User blog:Captain Coder/Coding Literal Reviews 2 ~ Walmart VS Target

Hello once again. On the first review, I got a comment to do ERBParodies' Walmart VS Target Royale. I've got a lot of material for this one, so let's do this

Target:
I expected more from your shitty corporation

Why? If they're a shitty corporation, why would you have high expectations for them?

But I paid less, you have no high expectations!

Wait, wait, wait. Clearly you... did have high expectations as shown by your last line.Contradictionary much?And you PAID to do this? Ouch.

'''Always low prices? Bullshit, you know that's a lie'''

An employee alone can't change the prices how he pleases, so don't blame HIM for it.

When you sell a pillow for the price of a gold chained tie!

First, that's kinda ridiculous. Second, wtf is a "gold chained tie?" I think you mean gold tie chain... you seem kinda tipsy for an employee, you should be fired.

Wipe off that smiley face like you did with the Retro Star!

Make him.

Your deli reeks of homeless boy who just came out of the bar!

That's a pretty horrible thing to say. Not to mention that homeless people can't afford to go to the bar that often.

Get ready Walmart, I'm going to stomp you into a flea market

You seem to have learned the DBZ way of planning during a fight, telling them EXACTLY what you're going to do. And good luck with doing that anyway.

I'll pull out my bow, because, you, are my next, Target!

Why are you talking like Captain Kirk/some comedian who is trying to point out an obvious pun? And it's counter-productive to tell Walmart that they'll be the next Target, but that's just me.

Walmart:
Talk about Pay Less when your economy is high!

Wait, so Target is their own country now? Because I don't think Target has their own economy.

Saying, "Here pay 500 dollars for this cherry apple pie"

Apparently this employee is guilty of this extremeism attitude as well. Also, I don't think he ever said that in his verse.

You sell expired food and you're calling me a fraud?

The Target employee never said this either. Man, what is everyone smoking today?

I'm the true superstore, scrap that; supergod!

So you're going from being a retailer to claiming you're better than a God? You've got some ego problems dude. Also, YOU'RE not the superstore, you're an EMPLOYEE.

Save Money and Live Better when I kick your ass,

How is the Target guy supposed to save some money and live better by getting his ass kicked?

I'm Lovin' it, serving you frying rhymes with a Big Mac!

So you're going to waste your time beating on this guy, and then waste your food by giving him a free burger? YOU should be fired too.

I've got prices that do down lower than your mother!

.....That would be a good insult other than the fact that if your prices are going down, you're obvoiously not getting good buisness.

I expected more from you, stay on Target you bugger!

So apparently the Walmart guy is from England. Once again, why would you expect more from this guy?

Kmart:
Attention Kmart shoppers, we got a special offer, homie.

If your manager heard you talk like that over the intercom, your ass would be fired. And you mean to say that Walmart guy and Target guy are in a Kmart doing this? Must have looked weird.

The ass kicking of Target and Walmart for half-price, limited time only!

Wait, so MORE people are PAYING to see this? Jesus Christ.

My cold rhymes surely make you Ship your Pants.

One of the more random things you could have said. And how does a cold rhyme make these two go and ship their pants away?

With these big ass savings, you'll be left, in a trance.

Comma. Splice. Mother. Fucker. And now apparently the Kmart guy has superpowers, really lame superpowers.

I got a gas station, a car wash, and a cafe.

I don't think they give two flying fucks.

This shit ain't about the Price Tag, yeah, listen to Jesse J,

Kmart guy just lost what little respect I had for him.

Discount your lines from this battle, Kmarts the one who will win.

If they go back and "discount" lines, then you'll never have come in, therefore creating a paradox, Kmart just blew open the universe.

My raps are true bargins, yours just belong in the bin!

NONE of these raps are "bargins"

GameStop:
GameStop it already you so-called sucessful corporations!

I'm pretty sure super-markets are more sucessful than a video game store... just saying. So I guess you just ran into the Kmart to join in this shit.... don't you people have jobs?

Before I Bioshock and Super Smash you like a Playstation!

I don't see how a Playstaion "Super Smashes" anyone.

Think you're superior enough to make everything you sell overpriced?

