User blog:Jella141/Jim Henson vs Rick Grimes - Joseph's Anything Rap Battle Tourney



Greetings, this is a battle for Joseph's Anything Rap Battle Tourney, featuring puppeteer and mind behind the Muppets, Jim Henson, along with his main Muppet, Kermit the Frog, rapping against The Walking Dead protagonist, Rick Grimes, in a bout to see which individual has the superior beard, I guess, I don't know. It's meant to just be a random matchup.

Cast
Dragonsblood23 as Jim Henson and Kermit the Frog

Jella141 as Rick Grimes

Additional info
Intro/Outro written by Jella141

Idea for intro/outro by Dragonsblood23

Intro
[''The screen fades in from black. A disoriented Rick Grimes slowly stands up, finding himself in the middle of an abandoned street.'']

Rick: What the hell happened…?

[''After some brief contemplation, Rick stumbles along the path, making his way to the steps of a dilapidated house. He glances around, noticing a rusty sign next to it reading, "Sesame Street".'']

Rick: What the fuck is this place…?

[A trash can is tipped over as a decomposed figure staggers over to Rick.]

Rick: Shit.

[''He immediately pulls out his Colt Python and shoots it straight through the head. Suddenly, another figure emerges from the shadows, carrying a puppet with the appearance of a frog. Rick keeps his gun raised at the stranger.'']

Jim: Woah, take it easy, my friend. Put down your weapon.

Rick: How 'bout you start by telling me what the fuck I'm doing here first?

Jim: I would; however, I'd rather not partake in this unorthodox matter.

Rick: This whole area's been desolated and you just so happen to be the only other person here, so you're gonna answer my question.

Jim: Hey, I do not particularly want to be here as well.

Kermit: Yeah, why don't you just, y'know, chill out.

Jim: Look, it's hard to put into words exactly, well, actually the concept itself revolves around putting it into—

[Rick cocks his gun.]

Jim: *sigh* It's complicated, alright. It's as if our two worlds have been brought together, for let's say, a specific reason.

[''Losing patience, Rick holsters the firearm and pulls out his knife. He then proceeds to grab Jim, pressing the blade up to his neck.'']

Rick: Either you give me the answers I'm looking for right now, or I slit your fucking throat and make your little green friend here red!

Kermit: *Chuckles* Or, I could do this.

Rick: What the—

[''Kermit kicks Rick back into his world, to which he lands in the Atlanta Outskirts. After getting back up for the second time, the blow makes Rick realize what's going on and why Jim Henson was sent to be put against him.'']

Rick: So this is how stuff and thangs are supposed to go down, it seems.

Jim: I'm sorry it had to come to this, my friend.

Kermit: I'm not.

Jim: At least you now know why what I'm about to do cannot be controlled.

Rick: Don't worry, you'll soon see that you're both fucking with the wrong rapper.

Jim: I very much beg to differ.

Battle










[Note: Beat starts at 0:14.]

Jim Henson:
Today's battle is brought to you by the number 1 and the letter S:

S is for served which you'll be soon since you cannot fight the best.

You've Spawned a massive Image with your seasons up to mount,

But I doubt this supernatural cop could even pick a fight with the Count.

From the medic cellar, this dweller thinks his comics are stellar at best sellers,

But this feller's stories have more twists than a propeller according to This Storyteller.

I make the most creative shows and films of all time while your talk show is bland,

Since while your best friend's blowing your wife harder than Emmet Otter's Jug-band.

Rick Grimes:
I run these parts now, partner; you ain't no longer welcome on the Street of Sesame

'Cause if you cross me, you'll wish you'd never fucked with this former Sheriff's Deputy!

I'll provide a painful pounding on the pneumonic prick who penetrates puppets!

How 'bout you hand over that rod and I'll show you exactly where you can shove it?!

With that stuffed amphibian as your only weapon, I'd recommend reconsidering your attack plan!

You're nothin' but a talentless has-been, so just put a sock in your artificial marionette fam!

I've seized complete control over this specimen! How's it feel to get a taste of your own medicine?

You're Skybound to turn eventually, then you'll AMC what it is to become one of them.

Kermit the Frog:
Hi, Ho! Kermit the Frog here to assist my man in outwitting your raps!

You walked for 6 seasons when instead you should've traveled by map!

It's not easy being green, nor is it easy to have long dialogue over walkers ,

Especially when your beard is so big; they should've renamed you Herry Monster!

Not even Oscar wants your trash to show that your series has really sank low!

We get emotional; our friends die, while your folks get killed off every episode!

You should've got the Rainbow Connection to move out of my swamp lands!

So can I also serve your whiny son, Carl, in a rap battle also? Yes, Eye Can!

Rick Grimes:
You're soundin' a bit croaky, Kermit. Were your legs force-fed down your esophagus?

Your arrogant confidence emits pompousness; stick to being your master's bitch or suffer the consequence

Of my piercing teeth sinking into his jugular and ripping it out to your concomitant astonishment!

You best contemplate every single word of this the next time you try to face me and fuck with my dominance!

Call me the post-apocalyptic Miss Piggy 'cause I'm goin' H.A.M. with a red-handled machete!

I'll slice both of you up, then get the Swedish Chef to cook you into a bowl of spaghetti!

You've just been lyrically sucked into an abyss of which an inescapable Labyrinth exists!

Due to my inevitable victory, this isn't a democracy anymore; it's a Ricktatorship!

Outro
Statler: Hehehe, that sure was something! Wasn't it, Waldorf?

Waldorf: If by something, Statler, you mean absolute garbage, then yes!

* Audience laughter*

Statler: If you'd like to vote for who you think won, leave a comment down below in that crap where arguments are formed on a daily basis.

Waldorf: I guess we should also thank the needledicks who made this whole thing possible: Dragon  and  Jella.

Statler: Alright, I think that's about it, Waldorf.

Waldorf: Indeed, Statler.

Statler & Waldorf: T h a n k y o u, a n d g o o d n i g h t , y o u p r i c k s.