User blog:Teddyfail/Dracula vs Frankenstein's Monster - Epic Fail Battles of History

So here's my halloween special. I release it a week after just so it won't mixed up wit... Who the fuck am I kidding. I just didn't finished it in time. So yeah, it's the famous vampire Dracula against the famous monster Frankenstein's... monster, yeah.

Thanks for Jella for the cover and some grammer check and Gravy for chiselling the shit out of it.

Cast
Nice Peter as Dracula and John Kramer

EpicLLOYD as Frankenstein's monster and Jason Voorhees

Markiplier as Freddy Fazbear (voice only)

Battle
EPIC FAIL BATTLES OF HISTORY

DRACULA

VS

FRANKENSTEIN'S MONSTER

BEGIN

(Beat starts at 0:21)

Dracula:
From all the horror history, I am getting rid of,

This disgusting monster that no one will ever love.

I'm Count Dracula, the OG vampire.

Rocking castle til it crumble in Transylvania!

You fake Bruce Banner don't mess Vlad the Impaler

Wearing this 3 piece suit. You will never have my swagger.

You only want to find love. Your scariness makes me dry heave.

But you stick to your creator, turns you into Adam and Steve.

Who are you? Frankenstein! Ha! No one knows your name.

Your writer creates you out of boredom. Ohhh, that's what I call lame!

Out of all the corpse-filled horror, even Fazbear is scarier.

And all the Christopher Lee's roles, I am the one people remember.

You naive childish peasant's pants about to get soiled,

Cause I will make you turn blue like your name is Peter Boyle.

I'm gonna make this Count since it is almost your turn.

Quit scaring for someone who can't afford to get a little burn!

(Beat starts at 0:00)

Frankenstain's monster:
Speaking of burn, this white boy can't even get in the sun!

Go back to your hotel, the only place that you run.

The Modern Prometheus. This is getting serious.

I'm telling you man, a real monster needs to be hideous.

I'm monstrous, murdering bitches in this verse.

Mashing Monster Nosfera-til you're taken away by a hearse.

I'll snap Bunnicula like a carrot, I shock this battle back to life.

You can bite me, but it's least deadly than the eighty seventh's bite!

There's no doubt that I'm Young. You are getting Old man.

I'll strangles you to death with my bare stone cold hand!

So now go back to your coffin and I'll put my final nail in.

This battle has ended. It's crystal clear that I have the win!

(Then the camera shows a man's back with a machete in his hand, with blood dripping from the tip.)

Jason Voorhees:
Jason Voorhees: Did somebody said Crystal?

(Beat starts at 0:37)

The king of Crystal Lake has arrived to crash this party.

I'm the zombified killer with slinging verbal machetes!

The undefeated champion, been through hell and Manhattan.

Running through woods to leave any Monster Flattened!

So let's start with you, Dracula, the pale face emo fella.

You are about to be Untold while I ram a stake in ya.

Your species is an abomination. You created Edward Cullen.

While I'm slashing evil worse than Kevin Bacon with a mullet!

And now you there, filled with more chemicals than a fucking Twix bar

You need a real shocker to get started like one of my victim’s cars.

The Voorhees family bringing chaos at Friday the Thirteenth

Stacking body count more than your useless lives have ever seen.

With hacksaw, axe and LN2, I'm killing teens like this rap.

And I’ve just destroyed grandpas less scarier than Springtrap!

(Suddenly, the lights were turned off, and only an old TV is shown behind all three of them. Billy the puppet can be seen in the TV.)

Billy the puppet:
Did somebody said trap?

Beat starts at 1:05)

All three of you undead are so ungrateful to be alive:

Come back to just kill? What pathetic wastes of life.

Rolling on my tricycle, riding the chill down your spines.

And now,

(Someone pushed over the TV. It's John Kramer.) 

John Kramer:
It's time for me to teach a lesson to you swines.

I'm a master of puppets, traps and Twisted Pictures.

The King of snuff films, heck I even defeated cancer!

I’ll crack you like a case, leave your bodies double Tapped.

And leave mouths hanging open like the reverse beartrap!

(Oh!) Horror? I've got more. Gore? More than yours!

Controlling the game even when I'm on the bathroom floor.

Game's over boys, so now just shut the front door!

All three of you are worse than Five Nights at Freddy's lore!

(The power went off all of a sudden, only a electronic eyes can be seen in the dark. Then the Toreador Song is played and a deep laugher is heard through out the whole song. The next rapper is revealed. It's Freddy Fazbear.) (Of fucking course it's Freddy Fazbear. It's me.) (Hey reference!)

(Beat starts at 0:07)

Freddy Fazbear:
I’ve had enough of your shit; it’s time for Freddy!

The new horror star is here; I hope you’re all ready!

This haunted robot's going ham, like on a night guard on the phone,

On this veteran, loner, mama’s boy, and this ripoff of Home Alone!

I started in a pizzeria; serving you fresher than my grease trapper!

Now I'm coming for you in your room; call it your Finale Chapter!

Better save some power or I’ll stuff you in my spare suit,

With Bonnie, Chica, Foxy, and my whole Fazbear crew!

Out of all the sellout series, I keep my bandwagon rolling!

Four games in a year! I even got a fucking film franchise coming!

And now I'm going for RPGs; There's No Pause Button for me!

So welcome to the World of Five Nights at Freddy’s!

I own all the YouTube bitches, from PewDiePie to Markiplier,

And take all those views to your throat when I rip it off with fire

Keeping my fans hanging; I'll never open up my suit case,

And I'm still making it rain like an abandoned pizza place!

I have plushes, restaurants, posters, even my own TV show,

And I end motherfuckers like the 20/20/20/20 mode!

So here’s the main reason why you shouldn’t fuck with Fazbear:

I am the true golden bear, and this is your real Nightmare!

WHO WON?

YOU DECIDE!

EPIC...



*sign*...Fail Battles of History

WON WON? Dracula Frankenstein's monster Jason Voorhees Jigsaw Freddy Fazbear

Hint for the next battle
https://youtu.be/ljWcpj8N6ws

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