Alexander the Great vs Ivan the Terrible/Rap Meanings

Ivan the Terrible:
Look alive, crème de la Kremlin's arriving!

(The very first two words of the battle gives an eerie foreshadowing of Ivan's plan to win. He says to "look alive" as a subtle warning to Alexander that he may not be anymore. The French term crème de la crème means best of the best. Ivan refers to himself as the best from the Kremlin, a Russian citadel which housed him and the successive leaders of Russia. Ivan tells Alexander that he is coming and to brighten up for their battle.)

Try to serve Ivan: no surviving!

(Ivan tells Alexander that if he tries to serve, or harshly beat him in this rap battle that he will fail and perish. Ivan also makes a pun on the homophones "serve Ivan" and "surviving.")

You're a land rover; I'm a land expander

(Ivan calls Alexander a land rover, a pun on the large vehicle. The lands that Ivan took over remained part of the Russian empire, whilst Alexander's empire fell apart after his death, hence him being a rover, i.e. an explorer and traveler rather than a proper expander. This may also reference the fact that Alexander sought out fights and didn't concentrate on solidifying his control over the lands he took.)

Here to hand you your first loss, Alexander!

(Alexander was supposedly unbeaten during his life. Ivan says that he will be the first person to defeat Alexander, but this time in a rap battle format.)

I'll school you like Aristotle!

(Alexander was tutored by the philosopher Aristotle in his youth. While schooling normally refers to teaching, it is also a slang word for harshly defeating someone, which Ivan says he will do to Alexander.)

Smack you harder than you hit that bottle!

(Hitting the bottle is a euphemism for heavy drinking, and Alexander was well-known for his bouts of drunkenness. Ivan says that he will beat Alexander so hard his alcoholic exploits will pale in comparison.)

You're nothing but an overrated lush; I'll crush ya!

("Lush" is a slang term for someone who drinks excessively. Ivan tells Alexander that his achievements are glorified and are not as significant as they might seem, and goes on to say he will easily defeat Alexander.)

I'm the first Tsar of all of Russia!

(Ivan the Terrible was the first person to be given the title "Tsar of all Russias" and uses this as a brag to demonstrate his power and experience.)

You're an asshole with an anastole!

(Ivan calls Alexander an asshole, showing his view of Alex to be one of contempt. He references Alexander's hairstyle, an anastole, which is a Greek hairstyle where the hair is brushed so as to appear wreath-like. This style is particularly attributed to Alexander the Great.)

I'm heaven-sent, divine and holy!

(Tsars in Russia were considered to be deliverers of God's will, so Ivan boasts that he is considered a figure intricately tied to God himself.)

So don't even try to approach the God,

(Due to his mental instability, Ivan began to develop a complex in which he would consider himself some form of deity. He tells Alexander that he shouldn't come near him for reasons explained in the following line.)

Or you'll get a huge sack like Novgorod!

(In historical contexts, to sack a particular place is to raid and pillage it. The Massacre of Novgorod is considered one of the most brutal attacks in the history of Ivan's secret police and vicious law enforcers, the Oprichnina. Using a pun on the word "sack", meaning both to invade and steal, and also "ballsack" or testicles, Ivan threatens to smack Alexander with his genitals as a sign of obvious disrespect.)

Alexander the Great:
'''Hey, fella! Swell diss,'''

(Alexander sarcastically compliments Ivan on his verse. This line is a pun on Ivan's previous diss, which implied Alexander's testicles would swell up after Ivan continuously beats them, making it literally a "swell diss".)

But now you got the Panhellenist from Pella hella pissed!

(Alexander tells Ivan that his opponent's verse has only served to enrage him. Panhellenism is the concept of all Greeks in a political union, an idea Alexander was an advocate for. Pella was the wealthy capital of Macedon from whence Alexander the Great hailed.)

Stepping up's foolish as well as useless,

(Alexander informs Ivan that "stepping up" to him, or facing him, is both unwise and pointless as Alexander deems his ability as a rapper and leader to be superior.)

