James Bond vs Austin Powers/Rap Meanings

James Bond:
I've beefed with Le Chiffre and No and Blofeld with a cheek scar,

(James Bond faced and defeated villains such as Le Chiffre, Dr. No and Blofeld, a villain known for his cat and prominent cheek scar.)

But they were not as crooked and rotten as your teeth are!

(Bond uses the two meanings of the words "rotten" and "crooked" to compare the state of Powers' teeth to the villains he has faced in the past. They can be described as rotten and crooked as these are words associated with corrupt or evil characters, whilst Powers' teeth may be crooked or rotten because he takes little care of them.)

I'll go balls to the Walther on this wack twat in an ascot!

(A pun on the phrase "to go balls to the wall", which is to put all of one's energy into something, and the word "Walther", in reference the Walther PPK, a German pistol issued to James Bond in the Ian Fleming novel, Dr. No. The PPK became Bond's primary weapon with the transition to the big screen, Bond expresses that he wishes to go all out with his signature firearm on Powers, who uses an ascot as part of his attire, which Bond deems "wack" or uncool.)

Blast shots atcha like gas from the back slot of a fat Scot!

(A reference to the Austin Powers character, Fat Bastard, who is a large Scottish man with a flatulence problem. Bond claims he will unload his gun on Powers with speed and frequency comparable to Fat Bastard's releasing of wind.)

'''Permission from the Crown to put a scoundrel down? I've earned it!'''

(Bond works for MI6, an organization that serves Queen and country. The service permits that Bond kill when necessary, and Bond intends to use this permission to put an end to Powers. He also states that he earned this right through his extreme competence as an agent.)

I'm licensed to kill; you couldn't get a learner's permit!

("Licence to Kill" is the sixteenth movie in the Bond franchise, and takes its name from Bond's aforementioned permission to kill when deemed necessary. Before one can receive a driver's license, they must first earn a learner's permit, which gives them permission to practice driving under the care of someone with a full license. Bond compares this to his license to kill and tells Powers he is too inexperienced and unskilled to be allowed such a duty. This may also be a reference to Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery, in which Powers failed to drive pass a narrow path with three pillars in Dr. Evil's lair. Furthermore, Powers barely even drove in the first movie, most times it was Venessa Kensington the one who drove.)

After twenty-four films, I'm still reaching new heights!

(The character of James Bond has been in a total of twenty-four films and is still hitting box office records, with his series being third on the highest-grossing film series of all time. This could also refer to the frequency with which Bond is found atop large skyscrapers in his movies.)

Your third movie died; guess You Only Live Twice!

(Austin Powers' third and last film, Austin Powers in Goldmember, was not well-received by fans and critics. Bond references his own film, "You Only Live Twice", referring to Powers two-time success and one-time failure.)

'''Spell my name! The ladies wanna B on D!'''

(Bond makes a pun using the letters of his last name. He is known in his films for being a successful womanizer, and so claims that the girls in his movies wish to be on his "D" or dick.)

Any sex appeal you might have is beyond me!

(Bond does not understand how Powers is shown to be popular with women considering his strange behavior and nerdy, unkempt looks. How Powers is attractive to ladies is beyond him, i.e. confusing.)

I'm bespoke from my head to my toe, and after this flow, I'm done!

(Bespoke is a term applied to clothing which generally means "made to order." Bond is touting his fashion sense by demonstrating that all his clothes are custom made by skilled tailors. He also declares that after this verse, or "flow," he will have overcome Powers with his lyrics.)

I only need one round: *gunshot* Golden Gun!

(A reference to the Golden Gun weapon in the 007 film The Man with the Golden Gun, a 4.2 mm single-shot handgun, the trademark of hitman Francisco Scaramanga who uses it to assassinate his targets. Scaramanga typically only uses a single bullet for each kill. Bond claims he only needs one round (or verse) in this rap battle to beat Powers.)

Austin Powers:
You look a lot more blond in your movie, baby.

'''That's alright. Let's just keep it groovy, baby!'''

(Austin Power's catchphrase is, "Groovy, baby!" Groovy can mean excellent, so Austin Powers might be saying that Bond's rap isn't excellent and tells him to do better.)

