User blog:Element K/Element's Rap Battles Reborn - Season 1 Finale; Jane Austen Vs Arthur Conan Doyle

Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the Element’s Rap Battles Reborn Finale! After months and months of my laziness, to which I have no words but sorry! I’ve also noticed that beats I have used can disappear by being bought so if it doesn’t work; you already know. Today, we are ending the season off between Jane Austen facing off against Arthur Conan Doyle. As usual, Leandro is the cover and card maker, much love to him. Do I even need to introduce these people? Let’s just hit it off already!

P.S. I'm most worried about Joe and Cyan. I do hope it reaches your standards ;-;

P.P.S. Sorry Leandro, I'm too excited about this one XD. I'll just update when you send it <3

ELEMENT'S RAP BATTLES REBORN

VS

Battle=  Jane Austen [0:21-1:05]

 Scholars holler when I spit bars as lit as they are

 It’s in the family, ask my nephew about memoirs

 I have a knack of getting praise on the track

 Attack The Misadventures; leave him flat like a Flapjack!

 Don’t trifle with your titles that’s why they’re really impotent

 You’re in denial then recycle although its excrement

 I have variety, marks on society, you’re unmatched

 You have a name you rehash and a walrus mustache

 I spent hours upon hours and got the women empowered

 I can beat you in your Holmes court, call me Austen Powers!

 You say you can solve crimes and mystery but it’s just tragic

 You spent time with Houdini but don’t understand magic

<p class="MsoNormal"> How do you read your novels without getting eyestrain?

<p class="MsoNormal"> Should I be drunk like your father or have some Sherlock cocaine?

<p class="MsoNormal"> You failed as an author, call this the main and Final Problem

<p class="MsoNormal"> They want the film versions but the books they don’t want them

<p class="MsoNormal"> Arthur Conan Doyle [0:19-0:59]

<p class="MsoNormal"> You address me as Sir!

<p class="MsoNormal">   I refuse to take such slur from an amateur

<p class="MsoNormal"> Anybody will concur that I’m better than you ever were

<p class="MsoNormal"> And I’ll crack the case of this failure of an author

<p class="MsoNormal"> You want to mess with Arthur? Where’s your Sense and Sensibility?

<p class="MsoNormal"> Critics love beloved works of mine on B-B-C!

<p class="MsoNormal"> Call in Bob Barker yet the Price still isn’t right

<p class="MsoNormal"> And your themes are better shown off by a Grey tie

<p class="MsoNormal"> Why? Your works were for the fun of your family

<p class="MsoNormal"> But they couldn’t do that! It just retarded your daddy

<p class="MsoNormal"> I have the bite and bark worse than a Baskerville Hound

<p class="MsoNormal"> Make a Manslaughter Park on this literary battleground

<p class="MsoNormal"> A Lady who lacks the Persuasion to go past flirtation

<p class="MsoNormal"> Writing some romance novels but she’s a big old virgin

<p class="MsoNormal"> You are the family cash cow without the cash and might I add

<p class="MsoNormal"> That you shouldn’t have the Pride with better reads on Wattpad



<p class="MsoNormal"> JRR Tolkien {0:30-1:06}

<p class="MsoNormal"> It’s the Return of the King! Where’s the Warm Welcome?

<p class="MsoNormal"> You wanted a literary war, right? Come and get Somme!

<p class="MsoNormal"> I spit as hot as middle-earth with shots fired like Legolas

<p class="MsoNormal"> In a test of time and who will last, you shall not pass

<p class="MsoNormal"> I’ll tell you what son, your Scooby Doo Mystery Mayhem

<p class="MsoNormal"> The all-seeing Eye of Sauron won’t take a look at ‘em

<p class="MsoNormal"> From best selling pages, to films and games, you already know

<p class="MsoNormal"> One thing I don’t know is this girl here, what’s up, Jane Doe?

