User blog:Mortal5075/Jigsaw vs Rodrigo Borgia - Absurd Rap Battles of Horror.

Hello there reader. I want to play a game. That game is guess how much I love the Saw franchise. The answer is a lot. I think its a genuinely well written series that far from relies solely on its gore and does not deserve a reputation of a torture porn as long as its not Saw 3D. Fuck Saw 3D. Seeing how my attempts at writing for Jigsaw have completely failed before since I was a new rapper, here is my another stab at it at a completely new series. I am an absolute horror fanatic and I want to use a lot of horror characters. Not against other horror characters, but something more obscure and...absurd. I think this will be a really entertaining and fun side series I will do alongside my regular series. I also got love for Borgia and the Italian renaissance after playing, you guessed it, Assassin's Creed, hence also me using Machiavelli in the last battle. You might also be confused because you might ask "Mortal, are you high on Russian weed? What in the hell is the connection between Jigsaw and Rodrigo Borgia?" Well, my friend, turn on your big thinking mode cause this is some deep shit. They are people who are great sinners but who think of themselves so highly they redeem the sins of other people. Since Borgia is a Pope and all. Shortened version - Absoluters of sins. Got it? Good. Have fun reading this and please leave a comment.

The Holy Beat

The Battle
Jigsaw:

I've stumbled upon many a sinners but none had me as bemoaning,

As an absolver of sins being the one who needs the most atoning.

Borgia carries the name of the Pope but that title I’ll be discrediting.

Because my rhyming cuts so much, it’s like you’re going through our editing.

So I wanna play a game, playa, and from the list of sins that I know.

If Borge here thinks he’s a Victor I will play him like a piano.

Say you truly stood for your Papal Bull, but in my bull consider yourself blessed.

Cause here come your elevators - the giant two hooks up your chest!

There aint no antidote to what I spit cause Cantallera’s what they’re made of.

So escape my trap and head off. But watch your step or I’ll blow your head off.

You measure dicks with Revere and there’s no day you won’t compete?

Let's put you two in Pound of Flesh and then we’ll see who packs more meat.

User of simonies will end up like Simone is, so grab your arm and rip through it.

Claim you’re devoted to the angels but, heh, we’ll see if you’ll give a rib for it.

I’ll choke you with your pallium if you think against my mind you’re half as clever.

But your kids will like the Spike Trap if they truly feel so close together.

Rodrigo Borgia:

When I see you, matusa, all I picture's a mind more twisted than your own lore.

I’ve valued my life Kramer, and the scales show gold is worth more.

I've got an ally after ally who can send you to the abyss.

While your disciples are a junkie and a Mr Evil Puffy Lips!

And don't judge me for my acts when any gore lover goer.

Will snore after this season of CSI in a disguise of a horror.

Bacha ma culo, zoccola! Flow like a Venice’s gondola!

The stakes are rising when I'm bringing the burns; Savonarola!

Italy’s dawned in malaria yet none are violent enough.

But judging from your life we should give everyone this “cancer” stuff.

Those damn screenwriters were on drugs if they thought diseases turn you evil.

Seems like the key to your series was truly found within a stack of needles.

Jigsaw:

You want a piece of me? Pick on my brain while it's still fresh.

Now you’ll finally know what it's like to feast upon your saviour’s flesh.

There aint no peace when I'm biting, I’ll put a piece in you, buddy!

So when they find you they will see a missing piece in your body!

And now it seems like this is it for Rodrigo, the Vote Rigger.

The only exit that you’ll see is at the end of my trigger! (Bah!)

But here’s the final test, a little anagram for you to make your mind sober.

As soon as to your greed you gave Rome, then for you it was game over.

Rodrigo Borgia:

Hold your tongue! I am the Vicar! If you think you got bite you're delirious.

Since your marchello did Fast and Furious instead of coming back to your series.

All that I've done was for familia and when I died it saw its fair end.

All that your series does is pull a bellend after they pulled off the Tobin Bell end!

Boy, this is politics, there was only one rule that we were taught to embrace.

Its "How to change a man? The answer's simple, flash some money in their face".

So your criticisms on me fall flat since your series falls at the same place.

With "How to revive the dead? The answer's simple, flash some money in their face"!

While I got some laughs from the pathetic morals this old man held,

Dio Santo, lighten up! There are more amusing Kramers in Seinfeld!

Sinners who dare oppose me will drop harder than the Cary Elwes lawsuit landed.

So hit the door out of this battle just like your unborn son did.