User blog:SoothSaiyaman!/Beethoven vs Tchaikovsky By Dennis Gets Chiselled!

yo

I was originally finna let Dennis rest with the first comment alone

But then he responded by coming out and saying that he was an asshole! So that's great! Also, he then continued his assholish behaviour by answering comment selectively! And also I'm bored! So this is cool! Besides, I had a negative persuasion towards him after he knifed Icey in the back without telling him - at least when I did it, it was to his fucking face.

Let's start with the matchup - it's a confrontation between Tchaikovsky, a Russian composer, generally considered by the proponents of Classic vs Modern music matchups to be the natural step after Bach, a man who I personally would like to see rapping against Haydn in ERB, against Beethoven, the first composer to have appeared in ERB, a German composer who alongside Mozart constitutes the two most famous and influential composers in history. Both of them have crafted amazing intellectual and thought-provoking works of beauty and genius, so surely they'd both be working from intellectual lines, yes? Further, one being debatably the most famous German composer, what with Mozart being Austrian, and Tchaikovsky the same for Russia, I'm sure this will have some form of relevant characterisation of nationality and first langugae, or reference to their homelands and their impact upon them? Such things just seem natural with such a matchup, as I'm sure you'd agree.

Also, a quick reply to the most assholish thing Dennis said: "Have you ever thought there's a chance you might be looking far too deep in a fanmade rap battle?" Hey, good to see that you're fucking peachy with insulting an entire medium, including my work, denigrating its status on the basis of its medium. You, sir, are a terrible fucking person for implying that. Fuck you. I take this seriously, I have friends who literally make their money off of making these, and if you don't - then don't fucking do it. Or at least have the common fucking decency not to insult an entire medium simply because you're too immature and lazy to work within it seriously.

Can't fucking wait for him to denigrate Overwatch with a rap battle series dedicated to not taking it seriously and not interacting with the source material. Judging by the contents of this battle, I'd actually be more surprised by him playing Overwatch than not, given he's decided to make that series.

Line-By-Line:
Dennis' Rap Battles! (Probably going to avoid saying this again because it's generally true for most people BUT: This is a stupid series name.)

Beethoven!

VS!

Tchaikovsky!

(Why would you spell out the announcer without title cards? Or even trying to add the inflection by repeating soft consonants or vowels? Also, where's "Begin"?)

Beethoven:

(Just want to point out that he doesn't call him Ludwig van Beethoven in the verse brackets despite calling him so in the introduction and spelling Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky out for both of his verse brackets. The inconsistent formatting is simply a result of laziness.)

German VS Russian, this should be fantastic.

(This line is stupid, generic, and is supposed to capitalize on some non-existent impression of rappers in the battle. Jap also commented that, but Dennis of course in his general being an absolute asshole to anyone who doesn't just suck his dick in the comments deigned to ignore that part.)

Attacking the master who puts the classic in classic!

(But if you're rapping first, and he hasn't rapped, how do you know he's going to attack you? Because you don't. Also, this line is stupid. Why is he the master? Why did he put classic in classic? Will it be expanded upon? Not... really? This battle more focuses around disses and filler than disses and brags like a battle should though it does have some. This entire first couplet should have been removed or rewritten upon the most basic of proof-reading.)

If your work is a sign of how you approach rapping,

(Then surely the method of how he created his music rather than something completely unrelated to the words "how you approach" would be raised, right? Also, the grammar on this is wonky.)

then I'd be depressed too if I had such mediocre talent!

(Uh... you moved the styling of the couplet entirely, shifted the perspective, and in a way that was entirely disjointed and agrammatical. Also, what makes his talent mediocre? Will you substantiate your generic claims? No? Well, I guess you could always be competent and not write filler but heyyyyyyyyy.)

This is Beethoven's Hot Rap No1: Who's the better rhymer?

(Why? Why is it Hot? Does Ludwig seem like the type of person, both historically and in the context of this battle, who would use "Hot" to describe rap? What about his relationship with others, such as Mozart, would indicate to you that he would be the type to seek out "Who's the better rhymer"? Because I feel like it's nothing.)

I think it's the high o-G battling A Minor!

(This is clever and I love it, though the rhyme means that it was linked to a less cool pun on notes than if it had been another one. Flat jokes, for example. Also known as flachwitze, in Deutsch, which means puns. Also, why does Beethoven "think" this? Finally, if this was intended to follow on from the previous line's concept... why is it a comparison of the rappers rather than a statement regarding it?)

