User blog:Iamthelegion/Jeff the Killer vs Kai Parker

So, welcome to a new battle! This one took ages to upload cuz no internetz, glitching wikia, not enough Batman, meh on my part, so on so forth. Firstly, thanks to dat Kiwi for the title cards and muchos gracias to Leo for the iTunes cover of unmitigated badassery. Todays battle is betwixt major Vampire Diaries antagonist, the guy who stabbed his older brother, Kai Parker, and prince of creepypastas, the guy who stabbed his older brother, Jeff the Killer, in a battle to see who is the better unnatural family-targeting SK of youth, but are these the only two with this claim? Obviously not, but are they the only rappers in this battle? Will there be a non-internet originating non-obscure character? Wait and find out :P. Now, read the battle, you paid WAY too much attention to this paragraph (icu).

Cast, backgrounds and announcer:
Legion as Jeff the Killer

Legion as Michael Jackson (cameo)

Legion as Kai Parker

Legion as Damon Salvatore (cameo)

Legion as the Joker (cameo)

Legion as ???

IDKyet as Slender Man (cameo)

Matteo Adonis as ???

Justin the Rapper as Jason Voorhees (cameo)

Legion as Norman Bates (cameo)

Jeff the Killer's background = dark room from []

Kai Parker's background = flaming school hallway

???'s background = podium

???'s background = dark forest

'''ALTERNATE RAP BATTLES OF.... HOORRRORR!'''



VERSUS!



The Battle:
Jeff the Killer:

It seems the king of creepypastas is against a parasitic witch

You'd have a better chance against Goku, leave you in a ditch

Popularity suicide like you needs to be bus-stopped immediately

After this defeat I'll haunt you like part one, in memory irrevocably

Should've stayed where you couldn't die, now you're at my mercy

Less experienced still more killer, in rapping well-versed see

Survived my face exploding, walked out of it like Michael Jackson

I've undeniably claimed victory because you're a Jeff hack, son

Kai Parker:

I'm unoriginal? Haven't you watched Dark Knight or Halloween? You're pitiful like my twin sister, a simpering drama queen

Explain your supremacy whilst your blood evaporates

I've beaten near gods before, best accept your fate

Clear rip out your throat and then I'll blame it on Damon

I took down the life-death bridge, watch who you're hating

Flown around the entire world while you were six and skittish

Holy tortellini Batman! It looks like this Joker pasta's FINISHED

Jeff the Killer:

Think to take down online horror defined on your first day on the internet?

Slit you straight cleanly in half, after all like is what like doth beget

Been stacking bodies whilst you were a loner

Playing it safe because your powers are a loaner

Such a witchy failure you got beat by a teddy bear

Jeff is back, baby - YOU BETTER BE SCARED!

Myers and Joker? It doesn't take Something Awful to remember Dahmer

When it all comes down to it, you aren't worth it, do you feel honored?

Kai Parker:

Honour? Please, you had to get your brother to take the rap

I beat mine, both in Dr Mario and out of life, double whack

This is the end, I'm pretty much your god

<p style="color:#006400">Jeff, d-

(Kai stops talking as a man steps out in front of a microphone at a podium, and that man is revealed to be Damien Thorn)



<p style="color:#8A0707">Damien Thorn:

<p style="color:#8A0707">Be quiet will you, I'm the only god among killers

<p style="color:#8A0707">This Antichrist is iller than the wimpy TV thriller

<p style="color:#8A0707">The fun end of my film was removed, just like Jeff's story

<p style="color:#8A0707">A clear Omen is present, I'm not rude when I get to gory

<p style="color:#8A0707">I don't need acolytes to face off against these posers

<p style="color:#8A0707">Toss a lightning rod through the bleach faced dozer

<p style="color:#8A0707">Ave Satani, heed the dark call of the hell spawn

<p style="color:#8A0707">A government bigwig, I'm sure your loss is soon to dawn

<p style="color:#8A0707">You need seven to put me down, and you're daggerless

<p style="color:#8A0707">Kai couldn't step to Klaus, or that dwarf out of Inverness

