J. R. R. Tolkien

"I got the prose of a pro!"

- J. R. R. Tolkien

J. R. R. Tolkien will battle George R. R. Martin in J. R. R. Tolkien vs George R. R. Martin. He will be portrayed by Nice Peter.

Information on the rapper
John Ronald Reuel Tolkien, better known simply as J. R. R. Tolkien, was born on January 3rd, 1892, in Bloemfontein, South Africa. He was the author of several books taking place in the world of Middle-earth, most famously in the Lord of the Rings trilogy. His works are widely regarded as some of the most well known amongst the fantasy genre. He died at the age of 81 on September 2nd, 1973, in Bournemouth, United Kingdom.

Verse 1:
Kings, queens, dragons, dwarves,

Horses, fortresses, magic, and swords!

You Hob-bit my whole shit, you uninspired hack!

You want a war, George? Welcome to Shire-raq!

In book sales, you've got nothing to say!

I'm number one and two! You're under Fifty Shades of Grey!

I got the prose of a pro! Your shit's subpar!

You're a pirate! You even stole my "R. R."!

(Oh!) We all know the world is full of chance and anarchy!

So, yes, that's true to life for characters to die randomly,

But newsflash: the genre's called fantasy!

It's meant to be unrealistic, you myopic manatee!

Verse 2:
I cut my teeth in the trenches of the ???

You lugged your Santa Claus-ass through Vietnam!

Man, it's hard for me to take criticism on clothes

From a dude who sends a raven to say hi to his folks!

Verse 3:
C. S. Lewis and I were just discussing

How you and Jon Snow…both know nothing!

Because the backstory of my box office is billions!

Got my children making millions off my Silmarillions!

And I'm more rock 'n' roll than you ever been!

Don't believe me? Ask Led Zeppelin here!

You can't reach this fellow! Shit, I'm Two Tower-ing,

And every time I battle, it's Return of the King!

Trivia

 * Tolkien is the third rapper whose work is portrayed in another ERB, after William Shakespeare and Stanley Kubrick.
 * He is the second rapper to have their work appear before them, after Kubrick.
 * He is the fourth rapper whose head is not turned towards the camera in their respective cover art, after Alfred Hitchcock, the Terminator, and RoboCop.