User blog:BlueFrackle/Feral Rap Battles of the Animal Kingdom II: Tardigrade vs. Immortal Jellyfish

Welcome to another installment of Feral Rap Battles of the Animal Kingdom! This match was suggested to me by Dragon. The two greatest death cheaters in the world come face to face: the hardy tardigrade vs. the immortal jellyfish. Who's going to win?

Battle
FERAL RAP BATTLES OF THE ANIMAL KINGDOM!!! TARDIGRADE VS. IMMORTAL JELLYFISH!!! BEGIN!

Tardigrade:

This plankton freak has never faced a mind sharp like my claws

My mouth stylet's out I'll suck you body fluids with a straw!

From sandy dunes to ocean trenches to Antarctic ice layers

From mountaintops to hot springs you bet I'm not a nice player!

I survive radiation, boiling water, dehydration

Suffocation, acid, alcohol, salt, ether and starvation!

And even absolute zero in the fucking Kelvin scale!

I'm the 2.0 descendant of the pimps from Burgess Shale

You got an incomplete gut, that's why you drop shit from your mouth

Even in cryptobiosis, I can still shake up the house!

Immortal Jellyfish:

Chill out, Shadow the Hedgehog, now prepare to get licked

Even in your spore-like state you can't survive the burns I inflict

And in my immortal life I have seen nothing as obscene

As how your wife lays eggs inside her old discarded skin!

You got these little stubby fingers and you can't quite grasp the fact

My body's 90% water and that's why my style's so wet!

Who wants to live forever? I most certainly don't hate it

Back to my polyp colony and voila, regenerated!

Since the time this battle started your telomeres have decayed

You may fly in space like a TARDIS but your disses are D-grade

You look like a gummi bear, science books describe as "cute"

And I really do agree only as long as you stay mute

Tardigrade:

I'm the water Bear Grylls, tear you apart with my own hands!

And then I'll claim my victory for my Victoria Land!

I'll spread you in my toast and end your stupid fool's delirium

To beat the toughest extremophile since Conan the Bacterium!

You're Kubota's pet, you rap flows even slower than you swim!

Watch the Animal Planet, bitch: I'm The Most Extreme!

Immortal Jellyfish:

Dude, what're you even saying? Your own name means slow!

Turritopsis' at the top and from Japan to Greece I flow

Don't mess with us cnidarians, you won't like us when we're swarming

I'm boosting jellyfish supremacy like global warning

It's a worldwide invasion, as we hitch-hike ballast water

And you're not a real extremophile: you hide when things get hotter!

This little moss pig was roasted in this verbal smacking

Now it's time to make like NASA and just leave him in the vacuum!

WHO WON??! WHO'S NEXT??! YOU DECIDE!!! FERAL RAP BATTLES OF THE ANIMAL KINGDOM!!!

If you have no idea what this was about, check my previous blog. Please leave your suggestions for the next animal battles and tune in tomorrow (yes, TOMORROW) for the next episode! :D