User blog:Dark Cyan/Cyan's Rap Battles 20: Cave Johnson vs Elon Musk

Hello, everyone. And welcome back to Cyan's Rap Battles!

Another battle requested by Cave, and this one, I really, REALLY wanted to do. I'm glad I've finally gotten to it!

This battle features the late founder of Aperture Science from the video game series 'Portal', Cave Johnson, against the real life entrepreneur and founder of Tesla Motors and SpaceX, Elon Musk, to see which CEO is furthering Scientific achievement in the right direction.

Enjoy!

Beat: Hot Aggressive Trap Beat

Cave Johnson
(starts at 0:27)

Welcome To Aperture Science, Astronauts, war heroes and Olympians.

And one wannabe all three. A "nauseatingly pro-American" South African.

I like your style, but you're no scientist. You're nothing but a dreamer,

Who dreams too small, and doesn't make much progress either.

Entered a PhD in Physics but two days later you were gone!

The only test tubes you care about are the ones your kids came from!

You got your electric car on Top Gear, and it ran out of charge!

Keep that up and Tesla will crash just like you did in that Supercar.

Elon Musk
(starts at 0:55)

Really? Diss a 'dreamer' after all the awards I've been crowned?

I'm rising like a VTOL while you're stuck underground!

Created Paypal, and to this day I'm still getting checks from Ebay.

All you had to do was follow the damn progress train, CJ!

Times have changed from the days when Aperture made Shower Curtains.

Stop conducting testing as if Employee Welfare's a burden!

Black Mesa pwned you, and you had to cut corners or fall through.

But at least your lack of fame means Health and Safety will never find you.

Cave Johnson
(starts at 1:22)

Science isn't about "Why?" It's about Why "Not?"

Like Why Not stop bragging about your grand plans and give them a shot?

What kind of a name is SpaceX? *cough* Sounds like a five year old's postal service.

You should stick to making and selling off websites. It has just as much of a purpose!

Why won’t people spend billions on you Hyperloops, do you think?

*cough* Trust a guy with the name ‘Musk’ to make proposals that stink!

Don't *cough* let the door hit your butt on the way out, Elon.

Say bye, Caroline. Bye, Caroline! See you hopefully never, son.

Elon Musk
(starts at 1:49)

Ooh! Mr. Mantis Man’s talking to me about purpose!

Throwing gel at the wall to see what sticks, though none of it will surface.

The world above didn’t reap the benefits of this mad scientist’s felons,

As he breathed in harmful moon dust and ranted about lemons!

I’m working to save the planet, or at the very least save humanity!

Whether we live in colonies on Mars, or in whole Solar-powered Cities!

Tesla Motors and SpaceX; We do what we can because we must.

In fifty years, the name they’ll know and thank is Elon M- *cough*

(beat stops)

What the- *cough*

*cough* what’s this smoke?

GlaDOS
(beat kicks back in at 2:17)

That would be Neurotoxin. It’s a shame, as you were doing so good.

But you’re about to be the former CEO of the Being Alive club.

Your opponent was dying in front of you, and you continued to give him flak.

You are a horrible person, and I wasn’t even testing for that,

Cave Johnson wished me to carry on his work before he died.

Claiming people will care about you is, like the Cake, a Lie.

So now I will make sure that neither you or him survive.

Because in “fifty years” While you’re dead I will be Still Alive.

Poll
WHO WON? Cave Johnson w/ GlaDOS Elon Musk