User blog:TKandMit/Dexter Morgan vs Light Yagami. Epic Rap Battles of Heroes and Villains Remastered

lol hi

some of you guys may remember a battle I did back in Season 2 of HaV, Light Yagami vs Dexter Morgan. I liked the match-up a lot because I really wanted to use Light Yagami, and determined from what I knew of Dexter at that point (which was very little, just that he too was a killer that killed killers) that he would be a good fit against him. In the end, I wasn't really all that satisfied with the final product and thought it could be done better. The battle had a story to it that was pretty hamfisted and thought up last second, so I definitely wanted to try it again but do it better.

So yeah, this is a new HaV meme where I re-do battles from this series that I'm not really fond of. I've got a few battles lined up for this side-series, so yeah. No suggestions needed.

Miami's blood spatter analyst and the Bay Harbor Butcher, Dexter Morgan, goes toe to toe with Kira, Light Yagami, who deals death with a mysterious notebook. Again.

Oh and yeah, this battle's pretty long so strap the fuck in, kiddos.

Cast
EpicLLOYD as Dexter Morgan

Brian Walters as Light Yagami

Nice Peter as Ryuk

Beat


[*Dexter Morgan starts at 0:20.*]

Introduction
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HEROES AND VILLAINS!



VERSUS!



BEGIN!

Dexter Morgan:
Tonight’s the night; and I’ve come to snuff out his Light,

Coming through the window, hiding when the lightning strikes

Coming up behind him, this needle will leave him tranquilized

And I’ll strike a frightening fight when I slash with my shining knives

‘Cause the Bay Harbor Butcher’s alive, living a Slice of Life

Grinding ‘til I die, not stopping ‘til Kira’s been victimized

I’ll blindside him with a dose of my trusty M-99

Haven’t felt this excited since the night that Biney died

‘Cause I have to give into my darkness, no point in driving it

I know now that I don’t turn the other cheek, I slice it.

Top of your class honor student, you’ll disappear into thin air

I can’t wait to… is that an apple floating in mid-air?

Doesn’t matter, I’ll serve you like Kyle Butler did to Trinity

Your parlor tricks won’t save you, I’ve been like this since infancy

Never caught for my crimes, you were imprisoned for years

And when the truth came flooding back, you were crippled by fear!

Light Yagami:
And what’s fear to you? Quinn uncovering your career?

What was longer; the sentence I served, or that plaid shirt and logger beard?

Please. I bested the best detectives, you’re an insensitive pest

And a defective inbred; I read about how you slept with Deb

Guess it all started laying with Lyla, went to lying to Rita

Formulated a master plan to run off to Argentina

What a cop-out. Here I was, expecting a greater challenge

All I got was a dirty cop with his morals out of balance

How in the hell did you fool a whole department and the FBI, twice?

Like “Nah, it’s totally not the creepy guy who goes missing every night!”

You didn’t outsmart anyone, your little sister had to blow out LaGuerta’s brains

Only so she could try killing you until you drowned her during the hurricane

Don’t worry, Dex, I’ll make certain that you can’t escape

You went into forensics, but not to start a clean slate

Regardless, it was too late. You spent all your life learning how to love

Then you lost your wife, and abandoned your girlfriend and son

Dexter Morgan:
I just hope that Harrison doesn’t grow up to be like you;

Tricked your father ‘til he died, and I thought I had daddy issues.

I do this to make the world a better place, you’re an insane sadist

I actually get my hands dirty; you just fill pages and eat potato chips!

Wow, you defeated a weird-ass junior detective who sits like an owl

Same dude who gave you a foot massage, before he threw in the towel

You called yourself a God of the new world, the bringer of Justice

But wasn’t Your Holiness the one who got defeated by finger puppets?

Light Yagami:
Dexter, I agree with Doakes, something’s just off with this freak.

Do you even remember what happened to you when you were three?

You got scarred young, tossed up in a bloody chainsaw drug ring

Know nothing about snuffing out the ones who have it coming

Shinigamis find us so interesting; we do the same deed but at each other’s throats:

Really? After all this, you resort to your father’s fatal code?

Despise Darkly Dreaming derelicts, Deadly and Devoted? Do your worst.

Lumberjacks aren’t smart enough to decode the secret message in this verse.

Dexter Morgan:
Uh… I work in forensics. You think I can’t figure out a simple message?

Damn, I must’ve overestimated you. I can’t butcher you worse than Netflix.

But even so, when you brought Mikami into the fold, things really got heated

You thought you were in control, but you were ultimately DELETED!

Light Yagami:
Get a hold of yourself! Your fall came from all your rage,

Your recklessness brings the end, all I have to do is turn to the page.

Dexter Morgan, I write, shall admit his defeat on this track

And finally fall to the ground, suffering a violent heart attack!

Dexter Morgan:
Agh! ...You win, Light… now I’ll die, just like my mother and brother...

But only if my... last name... was actually Morgan. Surprise, motherfucker!