I guess they do, and it's not like you're any better.

Have a five-dollar, a Wii points card, buy yourself a life!

How ironic that the GameStop guy is telling everyone to get a life.. and to buy with with an out-dated console gift card... and you just wasted 15 dollars giving these three free cards... YOU are a shitty employee.

My shops are all over the world with all sorts of awesome names

Wait, so you're not an employee, you're the CEO? That makes this shit even worse.

Micromainia, MovieStop, Babbage's, EB Games

I was going to take your word for those "awesome named stores" but... okay.

I've got an impulse to tell you all I'm the greatest retailer

Clearly more than an impulse, you just did it.

So prepare to get crushed when I bring Power to the Players!

So you're going to give MORE free cards to a bunch of people to beat up 3 non-related employees? Damn, you waste a lot of money.

Toys R Us:
KKKKKKK yeah, shut the heck up and park it!

WTF was that? Park what? You sound like you've been doing some heilium. And what the hell is the KKKKKKKK?

Go back to your clan and step out of the black market!

.....okay that was pretty good.

I only have to open my doors and children come flooding in.

Children don't have money, their parents do. So the other four aren't really affected.

You break, you buy, so you better get on your ass and start cleaning

... couple things here. One, I don't think the other four guys broke anything, so you're high. Two, get ON their asses to clean? How the hell do you do that?

You close your shop at 11 to have a break, I'm open all night!

Because the other guys (minus GameStop) have lives, but you're at the store all day.... and YOU'RE open all night? ew.

The only time I'd be a customer to tell you I'm always right!

Kind of a waste of time to walk around to these places just to tell them "TOYS R US IS ALWAYS RIGHT,". What is with all these employees?

I may be Toys R Us, but this battle belongs to me,

So if you own this battle, like you said, and you broke it with rapping.... better get on your ass and start cleaning.

Screw Target and the Marts, I make little kids happy!

So you and GameStop guy are cool now? And.... you make little kids happy..... oh..

Sam's Club:
You can call me Sam's Club, bitch, I got the ultimate deals!

How fitting that an employee named Sam's Club works at Sam's Club.

Crushing you puny punks with my bulk, leave you in rubble, for reals!

Yeah, your tough guy attitude got killed when you said "For reals!" And you're going to destroy the other stores? Kinda harsh. I don't think people would want to hire you.

I'll put your ass on blast, you two mart's ain't shit, selling everything on clearence just to market it?

So now you're going to shoot the employees? Anger issues. Obviously the Mart guys aren't fecal matter, and of course they sell on clearence to market, EVERYTHING they do is to market it. You seem new to this.

I'll start a fit of wits, so let me Target this, you mother fuckers should know not to come at this!

Now you're telling them to back off like you're scared. You sir, are a punk.

And GameStop, get real, what's with them shitty ass trades?

He has a point.

I'm attracting "buying customers" leave all your stores deserted for days!

I don't think a Sam's Club would affect a GameStop hardly considering how they don't focus on gaming, but whatever.

'''And what's your giraffe ass gonna do? Splash me with a water gun?'''

I don't know man, you seem to like to instigate shit.

You're just Toys R Us, bitch, *insert pedophile pun*

Man, you like the word "bitch". And come on, you were really too lazy to come up with something, so you tell the Toys R Us guy to insert the pun?

Walgreens:
Alright motherfuckers, welcome to Walgreens!

Wow, I had to wait for that unessisary long pause to hear this rude-ass greeting from the guy behind the counter. If I were the manager, you'd be out the door after that.

I'm the dopest pharmacy store that you've ever done seen.

Speak gooder english. Oh wait, you work at Walgreens.

I have a hell load of customers, but I have time to fuck yall up.

So you have a bunch of customers who need help and you're out here trying to fight a bunch of other employees? You're the shittest one so far!

I'll diss every aspect of you, from Wal-Fart to GayStop

Huh, that's weird, I don't see employees from either of those stores here.

'''What would you guys be without me? Just one pile of shit!'''

How? You're a pharmacy store, you have nothing to do with them.

My service is twenty times faster, just go on and live with it!