(Yeah!) Basil Exposition told me this would be boring,

(Basil Exposition is a character from the Austin Powers movies who gives Powers briefings on his missions. His name is auto-logical, as he gives exposition, or an explanation of an idea that wasn't shown in the movie, but is a necessary plot point to the story. Coincidentally, this line in itself is exposition. In this described briefing, Exposition told Powers that battling against James Bond would be boring, insulting the entertainment value of his movies.)

But Jesus, man, even my mojo's snoring!

(While being told rapping against Bond was going to be boring, but Powers didn't expect it to such a degree that his mojo, or sex appeal/charm, has fallen asleep, implying that he can't even stay awake for intercourse after hearing something as boring as Bond rapping.)

I've never seen such a miserable spy!

(Powers says that he's never seen a spy as inadequate as Bond. This also mocks Craig's bond for being serious, saying that his lack of happiness suggests that he is, in fact, miserable.)

I've also never seen a man with glistening thighs!

(Powers calls attention to the shaven body of Daniel Craig's Bond. In the 1960s, when the character of Powers is from, a more popular sex appeal on a man was hair, leaving Powers to speculate how Bond can do so well with the ladies with such a lack of hair.)

I mean, you can't shag properly with that waxed tush!

(Powers clarifies his confusion by explaining this conundrum to Bond. "Shag" is a British word meaning to have intercourse with someone, which references Powers' second film, The Spy Who Shagged Me, but it can also mean a mass of hair. Having previously mentioned Bond's shaven thighs, he mentions Bond's waxed tush, or butt. To wax a part of the body means to have hair removed by means of hot wax sticking to the hairs and having it quickly pulled off.)

Birds flock to the musk of my chest bush!

(Powers brags about the hair on his body, specifically his chest, that gives off a musk, or a scented secretion used to attract mates, that birds "flock" to. A "bird" is British slang for a young woman. This pun shows young women flocking, or gathering around Powers, just as a real flock of birds would.)

(Yeah!) I'll hypnotize you with a little strip tease,

And then judo chop; I'm swinging on you like the sixties!

(Judo Chop is a commonly used fighting technique that Austin uses in his movies, and the first movie takes place in 1967.)

(Yeah!) You're defenseless; my rhymes can't be deflected!

You're like all the sex I've ever had: unprotected!

(Yeah!) People want a hero with a little personality!

(Austin Powers is known for his humorous personality where James Bond doesn't seem to have that many emotions.)

No one wants to sit through your gritty reality!

(James Bond films are shown to be more serious and realistic where Austin Powers is more comedic and science fiction. Austin is saying that people think that his movies are not interesting and people can't stand the seriousness of the movies.)

Maybe Q can craft some new plot lines!

(In the Bond mythos, the MI6 quartermaster known only as "Q" gives Bond his gadgetry and tools. Powers believes the Bond films use the same boring plot lines, and so jokes that inventor Q could create some unique ideas for Bond's repetitive adventures.)

You've made Thunderball two bloody times!

(The 1985 Bond film Never Say Never Again, starring Sir Sean Connery as Bond, was a second adaptation of the Thunderball novel by Ian Fleming, where Connery was cast for the role of Bond. Powers is enforcing his previous claim of the Bond films being repetitive.)

I'm one of a kind; you're always getting remade!

(The Austin Powers series, even as a parody of Bond, was a one-shot deal in the 1990s. Within the twenty-four Bond films are two remakes. Besides Thunderball, 1967's Casino Royale was rewritten in 2006. This may also refer to the many actors who played as Bond while only one playing as Powers.)

You can't touch me; double oh, behave!

(Bond's codename is 007. There is also a famous quote and internet meme of Powers saying the phrase, "Oh, behave!" Powers make a pun here with Bond's codename to say he should behave better. This is also a reference to MC Hammer's U Can't Touch This.)

James Bond:
(Ugh!) I can't believe I'm wasting my time with this clown!

(Bond thinks he's not gaining anything out of battling Powers. Since he's meant to be a parody of Bond, he calls him a clown.)

I should be on an island with a fucking model by now!

(Bond is referring to the James Bond island located in Thailand. Several Bond girls are models.)

Sipping dry martinis and peeling off bikinis,

(Bond (usually Daniel Craig) is sometimes depicted sipping a dry martini, an alcoholic beverage usually found in beaches. A lot of Bond girls wear bikinis, in which Bond is saying he's going to peel off to undress them.)

