User blog:MonkeyInATank/James Bond vs Jeff Dunham

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!

JAMES BOND!

VS!

JEFF DUNHAM!

BEGIN!!!

James:

Hello, Jeff, I'm sure you know who this is

I'm 007, James Bond, bitches

You're a no-name puppeteer who can't rap for crap

I'm afraid my victory is written, old chap

I'm a famous secret agent, escaper of danger

I've got the Midas Touch, I have a Goldfinger

My rhymes are locked and loaded, aimed at your face

So just go ride off in your Blue Prius someplace

Jeff:

Hello, everyone, my name is Jeff Dunham

Escaper of danger? You always use a stuntman!

You think you can beat me? You Only Live Twice

After this battle, I'll take away one of your lives

You're a no-talent, seven actors have played you

I'll finish you off, my rhymes will Skyfall on you

You rescue girls in all your missions but don't have a spouse

Keep your legs down, I don't wanna see up your blouse

James:

I have a License to Kill, so don't piss me off

After hearing your rhymes, I just have to scoff

I get all my money from the Casino Royale

You get all your money playing with puppet dolls

Achmed:

We're not dolls, we're world-renowned characters

Try shaving your face, you look like a terrier

I'm the Dead Terrorist, and I'll spit it like bombs

They'll explode in your face From Russia With Love

James:

You needed your little puppets to help you

Anyday, I can beat you and your crew

I'm The Man with the Golden Gun

I'm winning, and I'm not even close to being done

Peanut:

I'm a Micronesian monkey, and I'm still smarter than you

You do your job for fun, we Moonrake a ton of revenue

We may be puppets, but we make people laugh real hard

He may have a Prius, but it's still a better car

You've used your f***ing Ferrari for over 30 years

When I watch your movies, I'm always bored with tears

We're famous around the globe, you're an Octopussy

Get through this battle, you'll live to Die Another Day

James:

Diamond are Forever, your show was 7 episodes

You do your act for cash, my job I just devote

It's not for fun, it's to save people in peril

When we're done, I'm gonna go see your ex Sheryl

Jose:

That's the best you could do, a sex innuendo?

I'm the pepper on a stick, Jose Jalapeno

My rhymes are flaming hot, straight from Mexico

Just marry someone, you prostitutic ho

Imma poke out your Living Daylights with my stick

If you wanna win this battle, you can suck my dick

James:

Your dick is your stick, you wanna put it in my face?

You're gay, I hope you're seedless, I despise your race

It's the Quantum of Solace, and I have a View to Kill

You're done for now, my rhymes are so ill

Walter:

It's not over till the fat lady sings, bitch

Probably my wife, she has a seven-year itch

But enough about me, what's your story, James?

I get bored of your movies after watching one frame

James:

An old man? That's your last resort?

If you wanna beat me, have a better retort

I'm famous in every theater, you have your hands up puppet's butts

You used to get lots of money, but now you're in a rut

Jeff:

Hey, guys, let's do a new show, it's called Kick this Guy's ass

Peanut:

Just go back to your lair and start smoking grass

Achmed:

We're the Dunham gang, and we can't be beaten

Walter:

You're skinnier than all the bacon I've eaten

Jose:

There's no way out, Bond, Tomorrow Never Dies

Achmed:

Challenge us again and your ass is gonna get fried

Peanut:

We listen to the fans, you only care about blondes

Walter:

It's over, your reputation is Gone, James Gone

WHO WON? WHO'S NEXT? YOU DECIDE! Who won? James Bond Jeff Dunham

Hey, guys, this is MonkeyInATank here. I know what you're thinking: "This is one of the weirdest battles I've ever read". Well, I really like it. I had to find someone to rap against Bond and I know you're saying: "Why not Austin Powers?" Well, to answer you're question, I like to be original. Well, comment, vote, follow, etc.

MonkeyInATank (talk) 14:02, December 21, 2012 (UTC)