User blog:Bobdave/Bob and Loygan's Too Swaggy To Handle Rap Battles of Too Swaggy To Handlery - Dick vs Willy

So Loyg and I are making a new crap battle series. Jizz.

The Battle
BOB AND LOYGAN'S TOO SWAGGY TO HANDLE RAP BATTLES OF TOO SWAGGY TO HANDLERY!

DICK

VS

WILLY!

BEGIN!

DICK:
This won't be hard!

WILLY:
I beg to differ, you tard!

DICK:
Dude, that was my rhyme, why did you steal it? I have a cock, do you want to feel it?

COCK:
Bawk!

WILLY:
I stole your rhyme because I am a thief

But there's one thing that you'll never get stolen, your virginity, good grief!

DICK:
Your mum would beg to differ, baby

I didn't have sex with her, she's just a nice lady

WILLY:
No, I beg to differ! My shaft is stiffer!

I have a package for YOUR mum that I'd like to give her!

DICK:
Is it flowers? I don't give her many!

There's a guy named Peter and his peter is bendy!

PETER:
I'm Peter! My wife, I beat her!

My car's a five-seater! My nan's name is Rita!

I'm diseased, ask Blackbeard

Your facial hair's disabled, call it spackbeard

WILLY:
Your nan? Boy, I just can't wait to meet her

But you beat your wife? You're really not a Nice Peter!

JOHNSON:
Shut your fucking dicks, you fucking dicks

Give my fucking dick a fucking lick

My rhymes are fucking sick, and so's my fucking clique

I'll make this fucking quick, so get 'em John Thomas!

JOHN THOMAS:
Monty Python uses me while you are all losers, see

I attended the Queen's Diamond Jubilee!

Tits? Boobily!

Dick, Willy, Peter, Johnson and John Thomas fall over as a mighty penis approaches, creating earthquakes with each mighty step

ACTUAL PENIS:
I'm the baddest and the raddest, gonadest pimp of them all!

Even when I'm soft I'm larger than you, I just made you fall!

Dick, Willy, Peter, Johnson and John Thomas all get up, ready to teach Actual Penis a lesson

DICK:
Time for Dick to come and dick this dick in his dick

You're a dick! Also, you're a dick! Did I mention you're a dick, prick?!

WILLY:
I'll get the lube out and drown you

You're such a clown, you!

PETER:
Peter will beat ya like I do my wife

I do my wife in the ass, you have no wife, get a life!

JOHNSON:
You fucking suck, what fucking luck

That I'm fucking stuck against this fucking fuck

JOHN THOMAS:
These genitals are far from incredible or edible

You're only a dick, you have zero testicles

Tits? Breasticles!

ACTUAL PENIS:
How dare you spit against me? You rub me the wrong way

You should be stroking me like this-

Actual Penis grows a hand and starts masturbating

ACTUAL PENIS:
-fuuuuuuuuuck!

Actual Penis ejaculates over Dick, Willy, Peter, Johnson and John Thomas

ACTUAL PENIS:
Now you're all drenched in my goo, oooooh!

You guys all suck and smell of poo, woooo!

WHO WON?!

WHO'S NEXT?!

UH, I DUNNO!

BOB AND LOYGAN'S TOO SWAGGY TO HANDLE RAP BATTLES OF TOO SWAGGY TO HANDLERY!

Who Winned? Dick Willy Peter Johnson and John Thomas Actual Penis