User blog:El Alamein/YA Novel Protagonists vs. Allied Generals. Epic Rap Battles of Things That Don't Make Sense



Beat: East vs. West Philosophers







 VS!







 BEGIN!

Lyrics
[Note: George Patton is in green ,  Bernard Montgomery is in tan ,   ''Georgy Zhukov is in 'red, 'Percy Jackson is in blue, Katniss Everdeen is in purple, and Harry Potter is in gold. If either group is rapping together, they will appear in regular text.]''

Allied Generals
I'm charging out the Ardennes Forest to gain high-speed momentum,  Don't bring shit raps to a Great War convention!

Ol' Blood and Guts, tanking hits like an ironclad! Rolling with the illest strategist, and me, their Red comrade!  We've got the tactics and the strats

that even I couldn't outsmart!

Dropping Allied firebombs on these angsty upstarts!

It's quite clear yo, your movies,foes, are little more than children's shows!

We're better fighters, better   leaders, better comrades, better heroes!

===  YA Novel Protagonists    ===

This type of arrogance is sure to be forthcoming

From men who battle bloodily with no care for human suffering!

You generals are godless, so I know you couldn't harm me.

You lack control of yourselves, and of your armies,

While we fight against evil, you destroy entire nations!

Hand you an arse-whipping our fans will read about for generations!

We gave the children imagination and a love for books and reading

And you'll never hold a candle to the heroics we're leading!

===    Allied Generals      ===

Oh, I'll give you something you can pray to Poseidon for

When I call artillery and blow up Percy like he's Beckendorf!

You need to take control of the battles you're fighting!

They call me the Spartan General because I strike like lightning!

And I'm a communist, so confronting capitalists like you? I'm quite scary!

Got a T-34 that'll roar and batten you down like a Bludger, Harry!

You failed your OWL, now stare down my scowl, you'd best throw in the towel!

Handing out more Red cards than your cheating ass would earn with Quidditch fouls!

Now that we've covered the two moppy hair boys, I can move on to Everdeen!

Katniss, I'll be picking apart your rebels with my Shermans, teen!

This guerrilla girl ain't so fire on the mic, all your fans must be like "Where're the flames?"

You're pitiful lyrically, lucky for Panem, you didnt fight in the Rapping Games!

===  YA Novel Protagonists ===

Bitch, I led a rebel force so you better get your guns out!

These geezers getting smoked, 'cause guess what? Now it's a rout!

Us teens are spitting sick, but these guys, their raps are measly!

P.J. drop the beat, now Harry, rap like you're a Weasley!

Let me be straight-up with you Zhukov,

You'll lose like this was the Battle of Kharkov!

Your attrition rate's just mystifying,

Millions of troops doesn't mean let them keep dying!

And you attacked Arnhem, which I find bizarre

That you couldn't tell you went a bridge too far!

You tried to win just so you could gain fame

But in the end you failed, how El Ala-lame!

And it all leads back to you, Patton; since you're bold and brash,

I think it's fitting that you died in that horrible car crash!

===  Allied Generals ===

I wouldn't exactly point to George as a general who's bold,

Don't make Monty come over and bomb your sister 'til she's cold!

'Cause I'm M! O! N! T! G-O-M-E-R-Y!

And I'll end any worthless kiddie worse than Rommel who was dignified!

I'm bold, bitch, I'll kick you in your British butt!

Call this the Battle of the Bulge, 'cause I've got you by the NUTS!

Cyka blyat, George P., you're making things a little sour!

Come, let's splat these whiny brats with some overwhelming firepower!

I'll not be taught camaraderie from a Red who led a slaughter-y! You make a mockery of tactics so keep your fat nose in your vodka!

Now I'm quite mad! Don't start  chyort with this lad,

Who makes shit get bad, kicking ass like Stalingrad!

===      YA Novel Protagonists ===

I have turned them on themselves, their collapse shows that they're not our equals!

We must remember, though, we'll need new villains for our sequel!

Ugh, Percy, I don't mean to make things worse,

But you need to make some money from your movie series first!

Oh, you don't wanna stand in the path of Poseidon's son today,

I'll drench your flames, bitch! Water all day!

Yo, where in this plot of rapping battles was it thought

That two heroes in the story should bicker after they went and fought?

Man, Harry, you always try to act like you're in the right!

Why didn't you try to save Dumbledore in the tower that night

Okay, I see. You wanna make it like that?

I'll smack that pea-shooting bow out of your child-killing hands!

So here's the real prophecy: I'm way above you weak bitches!

I'm the Chosen One, and you can all hold these golden snitches!