User blog:GravityMan/Literature vs History 3: Jon Snow vs Julius Caesar



Lol. Special thanks to Joeaikman for playing Jon Snow, to I think Bran and TK for proof-reading, again I'm not sure as fuck XP Thanks to Leandro for the cover of the battle between who's the better assasinated bastard fighter of the Northern barbarians. Not the battle between two lawyers. Lol.

Check out Cave's shit and let's get this battle started.

(coming soon)

Beat
Supanova Yo

Starts at 0:36

Intro
Jon Snow awakens with a start.  “What happened?”  He glances frantically around, catching sight of a beautiful familiar redhead. “Melisandre??” He feels his chest for the stab wounds, but finds none.  “What….my men….they…”

“They turned on you and butchered you like a hound,”  Melisandre says, smiling. “But…with the help of the one true god and the body of a monster I found in the mountains, I brought you back.”

“With dark magic you mean….why did you?”

<span style="font-size:16px;font-family:Arial;color:#ffffff;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Melisandre winks, glancing at his crotch before speaking. <span style="font-size:16px;font-family:Arial;color:#ff0000;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;"> “A war is coming…and a brave fighter by the name of Caesar is recruiting. He’s heard of you Jon. He wants you to fight for him.”

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:16px;font-family:Arial;color:#b6dde8;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">“But…I have a duty…”

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:16px;font-family:Arial;color:#ffffff;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">All of a sudden an imposing figure clad in bronze armor sweeps into the tent in which Jon lays. <span style="font-size:16px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;"> <span style="font-size:16px;font-family:Arial;color:#c0504d;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Ah there you are. My name is Gaius Julius. Snow, is that right?”

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:16px;font-family:Arial;color:#b6dde8;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Y-yes but….”

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:16px;font-family:Arial;color:#c0504d;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">“But what?”

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:16px;font-family:Arial;color:#b6dde8;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">“I have a duty to the Night’s Watch.” <span style="font-size:16px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);white-space:pre-wrap;">The man scratches his olive toned face. <span style="font-size:16px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(192,80,77);white-space:pre-wrap;">“Very well. Let’s settle this with words, shall we?”

Julius Caesar:
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 150%"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#C0504D;mso-themecolor:accent2; background:black;mso-highlight:black;mso-fareast-language:EN-US">You got Gaul to step to me, yet you still lack Y-grit <span style="font-size:10.0pt; line-height:150%;font-family:Arial;color:#C0504D;mso-themecolor:accent2; background:black;mso-highlight:black;mso-fareast-language:EN-US">

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 150%"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#C0504D;mso-themecolor:accent2; background:black;mso-highlight:black;mso-fareast-language:EN-US">That arrow in her back is as sharp as the points I spit <span style="font-size:10.0pt; line-height:150%;font-family:Arial;color:#C0504D;mso-themecolor:accent2; background:black;mso-highlight:black;mso-fareast-language:EN-US">

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 150%"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#C0504D;mso-themecolor:accent2; background:black;mso-highlight:black;mso-fareast-language:EN-US">On this brother of hypocrites, swore an Oath yet you still give whores the dick <span style="font-size:10.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:Arial;color:#C0504D; mso-themecolor:accent2;background:black;mso-highlight:black;mso-fareast-language: EN-US">

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 150%"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#C0504D;mso-themecolor:accent2; background:black;mso-highlight:black;mso-fareast-language:EN-US">You grow old in the cold, yet you’re not even close to being sick! <span style="font-size:10.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:Arial;color:#C0504D; mso-themecolor:accent2;background:black;mso-highlight:black;mso-fareast-language: EN-US">

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 150%"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#C0504D;mso-themecolor:accent2; background:black;mso-highlight:black;mso-fareast-language:EN-US">I’m distinguished! You’re an extinguished, candle in the Winds of Winter-fell <span style="font-size:10.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:Arial;color:#C0504D; mso-themecolor:accent2;background:black;mso-highlight:black;mso-fareast-language: EN-US">

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 150%"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#C0504D;mso-themecolor:accent2; background:black;mso-highlight:black;mso-fareast-language:EN-US">any of your pride parades of traitors, while my men stay loyal to the winner <span style="font-size:10.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:Arial;color:#C0504D; mso-themecolor:accent2;background:black;mso-highlight:black;mso-fareast-language: EN-US">

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 150%"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#C0504D;mso-themecolor:accent2; background:black;mso-highlight:black;mso-fareast-language:EN-US">Of Barbaric wars, and also countless more, of the classiest scores <span style="font-size:10.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:Arial;color:#C0504D; mso-themecolor:accent2;background:black;mso-highlight:black;mso-fareast-language: EN-US">

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 150%"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#C0504D;mso-themecolor:accent2; background:black;mso-highlight:black;mso-fareast-language:EN-US">To rule the conquered empires of the Mediterranean shores! <span style="font-size: 10.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:Arial;color:#C0504D;mso-themecolor:accent2; background:black;mso-highlight:black;mso-fareast-language:EN-US">

