User blog:ShyGuytheBro/ERB 3 Sans vs Baldi

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!

SANS!

VS

BALDI!

BEGIN!

Baldi: Hey there Sans, my name is Baldi, and i'm your teacher.

I'm going to teach my students how to tear apart this creature.

With one snap of my ruler, i'll leave you running.

But there's no running in the halls, i'm pretty cunning.

Now give me all your shit, you can call me the bully

I'm crushin this big fat mammoth, wooly.

I'm gonna put you into detention, so i will now mention.

Now that i have your attention, i will send you to another dimension.

You can't find these seven notes i'll just keep getting faster.

I will make you my verbal slave, cause i am the master

Here's a math problem for you, 1̴̢̡̰̤͉̻̝̱̳̭̓ͅ2̷͔̪̀̽͐̉9̶̲͕̝͇͎͎͈̻̰̣̀̾͑̈́͛͂͐͋̾͒̾͊̽̉̚͜͜4̶̢͕͖̥̯̥̦̘͒̂͛̎͛͐̉̇̏̇̚8̷̡̹̘̳̬͕͍̿̚̕0̶̨̫͎̜̣͚̱͙̈̅̓͂͐̆́̾̌̔̊͘͠1̵̝̤̦̈́̓͌̉̽͐̓͒̎͐͛͗̿̚͜ͅ9̸̘͓̯̪̙̺̩̼̮͎̗̫̇̒̿͜͝5̴̥͒0̶̲̼̞͇͚̰̙̯̥̮̤͗̈́̉7̸̫͒̋͒̅͋̀̕̚͝͝ͅ1̶̡̡̛̛͖͍̲̮͓̩̪̥̥͕̦̈͆̋͗̑̈́͠ͅͅ0̴̭̹̲̼̠̒̃̎̌̎͌͑̾͂̆̾̑͠9̷̰̲͝5̶̢̜̽̈́͒͐͂̐̂͘͘+̵̱͕̫̓̿͒̅̑͐̊̍̏̊̽̅̀͝9̴̧̡̢̣̙͖̜̼͔͕̣̀͊́̅̐̏̋̆̐̚0̵̨̭͍͗̀̒̇̏̎͠1̸̧̛̓̿̄̊̓̍̀̎͐́̀̚ͅ5̴̨͔͎̯̭͓͇̤̺̠̝̹͗̉̊̾̓͑̅͌̂̉̚̕͠͠7̸̡̗̬̺̝̦͚̥̦̤̱̥̫̯̂̎͋̀̿̋̅̊̅̈́̄̓͌͝͠1̴̨̙͈͍͈̻̘̹̺͚̯̑͛̋̈̀͘3̵͍̘͚̘̎̿̓̈́̉9̵̢̮̠̳̠̞͕̦̳̏̓̈̑͑̈͒̉͑͌̕͝0̷̡̺̼̟̦̺̦̼̼̤͆̀̌͋̽̄̕ͅ5̶͇̣̅̋͝͝7̵͙̳̞͚̲̰͚̳͌͊͌̔͘1̴̡͈̠̘̖͖̗̈̌̓̆͌̌̇̿̐̀̚3̸̢̘̻̼̟͈͙̅̾̀̍̈́̂̅̆̒͝͠0̴̢̢͚͈̲̼̗͖͕̭̲͓̣̪̚͠͝9̶͈͚̙́͜ͅ5̷̢̮̦̟̟͔̤̋̈́̓x̵͇͇̝̜̫̞̣͇̠͙͍͚̗͈͍̌̈́̏̉̅̀͘̚͝͝9̸̨̨̨̰͓͔̫̝̬̫͈͕͈̺̘́͂͋̔͒̆̐̀̽̊͋̋͠2̸̰͈̺̭͔̹̐͌̈́̉͠0̵̡̛̛̳̝͎̙͇̼̥̫̟͖̫͚̌̽̿́͒̽̒̒͂̕1̸̢͎̰̺̰̪̠̪̩̫̦͒7̷̬̗̥̝̬̰͍̼̲͗͊́̀̾̀͑̍͂̚5̷̜̲̳̺̣̣͎͕̘̩̫̱̯̈́̃̆͆͗̿́̽̾͗͐͂͑͘͘1̷̧̼̻̼̭̝̞͈̔̅̄̑̍͐̽̔͒͆͝9̴̧̧̖̫͖͉̱̝̈́́̏̐̇̍̈́̌̇̓̎̔͘̕͘ͅ3̶̗̙̪̻̤͇̪͌̒̈̀̎́̏̄̓͆̈́̔̕͜͝͝0̷̧̨̗̲͎̩͖͕̻͈̥̺͋̋̈͆̓̽̂͐͌́͘̚ͅ7̴͈̪̟̖̠̺̲̺̟͉͈̐̾͜͠5̶̡̬̣͚͙̫̺̣̠̭͓̖͗̇͒̾̑̓͑̍͋̽͝ͅ.

