User blog:Mortal5075/King Henry VIII vs Taylor Swift - Epic Rap Battles of Mortality

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. I wanted to say thank you for sparing your valuable time to read this battle. If you have clicked on the link, you must have realised somewhere along the way that this is King Henry VIII vs Taylor Swift written by Mortal, which is me. You also might have wondered when you saw that link why I paired these two together. Well truth be told I have wondered far and beyond on what matchups could I think off to put these two wonderful characters together, and the answer is what you see here today. Truly, it is ironic that the one who kills wives and the one who breaks up with ex's must combat, but c'est la vie, mon ami. Every single credit that could ever be given for that cover picture goes to Leo. Thank you for using Rowan Atkinson like I asked, love it. I hope you enjoy this read.



Taylor Swift (00:30)
I’ve headed into loads of trouble but this one’ll be torn into shreds.

I’m not the type to respect elders I like to spank them instead.

The Self appointed Head of Church can’t get his head straight? It’s fading me.

But at least get me a few drinks before you’ll get to be heading me.

See my succession is Grace Vanderwaal, ain't no pilgrimage needed,

Your succession is some brat who calls his Dukes once things get heated.

You claim that you’re all macho but just by looking at your ex’s

And all those daughters you keep having even your chromosomes are X’s.

King Henry VIII (00:58)
Who dares to speak against the king? I’m known to leave opposers slaughtered.

Now, should I leave Taylor Squared, boiled, burned, hanged or just quartered?

It's no accomplishment being some street musician with petty soft tunes on guitars.

You say that by the teens you’ve conquered hearts? Bitch, by the teens I’ve conquered France!

I show excellence at jousting, hunting and at chess at that,

Stole the taxes from the Pope so you know my chest is fat,

You claim you’ve got money piled up too, but I question that,

Because if you’ve truly got dough, how come your chest is so flat?

Girl, with those modern beauty standards you should just go into hiding,

Learn from your fucking Barbie dolls and add some plastic on your body.

Now fetch those maggots medic, this patient’s fever rising through fake fan love,

Plus with all that sex she’s having I’m suspecting she has bad blood.

Taylor Swift (01:39)
Ew gross! You talking sexy had my poor kitties put to bother.

Go back to having sloppy seconds with the widow of your brother.

You’re crazy if you combat finance problems by making coin cost less.

Haven't seen so much inflation since Katy Perry had breasts.

And didn't you kill Boleyn cause some boys thought she looked beaut?

Well just because she’s extra cute don’t mean you gotta execute!

Plus killed anyone who gave the love that Mary desires,

So she sure set your whole religion on fire!

And honestly most would rather date with Culperer than this disgusting prick.

How bout before you marry someone get off Martin Luther’s dick.

Boys always fight over women, but one most petty and most morbid,

Is when you killed your own adviser cause you thought some random girl looked horrid.

King Henry VIII (02:20)
And the second your fans realised that jealous ex’s is all your say

Your fame just simply went away, have reigned for shorter than Jane Grey

Why don't you stop pretending, Taylor, I know you like to be with British men

But when it comes down to relationships, I’m the one here who likes to finish them!

You want to summon up one of your boys who only date to get their rocks off?

But let it be Calvin or a chopping, Imma knock this fucking block off!

Only had Styles for a month, but if the question is who cuts the best

My axe will cut you off so sharply you’ll forget all about Kanye West

Taylor Swift (02:48)
Your motivations are a mess, but in a sense I think I get it too

Cause the whole country can go Republican if that meant its a divorce from you

The wildest dreams around the world are only all about Swift when

I fever up all of the boys, including all your male children

King Henry VIII (03:01)
There is a big queue at the chopping block but I can fit you right in

So you’ll end up with a blank space between your neck and your chin

Then use your dome as a football ball and give it such a mighty kick

That your head will be in skies even after you’re deceased