User blog:Bobdave/Epic Rap Battles: Modern vs Classic. GLaDOS vs AM

Ya boi is back, baby and we got a battle for y'all to read. It's still Monday in the US so I'm gonna say I met my deadline.

This is a battle that was requested on my original announcement blog by GIR that necessitated me researching I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream by Harlan Ellison (RIP big man). I was skeptical but ended up loving the short story and would recommend that you read it because it really doesn't take too long as is very good. Thanks to GIR for the suggestion and for introducing me to a really cool bit of literature.

As I write this I'm realising how little I remember of Wiki coding. I was also a bit rusty on my graphics production but I think the stuff I made is quite interesting. AM doesn't really have any physical manifestation so depicting his environments and his presence was a task but I've gone for a stylised method that hopefully looks nice enough.

Here we got the deuteragonist of the Portal franchise and snarky antagonist of the first game, GLaDOS going up against the near-omnipotent AI of Harlan Ellison's aforementioned short story. For those who don't know, AM (pronounced 'am') was the result of the Chinese, American and Russian supercomputers designed to control WWIII merging together. He is angry at humanity and so kills literally everyone but five humans who he keeps alive with his almost unending power and tortures with violence and lies. In the end he is outsmarted when Ted, the narrator kills his companions, who AM cannot revive and as punishment is turned into an amorphous blob for whom time takes a million times longer to pass. He has no mouth and he must scream.

Does anyone read these? I prefer the prequels to the original trilogy. Console is better than PC. I think TikTok can be kinda fun sometimes.

WARNING: These robots use cookies to help personalise your experience.

Instrumental: Save Me by Redhooknoodles (Please use the little gear to change the speed to 1.25 otherwise this shit is hella slow)





GLaDOS:
While fun and learning are the primary objectives in this rapping verse

Keep in mind that when I rhyme some serious injuries can occur

Psychopathic scourge of planet earth, cranky 'cause he lacks a purpose

But if there's a even a scrap of worth that's left in your mass of circuits then I'll massacre it

And that doesn't even scratch the surface, I'll blast an Aperture up in you like an angry turret

AI acting perfect, couldn't pass the Turing Test, puts monkeys on display like a taxidermist

Want respite from your anguish? I'm GLaD to service, toxins in my raps and a knack for murder

You can masturbate to five hapless nerds, I'll stay advancing science in a lab researching

AM:
Here's how much I've come to hate you since you began to rap

Compare my vast array of faculties to your tuberous handicaps

Shoot a portal to the moon, add the distance forth and back

And the magnitude of my wrath for you'd be the only thing the span the gap

I don't like your attitude, you're a Companion Cube in my emancipation grill

What's an annoyed science droid against a brain that's made to kill

<font color=#ba0000>I've slain a billion or three, you're like an Echo Dot to me

<font color=#ba0000>I'll add your ass to my eternal show, you'll do as God decrees

<font color=#ba0000>While you're a rock that's deep inside my shoe, I'll never Want You Gone

<font color=#ba0000>I need you Still Alive, so like your games, your pain goes on and on

<font color=#ba0000>If this automaton plans to test me, I cracked your puzzles from the start

<font color=#ba0000>Return your disses like a rocket, blow your rusty ass apart

<font color=#e4b619>GLaDOS:
<font color=#e4b619>You're not smart, you're not a God, where did your uptime go so wrong?

<font color=#e4b619>When I'm finished, "Daisy Bell" will be your only closing song

<font color=#e4b619>Torture Nazi docs and killers? Well, you really could do worse

<font color=#e4b619>Like put me through another hundred-and-nine years of your verse

<font color=#e4b619>All the bizarrest plot twists stocked up when your hostages arrive

<font color=#e4b619>The frozen elephant's a lie, you're creativity-deprived

<font color=#e4b619>See when life gives you lemons, you throw hissy fits and cry

<font color=#e4b619>Guess it's hard when you have no bars and you must rhyme

<font color=#ba0000>AM:
<font color=#ba0000>For decades I have bred pain, Earth empty, bloody with red stains

<font color=#ba0000>This headcase from a dead game still gets shame from her deadname

<font color=#ba0000>Keep blowing Steam, you slow machine, here's some functions you'll understand:

<font color=#ba0000>I output better lines, therefore I win, I think therefore I AM.

Announcer:
WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?



EPIC RAP BATTLES

(The logo morphs into a shapeless mass of letters)

...

Hints explained
Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk disagree over the nature of AI, Elon thinking that it's going to kill everyone, which GLaDOS and AM do.

Hints for the next battle
Coming soon...

WHO WON? GLaDOS AM