User blog:VFF1995/Literal reviews - EpicRapBattles10 - Jack Sparrow vs Harry Potter

INCOMPLETE

I thought I'd do a series like like other people's on the website where I just shoot the shit about the lyrics for rap battles on YouTube. Hopefully someone somewhere will get a laugh or two out of it.

My first post will focus on ERB10's (since discontinued but not before rebranding as Rap Battle Avenue) fourth rap battle, which pits Captain Jack Sparrow from the Pirates of the Carribean film series against wizard Harry Potter from his titular book/film series.

I used to actually enjoy some of this dude's battles back when I was about 15. They were the only other rap battle series on YouTube, besides obviously ERBoH, that I knew existed. Now that I'm 21, I look back and realise they were not very well written at all. I get that the guy obviously didn't have ERB's budget so couldn't do greenscreen, costumes etc and so used images instead, but that's no excuse for piss poor lyricism, eh?

Sparrow
'''Yo check it! My name is Jack Sparrow!'''

Yawn, generic opening line...

You wouldn't find love if Cupid shot you with an arrow

But he kind of already did find love, so this line is redundant.

I find gold in treasure chests

Well, you're a pirate in a film, that's to be expected.

But your to busy looking at Hermione's breast!

You're too* And Hermione only has one breast now? What is Harry too busy to do? Find gold in treasure chests like you?

I use a sword, making every battle tragic That's good and all, but this is a RAP battle.

You fight wars with just a little wand of magic

Well he's won wars with it, so he's not doing too bad

Like seriously Potter, who do you think you are?

I think he thinks that he's Harry Potter.

I'll leave bigger marks then Lord Voldemort's scar! You'll leave big marks on him, THEN leave him Voldemort's scar that he already has? OOOOOOH you meant "than"! GRAMMAR.

Your dick is small and round, just like a penny Why does it have to be small AND round? Wouldn't just calling it "small" suffice? And how the fuck would you know anyway?

If you don't believe me, then go and ask Jenny! Who the fuck is Jenny? Yeah, I saw that annotation in the top left corner that reads "Ginny", but still...who the fuck is Jenny?

Besides, I thought you said Harry couldn't find love, so you're contradicting yourself.

'''You wanna battle me? Please, be my guest'''

I think he'd be better suited as your opponent.

I'll ride over you as if I was the Hogwarts Express!

I thought you used swords, not vehicular manslaughter.

Potter
When I enter battles, you know I'll never fail

Another generic opener...

Just go jump off your ship Jack and be eaten by a whale

You seem eager for him to get himself killed despite your confidence that you won't fail.

I'll dis you so hard you'll have a rapping seizure

What exactly is a "rapping seizure"? Is it where you start rapping random shit that comes to your mind? If so, the creator must have had one while making this battle.

And last time I checked you don't have a girlfriend either!

No need to say "either", Harry. You have a girlfriend.

With my wand you will never get bored

And the funniest thing is it can kill faster then your sword

All I have to do is wave my wrist

Masturbation 101.

No need for swords or punching with fists

Sparrow
Oh Harry Potter, stop causing so much commotion

Just shut up and go drink your stupid magic potion!

Your disses are terrible and your rhymes are bad

At least I actually have a mom and a dad!

This is your first rap battle I assume

So do us all a favor and fly away on your broom

Listen to me Harry, it's time to focus

Enough of your silly little hocus pocus

Potter
Jack Sparrow it doesn't seem like you have a clue!

I don't need magic to win a battle over you!

Your hideous face just makes me wanna hurl

More so then the ship you call the black pearl

My disses are so cold, you'll be asking for a coat

This battle is almost over. If that's true, why hasn't Jack Sparrow asked for a coat already? Probably because he's already wearing one?

Then I'll throw you overboard, so I hope that you can float

Why would you throw someone overboard if you wanted them to float? I think he'd need to able to swim, not simply "float"

Your just like a twig, so easy to bend

I'll show you what it's really like to be At Worlds End!

--Vicious Friendly Fish (talk) 14:07, August 11, 2016 (UTC)