User blog:Dark Cyan/Cyan's Rap Battles 9: Terry Pratchett vs Douglas Adams

Hello, everyone. And welcome back to Cyan's Rap Battles of Literature!

Following up from the epic mid-season battle of Charles Dickens vs Mark Twin, I not have a battle between two authors no less special to me, probably more so. I've been a fan of Pratchett's books since I was like 9 or 10, and I've been a fan of the old Hitchhiker's Guide T.V. series for even longer. I think I still have the tapes somewhere.

So I really hope I have done some kind of justice to these two fantastic authors.

This battle pits the author of the Discworld series, Terry Pratchett, against the author of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series, Douglas Adams, to see who is the master of surreal humour.

Enjoy!

Beat: On & On

Douglas Adams
(start at 0:08)

You started writing before me, but it was all for nought.

I wrote Hitchhiker's Guide while Discworld was just a thought.

With all my environmental activism, there can be no doubt;

I protected the endangered species you care about.

I don't believe in your Small Gods, like Nuggan or Om.

I can prove they exist and so therefore they don't.

With all my acclaimed contributions to radio and T.V.,

Your alzheimer's must be acting up if you think you can beat me.

Terry Pratchett
(start at 0:31)

I have a Salmon of Doubt in your words, if you get the picture.

If you were any better a writer, you'd get accused of literature.

Your books aren't bad, they just have an absence of good.

From the peaks I've reached, I can just make out where you stood.

Call me Sir Terry! OBE, countless awards and a knighthood!

The books I've published have reached figures you only wish yours could!

Your life's like Shada; Lost completely from time.

Was there a point to challenging me,or has it escaped your mind?

The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy
(starts at 0:55)

Here's what the Hitchiker's Guide says on Terry Pratchett;

He had such a talent for surreal comedy, only one other could match it.

That man was Douglas Adams, from Cambridge, England.

Pratchett was a grey-haired chancer, just like Rincewind.

He helped Fantasy go mainstream, and universally approved.

This has since been widely regarded as a bad move.

He just couldn't be left out of this series, but the dead rapping is impossible.

So laws state him not rapping at all is the scenario the least improbable.

Death
(starts at 1:19)

THEY'RE BOTH DEAD NOW, BUT I WILL FINISH THIS BATTLE.

THE UNIVERSE ISN'T AS IMPORTANT AS PROTECTING PRATCHETT'S MANTLE.

LIFE IS WASTED ON THE LIVING (1), BUT THE FANS ARE GUTTED.

EVEN IN DEATH, TERRY PRATCHETT IS CLEARLY THE MORE BELOVED.

(1) Many wizards in the Unseen University have agreed,

The meaning of life is to not die, eat, drink, and breed.

There have since been newer theories stating the Ultimate Answer is 42.

The Wizards' response to this claim was "Bugger off and get a clue."

Poll
WHO WON? Terry Pratchett w/ Death Douglas Adams w/ The Hitchhiker's Guide