<p class="MsoNormal"> I mean, I know about rings but for you, I’ve no advice

<p class="MsoNormal"> You make Gollum look more appealing to the eyes (Ugh!)

<p class="MsoNormal"> One does not simply step to the one rapper who rules them all

<p class="MsoNormal"> For the fantastic father of fantasy will continue to stand tall!

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal"> Tolkien stands before the Austen and Doyle with full view of the Fantasy world he has created. His creations from elves to orcs are showing off in the background with characters such as Bilbo and Gandalf are boasting and posing at the foreground. As this scene happens, Ro äc flies in the sky and as he passes by the sky, it gets darker and darker. He perches upon Tolkien’s shoulder and speaks…



<p class="MsoNormal"> Edgar Allan Poe {0:32-1:10}

<p class="MsoNormal"> NEVERMORE! For the horrorcore lord is causing uproar

<p class="MsoNormal"> I give chills down a spine, you’re run-of-the-mill bores

<p class="MsoNormal"> Baltimore, New York, I’m cutting up on the floorboards

<p class="MsoNormal"> Don’t front, you’re still wishing to get an Edgar Award (OH!)

<p class="MsoNormal"> My poems deeper than Jackson’s peter in Tolkien’s bum

<p class="MsoNormal"> I free verse swing the mic; Spit and the Pendulum! (OH!)

<p class="MsoNormal"> I’m a Spectacle! Cold like wind from Annabel Lee

<p class="MsoNormal"> I make men quiver in their boots with a pussy!

<p class="MsoNormal"> Each word heartfelt, each word with pain I’ve dealt

<p class="MsoNormal">   Each word to express myself, each word makes hearts melt

<p class="MsoNormal"> I give frights in this fight, things go bump in the night

<p class="MsoNormal"> Clear river flow so bright! Fly like the Raven! Damn right

<p class="MsoNormal"> Spooky trochee mastery, stories of adventures to comedy

<p class="MsoNormal"> So let us have a toast for me, to the poet goes the victory

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal"> ???: Thou art correct!



<p class="MsoNormal"> William Shakespeare {0:20-1:03}

<p class="MsoNormal"> Thou bow before the bard; the momma of drama

<p class="MsoNormal"> Hark! ‘Tis the rhymes that hath left the entire Globe in awe

<p class="MsoNormal">   A-row of errors of comedy ye bastards are to me

<p class="MsoNormal"> I hath not written thy bars yet thou art great tragedies!

<p class="MsoNormal"> ‘Tis the playwright in the spotlight ever upon generations

<p class="MsoNormal"> Thou wish to brabble? My weakest poem’s out thy limitations

<p class="MsoNormal"> On the mic, I go H.A.M. let me rap; it’s cruel like Macbeth

<p class="MsoNormal"> Thy chances to win separated like Romeo and Juliet (Ugh!)

<p class="MsoNormal"> Jane doth pen romances but interest me, it just doesn’t

<p class="MsoNormal"> Thou hath lost in those terms by Poe and his underage cousin

<p class="MsoNormal"> Thy art not worth my piss! Hark! The utmost truth of it is

<p class="MsoNormal"> I’m like Antonio, thou Shylock, thou simply can’t touch this

<p class="MsoNormal"> You’re making Much Ado About Nothing, thou art not timeless

<p class="MsoNormal"> Thy Sherlock shows and Hobbits be but a pop culture mess

<p class="MsoNormal"> Thou faces like a book where men may read something strange

<p class="MsoNormal"> In the final act I played all of thee in this lyrical exchange

Rap Meanings=

Jane Austen

Scholars holler when I spit bars as lit as they are

(Jane Austen’s novels and themes are studied by lit scholars; lit being an abbreviation of the word literature. To have your bars lit in a rap battle means that they are very good.)

It’s in the family, ask my nephew about memoirs

(Jane claims the skill of writing novels is common within her family. A Memoir of Jane Austen was her nephew’s publication which got Jane exposed to a bigger audience. She tells Arthur to take tips from writing such themes as she believes The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes was not as well written.)

