User blog:Iamthelegion/Confucius vs Jesus Christ

This is a battle that i wrote a while back even for before my block, and the premiere of season two of Freestyle Rap Battles of Blog Revival. Today we have Kung Fuzi, backed up by his main man Yan Hui, against Yeshua, backed up by the first Pope St Peter. The connection is wise teachers who founded religions built out of other ones who were big into discipleship and whose beliefs spawned other sub-religions (for Jesus, Islam and Mormonism, for Confucius, Taoism and Buddhism). I chose Yan Hui because he was Confucius' favourite. Grav looked over this but made no specific comments that I remember, so thanks.

Jesus:

Truly I say to you, I won't be gentle to a Gentile leading flocks astray

You strike a chord with Taoists but I'll show you a better Way!

While we both make disciples who make disciples

Your promulgation is limited by menstrual cycles!

Devotion to me led my believers to Crusades

Your believers only fire off on your New Year's Day!

If you want to talk records, I'll disgrace your witness

Because what's a Spring baby up against Christmas?

Confucius:

Confucius say path most walked is path safest

Not the path supposedly trod by paedophilic rapists!

I'm the beast from the East, and you're just middling

Philosophical dunce given the charities you're pilfering

Your children go to war with themselves because you thought a god of yourself

My ancestors are sated because I'm filiality's paragon and head

Your disciples are illiterate, abandoning office in the moral way

As your three houses collapse I know I'm in the rite today!

St Peter:

This battle will be locked up, the key's the gatekeeper

This gluttonous hypocrite will fall to the feet of St Peter!

The stone will rock and drop you hard as Dwayne Johnson!

Pope of the early church and I'll show you you're wrong, son!

It's my divine inheritance that I have authority over you!

My versing comes in a Dispersion like the Jews!

Don't go Shinto-to-toe on morals under your father's consorts

I could rap you three times before the rooster calls!

Yan Hui:

Master, worry not what these unenlightened claim

We'll preside over this sorry state unlike the moral way

I'm a man in my youth whom will attest of your works

Made a flock exploiting the weakness of the infirm

I could never tire of beating these two lying Galileans

For your own teachings made your disciple scream TREASON!

And the turncoat sycophant couldn't pen his own epistles

I'll war on Israel like Pakistan backed by winding missiles!

Outro:
Who won? Confucius + Yan Hui Jesus Christ and St Peter

hey i forgot but this was originally meant to be a different battle which i will instead do next

(hint)