User blog:The Flatwoods Monster/Fran Bow vs The Baudelaires. Epic Rap Battles of Horror Season 5

really tapped into my obscure characters on this one. welp, lets get curious

hello everyone and welcome back to Epic Rap Battles of Horror Season 5. after about a month of no ERBoHorror's and shitty misc battles you did not give a single shit about, we finally made it back with 5.5. kicking off the third of four sets with an obscure-ass battle, today's suggestion comes to us mostly from GIR, Cave and Wonder but only GIR made the endslate because seriously who gives a fuck about end slates. The match-up features the ill-fortuned B a u d e l a i r e s, consisting of Violet, Klaus & Sunny rapping against the tormented child from the game of the same name, Fran Dagenhart Bow & her pet cat, Mr. Midnight. It's orphans who are constantly met with repeated cases of different sorts of misfortune all puppeteered by a villain they thought was their friend, as well as constantly lugging around a giant liability. since i know you don't know who she is, Fran Bow is the main protagonist of the indie game of the same name which quickly rose to be one of my favorites, it's a beautifully well-crafted story with an awesome message so i definitely think you should check it out if you haven't, this battle features many spoilers for both it and a Series of Unfortunate Events (which you should also check out but i figure more people have probably heard of it.) along with half the season being over, I've started featuring rap meanings, tiny character bios and scrapped lyrics at the end bc i know how obscure my characters are getting, just bare with me we're almost to the end. Finally, quick-shout out to a few people; Wonder, for reading the battle over and giving me thoughts (I swear someone else did this too, can't remember tho, really slippin my mind here) (im just fucking with you thanks to Cave for proof-reading the lyrics), Joe since he wanted Baudelaires vs Van Helsing and those characters got used within one battle of another, and finally to Grav who helped write a ton of the good lyrics in this battle and really just helped the project a lot. Thanks.

Oh, and you may have noticed, the story is scrapped. Finale got changed, I didn't enjoy writing it, yadda yadda yadda you don't care. Enjoy the battle.

also, for the record, yes, i know my gifs are tiny as FUCK

Pre-Battle Stuff


Violet is this color

Klaus is this color

Sunny is this color

Fran Bow is this color

Mr. Midnight is this color

Announcer:
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HORROR!



VS!



BEGIN!

T h e B a u d e l a i r e s :
It’s a Bad Beginning for the stingy indie who’s crossing a prodigal

After I put Bow on a package and send her back to her Hostile Hospital

Translated to forty seven languages and you can’t put a dent in my wits

When ejecting spit on disrespecting twits, I’m not just effectively sick; I invented it!

Time for a fact check on that rap tech - But in your lore, a bore I’ll find,

I’ve got no need to explore your abhorable story - I’ve already read Coraline!

The symptoms of this victim are atrocious; Procious emotions and lack of focus,

So I’ve indubitably concluded that this nuisance diagnosis is psychosis!

Pietahmeshta! Sunny says this is the second slaughter you’ve watched

You’re looking green, smoked, ' c a u s e w e g o t t h i s b a t t l e i n Lox!

W e ’ r e V i o l e n t F l o w D e s t r o y e r s V a n q u i s h i n g F r a n ’ s D e l u s i o n s t h a t s h e ’ s n o t f r a g i l e

If you’re interested in happy endings, you’d be better off in a different battle

Fran Bow :
That was Fowl to see; Doubtful Klaus just made a fallacy,

‘Cause I’ll bestow more rhymes to blow your mind across all five Realities!

This tiny team of whiny teens conniving themes are sure to bust,

What's hiding in their crime scene of a rhyme scheme? Good reason to get curious!

From the darkness harks a persistent strike sharper than your infant’s bight,

Season Clock out misleading cop out’s, the Sunny day’s resolved by Midnight

Curiosity skilled the cat, carving carnies when this Carnivore rips beats

But watch your pea-minds cross a feline and it’ll end Unfortunately

Question: H o w ’ d y o u c a u s e m o r e h e a d a c h e s t h a n y o u r p r e q u e l a B o m b i n a t i o n s ?

I ' d a s k f o r a n s w e r s b u t y o u ’ d c o m e u p m o r e b l a n k t h a n y o u r N o t o r i o u s N o t a t i o n s

‘ L e s s y o u r b e a r d e d c r e e p e r ’ s m e a n e r t h a n R e m o r, y o u ’ d b e s t r e t r a c t y o u r s t a t e m e n t s

'Cause I’ve been hardened by tragedy sadder than your movie adaptation!

T h e B a u d e l a i r e s :
Klaus, quick! What floor can we find Miss Bow’s rhymes on?

Likely in the same alternate reality to which her mind’s gone

Touche. Now we’ll crusade to crack the case of who pays

Fifteen bucks to play KillMonday’s biggest See You Next Tuesday!

YouTubers do it to watch the views raise! THAT’s the part that’s more tragic,

A n d n o w w e ’ v e p u l l e d u p t h e b i t t e r t r u t h b y t h e r o o t ! Horseradish!

