User blog:Alexschmidt711/Rap Battle Review 5 - Mike and "Sully" vs. Rocket and Groot by Animeme Rap Battles

Hey, it’s time for my fifth rap battle review. Today I’ll tackle a series which I think is perfect material for this kind of a review: Animeme Rap Battles. You’ve likely all heard of them, but here’s what I could find out about them. Animeme seems to be a channel which was founded to, well, animate memes. For whatever reason, in 2013 they decided to make rap battles. They were mostly about various memes, and had very high production value, with fully-animated videos and some well-known names on YouTube providing the voices. I can’t quite tell how they got that much money, but the creators of Animeme (Zack and Alex) used to run-successful YouTube channels, so that’s probably how, and indeed still run a 4-million subscribers YouTube channel known as… Yo Mama? Oh no. Well, that explains a lot. The first season was somewhat successful, but for whatever reason (perhaps so they could save up enough money?) they waited 3 years to produce another one. And let’s just say it wasn’t pretty. Animeme became a laughingstock in the fanmade ERB community in no time at all.

However, most rap battle reviewers on YouTube have been reluctant to review Animeme rap battles, and that’s because unlike most fan-made rap battle channels, Animeme actually enforces its copyrights for its videos. (Presumably they don’t want those thousands of dollars they spent on these to go to waste.) Even though this kind of sucks for those who wish to review Animeme, I’m not sure if the use of such clips should be protected as fair use, given that a large chunk of the video is copied in the reviews. However, this is a text review, so I don’t have to worry about copyright! Yay! This is the review of one of the more commonly requested Animeme rap battles, Mike and Sulley (from Monsters, Inc.) versus Rocket Raccoon and Groot (from Guardians of the Galaxy.) (Sorry for the long introduction.)

First let’s talk about the matchup. It’s quite dumb. First off, Animeme pretty much abandoned the “meme” aspect of the rap battles in the second season, and this is no exception. Sure, there are memes starring Mike and Sulley (and probably Rocket and Groot), but they are much more famous outside of memes than inside memes. I’m not quite sure why this happened, given that Animeme’s other content was still based around memes, but my guess is that they just wanted more views. Second, what’s the connection between the two characters? Just duos of creatures, where one is big and the other small? That’s Link vs. Goku levels of stretching it! And Rocket and Groot have other friends now too, so that makes it even worse! (At least this matchup makes more sense than when ERB10 did Romeo & Juliet vs. Shaggy & Scooby.) Third, if you want to do a rap battle, why include Groot, a character whose most notable character trait is only being able to say three words? Yeah, Jason Vorhees, Link, and the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man don’t talk and they’ve rapped in rap battles, but that’s not their defining character trait, and for the first two of those characters, we know that they can talk but we just don’t hear them! That’s like putting Chewbacca in a rap battle. (Now that I think about it, why isn’t this matchup Han and Chewie vs. Rocket and Groot? That’d make more sense.) Admittedly, they do get around Groot’s limitations, but it’s in a pretty stupid way.

So, let’s get into it!

Announcer: 

Animeme RAP BATTLES!

(No real problem with this part. Moving on.)

Alex:

What’s up, it’s Alex

''(Ugh, this guy. I feel ashamed to share the same name as him. In real life, he could be a cool dude, but these introductions (which are in every Animeme rap battle as far as I know) make him seem like a huge jerk. A DJ being present to officiate a rap battle is fine, but it works best if it’s a battle which is designed to look like an actual street or stage rap battle. It just seems redundant here, given that the battle is animated and that there’s' already an “Animeme Rap Battles” announcer at the beginning. I’d take a baby between Nathan’s ERBP announcer, the autotuned ERB10 announcer, and the Epic Fictional Rap Battles announcer over Alex any day. And why is Alex in space, given that only one side is from space? Admittedly, the connection is so flimsy he had to choose one over the other, and it’s not as weird as his Pokéball bra. What’s with him using cans of red spraypaint to propel himself? This is a Monsters Inc. battle, not a WALL-E battle!)'' What’s up it’s Alex and today’s battle’s between four of the meanest, baddest, non-human creatures in existence!

(So I guess that is the connection, huh. Doesn’t sound any less dumb when you say it, Alex.)

