User blog:JKGame/Applejack vs Johnny Appleseed: Epic Rap Battles of The Universe

Hello, hello! Welcome back to a new installment of Epic Rap Battles of The Universe!

And Happy 4th of July, where we celebrate the day the Declaration of Independence was adopted! And what better way to celebrate Independence Day than to have a rap battle with one of the most famous person in American folklore: Johnny Appleseed.

Now in the quick news, I set up a poll in which I asked which opponents should go up against Applejack. (The contestants were Hank Hill, Abraham Lincoln, and of course, Johnny Appleseed.) Hank Hill almost won but Johnny managed to take the lead and gets to be the lucky opponent.

Also, this is the first battle in the series to have someone who was actually real! :)

With that out of the way, let's get into it!

"Honest apple farmer from Sweet Apple Acres, Applejack, and American pioneer nurseryman, Johnny Appleseed, rap against each other to see which apple-loving countryman/pony is superior."

Battle
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF THE UNIVERSE!!!

APPLEJACK!

VS!

JOHNNY APPLESEED!

BEGIN!

Johnny Appleseed:

I treat horses with kindness, but I'll make this one an exception

Hank Hill with a stetson made a mistake stepping to this nurseryman

I'm raising the stakes here like how you're always Raising your Barn

I have 1,200 acres of land that surely beats your sad apple farm

I'm an American legend! You're like Waldo: hidden in the background 'til the end

Go do some actual farm work instead of wasting your time one-upping your rainbow-maned friend

You're a bore to the core. Who is? You is! I suggest that equine Sandy Cheeks retreat

Or else get crushed like applesauce and this beat and get your body scattered like apple seeds!

You're just a stubborn Southern who proudly admits that she didn't learn anything

But the one thing that I'll make sure you'll learn is that you lost from the very beginning

'Cause before you were even born, I've been harvesting apples from trees

If I was an apple, then you're just a worm chewing off my legacy

Applejack:

Now listen here, Mr. Appleseed, ah don't want to be rude

But let me be in mah Element and tell ya the hard truth:

Yer just a flimflam-spittin' pioneer who's filled with more lies than the schemes of Flim & Flam

I've got rhymes so cold it will make Chapman's skin chap, man!

Yer first verse sounded like ya wrote it after drinkin' gallons of hard cider

'Cause raps are supposed to be hot as apple pie but I didn't spot any in this cypher

I kicked away a large boulder, so it won't be hard to give you another good kick in yer head

And the brain damage you've gotten probably explains you never wanted to be wed

Me losing this battle? *Laughs* Now that's the biggest tall tale I ever heard

'Cause with only a few verses, I can already leave you Brae-burned!

When I take mah lasso and swing you around like a block of hay

Yer going to be Over A Barrel and regret challenging me on this day!

Johnny Appleseed:

Are your mouths making promises that your legs can't keep?

'Cause all I hear is empty threats from an odd hoof-naming plebe!

I died a rich man, you couldn't even win money at a rodeo

This cowgirl Abe Lincoln is no match for my apple cider flow!

It's sad when a better Applejack's a box of cereal

Go arrange another Apple Family Reunion in time for your burial

Now this grave is going to be Where this Apple Lies

And joins her dead mom and dad high up in the skies

Applejack:

What in tarnation?! Ah think ya went too far there, "sugarcube"!

Better go back to The New Church and pray that you don't become fruit juice!

Ah spit hard cider rhymes like ah took a bite out of the apples you've actually been plantin'

The big reason yer apples weren't sweet and tasty is that you were always against grafting!

While mah apple trees' still Apple Bloomin', almost all of yours is no longer here

And ah am already more familiar to children than this weird hobo lookin' pioneer

Everyone knew who would win right when they heard the match-up

Boy, ah sure beat this tin pot-wearin' weirdo real hard!

Big Macintosh:

Eeyup!

WHO WON?!

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!

EPIC-

(The logo then is suddenly bombarded by raining apples)

OW! OOF! RAP BATTLES OF THE UNIVERSE!!!

Poll
 Who won? Applejack Johnny Appleseed 