G o t t h i s i n t h e b a g t h e c a t c o u l d n ’ t r a p h i s w a y o u t o f w h e n w e b l o w o f f S t e a m ,

K i l l e d a s k i l l - d r o p p i n g p i l l - p o p p e r, you just got Duo-teamed!

(At the mention of Duotine, Fran's mind splits as she is replaced by the murderous Queen Fran Bow.)



Queen Fran Bow:
Everything won’t be fine! I’ll leave you sicker than any small mint

Your time is stretching thin, like a story-line after thirteen installments!

Queen Dagen-Heart says OFF with their HEADS! Only THEN will I be So Happy,

Let fire consume the Baude-liars! Retribution for your mommy and daddy!

N-N o ! No! I can’t take this kind of emptiness,

And let myself end with this by stooping to your kind of edginess!

I’m sick of your gritty crap! This kiddy rap was just a shifty trap!

I hate you! I HATE you! I just want my kitty back...



(As Fran's breakdown becomes more evident, stepping out of the shadows comes Count Olaf. As he begins, several of his henchmen come from behind and capture T h e B a u d e l a i r e s .)

Count Olaf:
Hello children! I didn’t mean to crash this third party! I hear that’s sooo in this year,

An all-seeing eye has spied this beating and is only here to collect your tears!

You’re twitching and pitching fits like one of your episodes, let Stephano make the assist

And leave you uglier than your demo with a diss that cuts deep like the slits in your wrist!

A bigger threats imposed when the decrepit Bow is bit my spit like a tick

Your kitty must have been left at home! Make like your personality, and split!

Got a flaming familiarity to burn you unless you stop, drop and roll

So just call what this bullet puts through you another one of your plot holes!



(Since I know you can't tell what's happening in this gif, Olaf takes out a pistol from his coat and shoots Fran through the heart. She drops down to the ground, deceased, as a horn plays, marking the arrival of Itward & Palontras.)



Itward & Palontras:
Hear out The One Children Talk About; He’s not Lemony Snicket,

The gloves are off this crooked sham, but even his hook hands can’t catch their interest

Packed to my hat with Bea-trick’s and even Mia isn't split on who spits it sickest,

Death is just the absence of love, but marrying kids pushes the limits!



You’re more baseless than your basis, as trustworthy as Grace is

Pained beyond what I can save; Face it, Ventura couldn’t Ace it



Pack more flows than Lachrymose, a Slippery Slope is where this foe stands,

W h i l e w e ’ r e m o r e b o i l i n g t h a n t h e p o i s o n t h a t m e l t e d O l a f like a Snowmaaan~!

Announcer:
WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!

EPIC RAP BATTLES (RAP BATTLES!) OF HORROR!

Rap Meanings
{{Hidden |header = Rap Meanings|content= ====The Baudelaires:==== It’s a Bad Beginning for the stingy indie who’s crossing a prodigal

(Violet opens by referencing the first novel in the Series of Unfortunate Events series, “The Bad Beginning” in the first line. In this case, she’s saying that her opening verse is going to be so good, it’ll be disheartening to Fran and ruin her chances right off the bat, thus making it a “bad beginning” for her. She refers to Fran as “stingy,” meaning selfish, as well as an “indie,” which is an abbreviated term meaning “independant game.” Violet refers to herself as a “prodigal,” which basically means a very intelligent youth, which she certainly is.)

After I put Bow on a package and send her back to her Hostile Hospital

(She follows up by saying that Fran’s beginning in this battle will be especially bad after she does the following. Making a pun on Fran’s last name, Violet describes her plan to “put Bow on a package” the same way one would put a literal bow on a wrapped gift, and send her back to her “Hostile Hospital” by way of shipping her out of the battle. “The Hostile Hospital” is another installment in the Series of Unfortunate Events, but instead of referring to the titular hospital from the novel, Violet instead relates it to Oswald Asylum, a dysfunctional, dangerous institute that Fran was kept in against her will for her mental illness. Since the staff for Oswald Asylum are searching for Fran throughout the entire game, Violet says that she will assist in her capture by shipping her back to the asylum.)

Translated to forty seven languages and you can’t put a dent in my wits

(A Series of Unfortunate Events has been translated into forty seven languages as Violet reminds Fran, using this to make herself seem more educated and cultured, hence “you can’t put a dent in my wits.”)

When ejecting spit on disrespecting twits, I’m not just effectively sick; I invented it!

(Violet’s main role in the Series of Unfortunate Events is her ability to invent contraptions that help her get from point A to point B using very little supplies, similar to MacGyver in that regard. In this case, Violet is claiming that not only is she notably skilled in her abilities to rap, but that she actually “invented it.” or revolutionized the genre as a whole.)

Time for a fact check on that rap tech - But in your lore, a bore I’ll find,

(Klaus enters, and, displaying his personality right off the bat, claims to want to do a “fact check” on what Violet has said so far. However, in order to do, he’d have to go through and explore Fran Bow’s storylines, which he finds to not be worth it, because he thinks that it’s boring and tedious.)

I’ve got no need to explore your abhorable story - I’ve already read Coraline!

