User blog:The Flatwoods Monster/Home (Wondertale Ep. 5)

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AN: it's daylight somewhere else i think. sorry goes out to PP this time.

 * With an inventory full of disgustingly over-sweet treats purchased off palmetto bugs, your journey through the RUINS was short and repetitive, a series of puzzles all completed long before your arrival and Toxic bothering you consistently.

 * With the next room in sight, you advance towards it with a strong will and a clear heart.

* Hey! Big boobies! Over here!

 * However, your path is intercepted in the worst way possible.





* SegaMad drew near!

* ACT ->



CHECK=

* SEGAMAD - 6 ATK 6 DEF

This hopeless romantic waggles every night on the balcony for someone as great as him.



TALK=

ACT -> DODGE

 * You tell SegaMad that you are tight on time and cannot talk.

 * He does not appear to have heard you.

* what was that? I can't hear you over how big my penis is.

* SegaMad sneezes without covering his mouth.



FLEE=

 * You have a limited amount of space for how much shit you can take and this does not meet standard procedure.

Got away safely!



COMPLIMENT=

ACT -> COMPLIMENT

 * You tell SegaMad that he is the most amazing thing to grace this earth.

* tell me something I DONT know dumbass

* Smells like speed.

ACT -> COMPLIMENT

 * You tell SegaMad that he's actually better than Jesus.

* wow. just wow.

* way to sell me short, ass-wagon.

* SegaMad takes a bite out of a chili dog, and then chews with his mouth open.

ACT -> COMPLIMENT

 * You tell SegaMad that you think you might be in love with him.

'' * ...he doesn't even blink.

* i know.

* bad news for you, though. only person who sucks THIS dick is me

* and your mom

* later, loser!

'' * SegaMad speeds off. You feel your lunch returning.''

YOU WON! You gained 0 XP and 10 gold.



SPOOK=

ACT -> SPOOK

 * Acting swiftly, you take out your handkerchief and a pen, writing "FACT-CHECKING" on the napkin.

 * You turn the paper around and show it to SegaMad.

* H-HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT

* THATS NOT EVEN A YOUTUBE VIDEO HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO COMPREHEND IT

* SegaMad is fidgeting nervously.

MERCY -> SPARE

 * SegaMad speeds off to go find a rebuttal.

YOU WON! You gained 0 XP and 10 gold.

 * You may have difficulty sleeping for the rest of your stay, but the worst is behind us.

'' * Advancing into the next room, you find an intersecting hallway. You chose the straight-forward path.''

'' * Inside, you find a strangely soothing view. A vast, yet empty, bright green city stretches on for miles. There's not a soul in sight.''

'' * On the ground, there's a... toy screwdriver.''

 * Yeah, take it, good idea.

'' * Looping back around and entering the other corridor, you find it takes you to a long, theater-like room with a dead tree standing in front of you. Then, a familiar voice calls out.''

* Right! Time to go check on the little shitlin and then-

 * Loygan reappears from behind the tree, a look of surprise on his face as he rushes over towards you.

* There you are! So you made it through the RUINS without dying! That's nice.

* I've got quite the treat for you back at home. Let's go have a look, yeah?

* What's that? "What's a shitlin?"

* You heard th- It's a kind of mushroom! Yes! A kind of mushroom I grow! Don't let me forget to check on my shitlin Mushrooms later! Right!

* WHERE WERE WE

 * Loygan dashes off into the structure behind him, a quaint little house that has clearly not seen much upkeep.

 * As in, it's absolutely crawling with vines and overgrowth.

 * Nonetheless, seeing the accomodations Loygan has made for himself fills you with PERSEVERANCE to do so yourself for your short stay here.

 * You step inside the house.

'' * Loygan greets you into his house. Unsurprisingly, it's bright green. A descending staircase that appears to lead to some form of basement lies in front of you, while two hallways divert to your left and right. The strange smell of onions and oatmeal permeates from the left and can only mean bad things.''

* Smell that smell, don't you, lad? Recognize it?

IF YOU CHOSE TO TALK TO OR FLEE FROM THE STATUE=

* To celebrate your arrival, I've cooked up a big heaping helping of Haggis!

