User blog:Dark Cyan/Cyan's Rap Battles of Literature 2: Anthony Horowitz vs Robert Louis Stevenson

Hello, everyone. And welcome back to Cyan's Rap Battles of Literature!

Well, isn't this a tall order? I have to live up to Jane Austen vs J.K. Rowling. I may have accidentally set the bar too high. That may have been while I didn't want to write this until last night, when I kinda had to.

Either way, I at least hope you enjoy it. Even if it doesn't live up to the first one, at least it'll bring the bar back down so the pressure's off me for battle three.

This week's battle pits the Author of the YA series Alex Rider, The Power of Five, and The Diamond Brothers, Anthonty Horowitz, against the Author of such timeless classics as Treasure Island, Kidnapped, and the Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, to see which is the greatest Adventure author.

Enjoy!

Beat: Accordian Player

Robert Louis Stevenson
(starts at 0:14)

Avast, you hack! Don't cross the legend from the Lowlands,

Lest you get Kidnapped and marooned on Treasure Island!

You write spy stories for Young Adults. Now that's pretty cool.

But you know what's not? A fat kid who goes to Rugby School.

I will attack you ruthlessly, and tear your body apart!

My insults will wound you like a Black Arrow to the heart!

But I don't think I'll Ask For Diamond, if that's alright.

Spoofing stories better than yours just makes you look shite.

Anthony Horowitz
(starts at 0:37)

Are you just going to drag on and on with hollow words all day?

Your raps are even more tedious than The Master of Ballantrae.

Whereas I'm the master of intense heart-pointing action.

Your action scenes don't hold up. I just can't see the attraction.

This OBE MC's got the Skeleton Key for sure victory.

I'm better at action, horror, comedy, adventure and mystery.

Guess that's the Power of Five. You must have the Bottle Imp's curses.

Because your disses read more like A Child's Garden of Verses.

Robert Louis Stevenson
(starts at 1:00)

Looks I need to switch from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde.

I'm holding nothing back now. Let's play some Games with your Mind.

I would stab you in the back, but you ran that idea into the ground.

I inspired so many writers greater than you. Just look around!

Whichever dolt released that Stormbreaker movie should be sacked!

But the Disney adaption of my film is what put Pirates on the map!

Because I went on a real life journey. I travelled the length and breadth of the land!

That's why I am the king of Adventure, and you're just secondhand.

Anthony Horowitz
(starts at 1:23)

Who else but me could have brought back Sherlock Holmes?

I'm truly unmatched in the craft once I get in the zone.

Whereas you spend a whole ten pages describing the scenery.

I really don't care about the chimney smoke, sand or greenery.

A sickly child. You youth may have been some of your darkest years.

But so was mine. All you'll get from me are Crocodile Tears.

Ended by a hemmorhage, aged 44. That's sad, I won't deny.

But you should have been told, Robert; You're never too young to die.

WHO WON? Anthony Horowitz Robert Louis Stevenson