User blog:Bobdave/Bob and Loyg's Too Swaggy To Handle Rap Battles of Too Swaggy to Handlery. Walter Elias Disney vs James Maury Henson


 * sexual panting*

Announcer
BOB AND LOYG'S TOO SWA- *gack!*

Ow, my throat

Walt Disney:
They call me Walt Disney

I'll shit down your chimney

The number of bitches I got: Fifty

Fuck off, I need whiskey

But what's more important

Is that I bone your tits

So fuck my fifty bitches

I don't give them any riches

I'll impregnate you by ejaculating inside your vaginal cavity!

I can tell you've got a semen depravity!

What a calamity!

Your bum I'm going to slammity!

Jim Henson
Please hold back your erections, for I am Henson

I send cum into your end, son and then some!

Bring me your grandma, let me examine her

Damn! I want to cram, insert my spam in her

Walt Disney's Nan
Dang, it hurts!

Jim Henson
Your nana splurts, I'm a fan of eating jam!

So grab my Peter, man cuz I'm fly like Peter Pan!

Walt Disney
I'll put my sperm in Kermit, this biggy in Miss Piggy

You know what they say about guys with big feet: Mickey!

Mickey Mouse
Hey, everybody! It's me, Mickey Mouse!

I like to give hot dickings to my spouse!

Oh, I almost forgot to introduce her, she's Minnie!

But there's one thing that's not: My thingy!

Jim Henson
You wanna bring in your characters? Fuck you! I'm a lone gun

So here's Throbert Downey Jr., prepare for my bone, yum!

Kermit the Frog
Umm, I heard a battle, and you're all wack-ass niggas

Miss Piggy
Kermit, you can't say that!

Kermit the Frog
Shut up Miss Pig, ugh!

Your dick is indeed Minnie, and it's also very goofy!

Plus, you can bet it's Donald! Does that make sense? No? Poopy!

Mickey Mouse
You're not invited to my clubhouse! Your lyrics are all phooey!

Don't insult Donald or Goofy! I like to give them my gooey!

Walt Disney
Look up here, I'm the roof now, I did say

That I'd shit down your chimney! Nnnnnnggggg, bombs away!

Jim Henson
Prepare the trampoline, Stan Lee! This will be handy

That shit's coming back up the chimney. Dandy!

Stan Lee
Indeed, yes and quite. I'll pelt the whore!

You smell of stool... excelsior!

Walt Disney
No matter, I'll just buy another company quickly!

Poop Shields Incorporated, that will do!

I'll come out of this not very stinky!

You think you could beat me using my own poo?

Jim Henson
I did, in fact. It was a mistake I didn't forsee

Wait, over there! What the fuck? Porky?!

Harry, Albert, Sam and Jack aka The Warner Brothers:
We're not willing to be in this battle, sorry pricks

Just get back to your rhyming, we'll take care of this pig

*Sam gets out a shotgun*

Mickey Mouse
Warners? Get back in your corners! Just leave at once!

Walt Disney
I bet you didn't expect Walt Disney to also have guns!

*Walt pulls out an Uzi*

Jim Henson
Shit, you have an Uzi! I'm getting strangely oozy

Well, no going back now, this'll be a doozy!

Nazi Donald Duck:
Eliminate the kikes!

*Everyone just stops and stares at Donald Duck*

Donald Duck
You guys are leaving me out of the fun, just because I was a Nazi?

Come on, I also have a rather respectable gat, see?

*Donald Duck suddenly has what can only be described as a generic gun*

Jim Henson:
Oh that's how you wanna play, with your generic firearms?

I'll write a letter of complaint to Disney detailing my qualms!

Walt Disney
I don't give a shit about your qualms, you dolt!

Cinderella, Treasure Planet, Pocahontas, Bolt!

These are just four of the films in my collection

I'll fuck you up by giving you a C-section!

Jim Henson
I'm sure there are several more films that you could mention

Well say what you want, it don't impress Henson!

I have the Muppet Movie, and the Muppet Movie Reboot

And the Muppet movie reboot two... oh shoot

Mickey Mouse
You're right, we have a lot of other movies to list off!

Donald Duck
Like The Lion King, Aristocats, and that one with Kristoff!

Mickey Mouse
The Great Mouse Detective, Bambi, Chicken Little, and Up!

Donald Duck
But that was Pixar!

Mickey Mouse
It still counts, right?

Walt Disney:
Yup!

Jim Henson
I've had enough this shit. Also, I'm dead

So while I die, Kermit, guys, go ahead

Kermit the Frog:
K-k-k-k-Kermit, shit on your epidermis

Miss Piggy:
Go to hell and back in your shell! Do you have a parking permit?!

