User blog:BlueFrackle/Feral Rap Battles of the Animal Kingdom

Everybody knows that the animal world is much like ERB. You see confrontation, unlikely alliances and even unfair play. Pretty much everything goes if it helps you win. It's a jungle out there, and survival of the dopest is the new law. So today we bring together two MCs from the deepest ocean vents to star in this weird thing called... Feral Rap Battles of the Animal Kingdom!

Battle
FERAL RAP BATTLES OF THE ANIMAL KINGDOM!!! SCALY-FOOT GASTROPOD VS. YETI CRAB!!! BEGIN!!!

Yeti Crab:

Roar! These vents ain't big enough for both of us, bro!

I scare Jacques Cousteau! Serve some fresh escargot!

This is crustacean domination, stepping to me's just cray

You and your worm buds will end up like Pompeii!

The abominable lobster's a mobster tonight

Exercise my chelae as I crush this hermaphrodite!

So toxic that my fur got specialized bacteria

I don't fear ya! You're a mollusk Tony Stark only inferior!

Scaly-foot Gastropod:

I'm an expert survivor, think you can match my wit?

You feed upon the filth in your own armpit!

You're not a hermit, crab, but I can shun you from society

With iron-sulfide hard rhymes, come in three color varieties

You can't touch me under my three-layered shell harbor

The US army studies it to make better armor

I'm a scale-covered snail in this trail I prevail

Finding me in the sample was a scientific Holy Grail!

Yeti Crab:

I'm a psycho Kiwa! You're a mellow fellow in slow motion

I twist over your body, call it gastropod torsion!

Call my Hoff Crab chum to run you over with KITT, punk

I was discovered by Alvin, but you sing like a chipmunk!

Your asshole's located so close to your head

You can swallow the very same shit you just said!

Retreat into your shell you little symbiotic maggot

Think you're tough? You could be defeated by a magnet!

Scaly-foot Gastropod:

I got mean flow like an ocean current, you sea?

Getting street cred in Kairei, Solitaire and Longqi

I'll serve you your own legs, cooked in hydrothermal smoke!

I'm an armor-clad knight, you're a hydrothermal joke

Kick you back to your nauplius larval stage if you bother me

I squash a squat lobster 'til he's flat like a water flea!

To a predator I bet you look like quite a sweet tidbit

And your skill's about as legit as your namesake cryptid!

Sea Pig:

Yum! Did somebody say tidbit?

Back off, everyone, make room for Sea Pig!

Wasn't planned to join in, but I don't give a frig!

Marching into this place bringing deuterostomian grace

Striding on my tube feet as I dominate the space

Bring an ocean commotion, party on the sea floor!

I may have a softer body but my rhymes are hardcore!

Porcine seafood, the nightmare of a Jewish cuisine

So much treif that the Rabbis must deem me obscene!

I'm a plump pinkish pimp rocking the abyssal plains

After you decompose I'm gonna eat your remains!

WHO WON?!! WHO'S NEXT?!! YOU DECIDE!!! FERAL RAP BATTLES OF THE ANIMAL KINGDOM!!!