User blog:Dark Cyan/Cyan's Rap Battles of Literature 19: Michael Connelly vs John Connolly

Hello, everyone. And welcome back to Cyan's Rap Battles of Literature!

Next week, CRB is coming back with my one year anniversary special, so look forward to that!

This battle was much harder to write than I expected lol. It pits American crime author Michael Connelly against Irish crime author John Connolly, to see who's the best crime author. I think there was another connection, but it must have slipped my mind. Whatever could it be? Hmmm....

Anyway, Enjoy!

(Last Week's Hints explained: Bosch drill - Harry Bosch, the main character of many of Michael Connelly's crime novels. Parker pen - Charlie Parker, the main character of John Connolly's crime novels.)

Beat: Crime Story

Michael Connelly
(starts at 0:32)

I followed all my leads to dead ends, trying to acquire a fellow author on my radar.

It was honestly a goose chase finding out who the fuck you are.

You may be a fellow crime writer, but you don’t even compare in fame

You’re my shoddy photocopy, right down to the surname!

You’re still Chasing The Dime. Your books probably aren’t paying your wage.

But what can you expect if they don’t even have a wikipedia page?

I was the president of the Mystery Writers of America for a year!

You’re a Black Echo of a real crime legend, and definitely not my peer

John Connolly
(starts at 0:57)

Don’t act like I’m not widely acclaimed too. That’d be a real crime!

What’s poor are your efforts to branch out into TV with Level 9!

When it comes to originality, you’re the one getting squashed,

With your loose cannon cop less dependable a tool than a Bosch!

My books are to die for. Don’t act like I’m not notable!

Sure, you’re easier to find in a thrift shop, but that’s because you’re disposable!

Look at the five awards I’ve won and tell me again you don’t know who I am.

You’re getting sloppy! You should be taken off the case ‘til you can get with the programme!

Michael Connelly
(starts at 1:21)

Am I supposed to be impressed by five? I’ve won pretty much every award!

I bring A Darkness More Than Night, attaining a sure victory you can’t afford!

So this is my Reversal of your limp-dick rhymes, John Con-man.

I’m just so much more respected than you, even Bill Clinton’s a fan!

Did you forget to add drama to Charlie Parker? He’s just some dude who catches crooks

Just look at the readers I’ve hooked while your books are merely Overlooked

I’m colder than Black Ice, thawing your Burning Soul (citation needed)

...Wow. I can’t even reference your shit books, so just stay defeated

John Connolly
(starts at 1:44)

Defeated? You must have fucked up again and misplaced your case file

You may be a better known name, but I’m the more versatile

I keep things fresh by sometimes switching to a horror or fantasy style

Why not try branching out from your comfort zone every once in a while?

And by that, I don’t mean changing the main character to a Lincoln Lawyer,

But keeping everything else the same, even the tension with his employer!

We won’t be rivals in fifteen years, because you’re getting pretty old!

I’m just the better writer. It’s clear. Crime solved. Case closed.

WHO WON? Michael Connelly John Connolly

Hints For The Next CRBoL: