User blog:BackToTheFuturama86/Theodore Roosevelt vs John F. Kennedy. ERBoBTTF S2:E3

In honor of President's Day, I decided to write a battle featuring former presidents. Today's battle features 26th President of the Unites States, Theodore Roosevelt, against 35th President of the Unites States, John F. Kennedy, to see who's the most badass president of all time.

Cast
EpicLLOYD as Theodore Roosevelt

Nice Peter as John F. Kennedy

Zach Sherwin as George Washington

The Battle
EPICRAPBATTLESOFPRESIDENTS!

JOHN F. KENNEDY!

VS!

THEODORE ROOSEVELT!

BEGIN!

Teddy
What's up, bitch? President number 26 in the House

Here to tell this Catholic bastard what Presidency's all about

You call your reign as President successful? Ha, hardly!

Imma make you lose your mind like my name is Lee Harvey

You say you're fighting for civil rights, but it's all just a sham

Oh, you slept with Marilyn Monroe? Well, I don't give a dam

You act like you're so popular, but we all know you're a misfit

But as I always say, "speak softly and carry a big stick"

JFK
I don't need to speak softly, but I still carry a big stick, son

Taking down a Conservative cowboy like his name's Richard Nixon

I'll push this Atlantic fanatic overboard and leave him for dead

Then chisel his face off Mount Rushmore and add my own head

I put a man on the moon and took down Communism single-handed

You're as fat as Taft, man, you can't live up to my Gold Standard

You can't even kill a bear, but you're still convinced you're tough

By the way, your wife was Riding me last night; she liked it Rough

Teddy
Dying runs in your family, well you can't kill a Bull Moose

You think my woman's easy? Well, everybody knows that Jackie's loose

JFK
This disgusting trust-buster's getting crushed, you're old and dusty

Ask anyone, you practically did nothing for your country

Teddy
I'll tear you down like they did to your precious Berlin Wall

You let your guard down, like the top of your car, and now you'll fall

JFK
You're a novice, to be honest, and you never keep a promise

You spit the Republican vote? I'll just casually walk into office

???
STOP!

Washington
I cannot tell a lie, so I'll just do as I please

Chopping you two Presi-don'ts down like a pair of cherry trees

My raps bite down hard, like my false wooden dentures

I'm the very first American hero, call me an Avenger

The father of a country against two leaders who ruined it

An overly masculine walrus and a kid who isn't doing shit

You're full of Bull, Roosevelt, and you look like a Moose

You're more square than your Square Deal, you fatass Progressive douche

And as for you, Kennedy, where to start? Well, nothing personal,

But it's not hard to dis a bitch who got killed in a convertible

I led the Revolution, your attempts at wars were feeble

And as president, I declare your acts illegal. We the People!

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOUDECIDE!

EPICRAPBATTLESOFPRESIDENTNESS!

Poll
Who won? Theodore Roosevelt John F. Kennedy George Washington