User blog:WonderPikachu12/Heihachi Mishima vs Homer Simpson. Epic Rap Battles: Video Games vs History Season 3



Whoops, sorry for the delay, guys. Lots of stuff happened this past month, but I'm still pushing thrugh on writing.

This would've been a good Father's Day battle, but I don't wanna wait that long, so rip that.

It's about time I used another fighting game character, though, huh? Congrats to the AWC who figured out I was using him! Too bad you guys couldn't figure out his opponent.

I'm a big Simpsons fan. Not even going to try keeping this a secret. Love the show to death. It has it's off moments, it's not 100% flawless, this is obvious. But it's always had a very special play in my heart that I will forever cherish. And Homer Simpson is my favorite character from the show for sure. Thusly, I'd been trying to push a battle with Homer Simpson in my series for a good long while now. Unfortunately, as big and deep a character as he is, there isn't much about him that strongly relates him to any video game characters aside from him being a notoriously bad dad, and "bad dads" is something that can relate to a lot of video game characters, and either they were characters who had better match-ups or who weren't as defined as being "dads" as Homer.

However, then Bran suggested this to me. It still pertains to them as fathers while also going in deeper, in relation to family abuse and their sons. And at first I wasn't sure about Heihachi, since the whole "bad dads" trope can apply to a lot of characters, but that's very heavily implemented in Heihachi's character more so than I've seen it in others, plus that theme is one of the main things Homer's known for, so I think it works. It's not a perfect match-up, but it gave me a wonderful excuse to push Homer into this series, while also finally really tapping into Tekken after using Heihachi's bear, Kuma. Kinda funny how both Tekken characters I've used are not only connected to each other, but also were both only used because I wanted to use their opposing cartoon counterpart. Truly amazing.

Okay, obviously that's not the only reason why I used Heihachi, I also wanted to make up for the shit that was Sub-Zero's and Kuma's battles, both rushed, and Kuma's only done because I wanted to be the first to use We Bare Bears in a rap battle. So here, I'm going to use Heihachi to the absolute best of my abilities, flesh out his raps and make him great.

And I would like to thank Stoff for both aiding in my research of Heihachi as well as reviewing the battle, as well as aiding in a line idea for a cameo! He was a great help in this battle and I wouldn't be able to make it as solid as I think it is without him.

Stay tuned for more battles this season. I've got a Christmas off-season coming up, hopefully another VGvH battle before the month ends, and possibly a new Series battle this month!

'Main antagonist of the Tekken franchise, Heihachi Mishima, and father of his titular family The Simpsons, Homer Simpson, duke it out in a battle of abusive, aggressive fathers.'

PROLOGUE:

The next contestant approached Bowser’s throne. The king let out a sigh, glad that another villain was finally approaching for their battle after too long of a wait since Wario stumbled out. And he was quite glad to see it was a true villain at that, not the joke villains that approached for the last several send-outs. Heihachi Mishima stood before him, a man Bowser could relate to. Except for the son-killing thing, not so much there. “Heihachi!” Bowser bellowed with pride, standing up from his throne to greet the fighter before him. Heihachi didn’t respond, folding his arms. “...right, right.”

“Watashi wa kore no tame no jikan ga arimasen. Watashi no aite wa daredesu ka?”

Bowser’s blood ran cold, dangerous for a reptile such as himself. He couldn’t understand this guy- he was speaking from a Western translation! After a loong, very awkward pause, Bowser stuttered out a response, “Uhhh… S-so. You’re opponent… Just, uh, just go to the portal.” Bowser’s arm lifted up and his claw pointed down the hallway once more. Heihachi looked in the direction he pointed, then back at him. Then, just out of nowhere, Heihachi punched Bowser’s square in his snout.

The king was sent flying back, but it was only a foot back as he crashed into his throne. His spikes stuck to the throne, he began calling out frantically for Koopa Troopas to come to his aid and pry him free. It’s not the first time he’s ended up stuck like this, he’d never admit, but being knocked into the throne left him considerably more stuck than usual. Heihachi turned and walked off without a word as Koopas rushed to Bowser’s side with crowbars in hand.

