User blog:InfamousONLY/House vs. Hippocrates! Epic Rap Battles of History

Nice Peter as Gregory House

EpicLLOYD as Hippocrates of Cos

(Electrocardiogram of the normal heart beating shows off with typical sounds)

Epic Rap Battles of History!

Hippocrates of Cos!

VS

Gregory House!

(House)

I will here today treat you hereby to death

Punched with my diagnoses - you'll soon be out of your breath!

'''Primum non nocere? ''' Who cares about your lines?

Your oath is a bullshit since everybody lies!

I’ll take my handy whiteboard and smack this medical aberration

Make you feel like med student on Anatomy examination

<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">Then I order MRI, some X-rays and lumbar punction

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">And diagnose your differentially as an antique obsolation!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">I'm an amoral doctor with outstanding results

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">Your moral dilemmas bring only death accounts

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">You treat your patients well, while you just watch how they die?

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">I guess it's highest time to call you Mr. Hypocrite!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">(Hippocrates)

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">As for me, you don’t deserve to be called physician, Greg

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">Cause that title’s too high for a nasty junkie jerk

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">You don't treat people, House, you just only make a shot

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">Your patients do not die only due to unreal plot!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">   From the Father of Medicine - what else have you expected?

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL"> For over two millennia doctors used what I’ve invented!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">   You’re a shitty MC, and a crazy M.D.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">   For me, you are just a Medical Failure – M.F., see?

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">Such famous diagnostician, but a lousy teacher

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">You couldn’t even teach Hugh Laurie what could cause him a seizure!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">Your episodes - so schematic, I’m just bored from déjà vu !

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">When I want a solution, I skip to the minute thirty three!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL"> But come closer now cause I see you’ve got pain problem

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL"> I'll treat your leg, House, but there won’t be drugs to solve it !

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL"> (House)

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">Oh, shut up, you idiot, don’t flatter yourself, Greek!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">Single antibiotic saved more lifes than you did!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">Ethics won’t ever get your patient regenerated

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">Your faith in humanity is clearly overrated

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL;mso-bidi-font-weight:bold">You’re not even as humourous as you believed you’ve been (see note about humours below, it's very important to <span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL;mso-bidi-font-weight:bold">understand this fully)

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">You’re just a little phlegmatic with no jokes on the scene !

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">You think you won the crowd with that speeches of yours?

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">They’re forgotten, mine are fresh & burning anybody to toast!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">My worthness is impeccable, Cuddy would agree on that

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">For she turned down for me one hundred million dollars, mad?

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">(Hippocrates)

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">Could you use, please, one phrase, that is really yours?

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">Cause from what I’ve heard, they’re just David Shore’s!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">Back in my time, I got the hundreds of followers with ease

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">While you’ve got only prostitutes and a Wilson’s disease!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">Your story became bullshit as the seasons has progressed

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">You were in Mayfield and a jail, yet you’re still medically licensed!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">Now I think it's time to push my "Trittered" switch

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">To surely make you join with your Cutthroat Bitch!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">You won't find your lupus here, wanna-be sociopath

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">Go play with your ball or bleed to death in your bath!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">(House)

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">Oh yes. your balls.....

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language: EN-US;mso-fareast-language:PL">(House become silent and just walk out of the battle, leaving Hippocrates confused)

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal">(Same electrocardiogram shows off again. This time beating is much faster, one beating per word, the pauses between are shorter and shorter)

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal">Epic!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal">Rap!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal">Battles! (two beats)

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal">Of!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal">His-to-ry! (three beats)

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal">(After which beating stops and flatline appears with characteristic sound)

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal">What do you think of that scenario? (I know the idea alone has became infamous already)

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal">

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal">

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal">*About humours: Hippocrates believed the human body is made of four humours: black bile (melancholy), yellow bile (chole), phlegm, and blood. Each one correspond to one of the four temperaments : blood - sanguine, phlegm - phlegmatic, yellow bile - choleric and black bile - melancholic. He thought also, that all diseases are consequence of the imbalance between humours. Hippocrates was known to make speeches, which is not a common knowledge.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal">This makes these four verses really burning puns. Why?

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal">Here we have multiple - entendre:

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal">1)House states, that Hippocrates is wrong, since body is not made of the humours, hence he is not as humourous as he believed he has been.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal">2)Additionally, Hippocrates wasn't the type of merry, lively person, who jokes often (today meaning of "humourous"), but was calm, patient, and thoughtful which is assosiated with phlegmatic temperament (+ melancholic, since he was also serous, pedantic and meticulous, prefering analytical approach), so he is "just a little phlegmatic with no jokes on the scene", opposed to House, whose sarcasm can be really funny, when he does it "on the scene", meaning on screen in his TV series.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal">3)Moreover, House by stating Hippocrates is "just a little phlegmatic" states he only has one temperament (corresponded to only one humour) and thus he is imbalanced, telling Hippocrates  indirectly, that he is sick. House often explaned diseases in the funny way, using analogies, before he used medical terms, so he tells it, using analogy to humour.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal">4)Hippocrates was known to make speeches, which is not a common knowledge. House tells then, that his speeches are forgotten, while his, often sarcastic, are known much more, so, in fact, House "won the crowd" with his "speeches" instead of Hippocrates.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal">

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal">

<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal">

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal">