User blog:Awesomesix/East vs West rap meanings for Fight-R

Due to the harsh reactions he was getting, I decided to help out  Fight-r by showing what his raps mean. So, to clear up the confusion, here we go.

The Western Philosophers:
I'm coming off the Acropolis to start some pandemonium.

(Gandalf is about to fall on someone from the top of the Acropolis, and thinks yelling this will save the lives of the two children possibly playing tag below him.)

Don't bring limp raps to a pimp slap symposium!

(The Asians have flaccid dicks, and the Westerners only penis joust if your dick is hard.)

The mad gadfly, philosophy was my invention!

(Socrates is actually a fly, who invented philosophy.)

Introducing the flyest nihilist', the neurologist and the Master of Evolution!

(Socrates is letting his stupid friends introduce themselves because they wouldn’t matter otherwise.)

We've got the wisdom' and the wit that even I couldn't question!

(Sock rabies’ friends are so smart, that if he were to ask them a question, these bland assholes would know the answer, so it’s not worth asking them anything.)

Dropping Evolution Bombs 'so we can see our mighty evolution

(Charles Darwin is so into evolution that he made a bomb out of it and is going to use it to see more of it. The “evolution” in the bomb is actually radioactive waste and the “evolution” he will see is the human race suffering a painful demise by mutation.)

'''Saw Wikipedia. Wait What! Where are the others?'''

(Sigmund Freud is concerned because he can’t find WikiHow.)

Were better thinkers', better speakers, better lovers, better Philosophers!

(White people think they’re the best at everything. God damn Germans.)

The Eastern Philosophers:
'''This type of arrogance is sure to be expected! '''

(Asians, with their high expectations, expect everything. This time, their sons did not disappoint.)

'''From men who speak of wisdom with no clue of what respect is! '''

(The Westerners are pimps who ain’t have time for no respectin’, cuz.)

You Westerners are sloppy, needing discipline in life.

(Still thinking they are somehow their parents, the Asians tell the Westerners to clean their rooms or they’re grounded. And no Wikipedia for Freud. He’s always looking up all the sex positions. You’re not sneaky, Freud. It’s called browser history.)

You lack control of yourselves and of the mic.

(Being the old man he is, Socrates lacks control of his bowels at such a level that he has literally shit all over the microphone. I’m not cleaning it.)

While we use precise strikes to disrupt your concentration,

(Kim Jong-Un is busy sending air missiles at America in hopes of destroying its populace and its orange juice.)

Defeating you guys for our descendants will honor for generations!

(There’s supposed to be a comma here somewhere, but I can’t quite tell. A shame, too, this line was probably good.)

We filled a nation' with patience and the presence for living,

(Asians like filling their nations with injured people and Christmas gifts. They just spelled them wrong is all.)

And you'll never hold a candle' to the wisdom we've written!

(Unbeknownst to the Westerners, Sun Tzu has cut off all of their hands and will sell them on the black market. And he also took Socrates’ birthday candles. Sorry, grandpa, no 101st birthday.)

The Western Philosophers:
Oh, I'll give you something you can bow and kowtow to

(Nietzsche is being respectful to the Asians and their culture.)

When I squat down and squeeze out a Tao of Pooh on Lao Tzu!

(Nevermind. Unless they’re into being shit on by not-Freddie Mercury, then that's cool.)

You need to take control of the life you're given!

(The Asians haven’t been reading enough home style magazines, so they’re not caught up on how to properly furnish their homes and live a proper lifestyle of relaxation.)

Call me Ubermensch cause I'm so driven!

(Nietzsche is a car. A Nietzsche-san, to be precise.)

I'm a Legend, I made a Revolution, don't need money!

(Charles Darwin is not only an avid League of Legends player, but he also made something spin once. He’s so rich from LoL, that he doesn’t need money.)

'''My Rhymes Changed the world. Call it the Evolution Theory'''

(Charles Darwin is evolution. Nothing else about him is in any way significant.)

'''(Oh!) Talk a 'bout theory. Here's a theory about you'''

(Charles wants to fit in like the cool kids, so he beats the topic to death.)

'''That Rabin drawn a Pee Pee! Wait! What will his mom do?'''