Not rapping against Swedish penis-pumping weenies!

(Bond thinks he shouldn't be rapping against Austin Powers as he references the scene in Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery where he gathers his belongings, including a Swedish-made penis enlarger.)

Austin Powers:
Yeah, that's not mine…

(Just like in the previously referenced scene, Powers denies the fact that the penis enlarger is his, but…)

James Bond:
'''I didn't say I was finished! I'm sick of your silly gimmicks!'''

(…Bond interrupts him, saying his verse wasn't finished as he is sick of Powers' shticks.)

I'm the best spy in the business; just ask all the critics

(Bond claims that he is the best spy in the business, and superior to Austin. He furthers this claim by telling Austin to ask all the critics, as many of the James Bond films have received generally positive reviews)

And I've been through hell, so yeah, I'm a bit of a cynic,

(Responding to Austin calling him miserable, instead of countering it, Bond admits to it, and claims he is this way because he's been through a lot of pain, or hell) 

But I'm the original model that your frilly ass mimics!

(Austin Powers is known to be a spoof, or a mimic of action movie spies. Bond counters Austin's statement of him being one of a kind, by pointing out that Austin is essentially a rip-off of him)

James Bond (Connery):
I wouldn't exactly call you original…

(The Sean Connery version of James Bond is saying that even though James Bond himself is the original character, Daniel Craig is not the original actor of James Bond.)

It's the most prominent dominant bomb spy, so pay homage!

Handing out ass-whippings, I'm on some real James Bondage!

Your performance doesn't stir me, and I'm certainly not shaken!

(Connery says he is not moved by what he sees as Craig's poor performance of the Bond character, further inferring that he is not afraid of Craig. The line is also a play on Bond's preferred drink; he frequently orders "vodka martini, shaken, not stirred".)

If I wanted shitty acting in my action film, I'd go and watch Taken!

(As further proof of his displeasure with Craig as Bond, Connery suggests that if he wanted to see a bad action film, he would see Taken, a suspense thriller starring Liam Neeson. The film and its sequels are widely derided for being wasteful of Neeson's talent and being built on an overused plot device.)

I see your modern gadgets, and I piss on them all!

(The word "see" is here used as a reference to gambling, such as card games that have been seen in both Dr. No (Connery's movie) and Casino Royale (Craig's movie). To "see" or "call" a bet means to match the amount of money that the previous player has bet. Instead of "raising" (increasing the size of the bet) or "folding" (dropping out of the round) in terms of gadgetry, however, Connery decides instead to disregard modern gadgets, as he believes he is better than Craig even without them.)

I don't need a Q to break your balls!

(Bond makes a pun by using Q, the gadget supplier that Craig's Bond gets gadgets from, to describe a cue which they play billiards with. At the beginning of the game, you need to "break" the balls, which refers to how Connery's Bond would play the game in casinos. He says this to show that he would be able to "break Craig's balls", or defeat him.)

I'm the granddad of the brand millions of fans have been sold on!

(Because Sean Connery was the first Bond actor, he claims to be the foundation of the series, and thus the reason for its success in theaters.)

'''You're so far up on my nuts I should call you Bond. Gold Bond.'''

(The phrase "up on my nuts" means that the person in question is aggressively pursuing the speaker's business or harping on them. Gold Bond is a skin care product that can be applied to the testicles (or "nuts") to control moisture and prevent fungal growth. Connery makes a play on words saying that if Craig is going to complain about Connery, he should change his name to match the product and demonstrate his whiny attitude. The way he says the line is a reference to the quote "Bond. James Bond." as said by Connery's Bond in Dr. No and Goldfinger.)

Austin Powers:
Yeah, um, could I get back in my rap, please?

(Powers tries to make his way back into his rap battle.)

James Bond (Connery):
*slap* Rap these, you velvety hack!

(Connery denies Powers entrance by slapping him and calling him a counterfeit. The word "velvety" may either refer to Powers' unruffled demeanor or his psychedelic clothing.)

Austin Powers:
Jeez!

(An expression of shock is uttered in direct response to the sudden violence.)

James Bond (Craig):
It's the movie business, and you've had your six!

