Confucius

"Confucius say you can all hold these fortune cookies!"

- Confucius

Confucius battled the Western Philosophers as part of the Eastern Philosophers, alongside Lao Tzu and Sun Tzu in Eastern Philosophers vs Western Philosophers. He was portrayed by MC Jin.

Information on the rapper
Confucius was a Chinese teacher, editor, politician, and philosopher of the Spring and Autumn period of Chinese history.

The philosophy of Confucius emphasized personal and governmental morality, correctness of social relationships, justice and sincerity. His followers competed successfully with many other schools during the Hundred Schools of Thought era only to be suppressed in favor of the Legalists during the Qin Dynasty. Following the victory of Han over Chu after the collapse of Qin, Confucius's thoughts received official sanction and were further developed into a system known as Confucianism.

Lyrics
[Note: ''Confucius' solo lines are in  gray, while Sun Tzu and Lao Tzu's solo lines are in regular text. Lines which all rappers say are italicized.'']

Verse 1:
This type of arrogance is sure to be expected

From men who speak of wisdom with no clue of what respect is!

You Westerners are sloppy, needing discipline in life.

You lack control of yourselves and of the mic.

While we use precise strikes to disrupt your concentration,

Hand you an ass whipping our descendants will honor for generations!

We filled a nation with patience, and the presence  for living!

And you'll never hold a candle  to the wisdom we've written!

Verse 2:
Bitch, I wrote The Art of War, so you better get your guns out!

These white boys getting burned 'cause guess what? Now, the Sun's out!

Asians spitting sick, but no, this isn't SARS.

Laozi, kick the beat; now Confucius, drop some bars!

Let me be Candide with you, Voltaire,

French drip with the egg noodle hair.

Your ego's just so distracting,

Free speech doesn’t mean just keep yapping!

And you killed God so I gotta ask:

Did he die of shame when he made your mustache?

You tried to plant a new German psyche,

But you just grew hate; me no Third Reich-y!

And it all starts with you! You're the father, Socrates!

Honestly, I think you owe both of your students here an apology!

Verse 3:
I have turned them on themselves. Their chaos is our opportunity!

We must remember: a bowl is most useful when it is empty.

Ugh, Laozi! I don't mean no disrespect,

But you need to fill your bowl with some shit that makes some sense!

Oh, you don't want to stand in the path of Lao Tzu today.

I'll make you move, bitch. Get out the way!

Yo, where in the tradition of rap battles is it written

That two dudes on the same team should squabble like some clucking chickens?

Man, Confucius, you always trying to put something in its place.

Why don't you tell your eyebrows they need to fit better on your face?

Okay, I see. You wanna make it like that?

I'll smack that warmongering head out of your to-go box hat!

So here's the real golden rule: I'm way above you weak rookies!

Confucius say you can all hold these fortune cookies!

Trivia

 * In August 2014, Nice Peter said on chat that "Confucius vs Socrates was going to happen, but there wasn't that much material to work with".