User blog:Tronald Dump/Epic Rap Battles of History: The Next Generation - Stephen Colbert vs Sam the Eagle

Welcome back to the latest installment of Epic Rap Battles of History: The Next Generation! In this segment, we have Colbert Report and Late Show with Stephen Colbert host, if it wasn't obvious enough, Stephen Colbert! against The America loving Blue Eagle Muppet, Sam the Eagle! So let's start this Patriot vs Patriot battle!

The Rap Battle
 Stephen Colbert:

 Greetings America, Welcome to the Colbert Report.

 Where in this issue, I issue this bird jockey’s escort.

 I’ll snap you like a Pistachio in this live manifesto.

 You can’t handle the flow from the best politico.

 I’m the God Machine! I’ll end you like DDT!

 Screw Eagles, I’m the symbol of being free!

 I’ll blow you away like you're the Pigs in Space!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">I’ll beat you shitless, leave you with a poker face.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">Sam the Eagle:

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">I’ll diss you like slapstick, It’s kinda the American Way.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">You’ll cease like the White House in Independence Day.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">Do your research. DDT didn’t kill all the Eagles.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">They just had a tough break, like Jason Segel’s.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">I pledge to serve all equal American rights,

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">and not complain on TV about the Israelites.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">That sounds an awful lot like someone I know,

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">Let’s see if you can defeat Patriot Samuel Arrow.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">Stephen Colbert:

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">Opinions are like Demo-Tapes, I don’t wanna hear yours.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">While you sing <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;font-style:italic;white-space:pre-wrap;">Rainbow Connection <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">, and help the Corps?

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">What is this? Some sort of messed up Political Pundit?

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">No one cares about some Old Yoda sounding Puppet!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">I’m a Catholic, born in DC, I’m the most Patriotic emcee.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">Now excuse me, I’ve got a Late Show to run on NBC.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">Sam the Eagle:

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">Excuse me, but you have despicable political indecency.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">Like that White House Correspondents Dinner in DC.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">You're not a Patriot! You're definitely anything but!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">Am I going to have be to perform a National Rebut?

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">You'll always be in second, like you were for Steve Carell.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">Now you, Trump and O’Reilly can burn in Political Hell.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="color:rgb(255,255,255);font-family:Arial;font-size:14.6667px;font-weight:400;line-height:1.38;white-space:pre-wrap;">WHO WON?

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="color:rgb(255,255,255);font-family:Arial;font-size:14.6667px;font-weight:400;line-height:1.38;white-space:pre-wrap;">WHO'S NEXT?

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="color:rgb(255,255,255);font-family:Arial;font-size:14.6667px;font-weight:400;line-height:1.38;white-space:pre-wrap;">YOU DECIDE!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="color:rgb(255,255,255);font-family:Arial;font-size:14.6667px;font-weight:400;line-height:1.38;white-space:pre-wrap;">EPIC (Sqwauk!) RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">I'm starting something new, because the cool kids were doing it, so I'm starting Hints! So Here's the photo for the Next Battle!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">So tell me, Who Won? Vote Below!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> Who Won? Stephen Colbert Sam the Eagle