User blog:TP87/TP Reviews ERB: Steven Spielberg vs Alfred Hitchcock (Feat.Quentin Tarantino,Stanley Kubrick and Michael Bay)

Hi guys, and welcome to another episode of TP Reviews ERB! In this one, I'll review the 6th battle of Season 4, Steven Spielberg vs Alfred Hitchcock! So, as the Announcer says, BEGIN!

Rappers, Beat(s) and Connection
This is a battle royale (everyone against each other), thus we have action director Steven Spielberg (NicePeter) vs horror director Alfred Hitchcock (EpicLloyd) vs film noir director Quentin Tarantino (Wax) vs arthouse director Stanley Kubrick (Ruggles Outbound) vs action director Michael Bay (NicePeter). All of them are pretty similiar (mostly Kubrick and Spielberg) and all have fitting backgrounds (mostly Tarantino however)

Each of the rappers has his own beat, which fits his character

The Connection is pretty simple: Directors

Battle Analysis
(Note: Since the number of verses is odd, I won't do my typical "middle of the battle" comment)

Steven Spielberg

Picture a child sitting next to a projector,

Learning from your films to become a much better director.

Spielberg starts the battle like he's pitching something, in this case himself watching Hitchcock's films and wanting to become a better director

Now, picture a 3 billion dollar dream machine

Who can block bust all over your crop duster scene!

He keeps the pitching style, but this time with his 3-million-dollar-worth company and then brags how he can blockbust (as in, stomp) Hitchcock's famous cropduster scene with his company

Try to Duel with me, Alfred, you must be Psycho!

I'll bring back JAWS and take a bite of your Lifeboat!

'''These are the first of many references of the battle. In short, Spielberg says Hitchcock must be crazy if he battles him, then says he'll bring back JAWS' shark and bite him'''

I'm Always so on top of my game. I get the Vertigo!

My jet's in the Terminal waiting for me to Murder! ya.

'''Yet 4 more references, this time with Always, Vertigo, The Terminal and Murder!. Spielberg's simply saying Hitchcock looks up to him and he's gonna leave in his jet after he murders him'''

I rock the Academy and the DGA!

You rock as many Oscars as that schlep Michael Bay!

Now he brags about the prizes he won and adds that Hitchcock has as many Oscars as Michael Bay (which has 0, also 1st diss towards Bay), thus making Hitchcock an inferior director 

Next time you're filling up those jowls with three steaks and soufflé,

Check the trades; see me Amblin to my next big play!

'''Now he disses him about his obesity and then makes a pun with his company Amblin Entertainment. In a nutshell, he suggests Hitchcock to check out the trade magazines to see what Spielberg's going to do next'''

I produce cartoons and make games for all ages.

You produce Jimmy Stewart making one of two faces!

Now he brags about how he produces cartoons and video games while Hitchcock only produced Jimmy Stewart, an actor who appeared in many of Alfred's films who apparently lacked facial expressions' variety (he could only make 2, well at least it's better than Kristen Steward...)

Maybe next time I visit, you'll be a bit more gracious!

Now kiss my full moon and just bask in my greatness!

'''Now Steven calls back the time when he tried to visit Hitchcock at his set, but Alfred denied. Then he ends his verse with a cheap "kiss my ass because I'm better", but with making a pun with E.T'''

'''Spielberg had a pretty good verse, nice beat, good flow and raps. He kinda ended cheaply, but he made 7 references with his films and Hitchcock's. Let's see Alfred's rap '''

Alfred Hitchcock

That was a close encounter of the turd kind,

But there won't be a pretty ending this time.

Hitchcock starts out with a pun with Spielberg's film "Close Encounters of the Third Kind", but says that unlike that film, this battle's not going to have a good ending

Half your billions should go to John Williams!

Now brace yourself as I reveal my brilliance!

Now he says half of Spielberg's billions should go to his composer, John Williams, then warns Steven to brace himself as he reveals his brilliance with raps

I'm the master... of suspense, so intense,

No defense against Hitchcock once he presents! (Ahh!)

