User blog:WonderPikachu12/Ganondorf vs Saladin. Epic Rap Battles: Video Games vs History Season 3 Premiere

THIS MEANS WAR!

Welcome to the Season 3 premiere! I know it was a long wait for this, but I assure you, it will be worth it. Hopefully. Either way, this series is back, so get hyped!

Probably not the best time to post this, since Ramsay vs Child and all, but I finished this yesterday and got too pumped to wait any longer to post it. :(

Topping off the Zelda trilogy, after Link vs King Arthur and Zelda vs Athena, we've got the villain himself Ganondorf, being the only Zelda character to face someone who is non-fictional, though still something of an ancient figure nonetheless. Loved this suggestion almost as soon as I'd gotten it, and it really helps bring a lovely amount of history to this series.

'King of the Gerudos and main antagonist of the Legend of Zelda series, Ganondorf, and the first sultan of Egypt and Syria and the founder of the Ayyubid dynasty, Saladin, face off in a battle of two ambitious desert warlords and leaders.'

PROLOGUE:

Ganondorf arrived at the room with Magikoopas, glancing between them as he nodded. They waved their wands, and a portal was created. Wind flustered from it and Ganondorf stepped forward, entering through. Light flashed, and Ganondorf would now find himself in a desert, something he was akin to. He turned his head, looking behind him, and would see his own army had already been awaiting his presence. Moblins, Stalfos, Darknuts, Wizzrobes, and the like all stood behind him, ready and waiting. Ganondorf smirked, figuring Bowser had sent them here prior to his arrival to await his command. Gesturing, the Gerudo King would step forward, marching through the desert as a harsh wind blew over them. Sand whirled around them as they made traveled forward, before they would soon find themselves suddenly confronted by another army.

"Halt! Who dares traverse through my lands?" The leading figure announced, stepping forward. "...what sort of monstrosity is this? Walking monsters and skeletons? May you be devils?"

Ganondorf chuckled, shaking his head. "By no means. My name is Ganondorf. I am of the Gerudo tribe, from a far off land, with me being their King. By chance, what is your name?"

"...I am An-Nasir Salah ad-Din Yusuf ibn Ayyub, but you may refer to me as Salah ad-Din. I am the Sultan of these lands, the ruler if you will."

Salah ad-Din. That fat lizard fuck got it wrong. Typical. Ganondorf was going to have fun putting this man in his place, then Bowser afterwards. Ganondorf drew his sword, lifting it and pointing it at Saladin. "Pathetic. Weak. You think this army is enough to beat me?"

Of course, Saladin was taken aback by this, unsheathing his own weapon in response, as did his army. "I knew that I had to be summoned here for a reason. You and your devilish kind shall return to hell from whence you came."

"Bring it, bitch."



(Starts at 0:11)

EPIC RAP BATTLES: VIDEO GAMES VS HISTORY



VS



BEGIN!

Saladin:

(0:35)

It is not the custom of kings to kill kings,

But I'll defeat any phantom menace who deems me a weakling.

Who slays a Crusade? I step into the fray. Saladin is the name.

There's no stallin' al-Din, I'll conquer any who get in my way.

You got controlled by Yuga! Yusuf spits hot and turns you to tufa,

But you're used to being reduced to stone even more than anyone looking at Medusa.

Your work is poor, made no more than a pedastal for a sword.

Leave you on the floor quicker than your organ's scores! I fight through any sort of war!

Let me give you some advice; you really ought to pay the price,

For your lies to the Hyrule family, while being fooled twice by Zelda in disguise.

You rely on your moms for help, but here, I'll be your Bagh-daddy for a while.

I'm burning this wizard at the stake, call this the Jerusalem witch trial.

Ganondorf:

(1:09)

You dare bring a fight to my lair? I cut deep like my chest scar.

I'm about to sack a sulking sultan who couldn't get very Ja-far!

