User blog:GravityMan/MBOHS 2: Atlas VS Earth Turtle

Welcome back to the second installment of Mythical Battles of Historical Shit! Thanks goes to Legion who helped me chisel some of the lyrics, Leandro for the epic cover (like dude fucking awesome seriously), and a few others, but I can't recall :/. This battle was suggested to me by the RoboticOperatingApple and I fell in love with it instantly.



This one came easy to write considering I have a turtle of my own and there are so many turtle-related jokes I could think of. Anyway, let's go.

Locations
Atlas: On top of a mountain, a garden full of golden apples below. He is kneeling, holding the sky which is writhing and glowing.

Earth Turtle: The cosmos, an asteroid belt in the background.

WonderPikachu12 as Zeus cameoing during Earth Turtle's second verse.

Beat
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vwdFN96x0e4



Atlas:
 Look who decided to come outta his shell,

 But wait whom are you? I don’t know you so well!

 Just your name alone makes me think What the fuck?

 You sound like a gag asdf would think up!

 I’ll kick your slimy ass so far past borders unknown,

 You’ll be looking back at the Atlas to find a way home!

 My rhymes are harder than my abs even before I saw Medusa!

 It’s like I’m Mario by the way I’m smashing in this Koopa!

 I’m the Titan of the Moon, my flow is controlled in waves!

 You’ll never get laid, you’re the only one of your race to ever exist in space!

 Atlas crashes and passes through beasts faster than a pet laxative



 How can your conquered Turtle Island compare to my Atlantis?



Earth Turtle:
<span style="color:rgb(79,129,189);text-align:center;">Strong words from a worm who looks at me on bended knee, <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:left;"> Your punishment’s more hairy than the women of Greece!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:left;"> I can see why you’re pissed, a fucking reptile can do a better job than you!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:left;"> And yet you got the nerve to ask who I am and what do I do?

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:left;"> Bitch, I’m a mystic broad-backed cosmic tortoise!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:left;"> I lift the world and this fat elephant with it!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:left;"> I spit acid like the shit building up in your calves,

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:left;"> By my sheer size, one bite, I can chomp you half!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:left;"> Then bash you back together, call it the Clash of the Titan!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:left;"> What I’m saying is I’ll fuck you up worse than Rick Riordan did!

Atlas:

 * grunts and stands up, lifting the entire heavens, muscles straining*

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:left;"> Hey you teenage mutant prick, you wanna to talk about hairy?

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:left;"> The celestial sphere is nothing compared to the other two I carry!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:left;"> I’m the patron of astronomy, the better half of this dichotomy,

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:left;"> It’s this turtle going all the way down! You better swallow me!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:left;"> The cultures you originated from are all eradicated by disease and disbelief!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:left;"> My oral tradition is still going strong thanks to Zack Snyder’s movies!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:left;"> I’m rocking Down Under here like the band dedicated to my Genius!

<p style="text-align:left;">

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:left;"> Your verse was more disturbing than your facehugger penis!

Earth Turtle:
<span style="color:rgb(79,129,189);text-align:center;">You aren’t a genius you got beaten by your adolescent nephews and nieces! <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:left;"> They make you hold what was once yours while they break it into pieces!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:left;"> Your daughter Calyps-ho is getting her pussy slaughtered by a married man!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:left;"> Who uses and abuses her emotions, he has her under his command! (Uh!)

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:left;"> While you’re resting on the Pillars of Heracles,

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:left;"> I’m swimming straight through your astrology!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:left;"> Your rhymes are dry and rocky like it’s one of my space turtle turds!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:left;">  You can’t shrug off my disses...

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:left;"> *the heavens rumble and Atlas is forced back onto one knee*

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:left;"> ....It’s a world of hurt! WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!

MYTHICAL BATTLES OF HISTORICAL

'''*roof starts to cave in and the logo quickly darts up to hold it. The roof then collapses completely, crushing the logo*'''

SHIT

Poll
[poll] Who Won? Atlas Earth Turtle [/poll]