User blog:Joeaikman/Joe's Battles of Fiction number 8 - Lyra Belacqua vs Matilda

Yeah this has been a long time coming but I managed to finish it today for you lovely people. Genuinely found this the most enjoyable to right so far, loving both characters as much as I do. Matilda is the eponymous hero of her Roald Dahl book whilst Lyra is the protagonist of Phillip Pullman's His Dark Materials trilogy (my favourite series of books :P ). They battle to see who the best female girl in fiction is.

Joe's BATTLES

OF

FICTIOOOOOOON!!!

Lyra Silvertongue

Vs

Matildaaaaa

BEGIN!

Lyra: The alethiometer tells me this bookworm doesn't stand a chance

Tell her Pan, I'll knock her straight back to Buckingham

My rhymes are cold, like the Arctic snow

You waste your powers being your teacher's father's ghost

I flow like a river, I could carry the Gyptians

Two hours in the chokey, that's my prescription

You're getting beaten by the girl with a tongue of silver

Give up on rapping, run straight back to waltzing, Matilda

Matilda: When I use my powers I do good while you spend all your time chasing after dust

I suggest now that you run, cos I can safely that that Belacqua just got done

Matilda's the name, worth all your money, sweet as honey

You should spend less time with your little pine marten butt buddy

I'm a good girl, I always get my work done

I'll call you Peter Andre, causing problems for Jordan

You got gobbled up, 14 years later no one remembers your name

Your mom steals children? Sounds like an inferior Hunger Games

Lyra: I can Parry all your insults with my boyfriend Will

When it comes to family issues, bitch I'm the real deal

Kidnapped by my mother, my best friend killed by my dad

You can't be good when you blow stuff up, even I know that's bad

Matilda: Oh yeah, your boyfriend who you never get to see

Telling the future and seeing the dead? A clairvoyant wannabe

I can't bear it anymore, maybe I've taken it too Faa

...nah, after I finish this you'll be re locked up in Svalbard

Who won? Lyra Silvertongue Matilda