User blog:Segamad66/EPIC RAP BATTLES No.90: King Arthur vs King Solomon

90 battles and all of them shit.

Here we go!

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY

KING ARTHUR

VS

KING SOLOMON

BEGIN!

King Arthur

Excalibur! King Arthur is rising from the depth of Glastonbury Abbey.

To rap battle against this Israel king, who's just like his dad, shabby.

While you're sitting on your throne, I decided to take some action,

As I'm the king of the britons, I defended camelot from the anglo-saxons.

You have over 1000 fucking lovers, I'm surprise you have sex every night.

Come grab a seat at my round table, if you dare to challenge my knights.

I'm backed up by Lancelot and Merlin, while you pretend to rule over Israel.

You kept all the wealth for yourself, making your people lives more miserable.

King Solomon

Like your son, I'll seize control of this battle then finish you off.

I would make it quick 'cause even Guinevere couldn't give a toss.

But Solomon's on the mic now, about to spit out some grundy lyrics.

Only 15 when I ascended to the throne, appointed my friends to the civic.

Two women claimed to be the true mother of some child,

I said cut it half and the real mother went wild.

It shows I got great wisdom, you're nothing but a Shrek cameo.

I'm the one and only king, 'cause you're last verse had no flow.

King Arthur

Monty Python parodied my quest for the holy grail, people call it the greatest skit.

I pulled the sword from a stone, I'm the rightful king and you fucking know it.

In the end, it was your strength that ultimately became your weakness.

You're a carbon copy of your dad, not even close to the bar of my uniqueness.

King Solomon

I got more wealth then you have knights, I built the first temple in Jerusalem.

Got more respect for the queen of Sheba, then good reviews for your musical.

What did you get up to with that lady of the lake? Surely she gave you more than a sword!

But I'm off back to my throne now, 'cause this rap battle has made me quite bored.

*Suddenly the ground begins to shake and a tomb reveals itself*

King Midas

It's the man with the golden touch, about to give out a golden performance.

Let me just get out of my tomb, as this inner chamber is quite enormous.

I'm greek legend Midas, the one king to rule them all.

So come at me Arthur, I heard you're deep in Merlin's balls.

You slept with so many women Solomon, you better check for chlamydia.

Found a missing satyr, treated him and helped him get back to Lydia.

In return I got my one and only wish, the power to make everything swell.

Got my own Phrygain city too, founded the Turkish capital as well.

I married the love of my life, you can say I tied the Gordian Knot.

That story about me having donkey ears is just a load of bloody rot.

Flowers, food and my own daughter, all things I can turn into fucking gold.

I've had enough of this battle, so I'm off, I'm just glad my story could be told.

WHO WON?

WHO's NEXT?

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!!!!!!!!!