I have a knack of getting praise on the track

(Jane’s themes and writing style has been applauded by literary critics and she claims it will be the same with her raps.)

Attack The Misadventures; leave him flat like a Flapjack!

(Doyle often titles his books “The Adventure” and then the topic of the book. She mocks this and claims that he battling her is a misadventure. She follows it up by making a reference to “The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack” a Cartoon Network show which features a young boy’s random journey and travels. A flapjack or a pancake is a flat breakfast food and Austen is basically saying she’ll win the battle.)

Don’t trifle with your titles that’s why they’re really impotent

(Jane continues attacking how Arthur’s titles are boring and uncreative.)

You’re in denial then recycle although its excrement

(Austen claims that Doyle just repeats his books over and over again even though they are bad which she continues over in the next two lines.)

I have variety, marks on society, you’re unmatched

(Her different stories have different plots and different characters and has had an impact upon society as a symbol of female empowerment thus making her superior to Doyle.)

You have a name you rehash and a walrus mustache

(She says Arthur can only write Sherlock Holmes and nothing more, also mocking Arthur’s facial hair.)

I spent hours upon hours and got the women empowered

(Jane Austen’s themes has been recognized as something empowering for women and she has spent a lot of time in creating these stories.)

I can beat you in your Holmes court, call me Austen Powers!

(Starting with Holmes Court, it is a pun on home court which would be Doyle’s preference and comfort zone while referencing his sports career with the addition of Sherlock Holmes’ name. Austen Powers is; first, it is a pun on Jane Austen’s name and Austin Powers. Secondly, Austin Powers is a British, crime fiction “International Man of Mystery” and Jane claims that this comical parody is a better interpretation of Doyle’s genre than he wrote.)

You say you can solve crimes and mystery but it’s just tragic

(Doyle’s books are about Crime fiction but there is a flaw Austen wants to point out.) You spent time with Houdini but don’t understand magic

(Doyle and Houdini were friends for a time until Houdini got tired of attempting to explain to Doyle that magic isn’t real, which is something that a lot of people already know. Jane says that if Arthur can’t figure out how a magic trick works after being demonstrated and explained by one of the greatest magicians, then how could he figure out complex crime scenes all on his own?)

How do you read your novels without getting eyestrain?

(Doyle was an ophthalmologist and Austen believes he should have answers on how to read his own books as Austen says it’s a pain to the eyes to read any of it.) Should I be drunk like your father or have some Sherlock cocaine?

(Jane offers possible remedies to read the books, taking a jab at Charles Doyle’s alcoholism and Sherlock Holmes’ drug use. Being drunk or being drugged is the ways Jane believes one could enjoy reading Arthur’s works.)

You failed as an author, call this the main and Final Problem

(She references The Final Problem by Doyle and then explains what she believes what his biggest failure is as an author.)

They want the film versions but the books they don’t want them

(As an author, she believes that one’s books should be better and more popular than film adaptations to which she says Sherlock Holmes is more popular on TV and such than the books.)

Arthur Conan Doyle

You address me as Sir!

(He starts off his verse demanding Jane to speak to him with respect, showing that he has superiority against her. “Sir” is a title given to somebody who had been knighted by royalty, which Arthur has been in 1902 by King Edward VII.)

I refuse to take such slur from an amateur

(Doyle is against Austen’s raps as they are mere allegations from somebody whom he considers as nonprofessional and unskillful.)

Anybody will concur that I’m better than you ever were

(Doyle is confident that his books and stories are far well written than Austen’s and is claiming that the population would completely agree with this statement.)

And I’ll crack the case of this failure of an author

(Arthur’s books are commonly about solving a case and revealing answers to questions and secrets which he will now do towards Jane Austen.)

You want to mess with Arthur? Where’s your Sense and Sensibility?

(Arthur thinks that Jane challenging him is senseless or stupid, he finds amusing seeing as she is the author of a book called Sense and Sensibility.)

