User blog:Awesomesix/Awesome Rap Battles Season Four: Jesus vs Buddha

I made a new battle, involving Jesus and Buddha. #Edgy

Beat: https://youtu.be/2CoHkpCYvOk

shitty upload times FTW

Battle
 *The scene shows before the battle, with Jesus walking up to Buddha holding a Starbucks coffee and an empty jug of bleach, as Buddha nods into the distance, smiling to himself, with an oriental garden behind him.* 

Jesus:

Hey, Buddha, how’re you, my friend?

Buddha:

I’m doing fine, Jesus, how’re you?

Jesus:

I was thinking, we should, I dunno, have a rap battle.

Buddha:

A rap battle, huh? What is this?

Jesus:

Well, we insult each other in raps. Of course, it doesn’t have to show how we really feel, it's a harmless one. We’ll still be cool afterwards.

Buddha:

Nice. Sounds fun.

Jesus:

You wanna go first?

Buddha:

Eh, why not?

AWESOME RAP BATTLES!

JESUS!

VERSUS!

BUDDHA!

BEGIN!

Buddha:

I oppose the holy man of the Bible, from the lands of sand,

Who inside him contains an ego bigger than his dad’s hand.

Your followers have screwed you over one too many times,

That I’m surprised there hasn’t been the next coming of Christ!

I’ve got respect for you, however, no holds shall be barred.

Cross me here, I’ll nail this, like a whip, my lyrics hit hard!

Compared to this undead hobo, I’d rather go face the Dude!

For like your Westboro followers, your words are most crude!

Try and feed me your beliefs, I’ll upset the church like Martin Luther,

I am the Rap God! You think you’re the OG, but you’re just the junior!

I may be celibate, but I’d gladly touchdown on your mother.

Prepare to eat your words, for this is your Last Supper.

Jesus:

Thanks for complimenting my mother. She’ll appreciate the line.

And I will gladly drink my words, when I turneth them to wine!

And I’m really enjoying your beat, it’s put me in such a trance,

That I forgot I’m against a man whose religion pioneered yoga pants!

Jesus’s flow is the sweetest, from the mind to mouth, it eases,

This battle’s walking on calm waters, it will be a breeze, yes!

Now, here, in this fight, I shall show Buddha the true light,

I help feed the poor and shelter homeless; you reek of curry and rice!

Like you were hidden from society, you’ve been forgotten by the times,

While I’m the meaning of religion, to culture, you’re “oh, that statue guy.”

It’ll take more than forty days to recover from my holy line of fire,

Cause I’m entering your mind like the elephant into your mom’s vagina!

Buddha:

Hey, don’t disrespect my dad. He was a gentleman, who sought protection.

You’re used to seek excuses to exclude those who aren’t straight in preference!

You may walk on water, but when I walk, the whole world starts to bloom,

So go misstep by Moses, fool, while I make Earth beautiful and free of doom!

We both speak of harmony and wisdom, but we have not done it the same,

For I have disrespected Christianity without using your father’s name in vain!

Jesus:

Oh, you have? Then please go back and explain your second line, first verse.

It’s clear 30 years has done more than just blind you of the world’s curse!

You have been cool tempered and optimistic; but your knowledge you’ve forgotten,

I have a suggestion; go home, revise a bit, why not just meditate upon it?

My birthday is celebrated and honored; I am a gift to all of mankind,

You’re more blasphemous to all than the very town in which you lied!

'' *The two hear a noise behind Jesus, and turn to see what it is... it turns out to be a portal, with someone exiting... beat changes to instrumental of https://youtu.be/lR2GFrLdAkc, which I cannot find. * ''

Satan:

Enim si elttab siht, srekcuf pu netsil woN!

Eniws yhtlif uoy, em hcuot neve nac uoy fo enoN!

Tenacious D:

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

Satan:

Have at me, you shits! I will ravage this bitch!

I’m savage and rabid in habit, in this Sabbath of spit!

Possessed by the will, to castrate these cunts!

Better battle here for real, no stupid passionate love!

This battle’s more depressing than the repainting of Christ!

Call me mentally unstable, cause I’ll shoot up this mic!

Lucifer lustfully spreads wrath upon the greediest of emcees,

Who sloth in gluttonous pride, and will soon come to envy

The power of the maniacal, vile, one to rule them all!

While you’re busy loving thy neighbor, soon you’ll covet my balls!

Cause bitch, I’m the anti-Christ! Any spawn of me gets your ass clenched tight!

Make you hang like Christmas decorations when I finish this fight!

So try and take me down with compliments and subpar verses,

You’ve tried that with the Bible, now do it with your persons!

 Jesus  &  Buddha :

How edgy of you, Lucifer. '' Do you take pleasure in your offense? ''

You need to take it down a level. '' In Hell, demon! Now repent! ''

We’ve no fear of a man like you,  you’re more vile than Leviathan, 

Your raps were a Behemoth failure. '' Can’t handle our fire, man? ''

'' Let’s put it out with the most holiest of spit.  ''' The power of Christ compels! '

'' Run out of material on Buddha?  ''' With your pride in ignorance, serves you well. '

This battle was a sacrifice in vain,'' in your part, we must not lie. ''

 For we can tell you are now tired,  As you’ve just been exorcised!

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

TUNE IN TO FIND OUT!

AWESOME-

 *Angelic choir plays.* 

RAP BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTLES ow my voice hurts!

 Who Won? Jesus Buddha Satan 