User blog:Wachowman/Wiki Tales: Borderlands ep4 (More, More, More)

Last Time on Wiki Tales
Tiger: the names Tommy Indestructible Garry Erection Rotation, my parents were drunk when they named me, just call me Tiger.

(ROB lowers the group in front of the Scribbleland gates and turns back to normal)

(Screen shows 5 bandits pointing their guns at the group)

Bandit 1: halt!

Bandit 2: leave now or be executed!

Scraw: but you, all of you, you come into my town, kill my men, and expect me to do what you want!

Steeler: uhh.

Scraw: if that's the case, I'll give you this USB-

(Scraw pulls out a Minigun that was attacked to his back)

Scraw: once you rip it from my cold dead hands!

Screen shows Scraw still standing but badly beaten up)''

Joe: he's isn't dead?!

Scraw: you...mother...fuckers.

(Scraw falls over and let's go of his Minigun)

This Time
(Screen shows Wonder, Joe, Steeler and Tiger waiting in Legions office)

Joe:...

Tiger:...

Wonder:...

Steeler:...how fucking long does it take they've been there for an hour.

Tiger: it's been 5 minutes.

Steeler: same fucking thing.

Wonder: calm down Steeler we're in no hurry.

Steeler: I'd like my billion dollars A-S-A-P.

Joe: actually, we have to split 3 billion in-between 4 people, since Patts is taking a whole billion.

Tiger: it's still a lot of money.

Wonder: come to think of it, I haven't seen Patts for a while.

Joe: you say that like it's a bad thing.

Wonder: true.

(The doors to Legions office open)

Steeler: fucking final-god dammit.

(Screen shows Patts walk into Legions office)

Patts: good to see you too.

Joe: speak of the Devil.

Patts: I've been told you found out Crozon is partially Wachows weakness.

Wonder: what? Who told you this, we've been waiting here for Legion to come back.

Patts: he called me about 4 minutes ago, then he said he went to lunch.

Tiger: you got here in 4 minutes?

Steeler: wait, that Mofo is at Lunch?

Man 1: no need to worry.

(Screen shows a Man at the door)

TK: my names TK, I'm head Scientist of Legionston, I have the news you want.

'''TK! OLD WARRIOR TURNT SMART'''

Patts: oh, what's up TK.

TK: Patts, it's been a while.

Joe: of course you two know each other.

Patts: TK used to be my partner

TK: oh geez.

Tiger: partner?

TK: you seem surprised.

Tiger: well, you're a bit, well, weak-looking.

TK: ha, that's cause a few years back I quit being a scavenger, which is what Patts and I were, and decided to just live life, be free, kill people for their stuff.

Wonder: so a bandit?

TK: no...no...I don't think so...anyways, I ended up becoming a scientist.

Joe: you left out a lot of story.

Steeler: whatever, TK, tell us what we want to know.

TK: ah yes, the USB, well, the only things that were actually on this USB were death threats from some guy named RTP, 725 files of Porn, and one file named Wachow and in this file were the words "Wachow hates Crozon", which as you should know is a very rare material on Pandora.

Wonder: that's it?

Steeler: so where do we get it, how much is it?

TK: well, Legionston doesn't have Crozon Devices.

Steeler: why the fuck not?

TK: like I said before, it's a rare material.

Joe: Then who does?

TK: the only place I can think of that does is Iron Wrath.

Tiger: oh geez.

Wonder: oh geez what?

Tiger: I hate Iron Wrath.

Wonder: you know the place?

Tiger: yeah, I know the leader, CW, he loves giving useless quests to random people and watch them die from it.

Patts: I've been there before, the food is terrible.

Steeler: so how will he give us Crozon.

TK: well, due to Iron Wrath having a very advanced digging site, they've found more minerals than any other known place on Pandora, no doubt you'd get some there.

Steeler: that didn't answer my question, and I wasn't even asking you.

Tiger: if we do enough quests he'll give us whatever the fuck we want, I don't know, something like that, he's different every time.

Wonder: we should make our way there then.

Joe: how far is it?

Tiger: by car, an hour or two, by feet, a few days.

Wonder: we don't have a car.

Joe: Patts does.

