User blog:Rob Tick/ERBoF S2 - Elmo vs Kermit SEASON PREMIERE

Ho ho ho-let's just fucking get it started already.

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF FICTION

ELMO

VS

KERMIT

BEGIN!

Elmo:

Hello bitch, welcome to sesame street!

I'm like the Muppets Movie, I can't be beat!

When I rock the mic, even Piggy gets horny!

Why don't you call on your boyfriends, Bert and Ernie!

You look like you got back from a chemotherapy massage,

That might explain why you have such lackluster bars!

I mean, you were turned into a whinier prick than Uncle Gonzo.

If I wasn't on a kids show, I'd turn you into a ghost!

Kermit:

I was on the actual ERB, you work for me!

Your fan club declined after season 33! (Oh!)

There's a difference between us, I can sense it!

Oh, it's the fact that you don't teach kids SHIT!

I'm gonna rip your bones off, make you into a defunct version of Monster!

Then I'll let the Swedish Chef detox you, make you kosher!

Cause you're so dirty, you make a pig look clean!

You can't mumble around always, you make me wanna scream!

Grover:

Wait, I'll take this rhyme, I came to settle this case.

I'm a classic, your movies are more wasted than fruitcake!

I'm a legend, 40+ seasons and we're still here!

So go away, you little prick, and grow a beard!

Miss Piggy:

Coming from the man who's had so much time locking lips,

They should call you the old neighbor, Mr. Blue Shit!

Don't come to battle, I've got better shit to do,

Now go in the corner, and cry boo-hoo!

Kermit:

Of course, we won this battle, you turds are shaking!

I bet you couldn't even win rigged gaming!

Grover:

We're not scared, you pessimistic little shit!

Why don't Grover come over and smack you like a (Elmo laugh)

Miss Piggy:

Really, censored by a fucking laugh,

You stole old shows, made us look like crap!

Our creator was the same, but I'm way above your league!

Everyone:

I'M OBVIOUSLY THE ULTIMATE PUPPET KIDS PSYCHE!!!

WHO WON?

 Elmo & Grover

 Kermit & Miss Piggy