Christopher Columbus vs Captain Kirk/Rap Meanings

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Christopher Columbus:
Arrivederci, I'mma leave before this battle begins...

(He's outta here....) ...'cause we both know in the end which of these captains gonna win! (...because he thinks it's not worth battling when the outcome is too predictable, as in Columbus winning.) I'll show you how a real explorer handles a situation; (Braggadocio.  Columbus thinks he's better than Kirk in the face of adversity. Hidden meaning: Columbus will show how a REAL explorer handles something, as in from real history. Kirk is a fictional character from a TV show.) I'll beat you so bad, they'll feel it in the next generation, (Claiming that he'll clobber Kirk so hard in this battle, his descendants will feel the pain.  A passing reference to Star Trek: The Next Generation.)

'''So bring it on! I'll whip you like a Klingon!'''

(More bragging.  Columbus thinks he'll subdue Kirk as Kirk subdued many Klingon foes in his time.  The Klingons are a dark-skinned warrior race noted for their prominent brow ridges, fierce fighting ability, and outlandish tales of conquest. Their faith even centers on the art of war.) My rhymes will burrow in your ears like the wrath of Khan! (Reference to Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan.  Khan Noonien Singh was an enhanced human who could mess with your mind by drilling into  your head with his fingers. Columbus' rhyming skills, he says, are just as fierce.) '''I've got a neck chop for Spock! I'll put my sword through Sulu,''' (He'll mess up Kirk's crew...Captain Spock is known for his Vulcan Neck pinch, and Lt. Sulu is very skilled at swordplay.)

Check into a Priceline hotel and watch your fatass on Hulu! (..and suggests Kirk to watch his girth on Hulu. Priceline and Hulu were both famously stumped by William Shatner, who played Kirk for all but a few episodes of TOS. Also a diss on Shatner since he's gained weight in his later career.)

Captain Kirk:
I'm the, enterprising captain, James, Tiberius Kirk, (He's the, captain of, USS Enterprise, James, Tiberius Kirk...)

Representing Riverside Iowa, planet, Earth,

(...born in Riverside, Iowa, planet, Earth.)

I hear you call yourself an explorer but I'm just not having it, you... (Columbus is an explorer, but Kirk is not buying it...) Discovered a new world that was already inhabited! (...cause Christopher's new world already has people in it.) Why don't you boldly go somewhere you've never gone before? (Columbus's voyages usually result in him getting lost. The mission of the USS Enterprise was "to boldly go where no one has gone before.")

Like India, or any destination you've actually set sail for,

(In which he was never able to sail to India, his true destination.) You spaghetti eating fuck, how's your spice-rack doing? (Italians eat spaghetti and have extensive spice racks.  But seriously, Columbus was supposed to be seeking exotic spices from the East Indies according to some history sources--and he FAILED even as he discovered lands in the Caribbean) I'll be chilling in my spaceship, have fun canoeing. (While Columbus will be struggling maintaining his ship from storm and the likes, Kirk will be relaxing in his state-of-the-art spaceship.)

Christopher Columbus:
You know, rapping against you, it's not even fun. (Rapping against Kirk is boring...) It's like somebody's set your brains on stun! (...'cause his style of speech is like someone after he's been shot by a Federation phaser gun set to "stun", which would paralyze the target instead of killing it. IOW: Kirk is a dumbass) I am the fabric of history, you're a fictional stain! (Columbus is historical, paving the road of history, where Kirk is only, say, a fictional roadkill on the highway of history.) I'll stick a flag up your ass, and claim you for Spain!

(Even though Christopher is Italian, he sailed to the Americas to claim the land for Spain.)

Captain Kirk:
Mr. Spock, beam me back to 1492 so I can beat this man like it's my job.

(Kirk is asking Spock to transport him to 1492, the year Columbus discovered America.)

We'll see how Isabella likes my captain's log.

(Isabella was the queen of Spain, who gave Columbus support for his journeys. Kirk also recorded all his details on a Captain's log. In this context, it means his penis.

It's, Kobayashi for you, there's no way you can win,

(The Kobayashi Maru is a training exercise on the Starfleet Academy and it can't be won. Kirk is saying Columbus has no chance of winning. Kirk is also the only one to ever beat the test.)

When your weak crew sees me approaching they'll be like 'dammit it's Jim!'.

(For when Columbus's shipmates see Kirk, they'll run in fear. Dr. McCoy often says "Dammit Jim!" on the show.)

I'll double fist punch you, you slave-making bitch!

(Columbus's voyages usually end in him making slaves of the locals.)

Now get your genocidal ass...

(Columbus murdered a lot of Native Americans in his journeys.)

...off of my bridge!

('Get off of my bridge' is a quote from Star Trek. It basically means you can better run away.)