User blog:Wachowman/Wiki Tales: Borderlands ep3 (Not A Problem)

Last Time on Wiki Tales
Wonder: Wachow!

(Another shockwave comes from Wachow knocking the users back again)

Wonder: gah!

Steeler: what is this power?!

Wachow: power that if you did the slightest bit of research on me, you'd know I'd have.

(Screen shows 20 Skags surround the users)

Wachow: please feel free to play with the homeless pups, they need a new owner...or at least lunch, farewell, may we never cross paths again.

Wonder: wha-

Wachow: now the conversation ends.

''(One of the Skags is about to bite Joes neck until)'"'

Man 1: Fire!

(All the Remaining Skags are shot at the same time from a distance)

Joe: *opens his eyes* w-what?

(Screen shows a man with a 30 barrel shotgun)

Patts: can you guys not do one thing correctly.

Wonder: throw us a fucking bone.

Patts: throw yourself a bone, you're the bounty hunters, not me.

Joe: then don't judge us.

Patts: *calls his car back and gets in it* ok, I can see you cant get this job done by yourselves, so by tomorrow you're getting a new member, one that's more knowledgable about Bounty Hunting.

Legion: their Leader, Scraw, has basically brainwashed this whole town, especially it's military, if he's dead you should be able to get what we need inside his memory bank.

Steeler: his what?

Legion: a small USB he has in his giant ass computer.

This Time
(The Screen shows Steeler sleeping in his bed)

Steeler:....

(The Screen shows Joe sleeping in his bed)

Joe:...not a shit gun....not a shit gun.

(Screen shows a close up on Wonders face)

Wonder:...

(Screen shows a Man crouched over Wonder)

Man 1: *coughs*

Wonder: *wakes up a little* w-wha-

(Wonder sees the man crouching over him)

Man 1: hi.

Wonder: Who the fuck!

(Wonder aims his gun at the Man)

Man 1: you sleep with your gun?

Wonder: times like this are the reason why, Joe! Steeler! Wake up!

(Steeler wakes up)

Steeler: gah, what fucking time is-who the fuck is this?

Wonder: why do you think I woke you up.

Man 1: ah, so you're Steeler, hi.

Wonder: stop talking.

Man 1: rude.

Wonder: Joe.

(Joe is still sleeping)

Wonder: Joe!

(Joe continues to sleep)

Wonder: J-

(Steeler kicks Joe off his bed)

Joe: *wakes up* Steeler!...What the fuck!

Steeler: Wonder wants you.

Joe: *looks at Wonder and sees the man* What is it! Who the fuck is this! Why did you have to kick me!

Man 1: wow, I can see my new team is friendly.

Steeler: what?

Wonder: new team?...oh shit, are you the guy Patts sent?

Man 1: sure am.

Steeler: why didn't you say that an hour ago.

Man 1: you've only been awake for about 2 or 3 minutes.

Joe: you woke me up for this? God dammit, what's your name?

Tiger: the names Tommy Indestructible Garry Erection Rotation, my parents were drunk when they named me, just call me Tiger.

'''TIGER! HEAR HIM ROAR'''

Steeler: Tiger huh?

Joe: we don't need help.

Wonder: it's too late for that he's already here.

Tiger: and I've been bounty hunting for 7 years.

Steeler: you look 20.

Tiger: I am 20.

Joe: you started when you were 13?

Tiger: parents didn't really care so why not, gets me money, gets me bitches, gets me something to do.

Wonder: well Tiger, welcome to the team I guess.

Tiger: thank you Wonder, so Patts didn't really mention who we were hunting before I signed the contract.

Joe: pfft, really?

Steeler: ahaha, man, you're gunna have to take a seat.

Tiger: it can't be that bad.

Wonder: Wachow.

Tiger:....what.

Wonder: we're hunting Wachow.

Tiger:....the mass murderer who can be shot by normal guns?...

Steeler: yep, that guy.

Tiger:...wow, we're all fucked.

Joe: was expecting more enthusiasm.