Critics love beloved works of mine on B-B-C!

(Sherlock Holmes is arguably the biggest and most famous character Doyle has created and now has a TV series with the same name currently running on BBC. It is well received, getting 91% on Rotten Tomatoes and a score of 9.3/10 from IMDb.)

Call in Bob Barker yet the Price still isn’t right

(Bob Barker was the original host of the game show “The Price is Right”, a show about guessing the cost of items and winning items for guessing correctly. Fanny Price is the timid and shy heroine of Jane Austen’s Mansfield Park. Many readers and critics claim that Fanny isn’t a good character as she is insipid and unlikeable thus “the Price still isn’t right” came to be.)

And your themes are better shown off by a Grey tie

(Jane Austen is most known to be a romance author and Arthur is taking a jab at her by referencing 50 Shades of Grey, an erotic romance novel written by E.L. James. Although 5SOG has been regarded poorly by some, it has sold over 125 million copies compared the 20 million copies Pride and Prejudice, arguably Austen’s best novel, has sold.)

Why? Your works were for the fun of your family

(Jane’s audience before publishing was simply her family.)

But they couldn’t do that! It just retarded your daddy

(George Austen was mentally abnormal and subjected to fits and Arthur points at Jane’s books as the reason for this state of mind.)

I have the bite and bark worse than a Baskerville Hound

(The Hounds of Baskerville is one of Arthur’s books. With his bite and bark compared to such; that means he can trash talk and fight.)

Make a Manslaughter Park on this literary battleground

(Mansfield Park is one Jane’s novels and he makes a pun out of it by using the word manslaughter, meaning he’ll be brutal in this battle.)

A Lady who lacks the Persuasion to go past flirtation

(“A Lady” was Jane Austen’s pen name. He brings up her novel “Persuasion” wherein a love story is broken off which actually happened to Jane. According to sources, Jane had relationships but it never went past any marks. The most she had gotten was an engagement which she broke off the next day.)

Writing some romance novels but she’s a big old virgin

(Doyle mocks the irony of how somebody known for love and passion has had no encounters of the sort in her life. Jane Austen has never married and died alone, with strong rumors of her dying a virgin.)

You are the family cash cow without the cash and might I add

(Jane’s works began being published when her family brought it to the public eye. Arthur is saying she was meant to bring in some money but her books were quite ignored during the time.)

That you shouldn’t have the Pride with better reads on Wattpad

(Aside from the pun on Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, Arthur rebuts against Jane’s previous boasts by bringing up all the Bad Boy and fan-fiction romance novels that are abundant in Wattpad, a website sharing stories with majority of their authors and audience being teenage girls, as he believes these are better stories than the novels Jane has written.)

JRR Tolkien

It’s the Return of the King! Where’s the Warm Welcome?

(The Return of the King is a Tolkien book while A Warm Welcome is the chapter title of the 10th chapter of The Hobbit. He steps in the battle as a superior figure looking for the hospitable and gratefulness for such a visit.)

You wanted a literary war, right? Come and get Somme!

(Tolkien brings up Doyle’s previous comment about literary battlegrounds and sees this as a challenge of some sort. He’s asking the two authors to fight him for he is ready with experience from actual war; Battle of the Somme.)

I spit as hot as middle-earth with shots fired like Legolas

(Middle-earth is the location for Tolkien’s books. In reality, the middle of the earth is a very hot and magmatic core. To ‘spit hot’ would mean to rap well. Legolas is an elf archer who is a character in Tolkien’s series who shoots fast and aimed.)

In a test of time and who will last, you shall not pass

(Tolkien says that his series will last a longer time than the other two authors. There is also a pun between tests and passing with a reference to Gandalf’s most iconic quote.)

I’ll tell you what son, your Scooby Doo Mystery Mayhem

(Aside from the pun on Dr. Watson, Holmes’ sidekick, he pokes fun at Arthur’s novels saying its like Scooby Doo Mystery Mayhem, insinuating that it’s cartoony and childish.)

