Moses vs Santa Claus

center|border|600px"I'm from the North Pole, that's why my rhymes are so cold!"

- Santa Claus Moses vs Santa Claus is the twenty-seventh of the Epic Rap Battles of History series and the 12th installment of Season 2. It was released on December 10th, 2012. It featured the Jewish prophet,  Moses, rapping against the magical figure of Christmas, Santa Claus.

Cast
Nice Peter as Santa Claus

Snoop Lion as Moses

EpicLLOYD as The Elves

Monica Weitzel and Elena Diaz as Moses's Honeys (cameos)

Lyrics
Santa Claus:

Sweet robes, Obi-Wan-too many days in the sun.

Stop preaching, homie. Teach your flock to covet some fun!

I bring joy every year. Man, I represent cheer.

You represent sandals and a scraggly beard.

I'm from the North Pole. That's why my rhymes are so cold.

I spit diamonds, but I'm serving up some fresh coal.

You've been a naughty boy. You brought a plague of frogs.

You'd best arrest yourself; you broke your own law!

Or was there something in Rule Six I didn't understand?

My list says, "Killed Egyptian dude, buried him in sand."

I read your book. You got a strict religion.

No bacon? But mandatory circumcision?

I'm a jolly bowl a jelly, giving holiday presents.

But all the chosen people ever get for Christmas is jealous!

Moses:

When I was high up on the mountain, God revealed the truths of the Earth.

But he never mentioned a fat-ass Papa Smurf.

It takes nine reindeers to haul your fat ass.

You took the Christ out of Christmas and just added more mass.

You need to stop breakin into houses and creepin' and peepin'

On naughty kids while they sleepin' and keep your hands off my stocking.

Don't you "Ho Ho" me.

I'll split your ass in half like I did the Red Sea.

You ain't a saint, you a slaver, like a pharaoh in the snow.

Stop with the unpaid labor and let my little people go.

Elves:

We ain't slaves!

All that sand turned your brain to mush!

Claus:

I think you need to stop smoking all that burning bush.

Elves:

Yeah, we're magical workers, man!

We hang with reindeers.

Yo, here's a GPS!

Who gets lost for forty years?

Claus:

You're a glorified secretary, so write this down.

Elves:

Begat deez nutz!

Claus:

Santa Claus is coming to town.

Moses:

So much drama in the Israe-L B.C.

It's kinda hard talking directly to the G O single D.

Hand me my chisel, I got a new commandizzle for y'all.

Thou shalt not let your children sit on a grown man's lap at the mall.

I'll beat you ten times before the bread can rise, you dummy,

And walk of into the land of my milk and honies.

Trivia

 * This is the first battle to involve a religious figure rapping.
 * The first religious character to appear at all is Jesus Christ in Genghis Khan vs Easter Bunny.
 * This is the second battle to include an Egyptian Character (first was Cleopatra vs Marilyn Monroe).
 * This is the third rap to feature Holiday Figures (Santa Claus, Christopher Columbus, Easter Bunny, Moses).
 * This is the first rap battle to have a famous rapper portray a character (Snoop Lion).
 * This is the third battle to be made for a holiday, first two being Genghis Khan vs Easter Bunny and Captain Kirk vs Christopher Columbus.
 * Santa Claus's naughty list read the following:
 * Master Chief - Carries Guns, Repeated acts of violence
 * Mr. Rogers - Creepy. Racist?
 * Moses - Killed Egyptian Dude, Buried him in sand
 * Mozart - Too Loud
 * If you look closely at the stone tablet Moses carries in his second verse, "ERB" is written on the 5th line down.
 * This is also the only battle so far not to show the two rappers side-by-side.
 * This is the only battle which its thumbnail doesn't match the iTunes cover.
 * This is the fourth battle in which the characters do not dance during the "Who won? Who's next? You decide!" sequence, after John Lennon vs Bill O'Reilly, Nice Peter vs EpicLLOYD and Bruce Lee vs Clint Eastwood.