A triplet of composers, Mozart, Bach and me!

(This follows on from some previous concept, the use of impersonal pronouns such as "a" and the grammatical structure indicate that, but... I don't see any evidence of such a thing being proposed.)

So do me a favor and get off-sky Tchaikovsky!

(What does this have to do with the previous line for the word "So" to make sense? Also, why is he telling Tchaikovsky to masturbate?)

Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky:

I suppose deaf people don't know when to shut up.

(But Beethoven wasn't born deaf? ALso, he had eight lines, and you follow this up with having eight lines, so uhh... hypocritical, much?)

Went through Three Periods but you seem to be having just one.

(Phrasing!)

This maestro must love the bistro! Two kinds of Mass: songs and lard.

(It's like he thinks maestro and bistro rhyme... This line is intelligent, one of the lines Dennis is really good for, but it suffers from being worded awkwardly.)

I could get a better opponent rapping the damn St. Bernard.

(Ohey a concept taken from ERB used generically and poorly to justify the use of an anachronistic term as the ending word of the previous line. Lazy writing. Just, lazy.)

Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky! At the top of his game!

(Isn't this that iconic "Infinite Source" line where the character says his name or a title then something related to it... wait, no, never mind, the other half is just stupid filler when writing that had been researched whatsoever would have included an actual brag instead of filler.)

Spitting bars that are even more complex than his name!

(hahahahahahahaha this is shit.)

I helped inspire the Five, and here, I'm your lecturer!

(How did you do so, sir, when they disagreed with you? Also, non-classical fans reading this, and I'm half surprised not you writing this, wouldn't know what /Five? is being referred to. Further, if you're a lecturer, why aren't you giving advice of some kind? I'm sure a real author could have thought of something to put there.)

The better orchestrator is the one known by Emperors!

(I'd point this out if it hadn't already been pointed out (and completely ignored by Dennis, being an asshole to people giving constructive criticism, again) by Hank. Critical proof-reading. Also, can you say that in a way in which exactly what you're claiming makes sense? The brag isn't clear... is he saying he's better because he's known or he's known because he's better? Also, Tsars. ERB had Russian lines in its Russian battles, because they're only fairly lazy writers, not very lazy writers.)

Beethoven:

A fat joke? You must be pulling my strings.

(He made that fat joke more than a stanza ago, the fact that you are retorting this now means you ignored the rest of his verse... you made a good choice. "pulling strings" means controlling, you mean pushing buttons or pulling legs. Critical proof-reading.)

If that's the best thing Mr. Maestro here can bring.

(You already had most of a line saying the same effective diss unless calling the maestro a maestro is an insult)

I know Cologne, you need it, plus you're not harmonious.

(Köln. Why are you calling him stinky you haven't said anything about it at all? Also, this line is disharmonious within itself - its got two entirely unrelated concepts bridged without even a suitable conjunction.)

And judging by your work, you should've stayed a civil servant.

(Same thing as before - what about the work? This has a nice concept but a terrible execution based on apparent lack of familiarity with the compositions of either rapper. Also, this didn't rhyme.)

In the romantic period arranging gay pieces.

(Nice lead-in, though the punctuation shouldn't have been a period, but a semi-colon.)

In the meantime, getting frisky with gay pieces!

(The first part of the line should have been worded better but I love the concept and the wordplay of this line. However, this is by far the best functioning couplet in this battle.)

Taught by Haydn, don't be hating, but here's the thing:

(The phrasing of this couplet sounds like he's accusing Tchaikovsky of having been taught by Haydn, which he wasn't, but that's what happens when you fuse two unrelated concepts into one line then have it use one of those concepts to continue onto the next line. Haydn/hating pun is easy and could have been made rather than hinted, ideally. But here's the filler:)

Inspired the Five: Yet they're outstanding compared to what you bring!

(This line uses: punctuation wrong. Also, do you have any lines that conclude why? Are you going to punch holes in his musical methodology or stylings? No? Also, yeah he did but this would have made more sense to retort within eight lines of him actually talking about it...)

Pytor:

(he spelt Pyotr wrong here... also, Tchaikovsky. Or the full name.)

Late quartet? This'll be your last one!

(But uh... you have another quartet after this one... Also, what late quartet are you talking about? I mean, I know, but Tchaikovsky is rapping on this with no context in a response format... So... what's he responding to? Did you scrap a line from the last verse which was a reference to it?)

You'll lose this like the struggle for custody of your son!