The all-seeing Eye of Sauron won’t take a look at ‘em

(The Eye of Sauron, arch-villain in the franchise can see everything but with that power, Tolkien says it would refuse to read Doyle’s books as they are so bad.)

From best selling pages, to films and games, you already know

(Tolkien's novels, The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit, were ranked as the two top-selling single volume books of all time at 150 million and 140.6 million copies sold, respectively. The franchise has also gotten movies directed by Peter Jackson and even games made from it. Tolkien is saying he is very successful and well-known with such achievements.)

One thing I don’t know is this girl here, what’s up, Jane Doe?

(Jane Doe is how unknown or unnamed girls are called which is mixed in because Jane is actually Austen’s first name. Tolkien belittles her for the lack of fame and recognition.)

I mean, I know about rings but for you, I’ve no advice

(His books centralize on a certain ring of power; making rings a thing of knowledge for Tolkien. He talks about engagement rings with Jane’s lack of relationship but says he cannot put any input.)

You make Gollum look more appealing to the eyes (Ugh!)

(Gollum is a former hobbit overwhelmed by the powers of the ring. Possession of said ring has made him old and disgusting with gurgling noises and such. Tolkien says Austen is so ugly that a creature of that caliber becomes appealing.)

One does not simply step to the one rapper who rules them all

(A play on the quotes “One Does Not Simply Walk Into Mordor” and “One Ring to rule them all”. He is saying they should not have battled him as he is already the best.) For the fantastic father of fantasy will continue to stand tall! (He is saying that his legacy will remain unlike others.)

Edgar Allan Poe

NEVERMORE! For the horrorcore lord is causing uproar

(Roäc is a Raven who delivers messages and he starts off Poe’s verse by saying “Nevermore” such as within the poem of The Raven and saying that Tolkien would not stand tall. It is ironic as Tolkien created him but it’s a bit of a reference on how people say that the Raven was against Poe even though Poe created the Raven. Poe also begins his verse by bragging.)

I give chills down a spine, you’re run-of-the-mill bores

(Horror and thriller themes often causes chills down the reader’s spine and he calls the others generic and boring.)

Baltimore, New York, I’m cutting up on the floorboards

(Baltimore and New York are one of the few places Poe had gone to during his lifetime. To say you are “Cutting up” in gangster slang means to dance well. This also references the Tell-Tale Heart where a murderer chops up his victim and places the pieces underneath the floor but he hears the beating heart of said victim.)

Don’t front, you’re still wishing to get an Edgar Award (OH!)

(The Edgar Allan Poe Award or the Edgars is an annual award given to different categories by the Mystery Writers of America. He is saying the other authors are hoping to receive this award but they are not worthy for it.)

My poems deeper than Jackson’s peter in Tolkien’s bum

(Peter Jackson is the director for the Lord of The Ring films and peter is slang for penis. He is saying that his poetry is something you understand and something meaningful.)

I free verse swing the mic; Spit and the Pendulum! (OH!)

(Pit and the Pendulum is one of Poe’s stories. A Pendulum swings as he said, and the title has been edited to ‘Spit’ to make it rap related.)

I’m a Spectacle! Cold like wind from Annabel Lee

(Spectacle is one of his book titles used as brag. Annabel Lee is a story from Poe wherein she was killed by chilled winds from above. This would mean Poe is harsh and deadly in this battle.)

I make men quiver in their boots with a pussy!

(The Black Cat is another horror tale from Poe, which would be scaring men with a pussy. Pussy is also slang for vagina, something a man would normally love to be involved with.)

Each word heartfelt, each word with pain I’ve dealt

(Read next line.)

Each word to express myself, each word makes hearts melt

(There is a beat change to reference Tell-Tale Heart once again and in these two lines, Poe places himself higher than Tolkien, Austen and Doyle because he has actually experienced what he rights and has a passion of expressing himself.) I give frights in this fight, things go bump in the night (This is just more filler and boast lines.)