I'm just laughing like a hyena at the guy who lost to a Lionheart,

Thinking he can start a war against the guy who defies the stars!

Now, I'm sure you're used to fighting warriors accused of witchcraft,

But I actually do use magic, so come here and taste my Warlock Bitchslap!

Learn to respect your superior for once, for I am a KING!

I'll lay waste to a disgrace so bad, you couldn't even be revived with a fairy!

I've got strength from the Gods! The Triforce will be mine!

Just watch it shine, oh so divine! And then I shall be your Demise!

Though we may hail from similar lands, we can't be compared as leaders!

It takes a sword by the gods to beat me, while you died from a fever.

Saladin:

(1:46)

Yeah, I died from a fever, because you know when I diss, I'm so sick.

Meanwhile, no matter the timeline, you're always killed by the same kid.

Ganondorf:

(1:52)

Don't be Hattin on me! I'm stacking raps like you wouldn't believe.

I'm backed by the baddest badasses! Your kind is easily deceived.

Saladin:

(1:58)

You're less likeable than Tingle, while I'm adored from Egypt to Yemen.

You're an oafish inbred who was born to a whole race of women.

I firmly rule over my kingdom! Your people left you in a hole!

You seek to lay waste to all of Hyrule cause we all know gingers don't have souls!

Ganondorf:

(2:10)

You're so easy to beat, feeble and weak! My raps are tossing Saladin.

This Gerudo confronts and challenges his foes! You're just a cowardly Muslim!

I'm mysterious and furious! All that desert wandering must've left you delirious!

Because you really think you can win? Hahaha! You can't be Syria-s!

Saladin:

(2:21)

Oh, I'm not in de Nile, but here it appears that you are.

So weak and fruitless, you couldn't harm me even if I had a single Piece of Heart.

I've managed to escape assassins; you couldn't slay me if you tried!

I gave life to sixteen sons; you couldn't even achieve a single wife!

You're bound for hell, weak to the light and a sword of pure good!

So overdone and abhored, even your players prefer a masked kid of wood!

Couldn't get the Triforce of Wisdom, so no wonder you lacked the wit to spit.

Mysterious? Hah! Come on, now. You're a literal pig!

(2:45, Ganondorf begins to glow, changing shape as he grows larger and larger. His form takes on a more monstrous, pig-like shape, as he changes into...)



Ganon:

(3:09)

I tower high above you; figuratively, literally, AND lyrically!

Spitting hot with the fire of Din's power, while you suffered the Crusade's fury.

Strike you with my trident and leave your whole crew in despair!

I'm the KING OF DARKNESS! You're "wise", "just", "kind", and "fair".

You can't hit me! I'm quick, see? Disappear in a flash and achieve victory.

This is my timeline, and now I'll use your blood to rewrite history.

Not even a Gossip Stone would think that you had a chance to win.

Wipe you away faster than my kind's old symbol. You must die, Saladin.

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?



EPIC RAP BATTLES-

(A light arrow strikes the logo, and it slowly falls down)

VIDeo games...vs...historyyy...

EPILOGUE:

After a long journey through a desert land, Mario would come across a massive fallen army. Men and monsters laid dead strewn throughout the land, but one laid dead alone in the center. Mario rushed towards this individual, sliding to a halt right beside him. Of course, the plumber had no knowledge of this person, never having met him prior. A laughter echoed throughout the land, Mario looking up and around to see where this laughter came from, but found no sign of life anywhere that he looked. He got back to his feet, giving one last glance to the lifeless bodies resulted from this war, before turning and hurrying off. As much as he wished to mourn and show respect for the deceased, he had to keep moving or even more would find themselves meeting this exact same fate. A Warp Pipe appeared before him in the middle of the desert land, and Mario leaped up and into it, the Warp Pipe sinking back into the ground as soon as he did so.

Who won? Ganondorf / Ganon Saladin

Here's a hint for the next battle: