Frederick Douglass vs Thomas Jefferson



Frederick Douglass vs Thomas Jefferson is the sixty-first installment of Epic Rap Battles of History and the third episode of Season 5. It features American Founding Father, writer of the Declaration of Indepedence, and third President of the United States, Thomas Jefferson, rapping against former slave, author, and politician, Frederick Douglass. It was released on May 30th, 2016.

Cast
Nice Peter as Thomas Jefferson and Hulk Hogan (reused footage, cameo)

J. B. Smoove as Frederick Douglass

EpicLLOYD as Ben Franklin, Elvis Presley, Clint Eastwood, Thomas Edison, and Babe Ruth (all reused footage, cameos)

Alphacat as Barack Obama (reused footage, cameo)

Kimmy Gatewood as Marilyn Monroe (reused footage, cameo)

Thomas Jefferson
When in the course of human events

It becomes necessary for a battle to commence,

Then kplow! I hit 'em with the illness of my quill!

I'm endowed with certain unalienable skills!

Let me run down my resume, will ya?

Set up a little place called the United States; sound familiar?

I told King George he could eat a fat dick!

When it comes to declarations, I'm the first draft pick!

I'll topple any tyrant, so kings and pirates beware!

I'm so down with revolutions, I invented the swivel chair!

(Oh!) I've many volumes on my shelves, it's true,

But I've yet to read the three books you wrote about YOU!

Looking like a skunk in a three-piece suit,

Didn't come back from Paris to battle Pepé Le Pew!

First Secretary of State, VP number two!

Not to mention third President; the fuck'd you do?

Frederick Douglass
You finished? …Okay.

Straight outta bondage! A brainy mother fucker here to diss you!

Big hair, big nuts, big issues!

Starting with your nickel: there's a real declaration!

Heads for racist, tails for a slave plantation!

You're a soft white Monticello Marshmallow!

Watching my people sweat while you sat playing cello! Hello!

But now you're facing me, Freddy D!

I'd never work for your ass, but I'll kick it for free!

Your stone face on Rushmore ain't nothing!

Check my photos: now, that's real muggin'!

The face of a free man, taught himself to read, man!

No compromise; you couldn't whip a 5th of me, man!

You got a self-evident truth of your own:

You let freedom ring, but never picked up the phone!

Thomas Jefferson:
Aw, Frederick, I never heard a verse I dug less.

Alright, I admit it, I confess!

I participated in a broken system that I hated,

But I needed to keep my financial status situated!

And the words I used were "hideous blot"

To describe the slave trade and the pain it hath brought!

And I fought to stop the trade of new slaves in Virginia

when I ran the whole state and still made it home for dinner!

So forgive me, I was busy, man. I had a lot to do,

But we did it. You're free now, so…we cool?

Frederick Douglass:
This ain't Louisiana, man. I ain't buying it!

You talk about freedom, but you ain't applying shit!

So no, we ain't cool, you founding absentee father!

You had six babies with your slave mama and never even bothered

To free her when you died on the 4th of July!

It's a very important holiday, but what the fuck does it mean to this guy?

'Cause I celebrate December 6th, 1865:

The day the 13th damn amendment was ratified!

And I ceased to be an alien to your unalienable rights

And we the people stopped meaning we the people who are white!

Man, you did some good things; I ain't denying your fame.

I'm just saying they need to put an asterisk next to your name.

General

 * This is the fifth battle where one rapper attempts to make amends with the other, after Nice Peter vs EpicLLOYD, Adam vs Eve, Gandhi vs Martin Luther King Jr. and Jim Henson vs Stan Lee.
 * This is the second time it was unsuccessful.
 * A shot of Ivan the Terrible standing behind Zach Sherwin can be briefly seen in the "Behind the Scenes" window at the end of the battle.
 * This is the first battle since Oprah vs Ellen not to have more than one Behind the Scenes video.
 * This is the second battle of Season 5 to feature two title rappers that are authors, after J. R. R. Tolkein vs George R. R. Martin.

Errors

 * When Frederick Douglass flipped the nickel, it can be seen spinning in the air horizontally, and it's clearly seen that Jefferson's face and Monticello are both oriented similarly, yet when it lands in Douglass's hand, he flips it once more, vertically, and Monticello is oriented the same way as before. A vertical flip would've oriented it upside-down in these conditions.
 * During the line, "Now that's real muggin'," the subtitles instead read, "Now that real muggin'."
 * Throughout the battle, the lights emitted from Frederick Douglass's house can be seen leaking through the hill in front of them.