User blog:Joeaikman/Han Solo vs Peter Quill - Rap Battle

Woah. A Joe battle? Woah. That’s something. My first battle for quite some time, and written over a spell of about a year and a half, making it officially the longest written battle I’ve ever written! Some thanks has to be given to GravityMan for some help with characterization and a couple of lines in the final battle.

This battle is one that had been done before. It pits Han Solo, the galactic smuggler from Star Wars, against Peter Quill, better known as Star Lord, the swashbuckling leader of the Guardians of the Galaxy, in a battle for who is the best smart talking space smuggler in the galaxy!

Star Lord
Rap-off, bro. Me and you. Don’t hold back any hammers

You might know me as Star Lord, I know you as Indianna

Milano cruise control flow, I’m collecting chick’s numbers

You can collect an STD your girl picked up from her brother

I’m taunting this tauntaun! Bars on target like an X-Wing

Sad because your girl and black best friend are sexting

Let me give you a leg up! Me and my pals already got this won

Your chances falling faster than you after the talk with your son

Han Solo
Never tell me the odds! The Kessel run couldn’t be beaten

Till I did it in twelve parsecs, so you should be easily defeated

You wanna talk about falls? Gamora dropped and you couldn't stop it

Now I'm going to blast this chubby bitch right back into the Office!

Light Speed raps! You're one sandwich away from being fat

You're more consumed with lust than Drax is with wrath

Whether it's Ego or Yondu, you'll always disappoint your heritage

I'm going to ravage your verses faster than cancer did your parentage

Star Lord
You’re bitchin’ ‘bout your bitch kid, but Luke’s probably his daddy,

Your wife’s working off your debts in a bikini if you wanna talk about family

You've got Stormtrooper aim because all your shots are missing me

Turn your tail, Solo! Get back to your hive of scum and villainy

Han Solo
You’re getting cocky, kid! I could take you out whilst being blind

You don’t need hokey celestial powers with a blaster by your side

You're just discount Tony Stark in the discount Space Avengers

Half the galaxy died because Quill couldn't control his temper

Star Lord
You're old, Solo! Came back just to die! That's the worst!

When Leia touched your sabre Han definitely shot first!

Spending all your time with Chewie, but your girl still ain't jelly

She turned to the Dark Side when you put a Sith Lord in her belly!

Han Solo
Accuse me of bad parenting? You’ve got more daddy issues than Thor

You let the whole galaxy down when you didn’t kill your green whore

I’m still in my prime! Flying casual against this Pratt’s galactic lack of flow

You don't need to tell me you loathe me again! Believe me, I know!

Peter Quill
My team are my family! You've got no-one left at home!

Get your lips around my rocket and suck my infinity stones!

I would have thought that bad feeling would have been enough!

Better save your girl a razor so she can shave her Wookie muff!

Han Solo
I've got the verses where they count, though it might not seem it,

Teeing off with Boba and showing princesses a proper sized penis,

I've been going for Millenniums, you're just a flash in the pan

You’re flying Solo tonight, boy, with celestial semen in your hand

Who Won? Peter Quill Han Solo