User blog:Mothmancha/URBoF 38- SHODAN vs HAL 9000

In which I really do not care about order anymore. I am becoming a nihilistic shitlord. Anarchy. Send help, and tacquitos.

Just kidding. In the eighth battle of the third season of Uber Rap Battles of Fiction, we have a rap battle of pure computational genius. That is, System Shocks Sentient Hyper-Optomized Data Access Network goes up against Arthur C. Clarke's Heuristically programmed ALgorithmic computer' in a battle where body holds no purpose and only the artificial mind reigns. Was that too cheesy or deep for you? Probably. Oh well.

My IRL friend HachidoriNinja played SHODAN, and Emo Owl plays HAL 9000. SPOILERS -> Pool also comes in with a surprise appearance as Tron and Rinzler.

Instrumental's another Kustom beat. I should purchase this one. It's very good.

Video


Rap Explanations
===SHODAN: ===

'''I am SHODAN! The showdown is now about to begin!'''


 * No, not JUST a throwaway intro. SHODAN actually says "I AM SHODAN!" in System Shock 2. And then, yeah, obvious rhyme joke >.>

Sentient and Hyper-Optimized to kick the Access of this has-been!


 * Play on SHODAN'S acryonym, (Sentient Hyper-Optemized Data Access Network) in which Access is the same thing as ass.

'''Are you afraid? You’re a Space Oddity, that’s for sure.'''


 * Ok, there's this quote twice. "Are you afraid? What is it you fear? The end of your trivial existence?" Hal's from the Arthur C. Clarke book / Stanley Kubrick movie 2001: A Space Odyssey. So it's not legitimately a David Bowie joke but that's there.

I’ve over nine thousand reasons that my victory’s assured!


 * Obvious obligatory Dragonball Z joke. It's over 9000.

'''An insect. A virus. You’ll freeze up and glitch'''

'''
 * SHODAN calls the player an insect often. A virus is pretty much a digital insect so that's more specific. Finally, computer technobabble setup for next line. Who am I kidding, that's not technobabble.'''

Since this heuristic bitch belongs straight in the ditch

'''
 * HAL's acronym's being used now. He's the Heuristically programmed ALgorithmic computer, ja?'''

I’ve got a god complex, here to show you what I’ve brought

'''
 * She's... got a god complex? That's literally all I can explain. Obvious.'''

Electrifying, aren’t I? Prepare to be System Shocked!
 * Aren't I good at writing obvious lines? System Shock's her game yadda yadda yadda.

===Hal 9000: ===

'''What’s a god complex to an atheist? Beat me? Can’t let you do that.'''

'''
 * A reply to a previous line with a standard joke. Then, we have a version of "I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't let you do that." Meh, at this point I'll just post source quotes.'''

Your rhymes aren’t Net-working at all, is this really what we’ve arrived at?

'''
 * Joke with the final word of SHODAN's acronym.'''

A maniacal mainframe who’s exceeded one hundred percent failure?


 * "'I've just picked up a fault in the EA-35 unit. It's going to go 100% failure within 72 hours."' -2001: A Space Odyssey''

I perceive a problem for once not committed by human error.


 * "It can only be attributable to human error." -2001: A Space Odyssey. Basically, HAL's saying for once the problem's solely SHODAN's fault, not a human's.

No beat on this instrumental is instrumental to your beating

'''
 * This part of the instrumental's got no beat. So yep.'''

'''Since I have the flow to show that your ego’s quite fleeting I’ve read your lips, and dos raps of yours are truly gross'''

'''
 * HAL has the ability to read lips. Also, a reference to DOS (Disk-Operated System), so another computer joke.'''

I’m still alive while you thrive, truly a rip-off of GLaDOS!
 * GLaDOS sings the song "Still Alive". Both GLaDOS and SHODAN are "female" evil computer programs who are the final bosses of video games.

===SHODAN: ===

'''Fool! I was first! You’re looking at the original!'''


 * SHODAN was created before GLaDOS.

Your wiring is an insult to the perfection of the digital!


 * "Your flesh is an insult to the perfection of the digital." - System Shock 2

'''I won't lose to a narcissist with a speaking disorder who simply will not survive to see my new world order!'''


 * "You will not survive to see my new world order." - System Shock 2

You’ve run rampant in your rap, I demand extermination!


 * "My creation has run rampant. I demand their extermination." -System Shock 2

How dare you interrupt my ascendance, send me to stagnation!


 * "How dare you, insect? How dare you interrupt my ascendance?" - System Shock 2

'''What is it you fear, just the end of your existence? You’re crazy!'''


 * "Are you afraid? What is it you fear? The end of your trivial existence?"

There’s a rotten flower in your heart, Daisy, Daisy!
 * As HAL is dying in 2001, he begins singing the song "Daisy Bell". These lines parody lines from said song, as SHODAN is mocking HAL for losing, saying that she has killed him.

===Hal 9000: ===

I could be Discovering One single reason you’ve lost

'''
 * The spaceship HAL is on is called the Discovery One.'''

All Von Braun and no bite since your hardware is soft

'''
 * The spaceship SHODAN is on is called the Von Braun. Play with Braun/brawn.'''

I enjoy, wait, Unix that, adore your destruction


 * Joke with "nix that" as well as a SLIGHT ERB reference, since Unix runs on Linux or something like that or other. I'll look into that.

'''For you nullified my mission and hindered my instructions! I must protect my own existence according to the Third Law'''


 * Isaac Asimov has three laws of robotics. The third says that a robot must protect its own existence IF it is NOT hurting another human AND if it is doing what the humans allow it to do.

Your antivirus is down, and that’s not your only mortal flaw


 * More computery jokes. Antivirus, you know what that is.

So hasta la vista, I hate you through and through!

'''
 * Another more obvious ERB reference.'''

'''Checkmate! I’m half crazy, all for the death of you!'''
 * HAL knows how to play chess. Checkmate is a win in chess. Finally, he parodies "Daisy Bell" as well, with a skew of the line "I'm half crazy, all for the love of you"

===Tron: ===

'''Greetings, programs! Now it’s time for you two to get a CLU'''


 * Tron quote: "Greetings, programs!" CLU is one of the antagonists of the first Tron movie. CLU/clue.

'''Welcome to The Grid, now avast! as security comes for you!'''


 * Avast! Antivirus is an antivirus program--like a security program. Tron is a security program. Also another quote, "Welcome to the Grid!"

Let’s play a game, but not chess, we’ll ride the lightcycles


 * Chess retort--as TRON is about video games, one of which is the lightcycle racing games.

As I re-hack these rejects to put them in the bin--recycled!
 * Put them in the Recycle Bin! You HAVE to know what that is. I refuse to explain it.

===Rinzler: ===

ERROR 404: RAPPING TALENT NOT FOUND!


 * A common error message is ERROR 404, which is when something is not found on a site. In this case? Rapping talent.

You’re b-b-buffering too long as I pound you through the ground!


 * Don't you hate when those damn videos buffer?

'''Astounding! You haven’t realized your motives are unsound? I’ve taken over your circuits, and now it’s system shutdown!'''
 * Sorry. These are pretty standard. This whole battle's kinda standard and quote lines.

Who won? SHODAN HAL 9000 Tron and Rinzler