Christopher Columbus

"I'll stick a flag up your ass, and claim you for Spain!"

- Christopher Columbus

Christopher Columbus battled Captain Kirk in Captain Kirk vs Christopher Columbus. He was played by Nice Peter.

Information on the Rapper
Christopher Columbus (October 31, 1451 – May 20, 1506) was a famous explorer, navigator, and colonizer, most famous for discovering The Americas for the East. He killed many Native Americans during his journeys. He is Italian, but he sailed to the Americas for Spain.

ERBoH Bio
I am an Italian explorer who sailed for Spain. I was financed by Queen Isabella and King Ferdinand after every other country turned me down. I was the captain of the Nina, the Pinta and the Santa Maria. We were headed to the East Indies in 1492 when I sailed the ocean blue to trade spices, but instead I landed on the Caribbean Island of San Salvador. We met the locals, whom I called Indians because I assumed I was in India. Then I captured and sold them into slavery. My arrival did not turn out well for them. I went back and forth between Spain and South America three more times and did quite a few terrible things, both to their people and my own. When I returned to Spain in 1500 I was immediately arrested for torture and theft during my time as governor of the Caribbean island Hispaniola. Now, people celebrate me every year by getting a day off work on the second Monday of October. You’re welcome, America! Arrivederci!

Verse 1:
Arrivederci, Imma leave before this battle begins...

...

Cause we both know in the end which of these captains gonna win!

I'll show you how a real explorer handles a situation.

I'll beat you so bad, they'll feel it in the next generation!

So bring it on, I'll whip you like a Klingon.

My rhymes will burrow in your ears like the wrath of Khan!

I've got a neck chop for Spock. I'll put my sword through Sulu!

Check into a Priceline hotel and watch your fat ass on Hulu!

Verse 2:
You know, rapping against you, it's not even fun.

It's like somebody's set your brains on stun!

I am the fabric of history, you're a fictional stain!

I'll stick a flag up your ass and claim you for Spain!

Trivia

 * Columbus' opponent was originally going to be Neil Armstrong, but he was later switched with Captain Kirk because Peter thought Neil was kind of "unflappable".
 * Columbus' title card is misspelled as "Colombus". This makes him one of four rappers with an error title card, the others being Adolf Hitler, Billy Mays (in the Behind the Scenes video), and Ebenezer Scrooge.