Tiger: I mean, you can't kill Wachow, look at you guys, I could kill all 3 of you with one bullet.

Wonder: we have a plan.

Tiger: to die? I mean, I don't want to die, not yet at least.

Joe: listen, you're part of this group now, we've shot at Wachow and lived, if you ask me we've done what no one else has already done.

Steeler: and you have no other choice.

Tiger:...fuck I don't...fine fine, how shall we die first?

Joe: that's the spirit.

Wonder: well first we need to go to Scribbleland and get their leaders USB.

Tiger: kill Scraw? A little difficult don't ya think?

Steeler: you weren't really here for it.

Wonder: and we also have no other options, we need to learn about Wachows powers and weaknesses.

Tiger: and Scribbleland has some of Pandoras most advanced technology, meaning that fucking USB of Scraws has to have loads of info on it.

Wonder: precisely.

Joe: and if we do live that's one small step closer to-

Tiger: getting killed by Wachow.

Steeler: you have a very low spirit.

Tiger: you sound like my pet.

Wonder: pet?

Joe: please tell me you don't have Skags.

Tiger: Skags? Oh no, I have him right here.

(Tiger pulls out a pocket sized cube)

Tiger: he's right here.

Joe: a cube?

Tiger: c'mon out ROB.

(The small cube starts to un-cube itself)

Joe: what?

(The cube transforms into a 4 foot tall robot)

ROB: *eyes light up* Hi! N-nice to me you all! I'm sure well-l have a great time together!

'''ROB! HOPE HES YOUR BUDDY'''

Wonder: how in the-

Steeler: no fucking way, I've always wanted a fucking Robot.

Tiger: well ROB here is hand made, by me, but even though I made him he acts like the complete opposite of me.

ROB: well maybe if y-you'd lighten up your mood every now and then, how long did it take him to tell you guys who he-e was?

Steeler: about 5 minutes.

Tiger: I was having fun with your reactions.

ROB: and you c-call me the opposite.

Tiger: well to be fair I'm allowed to be a bit upset and sarcastic right now, it turns out the person we are set to hunt for is Wachow.

ROB: W-What! Wachow!...that's great!

Tiger: what?

ROB: imagine the l-legends we'd be if we can take down Wachow, everyone would love us, we'd b-be rich!

Joe: can't we just take ROB and leave you?

Tiger: wherever one of us goes, the other goes, sorry.

Joe: fuck then.

Wonder: ok, good to see we all get semi-along and know each other, but we've wasted too much time here already.

Tiger: he's right, if you want to get through Scraws men it's best to do it as early as possible.

Joe: why, can they see in the dark?

Tiger: no, it's just to get it done sooner then later.

ROB: *turns his hands into pistols* then let's go shall we! I-I'm ready to fight!

Steeler: god, I love this guy.

Wonder: let's go.

(The groups walks to the door)

(Screen shows Wonder, Joe, Steeler, Tiger, ROB and Ynkr walking through the desert)

ROB: of calculations are c-correct, Scribbleland shouldn't be very-y far.

Ynkr: mighty fine piece o' technology ya got there.

Tiger: took me at least 2 years to build him, even now he could still use improvements.

ROB: w-what type of improvements.

Tiger: for starters that fucking stutter you have.

ROB: that's your f-fault, you never taught me to read and speak-k.

Tiger: you're a Robot, you're suppose to do that by yourself.

Steeler: don't be so hard on him, I mean, you see how quickly he took out those Skags back there.

Tiger: well, I did originally make him for combat, so I guess that's something.

ROB: I'm smiling right now but you j-just can't tell because my mouth isn't non-existent.

Wonder: well I'm sure you'll help us with Scribblelands guards just fine.

ROB: I will d-do my best!

Joe: guys, I think I see it.

(Screen shows a large city at the top of a sandy mountain)

Ynkr: yep, that's it alright. *shakes head* do we really have to climb that? *shakes head* I believe so Ynkr.

Tiger: hope you guys are ready for a fight...and we don't have to climb...ROB.

ROB: yes sir!

