Board Thread:General Discussion/@comment-24112664-20150702073558/@comment-24846350-20150704155837

Ye I tried translate the battle into Mandarin and made it rhyme too

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY

史詩歷史饒舌戰

LAO TZU

老子

SUN TZU

孫子

and CONFUCIUS

和孔子

versus

對決

NIETZSCHE

尼采

SOCRATES

蘇格拉底

and VOLTAIRE

和伏爾泰

begin!

開始

I’m coming off the Acropolis

蘇格拉底將從雅典衛城

to start some pandemonium

把地獄釋放出來

Don’t bring limp raps

不會饒舌的廢人

to a pimp slap symposium

最好從酷人研討會離開

The mad gadfly

這隻瘋狂馬虻

philosophy was my invention

為哲學打下了支柱

rolling with the flyest nihilist

跟最強的虛無主義者

and me, their French henchman

還有我這法國心腹

We’ve got the wisdom

我們的學問

And the wit

和智力

That even I couldn’t question

愛質疑的我都能夠肯定

dropping Western medicine

利用西方的醫藥

on these East infections

治愈這些東方傳染病

It’s evident

很明顯地

You've never been

你們根本

our type of mental brethren

和我們是不同類型的人

we're better thinkers

我們是更好的思想家

better speakers

和演說者

better lovers

和愛人

better men

而且更加神

This type of arrogance

這種傲慢的態度

is sure to be expected

孔子我早就料到

from men who speak of wisdom

說自己具備知識但是

with no clue of what respect is

不會尊重，只懂胡鬧

you Westerners are sloppy

你們這些馬虎西方人

needing discipline in life

都需要紀律和檢討

you lack control of yourselves

缺乏控制自己的能力

and of the mic

連話筒也拿不好

while we use precise strikes

而我們懂得用精確攻擊

to disrupt your concentration

把你們的注意力破壞

hand you an ass whipping

將你們的屁股鞭打到

our decedents

我們的後人

will honor for generations

世代都會崇拜

we filled a nation

我們為國家加了

with patience

耐力

and the presence

和生命

for living

的道路

and you’ll never hold a candle

你們永遠也比不上

to the wisdom

我們

we’ve

所編寫的

written

學術

Oh, I’ll give you something

哦，我一定會讓你們

you can bow and kowtow to

鞠躬和叩頭並令你們羞耻

when I squat down and squeeze out

我會蹲下然後

a Tao of Pooh on Lao Tzu

在老子的頭上拉一道屎

You need to take control

你們需要好好管制

of the life you’re given

你們所擁有的生命

They call me Uber-mensch

他們都叫我超人

cause I’m so driven

因為我最執著堅定

And I’m a free thinker

我是一個自由思想家

so confronting conformists like you

所以對抗和你們一樣的遵奉者

it’s my job

是我的工作

got a sharp wit like a spit

我的智力就像炙叉

that’ll skewer you

一樣把你串成

like a Confu-shish kebab

烤孔子肉來剉

You flubbed the mission

你搞壞了你的使命

I’m beating your submissive ass

我會擊敗你柔順的屁股

into submission

令你屈服

Dishing out more disses

提出一堆反擊

than letters and pamphlets and plays

比我發表的信件及單張和戲劇

I’ve been publishing

更多更毒

Now that we’ve covered the two

現在嗆了陰陽

Yin and Yang twins

兩兄弟

I can move on to Jackie Chan

我可以開始攻擊成龍

Sun Tzu I’ll be picking apart your Wu

孫子我會用蘇格拉底法

with my method, man

把你的吳國拆開，弟兄

The seminal general

這開創性的將領

isn’t so tough on the mic

饒舌不強

All your men must be like

你的士兵一定會被

Yo what happened?

