User blog:Alexschmidt711/Rap Battle Review 3 - FDR Vs Teddy Roosevelt by ApolloMagicProductions

(A side note: I was almost finished writing this review yesterday when my editing window closed and I had to start over. Just a reminder to save these things somewhere while working on them.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eioq0_eIn2g

Hello there. One thing I wish I saw more of in rap battle reviews is reviews of rap battles made by people outside of the general ERB fan-made rap battle community. Admittedly, I see why they mostly do battles they are familiar with, as it is easier to criticize battles by your peers which are expected to be made to a certain standard, but I’m sure there’s plenty of rap battles elsewhere to make fun of, so I think that other reviewers should go after these unknown battles, especially if they’re particularly bad.

One common source of fan-made rap battles are school projects. This makes sense, considering the wide appeal of ERB, the fact that ERB does historical figures, thus making it easy to apply to history classes (though I’ve seen rap battles made for other subjects), and that making a whole video with rap lyrics is a good way to make your project seem impressive. Indeed, I recall some people at my school writing a Newton vs. Leibniz rap battle with Euler as a third party. These battles can definitely stoop to some pretty low points, such as 4Bros’s Martin Luther King vs. Nathan Bedford Forrest. This battle, Theodore Roosevelt vs Franklin D. Roosevelt by ApolloMagic Productions, has a pretty high dislike percentage and a lot of views, so it should be fair game. Is it as bad as the aforementioned 4Bros video? Let’s find out!

William McKinley

What? McKinley? I thought this was TR vs. FDR! (There is a reason for this, which I’ll get to later.) And this kid looks nothing like McKinley! I know you could probably only choose between a few people to play your parts, but at least dress him in an appropriate outfit. And yes, McKinley was responsible for boosting America’s naval power, but that hat looks kind of ridiculous. However, the title card looks good, and the green screen is solid, save for those coins or whatever he dropped on the ground in front of him.

vs Franklin Roosevelt

At least this kid has a hat which FDR would probably wear, and is wearing a more appropriate outfit, but shouldn’t FDR probably be sitting down or in a wheelchair? And you probably could’ve given him glasses or a cigarette holder to make him look a little bit more like FDR. Again, the title card is pretty good.

Begin!

My name is McKinley, replaced the lame duck

Starting a battle off by stating your name is never a good sign. And while Grover Cleveland was sort of a lame duck given that he chose not to run again, but this was before presidential term limits so technically he wasn’t a lame duck. Why do you need to bring up replacing a lame duck at all? It’s probably less impressive than defeating an incumbent president! And you gotta love that “trying to get something off your back” dance he’s doing in the background.

I may be in office but I don’t give a

What was the point of that line? Did you just really want to censor something using a gunshot? And what is it that McKinley doesn’t give a **** about, and why does that matter to this battle?

It looks like William McKinley has been shot and killed! Can anyone take his place?

Why is FDR the one asking this question? It would make more sense if it was the announcer asking, like what happened when Macho Man stepped in for Hulk Hogan. And FDR’s green screen is pretty sloppy-looking here. The death effects on McKinley look fine, though the way he’s laying on the floor is not that convincing, especially with FDR standing vertically in front of him. And given that TR was vice-president, it wouldn’t really be much of a question as to who would take over.

And this is the reason why they had McKinley in the first place - to reflect how TR took over after McKinley was shot. (In real life, McKinley was shot in the chest so it wouldn’t have looked like this, though.) But it was still pointless, considering that McKinley only had 1.5 lines. If you wanted to get across how TR became president, you could’ve just had TR bring that up himself in his own verses.

Epic Rap Battles of History Round 2: Roosevelt vs Roosevelt!

TR’s costume is pretty good here, and the title card is again solid. And I like how he’s laughing jollily in the background - that’s certainly something the real TR would do. However, the new beat is worse than the old one IMO. Why couldn’t you have just kept the old beat for this part?

