Christopher Columbus vs Captain Kirk

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Columbus vs Captain Kirk is the fourteenth installment of the Epic Rap Battles of History series. It features Italian explorer Christopher Columbus competing against Star Trek character Captain Kirk. It was released on October 10th, 2011.

Cast
Nice Peter as Christopher Columbus and the Announcer

EpicLLOYD as Captain Kirk

Jon Na as Hikaru Sulu (cameo)

Omar Gharaibeh as Spock (cameo)

Mary Gutfleisch as Hot Alien (cameo)

Lyrics
Christopher Columbus:

Arrivederci, Imma leave before this battle begins!

'Cause we both know in the end which of these captains gonna win!

I'll show you how a real explorer handles a situation.

I'll beat you so bad they'll feel it in the next generation!

So bring it on, I'll whip you like a Klingon.

My rhymes will burrow in your ears like the wrath of Khan!

I've got a neck chop for Spock, I'll put my sword through Sulu!

Check into a priceline hotel and watch your fat ass on Hulu!

Captain Kirk:

I'm the enterprising Captain James Tiberius Kirk,

Representing Riverside Iowa, planet... Earth.

I hear you call yourself an explorer but I'm just not having it, you...

Discovered a new world that was already inhabited!

Why don't you boldly go someplace you've never gone before like India?

Or any destination you've actually set sail for.

You spaghetti eating fuck, how's your spice-rack doing?

I'll be chilling in my spaceship, have fun canoeing.

Christopher Columbus:

You know, rapping against you it's not even fun.

It's like somebody set your brains on stun!

I am the fabric of history, you are a fictional stain!

I'll stick a flag up your ass and claim you for Spain!

Captain Kirk:

Mr. Spock, beam me back to 1492, so I can beat this man like it's my job.

We'll see how Isabella likes my captain's log.

It's Kobayashi for you, there's no way you could win.

When your weak crew sees me approaching, they'll be like "Dammit, it's Jim!"

I'll double-fist punch you, you slave-making bitch,

Now, take your genocidal ass off of my bridge.

Scrapped Lyrics
Christopher Columbus:

Keep my crew's name out of your mouth or you'll get hurt!

I'll Leif Ericson your ass and predate your best work!

Yeoman Rand and Marlena gave you too many favors.

Bones diagnosed, you got sores on your phaser!

Trivia

 * Footage of Nice Peter and EpicLLOYD doing a live performance of this battle was leaked on YouTube several days before the official battle was released.
 * This battle was the first released through a music provider (iTunes, amazon, google play store, etc.) a day before it came out on YouTube (October 9th).
 * Nice Peter showed two hints as to who it was between on his channel NicePeterToo. One was in the episode "Monday is for new Rules", which showed them performing not in costume. The other was in the episode "Monday Shows Continue Despite", which showed them in costumes.
 * This battle was originally going to feature Christopher Columbus vs Neil Armstrong. It was later switched with Columbus vs Captain Kirk because during research, Nice Peter thought Neil was kind of "unflappable" and there wouldn't be anything bad to diss him for.
 * Just like most battles in Season 1, there are 2 versions of this ERB available on iTunes. However, they are differently titled, one called "Columbus vs Captain Kirk" and the other called "Captain Kirk vs Christopher Columbus".
 * During the "Who Won? Who's Next? You decide!" scene at the end, Christopher Columbus's background is entirely black.
 * Suggested by: Pokewiz309.