That’s a foster name! If only you had those Shinigami eyes,

Never make the same mistake twice -- now Light has got to pay the price!

Light Yagami:
Did your Dark Passenger tell you to spit that edgy nonsense?

Your Michael Jackson-looking sponsor really did a number on your conscience

I’ve come back from worse plot twists... watch as the clock is ticking...

Your “mask”... is not the only thing... that’s…. slipping...

''[*Light wakes up, strapped to a table by many rolls of plastic wrap. Struggling with his restraints, he yells out.*]''

Light Yagami:
Ah! Where am I?

[*Dexter appears, standing over him.*]

Dexter Morgan:
Oh, good. You’re awake.

[*Dexter turns away from Light to a small table with surgical tools, knives, a hammer, and an electric drill on it.*]

Light Yagami:
What is this guy planning on doing?

[*Light hears Dexter start up the electric drill.*]

Dexter Morgan:
I shot you with my syringe; so sly, you didn’t even wince

Now you’re on my table. You think I’m unstable? I’ll leave your jaw unhinged

Maybe I’ll take a hammer to your cranium and kill this creative brain

You kill killers, I kill for the thrill; you should have stayed in your lane

But first, I gotta keep you alive, while I introduce you to a world of pain

And you can’t even move due to my excessive use of cellophane

I know the apron and face shield are a bit much, but it’s ritual

There’s not enough ink in the world to print the pictures to keep this visual

Light Yagami:
Gah! Dexter, you idiot! This isn’t going just as planned!

I wasn’t expecting you to shoot me up like Cody and Astor’s dad!

Put down the drill! Wait, wait! I’m not Kira! It was all Mikami!

Where’s Misa Misa? ...Ryuk, why aren’t you doing anything?!

Ryuk:
Hehehehe… I told you, Light, it was risky to put on a show

''But this guy’s good. Didn’t take much for your cover to be blown.''

Someone so smart should’ve known that this wouldn’t end well for you

But now I suppose it’s time to write your name in my notebook.

Dexter Morgan:
Stop shouting to phantoms, there’s no such things as gods

I know you’re Kira. All your fucked-up followers are frauds

Spatter analyze Light as I don’t spill a drop! Wait, stop!

[*Dexter stabs Light in the heart with his trusty knife, Yagami choking up on blood and struggling to stay alive*]

Tick tick tick… Huh, nice watch.

''*Dexter unlinks the watch off Light’s wrist, a small tray sliding from under the clock face as he does so. In the tray, there is a scrap of paper with writing on it inside. Curious, Dexter reads it aloud*''

“Dexter Moser, after finishing his final verse

Will parish when he truly discovers the Death Note’s curse.”

Oh, shit.

Ryuk:
Ah, then I guess that means you can see me, Dex.

Dexter Morgan:
Ah! What the fuck?! Gods of Death actually exist?!

Ryuk:
Oh. Hahaha, I get it. Light was planning on tricking you

He always knew your real name but he thought he could trigger you

Into falling into his trap, like coming into contact with this scrap

You’d die of a heart attack and he’d walk away from this rap

...But, I guess you were one step ahead.

Light’s so smart, and while he thought you were seeing red

You followed your own plan, always taking the higher route

But, tick tick tick… That’s the sound of your life running out. Ahhh!!

''[*Dexter crumbles to the ground, clutching his chest. Before closing his eyes for good, he looks up at Light on the table. His victim, choking through his own blood, looks down on Dexter.*]''

Light Yagami:
D-Dexter… Morgan...

...I win.

''[*At the same time, both Dexter and Light take their last breaths. The Bay Harbor Butcher and Kira are dead at last.*]''

Who won? Dexter Morgan Light Yagami

Hints: Decoded
Netflix: Netflix made a film adaptation of Death Note earlier this year. Both the anime as well as Dexter are also available to stream on Netflix.

Element K's verse from TKandMit vs Element K: For some reason, K mentions "dropping death notes back to back just like before", referencing Death Note.

Christian Bale saying "I don't know": Aight so this is fucking stupid but I can't tell the difference from Bale's Bruce Wayne and his Patrick Bateman. In the hopes that this gif is of Bateman, it's a real obscure ass reference to Patrick Bateman vs Dexter 2, a battle Flats and I wrote. This battle and that battle are both sequels of earlier battles as well as they feature Dexter Morgan. I know it's a shit hint.

Timmy Turner: Light Yagami's name is changed to Light Turner in the Netflix film adapatation. Like Timmy Turner, Light also has a creature only he can see bound to him--Ryuk.

Lumberjack: By the end of Dexter, Dexter's life is ruined and so he fakes his death and starts a whole new life, taking on an alias and becoming a lumberjack.

An apple: In Death Note, Ryuk fucking loves apples and eats them constantly, even going through withdrawals when not able to have any.

Slice of Life: "Slice of Life" is the name of Dexter's fishing boat, which he uses to dump bodies in the ocean.

Hints for next battle
I don't even fucking know yet man