'''Little Vasilyevich! Let me spell out the list:'''

(Ivan the Terrible's actual name is Ivan Vasilyevich. Alexander attempts to trivialize his opponent by referring to him as "little". Ivan's last name may have also been used due to the last syllable sounding similar to "bitch". Alexander then indicates the beginning of a list of locations he conquered.)

I brought foes to their knees in Phoenicia!

(Phoenicia was a civilization based in the coastline of what is present day Israel, Jordan, Lebanon, Palestine, and Syria. This was one of the many territories Alexander took over during his reign. He also elicits the might with which he did so by claiming he brought his enemies to their knees, meaning they were begging for mercy.)

Breezed through Gaza to Giza!

(The Gaza Strip is a territory on the Eastern coast of the Mediterranean sea that borders with Egypt, where the city of Giza is located. Alexander claims he faced no serious opposition whilst capturing these locations as he went through them on his warpath.)

Had the Balkans, Persia, Syria, Iraq,

(Alexander goes on to list even more places he took over during his time as King, including the Balkans, a large area in Southeast Europe encompassing several nations, as well as the countries of Syria, Iraq, and Persia. The last of which is now known as Iran.)

And Pakistan in my expansion pack,

(Alexander concludes his list of conquered territories with Pakistan, and defines these locations as his expansion pack. In video games, an expansion pack is additional, purchasable content designed to enhance the game with new features, such as exploitable locations and enemies. This, in particular, might reference the popular Civilization strategy game series in which the player aims to form a powerful civilization, often through conquest. This series has had many expansion packs introduced over its long run. "Expansion" is also the term used to describe the increase of land controlled by one person or power, as Alexander did when conquering these countries and areas.)

While you died in the middle of a game of chess!

(Still on the topic of games, Alexander says Ivan died from a stroke during a game of chess with associate Bogdan Belsky. Alexander makes a comparison between him conquering so many well-defended nations in real life and Ivan perishing during a game where you attempt to overthrow the pretend Kings and Queens of your opponent, making his ability as a leader seem to far surpass his opponent's. During the video, Alexander also made a king fall down, referencing Ivan, who was the Tsar, and his death.)

You got vodka bars: flavorless!

(Vodka is an alcoholic drink often associated with Russia for its development and popularity there, at one point comprising 89% of the country's alcohol intake. Vodka is mostly colorless, odorless, and almost completely flavorless. Alexander insults his opponents lyrics by saying they lack flavor, or content.)

And what I'm 'bout to spit will be the craziest,

(Alexander prepares Ivan for the impending part of his verse which he believes will be "crazy", i.e. extremely good due to its fast pace and intricate rhyme scheme and flow.)

So go fix me a drink so I can stay refreshed!

(As mentioned before in Ivan's verse, Alexander was fond of alcohol, so he requests Ivan make him a beverage so he can stay cool during his upcoming lines which he insinuates will be so energetic that they will exhaust him.)

'''Kudos! Greek for the glory I got'''

("Kudos" is praise for a specific achievement and is a word derived from Greek, Alexander's native language.)

From winning every single war that I fought!

(Alexander references his continuous streak of victories and claims that he gained much glory and praise from his conquests and battles.)

So this will be straightforward: I'll take up this sword that I brought

(Alexander claims that because he is so adept in fighting that defeating Ivan will not prove a challenge. To demonstrate, he draws his sword from its scabbard.)

And slice you in half like the Gordian knot!

(The Gordian knot is an ancient legend in which Alexander the Great was presented with a knot for which untying was impossible, and in most versions of the legend, he cut it in half with his sword to solve this problem. Alexander says he will do to Ivan as he did to the knot and cut him into two.)

And I'll soar to the top like the eagle whose feather I would sport in the helmet that I wore

(Alexander claims he will quickly seize the victory from Ivan with speed akin to that of an eagle flying upwards. He would wear many decorative feathers atop his helmet in battle, some of which could belong to an eagle. This became custom as birds with attractive plumage are considered a symbol of royalty and prestige.)

As I swatted my many enemies; shattered 'em like a porcelain pot,

(Alexander claims he had copious foes, but none were a match for his strength and skill. He states that these enemies were defeated with such viciousness that they were comparable to a china pot being smashed. This might also be a reference to Ancient Greek pottery, in which vases and amphorae were decorated with images of famous conquests and battles among mythology and other such relevances to Ancient Greek life.)

