Vlad the Impaler vs Count Dracula/Rap Meanings

Vlad the Impaler:
Imagine forests of corpses, dripping on a buffet,

(Vlad once used a forest of impaled corpses to shock and repel an invading Ottoman army.)

'''You call that a nightmare? I call it a Tuesday'''

(Vlad wears a similar hairpiece to that of M.Bison so he references the infamous "...but for me it was Tuesday" quote from the Street Fighter movie, implying that impaling his victims on spikes is just an ordinary everyday occurrence for him.)

Vlad Dracula, spawn of the devil

(Vlad was also known as Vlad Dracula. He calls himself the offspring of the Devil itself.)

Dipping my bread in your weeping blood vessel!

(According to legend, Vlad was a cannibal and his favorite food was bread soaked in the blood of his victims. Here, he threatens to do the same with those who Dracula hunts.)

Scorched the earth from Hungary to Wallachia 

(Vlad went to Moldavia in 1449 or 1450, and later to Hungary. He also invaded and became the ruler of Wallachia.)

I inspire fear, you inspire Count Chocula

(The monster cereals are a line of breakfast cereals produced by General Mills Corporation in North America, with one of the mascots being a vampire named Count Chocula. Vlad says that while he inspires fear, Dracula only inspires childish cartoon mascots.)

Step to the Turks and the bodies started dropping

(Vlad fought against the Ottoman Empire when they expanded into eastern Europe.)

Put my foot on Ottomans like I was furniture shopping

(Vlad says he walks over the people of the Ottoman Empire like he would put his feet on ottoman couches, a form of couch that usually has a head but no back used for resting your feet.)

I save my stakes, no need crucifix 

(Perhaps the most iconic weapon used by Vampire Hunters is the wooden stake, similar for the stakes Vlad used to impale his victims. Vlad says he doesn’t need a wooden stake or crucifix to beat Dracula.)

I kill you with Olive Garden garlic breadsticks!

(Another weakness of vampires is garlic. Olive Garden is an American casual dining restaurant chain specializing in Italian-American cuisine, who sell food such as garlic breadsticks, sometimes mocked for catering to vegans. Vlad is mocking Dracula by killing him with a sidedish from a resturaunt not considered hardcore.)

I butcher men, women and children like cows

(Vlad mercilessly killed around 80,000 people like people would butcher cows for beef. This may be a reference to how vampire bats drink blood of cows)

Put more meat on swords than Fogo de Chão!

(This is a reference to how Vlad impaled his victims. Fogo de Chão is a fine dining, full-service Brazilian steakhouse or churrascaria, serving rodízio style, featuring roving waiters serving barbecued meats from large skewers directly onto the seated diners' plates.)

Count Dracula:
Does this mic still work after that blah blah blah?

(It is often believed that "Blah, Blah, Blah" is a recurring phrase from the Dracula of the 1931 movie, which is wrong since he never said it. Dracula says that Vlad’s raps are just chatter.)

'''Check one... two... ah ah ah!'''

(When someone checks if a microphone is on, they usually says "Checking, one, two, three". Here, Dracula refers to Count von Count of Sesame Street who usually counts objects and laughs as Dracula does in this part.)

The flex of a rear-spearing princeling, can’t vex me

(When Vlad impaled his victims, they would likely often be staked through the back or the rear. A princeling refers to a young prince or a ruler of a small principality. Dracula is diminshing the status of Vlad the Impaler's rulership)

‘Cause I nibble necks and I make it look sexy!

(Vampires are known to bite their victims in the neck to suck their blood, and are often sexualised. Dracula says he makes blood-sucking look attractive.)

I’m Universally known for intrigue and desire!

(The character of Count Dracula, contrary to many other vampires in previous fiction and folklore, is commonly depicted as a man of taste and culture. The line is also a pun on Universal Studios, who produced the famous film adaptation of Dracula in 1931 which starred Bela Lugosi as the count. Nice Peter's performance is based on Lugosi's iconic Hungarian accent.)

I shapeshift into mist and bone Winona Ryder!

(Shapeshifting into animals or mist is an ability possessed by vampires. Winona Ryder is an actress who portrayed Mina Harker, a character who Dracula possessed in the 1992 film, Bram Stoker's Dracula.)

Slick hair, popped collar, and a damn nice cape!

(Dracula is portrayed with slicked-back hair, an upturned collar, and a long cape.)

While you’ve got less taste than an Anne Rice cake!

(Rice cakes are tasteless crackers made of baked puffed rice. Anne Rice is an American author of gothic fiction, who is perhaps best known for her series of novels, The Vampire Chronicles.)

Your rhymes are empty, like I leave vascular systems!

(Dracula calls Vlad’s raps empty like he leaves his victims’ blood vessels empty when he feeds on them.)

I’d grant you the privilege of being Dracula’s victim!

(Dracula says that being his victim should be considered a privilege.)

But the thought of biting you makes me get nauseous!

(Even Dracula admits that the thought of biting Vlad in the neck is sickening.)

You don’t look like the type who’s keen on neck washes!

(Wash your neck pretty much means "prepare to die", because washing one's neck was a traditional preparation for being executed by decapitation. Vlad died by being ambushed and eventually decapitated.)

Vlad the Impaler:
'''Did you shapeshift those punchlines? ‘Cause they ‘mist’'''

(Vlad makes a pun on how vampires can shapeshift into mist to say that all of Dracula’s disses missed him.)

