User blog:The Flatwoods Monster/Your Best Friend (Wondertale Ep. 1)

AN: i am not an artist and never will be, the pictures are just here so its not a clusterfuck of text, reserve judgement

opening here in case you missed it an have no clue what the hap is fuckening

go read tk's battle

here we go

'' *You've fallen. ''

'' *You don't know where you are. A small field of starches seems to have broken your fall. ''

'' *Ahead of you lies an intimidatingly lengthy dark hallway, with purple arches at the end signifying an entrance. ''

'' *With no obvious better options, you decide to investigate. ''

'' *Past the dark, brooding corridor, there lies an even darker room inside, lit up only by a hole in the ceiling with sunlight pouring in through the crack. It shines down onto a green spot of grass, with strange vines and roots pertruding from atop it. A shrill voice calls out to you. ''

*All right there, poppet?

 *... 

'' *it's a talking potato. ''



'' *Beyond the insulting absurdness of the situation, the talking potato has a friendly aura to them. ''

*Hm. I don't recognize you, I don't think. You a newcomer, then?

'' *You nod your head in agreement. ''

*Figured as much. Don't worry about it, love, I can teach you how things work around here.

*Huh? My name?

*Um...

*Bob...dave.

*Bobdave! Bobdave the spud.

* (holy hell what a terrible fucking name)

*Nevermind all that! Here we go!



*See that there heart?



* Despite looking completely like a fucking heart, that's the SOUL. The very essence of what's keeping you ticking.

*Should something terrible happen to it, it'll break, because it's weak right now.

*In order for the SOUL to git gud, you'll need LV.

*With LV, you'll die a lot less.

*Don't have any LV, darling? Don't worry. Your ol' pal Bobdave has got it covered.

*Around here, LOVE is shared through these, uh... seeds! Nice, healthy potato seeds.

*Essential to your survival, and an excellent source of potassium and vitamin C!

*Here they are, grab as many as you can get your hands on!

*Whoops, hand, that is. Sorry about that.

'' *On his cue, Bobdave is surrounded by a half-circle of strange, white pellets. Not having any reason not to, you guide your SOUL towards the pellets. ''

 *... 

'' *An immeasurable sting surges through your body. Your health drops from 20 to 1. ''

'' *You have a sneaking suspicion that you have been made a fool of. ''

*You silly bitch.

*Never heard of stranger danger, then?

*Well, this was anticlimactic. Thanks for the free-be, pal!

*Quick tip: Around these parts, it's hurt or BE hurt.

*Yeah, yeah, a bit late now. The more y'know.

'' *A ring of the aforementioned pellets surround your aching SOUL. Nobody is happy with this. ''

*Potatoes are grown from roots, not seeds, dumbass.

*Die.



'' *As the bullets slowly close in on your near-shattered SOUL, you contemplate the decision to trust the talking, British potato. ''

'' *It was, in fact, not your best. ''

ending note: thanks to neo, jude, i think wonder and legion for reading this pre-posting.

thanks to jude for being okay with my offensively terrible british stereotyping