User blog:WonderPikachu12/Wario vs Donald Trump. Epic Rap Battles: Video Games vs History Season 3



Aw shit, finally another on-season battle in time with a certain event? Been almost two years since that shit. And it's for the ELECTION?!?!

Yeee, it's Ronald Drumpf vs Bad Mario. Fucking loved this match-up, man. Almost didn't happen. And it was almost off-season, too. But then I was like, fuck it, Donald Trump has too much material to work with to be off-season, Wario's an important character, and with my inconsistent schedule I'd be able to time this with the election anyways. So let's do this shit.

Grav returns for a battle to write for the role of the Trumpinator. He was originally meant to be played by Voice, but then he kind of just like, disappeared, and I needed to get the battle out soon, so Grav decided to write the battle in about two hours, which is approximately how long I write my battles anyways, so ye. Apologies to Voice, I understand he had gotten really busy with stuff irl.

'Mario's bad counterpart and the main protagonist of his eponymous spin-off franchise, Wario, and American business magnate and 2016 Republican presidential candidate, Donald Trump, to see which rich, greedy asshole running businesses will truly rule.'

PROLOGUE:

The sun rose up slowly, the dark grayness that overtook the land slowly shifting through an arrangement of oranges and pinks, until the sun took its place in the sky hanging high up. The scenery was a big shift once they reached their next destination, at least for Dr. Frankenstein it was. He was used to living a life of wealth and luxury, but, well, he was from the 1800’s. This was a big, bustling, modern-day city, with skyscraping towers that stretched high into the sky. He definitely wasn’t used to it. “I still am unaware of where exactly we are headed, but I at least thank you from pulling me away from that mess.”

“We’re headed for Bowser’s castle,” stated the portly plumber, leading the doctor along the bustling, big city sidewalks. “He’s-a holding this tournament for villains all around, fighting others and one another and leaving death in their wake, and I’m-a gonna stop it! That big red guy, what’s-a his name, Dr. Eggman? He was part of that tournament, I’m sure of it.”

Dr. Frankenstein frowned as his gaze switched from Mario to the crowd surrounding them. “I’ve dealt with enough death in my time. I’m not a fighter, for certain, but I’d at least be willing to lend my assistance if I can, in exchange for you having helped me.”

Mario gave the good doctor a thumbs up, before his attention was diverted to the crowd around them, as their attention seemed to be pulled away as well. They were looking upward towards one of the many skyscrapers that painted the city, but the notable thing about this one was the man that was being dangled by his life out of a broken window. Shouting could be heard, and then all of a sudden, he was dropped. Acting fast, Mario leaped off of Dr. Frankenstein’s head and used it as a boost to jump even higher, where he managed to catch the falling man in his arms before landing down. Setting the man down, the crowd turned to watch as the person in question responsible for dangling him out emerged from the front door of the building. “Wario?!” Mario exclaimed in surprise. Looking inside, one could see that the ceiling had a hole in it, with holes in every floor above, indicating they were smashed through for Wario to make his exit so quickly.

“Out of the way, loser!” Wario quickly shoved Mario aside as he approached the man that Mario just rescued. “I have a scheduled beating with Trumpelstiltskin here and I don’t intend to be late!”

Donald Trump huffed and regained his composure, adjusting his suit. “I will have you in jail for this!”

“No bars can hold all this muscle!” Wario stated with pride as he flexed, before he charged at Trump with his Dash Attack, arm and shoulder at the ready to plow into Trump. Mario acted quickly, leaping into the air and jumping on Wario’s head to stop him.

Donald Trump just gave a cocky, confident grin. “You think you can take down me? Sad! Dumb Wario here doesn’t know what he’s doing. If you want to beat me, we’ll be doing this my way. A battle of wits and words.”

“With you, where’s the wits?” Wario grunted as he got back to his feet, wiping off dirt from his side.

"When it comes to words, I happen to be the best. The greatest even. No one else can compare. Crooked Hillary? Not even! I'm the wittiest wordsmith. You? You're deplorable. Abhorred! Can't come close."

“Bring it on, wiggy! I’ll beat you down in words, then I’ll crush you!”

“I’ve-a been really wondering what’s up with all this rapping,” Mario muttered to Dr. Frankenstein.

Dr. Frankenstein nodded and responded, “There’s been a load of oddities as of recent, such as all these figures meeting together from throughout history. It’s weird enough as it is with you and I traveling together.”

“...point made.”

(Starts at 0:00)

EPIC RAP BATTLES: VIDEO GAMES VS HISTORY



VS



BEGIN!