And though their faces are slightly terrifying, they somehow found a special place deep within our hearts.

(Mike’s face isn’t even really slightly terrifying. And I guess this means part of the connection is that they’re both sympathetic monsters? Still doesn’t make it sound much better.) Mike and Sully vs. Rocket and Groot!

(Wait a minute. Sully? I’m pretty sure it’s got an E in it. As a matter of fact, the title of the video spells it wrong, as does the description! Thousands of dollars in production, and you can’t even spell the names of one of the title characters correctly? 🤦 ERB misspells words occasionally, but they’ve only once misspelled one of their rapper’s names (“Ebeneezer” Scrooge), and they did it on purpose! And they fixed the title later, while Animeme still hasn’t fixed the spelling of Sulley!

''And here you can see the “stats,” a la TheInfiniteSource. They’re just as pointless as ever, though I can see why they might be somewhat interesting as flavor. But these stats are “Teamwork,” “Tenderness,” and “Talkative?” Yeah, those are characteristics shared by both sides, but why put them on screen if they’re so similar? Why do Sulley and Mike have slightly better teamwork than Rocket and Groot? Both teams have had their ups and downs. And I’m pretty sure Groot is nowhere near as talkative as Mike or Sulley, even discounting his limited English “vocabulistics,” so why doesn’t his side have a lower score? We haven’t even gotten into the battle, and I have loads of material already!)''

Mike:
Rocket, with your guns, you're a furry little Terminator 

(First off, there’s barely any transition from Alex’s bit into the rap. No “begin,” no nothing. 

''This is Brock Baker voicing Mike. He does a lot of work for Animeme, along with Yo Mama. He does get the gist of Billy Crystal’s voice, but he leans way too heavily into the New York Jewish accent. It’s so heavy, it honestly could’ve worked fine as Rocket. Or Jerry Seinfeld for that matter. ''

''And why is it an insult to call him the Terminator because he uses guns? Wouldn’t that make him much more powerful than you, who don’t use guns? At least the animation has been solid so far.) '' Rodent, an infestation, call us the exterminators

(This is a solid line diss- and material-wise, though technically it’s wrong given that raccoons aren’t rodents. However, this is not a complete sentence at all, or even a complete thought. “We’ll clear you out, vermin, call us the exterminators” would be my “chisel” a la Mat4yo. And though they should technically rhyme, “exterminators” has the word “terminator” in it, and the word before “terminator” doesn’t continue the rhyme, so the rhyme doesn’t really work. 

''Also, why are they dressed as Ghostbusters? Sure, the Ghostbusters are practically exterminators but for ghosts, but regular exterminators don’t wear proton packs!)'' Groot, I'll rip your branches off and weave a basket 

'''Or better yet, I'll make you into your own casket! '''

(This is a fairly solid line, though it does seem a little cruel for Mike to want to kill Rocket and Groot. However, the flow on “I’ll make you into your own casket” is a little off. Maybe “I’ll make you into your own personal casket?” I do like that Groot’s eyes and mouth are still on the casket, though.) And pay my disrespects to Star-Lord, I'll send him a package 

Once I turn Groot into cardboard and send you both packing 

(Rhyming “package” with “packing?” Really? And as for the animation, why does Star-Lord have his own house, other than the gag? How did Mike get his hands on Star-Lord’s mixtape? And worst, Star-Lord doesn’t even get the package made out of Groot! And this also means that 6 lines were devoted to just one diss. Come on! Genghis Khan only needed 2 lines to tell the Easter Bunny the same thing. And Genghis Khan would be the kind of person you’d expect to say something like that, while this is Mike Wazowski!) Bring everything you've got, we don't even have to fight here 

(Why do Rocket’s lips seem to be syncing up with what Mike is saying? Yeah, this animation is good, but did you even bother to check things like this? Also, this line would’ve been more effective if Mike and Sulley were directly staring down Rocket and Groot.) 

We already got a Guardian of the Galaxy, his name is Buzz Lightyear

(This is a good line, though the first part feels a little compressed. However, it also highlights the problem with having a continuing story for the first 3 lines: it means you’ve pretty much only gotten 2 disses in.

