User blog:Alanomaly/Nicholas II vs Mary I

Something something next ARB not really getting worked on not feeling the matchup anymore either gonna replace it or skip it entirely but it's just not gonna happen.

Have this instead. Nicholas II, AKA Nicholas the Bloody, vs Mary I, AKA Bloody Mary.

A friend suggested this to me a while back and after reading into both people a bit I got really into the idea. As per usual with my writing it took me fucking ages to actually do it but here we are.

Battle
400px|center (...Bloody Mary)

(...Bloody Mary)

(...Bloody Mary)

Nicholas II
Difficult day! To Mary, the Passion-Bearer must not be friendly!

Your uterus failed you worse than your mother's did Henry!

Cyclops' girlfriend took over, and you got salty, deposing her,

This girl never cries until Nicholas of Russia starts exposing her!

Your ghost can be summoned by Beetlejuicing a mirror in the bathroom,

Breaking the glass for seven years of bad luck would be a better doom!

Mary I
Should I be scared of a Russian man who lost to Japan?

I've got Epic Raps of History, you're a Flash in the Pan!

You caused Bloody Sunday and then hid from the streets,

Your diary entries read like a bunch of Donald Trump tweets!

You couldn't save your son so you turned to a mystic,

Who impressed your wife so much she had to suck his mys-dick!

Nicholas II
I thought I was oppressive, you're religiously bossy!

Stick to politics, like me with the bourgeoisie!

It was a mistake challenging Nicholas the Bloody, Mary,

When your legacy is YouTube videos that aren't even scary!

Mary I
You would know about mistakes, Mr. Failed-At-Every-Turn!

Terror can only be fought with cowardice as far as you're concerned!

You've got no bragging rights, your popularity took a divin',

And you ended up the most Terrible Russian leader since Ivan!

Nicholas II
No bragging rights? Check my canon, I'm a martyr!

I'd end you like my reign of I was rapping any harder!

This tudor can't tutor me about leading, you know not what you do,

Margaret Thatcher's a soft snowflake compared to you!

Your marriage acted like a reverse religious Brexit,

Turning your entire rule into a Catholic nexus!

Mary I
This pussy leader should surrender to me like Northumberland,

You're a coward that died first and left your family tumblin'!

No wounds in your head? I think you needed a better mortician,

Cause Mary's picking at your brain like it was an Inquisition!

Seems Rasputin didn't teach your wife how to get a 1-Up revive,

Change your religion to Protestant, cause I just burned you alive!

Poll
Who Won? Nicholas I Bloody Marry