User blog:TP87/TP reviews ERB Episode 4: George Washington vs William Wallace

Hi guys and welcome to the 4th episode of TP reviews ERB! In this one, I'll review George Washington vs William Wallace. So, as the Announcer says, BEGIN!

Characters and connection
One one side we have the 1st American President George Washington (NicePeter), while on the other side we have Revolutionary leader William Wallace (EpicLloyd)

Connection: Revolutionary leaders, with one slight difference: Washington was successful in his revolution, while Wallace failed.

George Washington:
There's a difference between you and me, Willy!

I fought 'till I was actually free, Willy!

I got my face on a quarter.

You got drawn and quartered.

Tortured on the orders of a king, really?

How'd you get beat by a dude named Longshanks?

You hot dogged and he cut off your bean franks!

I'm money like a national bank.

Ain't nobody more street than Big G

Stone face with a grill of sheep teeth!

A Mel Gibson movie is your legacy!

I got a state and a day and a DC.

Stroke, roll up in a boat,

(Stroke) you're sleeping, cut your throat,

(Stroke) I watch the blood flow, now who's got that red coat?

(I didn't like the beginning a lot, mostly because I don't like when they use the same word to rhyme, although the Free Willy pun was nice. The rest of the verse is mostly Washington comparing himself to Wallace while dissing him. I really liked the last 3 verses because of the flow)

William Wallace:
Look at ya in your little blousy outfit,

Looking like a stiffer white dick than your monument!

I'll knock you the fuck out, mate, you died owning slaves, I died setting men free (Scot free!)

That's the Highland way, this powdered prick couldn't beat me in a foot race!

I was emasculated, eviscerated, I had my head chopped off and they put it on a pike!

And I still find time to bust a Gaelic rhyme,

And rip your Yankee Doodle arse on the mic!

I'll knock your face off your moola, Alba gu bràth (Gu bràth!) Hoo-rah! (Hoo-rah!)

Founding father but no children,

Crossed the Delaware but your soldiers can't swim!

That's Washington, such a shite tactician.

The fucking British Army didn't even want him.

I'm Wallace! And I'm flawless!

Stay hid in your office or suffer great losses!

I pop my kilt, strap my sword in my hilt, step on the battlefield and I'm ready to kill!

Send all you politicians straight down to hell!

The only Washington I trust is Denzel!

(The bagpipes in the beginning are perfect, and Wallace starts out pretty well. I used to think that this verse was much longer than Washington's, but the difference is just 1 line. In this verse, Wallace compares himself to Washington as well, but he actually uses more disses. The last 3 lines, although the last one was nice, felt kinda meh for me. I thought the verse should've ended with "Stay hid in your office or suffer great losses!". I also liked the use of the word "shite")

'''We're in the middle of the battle now. IMO it's a tie so far, with Wallace having the disses and Washington having the flow. Let's see if one of them manages to get the upper hand'''

George Washington:
Is that the best you got for me?!

I chop down an emcee like a cherry tree!

See, power! That's what the meaning of my flag is!

Your nation's famous for golf and haggis!

I'm fabulous from my head to my shoe buckle!

Step to me, you catch a knee to the moose knuckle!

'Cause I know you don't wear no draws,

I'm dressed like a pimp, best moves at the ball.

McGlavin, McGliven, McSchool you all!

Cock block more Scots than Hadrian's Wall!

(You can see Washington pretty angrier in this verse. He compares himself to Wallace a lot less times here, while doing some more bragging. The "McSchool" line was awesome, as well as the "Hadrian's Wall" one)

William Wallace:
I don't give a shite 'bout your fancy clothes!

You whipped all of those out of slave black folks.

Grew weed, then you made hemp rope

But if you think you'll beat me, you must be having a smoke!

No joke! Don't tee off with me, laddy,

If you held my balls, you couldn't be my caddy!

My style's ice cold, yours is old and shabby.

You're the father of your country, but I'm your daddy!

(The only lines I liked here were the "caddy" one, the "smoke" one and the last one. The others were kinda meh for me. The ending was also kinda awkward, because I expected Wallace to rap more, given his flow and tempo in this verse. You could say I didn't see it coming)

What I liked and what I didn't like
What I liked What I didn't like:
 * The graphics, costumes and make-up
 * The beat (nothing special, except for the bagpipes, but it's okay)
 * Lots of culture and history in this one
 * The rappers' flow
 * Washington kinda sounded like Abe Lincoln
 * Wallace's first verse should've ended earlier

The Winner
I'm giving this one to Washington due to his better flow and hilariousness, although Wallace came pretty close

Lines that made him win:

Stroke, roll up in a boat,

(Stroke) you're sleeping, cut your throat,

(Stroke) I watch the blood flow, now who's got that red coat?

Your nation's famous for golf and haggis!

McGlavin, McGliven, McSchool you all!

Cock block more Scots than Hadrian's Wall!

End
So guys, here ends the 4th episode of my blog. Feel free to leave a comment below. See ya in the next episode :D!