Clear river flow so bright! Fly like the Raven! Damn right

(It rephrases To The River, a poem from Poe. He talks about how good he is at flowing in rap comparing it to the flow of a river. Being fly also means to be good and Raven’s are birds who soar in the sky.)

Spooky trochee mastery, stories of adventures to comedy

(Aside from his horror expertise and trochee style of writing experience, Poe can also write different genres such as adventures, short stories, romances and comedies. Poe boasts how versatile of an author he can be.)

So let us have a toast for me, to the poet goes the victory

(There is a thing called Poe Toaster which basically an annual tribute to Poe by cleaning up his grave, toasting to him and such. Toasting for a person is to show respect and praise.)

William Shakespeare

Thou bow before the bard; the momma of drama

(The bard is one of Shakespeare’s titles. Bowing is a sign of respect to a higher power.)

Hark! ‘Tis the rhymes that hath left the entire Globe in awe (Hark means listen. William Shakespeare often rhymed and The Globe was his own theatre but he places it as a global scale of impressing people.)

A-row of errors of comedy ye bastards are to me

(The Comedy of Errors is one of Shakespeare’s many comedies. He says the four authors are mistakes and laughable compare to him.)

I hath not written thy bars yet thou art great tragedies!

(Tragedy is a genre that revolves around drama and is one of Shakespeare’s major writing genres. It is a positive connotation when it comes to Shakespeare but is placed as negative regarding the other rappers, saying their lines were bad.)

‘Tis the playwright in the spotlight ever upon generations

(Shakespeare also wrote plays and they are still being performed and studied until present day.)

Thou wish to brabble? My weakest poem’s out thy limitations (Brabble is an archaic word meaning ‘fight’ and Shakespeare is challenging them by saying that his least popular or worst writing is still way better than all the other authors.)

On the mic, I go H.A.M. let me rap; it’s cruel like Macbeth

(Going H.A.M. or Hard As a Motherfucker would mean doing your best. Macbeth is a very brutal story about backstabbing and curses with many deaths involving the play.)

Thy chances to win separated like Romeo and Juliet (Ugh!)

(Romeo and Juliet is a tragedy about two lovers who love each other so much but were separated by a family feud and death. By this analysis, the other authors would have no chance of winning the rap.)

Jane doth pen romances but interest me, it just doesn’t

(Austen’s writings are of the romance format but according to Shakespeare, it’s boring to read.)

Thou hath lost in those terms by Poe and his underage cousin

(Shakespeare continues attacking Jane and insults Poe in the process by comparing Austen’s works to the incestuous romantic relationship between Poe and his 13 year old cousin. He claims this would be an interesting story and plot unlike Jane’s books.)

Thy art not worth my piss! Hark! The utmost truth of it is

(Self-explanatory.)

I’m like Antonio, thou Shylock, thou simply can’t touch this

(In Merchant Of Venice, Shylock, the Jewish moneylender had a right to get a pound of flesh from the main character, Antonio. He was then placed in a loophole because he was only entitled to flesh and not blood thus he could not harm Antonio.)

You’re making Much Ado About Nothing, thou art not timeless

(He believes the others brags are unbelievable as they are just nothing to him referencing to one of his works; Much Ado About Nothing.)

Thy Sherlock shows and Hobbits be but a pop culture mess

(Self-explanatory.)

Thou faces like a book where men may read something strange

(An insult about looks.)

In the final act I played all of thee in this lyrical exchange (Acts are a play term and Shakespeare was a playwright. This includes the pun of being played meaning the other authors were beat by Shakespeare.)

Message= Thank you all so much for an amazing season. I promise to improve but I won't promise that I won't be a lazy ass. Expect an off-season soon!

Who Won? Jane Austen Arthur Conan Doyle JRR Tolkien Edgar Allan Poe William Shakespeare