User blog:Hippie Rat/William Shakespeare vs Monty Python

Hey yo hi hello

Holy shit a Hippie Rat Battle Rap. Weird how that's even a sentence considering how arbitrary the title is. It's more of a means of organization. I don't even use the title in the announcer segment. Like what.

Okay yeah anyway so much thanks for the attention you guys have been showing my Hippie Rat Reviews series. That series is definitely super fun to write for and it's awesome to see feedback. Be prepared to see some new stuff from that series in the future, including some Justin Buckner battles, at least a couple ERBs, and an episode dedicated to fanmade wiki battles, where I may check out your battle. But just because you ask me to doesn't automatically mean I will. If you specifically ask that I don't, then I definitely won't, don't worry.

So today we have one of my guilty pleasure favorite suggestions. Granted, a ton of my suggestions are guilty pleasure but whatever. Billy Shakes and Monty Python. Because Shakespeare vs Seuss didn't give enough appreciation to Shakespeare's comedic side.

I guess that's all I need to say. Check out Flats and Legion because I have guest appearances in their battles either having already been released or to be released in a soon time.

So yeah.

Flets oh.

Color
You know, just in case you couldn't tell a scarlet from a maroon or a Terry Jones from a Terry Gilliam.

William Shakespeare

Terry Jones

Eric Idle

John Cleese

Graham Chapman

Terry Gilliam

Michael Palin

Lyrics
Announcer:

Epic Rap Battles of History! William Shakespeare vs M o n t y P y t h o n ! Begin!

William Shakespeare:

Now, step to the scene and quit acting up,

Thou bunch of ridiculous hacks, enough,

With all the nonsense skits and fickle bits,

Switching logic with mix and feigned wit.

Ye have no authority on what I writ,

And no right to the title of Brit.

Tell Brian, the bright side, up to I, you can't find,

Not only greatest writer, I'm the world's greatest mind!

'Cause I'm, Will Shakespeare, and will make here,

Six dweebs fill their breeches, so open thine ears.

You may know me as a serious man,

But I assure you, a quill is not the only thing to be enwrapped in my hand.

Yes! The stone-faced scripter scribing dying by one's self,

Is also one to jest! Wols for whole - beggared to the wealth!

But hark! Ye be unducliniously obscene! (Hark!) Unfit for BBC! (Hark!)

Thou is a high-comedy Three Stooges, but a low-comedy South Park.

See, thou cannot find thine voice, nor decent coordination,

You couldn't discern a story from unconsented defloration!

Characterized by exuberant flamboyance,

Doomed to lose it, I know it, Weird Witches got a clairvoyance.

M o n t y P y t h o n :

I couldn't understand a bit of what was just before us,

So crack your thesauruses, boys, we got a fancy-pants vocabulaurusasaurus.

You're a total plossoneeve. What does that mean, Cleese?

It means he's a pussy full of hot air, synonymous with "queef".

You're dead, deceased, demised, passed on, ceased to be,

Expired, met your maker, late, stiff, rest in peace,

Brought down the curtain, pushing daisies, an ex-great-author!

Putting more death curses on British names since Lord Voldemort!

We derive comedy from science and philosophy,

You derive comedy from fairy tales and mythology.

I mean, faeries and black magic? I swear I've seen that shit in Brothers Grimm.

I say weigh him to a duck and fucking burn 'im! YEAH!

You make a mess with language. Deep meanings? Shits just cryptic.

Couldn't figure your point on the Twelfth Rhyme, Or What You Will diss with.

I know a bit about ambiguity, so between you and me, you don't need to tell your wife.

Write it from birth to death and you still can't find the meaning of life.

William Shakespeare:

Halt! I cannot bear through the non sequiturs; your style's gone rotten;

I haven't seen such incompetent actors make an ass of themselves since Bottom,

And in four hundred years, scholars will hold a class dedicated to that pun.

Give it a year and you dementia-ridden elderlies could never return to any sort of fun.

For noboes whose jokes come from argument, one won't chuckle at your battle rap,

A humdrum harmony of hobnobbing and harblic drap.

Honest-to-God crap! Dry wit for imbeciles,

And I will scatter your ashes 'cross the Globe! All's well that ends well.

M o n t y P y t h o n :

Apologies, but that shit was sooo borrrriinnng,

We could write a better punchline than you while we're off snoring.

Need a new skit? Give it ten minutes and a quick powwow.

We would finish you off if, you know, we quite knew how.

But shit, call the lyric police, we need to get Shakes a citation:

Even for Old English, your rhymes were stretching pronunciation.

You were the only useless sperm in the batch, your rhymes and prose were a bore-!

[When suddenly, the DJ suffered a fatal heart attack, and the historical enemy was no more.]

* Shakespeare exits*

* there's a long pause before anyone speaks again*

..*ahem*, and now for something completely different. It's-!

Announcer:

Who won? Who's next? You Decide! Epic Rap Battles of History!

Glossary
William Shakespeare was one to create his own words, whether by means of combining existing words or just coming up with whatever sounds like it fits the definition, so I took up the practice of such here. I incorporated a more serious take of this in Shakespeare's lyrics while also using it a couple times in the Python's lyrics as a way to mock the idea and create more silly-sounding words. In order to help those lost on some of these terms in context, this glossary exists to assist in understanding what was being said.

Scripter - one who writes scripts

Wol - a joke, typically such that of higher-order humour

Unducliniously - unnecessarily

Unconsented defloration - rape; literally "the taking of a woman's virginity without consent"

Vocabulaurusasaurus - one who uses large, beastly words

Plossoneeve - a coward that employs the use of empty speech

Nobo - low-class jokester

Harblic - boring

Drap - dull speech

Polls
Who won? William Shakespeare Monty Python

Who's next? Mortal Kombat vs Saw Henry Ford vs Elon Musk Neo vs Mark Zuckerburg