(Just ignore this part, Charles’ medication is known to have some weird side effects, such as delusion, insomnia, and dehydration. Not recommended for people of the age 18 or younger. See your doctor if these signs persist.)

Challenging is a Mistake, need my Psychoterapy?

(Freud says fighting anyone is a bad idea because he's a pussy pacifist and offers something that doesn’t exist.)

'''Looking dumb? I think you guys need to Clark University'''

(Sigmund Freud offers some scholarships. What a nice man, these things are tough to come by these days. No, wait, he offers to scholarship them. Okay then, Sigmund.)

Escaped from the Nazi's so don't even dare to lock me in

(Sigmund escaped a Nazi and asks the Asians politely not to lock him up, because he is scared of small spaces and Santa.)

This is the last book for you call it the La Peau de Chagrin!

(Freud is clearly insane, because not only is he threatening to take away their books, he’s not even speaking English anymore. Maybe he took Charles’ medicine as well?)

Now that we've covered weird name and the twins, I can move on to Jackie Chan!

(Socrates is soooo over this battle, and now wants to watch some action movies.)

Sun Tzu, I'll be picking apart your Wu with my method, man!

(Socrates is a dick, and is going to tear Sun Tzu’s Wu Tang Clan poster.)

The seminal general isn't so tough on the mic; all your men must be like, "Yo, what happened?"

(Socrates always has semen on his mind, and thus makes a dick joke. Also, something about Sun Tzu’s men, probably a gay joke.)

'''You're pitiful lyrically. Lucky for history, you didn't author The Art of Rapping!'''

(Honestly, this line is terrible, I don't know what Fight-r was thinking.)

The Eastern Philosophers:
'''Darn It! I wrote The Art of War so you better get your guns out!'''

(Sun Tzu is sad to admit he wrote the Art of War, and asks the Westerners to kill him as punishment.)

'''These white boys getting burned 'cause guess what? Now, the Sun's out!'''

(Due to time zone differences and the rotation of the Earth, it is already morning in China, and Sun Tzu alerts the four and recommends they put on sun screen because today’s going to be hot.)

Asians spitting sick, but no, this isn't SARS!

(Sun Tzu reassures the Westerners he is not ill.)

Laozi, kick the beat; Gurudev and Confucius, drop some bars!

(Sun Tzu wants Lao to kick something, and the others to drop the bars for the monkey bars they’re making.)

Let talk 'bout a Charles a lil' word

(I think Lao Tzu may have kicked Confucius instead...)

Almost balt wen he was Jong Adult

(Yeah, I'm pretty sure Lao Tzu kicked Confucius. Half of this isn’t even English. I think Balt’s an ocean, wen is a name, and Jong is the leader of North Korea.)

Freud is just retarded TV

(Freud is a retarded television… just go with it.)

Never succes with Psychology

(And Confucius don’t success with brain damage.)

Nietzsche killed God so here's a word

(Apu accuses Nietzsche of murdering God, and his punishment is receiving the word of the day, sponsored by Sesame Street.)

Are you just jalous cause he's a lord?

(In a bizarre twist, Ramadan admits confuses Jesus with God, apparently. Also, the word of the day is “jalous”… if that even is a word.)

'''Socrates? Respect the one of Bill and Ted'''

(Being an avid fan, Gandhi respects Bill and Ted for their intelligence and bravery.)

But the truth is you just look fat

(Shiva ends his verse by calling out Santa for being fat. Not even trying to rhyme, just thinks he’s a fat bastard.)

And it all starts with you: you're the father, Socrates!

(Sun Tzu’s pregnant, and Socrates is the father.)

Honestly, I think you owe both of your students here an apology!

(Socrates is a bad teacher.)

The Western Philosophers:
I wouldn't exactly call myself a student of this plebe.

(Socrates is such a bad teacher, than his students don’t like to admit to being taught by him.)

Don't make Nietzsche come over and put a knee up in your chi,

(Nietzsche threatens to put his knee into a metaphor.) 

Cause I'm N-I-E-T-Z-S-C-H-E,

(No wonder his students hate him, all Socrates taught them was how to spell their name.)

And I'll end Western Philosophers like my name in a spelling bee!