And they'd be praying for the torture to stop,

(Alexander calls his savage attacks "torture" and states that those subject to such assaults would beg that he relent. This may also be a reference to Ivan's hobby of torturing his prisoners, nobilities, children, and animals. He also had his own torturing chamber fulfilling his want. At the end of this line, Ivan is shown preparing the drink Alexander requested, appearing to secretly add something.)

But I would leave 'em contorted and they'd be screaming and roaring

(If someone is contorted, it means they have been mangled to the point of becoming misshapen. Alexander claims he beat his opponents so badly that they were deformed and wailing in pain by the end.)

Until their vocals cords were torn up and shot!

(Continuing the graphic description in the previous line, Alexander emphasizes the volume of his past foes' screaming by saying their throats were damaged by the excessive yelling.)

And I would holler "Bucephalus!", hop on my horsey, and trot!

(Bucephalus was the name of Alexander's horse, which was considered to be one of the most famous horses throughout history, due to the fact that it was a fierce horse tamed by Alexander, and it also stood beside with him in many battles. After a battle, Alexander says he would call up his steed and ride away having won yet another fight.)

'''I win, Ivan; I vanquish! I'm an immortal; you're not!'''

(Alexander claims that after his verse he has unarguably beaten Ivan. He states that he vanquishes all of his opponents, while also making a pun on Ivan's name and its similarity to the first two syllables of "I vanquish." He goes further to say that he, or his legacy, is immortal and will live on forever in history books and knowledge, whereas Ivan's horrific deeds have been and will continue to be forgotten with time's progression.)

Ivan the Terrible:
'''Enough! (Ugh.) I don't stand a chance against your skills!'''

(To trick Alexander, Ivan feigns surrender, admitting defeat against him.)

'''на здоровье! A drink to your victory!'''

(Ivan offers the drink Alexander demanded earlier with a cheer of "на здоровье" (phonetically "zdorov'ye"), a Russian greeting of "to good health" or "bless you".)

Alexander the Great:
Yes, I will.

(Alexander accepts the drink and Ivan's supposed surrender. This is perhaps a nod to Alexander not being as cunning as Ivan and instead more focused on his brawn and therefore not considering the fact that his opponent might be playing dirty.)

'''It seems no one can defeat me. I weep; it's all so easy! (Hoo!)'''

(Alexander comments on his conquests, paying homage to a quote with origins from Twilight Zone and Die Hard, "And when Alexander saw the breadth of his domain, he wept for there were no more worlds to conquer." The original quote is likely based off a quotation from Psalm 146, "Alexander of Macedon, who, upon hearing that there were other worlds, wept that he had not yet conquered one." He then takes a drink and suddenly Alexander becomes visibly confused and distressed.)

Ivan the Terrible:
What's wrong?

(Ivan sarcastically asks Alexander if he's alright, knowing that he has given his opponent poison.)

Alexander the Great:
I feel a bit…queasy.

(Alexander explains that after taking a drink he feels unwell and dizzy.)

Ivan the Terrible:
'''Ha! You've been poisoned!'''

(Ivan celebrates and jeers, reveling in the success of his underhanded plot.)

Alexander the Great:
Oh, the pain is unbearable!

(The poison Ivan served Alexander starts painfully killing him.)

My stomach's riddled with holes!

(Alexander drops dead as the poison eats away at his insides.)

Ivan the Terrible:
(Ugh.) I'm terrible.

(Ivan commends himself, calling himself terrible, in a similar way someone would call themselves "bad" or "horrible," after killing his foe. This, of course, is a reference to his epithet, Ivan the Terrible.)

There's no great who could defeat this Russian!

(Ivan loudly and boastfully claims that no "Great" could defeat him, noting his Russian nationality as he does so.)

Frederick the Great:
(Psst!) What about a flute-busting Prussian?

(Frederick the Great enters, a shadow at first, to offer that perhaps he could defeat Ivan. Frederick the Great was a "Great" leader of Prussia who was prolific with the flute.)

