User blog:The Bespectacled Guy/Bespec's Rap Battles of History 5: Matt Groening VS Dante Alighieri

Introduction


In this (heavily-delayed) battle, Matt Groening, the millionaire cartoonist most notable for creating the Simpsons takes on Dante Alighieri, medieval poet and father of the Italian language, to determine who's the better writer.

The Battle
BESPEC'S RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!

MATT GROENING!

VS

DANTE ALIGHIERI!

BEGIN!

Matt Groening:

The name's Matthew Groening, but this schmuck can call me Matt,

I'll leave you flattened, smashed and dead, like Snowball the cat!

You're just a poor, weak, weird, lonely, exiled novelist!

I'm so rich I make Mr. Burns look impoverished!

Your own people hated your ass and you know it to be true,

I got armies of fans, you got real armies tryin' to kill you!

Sorry man, but you aren't loved by that Beatrice ho,

'Cause last night I took her all the way to Paradiso!

Your Comedy isn't funny and your poetry is trite,

If your rapping's bad as that you ought to step back from the mic!

Dante Alighieri:

How dare you speak of me like I'm some common plebian?

This fat-ass is mad if he thinks I'll be lenient!

Your silly scratchings are nothing, for I'm clearly better,

Now prepararsi a perdere to the Sommo Poeta!

You want to step to this genius? You must be insane!

Most of your fans aren't even sure how to pronounce your name!

I'll destroy you, and your yellow friends as well,

Let's see how you like Life In the ninth circle of Hell!

My work's bellissimo! You look like you escaped a zoo!

Inferno couldn't break me, and neither will you!

Matt Groening:

You and I just don't compare! Not even FOX can sue me,

While you were tossed out of your hometown, like in The Simpsons Movie!

My rhymes are divine, so you'd better be wary,

'Cause I'll bring you down faster than the Guelfi Neri!

Dante Alighieri:

My poetry quickly spread all over Italy,

Now my raps shine bright, just like the Holy Trinity!

You can't hope to beat me, Groening, so run home to your mama,

Else you'll be left crushed, like the ratings for Futurama!

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!

BESPEC'S RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!

Rap Meanings
Coming soon!

Poll
Who won? Matt Groening Dante Alighieri