User blog:AttackEyebrows12/Epic Rap Battles of the Whoniverse 1: The TARDIS vs The DeLorean Time Machine

Ohai there. Welcome to the very first ERBOTW. Today, we have the Doctor's TARDISagainst the DeLorean Time Machine from the Back to The Future trilogy. I know, I know, these are inanimate objects and this is literally a ripoff of Doc Brown vs Doctor Who. But WHO THE FUCK CARES?

...Anyways this matchup was suggested by none other than Jella, and this beautiful cover was made by Andrew, so ye, check those people out, they're pretty kewl. All right then, let's get right into it!

Note: This is my first time writing a battle, so critiques are highly appreciated. Tell me what I did right and wrong, and I'll try to improve!

TARDIS' background: Time Vortex

DeLorean's background: Hill Valley

Beat
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQGkCzHtHxg

Battle
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF THE WHONIVERSE!

THE TARDIS!

VS!

THE DELOREAN TIME MACHINE!

BEGIN!

(Starts at 0:37)
Hey, look over there, it's a wooden piece of who knows what.

When I'm done with this Tard, nothing is what will remain of this smut.

I'm a lyrical machine, disses shocking enough to fry a Dalek,

Because your show is Abominable, worse than that lame Star Trek!

I'm not affected by your banter, your weak electricity only powers me up.

It's theEnd of Time for you, from my disses you're about to blow up.

My insults are red hot, yet I'm cold as my surface when I travel.

I don't need to listen to your raps, I've heard, they're simply awful.

Don't Blink, or you'll miss me going 88 miles per hour.

A blue box can't stop me, that's a fact, are you feeling sour?

I'm a sleek grey time traveller, coming in Fast and Furious,

But compared to this racer, you're a Walker, more than a little anachronous.

(1:15)
So this bastard wants to step to me? I can Handles it.

This OG is about to wreck this rip-off fantastically, so take a seat.

I travel anywhere in time and space, you're confined to Hill Valley.

Your movie's too cheesy, too wibbly, worse than crappy Downton Abbey.

I'm almost twice your age, yet I'm still going strong,

While you got forgotten, a relic of the past, barely lifelong.

You're a machine with no feelings, yet ya must be bonkers to try me.

You had best run back to Marty, or else you I'll bury.

I've got a Fast Return switch for you, don't make me flick it,

Or you might get sucked Back to the Future, you'll be more than sick.

My raps are so ill, even the Doctor can't help!

It seems like it's Midnight for you, a warning: don't yelp.

(1:53)
Was that all you got? Your probability to beat me: Zero in a hundred.

You're not even a living thing, but when I'm done you'll be red as blood.

I'm the brainchild of a fall, mind you, I'm not a copy.

Even Mr Fusion can't even turn your crappy rhymes into energy!

You're pretty out of date, you can't arrive where you're supposed to.

As to why you're so bonkers, even your owner doesn't have a clue!

I'm the most sophisticated, you're just a silly little capsule.

You're just a bitchy clingy girl, and certainly not beautiful.

(2:18)
That verse wasn't exactly on par, just like your sequels.

Your ego plus a shitty capacitor and reactor, answer equals?

You're ass is wider than the Time Vortex, no wonder beating you is clockwork.

I'm more terrifying than the Autons, and absolutely with no quirks.

Try to prevent my victory, get stopped by the Blinovitch Limitation Effect.

Trapping you like a Master, against The Doctor's Wife you can't protect.

I've knocked four times, you're about to explode by Nitro-9, remember Ace?

The time for your burial has come, and I'm your final resting place.

Poll
Who won? TARDIS DeLorean