User blog:The Flatwoods Monster/Life is Strange vs Stranger Things 2

hey guys. 'flats? the fuck? you just posted a battle get out of here you can't come back for another six months' i know i know. i started writing this battle three years ago, give me a break.

secondly, this isn't a sequel, it's a remake. the original st vs lis was really biased, rushed and for some reason had warren in it and i thought this was too cool of a match up to not redo. ‘aw, come on, flats, you’ve done three life is strange battles and guested as max/chloe in four different battles not including the many others you were lined up for that didn’t happen’ i GET IT i swear ive played more games since then and this is hopefully the last lis battle you'll ever see from me.

Delinquents in arms Chloe Price and Rachel Amber from DONTNOD/Decknine's Life is Strange: Before the Storm step up to bat against Demagorgon-hunting love triangle Nancy Wheeler, Steve Harrington and Jonathan Byers from Netflix's Stranger Things to see who's truly the strangest bunch of rebellious teens.

don't worry, it'll be a while til you see my ugly mug again after this. my 'to-do' document has run empty (thats not true, theres a coraline vs darko remake started on there but that'll never finish) and i'll crawl back up my mountain again for a while.

oh, also, i haven't changed, so expect a lot of unapologetically gay content as you go into this battle.

i think that’s all i got for you guys so thanks for baring with me and supporting my battles even though i’m the equivalent of the wiki’s distant relative who doesn’t come to thanksgiving or christmas but sometimes randomly messages you on facebook to check out their mixtape.

lots of love.

Credits
Ruby Rose as Chloe Price

Cara Delevigne as Rachel Amber

Chloe Fineman as Nancy Wheeler

Casey Neistat as Steve Harrington

Jimmy Donaldson as Jonathan Byers

Beat:



Title Cards




Life is Strange (0:11):
( Chloe, Rachel )

Yo, what’s up, Rach’? Steph just sent me her latest screenplay.

Blackwell presents; ‘Nancy the Slut!’ UGGHH. That sounds HELLA cliché.

Another teenage princess busy going through her ‘me’ phase…

Just ditch Steve H. and creepface or fix it with a three-way!

Hmm… I don’t think Harrington likes sharing while on top of her

That’s why Johnny’s in the backyard bushes with binoculars!

Yikes! That’s hella hawkarder! Best guess is Netflix had a death wish!

And pitched the kids from IT to sick pricks that make children neck kiss!

Shit! Get this to Gingrich! Even I can’t fix a car wreck!

Holland should win her heart instead!... I’m afraid Barb is dead.

Then I guess I'll switch to Hulu. This four-Wheeler’s trunk is too loose!

S o l e t ’ s s e e y o u s l e u t h d o u c h e s d e d u c e t h e o n e l i e f r o m t h e s e t w o t r u t h s !

( O n e ! ) You’ve got family issues, but at least you’re sure your father loves your mother!

(Two!) And at least you found a stable date before your baby brother!

(Three!) Your appeal’s not your tits, your boys LIKE your touchy-feely shit,

(Bzzt!) They were all lies. I like games! Deal with it!

Stranger Things (0:56):
( Nancy, Steve , Jonathan )

Why are you dressed as the Tobanga? Aren’t you a little old for nerd plays?

Or is it just an expert bait to turn the little mermaid into your slave?

Play your arcadia games with cheat codes, you'll have to mind the groin talk,

But Max already beat your highscore on filling Chloe’s coin-slot!

We’ll cancel your comics, and bid farewell to bonus episodes,

Is your TV series more than just a legend, though? H e c k n o !

Our theory to your chaos is your plot waffles more than Eggo’s!

Even my bro’s board games have less prose than these depressing lesbos!

I’ve seen stranger things than awful dads, but I’ll still play the bad cop.

So cap a snapshot of Chloe catching backhands for her back-talk!

With one candid canning the combined art of these three kids!

You’re more e-girl than artist, Max, but Warren will buy your feet pics!

I’d say to shut your mouth, but I’m just not as into tape and gags as she is!

Nice Rachel we’re having, but we make it rain like an E6!

I catch Z's in history, but I’ll always take the shot in the dark room,

I knew Jefferson owned slaves, but I didn’t think they meant Mark, too!

More stoned than Oregon Dema-gorgon’s, let's kick it up a higher notch

S i n c e n o B r i t i s h k i d ’ s p e t i t i o n c o u l d p r e v e n t y o u r d u m p s t e r - F i r e w a l k !

This trio’s seeing blue, things get hairy ‘gainst the Harrington!

Looks like the Bongo’s out of the bag that you were buried in.

Life is Strange (1:53):
( Chloe, Rachel , Max )

Fact-check your subs stats ASAP, guess choose-your-own’s were bad choices!

“bUt My DaD wAs BaD, tOo!!!” Bitch! We’ve got hella more alike than Joyce’s!

'Cuz dissing our Mary Jane's a low 'blow' too 'blunt' for me to smoke,

When they caught your green card red-handed with old addictions to new coke!



(Psst! Did you notice? Don’t tell them, but I turned back the hour)

(To insert myself into their verse… what? You don’t like unexplained powers?...)

(Wowser. Do I even turn it up to eleven on these everyday zeroes?)

(Prepare to be blinded with science by a time-winding superhero!) Max?



Don’t nod off on me like that! Sorry! I just dozed off after a single look!

Pfft! These wimps die before daylight, you’re not off this pirate’s hook!

Guess there’s no room for chicks that kiss, it’s a dark age in Steven’s Hawkins!

It’s just ‘cuz he’s locked outta popping cherries on top in Baskin-Robin’s!

Billie’s blasting off his wrist rocket to hot pics of your Mom,

You couldn’t rock in our mosh pit, so you took a toddler to prom! Shaka brah!

Then the salt clogged your senses in a deprived cesspool of sexists!

So you chased a mutant rat-race. This overreaction will have consequences!

We’ll solve a murder case, bust the D.A. and save Kate when we handle clues!

Think you could even solve the case of what you’ll have for breakfast, Nancy Drew?!

We told our story and moved on, though don’t you ever forget me.

I’ve got all the time in the world, and I’m done wasting it on damn hettys.

Stranger Things (2:49):
( Nancy, Steve , Jonathan )

I’m not homophobic, I’ve got a gay friend! Steve, please keep your mouth shut.

But if we flip their whole world upside-down, how will they know which way is up?

They can’t even see straight! Not since skinny-dipping into the disabled fund!

Caught scent of these otter’s nosebleeds in our water and now the monsters are on the hunt.

We’ll need to secure a lure, there’s plenty of cheesy dialogue to tempt this hoodrat!



Let’s master bait her with Blade Runner smut, then clamp her down in our butch traps!

N e x t, e c l i p s e li t t l e m i s s p y r o ’ s f i r e s t u n t w i t h a s o l a r v i c e !



As our cold flows form a snowstorm, w e ’ l l l e a v e t h i s h o t h e a d p o l a r - i c e d !

Two-whaling on your double moons, do you stay, or go see if Chloe’s dead again?

You weren’t even there in spirit, so you sacrificed your jobs to Mexicans!

Your diss-alis ran out of time. Not like YOU could comprehend it.

The strangest thing all along was that your choices couldn’t change the ending.

Outro
Who won? Life is Strange (Chloe, Rachel, Max) Stranger Things (Nancy, Steve, Jonathan)

Rap Meanings
yes i know no one reads these i just think theyre fun to write