User blog:Captain Coder/Coding Literal Reviews 4 ~ Dead Bart VS Squidward's Suicide

Justin Buckner requested this earlier, and since I wanted to do 3 reviews for Christmas, and officially bury the hatchet with him, this would be one of them.

Dead Bart:
You're dead Squid, like your music career!

Considering his name is Squidward's Suicide (which I don't understand, his name is still Squidward Tentacles. I mean, if someone dies, you don't call them "Kurt Cobain's Suicide" or "Dead Brian".) I think he know's he's dead. Not to mention how his music career can't have died if it never took off.

I guess you can't hear you suck cause you don't have ears,

But I take it you're going to continue to rap to yourself anyways. That's like if I went down to the hospital and started flipping off blind people, you just make yourself look stupid as fuck.

You got a watermelon brain and a dick for a nose,

Not anymore, when they're blown all over the bed.

I'm gonna stomp you flat, like your music notes!

You know you can't have a STOC battle without someone stomping someone else.

I bet the only reason they found you on the bed,

Yes.....

Is that you never had a bitch to blow your clarinet!

Wait, why would some "bitch" that never blew his clarinet be a reason that they found him on a bed? It may be why he killed himself (not really) but has nothing to do with people finding him.

You can't come back because you're already dead!

What the fuck are YOU doing here then, DEAD Bart? Hypocrite.

And in the end, I'll leave your Easter Island Head beheaded!

So you're going to decapitae Squidward's already decapitated statue house? Really? That's your closing threat?

Squidward's Suicide:
I would practice for my concert than challenge a brat to a brawl

Then why arn't you doing just that? And considering that you are the "Suicide" version, clearly this concert is the thing you would despise the most. You just MET Bart, and you hate him THAT much?

I can break a window from a plane so you can fall

Man, that's a lot of trouble just to make Bart fall again. You'd have to get his body, put it BACK on a plane, send the plane off, climb onto said plane, break the window, and watch him fall down. And you're dead too, soooo, good luck!

Nobody cares if you're dead with your bloody corpse,

Wow, that's harsh. You're saying that nobody would care if you're dead just because your corpse would be fucked up? What, are you the body judge?

With the streatching and blurring, it looks deformed!

So, I take it you're giving his body a solid 2/10, just because of poor video quality.

I commited suicide because I can't take your shit

Wow, you are one sad fucking loser. You shot yourself because of Bart's shitty rap that he made after you died and couldn't take it.

And Homer made a joke because he doesn't care about you, bitch!

And the WHOLE CITY of Bikini Bottom disgraced you at the stage, bitch.

The drawing hyper realistic looks fucking lame

Oh, so now we're resorting to insulting each others drawing styles, okay.

Why do you even have to mess around on a fucking plane?

Well, considering a Fucking Plane would have a LOT of "messing around"..... But in all seriousness, what are you, his mother?

Dead Bart:
The way you play your clarinet, it sounds like people dying.

Well, dying people don't really make a lot of noise. SCREAMING dying people might though. So, you mean silence, which would be nice about now.

And the crowd from the concert had red realistic eyes!

And, your point?

You can't rap at me, cause you make no sound,

This seems to check out with your first statement, but Squidward obviously just rapped a whole verse, so he DID rap at you.

But you can show five frames of dead kids found!

And... your POINT?

I would tell you to kill yourself, but you beat me to it!

Well, it doesn't matter because you still just wasted a whole line on telling him what you WOULD have told him. Moron.

Your chance of winning ain't your clarinet, but you still blew it!

You just rhymed It with It.

Don't you dare stare at me for fucking three seconds,

What are you, a kindergardener? Gonna tell on him for staring at you? Grow up.

And I might have died from a fall, but your shot was more wrecking!

What the hell do you mean by "more wrecking?" A plane-level fall would be MUCH worse in damage wise than a shotgun.

Squidward's Suicide:
Your "mystery" was found because of fucking stalking,

Good for him.

And a black screen with a download link I won't be installing

I'm sure that REALLY bothers him that Squidward won't be installing his episode.

