User blog:Alanomaly/Alanomaly Rap Battles - Joker vs Joker

Here we are, battle 26.

I was gonna wait until the Joker movie so I could properly include Phoenix, but given how quickly I got the previous battles done, and the fact I don't want to rearrange the finals battles, I decided to just give him a fun cameo.

The idea of this matchup is one I've liked for a while. I was initially against the idea of having multiple actors of the same character, but then ERB did Bond vs Powers, and of course that changed my mind about it, seeing as how it's in my top ten, and it's also how I ended up doing Wonder Woman vs Xena.

With all that said and done, let's get into this battle.

We have a royale of the actors who have played the Joker: Jared Leto, Cesar Romero, Mark Hamill, Heath Ledger, and Jack Nicholson.

Jared Leto
I see right through you, like your mustache past your make up,

Damaged! I'll leave you with mental scars when you wake up!

This'll be the second crash you suffer through, Julio Cesar,

So allow me to break the ice, water-walking believer!

Jared Leto, won an award for playing a Caitlyn Jenner role,

Getting to Mars faster than Elon Musk, best friends with Mysterio!

Ben Affleck said it best, the TV Guide gives A Beautiful Lie!

You couldn't be a good Joker even if you were crazy inside!

Don't try to sweet talk me, or you'll meet all my toys,

You look like a creepy artist that hunts down little boys!

You're known for characters as small as your Wee Willie,

I've evaded my Bat, but yours will never lose, will he?

You're more like Barney than a comic book villain,

While I'm knee deep in the Joker vision that I've written!

Cesar Romero
Jared Leto? Gosh, it seems a lot more like Jared Pedo!

Joke's on you thinking you've got a better role than Romero!

So at least you're funny, but you're totally lost on the rest,

You can call me the Joker, but I'm not about to jest!

30 Seconds sounds a lot more like your time onscreen,

I ruled villains on TV sets, and didn't even need a queen!

Mr. Nobody? Shit, Alan Tudyk would be a much better pick,

Than someone who sends rats and condoms like a deranged prick!

You don't understand how this role is supposed to be played,

Standing there with your chest, tats, and barefeet on display!

Is that a barbecue on your face? That's one messed up grill!

What, did your teeth get decayed when you took an acid spill?

We'd know if it weren't for all your scenes getting cut,

Replaced by your girlfriend taking up the screen with her butt!

Mark Hamill
You know...

[The two rappers pause and look towards the new voice, seeing...]



If you have to explain the joke... It's not funny!

I'm hopping from toon to toon like a DC Playboy bunny!

Arkham's in the name, I was born to be mad!

But mad as in the kind that you two make me act!

Look at this American Psycho, your method of acting's a shame!

Thank god we didn't get more, or your film'd go up in more flames!

And your Wikipedia page doesn't even say a thing about you!

How many sentences for your Joker? Hm, I'd say about two!

You can call me Skywalker: I'm at the top of this game!

Not a single other Joker voice do fans and critics so acclaim!

Joker's the only worthy Joker opponent, but fighting you's Child's Play,

This Is War of the clowns, now let's see some sliced face!

I should Maltruant myself back in time and stop this battle before it begins,

And add just one more victory to my amount of wins!

Joaquin Phoenix
I thought this battle was supposed to be a comedy...

[The three rappers turn to see...]



But now I realize, it's a tragedy...

[Joaquin is interrupted by a sinister laugh.]

Ah aha ha ha ah ha ha hoo he ha ha ha...

And I thought my jokes were bad.

[Two hands in purple gloves turned Joaquin's face around and a knife was put into his mouth.]

Your mother was right... You really should smile more...

[The knife sliced open Joaquin's cheek as his neck was snapped, and he fell to the ground, revealing...]



Heath Ledger
Not to say you all are good, but there's no rules for this role,

That said, you're each missing something, leaving a big hole!

Doc Holliday here's no sadist, gimmicks a product of his time,

You'd do well to stay quiet, all black and white, like a mime!

Mental scars, Jared? At least Cesar drew the lips correctly,

Yours are on your hand, like a super kinky lefty!

What's the matter, Harley not good enough these days?

After all, she left your ass for Dinah, Helena, and Renee!

And she left you, Mark, for a red-headed Audrey II,

Manipulative, sure, but you can't control what Blondie'll do!

I've set the precedent, the president of Gotham's crime,

Brought the Bat franchise back up to the peak, in its prime!

I'd say go to a hospital for your burns, but you'd be in more danger,

As I always say, what doesn't kill you, makes you stranger!

Jack Nicholson
Stranger?

[Heath's face dropped.]

Wait till you get a load of me!

[Heath turned around slowly, the other Jokers looking past him, seeing...]



Heeeeere's Joker! And I've gotten a new name for my pain:

Every other actor that's made this role go down the drain!

You befriended a Spidey villain, I killed the parents of another,

And he didn't scream and shout about Superman's mother!

I brought some joy to Gotham, but this Brother's just Grimm!

Went so deep with his method, this role managed to kill him!

Oof. Too much? Call me Jim Carrey, I can never tell!

Shit. Um, you need a diss. I.... am better than Hamill!

Fine, that wasn't good, but he's like a devil in the moonlight,

Him or me, trying to diss us proves you're not too bright,

HA! Joke's in the name! My cane slices through you like a rapier,

You really think a drawing's gonna stand a chance to Jack Napier?

You're all burdens, I'm with Burton, truly making the Knight Dark,

Sorry, boys, but I'm the only one for whom this is the right part!



Poll
Who Won? Jared Leto Cesar Romero Mark Hamill Heath Ledger Jack Nicholson

Hints Explained

 * Steve Miller Band: The group has a song called The Joker.
 * Purple Lambourghini: A reference to Suicide Squad.
 * Tim Curry: Tim Curry was going to voice the Joker in Batman: The Animated Series before Mark Hamill.