User blog:UnstableIsotope42/One-Offs - Stuxnet vs Black Death

The first One-Off! Prepare for cringe. One-Offs are little ideas I get like "What if x battled x, that would be funny" (In this case, what if computer viruses fought real viruses) and make into battles. I usually write them, forget them, and move on. I thought I'd share them, y'kow, for giggles.

Here it is, if it's bad, don't be surprised.

ONE-OFFS!

STUXNET VERSUS THE BLACK DEATH!!!!!

BEGIN

===Black Death===

Time to snack down on this European feast.

But first, I need to battle rap a virus living in the Middle East.

Please, I turned the Middle Ages into my midnight snack.

You just lounged around a computer giving false feedback.

I was takin' trips down the silk road.

Now I'm killing ones and zeros like it's Da Vinci's Code.

And I founded the bubonic plague, so yeah, I'm still here.

Once you see my full power, you'll cower in fear!

===Stuxnet===

Please, your disease is clearly flawed.

I'll melt you down quicker than a uranium rod.

You're weak from brushing teeth, and you end like that!

Makes sense for a guy birthed from rats.

I caused blockage of Iran's atomic bombs.

You cause warts and clammy palms.

I'll be hacking you, no matter how strong your fort.

Because I'll be sailing in on your USB Ports.

===Smallpox===

I may be called small, but don't think less of me.

I'll be expanding your way like Manifest Destiny!

Spillin' innards on the Organ Trail.

I'm toxic, you're malicious e-mail.

Cellular celebrity, practically world-famous!

Got my own merchandise, Smallpox Blankets!

Vicious variola, I'm slimy and sleek.

You're too weak, I'll appear in two weeks!

===ILOVEYOU===

Don't take this personal, but IHATEYOU.

Stomping this glorified common flu.

I think everyone knows who did more damage.

Against people with hygiene, you have the disadvantage.

Callin' out this cholera, your plans were bound to fail.

I made the Pentagon shut down their email!

You're a former fever, so you should take heat harmlessly.

I know you're alliterate so you should "Read Carefully!"

===Ebola===

"ILOVEYOU"? This couldn't get any better.

"Aww man, I got hacked by a love letter!"

If I knocked on your door, you still wouldn't know what a plague is.

I'm smooth and spreads like butter, Status: Contagious.

You're digital, I'm physical. I'm actually lethal.

The epic epidemic has killed millions of people.

You computer viruses are just disease posers.

When you get wiped, remember the name: Ebola.

===Cryptoblocker===

Best virus here, making a living off ransoming!

Making billions off of bitcoins I get paid handsomely!

I'll lock up your files, and throw away the key!

Not giving them back until you pay me!

Black Death, you're dependent on rodents and aviary.

Smallpox, you got out shined by dysentery

Ebola, you're outdated with modern medicine.

For such big plagues, this must be embarrassing!

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

I DECIDE!

ONE OFFS!

Who won? Black Death Stuxnet Smallpox ILOVEYOU Ebola Cryptoblocker

You won't decide for One-Offs, sorry...