User blog:Awesomesix/Epic Rap Battles of Snistory (Snail History): Shaka Zulu vs RoboCop

In the who's counting (cause ERB fuckin' isn't) battle of EPic Rpai ABttle (fuck you, ipad), Shaka Zulu (who?) goes up against RoboCop (why is the C capitalized).

Description
In this battle, modern rapper Shaka Khan goes up against Eminem's brother, Nathan Kane Mathers, to see who is not the true father.

Cast
Nice Peter as ???

EpicLLOYD as ???

Just read it

Lyrics
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF

SHA

VS

ROBOC

BEGI

Shaka Zulu:

Boom shacka lacka, now I’ll shove you in a locker!

This cock-bot cop is getting stopped, what a shocker!

I’m a Robo blocker, the Zulu do to you sick voodoo!

Some digital doodoo beating me? What can you do?

I’ll flow through you to Detroit, rust your justice joints,

Soon the arm of the law will once again only disappoint!

I don’t come from Compton, I come from jungles dense,

With the physical strength to dent some public offense!

I go tougher than your cuffs, try and mess with the Zulu troop!

I’d say I have my hands up, but this cyborg still can’t shoot!

RoboCop:

I’m an Automatic Marshall Mathers, so slather on war paint,

And I’ll murder this baby faster than the pregnant ladies he obtained!

This tribal trickster can’t spit sicker than the Roboto Mr. Arigato,

The “ruthless trooper” shoved aside by the Congo and Kongamato,

Brutally forcing you forth with flow, you’re getting cardiac arrested,

Don’t try and test the best pest control, I’ll leave you bullet infected!

I’ll take a new direction, fuck speeding, I need a Speedom ticket, it’s evident,

Cause I got the sickest shit spit since your impediment’s heaviness!

So bring your feather shield and drum hammer to tribal chant against me,

And I’ll exterminate this defenseless enemy without effort, definitely!

 *Julius Caesar walks out of the Circle K with a Little Caesar’s Pizza.* 

Julius Caesar:

Excuse me, I believe this battle is mine, you discount Vader,

What’s a pathetic soldier’s part in a battle fit for a dictator?

 *The Western Philosophers fade out of Instagram photos into the battle.* 

Confucius:

He who interrupts first is most evidently stupid.

For Julius is to Brutus as this battle is to Confucius!

Sun Tzu:

I’ve come to spit rays, I paint the art of verbal war for decades to come,

It’s time we put these animals in the Tzu run by the sun!

Lao Tzu:

You’re all Laozi, dumbfounding, I’ll hit you with Chinese Effects,

Cause when we Asians come to mess, no one’s left in the wreck!

Philosophers:

Clearly it’s us the population seems to be anticipating to arrive!

Philosophize your lives while we confiscate this season’s prize!

 *A cloud of smoke appears, with two men forming in it.* 

Harry Houdini:

Watch closely as my battle steals the attention you so mention,

From your lowly little hands like you from any decent classroom lessons!

Be it David, Potter or Criss, the trick is Houdini tops all lists!

I won’t reveal how, but let’s say my name’s all that’s in the magic!

David Copperfield:

I made Lady Liberty disappear, now I’ll make your spots on top vanish!

When it comes to rap battle magic, magicians have the natural advantage!

With my charm and Houdini’s legacy, your chances of standing time are tiny!

Now, as I make you all vanish, I sweep the ratings with my timing!

 *David Copperfield tries to make everyone disappear, but instead conjures up Criss Angel.* 

Criss Angel:

YO YO YO I’M THE BEST MAGICIAN RAPPER

STEP TO ME AND YOU’LL FACE THE MAGIC MASTER

 *Han Fei falls out of Criss Angel’s pocket.* 

Han Fei:

Sick disses you witnessed from the pimps of rapping good!

Come step to my hood! You’ll lose for good!

 *Henson and Disney fly in with the use of magic.* 

Walt Disney:

Magic, huh? I’ll give you all some stars to wish upon when I knock you out!

Don’t believe an industry giant? Take it from my talking mouse!

Mickey Mouse:

Uh, Disney, what about that blue screen?

Jim Henson:

Now that you mention, it’s for Henson! My frog’s coming to give you a wrecking!

Kermit the Frog:

That’s right! This puppet’s pooping on the competition to show them who’s excrement!

Jim Henson:

That didn’t even rhyme, Kermit. “Wrecking” and “excrement”? Really?

 *Terminator crashes into the battle with a car.* 

Terminator:

AUGH! I’ve come to termi-

 *Socrates pops out of a barrel.* 

Socrates:

Guys, we seem to be forgetting one thing…

Criss Angel:

Aw yes, the most success-

All:

What is it?

Sun Tzu:

Tell us, Dumbledore!

Han Fei:

Let me in, please!

