User blog:AelchIsYourFriend/Alexander vs Ivan analysis

[Verse 1: Ivan the Terrible] Look alive Crème de la Kremlin's arriving +2

Try to serve Ivan No surviving +5

You're a land rover, I'm a land expander +2

Here to hand you your first loss, Alexander +3

I'll school you like Aristotle +2

Smack you harder than you hit that bottle +3

You're nothing but an overrated lush, I'll crush ya I'm the first Tsar of all of Russia +4

You're an asshole with an anastole I'm heaven sent, divine and holy +5

So don't even try to approach the God Or you'll get a huge sack like Novgorod LOL +7

Score: Ivan: 33 Alex: 0

[Verse 2: Alexander the Great]

Hey fella, swell diss

But now you got the Panhellenist from Pella hella pissed +5

Stepping up's foolish as well as useless Little Vasilyevich, let me spell out the list +1

I brought foes to their knees in Phoenicia Breezed through Gaza to Giza +5

Had the Balkans, Persia, Syria, Iraq and Pakistan In my expansion pack (Is That a Civ Reference) +8

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">While you died in the middle of a game of chess -2 <span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">to Ivan

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">You got vodka bars, flavorless -1 <span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">to Ivan

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">And what I'm about to spit will be the craziest So go fix me a drink so I can stay refreshed Foreshadowing +1 to Ivan +3 to Alexander Kudos!

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">Greek for the glory I got From winning every single war that I fought +3

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">So this will be straight forward, I'll take up this sword that I brought And slice you in half like the Gordian knot LOL +7

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">And I'll soar to the top like the eagle whose feather I would sport in the helmet that I wore As I swatted my many enemies,

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">shattered 'em like a porcelain pot +6

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">And they'd be praying for the torture to stop +4

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">But I would leave 'em contorted and they'd be screaming and roaring Until their vocal chords were torn up and shot +8

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">And I would holler Bucephalus! Hop on my horsey and trot +4

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">I win Ivan, I vanquish

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">I'm an immortal, you're not CRUSHING +8 to Alex -2 to Ivan

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">score: Ivan: 29 Alex: 62

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">[Verse 3: Ivan the Terrible]

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">Enough! I don't stand a chance against your skills Conceded Defeat -2

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">на здоровье Its Pronounced Na Zdorovhia, not Ha Zdorovhia -1

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">A drink to your victory

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">score: Ivan: 26 Alex: 62

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">[Alexander the Great]

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">Yes, I will It seems no one can defeat me +2

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">I weep, it's all so easy Oh!

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">[Ivan the Terrible] What's wrong?

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">[Alexander the Great] I feel a bit queasy

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">[Ivan the Terrible] Ha! You've been poisoned! CHEATING -2 to Ivan

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">Ivan: 24 Alex: 62 [Alexander the Great]

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">Oh, the pain is unbearable!

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">My stomach's riddled with holes!

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">[Ivan the Terrible] Ugh, I'm terrible LOL +6

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">There's no great who could defeat this Russian Ivan: 30 Alex: 62 (Deceased)

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">[Frederick the Great]

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">Psst, what about a flute busting Prussian? OH SAVAGE! +12 Ivan: <span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">30 Fred: <span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">12

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">(Old Fritz, old fritz!

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">Old Fritz, old fritz!

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">Old Fritz, old fritz!

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">Old Fritz, old fritz!) <span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">+10 for that sick flute solo

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">[Verse 4: Frederick the Great]

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">I'm Frederick the Great, out the gate first servant of state +5

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">Oblique attack tactics ain't exactly straight -2 to Ivan +5 to Fredrick

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">I've got creative talents and battle malice +5

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">Hard as steel on the field, genteel in the palace +4

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">Russia's fucked up but no wonder why +5

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">to Fred With your tundras and taigas and bears, oh my! -4 to Ivan +4 to Fred

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">I would pay a guy to tear out my eyes +5

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">If I had to look at your troll face every night -4 to Ivan +4 to Frederick

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">Now bring me my chair +4

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">I'm weary from tearing you a new derrière from here to Red square +4

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">Fought a Seven Years' War, I ain't scared of a Tsar +8

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">Cause beating you only took me twelve bars SAVAGE +12

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">Ivan: 20 Fred: 85

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">[Verse 5: Ivan the Terrible]

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">Oh, what a humiliating defeat!