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 150%"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#C0504D;mso-themecolor:accent2; background:black;mso-highlight:black;mso-fareast-language:EN-US">Every world power to behold, has paid tribute to my fame! <span style="font-size: 10.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:Arial;color:#C0504D;mso-themecolor:accent2; background:black;mso-highlight:black;mso-fareast-language:EN-US">

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 150%"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#C0504D;mso-themecolor:accent2; background:black;mso-highlight:black;mso-fareast-language:EN-US">Even an ape has my name, and look what he became! <span style="font-size:10.0pt; line-height:150%;font-family:Arial;color:#C0504D;mso-themecolor:accent2; background:black;mso-highlight:black;mso-fareast-language:EN-US">

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 150%"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#C0504D;mso-themecolor:accent2; background:black;mso-highlight:black;mso-fareast-language:EN-US">Mount you on a frozen cross, flows of hot lead down your throat,

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 150%"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#C0504D;mso-themecolor:accent2; background:black;mso-highlight:black;mso-fareast-language:EN-US">Because when it comes to pain, you know nothing Jon Snow

Jon Snow:
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 150%"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#B6DDE8;mso-themecolor:accent5; mso-themetint:102;background:black;mso-highlight:black;mso-fareast-language: EN-US">Here's a bastard, born blood of the North and I've got cold flow <span style="font-size:10.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:Arial;color:#B6DDE8; mso-themecolor:accent5;mso-themetint:102;background:black;mso-highlight:black; mso-fareast-language:EN-US">

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 150%"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#B6DDE8;mso-themecolor:accent5; mso-themetint:102;background:black;mso-highlight:black;mso-fareast-language: EN-US">But my father says I'm a Stark even if I bear the name Snow <span style="font-size:10.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:Arial;color:#B6DDE8; mso-themecolor:accent5;mso-themetint:102;background:black;mso-highlight:black; mso-fareast-language:EN-US">

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 150%"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#B6DDE8;mso-themecolor:accent5; mso-themetint:102;background:black;mso-highlight:black;mso-fareast-language: EN-US">I stand as a shield and a sword raised as a guard in the dark <span style="font-size:10.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:Arial;color:#B6DDE8; mso-themecolor:accent5;mso-themetint:102;background:black;mso-highlight:black; mso-fareast-language:EN-US">

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 150%"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#B6DDE8;mso-themecolor:accent5; mso-themetint:102;background:black;mso-highlight:black;mso-fareast-language: EN-US">Ready for this Stark to hit hard with my brothers in arms <span style="font-size:10.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:Arial;color:#B6DDE8; mso-themecolor:accent5;mso-themetint:102;background:black;mso-highlight:black; mso-fareast-language:EN-US">

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 150%"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#B6DDE8;mso-themecolor:accent5; mso-themetint:102;background:black;mso-highlight:black;mso-fareast-language: EN-US">I know more than enough to teach this Roman about captivity <span style="font-size:10.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:Arial;color:#B6DDE8; mso-themecolor:accent5;mso-themetint:102;background:black;mso-highlight:black; mso-fareast-language:EN-US">

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 150%"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#B6DDE8;mso-themecolor:accent5; mso-themetint:102;background:black;mso-highlight:black;mso-fareast-language: EN-US">Whilst you slaughtered your kidnappers mine was on her knees <span style="font-size:10.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:Arial;color:#B6DDE8; mso-themecolor:accent5;mso-themetint:102;background:black;mso-highlight:black; mso-fareast-language:EN-US">

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 150%"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#B6DDE8;mso-themecolor:accent5; mso-themetint:102;background:black;mso-highlight:black;mso-fareast-language: EN-US">And I showed mercy, Lord Commander with the Longclaw <span style="font-size:10.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:Arial;color:#B6DDE8; mso-themecolor:accent5;mso-themetint:102;background:black;mso-highlight:black; mso-fareast-language:EN-US">

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 150%"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#B6DDE8;mso-themecolor:accent5; mso-themetint:102;background:black;mso-highlight:black;mso-fareast-language: EN-US">To maul hordes of your countrymen and fell you on the forum floor <span style="font-size:10.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:Arial;color:#B6DDE8; mso-themecolor:accent5;mso-themetint:102;background:black;mso-highlight:black; mso-fareast-language:EN-US">

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 150%"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#B6DDE8;mso-themecolor:accent5; mso-themetint:102;background:black;mso-highlight:black;mso-fareast-language: EN-US">You won't want more, better close the gate, need to learn to shut it <span style="font-size:10.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:Arial;color:#B6DDE8; mso-themecolor:accent5;mso-themetint:102;background:black;mso-highlight:black; mso-fareast-language:EN-US">

