User blog:Bobdave/BDRB 4. Bishop Spong vs Rabbi Boteach

Quick backstory: My friend was like "You should make a rap battle between Bishop Spong and Shmuley Boteach" as a joke. I was bored during a school trip and began writing it. It was originally gonna be a 10/10 Would Bang Battle but I thought it seemed too seriously written to be one so instead it's part of the main series. These two are quite obscure so I apoligise but if you want you can skim through their Wikipedia pages (Spong /Boteach ) for some information. Also it's pronounced "Bo-tek" not "Bo-teech".

Announcer
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!

BISHOP SPONG

VS

RABBI BOTEACH

BEGIN!

Boteach
Shalom, this Hebrew Lord is gonna spin you like a dreidel

I'm preacher of the year, all you're doing is spitting fables

Michael Jackson's my homie so take my snipped tip and blow me

I have fame worldwide while you're in your church lonely

I rhyme dirty though I wrote the text on kosher sex

That's why all my followers know they should vote Boteach

Even the archbishop thinks that your laws are poor

If you don't like crosses then I'll score you naught

Spong
I'm Spong, my song is strong so just Schmuve along

I don't need my twelve theses to prove you wrong

You forget, Boteach, I'm humanist of the year

Support evolution but it doesn't explain why you're here

You'll never get any and not just because you abstain

This'll end quicker than your political campaign

Cuz I'm lyrical, the only miracle that is true

This crusty beardy Jew is just a Pebble in my Shoe

Boteach
You have less flow than the Dead Sea, Bo's raps are deadly

It's a brit with a chainsaw, gonna get messy

You're Wrestling with the Divine, time for you to awaken

Your skills about as real as kosher bacon

Do you know who you're debating? A rabbi of high calibur

Can't take a preacher seriously if he has his own calendar

Spitting raps quick and fast with more swag than this bishop has

I'd end peacefully but there's no Hebrew prayer for kicking ass

Spong
Your raps have no structure like bread without wheat

The only thing written in stone is your defeat

I'll make like your race with Christ and kill you off

Spit a rap? You can't even spit a service at your synagogue

Pray tell me, how do you think you could beat J. Shelby

I said some controversial shit and was soon made wealthy

You remind me of a hobo, how the hell are you still employed

You were only friends with MJ cuz you both like kissing little boys

Announcer
WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!

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