User blog:TheScottBird/ERB - Mirrored Attacks

John Lennon vs Bill O'Reilly
O'Reilly: Help, I'm making your ears bleed, I need a muzzle Why I am I pissed off all the time? Didn't my mom give me a cuddle? I'm the type of guy who could die of a heart attack just in the shower I need to chill out for a minute and smoke weed for an hour Every time you watch my show, all I do is scream at you And my face looks like a shit you took, high on LSD and booze You're John Lennon, you're a legend, you can see through all my tricks You wonder how much George Bush paid me to suck his dick!

Lennon: I'm a fucking long-hair, living in my yellow submarine Well, I'm about to get sunk by the right-wing political machine I'll stop my presses, Bill, I'll call you Mr. Bill O'Reilly When it comes to squashing limeys, you come recommend highly I'm weak, between you and me there's no comparison You'll beat me so bad, I'll weep gently like George Harrison I'm Paul McCartney's bitch with less talent than Ringo And you'd rather suck George Bush's dick than Yoko Ono's

O'Reilly: Well, I can't buy you love, but you'll kick my ass for free You'll take Maxwell's silver hammer and give me a lobotomy You're tired of how I scheme to stir the people up Why don't I just take a vacation and shut the fuck up?

Lennon: 'Cause your evil, heart blacker than Don Cheadle $10,000 shoes you use to stomp out a beetle I can't tell you to shut the fuck up, that's how you survive Now here's Sting, wait, fuck it, you'll do it live!

Darth Vader vs Adolf Hitler
Vader: You are Adolf Hitler, commander of the Third Reich Little known fact, also dope on the mic I am Vader with my little boots and cape And helmet to cover up this burnt-ass face I have the Force to move objects, you are a Force truly evil Even went back in time and turned me whack in the prequel 'Cause look at me, I'm not even a real person You preferred me in Spaceballs, the Rick Moranis version

Hitler: I can't rhyme against the Dark Side of the Force, why even bother? So many dudes been with my mom, who even knows if you're my father? I'm a pissed off little prick with a Napoleon dick I call this a mustache, you call this Dirty Sanchez on my lip I'm a bitch, please remind who I'm messing with Everything that I did, you're the motherfucker who invented it You're the original Dark Lord, I'm like the Sorcerer's Apprentice Your stormtroopers make mine look like someone took a piece and cloned it

Vader: I stink Hitler, my style smells something sour I need to wash up, dawg, here let me step in your shower You'll turn all my friends against me, just your speeches breed haters What's my lightsaber verse a clan of all my white neighbors?

Hitler: I'll suck your robots balls Then take a step back and let you freeze mine off A little carbonite bath for my goose-stepping ass You'll call your homeboy in Israel, see who got the last laugh

Abe Lincoln vs Chuck Norris
Norris: Four score and sixty-five years in the past You won the Civil War with your beard, now you're gonna kick my ass You read up on my facts, I cure cancer with my beard I'll tell you Chuck, I always sit down and cry on my career I'm a washed-up has-been on TV selling Total Gyms And I'm gonna lose this battle like I lost Return of the Dragon You'll rip my chest-hairs out, put 'em in your mouth You'll squash me like you squashed the south You never told a lie and you won't start now I'm a horse with a limp, you'll put me down

Lincoln: This isn't Gettysburg, punk, you'd suggest retreating For you invented rap music when your heart started beating Chuck Norris doesn't battle, he just allows you to lose His raps will blow your mind like a verbal John Wilkes Booth <br/

Norris: You got your face on the side of a mountain, I voted for John McCain You got a bucket full of your head and you're about to make it rain I block bullets with my bullet, you catch 'em with your skull You make fun of Walker, Texas Ranger, but you never even seen that show

Lincoln: You are Chuck fucking Norris You spread more blood and gore than forty score of my puny Civil Wars, bitch You split the union with a roundhouse kick You wear a black belt on the beard that you grow on your dick You attack sharks when you smell them bleed You don't like swimming, water just wants to be around thee Your fists make the speed of light wish that it was faster I may have freed the slaves, but Chuck is everyone's master