User blog:Dark Cyan/Cyan's Rap Battles 7: Ebenezer Scrooge vs. The Grinch

(Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know it's not Christmas, but it was coming when I originally posted this, back in December 1st 2013. Deal with it.)

CYAN'S RAP BATTLES!



VS.



BEGIN!

Grinch: Don’t dream of a Silent Night, for on December 24th

Expect a visit from the Ghost of Christmas no more.

Just an utterance of my name dampens the Christmas spirit.

Your name’s just synonymous with being a grumpy git.

You’re so mean with money that you’re living in poverty.

Look, you’ve chained yourself up like Jacob Marley!

You’re a shrewd, greedy hoarder, cheating your workers like theft,

But you can’t clutch to other people when there’s no company left!

Scrooge: Bah, humbug! I don’t have the time of day to deal with this nonsense,

But to verbally trounce you, I shall spare no expense.

I don’t take time off for Christmas. You obsess over it!

Burgling. A poor excuse for picking a man’s pocket.

Maybe your head’s not screwed on tight, or you’re bitterly overzealous.

Maybe you can’t stand the noise, or you might just be jealous.

It might even be hunger, but I think I know the real cause.

You’re packing a little Grinch-ster that’s 2 sizes too small.

Grinch: Oh, right, you’re one to talk, with your Tiny Tim!

You have no heart, spine or balls. No wonder you’re so thin!

You had so little stomach for your own past, you couldn’t bear it.

Had girl problems? I don’t give a Who, so don’t share it.

I hate candles and lanterns, slippers and dressing gowns.

I hate turkey, and family, and snow ridden towns.

I hate the peal of bells, and Christmas Carols so sickening.

But most of all, Scrooge, I hate Charles Dickens.

Scrooge: Second Stave. Next stage. Lines so sharp I’ll give you a shave.

All it took was some singing to get you to behave.

To break my resolve, I had to see my own grave!

You’re just a huffy little goblin who lives in a cave.

I may scowl all the time, but your smile’s most unpleasant.

Did you have to dress up as Santa? All you did was steal presents!

I just can’t let Dickens be dissed by a Dr. Seuss cartoon,

But I have a real job to attend to, so good afternoon.

WHO WON? Scrooge The Grinch