User blog:The Flatwoods Monster/Shrignold vs Mary Lou Maloney - Epic Rap Battles of Horror Season 3 Valentines Day Special

Mfw I type this whole monologue thing and then the editor crashes. Anyways, Happy Early Valentines Day! I could have waited to post this battle on actual Valentines Day, but eh, I've got plans. And by that I mean I have no plans whatsoever I just didn't feel like waiting. Anyways, todays matchup comes to us from the ever-so-prevelant GIR and I think he might be the only one who actually knows who Mary Lou Maloney is but oh well, let's get into this anyways. Todays matchup is a battle between two evil spirits who use Love for more-than-malicious purposes, starting with Don't Hug Me I'm Scared's love cultist pesky bee, Shrignold (Remember her?) going up against the ghost of Hamilton High, Mary Lou Maloney and a possible third party. Yeah I'm just kidding there's no third party. Anyways, enjoy reading, and happy Valentines Day!

Cast
Thisisitcollective as animation and voice for Shrignold, and ? ? ? ? ?

Kimmy Gatewood as Mary Lou Maloney

Nice Peter as ???

Instrumental - Angry

Introduction
Announcer: (0:10)

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HORROR!

VS!



BEGIN!

The Battle
Shrignold: (0:20)

Hello Mary Lou, do you ever find that life’s unfair?

Because everybody hates you and nobody cares?

Then let’s understand about love, you’ll find I’m not wrong,

You could have used that when a stink bomb killed you at Prom!

All you want is to be Prom Queen, then why cause the damage

Of killing innocent people and using boys to your advantage?

This wanna-be of Carrie isn’t scary and shouldn’t try to rhyme,

Locked in a trunk for thirty years? Mary, you’ve wasted my TIME

Mary Lou: (0:43)

Fool! This dipshit wants to rip wits? I need a witness!

After hearing those disses, this’ll be a lyrical chicken picnic!

This flying purple people teacher is just begging for his own demise,

You’re a housefly! I’m the haunter from hell terrorizing Hamilton High!

I returned from Hell two times over, fuck if that’s not fair! (Ha!)

Invite the other teachers here and see I’m as heartless as Sarah

This Is It! Sesame Street can use whatever pieces are left of thee!

The rest? Please, can’t best me - But testing me? Hmph! Pesky Bee!

Love Cult: (1:03)

I think I will bring in my family! I’m sure they ought to know

All about dissing out a hoe! Come on friend, just over the rainbow!

Yes we do! '' It’s true! '' Becky sure spits a violent rhyme!

I think you’re just mad because you were never anyones valentine

And so I wrote a verse for you because I hate you for starters

You can’t beat us! Maybe you just need to rap… HARDER!

You’re not fit for survival! You’ll die alone, but that’s just lifes cycle

Anyone could best this pasty rival! EVEN MICHAEL!

Ugly and weak, '' a freak! '' You’re locked on in a mental stun!

A living exception to Malcolm, because you have no special one!

You could change your name, clean your brain, you’d still be owned!

Bid us farewell, GO BACK TO HELL! Where you will NEVER be alone!

Mary Lou: (1:34)

Perfect and pure, now I can see to it that all these prey scream

Cause all of you are the product of the gay Homer Simpson’s day dream!

Go suck nectar, you Baby Pigeon, there is no fortunate outcome,

Less I slaughter your puppet show and feed these lines to Malcolm!

This criminal is pitiful, stupid nuisance is ruthless, so let’s do this,

Makeshift flamethrowers can’t burn me, your cold rhymes are fruitless!

So kiss my ass, twit, ‘cause you’re now a thing of the past, bitch

You stepped to a real monster and it was your Last Diss

(The ground beneath Mary Lou crumbles away as a Miner steps out, revealing his title card...

(HARRY WARDEN!)

Harry Warden: (1:56)

ENOUGH. Warden’s wading in to keep a victory in his pocket,

So let’s Valentines Dance, I eat your flows up like chocolate

Maloney’s a bunch of bologna, you’ll be roasting again,

Since your only evil power is to have sex with men!

My strong sense of justice will expose this butterfly a fraud

When my hot disses burn Shrignold harder than they burned his God

Masked man kicks your whack clan back to your play,

When I’m through, the mayors receiving two new hearts for Valentines Day

Announcer: (2:17)

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!

EPIC RAP! (A love arrow pierces the logo as it starts to bleed profusely) BATTLES OF HORROR!

Outro


Who won? Mary Lou Maloney Shrignold Harry Warden

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