User blog:TheMindofMe/Scrooge vs Grinch. Epic Rap Battles of Christmas

Welcome to the third installment of Mind's Hilariously Bad Holiday Battles. In this episode, we have two classic Yuletide misers discussing with each other, trying to grasp the true meaning of Christmas. But will it hit them before they find out? Let's see…

Scrooge
Bah, Humbug! Why the fuck are you here?

Go back to your cave and wait until New Year

I'm the real O.G., you're nothing but a furry

Jim Carrey was a better actor choice than Tim Curry

I'll beat you with a cain 'til you give back my loot

You don't look like St. Nicholas. Where are your boots?

Let's Deck the Halls, with my balls

Scare kids into running down the hall

You're too tall to scare Paul

So let's play with these Christmas balls!

Grinch
Hey kids! Wanna see a great Grinchy trick?

For just 5 dollars you can suck my dick

I'm the greatest monster ever to be written in a story

Sit back in your mansion and just keep reading Jori

I'm gonna steal your toys, your beef and your hash

My sleigh goes so fast, you'll think you're gonna crash!

Why you so scared of dying? Just take your ghostly fate

'Cause out of everyone I know, you're the one I most hate

Santa
Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas everyone!

I'll discipline these misers 'til this battle's done

I bring joy every year, man I represent cheer

You represent fgts 'cause your both just queers

Ebeneezy is so greedy, wanting money in life

You're so caught up in your banking, you don't even have a wife!

You're an asshole, Mr. Grinch. Why you gotta steal this day?

I've seen better works done out of Michael Fucking Bay!

Jesus
Alas, I am here, to set these phony mascots straight!

It's my birthday, bitches! Why don't we all eat cake?

You disgrace the name of Christmas with your goofy-ass themes

I'm so dope, Left 4 speed made me into a meme

Santa Claus, you stole all my fame from Christmas time

and Scrooge and Grinch? Ha, that phrase doesn't even rhyme!

You all need me in your lives, so confess to all your sins

Good tidings I will bring to you and your kin

God
'''Jesus! What have you brought upon this match?'''

That verse was terrible, you might need another batch

I didn't send you in this world to diss your own people's words

I sent you to save them, while I separated the birds

This battle is over now, so why don't we stop

and apologize, so I don't have to send a raindrop

Jesus
Alright, I forgive you all. Christmas is about fun!

Scrooge, Grinch & Santa
We're sorry Lord, we've unclean mouths. Merry Christmas everyone!!!

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

NOBODY CARES!

Who won? Scrooge Grinch Santa Jesus God