User blog:BackToTheFuturama86/Killer BOB vs The Man in Black. Epic Rap Battles of Villainy

Honestly, I didn't even know I was still a user on this wiki, but whatever. I'll keep the intro short, since none of this really matters anyway. Today's battle features two supernatural form-changing evil-incarnate baddies, Killer BOB from Twin Peaks, and the Man in Black from LOST. That's about it.

Cast
Nice Peter as  Killer BOB

Jesse Wellens as The Man in Black

EpicLLOYD as The Man From Another Place

EpicLLOYD (again) as The Man in Black as John Locke

Zach Sherwin as Benjamin Linus (cameo)

Ceciley Jenkins as Laura Palmer (cameo)

Battle










The Man In Black:
Hello, Bob. Let me tell you how my victory came to be

I'm an all-powerful superbeing; you rape and murder teens

With  a *grumbling noise* I strike fear into the hearts of every viewer

You look like homeless Axl Rose if he lived inside the sewer

So let's analyze this manuscript to calculate this heathen's rate

The numbers do not lie: It seems you're not my brother's candidate

FOUR, for the number of seasons my show has more than yours

EIGHT, for how you only ate up screentime, what a bore!

FIFTEEN for the teenaged whores that you let occupy you

SIXTEEN for my body count. What's yours again, just two?

TWENTY-THREE, like you, for nothing, so it's best to leave it out

And FORTY-TWO for life, of course, which you know naught about

Killer BOB:
Through the darkness of future past, this deceiver longs to leave

You blew your one chance off your isle, but Fire Walks With Me!

This puny devil's no threat to me, you're irrelevant, at best

It's evident; you simply Eko the precedent I've set

I'm the BOMB! Evil incarnate wreaking havoc on the brainless

You're a nameless, shapeless anus, and got killed by Kate? Outrageous!

This lowlife, no-life, archetype has really thrown down no rhymes

Shoot me down and all be back for The Return: baby, it's Showtime!

'm a timeless TV giant, you've been lifeless since your Pilot

Confined to your islands; you're somehow far less frightening than Linus

But all you really want's revenge, 'cause your "mother" made you suffer

So you smother Others and others, but can't even kill your brother

(The Man in Black changes briefly into the Smoke Monster before transforming once again into John Locke.)

John Locke:
''Don't tell me what I can't do! ''What, you think that you can best me?

That's impossible. But don't feel bad, this loss is just your destiny

You're a goner, Robert, face it. Just admit that I am stronger

I'm so Killer on this MIC that you could call it Laura Palmer

Ask Jack, it takes true acumen to kill off your progatonist

You're such a bad antagonist your existence is an accident

I'm not the least impressed that you possess, molest, infest

But it really is grotesque the way you implemented incest

Why don't we flashback to 1990, when we met a demon: you.

There's a reason you got cancelled -- you remember Season 2?

I'm a leader. When I make commands, my greatest enemies follow

You're a dirty trucker devil, more despised than Nikki and Paulo

(The beat stops as John Locke/Man in Black transforms back into the Smoke Monster. A funky jazz beat begins to play.  The Man From Another Place is shown dancing, before turning around.)

The Man From Another Place:
LeEeT's RoCk ! ThIs GaWkY BoDy'S sToCkEd WiTh GaRmOnBoZiA

JoHn LoCkE cAn'T wAlK aNd So YoU'Re AwFuLlY wRoTh CaUsE kArMa ChOsE yA

I'm ThE mOsT iCoNiC fIeNd To EvEr GrAcE tHe SiLvEr ScReEn

YoU tHiNk YoU'rE tOuGh AnD ThReAtEnInG, bUt YoU lOoK lIkE mIsTeR cLeAn

tHe ArM iS bAcK iN sTyLe, sPiTtInG sTeAm AnD cAuSiNg ScReAmS

BuT i SeE tHrOuGh YoUr AgInG fAcAdE: tHoSe JoWlS aRe NoT wHaT tHeY sEeM

i'M sCoRiNg LaRgE, nOw I'm In ChArGe, YoUr LeAdErShIp'S aBhOrReNt

YoUr EnTiRe LiFe Is JuSt LiKe PuShInG tHaT bUtToN: uNiMpOrTaNt

OnE sToRy HeRe MaKeS lEsS sEnSe ThAn A pOlAr BeAr, aNd It'S nOt MiNe

MeAnWhIlE, yOuR rApPiNg'S wOrSe ThAn YoUr FiNalE wRaPpInG uP pLoTlInEs

So LyNcH yOuRsElF aGaIn, SiNcE nOw YoUr HeArT's EmBoSsEd WiTh FrOsT

oR gO aHeAd AnD tUrN tO sMoKe NoW, sInCe It'S oBvIoUs YoU'vE



WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?



Poll
Who won? Killer BOB/The Man From Another Place The Man in Black