When you died, your homes were fucking debandoned,

Huh? Debandoned? That isn't even a word, what are you trying to say?

And you're laying in your casket when your corpse was stranded,

You mean buried? Yes Squid, that's what happens in a funeral, you are buried and your body is "standed".

Your family was staring at you like "Thank God!"

At least he has a family......

And the tombs in the area had the deaths written on

...... that's what a tombstone IS Squidward. This is just obvious shit you say when you've run out of material.

The credits were silent, handwritten bullshit

YOUR POINT?!

And the dead dates were the same as the episode said it

...That's REALLY what you're ending with? One last little obvious statement that insults Bart in NO WAY whatsoever?

Sonic.exe:
'''Ready for round two? Let's go'''

Here we go......

I'll show you two shitpastas that you're just my hoes.

Necrophillia, ladies and gentlemen.

Dicknose, you're not scary, suicide's not exciting!

How undermining of you.

Just play my game if you want to see frightening!

Is this battle just going to be one big advertisment for your hacked game?

Bart, you're a disappointment, dying without style

So Squidward is the Body Judge and you are the Death Judge.

Motherfucker, I'll leave your wrecked ass like Kyle!

... as I said earlier, Necrophilliac.

You two are comedies, your freak factor is flawed,

So they're NOT freaks? I don't know what a "Freak Factor" is.

'''Do I have to repeat? I AM GOD!'''

Well, you never gave anyone a chance to answer you, so you must have needed to.

Tails Doll:
You'll feel trapped and dead when you enter your bed

Squidward and Bart already feel dead

I'll be kicking your head and the blood will be spread

The threats aren't getting any better, are they?

I'm the Tails doll, and Sonic.exe you will be damned

I think he already is damned. Not to mention you're his sidekick.

You've unlocked me friend, and I'm coming back again

How did he unlock you? Did his Necrophillia powers bring you forth?

Squidward's Suicide, please kill yourself real quick

I think he beat you to it.

And Dead Bart, I hope you get pierced on a stick

That's a really specific threat to Bart.

I'll be pushing these faggots with my plushy penetration

(ohgod) I can only wonder what THAT means.

I hope I just made clear, this is your final destination

Where is this?

I'm as cursed as can be, I'm a haunted lord

A haunted lord? So YOU'RE the one being haunted and cursed? Doesn't make you the threat so much as the victim.

I'll snap your neck or I'll slice you with a sword

VERY specific.

Knuckles and Sonic R dead by now

Sonic is in front of you, and I don't see why people care about Knuckles.

What you can do to make me calm is fucking bow

It's the return of the ego guys again, isn't it?

Two stupid cartoons with a little change,

You sort of need to start that sentence with something other than that if you want to get your point across

Like hollow eyelids of bites out of his face.

You mean hollow eye SOCKETS? Hollow eyelids would be very unoticable.

'''And one stupid hedgehog from a not scary game? HA!'''

You sort of lose your touch when every insult is calling someone stupid. And Sonic R wasen't really a SCARY game either.

I'll kill you like I killed those kids, Gill and Noah!

Since when did you know their names?

Happy Appy:
'''Time to watch some TV. What would you like to watch?'''

Well, actually, I would LOVE me some..

A dubbed over Blue's Clues, or a show that got banned when it got launched?

........ um, those are not my choices, phallus face >:(

I will take you to my van and get this episode un-released,

....huh?

Allow me to finish off this battle leaving you tortured and deceased!

Where have I heard that phrase before?

Let me make kids entertained with my deadly smile

I REALLY don't think that entertains them o_0

My episodes were found, now you're all missing files!

Dude, you are legit making NO SENSE what so ever.

I'm the king of the killing, all of you will be dead

That's like saying "I'm the king of comedy, all of you will laugh" You don't say?

But don't be scared of death's cycle, that's natural, children!

That depends on the cause. Murder isn't natural, whatever way you spin it

Pinkamena:
This is your time to pay, this is your Judgement Day

Since when did you become some sort of judge of character and what people deserve?

