Talk:James Bond vs Austin Powers/@comment-5660191-20160612213205

Almost there.

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!

JAMES BOND!

VS!

AUSTIN POWERS!

BEGIN!

James Bond:

I’ve beef with Le Chiffre and know a Blofeld with a cheek scar

But they were not as crooked and rotten as your teeth are

I’ll go balls to the Walther on this whack twat in an ascot

Blast shots at you like ass from the back-slot of a fat Scot

Permission from the Crown to put a scoundrel down? I’ve earned it

I’m Licenced to Kill, you couldn’t get a learner’s permit

After 24 films, I’m still reaching new heights

Your third movie died, guess You Only Live Twice

Spell my name, the ladies wanna B-on-D

Any sex appeal you might have is beyond me

I’m the ??? from my head to my toe and after this flow I’m done

I only need one round, *gunshot* Golden Gun

Austin Powers:

You look a lot more blond in your movie, baby

But that’s alright, let’s just keep it groovy, baby (yeah)

Basil Exposition told me this would be boring

But Jesus, man, even my mojo’s snoring

I’ve never seen such a miserable spy

I’ve also never seen a man with glistening thighs

I mean, you can’t shag ????? with that waxed ????

Birds flock to the musk of my chest fuzz (yeah)

I’ll hypnotize you with a little striptease

And then judo chop, I’m swinging on you like the 60’s (yeah)

You’re defenseless, my rhymes can’t be deflected

You’re like all the sex I’ve ever had, unprotected (yeah)

People want a hero with a little personality

No one wants to sit through your gritty reality

Maybe Q can craft a new plot line

You’ve made Thunderball two bloody times

I’m one of a kind, you’re always getting remade

You can’t touch me, double-oh, behave

James Bond:

Ugh, I can’t believe I’m wasting my time with this clown

I should be on an island with a fucking model by now

Sipping dry martinis and peeling off bikinis

Not rapping against Swedish penis-pumping weenies

Austin Powers:

Yeah, that’s not mine

James Bond:

I didn’t say I was finished, I’m sick of your silly gimmicks

I’m the best spy in the business, just ask all the critics

And I’ve been through hell, so yeah, I’m a bit of a cynic

But I’m the original model that your frilly ass mimics

James Bond (Connery):

I wouldn’t exactly call you original

It’s the most prominent dominant bomb spy so pay homage

Handing out ass-whoopings, I’m on some real James Bondage

Your performance doesn’t stir me and I’m certainly not shaken

If I wanted shitty acting in my action film, I’d go and watch Taken

I see your modern gadgets and I piss on them all

I don’t need a cue to break your balls

I’m the granddad of the brand millions of fans have been sold on

You’re so far up on my nuts I should call you Bond… Gold Bond

Austin Powers:

Yeah, um, could I get back in my rap please?

James Bond (Connery):

Rap deez, you velvety hack

Austin Powers:

Jeez!

James Bond (Craig)

It’s the movie business and you’ve had your sex/six

The world has had quite enough rug-wearing misogynists

Austin Powers:

Yeah, to be honest, you are a bit rapey

I mean, I like to swing but Dr. No means no, baby

James Bond (Connery):

Oh please, I’m extraordinary, gentlemen, I’m distinguished

If they made a Mini-Me, they’d have to cast Peter Dinklage

James Bond (Craig):

Well maybe they should cast a Bond who’s actually English

James Bond (Connery):

*gunshot* Why, pussy, aren’t you the cunning linguist?

James Bond (Craig):

As a matter of fact, I’ve got a knack for licking old cunts

After I beat you, I’ll kick the shit out of the man who does your stunts

James Bond (Connery):

Now you listen here, you little duck-faced runt

I’m all in, I’m ready to die any day that you want

WHO WON? (WHO WON?)

WHO’S NEXT? (WHO’S NEXT?)

YOU… YOU DECIDE!

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!