User blog:Mortal5075/Eminem vs William Shakespeare - Epic Rap Battles of Mortality

Good morning. Good afternoon. Good evening. Good whatever time it is for you. I thank you for stumbling upon this page. I have a lot of passion for this project that you're seeing right now. It has been in writing for two months and in my opinion I really show that cause I think I bring my absolute A-game. Now using actual rappers in a rap battle is a big deal. There is a lot of effort that has to be done to replicate their style of rapping. However, I would not sit here and say I perfectly replicated the artists that I presented right now. My rhyming capabilities are a far cry from Eminem's. However, I still think I did a great job at translating their style and character through my writing. By the way, did you know that if you let a blog you're creating be on the editing mode for too long it will fucking delete itself? I learned that the hard way. Plus for some reason it automatically publishes itself without you even touching the Publish button. This is the fourth time I'm writing this introduction. You can definitely feel the salt. Still, credit goes to Joe for proofreading, CW for going the cover and to Vi for doing the video. I hope that my efforts have been worth something and you will enjoy this battle.

The Introduction








BEGIN!

The Battle
Eminem: (00:20)

Slim’s awoken so the Slim gets lethal.

Victor Frankenstein’s semen mixed with the blood of Suge’s people.

While Willy’s knees get feeble, so it seems like we will,

Finally get a sequel to Bad Meets Evil.

It’s simple, it don't mean your words are hard just because everything’s tough to say.

Preaching that love is just another drug but could not split Anne’s legs Hathaway.

Bringing rappers tears when I smash careers, a beef with Em is simply feared.

But how you named after a spear but got a fucking Shaggy beard, huh?

So when my fist will come bursting through your jaw, going in, erasing,

Teeth will be falling off when they come out like Kevin Spacey.

So don't fuck with Shady or he’ll became your own tooth fairy.

The truth’s fair! But now that I got your tooth weary.

You cannot get your fancy words out, all you can say is moans n blabber.

And everyone will cheer me on to finish off this mumble rapper.

"But Slim, dawg, this guy kind of wrote his own words, you’re on your own, man."

Shut the fuck up, little bitch, dont you know I wrote Stan!

I mowed bands while your biggest plays were collabs.

Staying on top by copying someone else’s moves like mocap.

But now I shall have you give my dick some martial action just for starting beef.

To my balls you'll grow partial so don’t address me by Marshall, bitch, I’m the chief!

But you’ve been on my nuts so long now those romantic posers are all dead.

Too bad! But don't you know that's why they call me an Old Head? (Aha!)

So what’s new for an old head to go against someone who waves more rainbows than Tekashi did.

Erm, lyrics coming at you at a black plague spreading through bodies speed.

All that I spit is heat, it's a packed treat, all meat with bones ripped while if yall eat what you spit.

Then you’ll stay deceased from a meet n greet of a clip, rips through you til you lay on concrete, RIP!

I can’t be beat while you’re full of shit, but my anger is packed so I’m full of it.

Face the defeat of me shitting bombs and lyrics on your face from a window onto the street.

Lots of rappers came for my blood but I lived through all of them like Castro.

But when they heard the Scottish plays they just screamed “Macbeth!”; cause they’re expecting a disaster!

To get my piece in this and share a piece of my mind to get to the stage of your mind.

What will come flying down through the hole at the top of your mind landing is a piece of mine.

William Shakespeare: (01:44)

To set the bar of expectations thou shouldst just hast play "Fack" first thought goes.

How couldst I get upon thy nuts, Sir, if Borat is still on those?

While I know mine own words art quite tongue twister and might require a thesaurus.

One wilt comprehend it more than thy staccato flow, thy singing 'r yond Venom chorus.

Cause thou sir is the one who shouldst moisten mine gonads!

From the rhyme schemes I did create thou rode along with other hip hop lads.

So if thou has’t been listening from a ghost, I am thine father’s apparition.

Then thou, son, is mine Hamlet and ripping thee apart's mine mission!

The only reason fans stay with thee is cause of everything thou been through.

When after a five year hiatus that gent cometh back with, gods, “We Made You”!

