User blog:Dark Cyan/Cyan's Rap Battles of Literature 25: Dr. Seuss vs Mother Goose

Hello, everyone. And welcome back to Cyan's Rap Battles of Literature!

Wow, accidental month hiatus much?

Anyway, this battle is a little different. I still didn't feel like writing a proper battle so this is just rapping for the sake of rapping; Half rap battle, half rap-off. I think of all the battles I could have done this style, this one's the most appropriate.

This battle pits beloved rhyming kid's author Dr. Seuss, against Mother Goose, the figurehead of the Nursery Rhyme and Fairy Tale genres, to see who's truly got the hottest rhymes.

(Also, no links this time. I cannot be fucked)

Enjoy!

Beat: Beat 7

Dr. Seuss
(starts at 0:09)

What’s this I see? A rap-off challenge for me?

It’s easy to see that I’ll accept with glee!

Got ABAB schemes down to a T!

Even the OG will bend the knee to this emcee!

I rhyme fast and loose, dropping thunder like Zeus

I rhyme profuse; just let loose! Don’t even need an excuse!

I’ll lay you out and cook ya in lemon juice, Mother Goose

How can you win a rap-off against motherfucking Doctor Seuss?

Mother Goose
(starts at 0:28)

Old Mother Goose, When she wanted to wander,

Did travel to join in a game with the author yonder

Though I liked not the fuzzy creatures from this demented clown

He smoked all over town until Ted Seuss fell down

Every one of my rhymes is still sung to children

In homes, schools, libraries and all manner of buildings

I would laugh to see such fun, though when I take a gander,

I just see an old man who hated kids and created War Propaganda

Dr. Seuss
(starts at 0:46)

Alright, time’s up! Line up and get your ass whooped, paltry duck!

I don’t give one fuck, two fucks, red fucks or blue fucks!

I give so few fucks! Old lady living in a shoe fucks!

Goose plucked! Goose stuffed! You just lucked out, schmuck!

I mean, c’mon! You don’t even exist!

L. Frank Baum and Charles Perrault wrote all your shit!

I’m so lethal on the mic I’ll leave this old crone in the infirmary!

But your rhymes? Bitch, they do indeed belong in a nursery!

Mother Goose
(starts at 1:04)

I shall keep this short and sweet. Both memorable and concise

And will not fill an entire book with the same shit dragged on all night!

I will leave you battered, shattered, dented and disoriented

You're the black sheep of the literary genre that I invented!

This isn't your first Rap Battle here, but Shakespeare utterly Conquered!

And if your rap game was stronger, this battle too might have been longer!

Perhaps try being as cheerful as your creations, Mister Grumpy

Though I shall still crack you like an egg; Humpty Dumpty

WHO WON? Dr. Seuss Mother Goose Nobody, this was crap. More disses and references next time please