Patts: Patts can't fit 4 people on his car.

Steeler: you were fine when there was 3 of us.

Patts: let me rephrase that, Patts doesn't want to drive you.

Tiger: it's ok guys, ROB's been charging up all day, I've got an idea.

(Screen shows a car shaped ROB with the group in it)

(ROB is quickly driving through the desert)

ROB: I c-can't remember the l-last time I went this fast!

Tiger: I can't believe you have cup holders, that's paying attention to detail.

ROB: ironic cause if a drink happened to spill on me t-there's a 99.9999999999999997 percent chance I'd b-blow up, resulting in everyone's death.

Steeler: *about to drink from a bottle of water*...*throws the bottle out of the car*

Joe: so Tiger, how much farther?

Tiger: we've been in the ROB-car for 20 minutes, I said an hour or two.

ROB: a-and I feel I could drive all da-ay!

Wonder: don't stress it ROB.

Tiger: ROB knows what he's doing.

ROB: sure!

Joe: sure what?

Steeler: I just realized Scraw had an infinite ammo Minigun...and we left it.

Wonder: so when we get to Iron Wrath, I guess they'll take us to CW because of you?

Tiger: they take everyone to CW, that's not the hard part.

Steeler: or ignore me, that's cool too.

Joe: so we do his little missions and he gives us Crozon.

Tiger: maybe.

Steeler: I coulda easily carried that Minigun around with me.

Tiger: if anything he might make us kill someone for him, usually he gives you whatever you want if you succeed.

Wonder: I don't know if I can take another fight.

Joe: and we don't have better guns really.

Wonder: we forgot all about Ynkrs deal, holy shit.

Steeler: woulda been nice if we had a Minigun.

Tiger: Iron Wrath has quite the gun shop, I'm sure you'll find something.

Joe: it sounds like it'd have a good gun shop.

ROB: 1 hour until y-you've reached your destination.

Wonder: guess we just sit back now.

Steeler: whatever.

(Screen shows the users and hour later getting out of ROB)

ROB: y-you have reached your d-destination!

Tiger: ROB, stop saying that.

Wonder: we're in the middle of the desert, did we get lost?

Tiger: nope.

(Tiger bangs his foot in the sand which appears to be on top of a later of metal)

Tiger: get ready.

Steeler: for what?

(The floor beneath the group opens as they fall through)

Joe: what the fuck-

Steeler: shit!

(Wonder, Steeler and Joe can be heard screaming as they fall)

(Screen shows Steeler fall on the ground)

Steeler: h-holy shit, I'm alive.

(Joe and Wonder fall on top of Steeler)

Joe: *opens eyes*...that was softer than I thought.

Steeler: I fucking-

Wonder: -wonder why.

(Screen shows Joe on top of Wonder and Steeler)

Joe: thanks for catching me.

Steeler:...

(Steeler kicks Joe off of him and Wonder)

Joe: ow! Fuck! A bit softer next-

Wonder: shut up...where's Tiger?

(Screen shows Tiger slowly being lifted down by ROB still in car form)

Joe: he can fly in car for?

ROB: you forgot to w-warn them.

Tiger: no I didn't.

Steeler: we coulda all gotten on ROB with no problem asshole.

Tiger: actually no, guards kill anyone who doesn't fall on their first visit.

Steeler: what kind if stupid ass leader comes up withy that kind of rule?

Man 1: *ahem*

(Screen shows a Man in a giant throne with multiple guards in the room)

Joe: holy shit, how did we not notice other people.

Tiger: CW! How's it going!

(The Man in the throne stands up)

CW: Tiger! Great to see you have returned, I see you've found out how to immediately get to my office from the ground floor.

'''CW! THE REAL IRON MAN'''

Tiger: well with all the shit you made me do, didn't have much chance.

CW: haha, yes, indeed you didn't...so, who are your friends?

Tiger: we're part of a bounty hunter group, these guys, and I guess now me, got the lucky job of taking down Wachow.

CW: Wachow?!...you do know theirs easier methods of suicide.

Wonder: it's not Suicide, and we may be onto something.

CW: and what's that?

Wonder: It seems Wachow hates Crozon, we know you have Crozon.