(Old Fritz! Old Fritz! Old Fritz! Old Fritz! Old Fritz! Old Fritz! Old Fritz! Old Fritz!)

(Frederick builds up his verse with a flute solo as a series of voices chant his nickname, Old Fritz, derived from the affectionate nickname, Der Alte Fritz, given to him by the Prussians.)

'''I'm Frederick the Great! Out the gate, first servant of state!'''

(Frederick the Great was the self proclaimed First King of Prussia, thus fitting "first servant of state." "Out the gate" refers to the Brandenburg Gate seen in his background earlier.)

Oblique attack tactics ain't exactly straight!

(One of the most famous tactics Frederick used was the Oblique Order, where an attacking army focuses its forces on one flank while intentionally weakening the other flank. Therefore, his troops would not be attacking in a straight line. This also references Frederick reportedly having a secret preference for homosexual relationships.)

I've got creative talents and battle malice!

(In addition to being a skilled military commander, Frederick was a gifted musician and flutist, composing more than 100 sonatas for the flute and 4 whole symphonies.)

Hard as steel on the field, genteel in the palace!

(Frederick was famed for his tactics in the field, with bold attacks that many describe as a precursor to blitzkrieg. Frederick was also renowned for being very cultured and respectable in person.)

Russia's fucked up, but no wonder why!

(Frederick takes a jab at the brutal actions of Ivan during his reign, such as mistreating nobility and the Massacre at Novgorod. He says that Russia's current, supposed "fucked up" state is due to Ivan's aggressive and unstable mindset.)

'''With your tundras and taigas and bears! Oh my!'''

(Tundras and taigas are two types of biomes found in North Russia, known respectively for extreme cold and large areas of coniferous forests. Bears are known to live in the taiga. Frederick blames Ivan's failure on Russian topography, as even now large areas of Russia are not populated due to the extent of these areas, and this would have made it difficult for Ivan's armies to travel. This line refers to the popular quote from Frank L. Baum's Wizard of Oz, "Lions, and tigers, and bears, oh my!" Frederick uses the homophones "taigas" and "tigers" to connect the two statements, and compares the main character Dorothy's fear of these animals to Ivan's supposed trepidation in braving the Russian landscape.)

I would pay a guy to tear out my eyes

(It was once rumored, but ultimately proven untrue, that after St. Basil's Cathedral was built, Ivan gouged out the eyes of the architects responsible so that they would never be able to create a building that matched the cathedral's beauty. Frederick says he would pay to have his eyes gouged out as well if what, continued in the next line, happened. Also, this seems to be another homosexuality reference.)

If I had to look at your troll face every night!

(Frederick insults Ivan's eerie appearance, likening it to that of a troll which is a mythical creature known for being unattractive. Frederick says he would willingly be blinded in order not to look at him.)

Now, bring me my chair!

(Frederick demands a place to sit and rest after his verse is over. After saying this, Ivan can be seen looking to his right, thinking his way through this.)

I'm weary from tearing you a new derrière from here to Red Square!

(To "tear someone a new asshole," (or "derrière" in this case, a euphemism for "buttocks" taken from the French) essentially states that someone will so harshly berate another that they would metaphorically rip a hole in them. Frederick also says he could beat at any time and place, specifically referring to where he stands to Red Square, the location of the Kremlin and also where Ivan raps during the battle.)

Fought a Seven Years' War; I ain't scared of a Tsar

(Frederick the Great led Prussia in the Seven Years' War, pitting the small kingdom against not just Russia, but Sweden, Austria, France, and others, and won. So he isn't afraid of just one Tsar when he already overcame one Russian leader along with so many other leaders from allied nations.)

'Cause beating you only took me twelve bars!

(Frederick claims that he has won the battle while also comparing the duration of his verses to the aforementioned war. He is saying that Ivan is not putting up a fight the same way the other's fought in the Seven Years' War.)

Ivan the Terrible:
Oh, what a humiliating defeat!

(Once again, Ivan sarcastically admits that he has received an embarrassing loss.)

I know when I am beat, so of course, take a seat!

(After pretending to accept his loss, Ivan offers Frederick a seat just as his opponent requested during his verse.)

