User blog:Matoro58/M58's Total Drama Wiki Season 1: Put the lotion in basket

Long story short, decided to start my own. Please enjoy. ;)

And yes, I wanted to include Deadpool.

Episode
NicePeter: Hi, I'm NicePeter

EpicLloyd: And I'm EpicLloyd!

NicePeter: And this is the first season of Total Drama Wiki! Here, some of the rappers and cameos from our YouTube series, will compete until only one is left standing!

EpicLloyd: The challenges here are in some way associated with them, so if you see people like The Joker or Mercutio or even Fredrick Chilton on here, when they didn't appear in our series, it's perfectly normal.

NicePeter: We have chosen nine contestants from each season, leading to a total of thirty-ei- I mean, thirty-six contestants.

EpicLloyd: And speaking of them, here comes Season 1!

Season 1 boat comes with nine contestants

NicePeter: We have Adolf Hitler, Darth Vader, Chuck Norris, Kim Jong-Un, Genghis Khan, Jesus Quintana, Vince Offer, Gandalf, and Mr Tea Ba- I mean, Mr T.

Adolf Hitler: Pledge your allegiance to me, you underlings, or else I'll-

Hitler is roundhouse kicked into the water by Chuck Norris, with another boat passing by

Chuck Norris: When will you learn to shut up?

NicePeter: Season 2's contestants include Leonidas, Gorgo, Mario, Luigi, Peach, Cleopatra, HAL-9000, Batman, and Joseph Stalin

Stalin looks around, then spots Hitler in the water

Stalin: Hitler! Come and get one in the yarbles, if ya have any yarbles, ya eunuch jelly thou!

Hitler: Since when did you learn Nadsat, you c-

Hitler is hit by the Season 3 boat

EpicLloyd: Season 3 includes Al Capone, Blackbeard, Miley Cyrus, Joan of the Arc, Kanye West, Walter White, Goku, Superman, and William Wallace

Superman: BATMAN! STALIN! My two greatest rivals! I will crush you for stealing what glory I used to have!

Hitler: Not until I'm done with Stalin, you overgrown Boy Scout! Why don't you prove you have glory, pu-

Hitler is hit by the Season 4 boat

EpicLloyd: And last but not least, Season 4 has Romeo Monatgue, Juliet Capulet, Bonnie Parker, Clyde Barrow, Thor, Jack the Ripper, Hannibal Lecter, Quentin Tarantino, and-

Explosions occur in the backround while Michael Bay comes in on a helicopter

Michael Bay: AND ME!!! MICHAEL BAY!!

Hitler climbs out of the water and onto the shore

Hitler: Uh, c-can someone get a d-doctor? I th-think I have a concuss-

Michael Bay jumps from the helicopter and lands on Hitler

Michael Bay: Where are the hookers? Where Shia and Jerry? I thought I was shooting Transformers 5!

Hitler: Apparently you aren't, you asshole.

Michael Bay: Fuck you! I make MOTHERFUCKING MONEY BITCH!!

Quentin Tarantino climbs down from the boat

Quentin Tarantino: Maybe if you spent more time actually directing than using explosions and product placement and slow-mo, you'd have more people loving you than hating you

Michael Bay: The drugs from Judge Dredd are here? I want me some slow-mo!

Walter White: If that's the next street term for meth, you aren't getting any

Michael Bay: No asked you anything, Mr. White

Walter White: You want me to introduce you to some of my friends? I guarantee I will make your life worse, you pompous-

NicePeter uses Blowhorn

NicePeter: WHY DON'T YOU SHUT THE HELL UP, AND MEET ME IN THE DINING AREA IN TEN, CONTESTANTS?!!!

Goku:...well, that escalated quickly.

Contestants are then shown sitting the dining room

NicePeter: Everyone, you are all gathered to participate in a contest that will have you doing certain challenges each day. You will be split into teams according to wether your season's numbers are odd or even. So that means Seasons 1 & 3 are Team Criminal, and Seasons 2 & 4 are Team Lawless. Got that?

Jack the Ripper: Lawless. Best suits me. I've got that, sir.

Clyde Barrow: Why don't you shut up, 'cause Lawless best describes me and my wife here, Bonnie.

Jack the Ripper: All you southerns ever did was rob banks. I never got caught, and I raped women in London!

Bonnie Parker: My man and I actually had supporters, then and today! People forgot you!

Jack the Ripper: Shut up whore! I've raped women who had better standards than you!

Bonnie Parker: I didn't think I heard that right. Say it again with a pistol loaded at your brain!

Quentin Tarantino: Who wants to come into my world for 24 hours? You will have a horrible time, I swear it on Ezekiel 24:17

Peach: Please stop! This is irrational.