(He follows this up by claiming that he in fact has no reason to explore her storylines in the first place, because he’s already well-versed in “Coraline,” a book that also features a young girl travelling through creepy alternate dimensions alongside a talking cat. Drawing the two parallels, Klaus blatantly calls Fran a rip-off of Coraline’s story, so much that he wouldn’t even need to know Fran’s plots because of how similar they are in that he could just diss her on events from Coraline, and they’d still apply.)

The symptoms of this victim are atrocious; Procious emotions and lack of focus,

(Taking his focus off of Fran’s backstory, he comes back at the actual Fran herself; Calling her out for her obnoxious behaviors that are caused by her own mental illnesses. Diagnosing her doctor-style, he begins to list off common side-effects of the illness he is building up to revealing. Fran has very temperamental mood swings; She breaks down crying later in the game simply by remembering the troubles she’s gone through, and she attempts to strangle her aunt alive for (what she thought was) killing her cat despite retaining a cheery attitude throughout the rest of the game. Fran also exhibits a lack of being able to focus, in part due to her large curiosity.)

So I’ve indubitably concluded that this nuisance diagnosis is psychosis!

(Using his knowledge of illnesses and symptoms, Klaus is quickly able to diagnose what he thinks plagues Fran’s life: Psychosis, a mental illness that causes hallucinations and grand mood swings. Though never directly stated, it’s heavily implied that Fran suffers from not only psychosis, but also schizophrenia.)

'''Pietahmeshta! Sunny says this is the second slaughter you’ve watched'''

(Though not able to speak fluent english, Sunny still chimes in with her own gibberish phrase, “pietahmeshta.” Klaus and Violet, being perfectly able to understand her despite her words actually meaning nothing, translate Sunny’s words to describe their verse as a “slaughter” due to how bad they’re slandering Fran. Remor, the main villain from Fran Bow, assaults Fran’s mind near the ending of the game and forces her to rewatch the death of her parents, since she originally did not remember how they died. Her parents were, in fact, butchered and slaughtered by a delusional Fran.)

You’re looking green, smoked, 'cause we got this battle in Lox!

(Making a pun on “having the battle locked,” Violet and Klaus claim that they have the battle in the palm of their hand due to have controlling they are of the board. They compare Fran to lox, a kind of meat, which is typically served with a plate of “greens” after being “smoked” to cook it. Sunny develops a great talent for cooking later on, so she mentions this culinary reference as a part of her kitchen knowledge.)

We’re Violent Flow Destroyers Vanquishing Fran’s Delusions that she’s not fragile

(The V.F.D. is an organization that every hero and some villains from a Series of Unfortunate Events comprise. Though the anagram stands for “Volunteer Fire Department,” their goals reach far beyond that. The Baudelaires make their own anagrams to spell out V.F.D. in the form of “V”iolent “F”low “D”estroyers “V”anquishing “F”ran’s “D”eluison’s.)

If you’re interested in happy endings, you’d be better off in a different battle

(“If you’re interested in happy endings, you’d be better off with a different book” is a phrase repeated a plethora of times throughout the Series of Unfortunate Events novel, usually by author Lemony Snicket trying to dissuade the readers from subjecting themselves to the tragedies the novels contain. However, Violet repurposes the quote this time, claiming that Fran would be better off battling someone else likeColeSearinERB:VGvH because in this battle, if she pursues it, will not contain any form of a happy ending for her.)

Fran Bow & Mr. Midnight:
That was Fowl to see; Doubtful Klaus just made a fallacy,

(Fran kicks off her verse on her own, beginning with a pun on “Fowl,” which applies not only to the Village of Fowl Devotees, a crow-worshipping village the Baudelaires took shelter in where the events of “The Vile Village” took place, but also a comparison to the Artemis Fowl book series, one that a Series of Unfortunate Events is commonly compared to. In saying “that was foul to see,” Fran claims that their verse was not much to look at, but in saying “that was Fowl to see,” Fran describes that their verse reminded her of Artemis Fowl, basically subtly calling them rip-offs. She then goes on to call Klaus doubtful, claiming that his intelligence is fragile in that he made an obvious fallacy, or error, when calculating his steps against her.)

‘Cause I’ll bestow more rhymes to blow your mind across all five Realities!

(Fran describes that the fallacy Klaus made was in doubting her ability to defeat them, as she claims her intentions to deliver a verse good enough that it will “blow their minds,” or bewilder them. The Five Realities of Essential Existence are the five levels of depth to the human mind in Fran Bow, the fifth reality being the hellish dimension Fran can tap into, so in saying this, Fran says that her rhymes with “blow the competition’s mind” across all five of the realities of existence that can be accessed through it.)

This tiny team of whiny teens conniving themes are sure to bust,

(Fran illustrates that the Baudelaires stand no chance against her, claiming that any of the “conniving themes” that they bring against her are sure to fail. She refers to them and the book series as a whole of relying too much on “whiny teens,” mocking the somber mood of every novel, as well as “conniving themes” such as macabre mystery.)

