User blog:BackToTheFuturama86/Walter White and Jesse Pinkman vs Jules Winnfield and Vincent Vega. Epic Rap Battles of Villainy Season 1

Well, it certainly has been a long time, hasn't it?

I was bored today and had been putting off this (as well as a bunch of other shit) for quite some times, so I figured I'd write it. Well, here it is, and it has a couple of my favorite lines I've ever written in it, so I hope you enjoy it!

Today's installment features Breaking Bad antiheroes/druglords Walter White and Jesse Pinkman rapping against Pulp Fiction antiheroes/hitmen Vincent Vega and Jules Winnfield to see which drug-related violent antihero duo from acclaimed works is better, or something.

Special thanks to Jude for making all of the images for this battle! (I'm pretty sure. It's been so long that I don't entirely remember)

I don't write to a particular beat, so good luck finding one that fits my tempo (which I broke a couple times anyway but fuck that) and the length of this monstrous battle.

Cast
EpicLLOYD as Walter White

Nice Peter as Jesse Pinkman

Mark Douglas as Vincent Vega

Keegan-Michael Key as Jules Winnfield

Zach Sherwin as Saul Goodman (speaking cameo)

Mike Betette as Hector Salamanca (*ding*ing cameo)

Alphacat as Gus Fring (cameo)

Jordan Peele as Marsellus Wallace (cameo)

Sulai Lopez as Mia Wallace (cameo)

Intro




VS!



BEGIN!

Walter and Jesse
Tell me, Jesse: What is the formula for a Tarantino script?

Yo, that's easy, Mistah White. Dated references and shit

Plus profanity, then filler full of foot-fetish fulfillment

Flip the order 'round a bit, and boom! The critics call it brilliant

That's correct. Now let's assess the rapping talents of our targets:

99.6% pure shit, the most worthless pricks on the market!

Vincent, you're Travolting. A Grease-y looking heartbreak

Don't Face/Off with me, bitch. I went from Bill Nye to Scarface

And don't forget about Julie! Yo, your style's starting to smell

Been in fifty thousand movies, and all you ever do is yell

I'm a killer on the Mike, you don't wanna make me mad

Call this "divine intervention," but we're not sending you to rehab

You're getting beaten Negro y Azul by Albuquerque's Big Kahuna

I'm gettin' int on with Jessica Jones, you tools are jerkin' it to Uma

Let's, like, get medieval on their asses! Wait. Is a bullet really worth it?

Why don't we let them take themselves out? Yeah, we'll let 'em Battlefield Earth it!

Now, let's be realistic. I don't think it should really be hard to topple

A man who took a trip to Paris just for hash bars and McDonald's

Like, with all those quarter-pounders, check your cholesterol, y'all!

You're in big trouble now that you've chosen us, so you  Better Call Saul!

Jules and Vincent
Yo Vincent, check this out. Bunsen and Beaker here think they're a threat

Heisenberg's supposed to be a genius, but I've seen bigger brains on Brett

Yeah, like, something seems familiar 'bout these thieving little snitches

Hey, that's it! White and Pinkman ? Man, I knew these two were bitches

That's not all they stole neither! Looks like they barely missed the goldmine

They ripped off all our styles, but got no clue how to write a storyline

You try to act all tough, but there's nothing less manly

Than a bald dude in the desert wearing an apron and panties

And Pinkman, you're a pussy, letting everyone break you

Losing women and friends, plus your mom and dad hate you

You took a half measure when it came to Gus Fring

But here's the thing: The man who really poisoned Brock was - *ding*

Back to Walt. Five seasons of treatment, but you just kept getting sicker

And I don't mean your disease - What's on your wallet, "Bad Father Figure"?

You kept secrets from your wife, brother in law, and lonely gimp son?

You're the most incompetent TV family man since Homer Simpson!

I'll shoot you up like Jesse's Girl, abandon you like your daughter

Cause like, at least when my bitch ODs, I don't just stand and watch her

Walter and Jesse
We'll stick you up and waste ya' while Vincent's taking a dump

Yo, we made the Emmys our bitch! You got ditched for Forrest Gump

Say my name, Winnfield. Say my name again, I dare you

I've had it with this motherfucking mistake and his motherfucking hairdo!

And yo, like Vincent, your career sorta met with a hitch

When you started worshipping aliens. Yeah! Scientology, bitch!

I am the one who'll knock these two dorks out of the park, 'cause I won

Best get your feet ready, fuckers, cause it's time for you to



Jules and Vincent
Man, I need an adrenaline shot to the heart after those boring-ass lines

Speakin' of verses, I got this one here from the Bible memorized:

"And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger

Those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers"   And you say you're the danger?

I'll twist your neck like a Jackrabbit! Nah, that would be inadequate

How 'bout I shoot you in the face like Marvin, but this won't be an accident

You let pride fuck with you and left Grey Matter to become a chemist?

Man, I don't usually touch bacon, but let me spell "dumbass" with your breakfast

We fuck with crime lords, you know we spit the meanest stanzas

You fuck with Neo-Nazis and Latino Colonel Sanders!

Don't need to ask if y'all look like bitches, 'cause we already know the answer

But I'll ask you this: What's Calcium, Nitrogen, Carbon, and Erbium? It's



WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF VILLAINY!

Who won?
Who won? Jules and Vincent Walter and Jesse

Hints:
TBA