User blog comment:LawnDefender072003/Axis vs. Allies. Fanmade Rap Battles of History./@comment-24322797-20170509163641

really admirable how you're taking criticism, props for that

i think the main issues that need to be solved here are that a decent bit of this doesn't rhyme, or rhymes a word with itself. you also rely a bit too much on swears which just comes off as uncharacteristic and a bit forced

i would also advise against using or reciting lines erb has also used, it's not only cheap but some might call it plagiarism

some of the line structures are uneven as well. most beats follow a 4 line drop format and working with verses that only have seven or so lines tend to not follow along very well. try to keep verses in multiples of two.

i don't quite understand the inclusion of God, they feel out of place and, frankly, silly. if you wanted an anti-war representative i feel there were much better choices

besides that, keep at it and you'll be sure to improve. good luck bud