User blog comment:Icey778/Rap Battles of Excellence Redux 19: Light Yagami vs Devil's Diary/@comment-25070213-20170712164334/@comment-25070213-20170712174122

As for criticisms on the un-chiselled version of it:

1. It's nice to have a train of thought in the rap that you get your point across before moving to the next topic. Such as Light's first verse, it goes from "I'll kill you" to "You suck" then back to "I'll kill you" Imo it's better if it went "You suck" to "I'll kill you" so that the message is clearer and it doesn't feel repetitive.

2. Considering you don't use a beat, I suggest having a similar length in your lines so that the flow doesn't suddenly switch and the reader has to adjust what they were originally going with as they can't really think of it the same way you do

3. Avoid generic rather obvious call-outs like "Heather you cause the world to be hellish"

I don't know, it feels like a rather odd and blunt line for my taste like "Joker you are fucking insane" like yeah okay, yes... now what?