User blog:PacmanIsGr8DontH8M8/Epic Pac Battles of History - Season 1 Episode 1 - Al Gore vs John Muir

Hey guys! I'm officially back to writing battles! This is my first one of my new series, Epic Pac Battles of History! I'm keeping this name and this series for a while, and I wanted to start this series out strong. I have four seasons planned, and I present to you the first of my 48 ideas -- Al Gore vs John Muir. I hope you enjoy!



https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=iut63z6Xx_A (Here's the beat, battle starts at 0:36)

EPIC PAC BATTLES OF HISTORY

AL GORE

VS

JOHN MUIR

BEGIN

Gore: Allow me to express An Inconvenient Truth

When I step to this hippie who smokes more than Babe Ruth

I spit forest fire flames, I'm an author and film producer

You were conservationism's past, but I'm America's future

I have the courage of a cougar and the toughness of a ram

Your beard looks like a beaver, and it makes your barber say "Dam!"

You were blinded by a file, but here's a double-edged sword

How can you treat me with contempt when I've won your award?

Muir: How can you step to the Father of the National Parks

When he's gonna Rainier on your parade like Noah's Ark?

Your bars are as boring as one of your political rallies

I didn't come to battle a mind as cavernous as Yosemite Valley

I invented and whittled my way to early success

You only invent stories like your creation of the Internet

While my beard is scraggly, your hair isn't exactly lush

And in the 2000 election, you couldn't even trim the Bush

Gore: Your rhymes are just melting away, like your glacier from global warming

I've been the greatest environmentalist since your pneumonia started forming

I'm Vander-building up your anger more than carbon dioxide pollution

All you do is sit in the woods and mope, I offer effective solutions!

Muir: You're slicker than an oil spill, politicians like you are corrupt

Don't make me angry, Weird Al, or like St. Helen's, I'll erupt

I'll crash you like the U.S. economy on your health care reform

When I pull out my Sierra Club and line the field with Al's Gore

Gore: This battle's in its third trimester, and I'll abort your career

I'll use my power to clean up your act like Earth's atmosphere

I rock two hundred million net worth, all you have is your botany

You won't be needing my health care when I inflict the death penalty

Muir: By the stances that you're taking, you'll never surmount

All you've done is scream at me like your supporters yelled "Recount!"

You're bloated and misguided, I'm superior, you see?

I walked over a thousand miles, you can't even run for office correctly

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!

EPIC PAC BATTLES OF HISTORY!

Who won? Al Gore John Muir

Please comment what you thought of the battle, and I'll always take suggestions for new battles! Thanks for reading!