'''What's hiding in their crime scene of a rhyme scheme? Good reason to get curious!'''

(One of the central character points in Fran Bow is her outlasting curiosity, which usually enables her to reach advantage points she couldn’t find on her own. “Good reason to get curious” is one of her main catchphrases mirroring this. In this line particularly, Fran says that the Baudelaire’s rhyme scheme is so bad, it might as well be illegal, or a crime scene, but saying that they must be hiding more tricks up their sleeves that she’s willing to exploit.)

From the darkness harks a persistent strike sharper than your infant’s bight,

(Being a black cat, as well as his name being Mr. Midnight, Mr. Midnight announces his arrival by claiming that he harks “from the darkness,” not only implying his title and species, but also referencing his actual place of recovery, being the dark attic of Clara and Mia. He refers to himself as a “persistent strike,” being more sharp than Sunny’s bite. Sunny possess an unnaturally sharp pair of teeth, which she uses in multiple places in the book to escape or provide a distraction. Mr. Midnight prides himself on his own pair of fangs, being a cat and natural predator, saying that he is “sharper” in having more pointed jaws to strike with, but also “sharper” in being witty.)

Season Clock out misleading cop out’s, the Sunny day’s resolved by Midnight

(The Season Clock is a time-turning device found in Fran Bow that allows the main protagonists to fast forward through seasons. Mr. Midnight makes a pun on it’s name, claiming he’ll “clock out,” or knock unconscious, the Baudelaires, who he believes to be “cop-outs” due to their constant cliff-hangers and answering questions with more questions. He then refers back to Sunny again, claiming that their “Sunny day” or “bright future” is resolved, or ended by, the coming of midnight. In other words, the “Sunny day” or bright future of the orphans is eclipsed or ended by Midnight in the same way that a sunny day is resolved by the coming of midnight. This ties back into the Season Clock - Fran Bow and Mr. Midnight turn time forward, possessing the ability to turn a sunny day to midnight, but in the same sense, when Mr. Midnight “clocks out” or knocks unconscious the Baudelaires, Sunny will quickly be resolved by Midnight.)

Curiosity skilled the cat, carving carnies when this Carnivore rips beats

(“Curiosity killed the cat” is an obvious phrase commonly used to illustrate that being too nosey results detrimentally for the investigator. However, Mr. Midnight puts his own twist on the phrase here, saying that “Curiosity skilled the cat” or keened his senses, referencing back to the central theme of curiosity and it’s benefits found in Fran Bow. Through some word play, Mr. Midnight refers to the Series of Unfortunate Events novel, “The Carnivorous Carnival,” taken in a literal sense here as Mr. Midnight, being a cat, is a natural carnivore.)

But watch your pea-minds cross a feline and it’ll end Unfortunately

(Mr. Midnight mocks the orphans as dimwitted, saying that if they attempt to contest their brains, which he believes to be the size of a pea, against his intelligence, it’ll end sourly. This references two different pop culture legends about cats; beginning with their portrayal as wise and self-centered, but also referencing the popular legend that crossing paths with a black cats, or minds as Midnight infers, results in bad luck. Mr. Midnight directs this reference back to the title of the Baudelaires series, “A Series of Unfortunate Events.”)

Question: How’d you cause more headaches than your prequel aBombinations?

(Fran rejoins the battle, beginning by prefacing her next line by announcing that she has a question; The two then come together to ask how the Baudelaire’s combined efforts caused more headaches than their prequel series, “All the Wrong Questions.” The “All the Wrong Questions” series was supposed to fuel answers to the series’s many unresolved questions, but instead only opened more, thus creating “headaches” for the readers. Midnight and Fran refer to the prequels as “aBombinations,” making a pun on the Bombinating Beast, a question-mark shaped monster from the Series of Unfortunate Event series that the prequels focus some on. This all ties back into the first worst, “question.”)

I ask for answers but you’re more blank than your Notorious Notations

(The two instantly backtrack their previous statement, claiming that they know the Baudelaires will have no answers for them as their novels are repeatedly criticized for. The “Notorious Notations” was a novel released by Lemony Snicket that basically just contained a collection of quotes from the series, a decent amount of the pages remaining completely blank. Fran and Mr. Midnight compare this to the Baudelaires, saying that they wouldn’t own up to their own mistakes or crimes even if they had the chance.)

‘Less your bearded creeper’s meaner than Remor, you’d best retract your statements

(Fran and Mr. Midnight harken back to the previous statement that the Baudelaires made about them being fragile, claiming that their villains were tougher. They compare the main antagonist of Fran Bow, Remor, a large, bleeding goat demon who tears holes in reality and can kill a man with a touch, to the main antagonist of Series of Unfortunate Events, the goofy Count Olaf, who Fran and Mr. Midnight refer to as a “bearded creeper,” demeaning his goofy appearance and creepy, stalking habits. Fran claims that, if she could defeat a monster such as Remor while the Baudelaires struggle with fighting off Olaf, then they should retract their statements regarding Fran being weak because by transitive property, she is stronger.)

Because I’ve been hardened by tragedy sadder than your movie adaptation!