Socrates:

Kermit’s not the only green hand puppet.

Jim Henson:

Y-yes he is… no one else is green…

Han Fei (dressed as Oscar the Grouch):

Oh yeah, I’m a rapping trash can!

Who can squash the East? The Han Fei man can!

Criss Angel (as Robin, Kermit’s nephew):

Haha, I tricked you! I’m actually the green toad!

Kermit the Frog:

YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT I’M A FROG YOU CUNT SUCKING-

Charlie Chaplin:

Socrates:

Sometimes, anything’s possible guys, and of course, I mean…

Yoda:

Come to lose, I did not. Then I will win, kick your limp dicks,

Expect me, you did not! When I wreck you all, you will pay for it!

Is what I do, rapping in reverse order! My green balls, so suck!

Deciphered by tryhards, my disses need to be! Yourselves, go fuck!

'' *Everyone stares awkwardly at Yoda, save for Criss Angel and Han Fei. Evermore Raven and Carl Grimes walk in.* ''

Carl Grimes:

Just… come with us…

 *Darth Vader slices Yoda in half* 

Darth Vader:

Bitch please, I’m the only Star Wars this fucking needs.

Shaka Zulu:

So, what exactly is going on here? Are we rapping, or…

Darth Vader:

I’m just here because I’m the only Star Wars we need. I don’t know about Chaplin over there, he’s just… here.

 *Charlie Chaplin slinks off with Carl Grimes, Evermore Raven, sliced off Yoda’s head, Mr. Bean, and takes Criss Angel and Han Fei with him.* 

Confucius:

Hey Vader, what’s it like dealing with the scrapped characters?

Darth Vader:

The wha-

Dr. Phil:

What makes you guys deserve the public attention you mention

While we slide to the side like they’re purposely preventing

Us from tormenting the mics with our verbal commencing?

This is a problem, which needs to be solved now, evidently!

Tupac:

I’m always so close to going toe to toe with this motherfucking hoe,

But I’m scrapped from rapping life like this is the real world, yo!

How come Bieber and Cyrus got inside this before I did?

From the looks of this shit, it ain’t us who’s deciding!

Link:

I’m offended my one answer is some felatio recommendation!

I mean, I rule the mic like Hyrule with my vocal demonstrations!

With the direction this is heading, all the icons he’s forgetting,

Are getting upset from their neglecting, just ask Teddy and Freddy!

Theodore Roosevelt:

I’m better than Brian Williams at the news, at least! BITCHES!

Freddy Fazbear:

Hey, Zelda, at least you were only suggested one dick.

Link:

I’M LI-

Neil Armstrong:

Unflappable? Unfathomable! I’d go HAM on Kirk’s ass!

Nobody’s too good for dis rap! Just ask the midget in the hat!

Slenderman:

The man of the slender will render you dismembered with no chance,

As soon as he goes Jason Voorhees on Peter’s little summer camp!

Darth Vader:

Chill, Dr. Phil, you got more than you deserved with the fiftieth installment!

It’s a ballsy move to complain when you got a cameo involvement!

So quit your balling, Tupac, I faced Hitler better than you could!

Stop being stupid and stooping this low for an inclusion

In a god damn internet series, and Fazbear? Nobody but sad children want you in!

Just stop with all your shit before I bring the revenge of the sick!

Tupac:

What do you mean “revenge of the sick”?

Criss Angel:

HE MEANS ME! THAT’S RIGHT! I’M PERSISTANT! AND COOL TOO!

I RAPPED THE LAST VERSE NOW ASK THE WINNING OF THE WHO!

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED

WHERE IS MY PAYCHECK

GIMME THAT SHIT

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF PERSISTORY!

Poll
 Who Won? Shaka Zulu RoboCop Philosophers Magicians Han Fei and Criss Angel Disney and Henson Yoda Vader Rejects Me :)

General

 * This is the first battle since Tupac vs Hitler to include a black person rapping.
 * This battle was originally supposed to be RoboCop vs Terminator, but that was deemed too bad of a battle so it was scrapped.

Continuity

 * This is the fifth battle to include Han Fei, after Han Fei vs Confucius, Han Fei vs Jesus Christ, Han Fei vs This Generation's Music, and Han Fei vs Existance.
 * It is the second one where he falls out of Criss Angel's pocket.
 * This is the second battle where Criss Angel has something fall out of his pocket.

Errors

 * Noah vs cr  Edgar Allan Poe was once again scrapped.
 * That wasn't a link to a cult and instead goes to his correct page.

Production

 * Production may be:In Economics:Production (economics)Outline of industrial organization, the act of making products (goods and services)Production, the act of manufacturing goods Production (computer science),you may wish to change the link to point directly to the intended article.: Disambiguation pages

Loygansono55 and Captain Warrior's obligatory cameo

 * They haven't had one in a while.

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