User blog:Minipop56/Literal Review: Mr. T vs Mister Rogers

Mr. T:

I pity the fool who tries to step to Clubber Lang!

Is your day job pitying fools?

Call me BA biceps cause I'll crush your whole gang!

What? Is there a chap named BA biceps who crushes entire gangs?

Bring Tuesday, Friday, and little trolly the train!

'''And watch me dip their ass in gold and wear 'em like my neck chain. Sucka!'''

I'll choke you with your own sweater sleeves!

You couldn't even beat me in the land of make believe!

I will Mr. T bag you in the closest cemetery!

So your last name is Teabag? What country do you come from?

Nobody's gonna miss you 'cause all your friends imaginary.

Well, still. My viewers will miss me.

Mr. Rogers

Hi there neighbor,

Hello.

I hope you don't mind if I change my shoes.

I don't really give a fu-

I'll be rocking sneakers till this battle's over!

Okay, so we've had people dedicate entire lines, perhaps even 3 lines *cough* Picasso *cough*, to saying their names, but never, never ever, have we had someone dedicate two lines to what shoes they are wearing. Never. That's just sad.

so I don't get blood from your ugly face on my penny loafers. You b*tch!

I like you just the way you are, one in a million.

Are you saying that there are 7000 replicas of me across the world?

But it looks like the barber gave your head a Brazilian.

How the f*ck does one give a head a Brazillian? Are we doing head pornography or something?

'''I pity your neck, Mr. Gold Chains! You got too many.'''

Too many necks? I'm fairly sure he only has one.

The only gold I keep is on the shelf in my Emmys. Basically, you're saying that you're poor.

I teach the whole world of children, I can tell.

You would know.

you call yourself T 'cause you're too dumb to spell.

Actually, I call myself T 'cause my last name is Teabag and it'd be weird if people referred to me as Mr. Teabag.

Mr. T

'''Who you calling dumb, fool? Mr. T only needs one letter!'''

Actually, "Mr. T" has 3 letters. You also don't know how to count, apparently.

Hello?

Hi there, neighbour.

'''It's for you! Bill Cosby wants his sweater.'''

What a great anecdote: "I want my sweater". Tell him that he can have his sweater. I'm not related to this nonsense.

You're a 40 year old virgin in a dumpy ass house!

Who would want to marry you?

I'll get Hannibal, Murdoch, and Face to stomp you out!

K.

The only pussycat you ever seen is on Henrietta!

Are you implying that Mr. Rogers is a cat pervert? You didn't say the pussycat was Henrietta, you said it was on Henrietta. Either Mr. Rogers spends his free time looking at cat ... ahems ... or you need to work on your grammar.

Sucka!

and your Mr. McFeely delivers a lot more than letters.

He delivers heroin.

So before you come to battle with your PBS crap,

Are you saying your "I Pity the Fool" crap is better? Literally all you do is yell "I pity the fool" repeatedly. Plus, he's already come to battle.

how about I call up CPS up on those kids on your lap?

No thanks.

Fool!

Mr. Rogers:

Watch what you say, kids love me more than lunch.

Yep. They loving eating Mister Rogers for breakfast and dinner.

I'm not the one with my face on some whack ass Captain Crunch.

You are the one with yuor face on some crappy television program where children learn how to put their middle fingers up.

When my plan comes together you won't even see it coming.

K.

I'll chop you into four black dudes and I'll remake Cool Runnings.

I've never seen Cool Runnings, but I hope the remake is good! But ... you just told him your plan. I'm fairly sure he will see the plan coming if you tell him about it.

I'll say this once, Laurence, I hope it's understood.

I do also.

Get right back in your van and get the f*ck out of my neighborhood.

You win. :O