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">I know when I am beat Conceded Defeat -5

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">So of course, take a seat

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">Ivan: 15

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">[Frederick the Great]

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">I'd keep ripping you to shreds

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">But I'll take a break instead

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">And just rest my little head

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">[Ivan the Terrible]

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">Why don't you drop dead, Fred?! CHEATING -2 to Ivan

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">Hmm, my expectations were a lot higher LOL +5

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">But at least I saved the rubles on the garrote wire LOL +5

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">It's another great day and another great victory

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">Cause no great can beat me <span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">+5

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">Ivan: 28 Fred: 85 (Deceased)

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">[Pompey the Great] What about me? Pompey! Yeah! SAVAGE DECIMATION +12 to Pompey +1/2th of Ivans point

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">Pompey: 26 Ivan: 28

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">[Verse 6: Catherine the Great]

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">CHEATING -2 <span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">to Catherine

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">Macedonians, Prussians and Romans +2

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">T <span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">hose aren't worthy opponents It takes a Russian to take down a Russian +5

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">I'm Cath, I'm a cat, you're a rodent +3

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">How are you the head of our state

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">When the state of your head was such a crazy one? Crushing +8 <span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">to Cathy -4 to Ivan

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">Such sick shit going through your brain

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">That you stuck a spike through your own son (Oooh) +5

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">You're unbalanced like I unbalanced the European powers with the wars I waged -2 to Ivan

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">I brought the Russian empire straight out of the olden days and right into the golden age +4

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">I'm the boss bitch that you just can't meddle with +4

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">This whole battle's like Alaska cause I settled it LOL +5

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">Cathy: 34 Ivan: 22 Pompey 26 (Deceased)

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">[Ivan the Terrible]

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">Hmmm, what a beautiful Queen to beat me in a battle Conceded Defeat -2 to Ivan

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">Accept this gift, Your Highness,

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">I hear you enjoy the saddle LOL +5

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">Ivan: 25 Cathy: 34

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">[Catherine the Great]

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">That horse story is a pile of shit -5 to Ivan

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">Though I do keep 'em chomping at the bit +3

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">But you're never gonna get it, nyet +4

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">Couldn't spin in my chamber if this were Russian roulette +6

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">I'm picking up where Peter the Great left off

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">Bringing sexy back to House Romanov +6

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">So don't call me Queen,

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">I'm far more great Empress to Tsar 8, bitch +6

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">Checkmate +2

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">Ivan: 20 Cathy: 61 Final score: Ivan: 20 Alexander: 62 Frederick: 63 Pompey: 26 Ivan: 20 Catherine: 61

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">Winner: Frederick

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">Second: Alexander

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">Third: Catherine

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">Fourth: Pompey

<span style="font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;line-height:16.9px;white-space:pre-wrap;">Fifth: Ivan

