User blog:Scrawland Scribblescratch/Shakespeare Explained!

Come bite my thumb! I hope you know the stakes.

'''Shakespeare had thumbs. In fact, he had one on each hand. He is inviting Doctor Seuss to bite it off in an act of authorly brotherhood. He is also reminding Seuss of the stakes. If Seuss cannot successfully bite his thumb off, Shakespeare will reveal his most heinous crime.'''

I'll put a slug between your shoulder blades,

Shakespeare threatens to put a slug between Seuss' shoulder blades unless he bites his thumb.

Then ask what light through yonder poser breaks?

'''Shakespeare is aware that when an author fails to bite another one's thumb off, the sun shines through the only window of the Universal Authors Clan. It then breaks through the failed author, disabling him/her.'''

I hath been iambic on that ass, ye bastard! My rhymes are classic.

'''Shakespeare is starting to reveal Seuss' shames to the world. Shakespeare once went iambic on Seuss' ass. In the author world, this is very embarassing. Also, Shakespeare's rhymes are classic.'''

Your crap is drafted by a kindergardner high on acid.

Shakespeare takes the game one level up by revealing that Seuss bribed kindergarteners to write for him in exchange for acid.

Ye hoebag. You're an old white Soulja Boy who has no swag,

'''Shakespeare tells Seuss that he is a hoebag. Also, he reveals that Seuss is, in fact, Soulja Boy after his Michaelization.'''

And no gonads. Egads, it's so sad.

'''Shakespeare reveals that Seuss has no balls. This can be proven because of science. Also it is sad.'''

And to top it off, you're not a doctor.

'''Doctor Seuss was, shockingly, not an actual doctor with a PhD or anything. "Doctor" is an insignificant title assigned in the Jewish community with no relevant meaning.'''

I've never seen a softer author.

'''Seuss is soft. In fact, he was born in the darkness and molded by it.'''

You crook, you. I bet you wrote the Twilight books, too!

Shakespeare reveals Seuss' highest crime...he wrote the Twilight books.

I'm switching up my style like the Beatles with my pieces.

'''Shakespeare is now switching up his style. He learned this writing technique from the Beatles.'''

Each is such a wonder with a plethora of features.

Regardless of what style he uses, they are all amazing and very detailed.

You're pathetically predictable.

Seuss is pathetically predictable.

You think your new book might include a trisyllabic meter

Shakespeare is informing Seuss that proper books include trisyllabic meter.

And some ghetto Muppet creatures.

'''Also, most normal books involve a ghetto Muppet creature. Shakespeare is noted for his play Hamlet, which stars Oscar the Grouch as Hamlet the Nigglet. In the play, Hamlet the Nigglet was the exiled Fresh Prince of Bel Air who was sent to live with his poor aunt and uncle in West Philadelphia to become mo' ghetto.'''

The Bard is in the building.

'''Shakespeare was known as the Bard. This name originates from the word "bird". Shakespeare is known for coining the phrase that is today known as "Bird is the word." However, due to his spelling disability, he accidentally originally transcribed it as "Bard" and so he was called the Bard. As such, the Bard is now in the building.'''

It's a castle, I'm a boss.

'''It turns out that this building is a castle, and that Shakespeare was a Mafia boss. His reputation as a Mob boss is sometimes questioned by scholars, but generally accepted.'''

I bet I'm Parliament.

'Shakespeare has money down on the fact that he is'' the Parliament. "I am the Senate." is a famous quote from his 1605 play "The Star Wars". '''

I'm positive I'm killing it.

'''Shakespeare then goes on to decide that he is killing the Parliament. This references the claim that Guy Fawkes was in fact Shakespeare's missing second son.'''

I'm iller than the plague.

Shakespeare was deathly ill by the time of his death, in fact, iller than the plague.

I've never caught or cholera,

However, he never caught the plague or cholera.

A baller baller

'''He was a famous baller. In fact, possibly the first baller. He was such a baller he has to say it twice.'''

On some cricket bowler business,

'''Shakespeare was a cricket player for the England Othellos from 1593 - 1607. He lated became the Head of Finances for the team.'''

While you're sitting in the bleachers!

Seuss was famous for sitting in bleachers and watching cricket games.