---

“Maaaarge! Where are my ties? I need to go to work!”

“When was the last time you even wore a tie to work?”

“I don’t know, I’m just looking for an excuse to not go yet.” Homer Simpson, having searched all around their bedroom, made his way down the entryway staircase and into the living room as his wife Marge cleaned around upstairs. “Where’s the boy? He probably hid them.”

“He’s at school already!”

“D’oh!”

And unbeknownst to Homer, Bart was at school with a box of his ties, in the midst of tying them together for his next prank. But that would have to wait, because, as Homer searched around underneath the couch cushions, Bowser’s portal ripped right open behind him and out stepped Heihachi. The crackling of the portal opening and closing would get Homer’s attention. He stood up and turned around, letting out a deafening scream as Heihachi quickly threw a punch at him. Homer managed to fall to the side in an attempt to dodge, before crawling away frantically. “Maaarge! I think one of dad’s friends is here, and he is on a loooot of pills.”

“Which one?”

“I don’t know, I think the Jewish one who doesn’t have a name.”

Heihachi clenched his fists, charging for another punch. “Watashinonamaeha mishima heihachidesu. Watashi wa anata o korosu tame ni koko ni kimashita.”

Homer paused for a moment, processing what Heihachi said, before calling back up to Marge, “...no, wait, he’s Japanese, not Jewish! My mistake!” Heihachi struck Homer with a punch, sending him rolling back along the floor. “Owww…” He groaned, straggling himself to his feet. “Look, I think if we just took the time, we could use our words.”

“Damare! Shinu!”

Homer just barely managed to duck as another punch sent his way broke the family piano. “I mean, I should be able to understand you.” Another punch sent Homer crashing against the wall, groaning but shaking it off. “Usually wherever we go, the language there is automatically translated to English to make it more convenient for us, so I’m not sure what the issue here is.”

Heihachi finally stopped, fists clenched with a growling snarl. “Anata wa hanashi o tsudzuketaidesu ka? Sore ga watashitachi ga tatakau hōhōdesu!”

“Those are a lot of long words. I feel like someone just used Google Translate for all of this and I’m kind of worried about what all of this is actually translated to,” muttered a concerned Homer, before another punch was thrown his way.

(Starts at 0:12)

EPIC RAP BATTLES: VIDEO GAMES VS HISTORY



VS



BEGIN!

Heihachi Mishima:

(0:23)

Do not disappoint me. I'll be swift with your death, it's true.

Fear me! My raps erupt, just like the volcano I'll drop you into!

I'll choke this man by his blue-collar, as if he was his son,

And I think everyone will agree that it's time for the end of the Simpsons.

You're an intoxicated idiot, who couldn't hold up his own in a fight,

Resorted to a punching bag both physically and for the right.

I’m cunning, brilliant, and cruel! You’re more moronic than Paul.

Try to step up to the King of Iron Fist and I’ll shatter you like the fourth wall!

I'm spitting colder than a snowball, while you're just Santa's little helper,

And as I drop rap bombs, you’ll need to actually get that bomb shelter.

You make sure kids never respect their elders, looked down on by everyone in your county.

Tekken Force you out of this bout before you can even think to Mr. Plow me.

Homer Simpson:

(0:45)



Something was said… not good… What was it?

''He was trying to rap.... Haha, he really couldn’t spit...''

But there was something he said, something that didn’t quite fit...

''He mocked me for strangling my son? But that’d make him a...*gasp* hypocrite!''

Why you little… How dare you mock me for my son?! I take care of mine!

You must see me like a brother, since you want to kill your whole bloodline!

But this Herb will be kicked to the curb! I'll be quick with this shift,

When I deny you the win just like if it was your own citizenship!

You're only trying to kill your family, because you're no longer relevant.