(Fran’s life has been tainted by tragedy, with her parents being murdered, her aunt betraying her, and many other things that an eleven year old should not be going through. However, instead of lamenting these losses, she instead claims that they have forced her to toughen up, harkening back to the previous lines about being stronger than the orphans. Even through death of a family member, loss of her beloved pet and betrayal from her aunt, all the while suffering psychosis, Fran claims that none of her tragedies compare to the 2004 movie adaptation of a Series of Unfortunate Events. The 2004 film adaptation was very unfaithful to the source material, shaving 13 books into 4 and featuring a cast that looked nothing like their parts.)

The Baudelaires:
'''Klaus, quick! What floor can we find Miss Bow’s rhymes on?'''

(Grav wrote this line, ask him. It’s a reference to the Escalating Elevator, which featured a grossly large number of buttons to be pressed. Violet finds Fran’s rhymes to be “low,” meaning she’d need Klaus to figure out what level they’d need to stoop to to find the demeaning quality of Fran’s rhymes.)

Likely in the same “alternate reality” to which her mind’s gone

(Klaus, being the smartest of his group, finds obvious doubts to be had in the theory of multiple dimensions all being separate worlds unlike the human one. To mock this, he puts “alternate reality” in quotes to distinguish it as ridiculous, claiming that in order to find the location of Fran’s “low” rhymes, they’d have to travel even through these so-called alternate dimensions just to find them.)

'''Touche. Now we’ll crusade to crack the case of who pays'''

(Violet agrees. She then encourages her brother to assist her in “cracking the case” of the following accusation. The entire theme these next two lines exhibit is centralized around the entire basis of a Series of Unfortunate Events, being based mostly around using clues to solve cases.)

Fifteen bucks to play KillMonday’s biggest See You Next Tuesday!

(The case being exhibited here is the Baudelaires inspecting why people bother to pay the fee of buying Fran Bow, fifteen dollars, to play a game that the orphans believe to be boring or overly complicated. KillMonday is the producer of Fran Bow - “See You Next Tuesday” is a phrase that, when said correctly, spells out “cunt.” See = C, You = U, Next = N, Tuesday = T. The Baudelaires use wordplay here to connect the name of the company to the creation, basically a fancy way of saying “who would pay this much money to play this cunt’s game.”)

'''YouTubers do it to watch the views raise! THAT’s the part that’s more tragic,'''

(Klaus accuses Fran of only gaining what little fame she has from attention-hungry YouTubers who play her game because it’s “new,” thus attracting more views to their channel. Arguably, most of Fran’s fame came gameplay walkthroughs by popular YouTubers like Markiplier & JackSepticEye. Violet uses this fact to stab back at Fran’s last line, saying that the real tragedy is in the sad existence of her game only being exploited for views.)

'''And now we’ve pulled up the bitter truth by the root! Horseradish!'''

(Klaus and Violet now say that they’ve cracked the case, having revealed the “bitter truth” regarding Fran’s popularity and relevance. In the final three books of a Series of Unfortunte Events, horseradish is the cure to the fungus that the VFD tries to hide and Olaf tries to take. The discovery of the fungus leads to a “bitter truth” about the Baudelaire's parents. A pun is also made here, as “by the root” means to dig into the source, and horseradish is literally a root. It is also the title of one of Lemony Snicket's other books)''

Got this in the bag the cat couldn’t rap his way out of when we blow off Steam,

(“The cat’s out of the bag” is a popular phrase that means “the truth is out.” This, of course, refers to the previous statements about Fran’s popularity, but also in this case is reversed to mean that Mr. Midnight couldn’t rap his way out of the “bag” that “the cat” is kept in, due to his own inadequacy. To “have something in the bag” means to have the object in question taken over or dominated, so the Baudelaires combine several different meanings here to mean they stole the rap that Mr. Midnight failed to succeed at. Steam is the main program that Fran Bow can be downloaded off of - to “blow off steam” is to release anger, but to “blow off Steam” would mean to give the cold shoulder to or rudely deny Steam as a program, from where Fran originated.)

Killed a skill-dropping pill-popper, you just got Duo-teamed!

(Fran develops her visions and abilities from taking a pill called Duotine. Since she takes these pills so often, they end up having a serious effect on her mind, which the Baudelaires compare to the average druggie “pill-popper,” a phrase that indicates someone who’d take a large amount of painkillers or other pills in order to get high. The Baudelaires mock Fran for this addiction to such a harmful substance, making a pun on the pill’s name itself. To be “teamed” means to be ganged up on, attacked by several people at once, and since Mr. Midnight disappears after this verse, Fran is on her own against three opponents. Thus, “duo-teamed.”)

Queen Fran Bow:
'''Everything won’t be fine! I’ll leave you sicker than any small mint'''

(The mention of duotine triggers Fran’s mind and shifts her into one of her many hallucinated forms, the one in question here being Queen Fran Bow, a violent, regal version of Fran’s ordinary self. To demonstrate this violent personality, Fran threatens the Baudelaires that, given the path they’ve chosen with dissing her, everything “won’t be fine.” This harks back to the first quote during Queen Fran Bow’s hallucination itself, “everything is fine.” Fran then claims that she’ll subject the Baudelaires to horrors dark enough to make them sick, as in disgusted by the crimes, doubling over to mean literally sick as the Baudelaires are allergic to Peppermints.)

