User blog:0ShadowStories/ERBIdeas - Gordon Ramsey VS Simon Cowell

Battle of the Angry British Judges, eh? Seems about right to me.

Announcer:

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY! Gordon Ramsay VS Simon Cowell! BEGIN!

Cowell:

This smug chef a-hole with a passion for beeps.

May cook good food, but you give me the creeps.

We're both blunt and critical, no matter where we appear.

But i'm the one beating you in Top Gear.

I'm ice cold, and that's an X Fact-or.

Cause you're more atomic then a nuclear reactor.

Those legal issues seem like fun.

Them being dismissed is the only reason you won.

Your shows are all fake, just like we all predicted.

With every chef and scene written down and scripted.

Ramsay:

This is one hell of a dish you've served.

But if you think it's actually good, that's just absurd.

I'm the head chef of this battle, cook up disses one at a time.

Preheat at 300 degrees, you want some cheese with that whine?

On stage, you're enraged, nothing but a performer's Kitchen Nightmare.

I'm pretty sure white is the only thing you ever wear.

I got shows that keep coming, you had shows that all died.

Probably because of all the musicians you try to misguide.

And if there's just one thing i just don't understand.

Why the fuck did you create that stupid ass boy band?

Cowell:

How in Hotel Hell do you stand so tall?

You're worse at this then the time you played football.

I may be british, but im a true American Idol.

You've got so many issues, people think you're homicidal.

I started in the mail room and rose to the top.

Cooking up real talent, while you cook up slop.

You use pre-prepared meals, don't even act gallant.

This british fuck up never had any talent.

Ramsay:

You think you know music, you must be deaf.

Don't bother trying to beat this Master Chef.

Step off cause im already at my boiling point.

I'll fix up and flip any food joint.

You're only reason to exist is to disappoint.

Telling people they suck while you sit with a fake tan and tight jeans.

Cutting out your show's dolphin scenes!

You use auto tune, so don't even call me fake.

A person darker then Devil's food cake.

A better judge then you've ever been.

You got served faster then at my restaurants, i win.

Announcer:

WHO WON? WHO'S NEXT? YOU DECIDE.

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY.