User blog:The Flatwoods Monster/Sweeney Todd vs Edward Scissorhands - Epic Rap Battles of Horror Season 3

Alas, here it is, the took-way-too-long-to-upload seventh battle of Season 3. Hey everybody, welcome to another reptitious Epic Rap Battles of Horror episode. This battle was pretty much written and finished last month and I've just been waiting to upload it for God knows why reasons. Anyways, this suggestion comes to us from BTTF and GIR, but they didn't actually suggest it, they just guessed my hint right. It's the battle of Tim Burtons pale-white killer barbers portrayed by Johnny Depp, the Demon Barber of Fleet Street, Sweeney Todd takes a little off the top with the misunderstood monster, Edward Scissorhands, to see who's the sharpest knife in the drawer... these puns are stooping lower every time. Anyways, the next battles already started so that'll probably be done before next week, sooo yeah. Look forward to that. Turning hints into a episode-ly thing now, as well, so have fun guessing my super obvious hints. That aside, thanks to Coupe as always for the title cards, and enjoy.

Cast
Watsky as Sweeney Todd

Watsky as Edward Scissorhands (body)

Nice Peter as Edward Scissorhands (audio)

Instrumental - Dance with the Devil

Introduction
Announcer: (0:10)

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HORROR!

VS!



BEGIN!

The Battle
Edward Scissorhands: (0:22)

Take a seat Todd, it’s time for a taste of your own medicine

As this uncommonly gentle man disses the probably mental man

You’re a wanna-be devil, man, you turn your victims into sweet meat

Well I’m about to defeat thee and exorcise a Demon from Fleet Street

Because you’re a monster, to your kids, friends and wife

So I’ll do society a favor when I proceed to end your life

Do the basic mathematics, it’s about time someone slew you,

These scissors will always trump this paper, I’m about to cut through you

Sweeney Todd: (0:43)

Between you and me, Ol’ Man Burton was getting pretty greedy,

You think you’re his next Skellington but you’re just a Frankenweenie

So YOU take a seat, Mr. Scissorhands, it’s about time that we had this talk

Let’s take a look at this mop - You want just a little off the top?

Well, you’re out of luck, out of money, and now you’re also dead

Came in for a loss of hair, let with a much larger loss of head

You're packing two Krueger claws, so I'll be the Jason that you're facing,

I’ve lost my patience, another statement and I’ll send you to my basement!

Because that’s what happens if you step to me, elimination

For the abomination with too many relations to Frankenstein's creation

You'd best stop, your verse and your movie was a huge flop,

Just a little orphan cock who wouldn’t last in my wifes pie shop

Edward Scissorhands: (1:17)

You’ll have to try harder, you know my lyrics are sharper,

Face it, you’re just mad nobody’s afraid of a demon barber

Wipe off that big grin, you’ve lost before the battle could begin

‘Cause you’re an evil, evil man, and the hero always wins

Sweeney Todd: (1:28)

You’re a manic depressed loser, it’s time to come clean,

Hate to get mean, but you’re the emo version of Wolverine

You circle my style like a vulture, you’re of despicable culture,

So I’ll grab my flat razor and skin you like an ice sculpture

Edward Scissorhands: (1:40)

Your rhymes are Depp-ressing, you are not stronger, you

Are unsuitable, like your musical, it’s time for me to Tod Slaughter you

I'll end this modern mocker because he raps like a Todd-ler, ew

So I'll send YOU to your basement dead, pretend you're your daughter (Ooh!)

Announcer: (1:50)

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU D-D-DECIDE!

'''EPIC RAP! '(Scissors cut the logo into three parts)''

'''BATTLES... of horror...'''

Outro


Who won? Edward Scissorhands Sweeney Todd

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