Dr. Seuss vs Shakespeare/Rap Meanings

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William Shakespeare:
'''Come bite my thumb! I hope you know the stakes.'''

(In Shakespeare's time, the biting of one's thumb is considered an insult, roughly an equivalent of giving someone the middle finger. Thumb biting is also what starts the fighting between the two families in Shakespeare’s play, "Romeo and Juliet". Shakespeare hopes that Seuss knows who he's dealing with.)

I'll put a slug between your shoulder blades!

("Slug" here refers to a bullet slug. Shakespeare will shoot Seuss between his shoulder blades, or the torso.)

Then ask what light through yonder poser breaks?

(After shooting Seuss, Shakespeare will marvel at the light passing through the bullet hole in Seuss's body. It is also a reference to a line in "Romeo and Juliet".)

I hath been iambic on that ass, ye bastard.

(Shakespeare writes his rhymes on an iambic pentameter, a rare and classic meter in rapping. Iambic involves a five syllable line, and he counts each with his fingers on his hand, saying he’ll use all five fingers to whup Seuss’s ass.)

My rhymes are classic, your crap is drafted by a kindergartener high on acid.

(Shakespeare's works are original and timeless. Seuss's works are simplistic and seem to be drawn by a little kid who has taken too much hallucinogens.)

Ye hoebag, you're an old, white, Soulja Boy who has no swag.

(Seuss is an aged Caucasian. Soulja Boy is widely derided for his lack of lyrical and technical ability, but he does have swag. Seuss has none of those. Incidentally, Shakespeare also invented the word "swag". Specifically, he invented the word "swagger", from which "swag" is derived. Midsummer Night’s Dream contains the first recorded instance of the word.)

'''And no gonads. Egads, it's so sad.'''

(Gonads are a slang term for testicles. Shakespeare is saying that Seuss doesn't have balls. Egads is another old-timey word expressing surprise. Shakespeare is surprised at how weak Seuss appears to be.)

And to top it off, you're not a doctor.

(Dr. Seuss is actually just an alias. He is not an actual doctor.)

I've never seen a softer author.

(To call someone a "soft rapper" means to call them a poser, so calling Seuss a soft author means he's only a wannabe author, and his literary work lacks substance. Seuss's works are mostly designed for children, even though he is also a political cartoonist.)

'''You crook, you. I bet you wrote the Twilight books, too!'''

(Twilight books are widely regarded as one of the worst book series of all time. Shakespeare says Seuss' work is so bad, he may have even written the entire Twilight series. Ironically, the author of the series, Stephenie Meyer, says that she drew inspiration for the books from some of Shakespeare's plays.)

Cat in the Hat:
I would not, could not, on a boat.

(This is a line from Dr. Seuss' book "Green Eggs and Ham", in which Sam I Am offers a character some green eggs and ham, and the character responds saying that he would not, could not eat them on a boat, as well as several other places.)

Read any of the boring ass plays you wrote.

(The Cat in the Hat wouldn't want to read Shakespeare's plays because they are considered to be very elongated and boring.)

Even Horton doesn't want to hear you.

(Horton the Elephant is one of Dr. Seuss's characters from the book "Horton Hears A Who". He heard a speck of dust talking to him, which was really a small planet inhabited by the Whos in Whoville. Since he has big ears able to hear microscopic noises, he says he wouldn't want to hear any of Shakespeare's work.)

And Cindy Lou Who is afraid to go near you!

(One of the aforementioned Whos is named Cindy Lou Who, who is the only Who that approached the Grinch in Seuss' book "How The Grinch Stole Christmas". If she would go near the Grinch and be scared of Shakespeare, he must be really bad.)

You bore people to death!

(Shakespeare's plays are normally read in high-school classes, and they are so long that it easily becomes uninteresting.)

You leave a classroom looking like the end of Macbeth!

(Macbeth, one of Shakespeare's plays, has almost every main character become dead in the end, so every classmate reading his plays dies of boredom.)

I entertain a child of any age. (Cat in the Hat, and to an extent, Dr. Seuss, leaves children entertained, as well as an older audience.)

