Adam vs Eve



Adam vs Eve is the twenty-eighth installment of Epic Rap Battles of History and the thirteenth episode of Season 2. It features biblical first humans on Earth Adam and Eve to settle which gender is superior: man or woman? It was released on February 11th, 2013.

Cast
EpicLLOYD as Adam

Jenna Marbles as Eve

Nice Peter as Steve (cameo)

Eve:
This battle's gonna end like every argument does,

With you kissing my ass and begging me for a rub!

I made a map, mother fucker, and I'm reading it, too.

Gives me specific directions how to fuck with you!

I know that you like to think you're so macho,

But you smell like ball sacs and nachos!

I work, while you and your boyfriend, Steve,

Drink and play sports in a fantasy league!

You're as sharp as a stick that I rub on my lips,

So go ahead, take a shot. I'm sure that you'll miss!

Like the laundry, the toilet, the grocery list,

If you stopped fucking up, I wouldn't have to get pissed!

Adam:
My life was fine 'til you had to come along and wreck it.

Could you please just shut your face for ten seconds?

You cry about everything but can't decide what you want!

"I'm hungry, I'm fat, I'm cold, I'm hot!"

You call it complex, but yo, I'd call you a mess.

You take two hours to cum, three more to get dressed!

You got a lotion for this; you got a cream for that.

Got any perfume that smells like "Get the fuck off my back"?

When things are good, they're great, and it's like I'm dreaming,

Until your junk starts bleeding and you turn to a demon!

It ain't Summer, Eve. Don't try to play me like a douche!

You want a bite on my fruit? Well, you can swallow the truth!

Eve:
Don't even bring up swallow!

The first man on Earth ain't a tough act to follow!

One pump chump, and you're hung like a weasel.

(Pfft.) Ditch the fig leaf; get yourself a pine needle!

You want alone time? Have it! In fact,

Suck your own dick and shave your own back!

That apple's the best thing I bit so far!

Now I see how much of a dick you are!

Adam:
I wasn't listening. Are you still flapping those lips?

I was just thinking, "Yo, did I give up a rib for this?"

Woman, I just don't know what your problem is.

All I know is you're acting like a colossal bitch!

Adam:
I'm sorry.

Eve:
...I'm sorry, too.

Adam:
Alright, nice!

Eve:
Don't even think about it!

Adam:
Okay, that's fine, we could eat.

Eve:
Your back is hairy, and your balls smell like Godzilla.

It's like you evolved from some kind of gorilla!

God:
You both need each other, but you need some other things too.

'Cause only one whole plus one whole can possibly equal two.

So work on yourself and inspire homie, don't tell her what to do.

'Cause your little penis can't imagine what her vagina is prepared to do.

When she pushes out a tiny little version of your whiny ass.

You're gonna feel pretty stupid about the fight you had about the trash!

General

 * This is the first battle to feature a man against a woman.
 * This is the first theological vs theological battle.
 * This is the third battle to feature a woman rapping.
 * This was the first battle to be age-restricted on YouTube for a short period of time.
 * This is the first and so far only battle in which both rappers share the same location for the entirety of the video.
 * This is the fourth holiday-themed battle, which was intended for Valentine's Day.
 * This is the second battle, after Nice Peter vs EpicLLOYD, where both rappers reconciled.

Continuity

 * This is the first battle since Barack Obama vs Mitt Romney to feature an Epic Dance Battle of History.

Production

 * This is the third battle in which Nice Peter does not rap.
 * This is the first battle to be subtitled in Spanish.
 * God was supposed to rap a small verse in the battle, but ERB scrapped the idea.