Oh and thy “Revival”? Biggest tragedy on rock samples since The Tempest!

But at which hour the people did start spreading sooth about how it's far from best.

Thou start barking upon these folks and calling them fakes.

How sharper than a serpent's tooth tis to be such a snowflake!

Folks sayeth yond gent canth be beseeched but after I’ll challenge thee to duel,

Thou will end up looking blind like Gloucester and has't less bite than Lear’s fool.

Seems in the world of Marshall all the mere youths ‘ll be given the boot.

God forbid thou shalt be like everyone, yond means thou shalt art good!

The fact yond thee only get ablaze when its did produced by Dre puts me to bother,

Since the hottest product thee has’t produce is Hailie, certes Dre isn't the mother?

Seems like the rejection of thy mother and thy interview waste any abnormality

And when thou slandered Mr Tyler, Sir, thou just deceived thy sexuality!

The sooth is eminent, Sir Eminem, thou shouldst hie clean yourself out of thy closet

Thy career relies on Proof? With how its dead, yond certes shows it!

Eminem: (02:45)

You’re old news, but since you talked shit about Hailie,

Go join the queue with Ja, Benzino and Kelly.

But man you already got real duped so you better be ready,

Cause you’re about to see the Juice from the blackest berry!



Notorious BIG:(02:55)

Woke up with bitches in my bed, they just gave me head that’s head long.

Me and Em are on the song, that just leaves you being Dead Wrong.

Trying to beef in our block? This man gonna be a goner.

Turn to the wrong corner, bap bap from the burner.

Prancing around with men in drag? We aint fucking with that in here.

There ain't no one who could replace me while RuPaul’s the new Shakespeare.

I brought some romance on the scene, smoothed the East Coast out like margarine.

But they couldn't believe its not butter, swear it is something that they never seen.

How can you claim that ni**as ride with what you say,

When they throw their two cents in and talk all over your plays.

Man, when that 44 gets you smoked, we’ll hold your skull up, smash it, leave it broke.

How ironic, the one who played Yorick is a total joke.

Man, get the fuck out with your happy endings for Romeo and Juliet.

Cause if me and Pac were dead, there ain't no way the coast beef ends.

We’re used to being killers, we’re used to seeing ni**as dying.

Two more victims in the system will only lead to some fake crying.

But fans loving all my shit, even after death.

Your only legacy is kids snoozing, practising Macbeth.

So if you stepped into our streets, into the life of guns and meth,

You’ll find out your fame and money don't mean shit compared to street cred, peace!

William Shakespeare:(03:52)

Thy mother wast teaching kids while thee were selling to kids the crack n herb n others.

Methinks while thou gave dope to villains those villains have done thy mother!

The only way yond thou art feuding is childishly getting thy thumb and biting in.

But to bite this thumb a more depressing look on world will get you covering.

You’ve just awakened a beast



Franz Kafka:(04:06)

My life’s dark and empty so with darkness I’ll battle.

I’m not K but I still punish shit like Franz Castle.

Giving you apples,

Bigger than ones Gregor Samsa could handle.

Raised from the top and now from money you’re learning what your purpose is.

But tomorrow morning you’ll be bugging out like Metamorphosis.

From the past that’s back to haunt you, you’ll be left depraved, in need for help.

At least I’m not the only one who spent tracks talking to myself!

Monstrous, tainted to blood yet somehow still got females aroused.

But you must truly now believe in god with how you’re passing Faith around.

While I've seen no success with women, about this fact I wont be lying.

You can relate! Your most romantic song was an imaginary girlfriend dying!

May think you live life but your fame is what provides the curses.

You don't even have that paper when jotting down these verses.

That might make you think you’re alike with Hov, but I here see an error.

With that one time that Hov fucking stabbed your friend Rivera! Terror!

I’m a rhyme killer, the long-lost sinner who’s corrupted to the heart.

Like there’s this rotten bug inside me that will tear me apart.

But I’m guessing that’s the only time where I find allies in you, Chris.

Cause you too met your demise when the slug gave you a deadly kiss.