Your time is stretching thin, like a storyline after thirteen installments!

(Fran follows up on her threat by claiming that the Baudelaires have a limited amount of time left to live before she slays them, claiming that the time they have left is being tread thin. Fran then goes on to say that this is similar to the plot line of A Series of Unfortunate Events due to it being stretched out over the course of thirteen novels, which Fran finds excessive and meaningless, leading their plot to become stretched and dragged on.)

'''Queen Dagen-Heart says OFF with their HEADS! Only THEN will I be So Happy,'''

(Issuing out another threat, Fran makes the connection between herself and the Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland, making a pun on her title as well as her middle name, Dagenhart. Alice in Wonderland’s titular character makes a cameo in the Fran Bow game somewhere near the end where it is revealed that the two were childhood friends. Fran believes that she’ll only be “so happy” if the Baudelaires are beheaded in the similar fashion to the popular quote by the real Queen of Hearts, “Off with their heads!” During her hallucination segment, Queen Fran takes a doll of Mr. Midnight and slices his head off to demonstrate her hatred of traitors. Another one of her quotes from this scene is “I’m so happy,” which she then repurposes for the battle, saying she’ll only be satisfied once the Baudelaires are killed.)

'''Let fire consume the Baude-liars! Retribution for your mommy and daddy!'''

(The Baudelaires parents were killed by a house fire set by Count Olaf. Fran claims that the orphans should die the exact same way as their parents as revenge from their deceased caretakers that the orphan trio wasn’t there to save. She makes a pun on “Baudelaire” as well, making it into “Baude-liar” to demonstrate her belief that they are traitors. Queen Fran’s entire hallucinogenic sequence is based around her hatred of traitors, which she believes the orphan trio to be to their own parents for not being around to save them.)

'''N-No! No! I can’t take this kind of emptiness,'''

(With the trip wearing off, Fran gains control of her own emotions and reverts back to her typical state, only more broken by the duotine’s effects. She quickly repents and regrets the way she evolved into a monster, dismissing it’s hatred as “emptiness.”)

And let myself end with this by stooping to your kind of edginess!

(Fran regrets ending her part of the battle in such a violent manner, believing herself to be above pointless scares and hatred that Queen Fran Bow idolizes. She claims not only to be above this, but shames the Baudelaires at the same time, claiming that their entire franchise is built upon the same foundations of Queen Fran Bow as Fran chastises herself for almost stooping down to their level of “edginess,” or excessive macabre.)

'''I’m sick of your gritty crap! This kiddy rap was just a shifty trap!'''

(Fran follows up with the previous diss by scolding the Baudelaires for their grittiness displayed in every book, claiming that all the novels are the same and she can’t take any more of their unnecessary darkness and repetitive tragedy. Fran then goes on to explain that the rap, which she believes to be juvenile or immature, was all just a devised trap by an unseen third party, who is revealed shortly.)

'''I hate you! I HATE you! I just want my kitty back…'''

(Before the third party even reveals himself, Fran begins shouting and declaring her hatred for the unseen force that drove her to her own insanity and led to the events of the battle. She’s basically yelling at several people here; The unseen third party, for acting the villain, the Baudelaires for egging her on into her violent state, and the viewer and writer of the battle itself, for creating this set-up where she’s forced to battle with others. She then claims that she wanted knowing to do with this battle setting, only wanting to refind her kitty, Mr. Midnight, who was never really there all along. The entire “I hate you” segment is almost a recreation of the ending of Fran Bow, where she yells at Aunt Grace for seemingly killing Mr. Midnight.)

Count Olaf:
'''Hello children! I didn’t mean to crash this third party (I hear that’s sooo in this year)'''

(Olaf enters the battle, crashing the “party” in a similar way that he does a variety of times throughout the stories, making a pun on the phrase “third party.” His romantic interest, Esme, a woman obsessed with fashion, cameos with her typical line repeated in the Series of Unfortunate Events, “I hear that’s so in this year.” While typically relating to what sort of fashion is relevant at the time, in this case, it’s referring to the crashing of the battle, and how Olaf’s inclusion would be requested by viewers by popular demand.)

An all-seeing eye has spied this beating and is only here to collect your tears!

(Olaf’s symbol, which he has tattooed on his lower body and appears frequently throughout the series, is an illuminati-esque eyeball. Olaf draws parallels between his eyeball tattoo, and the Fran Bow character Okulus, who is literally a gigantic, pulsating eyeball with the ability to see everything. Okulus’s role in the story takes place at the very end of Fran Bow, where Fran is gathering necessary ingredients to build a contraption, and one of those ingredients is Fran’s tears. After requesting Okulus’s help, she makes Fran revisit multiple spots on her journey, causing Fran to cry after recalling all that she’d been through. Olaf, in a similar sense, claims that he, the all-seeing eye, has only arrived to collect Fran’s tears the same way Okulus did, because she has already suffered a loss from the orphans, who he’s… sorta pseudo-backing up.)

