User blog:Hippie Rat/A Brief History of The United States of America - The Rap Battle

Hey yo hi hello

The season 3 finale! Yay! I zoomed through this season so fricking quick. My last two seasons took over a year combined, this one was done in like three months. Wow I wrote that stuff fast.

Now let's see if I can write my season 4 finale that fast. If you've taken a recent look at my user page, you would notice the length of the fourth season, which ends on battle 65 with a special "History"-themed battle...which I am really regretting getting myself into... I thought I learned my lesson with Mario vs Link but nooooo, I need an even longer battle. I'm so stupid lol

I'm also in the process of planning a more interactive battle, so I'm trying to come up with a practical way to do that.

Anyway, today we have what is, in a way, a preview of my season 4 finale. This battle features USA figures as they face their opponents over assorted periods of time, following the American Revolution, The Civil War, World War II, The Cold War, The War on Terrorism, and one final punchline of the battle.

I give 100% permission to the use of my lyrics in any audio and/or visual production, as long as credit is given where credit is due. A beat can be requested if so necessary. It would also be appreciated that, if any lyrics are used, a link to the production be sent to me. Any questions and/or links can most easily be sent in my most recent blog. Thank you very much.

Enjoy this :)



Lyrics
Announcer:

Epic Rap Battles of History! Uncle Sam vs John Bull ! Begin!

John Bull:

Blimey! Yankee Doodle and the whole kit and caboodle,

Is challenging his daddy, bloody blaring the bugle?

That's no way to treat the spoon that feeds,

Sugar and tea and all these British commodities,

After we saved all you from those Franks and Indians,

Practically raised you colonies up from a bunch of infants.

So put your dukes up, Founding Fathers, you powdery hacks,

Spar with Great Britain and you might just find yourselves another tax.

Uncle Sam:

In the year 1607, the Kingdom of England created a settlement,

That marked the start of British colonization for years to come after then.

A little dent that busted the vent and a hundred and fifty years later,

The French and the natives were fucking pissed at these wankers.

Once the Treaty of Paris was signed you fined us all a tax,

Because the assholes who put us into the war were too lazy to pay it back.

Mouth-musket firing shots, the world can hear what I say,

I hope you like your tea harbored, it's a Party in the U.S.A.

The British are coming to receive a super-sized ass-whupping,

Tell your Indian friends that tea ain't the only thing brewing.

So take it up with me in 1812, you embargo-addicted limeys.

Don't tread on me. I want you to suck on deez.

.....

Robert E. Lee:

Suck on Lee, and the Confederacy, Captain America wannabe,

You will see, Ulysses, that I rap hard like a Stonewall!

You'll be screaming "Uncle!" when you step to me,

I'm owning you on the mic like the rest of my property.

Ulysses S. Grant:

O Captain! My Captain! Let's help ol' Bobby Lee remember,

I go by no other terms than unconditional and immediate surrender.

Granted, this feud had good social, medical, and technological repercussions,

But now you're a Lost Cause, I vote for Reconstruction.

.....

Hirohito:

What the church-hell are you doing?

When Germany rings church bells they send synagogues to their doom n',

Japan be expanding control of the Pacific,

That's a bit Depressing to you, isn't it?

Franklin D. Roosevelt:

This little Hiro with a little hito blew up my isle,

I find it vile and got Oppenheimer working on the vial.

Ladies love the D, but by polio, we need a new stance,

Fuck with my Pearl and you've fucked with Truman.

Harry S. Truman:

Now that's a D-Day in our favor, America bands together,

And creates jobs that lob off Axis members.

I'm a Godzilla to butterheads, I'mma hear-you-screama,

Hirohito, say buh-bye to Hiroshima.

And, y'know, Nagasaki.

.....

Mikhail Gorbachev:

For forty five years we were in a Mexican standoff,

The Soviet raced to stay better than the pigs in the Western Bloc.

I spit raw like Warsaw, I got it down Pact,

Leave the politics to the politicians, Bonzo, quit the act.

Ronald Reagan:

Ha! Give me five minutes to show birthmark here a better joke,

All the Cold War did was bring about James Bond and that bomb movie Kubrick wrote,

And sent America to beat your ass to the moon while you make dogs fall like rag-dolls.

We'll see what the viewers think; should we be friends?

Mikhail Gorbachev:

Hey, I'm supposed to break down that wall!

.....

Osama bin Laden:

Praise be to Allah, George W. knows I put it bluntly,

It's always Sunni in Arabia, giving Ben Franklin a run for his money.

America caused insecurity when they took down towers in Lebanon,

So keep those big ears out the Middle East 'less you want yourselves another Manhattan.

Barack Obama:

Now..I'm not the man who..

Put our troops in the Middle East in the first place,

But..when you mess with symbols of our lives..

Then, like beard lice..we gotta get you outta our face.

I kicked your ass, and we will do the same to ISIS.

We stand strong as one, and we will never fall to terrorists.

Gave freedom to the gays and I'm proud to say,

God bless the U.S.A.

.....

Donald Trump:

Time for a real Trump card, show the whole world who we are,

I'm destroying America's rep harder than Walmart.

Sure my hair is the only thing self-made about this man,

Temptin' to give Korea nuke funds so I can get an atomic tan.

All the other countries used to look up to us,

Then Obama flopped it like Situation trying to roast Trump.

And if anyone ever challenges our freedom,

Then I'll just send them back to where they all came from!

My bank account could feed Africa. Will I do it? Hell naw!

I'm too busy shoving Mexicans off of our front lawn.

The South knows to vote rich, rednecks get it,

Who better to fix the economy than the man who wrecked it?

And I spit mad bars like there's gold flowing out my jaws, it's,

Not so hard when your dick thick as your wallet. You know I'm balling.

And after all that's transpired,

I got the world in my pocket and you're all fired!

Announcer:

God bless America!

Trivia

 * This battle was inspired by an idea for a countries royale with their personifications representing them, including Uncle Sam, Mother Russia, and John Bull
 * Donald Trump's verse was the first thing to be written and is, in my opinion, easily the best part of the battle
 * Adolf Hitler and George W. Bush almost made it into this battle
 * This is my third battle to reference the atomic bombs dropped on Japan, after Light Yagami vs Thomas Jefferson and Democritus vs Aristotle
 * Truman's awkward Nagasaki line is a reference to the history of japan video ("they actually dropped two")