User blog:Dark Cyan/Cyan's Rap Battles of Literature 35: Cassandra Clare vs Phillip Reeve

Hello, everyone. And welcome back to the penultimate Season 2 battle of Cyan's Rap Battles of Literature!

Ooooooh! The finale's next! Get hype!

This battle pits 'Mortal Instruments' YA author Cassandra Clare against 'Mortal Engines' YA author Phillip Reeve in a battle of the YA series beginning with 'Mortal'. Joe wrote for Phillip.

Enjoy!

Beat: Dark

Cassandra Clare
(starts at 0:21)

Right, let’s do this. I’m Cassandra Clare. Nice t’meetcha

With your facial features, looking like my geography teacher

You may have heard of me, or ‘Mortal Instruments’, my creation

But they ask “Who’s the other guy?” While you fester in miserable humiliation!

Sorry, it’s just a bad day. Try me on one that doesn’t end in ‘y’

You made Steampunk suck! No wonder your ‘Mortal’ series died!

You had better luck as a kid’s illustrator; the only job you could get with Awful Art

So just do us a favour and cover your mouth like Hester’s scarf!

Phillip Reeve
(starts at 0:43)

If you want a fanfiction author with ideas of grandeur, Clare’s got it!

Bare my Fangs! Casting Melissa McCarthy in your boring biopic!

My strikes are Shrike-like, your tripe is ripe to get nowhere near me!

You’re a simple suburban housewife living off one cliche series!

Read up on Reeve, for I could teach you how to be Dead Famous!

Your known for heinous Twlight lites, with incest in it for the haters!

I’ll massacre Valentine! Explosive bars like London or Grimsby port!

Jace should put you in your place! Put down the mortal knife and fork!

Cassandra Clare
(starts at 1:04)

Fat jokes…*sigh* It’s called a woman’s body. Surely you’ve seen one before

I’ll put you in your place; selling my bestsellers in your Brighton bookstore!

I put letters at the very back to encourage publishing paperbacks

Cross-canon with Spiderwick, prick, cuz I’m BFF’s with Holly Black

Dead Famous? You can’t compare us! Man, I put you to shame,

The day my series became so influential it got yours renamed!

You’re Hungrier than the City Chronicles for a taste of my fame

As for the failure of Fever Crumb, I’m afraid I can’t take that blame

Phillip Reeve
(starts at 1:26)

Your bland books are one dimensional! Characters have no depth!

Bonded with Black because you both had bombed movie attempts!

You’re a frigid waste! My bars, like the Hanniver, won’t stay tethered!

Face it! Your flows have no traction, and are, frankly, full of errors!

You’re weak like Tom’s heart! My characters can die to cause commotion!

Everyone survives your series’ subpar stabs at stirring up emotion!

When that angsty rat pack of hacks stop hunting their whack shadows!

They will face the true Wolf on this beat! Consuming you in rap battles!

WHO WON? Cassandra Clare Phillip Reeve