User blog:Dark Cyan/Cyan's Rap Battles of Literature 34: Isaac Newton vs Stephen Hawking

Hello, everyone. And welcome back to Cyan's Rap Battles of Literature!

This time, a non-fiction battle. There aren't enough of them in this series. I'd say this was fun to write, but it was surprisingly hard.

Anyway, this battle pits scientific author Issac Newton, who came up with many theorys surrounding gravity, forces and motion, against scientific author Stephen Hawking, who's additions to the field of theoretical physics and how we understand the universe have been too complicated for me to understand. He's very smart, basically.

...In a battle of scientific authors.

Enjoy!

Beat: Galaxy

Isaac Newton
(starts at 0:14)

It seems like the unstoppable force is meeting the immobile object

In a battle of scientific importance, comparing us isn’t even a contest

If you wanted to be taken seriously, you at least had a choice

Not to have selected Microsoft Sam as your computer’s default voice!

It’s not Theoretical! To the field of Physics, my findings gave strength

People don’t need Optiks to see that you’re not on my wavelength!

You’re only known for your illness! My work is actually taught in schools!

It’s time to face the Gravity of the truth; this subject doesn’t need you

Stephen Hawking
(starts at 0:41)

I beg to differ. In fact, with you included, the list is very long,

Of ‘scientists’ whose work my theories partly proved wrong

Let me give you a Brief History of my Time to show how I excel

CBE, FRS, FRSA, Pride of Britain In A Nutshell

You somehow got into Parliament; thankfully kicked out in a year

Too unprofessional and ill-tempered to even be an M.P. life peer?

That’s impressive! You’re not as clean as your Royal Mint account book

You can’t beat me with the petty tantrums that you threw at Leibniz and Hooke

Isaac Newton
(starts at 1:10)

I saw your ‘romantic’ movie, The Theory of Everything. It was tripe

Your greatest achievement is managing to make a worse love story than Twilight!

It must have left out your wife abusing you in the bathtub,

Your sex tape, and your visits to the Stringfellows and Devore strip clubs

I saw you flip out at attempts to find Alien contact. You’re more paranoid than CNN,

Of foreign invaders. What kind of scientist fears little green men?

You’ve lost so much credibility going from ‘String Theory’ to ‘Big Bang Theory’

There’s a Parallel Universe where I’m smarter than you, and also one where you’re funny.

Stephen Hawking
(starts at 1:38)

Aliens must be real. It’s simply the laws of probability

At least I didn’t interpret the bible to claim the world ends in 2060

From prophecy to the Philosopher’s Stone, alchemy and the Illuminati,

Chronology of Ancient Kingdoms, amending history; you went nutty

I had The Dreams That Stuff Is Made Of. Now I’m scientific royalty

You discovered Gravity, and now I celebrate birthdays in zero g

Dom you believe it was The Grand Design for me to shadow your success?

It’s inspirational how much taller I stand above you with my ALS

WHO WON? Isaac Newton Stephen Hawking