User blog:HOW DARE YOU/Mystery Science Theater 3000 vs Statler and Waldorf

I'm back and actually took a break between making these. Hopefully that'll mean the quality will improve. Tell me if it does, if it makes no difference then I'll see if I can just do better next time. Also tell me what you think of it and what kind of improvments should be made.

Anyways on to the battle: Riff Masters vs Riff Masters. The MST3K gang (Joel, Tom Servo and Crow (later ft. Mike)) vs those old farts from the Muppets (Statler and Waldorf). Other than that, it's self explanitory. The MST3K crew is behind the desk in the main room in the Satilite of Love while Statler and Waldorf sit in their balcony seats. And so you don't get confused here's who each person is once they've been paraphrased:

Joel: J

Tom Servo: T.S.

Crow: C

Mike: M

Statler: S

Waldorf: W

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMPROBABLE RAP BATTLES OF HISTORYYYY

JOEL, TOM SERVO AND CROW

VS

STATLER AND WALDORF

BEGIN!

CROW: Welcome to the not too distant future!

TOM SERVO: Next Sunday A.D.!

JOEL: When we show these Muppets who're the best M.C.'s.

J: When it comes to riffing, we're the bonafide masters.

T.S.: Tearing apart bad flicks while you turn Fozzie's skits into disasters.

C: You're just curmudgeonly old men who complain a lot.

T.S.: Talkin' a whole lot of ((buzzer noise)) because you think you're Big Shots!

J: I hate to break it to ya, but we're beyond your league.

J & T.S.: We're the best comedians who were ever on TV.

J: Made 'em laugh so hard, we even got a Peabody!

C: So leave the work to us and pick up some other hobby.

T.S.: We've slain every single Gamera and smacked the Hands of Fate,

C: And we were praised every time!

J: So just go ahead and hate.

C & T.S.: We're Robot Monsters who just can't stop!

C: Makin' references, jokes and puns--

T.S.: --that no one else can top!

J: From the Satellite of Love to Deep 13,

We'll riff you to shreds no matter what size the screen!

Statler: We're trying to hear the show, so pipe down you three!

Waldorf: But they're our competition.

S: Wait, THAT'S them?!

W: Yep.

S: You're kidding me!

S: We've been at this since the 70's.

W: We're the true riffing pioneers!

S: All you did was steal our shtick and add an unfunny engineer!

W: Well to be fair, they aren't that bad.

S: You're right. They're all bad and keep driving moviegoers mad.

W: You may think that those movies you watch are torture.

S: But the true pain comes from your supposed "jokes".

W: They're the real horror!

S: Your bosses even hated you and shot you into space!

W: To be honest, I'm not surprised. He's a comedic disgrace!

S: We may be old,

Both: But we're classic!

W: Turning every Muppet show from bad to fantastic!

S: Your 15 minutes are up. And you've done nothing but decay.

W: While Statler and I are still known to this very day!


 * Statler pulls out a big red button from beneath the seats*

S: Kid, you should've quit your job at Gizmonics Institute,

W: Because we just made you look worse than your tacky jumpsuit!


 * Waldorf slams on the button and Joel (still on his side) falls through a trap door from underneath him. Crow and Tom Servo are about to cry to him when the doors behind the table opens and reveals Mike Nelson*

Mike: Joel may have looked tacky, but I make this look good.

I'm the fan favorite, bringing more people laughter than you two ever could!

M: You two may sit in the balcony, but you aren't fooling me.

You're lower on the comedy scale than your little buddy Fozzie.

C: The two of you half the time can't even understand eachother,

T.S.: Much less what's going on in the show.

M: So why make the audience suffer?!

C: And the funny thing is that you two are the real jokes here.

T.S.: Without that show you whine about you two would just dissappear!

M: We're invincible! With every line unbeatable!

And I'm an unpredictable, mythical, pivitol individual!

M: Even when our show ended, we came back with RiffTrax,

Giving every big summer flick their fair share of wise-cracks.

T.S.: Bottom line: quit reminding the audience about how the quality lacks,

C: Just think to yourselves it's just a show, and that you should really just relax!

M: I'm sorry, but there's no coming back from how we just rebounded.

C: Face it,

T.S.: You just got beat by

All: Mystery Science Theater 3000!

S: Y'know what Waldorf? I think I'll take it back.

Joel might have been bad, but not as much as this hack!

W: Mike, you've got to be the whitest man that I've ever seen!

S: No wonder they blacked you out.

W:You would've left a glare on the screen!

S: According to your show, you're like the human version of leftovers.

W: Nobody wants 'em, or need 'em and they just give off really bad odors.

S: How did anyone even let you guys on cable?

W: Trust us Mike, you should have stayed at T.G.I. and waited on tables.

S: We're the best of the best.

W: Something no one can deny!

S: Making two bit comics look sillier than The Crawling Eye!

W: Sittin' up so high, we're lookin' down at you.

S: Which means we must be the men that you three look up to!

W: We're a dynamic duo.

S: The comedic dream team!

W: If you thought you could beat us, you must be living in a pipe dream!

Both (in tune of the Muppet Show theme song): It's time to put on make-up, it's time to light the lights,

'Cause we just took you three down on the Muppet Show tonight.

M: Oh really? How can you beat us when you got bought out by Mickey Mouse?

W: At least we were valued.

S: Your producers just tossed you out of their house!

C: We had ten strong seasons.

T.S.: You couldn't even make a decent web-show!

S: At least it was better than your attempts to riff that movie Sharknado.

M: Yeah, you would know about movies you two-bit Siskel and Ebert.

W: Y'know, you're like the Three Stooges.

S: Yeah, just take out the funny bit.

M: Well, I--


 * Suddenly MST3K's area begins to shake and lights begin flickering on and off*

All Three: MOVIE SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGN!


 * The three dash off  through different compartments in the area, leaving Statler and Waldorf*

Both (laughing): Oh, ho, ho, ho!


 * Suddenly (again) the stage across from them opens up and the actual Muppet Show is about to begin*

Both (crying): Oh, ho, ho, noooo!

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

VOTE BELOW AND OR COMMENT ON WHAT YOU THOUGHT. I'M ACTUALLY THINKING ABOUT DELETING THAT WHO'S NEXT THING BECAUSE NOBODY REALLY DOES THAT ON THE ERB-WIKI. OR AT LEAST THAT I'VE SEEN. MAYBE I'M LOOKING AT THE WRONG ONES. DOESN'T REALLY MATTER.

VOTE HERE! Joel, Tom Servo, Crow and Mike Statler and Waldorf