User blog:Dark Cyan/Cyan's Rap Battles of Literature 8: Charles Dickens vs Mark Twain

Hello, everyone. And welcome back to Cyan's Rap Battles of Literature!

This battle marks the halfway point in this series. Thank you all for your support this far! It was a bumpy ride balancing rapping and exams while I was having them, but they're all over now and I'm having fun writing raps again!

And I said I'd be doing things and then changing my mind, but this is my promise to you; Nothing else in the series is going to change from now on and if it does, I won't deserve any of you as fans.

Anyway, this battle is a pretty big one. it pits Charles Dickens against Mark Twain. When it comes to timeless, classic stories with powerful social commentary, there can only really be two names mentioned above all the others, but which of them will come out on top?

Enjoy!

Beat: Epic Choir Orchestra Rap Beat

Charles Dickens
(start at 0:31)

It is the Best of times, it is the Worst of Times;

I have to spar with Mark Twain in a contest of rhymes.

Now I respect you as a writer, but not as an equal.

With your characters and themes, you are alike to my disappointing sequel.

Every book I wrote is a classic. It is not up for debate; I'm greater.

One year after you were born, I published the Pickwick Papers,

And went from Hard Times in a factory to an overnight sensation!

Now bring on your retort, m'lad. I have Great Expectations.

Mark Twain
(start at 0:51)

Thank you for being civil. I shall respond to this challenge in kind.

Like Mind over Matter, in that it doesn't matter, and I don't mind.

But you are selling me short. On this point I am Adamant.

I mean, I invented the alternate history genre by pure accident.

You have bit off more than you can chew when you battled me.

Just look at the size of the fight in this Dog. You should pack and flee.

This is like a cockney urchin in King Arthur's court. A Prince and a Pauper.

Look at your costume dramas and tell me you beat the Great American Author!

Charles Dickens
I can feel my temper slipping. What do you say we take a breather?

Mark Twain
Good idea. I don't feel I have much patience left either.

But how shall we settle the outcome of this rap battle conflict?

Charles Dickens
I have an idea to finish this battle, but with a little twist.

Oliver Twist
(starts at 1:22)

Please, sir. Why'd you put me up against Huck the hick?

A straw hat wearing hillbilly who's just Tom Sawyer's bitch.

You'll discover why I'm called Twist when I leave your mind addled.

And you're left floating the Mississippi River without a paddle.

I found my family, and inherited their wealth.

You had to leave yours, because getting beaten was bad for your health.

I'm a classic rags to riches story. You chose you stay rags.

But I'm still tough enough to beat you in fisticuffs, lad.

Huckleberry Finn
(starts at 1:43)

Jim doesn't think I should even be talking to you.

I reckon I'd find more wholesomeness than you in your gruel.

My lines are fresher than white paint still wet on the fence.

You should start going to school, if ya want my two cents.

You ain't nobody but a pickpocket in a lowly den o' thieves.

Dodger's in jail, Fagin's hanged, but you somehow got off scot free.

Just ask Injun Joe how ruthless I am when it's war.

When I'm finished with you, Oliver, you sure won't be asking for more.

Charles Dickens
(starts at 2:04)

Enough of this childish nonsense! Let us finish this man to man.

I am about to get so dirty, your white suit will be ruined, understand?

You lost your wife's inheritance on some half-baked investments.

You should have spent it all to take your mind off your depression.

Now, I admire you for your support of your neighbors descended from Africans.

But you ruined all my respect for you by then bashing on Native Americans.

I couldn't give a ha'penny for your problems, or a ha'penny for your books!

O, and I forgot to mention how stupid your mustache looks!

Mark Twain
(starts at 2:24)

Oh no you didn't! Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

Look in a mirror, Charles! Your face looks like it's been horsewhipped!

I get paid to talk in clubs. You're just really damn rude.

I wouldn't even be surprised if Scrooge is based on you.

Your books are only classics because they're praised instead of read.

When you open your mouth, I've no doubt that there's sawdust in your head.

You're living proof that with just ignorance and confidence, success is sure.

You're nothing but an Old Curiosity who isn't relevant anymore.

Poll
WHO WON? Charles Dickens w/ Oliver Twist Mark Twain w/ Huckleberry Finn