Socrates

"The mad gadfly, philosophy was my invention!"

- Socrates

Socrates first made a cameo appearance in Lewis and Clark vs Bill and Ted. He later returned as a rapper, battling the Eastern Philosophers as a part of the Western Philosophers alongside Nietzsche and Voltaire in Eastern Philosophers vs Western Philosophers. He was portrayed by EpicLLOYD on both occasions.

Information on the rapper
Socrates, written as Σοκρατης Sokratēs in Greek, was born circa 470/469 BC. He was a classical Greek philosopher credited as one of the founders of Western philosophy. He is an enigmatic figure known chiefly through the accounts of classical writers, of his students Plato and Xenophon and the plays of his contemporary Aristophanes. Plato's dialogues are among the most comprehensive accounts of Socrates to survive from antiquity, though it is unclear the degree to which Socrates himself is hidden behind his 'best disciple', Plato. Through his portrayal in Plato's dialogues, Socrates has become renowned for his contribution to the field of ethics.

In the movie Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, Socrates is one of the historical figures that Bill & Ted recruit to help them pass their history class, so they don't fail and have to send Ted to military school. He was portrayed by the late Tony Steedman.

Lewis and Clark vs Bill and Ted
Socrates farts and fans the air, walking behind Ted during the line, "I've heard better insults drop from Socrates' anus." Ted also pronounces his name as /SO-crates/ instead of /SAH-kruh-teez/, referencing the way he does so in the movie.

Lyrics
[Note: ''Socrates' lyrics are in vanilla, while Nietzsche and Voltaire are in regular text. Lines which all rappers say are italicized.'']

Verse 1:
I'm coming off the Acropolis to start some pandemonium.

Don't bring limp raps to a pimp slap symposium!

The mad gadfly, philosophy was my invention!

Rolling with the flyest nihilist, and me, their French henchman!

We've got the wisdom and the wit that even I couldn't question!

Dropping Western medicine on these East infections!

It's evident you've never been our type of mental brethren!

We're better thinkers, better  speakers, better lovers, better men!

Verse 2:
Oh, I'll give you something you can bow and kowtow to

When I squat down and squeeze out a Tao of Pooh on Lao Tzu!

You need to take control of the life you're given!

They call me Übermensch 'cause I'm so driven!

And I'm a freethinker, so confronting conformists like you? It's my job!

Got a sharp wit like a spit that'll skewer you like a Confu-shish kebab!

(Oh!) You flubbed the mission. I'm beating your submissive ass into submission!

Dishing out more disses than letters and pamphlets and plays I've been publishing!

Now that we've covered the two Yin and Yang twins, I can move on to Jackie Chan!

Sun Tzu, I'll be picking apart your Wu with my method, man!

The seminal general isn't so tough on the mic; all your men must be like, "Yo, what happened?"

You're pitiful lyrically. Lucky for history, you didn't author The Art of Rapping!

Verse 3:
I wouldn't exactly call myself a student of this plebe.

Don't make Nietzsche come over and put a knee up in your chi,

'Cause I'm N-I-E-T-Z-S-C-H-E,

And I'll end any mother fucker like my name in a spelling bee!

Plebe? Bitch, I'm toxic like a hemlock sip!

Hang a sandal on the door 'cause you can suck Soc's dick!

Sacré bleu, Socrates! You're making things a little tense!

Come, let's blind these Chinese heinies with some shiny bright enlightenment!

I'll not be taught camaraderie from a frog who rigged the lottery!

You make a mockery of ethics, so keep your fat nose in your coffee!

Let me be frank: don't start beef with the Frank,

Who hangs with B. Franks, giving ladies beef franks!

Trivia

 * He is the second character to first appear as a cameo before later returning as a rapper, with the first being George Washington.
 * He is the first, however, to be portrayed by the same actor (EpicLLOYD) on both occasions.
 * He is also the first character to first appear as a cameo, then as a rapper in the same season.
 * He is the eleventh rapper to appear after being mentioned in a previous battle.
 * In August 2014, Nice Peter said on chat that "Confucius vs Socrates was going to happen, but there wasn't that much material to work with".
 * Socrates was quoted at the end of Nice Peter vs EpicLLOYD as saying, "probably the best shit on youtube right now."