User blog:Avatar XIII/DCRB 17: The Joker vs Kefka



Hey guys, here's the fun battle I promised. The only hint I gave for this was repeatedly linking Joker's card in chat for the past two weeks, but no one seemed to catch on. Oh well ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

This was probably my most requested battle so far (even tho I only managed to salvage three of the suggestions), so I knew I had to save it for a special event. Writing for this was tricky because each character was so far from my normal personality. I even had to be a little drunk to write Pennywise's verse. Hopefully everything turned out okay.

The clown prince of crime, The Joker, battles against Final Fantasy antagonist, Kefka Palazzo, to determine who's the funniest, and deadliest, clown.

Battle


VS



GO!

(Battle starts at 0:13)

The Joker:
Oh look, a rap battle! Didn’t see that one coming!

But if you value your life, then you better start running

I’m cunning! I can outsmart the Bats like it’s nothing!

There’s a cat loose? I know what pussy I’m crushing! (Ha!)

The clown prince of crime don’t waste his time with rejects

I swear if you whined anymore about life I’d call you Nietzsche

The only fantasy I’m having is where I’ll stick this knife

One slice for each cheek? Yeah, that sounds about right!

Why so serious? Sad about not being the Ace?!

Then keep your mouth shut while I put a smile on that face!

Your cackle is more annoying than Harley’s bitching

I’ll fish slap both into submission cause Uncle J’s pimping!

Kefka Palazzo:
Ooooh, my turn, let’s play a little game!

How many lines will it take before the Joker is slain?!

After all, there’s no fun in battling if there’s no lives lost!

Can’t beat me cumface! You already fell to Guy Fawkes!

So I’m supposed to be scared of a clown chasing a punk,

That spends every night in undies too small for his junk?!

It’s clear as day why you think you’re two sides of the same coin

You want some bat brain before there’s nothing left in your loins! (Ahhhh!)

Oh shit! I went there! Kefka’s not the fella that’ll play nice

I’ll slice and dice your heart and save it, like the last slice

Your act gets dull, I get stronger the longer I perform!

My cacophonous cackle annoys you, but frightens evermore!

I thought clowns were funny, but your jokes are all flaccid!

Maaaybe I expected too much from an acid bleached fanatic!

I’m the God of Magic! You’re just a man that went manic!

So you lost a little fetus and your wife?! Oh, that’s real tragic!

The Joker:
Alright, enough of that. I’m sick of hearing you squeal

I know when I’ve been beaten. Handshake to seal the deal?

I don’t show anyone mercy, but I’ll do you this small favor

Alright, let’s shake on it. It’s not like you have a hidden-

''[ Joker's joy buzzer zaps Kefka to death. ]''

Taser! Hahahahaha! Gotcha with the oldest trick in the bag!

For someone as colorful as you, you were quite the drag

This game just ain’t fun anymore. There’s no surprise!

Then why don’t you face a real threat? Me, Pennywise! (What the?)



Pennywise:
What’s a matta? One clown not enough?! Try two!

There’s nowhere to hide when It’s coming to get you!

I’m popping up like balloons straight out of the gutters

Here to devour the children and terrify their mothers!

I’ll turn your fortune to shit, have cockroaches replace it!

Or some eyeballs or other bloody bits. Whatever fits!

The Losers can’t save you, they’re a bunch of outcasts

I can outlast any toys you dish out, so let’s dance! (Wa-ha! Wa-ha! Wa-ha!)

The Joker:
I’ve seen better from the Meister. You’re hardly any fun

Here, take this, I’ll let you have the win if you’re done, sheesh

So kind, but why did you give me this flower?

[A stream of acid hits Pennywise from the flower, melting his face and killing him.]

So I could end your life with an acid shower!

Yahtzee! Two down and I’m barely getting started!

Didn’t have to try, even the bird brains weren’t this retarded!

I can’t be stopped. I’m just too damn crazy!

Crazy can’t top a hellspawn, baby! (You have gotta be…)



The Violator:
Your five year rapping nonsense just chaps my buttocks!

Not even love and bandages gets the feeling out my stomach!

I guess 7 decades of shitty comics ate what little sanity you had

How come you hog up the trash while I get the true fans? (Oooh!)

I’m sick of smartass fruitcakes, just no way to stop em

You’re as big as my waist, and about twice as rotten!

I’m the Devil’s right hand man, you’re Batman’s punching bag!

I’m starting the apocalypse now, call me The Flash

The Joker:
Hey, what’re you doing? Just pulling out the old Smith and Wes

Your drivel is boring me to death. Wait, hold on a sec!

I was kidding about that stuff! Don’t fret, you’re fine!

We’re both in for a good laugh, you were kidding, so was I!

[The flag from the gun suddenly shoots into Violator's chest, killing him.]

Oops, no I wasn’t, guess that’s the last we’ll hear from you

No one left to challenge, guess there’s nothing more to do

Anyone else want a piece of the me? This is so fun!

At this point I can whip the snot out of anyone!



Ronald McDonald:
Hoho! Looks like Joker’s spent too much time in his crazy bubble!

You’re never faced a clown like me bub, you’re in McDouble trouble!

I’m dishing out fantabulously fat rhymes 24 hours a day!

I force Mexicans into welfare with forty hours of minimum wage!

With a simple Happy Meal, I steal the minds of little children!

And use them to build an international empire that enslaves billions!

I’ve made the world obese! Even the US bows down to me!

I’m the king! You’re the jack, so get down and suck my Mickey D!

The Joker:
Gadzooks! You might be crazier than I am

Still, if it’s a-whooping you’re a-wanting, I’ll deal the final hand

Ronald McDonald:
See that kids? The Joker’s trying to kill me! What a cheater! (Booo!)

What should I do to him? Stuff his corpse in the freezer!

No, put him in the deep fryer until he’s nice and crispy!

Anything you say little ones, time to make circus history!

Guess you’re too much of a McChicken to face your fate

Didn’t mommy tell you not to put too much food on your plate?

Doesn’t matter. You’ll drink these hot oils til you choke!

But at least you would have finally told a Killing Joke! (Hahaha!)