Not while you're out here wasting time with these guys.

We bring pills, ointments and plasters in all sorts of colors.

Good for you.

I'll bury yall alive with this shovel, only 25 dollars!

That didn't even rhyme. And why would you try to advertise a bunch of guys you just threatened?

Kroger:
You cheesy, crappy supermarkets ain't seen nothing yet!

I'm pretty sure they have seen stuff, and how are they cheesy?

I've got better products than all of you, we don't even need to bet!

Why would they waste MORE money on betting about Kroger products?

'''What the hell's a Sam's Club? Man, just merge yourself with BJ's!'''

That would make more money for Sam's Club, so that's counter productive.

You faggots, you literlly proved that stores can be gays!

How? They're not the actual brick and mortar of the companies, they're just the worst employees that could represent the stores.

'''You think you can outnumber me? HA! You're really out of luck!'''

Having more employees than Krogers would have nothing to do with luck, it would just be a fact.

If you're not satisfied with the product, I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!

Hey, at least this one doesn't beat around the bush about being a shitty employee.

'''Toys R Us likes little kids? Ha, what a perv!'''

No, he's trying to make money buy selling toys. Man, these guys need to get their head outta the gutter.

This final line is like my checkout, 'cause you just got served!

I hope it's like your checkout so I can leave the battle now.

Costco:
Clear your shelves, I'll shut you down, be the number one retailer.

You'll have to have a lot of power to try and shut down all these companies, you lowly employee.

I'd say the same for you, but you're all just failures.

Clearly.

These rhymes are just a sample of what I can do to you.

Okay?

I'll cream you punks and turn you into quality food

That's disgusting, I'm never shopping there again.

We're V.I.P, only the best deserve to enter.

I guess that's why John Wayne, a Brony, and Nathan Provost are the ONLY customers you have.

You drain the souls of all your shopper just like a Dementor.

I don't think they do, someone would notice.

You can't win, it's impossilbe, I'm afraid you've lost bro.

Actually it's entirely possible one of these other slackers could win.

So drop like my prices and bow down to Costco.

Once again, you have to drop your prices when you are getting NO buisness.

The Mall:
The greatest supermarket coming in, who you gonna call?

All your managers to tell them you're all not working and doing this stupid shit.

If you think you won't fall, than suck this Mall's balls

What the fuck?

I've been around for ages, yet you call yourself history

They never said this. And if your an old security guard at the mall, then you should know better.

When I was built, all you faggots wanted to come inside of me

You were built? Second, i've never seen a Walmart, Target, Toys R Us, Sam's Club, Walgreens, Kroger, or a Costco in a Mall.

Where else can you get a video game and a meal?

Well, any resturant with an arcade. Not to mention that the video games from Malls are supplyed by ..... GameStop.

A mall is filled with everything, it's pretty much the best deal.

It's "pretty much"? And you don't have EVERYTHING.

And without me, you all would have no where to live,

I don't think all these employees live inside the Mall.

So be thankful, otherwise I have no Ks to give

Wait, are you in the KKKKKKKK too?

Walmart, I got Paul Blart, Target, you're not God,

Actually, it was Walmart who claimed he was a "Super god". Also, what is a fat mall security guard supposed to do about a Walmart guy?

You aren't o-Kmart, and GameStop's just got COD.

Of course it's not O-Kmart, it's K-MART. GameStops got more than COD dude.

Step into my food court, you won't be accuitted,

No thanks, I just ate at Kmart's super important cafe.

'Cause you're Walgreen with jealosy fellas, and you're all bitches, just admit it.

You strung that line way too far. And who would admit they're bitches? They have me for that.

Isn't it a gimmick when you're pinning down the King?

So, you call yourself the King and are admitting that these other guys are pinning you down.

You're just little prick thrift shops who think you can win it.

King and it don't rhyme either.

Well it's time to lock up for the night, your shift's done.

You got all these people to show up for a shift and rap against each other foooor?

I'll put you all out of buisness, and there are no refunds.


 * _; all that wasted money we'll never get back

Outro
Well damn, that was long. Make sure to leave a comment below on how this was and what I should review next. Thanks for reading \o