You gotta translate what you said on the opposite page!

(Shakespeare uses old English language in his works, in which some phrases would be too ambiguous and difficult to understand, so it has to be translated into modern English before it becomes readable, preferably on the opposite page.)

How are you gonna battle with the Cat in the Hat?

(The Cat says Shakespeare doesn't have a chance against him.)

Little kids get scared when I step on the mat.

(The Cat in the Hat was known for his mischievous manner, so when he enters the house, normally stepping on the mat, the kids know he'll be causing trouble.)

You think your ruffled neck ass gonna rap to that?

(Ruffled necks are a famous piece of fashion in Shakespeare's time.)

I got a best selling book about me coming back.

(The Cat in the Hat had a second book, appropriately named "The Cat in the Hat Comes Back". It may have been his most popular book.)

William Shakespeare:
I'm switching up my style like the Beatles with my pieces.

(The Beatles are widely regarded as one of the best bands ever. Shakespeare is saying that he's in the same level in literature as the Beatles are in music, and that he will change the style of his works, like the Beatles did with their songs, as Shakespeare was known for writing various genres of stories, while Seuss normally wrote one style. He also switches up his style in terms of changing from iambic meter to unbelievably rapid rhyming.)

Each is such a wonder with a plethora of features.

(Each and every one of Shakespeare's plays are a wonder with lots of features and gimmicks in it compared to Seuss'.)

You're pathetically predictable.

(Dr. Seuss is so repetitive that it's easy to conclude what happens next, so his imagination isn't anything new.)

You think your new book might include a trisyllabic meter and some ghetto Muppet creatures.

(Dr. Seuss' books are written in a trisyllabic meter, and usually includes drawings of the characters involved. Shakespeare is saying the characters look like strange Muppets.)

'''The Bard is in the building. It's a castle, I'm the boss.'''

(Shakespeare's nickname is The Bard of Avon.)

I bet I'm parliament, I'm positive I'm killing it.

(Some of Dr. Seuss's books are political, i.e. trying to bring down parliament, whereas parliaments are difficult to be brought down. Shakespeare is saying that Dr. Seuss can't bring him down.) I'm iller than the plague, I've never caught a cholera.

(Shakespeare's rhymes are deadlier than the Black Plague. He also never caught the pandemics that happened in his time.)

A baller baller, on some cricket bowler business while you're sitting in the bleachers.

(A baller is usually someone who's badass, in this case, Shakespeare. The last line basically says that while Shakespeare is the star player, metaphorically, Dr. Seuss is only watching from the sidelines.)

Cat in the Hat:
You rap fast you do, yes, you rap fast it's true,

(Shakespeare's last line was delivered speedily. In fact, George Watsky, William Shakespeare's actor, holds the world record for best rapper in the WORLD)

Now let's see how you rap versus Things One and Two! (Basically the cue for Things One and Two's turn.)

Thing 1 & 2:
Oh, no, we'll smash your globe, (The Globe was a theatre made for Shakespeare, and Things 1 & 2 are going to trash it.)

Yo, you may have wrote the script but now we running the show!

(While Shakespeare may have wrote the script, it is the actors that runs the show.)

You can take your fancy words and send 'em back home to your mama,

(Shakespeare made up words, like "puke", "eyeball", and "cater".)

Break our foot off in your ass, with our feetie pajamas,

(Things 1 & 2 wears feetie pajamas, and they're going to whoop Shakespeare's ass.)

Man, we'll cook you up and eat you with some Ham and Green Eggs!

("Green Eggs and Ham" is the name of one of Dr. Seuss's works.)

We'll break offa your legs, make no mistake, we in a rage,

(no comment)

All does not end well when we bust out our cage, ("Alls Well That Ends Well" is the title of one of Shakespeare's plays, and Things One and Two are kept in a cage as to avoid them creating havoc.) You're gettin' upstaged, Bill, yo, you just got played! (Upstaged is a term when an actor is eclipsed by another (presumably better) actor. The last line is a pun, namely "PLAYed".)