Alfred now brags about him being the master of suspense and that there's no defense against him once he presents (raps), making a pun with his movies' intro Alfred Hitchcock Presents

My skill is enormous, orchestrate brilliant performance.

You're more horrible than Megan Fox's acting in Transformers!

Now he brags about his skills and his musical scores and adds a diss towards Spielberg, saying he's more horrible than Megan Fox's acting in Transformers (2nd diss towards Michael Bay)

C'mon! Fish puppets and Muppets to stir the fears up!

I squeeze screams out of chocolate syrup!

Hitchcock disses Spielberg about the "special effects" he used in his movies (muppets and fish puppets) and then brags how he managed to make people scream out of chocolate syrup (a product used to represent blood in black-and-white movies)

I'm the best mamma-jamma ever stood behind the camera!

Damage panderers and haunt you like the last Indiana!

Hitchcock now brags about him being the greatest director of all time and counters Spielberg's second-to-last line saying he damages people who attempt be kiss-ups and then says he's going to haunt him like "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull", a Spielberg film who received negative reception

'''Hitchcock was alright. He had kinda too much bragging, but he had some pretty good disses and a nice flow. However, Tarantino's about to join the scene and diss the two of them'''

Quentin Tarantino

Cut! Gimme a Tylenol. Stop rhyming, y'all!

Alfred, you got no style, dog. I'm the king of dialogue!

Tarantino joins the battle by asking for a Tylenol (basically saying the two rappers gave him headache) and starts dissing Hitchcock, saying he has no style and then bragging about him being the king of dialogue

There's only one movie I know you from,

And I've seen more blood in the shower when I stubbed my toe in one.

'''Tarantino now uses an hyperbole. He's basically saying Hitchcock's mostly known for Psycho, and then says he's seen more blood when he stubbed his toe in the shower (thus saying Hitchcock's films, although horror, lack blood)'''

You tried to fight in World War I but couldn't do that.

The British Army wouldn't let you join 'cause you were too fat!

Now he disses him about his obesity, saying that, although he tried to join the British Army to fight in World War I, he couldn't do that because he was too fat

Look it up, it's a true fact. Wikipedia that!

Now allow me to attack Steven the hack.

Quentin now suggests Alfred to check out Wikipedia's page to fact-check what he said before and then points his finger at Spielberg, thus starting to diss him

Due to War of the Worlds, a failure's what I label you.

It looked like some sellout bullshit Michael Bay would do!

'''Tarantino disses Spielberg about The War of the Worlds remake, which did not make a lot of money. This allows Tarantino to label Spielberg "a failure", also adding the film looked like some bad movie Michael Bay would make (3rd diss towards Bay)'''

Ask anybody, "What's your favorite Sam Jackson part?"

No one's gonna say, "What's his name from Jurassic Park?"

'''Samuel Jackson was featured in Jurassic Park, but had a minor role. Tarantino says that if you ask anybody who's his/her favorite Samuel Jackson part, nobody's gonna say the role he had in Jurassic Park. In some kind of way, Quntin is scolding Spielberg for using a known and skilled actor for a minor role'''

Scripts that I write ain't the... cleanest, (Fuck!)

But when I grip mics I'm the... meanest. (Dick!)

Now he says that, although his movies aren't clean (lots of violence, blood and gore), he's the meanest when it comes to rapping

Quentin Tarantino is a... genius.

A bad mother fucker from the wallet to the penis!

Now he says he's a genius and adds that he's "a bad motherfucker from the wallet to the penis", which is a reference to the "bad motherfucker" wallet used by Sam Jackson in Pulp Fiction

'''I really liked Tarantino's verse. IMO, he had the best beat in the battle and had a good flow (mostly at the end) but most of his disses towards Hitchcock were towards his obesity (which was something Spielberg already used to diss Alfred). Let's see Kubrick's raps '''

Stanley Kubrick

Genius is a powerful word, but there's no reason to use it,

'Less you're talking about the Kubrick, then there's really nothing to it.

