User blog:Amontgomery1432/James Nguyen vs Tommy Wiseau - Amont's Epic Rap Battles Battle 1



Guess who's back! Also, I don't guess I can have a "#" in the title lol. Anyway, welcome to the pilot episode of my new (and hopefully permanent) series Amont's Epic Rap Battles! The first battle features James Nguyen, the director of Birdemic: Shock and Terror, going against Tommy Wiseau, the director of 'The Room', in order to see which movie is shittier. I tried to make a cover art for this battle but Photoshop is too hard, so FUCK IT! We'll do it as is! My hints in the news blog probably weren't that good lol. Credit to Neo for getting it, though:



Neo did gud. I worked hard on the hints at the bottom of this blog, so maybe they'll be hard to decipher. Knowing me, though, prolly not. But that's not important! What is important is that I'm back and here to stay! If anybody wants to assist with the cover art situation, I'm not gonna compain, but, by this point, I'm not real worried about it. Let's just get to the battle, shall we? I like how it turned out. Hopefully you all will, too.

Nguyen's lyrics written in this color

Wiseau's lyrics written in this color

P.S.: This was gonna be an episode of Horror vs Anything, but I forgot about it. After I cancelled that series, I found this battle and wanted to do it here. So here it is. Yeh.

The Battle:
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF FUCK!

WHO CARES ABOUT THE ANNOUNCER?

LET'S SKIP THIS PART!

Tommy Wiseau:
Ohai, James. It's time I show you how movie-making is done

Because, sadly, your filmography can't be undone

I'm leaving Marks on this wannabe. You're a cheep-cheep chicken

I rocked the cults to their knees, and now it's your ass I'm kickin'!

Nobody knows who you are! Your movies have more fame than you

Birdemic 3 ? Bitch, there shouldn't have been a one or a two!

You're a chump with a camera making shitty home movies

While I earn the big bucks making shows and documentaries

You bit off Hitchcock to try to make a name for yourself

But it wasn't even worthy of the dust on my shelf

Here's An Inconvenient Truth : You can't direct for shit!

You've been in the game since '03, and still not a single hit

Even I can't explain why people think your movies are watchable

A warmer globe makes birds go crazy? Yeah, that seems logical

I have original ideas, you're just a lazy bloodsucker

I'm the best of the best. You can't touch me, motherfucker!

James Nguyen:
When your translator gets here, could you kindly restart?

What's the matter, Tommy Boy, am I tearing you apart?

Somehow, you're worse on the mic than you are on-screen

The best part of your movie was your character's death scene !

The stunts you pull to stay relevant just keep getting lamer

Directing didn't work out for you, so why not become a gamer ?

I'll give you credit for going through with an idea you thought was good,

But then you became the worst thing to happen to movies since Ed Wood !

I used to think the worst thing ever was those anime-esque dubs

But now I see the most repulsive sight is that mug!

I made a masterpiece, the likes of which this novice can't outflank

So step out of The Room and take that to the bank!

Tommy Wiseau:
Ha ha ha! What a story! But not a Great Job, sadly

That performance was more wooden than the actors in your movies!

It's gonna take more than just a wire hanger to beat me

You're nobody, while I spawned a cult following with ease

It seems to me like you're the EXPERT on being awful!

I'll throw you like a football! I've been known to be hostile

My fans are endless, while this joke was shunned and rejected

A career as bad as yours doesn't need to be Resurrected !

James Nguyen:
Let's talk about how you look. Trust me, I don't mean to gripe,

But tell me something: Do you sleep or are you always on the pipe?

I know it's hard to flow when no one can make out a word you say

But it'd be nice if you could try to act human, okay?

Shut your mouth! The sound of your voice is just too painful!

You can take your clothing line and shove it straight up your naval!

I'm sure the readers skipped your verses to get this battle done faster

You're not an artist, Tommy, you're just a Disaster.

Poll:
Who won? Tommy Wiseau James Nguyen

Hint Decoding:
This is the part of the show where I decode some hints:

The Birds: Nguyen's Birdemic series is based on this movie, with a hint of An Inconvenient Truth.

A Rose: This song plays in the background of one of the many sex scenes in The Room.

Mark Wahlberg: Ohai, Mark! I was running out of hint ideas so i just half-assed one lol

Closing Remarks:
I had a lot of fun bringing this one to you all! As I mentioned in the news blog, this series has no set theme, so I'll accept any suggestion you all may or may not have. Thank you all so much for reading and for putting up with my shit and, as usual, stay tuned for the next one! See ya, then!