User blog:JKGame/Tallahassee (Zombieland) vs Sakura Minamoto: Epic Rap Battles of the Universe

Hello, and welcome to a new installment of Weeb Shit vs Anythi-

Wait, what do you mean this isn't Weeb Shit vs Anything?

Yeah, I did suggest this matchup for that series quite a while ago, but recently I just couldn't resist making it a reality. Sorry for technically stealing from your series now, T.

Fun fact: these two properties actually got a cross-promotion recently for the release of Zombieland Double Tap in Japan. I was thinking of making this battle in time for that movie, but at the time, I didn't realize that it was already out. Oops.

I also switched between Columbus and Tallahassee, but in the end, I settled with the latter.

Enough talk, let's get into the battle!

"Zombie hunter and partner of Columbus from the 2009 movie Zombieland, Tallahassee, and undead idol star from the anime Zombie Land Saga, Sakura Minamoto, engage in a battle of zombie hunter vs zombie to see which Zombieland is superior."

Nakoruru vs Reimu will actually happen next time, by the way.

Battle
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF THE UNIVERSE!!!

TALLAHASSEE!

VS!

SAKURA MINAMOTO!!!!

BEGIN!

Tallahassee:
Better stand back, b*tch! This is one hunter you don't f*ck with! Innocent schoolgirl or not, I don't show mercy for the undead!

With my guns, I'll nut up to make this weeb-nut-busting slut shut up!

So after this, go on and add this battle to your long list of f*ck-ups!

Run you over with my Escalade, I know you're used to getting hit by cars

What kind of drugs does it take to think of turning corpses into pop stars?!

You're like my partner's anime equivalent if he went and became a zombie!

Got bad cases of amnesia, but I'll make sure this will stick in your memories!

(It soon cuts to Yugiri playing her shamisen, kicking off another beat that would play for the rest of the battle. Sakura then begins her verse.)

Sakura Minamoto:
I couldn't even remember who I was before this all went down

But I can still prove to you that I'm not some worthless clown!

Take two shots at you: Double Tap! I'm known to trash foes with my raps!

Still think I'm a pushover, old man? I won't be taking Rick Grimes' crap!

Your lines have less substance than your Twinkies, what else can I say?

For being so renowned, you're about as legendary as Yamada Tae!

Your growing bond with Little Rock sure is giving me mixed messages!

Can't take me down so easily! I'm a super-zombie in this rap apocalypse!

Tallahassee:
Was that meant to be a verse? This zombie sure ain't Number One!

Just a constant sad sack who's an even bigger ditz than Madison!

Gonna earn a Zombie Kill of the Week with these rhymes that I've spit!

Time to end this Saga once and for all! We're now done, got it?

Sakura Minamoto:
Hell no, we're not done! We're just getting started!

Have this etched into your heart like a bullet in Bill Murray's chest!

Even with all your guts, I bet Saki still won't show respect for this loser!

Compared to Tatsumi's orders, your victory somehow sounds more absurd!

Tallahassee:
Considering your series of bad luck, what makes yours any more likely?!

You couldn't win for your relay team even after following Rule 18!

I'm the Beast on the mic, leave you yelling, "What do we do?!"

I'll push this pushover over, then target the rest of Franchouchou!

Sakura Minamoto:
Your performance couldn't have been less electrifying unlike Ai!

Bet we have to wait another decade before you return with more lines!

Admit it, your rap skills went south like your namesake! Consider giving up!

'Cause in the end, I f*cked you up worse than when you lost your puppy Buck!

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!!!

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF THE UNIVERSE!!!

Poll
Who won? Tallahassee Sakura Minamoto