Hannibal Lecter: Just shut up, so we can all get over all of this as fast as we can. I was paroled for six months, not six years!

NicePeter: Alright, either you shut up, or we feed you to Cerberus. Any objections?

Nobody speaks

NicePeter: Good. Now, I will tell you today's challenge. Both teams originally had one more team member, but they got here early and had a chance encounter with Buffalo Bill. Your task is find them before the other team does. The team that gets back here first wins immunity. The other team has to send someone home. Criminals, you have to search for Sarah Palin. Lawlesses, you have to search for Marilyn Monroe. Got it?

Batman: Where the hell do we search for them?

EpicLloyd: In the woods.

HAL-9000: Dammit

NicePeter: Anyways, you start now, and watch out for a Buffalo Bill! Always stick together, and the first team back gets first pick of the cabins! NOW MOVE!!

Team Lawless is then seen walking through the woods

Hannibal Lecter: Ah, the fond memories of when I lived in the woods. If it wasn't for that, I would've probably never started what people may consider, "odd eating habits".

HAL-9000: At least I don't have to worry about being eaten by this psychopath

Romeo Montague: We can always turn you off

HAL-9000: I'm sorry, I'm afraid I can't let you do that

Juliet Capulet: Thou will not hurt my Romeo!

Quentin Tarantino: Yawn, yawn, love talk. When do I get Michael Madsen to torture someone again?

Michael Bay: Once I become a trillionaire!

Quentin Tarantino: You mean, once The Hateful Eight comes out. And people will love it. I know so.

Luigi: How-a do you know that?

Quentin Tarantino: The closest I ever come to a bad movie in my life is Death Proof. And even that was okay for my standards. I mean sure, Stanley Kubrick and Alfred Hitchcock had some bad movies, and David Fincher's only embarrassing movie was Alien 3, but it's possible, if you are really creative, to have no bad movies. Just look at me and Christopher Nolan. We get creative, and we create art. On the other hand, art is not explosions and slow-motion. No, art is a great story, amazing performances, and impressive music, all which can become-

Thor: SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!

Team Criminal is then shown walking in a different part of the forest.

Kim Jong-Il: Psst, Adolf

Adolf Hitler: Yeah?

Kim Jong-II: I need to talk to you

Adolf Hitler: About what?

Kim Jong-II: The other contestants on this team

Adolf Hitler: What about them?

Kim Jong-II: I know you intend to make it to the merge, and I intend to as well. But if some of these guys make there with us, we can have serious competition.

Adolf Hitler: Like whom?

Kim Jong-II: I'm not worried about people like William Wallace or Vince Offer. Gandalf and Superman I may keep an eye on, but I'm worried about Al Capone and Darth Vader. They know how to lead. And they can make this team go against us.

Adolf Hitler: What are you suggesting?

Kim Jong-II: We make the team lose some challenges, but make guys like Vader and Capone look responsible for it. That way, they will get eliminated, and we'll have an easier path to the finals.

Adolf Hitler: No thanks. I walk alone. You can kiss my nazi balls.

Kim Jong-II: Nazi Ball. And no, I won't

Adolf Hitler: Ball?

Kim Jong-II: They say you only had one testicle

Adolf Hitler: Why I will strangle you until-

William Wallace: We found the lady!

Adolf Hitler: This is not over, my rival

Kim Jong-II: Bring it on, bitch

Team Lawless are then shown walking

Leonidas: I see something!

Mario: What is it?

Hannibal Lecter: As if you didn't know. Buffalo Bill places his victims in a pit, so when he pours the lotion to remove their skin, the rest of the body will stay there when he takes the poor women's skin out.

HAL-9000: Well then, who's volunteering to get the woman out?

Luigi: I will!

Thor: You'll need some mighty strength to help you, beanpole!

Michael Bay: If this is a sexy woman we're talking about, maybe I can get her in one of my movies

The three run over to the pit, and grab the rope next to it and throw it down

Thor: Don't worry Ms Monroe! We're here!

???: Monroe? That was the women's name? The one I had a stand with?

Thor (shocked): Is- is this wh-who I think it is?

???: Who do you think it is?

Peach: I'm confused here

Quentin Tarantino: Weren't we rescuing Marilyn Monroe?

Thor: We were, but apparently, we're rescuing...

Thor pulls the rope up, revealing the infamous Deadpool holding on to the rope

Thor: ...Deadpool. An old acquaintance of mine

Deadpool: Let's see...two plumbers dressed in red and green. Very 1980s gaming. Very Shigeru Miyamoto.

Thor: What?

Deadpool: Nothing

Cleopatra: So what do we do with this waste of space- AHH!