Your skill’s like your reflection: it doesn’t exist!

(Vampires are known to have no reflection. Vlad claims Dracula has no skill.)

Turn your 'taint' to a 'tis', when I put a stick through ya!

(Taint and Tis are shortened versions of "it ain't" and "it is." Taint is also a slang term for the perineum, the area between the genitals and anus. Essentially, Vlad is going to tear him a new asshole by driving a stick into this area.)

Haven’t seen a sucker this soft, since Bunnicula!

(Bunnicula is a rabbit, and was once the pet of Count Dracula, from the American animated television and book series of the same name. Vlad calls Dracula soft like a bunny.)

'''Get beat by Count Dracula? You’re smoking crack-ula!'''

("Smoking crack" is a common diss that someone is delusional. Vlad thinks that Dracula is practically on drugs if he thinks he can beat him)

I dunk on your wack-ula raps like I’m Shaq-ula (Oh!)

(Shaquille "Shaq" O'Neal is a former professional basketball player turned actor, and dunking is a common move in basketball. Vlad continues the “-acula” rhyme scheme to say he will beat, or dunk on Dracula.)

I’m Vlad to the bone, Vlad the hat-nailer,

(Vlad makes puns on his name to say he is bad to the bone and has an amazing hat, which even looks like it has nail heads embedded into it. This may also refer to an event where two Terkish messengers visited Vlad to pay their respects, but refused to remove their turbans for religious reasons. In response, Vlad had their turbans nailed to their heads to ensure they were never taken off.)

Vlad that commits heinous acts on rats, ask the jailer!

(When Vlad was kept prisoner in Hungary on charges of heresy, it is said that even in his cell he caught rats and small birds and impaled them on tiny sticks.)

You leeched my name, you pale son of a bitch!

(A leech is a blood sucking parasite, much like a vampire. Vlad the Impaler, also known as Vlad III Dracula, served as an inspiration for Count Dracula. Vampires are often depicted as pale skin.)

And your weak ass gets beat by the sun at the beach!

(Another weakness of a vampire is sunlight.)

Your slick hair and cape are all flappy razzle-dazzle!

(Vlad claims that Dracula’s slicked-back hair and long cape are just for show.)

But at end of day you’re a bat, and that’s only half a battle!

(Vampires can turn into a winged bat/demon-like creatures. “Bat” is literally half of the word “battle”, so Vlad says he will easily beat Dracula.)

Count Dracula:
'''Wow! I didn’t know that you could read!'''

(In response to Vlad referencing things from Dracula's novel, Dracula mocks Vlad and his bloodthirsty nature by saying he didn’t know he was capable of reading.)

'''That’s great. Now, let’s see if you can bleed! (*hiss*)'''

(Dracula threatens Vlad by saying he will see if he can bleed by sucking his blood. In the 1966 film, Dracula: Prince of Darkness, Dracula only communicates through hisses.)

'''Ha! You thought the sun could kill me? Not true!'''

(Contrary to popular belief, Dracula was able to stay in the sun without harm in the original Bram Stoker novel. The common misconseption comes from films such as Nosferatu and Dracula (1931) where Dracula was given this weakness for plot purposes. Dracula mocks Vlad for thinking sunlight could kill him.)

I’m the vampire so cold they called me Nosfer-atchoo!

(Count Dracula claims he is so cold, he makes opponents sick. This is also a reference to the film Nosferatu which was an unauthorised version of Dracula; in it, the Dracula analogy Count Orlok brings a deadly plague with him when he arrives to England. Dracula makes a pun on both the film title Nosferatu and the achoo sound for sneezing.)

My syllable delivery is devilishly intricate!

(Dracula says his flow is frighteningly complex.)

I rock the house, once I’m invited into it!

(Some traditions hold that a vampire cannot enter a house unless invited by the owner. Dracula says that when he is invited into a house, he rocks it, or performs well.)

And here’s a tidbit, that you can stick a stake up:

(Dracula gives Vlad another piece of information for him to consider.)

You’re losing so bad you should join team Jacob!

(Jacob "Jake" Black is a character in the vampire-romance series, Twilight. Many fans of the franchise, particularly teenagers, have debated whether Edward or Jacob is the better match for Bella, another character in the series. Both sides of the debate have coalesced around informal "teams" of followers, whether "Team Jacob" or "Team Edward". In a poll in 2008, Team Jacob got 2,641 votes and Team Edward got 5,130 votes, and a poll done by Top 7 with over 43,000 votes had Jacob trailing Edward by around 3,000 votes. Dracula is saying Vlad should join the side which is considered to have lost.)

Renfield!

(R. M. Renfield is a fictional character that appears in Bram Stoker's 1897 Gothic horror novel Dracula, possessed by Dracula.)

R. M. Renfield:
Yes master?

(Renfield answers to Dracula’s command.)

Count Dracula:
'''Call a doctor, not Seward! (ugh!)'''

(John "Jack" Seward, M.D. is another character from Bram Stoker's 1897 Gothic horror novel Dracula. Throughout the novel, Seward conducts ambitious interviews with Renfield in order to understand better the nature of life-consuming psychosis.)

 ' Cause Vlad the Impaler has just been skewered!

(The traditional method of killing a vampire is by impalement with a wooden stake.  A stake could alternately be known as a skewer, primarily in a cooking reference, as with skewering meat of a dead animal.) 

Renfield:
Word!

(Renfield agrees with Dracula.)