Here we go cousin it’s about to get real

Shouldn’t TR be rapping, given that McKinley didn’t get to finish his verse? I said earlier that FDR should probably be wearing glasses, but I didn’t mean these goofy-looking shades! And look at FDR doing the worm in the background here. (It reminds me of when 4Bros’ MLK was thrusting for no reason.) Admittedly, it might be the only dance you could do without working legs. OK first line, though.

I’m about to bring the rhymes like I brought the New Deal

Hmmm. The subtitles say “about to,” but FDR says “gonna.” Speaking of the subtitles, the font changes for this one line for no reason. Another OK line, I guess.

My name is F.D.R and you just can’t compare

And we get the filler introduction line - albeit 3 lines in, instead of at the beginning.

The only thing that you have is a lame three-pointed square

At first this line baffled me, but apparently it’s referring to TR’s Square Deal, which laid out three policy goals for TR’s administration. However, this line doesn’t really work - sure, you could say he’s comparing the Square Deal to the New Deal, but FDR said “My name is FDR” after the New Deal is mentioned, which kind of breaks the link in that analogy, and the square deal wasn’t supposed to be “square” itself. Maybe a line like “My deal is new, yours is just square” or something like that would work better. Also, FDR draws a rectangle here, not a square.

Your party progressed into a failure at election, and

Nice try at a pun on the name of the Progressive Party, but saying that something “progressed into a failure” doesn’t make much sense. And you can’t have subtitles cross over from one line to the next like these do!

That look your wife gives me? Instant ****

Whaaat? How is this relevant? Presumably, they’re censoring “erection,” but what does this line even mean? If FDR is just saying TR’s wife looks hot, that’s not really an insult. And as far as I know, this has nothing to do with history.

I may be in a wheelchair but I’ll knock you off your feet

This line doesn’t really work if the actor isn’t in a wheelchair, though I appreciate the turn of phrase.

I’ll steam roll you down into utter defeat

Given that neither Roosevelt really has anything to do with steamrollers, I’ll say this is another filler line.

This day will live in infamy you better be assured

Subtitle font change! Good use of the quote, but “you better be assured” is weak phrasing and feels like padding.

I hope that your little brown brothers are insured

I’ll have to give props to this line for making me learn what the term “little brown brothers” referred to. Apparently, it was a term used in a sort of patronizing way to describe the Filipinos which had fallen under American jurisdiction after the Spanish-American War. However, the line doesn’t really make sense because although Roosevelt probably agreed with the sentiment of the term, it was coined by William Howard Taft, who was Governor General of the Phillipines at the time, and I doubt that TR would really care whether the Filipinos were insured considering how brutally the Filipino resistance to American occupation was put down. And why would FDR want to hurt the Filipinos in the first place?

This transition is kind of weird, in which both characters show up on screen and then they cut from one to the other. Go back to Winston Churchill, your buddy from the war/He’s everything you wanted and a little bit more

What is TR trying to imply here? That he wants to set up FDR and Churchill on a date? Weird.

My apologies sir, I haven’t said my name/My name is T. Roosevelt and rapping is my game

Another filler introduction in the third line of a rapper’s verse. FDR should definitely know who TR is, given that TR came first. All these filler lines are tiring out background TR! And what’s up with the dice-rolling here? Dice is a game of chance, so it wouldn’t exactly show TR’s skill, and that’s not TR rapping. Unless he means “game” in the hunting sense. Hmmm...

Also, TR says “they call me” but the subtitles are “my name is.”

The 26th president, trust busting day and night

The font changes again!

This isn’t 100% a filler line, considering that it contains some relevant information, but it feels like one given how TR mentioned which number president he was for no particular reason.

As big as a Bull Moose and I’d beat one in a fight

OK line, as good a way to stick in a Bull Moose reference as any.

I’m the youngest pres in history, blew out JFK

True, but he didn’t really “blow out” JFK considering how JFK came after him.

I won the noble peace prize, anything else to say?

OK ending line, though “Nobel” is misspelled.

