User blog:Tigerisnormal/Thomas Jefferson vs Light Yagami - ORRBoUDQ (OGTTIAL) Season 2



Ohai m8s, no, we are not dead. We are very much alive, and we present to you Season 2 of ORRBoUDQ (OGTTIAL). For those who didn’t read last season (pls do) or just forgot (probably), that’s Overrated Rap Battles of Undetermined Quality (Oh God, That Title Is Absurdly Long) for you. You’ll probably forget that next season, too, but trying is the important part.

Anyways… happy Fourth of July! The birthday of the United States of America! Well, one of them. Or something. That aside, we’re celebrating right here! One o’ me suggestions is here today, yep, I made it myself. We got Thomas “Tommy J” Jefferson, third president of the United States, writer of the Declaration of Independence, and a Founding Father of America, up against Light “Kira” “Single” Yagami, the something-tagonist of the widely popular manga and anime Death Note and the possessor of the Death Note, in a battle of many things: names, death, the world, and, most importantly, ‘Murica. Let’s go m8s. Get your eyes reading the battle before I bore you to Death. Note to self: lame as fuck joke pls no.

Munkee’s Living Note: I wrote that shit up there^, and that shit down there *points down*. This shit, all of it, mine. Definitely. Let’s get on with my idea now...

Warning: The following fan made rap battle extensively features character(s) from the manga Death Note and heavily references to the series and its plot. Some spoilers may be found in the lyrics below. You have been warned, if you gave a shit.

Prologue
Light Yagami has just found a Death Note, a mystical book that allows him to kill whoever he wants, yet somehow Hitler is still living. What a bitch. Anyway, he tests the power he has at his disposal by accidentally killing King George III, in the process accidentally creating America. Realizing what evil he has committed, he attempts to rectify the situation by going after Thomas Jefferson, Founding Father, eventual 3rd President of the United States, and writer of the Declaration of Independence, the document officially signing the United States into existence. Yes, a paper can evidently do that, but Jefferson couldn't make one that could kill Hitler. What a bitch. It is here that we see our supposed hero, readying to make his move against Jefferson, in rap form. Yes, he can use the power of rap to go back in time and attack historical figures King George III and Thomas Jefferson, yet he left Hitler to Darth Vader, who took 3 episodes to kill him, and even then we're not sure. What a bitch. This joke, however, is definitely dead. Let us begin.

Thomas Jefferson vs Light Yagami
OVERRATED RAP BATTLES OF UNDETERMINED QUALITY!

OH, GOD! THAT TITLE IS ABSURDLY LONG!



VERSUS!



BEGIN!

Light Yagami:

(Begins at 0:10)

Behold this new Light shine on this Fourth of July.

Meddle with me, Jefferson? For this insolence, you'll die.

Don’t worry, you’re not L; no solitary in your end.

I'm a merciful God; in death, I'll send a friend.

Thomas Jefferson:

(Begins at 0:20)

Blasphemy, what this Founding Father stands before:

A God-complex virgin plotting schemes with whores!

You seem peeved. Take it easy, be a bit more Mello.

I set precedent for presidency rocking Monticello.

I lead freedom’s leaders, you lead sad sack saps like cattle.

Take your emo to my orchard, ask how he likes them apples.

It takes more than a mere child to make order definite.

Your mission will fail; that truth is self-evident.

Light Yagami:

(Begins at 0:41)

I saved the world! Killed subtly, the crime world flooding

With dozens of muggers, thieves, all dropping suddenly

Up against a God: one I declare a statesman most depraved.

I sentence you to heart attack, a second left for every slave.



(Jefferson stares perplexed at Light for a moment. The atmosphere is silent. Suddenly, Jefferson clutches his heart and gasps, then falls to the ground.)

(Light leaves Jefferson as he collapses, as the view of Jefferson’s corpse zooms out into a newspaper front page. Meanwhile, the world’s greatest detective, known only as L, reads of what has unfolded, his face turned away from the audience.)

L:

(Begins at 1:07)

Certainly interesting. Jefferson's been slain.

Twisting known history, a most perplexing campaign

What tyrant's behind this silent violence to blame?

Watari, I'm on the case, off for a face and a name...

(L flips the page to an article about Comic-Con, detailing the appearance of Light’s next target. The camera zooms in on an Independence Day movie poster, being signed by none other than Will Smith. Light approaches as Smith turns around and faces his assailant.)

Light Yagami:

(Begins at 1:23)

Good evening, Mr. Smith. I hate to start this conflict

But tonight, I, Light, have something to accomplish.

Sadly, my plight requires you to soon be wiped.