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 150%"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#B6DDE8;mso-themecolor:accent5; mso-themetint:102;background:black;mso-highlight:black;mso-fareast-language: EN-US">I've got a sharp diss ready to sling, and he knows just where to put it <span style="font-size:10.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:Arial;color:#B6DDE8; mso-themecolor:accent5;mso-themetint:102;background:black;mso-highlight:black; mso-fareast-language:EN-US">

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 150%"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#B6DDE8;mso-themecolor:accent5; mso-themetint:102;background:black;mso-highlight:black;mso-fareast-language: EN-US">With the Free Folk hitting Home, this duel won't get any easier <span style="font-size:10.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:Arial;color:#B6DDE8; mso-themecolor:accent5;mso-themetint:102;background:black;mso-highlight:black; mso-fareast-language:EN-US">

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-family:Arial;mso-fareast-font-family:"TimesNewRoman";color:#B6DDE8; mso-themecolor:accent5;mso-themetint:102;background:black;mso-highlight:black; mso-fareast-language:EN-US">Even with a Halfhand I could slay a thousand of these Little Caesars <span style="font-family:Arial;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#B6DDE8;mso-themecolor:accent5;mso-themetint:102; mso-fareast-language:EN-US">

Julius Caesar:
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:rgb(192,80,77);font-family:Arial;">Such insolence! Apologize, faster than you did for Alan Rickman, <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:rgb(192,80,77);background-position:initialinitial;background-repeat:initialinitial;">Your scent is in the Hound’s obsession, for he’s hunting for a chicken!

<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:rgb(192,80,77);background-position:initialinitial;background-repeat:initialinitial;">You’re finished! Generally when I put slaves in their graves I am met with resistance!

<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:rgb(192,80,77);background-position:initialinitial;background-repeat:initialinitial;">You brag about being a Lord Commander, I’m the Dictator! How’s that dissin’?

<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:rgb(192,80,77);background-position:initialinitial;background-repeat:initialinitial;">I’m skating over frozen Snow like an Olly, why can’t I face a real Mannis?

<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:rgb(192,80,77);background-position:initialinitial;background-repeat:initialinitial;">Oh how the gods have damned us with your blood staining up my palace!

<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:rgb(192,80,77);background-position:initialinitial;background-repeat:initialinitial;">Cross me again, I’ll leave you impaled on the side of my path

<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:rgb(192,80,77);background-position:initialinitial;background-repeat:initialinitial;">But I’ll let you live to tell Melisandre you aren’t a virgin in the ass

Jon Snow:
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#B6DDE8;mso-themecolor: accent5;mso-themetint:102;background:black;mso-highlight:black">The North Remembers your weak counters, a fact you can't start

<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#B6DDE8;mso-themecolor: accent5;mso-themetint:102;background:black;mso-highlight:black">Lord Snow crushes Thornes in his side like a family of Karstarks

<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#B6DDE8;mso-themecolor: accent5;mso-themetint:102;background:black;mso-highlight:black">With harsh bars I'll kill the boy, be more explosive than Vesuvius

<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#B6DDE8;mso-themecolor: accent5;mso-themetint:102;background:black;mso-highlight:black">Like Sylla, kick your gluteus and execute all your family, Julius

<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#B6DDE8;mso-themecolor: accent5;mso-themetint:102;background:black;mso-highlight:black">Edd, fetch me the block, the Lord Commander must be ruthless

<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#B6DDE8;mso-themecolor: accent5;mso-themetint:102;background:black;mso-highlight:black">So bend the knee and lose your head, Caesar, and you too, Brutus

<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#B6DDE8;mso-themecolor: accent5;mso-themetint:102;background:black;mso-highlight:black">You're facing a long Winter Fall, by the Old Gods I serve faithfully

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#B6DDE8;mso-themecolor: accent5;mso-themetint:102;background:black;mso-highlight:black">That means swapping this infantile leader with some other baby

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT???

YOU DECIDE!!!

LITERATURE *battle cry*

VERSUS HISTORYYYYY



Outro
<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:16px;font-family:Arial;color:#ffffff;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Snow breaks the silence. <span style="font-size:16px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;"> <span style="font-size:16px;font-family:Arial;color:#b6dde8;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">“So who is it you wish to battle? I ask this out of curiosity of course.” <span style="font-size:16px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);white-space:pre-wrap;">Caesar smiles. <span style="font-size:16px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(0,0,0);white-space:pre-wrap;"> <span style="font-size:16px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(192,80,77);white-space:pre-wrap;">“Have you ever heard of something called Big Brother?”

Poll
Who Won? Jon Snow Julius Caesar

Hint for Next Battle
(coming soon)

Last Battle's Hints Explained:

Planet of Apes: The main character in the reboots is named Caesar

Here's Johnny: Insanity caused by snow, also the Shining is the favorite movie of Jon Snow's actor, just a tidbit in case you guys would get that

Lionel Hutz: The drink in his hand is an Orange Julius