User blog:BlueFrackle/Feral Rap Battles of the Animal Kingdom III: Crocodile vs. Hippopotamus

Hello and welcome to another installment of your favorite fanmade series named Feral Rap Battles of the Animal Kingdom! (Because, you know, it's the only one with that name)

This match wasn't suggested by anyone, but was inspired by Legion's comment that he'd like to see a crocodile. So here we go, the two deadliest forces in African waterways. Who's going to win?

Battle
FERAL RAP BATTLES OF THE ANIMAL KINGDOM!!! CROCODILE VS. HIPPOPOTAMUS!!! BEGIN!

Hippopotamus:

Open your palate, bitch, I got rhymes for you to swallow

My lines are wet and slick just like the mud in which I wallow

I'm a behemoth! You should bask in my aura 'cause it's glorious!

I'm immense, I'm huge! I'm bigger than notorious!

You look like a tree log with fishy bits, all rot and stale

My rhymes are so cold that all your eggs will hatch as female!

I'll make you lose some more teeth and sell your friends to a farm

I drop bars that scare Brady Barr so send your threat alarm!

I make a handbag out of you if you even try to come near!

Then after we're done here I'll shed some crocodile tears

'Cause I'm the hip-hop-potamus and I cannot be predated

Kick you back to New York sewers, see you later, alligator!

Crocodile:

Why are you flinging so much crap? Trying to mark your territory?

With such a huge mouth it's a shame you suck at oratory

Whereas every time I open mine it's to release heat

Or to sink my sharp teeth into a fatty piece of meat!

Go suck your mamma's pink milk, you can't compare to crocodile!

If you think you can then I'm afraid you're living in de Nile

My bite's the strongest ever measured, you got a chance to run but blew it

Now beware because my rap's more acid than my gastric fluid!

You've been ambushed by a carnivore, let the death roll begin

To cope with my burns you'll need more than your sweaty sunscreen!

You'll be extinct! Just like in Europe and in Asia too

Admit the truth: this time you bit more than you can chew!

Hippopotamus:

At least I'm capable of chewing, I don't roll like an idiot

Trying to turn a piece of meat into a bunch of tiny bit parts!

Strong bite but duct tape keeps your mouth shut, ain't that ironic?

I didn't hear any good rhymes: you sending them in infrasonic?

I'll whoop your bulletproof ass like Steve Irwin, partner!

Though you like to swallow rocks, I'll serve you something harder!

Crocodile:

Oh, that was nice, Peter Potamus, I do like to gulp rocks

But you couldn't look more dorky if you wore a pair of Crocs!

I'm on top of the food chain, from the swamps to the savannah

And I'll call Teddy Roosevelt to mail you to Louisiana!

Tear your teeth off for the ivory and clean it of the bits of broccolis

I got my own city! Ever heard of Crocodilopolis?

Got less respect for you than for the fish who cares for your teeth

I sense the monsoon coming up, I'm in the mood for beef!

WHO WON??! WHO'S NEXT??! YOU DECIDE!!! FERAL RAP BATTLES OF THE ANIMAL KINGDOM!!!

Previous episodes

 * Yeti Crab vs. Scaly-foot Gastropod
 * Tardigrade vs. Immortal Jellyfish