(Bond references Connery's line from Dr. No. After an assassin unloads six rounds from a handgun onto a decoy that Bond set up in his hotel room bed, Bond reveals himself and instructs him to drop his gun. After briefly conversing, the man grabs the weapon once again and pulls the trigger, only for nothing to happen. Bond informs him that his Smith and Wesson firearm carries six rounds and that he's "had [his] six". This is used as a pun with the six (official) films that Connery appeared in as Bond. He indeed appeared in a seventh, however, this was another adaptation of the Thunderball novel and was made by a separate company. Ergo, Bond does not count this among Connery's filmography.)

The world has had quite enough rug-wearing misogynists!

(Connery wore a hairpiece (or "rug") in each of his appearances as James Bond. He was also frequently seen having sex with women, and Craig suggests that Connery's Bond had little respect for them as people. This may also be a play on another Bond title, The World Is Not Enough, which was a Pierce Brosnan era film.)

Austin Powers:
Yeah, to be honest, you are a bit rapey.

(Powers agrees with the statement in the last verse, saying Connery's depiction of Bond had a tendency to be a sexual predator.)

I mean, I like to swing, but Dr. No means no, baby.

("Swinging" was a trend first introduced in the sixties, which generally embraced the idea that sex could be engaged in without restriction. Austin Powers, being a parody of both spy movies and the sixties themselves, has himself engaged in sex many times both on- and off-screen. However, in his first movie, Powers acknowledges that sex should be performed only with proper consent from both parties, and resists the urge to make out with Vanessa because she is drunk (a move which was praised by film critics). Thus, the phrase "no means no," popularized to remind others of the importance of consent, is here paired with the name of the eponymous villain of the first Bond movie to show that Powers does not approve of Connery's Bond's approach towards having sex with women.)

James Bond (Connery):
'''Oh please, I'm an extraordinary gentleman! I'm distinguished!'''

(Connery's Bond says that he is more class than both Craig's Bond and Austin Powers, and references at the same time the movie The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (based on the comic book series of the same name, which features the villain Jimmy Bond, a parody of James Bond), in which Sean Connery plays Allan Quatermain.)

If they made a Mini-Me, they'd have to cast Peter Dinklage!

(Mini-Me is Dr. Evil's dwarf sidekick from the Austin Powers movies who is played by Verne Troyer, a real-life dwarf who is 2' 8". Sean Connery says his version would be played by Peter Dinklage, another dwarf actor who is 4' 5" known for his role as Tyrion Lannister in George R. R. Martin's critically acclaimed fantasy series, Game of Thrones, a character seen as more sophisticated and distinguished than the people around him.)

James Bond (Craig):
Or maybe they should cast a Bond who's actually English!

(This line references the fact that Sir Sean Connery is a Scot by birth, when Bond's character is English like Daniel Craig. As the English and the Scots have been at odds through various times in history, Craig's Bond thinks that an Englishman should be the one to portray Bond.)

James Bond (Connery):
*slap* Why, pussy, aren't you the cunning linguist?

(After slapping Craig out of anger for saying he's not an actual British actor, Connery makes a twisted reference to the Bond story Octopussy and villainess Pussy Galore as he sarcastically compliments Craig's use of language while calling him a "pussy", which in this case means "weak as a woman". "Cunning linguist" is a play on "cunnilingus", the act of performing oral sex on a woman.)

James Bond (Craig):
As a matter of fact, I've got a knack for licking old cunts!

(Furthering the play on the cunning linguist/cunnilingus pun, the phrase "licking old cunts" takes the literal act of performing oral sex on a woman and uses it in conjunction with its more metaphorical meaning, where "to lick" a person is to defeat them in a fight and the use of the word "cunt" as a derogatory insult towards Connery.)

After I beat you, I'll kick the shit out of the man who does your stunts!

(Sean Connery's Bond had a stunt double, Bob Simmons, for all the James Bond film. Meanwhile, Daniel Craig's Bond doesn't need a stunt double because he can do the stunts himself. James Bond (Craig) is saying that even Connery's stunt double doesn't stand a chance.)

James Bond (Connery):
Now, you listen here, you little duck-faced runt!

'''I'm all in! I'm ready to die any day that you want!'''

("To go all in" in gambling is to enter all of your poker chips on one hand, where in the Bond movies gambling are sometimes a prominent feature, most notably in the stories of Casino Royale. Connery also references Die Another Day, another one of James Bond's stories.)