User blog:Joeaikman/Joe's Rap Battles of Fiction Season 4 Episode 5 - Buffy Summers vs Ash Williams

 Welcome to yet another of my battles, as I seek to prove to you that me writing rap battles are still relevant on this wiki. I realise that made no sense. I am tired. Fuck off. Wait, no. Read the battle, vote on the poll, and then fuck off.





 In this battle we have me touching on horror again. Woooo. It will suck as a result. We get Buffy Summers, the renowned vampire slayer, versus Ash Williams, who fights the Evil Dead, to see who the better fighter of the unnantural, undead, or just general monsters is. Thanks as always go to the glorious people that helped this production. Grav and Sicmagna helped with production.





 Buffy Summers is denoted with this text, Ash Williams by this text. Cameo apparance by Xander are in this text, by Willow are in this text , and by Andrew are in this text.

Buffy
Soup’s up, Bruce, get both your dukes up or lose one

Fit right in one of my massacres, so let’s get up and do one

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(241,194,50);white-space:pre-wrap;">Mangled monster, time traveller, moronic plots you overuse

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(241,194,50);white-space:pre-wrap;">A franchise that should have ended before movie number two

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(241,194,50);white-space:pre-wrap;">Hanging and dying with guys that your sister was banging

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(241,194,50);white-space:pre-wrap;">I’m busy off saving the world with Alyson Hannigan

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(241,194,50);white-space:pre-wrap;">Buffest girl, a femme fatale fighting for feminism and freedom

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(241,194,50);white-space:pre-wrap;">Have faith in me to defeat a queendom of demons

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(241,194,50);white-space:pre-wrap;">Spitting burns to leave a redneck’s neck red in perfect time

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(241,194,50);white-space:pre-wrap;">Let me teach this: better shop S-Mart for smarter lines

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(241,194,50);white-space:pre-wrap;">I bring the cheer and the fear to any who hope to bash me

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(241,194,50);white-space:pre-wrap;">Go home to your warren, they’d be scared of Ashy getting slashy

Ash
<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,0,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">The dead might be deadites, but my scorch may be hotter than they can handle

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,0,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">Then turn it on you so that Daphne can have ashes to place on her mantle

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,0,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">Because your Scooby Doo crew couldn't get any ruder

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,0,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">Shoulda stayed silent like Jason, or end up looking like Krueger

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,0,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">This here’s a discontent Summers, and I’m here to return her groove quick

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,0,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">Darling, don't play the angel deception, we all know you want the boomstick

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,0,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">You’ll be straight hailing the king when I’m finished with your tight, white ass

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,0,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">Have to put fighting the supernatural on hold if you’re held back after class

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,0,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">Your viewings Spiked every time that you got naughty or saucy

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,0,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">They don’t watch you for your action, just for how you move your body

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,0,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">Trained killer, vigilante, but still needed a Watcher when she fell

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,0,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">Inevitable return; the fire I spit makes my mouth hell

Buffy
<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(241,194,50);white-space:pre-wrap;">Your whole film series had, like, two whole scares

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(164,194,244);white-space:pre-wrap;">I don’t like him. <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(241,194,50);white-space:pre-wrap;">I didn’t ask your angle, Xander! <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(164,194,244);white-space:pre-wrap;">Who cares?

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(241,194,50);white-space:pre-wrap;">Hanging out with kids, this loser got no game! <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(204,0,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">I owe you pain!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(241,194,50);white-space:pre-wrap;">Damnit, Willow, looks like I’ll have to save the world… again

Ash
<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,0,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">Your kooky team of loonies is hardly spooky! Groovy!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,0,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">Your plots so unoriginal that you reduxed your own movie

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,0,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">A show about Edward or Jacob, with angst, it’s uber casual

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,0,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">Your shit looks like Gossip Girl hooked up with Supernatural

Buffy
<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(241,194,50);white-space:pre-wrap;">You’re a slasher, I’m a Slayer, and a player when it comes to

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(241,194,50);white-space:pre-wrap;">Dealing with half baked anti heroes who aren’t cooked through

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(241,194,50);white-space:pre-wrap;">I’ve seen scarier courses served up with chianti and fava

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(241,194,50);white-space:pre-wrap;">Estranged yourself from good lyrics as well as your father

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(241,194,50);white-space:pre-wrap;">A bite off MacGyver thinks he can save the world with garbage

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(241,194,50);white-space:pre-wrap;">Should reanimate his third movie to save that car crash carcass

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(241,194,50);white-space:pre-wrap;">My show’s progressive, whilst yours takes yourself back to basics

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(241,194,50);white-space:pre-wrap;">Dark ages plotlines tell the story of  homophobes and racists

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(241,194,50);white-space:pre-wrap;">I’m at the basis of the horror genre, star of an untoppable serial

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(241,194,50);white-space:pre-wrap;">Your tasteless killings left you less great than any frosted cereal

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(241,194,50);white-space:pre-wrap;">Your slow one liners make up the baddest verse I’ve ever heard

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(241,194,50);white-space:pre-wrap;">Only Andrew is worse! <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(106,168,79);white-space:pre-wrap;">Come on, Buffy, I’m not a nerd!

Ash
<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,0,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">The peppiest preppy, popular girl befriended the two weirdos in any event

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,0,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">A cliche high school story with monsters thrown in for the special effects

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,0,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">You took a stab at romance, but found the stakes weren’t to his taste

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,0,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">So, like cookie dough, it all got thrown back in your face

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,0,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">Give me sugar, sweeter lyrics from this bitter twisted sitter of a sister

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,0,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">A blister with no mister because no man or vamp has ever missed her

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,0,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">Necronomi-come on! I’m trying to stop the Evil Dead from being born

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,0,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">You’re a one dimensional bimbo, ended up more hated than Dawn!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,0,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">I’m a dark and musky anti-hero, the only one that raises

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,0,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">Living lyrics quicker than I bust out one of my catchphrases

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,0,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">You sparked a world ending scenario because your bae became smothered

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="color:rgb(255,0,0);font-family:Arial;font-size:14.6667px;white-space:pre-wrap;">Remember that, hero, when I say that my flow was iller than your mother

Who Won? Buffy Summers Ash Williams