User blog:The Flatwoods Monster/Splatoon vs First Person Shooters. Rap Battle

Finally took the annoying period out of the title! Welcome back to Epic Rap Battles of People vs Characters Flats Likes Too Much. First things first read Smoshery's battle cause its really good and better than this. Basically my second attempt at not making a biased battle and probably failing. I’m still figuring out what I want to do with Season 5 of ERBoHorror so I don’t know when I’ll get started back on that so here’s something in the mean time. The concept for this battle came from the fact that Splatoon won “Best Shooter of the Year” award or something similar, even besting the likes of Fallout 4. So, to represent that, the protagonist of Nintendo’s Splatoon, Agent 3, raps against figurehead and recurring character of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare, Captain John Price, to see who’s the better shooter. Except Price will probably call for back-up. You’ll see. Splatoon is definitely one of my favorite games nowadays so I really wanted to get a battle out with them before Wonder does Splatoon vs Pollock (<3 pls pls plssss) and this was basically the first thing that popped into my mind. Hope you enjoy and stuff. I wrote this a long time ago so let's hope it's aged well.

Pre-battle stuff
Beat:

Captain Price denoted by this color

Agent 3 denoted by this color

Callie & Marie denoted by these colors

Intro
'''EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORYY.... SORTA... NOT REALLY...'''



VS!



BEGIN!

Agent 3:
Better grab your fishing poles, ‘cause I’m itching to snatch a CoD

If this squid was any less dangerous, she’d be an Elder God

I’m a real One Man Army with the works to tear through your perks

You milk a series like the cows that were hurt in the making of this verse

My wits are sharper than my jaws and I’m biting holes in your boat

I’m advanced past your “Modern Warfare” and won’t even leave a Ghost.

I’ll have a Shrimp Kicked to stomp out this vermin like a Roach

Call your regime to the scene. They were never one to miss a roast

Captain Price:
Mission Brief: Silence shrill squeaks. This Krill’s weak.

Piece of Octo-pi. Your ink strike won’t top my Killstreaks

Better make a better friend than an alleyway creeping loner,

Else this Schoolgirl’s getting Splatted by a different Super Soaker

Enough of this rude clown. You gonna change into a dude now?

I’ll still take this cartoon down and turn Octo Valley into a Nuketown

(Captain Price jumps on to a helicopter, which begins take off)

I’m extracting from your attack but the one who’s saved is yourself

Your whole theme is one big meme, so I’ll see you in Shell

Agent 3:
I’m guessing your second verse is DLC, but using your flows, I’m broke

Why tell your raunchy pedo jokes when Vlad already dropped the Soap?

So stick to fighting nazi’s after I shove proof in this sham’s face,

That the Doc could make zombies but still can’t revive your fanbase

(The scene changes to a rainy and moody background. A tank rolls up, the hatch popping open, as Henry Blackburn exits.)



Henry:
You want a Turf War on my Battlefield? You’re out of luck, it seems

I’m Burst-in this Urchin’s bubble. You’ve got some Bad Company.

This Killer Wails a iller tale than this shriller failure’s thin grounds

Better put those fins to use because a larger Shark is inbound

This cephalopod’s less than a fraud. She’s long since forgotten

Crunch a Squid like a dolphin, flows like the water you dissolve in

It’s a different game when I bring the pain as my cargo takes her

Semper Fidelis. The Octodad Faker has met her Mario Maker

Agent 3:
A clean cut for this Preston redux to mention that plumbing peanut

But I’ll make a mess of you that not even he could clean up

All your Salt Spraying can’t hide your evident lack of talent,

So let me keep things balanced and have my Amiibo give me a challenge,

‘Cause a slacking shark’s attacks are ensnared by my traps, and

Even if you were a Megalodon, you couldn’t rap with the Kraken

‘Cause you’ve got way less than my game in this hate Fest

To let Agent’s 1 & 2 say the rest, you failed to



S T A Y F R E S H

Henry:
Your rhymes are paper thin. These eyes have seen men die,

But nothing more terrifying than this red tyke’s world of hentai

I’m calling in a payload for this scapegoat, better stay low

A new challenger’s got a Covenant to leave you with a Halo

(The tank Henry rode in is lifted and single-handedly thrown into the air to reveal the final challenger, Master Chief)



Master Chief:
First Strike on the mic and this dyke’s bound to get Re-Freshened

You’re in for a painful lesson if a paintbrush is your biggest weapon,

The Demon is teaming you. Let’s see if squids go to heaven,

Say your prayers. I’ve brought your bible verse - John 117

But before I leave you more neglected than your console,

I’ll leave you sick and numb like anyone using motion controls

Cost you more cash than your hats when I come in to rap foes

Display your ass like the trophy you’re stuck as in Smash Bros

(A static screen appears as a transmission from Captain Cuttlefish comes in)

Cap_cap.pngin Cuttlefish:
Agent? Can ye hear me? Yer current opponent is a scary one!

Yer up against a devil! He’s tougher than any Octarian,

(A briefcase containing the Hero Suit appears in front of Agent 3)

But with the right weaponry, you might be able to teach

Him that he should have died with Reach! Give ‘em heck, Agent 3!

Agent 3:
Reporting in. Hero Suit will reboot this recruit when the storm meets the calm,

Smash Bros? Let’s play by those rules. No John’s

I’m the boss - corrupt your thoughts like I’m a verbal Flood infection

Combat Evolved with my species, while your’s met natural selection

Stop you in your tracks like your film - Drop you like your crew

You’re not slick, Captain Dick, go back to Red vs Blue

For a planetary tin-man, think you’d know how to can it,

Your only stunts against grunts show you’ll never live up to Samus

Master Chief:
I’m legendary. You’re rapping easy, while I’m spitting pro mode,

Could’ve done this blindfolded. Call it 360 no scope

When my clips are emptying, we’ll see if you ever sing,

I’LL give ‘em hell with bombshells because tank beats everything

Agent 3:
Stick to napping, Captain. Your planet’s the least of your troubles,

You can’t best me, it’s Destiny - I’ll leave your entire franchise Pummeled

Way to be, Agent 3! Now ditch him like his Mama,

And super jump back home. His career’s as dead as Cortana

Outro


Who won? Splatoon First Person Shooters