User blog:TP87/TP Reviews ERB Episode 9: Billy Mays vs Ben Franklin (ft.Vince Offer)

Hi guys and welcome to the 9th Episode of TP Reviews ERB! To Loyg's request, I'll review the 10th ERB: Billy Mays vs Ben Franklin. So, as the Announcer says: BEGIN!

Rappers, Graphics and Connection
On one side, we have American pitchman Billy Mays (Colin J.Sweeney) vs American founding father Ben Franklin (EpicLloyd). Mays dies before he can finish his 2nd verse and he's replaced by TV pitchman Vince Offer (NicePeter). Also George Washington (Pat McIntyre) makes a cameo during Offer's verse

The characters are pretty similiar, even though Billy Mays is the closest one. The backgrounds are also okay, even though I still have to get why Offer's one is a cemetery.

I had to look up on the wikia for the connection, which is "better spoken voice". Okay then

Ben Franklin:
I’m big Ben Franklin and this shan't be pretty.

Let me instruct you how we battle in the city of Philly!

'''Ben starts out pretty well with his good flow and makes a reference to the Big Ben in England. He says this one's not gonna be an easy battle for Mays and then says how he's gonna teach him how people battle in Philadelphia'''

You couldn't sell Rick James a bag of crack. You're out of practice.

My victory's more certain than death or taxes!

Franklin now insults Mays' pitchman skills by saying he couldn't sell Rick James (singer who did a lot of cocaine) a bag of drugs. Then he references one of his famous sayings and brags how he's gonna win the battle for sure (except he's not)

Fact is, you're a hack, wack QVC joke.

You peddle soap that cleans bird shit from my windows!

Now Benny disses Mays by saying he's a wack QVC ( the channel Mays used to air his commercials) joke and compares him to his Oxi-Clean cleaner, thus saying that Mays doesn't advertise useful products

I’ll craft a lyrical coffin and then spit the nails in.

Call me Arthur Miller son, 'cause it's death of a salesman!

'''Now Franklin brags how he's gonna make a coffin for Mays and his raps're gonna be the naiils. He then makes a pun to Arthur Miller's "Death of a Salesman". He's basically says he's gonna kill him with his raps and bury him.'''

'''Overall, Frankling did a good verse. He had an interesting flow and had a good pun. Let's see Mays' verse.'''

Billy Mays:
Hi Billy Mays here with a special TV offer

Watch me crush this bald, fat, foppish founding father!

'''Billy Mays uses his TV intro to present himself in the battle and has a nice flow. He then uses some kinda basic insults (bald, fat and foppish) against Franklin'''

I'll take my Awesome Auger and sow your Quaker oats.

I'll shoot your rhymes down like a regiment of red coats!

'''Mays now makes 2 references here. He says he's gonna take his Awesome Auger (a product he advertised) and harvest Franklin's Quaker Oats (reference to Quaker Oats cans). The he says he's gonna out-rhyme him like Americans did with British Soldiers'''

I'm lord of the pitch and leader in home sales.

You're just a lumpy pumpkin who invented the mail!

'''Franklin now brags about his pitchman skills and then insults Franklin by calling him a "lumpy pumpkin who invented the mail". it's actually a weird line as Mays' basically saying the mail's kinda useless/optional to people, while it is not. Quite of a fail, didn't he?'''

Benny's got kite 'n key, but you're in for a shock,

When I strike you with bolts from my lightning rod cock!

'''Billy Mays' makes a reference to Franklin's Kite and Key experiment about electricity and says he's gonna shock him more than a thunder. He then makes a pun about how he's gonna hit him with bolts from a "lightning rod cock", and a cock (animal) is shown in the video. Clever joke there'''

'''Mays' verse was okay. Not as good as Franklin's because he used some basic insults and had quite a fail in his 6th line, but he had a good flow indeed. Let's see Franklin's second verse.'''

'''We're in the middle of the battle now and Franklin's having the upper hand due to having less bragging and good flow. Let's see if he can secure the lead'''

Ben Franklin:
Stop! I protest these intolerable raps.

