User blog:Ultimate Hair Dryer/Ash Ketchum vs Charles Darwin. Anime vs Anything Rap Battles

So, with the AMAZING popularity of Pokémon GO, I thought to myself "man, this would be the perfect opportunity for ERB to finally do Ash vs Darwin, especially since they recently talked about it in a podcast". Something else I thought to myself was "oh hey, Ash is an anime character. That's funny, I just so happen to have my own rap battle series that deals with anime characters...oh wait", so there you go. Coincidentally, I apprently also happen to have finished writing this battle right after Lloyd strongly hinted towards it happening, so now I'm really excited.

To be honest, I'm really happy with I did on this one, so I hope you'll like it as much :) By the way, I didn't write the meanings for this one because that shit just drains my energy worse than Giga-Drain. Plus, it's one of the most requested battles, so I'm thinking that most people already know the basic stuff about those two, and those who know them even more will get the more obscure references ;) If you have any question about the meaning of some lines, I'll gladly explain them to you ^^ I also didn't do the title cards on this one because...I dunno, I'm just lazy. The battle was already finished and I didn't want to spend any more time before publishing it (maybe I'll make them later though). Also, this is my longest battle yet, and oh boy did I feel that. Also also, I did borrow 1 or 2 things from WonderPikachu12's own battle, but I tried my best use them sort of differently. If you're reading this Wonder, I hope you don't mind :P

Anyways, in today's battle, Ash Ketchum, main protagonist of the Pokémon anime based off the famous game series of the same name, faces off against Charles Darwin, famous British naturalist, father of the theory of natural selection and symbol of the theory of evolution.

Instrumental
The instrumental is a slightly modified version of Dustar, by Kustombeats.



Lyrics
ANIME VS ANYTHING RAP BATTLES

ASH KETCHUM

(Ash steps in the frame running, exhausted)

VS

CHARLES DARWIN

BEGIN

Charles Darwin (0:14)
It appears you're late young boy, but I've still got some time for our clash.

Better try to catch up, Ketchum, 'cause it's gonna get quite rapid, Ash.

A naturally select gentleman, I'm on a whole other level than Gary.

So pack your balls and your burn heals : we're going on a safari...

For I've researched hundreds of birds, oysters, Galápagos turtles,

Down Under critters, wild herds, and even the Earth's crust,

from the very first apes to where Man now stands today.

Understand ? Not keyrings, magnets, gearing, nor sorbet!

I stomped Lamarck's malarkey, wasn't scared of the mass belief.

So don't you get snarky with me when your sole purpose is comic relief!

I set mankind on the right Path, but if you're Thinking of crossing mine,

I'll send you on your little route, so we'll both do justice to our bloodline!

I'm a rock 'n' roll type of guy, the kind to rock the life boat.

Along with the Church's, researchers', and a fine coat.

Now GO! I'm on the brink of finding the missing link.

This extinct breed seems to date back to your prehistoric animating technique!

Ash Ketchum (1:10)
A not-so-wild fossil wants to put the very best to the test ?

But judging by my trekking and your illness, I'm the fittest, it's no contest.

I bring the Fighting moves that'll knock out your denture,

as I venture towards another incredible adventure!

Heard you can't stand the sight of blood ? Then close your eyes for a minute.

Got the Toxic rhymes to poison Gas, and the fanbase to win it!

Your life almost got ruined by your nose (OH!), then you became your cousin's beau (OH!).

From Kanto to Johto, I spit fire like Ho-Oh !

Uh-oh... Is your HP getting beepy ?

I'm about to finish off Great Britain's biggest stain since BP!

Claims he's important to history, but the schmuck Award is his main legacy.

Keeps boasting about heresy, but holds a Christianity degree!

I'm Gold, Doc! My team rocketed to the top!

Been going strong since '96 and we ain't coming to a Pokéstop!

I keep kids dreaming and free them from your boring classes. (Ugh...)

Turn on Ash, and my Charizard will turn you to ashes! (Burn!)

Charles Darwin (2:07)
Acting bad ? Red's dots alone could put your bad acting in a comma.

I won't take shit from a little boy (or girl!) about a past-me's diploma.

'Cause the way you play ground doesn't even affect this fly prodigy!

Try to be taken seriously when endlessly stuck in pre-puberty!

I'm legendary, you're not worthy. I'm Fellowship, you're knavery.

The only thing I resent more than your monsters is the fact you're pushing them to slavery!

Though I admit it, your little series is quite the revolution:

20 years, six generations, and still no sign of evolution !

Ash Ketchum (2:35)
Why change when you already got maxed out stats,

and you're earning your company some mad fat stacks ?

This ain't bondage, we're just bonding: what you couldn't do with your mommy,

right before she "fainted", just like Charlie, Mary and Annie!

Your cherished theory first got birthed by antique Greek folk.

No joke, this low bloke's more behind the times than a Slowpoke!

But I'll keep you updated as to how I manage to get at you.

It's because I bring the thunder too!  (Piiikachuuuuuuu!!!) 

WHO WON ?

WHO'S NEXT ?

I STILL DECIDE

ANIME VS ANYTHING RAP BATTLES

Poll
Who won ? Ash Ketchum Charles Darwin