User blog:Dark Cyan/Cyan's Rap Battles 32: The Brontë Sisters vs The Brothers Grimm

Hello, everyone. And welcome back to Cyan's Rap Battles of Literature!

Yes, this is not the finale. I've decided extend this series to twenty battles instead of sixteen. Expect them about once a month, though. That's probably not changing any time soon.

This battle pits the three Brontë sisters, authoresses of such classics as Jane Eyre, Vilette, Wuthering Heights and The Tenant Of Wildfell Hall collectively between them, against the Brothers Grimm, the two German brothers who published Grimm's Fairy Tales, in a battle of the two biggest sibling groups in literature!

Enjoy!

Beat: Get Ready

Intro
Charlotte: "What's your favourite fairy tale, Emily?"

Emily: "I am unsure. Is there one where the Prince is a foul brute but is still conventionally attractive and therefore the hero?"

Anne: "There is not, Emily. Fairy tales are tales of morality, teaching the young important lessons about life!"

Charlotte: "Still, I would not wish to be rescued by a knight in shining armor. I would rather venture out into the world and form bonds of friendship with agreeable men, which in time may or may not blossom into something more. Besides, the notion of women just being damsels to be swept off their feet, I find-"

Jacob Grimm
(starts at 0:20)

Silence! Your melodramatic prattle is beginning to bore me

Wilhelm and I enriched the annals of Folklore with over 200 stories!

We gave the world everlasting stories of Princesses, magic and knights!

Ever heard of Cinderella, Hansel and Gretel, Rapunzel or Snow White?

You three penned dime-a-dozen gothic mush with no standards

How many different times can one remake Moll Flanders?!

Wilhelm Grimm
(starts at 0:36)

There was once upon a time, three sisters thought they could win,

But against Fairytale’s finest, this is about to get Grimm!

Your prose is so plain! I can tell that it preceded the first thesaurus

And your notions of romance are as ancient as a Brontësaurus!

Our collections have stayed fresh and popular for two centuries!

Yours are left to thrift shop shelves, English classes, and distant memories

Charlotte Brontë
(starts at 0:51)

I am not fond of having to get nasty, but t’is fate

These mere publishers should not cast shade on those who create!

If it were not for the creative storytellers whom you stole from,

You would be out of a job, but I shall let bygones be bygones

Emily Brontë
(starts at 1:02)

I am not so kind! I am of a darker mind than Heathcliff!

And I do not mean the T.V. show, you shallow Cat and Mouse Partnership!

It is true you wrote many stories-most of them are one page!

It is little wonder you uselessness fills me with misery and rage!

Anne Brontë
(starts at 1:12)

I will not inflict upon our readers any more manners of a mariner,

Though I will say it is foolish to fight the masters of character,

Using tired archetypes is ineffective against the best of the best.

...Please excuse me. I do feel a dreadful pain in my chest...

Wilhelm Grimm
(starts at 1:22)

A certain young woman sadly leaves us, and to heaven she has flown

With the loss of Anne, so too did you lose your moral backbone

If this was a fairy tale, Charlotte and Emily would have been punished,

When you stopped your deceased sister’s works from being published!

Emily Brontë
(starts at 1:33)

I refuse to see a doctor, but my chest now hurts too

After my death, my spirit shall still haunt and infect you!

If all else perished but you, I would still continue to be

Terror has made me cruel-may sleep’s embrace set me free...

Jacob Grimm
(starts at 1:43)

That’s exactly what one would expect from the authoress of Wuthering Heights!

Emotional abuse and angst; you are truly the precursor to Twilight!

I miss my brother, but I shall continue to work until the grave,

Until our victory is as a rude shock to you as the success of Agnes Grey!

Charlotte Brontë
(starts at 1:54)

Alas, I am alone now, and I do confess I did wrong by my family

Anne was better at morals that I, and Emily better at agony

May the three Bells forever ring among the great romantic masters

Now I can join my family by means of family, and live Happily Ever After...

WHO WON? The Bronte Sisters The Brothers Grimm