User blog:Dark Cyan/Animeme (text only) Rap Battles: WHO WAS PHONE? vs Nokia 3310

Hello, everyone. And welcome to Animeme (text only) Rap Battles! It's just like Animeme Rap Battles, but text only, and we know that MARIO BROS VS FROZEN SISTERS ISN'T A FUCKING MEME BATTLE!

This is not just an April look's battle, but today is also the day season 2 of Attack On Titan starts! That will be relevant later.

The OG crappypasta WHO WAS PHONE? battles the ULTIMATE phone, the legendary unbreakable brick, the Nokia 3310, to see who is truly best phone?!!

Legion wrote for WHO WAS PHONE? I wrote for Nokia 3310. Let's Do This!

Beat: Dial Tone

WHO WAS PHONE?
(starts at 0:13)

So ur otu wi ur honye n tryna git lukky

Bras off n thn ur fone stars buzing

N u pul it otu n honye sez its nokia

Ur leg is borkn n she 8nt geddin of ya

N fone sez "ha im more savge then ur dikk!"

So ur go otu n by a strepr but u cn only pa 4 tip

Wrost cums 2 wrost, u havnt, u by chikn dinr

Jam it in tht hol! now u no WHO WAS WINNER?!

Nokia 3310
(starts at 0:39)

Wow Tht spllng ws so bd Real vrbl abus

I dnt hv a real kebord bt wats ur excuse

Cocbloked by a ded dad Ur bals mst 8ch

Snd ur bae 2 me Lt hr c the siz of my Snake

Im unbr8kable efficnt and wll alwys outlst ya

If I take my time for one line I can put shame to this pasta

U cant drp me If u do ull jst brek the flor

Like numa na na numa na na numa na na na

WHO WAS PHONE?
(starts at 1:05)

so u r combak 2 th king but r u rly sre

u flo liek bilberri jam but im th sup de jur

i m spooky u r jus anoy poor peepl

plot so strog il crak brik i m leethl

n now 2 brek ur brein w smthn no1 evr nowed

we r brittsh hole time! dr who was phone!

im frech locel n ur import, ur cred dimnichd

u r so dun u r litshrly finnish ゴゴゴ

(A large anime man in a blue cap steps out from the shadows. Could it be? Could he have been phone all along?)

Nokia 3310
(starts at 1:31)

N E 1 who fnds u fnny shd stp dreming n gt woke

U say ur strng bt thts the real jk

Chck Nrrs trid 2 chp me in hlf but he broke hs hand

Saitama also broke hs hnd aftr just 1 pnch man

If u drpped me frm a skyscrpr ud dstroy the wrld

While ur flmsier thn an iphon scren an mke me wnna hurl

Im so strdy Try n wrck me Thisll gt Hypr-realistc

Ur only honr is stting the stndrd 4 sh*t twists

(Suddenly, the indestructable Nokia 3310 is pierced! Who could have managed such a herculean feat? Is this...?)



Is This Attack On Titan?
(New Beat starts at 0:13)

Flying up in my vertical gear, I'm the one who's got it made

I don't mean to phone it in, but it's clear Even Speedwagon Is Afraid!

We don't need to call in Gypsy Danger to beat these dangerous gypsies!

I'll have you REROed fast as I put my dick in my sister, that's pretty quickly

I'm descending from distorting perception, you from distorting spines

Which is funny because you don't have one. You'll beg Kakyoin for rhymes.

So what's got you all in sorts? What is it, Eren? That's who you're fighting.

I'm dragging myself over all your one note memes - Is THIS Attack on Titan?

Before you rap, look at all your lines and ask yourself this question

Holy shit!! Is that a motherfucking JoJo reference???

And then take that trash like your canon universes and toss it out

Your next line is.... "Ouch".

Is This A Jojo Reference?
(starts at 0:55)

Not everything is Attack on Titan, you fucking weeb!

But every cartoon with handsome face IS a reference to me!

Every anime fight! Every time somebody wears a hat!

Every Bruce Lee film where he screams during every attack!

Every motherfucking thing ever printed in Shonen Jump!

So I’ll break your walls down like Jericho, Mr. Trump!

Attack on Titan’s overrated. I’ve endured since the 80’s!

This current Sword Art Online-wannabe trend can’t break me!

Every fan of your anime is overweight and owns a fedora

I could break your whole fanbase with an ORAORAORA!

And then become the Pirate King with my Hokuto Shin Ken!

Fuck! Jaeger even makes Jaegerbombs look like they’re for real men!

WHO WON? WHO WAS PHONE? Nokia 3310 Is This Attack On Titan? Is This A Jojo Reference?