User blog:BlueFrackle/Fanmade - Johnny Appleseed vs. The Lorax

I have a confession to make: this battle didn't turn out as good as I wanted. I almost threw it away, but I didn't have the heart for that, so I decided to post it. I'll understand if nobody reads this one, though, in that case, see you next week, with something much better, I promise!

...For those who stayed: we have a very green battle today. Early 19th century American folk hero, traveling nurseryman and friend to all living things Johnny Appleseed raps against the eponymous protagonist from Dr. Seuss' The Lorax to see who's the most eco-friendly loveable tree-hugger!

Cast as I've imagined it:
 * Nice Peter as Johnny Appleseed
 * EpicLLOYD as The Lorax (voice)

Johnny's location is an apple tree orchard The Lorax's location is a truffula forest

Battle
FANMADE RAP BATTLES OF WHATEVER!!! JOHNNY APPLESEED VS. THE LORAX!!! BEGIN!

Johnny Appleseed:

I just lay on my back, looking up at the stars

Seeing all the good things that God's made thus far

But then this mossy little creep shows up from a stump

Says he's better than me, well he can bite my green thumb!

I wander the land, planting trees where I go

Roll you up in thneed string and play you like a yo-yo!

My fruit may be forbidden but who doesn't want a bite?

You shouldn't step to me, bro, my flow contains cyanide!

I'm friends with the natives and kind to all animals

With hard feet to stomp you, I don't need to wear shoes

So you better beware or once again, you will be lifted

I'm busy here planting, shut up if you please, then

The Lorax:

I speak for the trees: they wish you had no tongue

You think you're correct, sir, I claim that you're wrong

Thinner than a truffula trunk and a trifle smelly

Keep opposing me, now, your future seems dreary!

I'm in charge of these woods, 'til where the Grickle grass grows

I'll send away all chaste nuts dressed in hobo clothes

Chop down posers like I were a Super Axe Hacker

New Church, but your style's old; tell you one thing Chapman

You play up the Christian hippie, but you're a businessman

Owned over twelve hundred acres worth of land!

So when I knock on your office door I'll find you there sobbing

Hold your head underwater like you're apple bobbing!

Johnny Appleseed:

Now, God knows I literally won't harm a mosquito

But I crush the munchkin version of Danny DeVito!

I'm a rapping pioneer spreading seeds and gospel

I ask for no money, I just ask you to stop now

Your victory's hopeless no matter how you yell

Respecting me keeps the doc away just as well

Hate grafting, but I'll stuff this gnome up in a tree log

I hit Isaac Newton, think different like Steve Jobs!

The Lord's good to me, He gives me all the things I need

So I'm dropping golden rhymes like I'm dropping these seeds

The Lorax:

You got smog on your throat, bloke, you can't sing a note

Put an apple on your head, I'll aim my crossbow!

You're in no position to be called a missionary

'Cause the only place you'll never plant a seed's in an ovary!

And the only reason people saw you coming in as good news

Is that the apples you planted were all used to make booze!

Hearing you's like a thneed: it's something nobody needs!

I much prefer the Brown Bar-ba-loot and Hummingfish breeds

Give a call the next time you feel the need to get wrecked

Then the Lorax and all of his friends may come back

WHO WON?! YOU DECIDE!!! FANMADE RAP BATTLES OF WHATEVER!!!

Trivia

 * Scrapped lyrics for Johnny Appleseed:
 * I’m an ace orchardist, you know what they say
 * An apple a day will lift the Lorax away