User blog:Dark Cyan/Cyan's Rap Battles 9: Dovahkiin vs Ness

(The last battle I ever posted in 2013. I think this is a good battle to talk about connections. So far we've had two furry space pilots, two genius schoolboys with the power of gods, two female robots who look human and were built to kill one man, two professional card game players, two young green-wearing characters with eastern influence, two canine memes, two anti-christmas fictional characters, and two men called Zuko. This battle's connection is that they're both RPG protagonists, but they're the two most different RPG protagonists you could hope to find, in the two most different RPGs you could hope to find. I just thought that idea was funny.)

CYAN'S RAP BATTLES!



VS.



BEGIN!

Dovahkiin: My voice carries immense power. My message will stick like Magelight!

Nice Armour, De-Ness the Menace! Does your Mother still tuck you in at night?

You’re a little punk-ass kid smashing skulls in Onett,

With stolen alien powers and your father’s wallet!

I slice and cast, switch and back, mixing my styles like alchemy!

You might need a few perks in ‘Rap’, or I’ll be leaving you in agony!

I don’t need to persuade or intimidate you to win this battle of words, kid!

For when I proclaim my sure victory, the whole of Skyrim shall hear it!

Ness: So you’re the Dragonborn? Well, I’m not impressed.

I knew my goals from the beginning. Having fun with your fetch quests?

Anyone can learn to Shout. My powers are unearthly!

When my whole team hits, you’ll be begging us for mercy.

I might even 4th-D Slip into another Nintendo World.

Ask Professor Oak whether you’re a boy, or you’re a girl.

Dude, your lines are putting me to sleep like PK Hypnosis Omega.

Did you forget to save before this battle? I mean, Fus Ro *Duh!*

Dovahkiin: You fight with frying pans and baseball bats? This isn’t the Boy Scouts!

And your psionics just don’t match up to the raw power of my Shouts!

Thieves give me no trouble. I’ll end them in a pinch!

So explain to me how on Earth you got outplayed by Pokey Minch!

I’m a versatile warrior! I’m a one man army!

Does your party of children worry me in the slightest? Hardly!

A spell for Paula, an arrow for Jeff, a slash for Poo. Behold my weaponry!

You should just give up and be bards. You already know Eight Melodies!

Ness: “Hey, look at me, I’m Dovahkiin! Remembered for a crappy meme!

Used to be an adventurer but took an arrow to the knee!”

I achieved greater feats than you when I was only thirteen.

I took Giygas down so hard, the Daedra now pray to me.

I knocked the smile off a Happyist’s face, and now I wear it with pride.

No bounty for me, I’m welcome everywhere, from Twoson to Moonside.

And when I get a critical hit on you’ll, they’ll yell “Super SMASH, bro!”

I’d much rather be a small cult legend, than one big tired joke.

WHO WON? Dovahkiin Ness