You’re twitching and pitching fits like one of your episodes, let Stephano make the assist

(Fran is left in a weakened state after going through her hallucination, losing control of her temper. Olaf makes the claim that Fran is actually going through an “episode,” or fit of hysteria induced by her mental illness, basically patronizing her for her actions. He claims that he’s here to help, both the orphans with rapping and Fran by putting her out of her misery, relating himself to his alter ego from The Reptile Room, Stephano, who was the newly-hired assistant of the Baudelaire’s uncle.)

And leave you uglier than your demo with a diss that cuts deep like the slits in your wrist!

(Olaf reveals his intentions of “helping” Fran to be detrimental, wanting only to beat her savagely enough to make her “ugly.” Fran Bow’s demo was released way prior to the game, featuring a more macabre, overweight looking Fran who was very, very changed before the final result. Olaf claims that not only will his disses beat Fran direly enough to reconstruct her face, but also “cut her deep,” or kick her while she’s down. Olaf makes a play on words here to relate “cutting deep” to actual slitting of the wrists. While never directly stated, Fran suffered from a condition that many of the other Oswald Asylum patients suffered from, who were very prone to self-harm, so Olaf can be inferring that his disses cut deep like she did to her wrist, or she will eventually do to her wrist if the other asylum members are any indication, especially after the verse Olaf delivers.)

A bigger threats imposed when the decrepit Bow is bit my spit like a tick

(Olaf refers to himself as the “bigger threat,” indirectly insulting the Baudelaires for their “nonthreatening” performance, but redirects his focus towards Fran, who he claims he is “biting” with disses. He relates the sting of his lines to the ticks from lake Lachrymose, which are actually leeches, but shut up you’re not a zoologist they’re practically the same thing.)

'''Your kitty must have been left at home! Make like your personality, and split!'''

(Relating back to the loss of her cat once again, a decent portion of Fran Bow is spent trying to return to Fran’s childhood home only to find that Mr. Midnight is not there, and is instead residing with Clara and Mia. Olaf taunts Fran in this way, implying that perhaps Mr. Midnight has been “left at home again,” or in a place where Fran will never find him due to being caught in an endless loop. After enforcing that Mr. Midnight is not here to help her, Olaf gives Fran the advice to run while she can, saying she should “split” like her personality. Bipolar disorder, or split personality disorder, is, as most people know, the disorder that causes severe mood swings in its subjects. Due to her random switch into the Queen Fran Bow form, Olaf implies that Fran suffers from this as well.)

Got a flaming familiarity to burn you unless you stop, drop and roll

(Count Olaf burns down countless buildings throughout the Series of Unfortunate Events, most notably the Hostile Hospital and the Baudelaire’s home itself, kicking off all the events through the thirteen books. Therefore, his history with fire would give him the opportunity to “bring more heat,” or rhyme more viciously. “Stop, Drop and Roll” is a technique taught in most primary schools to escape fire, so since she is a young child, Olaf offers this as a technique to escape his “fires” that will otherwise “burn” her, both lyrically and literally.)

So just call what this bullet puts through you another one of your plot holes!

(Olaf does the totally expected Olaf thing to do, and shoots an eleven year old. Since he fires a bullet into Fran, it would of course leave a bullet hole inside of her. A plot hole is when a storyline has an inconsistency that is never patched, something many people believe Fran Bow’s storyline to be guilty of as it never confirms or denies that everything was in Fran’s head, thus leading to a lot of questions about what was real or not. Olaf refers to the bullet hole put in Fran as another “plot hole,” in this case meaning a literal hole that pushes the plot forward as it leads to Itward and Palontras’s inclusion, and gives the battle a storyline. He tells Fran that this bullet hole left in her should be trivial, as her game is “already full of plot holes.”)

Itward & Palontras:
Hear out The One Children Talk About; He’s not Lemony Snicket,

(Itward enters the battle, instantly demanding Olaf considers his following points. He refers to himself by his nickname, “The One Children Talk About;” However, he quickly identifies himself as “not Lemony Snicket,” the author of a Series of Unfortunate Events, basically defining the series as boring and not interesting to children, who wouldn’t talk about it the same way they do about Itward.)

The gloves are off this crooked sham, but even his hook hands can’t catch their interest

(Itward claims that the “gloves are off,” basically saying that Olaf’s been exposed as a fraud now that he’s joined the battle. Following up his previous diss, Itward explains that even Olaf’s frequent assistant, Fernald, who possess a hook hand, his crew and the series as a whole fails to catch the interest of readers.)