Now just try to solve it... hahahaha!

Sans:

You made fun of me in highschool but now i am the king.

Undertale a million sales Baldi's Basics fifteen.

You have no one, guess who's on my side.

Papyrus, the dog, Sheldon Cooper, and my eye.

My name is Sans the Skeleton suck on my titty

Baldi's Basics is very very very very shitty

Er Er Er, Er Er Er, Er Er Er, Er Er Er, Er Er Er.

Sorry i was just saying a fire diss, Er Er Er.

I'm just beating you so bad, like this is Megalovania.

My rhymes are just so flames, like im commiting pyromania.

Shittin on you like im the scat man, skibbida libbida hibbida.

Cribbida mibbida libbida sclibbida hibbida mibbida bribbida

I'm just givin you the bone, by that i mean my femur.

You look like a monkey, shit what rhymes with femur... lemur.

Look at me im so cool, just chillin in my blue sweat shirt.

My raps are taxing you leavin you in massive debt, skrrt.

I don't see humans often, I'm happy you just dropped in.

Now i will tear off your skin, and then kick you in the shin.

My rhymes are so metal, like i'm made out of cans.

But if i was made out of cans, i would run you over with my van.

I won't take any hits, im dodgin all your disses

you are hittin nothin, just misses after misses.

Snap your ruler one more time, and i'll snap your neck.

I'll tear you open layer by layer, and call you Shrek.

Heavy: Did somebody say SHREK!!!!

I'm here to smash you, you stupid undead skeleton!

Your raps bounce right off me, like i am gelatin.

I am the heavy, the king of Team Fortress 2.

My raps are just too sick, givin you the flu.

I may be heavy but you are just so fat!

I'm tap dancing over you! Rat-a-tat-tat!

You may have thought you could win, but that is not correct!

You winning this battle, it just does not connect!

Hats off to you sans, you put up a good fight

I hate to say this but this is your last night!

I'm Spying on you! like i am a stalker!

Cause when i am done, you will need a walker!

SHIT! you BITCH! you are not ready!

For my raps, are just. too. HEAVY!

Sans: Oh great its this guy, why are you here?

I already killed Baldi, you should be feeling fear.

You are just so damn big, yet you still cant touch this

MC Hammer smash on you, you smell like piss.

I'll just keep breakdancin on you, leavin no room for rebuttal.

Blastin off to another planet, in my space shuttle.

Now ill remove your bones from your body, and make you my new brother

Cause your game is older than my great great grandmother.

I left you dead like your game, you never stood a chance.

Now I'm standin on your grave! Doin a Fortnite dance!

Default: Oh hey it's me the default, from everyones favorite game

Fortnite! this dumb sans can't beat my 10 season reign.

Boutta pop a big shield, then I'm boutta pop this dub.

I'm so savage, leave you slittin your wrists in the tub.

Got a bullet in my sniper, 40 in my AR

Pop a dub, shoot you up, like you were in the gay bar

Breakin in to the school with my M-40, Super Duper!

Then get some v-bucks so i can get the Skull Trooper!

Look now i'm a skeleton just like you!

But unlike you, i am not a big dumb jew!

I'd rather be stuck in the storm than stuck smellin this fart.

So imma get out of here, in my shopping cart.

