User blog:The Bespectacled Guy/Bespec's Rap Battles of History 6: Bob Dylan VS Marcus Mumford

Introduction


In this eight-month late battle, legendary singer/poet Bob Dylan takes on Mumford & Sons' gravelly-voiced frontman, Marcus Mumford, to determine who's the better folk-rock star.

Beat
This one (if it can be called a beat). (Courtesy of dimension33alpha)

The Battle
BESPEC'S RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!

BOB DYLAN!

VS

MARCUS MUMFORD!

BEGIN!

Marcus Mumford:

(Begins at 0:12)

Hey now! What's this? What a sad sight to see!

A 70-year-old man who wants to face off with me?

You've had a long career, look at all the songs you wrote,

But I have more sons than you have well-sung notes!

You've left quite a legacy, but there's no hope of escape,

I'll leave you broken up and scattered, like your bootleg tapes!

But to go on and sing for 50 years? Ma, that's not alright,

About time you retired, and stopped hogging the limelight!

Bob Dylan:

(Begins at 0:37)

What's that noise I hear, Blowin' In The Wind?

It's the sound of some Idiot who thinks he's going to win!

You want me to retire? That wouldn't be a mistake,

'Cause if you're where music's headin', I'll be glad to take a break!

(pause)

Spit rhymes fast like a Hurricane that's tearin' down 4th Street,

Yes, Like A Rolling Stone, I will knock you off your feet!

Son, I invented rap, with Subterranean Homesick Blues,

And I changed music forever! What the hell did you do?

Marcus Mumford:

(Begins at 1:03)

Is that the best you've got? I expected better.

And if you won't kiss my arse, then you can eat my woollen sweater!

You may think I'm just some posh Brit, but I'm really quite able,

Turn into a Little Lion Man and drag you back to Babel!

They may say you're incredible, but I know that's untrue,

Even Barry Manilow is more talented than you!

Yet you still want to make records? Well let the price be on your head!

Toured with The Band and Jerry Garcia but I'll be Grateful when you're Dead!

I'll beat you so badly, you'll be sent back in time,

Back where you belong, circa 1969!

Bob Dylan:

(Begins at 1:33)

Look, I can't understand why I'm here in this showdown,

Your 'faux rock' is a lame excuse for your band to hoedown!

And you dress like a farmer! And you sing like a sailor!

'Mumford & Sons'? Sounds like some weird old English tailor!

Come on, this ain't a battle! You're just too obscure.

You can't be a star when no-one's heard-a you!

(pause)

Whereas I'm a living legend! I revolutionised rock music!

I made folk electric, you gone back to acoustic!

You're just another singer, no different to before,

'Cept you stick your Travelling Wilbury in the Great Gatsby whore!

Marcus Mumford:

(Begins at 2:05)

You inauthentic fool! I'm the newest and best!

How you got so many fans is anybody's guess.

But look at your sales! Your precious fanbase is fading!

You were decent at one point, but The Times They Are A-Changin'!

Bob Dylan:

(Begins at 2:17)

Well you're talentless! I'll kill your bandmates! What d'you make of that?

That means when I'm done rappin', there'll be Blood on the Hacks!

And I don't know why you always stand grinnin' from ear to ear,

So ask yourself: which one of us'll be remembered in ten years?

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!

BESPEC'S (yee-haw) RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!

Rap Meanings
Coming soon!

Scrapped Lyrics
Bob Dylan:

Everytime I hear yo' pretty-boy ass on the radio, I feel a burnin' fire,

To beat you senseless in this battle, that's my true Desire!

Marcus Mumford:

Put down that harmonica! You're giving me a headache!

You're old enough to be my granddad, for goodness' sake!

Poll
Who won? Bob Dylan Marcus Mumford