Doc!

Charged of insulting our name, with multiple counts of being a cock!

Not to mention two counts of theft: stole a TARDIS twice from Gallifrey!

How do you plead? Guilty, I'd expect! W-What's that? Nothing to say?

It's rinse and repeat: you die and keep coming back like Mr. Meeseeks!

Restoring law and order! Drop a gavel smackdown to your ass cheeks!

Think we'll go soft now that you're a woman? We dish justice and burns!

Sentence you to the *urp* Machine of Unspeakable Doom! Court's adjourned!

Poll
Who Won? The Doctor Rick Sanchez