User blog:El Alamein/Alex Trebek vs. Jon Arbuckle. Epic Rap Battles of Things That Don't Make Sense



Beat: Bill Nye vs. Isaac Newton



VS!



BEGIN!

Alex Trebek
Of all the sad sack schmucks in comedy,

They put dateless in a bow tie up against me?

I'm a genius! I'm the Lord of Trivia!

I drop facts about topics like Bolivia!

You stand no chance! You sort your underpants!

You couldn't pay a girl to spare you a glance!

You wanna battle, Jon? Well watch your step-ardy!

If you mess with me, you'll be in Jeopardy!

Daily Double! Did you catch that? Or could you not bet because you had no money?

Perhaps it'd be better if I added in your dates or your life or another category we'd all think is funny!

I was born in Ontario: I'm Canada's gift,

I host the shows you spend Friday nights with!

You waste time talking to your pets,

While I create the questions that cause contestant sweats!

Jon Arbuckle
Yes it's true. What I used to do was spend my weekends weeping like a wussy!

But now I do what I gotta do to get down on Liz and her sweet vet pussy!

And I'm still on the comics page, I never age! What'll you do once they wheel you off-stage?

You'll stay home, see them play you on SNL, and Connery'll trigger rage! (Oh!)

You host the show on trivia, but someone gives you all the answers!

Your health is failing as you're getting old, you're in Jeopardy now from cancers! (Oh!)

You don't wanna tussle with the chuckle Arbuckle! (Why?)

I rap hard like a noogie from my knuckle! (Oh!)

Answer this, which guy just got rap-wrecked?

I say, "Who is Trebek?"

Alex Trebek
Well, I'll tell you that your answer isn't right!

I've not been beat by a man who cries at night!

Every pet looks up to, loves, and worships their owner

Except for when his name's Arbuckle!

I accelerated the public mind to a higher plane of understanding, and

I can tell you trivia about the weight and the size and the shape of the shadow of the man you're standing in

And I will leave you with the Final Jeopardy clue to rebut:

This sellout hack who wanted a cash grab and made a tabby with flab that's a bigger character than this nerdy geek was named what?



Jim Davis
Why don't you pick on a man your own age? (Own age!)

We've got a smart-ass over here, don't mess with what's on my page!

Rich mogul cartoonist, Paws off or I'll get pissed,

By the way, the answer to your little trivia is Davis!

As in Davis puts the "money" in funny pages,

While Alex Trebek was enraged and pretending to be sage,

And stayin' up in dirty LA on some daytime TV business.

Garfield Minus Garfield is infinite, but this battle is finished!

Poll
Who won? Alex Trebek Jon Arbuckle and Jim Davis