User blog:Iamthelegion/Princess Leia vs Prince Zuko

if you like sensing any form of continuity in Dragon Ball Star Wars in this show you're gonna have a bad time

Brendan did his illest as leia in this, also helping me re-write her lines in the story

lmao only way i could get someone to read the story

today we have Prince Zuko, son of the Firelord Ozai and then Firelord of the Fire Nation, against Princess Leia, adopted daughter of the practically non-existent King and Queen of Alderaan as well as descendant of he who brought balance to the Force, Darth Vader (also known as Anakin Skywalker), rebel leader. Who will bring honour to their fams?

the hint from last time was the blowy up thingie she had as boush

STORY THAT NO-ONE LIKELY READS! (I conned Hippie into reading it tho lmao)
Han buries his head into Chewie's fur and as tears and snot drip down his face, he remembers.

CUE FLASHBACK!

A battleship with rulls up to the shore of a futuristic city. A man with a striking demeanour and an older, relaxed gentleman stride out of the boat, down the ramp. A woman in an elegant white dress with ridiculous hair stands to meet, next to a scruffy-looking soldier. The woman speaks:

"Welcome to New Alderaan. You may refer to me as Princess Leia, or General Leia, whichever you scruffy-looking nerf-herders would find more respectful. This is my husband, Han Solo. We recognize Firelord Zuko and General Iroh of the Fire Nation."

The old man spoke, "So formal! There is no need for such reservation, we are all allies."

The younger man continued, "Or hopefully we will be, after this. We come in peace, seeking allies in this struggle against the strange foes from hell."

The soldier countered, "I'm not sure there's a hell that's a hotter mess than that face", as the woman struck him a harsh look.

The Firelord's hand starting smoking as he said, "This is the emmisary of Alderaan? He shows no respect. Don't force me to protect my honour."

The princess waved her husband away and replied, "Pay no mind to Han. Our little Ben has been quite the troublemaker. I understand that you and your wife are expecting?"

The Firelord's gaze tightened, and the general responded "Ah yes! Young Zuko is expecting an heir! The news is joyous, though overshadowed by this threat."

"Uncle. Back down." The Firelord took an intimidating tone "Princess, I know of only a dozen men with that knowledge. That card was a dangerous one to play, especially after your brother led a troop of clones into battle next to one of the colonies."

The princess smiled, "Cute. The old dog learns new tricks, while the puppy is stuck in his ways."

The Firelord muttered, "Big talk for you to be calling someone old."

The general placed his hand on the Firelord's shoulder, and smoke stopped billowing out from his fists. "We are already fighting one war, Zuko. Be careful we do not start another."

The princess opened her mouth as if to speak, as a red beam flew towards the Firelord, who caught it with his fingers, and sent it off behind him. A bitter, pained moan was heard, and the general collapsed, fainting from the pain from the shot penetrating his leg. The Firelord's hands became engulfed in flame, and he cried "TREACHERY! None of the Fire Nation's enemies possess your witchcraft! Look what you did to Iroh!"

The Battle:
Princess Leia:

Don't speak out of turn..this is how it's gonna be:

You'll kneel before the general or get sent out to sea, because, Lee,

You're a disrespecting dick, unskilled, who needs a hero,

When I'm not riding solo, yo, I'm riding Solo,

And spurtin' out little greasy-haired bad kids in the opposite faction,

But Snoke took a look at this pissy twit and was like, "I ain't want a tad bit of that action."

You couldn't last a minute in the battles I've fought,

Your head would get gnawed off by a couple baby Ewoks, dawg!

I'll burn your right eye and knock you tooth for tooth,

This BIC lighter don't hold a candle to a flamethrower in a phone booth.

Blue Harvest your Spirit, kick you off that flying bantha,

Dress skimpily and sneak up, choke you like your name was Jabba.

Prince Zuko:

Hold off on that jib at Jabba, I'm about to cross my Mrs. Ts

Blaze up an inferno until you match your bae's carbon freeze

You rode Indiana's Jones? I NTR'd the Avatar.

You were supposed to be the New Hope. That didn't go far.

They gave it to that sand-bender you eventually left

But if we didn't know better I'd swear the redneck'd known it was incest

They tried to Force Push plot twists but it just messied up that shit,

But you weren't phased, your character was like the blades I'll kill you with

Parts that were one but split in twain, two minds passed as ambivolence

But that's bullshit! They didn't sustain it because you're irrelevant!

I capped off the super team, and I can redirect lightning

Won't do much to you, can't get further from fire than what you bring

I broke the mold, redeemed my honour, climbed the regal ladder fast

Reached top bad boy so quick it was like internal Combustion, Man!

When there was snow on my roof the furnace was at Planck

You were emotional fodder who couldn't distinguish Chewie and a skank!

Princess Leia:

The Force is with me! You got them heat beams!

Unlocked the midi-chlorians, contorting aether; you're nabbing at filial piety!

So it's a pity your fam couldn't fill you in on battle-planning etiquette,

Now you're told to get Aang but dang, he had two giant shaved heads to give.

But look deep down, that spark's still inside you, ready to ignite you,

You're a living lit short fuse, you know it to be true!

So what some dudes are a bit miffed by a quick unwitting brother-sis kiss?

At least this sis didn't pay for her mother to get stiffed.

Prince Zuko:

YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR! I'LL BURN HOTTER THAN THE STARKILLER BASE

CUZ I'LL DROP THE BASE, BY CHANNELLING ALL THE HEAT INTO YOUR FACE! *Zuko incinerates Leia*

Well... huff... I put you in your place.

I hope you're one with the Force and that that keeps to space.

Outro story (that no-one will read):
Han slumps down in the external gate of the capital city of New Alderaan, as Firelord Zuko lifts his uncle and carries him back onto their ship, supported by two Fire Nation soldiers, and the ship takes off immediately.

THE PRESENT AGAIN

A First Order flag is pulled to the ground, as if by some great wind.

Actual Outro:
Who won? Prince Zuko (Iamthelegion) Princess Leia (Hippie Rat)