(ROB transforms into a flying sheet of metal)

ROB: just stand on me and we'll be up there in a minute!

Joe: wait, why didn't we do this from the beginning?

Tiger: because it tires him out very quickly, but he should be fine for this mountain, right ROB?

ROB: sure thing!

Wonder: alright then, let's get on.

(The group stands on ROB as he begins to fly towards Scribbleland)

Wonder: remember guys, there's civilians here to.

Tiger: no there isn't.

Wonder: what?

Tiger: Scribbleland is solely a military base made to look like a community, everyone in it has, can use, and will use their gun, they're as careless as Psychos.

Joe: well shit.

Steeler: so we have to shoot anyone we see.

Tiger: besides each other, yes.

Ynkr: this doesn't seem like the best of ideas.

Wonder: if you want back in Legionston, it's all you got.

Ynkr: *shakes head* let's do it Ynkr! *shakes head* alright fine! but only for you.

Joe: they're gunna spot us once we're there.

Tiger: we'll be fine...maybe.

(ROB lowers the group in front of the Scribbleland gates and turns back to normal)

(Screen shows 5 bandits pointing their guns at the group)

Bandit 1: halt!

Bandit 2: leave now or be executed!

Tiger: *cleans throat* gentlemen gentlemen! I'm not here for trouble! I'm here to help you all become rich!

Wonder: what're you doing?

Tiger: just shut up.

Bandit 3: rich?

Bandit 1: what're you talking about?

Tiger: ROB...

ROB: *transforms his hands into a metal briefcase* money! We plan to donate 3 million d-dollars to every single person living here.

Bandit 2: 3 million dollars?!

Tiger: that's right, now, do you want to see the money?

(The Bandits look at each other then approach the briefcase)

ROB: one f-for each of you!

(The briefcase opens showing ROBs real arm with a gun in it)

Bandit 4: what the-

Tiger: congratulations.

(ROB shoots all the Bandits in the head)

ROB: come again.

Steeler: that was fucking awesome.

Tiger: thank you, ROB, open the gate please.

ROB: my pleasure.

(A rocket launcher appears on ROBs back)

ROB: heads up!

(ROB shoots the rocket into the gates destroying them)

(And alarm sound is heard)

Joe: well, they know we're here how.

Wonder: c'mon, Scraw should be in the biggest building.

Ynkr: the one at the end of the city?

Wonder: looks like it.

ROB: *turns his hands into Miniguns* time t-to have some fun!

(Screen shows a man in a big room sitting in a chair man of Psycho masks)

(A Bandit approaches the man)

Bandit 1: Lord Scraw, intruders have been spotted.

Scraw: ok?

Bandit 1: theyre starting to kill many of our men.

Scraw: yeah?

Bandit 1: they're coming for your office.

Scraw: and?

Bandit 1: I heard they called you gay.

Scraw: *stands up* oh they gotta die.

(Screen shows the group half way through Scribbleland)

Wonder: *shoots a Bandit in the head* there's so many!

Tiger: *shoots an explosive barrel killing a few Bandits* we're doing fine! Just keep shooting!

(A small aircraft appears above the group)

Steeler: what is that?!

(The aircrafts opens up as Psychos starts to jump from it)

Joe: oh shit.

(A few Psychos land on the ground and attack Joe)

Joe: *shoots the Psychos* this isn't good.

Tiger: *almost gets shot then returns fire* we still have Bandits to deal with.

(About 100 Psychos land on the ground and start to run towards Ynkr)

Steeler: Ynkr! *shoots a few Psychos* Run!

Ynkr: cute.

(Ynkr pulls out his 30-barrel shot gun)

Ynkr: *shakes head* Fire!

(Ynkr pulls the guns trigger 3 times)

(Screen shows every Psychos getting shot in the head)

Tiger: holy shit.

Ynkr: *shakes head* good job Ynkr.

Steeler: not gunna lie, that was impressive.

Joe: *shoots some Bandits* guys! There's still more bandits!

Wonder: let's try to get in further.

Ynkr: let's go boys!

