User blog:Hippie Rat/Jesse James vs Billy the Kid

Hey yo hi hello, Hippie Rat back again.

Currently I'm writing for a few battles, with some of the most historical and influential characters, from Uncle Sam to Aristotle to Frankenstein to Buddha to Shrek.

Gots a lots on me plates.

Also, I'm going to start leaving this disclaimer on all my battles:

I give 100% permission to the use of my lyrics in any audio and/or visual production, as long as credit is given where credit is due. It would also be appreciated that, if any lyrics are used, a link to the production be sent to me. Thank you very much.

I'm going to try to put that disclaimer in all my previous battles, but if it doesn't happen to be there, just know that it applies for all my previous battles too.

Anyway, here we have some of the biggest outlaw legends of all time, Jesse James and Billy the Kid, battle rapping to see who rules the rural area that was the Wild West. Enjoy.



Lyrics
Announcer:

Epic Rap Battles of History! Jesse James vs Billy the Kid ! Begin!

Billy the Kid:

Throw up your Colt, old-timer,

And flow with the goat, bold Mustang driver,

That's my Ford doing more Jesse damage than Ford did,

Still think you can pull a poker face against this pimp?

You married your own cousin, but I'll pardon the incest,

Since the easiest way to a man's heart is a bullet in the chest.

This inept idiot couldn't find his Cox under the Sheets,

You wanna flip off on me? Bye bye, birdie. Tweet, tweet.

Jesse James:

Your momma should've taught ya how to speak to grown-ups,

Before this Kid stepped to the big Billy Goat Gruff.

Ride too tight in your saddle and your bush is gonna get whacked, (Ha!)

I'm wrecking more shit in the Civil War than the telegraph!

I ride first class, with the reporters in my pocket,

Publishing my claims, and I can assure there's a Hood to my Robbin'.

Passengers put their hands up when they see the double James Gang,

You think you spit fresh but you couldn't rob a Subway!

It's a blink-and-you-miss moment when I'm flowing and I'm throwing up my gun, (DRAW!)

But you're to slow with your hands and picking at my arm won't help anyone. (NAW!)

You're nothing but a folktale, the outlaw Johnny Appleseed,

Trying to regulate the rap game like the war in Lincoln County.

I'm handsome, and then some, when my cast done, Brad Pitt qualified,

I was well known in life, multiplied when I died, then took the stage in the countryside!

This wannabe big shot should go back to wrangling livestock,

Duel with Jesse James and Billy the Kid just lost, lost, lost.

Billy the Kid:

Ha! You're style's old, better go dust off them knick-knacks,

Stick back to picking on girls while this slick stabs a Drac.

I whistle a tune with a spring in my step as,

I waltz out of town past dropping dead sheriffs.

I'm the King of the West who caps challengers a million and one ways,

Don't need no TV to tell me you're a dead man, Jesse James.

'Cause I spent my life on the butt of the gun, I know just how to end his,

You just lost this battle like Celebrity Apprentice.

Announcer:

Who won? Who's next? You Decide! Epic Rap Battles of History!

Trivia

 * Inspiration for this battle actually came from vacation. I was in Jamaica recently and instead of thinking "I'm gonna make a Bob Marley battle," I saw a kid (baby goat) just braying it's cute little heart out and I suddenly thought of Billy Goat Gruff and kids (baby goats). One thing led to another and suddenly I wanted Billy the Kid in a battle
 * Although Jesse James was my first consideration when choosing Billy's opponent, in this battle's INCEPTION (hint hint) I was trying to come up with someone else against the Kid, with James as a stand-in opponent until I came up with something. Obviously I never found anything except some neat facts about Jesse James
 * One concept was a rewrite of ERBParodies's John Wayne vs Billy the Kid, which I always remember as a battle with writing that wasn't really bad as much as it was just bland, bare bones. To this day I still have not rewritten a battle, whether it be by someone else or by me. (I've chiseled my own battles and made similar battles as others with different concepts, but I have yet to actually "recreate" a battle. I want to though. It's on my rap battle bucket list)
 * Some other opponents considered to battle Billy the Kid include the Three Billy Goats Gruff, Sheriff Woody, and Pancho Villa
 * Coincidence is a beauty. One certain movie referenced in the aforementioned ERBP is Billy the Kid vs Dracula, which was a double feature paired with Frankenstein's Daughter vs (take a "Wild West" guess). I, of course, take a shot at this in the battle ("picking on girls; stabbing Drac")

Poll
Who won? Billy the Kid Jesse James