George Washington vs William Wallace



George Washington vs William Wallace is the 44th installment of Epic Rap Battles of History and the eleventh as well as the penultimate episode of Season 3. It features the 1st President of the United States, George Washington, rapping against Scottish revolutionist, William Wallace. It was released on June 30th, 2014.

Cast
Nice Peter as George Washington

EpicLLOYD as William Wallace

Jack Zullo, Mike Elder, and Jeff MacKinnon as Americans

Reynaldo Garnica, Seth Brown, and Joey Greer as Scotsmen

George Washington:
There's a difference between you and me, Willy!

I fought 'till I was actually free, Willy!

I got my face on a quarter.

You got drawn and quartered.

Tortured on the orders of a king, really?

How'd you get beat by a dude named Longshanks?

You hot dogged and he cut off your bean franks!

I'm money like a national bank.

Ain't nobody more street than Big G

Stone face with a grill of sheep teeth!

A Mel Gibson movie is your legacy!

I got a state and a day and a DC.

Stroke, roll up in a boat,

(Stroke) you're sleeping, cut your throat,

(Stroke) I watch the blood flow, now who's got that red coat?

William Wallace:
Look at ya in your little blousy outfit,

Looking like a stiffer white dick than your monument!

I'll knock you the fuck out, mate, you died owning slaves, I died setting men free (Scot free!)

That's the Highland way, this powdered prick couldn't beat me in a foot race!

I was emasculated, eviscerated, I had my head chopped off and they put it on a pike!

And I still find time to bust a Gaelic rhyme,

And rip your Yankee Doodle arse on the mic!

I'll knock your face off your moola, Alba gu bràth (Gu bràth!) Hoo-rah! (Hoo-rah!)

Founding father but no children,

Crossed the Delaware but your soldiers can't swim!

That's Washington, such a shite tactician.

The fucking British Army didn't even want him.

I'm Wallace! And I'm flawless!

Stay hid in your office or suffer great losses!

I pop my kilt, strap my sword in my hilt, step on the battlefield and I'm ready to kill!

Send all you politicians straight down to hell!

The only Washington I trust is Denzel!

George Washington:
Is that the best you got for me?!

I chop down an emcee like a cherry tree!

See, power! That's what the meaning of my flag is!

Your nation's famous for golf and haggis!

I'm fabulous from my head to my shoe buckle!

Step to me, you catch a knee to the moose knuckle!

'Cause I know you don't wear no draws,

I'm dressed like a pimp, best moves at the ball.

McGlavin, McGliven, McSchool you all!

Cock block more Scots than Hadrian's Wall!

William Wallace:
I don't give a shite 'bout your fancy clothes!

You whipped all of those out of slave black folks.

Grew weed, then you made hemp rope

But if you think you'll beat me, you must be having a smoke!

No joke! Don't tee off with me, laddy,

If you held my balls, you couldn't be my caddy!

My style's ice cold, yours is old and shabby.

You're the father of your country, but I'm your daddy!

George Washington:
I can't tell a lie, you're about to be,

Chopped down like a skirt-wearing cherry tree!

William Wallace:
Add a loss, not a win to your tally, George,

My heart's colder than the wintertime in Valley Forge!

Jersey put your face on a bill,

But it's the one that's least valuable!

And your monument represents you perfectly,

It's an enormous phallic tool!

Trivia

 * This is the sixth holiday battle, along with Genghis Khan vs Easter Bunny, Columbus vs Captain Kirk, Moses vs Santa Claus, Adam vs Eve, and Donald Trump vs Ebenezer Scrooge.
 * This battle was aimed for the 4th of July, also known as Independence Day.
 * This battle, Darth Vader vs Hitler, and Gandhi vs Martin Luther King Jr. were featured in an episode of Elders React by TheFineBros.