User blog:Amontgomery1432/Jeff Bezos vs My Grandma - Epic Rap Battles of Weird Shit a Few of Us Forced Nash to Make Against His Will - Episode 1

Yeah, I'm not dead. Surprisingly. Well, hi everybody. My name is Amont and I am a fucking insane person, so here are with a new series. Welcome to Epic Rap Battles of Weird Shit a Few of Us Forced Nash to Make Against His Will! This first installment is between the current rishest man alive, Jeff Bezos, and my poor, sweet, innocent granny. Yes, the woman in the artwork is my grandmother. She's very sweet. In case you don't know, Nikicanae did a bunch of cover arts, which you can view here. Some of them are fuckin hilarious, and he's allowed me to take 15 of them at random and make this dumb series with them. He knows the line, but no one else does, and I'm not gonna tell you cause it's a secret. You'll have to donate to my PayPal for that. Anyway, the sixth Amont's Epic Rap Battle is being worked on. It'll be out, hopefully, within the week, but I wanted to something special for my children until then. So, here's this. This is the worst thing that has ever and will ever grace the Wiki, I guarantee it.

This isn't gonna be a long series. Just fifteen battles. Maybe Fox will renew it for a second season, if enough people want it. Probably not, though. I wanna give a quick shout out to both Lemon and Obama for helping me write this monstrosity masterpiece. Without them, it wouldn't have been anywhere near as perfect as it is, so I really can't thank the both of you enough. And, of course, thanks to Nash for the wonderful cover art. You three are wonderful people, some of the best that the Wiki has to offer, and I wish you all the best of luck on your future creative endeavors!

My debut album, The Book of Goode, is coming out on July 13th of this year. It's something I've been working really hard on for a while now, and I'm really pleased with how it's coming together so far. Maybe you all will enjoy it, too. Oh, and if you're looking for some sort of connection between Bezos and my grandma, I don't know what to tell you lmao. There's isn't one, I just really think my granny could beat Jeff Bezos's pansy ass. I guess, "money" could also work? Richest man alive vs won't let you leave her house without giving you $5. I dunno lol. Anyway, enough of me rambling lol. On with the battle!

Jeff Bezos's lines are in dark green

My grandma's lines are in grey (because she's old lol)

Beat: "Money"

The Battle:
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF WERID SHIT A FEW OF US FORCED NASH TO MAKE AGAINST HIS WILL

JEFF BEZOZ

VERSUS

MMMMMMY GRANDMAAAAAAA

BEGIN

Jeff Bezos (Starts at 0:26)
I hate old people! They're old, they're gross, and they suck

I'm gonna run all of them over with a fucking cement truck

I'm on a cement expedition; Watch out for the Amazon tycoon

I'll squish you beyond Rekognition when Grandma's on my route

I am literally the richest person alive at this point in time

So, no, I don't want your money. When the fuck are you gonna die?

And why is it always to god damn hot in your house? Are you okay?

I'm in my Amazon Prime! What are you, fuckin' gay?

My Grandma (Starts at 0:55)
My grandkids never call me and I'm lonely as shit

Because Karen took my kids, I fucking hate that bitch!

I'll beat your ass harder than Mat4yo makes my nipples um

I want him to tough me with his six-foot chisel!

Would you like a hard candy? And, by that, I mean my penis?

Hang on a minute, sonny. Golden Girls is on, I gotta see this

You don't understand, so let me spell it out for ya, you bald bitch:



Jeff Bezos (Starts at 1:24)
Elder's React is the worst thing that exists on YouTube

You fucking greasy geezer, do you bathe in a tub of lube?

Ya big saggy titties gettin me horny as fuck

I'm coming at you fast, not unlike a cement truck

My Grandma (Starts at 1:39)
I'm bout to chop you in half like your net worth after alimony

This victory is even shorter than my memory

I'm bout to chop you in half like your net worth after alimony

This victory is even shorter than my memory

Outro:
WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

I DECIDE because I already have all the battles planned out rip

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF WEIRD SHIT A FEW OF US FORCED NASH TO MAKE AGAINST HIS WILL

Who won this magnificent battle? Jeff Bezos My Grandma i wanna die