我們嚇傻

You’re pitiful lyrically

你的歌詞實在可憐

lucky for history

歷史真幸運

You didn’t author the art of rapping

你沒有創作孫子饒舌法

Bitch I wrote the Art of War

婊子我寫了孫子兵法

So you better get your guns out

所以你最好拿出你們的槍

These white boys getting burned

這些白人準備被燒傷

Cause guess what

因為

Now the Sun’s out

太陽現在在天上

Asians spitting sick

亞洲人吐出狠毒句子

but no this isn’t SARS

但這並不是非典

Laozi kick the beat

老子打拍子

Now Confucius drop some bars

現在孔子把你們痛扁

Let me be Candide with you Voltaire

讓我跟你說實話，伏爾泰

French drip with the egg noodle hair

法國窩囊廢，雞蛋面當頭髮戴

Your ego’s just so distracting

你自負得要命，只懂炫耀

free speech doesn’t mean just keep yapping

言論自由不代表你可以吠叫

And you killed God so I gotta ask

你殺了上帝所以我想問你

Did he die of shame

他是不是感到羞愧

when he made your mustache?

他做了你那醜陋的鬍子？

You tried to plant a new German psyche

你打算種下新德國心理

But you just grew hate

但你只讓仇恨增長

me no Third Reichy

納粹德國也因你崛起

And it all starts with you

而且這由你開始

you’re the father Socrates

蘇格拉底，你是哲學之父

Honestly, I think you owe

說實在，我認為你應該 both of your students here an apology

為你那兩個學生感到恥辱

I wouldn’t exactly call myself

我並不會說自己 a student of this plebe

和這庶民有師生關係

Don’t make Nietzsche come over

不要讓尼采過來

and put a knee up in your chi

並用我的膝蓋踢你的「氣」

because I’m

我是

N-I-E-T-Z-S-C-H-E

N-I-E-T-Z-S-C-H-E

And I’ll end any mother fucker

我會終結任何混蛋

like my name in a spelling bee

就像在拼字比賽中拼出我的名字

Plebe bitch?

庶民？婊子 I’m toxic like a hemlock sip

我就像一口毒芹汁一樣劇毒

Hang a sandal on the door

把我的涼鞋掛在門上

cause you can suck Soc’s dick

你可以吸我的私處

Sacre bleu Socrates

該死的，蘇格拉底

You’re making things a little tense

你實在使形勢有一點緊張

Come, let’s blind these Chinese heinies

來，讓我們弄瞎這些中國笑柄

With some shiny bright enlightenment

用閃亮和光明的啟蒙使他們受傷

I’ll not be taught camaraderie

我才不會讓操縱彩票的青蛙

From a frog who rigged the lottery

來教我友誼

You make a mockery of ethics

你讓道德成為笑柄

So keep your fat nose in your coffee

所以你最好繼續喝咖啡，大鼻

Let me be frank

容我坦率講

Don’t start beef with the Frank

不要被這法國人盯上

who hangs with B. Franks

我和富蘭克林交往

giving ladies beef franks

給女士「法蘭克福香腸」

I have turned them on themselves

我令他們互相爭吵

Their chaos is our opportunity

他們的混亂是我們的好機會

We must remember

我們必須記住

a bowl is most useful when it is empty

一個碗在空的時候才最珍貴 Laozi I don’t mean no disrespect

老子我不是不尊重你

But you need to fill your bowl

但你真的需要替你的碗

with some shit that makes some sense

加一些更加合理的狗屎

Oh you don’t want to stand

哦，你今天不會想

in the path of Lao Tzu today

和老子作對

I’ll make you move bitch

我會移走你，婊子

get out the way!

立即和我後退！

Yo, where in the tradition

饒舌戰的傳統

of rap battles is it written

在哪裡曾經寫到

that two dudes on the same team

兩個同隊的隊友要

should squabble

像咯咯的雞

like some clucking chickens?

一樣爭吵？

Man, Confucius

孔子兄，

you always try to put

你總是想把

something in its place

東西放在正確的地點

Why don’t you tell your eyebrows

你為什麼不告訴你的眉毛

they need to fit better on your face

他們應該更適合你的臉

Okay, I see

好，我懂了

you wanna make it like that?

你想和孔子對打？

I’ll smack that war mongering head

我會摑你那好戰的頭

out of your to-go box hat

直到你那外賣帽子掉下

So here’s the real golden rule

這才是真正的黃金定律

I’m way above you weak rookies

比起孔子，你們菜鳥實在太爛

Confucius say

子曰：

you can all hold these fortune cookies

爾等全都只可取吾之幸運餅乾