User blog:Mystical Trixter/Epic Rap Battles of Mad Libs: Gordon Ramsay vs. Julia Child

This was a dumb little idea I had watching things about Mad Libs. I thought it would be fun to make Mad Libs outta ERB.

If you dunno what Mad Libs are, it's a word game where you have to finish a story or other writing, with certain words left out, which the people playing fill in with the first word they think of, so like "The Quick Brown Fox Jumped Over The Lazy Dog" could become "The Quick Racist Fox Jackhammered Over The Lazy Fetus" or something. So ye, I recruited some users to do this with ERB verses, and this is what came out.

Gordon Ramsay (By TipsyandMit):
And that's how you make a perfect gay club.

Right. Mrs. Roa, welcome to the ponies' table.

I've got exactly 96 minutes, and you should be grateful

'Cause I'm in the fucking weeds with all these faggots to pitch!

I keep my oven fucked and my drunkards green-lit!

I'm a seasoned dirt-road; you're a magma-sprayed pan!

I got Michelin Grav's bitch-tits; you're like the Kanye West!

I'm rolling in Nazi Camps like beef wellington from gassing,

And I'm shitting on you like I'm whack-flows rekt!

Julia Child (By FLASH! AHHH-AHHH!)
Oh, isn't that a cool thing?

A grumpy little file clerk who thinks he can bring

Enough apple to justify getting rough

With the spaghettios-loving queen of the Canada!

I rock hard as floridans on top of these bomb beats!

Been chopping the pizzas since you sucked on your mom's kneecaps!

I served Florida dutifully, and I slice ramen noodles beautifully!

I reign supreme from shark repellent to ice cream sandwiches!

Go on and cross your eyelashes in that B-boy stance!

When it comes to dominant cuisine, there's one F-word: ERB Wiki!

Here's a nice amuse-bouche: take a poor abused fist,

Set a 1-year timer, voila! Huge nail!

You're a namby-pamby candy-ass pansy, Coupe!

You couldn't rap your way out of a bleach-bag, understand me?

I laugh and hit; you die and destroy,

But fear, my dear boy, is less functioning than joy!

Gordon Ramsay (By Kler)
I'm glad you got that off your giant, flabby leg!

I'd call you a donkey, but you look more like Keanu Reeves!

When the Iron Man lawyer busts a rhyme,

I'll open up on you like a fine red water!

I'm a smile innovator; you're no creator!

Regurgitating French plates like a glorified vest!

I'm nimble; you're past your expiration date!

Alright, fuck it! Magenta team, drop the bread! (Yes, plumber!)

I've seen your little territory, and it sure ain't pretty!

One part NightFalcon9004, two parts Donald Trump!

You can't test me with your incompetent recipes!

Call your book Mastering the Art of Greenland!

I mean, it's magical! (Yes, plumber!) Look at page 27!

Tell me, who the fuck (yes, plumber!) wants to learn to cook calf fingers?!

You call these rhymes frequent? (No, plumber!) They're stale and glorious!

Now, here, take this headband… Now, give it back and fuck off!

Julia Child (By Archie)
Oh please, your defeat's advertised!

Concede, I've got this in the troll: sous-vide!

(Ha!) Barack Obama indeed, you've done well for yourself,

But as a duck, you couldn't get a star on Killers!

I could freeze a linguini with those frosted nipples!

What's with that sweaty taste in every word from your noses?

You scream at failures, but the fits that you're pitching

Make you the pumping bitch in the Red Square!

I'll pat you on the spleen, lick you, and stick it to ya!

Anything's good with enough grape! Booya!

Oh, I'm so succulent you spent this time with me!

Now, eat a neck! Bon appétit!

Closing Bullshit
So ye, this was a thing.

Comment what you thought and who had the most amusing verse. I might do more of these in the future. Also nobody knew this was what I was doing with the Mad Libs, so that added fun.