CW: indeed I do.

Wonder: well, of you give some to us, we may be able to take down one of the deadliest fuckers on Pandora.

CW: take down Wachow eh?

Joe: we've already shot at him and survived, if anyone's gunna kill him it's us.

CW:...excellent!

Tiger: hmm?

CW: I will have 5 Crozon Bars sent here at once!

Joe: Tiger, I thought you said he'd give us a mission.

CW: but I need you to do one thing for me.

Tiger: there it is.

CW: there's a town not to far from here, Iron Class, made by a scumbag named CE, not many people live there, but CE has something I want.

Steeler: what is it?

CW: a Puppet Flute.

Steeler:...what is it?

ROB: Puppet F-Flute, a rare item that let's the holder c-control any Artificial Lifeforms become under his control.

CW: ah! ROB! I didn't even notice you there.

ROB: m-maybe it's because I'm still in the s-shape of a car.

Tiger: ROB, back to normal.

(ROB turns back to normal)

ROB: m-much better.

CW: well, hopefully we will have many ROBs around this civilization, they can help the Miners dig for minerals and maybe do more than that.

Joe: so we get you the Puppet Flute, you give us the Crozon Bars?

CW: yes! Is it a deal?

Wonder: it's a deal, we don't have much other choice.

CW: Excellent! Excellent! Well then, shall you be on your way, or do you plan to look around Iron Wrath, I can teleport you any where you'd like.

Tiger: actually we need to go to the gunshop.

CW: ah, the Iron Armory it is.

(The group starts to light up)

Joe: wh-what's happening?!

Tiger: just stand still.

(The group disappears)

(Screen shows the inside of a gun shop)

(A strange noise is heard as the group appears in the shop)

Joe: wha-wha-

Steeler: we got teleported?

Tiger: were you guys not listening to him?

Steeler: I thought he was bullshitting.

Wonder: well...we're here now, but it didn't cross my mind until now that we have almost no money.

TK: that's ok!

Steeler: TK?

Wonder: what?

Steeler: I swear I just heard TKs voice.

TK: you did!

Steeler: am I going crazy?

ROB: no, I h-hear it to.

TK: check your pocket!

(Steeler reaches into his pocket and pulls out a strange device)

Steeler: what the hell.

(TKs face is seen on the device)

Joe: TKs on there?

TK: ah! Hello group! Good to see you made it there safely.

Steeler: how'd you get this in my pocket?

TK: before you all left I put an ECHO device in all your pockets.

Joe: *pulls an ECHO from his pocket*...this wasn't in there earlier.

Wonder: *pulls an ECHO from his pocket* ok then, won't even argue.

TK: these things can do just about anything besides a lot of stuff, if you look at the top right, you'll see I've deposited 10,000 dollars into each of your ECHOs.

Steeler: holy shit.

Tiger: he actually gave us that money.

TK: just let the cashier scan the ECHO and you'll be good as gold.

Joe: man, how much can 10,000 dollars get us?

Tiger: here in Iron Wrath, not a lot, due to all the minerals it finds, make everything much more expensive, it's what people call a rich community.

TK: anyways, I have to go now, contact me when you have some Crozon.

Wonder: will do TK.

TK: bye.

(TKs face disappears from Steelers ECHO)

Joe: these things are kinda cool.

Wonder: can't disagree with you there.

Tiger: well, guess we should get some guns, now where is that son-of-a-bitch.

Man 1: Tiger? Is that you?

(Screen shows a Man walking towards Tiger)

Tiger: Pred, how's it going.

Pred: Aha! Good to see you back!

'''PRED! THAT GUY THAT SELLS GUNS'''

Tiger: *shakes hands with Pred* won't be here for long! just need some guns.

Pred: yes, and it looks like you have some new friends, sadly I hate new people so I don't really want to know your names.

Joe: nice to meet you too.

Pred: but I also noticed you all have ECHO devices, that's great, just last week we installed the mechanic so you can pay with them.

Tiger: guess you'll be making some business.

Pred: indeed I will be, please, look around, feel free to buy anything you can afford, and if you break it I break you.

Steeler:...

(Screen shows Wonder with a new Yellow-ish gun in his hands)

Wonder: I think I'm gunna enjoy this thing.

