User blog:BackToTheFuturama86/Jack Torrance vs Regan MacNeil. Epic Rap Battles of Villainy Season 1

Hey so I got really bored in school today and wrote like half of Jack's lines instead of doing my Pre-Calculus work so you'd better be fucking happy <3



Today's battle features antagonist of Stephen King's novel The Shining and Stanley Kubrick's film of the same name, Jack Torrance, and antagonist of the 1973 film The Exorcist, Regan MacNeil / Pazuzu, to see which posessed person comes from the better horror movie (y'know, since they're commonly cited as two the best, if not THE best horror movies ever made)

Thanks to Tk for the sexy iTunes cover and title cards

(Note: Since Regan/Pazuzu curses a lot in the movie, I tried to reflect that in her verses. If that makes you uncomfortable...

...wtf are you doing on this website??)

Cast
EpicLLOYD as Jack Torrance

Kai or Naya Berman as Regan MacNeil (video)

??? as Regan MacNeil (voice)

Nice Peter as Father Damien Karras (speaking cameo)

Zach Sherwin as Father Lankenster Merrin (speaking cameo)

O'Neill Monahan as Danny Torrance (speaking cameo)

The Battle




VS!!



BEGIN!!

HEEEEEEEERE'S JOHNNY! Time to dis this discount Emily Rose

As a teen girl though, I should be able to upset you by judging your clothes

Little Regan thinks she'll beat me? Ha! I fucking don't believe her

Little Regan thinks she's sick? Haha! Face some Overlook cabin fever!

What an excellent day for me to exorcise this weak freak

Or better yet; I'll lock you away in my hotel for a week

Right as soon I saw you, I knew that you'd be easily beaten

King's Shining star is smashing this screaming prepubescent demon

All of your fame nowadays comes from the Scary Maze Game

Now get chased through my hedges and watch as Regan gets maimed

Danny's arm should set an example; I'll beat you forever and always

Now let me leave this little girl chopped up and bloodied in the hallway

FUCK ME IN THE FUCKING ASS, YOU WHORE! SUCK MY FUCKING COCK!

You're not a goddamned psychopath, you've just got FUCKING writer's block

My flow willl make your head spin, FUCKER, I'm fouling Fathers fearlessly

Abra kadabra, grandpa! You're as fake as your phony conspiracies

Like the one for the FUCKING Indians, or the one about Apollo 11

Well, you're gonna die up there ''. ''W atch out, I'm more evil than Room 237

ARGH!! This maniacal cunt with daddy issues deserves to be FUCKING dead

Now watch me kick this FUCKER higher than I float above my bed !

Ouch, who knew a violent virgin fiend could suck as much as you do

Putting us all to Dr. Sleep with spider-walks and voodoo

Look at your film; all that religious backstory bullshit's doo-doo

And the only "scary" moment's half a second of Pazuzu !

Your jumpscares just can't scare me (Boo!); nor can you compare me to

Malachai or Pennywise, Christine , Ms. Wilkes , or Carrie  (ooh!)

After facing me, you'll be crying to your mommy "Waaah, boo-hoo!"

Karras's exorcism is nothing compared to what I'll do to you!

GO TO FUCKING HELL AND SUCK FUCKING COCKS WITH YOUR MOTHER

I'll slaughter this FUCKING Dick like he's Scatman FUCKING Crothers

You think you're so FUCKING tough 'cause you're all big and tall?

Well, YOU FUCKED UP! You can't even outsmart Shelley Duvall!

I scare movie-goers with FUCKING pea soup and violence

You bore movie-goers with exposition and silence

Trying to kill your own kid? And I thought I had a bitch dad...

Posessed by a FUCKING building? I know some guys who can fix that

Exorcise me? Bitch please. You're, like, twelve

Start playing with your crucifix, cause you can go fuck yourself

Jack the Ripper fears me! I make grown men cower

And you're less threatening to me than the old lady rotting  in the shower!

Cut the crappy scares out, you sold out to fucking Scary Movie

Kubrick's creepiest creation has just defeated this Friedkin' juvie

This Joker must be Cuckoo  if he thinks this is over. Look!

You're as faithful to a rhyme scheme as your movie is to your book

From the moment the spirits chose you, you were always just a token

Stolen by the Ghosts of Hotel-Goers Past 'til your soul was broken

Shine a light on this, John: Did you die in an explosion or just get frozen?

I'M A DEMON CHILD, BITCH! FUCK THE CORN KIDS  AND THE OMEN

Your creator lost to Poe, upon a FUCKING midnight dreary

BITCH, you're about as successful as your FUCKING miniseries !

Alright, you think that's a nice diss? I wouldn't be so arrogant

Did you forget about your shitty sequels, you fucking Heretic ?

(Unmask!) Ahh! It's midnight, now it's time to reveal this hater

Let us all see you bleed like you're a fucking elevator

Listen to me, hellspawn. I promise I'm not gonna hurt you

But I am gonna bash your brains in, I hope that doesn't disturb you

Only you could make demons boring, you pre-teen bedridden scum

You're not even half as freaky as Tony! Tell her, Danny: REDRUM

You brought your son into this, Torrance? That's just FUCKING horrid

The only real crime you've committed is those eyebrows on your forehead

I'm victiorious once again, I don't know what else to FUCKING tell you

Bow to me like I'm your saviour, bitch. THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOUI!

WHO WON??

WHO'S NEXT???

I PROBABLY WILL HAVE DECIDED BY THE TIME I POST THIS BATTLE!!!!!!

EEEEEPIC *sound of an axe hitting a door* RAP BATTLES OF VILLAINYYY

(holyfuckijustwroteabattlethatlonginlikeadaywhatswrongwithme)

Who won?
Jack Torrance Regan MacNeil