User blog:Mcdamon23/Jean Armstrong vs Julia Child - Epic Rap Battles of Ace Attorney vs History

Welcome to a new installmet of Ace Attorney vs History, were today we'll be making a mockery on the French langauge.

Today we've got restaurant owner and chef of Trés Bien, Jean Armstrong go up against famed tv chef known for the French Chef, Julia Child. It's the battle of the "french" chefs. Who'll bring me heat to the battle.

This idea has been around since the very beginning of this series. It made way to much sense to do this match, but only now I've gotten around to this. What particularly was a lot of fun writing for was keeping it in Armstrong's speech pattern. AKA bad France. It's also a perfect excuse to allow me to make faults in the french language. Armstrong is just a character fun writing for in general with all his weird quirks he/she has. That said this was a tough one to write since Armstrong is way more dissable than Child, but I think I managed to do it pretty well.

All that out of the way, I'd like to thank CW for the lovely cover   and with all that being said let's get this battle on a roll.

battle
Epic rap battles of Ace Attorney vs History

Jean Armstrong

vs

Julia Child

begin

Julia Child:

Bonjour and welcome. Tonight it’s open roasting on the French Chef.

Our menu today, rough beef with cross-dressing and a side of thefts.

And the same regular old perv and coffee that leave addicts squeam.

Against the og tv cooking queen who shared the land French cuisine.

I wrote the art of French cooking. You’re simply a bonafide ouib.

Think you’ll cut me to pieces? The only one that can play me is Streep.

Pitched me hot on the big screen. A flick on you won’t be as très bien.

Julie and Jean: One girl’s task to throw all your food in the trèsh cien.

Jean Armstrong:

Non non, zat’s not it. we can’t roll suc’ a service out ze kitc’en.

Trying to ‘eat ‘erself up but only gets ‘er voice pitc’en.

I’m rat’er Busy wiz ze business, cooking. ‘ead, sous, exec, You see.

Don’t ‘ave time stirring up crowds by stewing up a mess on tv.

See moi, pure sweetness covered in le pink cream de la creme layer.

Soft taste from in and outside. Yours is stale wiz le past ze date flavor.

Your s’ows an appetizer, but now we dine on Ramsay's dis’es.

More taste zan w’at ze C’ild’s menu offers. Stick to was’ing dis’es.

Julia Child:

Go dine on Ramsay’s. I’d recommend the Kitchen Nightmares course.

Filled with bad food and clueless owners like that restaurant of yours.

Rising prices don’t rise dough while your debts rise more than vanquish,

but you’ll make it if you butcher meat as well as the French language.

Jean Armstrong:

Your c’arms don’t effect moi. All zat meat on ze bones ain’t edible.

Only men boil up my ‘eart, but w’en I’m cooking I’m pansexual.

Claurice serves raw poems. Feel Jealous for I’m ze fairer lady.

Better toppings zan one known for baking mere copy and pastries.

Julia Child:

I served this nation. Stopped Predators bites when I used my talents.

You’re falling prey to a loan shark, but carry no repellant.

You’ve got one factor of France down. That of giving up.

The slave flavour ain’t gone if a buck of luck’s what your bringing up.

And how’d you make your Byrde meal? Let it rest, stab the knife in it’s back,

stuff it with poison and sent to prison just to have them bring it back.

I’m the Bob Ross of cooking. The same joy on twitch streams steaming heat.

Now tell me, dear, which wine pairs best with your bitter taste of defeat?

Jean Armstrong:

Au contraire mademoiselle. I bat’e in ze smell of France, no perfume.

You couldn’t get ze Frenc’ stenc’ ‘ow muc’ time spend wiz Pepin le Pew.

Rename your book’s ze art of fraud cooking. Mix in fat, you’ll lose France.

Lady bakes Liberty meals. “Frenc’”, but ze weig’t of Americans.

So step off ze greasy oils, cleanse up off my aromatic oils.

See w’y Armstrong la strong armed girl w’ile your bloodrate’s overboiled.

All Ripped as I rib upon your ribs for zere’s still non as petite.

Enjoy one last coarse meal, two broke cooked up Kidneys. Bon appetit.

Who won?

Who's next?

You decide!

Epic Rap Battles of Ace Attorney vs History

Poll
who won? Julia Child Jean Armstrong

Hints
previous hints explained:

lady liberty in Paris: the statue of liberty was a gift from france. Both Child and Armstrong bring the French food and culture to America.

Next time: