Christopher Columbus

"I'll stick a flag up your ass and claim you for Spain!"

- Christopher Columbus

Christopher Columbus battled Captain Kirk in Columbus vs Captain Kirk. He was portrayed by Nice Peter.

Information on the rapper
Christopher Columbus (circa October 31, 1451 – May 20, 1506) was an Italian-born explorer, navigator and colonizer, best known for "accidentally" discovering lands that later came to be called the Americas. Representing Spain under King Fernando II and Queen Isabella I, he was commissioned by the royal couple to sail to India and trade for their local spices. Supposing he could actually reach India more quickly by sailing west, Columbus set off on a voyage with three ships in 1492: the Niña, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria.

Columbus did not reach India as he supposed in the autumn of 1492, but instead managed to tour what became the Caribbean Isles in the western hemisphere, settling at last on an island that he called New Spain and that his contemporaries called Hispaniola ("Little Spain"), on which present-day Haiti and the Dominican Republic stand. He befriended and later enslaved the native tribes on three islands, though not without also killing large numbers by way of imported diseases, war, and famine. Columbus would make three return trips to his claims before his arrest in 1500 amid allegations of misconduct as governor of the new lands. He was cleared of these charges, but died succumbing to various illnesses in 1506. If nothing else, Columbus' exploits cleared a path for future European exploration and colonization of western lands, then known as the "New World".

The former name of the Americas (Columbia) and the country of Colombia are named in Columbus' honor, as is the US holiday Columbus Day, celebrated each October 12, and the US capitol district.

ERBoH Bio
I am an Italian explorer who sailed for Spain. I was financed by Queen Isabella and King Ferdinand after every other country turned me down. I was the captain of the Nina, the Pinta and the Santa Maria. We were headed to the East Indies in 1492 when I sailed the ocean blue to trade spices, but instead I landed on the Caribbean Island of San Salvador. We met the locals, whom I called Indians because I assumed I was in India. Then I captured and sold them into slavery. My arrival did not turn out well for them. I went back and forth between Spain and South America three more times and did quite a few terrible things, both to their people and my own. When I returned to Spain in 1500 I was immediately arrested for torture and theft during my time as governor of the Caribbean island Hispaniola. Now, people celebrate me every year by getting a day off work on the second Monday of October. You're welcome, America! Arrivederci!

Verse 1
Arrivederci, I'mma leave before this battle begins...

'Cause we both know in the end which of these captains gonna win!

I'll show you how a real explorer handles a situation!

I'll beat you so bad, they'll feel it in the next generation!

So bring it on! I'll whip you like a Klingon!

My rhymes will burrow in your ears like the wrath of Khan!

I've got a neck chop for Spock! I'll put my sword through Sulu!

Check into a Priceline hotel and watch your fat ass on Hulu!

Verse 2
You know, rapping against you, it's not even fun.

It's like somebody's set your brains on stun!

I am the fabric of history! You are a fictional stain!

I'll stick a flag up your ass and claim you for Spain!

Scrapped lyrics
Keep my crew's name out your mouth or you'll get hurt

I'll Leif Ericsson your ass and predate your best work

-

Yeoman Rand and Marlena gave you too many favors

Bones diagnosed, you got sores on your phaser

Trivia

 * Columbus' opponent was originally going to be Neil Armstrong, but he was later switched with Captain Kirk because Peter thought Neil was kind of "unflappable".
 * Christopher Columbus's ship, Santa María, appears in the beginning of the battle before the announcer speaks.
 * Columbus is the first character to have absolutely no background at one point, followed by Bob Ross. There was only a black space where the background was meant to be.
 * However, Bob Ross painted his actual background over the black space, while Columbus' is an error during the "Who Won? Who's Next? You Decide!" scene at the end.

Errors

 * Columbus' title card is misspelled as "Colombus". This makes him one of four rappers with an error title card, the others being Adolf Hitler, Billy Mays (in the Behind the Scenes video), and Ebenezer Scrooge.
 * At the end of his battle, his background is missing, and the area around him being completely black.