<span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-weight:normal;line-height:16.9px;text-align:start;white-space:pre-wrap;">olish as well as useless Little Vasilyevich, let me spell out the list +1 I brought foes to their knees in Phoenicia Breezed through Gaza to Giza +5 Had the Balkans, Persia, Syria, Iraq and Pakistan In my expansion pack (Is That a Civ Reference) +8 While you died in the middle of a game of chess -2 to Ivan You got vodka bars, flavorless -1 to Ivan And what I'm about to spit will be the craziest So go fix me a drink so I can stay refreshed Foreshadowing +1 to Ivan +3 to Alexander Kudos! Greek for the glory I got From winning every single war that I fought +3 So this will be straight forward, I'll take up this sword that I brought And slice you in half like the Gordian knot LOL +7 And I'll soar to the top like the eagle whose feather I would sport in the helmet that I wore As I swatted my many enemies, shattered 'em like a porcelain pot +6 And they'd be praying for the torture to stop +4 But I would leave 'em contorted and they'd be screaming and roaring Until their vocal chords were torn up and shot +8 And I would holler Bucephalus! Hop on my horsey and trot +4 I win Ivan, I vanquish I'm an immortal, you're not CRUSHING +8 to Alex -2 to Ivan score: Ivan: 29 Alex: 62 [Verse 3: Ivan the Terrible] Enough! I don't stand a chance against your skills Conceded Defeat -2 на здоровье Its Pronounced Na Zdorovhia, not Ha Zdorovhia -1 A drink to your victory score: Ivan: 26 Alex: 62 [Alexander the Great] Yes, I will It seems no one can defeat me +2 I weep, it's all so easy Oh! [Ivan the Terrible] What's wrong? [Alexander the Great] I feel a bit queasy [Ivan the Terrible] Ha! You've been poisoned! CHEATING -2 to Ivan Ivan: 24 Alex: 62 [Alexander the Great] Oh, the pain is unbearable! My stomach's riddled with holes! [Ivan the Terrible] Ugh, I'm terrible LOL +6 There's no great who could defeat this Russian Ivan: 30 Alex: 62 (Deceased) [Frederick the Great] Psst, what about a flute busting Prussian? OH SAVAGE! +12 Ivan: 30 Fred: 12 (Old Fritz, old fritz! Old Fritz, old fritz! Old Fritz, old fritz! Old Fritz, old fritz!) +10 for that sick flute solo [Verse 4: Frederick the Great] I'm Frederick the Great, out the gate first servant of state +5 Oblique attack tactics ain't exactly straight -2 to Ivan +5 to Fredrick I've got creative talents and battle malice +5 Hard as steel on the field, genteel in the palace +4 Russia's fucked up but no wonder why +5 to Fred With your tundras and taigas and bears, oh my! -4 to Ivan +4 to Fred I would pay a guy to tear out my eyes +5 If I had to look at your troll face every night -4 to Ivan +4 to Frederick Now bring me my chair +4 I'm weary from tearing you a new derrière from here to Red square +4 Fought a Seven Years' War, I ain't scared of a Tsar +8 Cause beating you only took me twelve bars SAVAGE +12 Ivan: 20 Fred: 85 [Verse 5: Ivan the Terrible] Oh, what a humiliating defeat! I know when I am beat Conceded Defeat -5 So of course, take a seat Ivan: 15 [Frederick the Great] I'd keep ripping you to shreds But I'll take a break instead And just rest my little head [Ivan the Terrible] Why don't you drop dead, Fred?! CHEATING -2 to Ivan Hmm, my expectations were a lot higher LOL +5 But at least I saved the rubles on the garrote wire LOL +5 It's another great day and another great victory Cause no great can beat me +5 Ivan: 28 Fred: 85 (Deceased) [Pompey the Great] What about me? Pompey! Yeah! SAVAGE DECIMATION +12 to Pompey +1/2th of Ivans point Pompey: 26 Ivan: 28 [Verse 6: Catherine the Great] CHEATING -2 to Catherine Macedonians, Prussians and Romans +2 Those aren't worthy opponents It takes a Russian to take down a Russian +5 I'm Cath, I'm a cat, you're a rodent +3 How are you the head of our state When the state of your head was such a crazy one? Crushing +8 to Cathy -4 to Ivan Such sick shit going through your brain That you stuck a spike through your own son (Oooh) +5 You're unbalanced like I unbalanced the European powers with the wars I waged -2 to Ivan I brought the Russian empire straight out of the olden days and right into the golden age +4 I'm the boss bitch that you just can't meddle with +4 This whole battle's like Alaska cause I settled it LOL +5 Cathy: 34 Ivan: 22 Pompey 26 (Deceased) [Ivan the Terrible] Hmmm, what a beautiful Queen to beat me in a battle Conceded Defeat -2 to Ivan Accept this gift, Your Highness: I hear you enjoy the saddle LOL +5 Ivan: 25 Cathy: 34 [Catherine the Great] That horse story is a pile of shit -5 to Ivan Though I do keep 'em chomping at the bit +3 But you're never gonna get it, nyet +4 Couldn't spin in my chamber if this were Russian roulette +6 I'm picking up where Peter the Great left off Bringing sexy back to House Romanov +6 So don't call me Queen, I'm far more great Empress to Tsar 8, bitch +6 Checkmate +2 Ivan: 20 Cathy: 61 Final score: Ivan: 20 Alexander: 62 Frederick: 63 Pompey: 26 Ivan: 20 Catherine: 61 Winner: Frederick Second: Alexander Third: Catherine Fourth: Pompey <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-weight:normal;line-height:16.9px;text-align:start;white-space:pre-wrap;"> Fifth: Ivan﻿ erse