''Also, all these lines apply to both Mike and Sulley. Why was it only Mike that rapped for this verse? Yeah, allocating lines between characters is hard, but all ERBs with team rappers managed. Heck, even Animeme pulled it off in their Mario vs Frozen battle!)''

Rocket:
I'm a raccoon renegade protecting intergalactic skies 

(Again, there’s barely any transition between verses. 

''You maybe could’ve made an argument for a few of the lines earlier being such, but this line is just straight-up filler! Also, that animation doesn’t do any favors. First, it looks like the animators just wanted to be lazy and not animate Rocket’s lips with the way this line is shot. Second, Rocket doesn’t do anything to Buzz Lightyear when he jumps on him. Unless it’s an obviously one-sided battle, an opponent’s first move should be them showing off how awesome they are. Rocket should’ve knocked down Buzz Lightyear with a kick, revealing that Buzz is just a toy, or something like that.''

''Also, the voice for all of the characters in this video except Mike is Jon Bailey, best known as the narrator of Honest Trailers. He does an OK voice for Rocket here.) '' There's no "I" in team, and there's about to be no eye in Mike 

(I love the pun, but apart from Mike and Sulley being a team, what does the first part of the line have to do with the battle? And the animation here is weird: the shot cuts away from Buzz Lightyear eventually, but it’s after the line starts, and then it cuts to Rocket rapping with Groot as a DJ (an OK image), but it only holds on this image for about a second before cutting to Mike’s eyeball getting ripped out. Line your cuts up better, Animeme! And given that Rocket says “there’s about to be” no I in Mike, shouldn’t it not show Mike’s eye getting ripped out, but instead Rocket about to do it. That’s a problem with Animeme - the characters only really interact in hypothetical animated scenarios, not in the context of the battle. This means we never get to see Mike react to Rocket’s threat, for example. 

Also, why is the pause between both halves of this verse more noticeable than the pause between two rappers?)  Nightmarish? Please, you're not Jason nor Carrie 

(OK, so I guess Animeme was listening from the future and included Mike and Sulley reacting to Jason and Carrie. This line is mostly solid, as critiquing Mike and Sulley for not being scary enough is pretty much a given, though it probably would’ve worked better if they had been compared to actual monsters rather than slasher characters.) Put a dress on and maybe you could be the Tooth Fairy

(Why, though? Mike and Sulley don’t look like the Tooth Fairy. And why the Tooth Fairy, and not just any other kind of fairy? Also, this line doesn’t fit the others, because the other lines were directed at both monsters, but they can’t both put a dress on at the same time, so this line is attacking just one monster! I think this line would’ve been better if the rhyme were “scary.”)

Sulley:
I haunt your dreams, I'm a psycho intruder 

Boo calls me Kitty, but to you I'm Freddy Krueger 

(So it just goes back to Sulley after Rocket says 4 lines? What’s up with the structure? Sulley’s voice is probably the best voice in this, as Jon Bailey does a pretty good John Goodman impression. Kinda weird that Brock Baker, who is known for being an impressionist, does the worst impression of the battle. 

''As for the line, why are the monsters so well… threatening in their lines? Yeah, they scare for a living, but they’re much less likely than Rocket and Groot to kill someone. And it gets boring after a while to hear the same kind of line over and over again from them! That Buzz Lightyear line earlier was really a breath of fresh air.''

''And yeah, Sulley can give kids nightmares, but he can’t literally invade dreams like Freddy Krueger. The visuals for these lines are done pretty well, but that Freddy Krueger skin on Sulley does not look good. It looks like someone barfed on his face!)'' Groot, you're a loser, you hang out with a furry armadillo 

Keep talking, and you'll end up a weeping willow

(Again with the talk of murder! I guess you just really wanted to prove Rocket wrong about not being scary. Makes more sense than some of the other things in this battle at least. I do dig the lines in general, though; the “weeping willow” line was clever. But why does Sulley throw an axe at Groot, only for the axe to disappear in the next shots? We get it; you’re a stone-cold killer! And when I first read these lines, I thought that Groot ending up a “weeping willow” meant that he would be distraught at Rocket’s death, but the animation indicates it would be from getting cut into pieces. Why would Groot weep because he was getting cut into pieces? )

Groot:
I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot 

(So Groot finally gets to rap… and it’s just as underwhelming as I thought it would be. What’s the point of this, except to illustrate how Groot talks!)

