User blog:Dark Cyan/Cyan's Rap Battles of Literature 3: Jules Verne vs H.G. Wells

Hello, everyone. And welcome back to Cyan's Rap Battles of Literature!

I didn't think I was going to write this one the night before either, but thats exactly what I ended up doing. I really hope this doesn't become a trend.

Anyway, this battle pits British Sci-Fi author H.G. Wells against French Sci-Fi author Jules Verne to see which is the true "Father of Science Fiction." They have both been dubbed this title in the past, but there can be only one.

Also, an interesting point to note; Jules Verne is the first author I've used in this series so far who isn't British. I promise you this isn't deliberate.

Enjoy!

Beat: Hard Industrial Rap Beat

Jules Verne
(starts at 0:24)

Bonjour, Herbert. I won’t sugar coat it for us diabetics; I’m callous.

I predict I’ll win this battle. I’m a regular 19th Century Nostradamus.

I will cull this polygamous pig who can’t even keep his todger in in pants!

Typical of a Bloke from Kent. With those manners, don’t even come to France!

I was a breath of Fresh Air. The whole world translated my Voyages Extraordinaires.

The only message you sent the world is mass panic during that embarrasing Radio Scare.

I bet your catastrophe made you wish you were Invisible, or could turn back time.

The True father of Sci-Fi’s taking custody back from this randy, beastly, Hyena-Swine!

H.G. Wells
(starts at 0: 49)

Time’s up, Verne! I’m about to squash this frog, warts and all.

You’re a warning for what happens when a baby drinks wine before they’re taught to crawl.

I’ve got a sweet flow hotter than the actual Center of the Earth.

I think your prediction was off. Looks like you lost. But hey, nice work, for what it’s worth.

I’ll show you the real Shape of Things to Come. I really don’t favour your chances.

I admit, I was never a great amorist, though still the greatest at Scientific Romances.

You see, where you just had dry adventures, I showed some imagination, Jules.

Go back to Paris, old chap, because you just got schooled.

Jules Verne
(starts at 1:14)

At least my stories start on the first page. You really need to work on your introductions.

I won’t pretend you ideas weren’t groundbreaking, but you leave much to be desired with your construction.

I wrote history in 1863. I was a true boundary-pushing breakthrough!

Due to War of the Worlds, a failure’s what I label you. It looked like some pulp bullshit Hal Clement would do!

I see Fiction in your work, but I can’t find any Science!

For an author I directly inspired, you could have done with some more of my guidance.

You think you’re still the best? Well, I sincerely hope I have shrunken your ego.

I just sunk your chances of winning this battle. Call me Captain Nemo.

H.G. Wells
(starts at 1:38)

Not enough science? That’s poppycock! Let me draw you a picshua.

I don’t need to be told every species of fish in the book, like a biology lecture!

I am the name the springs to mind when people think ‘Father of Sci-Fi’.

Your legacy’s 20,000 leagues under, but since my death. My popularity’s flown sky high!

How many fictional Time Machines have entered Pop Culture since I invented the concept?

My mind has earned it’s large ego, when you consider the rest of it’s content.

I inspired the inventor of Robots! You inspired an amateur cult.

I’d give you credit for Steampunk too, but honestly that’s more of an insult.

WHO WON? Jules Verne H.G. Wells