User blog:TKandMit/Michael Myers vs Jason Voorhees. Epic Rap Battles of Heroes and Villains Season 3

''One, two... Mit is coming for you...''

...and he brought a new rap battle with him. Welcome back to Season 3 of Epic Rap Battles of Heroes and Villains, this very battle marking the thirtieth in the series. It's hard to believe we're that far in already, but I love it, and will only keep going further. This battle also marks the penultimate battle of this first act in the season; the next battle will be the last for about a month. But for today, two slasher legends of horror cinema squabble to see who truly conquers the genre: Michael Myers, Haddonfield's Boogeyman and antagonist of the Halloween series, comes in swinging at Jason Voorhees, Camp Crystal Lake's urban legend-turned-serial killer of the Friday the 13th franchise. Today we have Flats guest writing, reprising his role as Michael Myers. Also a quick thanks to Stoff, who made an alternate cover for the battle as well. Both of these guys also suggested this battle to me, which is interesting that they both had something to do with it in the end. With all that said and done, enjoy the battle.

Cast
Tech N9ne as Michael Myers

EpicLLOYD as Jason Voorhees

Beat
(Starts at 0:21)

Introduction
Epic Rap Battles of Heroes and Villains!

Versus!

Begin!

Michael Myers:
Better check under your beds. Thought you knew wrath ‘till He’s Back on the beat,

Fresh meat for the beast means this Unstoppable Force’s gonna get ceased

So look into the eyes of the pure evil this weasel can’t hope to equal,

Your most lethal form of torturing people is forcing them through another sequel.

You’re a Frankenstein’s Monster of every horror movie trope, it’s

Angela Baker with Leatherface’s Mask hyped up on Norman Bate’s motives,

With Carrie’s background, my tactics and the premise of the Fisher,

So it’ll come as no surprise when some of your rhymes seem awfully familiar.

My flows are Crystal clearer than lakes but you’ve learned to stay away from bogs,

When Myers brings the verbal fires, this swampy Zombie is gonna get Rob’d.

My patience has started fading, I’ve got a raging thirst to be facing worse

Eternally subjected to awful reboots - That’s the real Jason’s Curse.

Jason Voorhees:
It’s the Return of little Mikey Myers: this child’s just another life I’ll take.

What’s a Halloween clown costume compared to the horrors of this lake?

I conquered this genre, I’ll squander this haunted Austin Powers,

I’ve slaughtered all the campers, so go on, hit the showers.

You’re not a threat to the death bringer of beheaded Fred and his fingers,

Truly, you’ll fret whatever in the shadows lingers: that’s a machete creeper.

You think you have what it takes? You’re a disgrace who revealed his face,

My blade’s ‘bout to bend this badly beaten Boogeyman out of Shape.

You spit your verse, and it’s my turn, so will you disappear again?

You’re supposed to rip them to shreds, not fucking play with them.

Friday the 13th is some scary bad timing for this Season of the Witch,

You don’t want to see me at your step: this kid treating you to his tricks.

Michael Myers:
Your head is higher than the clouds and it’s gaining by the minute,

But you’d think after Jason X, you would have learned the sky’s your limit.

I’ll give you a head-start, my slowest walk is still faster then your quickest run,

You’ve got a hundred sixty victims, but the beat isn’t one.

Jason Voorhees:
You want to speak about beats? I’ll save a pummeling for this freak,

You may have pioneered the screens, but I truly haunted all the teens,

I’m the one that they idolize! The zombie hockey player committing homicide!

While your spotlight was lost to a common time, you’re a long gone forgotten fright!

Michael Myers:
You’re offed again within the hour of your every return while I’m busting out my cell,

Wrecking havoc amongst whiny teens like yourself, so Jason can Go to Hell.

Slit a fake bitch since age six and rocked the stage since, you can’t follow me,

The season of the raging witch left Jason ditched, dick, ‘cause This Is Halloween!

Jason Voorhees:
It’s not your holiday: it’s Friday, Myers. Forever and always, it’s my time to shine.

Especially if that means my knife lines up with your spine and spikes dozens of times

You’re just a psychopath who got out of the hospital, thought he was coming out stronger,

But you’ll never off me in the slaughter, Michael, because I’m a true monster.

Who won?!

Who's next?!



Who won? Michael Myers Jason Voorhees

Hints: Decoded
Jack Bauer's bar: A couple hints here. Mostly focused on "Austin Powers", which is a character portrayed by actor Mike Myers, which shares his name with Michael Myers. Also stuff like "fiend with hard gear", which can refer to Jason Voorhees and his array of weapons used through his franchise.

Star Trek logo: Michael Myers' mask is a painted Captain Kirk mask.

Ruby Crystal: Refers to Camp Crystal Lake.

Camp, by Childish Gambino: Also refers to Camp Crystal Lake.

Store interior: The store in question is Meijer's, which sounds like Myers.

Hints for next battle
Coming soon.