User blog:Hippie Rat/Rod Serling vs R. L. Stine - The Return

Hey yo hi hello

GUE-

Nope.

Another battle. Coming closer to the big bad fuck-me-in-the-ass world history battle. Slightly regretting taking this job. But fuck it. My burden to bear.

Today I have a battle that's very important to me. Kind of a symbol of my overall progress. Granted, the original battle I first ever wrote between Serling and Stine is lost in time, so I can't physically see the difference, but I just remembering all my lyrics sucking back then. Then I used them again in my horror anthology host royale, The Midnight Society vs The Crypt Keeper. That one was alright. But it feels good to take on these characters once more now that I feel I've fully adapted a style of my own and I feel completely comfortable with my lyrics. So without further ado (except for the blurb I always put down below), I return to R. L. Stine vs Rod Serling.

I give 100% permission to the use of my lyrics in any audio and/or visual production, as long as credit is given where credit is due. A beat can be requested if so necessary. It would also be appreciated that, if any lyrics are used, a link to the production be sent to me. Any questions and/or links can most easily be sent in my most recent blog. Thank you very much.



Lyrics
Announcer:

Epic Rap Battles of History! Rod Serling vs R. L. Stine ! Begin!

R. L. Stine:

Boo! to you, Rod, you hipster-viewing fodder,

From your pinball machine to the Tower of Terror.

I'm better than a veteran remembering his squad being killed,

Your whole show's The Cold Equations on happy pills!

I send chills down children's spines, scarier than your Gallery,

You got Apocalypse and Satan, but I'm nearly kicked out the library?

Submit that for your approval, Rod, you lost classic,

I sell millions with each reboot, skills this angry young man is lackin'.

Rod Serling:

Enter R. L. Stine, I invite you all tonight to gaze onto,

A kiddie horror author cheesier than fondue.

An outcast who had to create a fantasy world to live in,

What you're about to see is his ass getting handed to him.

Sure, yes, I saw your movie,

Where you were played by Jack Black and plagued by MPD.

I had a feature film too if you wanna see something really scary,

Got that whole slew of stars, directed by Spielberg and company.

R. L. Stine:

Ugh, don't think I didn't hear what happened when that shit was being filmed:

John Landis went crazy and got a bunch of people killed!

Now you're on Syfy on New Years for old dudes to reminisce,

How every story has a beginning, a middle, and a twist.

Rod Serling:

Well I took that and ran with it, away from you,

I see Haunting Hour on the television and I'm fixing to press Mute.

I exploit laughs and fears, I'm a teleplay Shakespeare,

Your silly little chillers belong back in the freezer.

R. L. Stine:

Please, you couldn't quit it with nostalgia, man, keep it happy,

Hold on to that Chesterfield because now Stine is going Slappy!

Rod Serling:

Oh, you mean the concept you took from me?

Because I remember a couple different stories of a living dummy.

R. L. Stine:

Who you calling dummy, dummy? The name's Stine,

No stories more like IRL than the likes of mine.

Rod Serling:

Oh, sure, "RL,"

Coming from the dude who wrote about "the lawn gnomes from hell".

R. L. Stine:

Well at least I do write, fingers flying in a flurry,

While your best episodes were written by Jerry Sohl and Ray Bradbury.

Rod Serling:

So you know a thing or two about horror...or no,

Because "Help! My Teacher Swallows Students" sounds like a gross-out porno.

R. L. Stine:

Well I'm all that's left since your heart stopped, over in a quiet town,

Memorial Hospital, the Strong, and there's time now!

Fuck your morals, I don't quarrel with horror of humans in my words,

Send Susan Cummings to hysterics since you just got served!

Rod Serling:

Cover art of R. L. Stine, a more horrific image than the rest of his books,

But make sure to read his contents: he's scarier than he looks.

Doomed to recycle the same clichés until he's reduced to skin and bones,

Only one of us are dying, Stine, and I'm an immortal being in The Twilight Zone.

Announcer:

Who won? Who's next? You Decide! Epic Rap Battles of History!

Trivia

 * This is my third battle to feature Rod Serling and R. L. Stine, after my unpublished sixth ever battle written between the two, and my first "official" rap battle The Midnight Society vs The Crypt Keeper.
 * This battle was hinted at on my wiki page with the hint: "A return to battle no. 1"

Poll
Who won? R. L. Stine Rod Serling