User blog:GravityMan/An Old Battle: Rick Riordan vs Homer the Poet

Hey I was going through some old files of raps I wrote a few years ago since I was looking for this really killer line for a battle in Season 2 of Mythical Battles of Historical Shit and found this battle. I thought I'd share it. Please don't judge.

Lyrics
==='''Rick: '''=== Hey there I’m Rick Riordan, hotter rhymes than a fireman,

Author of a brilliant billion dollar brainchild I ain’t a liar man!

Trust me, I’m a household name, people confuse you with the Simpsons!

At the top of my game, you’re ancient, forgotten through the generations!

I make that money while bringing awareness to the ADHD

Slash with my pen and I shred a Greek MC!

Riptide! Don’t try to step to this guy!

Grab yo guide!

Cause you can’t see your defeat you must be blind! Ooo!

Supposedly you were kidnapped but I must add,

Greeks you took the only poet who couldn’t rap!

Bad choice! I admit you’re gifted, had some bright ideas,

But who in their right mind who waste years,

Reading your works, they’re worse than Cadmus the King!

Take a break from the mythos and I still spit Colder than the Springs!

Oh!

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center">I rap sharper than an arrow in your heel,

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center">A god among kids you better kneel!

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center">Dude no one knows if you even exist!

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center">Why don’t you make like Disney and suck my Texas sized dick! ==='''Homer: '''=== <p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center">Oh muse, tell me of the day,

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center">Where a wannabe got his ass beat by the biggest legendary poet to date!

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center">I spit rhymes for a living!

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center">My name is Homer the pwner! Kill thousands in one sitting!

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center">My stories led to the Romans! Sent Aeneas over the sea swimming!

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center">You’re in the discount bin! Rick Riordan, you’re a sin upon the culture of Greece!

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center">You raped an oral tradition of religion and threw in hormonal teens!

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center">All your protagonists are godly beautiful! The only ugly ones are villains and friends!

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center">You made a character gay just to get with the trends!

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center">Of course there are some exceptions but watch me toss Leo to the lions!

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center">Orion wasn’t a giant, you’re lying, what’s this about brain babies?

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center">Annabeth shouldn’t be alive! You’re making shit up, you’re crazy!

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center">Try to whack attack me with a Blackjack, come on!

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center">I’ll bitch smack you back to Long Island Sound!

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center">Check Tres, how are your kids gonna react huh?

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center">   When they see 26 F-bombs in one chapter? ==='''Riordan: '''=== <p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center">Hey I get kids to learn! Your stuff is boring!

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center">Nowadays a loser like you would be working as my doorman!

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center">You wrote about a cheating husband who killed his men because of his hubris,

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center">What kind of lessons are you teaching your Greeks, you won’t be missed!

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center">I must be Frank, cause I’m fly, got it?

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center">Whoa I burn fools till they’re marked with a trident!

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center">I’m a high flying braniac like I broke into Daudeleus’s labs!

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center">How’s that for some literature, you prick Toga-mon,

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center">Put some wax in your ears kids, FUCK OFF! ==='''Homer: '''=== <p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center">I croon like a Siren! The bitches love it!

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center">You get praised for your originality but I already done it!

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center">I’ll crush you like a blind dude in a baby blue suit!

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center">Why you gotta ruin Norse Mythology too?

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center">You’re more

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center">I’ll send all your fancy ships straight down to Tartarus!

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center">You know what you little bitch? You just got Odyssed!