Rocket:
I got this, chill 

We'll bust up Monsters U like Tatum and Hill 

(Ahh, the first reference to not make much sense. Sulley and Mike don’t go to Monsters U anymore, so what would Rocket and Groot have accomplished? I assume the only reason this line is here is that there had to be a Monsters U reference and someone thought “You know what other movie had college kids getting busted? 22 Jump Street!" If you wanted to reference Monsters U, at least reference one of the events from the movie, or state that the movie was bad or unnecessary.) Sully, you look like a rejected Pokemon 

Who evolved after spending too much time at Cinnabon 

(Not that bad of a line, but the subtitles confirm that the misspelling of Sulley was no accident. And who’s the guy giving the thumbs-down to Sulley? Giovanni? Someone at Game Freak? Though the Pokémonization of the evolving graphic is a nice touch, it misses the point of the line: Rocket isn’t saying that Sulley turned into a cinnamon bun, he’s just saying that he got fat! It should’ve been Sulley eating a cinnamon bun, and his evolution is him getting fatter. Also, even though it’s a better rhyme than “package” and “packing,” rhyming “Pokémon” with “Cinnabon” just doesn’t sit right with me. Much like a Cinnabon. And the flow on those last three syllables doesn’t work either. They don’t have enough weight to end the lines.) The camera must add ten pounds to all of Sully's scenes 

'''The king of Monstropolis? More like the king of Queens '''

(We got the fat jokes in already! Though these ones aren’t that bad. However, they don’t quite make sense, as a) Monsters Inc. is animated so it doesn’t actually have a camera b) Sulley never calls himself the “king of Monstropolis” so the King of Queens joke doesn’t really work here. It’s like when link called himself the King of Hyrule in Link vs. Goku. Also, Sulley is never shown to be a glutton in either movie.) 

I'm an excellent marksman, you actors are not 

Welcome to Hollywood b*tch, I'll give you both a head-shot 

(No, I will not make a 4Bros or ERB10 reference.

''At its core, this is a good diss, given that Rocket finally gets around to pointing out he comes with much more firepower than the monsters, and the “head-shot” joke is good. (In case you don’t get it, it’s a reference to actors getting “headshots” i.e. photos in order to land a role) Calling them “actors” is kind of weird, but scaring is basically acting when you get down to it. But if the monsters are the actors, why does Rocket say “Welcome to Hollywood?” Shouldn’t Mike and Sulley have been already familiar with the place?)'' Mike: 

Yeah, keep talking your little sh*t, you little Rocket 

Or you'll end up in the hat closet of Davy Crockett 

(This is such a good rhyme that once I heard it, I became convinced that any rap battle involving Rocket should have it. However, I don’t get why Rocket says “little” twice. People call other people “little s**ts” and say other people are “talking s**t,” but who “talks little s**t?” And the visuals, again, should’ve been more subtle. We get it, Davy Crockett wore coonskin caps, we don’t need to see Mike kung-fu Rocket into the hat closet. (This makes this line yet another “I’ll kill you” line.) And wait a minute. Mike says “Keep talking… OR you’ll end up.” Doesn’t that mean that Rocket will be killed if he doesn’t shut up, thus meaning that Mike is encouraging Rocket to rap? That’s not how rap battles work! It really should be “Keep talking…AND you’ll end up.”) Sulley: 

Groot, you're cute, all bark, no bite, dead by winter 

'''Release the termites, how you gon' kill me? With a splinter? '''

(Mostly a good line, I love the “all bark, no bite” pun and “How you gon’ kill me? With a splinter?” But how could Groot kill Sulley if he was eaten by termites? And I don’t really think Sulley needed to give Groot makeup, especially 4 words after he called him cute. And why is Sulley holding a pencil? Makes me think the animators got lazy.)

Groot:
Hi to all my haters, I'm a box office breaker 

(Why can Groot talk now?

WHY CAN GROOT TALK NOW?!

