User blog:Dark Cyan/Cyan's Rap Battles of Literature 27: Rudyard Kipling vs Edgar Rice Burroughs

Hello, everyone. And welcome back to Cyan's Rap Battles of Literature!

Woo! This one only took a fortnight to get round to making after the last one! We're speeding up again!

This was a request I considered a lot during season 1, but went with other ideas instead. Now, though, I've read more of both author's works and feel I'm ready to give this one a go. Besides, I'm going to do four seasons of this. I'll do any sensible request I get (unless two overlap) so please, keep them coming. If there's any author you want to see me write for, I will.

Anyway, this battle pits Rudyard Kipling, writer of 'The Jungle Book' against Edgar Rice BHurroughs, writer of 'Tarzan of the Apes', to see who's the real king of the swingers.

Enjoy!

Beat: Animal

Rudyard Kipling
(starts at 0:11)

Welcome to the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Jungle_Book Jungle! Book] aside, I’m still wild!

The master of expanding the imagination of every child!

Look at your pulp novels! You’re just the master of mindless prattle

Let’s face it, you never did have the heart for battle

If you can keep your head in the face of a greater poet,

Then you’ll be a man, but like Military School, you’ll blow it

Through book or film, my stories have enriched millions of boyhoods

The short story is Mr. Kipling spits rhymes Exceedingly Good

Edgar Rice Burroughs
(starts at 0:33)

Well, this takes the cake! Beating you is as easy as pie, son!

An imperialistic racist ‘tiger’ stepping to this vicious lion!

Even for your time, your prose was convoluted and archaic

And how can talk about imagination when Kim was so prosaic?

It seems Disney weren’t fans of your attempts at ‘songs’,

They made a musical from your book and didn’t use a single one!

I created one of the most popular fictional heroes in history

Compare the mighty Tarzan to lowly Mowgli; That’s my victory!

Rudyard Kipling
(starts at 0:55)

Tarzan and Mowgli? I’m glad you brought those up in your outburst

Remind me, which vine swinger raised in the jungle by animals came first?

Making an original hero to project onto was too hard for you, I guess

Even your recent film only got big because of my remake’s success!

Which planet are you on? Mars? Venus? Is your head up Uranus?

With your Gary Stu power fantasy, this Captain’s hardly Courageous

Just So we’re clear, the stories I gave life to took talent

And that’s something your thieving mind simply has absent

Edgar Rice Burroughs
(starts at 1:18)

Don’t drag us Back to the Stone Age with your woeful flows and slow prose!

Even the worst of my books was more exciting than anything you composed!

In twenty six novels, I cemented my character’s glory

You didn’t even give yours a full one! He had to share with other stories!

Tarzan got married, had a son with his true love, and got a Lordship

Mowgli destroyed a village, killed some dogs, and then ran away. Poor kid.

So mourn for your fame. It couldn’t last the turn of the century

As I deliver the war cry that’s alone more famous than you will ever be.

WHO WON? Rudyard Kipling Edgar Rice Burroughs