Christopher Columbus vs Captain Kirk



Columbus vs Captain Kirk is the fourteenth installment of Epic Rap Battles of History and fourteenth episode of Season 1. It features Italian explorer, Christopher Columbus, rapping against Star Trek character, Captain Kirk. It was released on October 10th, 2011.

Cast
Nice Peter as Christopher Columbus

EpicLLOYD as Captain Kirk

Jon Na as Hikaru Sulu (cameo)

Omar Gharaibeh as Spock (cameo)

Mary Gutfleisch as Hot Alien (cameo)

Christopher Columbus:
Arrivederci, Imma leave before this battle begins…

…'Cause we both know in the end which of these captains gonna win!

I'll show you how a real explorer handles a situation!

I'll beat you so bad, they'll feel it in the next generation!

So bring it on! I'll whip you like a Klingon!

My rhymes will burrow in your ears like the wrath of Khan!

I've got a neck chop for Spock. I'll put my sword through Sulu!

Check into a priceline hotel and watch your fat ass on Hulu!

Captain Kirk:
I'm the…enterprising captain, James Tiberius Kirk,

Representing Riverside Iowa, planet…Earth.

I hear you call yourself an explorer, but I'm just not having it.

You…discovered a new world that was already inhabited!

Why don't you boldly go someplace you've never gone before?

Like India, or…any destination you've actually set sail for.

You spaghetti-eating fuck! How's your spice rack doing?

I'll be…chilling in my spaceship. Have fun canoeing.

Christopher Columbus:
You know, rapping against you, it's not even fun.

It's like somebody set your brains on stun!

I am the fabric of history! You are a fictional stain!

I'll stick a flag up your ass and claim you for Spain!

Captain Kirk:
Mr. Spock, beam me back to 1492, so I can beat this man like it's my job.

We'll see how Isabella likes my…captain's log.

It's Kobayashi for you. There's no way you could win.

When your weak crew sees me approaching, they'll be like, "Dammit, it's Jim!"

I'll double-fist punch you, you slave-making bitch!

Now…take your genocidal ass off of my bridge.

Christopher Columbus:
Keep my crew's name out of your mouth or you'll get hurt.

I'll Leif Ericson your ass and predate your best work.

Yeoman Rand and Marlena gave you too many favors.

Bones diagnosed, you got sores on your phaser!

General

 * Captain Kirk and all the other Star Trek characters in the battle are drawn from the 1966-2002 "prime universe" as created by Gene Roddenberry, Rick Berman, Michael Piller, and Brannon Braga. The modern continuity created in JJ Abrams' 2009 reboot with its alternate timeline had only just begun, and so even at the time of the battle, the prime universe was more well known and had the most material from which to draw.
 * For example, Chris Pine played Kirk in the alternate timeline—a more serious, quick-tempered, and rebellious Kirk than William Shatner's version. It is not known whether he or his crew would have fit the battle.
 * Footage of Nice Peter and EpicLLOYD doing a live performance of this battle was leaked on YouTube several days before the official battle was released.
 * This battle was the first released through a music provider (iTunes, Amazon, Google Play Store, etc.) a day before it came out on YouTube (October 9th).
 * Just like most battles in Season 1, there are two versions of this ERB available on iTunes. However, they are differently titled, one called "Columbus vs Captain Kirk" and the other called "Captain Kirk vs Christopher Columbus."
 * This is the second holiday battle after Genghis Khan vs Easter Bunny.
 * This the fourth battle to have a fictional rapper go up against a non-fictional rapper, following Darth Vader vs Hitler, Genghis Khan vs Easter Bunny, and Napoleon vs Napoleon.

Production

 * This battle was originally going to be Christopher Columbus vs Neil Armstrong. However, It was later switched to Columbus vs Captain Kirk because during research, Nice Peter thought Neil was kind of "unflappable" and there wouldn't be anything bad to diss him for.
 * Nice Peter showed two hints as to who it was between on his channel NicePeterToo. One was in the episode "Monday is for new Rules", which showed them performing not in costume. The other was in the episode "Monday Shows Continue Despite", which showed them in costumes.
 * The sunrise in the sequence before the announcer announces the battle may be a reference to the opening of the 1968 film 2001: A Space Oddysey.
 * Incidentally, HAL 9000, the primary antagonist of the film, appeared in a later battle.
 * The director of the film, Stanley Kubrick also appeared in a later battle.
 * This is the second battle where the ERB logo is not shown in the first scene, with the first being Napoleon vs Napoleon.

Continuity

 * This is the second battle to reference Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, after Genghis Khan vs the Easter Bunny.

Errors

 * Columbus' title card is misspelled as "Colombus".
 * During Columbus's line "You know, rapping against you, it's not even fun", "against" is misspelled as "against".
 * During the "Who Won? Who's Next? You decide!" scene at the end, Christopher Columbus's background is entirely black.