Frederick the Great:
I'd keep ripping you to shreds, but I'll take a break instead

(Frederick states that even though he wishes to keep rapping against Ivan, he will decide to instead take small break from it and accepts the offer to sit in the chair.)

And just rest my little head.

(Continuing from the last line, Frederick simply says he's going to rest in the chair, closing his eyes and relaxing.)

Ivan the Terrible:
Why don't you drop dead, Fred?!

(Ivan prepares to kill Frederick by beheading him with a garrote wire, referring to him informally as Fred. This may be a reference to the 1991 fantasy film, Drop Dead Fred.)

(Hmm.) My expectations were a lot higher,

(Frederick suddenly dies on his own in the armchair just as he did in real life. Ivan is disappointed that a ruler and opponent as great as Frederick died in such an underwhelming way.)

But at least I saved the rubles on the garrote wire.

(Ivan is pleased that he can return the garrote wire to the place where he bought it and receive a refund as it is undamaged. Rubles are the present Russian currency.)

It's another great day and another great victory

(Ivan celebrates over killing, or rather, witnessing the deaths of two very established, or great, gentlemen, thus making his victory and his day great.)

'Cause no great can beat me!

(Ivan had successfully overcome two leaders with the title "the Great", so he loudly proclaims his power.)

Pompey the Great:
'''What about me, Pompey? Yeah!'''

(Pompey attempts to enter the battle, but is interrupted and beheaded by Catherine the Great. This is a reference to Pompey the Great's death wherein he was assassinated and beheaded before he could enter Egypt to give a speech.)

Catherine the Great:
Macedonians, Prussians, and Romans; those aren't worthy opponents.

(The previous three Greats to appear, Alexander, Frederick, and Pompey, were Macedonian, Prussian, and Roman respectively. Catherine believes that they cannot defeat Ivan for the reason she explains in the next line.)

'''It takes a Russian to take down a Russian. I'm Cat; I'm a cat; you're a rodent!'''

(Although Catherine did not have Russian blood, as she was born in Stettin, Pomerania, Prussia, which is currently Szczecin, Poland, she was a powerful Russian leader, and she believes that rulers of other nationalities cannot win this rap against Ivan, who was also a Russian leader. Catherine refers to herself as "Cat", a shortening of her name, and making a pun on the domesticated animal which is known to hunt and kill rodents such as mice. While saying she will seek out and defeat the powerless Ivan, she also calls him a rodent, indicating that she believes he is unclean and unpleasant due to his appearance and actions.)

How are you the head of our state when the state of your head was such a crazy one?

(Ivan suffered from several severe mental and psychological problems, thus the state of his head was crazy making him unfit to lead a country. A pun is also made on the term "head of state", meaning the leader of a country, and "the state of one's head", meaning someone's mental condition.)

Such sick shit going through your brain that you stuck a spike through your own son!

(Tsarevich Ivan Ivanovich was Ivan the Terrible's second son. Ivanovich challenged his father for beating his pregnant wife, potentially causing her miscarriage. For this, Ivan struck his son in the head with a pointed staff, killing him. Catherine condemns Ivan's actions and says that this murder is indicative of his unstable and repulsive mental state.)

(Oooh!) You're unbalanced like I unbalanced the European powers with the wars I waged!

(Catherine calls Ivan unbalanced, i.e. mentally insecure. She compares this insanity to her toppling of the strongest nations in Europe, damaging their societies and economies.)

I brought the Russian empire straight out the olden days and right into the golden age!

(Catherine was known for modernizing Russia by granting people freedom and had the economic system reformed, bringing it into what was called the "Golden Age" of its Empire, removing it from the outdated era it was previously in. This may also be a reference to the period of Catherine's rule, the Catherinian Era, which is often considered the Golden Age of the Russian Empire and the Russian nobility, when she supported the ideas of The Enlightenment and reform the education of Russia.)

I'm the boss bitch that you just can't meddle with!

(A boss bitch is a woman that is extremely successful, assertive, and powerful. Catherine was one of the few of her counterparts who were able to rule a superpower like Russia. People under Ivan's rule lived in fear, unlike those under Catherine's rule who assigned her the handsome title of "Catherine the Great". Catherine is saying even if both she and Ivan were powerful, Catherine's reign was more successful than Ivan's as she was both powerful and well-liked as a leader. She claims that neither Ivan nor any opposing leader could challenge her and win.)

