User blog:Hippie Rat/Freddy Fazbear vs Slender Man

Hey yo hi hello, Hippie Rat back again.

Ah, the sweet bliss of finishing another battle. This one took a bit longer than I thought. It was very fun. And super original.

So I was inspired to try my hand at my own Freddy Fazbear vs Slender Man battle, after many, many, many, other people have already pit Freddy against Slender, SCP, Candle Cove, Undertale, Chuck E. Cheese, etc. I guess there really isn't a way to be original with a FNaF battle. Not to mention I'm late to the party.

Well, I wouldn't entirely say I'm late to the party. I have previously written three other Five Nights at Freddy's rap battles myself. All of them featured the animatronics against the characters from the Internet series Don't Hug Me I'm Scared. The first one was easily the best. The other two was my attempt at a subseries with the first FNAF game against the sketchbook, the second FNAF game against the clock, etc. I tried and I failed miserably. But hey, my first attempt at a FNaF battle wasn't half bad. You can find all three of those battles (and more battles of lesser quality) in my Misfit Rap Battles page. P.S. Because those battles are unofficial, I ended up recycling some of the lyrics here. "Something borrowed, something new", y'know?

So yeah, enjoy. :)



Lyrics
Announcer:

Epic Rap Battles of History! Slender Man vs Freddy Fazbear ! Begin!

Slender Man:

We're not so different, you and I,

We are both chock-full of lies:

Freddy Faz can't count to five,

Still getting him if he went one more night.

Mr. Black-and-White about to beat you black and blue,

You'll be purple, guy, I be snapping like a springlock suit.

The Hitchhiking Ghosts are scarier robots than you,

Besides, I hear you like little kids inside you.

Destroy a toy when the bogeyman runs rampant,

Shit's more fake and plastic than a breast implant.

Dead, dumbass stare like you're the kitchen camera,

Make a bear shit himself in the woods that it came from.

You were frightening, bringing fear into the boys and girls,

Then you fucked your whole series up with Five Nights World!

Now you're a commercialized franchise, glitched short-circuit gurgle,

Just like Chuck E. Cheese's, looks like you gone full circle.

Freddy Fazbear:

Hello, hello? Couldn't hear ya over my playas screaming,

Wanting to get out with no Nightmare? Please, keep dreaming.

Skinny men like you make it easier to stuff a mascot,

You're calling me a sellout? You be asking for them Jacksons!

You look like The Puppet on low-resolution,

Your end-game is anti-climatic with no resolution.

You stand and stare, I pull off jumpscares for days, and,

You mainstreamed the facecam as some kind of no-faced-man.

You can't face this, Man! We got lore, you got Hornets,

Check rule number six: you can't touch this!

I won't be kind,

Bring your whole team against mine and you'll find that you can't survive five nights.

Slender Man:

If that's a challenge I hear, 4/20 will be crushed,

I'm about to win a Freddy Fazbear plush.

Hoody and Masky :

Yo it's Hoody! And Masky! Emcee proxy athletes!

Beat your voice box raspy! We be ridin' Slender Man backseat!

Rule number six? Please, I'm about to Rule 34 this:

Your franchise is breeding games faster than rabbits.

Typical of Bonnie to wanna face-off,

How's it feel to be tossed by a pawn of the dark mob?

So Hoody's dropping rhymes like it's off the window sill,

You won't even make a millimeter from being killed.

You stank ranker than the pizza that no kid would ever eat,

When your whole game revolves around me watching you sleep.

Freddy Fazbear:

If you want this game, I'd love to play,

I guess you can say, from your book, took a page.

Bonnie and Chica :

No way to run, nowhere to hide,

When we rob you of your victory, like we're Bonnie and Clyde.

Take your fake cancelled movies, make way for our blockbuster,

I'll be monitoring night monitor like I might be right behind the monitor!

You won't even see us moving when we crush you, dump you in the cemetery,

A d u l t s a n d t e e n s d o n ' t l i v e, y o u ' l l s e e , i t ' s j u s t E l e m e n t a r y !

Kate the Chaser:

Arriving high on the scene, best beast you never seen,

When I lunge toward your screen, rip out your spleen, read it and weep.

You're gonna wish you spent a couple extra bucks on your generator,

When Slender Man drink your blood, man, I'm The Chaser.

I scare bitches shitless, you're, like, seriously low key,

You look like Jack Sparrow got in bed with Wile E. Coyote.

I'll leave you Mangled and driven up the wall,

West Side? You're barely seen running the West Hall.

Foxy:

Arr! You lost sight of what's important, now I ain't staying dormant,

It's me, Foxy, slay proxies, and your playtime shortened.

I spark interest like glitchin' pistons and speakers and wires,

Meth kills, someone shoulda told this ugly bitch 'fore she got wired!

