User blog:Dark Cyan/Cyan's Rap Battles of Literature 29: Sun Tzu vs Niccolò Machiavelli

Hello, everyone. And welcome back to Cyan's Rap Battles of Literature!

Only two months in between battles! We're getting faster! This battle was a bast to write, and I'm glad I haven't lost the spark. Expect monthly postings at least in the new year.

This battle pits Ancient Chinese military strategist and author of The Art Of War, against Renaissance Italian political philosopher snd author of The Prince, Niccolò Machiavelli, in a battle of which still-enduring advice giver is the more ruthless.

Shoutout to GIR for proofreading

Enjoy!

Beat: The Art Of War

Niccolò Machiavelli
(starts at 0:33)

I don’t wish to fight. I am but a diplomat facing great displeasure

It is not necessary to resort to extra-constitutional measures!

Nobody ever benefits from making themselves hated

But killing the emperor’s concubines must have got him a little frustrated

I’ve got politics down to a science! It’ll take more than war to beat me!

This isn’t strategy, it’s philosophy! You know, the reason you brown-nosed Laozi?

I entertain people with poems and comedy. You just entertain more notions of combat

You’re the only leader in history who should be *more* of a bureaucrat!

Sun Tzu
(starts at 0:54)

It would appear you started off strong, but that verse was weak!

You can call me a brown-noser when you stop stealing from Greeks!

You won’t benefit from prolonging exposure to my supreme excellence!

I don’t even need to bring the fight to break your resistance!

I’m the world’s greatest Strategist! One of history’s finest figures!

And I’m just fucking embarrassed by that joke you called a militia!

My victory’s at hand, and you bring up fiction? Don’t be crass!

Poems and Comedies like you think you’re Dante? You’re just a Golden Ass!

Niccolò Machiavelli
(starts at 1:15)

Looks like this is war after all, but the ends justify the means

My legacy’s much larger than a footnote for the US Marines!

Compared to mine, your advice is flimsier and more ridiculous than your moustache!

Honestly, compared to Sun Bin, you’re trash!

Your greatest military accomplishment was at the Battle of Boju

Oh, wait. Historians don’t believe your involvement in it was true!

It’s time for the Sun to set. You’re a rabid dog who’s long since had his day

Call me Dragonsblood, because I wish you were replaced by Han Fei!

Sun Tzu
(starts at 1:37)

Do you really believe it’s better to be loved than feared

When The Prince is a controversial, toxic book without peer?

I’m disgusted by your Discourses! They borderline on the obscene!

I’ll be the sole man of honour and put a Florentine in Quarantine!

This is your lasting legacy; one book you claimed was ‘ironic’

But the motherfucking Art Of War? Now that’s truly iconic!

I owe you an apology. I first mistook your rhymes for pedestrian

But your tactics have been, dare I say it, Machiavellian

WHO WON? Sun Tzu Niccolò Machiavelli