Fozzie:
Yo yo, it's the Fozzle, spraying from my nozzle

Got a day job as a bondage gear model!

'Gonzo:
I'm Gonzo, you're Gonzo!

Beaker:
No you're Gonzo!

Gonzo:
Lolno!

*Gonzo removes his mask to reveal he's actually Henson in disguise*

Jim Henson:
I admit, I wasn't having fun in that casket

I'm sorry for being a shit-stained bastard

Walt Disney:
You've heard raps from Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck

But there's still a mascot left to rap, and he's-

???:
Hyuck!

*A figure steps forward. It is Goofy*

Goofy
Facing me is a goofy move because I was in A Goofy Movie!

Sorry if I seem tired, I just got done with a prostitute under the duvet!

Donald Duck:
Classic Goofy! What a player!

Mickey Mouse:
He strips females layer by layer!

Walt Disney:
He's running for mayor!

Goofy:
That's right, so y'all better say your prayers!

*A figure comes forward, cloaked in shadows*

???:
No one makes more cash than me, check my thug money

Disney's tryna steal fame from my company

But your movies and shit, they are very unfunny

So prepare for a fuck ton of cum from Bugs Bunny!

*Bugs Bunny leaps forward with a carrot in his asscrack*

Bugs Bunny:
Mickey, don't deny that you watch lemon, it's so clear

I checked your internet history, "old man sex", it's right here

And you, Donald, you hardly give girls a thrill

I bet you're a ho, I forgot my wallet, put this on your bill!

So while I'm fucking you, I'll diss this fucking dog

Your mayoral campaign can't beat my clogs!

*Bugs Bunny begins tapdancing in clogs but falls over and breaks his ankle*

Ah shit, my leg wrist, this really sucks

I'll be back for you gays, that's all, fucks!

Walt Disney:
Well then, it looks like it's not this rabbit's season

Mickey Mouse:
Get lost, Bugs! The greatest Pokémon is-

Weezing:
Weezing!

Donald Duck:
Uh, guys? Seriosuly, I don't think Bugs is breathing...

Goofy:
Fuck that noise! The prostitute is back, my balls she's a-squeezing!

???:
You cartoons really think you're the shit, huh?

Well time to feel the wrath of my shit, bruh! Barry Manilow appears from behind some curtains that Disney was apparently rapping in front of*

Barry Manilow:
It's a real person coming in to diss these cartoons

Why Barry Manilow? Idk why the fuck not?

I was a singer, I think, dunno if I was good at it

But at least I'm real unlike you guys, get in the attic!

And don't think I forgot about you puppet faggots

Getting fisted for a living? That sounds sweet, damn it!

But I pull the strings, so my dick, come and hold

My rhymes are like Disney in cryostasis cuz they are allegedly cold

So I'm ending this fight by taking a big shite

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night

Santa Claus
Stealing my motto? Oh no! I don't think so!

Santa is a pimp! With a very big scro'!

This isn't the Christmas special!

Greta:
That's right! It is not!

Santa Claus:
My wife is Mrs Claus! Even at 78, she's smoking hot!

Mrs Claus
Santa, you know that's scientifically wrong?

If I was hot, I'd melt the ice, you schlong!

Santa Claus
Later, twats! I'm off to drink Coke!

Kermit the Frog? Ho ho! He just croaked!

EpicLLOYD
We've returned

Nice Peter:
You'll get burned!

Betette:
We'll shove your ashes in urns!

Dante:
Like your grandparents

Zach:
You can't say that, you turd!

Miss Piggy
Zach's right, Dante, that subject is sensitive

And as penance for that, I'll snap your prick!

*a very loud crunch is heard as Dante's prick is snapped*


 * his penis, however, remains intact*

Dave McCary:
I'm back.

To ruin your faces!

You all

Need to know your places!

I'm Dave

McFuckingCary!

Dave

McFuckingCary!

Yes

Walt Disney:
Whoa there! Hold up!

Goofy:
This battle's about us, fellers!

Donald Duck:
Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! We'll mutilate you til you're yellow!

Mickey Mouse:
Murder is fun, kids! Ending lives is a joy!

Actually, just Disney:
I learned all of this from my nephew, Roy!

Announcer
ABRUPT ENDING

Who Two? Walt Disney, his grandmother, Mickey, Donald, and Goofy Jim Henson, Kermit, Piggy, Fozzie, Gonzo, and Beaker Weezing The Warner Brothers and Bugs Bunny Barry Manilow Santa Claus Greta Mrs Claus The ERB Crew Dave McFuckingCary Dante's snapped prick A half-severed foreskin