User blog:RespectThePixel/TF2 Battle Royale - Epic Rap Battles of Pixelation

Aiight, let's go. WARNING: THIS BATTLE IS KINDA LONG. NOT FOR THE IMPATIENT MINDS.



Teh Battel
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF PIXELATION!!!!!!!!

SCOUT!!!!!

VS!!!!!!!!

HEAAAAAVYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!

BEGIN!!!!!!!!!!

Scout:
BONK! Eat it, fatty! Guess what? You freakin' suck,

Don't be Russian to beat me, 'cause you're already outta luck.

I'll be drinkin' my soda as I kick your fat ass, with ease, ya see,

Today ain't your day, pancakes, even Sasha can't touch me!

I am owning you, you fat, bald bastard! Next time eat a salad,

If you were to even speak, your argument ain't even valid,

BOINK! I make it look easy, just wait 5 seconds, knucklehead,

5, 4, 3, 2, 1... Nope, sorry, time's up, you're dead!

Heavy:
You are so tiny! Is funny to me! You are no match for me!

Let this be lesson for you, never, never, make me angry.

Keep crying, baby! I am most dangerous man, in history of WORLD!!

I am bulletproof! You do not hurt me, little girl!

I eat you like sandviches! I destroy everything, BLU or RED!

A few shots from Sasha and you, yes you, you are DEAD!

Now is coward-killing time! Who dares stand against me NOW?!

Did you think you could beat me?! I don't even see how!

(An explosion appears behind them, stopping the battle. Soldier walks in.)

Soldier:
MAGGOTS! You kids today don't know how to dominate!

Down and give me twenty, each of you! Are you all trying for a Section Eight?

You, kid, never bring a bat to a battlefield; war is not a game!

How can you even expect to win when whatever you say sounds the same?!

And you, "Comrade", you're just as annoying, so hush up,

This American boot just kicked your ass back to Russia!

I live to kill maggots like you two, it's my destiny,

If God had wanted you to live, he would not have created me!

(Another explosion, this time larger, appears with many other explosions around it. Demoman limps in.)

Demoman:
KABOOOOOM! How do ya like that, laddies? Look at you mutts!

City boyo, a sandwich eatin' monstah, and Private Haircut!

You're all a fuckin' disgrace, I terrorize each o' ya,

I can kick yer asses even when I'm drunk, that'll teach ya!

I'm a full-blown-up destroyah, my raps make ya go KABLOOIE!

I can beat asses with my scrumpy bottle, not even sure what I'm doing!

I've seen what you guys are like in battle, it's just sad,

Grow some hair on yer faces, then come and try me again, lads.

(Several gunshots fire from a Sentry. Engineer walks in.)

Engineer:
Ain't that a cute little gun? Let's see how it likes y'all mules,

Beat y'all up with this one wrench, show ya that Texans rule!

Just got dominated, string-bean, eyepatch, corn cakes, and you too, ya damn Yankee,

I'd throw city boy at y'all, but he's just too damn lanky.

Been watching here buildin' mah sentry, y'all just ain't doin' it right.

Stop hidin' in the explosives, Butterscotch, put up a fight.

Y'all shoulda oughtta shut yer traps, foolish folk,

Did any of y'all even expect to win? Nope!

(Camera pans to inside of a building. Sniper is aiming at the current rappers, whispering raps to himself.)

Sniper:
Gotta stay quiet, hush, you dirty mongrels, piss off,

Wave goodbye to your head, wanker, just hold still and stop.

(Sniper jumps out the window to the scene with his rifle still in hand.)

I'm a dinkum Aussie, not some bloody cartoon!

I've slept in the corpse of a water buffalo tougher than you!

What a boring game of Duck Hunt, all I'm seeing here is dogs,

Dominated YOU, you egghead, and tagged ya, you wobbling Scot!

You're all just piss in my cup, I'll wash you down with an attack,

'Cause bloody hell, you're awful! I've seen worse in the Outback.

(Sniper gets stabbed in the back by an invisible figure. The figure turns out to be Spy.)

Spy:
Sorry to pop in unannounced, gentlemen,

It appears this man got blood on my suit, but at least he's dead.

I'm a fierce, ruthless Frenchman, all of you little henchmen,

Bow to down to your leader, the Spy is the best man.

You're about to get outclassed by the classiest class in this clash

I'm kicking everyone's ass, no survivors in this attack.

Each of you failures, make like this Sniper and hide,

It doesn't matter to me either way; I was never really on your side...

(Flames engulf the battlefield, burning the current rappers. Pyro walks in, and takes off his mask to rap.)

Pyro:
Burn, baby, burn, that fire smells great,

Sorry to surprise everyone, spies are just something I hate.

I'll roast you guys like marshmallows, make s'mores out of your bodies,

And sure, you can call me morbid, but I'm not saying sorry.

I burn everything in sight, people don't scare me, nothing scares me,

You're the ones who should be scared, I'm happier than my fairies.

A pyrotechnical victory for me as your burning bodies rot,

Oh and by the way guys, is it just me, or is it getting hot?

(Pyro puts his mask back on and uses his flamethrower again.)

Scout:
Fire! I'm on fire! Medic...!

(Medic appears.)

Medic:
It's about time someone called my name, I'm ze fucking medic!

Vithout me, all of you vould be dead! Come on, give me some credit!

But zis time I'm not healing you; no, instead, I'll be your opponent,

You're nothing but Deutsch-bags, ze chance to stay, you've blown it.

I've Ubercharged myself, how do you like that, dummkopfs?

Having more fun than an Oktoberfest, but there's no healing you in this taunt.

So pack up your things, boys, and let's get ready, men.

Now come on, Archimedes, let's go practice medicine...

WHO WON??????

WHO'S NEXT??????

YOU DECIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EE- *explosion* PIC *gunshot* RAP *BONK!* BATTLES *BOINK!* OF *Scout scream* PIXELATION!!!!!!

Who won? Scout Heavy Soldier Demoman Engineer Sniper Spy Pyro Medic