User blog:Minipop56/Literal Review: Mozart vs Skrillex

Skrillex:
'''My name is Skrillex, man! Welcome to the Devil's Den'''

Okay. SO HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY THAT THE DAMN FRICKIN' TITLE CARD TOLD THE DAMN FRICKIN' STOR- FRICKIN' DAMN-Y?! IF I HAVE TO SAY THAT ONE MORE TIME I WILL PERSONALLY LIGHT YOU ON FIRE, ROAST-!

I'm a scary monster stomping this sprite in frilly pants

This is a time for you to insult Mozart, not recite the names of all of your songs.

'''You're a weirdo, Wolfie! You're into powdered wigs and poop'''

Two extremely relevant things.

And your cousin blew notes on your little Magic Flute

So you're calling them a very good musical duo?

Your daddy issues make the Jackson 5 look like the Family Circus!

Are you saying that his father is an expert Photoshopper and he can make a picture of the Jackson Five look like a picture of the circus? Also, 'daddy'. You sound extremely mature.

You might have been a genius, but you died baroque and worthless!

You just called him a genius!

'''I'm rich, acclaimed and famous! I'm on playlists! I'm the A-List!'''

Erm ... Mozart is just a tad more famous than you:

Mozart: greatest classical musician and composer of all time; Skrillex: The process of putting the letters 's', 'k', 'r', 'i', 'l', 'e', and 'x' together in a fashion which creates a word which sounds like a type of excrement.

'''You're the lamest! Kiss my ass, A-A-A-A-Amadeus!'''

Would you really want someone's saliva dripping all over your gluteus?

Mozart:
Was that a verse, or did you just get the hiccups?

When someone gets the hiccups, they don't usually use the words "baroque", "playlists" or "powdered" in the middle of a fit.

I'm a prodigy, Sonny, and I'm about to smack a bitch up!

Language.

My music is 200 years old and it's still excellent!

Not to mention the fact that you're 200 years old and that you should be dead.

In two more months, the world will forget about your Skrill-excrement!

Skrillex is not known for his digestive system or excellent excrement, and as it happens, one does not forget about Skrillex's excrement if they never knew about it.

I can't believe the way you dress when you dubstep out of the house!

I can.

You're like an emo Steve Urkel and you reek of dead mouse!

Who the heck is Steve Urkel, may I ask? Okay, so I searched him up (I don't watch TV) and I discovered that when he was born, his parents tried to push him back in. Thank you, Wikipedia, for making me depressed.

'''I am the world's greatest composer! No one knows what you are'''

His mother knows who he is. And as he would say, "my mummy and daddy wuv me vewy much".

Except a lonely little troll who knows how to press a space bar!

Does he press spacebars for a living now?

Skrillex:
I attack, you decay, can't sustain my releases!

Erm .. when did you do that now?

Sidechain, Wolfgang, Bangarang you to pieces!

Sidechain compression? So relevant.

'''I'm a self-made man. You're a slave to your papa'''

Papa?! WHAT ARE YOU? 2 YEARS OLD?!

I'm a r-r-r-rock star, mix you with the bass and drop ya!

How can one mix another person with the bass and drop them?

'''Global! My strobes glow like Chernobyl!'''

You are saying that your strobes glow like a freak nuclear accident which killed many people and blew fragments of radioactive particles into the air which spread over much of western Europe? SEEMZ LEGIT.

'''Kids explode and get mobile! No one even knows you!'''

Are you bragging about the nuclear reactors you employ in your music again, except this time you're talking about targeting chidren?

'''I make the whole world move. You play community theatre'''

Making the whole world move and making the earth spin off its orbit through your nuclear explosions is not good.

I gained your same fame from home on a blown out speaker 

You blew up your speaker?

Mozart:
Oh yes, I've heard that EP, and see, I transcribed it here

Tell me, what comes after the 68th measure of diarrhoea?

I think Mozart had a little accident on the page. Someone needs to clean it up. And someone has to potty-train Mozart.

'''What kind of drugs does it take to enjoy this? I've no idea!'''

Heroin. Crotch heroin.

I've seen more complexity in a couch from IKEA!

Simplicity and minimalism are the way to go.

You go piano to fortississimo!

Oh my.

That means soft to very very loud, 'cause I'm guessing that you didn't know!

Why didn't you just say soft to very very loud if you're guessing that he didn't know?

Why don't you put down your Cubase and pick up a real bow?

Because ...

To put down a computer program like Cubase would mean putting down a computer, and thus breaking it. Skrillex uses a Mac, and a Mac's average price is $1400, and to put that into perspective, that is 1/715 of a house, which no one in their right mind would want to replace that.

I rocked harder than you when I was 5 years old! You're bragging that your father forced you to practise the piano and violin many times a day when you were a mere infant?

What should I do a literal review of next? Tesla vs Edison Mr T vs Mr Rogers Albert Einstein vs Stephen Hawking Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates Martin Luther King Jr. vs Gandhi Blackbeard vs Al Capone