User blog:J1coupe/Epic Rap Battles of History: Joffrey Baratheon vs. Draco Malfoy

Hello everyone, it's Coupe here with another rap battle- but no, for once I have written a battle that's not related to video games, aka my Epic Rap Battles of Video Games series.

So, the story goes like this: I was reading random YT comments on Goku vs Superman yesterday and was laughing at horrible suggestions and fanboys swarming the comment section when I found this suggestion: "Joffrey Baratheon vs. Draco Malfoy, battle of fictional blonde cunts". I found this hilarious, so I decided to make it. I know not many people here watch GoT, but eh, why not?

So here we go, we have His Grace, Joffrey of the Houses Baratheon and Lannister, the First of His Name, King of the Andals and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms, and Protector of the Realm, or just Joffrey Baratheon the cuntface from Game of Thrones versus Draco Malfoy, AKA SHUT UP MALFOY from Harry Potter duking out to see... uh.. who's more of an ass?

Enjoy, I guess.

Lyrics
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!

JOFFREY BARATHEON!

VERSUS!

DRACO MALFOY!

BEGIN!

Draco Malfoy:
(starts at 0:08)

Draco is here, I'm the rhyme-busting orginial Wizard Gangsta;

oh, I don't need to ask your name, kid, you must be a Lannister!

Let's see, a blonde who's demented and is a sadistic piece of shit,

yes, you must be King Joffrey, First of suckers who think they can spit!

Winter is Coming, with one spell I'll Strangle you like a Death Eater,

you're so weak that even to hurt Sansa you need your Hounds to hit her!

I'll behead this fed like Ned Stark, bow to these cold rhymes I bring,

Malfoys are the new fam that's taking over Westereos, so FUCK THE KING!

Joffrey Baratheon:
(starts at 0:28)

Shut up, Malfoy! I am THE King of this land, and you'll DO AS I SAY!

So go back to sucking Harry's wand before I kill your family like the Freys!

I'll shoot this whore with a crossbow, who's a poor measly Weasley now?

My uncle will Crucio this fool, but this time he won't break any vows!

Cause my rhymes Casterly Rock! While you sit there sucking Snape's Cock!

This house-elf who will clean up my shit will never get any socks!

Lannisters always pays their debts, even to this lowborn, family's shame,

All of Seven Kingdoms fear me, so call me He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named!

Draco Malfoy:
(starts at 0:49)

Your uncle, Joffrey? Which one, the dwarf or your sister-fucking daddy?

you wimp, you got killed by discount Mr. Fantastic and an old granny!

You're just a Half-Blood Prince who doesn't deserve the Iron Throne

this Viper's spitting poisonous rhymes, call me the Prince of Dorne

Such a shame that you never got to use Margaery's Chamber of Secrets,

sending this mudblood dumbass back home like I am the Fiery Goblet!

sorry to crash your wedding, bub, but my rhymes will choke up this runt,

causing hates even after death, I guess there's no cure for being a cunt!

Joffrey Baratheon:
(starts at 1:10)

SER MERYN! Skin this Slithering Slytherin alive and bring me his head!

Burn this cunt inside a room like his friend!'' I. WANT. HIM. DEAD!''

Who are you calling a wimp, Malfoy? You got your ass beat by a girl!

I'll beat you like Buckbeak and prove to you who truly rule this world!

That's right, ME! While you're a spoiled and conceited Papa's boy,

You Winterfell against me, in my victory people'll sing Rains of Malfoy!

There won't be any Hogwarts Express here, this is your final goodbye,

it seems like in this Game of Thrones, King Joffrey wins, AND YOU DIE!

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!

EPIC!

(in the theme tune of Game of Thrones)

'''RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY- HISTORY- HIS- HIS- TORY! '''

Poll
WHO WON? Joffrey Baratheon Draco Malfoy