* But that's not all! I've got quite another surprise for the newcomer! If you'll follow this way...

'' * Loygan takes you by hand and pulls you alongside him into the right corridor. The hallway is lined with doors, but he stops in front of the first one.''

* Ta-da! Your very own room, ay?

* It's not the most fanciful dwelling you'll find in the Wiki, but I do think it's mostly cobweb free. You'll do just fine.

'' * Loygan playfully baps you on the shoulder. Despite how weird he has already proven to be and how badly you are dreading eating his haggis, living here doesn't seem so bad.

 * A terrible stench of burnt onions dwells into the corridor.

* Well, something smells unspeakably burnt! I should hope that's the haggis and not the entire kitchen.

* Feel free to look around!

 * Loygan dashes off into the next room to deal with the kitchen fire, which smoke is already rising out of.



IF YOU CHOSE TO FIGHT THE STATUE=

* Since it'd be a damper on my day if you died of starvation, I've prepared some haggis for the both of us.

* And if you take a little saunter down this corridor...

 * Loygan walks past you rather coldly, introducing you into the right hallway.

* Look at that! Your own room! I was close to letting you crash in the basement, but then you might try to leave the RUINS.

* What? Who said anything about leaving? Or a basement? Not me.

* Do you smell something burning? I hope it's the haggis. If it is, you're getting the burnt half.

* Enjoy the room! Don't leave it.

'' * Loygan dashes off to go check on your unfortunate meal, leaving you to your own in front of the door. You feel as if you need to find a way out of here soon.

 * After such a tiring journey to Loygan's home, you gladly step into what will hopefully be a place of rest.

'' * Your room is as you expected it to be. Bright green and simplistic. There's a dusty old bed, cobwebs in the corners, and it clearly hasn't been touched in years.''

 * You decide not to be picky, and go to sleep.

'' * After a short, well-needed rest, you wake. Someone has left you a meal on the floor. By process of elimination, it was probably Loygan.''

'' * You obtain the half-burnt floor Haggis. It's cold.''

 * You step out into the main hall, and find Loygan relaxing in his chair in the living room, well-versed in some kind of video game.

 * You walk up and tug on his robe.

* Oh! So you're up and at 'em, ay? Sleep well I hope?

IF YOU CHOSE TO TALK TO OR FLEE FROM THE STATUE=

* Y'know, I guess I oughta apologize.

* I've been keeping you in the dark about a lot.

* The Wiki can be a confusing place for a newcomer! So by all means, if you have any questions, go ahead and ask. I'm all ears!



IF YOU CHOSE TO FIGHT THE STATUE=

* I suppose I've been a bit hard on you.

* You've been doin' your best, haven'tcha? Sorry if I've been givin' you a cold shoulder.

* In fact, let me make it up to you!

* I know all about the wiki! You ought to be loaded with questions, so hit me with a few and maybe I can help you out. Ay?

-> HOW DO I LEAVE

* walked right into that one.

* Uh, sorry, lass. This is a one-way exit, I'm afraid!

* B-But it's not all bad! You got me here to keep you company, right?

* Here, I bet y-you'd really like this game I'm playing! Yeah! It's a great one! Here, you take a turn.

 * It's some kind of party game with four colored characters fighting each other on goofy stages.

 * It doesn't interest you at all.

-> LET'S PLAY THE GAME WHERE YOU SHOW ME HOW TO LEAVE

* Ha! Wow! You're really going for it.

* I'm telling you the truth, kid, there is no way out of here.

* H-Hey, cheer up! Let's go... um... fishing? Pirates like to fish, right?''

-> THAT'S NOT ONLY PATRONIZING BUT THERE'S NO LAKES DOWN HERE

* ...

-> HOW DO I LEAVE

* ...

* Hey, pal, take over for me. I gotta go... do... something.

'' * Loygan passes his controller to you and makes a break for the exit to the room. Looks like he's headed downstairs.''

 * Not one to start taking directions, you follow.

closing note: i think neo looked over this one as well but my memory is shit lmao. preemptive thanks to quagga who did some art for the next episode. sorry again to loyg for how awful this scottish stereotyping is