User blog:Bobdave/Hugh Neutron vs Timmy Turner 2: The Fuckening - Bobdave's 10/10 Would Bang Battles

Bet you never thought you'd see one of these again, did you?

This took me longer than 11 minutes.

This also took up nearly 7 Microsoft Word pages.

This had some orgasm inducing help from Barry

ANNOUNCER

Nnnnnnnggg!

*shits out this battle*

HUGH Against you Timmy, the odds, they are stacking Now it's time to get quack quack quacking! I'm the best cartoon, I make farts, boom! Now there's fart in your face I'm sorry, that was rude of me Your dick is like Jimmy Timmy Power Hour Four Everyone would love it but it's not real, aww I bet you wish you knew what I have in store Stick around till after this commercial break for more ... ... ... ... I shat on the floor!

TIMMY I'm not cleaning that up!

*Timmy gets shot in the head by his father's handgun*

TIMMY'S DAD I'm not cleaning that up! You're more of a stinkleturd than Dinkleberg Think of a word Then replace it with shitty Then put that word before Dinkleberg Dinkleberg... I don't know why I have a license for a handgun Your ass is where I'd put my dick, IF I HAD ONE! Not having a dick runs in my family tree The only one with a dick is my mother, Amy-Lee But I bet you're not as well-endowed as you claim to be Let me check, oh no, you were right, silly me

HUGH We should hurry up so the third parties can join May I respectfully request you stop staring at my groin? It was weird enough when I had underwear on Now that it's gone... well, it's slightly weirder My son gets A pluses, your son gets Fs But you're about to get my D, that's right, anal sex! I like feta, I am better and look wetter in a sweater Also, I told you TO STOP STARING AT MY GENITALS!

TIMMY'S DAD Sorry, I'm entranced by what's beneath your pants I'll just continue my funk while staring at your junk And while your smegma smells like a skunk Your crotch is aesthetically pleasing so I'll remain here and stare Yeah

HUGH I got a text from Nate, he says he'll be late

TIMMY'S DAD Who's Nate?

HUGH Oops, damn autocorrect, I mean Shrek

TIMMY'S DAD That makes no sense

HUGH Look over at that fence Shrek is making his entrance Into a little boy ...'s birthday party Oh and now he's penetrating all the children there Classic Shrek

SHREK Heck yes, that was classic Shrek The guy whose dick is massive, Shrek The guy who's never flaccid, Shrek The guy whose cum is like acid, Shrek Now it's high time for some rapid sex! I'm about to smack it, yes! Faster, faster, fack, it's wet It may be empty but my sack is fed You guys suck more than my meme is overused With your butthole, my dick will be fused Don't be confused when I pull out a blowtorch And start attaching my penis to your anus When kiddies scream, it makes my day Goodbye now, I have onion juice to spray

*Shrek flies away with Hugh Neutron hanging from his ass by Shrek's member, leaving a cloud of dust from which Waluigi emerges*

WALUGI (in Billy Mays' voice) But wait there's more! Look at my shoes! Now look back at me! Ha! You did it, you are so gullible My purple hat is very colourful You're all gay, I'll call you colourful! Here's my tip, you want more of this? Prepare every orifice It snakes through and breaks through each one, the problem is I forgot my rubber, so my chubber is uncovered Oh well, never mind, it can't be worse than my brother's!

WARIO I've told you many times, we're not related

RASPUTIN Cool moustache, Wario! Wanna get penetrated?

HAN FEI We will return after this commercial massage

<p class="MsoNormal">*The scene switches to Maimonides having his back rubbed by Rabbi Shmuley*

<p class="MsoNormal">MAIMONIDES We're just friends, that's the end of it

<p class="MsoNormal">SHMULEY Friends with benefits?

<p class="MsoNormal">MAIMONIDES Shut up, Shmuley, just rub my back end a bit You sexual deviants suck dick, it's very evident

<p class="MsoNormal">SHMULEY Also, I bet that you didn't run for president! I'm friends with Michael Jackson, and he treats me like a princess

<p class="MsoNormal">MAIMONIDES You're never gonna let this go, are you?

<p class="MsoNormal">SHMULEY I'll post it on pinterest! Now that my shift is up, time for some jaunty incest!

<p class="MsoNormal">*as Shmuley turns to leave, he is confronted by Lump... riding on Beartette!"

<p class="MsoNormal">BEARTETTE Grr, lick my fur, suck my tower: Pisa I'm gonna deport all you guys: Visa I make all that cash money: Visa My raps are the opposite of tepid: Freezer I Ball so hard like Dragons: Freiza I ball like chocolate and ovaltine: Malteser I blast my liquid at you: Geyser I'm into shagging old men: Geezer

<p class="MsoNormal">LUMP: Yeah Yeah I'm riding a bear I didn't pay the fare

<p class="MsoNormal">BEARTETTE You what? Fuck off then! I have a YouTube Channel, bitch, you won't survive So like, favourite and don't forget to subscribe! Being as mediocre as you guys should be a crime Now I'll squirt my juice in your eyes: Lime
 * throws Lump off*

*Beartette is tackled to the ground by none other than Sacagewea*

<p class="MsoNormal">SACAGEWEA: I'm Sacagewea Tackle a be-ar Smacking your re-ar Splatty jizz sprayer I pump out babies while helping stupid trekkers Now would you please wait one sec cuz I'm about to use these secateurs ON YOUR MANHOOD, WARIO

<p class="MsoNormal">RASPUTIN Try messing with Wario, you'll be sorry yo!

<p class="MsoNormal">*Rasputin and Sacagewea start fighting*

<p class="MsoNormal">TIMMY'S DAD A question is lingering: When is my fingering?!