This whole battle's like Alaska 'cause I settled it!

(In 1784, Catherine encouraged explorer Grigory Shelekhov to found Russia's first permanent settlement in Alaska at Three Saints Bay. By the late 1780s, trade relations had opened with the Tlingits, and in 1799 the Russian-American Company was formed in order to monopolize the fur trade, also serving as an imperialist vehicle for the Russification of Alaska Natives. Since Catherine was the last rapper to encounter Ivan, she was here to stop his acts of killing other rappers, settling this battle.)

Ivan the Terrible:
(Mmm.) What a beautiful Queen to beat me in a battle.

(Catherine the Great was depicted as a powerful and beautiful lady by historians, this was also one of the reasons she attracted many men to fall in love with her. Ivan states Catherine is a "beautiful" queen, attempting to flatter her, while once again pretending to concede the battle to trick his opponent.)

'''Accept this gift, Your Highness. I hear you enjoy the saddle!'''

(Ivan presents a kind gesture, just as he did to Alexander and Frederick, offering a horse as a reward for her victory. The claim that Catherine "enjoy[s] the saddle" likely refers to the sex position "side saddle", in which the female takes control. This references Catherine being a powerful female that took control of Russia. Ivan's offer of the horse alludes to propaganda started by certain Russian citizens that Catherine died while engaging in sexual activities with a horse. Ivan once again attempts to give his opponent something in order to kill them.)

Catherine the Great:
That horse story is a pile of shit,

(Catherine, contrary to these rumors, did not actually die during intercourse with a stallion, foiling Ivan's plan. She calls this story "a pile of shit" or nonsense.)

Though I do keep 'em chomping at the bit,

(The phrase "chomping at the bit" has three meanings here. First, it means to be anxious about a coming event, as Catherine's enemies might be after learning she was on her way to war. Second, it means to be unable to focus on anything other than sexual urges, as Catherine's lovers would be prone to do in her company. Thirdly, it references a metal mouthpiece used to control horses such as those used by her armies known as a "bit".)

But you're never gonna get it, nyet!

(This line imitates the song "My Lovin' (You're Never Gonna Get It)" recorded in 1991 by the female R&B group En Vogue. She tells Ivan that she would never allow him to engage in sexual activites with her, the latter statement being the subject of the song in question. "Nyet" is the Russian word for "no.")

Couldn't spin in my chamber if this were Russian roulette!

(Catherine makes fun of Ivan, saying that he'll never spin, or more bluntly, have sex in her chamber, while making a joke towards Russian Roulette, a game where a revolver is loaded with one bullet in the chamber, the chamber is spun, and players take turns pulling the trigger with the barrel on their temple.)

I'm picking up where Peter the Great left off!

(Catherine the Great admired Peter the Great, one of her predecessors, and continued what he started in modernizing Russia.)

Bringing sexy back to House Romanov!

(Catherine succeeded her husband Peter III to the throne after starting a conspiracy to get him assassinated. Peter III was an unpopular ruler, due to knowing very little Russian and having a pro-Prussian policy. Mentioning both her beauty and her popularity, Catherine references "SexyBack", a well-known Justin Timberlake song, and claims she brought attractiveness and likeability back to the royal house she joined through marriage.)

So don't call me Queen, I'm far more great!

(Catherine asks Ivan to call her by her title, which she believes is a better fit for her legacy than simply calling her a Queen.)

'''Empress to Tsar 8, bitch! Checkmate!'''

(With a counterattack to Ivan's plan to kill her, Catherine declares checkmate as Empress moves to Tsar 8, or Queen moves to King 8 (the starting position of the opposing side's king on a chessboard according to descriptive notation), overthrowing the King or Tsar. This would make Catherine the winner of the chess game, and the opponent Ivan died against, as Ivan died of a stroke in the middle of a chess game. This might also be a reference to how Catherine ordered a coup to overthrow her husband, Tsar Peter III, and took over the throne as the Empress of Russia.)