User blog:Fametown/Unofficial ERBs Lyrics

Yeah, I decided to write out the lyrics to all the unofficial battles ERB did on tour.

James Bond vs Austin Powers
EpicLLOYD as Austin Powers

Nice Peter as James Bond (Sean Connery)

James Bond:
So let me start with you, you English buck-toothed piece of shit!

You should be like Mike Myers and take your career and quit,

'Cause your movies are loyal and they stink at the box office.

I've been a set symbol since they invented the box office!

Austin Powers:
What's wrong, baby? You want to try and push me?

You stink! You got eight vaginas like an octo-pussy!

It's just so sad 'cause you're bound to get beat.

I'll smack you so hard, you'll be as crooked as my teeth.

Plus the fact is your toupee is smelly,

So fuck you Connery and get in my belly!

Salvador Dali vs Kurt Cobain
EpicLLOYD as Kurt Kobain

Nice Peter as Salvador Dali

Salvador Dali:
Your rhymes are going to be like my mustache: thin!

You'll probably kill yourself before this battle even begins,

'Cause I'm not afraid to say shit that hits hard!

Lalalalalalalalala, Captain Picard!

Kurt Kobain:
Man, nobody here even listens when you say stuff!

You're just a skinny, fucking whack motherfucker with a paintbrush!

I've been a legend since I was twenty-two years old,

Invented grunge rock and Dave Grohl!

So let me put these lyrics into your spirit till you'll hear it.

You can suck yourself because you smell like my teen spirit!

Salvador Dali:
This is going to be a little tough,

But perhaps I shall take the gloves off and get a little rough!

I think I was an impressionist, so let me do an impression of you!

gibberish - gunshot to the head

Kurt Kobain:
That's right, motherfucker, suicide gave me fame,

And all these motherfuckers still know my name!

So either stay on the ground, take a tickle on my cock,

Or go fuck yourself with some droopy-faced clocks!

Drake vs Bob Marley
I could not find any videos of this performance.

James Bond vs Jason Bourne
I could not find any videos of this performance.

Nicola Sturgeon vs Elizabeth II
EpicLLOYD as Elizabeth II

Nice Peter as Nicola Sturgeon

Elizabeth II:
Well, what you didn't know is that I'm simply the best,

A woman who stands for equal rights and hits you with lefts!

I'm the best, yeah, the only Nikola I like is Tesla!

So step off Sturgeon 'cause you're gonna get fucked like a virgin!

Nicola Sturgeon:
That verse left me numb like I was getting worked on by a surgeon.

Every single one of your lyrics was fishy, I thought I was the sturgeon!

You're the second Queen Elizabeth, when it comes to ministers I'm the first.

I'll punch you in your old titties and make those wrinkly milk bags burst!

So sit back on your throne, you stinky old hag,

'Cause you disgust me more than David Cameron's sweaty ball-bag!

John Cena vs Rick Astley
EpicLLOYD as John Cena

Nice Peter as Rick Astley

Rick Astley:
Alright John Cena, let me do this first actually,

'Cause I never give up, I'm Rick Astley.

I sound like Elvis but I'm skinny like a twig.

My body is tiny, but my voice is big.

So why don't you go on with your funky, old raps?

They are like steroids, and you probably do them too.

John Cena:
You! I got mad flows, you got a weird nose!

That "Never Gonna Give You Up" song is the only thing anyone knows!

You shrink when you rap, my muscles grow,

So I'm 'bout to smash your style and throw you off the top rope!

Rick Astley:
(Wow.)

You need to keep those wheels spinning 'cause your raps are getting old.

Everything I do is fresh, you're gonna get Rick Rolled!

Betty White vs Jar Jar Binks
EpicLLOYD as Jar Jar Binks

Nice Peter as Betty White

Betty White:
Yo! It's me, Betty White, 'bout to rock your world!

You're gonna get your dick stomped by a Golden Girl!

You should've stayed out of the Star Wars story,

'Cause every fucking word you say is stupid and boring!

Yo! You were the thing that doomed Star Wars' return's fate!

You're the most embarrassing thing since George Lucas gained weight!

So why don't you go back to your computer animation, bitch?

'Cause it's getting Hot in Cleveland tonight, bitch!

Jar Jar Binks:
It's-a me, Jar Jar Binks! Your star is about to hit crashes.

I rap so warm, you get hot flashes!

Jar Jar Binks, I have so much power,

Piss on your style like a Golden Girl shower!

You can't ever beat me.

Fuck you, Betty! Should've sent in Bea!

Betty White:
That shows about how much you know.

If Darth Vader was Mickey Mouse, your bitch ass is Pluto!

So why don't you take your silly ass Jamaican, racial stereotype ass back out of the hoot!

Your voice is more annoying than an epileptic playing the flute!

And I guarantee you we won't be seeing your dumb ass in the reboot!

Jar Jar Binks:
I'm the rap Frank Sinatra, your rhymes are poo-poo ca-ca.

I'll be like roars like my name was Chewbacca.

So take your dusty raps and don't come back,

And keep your spider cobwebs in your ancient snatch!

Leonardo DiCaprio vs Eminem
EpicLLOYD as Eminem

Nice Peter vs Leonardo DiCaprio

Leonardo DiCaprio:
Eminem, you're crazy and your behavior's all manic.

I'm gonna sink your ass faster than I sank on the Titanic!

I'm Leonardo DiCaprio but you can call me Leo.

You're a second-rate guest star! I'm Mr. Huxtable, you're Theo!

I've been starring in movies since I was like eleven years old.

You're kind of a homophobic asshole, or at least that's what I'm told.

So I know you're a rapper, so bring on your shit.

I hope after this you'll finally quit.

Eminem:
Man, this playboy gonna get destroyed,

'Cause all you are is a boy toy, I'm an emcee from Detroit!

I wouldn't let you on the stage with me if you paid me!

Go back to Titanic, I'm The Real Slim Shady!

Motherfucker, I will wreck your whole world,

Rip you naked till you lie on the couch naked like one of your French girls.

'Cause you and me on the mic, it just ain't the same, kid.

Just ask all these people and they know what my name is!

Leonardo DiCaprio:
That was pretty good. That was pretty good, you're learning. I see you're going through your growing pains,

But I still say half your lyrics make you sound Insane.

I'm Leonardo DiCaprio, there's no way I could be beat.

You're a well sheep, I'm the Wolf of Wall Street!

And by well sheep, I mean you're getting fucked tonight!

A'ight?

Eminem:
Leonardo DiCaprio, I'm gonna cap you, bro.

I'm the first cat who gave white kids the dream to be a rapper, bro!

Shit, I'll fuck you, your family, and your mom,

So when you go back you can say "I got wrecked by this white platinum blonde!"

And remember, I spread my seed so be sure to wear a condom...

Leonardo DiCaprio:
What's the matter? Did you get stuck in a little bit of a bitch?

You're 50 Cent's pussy and Dr. Dre's bitch!