<p class="MsoNormal">*A giant hand appears with a finger pointed upwards*

<p class="MsoNormal">TIMMY'S DAD
 * Squeals with delight*

<p class="MsoNormal">*The giant hand is revealed to be the hand of Rufus*

<p class="MsoNormal">RUFUS I'm about to be excellent, why don't you eat excrement? No, seriously, why don't you? It tastes most excellent I'll plant a great big smacker on your throbbing lamppost That means dick if you couldn't tell, lamppost See what I did there? I called you a dick But I disguised it with lamppost, I like lampposts

<p class="MsoNormal">*Rufus removes all of his clothing*

<p class="MsoNormal">Step back, cause it's time for the rudest: Rufus! I just took off all my clothes: I'm a nudist! My little floppy willy looks just like a fish Not a minnow, but in fact a dolphin, delish! But a dolphin is a mammal, just like a camel And I will lick you just like the toe of a camel Get out the flannel, cuz you'll need to clean up After I bring in TWO GIRLS ONE CUP

<p class="MsoNormal">TWO GIRLS ONE CUP Our battle has passed, I have an idea, Eliza! Let's bring in one man, one screwdriver!

<p class="MsoNormal">*Horrible guttural screaming is heard along with squishing and spurting sounds*

<p class="MsoNormal">ONE MAN ONE SCREWDRIVER That was a bad idea, I fear But anti-gay rallies are cool, DIE QUEER My very favourite video game: Pokémon My one command to your dame: Stroke my schlong!

<p class="MsoNormal">A GAY MAN Uh, what the hell, dude? That was offensive So we're gonna band together and hang you by the fence if You keep being offensive, stop being offensive! You're a dick

<p class="MsoNormal">ONE MAN ONE SCREWDRIVER You like dick!

<p class="MsoNormal">A GAY MAN I cannot deny this My dick is in a knot I cannot untie this! I just fisted a nun Alright, fist! I'm still gay though But also I'm in ISIS

<p class="MsoNormal">LEVI ACKERMAN Aha! I had a hunch! That's what the dice is!

<p class="MsoNormal">*Suddenly an anti-gay rally comes past and sweeps up one man, one screwdriver*
 * Wonder is seen to be leading the charge*
 * He is not naked*

<p class="MsoNormal">LEWIS HAMILTON I drive a racecar, whoosh whoosh! That woman is having a baby, push push! We're in a motherfucking library, shush shush!

<p class="MsoNormal">MOSES I smoke so much damn weed, kush kush!

<p class="MsoNormal">*Just as it seems like there are no more jokes to milk, out of the darkness... come... and I mean come... ROD SERLING AND THE CRYPTKEEPER*

<p class="MsoNormal">*Dragonsblood23 orgasms several times*

<p class="MsoNormal">ROD SERLING Yo, Dragon, you fagon, what do you think of this?

<p class="MsoNormal">CRYPT KEEPING Instead of fighting, we're about to kiss!

<p class="MsoNormal">ROD SERLING We're not actually going to kiss right? That would be gay

<p class="MsoNormal">CRYPT KEEPER Huh? Did you say something

<p class="MsoNormal">ROD SERLING Whoops! Too late!

<p class="MsoNormal">*Rod Serling and the Crypt Keeper begin to make out passionately*

<p class="MsoNormal">*Timmy Turner walks in*

<p class="MsoNormal">TIMMY TURNER What the hell, dad? Is this what you've been hiding?

<p class="MsoNormal">TIMMY'S DAD No, son! It's not what it looks like! We're fighting!

<p class="MsoNormal">TIMMY Yeah right! I saw you getting in some nipple biting!

<p class="MsoNormal">WARIO My garlic smelling cock! That's a rare sighting!

<p class="MsoNormal">TIMMY'S DAD I know you must be very disappointed, son I thought one day I could teach you how to fist a nun Or even shoot your own child with a gun This is where I'd put my apology.... ... ... ... IF I HAD ONE! FUCK YOU, YOU LITTLE SHIT, YOU RUINED MY LIFE YOU'RE STUPID, AND FUCKY, AND EVEN DID MY WIFE I'LL TAKE THIS KNIFE, PUT IT IN YOUR CHODE I WILL SHOVE MY COCK DOWN YOUR THROAT YOU'LL CHOKE ON MY DICK, YOU WILL BE SICK THEN THAT PUDDLE OF SICK, I'LL MAKE YOU LICK! SO GO SCREW A CACTUS, AND I HOPE YOU DIE FROM IT I'M SO FUCKING GLAD THAT THERE'S ANOTHER FUCKING COMET

<p class="MsoNormal">*The same comet from before comes and kills everything*

<p class="MsoNormal">ANNOUNCER Who won!?

<p class="MsoNormal">SHREK I just shat in a sock!

<p class="MsoNormal">ANNOUNCER Who's next!?

<p class="MsoNormal">SHREK The shit is still there

<p class="MsoNormal">ANNOUNCER Nun fisting!

NUN FISTING Hugh Neutron Timmy Turner Timmy's Dad Shrek Waluigi Wario and Rasputin - America's newest power couple Han Fei Maimonides and Rabbi Shmuley Beartette Lump Sacagewea Rufus Two Girls, One Cup One Man, One Screwdriver A Gay Man Levi Ackerman The Clothed Wonder-led Anti-gay Rally Lewis Hamilton Moses Rod Serling and the Crypt Keeper A shitty sock The failure of my above attempt to insert a picture into a poll Nun fisting Dragon masturbating furiously behind a bin with Meat over the spectacle they have just witnessed