Random dance break for no reason! At least FDR is sitting down now.

Big sticks are for chicks looking to get their kicks

TR is still in the background (probably because they didn’t think to do sideways shots). And we’re fast rapping now apparently! (It’s weird here, but it will get better.) And this is a weird penis joke (presumably), though with TR’s whole “big stick” quote it’s somewhat inevitable.

But you wave yours around like a cowboy hick

Theodore Roosevelt, Presidential Flasher! Also, FONT CHANGE! (on the first part at least) I guess this could be saying that TR is just trying to be macho, which makes sense, but it doesn’t make the “big stick” joke in the previous line make much more sense.

It’s time for a licking you tree hugging freak/And my rhymes are sticking to this infamous beat

This isn’t a bad lyric, though they already made a “date which shall live in infamy” reference. Word on the street is/White Fleet is defeated/I completed two New Deals/Treated folks to their meals/No more depression recessions/Nazi aggression is no longer in session

This is a good fast rap filled with historical references! It flows pretty well, with perhaps the exception of the “Treated folks to their meals” part. The fact that the subtitles fade in and out made it hard for me to pause and transcribe them, but that’s not a real complaint.

Here’s a lesson Ted/Next time you try to hang with me/Do us all a favor and leave this country

FONT CHANGE! I don’t think facing off in a rap battle really constitutes “hanging with” someone. And that’s a little harsh, FDR, though it could be a reference to how TR was the first sitting president to leave the country.

You’re not even president, you’re a disgrace

You may not like him, but he was still president, Franklin. Also, you did a pretty good job of hiding it before, but now we can see you’re the Riddler! Never would’ve thunk it.

I’m about to lend my fist to the lease that’s on your face

Much like the “progressed into failure line” earlier, this is an attempt to work in a historical pun (the Lend-Lease Act) which doesn’t really make sense. Who owns a lease on TR’s face?

And I’ll be Frank with you Roosy you’re no cousin to me/ And I’m dropping some bombs on you like the Japanese

At first I was confused by this line, given that FDR dropped the bombs on the Japanese and not TR, but then I realized this line was about Pearl Harbor, so it’s fine. You can see my confusion, though.

Your democracy fights Nazis about as well as you can run

But they beat the Nazis! FDR said so himself!

So try to run away while you get out my huntin’ gun

These two lines don’t really fit together. “You can’t run, so try to run away” basically. You should see the problem.

I got shot and I lived to tell the tale/Everything you do is an epic fail

I totally called the “epic fail” line when I first saw this. Of course, you obviously took it from Hitler vs Vader. And it doesn’t even make sense here, considering how FDR beat Hitler.

Rough Riders and I, gonna make you cry

Are those extra TRs supposed to be the other Rough Riders? And combined with those flaming silhouettes of Nazis, TR is rather creepy in this verse!

So watch out and may the best Roosevelt prevail

Why are you suddenly returning to the “tail/fail” rhyme scheme? This is the last line in the battle, so “cry” never gets rhymed with anything but “and I”. Did they throw that Rough Riders line in just to make sure the Rough Riders got referenced? It’s an OK last line though.

That was FDR vs Teddy Roosevelt by ApolloMagic Productions. And honestly, it was alright for a school project. The green screens and rapping were good, the body acting was usually suitable, and the lyrics got in a fair amount of historical references in a way which indicated the kids actually knew what they were talking about. I’d have given it a decent grade, and this battle doesn’t deserve its high dislike percentage. However, the lyrics have a fair amount of filler and nonsensical lines, with the non-historical innuendos falling completely flat and many of the historical references being shoehorned in. The costumes, while probably fine for the project, could’ve been a little bit better, with FDR missing his wheelchair and TR missing his mustache. The fonts changing in the subtitles is a problem too, but it probably can be chalked up to problems in editing. And McKinley’s verse was totally embarrassing and unnecessary.

In conclusion, this is probably the best-done battle I’ve reviewed so far, but it still had plenty of things to criticize.