User blog:Hippie Rat/Spider-Man vs Hugh Hefner

Hey yo hi hello

Fancy seeing you here. I'm quite ecstatic that you're here to view my most recent blog. Or maybe you're reading this after a different blog came out. No matter. You may notice a strange text pattern I'm taking on right now. That's mainly just because I've been watching a fair amount of Monty Python recently, possibly for an upcoming battle, possibly not, although I would gamble it's more of the previous thought. All of my YouTube input over the past week has been TEDtalks, Numberphile, Monty Python, Game Grumps, and as of a few nights ago FNaF: Sister Location, all of which isn't the best combination in terms of trying to wrap my mind around each other well enough but I'll be damned if I'm not being entertained. I haven't done too much rap battle writing recently, I've spent the past couple days focused on the rap battle reviews series I began the other day with my review of VGRB's Freddy Fazbear vs. Slenderman, in which I do compensate for lack of real Hippie Rat's Battle Raps posts with rewrites of the battles I review, should they need them (as most of them will, considering I want the reviews to be for bad rap battles). I'm currently considering treatment for the cancer being produced by watching Animeme's MLP vs Pokémon over and over (or at least treatment for that dull pain behind my eyeballs).

Also, one of my best-written battles so far, my version of Freddy Fazbear vs Slender Man, just got a lyric update. Now it's gone from fucking awesome then abruptly fucked up by a weird ending to fucking awesome with a nice finisher. Check it out here!

What's that? Me? Writing for Princess Leia? In one of User:Iamthelegion's battles? You're reading too deep into this stuff.

But enough about other shit, here's this shit. It's the swingers. You know the one. The suggestion everyone hates. Hugh Hefner, he made Playboy, vs Spider-Man, whom is Spider-Man. Both are publicized, both are icons to young males, I am so fucking tired.

I'm literally falling asleep writing this. Like, my eyes are one-eighth of the way open. I'm just going to post this. Here you go guys. Have fun.



Lyrics
Announcer:

Epic Rap Battles of History! Hugh Hefner vs Spider-Man ! Begin!

Spider-Man:

I spit sick sticky strings from my wrist,

That'll thwip that sickly sticky current of jizz,

'Cause an impotent swinger gets dissed,

When he quips a journalist and his mutated alias!

I'm famous; I'm rocking blockbusters,

While you're getting your rocks off to big busts and trash off the gutters.

Dude, there's lots of juicy details seen in the centerfold:

Like what girl gets down and dirty with, like, ninety-year-olds?

You're an old wrinkled mess, I'm gold, nimble, the best!

I'm quick to flip over jests thanks to my spider sense!

TV and movies got that comic book market amped,

Magazines are dead and you're next, gramps.

Hugh Hefner:

So you got that skin-tight suit, which, I must say, looks great on you,

But you're not the only swinger hanging around in his underoos.

That's your friendly neighborhood Playboy Man with them hot bunny girls and the ching-cha-ching,

And the power to get more than just your spidey senses tingling.

So, you've been berated for shameless dancing while wearing alien blackface?

If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were auditioning for the lead in Swan Lake.

I got complex sophisticated babes all up on my yacht,

While you're still shocked from before Gwen fell down that clock.

I'm of the celebrated elderly, just ahead of your beloved Stan Lee,

A veteran educated in high life, I'm the OG Gatsby.

I want a spider that'll attract magazine buyers through kiosk windows,

So bring me more pictures of Black Widow!

I pop and lock on Doc Ock and rock on Green Goblins,

You're a scared little boy when facing your villains.

Peter Parker picked a fight against the Playboy pimp for puns,

And is just jealous 'cause he never actually had a dad to steal his secret stash from.

Spider-Man:

So you're also a household name when it comes to the kiddies?

Guess that's because with great power cums great response to titties.

I fought Macho Man and Molten Man, so Old Man will be a cinch,

Especially since he's a senile twit with tweezers for holding his inch.

I mean, you got your Playmates pretending to get it on before noon,

So you can pump, puff, and get to sleep soon, you old prune.

And you can't say a thing about supervillain hesitance,

When you fear calling the nurse concerning a pill's four-hour phallus.

Hugh Hefner:

You know, minus your impressive aggression, Hef's blessed by your presence,

A nice...spry little spider, ripe with adolescence.

Curiosity's pulling down your spandex, so let's find out,

How it feels when the itsy-bitsy spider goes to town on my water spout.

Announcer:

Who won? Who's next? You Decide! Epic Rap Battles of History!

Polls
Who won? Spider-Man Hugh Hefner

Who's next? Simon and Garfunkel vs Hall and Oates William Shakespeare vs Monty Python