User blog:Bobdave/Epic Rap Battles: Modern vs Classic. Count Dracula vs Freddy Krueger

Eyo guys.

No, it's not two weeks after Hallowe'en, how dare you, shut the shh.

This battle is sponsored (that means co-written!!!) by Flats who did astonishing work in his verses and finished writing way before I did. This is sorta a mid-season finale if by mid-season you mean the end of the first third? A third-finale? Ah! I have it! A Ternionic Extravaganza! That's the phrase now. Use it or eat shit.

This is the first Ternionic Extravaganza of Modern vs Classic, and it features the bat-transforming blood-sucker with a considerable noble rank, Count Dracula, against Wes Craven's glove-handed gore ghoul with a skin condition, Freddy Krueger. Flats portrays Dracula's opposition in this battle and does a splendid job of doing so. Although I think he'd like this to be his last horror role for at least a while xP

Not sure what else to say so let's get cracking, darlings.

WARNING: Really really really scary like really

Instrumental: The Warrior by 2Deep





Count Dracula:
It's from the midst of Transylvania I am summoned

To do battle with Wolverine's fashion-impaired cousin

You're Craven a win but you shouldn't Count on it

‘Cause my bite is iconic! What you know about gothic?

My name's feared throughout right down to the letter

No one’s scared of Edward Scissors in a Christmas sweater

Your execution scene’s cerebrums of snoozing teens

But know you can’t win in yours, let alone my dreams

Freddy Krueger:
Christ Lee oughta stick to sleepin’ and leave scream-weavin’ to the demons

So welcome to prime time, gramps! I got something you can sink your teeth in,

Watch your worst nightmares come true and undo what you’ve come to,

And Count von Count the seconds left until your reckoning; One, Two!

The kids check under their bed for Fred, not some necktie wearing dead guy,

While you dilly-daddle in a silly castle, I run the Street! Wes side!

<font color=#e3978b>You’ll bore any kid to snores while the horror critics love me,

<font color=#e3978b>And when my verbal furnace has surfaced, boy, I hope you brought some sunscreen!

(Frankenstein’s Monster plods in from off-screen.)



<font color=#307c40>Frankenstein's Monster:
<font color=#307c40>On the subject of burns, what of that boiler room blaze?

<font color=#307c40>Now it looks like Freddy slept in his spaghetti bolognese

<font color=#307c40>Your gore stories are abhorrent! When will the cut and paste be finished?

<font color=#307c40>‘Cause the guts of your movies are literally just the innards

<font color=#900000>Our novels have substance, you lack moral question

<font color=#900000>Just monotonous shockfests with repetitive resurrection

<font color=#307c40>So it’s Crystal clear we should finally put this stubborn goon to bed

<font color=#900000>And I may chew your neck, <font color=#307c40>but don’t lose your head

<font color=#e3978b>Freddy Krueger:
<font color=#e3978b>Scared of torches and pitchforks? I got both of ‘em on one glove,

<font color=#e3978b>This is God speaking, dishing out divine judgement onto Adam from above!

(Jason Voorhees lobs off Freddy’s head from behind.)



<font color=#4b4a2b>Jason Voorhees:
<font color=#4b4a2b>You gotta get down on Friday, ‘cause once the machete’s skewered Freddy Krueger,

<font color=#4b4a2b>It’s heading for two unsteady losers, and Jason X’s gon’ give it to ya

<font color=#e3978b>If it ain’t my favorite Hockey Punk, coming to join the rap fest,

<font color=#4b4a2b>To show Chocula and Frankenberry they’re cereal killers at best

<font color=#4b4a2b>Send what’s left of the Monster back to the Doctor, ‘cause snitches get stitches

<font color=#e3978b>It’d be a worse fate to leave him livin’, <font color=#4b4a2b>but I’ll rip him to bits like his mistress,

<font color=#e3978b>Time for a shocker when sparks are spit and jump-start a reanimated carcass

<font color=#4b4a2b>Just a glance into my eyes is ten times as chilling as the Arctic

<font color=#e3978b>I’ll trample the vamp’s legacy harsher than any stone-faced starlet,

<font color=#4b4a2b>Cooking you up like creepy pasta, <font color=#e3978b>and the secret ingredient is garlic

(The Wolf Man leaps into the fray)



<font color=#939393>The Wolf Man:
<font color=#939393>I preferred Jay's silence, so this’ll be his Final Chapter

<font color=#939393>Incisors twice the violence of a knife or spinal fracture

<font color=#939393>‘Cause when this canine takes a bite into your frightful tropes, then I can show

<font color=#939393>There’s nothing quite alike a lycanthrope up on the microphone

<font color=#939393>HOWL

<font color=#939393>I’ll de-mask this weak-ass mama’s boy with a clean slash

<font color=#307c40>I’m surprised he hasn’t drowned in his own ocean of rehash

<font color=#900000>You’ve no notion of screams, just screen trash for a Hallowe’en bash

How can you best real monsters when you couldn’t even beat Ash?

<font color=#307c40>You’re feeble, <font color=#939393>we’re fearsome, <font color=#900000>inequal in evil!

And you have the worst lines that we’ve seen since your sequels!

<font color=#939393>If we took those blades off your hands, what would stand

<font color=#307c40>Is an immortal child molester <font color=#900000>and the Elephant Man

(Michael Myers walks in from in between Freddy and Jason, pushing them out of the way)



<font color=#526174>Michael Myers:
<font color=#526174>This isn’t your musical, but Frankie’s catching a case of stagefright

<font color=#526174>‘Cause the thirty-first’s your date-night with the Shape and his steak knife

<font color=#526174>Who will take the life of a raging canine if he doesn’t play nice

<font color=#526174>Keep howling at the moon and you'll be Dead by Daylight

<font color=#526174>Stumble away as fast as you can, but I always do my targets in,

<font color=#526174>You’re not frightening, <font color=#e3978b>I’d find all three of you in a Party City bargain bin

<font color=#526174>This dog’s forgotten who he’s messing with like he’s got dementia,

<font color=#4b4a2b>So once you make it back to hell, <font color=#e3978b>you can tell ‘em Freddy sent ya

Announcer:
WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?



EPIC RAP BATTLES

(The logo is skewered from behind by Freddy's glove, Jason's machete, and Michael's knife)

Modern...

Hints explained
Yu-Gi-Oh! Monster cards vs grass Slashers.

Hints for the next battle
I don't really know what to say but the two rappers sorta sound like a Canadian person's song

WHO WON? Monsters Slashers

If it wasn't clear by the way, Flats played all three of Freddy, Jason, and Myers. Thanks once again Flojo and congrats on completing your fantastic series.