User blog:Bobdave/Lapras vs Gastrodon. Rap Battles of the Pokédex Season 1

OKAY. SUN AND MOON HAS ENTERED HYPE STAGE. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. BUT FUCKING NOVEMBER, JESUS CHRIST ;-;-;-;-;-;-;.

*ahem*

So quickly, 'fore I get into this sexy little battle, I'd like to mention that my first set of life-determining examinations will officially begin on May 17. This means no RBotP until after June 17, when they end. So you can consider this the three-quarter-season finale... maybe? But ye, I'm sure you're not despairing too much, so let's just do the normal explaining thing now.

In this battle, the first contender is the Gen I 'Mon based on the Loch Ness Monster, the HM03 mule and the Transport Pokémon, Lapras (played by the amazing Cyan who went all out on his verses). The second combatant is actually two combatants; the first duo of the series! The purple-sludge-shooting Sea Slug Pokémon from both the East and West coast of Sinnoh, Gastrodon. The connection is something like sea-dwelling creatures with long necks and plesiosaur-like body shapes (although Lapras is the one based on a plesiosaur, Gastrodon's just a disgusting sea scrotum but ye). W00p!

BEAT
[http://www.allroundabeats.com/beat-icy-wind/ Icy Wind by Allrounda. Intro starts at 00:09]

West and East Sea Gastrodon:
Yo, it's West and it's East, prepped for besting this beast

And the rest of his species that's left in the seas!

Cuz we're poachers on a beat, your Ice Beam don't freeze

Defeat us with your wittle gentle heart? Oh, please

In fact, we invite you to throw your attacks

We're on that Wolverine game, parts grow right back!

We got those Mud-Slap raps and the Power of the Earth!

To serve the turtle whose only purpose and service is Surf!

Lapras:
You’re damn right! I’m in my element! I OWN the sea!

I truly wonder where Red would be without me;

That’s no power plant, Cinnibar or Seafoam islands

<font color = #56b1db>Ergo; One gym badge less with no Articuno either!

<font color = #56b1db>I’m the best in the biz when it comes to ferrying man

<font color = #56b1db>More reliable, enjoyable and affordable than the S.S. Anne!

<font color = #56b1db>So let’s keep this gentle, I’ll help you break out of your shell

<font color = #56b1db>You’re either holding back or plain crap from what that verse can tell

Gastrodon:
<font color = #ff8cc6>Think you can stand against our Sand Force? <font color = #73934d>You couldn't if you tried to

<font color = #ff8cc6>And bro, does your Ice Shard Harden when folks ride you?

<font color = #73934d>I heard you read minds, so tell me, what am I thinking?

<font color = #ff8cc6>Is it "let's push this pacifist off the edge of extinction"?

<font color = #73934d>We'll leave this sailboat sinking, so swim back to Loch Ness

<font color = #73934d>Melting down your salty ass to Brine with our hotness

<font color = #ff8cc6>Both sides of the island unite to smite you twice

Cuz when you play with the Tritodon you pay the Pryce!

<font color = #56b1db>Lapras:
<font color = #56b1db>I won’t take this from a pair of common garden pests!

<font color = #56b1db>Why don’t you and color swap just go back to your selfcest? <font color = #56b1db>I tried to be helpful, you spineless sack of slime!

<font color = #56b1db>You should flee from your Natural Enemy like you do all the damn time!

<font color = #56b1db>I’m the original Gen 1 preferred water transport Pokémon!

<font color = #56b1db>“I need to Surf! Better use my trusty Gastrodon” said no-one!

<font color = #56b1db>You should have stayed a Shellos, you didn’t get better looking with adulthood

<font color = #56b1db>And riding the waves just isn’t fun on a three-foot fucking sea slug!

*The logo is nowhere to be seen*

RAP

*The logo rides by on the back of another logo*

BATTLES OF THE POKÉDEX



Who won? Lapras Gastrodon

Check out Cyan's stuff!

Hint for the next battle:

In the shadows of Night