Don't try to fight, Jeff the Cable Guy saved your life (Uh...)

Prepare, Sgt. Hiller, for a demotion most deserved.

Strapped for cash, you'll have to act in crap like After Earth

Your cinema sins will be repented… with heartbreak.

It’s my turn, the people my pawns… *smiles maliciously* ...Checkmate.

Will Smith:

(Begins at 1:44)

Welcome to Earth, bitch! This mic’s mine, step aside.

I spit quick, flow so sick, made the aliens die!

So jot it down in your book, this is my story now!

I’ll flip this Light bitch, turn him upside down

Got a cult of fangirls as puppets to do your workin'

And a stalker hoe "girlfriend" yet you're still a virgin

Your friends, family, all pushed away to be the “winner”

Bet your ass this Prince inquisitioned this sinner

Light Yagami

(Begins at 2:06)

Fool! You know naught of righteousness. I, a sinner?

I'm sure you'd know injustice, reading through your son's Twitter.

Your Men in Black aren’t a threat, I took down the FBI!

Now your time is up. Call this Fresh regicide…



(Will Smith looks blankly at Light, not yet realizing what’s happening. Then, gasping and grasping at his heart, Will Smith falls to the ground, as an unmoved Light moves forth on his quest.)

(This murderous journey has not gone unnoticed by the media however, as L continues his investigation. He begins putting the pieces together, closing in on the mysterious “Kira”.)

L:

(Begins at 2:27)

It appears that this “Kira” has struck once again.

Could there be a pattern to this? Some means to an end?

An actor and a leader, how do the 2 fit together?

American Independence appears in the center…

(As L begins to understand Kira’s rampage, Light reaches his next target; this time, however, it's prepared, and strikes first. A shocked Light is speechless, and his target begins attempting to talk him down.)

Captain America:

(Begins at 2:48)

You’ve gone mad with power. I know what that looks like.

Surrender and end your massive murderous spike.

This Civil War will end, and, once you’re defeated

Like my assembled, I’ll take shawarma... and eat it.

Light Yagami

(Begins at 2:59)

Impressive. A preemptive strike... but no matter.

I've set my trap exactly where I wanted this attacker.

So surrender to me, you useless popsicle.

Anything I’ll produce beats your excuse for a musical.

Wannabe Superman, plus a shield, minus flying,

Truth and Justice? Bitch, I achieved victory through lying!

What do my methods matter, if it means the upper hand?

Game over, Mister Rogers. I've won. Exactly as planned.

Captain America:

(Begins at 3:20)

The years are catching up, but I’ll stop you before they’re done!

You’re a fool if you think my death signifies that you’ve won.

Even after I pass on, new heroes will rise to fight.

You’ll see my death avenged, son, before the rise of Light...



(Captain America reaches his end, and Light believes he’s finally won. However, the detective that’s been watching Light makes himself known, and prepares for the final battle between Good and Evil.)

L:

(Begins at 3:41)

Hmm.. so you're the machine behind this scheme.

Light (thinking):

(Begins at 3:43)

''I was seen? How could it be? I kept my act so clean.''

L (thinking):

(Begins at 3:46)

It's time, I see, defeat him and stop his evil deeds..

Kira:

(Begins at 3:49)

Your eternal sleep will complete the world's kneel to me!

L:

(Begins at 3:51)

Don't bother with retaliation. First-hand witness

Has shown me the answer to your hitlist business.

This evidence renders your malevolence explicit

It's time you pay your Shinigami friends a visit...

Kira:

(Begins at 4:02)

L, you're a fool... *maniacally laughs* Your fate is Near.

That's right, I am Kira. What can you do? Kill me here?

This world is rotten. Those making it rot deserve to die.

When I've ended your life... *grabs Note* the new world will rise...

(The two stare each other down, each internally preparing themselves for their final move.)

L:

(Begins at 4:17)

Your ignorance disturbs me. You're misguided, deceived...

Kira:

(Begins at 4:20)

When I’m through with you, it’ll be flawless victory achieved!

Both:

(Begins at 4:23)

L... Kira... Your power’s to never be trusted.

I will eliminate you, for I. Am. JUSTICE!

(BOOM!)

(Everybody is dead ayy lmao.)

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

WHY A STORY BATTLE IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE LAST ONE?



OVERRATED! *BOOM*

RAP BATTLES! *BOOM*

OF UNDETERMINED! QUALITY! (SEASON 2, BITCHES!)

OH GOD! THAT TITLE IS ABSURDLY LONG!

...and Cerberus Illusive Man as Ryuk

Who done a winner? Thomas Jefferson Light Yagami L Lawliet Will Smith Captain America