User blog:Dark Cyan/Cyan's Rap Battles 13: Commander Shephard vs The Boss

(This battle was written on the 30th of April last year. Quite a long time since the previous one, I know. I was going though a pretty rough time with University and such, but I still wanted to keep writing raps, so that I shouldn't go out of practice. I forced myself to write this one, and I'm not terribly proud of it, but it got a fairly warm reception on facebook, so I'm putting it here anyway. I promise you the next one will make up for it :3)

CYAN'S RAP BATTLES!



VS.



Boss: Ey yo!

Third Street Saints!

BEGIN!

Boss: I chose the thug life, Shep! Rap music runs in my blood!

Became president of the U.S. but never turned my back on the hood.

You wanna diss me? Then you must have a diet of lead!

Because everybody who fucks with me ALWAYS ends up dead!

Like Los Carnales, Sons of Samedi, Luchadores,

The Morningstar, Ronin, Rollerz, and Ultor

The Vice Kings, The Brotherhood, and even the Deckers!

Mess with the Saints and we’ll turn you into an actual Spectre!

Shepard: You better call up every single one of your homies.

I’ll still beat you all with just a party of three, and no Unity.

I swear to stay Paragon because I’m just plain above this gangster.

But being paired with you is making me see red with anger.

You can get anything you want, except a damn name!

Or are you too busy sellout out and going mad with fame?

Slapping gang signs on kid’s lunchboxes like you’re devoid of shame?!

You’ve gone soft, man! I don’t expect you to survive this game.

Boss: Treating you like an equal’s more awkward than your speech is.

I’ll just storm the Normandy and fight you on your be-atches.

I should call you ‘silly rabbit’ cuz your girls ain’t shit but hoes and trix.

You don’t have any personality, but I have six of them, bitch!

Don’t expect me to survive? Think I’m a sellout just cuz my shit sells,

Mr. “I’m Commander Shepard and this is my favourite store on the citadel”?

I survived an exploding boat and more glock shots than even the cops got!

Walked away the saviour of humanity LIKE A BAWS!

Shepard: What kind of ‘saviour of humanity’ lets the Earth get destroyed?

Then jacks into the Matrix and treats it like its one big toy?

It’s disgusting! I gave up my own life to save the Universe!

I’m not even going to call you a hero! That notion’s ludicrous!

And man, I could take out Zinyak with one arm tied behind my back.

I even beat Captain Kirk’s record of alien babes in the sack!

I pack enough firepower to set Steelport aglow!

I’ll get Renegade on your ass!...I should go.

Boss: ...That was a terrible ending! Not the first time you’ve been told that, I bet! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!!!!!

WHO WON? Commander Shephard The Boss