Hit you with the double pump, like my name was Tfue!

Sans just got raped by fortnite, #metoo!

Lemme pop this cozy, healin up before i split.

Cause now that i'm done, you will need a med kit!

Sans: ​​​​​​Thanks for the idea, i just used a med kit.

Lol just kidding! you are such a dumb shit!

Wow, shit, just like your shit game.

Now let me grab my heavy sniper and take aim.

What's that down there, dancing in Greasy Grove?

It's the greasy sleazy dumbass, gettin roasted by my rap stove!

Now im poppin the dub, with this heavy sniper headshot.

Orange Justice on this dumb fuck, in the Retail Row parking lot.

Knock down your Tilted Towers, with my verbal plane.

Time to take my shovel to dig another indie grave!

Shovel Knight: Hey there its shovel knight, just diggin into this fight.

Blockin all your raps, like my name is Shield Knight.

When it comes to you winnin, i'd say it's very vague.

I'm causin so much sickness, bringing a lyrical Plague.

Playing the War Horn, showing that i'm the King.

Hit you with my Dust Knuckles, knock you right out of the ring.

Collecting so many gems, i can just buy my victory.

I'll say bitterly, that your raps are simply contradictory.

This skeleton hasn't evolved, i'll send you right back to the Cambrian.

And then ill get my portrait put up into the Hall of Champions!

Sans: Who is this blue cunt? i've honestly never heard of him.

A rip-off of Megaman, i'll tear you limb from limb.

I'll take your dirty dusty shovel and shove it right up your ass.

And then i'll gorilla smash your head in, like a pane of glass.

Let me take your Ghost Glove, and just take out your soul.

Now you are just a sack of skin, time to eat you whole.

It's fishing time! I wonder what i've got on my hook.

Wow, Shovel Knight's head on a spike, look!

Now that i've killed him, i bet his whole family's feelin stress.

But i'm just sittin here, drinking from my cup of success!

Cuphead: Hey it's Cuphead, hailing from Inkwell Isle!

If you think you can beat me, you must be in denial.

I've taken down tons of monsters, like robots, and dragons.

Clowns, mermaids, genies, queen bees, and ship captains.

I don't mean to be braggin, but my list of souls is insurmountable.

Compared to my challenges, your game is quite casual.

My rhymes are tasty, call this my Delicious Last Course.

Your game causes sleep, mine causes smashing keyboards.

Now that im done, you're going to need some repairs.

Cause im the Dark Souls of games, no one else compares!

Sans: Dark Souls? Damn you must have taken an arrow to the knee!

Wait shit thats skyrim, uh, fuck, Nico Nico Ni.

Haha got you didn't i? It's like that one anime.

I don't know what it's called though, so dont ask me okay?

Man i'm getting real parched, i could go for a drink.

So imma steal your milk and put in my glass, clink!

Yum delicious, thank you very much Cuphead.

Sadly however, you are now very dead.

Looks like i'm a beast, another i have beat.

Although that drink made me hungry, i could go for some Meat.

Meatboy: Hey it's meatboy! I'm runnin and jumpin around!

You can't touch me, cause i'm wearin the meat crown!

I'll take you to The Hospital, to get you some medicine!

Then shock you with my raps, like i was Thomas Edison!

I'm slicin and grindin you, like one of my meat grinders!

I'm holding this battle together, like a bookbinder!

Sorry sans, but you have taken a backseat!

I'll just keep runnin up and down the meat street!

You need some meat on your bones, and i can deliver!

You have just been beaten! Meat Boy Forever!

Sans: Jesus Christ Meatboy, would you just shut up?

I can't believe you just rapped worse than the cup.

Let's be real, your whole game is literal garbage.

I'll take your whole game, and then destroy it. Carnage.

If you're taking me to the hospital, i must be the C.H.A.D.

Because my raps, are pretty darn RAD!

Welp, time to start up the oven, and make a great steak.

I once again won easily, mmm what a yummy steak.

I just nae naed on you, my verse was pretty sweet.

I just hope the next rapper isn't as gross as the meat.

Isaac: Hello it's Isaac, from the Binding of Isaac.

