User blog:Captain Coder/Coding Literal Reviews 5 ~ Hal Jordan VS Finn the Human

Yes Ladies and Gentlemen, the mid-season special is the god of all horrible battles that come from SuperThingsInMyCup, and the most iconic of them. *Readies pad and pen* Let's dive into this shit like it's the Olympics.


 * Angrly shoves Smosh intro rip off aside and growls*

Hal Jordan:
Look what we have here, a 13 year old boy!

Well, after looking and studying him with cross examination, yes, we can see that, dingleberry brain.

'''You think that you can beat me? You cannot even enjoy!'''

Enjoy... what? You just lost the last half of your sentance in this flurry of FUCKING ARM WAVING. CUT IT OUT!

I'm the type of guy who can steal anybody's woman

Rapist. A rapist trying desperatly to dry his hands.

'''So I'm going to steal the princess. Excuse me, come again?'''

Whaaa.... wha.. he didn't say anything! Why the fuck would you break your own flow THAT badly for the rest of this verse to ask if he HAPPENED to mumble something? I....I just.. what?

'''I'm the Green Lantern dork! You can eat a fork!'''

.............o_o................................................. what the actual fuck? Yes, you ARE the Green Lantern Dork.

I'm going to cook your pug so I can make pork!

.....Pugs = Pork.... pugs = pork..... Lord Jesus, tell me he isn't THAT fucking stupid.

'''You wanna get a girl? Join eHarmony!'''

All you can do is join Sinestro's Army!
 * Develops hemorrhage on eyeball from sheer cringe-worthy catchphrases being born

But, you just told him to join eHarmony. Why would you immediently point out your own fucking flaws in your rap, like, straightaway?

Finn the Human:
'''What time is it? Adventure Time!'''

It's 10:12 you interrupting, rude, fucker. And why are you BOTH trying to imitated inflatable tube men?!

If you took the ring you're going to get a bad crime!

???? WHAT? No, no, no, NO, NO! He COMMITED a bad crime. He didn't GET a bad crime. Christ, at least take a 5th Grade English course.

This is just a joke, so you make me laugh!

That was the single worst immitation of a "laugh" i've ever seen. And "THIS is a joke" would imply you are talking about your own verse, which is too gut-wrenching to be funny.

I have a dog that can turn into an axe so I can cut you in half!

Good for you, now put some under your armpits.

Haha i'm just kidding, I just want to be your friend!

...... you know, I'm just trying to imagine going up to someone in public, giving some sort of weird specific threat to kill them, and then laughing that fake laugh and telling them "I JUS WUNNA B A FREND!" o_0

But if you don't accept, this is going to be the end,


 * Perks up

HAL, DON'T ACCEPT THAT FRIEND REQUEST

Of the Green Lantern, i'm just saying


 * Throws pad back down

FUCK

But seriously, I'm going to turn adventure into slaying!

You are so un-intimmidating, it's almost sad. You've made like, three threats already before rebutting them, I don't think you're capable of actually doing jack SHIT to anyone.

Hal Jordan:

 * background talking starts after Jordan pathetically quits


 * rolls eyes and cranks up volume to hear it

Great, here comes the audio-potato generic-speech-ripped-off-of-movie

What are you talking about young Carl Fregrenson?


 * cringes away from loud rapping and pulls volume back down

Piece of shit mother humper...... No, Finn was not talking about young Carl Fregrenson. Put a comma next time, doofus.

Everytime you do math, it's always negative!

How the hell??? What the fuck do you mean? 2 + 2 = 4, A POSITIVE NUMBER NO MATTER WHAT WAY YOU SPIN IT OR WHO DOES THE EQUATION.

In the brightest day, in the blackest night, no evil shall escape my sight,

Are you honestly going to waste a whole rhyme reciting your catchphrase? No changes? At all?

Let those who worship evil's might, beware my power - Green Lantern's light!


 * facepalm

'''You think you get two girls? One is 18, one is 1000'''

Wait, is that a COMMA i see?

You need to get a girl who's age is thirteen or less in England!

That is so fucking racist, and makes no, ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE AT ALL.

Wait, you want a girl who's exaculy like you?

"Exaculy" ....oh god... it can get worse.

Okay I'll get a girl for you named Fionna dude

Why would you do that for him in the middle of a rap battle? I'm sure he doesn't want someone named Fionna Dude anyway.

I see you have a game console called "The BMO"

Where are you going with this?

Why don't you take the hat off you stupid freaking emo!

(fthis) I guess absolutely goddamn nowhere

I'll go to planet Oa to get the guardians

Why?

And kick your ass out of town and into Narnia!

You really need HELP for this task to kick him into some OTHER random place? What, did your bad crime restrict your ring?

'''You always go to the candy kingdom what are you? A candy theif?'''

Can no one visit a fake kingdom these days without being pressed about this shit?

'''Go play some hard core games like Halo with Master Cheif! *spaz seizure attack*'''

(WTF) I swear to god, why the hell... what is the point of acting like you have epilepsy when you talk about a game like HALO? Fucking H-A-L-O? Matt, I'd love to see you try and do that... whatever the fuck that was.... in public and try not to get your ass kicked after you creep someone the fuck out. *phew* anyway... one verse left.... I can do this..

Finn the Human:
Calm down man it's just an epic rap battle

Yeah..... epic.....

You gotta take a vacation I prefer Seattle


 * second hemmorrage on the other eye now

Matt.... is the comma key on your keyboard fucking BROKEN or something? No, you know what? Fuck THAT, is the part of your vocals where you USE commas while speaking broken? FIX IT!

Have you ever heard that I ate a small computer?

Are we suppose to give a fuck? Not to mention, you pay attention to your body while your saying this, it looks like you're trying to REGURGITATE said computer.


 * Hal puts on the fakest shocked look I've ever seen

Ew.... I don't want to see your fucking boogers, dude.

While you were flying pilots, you should've got a tutor?

Why? Jordan was a good pilot. But, of course, I see you made him out to "Fly pilots". What, is he like the "bus driver" for a bunch of other pilots and takes them places?

I'm not a candy theif, I just like the bubblegum princess

Good for you, bro

Every princess likes me but you have one that's not perfect!

That'd didn't rhyme, that'd didn't make SENSE, that wasn't even RELEVENT. *sigh* What "Princess"? And why is perfection all of a sudden a big thing? That's a very weak insult. Just imagine, someone beats the shit out of you and all you say to them is "YOU'RE NOT PERFECT ;_;"

When I was in the pilot my name was Pen the human

Ooookay? Are you going somewhere with THIS?

But in the season 3 finale my tree house was burning

http://ehealthforum.com/health/losing-train-of-thought-t257873.html Finn, I think this could really help you.

Gonna pause for a second.........................

.............................. uhhhhhhhhhh, did you really get fucking TIRED from this? Give me a break......

I just have to say go burn in hell on an island

Well.... that LOOKS like something you JUST came up with, as it makes no sense to burn in Hell on a fucking island. God....

Also I'm going to cut you in half now!

You fucking lied to him, you told him you wouldn't do that! Much cry. So lying. crai. (_-_)>


 * cough the remake sucks ass too

Outro
As you can tell, I've wanted to do that for a LONG time to take out my built up frustration on STOC and his horrible raps. Oh, but don't worry, there are worse MCs out there....... just wait until the Finale.