I have a knife that's sharp, are you ready to play?

Well, that escalated quickly.

Squidward, you're a loner, you can't make a smile

Why do you give a fuck?

Dead Bart, you can eat my shorts cause yours are vile

...... what the hell does... I don't even, what?

Sonic.exe, you are too slow,

For what?

Tails Doll you are my dolly, time to add a little bow,


 * facepalm

Happy Appy you don't look happy, no need to cry

He wasen't crying, and how does he NOT look happy?

It's time to makes some Cupcakes so you better get ready to die!

At least she's as straitforward as she can get >_>

BRVR:
'''You think you're scary shit? You're taking a step to far'''

You're really going to get offended over that cancerious verse?

For you can't grasp the true form of me, BRVR

Why not? Can't be that difficult to grab you

I'll tear your precious souls and simulate the same Hell

Tear them out orrrr, what?

That I went through, yet I'm not crying like your pussy selves

Yes, but the butthurt over this hell sure is just teeming out of you like an aura.

My master's deep inside my heart, no matter what

Pacemakers are probably a better deal, just saying

It makes me write my darkest thoughts, crafted by all of your blood!

Which one are you talking to? That sentence wasn't plural, so you were talking to ONE person.

I'm going to leave and hope for good rappers among us

Aww, that's nice

Even if it means I'm staying here alone in the darkness!

K.......? *awkwardly waves*

UBOA:
Time to turn out the lights so you can't see me killing you

Well, that's no fun. What is the point in that? Besides, BRVR would probably prefer you turn out the lights with his darkness fetish

'''Oh you all wanted to win? Well BOO FUCKING HOO!'''

U mad?

Welcome to Hell, would you like to have a bike?

I'm not falling for another fake question to get interuppted agai-

'''Nah, who cares? You won't even dare to like it'''

Dare to like it? Why would you even offer the fucking bike then? Bitch ;_;

Get ready to be trapped, I'm Poniko's true form

Who?

This is my revenge, so go and flash it some more.

Huh?

I'm in many other games like Me, and .flow, ah...

What was that random exhale at the end? And do you mean the game called UBOA or an ACTUAL game named Me?

Guess who the winner is, the answer is UBOA!

I hate this channel......

The Villager:

 * Sees the voice actor

Oh no.....

'''Hello neighbor, how are you? I'm really fine!'''


 * looks left and right

Who in the name of fuck are you talking to?

I got a letter saying it's time for you to die!

0_0 well THAT escalated quickly

I need to get my axe, but it needs to be cleaned

ummm, okay?

From all the villagers that I have ever meet

The atrocious grammar *shudders*. Wait, I thought YOU were the Villager?

I'm the Animal Crosser, you all are just rip offs

How the hell are they rip offs of you? They have absolutly NOTHING to do with you. Hell, you arn't even a fucking creepypasta.

I will bury you all, if you will just stop

ONLY TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS! *ahem* Stop what? You need to elaborate on wtf you are trying to say.

I'm the best selling Nintendo game and your winner for now

HAHAHAHAHA no.

You all better back away because the Villager came to town!

-_- zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Suicidemouse.avi:
Hello everybody, it's me, Micky Mouse

Hey.....

And no one will top me, get out of my clubhouse!


 * looks around

Oh, so that's where we are.

Squidward's Suicide, go back to your concert

Why in everything common sense would he want to?

Dead Bart, you know breaking plane windows are hazards!

Oh rly?

S.EXE and Tails Doll are gay mates

I seriously doubt that. Or at least I hope. A Necrophilliac and a VERY specific murderer should NOT mix.

'''Apple and a horse? Surrender for god's sake!'''

You know your rushed for time when your last lines just include this jumble of names to include everyone in your disses. I see nothing personal there, just telling them to surrender.

'''BRVR and UBOA? What a fucking joke!'''

Teehee?

Suicide.avi the creeypasta of the most!

? I'm sorry, what? That sentence had such little grammtical structure, I blanked out for a second.

Outro
Well, that was fun. Stay tuned on Christmas Day for two more Literal Reviews.