User blog:WonderPikachu12/Mike Haggar vs Theodore Roosevelt. Epic Rap Battles: Video Games vs History

Decided I took long enough to write this battle, which was suggested by Fire. :3

Also a small thanks to Dragon for finding Roosevelt's location for me.

'Main protagonist of the Final Fight series, Mike Haggar, and 26th President of the United States, Theodore Roosevelt, fight to see who is the manliest politician.'

Theodore Roosevelt Background: Onward, Mississippi woods

Mike Haggar Background: Metro City Slums

Beat: http://www.allroundabeats.com/beat-wall-breaker/

Battle
EPIC RAP BATTLES: VIDEO GAMES VS HISTORY

MIKE HAGGAR

VS

THEODORE ROOSEVEEELT

BEGIN!

Mike Haggar
(starts at 0:24)

Welcome to your Final Fight, Theodore! This is your last battle! I'll whoop your ass!

My rhymes are like a steel pipe! They'll shatter you like your family's plate glass!

I'll knock your face right offa that mountain! Just look at these magnificent pecs!

You're lucky I'm going easy. I could take you out with just a Suplex!

You've got stuffed bears as your legacy, all because you didn't wanna shoot one.

Pin you to the ground and destroy you just by flexing my guns!

I'm the Fighting Mayor! I'm a Slam Master! Your fucking nickname is Teddy!

Once you're through, I'll be the true manliest politician; you could say it's monopoly.

Theodore Roosevelt
(0:49)

What's up, bitcheeeeees? Looks like I'm up against an all-around dick

I tend to speak softly, but here I'll trust-bust you with my big thick lyrical stick

I'll wrastle you to the ground! Hold back if you want. It's your funeral.

You've got a statue to your name? How precious! Meanwhile, I've got several!

I'm a legend and a boxer! Call me the presidential Muhammad Ali!

Overtake you in this debate, assassinate you and leave you forgotten like McKinley

I actually spend time with my kids. You're busy letting yours and her boyfriend's family get caught.

I certainly ain't taking shit from a Macho Man and Jesse Ventura rip-off!

Mike Haggar
(1:13)

I'm a protective motherfucker. Don't expect that I'll take this lip from ya,

Because you're not even worth my time. I've ripped a city apart just to save my dear Jessica.

You wanna charge me with your army? I've faced riders far more rough

You had asthma and a love for wildlife, and you STILL think that you're tough?

Squarer than your Square Deal. I antitrust you and each of your acts

Lost your mom and wife on the same day; call that a Double Impact.

My rhymes will Axl and Slash you! You could say they're like Poison

They'll leave you weak at the knees and you'll end up just like your cousin

Theodore Roosevelt
(1:39)

You can shoot at me all you want, but here I stand, still giving my speech

On how you're really just nothing but a street-fighting, roid-raging freak!

Pass off hitting the transgendered as better than hitting women and expect to get respected?

In this roster, between you and me, you're like the third party; I promise you won't be selected

My rapid fire raps burn you hotter than a wildfire in a national park

You're just a braggart, Haggar! I'll piledrive you harder than your shark

If you kicked the person in the pants responsible for your trouble, you wouldn't sit for eternity.

Your series is forever in the shadows! Now, Onward to victory!

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!

EPIC-

(Mike Haggar grabs the logo and piledrives it hard into the ground.)

RAAAAAAAP!!...BATTLES...VIDEO GAMES...VERSUS...HIST...OR...Y...

Poll
Who won? Mike Haggar Theodore Roosevelt