<p style="color:#8A0707">A mad dog with two in hand, all competition is stillborn

<p style="color:#8A0707">Robert was the Thorn in my side, not what Slender's worn

<p style="color:#8A0707">You two should fall and worship, lest I leave you behind

<p style="color:#8A0707">Know at your funerals, I'll just stand there and smile

(Damien visibly grins and Kai punches him square in the jaw, knocking him back)

<p style="color:#006400">Kai Parker:

<p style="color:#006400">Don't interrupt your superior, you barely rated that fist

<p style="color:#006400">With my dear brother I'm more powerful than the eclipse

<p style="color:#006400">I wonder if consumption would let me take your role

<p style="color:#006400">For like hell's knell I'm sure to take my fair toll

<p style="color:#006400">You're the Antichrist? More like a hypnotist overrated

<p style="color:#006400">Just like your fifth novel and my news, you're dated

<p style="color:#006400">I ate the magic barrier, got more power than you pretend

<p style="color:#006400">A pretty cool guy to be fair, I'll still bring you to your end

<p style="color:#006400">The truth, I'm a sociopath - but you're off your rocker

<p style="color:#006400">In all my imprisonment I never wanted to watch your "blockbuster"

<p style="color:#006400">Best film of seventy-six, but diluted by your film nation

<p style="color:#006400">We should forget your spawn, you're the Abomination

Jeff the Killer:

What's happening Malachai? Did you forget your opponent?

Hellboy, get out, this was greatness but you've blown it

I'll take you both to your demise, need no special magic

All I need is my bloody knife and you'll both know I can HACK IT

<p style="color:#006400">Kai Parker:

<p style="color:#006400">Hardly, that drivel has near put me off rap indefinitely <p style="color:#006400">Barely made it out alive, punching weak and spastically

<p style="color:#006400">You two grinning annoyances will stop wasting my time

(As Kai raps his next line, he points at Jeff, who crumples and then fades out)

<p style="color:#006400">I suggest Signs here raps appeasing with his last rhyme

<p style="color:#8A0707">Damien Thorn:

<p style="color:#8A0707">Appeasing? You wish, Warlock try hard is legit Forever 21

<p style="color:#8A0707">Not until heaven and earth burn is my unholy mission done

<p style="color:#8A0707">Get ass raped and a third apocalypse is induced, Lilo's Stitch

<p style="color:#8A0707">I call for eternal moratorium on the season of this witch!

(Kai, with his face contorted with rage, raises his hand to point at Damien, then his finger is sliced off, and the camera pans to reveal Michael Myers)



<p style="color:#e3dac9">Michael Myers:

<p style="color:#e3dac9">Talking about dated and you didn't look at the date

<p style="color:#e3dac9">October thirty first is Halloween, or for you dying day

<p style="color:#e3dac9">Bloody killer, Mr Myers, slasher king for All Saints

<p style="color:#e3dac9">Don't need to be in all of my films to make Satana faint

<p style="color:#e3dac9">Leave you two praying to Norman Bates to be saved

<p style="color:#e3dac9">Because even Jason my night would never dare to brave

<p style="color:#e3dac9">This has gone circle like Omen, because I made Jeff

<p style="color:#e3dac9">After you meet my knife you'll have no time left

<p style="color:#e3dac9">The door has closed on Rogue when he meets this mask

<p style="color:#e3dac9">Jebus, the chaos you crave has finally come at last

<p style="color:#e3dac9">Michael's unrestrained, untamed and unstoppable

<p style="color:#e3dac9">Like that village in Gaul, undoubtedly indominable

<p style="color:#e3dac9">You don't get Tricked, because you're in for a treat

<p style="color:#e3dac9">I spit lines so sweet you both know that it's Halloween

Outro:
Who won? Jeff the Killer Kai Parker Damien Thorn Michael Myers

Hint for the next battle: tasty pastry