User blog:The Flatwoods Monster/Alien vs Predator - Epic Rap Battles of Horror Season 4 Premier

Hello everyone, and look who's finally back! Performing for you! It's the first member of - no wait that's enough of that. Anyways, hi everyone. I'm Noah. Probably. And I still make horror battles. And today, I have a very special guest with me, the king of monsters himself - no, not that one, - Andy! Check out his awesome Monster based series whenever you so find the opportunity. That aside, per the rest of the seasons thus far, I kick things off with an age-old rivalry battle as old as cinema history itself - The Xenomorph XX121 also known as Alien from the Alien franchise, goes toe to toe with the legendary Yautja, also known as Predator from the Predator franchise, to see who's the top dog of the foodchain. But will a mysterious representitive of an alternate species show up to prove to both of them whose the better survivor? Probably not. This battle was probably suggested by everyone at some point, but to name a few - Mystical Trixter, Joeaikman, Meatholl and Jella as well as many others that I don't feel like typing out. Big thank you to everybody who wanted to see this since I was TOTALLY against this idea originally! Anyways, that's all I have to say for now. Enjoy the battle. S4, yeeeeeeeeeee.

Beat


Thanks again to Andrew for writing the Predators verses!

Introduction
'''EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HORROR!... this is still going?'''

'''uhh... I mean,'''



VS!



BEGIN!

The Battle
Predator: (0:25)

The Jungle Hunter’s here to give this Xenomorph his third defeat!

When it comes to murdering small bitches, I’m a Bad-Blooded Elite!

We are the superior race, you’re just some prey that’s Lost in Space!

Chop off your head like an android, leave some giant Scars on your face!

I ravaged forests on my sandals I used to stomp bugs with no nuts!

This dreadlock rocker spits out acid more than you got in your blood!

Milking sequels out of crap, your whole dumb franchise is just trash!

You’re just another shameful product that James Cameron used for cash!

Alien: (0:48)
You don’t understand what you’re dealing with! You think you won the first time,

I devour mankind alive and you come to my side? You’ve lost your MIND

Before the end of this fight I’ll gouge out your eyes, but you seem to already be blind!

As I commit sick rhymes, prepare for a Close Encounter of the SIXTH KIND!

So use your stupid eyes and scrutinize that facing me is species SUICIDE!

I’ll abduct your entire race until every last putrid Yautja is Crucified!

And after I leech EVERY BLOOD CELL OUT YOUR BODY, leave you slayed and souffled

they’ll write down in history that on this day, The Predator BECAME THE PREY!

Predator: (1:12)
I’m an Im-Mortal Kombater, you run around whipping your tail!

You’re more hideous than E.T. with a body out of scale!

From the Aztecs to Egyptians, we made history through all lands!

You can’t even kill a woman, I crush a whole army with one hand!

Alien: (1:23)
The irregular Predator faces a vehement behemoth - There's no scarring him!

His face is one for starving and his hairstyle is nigh rastafarian!

And LIKE your hair, you’ll be Dread-ing when I’m suspending you and your friends, kid!

Slain by the PERFECT ORGANISM! THAT’S how Predator Should Have Ended!

Predator: (1:35)
Go and call the Terminator, ask him who you’re stepping to!

You’re just a powerless reptilian that can’t even beat a space crew!

So why don’t you crawl back to your spaceship and then fly back to your Queen?

I’ve seen a better Alien invasion movie starring Charlie Sheen!

Alien: (1:47)
Ha! You couldn’t beat my space mother! Bursting through your Chest like a Face-Hugger!

This Xenomorph’s in his Prime! Duct wasn’t lyin’, you ARE one ugly motherfucker!

I’ll take you up to space, where NO ONE can hear your shitty rhyme schemes!

But even if they COULD, it’d be drowned out by the sounds of your SCREAMS!

(The screen pans out to a character selection, similar to Alien vs Predator NES, to show three character options - Alien, Predator and...



Ellen Ripley!)

Ellen Ripley: (1:58)
My name is Ripley, spitting sickly at pricks thickly. Let my cypher speak.

I could break you two like gender roll controls when I’m in hyper sleep

Best go turn invisible for protection if you don’t want to face my verbal perfection

But let Xeno see no redemption. This time, there will be no Resurrection

Paint the walls with green, you’ll explode like your Queen when I get annoyed,

You two have no legacy to step to me, while what I inspired destroys the Metroids

You’ve got no cover, I’ll toast buggers and their huggers like no other,

Roast lackluster suckers, and still get back in time to save the Ghostbusters

Your lame rovers couldn’t help you from me seeing your fame grazed over,

I couldn’t burn you two harder if I had hit both of you with a flamethrower

A cinema sensation, crushing Gigers creation like I’m a psycho station,

Aliens trumped by a Sapien, leave these two to rot in Isolation

This Space Jock-ey and Bob Marley lost to Arnie, you can’t stop me,

You’re dime-a-dozen copies of body - snatchers, worse than the Na'vi

Cry at your loss, you’re dying off. I’m a thriving boss, at your rhymes, I scoff

Your fighting stops. This is Ripley, last survivor of the Nostromo, signing off

Announcer: (2:45)

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE...

'''EPIC RAP... BATTLES OF HORROR... SEASON 4 FINALLY'''

Outro


HINT TO THE NEXT BATTLE:

Coming as soon as Noah can think of one!

Who won? Xenomorph (Alien) Yautja (Predator) Ellen Ripley (Humans)