Faux Jeff foe, full of feces,

Dumb-diddly-dumb teen, center of swashbuckler's ditty.

Slice a Slender Man slave, I'm the mech king of hip hop,

That's a hook through another lame Eight Pages rip-off.

TheObserver and The Rake :

sickrhymesFoxyihopeyoudontmindifiinterrupt

themissingpieceofyourpuzzleisabouttobecomeoneofus

fredbeargavekidstheirhappiestdaynoonewillbeforgetting

wellhappybirthdaytoyouGoldieyoujustgotthebadending

You take "graveyard shift" too seriously, Willie,

Now often Afton finds terror at his bed and an itch to plead guilty,

Before his past haunts him into a corner,

The core of the mask you wear is gnawed on by this horror. youdugyourowngrave You're the owner!

Fredbear and Springtrap (Hook):

Yo! Fredbear Family Dine!

Yeah! We the best kind!

Don't need no bite to give a piece of our mind,

Golden Freddy! Spring Bonnie. W e g o i n g b a c k i n t i m e !

Fredbear and Springtrap (Verse):

Rake, your rapping caused an audio error, better pull up the panel,

'Cause when you reboot Springtrap, he'll fit a feral beast into fetal.

Raps harder than Five Nights 3, already unlocked the cheats,

So I rap aggressively, and you ain't ready for Golden Freddy.

I hear you like to Observe...so be my guest,

At my restaurant, replacement night guard, put you to rest,

Like the spirits we hold within,

Shadow Freddy, Shadow Bonnie chomping the brains out of Shadow Kevin!

Slender Man:

Ech, Five Nights fans suck, from Matpat to fap-fap,

To the desk fan draining power till I turn your fright house to scrap.

Making a mess of your canon worse than Silver Eyes did:

Freddy Fazbear is full of Schmidt.

Freddy Fazbear:

At least I have just one canon, you're the pop culture pasta to end it all,

Doctor Who's getting used up in Minecraft, Law and Order, and Supernatural.

Anyway, Markiplier's funnier than PewDiePie,

So I'mma eat Slender Man like I eat a pizza pie.

.....

Papyrus:

Why have pizza...when you can have..spaghe-

Announcer:

Who won? Who's next? You Decide! Epic Rap Battles of History!

Trivia

 * My inspiration for this battle was actually the more recent Game Theory FNaF episodes (those ones where he goes over two possible theories, the Dream Theory, and the Timeline Theory), which sparked my FNaF interest once again, and the book, Five Nights at Freddy's: The Silver Eyes, which was the first time in quite a while that I read for fun.
 * The first part to be written was the entrance for Hoody and Masky, which lead me to convincing myself to have a bunch of proxies against a bunch of animatronics with Slender Man and Freddy Fazbear as the respective ringleaders.
 * Would I have thrown in more references? Eh, probably not. If anything I would've made a final-draft Balloon Boy reference, but otherwise I think I got enough in there.
 * Some characters that were considered to go against Fredbear and Springtrap include: HABIT, Ticci Tobi, Jeff the Killer, The Silence (Doctor Who), Firebrand, Thinman (Supernatural), Jay (Marble Hornets), and Noah (Tribe Twelve). Some of these characters were given references in the battle.
 * Fredbear was originally going to be credited as Golden Freddy and he was going to tag-team with The Puppet, but I felt that the more logical approach was to put Springtrap in with Fredbear instead, as those two were the canonical original two animatronics and Springtrap is much cooler than The Puppet in my opinion.
 * I actually don't have anything against Undertale and the people who play it. I'm just not a fan of RPGs but felt I should give a personal response to the Undertale phenomenon. I figured a "Criss-Angel-style cut-off-from-the-battle" appearance would be funny and fitting.
 * Technical writing credits to Cam (Video Game Rap Battles) for my borrowing of the line "No way to run, nowhere to hide" (which has probably also been used by a bunch of others, but it was meant as an homage to him) and to Markiplier for my borrowing of the line "We're not so different, you and I" (ditto).
 * Scrapped Lyrics! vvvvvvvvvvv

Scrapped Lyrics
(You can tell, usually for obvious reasons, why these were scrapped...)

Masky:

So Hoody's dropping rhymes like it's off the balcony,

While you stank ranker than the pizza that no kid would ever eat.

This a game of chess and we piece ebony,

So move first, Bonnie, but since lady last, you drop dead like chivalry.

Foxy:

(Mimicking Kate) "Ooh, look at me, the teenage girl who startled all two people who played my game."

The Rake:

Your story's so jumbled, I can't even tell where first gen is!

Anyone on the Slender side:

I'll shoot BB with a BB,

Poll
Who won? Slender Man & The Proxies Freddy Fazbear & The Animatronics