User blog:M.A.T.S.H/D.B Cooper VS Nessie: MATSH's Rap Battles

Hi everyone! This is my first time on the Wiki but I decided to share a rap battle that I wrote in honour of the Scottish Independence vote (it's a bit late, as you can see :P)...

Anyway, this matchup pits notorious plane hijacker D.B Cooper against mysterious sea creature Nessie to see which one is the better mysterious figure. Hope you enjoy it!

Beat: Celtic War

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!



VS!



BEGIN!

D.B Cooper (0:11):

I dove out of an airplane to freedom and what’s the first thing I see?

A simpleminded Scottish reptile who thinks she can step up to D.B

I’ll slip away leaving only a black tie, making worldwide headlines

No one even knows if you’re real! I made fools out of the FBI!

This overgrown iguana isn’t interesting at all! You’re just plain dotty

You have a prehistoric brain and yet you still think you can outsmart me?!

I’m plotting heists while you just frolic all day! You’re not a monster, you’re a flake!

This idiot doesn’t know who she’s dealing with so go and cry me a lake!

Or go crawl back in some cave and cower, you pathetic creature!

When I’m done here, I’ll tell all the skeptics in the world that I beat ya!

Nessie (0:38):

I'm not a violent girl at all but if yer looking for a brawl

You shouldn’t get testy with Nessie less ye want ta see yer downfall

Ya didn’t need guns ta be scary, yer face alone can cause plane crashes

I don’t think ya can see that ya can’t rap, better take off the sunglasses!

Any man who tries robbing government planes has got ta be insane

Was it worth being stranded in the middle of nowhere for ya fame?

Ya abandoned yer family on Thanksgiving Day, yer such a good father!

And ya only took 200,000 dollars?! Ye shouldn’t have even bothered

Let’s be honest, love- the D.B in ya name stands fer Dead-Beat!

Chin up now, pip pip. It’s not that bad, dearie; only a rap battle defeat!

D.B Cooper (1:05):

There aren’t any other Nessies around, so you’re probably still a virgin!

By the time I’m through with you, you’re gonna need another Surgeon

People actually search for this dumbass that can’t even be photographed?!

I’ll drag your bubble butt to Oregon and put this endangered species to death!

I’ll strangle you with your own fucking scarf! Smash your head in with a golf club!

I’m the greatest thief in the world! You’re just somebody’s finger in a bathtub!

You’ve had no interaction for centuries, that’s why you can’t spit out a diss

I already won! But it's easy to beat a fat ditz that might not even exist!

Nessie (1:25)

Aw, looks like someone’s a wee mad because he’s been all but forgotten

They’ll still be telling stories about me while your skeleton’s getting all rotten

People say I’m a monster, but I think people like ya are the real beasts

Ya must be lightheaded from that air pressure if ya think I can be beat

Because I’ve lived for millions of years and I’m still in me prime, son!

Yer probably the dumbest Cooper I’ve ever seen since Sheldon

Ye can’t be that good at robbery! Ya lost all your cash by some river

And ya didn’t even have anything to spend it on before ya got the shivers!

Go on home, love! I heard the police are still waiting for ya when ya get back

And tell all the reporters there that it was ol Nessie who put down another hack!

(2:03):

WHO WON?!

WHO’S NEXT?!

YOU DECIDE!

EPIC!


 * SPLASH*

RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!