You’ve been lost, replaced and forgotten by everyone in Tekken.

I can beat you any way and how! I can even do it sober! (Wooow...)

And your chances of winning this battle? I'd say it's all Ogre now.

Heihachi Mishima:

(1:20)

We're both hitting it big with the All-Stars, but people walk all over your name! (D'OH!)

Gaining success with every release, while you've only ever had one good game!

My power is infinite, indefinite, unlimited. I’m bending benders and girders,

And burning you so bad, it’s called death by third degrees murder.

Homer Simpson:

(1:43)

Looks like you really need Jebus! You've got, like, five years left on your life!

Go back to getting beat up by the Street Fighter guy who went and fucked your wife!

You married a Devil in disguise, but the only one who ever loved you was a bear.

It's time that you at long last leave Springfield, 'cause you aren't welcome there!

Heihachi Mishima:

(1:43)

You need to work on some coherent lines, while I don't plan to waste mine.

I'm expanding my strength and mind, while you're just expanding your waistline.

I’d rather stick to Shelbyville anyways; you’re sour like your lemon tree, bro.

You’re from a show so bad, I’d rather eat your shorts from Tracey’s show.

Homer Simpson:

(1:43)

Kids, say bye to grampa, I'm taking him back to the Retirement Castle,

Because facing this old geezer in a rap battle just isn't worth the hassle!

Couldn’t duke with me in deep space, please! I’ve got experience up in the sky!

You want to rule the world AND have world peace? Yeah, I don’t believe that lie!

Heihachi Mishima:

(1:43)

You've d'ohed and choked on your food, spitting more arrogance than your elephant!

While I think it’s unanimous that my rapping has been truly - e x c e l l e n t !

Homer Simpson:

(1:43)

You can mock me as fat all you want, but I still reign supreme here!

I mean, hey, this isn't the first time you got beat out by a yellow sphere!

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?



EPIC RAP BATTLES-

(Homer's car crashes into the logo, sending it flying, before it quickly flies back in.)

...viiiIIIDEOGAMESVSHISTORYYYYYYY!!

EPILOGUE:

Very shortly afterwards, another scream rang out as Heihachi threw a punch at Homer, the latter quickly fleeing the house. Heihachi ran after him quickly, but Homer had managed to slip into his car and drive off. Heihachi would continue his chase after Homer for a good while, before tiring and resting from the chase.

Mario and Dr. Frankenstein would wander through the strange town of Springfield, but would not witness the battle that took place within the Simpsons household. However, at one point, Mario would bump into Heihachi on his search for Homer, the two doing battle before Heihachi was left unconscious for the police to later detain. Then the duo hurried off out of the town to their next destination, wherever that may take them.

Who won? Heihachi Mishima Homer Simpson

Here's a hint for the next battle:

TBA

Hints for this battle explained:

Fire Flower - The Fire Flower is known as a "power-up". Additionally, it's a plant. Power-up, plant. Power plant. Homer Simpson works at a power plant. A bit of a cheap one, but I liked it.

The Sims' WooHoo symbol - A reference to one of Homer Simpson's many catchprases, "Woo-hoo!" Additionally. Sims can be a reference to The "Sim"psons, and The Sims vs The Simpsons was something I had temporarily considered.

Crazy pets - Heihachi has owned to bears, Kuma and Kuma II, and the Simpsons family have owned a number of odd pets as well such as an elephant and two horses.

Iron Fist - A reference to both the Japanese name of Tekken, "Iron Fist", and the tournament featured in the series, the King of Iron Fist Tournament, which has been sponsored by Heihachi Mishima four times.

The World Martial Arts Tournament - Another reference to the King of Iron Fist Tournament.

Broken Family - Part of the connection between both rappers revolves around them being a part of very dysfuntional, broken families, Heihachi especially.

Zui quan - Zui quan stands for "drunken fist", which is a type of martial arts that is meant to imitate the style of a drunkard. This references both Homer's alcoholism and the general martial arts of Tekken.