(Screen shows Scraw in his office watching a tv of the gunfight)

Scraw: *sees all the Psychos die* grr.

Bandit 1: sir, Psycho Squad Z is dead.

Scraw: then send out the next Psycho Squad!

Bandit 1: sir, Psycho Squad A-Y were killed for your chair.

Scraw: *looks at his chair*...fuck!...Burton! Tell Everyman in this building to go outside and kill these men!

Burton: yes sir!

(Burton runs out of the office and Scraw continues to watch the gunfight)

Scraw:...

(Screen shows a group of Bandits getting blown up)

Tiger: good job ROB.

ROB: *puts his rocket launcher away* my p-pleasure.

Wonder: alright guys, we're here.

(Screen shows the group in front of the building)

Ynkr: let's get inside.

(Before they can open the door every Bandit from inside starts to run out)

Wonder: shit!

Joe: get some cov-

(3 gunshots are heard as every Bandit who was running out is now dead)

(Screen shows Ynkr with his shot gun)

Ynkr: *shakes head* all you ever gotta do is ask. *shakes head* now let's get inside.

Steeler: how much ammo do you have.

Ynkr: more than I can count.

Joe: you could only count to fift- nevermind, let's go!

(The group goes into the building)

(Screen shows Scraw and Burton watch all the Bandits die)

Burton: they're all dead.

Scraw: god dammit, if I wanted to kill these guys I would've preferred having some men left alive,

Burton: sir, we should evacuate.

Scraw: evacuate? I'm not gunna be killed by these chumps, but for now go to the printing room and make some help wanted posters, we'll need more men after this.

Burton: uh...y-yes sir.

(Burton opens the doors to leave and is about to walk about but is then shot in the head)

Scraw: hmm?

(The group walks into the room pointing their guns at Scraw)

Wonder: Scraw!

Joe: we won't kill you if you give us the USB!

Scraw: oh, you mean this.

(Scraw shows the USB in his hand)

Scraw: sorta guessed you were coming for it.

(Scraw puts the USB in his pocket)

Scraw: but you, all of you, you come into my town, kill my men, and expect me to do what you want!

Steeler: uhh.

Scraw: if that's the case, I'll give you this USB-

(Scraw pulls out a Minigun that was attacked to his back)

Scraw: once you rip it from my cold dead hands!

'''SCRAW! YOUR FIRST BOSS'''

Joe: shit.

Tiger: find cover!

(Scraw starts to shoot his Minigun as the users take cover)

(Screen shows Joe and Ynkr behind a few metal boxes)

Joe: shit, what do we do.

Ynkr: my shotgun only works on big groups. *shakes head* and we can't get a good shot on his with a regular gun either.

Joe: *peaks up but is almost shot in the head* gah! Fuck!

Ynkr: *shakes head* we needa find a weak point.

Joe: how?

Ynkr: well, he's using a Minigun, sadly his Minigun has infinite ammo. *shakes head* it makes it's own bullets inside the gun. *shakes head* but every Minigun over heats for a few seconds! that's when we get him.

Joe: how long until it over heats.

Ynkr: guess we have to wait and see.

(Screen shows Steeler, Wonder, Tiger and ROB behind some other metal boxes)

(ROB is seen winding up a metal mouse)

Wonder: you sure this things gunna work?

ROB: m-my Explosive Mice never fail, it should go r-right up to him and at least stun him for a while.

Steeler: it won't kill him?

Tiger: due to their size, probably not.

ROB: *finishes winding and let's the mouse go* and she's off.

(The explosive mouse goes around the boxes and towards Scraw)

Scraw: come on out guys!

(The mouse is a few inches away from Scraw)

Scraw: cute.

(Scraw steps on the mouse which explodes on impact)

Scraw: ahg!

(Scraw is knocked back a little but continues to shoot his Minigun)

Scraw: not happening.

Wonder: fuck.

Steeler: what now?

Tiger: I suppose we can wait for his Minigun to overheat.

Steeler: how longs that gunna take?