After a long intro (including him drifting with the tricycle), Stanley Kubrick joins the battle "scolding" Tarantino for using the word "genius", saying he has no reason to use it, unless he talks about Kubrick

Everything I do is visionary.

Every single frame a painting made exactly how I wanna make it.

'''Now he says that all the films he made are visionary and that every frame inside of them is made exactly how he wants them. Also a reference to "Every Frame a Paiting", a YT channel that inspired the battle'''

Do another take and get it right, 127 times!

I'll make you learn to love me! I'm the bomb, drop ultraviolent rhymes!

Now he brags about him being a perefectionist, referencing one of his movies in which a scene had to be repeated for 127 times to get it right, and says he's going to make the rappers love him, and makes a reference to "The Clockwork Orange", saying he drops ultraviolent rhymes

Like Clockwork, make you all hurt, beat Spielberg The Color Purple!

A.I. is the worst waste of potential since the Ninja Turtles!

Again, he references "The Clockwork Orange", by saying he's going to hurt all of the rappers like in the movie, especially Spielberg, to whom he dedicates a pun with his movie "The Color Purple"(he's basically saying he'll beat him until he'll have purple bruises) and says A.I, a Spielberg movie, is a waste of potential like Michael Bay's Ninja Turtles (4th diss towards Bay)

'''Even though his verse was the shortest, Kubrick did pretty well, even though he had some bragging. Let's see the last rapper...'''

Michael Bay

That's enough! I've heard enough crap from all of you!

Why don't I come down there and show you what a real star can do?!

Being pissed off due to all the disses he received before, Michael Bay decides to join the battle

I swoop low with the telephoto, no Bruckheimer, I work solo.

If there's one thing I've learned, bitch, this game is about mother fucking money!

Unlike other directors, who are aided by Jerry Bruckheimer, Bay says he works solo and admits all he do is for the sake of money

I make that dollar, y'all, mother fucking money!

Even make Mark Wahlberg make some mother fucking money!

He says his movies make a lot of money and even make an actor like Mark Wahlberg gain a lot of it

I set up shop and got a few drops of that Got Milk money!

Rose to The Rock, now I got that socks made of silk money!

'''He makes a reference to the "Got Milk?" commercial which he directed and then makes another one to one of his movies "The Rock", and says that now he's so rich he has socks made of silk'''

I ain't got that guilt money! I don't give a fuck!

I take my checks to the bank, and I sign 'em with my nuts!

Now he says he doesn't care about his films being panned to the point he signs checks with his nuts

I give the people what they love while the critics say I'm evil!

Got no time to read reviews while I'm working on the sequel!

'''Now he brags about his films being about appreciated franchises, like Transformers or Ninja Turtles, even though many critcs dislike them. He keeps saying he doesn't care, he'll make a sequel anyway'''

Got a gift from above and the eyes of an eagle!

When it comes to blowing up, no director is my equal!

'''Now he brags about him having talent as a filmmaker and makes a pun with Eagle Eye (Spielberg movie). and says that no one can beat him when it comes to explosions'''

'''Bay was surely the funniest between all of the rappers. He probably didn't have strong raps or disses, but he had a good flow'''

What I liked, what I didn't like and Vote
What I liked:

1)Lots of references 2)Pretty epic battle 3)Awesome Beats 4)The rappers' flow and portrayal

What I didn't Like:

1)Too much bragging in some lines 2)Spielberg coulda his verse ended less cheaply

'''Vote: 10/10. Yeah. TENOUTTATEN. It was simply an awesome battle, except for the bragging'''

Winner and Best Lines
Since this is a royale, I will make a list from best to worst

1)Tarantino 2)Hitchcock 3)Spielberg 4)Kubrick 5)Bay

Don't get me wrong, they were all awesome, but I'm considering beat, flow and raps

Best Lines:

ALL OF THEM except:

Now kiss my full moon and just bask in my greatness! I'll make you learn to love me! I'm the bomb, drop ultraviolent rhymes! I set up shop and got a few drops of that Got Milk money! I take my checks to the bank, and I sign 'em with my nuts!

End
Whoa, that was huge. As always, leave a comment below and see ya in the next episode!