My game is better than yours, so suck my dick!

Cause i'm like a muscular boy, but i'm a bit more Chub.

But as long as i'm cryin, i'm still in the club!

And i'm cryin right now, because of how shit you are!

So i'll kick you into the road, and run you over in my car!

You are just covered in shit, you went from white to brown.

Just like Michael Jackson, wait that's the other way around!

Now Isaac will kick this dumb shit skeleton jew.

Right into The Catacombs, like we were in Chapter 2.

Sans: Wow, Chapter 2? I must be the C.H.A.D.

Yeah apparently, there are 2 C.H.A.Ds.

One in Binding of Isaac, and one in Meat Boy.

But i am both of them, like my name was Troy.

Why troy? I don't know, that's just my name.

My line about my name is better than your whole game.

Time to kill another, i'll stab you through the heart.

Cause i'd rather be stuck in the storm than stuck smelling this fart.

Wait that's already been said? Fuck. Shit.

Wait who's that over there? Riding in on a pig!

Steve: Yo, what's up, it's steve, i'm riding on a big pig.

Time to collect some dirt, Dig Dig Dig!

Oh wait, i already have a dirtbag right here.

A dumb faggot whose game died after just 1 year.

My game never ends, it goes on into infinity.

Your game died in hell, while i soar on into divinity.

When i see a freakin Creeper, i go aww man.

But when i see Sans i go OH SHIT! /ban!

Gotta make a bow, with some sticks and feathers.

Then take some obsidian, and bring you to the nether.

Time to let out my dog, and let him have a feast.

To finally make this undead beast deceased.

I slayed the Ender Dragon, you cant even beat some kid.

Your ugly skeletal face looks even grosser than a squid!

Just goin about my day, tradin with some Villagers.

But when im fightin sans, my intentions are nothing but sinister.

Holy sheep it's Herobrine, coming over just in time!

Time to climb up a cliff, and jump around like a Slime.

Holy cow it's diamonds, time to make a Diamond Sword.

To kill off this dumb cunt, who simply left me feelin bored.

Sans: Oh no, not herobrine, i will kill him!

Wow i just killed him, your future looks grim.

You know what they say, it's better to take a stand.

But that was back in 1940, when you ruled the land.

Now your Kingdom has Fallen, and there is no one to save you.

It's nighttime now, so just head back to your Cave, jew.

This was my Revenge, you didn't even put up a fight.

But in the end, you should learn not to mine at night.

This clever skeleton is so much better, it's just not fair.

It's so sad that Minecrafts lifespan ended in despair.

Monokuma: You dare say despair around this black-and-white ursine?

I'll vaporize you into butter, then it's time to dine!

Batter up! I'll knock you right out of the park!

Then round the bases to the sound of uproaring applause!

While you hang your head in shame and disgrace because!

You got lost and forgot what real sportsmanship was!

You look tired kid, maybe you could stay at my Funhouse.

Your boneheaded head is more fright-filled than a dumb mouse!

It's getting pretty hot in here! I wonder what that's about.

My innocent white stuffing is about to come gushing out!

Because your death flag is rising, and i'm the one to extend it.

I'll take Justice Hammer #5, and leave your head split!

I've prepared a very special punishment for the Ultimate Swine.

Let's give it everything we've got, its PUNISHMENT TIME!

Sans: Punishment time? Oh SHIT, FUCK! FUCK!

Nevermind......... Imma run you over in my truck.

Droppin Tetris blocks non-stop, you can't even touch me.

Unlockin all your weaknesses, with my Monokuma Key.

Blast Off! time to send this bear to outer space!

So never again will i ever have to see his ugly face!

Bye bye bear bitch, bite my beautiful bare butt.

Just busted this bastard, like i had Man's Nut.

open up my skeletal mouth, and defeat this demon.

Now this dumb plush bear has finally been beaten.

Freddy: What up it's me, the bear, you can call me Freddy.

I'm hungry, it's time to eat some of your brothers Spaghetti.

Oh wait, that's shit, lemme eat some Pizza.

From great restaurant, Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria.

