User blog:TKandMit/Edgar Allan Poe vs Eminem

I am back, and with a new rap battle! Today, poetry's "tormented artist", Edgar Allan Poe faces off against the most menacing MC, Eminem, to see who can emerge as the true writer of horror.

Cast
Nice Peter as Eminem

George Watsky as Edgar Allan Poe

Jordan Peele as Dr. Dre (cameo)

The Beat
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jMUUBbg_IfY

The Battle
EEEEEEEEEPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!

'EM! IN! EM!'

VERSUS...

EEEEEDGAR ALLAN POOOOOEEE!!!

BEGIN!

Eminem (0:11-0:29):

Look, if you had, one shot, or one opportunity,

to throw this insane little bitch out of my home city,

I'd take the hell outta that chance and beat you to the Same Song and Dance,

despite all your rants, and no, your moody ass can't trick me into a Cask!

I might not be nice to my family, but I never fucked my own cousin,

and I've read all your books, you think that scares me? It doesn't,

because really, you're an anti-social freak plagued with TB,

going against me is a deathwish, meet The Real Slim Shady.

Poe (0:32-1:11):

Usually, I would not waste my time, but as you would say, "Fuck it."

Let's see the hoodrat rapper take on the man of Nantucket.

I have already convinced myself, for I seek not to convince,

this ridiculous man that possesses no intelligence,

from battling against the darkest poet of all time,

while all he has is his damned 'Analytical Mind'

These lines I spit will make one choke as you try to make,

any sense in your gibberish, suffocate you, so Stay Wide Awake.

You believe you best me? You make others insane, just like Stan,

Marshall, is it? If you're "The King", than surely you must have a plan,

oh, I apoligize, I forgot, you are the "Rap God",

Must I laugh at that? Good, because I can not.

Predictable and icompetent, is this Mister Mathers,

for when it comes to this genre, I simply am the master,

Go now, run home and Tattle-Tell  me on your dad, you bastard.

Eminem (1:15 - 1:34)

Pfft, big deal, my family didn't die from a sickness,

And I don't keed, I keed, you're first on my hitlist,

If only you weren't dead and put into the pavement,

Dancin' on your grave, to the music of a Rave-n.

And I do know something about you,

you went to U o V,  that's a strict school,

and "Mister Nantucket" followed no rules,

And now I've grown up, to realize you're just lucid,

You write on papers, it takes one take for me to make music.

Poe (1:37-2:00)

Ahah, that's all you've got? Your chances are so Slim,

Now, don't pout around for help from Dre, everyone's forgotten him,

Take a break from rap again, never return, "forevermore",

everyone's grown bored, and it's not 2003 anymore.

No one gets mad at me when their kids read my books,

because I poetically and officially give the real spooks,

Not just curse and make note of an Evil Twin,

Now move aside, my football team has got games to win.

WHO WON?!

WHO'S NEXT?!

EPIC RAP-seriously though, Eminem was in this!-

....BATTLES OF HISTORY!!!