''I might’ve been OK with Groot talking if it was explained by the visuals or by Groot himself, or even if he could talk from the beginning, but nope, Groot justs talks now, no explanation given except that he grew back. This was probably inevitable once the matchup was picked, but you should’ve picked a different matchup then! Also, Jon Bailey’s voices for Sulley and Rocket sound fine, but Groot doesn’t sound much different from his Honest Trailers voice. As for the line, it’s mostly fine, though it is a little weird that this is the only time the fact that these are fictional characters is referenced.)'' Money grows on trees, I'm the one making that paper 

(Not much to say here, I actually really like this line.) I'm a veteran warrior, got more rings on me than Jordan 

(OK, so that’s why Groot is wearing MJ’s jersey. Lyrics-wise, this line is good, but it doesn’t match the animation! First off, Groot just regrew, so he probably doesn’t have that many rings. Second, Groot is showing off the Infinity Gauntlet, which has stones, not rings. I understand the first one, but why the second? Shouldn’t Groot have just pointed to his jersey?) In one swing of my branches, I could make Boo an orphan 

(All the other characters have had unnecessarily violent lines, so why not Groot? Boo’s parents haven’t done anything to Groot, so why would he kill-Oh, does Animeme think Mike and Sulley are Boo’s parents? Newsflash - if you actually watched the movie again, you’d realize at Mike and Sulley returned Boo to her actual parents!

''And why, oh why is Groot watching someone twerking. Not only is that some very weird imagery, but it has nothing to do with the line at all! Maybe the animators got mixed up on the rap clichés and thought this was a “steal-your-girl” line instead of a “kill you” line?)'' I may be a tree, but you two are a bunch of fruits 

(Oh Animeme, I thought you knew better than to resort to the incessant gay jokes from other ERB parody channels. I guess not. If this isn’t a gay joke, this line is even more stupid. And I see that even skilled animators aren’t immune to the “just show the silhouette if their back is turned to the camera” technique, though it’s pulled off much better here.)

I'm hip-hop's illest, I could be in the Roots

(Not a bad line and pun, but it could’ve used a little improvement.) I'll end this rap by blowing up Monsters Inc 

Put your ashes in a blender, Monster Energy Drink 

(What better way to end this battle than with yet more unnecessary violence? I guess the lyric makes sense, but it’s not that effective of a finisher. Still leagues better than “U mad bro? Let it go!” Ugh.)

Final Thoughts
So that was Mike and “Sully” vs. Rocket and Groot. The animation was somewhat impressive and the production value showed, but the rest of the battle definitely disappointed. It wasn’t nearly as much of a disconnect between production value and content as Guy Fawkes vs. the Joker, but there was still plenty to complain about. The matchup made no sense, the lines were pretty much “I’ll kill you” over and over, especially on the monster’s side, with barely any references to the source material outside of “hey, you look like this” or “I can do this” or whatever, while numerous references to other franchises made it in. And despite being fairly well-done, the animation didn’t do a great job of complementing the lyrics, with many unnecessarily shots to illustrate what the rappers are describing and barely any shots which showed the characters actually reacting to their raps. Yes, animation offers up a lot of possibilities, but we still need to get the impression that the characters are rapping somewhere, not just moving from one imaginary setpiece to another. The rapping, while tolerable, was nothing special, and Brock Baker’s Mike Wazowski and Jon Bailey’s Groot were unfitting despite the other two voices working well. Also, Alex and the stats were totally unnecessary. This battle definitely did not make great use of its high budget.

Despite these numerous flaws, the battle wasn’t all bad. As previously mentioned, the animation is usually good, without too many of the out-of-place or disturbing shots that were problems with other Animeme battles (though some are still present) and the rapping doesn’t sound terrible. The writing also contains some good puns and rhymes, even if many of them are redundant. It’s definitely a better battle than My Little Pony vs Pokémon or Mario Bros. vs Elsa and Anna, and admittedly has better writing and visuals than anything else I’ve reviewed, though that’s a pretty low bar. However, in my ranking of battles I’ve reviewed, I don’t feel comfortable putting this on top, given that it could’ve been a lot more and was still quite flawed. Therefore, I’m ranking it second out of the five battles I’ve reviewed, below FDR vs Theodore Roosevelt, as even though that battle was technically worse, it wasn’t bad for the school project that it was; but above VGRB’s Mario vs. Ash as that battle’s production value and writing can’t really compare to this battle.