Packed to my hat with Bea-trick’s and even Mia isn't split on who spits it sickest,

(Beatrice is a recurring name in the Series of Unfortunate Events series, with Beatrice Snicket, Beatrice Baudelaire, Beatrice the Boat, and the spin-off, The Beatrice Letters. Itward wears a tall, black top hat that he claims he’s stacked up to with tricks the same way a magician would utilize one. Clara and Mia are two siblings in Fran Bow that were conjoined in a terrible science experiment; the siblings hate one another, so a side-quest of the plot is helping them complete a goal that was supposed to end with their bodies being split in two. Itward had a heavy involvement with the twins, trying to save them before moving on to Fran; however, due to delusions and premature insanity, Clara and Mia developed a deep hatred for Itward. Itward claims that his rapping is so skilled, that Mia wouldn’t be split on the decision of who raps best, even beyond her blind hatred of him. “Split” in this case being a pun meaning both indecisive, and literally split from being conjoined.)

Death is just the absence of love, but marrying kids pushes the limits!

(“Death is just the absence of love” is a recurring moral repeated in Fran Bow that claims that even in death, a person lives as long as they loved in their life, whereas by the same token, a person isn’t really living if they don’t love anyone. Itward claims that Olaf was so desperate for love in this sense, that he’d marry a child, which served as the plot for The Bad Beginning, where Olaf blackmailed Violet into marrying him so that he could have access to the orphan’s riches by association. Itward hints that Olaf had alternative motives in wanting to marry Violet, namely pedophilic ones, saying that this form of love is diluting the original moral of the saying.)

You’re more baseless than your basis, as trustworthy as Grace is

(Palontras joins the battle by claiming that Olaf is as “baseless as his basis.” This sentence means that Olaf can’t make an argument in his favor because he has no base, mostly on account of being a corrupt villain, but at the same time, Palontras calls the Series of Unfortunate Events “baseless” because he believes it’s plot to not be sufficient enough to continue a story, despite milking thirteen books with prequels and spin-offs. Palontras compares Olaf to Aunt Grace, the character who was hailed at the beginning of the game as the caretaker of Fran, but was ultimately proven to be a traitor who was on the villain’s side all along in the end.)

Pained beyond what I can save; Face it, Ventura couldn’t Ace it

(Palontras has a lake full of… strange, pink liquid that possess serious healing powers. However, Palontras claims that Olaf’s past and mind is so corrupt, that even his lake and healing powers, which literally brought Fran back from death, wouldn’t be sufficient enough to redeem Olaf. In the 2004 movie, Olaf was portrayed by Jim Carrey, a comedian who also played the role of Ace Ventura, a goofy pet detective from the movie of the same name. Palontras makes this parallel between the two, making a pun on Ventura’s first name, saying that despite being played by the goofy comedian known better as a silly pet detective of the same name, Olaf couldn’t “ace,” or win the rap battle, nor gain more popularity as a Jim Carrey role than that of Ventura.)

Pack more flows than Lachrymose, a Slippery Slope is where this foe stands,

(Lachrymose Lake is the main setting for The Wide Window, a body of water filled with deadly leeches in the Series of Unfortunate Events. Palontras claims that he and his group pack more flows, or fluent raps than an actual body of water such as a lake like Lachrymose. “The Slippery Slope” is another installment in A Series of Unfortunate Events; The title refers to a literal mountain slope, but Palontras uses it to mean that the foundation of safety Olaf is depending on is going to fall through soon due to it’s fragility.)

While we’re more boiling than the poison that melted Olaf like a Snowmaaan~!

(Palontras and Itward come together to compliment their verse one last time; comparing the “heat,” or intensity of their verse to the actual deadly poison that would ultimately lead to Olaf’s demise in “The End.” Doubling over on the reference of this heat comparision, they say that their “boiling hot” flows melted Olaf in the same way actual heat would do to a snowman, comparing Olaf to the snowman of the same name from the Disney film “Frozen.” This final line is delivered by Fran, brought back to life by Palontras’s powers as is in the game, and of course getting the last laugh with a line relating to a children’s film, something she ought to be well-versed in.) }}

Outro


Who won? A Series of Unfortunate Events Fran Bow

HINT DEDUCTIONS:

Mute World: “The World is Quiet Here” is the secret code and catchphrase of the V.F.D., the omnipresent corporation in a Series of Unfortunate Events, which is mirrored by the hint.

Scarecrow: The entire plot of Fran Bow revolves around the main villain wanting to catch Fran and remove her brain for experimentation. Basically, he shares a trait with Scarecrow in that they both want a brain.

Hawkeye: A hint to both characters, with Hawkeye’s main asset being a “Bow” and arrow, ergo Fran “Bow,” but also his name containing the word “eye” which ties into Count Olaf’s tattoo.

The Divide: The main cover of the book features a giant eye in the middle, ergo Olaf, as well as the plot of the story having to do with a boy who falls asleep and wakes up in a different dimension wrought with monsters, similar to Fran Bow’s fifth reality.

The Tale of the Full Moon: Hint to Mr. Midnight in several ways; “full moon” can relate to night, ergo midnight, but that’s not the main thing. The Tale of the Full Moon’s plot has to do with a girl who lost her cat, which is very similar to Fran Bow’s storyline literally anyone could have gotten this hint if they just looked up the story. Also, throwback to when I used Mr. Midnight to hint to the Midnight Society.