User blog:Hippie Rat/Simon and Garfunkel vs Hall and Oates

Hey yo hi hello

Holy shit it's hard to write a musician battle. Trying to find that decent mix of substance and song puns. I think there's a whole four-line verse in there almost entirely made of song puns because I was running out of things to say. I managed to make 58 lines though. And the battle's actually good. Good enough for me to have not posted an official Hippie Rat Battle Rap in like months? Eh I hope so. If not, then at least my review series has been enjoyable.

So today we got the folk duo Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel going against pop rock duo Daryl Hall and John Oates. But will a certain comedy duo whose names might be Riki Lindhome and Kate Micucci steal the spotlight? And will they keep the spotlight for long? The answers to these questions and more...if you just scroll down and read the battle. Like, just scroll down a bit. Don't worry, it's not too far down, it's like, just past the giant thing that says "Lyrics." I might have some trivia ready this time, so maybe you wanna skip the battle and go straight to that? That's a bit more scrolling but hey if you want to be my guest. Just scroll down. And if you scroll far enough, make sure to tappy tap on that poll and leave a comment. Enjoy.

Lyrics
Announcer:

Epic Rap Battles of History! Hall and Oates vs Simon and Garfunkel ! Begin!

Hall and Oates :

Woah, Oates, who woulda known we'd be facing,

Jewfros and child's hairdon'ts, woulda kept us waiting,

For some pep and energy and an upbeat tempo,

Flow slow no more, 'cause you got Hall and Oates! Yo!

You're sad melodies, to hell with these mellow gawks,

Make way for late disco, early pop, one-hundred percent rock.

Your songs are like the ballad of the sandman, if we wanted something that soft,

We'd be rock-and-rolling a baby in a treetop!

It's out with the old, in with the better,

Quit sitting onstage, all cozy in your sweaters,

Don some leather, or better yet, show some bare chest!

'Cause it's a new era and people want appeal to sex!

You two are out of touch, old and busted, crusty and rusted-

Simon and Garfunkel :

Shh, I think we're above this; we're on a bridge over troubled dumbshits.

We attract half a million people at our concerts,

You met on an elevator when your concert went bonkers.

You're monsters, a couple of trolls,

The way you jerk around onstage and call it rock and roll.

Your whole schtick's sickly diddy doo wop voices everywhere,

Creeping up your cowboy boots to your Maybelline hair.

And if you weren't aware, we're musical legends and newbies' muses,

You're one broken hip away from performing on Carnival Cruises.

Hall and Oates :

Well I can't go for that. No can do.

I'd tolerate that as much as you two tolerate you two.

Yeah, good music can't develop from such a hostile lifestyle,

I mean, all your reunions feel like some kind of sad divorce trials.

Simon and Garfunkel :

Well it'd be easier if you didn't have to sit next to some schmuck,

With a Napoleon face, a Napoleon complex, and an itty bitty Napoleon nut.

Maybe I deserve a tad more credit, you fame-hungry putz,

Considering I'm the one who writes all our songs for us.

Fine, if that's how you're gonna act,

Then you can take your Kodachrome and shove it right up your-!

Garfunkel and Oates :

Wait! Don't say goodbye just yet! This party's taking a turn for the douche,

This whole thing is bigger than both of the both of you.

We're reaching for giggles, secreting for jiggles,

And let's just say we're the most colorful band since The Wiggles.

Watch out, boy, she'll chew you up and spit out a joke,

Yeah, I'm more of a wheat kinda gal...never cared much for John Oates.

But you might be missing the point, so I guess what we're trying to say,

Is sure you were pretty cool back in the eighties but more recently your songs haven't held up as well and people would rather listen to us nowadays!

Simon and Garfunkel :

Well that'll kill a flow, can't remember a time they weren't reciting that line,

Why don't you get out of our face with those weird bug eyes?

With all those sex puns, innuendo, and the occasional skimpy suit,

Ms. Kate and Riki, you're trying to seduce us, aren't you?

Hall and Oates :

Say it isn't so, we're all back together again,

'Cause the alternative is something better left unsaid.

But you go and say it anyway! Because why not! It's a laugh!

When you make music, you should do it for love, not just to shake your ass.

Simon and Garfunkel :

We had the strangest dream of failed female comedians,

Sailing to find the fabled fame of The Lonely Island.

Your music is sickly,

Garfunkel and Oates :

We prefer simply "iffy."

Hall and Oates :

It's blasphemous!

Garfunkel and Oates :

It entertains the lots!

Simon and Garfunkel and Hall and Oates :

What lots? The same ones that loved the groups with the names that you stole?

We'll take you ladies' ukuleles, jam 'em right up your loopholes.

You're a couple nothings. We're fourth, third, second to none,

W e a r e t h e w o r l d ! Hey, I wasn't in that one.

Whatever fans you had were quick to find your songs weren't as timeless,

And they threw away their iPods..in silence.

Announcer:

Who won? Who's next? You Decide! Epic Rap Battles of History!

Trivia

 * First off, not actually trivia, but if you actually skipped the battle to go straight to the trivia, you're weird and go back and read the battle.
 * This is my first battle to have the original rappers retaliate back at a third party, but didn't do it before it was mainstream. But it may surprise you to hear, the concept of Simon, Garfunkel, Hall, and Oates all rapping against Garfunkel and Oates was thought up and writing on that concept began before James Bond vs Austin Powers, the battle to popularize the idea, was released. Like I said, if was very difficult writing this battle, and it took a long time to do so. The idea was inspired by my take on the Stan Lee and Jim Henson alliance that I gave my own twist on in my battle, Disney vs Henson 2.
 * Color coding this battle was almost a bitch and a half when I was about to have everything that was said by multiple people have alternating color text to signify it (think the "we are the world" part). I realized quickly that I could just use colors that mix together to make another color and just use that color when multiple people are talking. There's even an "and" on every beginning of the verse that I could easily use to signify that that's the color. Sometimes I'm glad this battle took so long so I had time to actually realize shit like that.

Poll
Who won? Simon and Garfunkel Hall and Oates Garfunkel and Oates