Joe: what's it do?

Wonder: well, it shoots every bullet for any gun first of all, and it does this.

(Wonder flips a switch and starts to shoot electricity from his gun)

Joe: oh shit.

Wonder: *flips the switch back* I know right, what'd you get?

(Joe lifts up a Purple-ish new gun)

Wonder: what's it do?

Joe: it's the same gun I had before, I just had it repaired and recolored.

Wonder: hmm, guess it isn't bad, how much did it cost.

Joe:...7000 dollars.

Wonder: for a repair?!

Joe: it was a piece of sh-er-it wasn't in good condition.

Wonder: but...geez, mine costed 8000, but this is a completely new gun.

Joe: shut up, where's Tiger and Steeler.

Tiger: right here.

(Screen shows Tiger with a orange-ish gun that has 3 different barrels)

Joe: nice, what's it do?

Tiger: it can be a shot gun, a pistol, or an auto-matic, plus it holds tons of ammo for each gun.

ROB: it also portable ch-charged for when I need a reboot.

Wonder: pretty cool, pretty cool, how much it cost?

Tiger: 7000, but it's worth it.

Wonder: Joe got a repair for the same price.

Tiger: wait, is that the shit gun in your hands?

Joe: it's not shit!

Steeler: I'll show you what isn't shit.

(Screen shows Steeler with a Minigun identical to Scraws)

Joe: oh shit.

Steeler: that's right motherfuckers! I got a fucking Infinite Ammo Mini Gun, call me Mini Gun Steeler!

'''MINI GUN STEELER! SAME STEELER, BUT WITH A MINIGUN'''

Wonder: I'm gunna continue calling you Steeler.

Steeler: expected that.

Tiger: how much did that cost?

Steeler: 10,000.

Joe: you spent all your money?

ROB: you c-coulda just got Scraws gun f-for free.

Steeler: shut up.

Tiger: ok, we seem set...*ahem*...

Joe: what're you doing?

Tiger:...CW oh CW, please send us back to you.

Steeler: the fuck was that?

(The group disappears from the gun shop)

Pred: *counting Money* come again!

(Screen shows the group appear in front of CW's throne)

CW: well don't you all look armored up.

Tiger: just send us outside and we'll move to Iron Class.

CW: no reason, I can teleport you right in front of the gates.

Joe: what?

Tiger: wait then how come you haven't done it yourself?

CW: cause everyone in Iron Wrath sucks in combat, why do you think we're underground.

Tiger: I knew that part, I mean why not teleport inside Iron Class, take the Flute and get out?

CW: I can't teleport people to a place I haven't ventured to, the closest I've been to Iron Class is the front gates, and that's where you're going now.

(The group starts to light up)

Tiger: wait I had more ques-

(The group disappears)

(Screen shows a small community with one man at the front gate)

Bandit 1:...life is ass here...nothing ever happens.

(The group appears in front of the Bandit)

Bandit 1: what the hell!

Joe: are we here? Iron Class?

Bandit 1: fuck yes, finally some action.

Wonder: oh hey, we are here, look at that.

Qachowman: the great Qachowman will show Iron Class that he deserves to be at the front of the line for dinner!

Tiger: oh, there's a guard.

ROB: it s-seems so.

Qachowman: so let's do this then!

'''QACHOWMAN! YEAH, THEYRE IN THIS

Qachowman: *puts his gun up* who should I kill fi-

(Qachowman is shot in the head by Joe)

Joe:...got it.

Steeler: well, we're here now.

(Screen shows the group in front of Iron Class)

(The screen goes black as Tigers voice is heard)

Tiger: let's just get this over with.

Next Time on Wiki Tales
ROB: I-I-I-I-I-I-I n-n-eed h-e-e-elp.

Tiger: shit, he's being controlled!

Bandit 1: Puppet Master CE there seems to be intruders.

CE: then kill them, geez, want me to wipe your ass too?

Bandit 2: they have already killed many if our men.

CE: then kill them yourself!

(A shard of glass flies into the Badits neck)

CE:...

Tiger: uhg, where the fuck are we.

Wonder: we passed out, I can't remember a thing.