Your game is shit, i've established an empire.

I'll leave you like Spingtrap, dead and on fire.

I'm runnin down the hall like Foxy, ready to attack.

Leave you withered and mangled, haunted in the back.

Is this really where you want to be? I just don't get it.

Why do you want to stay? I think you should just quit.

I'm the best animatronic around, so you better be bettin.

That i'll munch your frontal lobe, like the Bite of '87.

Sorry little buddy, i think you're out of your element.

Now i'll rip your body out, and replace it with an endoskeleton.

I really think you better quit your whiny bitchin.

Before i do unspeakable things to your corpse in the Kitchen.

You can't do anything, when i do my jumpscare.

You know it's over for you, when i do my scary glare.

Leave you scared and frightened, from this terrible bear.

Try to make it to 6am, come at me if you dare.

Sans: Aw jeez, another bear, you're gonna have a bad time.

Especially when i'm not missin a single damn rhyme.

Fazbear, please, this will be another easy breeze.

How can i lose to the mascot of a demented Chuck E. Cheese?

You disgust me Freddy, i'm honestly sickened.

You better prepare, you are about to go out screamin and kickin.

Do some things behind the pirate's cove curtain, make your game rated Arr.

Not even an animatronic can survive getting ran over by my car!

Time to get rid of all of these filthy robots.

Starting with the chicken, exterminate THOTS!

Monika: Hello Sans, welcome to my Literature Club!

The reign of this unintelligent skeleton needs to wrap up.

If you just join me, we can be friends forever and ever!

If you talk to anyone else, i'll leave your limbs severed!

Let me read this poem containing my love for you!

An endless cacophony of meaningless noise, what am i to do?

I'll make your heart go Doki Doki, til the very end.

Then send you off, gone forever, with a flick of my pen!

I'd snap my own neck for you, would you like me to do more?

I could tear out my organs, and leave them rotting on the floor!

Please don't leave me hanging, just tell me how you feel.

We can live in this cycle together forever, like a rotating wheel.

Please tell me i made the cut, or i might hurt someone.

For you and me, please tell me our fun has just begun!!

Please tell me, Just Monika, that you'll be with me.

Just Monika, if you don't, it'll be you i'll have to delete..

Sans: Okay! Just stop! You're creepin me out!

Of course i'll be with you! Absolutely no doubt!

We can be together forever, Monika X Sans.

But if it's Monika X Sans, i would run you over in my van.

Just hop into the driver's seat, and then take the wheel.

Simply yeet you off the street, now that's what i call a steal!

I'm skeetin, and yeetin, deliverin a beatin.

Absolutely popping off on this dumb bitch cretin.

Get your trashy weeb shit, right off my screen!

Call me Slenderman, cause i'm gonna make you scream!

Slenderman: Welcome to my forest Sans, see if you can survive.

Collect all 8 pages if you want to make it out alive.

Slenderman will bring this titular character to his death.

Towering, Slender and frightening, leave you with bated breath.

Sizzle this skeletal skeleton, on a sizable skillet.

Don't need stilts to tower over you, just scaring and killin it.

Tearing and towering, have you cowering, showering with strife and pain.

Teetering on the edge and toying with you, while i'm steering my train.

Storing power, stealing lives, searing flames, starting famine.

Storming palaces, soaring the air, scaring through, eating salmon.

Scouring the streets to scare some souls, all while i'm swearin.

Like shit, have a scrim, schoolin you, all while i'm wearing

A suede suave suit, severing you with my tentacles.

Stab you with my identical tendrils, painting a pentacle.

Five sided star, starting out startled and starry eyed.

Starved and soft hearted, with some stardust on the side.

More supported than you'll ever be, i'll leave you suffering.

I'm simply slaughtering, while you're just stumbling and stuttering.

I'm sorry to say, that you won't make it out of my wilderness.

No one will hear you scream when i send you to the endless abyss.

Sans: Page 1, dabbin and dunkin on slenderman.

Page 2, grab it up like an enderman.

Page 3, no one can stop me now.

Page 4, eat you like i eat a cow.

Page 5, skeetin on the competition.

