User blog:GravityMan/Literature vs History 9: The Mad Hatter vs Deadpool

Hey dudes! April came sooner than expected (imagine this as an April Fools special :P I recently found out I would be buttfucked on that day so ye), so yeah, here's the premiere of Literature vs History, I'll try to pump these out, one every week but I want to be really proud of this second half <3 Note: This battle isn't really supposed to make much sense. Thanks to Leandro for the beautiful cover, Quagga for the beautiful art, Bran, Tkid, and Alan for doing the beautiful character checks, and let's get this started!

Enjoy :D



Beat
Mad Hatter

Starts at 0:12

Deadpool:
What, another battle?? Yawn, wake me up when it’s over,

‘Cause I coulda sworn I already owned the Joker!

Oh sorry, never mind, I got confused, lemme explain it,

Cause Tim Burton grabbed ya both, and came in your faces!

I’ll leave no traces, when I hound you harder than a clock’s tick,

Can’t stop it! Bitch, this dude is making more news than a Mad T-kid!

Got wit so sharp I’ll slice the hare off this cunt,

<span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#ff0000;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">And like your sequel, you can’t Weasel outta this one!

<span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#00ff00;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Mad Hatter:
<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#00ff00;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Pleased to have you! Unfortunately, you brought nothing new to the table,

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#00ff00;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Just one trick on a pony! Tugged along by a Cable

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#00ff00;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">You’re not a rapper you’re a chatter, just badder with patter

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#00ff00;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Try to shatter the Hatter I’ll serve this ratter splattered on a platter!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#00ff00;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">You make laughter come faster, whacker than your actor’s past,

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#00ff00;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">When he snapped your chatter shut, after that disaster’s cash!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#00ff00;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">You’re incompetent, I’m stompin’ it, the only thing you can kill is Time

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#00ff00;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">What direction is the nearest “go away”? Between my fingers lay the sign!

<span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#ff0000;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Deadpool:
<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#ff0000;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">I left my audience in stitches when I tore them off my mouth,

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#ff0000;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">I put the ass in compass ‘cause I’ll direct Alice down south! UH!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#ff0000;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">And I’ll give sweet lovin’ to the users who are lovin’ my bars,

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#ff0000;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">But do my voters wanna hear a secret? All the best people are! <3

<span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#00ff00;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Mad Hatter:
<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#00ff00;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">You destroy families because yours was broken from the start

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#00ff00;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">You’re sad, winning solely for the fact your attackers tire of ripping you apart

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#00ff00;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">My questions will leave your head spinning, so please loosen up!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#00ff00;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Tell me Mister Pool, what comes twice before the goose? <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#ff0000;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Duck?

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#ff0000;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#ffffff;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">*a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire comes swinging out of nowhere, slamming into the back of Deadpool’s head, sending him flying. He scrambles around, disoriented, the bat coming down on his hand. Deadpool yelps in pain, his vision unblurring, revealing a laughing figure wearing a leather jacket*

<span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#674ea7;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Negan:
<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#674ea7;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Heh. Oh, fuck, man, you took it like a champ! Holy fuck!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#674ea7;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">And unlike a baseball bat, this tea sipping fuck has got a cunt!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#674ea7;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">With Tim Burton’s fucking cum making up this faggot’s make up,

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#674ea7;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Making up fuck shit like motherdick while I hit your balls straight up!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#674ea7;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Fuck you Deadpool, the dick you fucking say is like my own: Perfectly fucking average

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#674ea7;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Now lemme look at you like a man, <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#ffffff;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;"> *yanks off his mask* <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;"> <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#674ea7;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">HOLY FUCK WHAT HAPPENED??? :D

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#674ea7;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">I don’t remember making your fucking face a waffle, ‘cause Domino’s always delivers

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#674ea7;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">You get it? You get it? Aw come on! Ugh, fuck it: I meant I fucking did her.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#674ea7;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Anyway fuckheads, I heard there was a mad rap happening so I decided to take a crack at it

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#674ea7;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">To give your fans the inside story, and WHAM <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#ffffff;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">*swings bat, shattering the back of Deadpool’s skull as he keeps trying to regenerate* <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#674ea7;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">THAT HAPPENED!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#674ea7;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Cause I definitely ain’t insane but my sweet Lucille was getting hungry,

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#674ea7;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">And like Lewis Carroll for fucking crack, I decided to go hunting! :D

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#674ea7;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Found Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Fuck, but this time I knew who to fucking pick,

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#674ea7;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">The Hatta’ ain’t got nothing in his head! But the other guy he can uh… <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;"> <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#ff0000;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Regenerate and shit?

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#674ea7;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">SHUT THE FUCK UP!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#ffffff;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">*Negan slams Lucille down on Deadpool’s newly formed jaw, the tongue flopping out*

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#674ea7;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Anyway, Lucille’s had her fill, I’ll be back tomorrow for the other half of ya,

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#674ea7;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">You both got good fucking points for the cocksucking…. <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#674ea7;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">ta-ta.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">WHO WON?

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">WHO'S NEXT?

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">YOU DECIDE!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">LITERATURE!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="color:rgb(255,0,0);font-family:Arial;font-size:15px;white-space:pre-wrap;">VOTE FOR ME OR I'LL KILL YOU

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">​VS!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">*the sound of Deadpool getting whacked with Lucille*

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="color:rgb(255,0,0);font-family:Arial;font-size:15px;white-space:pre-wrap;">FUCK

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7999999999999998;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">HISTORYYYYYYYYY

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Poll
Who Won? The Mad Hatter Deadpool Negan