Buffalo Bill jumps out of the bushes and attemps to strangle Cleopatra, only for Deadpool to shoot him in the head and splatter blood all over Cleopatra

Cleopatra: Eww...his brains are all over me...

Deadpool: And that, my friends, is how you kill a mental serial killer!

Hannibal Lecter glares at Deadpool

Deadpool: Sorry

Romeo: Anyways, I propose we take him back to the hosts and see what to do. Either way, one of us is going home tonight. What do we have to lose?

Everyone nods in agreement, then leaves.

Team Criminal is then seen pulling the rope from the pit

Darth Vader: This is taking too long. Let me do my thing on it

Darth Vader uses the force to raise Sarah Palin out from the pit

Sarah Palin: What took so long, idiots? I can get you arrested for this, you kn- AHHH!!

''Adolf Hitler tackles Darth Vader, causing Sarah Palin to fall down the pit. Darth Vader then force chokes Hitler until Superman flies into him.''

Adolf Hitler: Vader, you bastard!

Darth Vader: Yeah, look at what you did!

Adolf Hitler: I want us to lose because Kim Jong-II is secretly plotting to lose some of our challenges so can eliminate some of you!

Jesus Quintana: And you fucking expect us to believe that, fucker?

Adolf Hitler: This is the man that got angry because the guys at South Park made fun of him in a stop-motion movie!

William Wallace: Well, it IS South Park. The lads make fun of those idiots, like Mel Gibson and Russell Crowe.

Adolf Hitler: B-But still, it's Kim Jong-II

Joan of the Arc: And you're Adolf Hitler. Personally, I don't trust someone who killed millions of people for no reason.

Everyone nods and agrees except for Adolf, who's furious

Adolf Hitler: WHAT? WHAT?! HOW CAN YOU BELIEVE HER?! SHE WAS EXECUTED FOR WITCHCRAFT!!

Darth Vader: And we know now magic does not exist. So she was as guilty as any of the people you killed were.

Adolf Hitler: YOU, OUT OF ALL PEOPLE DON'T BELIEVE IN MAGIC?! YOU CHOKE PEOPLE WITHOUT EVEN TOUGHING THEM!!

Darth Vader than starts force-choking Adolf Hitler again, until Gandalf hurls a spell at Vader, causing Vader to lose focus and drop Hitler from mid-air

Adolf Hitler: OW! My ankle! Someone help me get up!

Miley Cyrus: After you probably causing us the challenge? No thanks!

William Wallace: WHATEVER! Can we just get the lady out of the pit and get back!

Darth Vader: Fine!

Darth Vader then uses the force to lift Sarah Palin from the pit

Sarah Palin: Well, it's about time! I probably broke my leg and my arm because you all!

Blackbeard: Be thankful we didn't leave you down there so that Buffalo Bill would be able kill you. Now let's head back.

Both teams are shown arriving at the campsite, with Team Lawless barely beating Team Criminal there.

NicePeter: And it looks like Team Lawless wi- Wait a second, where's Marilyn Monroe, and why is DEADPOOL here?

Deadpool: I had a stand with her, then gave her my teleportation belt so she could leave and never come back!

EpicLloyd: So you stranded yourself here?

Deadpool: Didn't think of it that way, now I can't get off this rock...

NicePeter: Alright, I'll tell you what: If you were in the pit when Team Lawless found you, you get to stay, and if that's the case, Team Lawless then wins

Stalin: We found him in there. Take anyone else's word for it

NicePeter: Then congrats, you win!

Team Lawless starts cheering

NicePeter: As a result, you win immunity...and Deadpool

Thor: What again?

NicePeter: Since Marilyn Monroe isn't here, Deadpool will fill in for her, since he can't go anywhere

Jack The Ripper: Well, I'm to the forest to yell slurs and-

NicePeter: We have a confessional if you want to say whatever you want

Jack The Ripper (Confessional): MOTHERFUCKING, COCKSUCKING, SON OF A-

NicePeter: Team Lawless also wins the cabin farthest from the woods. It has bathrooms in it, and it's yours to stay until the merge comes, when we destroy it. Girls are on the left side, and guys are on the right.

Team Lawless is then shown getting in their sides, first with the guys' side.

Clyde Barrow: I feel so good, my day would be better if I had a pack o' smoke here

Deadpool gives him a pack of cigarettes

Deadpool: Enjoy

Mario: How-a did you

Deadpool: My magic satchel technique. I can pull anything out of nowhere

Romeo Montague: What thou had said is a yonder preposterous lie!

Deadpool: That's what you believe? Watch this!

Deadpool puts a hand behind his back, and pulls out a rocket launcher

Romeo Montague: Wha-what...

Deadpool: Not such of a lie anymore, right?

