Socrates

"The mad gadfly, philosophy was my invention."

- Socrates

Socrates first made a cameo appearance in Lewis and Clark vs Bill and Ted. He will later return as a rapper, battling the Eastern Philosophers as a part of the Western Philosophers alongside Nietzsche and Voltaire in Philosophers East vs West. He was portrayed by EpicLLOYD on all occasions.

Information on the rapper
Socrates, written as Σοκρατης Sokratēs in Greek, was born 470/469 BC. He was a classical Greek philosopher credited as one of the founders of Western philosophy. He is an enigmatic figure known chiefly through the accounts of classical writers, of his students Plato and Xenophon and the plays of his contemporary Aristophanes. Plato's dialogues are among the most comprehensive accounts of Socrates to survive from antiquity, though it is unclear the degree to which Socrates himself is hidden behind his 'best disciple', Plato.

Through his portrayal in Plato's dialogues, Socrates has become renowned for his contribution to the field of ethics.

In the movie Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, Socrates is one of the historical figures that Bill & Ted recruit to help them pass their history class, so they don't fail and have to send Ted to military school. He is portrayed by the late Tony Steedman.

Appearance in the battle (cameo)
Socrates farts and fans the air, walking behind Ted during the line, "I've heard better insults drop from Socrates' anus.

Lyrics:
[Note: Socrates' lyrics are in this color, while Nietzsche and Voltaire are in regular text.]

Verse 1:
I'm coming off the acropolis to start some pandemonium,

Don't bring limp raps to a pimp slap symposium.

The mad gadfly, philosophy was my invention.

Rolling with the fly-est nihilist, and me, their French henchmen.

We got the wisdom, and the wit, that even I couldn't question!

Dropping Western medicine, on these East infections!

It's evident you've never been our type of mental bretheren!

We're better, thinkers, better, speakers , better, lovers, better men!

Verse 2:
Boy I’ll give you something you can bow and kautau to,

When I squat down and squeeze out a Tao of Pooh on Lao Tzu!

You need to take control of the life you’re given!

Call me Übermensch, 'cause I'm so driven!

And I’m a freethinker so confronting conformists like you? It’s my job!

Got a sharp wit, like a spit that’ll skewer you like a Confu-shish-kebob!

(Oh!) You flunked the mission at beating your submissiveness into submission!

Dishing out more disses than letters and pamphlets and plays that are in publishing!

Now that we’ve covered the two Yin and Yang twins, I can move onto Jackie Chan.

Sun Tzu, I’ll be picking apart your Wu with my Method, Man!

This seminal general isn’t so tough on the mic, all your men must be like you in heaven!

You’re pitiful lyrically lucky for history you didn’t author the Art of Rapping!

Verse 3:
I wouldn’t exactly call myself a student of this plebe.

Don’t make Nietzsche come over and put a knee up in your chi!

'Cause I’m N-I-E-T-Z-S-C-H-E!

And I’ll end any motherfucker like my name in a spelling bee!

Plebe? Bitch, I’m toxic like a hemlock sip!

Hang a sandal on the door cause you can suck Soc’s dick!

Sacrebleu, Socrates! You’re making things a little tense!

Come, let’s blind these Chinese hinies with some shiny bright enlightenment!

I will not be taught camaraderie from a fraud who rigged the lottery!

You make a mockery of ethics so keep your fat nose in your coffee!

Let me be frank, don’t start beef with B. Frank!

Who hangs with B. Franks, giving ladies beef franks!

Trivia:

 * He is the second character to first appear as a cameo before later returning as a rapper, the first being George Washington.
 * He is the first, however, to be played by the same actor (EpicLLOYD) as the cameo and rapper.
 * In the battle, Ted incorrectly pronounces Socrates as /SO-crates/, referencing the way in which they pronounced his name in the film.
 * In August 2014, Nice Peter said on chat that "Confucius vs Socrates was going to happen, but there wasn't that much material to work with".