It takes just one easy payment for me to whoop your ass!

'''Franklin disses Mays' raps by calling them "intolerable". He then makes a reference to Mays' "It takes just one easy payment of $X". He's basically saying he's going to defeat him in just one time'''

'Cause I'm mint, I'm money! I'm an educated gentleman.

So join or die Bill, 'cause it's all about the Benjamin!

'''Now Franklin makes about 3 references about the fact he's on the 100$ bill. He brags about how he's mint (place where money is created), he's money (100$ bill) and how he's intelligent. He then says the battle's only about him (the Benjamin, another shout out to the 100$ bill)'''

'''Frankilin manages to keep a good flow but he made too many references to the fact he's on the 100 $ bill and also made many shout outs to Mays' death. Let's see how Mays (or someone else) responds.'''

Billy Mays:
But wait, there's more...!

Nope, there isn't

[Billy Mays suffers from a heart attack and dies.]

Announcer:
Is there anyone out there who can finish this battle?

Anyone?

Anyone...

I hope so, it would be too weird for the battle to end here xD

Vince Offer:
I can.

You following me, camera guy? 'Cause it's about to get furious!

'''Shit's about to get heavy here as Vince Offer joins the battle. He starts out with his signature phrase "You following me Camera guy?". Also a reference to iCan Health insurance in the 1st line'''

You're gonna love my nuts until you're bi-focal-curious!

Your boy George chopped down trees. You couldn't break a piece of balsa!

'''Offer now makes a reference to his Slop-Chop ad in which he chops nuts (also a double entendre, as nuts is often referred to testicles). He then makes a pun with Franklin's bi-focals. He's basically saying he's gonna turn Franklin gay. He then disses Franklins's strength by comparing him to Washington. It is said Washington chopped out his father's cherry tree. Offer's saying Franklin can't even break balsa (a soft wood). Also a shout out to Boy George (a singer)'''

Slap chop your face, make a double chin salsa!

Your style's so broke, they call you "Poor Richard".

'''Offer makes yet another reference to his slap-chop ad. He's bascially saying he's gonna chop Franklin and then make a salsa out of his double chin (Franklin was pretty plump). He then makes a pun with Franklin's book "Poor Richard's almanac". He's dissing his rapping style by calling it broke and poor'''

It's bad enough I gotta see you every time I tip a stripper!

Vince against a founding father is just too bad,

'Cause after this America is gonna lose a Dad!

'''Offer disses Franklin by saying it's pretty bad for him to see his face on the 100$ bill and also admits he tipes prostitutes and strippers (okay then). He then says how the battle's gonna end bad for Franklin and then he adds that America's gonna lose a founding father after this battle (IMO also a subtle reference to American Dad)'''

'''Offer did pretty good. He had many puns, disses and good flow. Let's see if it was enough for him to win'''

What I liked, What I didn't like and Vote
What I liked: What I didn't like:
 * The beat
 * A good number of puns and references
 * Vince Offer
 * The characters were kinda close
 * Some cheap insults and bragging
 * Franklin practically spoiled Mays' death and made too many references about the 100$ bill
 * While Offer was great, I thought of him as a save-face for Mays

Vote: 7.5/10.  A kinda above-average battle. It had some cheap lines and some repetitive ones, but overall it was not that bad

Winner and best lines
Since there are 3 seprate rappers, I'll list them from best to worst Offer wins the battle then.
 * 1) Vince Offer
 * 2) Ben Franklin
 * 3) Billy Mays

Lines that made him win:

Well, pretty much all of his verse

Ben Franklin's best lines:

His 1st verse

Stop! I protest these intolerable raps.

It takes just one easy payment for me to whoop your ass!

Billy Mays' best lines:

Hi Billy Mays here with a special TV offer

I'll take my Awesome Auger and sow your Quaker oats.

I'll shoot your rhymes down like a regiment of red coats!

Benny's got kite 'n key, but you're in for a shock,

When I strike you with bolts from my lightning rod cock!

 

Da end
So, here ends the 9th episode of my reviews. As always, leave a comment below and see ya in the next one ^_^