Wario:

(0:11)

Wario here! (WAHAHA!) No offense, but you suck!

Mix your name with those pouted lips, you're like an overgrown duck!

You'll truly need to build a wall if you wanna block out my rhymes,

But only this time, it'll be you who pays for your crimes!

I'm on point like my 'stache, with a stash of cash in the back.

You got a small loan from your dad, while I'm a self-made man!

Don't need Waluigi at my side to stomp you into the ground! (WAAAAAAAAH!)

You make enough racket on your own! You'll go down with a ground pound!

Rockin' like the stones in my castle, you'll shatter like the glass in your towers!

I'm the perfect specimen of a man! ...Wait, what do you mean I need a shower!?

It's 'cause I spit sick garlic! You'll be licked and chomped on, leave you to cry!

I'm off to my company now! I don't even need to diss you when you D.I.Y.!

Donald Trump:

(0:45)

First off, that was terrible. Terrible! What a fat, loud, arrogant loser!

And E and F come after D, not I and Y! Learn to speak American, loser!

You’re more of a mess than the government, I mean look at you, disgusting!

You’re not even a citizen, and you spent over a decade in this country!

I’ll deport you, then I’ll jail you, beat you black so you fit in in my prison cells.

Also, your rhymes are awful; they’re fired; they can’t serve me well.

You’re a nobody, and I know a lot about computers, ask my son.

I’m dropping bombs, the best bombs, and I’m not even Muslim!

A short chubby Hispanic getting homosexual with a tall guy? Real scary.

Folks, I could’ve sworn I beat Lyin' Ted and Kasich way back in the primaries.

And now I’m gonna be President! Coming after blacks is my call!

And after I’m sworn in, first thing, we’re building a firewall.

Wario:

(1:20)



WAHAHAHA! Now it's WARIO TIME again! Let's up and raise the stakes!

Once the election's done, you'll be smaller than the microgames I make!

Anything Goes! You're up against the best half of the Wario Bros.!

(Waaaahh...) Cheer up, Waluigi! You, too, will soon get your turn to flow!

Even as a baby, I had a penchant for the riches, rocking britches, killer,

While you've been busy getting stiches for groping bitches, Miller!

You're no Master of Disguise! I'm so Metal! I'm a Gamer, you've been played!

You've been corrupt from bein' bankrupt, (Wrong!) while I've got "bad" in my name!

Donald Trump:

(1:43)

Excuse me, it’s my turn, I’d like to clear up something in your rhymes.

Out of over five hundred economic ventures, I’ve only been bankrupt four times.

Four times! That’s less times than you got defeated by a plumber, console.

You’re a lot like my gold toilet after eat a Cinco de Mayo taco bowl!

You’re peanuts, really, even with the golden coins you’re like a six,

I’m really a blonde Bowser, with a Bowser-sized penis, it’s fantastic.

But don’t worry about my polls, I’ve already bought out the Establishment.

I’m not a racist, but really, my rapping has made a Nazi’s series great again!

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?



EPIC RAP BATTLES-

(Wario drives by on his bike, running it over and causing the logo to spin, before it lands back upright.)

VIDEO GAMES VS HISTORYYYYYYY!!

EPILOGUE:

Suddenly, Wario slammed himself right into Donald Trump, knocking him onto the ground. "Take THAT!" As Wario charged at Donald Trump for another attack, Mario dutifully leaped in, jumping atop Wario’s head and knocking him down to the ground. “Wah?! Watch where you’re going, Mario!”

Mario simply flicked at Wario’s nose and pointed in a direction out of the city, saying with a sharp tone, “I suggest you leave, Wario. I don’t want-a this to get worse than it has to.” Wario glared at Mario for a moment, before trudging off grumbling to himself, Waluigi close in tow. The microgames developer summoned his motorcycle, climbing on with Waluigi joining on the back before zooming off into the distance. Mario gave a sigh of relief, glad that it didn’t have to devolve into a fight.

“That guy? The worst. Probably hired by that Crooked Hillary. She’s the real criminal, a scum. Wouldn’t trust her-” Mario flicked a fireball at Donald Trump, setting his suit on fire and leading to him running off towards the ocean nearby to put it out.

“I highly suggest we leave, this is devolving into a mess,” Dr. Frankenstein recommended, to which Mario nodded. The two quickly made their way down the streets out of the town, avoiding any further confrontation.

Who won? Wario Donald Trump

Here's a hint for the next battle:

TBA

Hints for this battle explained:

Wall - Donald Trump's infamous for wanting to build a wall around the US to prevent immigrants from entering. Was pretty obvious, lol.