Leonidas: Prove that thing actually works, bitch!

Deadpool: My pleasure

Deadpool aims the rocket launcher at his head

Deadpool (Turns his head to the audience): All the children, please close your eyes!

Deadpool then presses the trigger, and then blows his head up

Michael Bay: Oh god!

Deadpool then grows a new head

Deadpool: Nothing like a healing factor to make your day!

Luigi (Confessional): H-how d-did he do that?

Girls are then shown in their side of the cabin

Juliet Capulet (singing): Oh romeo, oh romeo, come to me...

Bonnie Parker: Shut up, for god's sake!

Juliet Capulet: Oh come on! I think my voice can sing beautifully!

Peach: I hate to say it, but I agree, there's a difference between thinking and knowing.

Juliet sobs silently

Peach: Oh, come on, it's not that bad...

Bonnie Parker: It is

Gorgo: Shut it, or else I'll get my husband to kick you into our abyss

Bonnie Parker: I'll get mine to shoot you, bitch!

Gorgo: Bring it!

Deadpool (voice): Can I see the catfight?

Bonnie and Gorgo: Shut up!

'''Deadpool (confessional): Why do I miss all that good stuff? Why the hell can't I see them fight? Fight Club should've had at least one catfight, then I wouldn't beg to see them fight!'''

Team Criminal are then seen sitting in the dining room, with NicePeter and EpicLloyd standing in front of them

NicePeter: Alright, you all voted, and while I can't say I wasn't shocked, I wasn't that surprised either.

EpicLloyd: We'll be reading your names off this card. Once we read your name off this card, you can go back to your cabin. Only one of you isn't going back, and that person will have to go in our cannon of shame.

NicePeter: The contestants who are staying are...Mr T...William Wallace...Chuck Norris...Joan of the Arc...Kanye West...Walter White...Goku...Superman...

All of them get up and leave

EpicLloyd: ...Genghis Khan...Gandalf...Al Capone...Blackbeard...Jesus Quintana...Vince Offer.

The next six leave

NicePeter: Only four are left. Sarah Palin, you acted ungrateful when they got you out, both times. Darth Vader, you tried to kill your teammate. Not exactly helping anyone. Kim Jong-II, your team didn't believe you were plotting against them, but that doesn't mean they still trust you. And Hitler, probably the most responsible for the team's losing of today's challenge.

EpicLloyd: Sarah Palin...be thankful this time...you are staying.

Sarah Palin gets up and leaves

EpicLloyd: Vader, you may have tried to kill a teammate, but hey, we understand it's Adolf, and apparently so does everyone else. You may leave.

Darth Vader gets up, glares at Hitler, and leaves

NicePeter: So, my advice for the person who stays...you should watch you back...and that person is...

Adolf Hitler and Kim Jong-II start sweating heavily

NicePeter: ...Kim Jong-II.

Kim Jong-II smirks at Hitler, then gets up and leaves

Adolf Hitler: B-but I was telling the truth here! I swear on my grave!

NicePeter: We know you were, but your teammates don't know, so they dismissed it, and you

NicePeter and EpicLloyd are then seen at the dock, with Hitler climbing in the cannon

NicePeter: Any last words, Hitler?

Adolf Hitler: This is not over, cunts! I will find you after all of this, and I will- AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Hitler is then shot out of the cannon

NicePeter: Who'll get kicked off next time? Will we be able to handle Deadpool? And when will we find out that Hitler wasn't lying? Find out next time on Total...Drama...Wiki!!!

''Approximately an hour later, everyone goes to sleep. Just as the lights turn off, Deadpool sneaks out.''

Deadpool: All clear...go time!

Deadpool then pulls out and Iron Man suit and gets into it. Then he pulls out a dozen beer bottle and and drinks them all at once.

Deadpool (Knocked-down drunk): For now and avenger armored the's most adventure intoxicating! (And now for the Armored Avenger's most intoxicating adventure!)

Deadpool then flies up while Black Sabbath's Iron Man plays

Teams
Team Criminal: Adolf Hitler, Darth Vader, Chuck Norris, Sarah Palin, Kim Jong-II, Genghis Khan, Jesus Quintana, Vince Offer, Gandalf, Mr. T, Al Capone, Blackbeard, Miley Cyrus, Joan of the Arc, Kanye West, Walter White, Superman, Goku, William Wallace

Team Lawless: Leonidas, Gorgo, Mario, Luigi, Peach, Cleopatra, HAL-900, Batman, Joseph Stalin, Romeo Montague, Juliet Capulet, Bonnie Parker, Clyde Barrow, Thor, Jack The Ropper, Hannibal Lecter, Quentin Tarantino, Michael Bay, Deadpool/D-Pooly