Notorious BIG:(05:00)

That’s what you say but if you cross my way you’ll be a corpse left to decay.

Sent into the quarry and then stabbed in back like Josef K.

Eminem:(05:06)

You aint shit Franz, life’s throwing you against the current cause your flow is ragged.

But let's pop someone from the new wave to teach those little f- Yo Em, Imma let you finish but



Kanye West:(05:14)

Hopped on another feature, man, who’s on demand? Ye!

Yall just changing masks like its a show by Kanye.

Ni**as acting tough, it's just a show to Kanye.

Yall bite street life as much as Louis Vuitton may!

You gonna diss me with how I’m sonning you but couldn’t dish your dad some lyrics?

How bout you see success once in your life before critiquing those who live it.

Acting like you lived hard life, compared to us you are some comic.

Metamorphosis? Nah, s’that like a butterfly in yo stomach?

So here’s your life summarised by Godfather;

“Stay true to yo ni**as or you’ll end up dead”

While the only way my life is Godfather,

Is that head in the bed I will never forget, uh

Man you’re such a joke you get clowned around by your own damn father, really?

No wonder that you came straight from a Hermann’s Pee Wee.

I’m a self made man, while within alcohol you’re finding heroes.

Hitting bottles of yo asses way more than Kim does.

I’m like the Castle, you can’t reach me, we ain't got the same respect, cuh.

You ain't nothin but a game, youse just a clown, Kefka.

Lead by the corrupt world like a dog, disobeying more than black men could.

But yall know Ye likes to fuck over bad bitches over ones that’s good.

Spreading the word of God in our streets but I know it never been fair

Cause for all the hopes one day we’ll meet man I know he never been there.

But since Ye been making samples everyone first taste one sample but then take the rest.

Please, yall just walk through the valley of the shadow of West.

Franz Kafka:(06:17)

My first thought was that you played Yeezus with how hard you’re making noise.

Because praising yourself through 20 bars just seemed like a choice.

William Shakespeare:(06:22)

Sir, while I’m higher than Mar-low I let my legacy be the evidence.

But anon we’ll get the one who when it comes to art of rap’s the higher eminence.



Niccolo Machiavelli:(06:27)

Fail to succumb under the rule of Prince and consequences will be deadly.

Ironic that to diss a West they side out a Makaveli.

But first we had a clown swinging his prick round Trump thinking he’ll go mad.

Now we have one sucking it, spouting nonsense, wearing hats.

You claim that you’re a Christian but with all that sex and that swearing.

I believe you’re simply talking shit when you wanna “Lift Yourself” to heaven.

Sir Ye might think he’s the hardest, but to his blood he’s an asshole.

So if I spilled Ye’s blood on my garments, I would feel like an asshole.

So go and wake up Mr West, and realise that you say nowt but jest.

Your second name’s fit to be Borgia with all that thinking you’re the best.

But while Cesare’s the man of power, you’re like a tiny child whose shoved aside.

Your antics simply have no ends in order to be justified!

The only way that you’re a Borgia is in how tortuous that verse was.

Cause with your ego loving, to be hated is much clearer of a purpose.

Your appeal comes from mixing boards and not from the booths.

You’re like a fox, mixing all those snares, lying about the Wolves!

A war tactician such as myself could not make that verse great,

You were even less childish when slandering Jay-Z.

Rant cause they wouldn't call you, you’re on par with Drake,

Well apart from telling Push about the baby!

And did I just hear you fuck bad bitches like Kafka before breakfast?

You just claimed you fuck men? Sir, how reckless!

We have breeded all your styles, so let us do like your own dads did.

And take a stroll out of this battle, leaving you stranded and abandoned.

The Connections
Eminem and William Shakespeare - Writers who mix over the top humour and tragedy in their work.

Notorious BIG and Franz Kafka - Writers who reflect the hardship of their lives in their work also having morbid views on the world.

Kanye West and Niccolo Machiavelli - Writers involved in politics who were hated for holding controversial opinions.

Which team won? The Rappers The Writers

Who had the best verse? Eminem William Shakespeare Notorious BIG Franz Kafka Kanye West Niccolo Machiavelli