User blog comment:Club-Dreamiverse/The Poem of "Ted Dreamcrusher"/@comment-37148425-20191023023803

This is moving as a cri de coeur. It convinces me the writer has exhausted all efforts to combat and resist the pain. That said, I think the language you use is beautiful, but with all your focus on it, it feels forced, almost cliché in some places, which causes the poem to lack depth. Your meter is a bit clunky. If it helps, maybe think of a structured poem as a song. Make sure that if you were to sing it, you wouldn’t have to speed up or slow down in awkward places to avoid stumbling. Do correct me if I'm wrong but I believe this poem is about the expectations that people put on a person in life. Try to condense your poem into how expectations make you feel or what you want the reader to feel.