(The shooting stops)

Scraw: huh? No, not now!

Tiger: now!

(Screen shows Joe and Ynkr)

Ynkr: now!

(All the users appear from behind the boxes and start to shoot at Scraw)

Scraw: ahhh!

(A bunch of bullets start to go through Scraw)

Joe: how is he still standing?!

Scraw: *lifts up his Minigun* I'm not done yet!

Tiger: ROB!

ROB: I'm on it!

(ROB shoots a rocket from his rocket launcher at Scraw)

Scraw: *sees the rocket coming* shit.

(The rocket explodes on impact leaving a bunch of smoke in the room)

Ynkr: *cough cough* is it over?

Wonder: *cough* looks like it.

Tiger: ROB.

ROB: already ahead of y-you.

(ROB opens up his stomach which starts to suck in all the smoke)

Steeler: what can't you do.

(The smoke starts to clear up)

Wonder:...no fucking way.

(Screen shows Scraw still standing but badly beaten up)

Joe: he's isn't dead?!

Scraw: you...mother...fuckers.

(Scraw falls over and let's go of his Minigun)

Wonder:...it's over.

Tiger: finally.

(Joe walks over to Scraw and takes the USB out of his pocket)

Joe: guys, I just noticed, we shot a rocket at Scraw when we knew he had to USB in his pocket.

Ynkr: *shakes head* at least we're all still alive.

Joe:...ok?...anyways, next time let's think a bit more carefully on how we take people down.

Wonder: he's right, if we lost that USB this whole trip would've been worthless.

Tiger: let's just get out of here, it reeks of blood.

Wonder: alright men, let's go.

(Screen shows the group walking through the desert approaching Legionston)

Wonder: fucking finally, there's Legionston.

Steeler: ready to go back home Ynkr?

Ynkr: actually. *shakes head* we decided to stay back where you found us. *shakes head* * I always did like the thrill of having to kill something everyday! this made me realize that if I'm in Legionston it'd always be peaceful.

Joe: how did that gunfight remind you of something peaceful?

Wonder: are you sure? They said they'd let you back.

Ynkr: *shakes head* positive. *shakes head* we'll be fine.

(Ynkr shakes hands with Wonder)

Wonder: thanks for all your help.

Ynkr: I'm sure we'll all meet again.

(Ynkr starts to walk back as the group walks closer to Legionston)

ROB: a-alright, Tiger, I'm going back into your pocket.

Tiger: alright, c'mon.

(ROB turns back into a cube and falls into Tigers hand who puts him in his pocket)

Steeler: still an awesome Robot.

Tiger: eh, he's okay.

(The group approaches the gates being met by Legion)

Legion: you have returned!

Joe: that's not all.

(Joe throws the USB to Legion who catches it)

Legion: you got the USB!

Wonder: and Scribbleland is no more, every single man in there is dead.

Legion: wonderful! Wonderful! I shall get some men on this right away, you shall know what you need to know about Wachow by tomorrow morning, right now I believe it's best you rest up.

Wonder: also, can you gets us a forth bed?

Tiger: I'm with them now.

Legion: of course, no problem at all, it'll be there by the time you get to the room, Open the gates!

(The gates open as the group walks into Legionston)

Tiger: I guess I was sorta wrong about you guys.

Steeler: what do you mean?

Tiger: well, I had no faith in the beginning of this, now id think we actually have a chance to take down Wachow.

(The screen goes black as Tigers voice is still heard)

Tiger: here's to a new friendship.

Next Time on Wiki Tales
Legion: it seems the first step of your journey is to find Crozon Devices.

Man 1: and, well, we don't have Crozon Devices.

Joe: what? Then who does?

Legion: the only place I can think of that does is Iron Wrath.

(The group is seen walking through the desert)

Joe: I don't see Iron Wrath anywhere.

Wonder: that map says it's supposed to be right here.

(The ground from beneath the users opens up)

Wonder: are you CW?

CW: indeed I am, Legion told me you were coming and what you need, well, I have a favor to ask before any of your problems are settled.