(This has some supposed collusion between two concepts - simply of loss. How are the two related? What's the connection you are attempting to draw here? This might have had a cool concept - I can't tell because it's just dropping "oh this traumatic thing happened to you" instead of being intellectual. This is a rap battle, not a RiceGum track.)

Go down the list of your repertoire.

(Author's notes to himself as to research accidentally made it into final script *Ding!*. Seriously, if you had done this, maybe this battle wouldn't be so very fluffy and void.)

Not even one sub-par piece can match my bar!

(Of course, regardless of whether Tchaikovsky might know this, it can be established clearly on the contents of this battle that Dennis does not, given he probably wrote this battle after reading like two paragraphs on Wikipedia. Fucking brilliant. And why his bar, rather than his compositions, which are in competition to his? Fucking brilliant.)

I got hotter sonatas, no more time do you have to go on for.

(I mean you've got three more lines what's stopping Beethoven from interrupting them? This'd actually make some fucking sense if this was the final couplet, but ya boy Dennis doesn't care about construction, ordering or proof-reading.)

I've saved the audience from suffering from your encore.

(But you still have two more lines and he could still interrupt a semi clever concept expressed in two lines even though it'd only be good if it was only one line instead of choking up space, and it'd fit much better as the final line.)

Face it, when it comes to composition,

(Ah, I'm hyped for how you are going to continue on from this line to discuss composition in any way, shape or form.)

it was over from the beginning; can't beat me at this competition!

(Except you fucking didn't. "comes to composition" =/= "this competition". This is one of the worst cases of non sequitur in this battle, because it has a buildup line that is supposed to lead up to a very specific and relevant kind of line that instead follows into a flaming pile of crappy filler that I could find in any other battle between any two characters.)

Chiselled Battle:
Rocking Rap Battles!

Ludwig! Van! Beethoven!

VERSUS!

PYOTR! ILYICH! TCHAIKOVSKYYYYYYYYYYY!

Begin!

Ludwig Van Beethoven:

Deutsch gegen Russisch? Mein freilch, das ist wunderbar!

You'll get the classics from classical's top mark!

Hope your composing methodology doesn't spread to rapping

Don't want you to get depressed again over your mediocre talents!

A recourse to Beethoven's No 1! Which of us the better rhymer?

You know it's the high o-G against the A-flach sharp with minors!

The composing trilogy? Well, that's Mozart, Bach and I!

The Great Tchaikovsky's order falters before my two number 9s!

Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky:

You flew through three periods... was that your fourth?

It seems the deaf rapper intended to create one more!

Pyotr! Because I'm stone sure! Ilyich too ill for a bitch

Tchaikovsky crafts it complex, you may as well compose in English

It was I who inspired the Five, the Tsars demand me

I called Haydn the father, but I'm sure you called him daddy

A maestro ain't nice, yo! And this blyat doubles that

Against a Russky Husky the St Bernard swings his Mass of fats

Ludwig Van Beethoven:

A fat joke? Mister Maestro is just pushing buttons

Plucking strings, playing keys - luck belies your accomplishments

From civil to instrumental servitude - inept and alone

And I know I'm deaf but Für Elise, you need some Köln!

Made it big as a Romantic arranging play pieces

In your free time getting big arranging gay pieces!

Hating on Haydn? You're a hypocrite, Petey!

Brought up the Five but they eclipsed your Seasons!

Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky:

Another late quartet? Let me be your Nutcracker,

You lost your child; you repel your own matter.

I'll blow through your compositions like my 1812:

Generic! Nothing in your magnum opus for a name to sell

While you may have the reputation to propound your name

I've the most iconic compositions in the orchestral game!

Got better sonatas and concertos; Swan Lake? My score.

I've saved the nations from hearing you adlib an encore.

Final Comments:
Fuck the police. ~ Eazy E.

I've been working on a review of a selection of battles by TheInfiniteSource as well but I've been kinda lazy at transcribing the lyrics from his videos, rip. Feel free to suggest other things for me to review.

Dennis, I don't think your battles are bad, I think they're lazy. You have clearly pointed out in your reply, however, that you don't care about rap battles or take them seriously, so my response would be:

"However, if you don't like any of my battles rap battles as an entire medium, like i said, you could stop reading writing them. No one has a gun to your head."

I spent five minutes researching in re-writing this battle. I opened rhymezone once, and Google Translate never.

I don't speak German or Russian, never have spent any time learning it. All of the words I used were common knowledge.

Put a little bit of effort in, fam. That's all I ask.