Page 6, put you straight out of commision.

Page 7, kill you like my name is kevin.

Page 8, my favorite number is eleven

I found all the pages easily, easy peasy.

Piece of cake, easy peasy lemon squeezy.

Thanos: The mad titan is here, to stop you Sans.

The world must have order, you're destroying my plans

You are simply a speck i must get rid of, as small as a flea

Ah yes, perfectly balanced, as all things should be.

I jumped through Time and Space to stop you, and it's not over yet.

Reality can be whatever i desire, i can defeat any threat

I have unlimited Power, my being is whole.

I can stop you with only my Mind and Soul.

It costed me everything, to get where i am now.

So i'm sorry little one, but this is what i can not allow.

I'm going to snap you out of existence, you should call it mercy.

I have to keep the indie games safe, from New York to New Jersey

I don't enjoy this, i don't do it for the thrills.

But the hardest choices require the strongest wills.

There can be only one god, and you are not eligible

Goodbye Sans, i am inevitable.

Sans: And. I. Am. Iron. Man...

But since i'm Iron Man, i'm gonna run you over in my van.

Come on Thanos, you're just a big purple snore.

Your bored me even more than Infinity War

I'll just dab right on ya, like i was The Hulk

I'm really feelin it! Like my name was Shulk.

I'll leave this titan, straight gone like his planet.

Get dunked on! You smell like shit.

This is the end for you, and all the ones before.

Boutta head out now that i've conquered the world to it's core.

Sheldon Cooper: Sorry Sans, but i can't let it end this way.

We're in the Endgame now, you'll have to pay.

For all of your crimes against humanity, i'll have to cause chaos.

The only way people can talk to you after this would be with a seance.

This physicist will put an end to this, you will be missed.

Sorry Sans, Bazinga, you smell like piss.

Sans: What! Sheldon? I thought you were on my side!

Just go ahead and refer to my previous line!

"You have no one, guess who's on my side."

"Papyrus, the dog, Sheldon Cooper, and my eye."

How could you betray me? my old friend?

I thought we would be partners til the end!

Sheldon Cooper: I know Sans, i thought so too, but you leave me no choice

I want you to know, that after this, i will not rejoice.

Because dearly you will be missed, but i have to bring this to a wrap.

I have to end this right now.... With a snap.

Sans: Oh no, Mr. Cooper i don't feel so great.

I think for me, it simply might be too late.

It's over for me, i don't know what to do.

Oh no, is that the light? I can see the bright view.

My rhymes were metal, like i was made out of cans.

Goodbye everyone, this is the end for Sans...

Sheldon Cooper: Goodbye old friend, i will remember you fondly.

But now that i've done this, i feel pretty godly.

I think i will kill more people, to quench this thirst.

So many people to choose from, who do i choose first?

Peter Griffin: Hehehehehehehe, Hey Lois.

I'm here to defend my dead friend Sans, you smell like piss.

I mean remember that one time i met Barack Obama?

Barack Obama:

Uhhhh, let me be clear, i'm gonna blow you up like Osama.

Peter Griffin:

Hehehehehehehe, you don't stand a chance Dr. Cooper.

I'm just inkin on ya, like i was a Mario Blooper.

I mean remember that one time i met Brock?

Brock:

I'll use my frying pan as a drying pan, now eat my cock!

Peter Griffin:

Hehehehehehehe, seriously, it's over for ya bud.

Call me Noah's Ark because i'm causin a verbal flood!

I mean remember that one time i met Scoob and Shag?

Shaggy Rogers:

Like, Zoinks Scoob, this Sheldon guy is such a big dumb fag

Scooby Doo:

Reeheeheehee, Right Raggy, rilling Sans means he must be a cheater.

Peter Griffin:

You got that right, oh hey Joe what's up?

Joe Swanson:

Hey, Peter.

WHO WON?

WHOS NEXT?

YOU DECIDE?

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!!

Who Won? ​Sans Baldi Heavy Default Shovel Knight Cuphead Meatboy Isaac Steve Monokuma Freddy Monika Slenderman Thanos Sheldon Cooper Peter Griffin and the Boys