(Nietzsche admits his plan all along: Commit homicide upon his team, and then kill himself so he doesn’t have to face the charges. That bastard. It’s probably vehicular homicide, as well.)

'''Plebe, plebe? I'm toxic like a hemlock sip!'''

(Socrates also got kicked by Lao Tzu, and has Alzheimer’s now, so he’s starting to repeat himself.)

'''You can get some food! Here is Soc's sausage!'''

(Being the charitable man he is, Socrates offers Nietzsche some sausage for his troubles.)

'''God, Socrates! Its no time to fight!'''

(Charles Darwin admits, like Frued, to being a weak ass pacifist and believing sausages are death threats due to a traumatizing event on his farm when he was 10 involving his favorite pig and his father’s lust.)

Come, let's blind these Chinese heinies with some shiny bright light!

(Charles also reveals his plan all along; to point a flashlight at the opponents’ faces. Truly only a real criminal would do that.)

I'll not gonna listen to a monkey loving boy

(Socrates calls Charles’ mother an ape.)

Just listen to your teacher end you'll enjoy!

(Socrates is about to fart, and knowing farts are Charles' fetish, he tells Charles to listen to his flatulence.)

'''Darn! Socrates, you are even worse then Nietsche (Hey)'''

(Freud ranks his teammates from worst to best, with Socrates at first, but Nietzsche at a close second, unrelated to his death threats.)

'''You getting pissed. It's like you caused this 'BLAH' (Hey)'''

(Freud caught SARS and throws up all over Socrates before being able to finish his threat.)

The Eastern Philosophers:
'''I have turned them on themselves. Their chaos is our opportunity!'''

(Sun Tzu made the Westerners face each other. At a 45 degree angle, to be precise.)

Defeated by: Confusius, Sun Tzu, Rabindranath Tagore and Loazi

(Raving Rabbid tells everyone their names so that when Nietzsche plans to murder them, he knows who to look for.)

(Ugh!) Gurudev, I don't mean no disrespect,

(Sun Tzu doesn’t want to offend the Indian, for he’s the true minority here, but yelling their names to a psychopath is not a good idea.)

But you need to get a name that even makes some sense!

(The man with the name “Sun” thinks he’s in the position to judge someone else’s name.)

Oh, you don't wanna stand in the path of Gurudev today.

(Vladislav ate some curry, and is warning the others to not stand in his way, or he’ll, uh…)

'''I'll make you move, B-Word. Get out The Way!'''

(He’ll shove them. Because he really needs to shit.)

Yo, where in the tradition of rap battles is it written

(Lao Tzu wants to find where Eminem wrote how to become a Rap God, but Confucius, barely conscious, interrupts.)

That two dudes on the same team should squabble like some clucking chickens?

(Just about to go unconscious, Confucius asks Lao Tzu is this is what he was looking for, mistaking his teammates for chickens. It’s on page 43, by the way.)

Man, Ying and Yang Twins, you always try to put something in its place.

(Lao Tzu and Confucius are very organizational and are identical because they are Asians.)

Why don't you tell Confucius eyebrows they need to fit better on your face?

(Confucius has his own style of eyebrows that don’t stay well on people’s faces. To be fair, it’s probably because Lao Tzu kicked them.)

'''Shut up, Sun Tzu. Don't even think that you'll win.'''

(Lao Tzu doesn’t have faith in his team.)

Don't even call me and this Plebe the Ying and Yang Twins!

(Lao Tzu also has Alzheimer’s, and forgets that Plebe is a Greek word. He finds the Ying Yang twins to be such good rappers, that it is a disgrace to them to compare Lao Tzu to their skill.)

'''Okay, I see. You wanna make it like that?'''

(Confucius finally responds to the designs of the monkey bars.)

I'll smack that warmongering head out of your to-go box hat!

(About to go unconscious, Confucius tries to inform Sun Tzu that instead of his hat, he picked up last night’s teriyaki box on the way out.)

So here's the real golden rule: I'm way above you weak rookies.

(Confucius is stumbling up the hill at this point, so he’s further up above them.)

Confucius say, you can all hold these fortune cookies!

(As he falls, Confucius throws his cookies to the others, so they don’t get crushed when he hits the ground.)

jk fight-r <3

