User blog:Bobdave/Bob and Loyg's Too Swaggy To Handle Rap Battles of Too Swaggy To Handlery. Cat in the Hat vs Puss in Boots

2 many blog in 1 week oh noes. Also ROA is in this battles, he's a Schlongdunger Cat or some shit.

Announcer:
NNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG ANALFACE AND FUCKTICKLE'S LYRICAL DELIGHTS

CAT IN THE HAT

VS

PUSS IN BOOTS

START

Cat in the Hat:
Fuck you

You're an enormous cunt in a pair of shit boots

I'm the one who murdered your loved ones

Did I say that out loud? Hehe, oops

Fellate me!

Elate me!

It's great, eeeh!

Now for some actual references

Conrad

Sally

Thing 1

Thing 2

We will all have an orgy with your dog!

Fuck you again! I'm gonna drop out a log!

Puss in Boots:
Alright Cat in the Hat, I'll splat in your twat!

Take your whack-ass raps back, cuz you're a fag in the sack!

Puss in Boots will push his boots in your pussy booty!

I am Spanish, you are a fuck

Cluck cluck cluck

That's the noise of a chicken but you probably knew

Cuz you are indeed one!

Shrek:
Ooooooh!

Puss in Boots:
Normally I find fecal matter tasteless and dry

But since it's yours, I'll give it a try!

 *Puss in Boots licks the shit* 

Needs more salt, I'll give it a five!

Thing 1:
You liek to eat poop, eh?

Thing 2:
That's very poopy!

Cat in the Hat:
Indeed it is, so we're going to steal all your cookies!

Thing 3:
Yes, a third one!

Thing 4:
And a fourth one too!

Cat in the Hat:
Suck ALL of our penises! Then we'll be blew!

Puss in Boots:
Let me draw my sword and shove it down my dick

That is my fetish, it's delish, I relish my prick

Now it's bleeding profusely, I could have used that poopy

To glue up the gash. Oh! it's being re-pooped, yay!

Now let me grab this pile, rub my hands together

Oh shit, all my blood's already leaked from my lever

 *Puss in Boots collapses and dies* 

Thing 1:
That was gruesome

Thing 2:
Cat, help him, I know you have a heart

Cat in the Hat:
Fuck you bitches, suck my fucking ass crack until I release a big splart!

Thing 1:
Okay, if you say so

Thing 2:
We'll purse our lips now

Cat in the Hat:
But no biting, guys!

Oh

Fuck

Ow!

The fish from Cat in the Hat, whatever his name is, if he even has one, I can't fucking remember:
What was my involvement in the books again?

Or the movie?

Oh, that's right, I liked to kiss other men!

On the lips!

Between the hips!

But I don't keep relationships!

You wanna know why? It;s because I'm just a fish!

I'm like Klaus from American Dad, but not a faggot

No rhyme, I just wanted to express my distaste for Klaus from American Dad

 *at this point, since nothing coherent is happening, a vole sneaks in and begins to rap* 

Vole:
Am I a mole? Am I a vagina? You'll never know

Well actually I'm neither, I'm a vole

There you go, now you know

Don't take drugs and stay in school

And drown yourselves in the swimming pool because I hate you  *the vole slinks off awkwardly* 

Ant in Pants:
Yep

I'm another animal in an article of clothing

You bitches, I am loathing!

Is there anything I like about you? Nah, nothing!

Heylooksugar!

A dog in clogs:
I peed in my clogs because I am a dog

I am a dog who just peed in his clogs

Schrödinger's Cat:
I am not in this battle, but I am also in it

This is battle is shit, and at the same time, it's still shit!

Yo, Cat in the Hat, you have no sack so cut the crap

You think that you can rap, but you don't have a lap!

Puss is a pussy, and his boots are loot

Crate. No one likes Lootcrate, ya hoot!

I don't know what a vole is, but it probably sucks

Dog in Clogs, you may be a dog, but you are also a duck

Ants in Pants you are small and so are your dicks

And something that rhyme with dicks

Cat in the Hat:
Who the fuck are you? I'm the best cat around

I am so horny right now, oh my fucking god

Thing 1:
Fuck me in the anus

Cum inside my anus

Lick me in the anus

Fuck you, you cunt!

Thing 2:
Fuck me in the mouth

Cum inside my mouth

Lick me in the nipples

Fuck you, you bitch!

 Suddenly appears 

Suddenly:
Whoah! This is sudden! I don't have a physical form!

Which means I don't have a mouth, therefore I cannot eat corn...

Fuck...

Anyway, you two kitties are shitty

My lines are witty, I want to have sex with Walter Mitty!

John Deere:
I put the Deer into John Deere

By which I mean I run over wildlife with a lawnmower

Suddenly can't even eat corn, oh yeah!

Please could this vehicle go more slower?

I think I'm gonna be sick

Oh wait no, I just took a shit

Carry on

The Cast of the Carry On Films:
We're lewd, crude and rude

And John Deere just poo'd

We like our crotches nude

And our crotches are glued!

Loyg:
Who is John Deeve?

Oh dear, it was John Deere

Not John Deeve, my mistake, dear

Bob:
I also just learned John Deere make tractors too

So I'm going to also incorporate this into the rap

Loyg:
Not if I do it first!

John Deere (driving a tractor):
I'm driving a tractor!

Simon Cowell:
You've got the X Factor!

John Deere:
I'm a big mac riding up in my tractor

I am a God, so prepare for the rapture!

Actually, as a Christian I shouldn't be a God actor

Instead I'll just take Mary Magdeliegneng and slap her!

Harry Styles (ERBP version):
X Factor?

More like shit on my chest!

That's it!

Cover my breast!

George Harrison (the mixed race ERBP version):
You see this bag I have? It's full of my shit

All over your torso is where I'll put it!

Your band is bland, you twitty twat twit!

What makes you beautiful? Kiss You? GAY GAY GAY ICK

My two favourite birds are kestrels and eagles

Now I'll bring in my backup, my band: The Smurfs!

Papa Smurf
BRB, peeing

Nazi Smurf:
Did someone say yarmulke? I sure hope not!

Gay Smurf:
Did someone say offensive stereotypes? That's hot!

Deeply Religious Smurf:
I love everyone as long as they don't disagree with me!

Respectful Atheist Smurf:
You're wrong but who cares? We're both monkeys!

My Chemical Romance:
We have joined the Smurfs, yes, you heard

And Harrison, no one cares about your favourite bird!

George Harrison:
I CHANGED MY MIND, I LIKE SWANS

Smurfette:
I'm a whore whom they call Smurfette

I like to watch porn when I surf the net

Papa Smurf
I'm back from my pee and it's worth a bet

That I'm Papa Smurf and now my girth is wet!

 *the announcer is caught singing along to I Really Like You by Carly Rae Jepsen* 

Announcer:
I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALY L...

Oh...

WHO WON?

Uhhh....

FUCK YOU, I LIKE THIS SONG

Poll Poll Cat in the Hat and the four Things Puss in Boots The Fish from Cat in the Hat A Vole An Ant in Pants A Dog in Clogs Schrödinger's Cat Suddenly The Cast of the Carry On Films Loyg and Bob's Mid-Battle Discussions Simon Cowell ERB Parodies Harry Styles ERB Parodies George Harrison, The Smurfs and My Chemical Romance Carly Rae Jepsen Smurf Porn that you shouldn't be turned on by but you are anyway /poll

Trivia

 * Barry actually went to take a pee pee but we changed his urination commentary into Papa Smurf's lines :)