User blog:Joeaikman/Joe's Battles of Unlikely Suggestions - Julius Caesar vs Alexander the Great

"What's this?" I hear you cry "Joe publishing a battle with real life rappers? Unpossible"

Well it's true. And no, it doesn't mean JRBOF are dead, it just means I'm having some writers block, am waiting for a guest or two to be available (you know who you are ;) ) and fancied writing some raps with real life historical figures.

So this one is one of my favourite ideas. Alexander II of Macedon, founder of one of the largest empires of the ancient world, goes up against the mighty Roman emperor Julius Caesar to see who lead their empire better. Hope you enjoy!

The Cast
EpicLLOYD as Julius Caesar (denoted by red )

Rhett McLaughlin as Alexander the Great (denoted by blue )

Link Neal as Mark Anthony (cameo)

Nice Peter as Octavian (cameo)

The Battle
Ave Alexander, hail the slayer of many Persians

He's met his match as Julius kicks him right in his bifurcum

You're the inferior ancient general, with raps hardly bareable

Forget the Great, I will now label you Alexander the Terrible

I will eliminate this child king, who's like Tut without the pyramids

You sparked a period Hellenistic, you were really just a narcissist

I beat Pompey and Crassus, formed an empire from the Republic

You journeyed to Persia and learned to suck a eunuchs dick

Your mommy was insane, always used to sleep with snakes

I'm the one here with most fame, everybody knows my name

I give you a thumbs down, sunning at the Mediterranean Sea

I'm the embodiment of Rome, you'll find all roads lead to me

A puny mere emperor thinks he can step to my greatness?

Ha, I thrash punks like him and Darius on a regular basis

I'm Alexander, a greek, learned from Aristotle's teachings

Should have sticked to your preachings, now receive my beatings

The irony is i gained my power from the gods, I deserved it

You caused a civil war, got a little angry, you didn't earn it

Nowadays your claim to fame is just a Shakespeare play

Always remember your end, Caesar, et tu Brute?

Here's a fact, your empire collapsed as soon as you passed

What kind of legacy is that, it proves that you're only a fad

I lead the conquest of Gaul and the invasion of Britain

Give me a minute, your kingship, had zero talent with women

I rocked the world, beat Goths, you were defeated in India

When your own men backed out, you let it hinder ya

At Troy, made gifts at a shrine, Hepheastion went, you cried

By the Rivers of Babylon, Typhoid Fever is why you died

Congrats Julius, you spotted it, I died of purely natural causes

Having listened to your verses I can say I'm winning to the Maximus

Mocking my death, could you be anymore of a hypocrite

At least I wasn't killed when my mate stabbed me in public

You liar, you say you brought Rome some stability

Ruined by your son with his war against Mark Anthony

I'm history's supreme tactician, succeeded in every mission

Made Macedon one of the largest empires without omission

Your sole achievement was beating some hordes of rabble in the north

But you surely can't challenge the Great when defeated by Asterix the Gaul

As a general i offer you surrender terms, now you better learn them

Or you can right royally stick your pilum right up in your sternum

Who won? Julius Caesar Alexander the Great