Dr. Seuss vs Shakespeare

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Dr. Seuss vs Shakespeare is the twelfth installment of the Epic Rap Battles of History series. It features children's author, Dr. Seuss, rapping against playwright and poet, William Shakespeare. It was released August 17, 2011.

Cast
Nice Peter as Cat in the Hat

EpicLLOYD as Things 1 & 2

George Watsky as William Shakespeare

Mickey Meyer as Dr. Seuss

Lyrics
William Shakespeare:

Come bite my thumb! I hope you know the stakes.

I'll put a slug between your shoulder blades,

Then ask what light through yonder poser breaks?

I hath been iambic on that ass, ye bastard. My rhymes are classic.

Your crap is drafted by a kindergartner high on acid.

Ye hoebag, you're an old white Soulja Boy who has no swag,

And no gonads. Egads, it's so sad.

And to top it off, you're not a doctor.

I've never seen a softer author.

You crook, you. I bet you wrote the Twilight books, too!

''[Dr. Seuss pulls out a paintbrush and begins painting the Cat in the Hat.]''

Cat in the Hat:

I would not, could not on a boat

Read any of the boring ass plays you wrote.

Even Horton doesn't want to hear you.

And Cindy Lou Who is afraid to go near you!

You bore people to death.

You leave a classroom looking like the end of MacBeth.

I entertain a child of any age.

You gotta translate what you said on the opposite page!

How you gonna battle with the Cat in the Hat?

Little kids get scared when I step on the mat.

You think your ruffled neck ass gonna rap to that?

I got a best selling book about me coming back.

''[Dr. Seuss closes the book as Shakespeare holds up a skull.]''

William Shakespeare:

I'm switching up my style like the Beatles with my pieces.

Each is such a wonder with a plethora of features.

You're pathetically predictable.

You think your new book might include a trisyllabic meter

And some ghetto Muppet creatures.

The Bard is in the building.

It's a castle, I'm a boss.

I bet I'm Parliament.

I'm positive I'm killing it.

I'm iller than the plague.

I've never caught or cholera,

A baller baller

On some cricket bowler business,

While you're sitting in the bleachers!

[Seuss and the Cat look at each other, mouths open amazed by Shakespeare's fast rapping.]

Cat in the Hat:

You rap fast, you do. Yes, you rap fast, it's true.

Now let's see how you rap versus Things One and Two!

Things 1 & 2:

Oh, no, we'll smash your globe!

Yo, you may have wrote the script, but now we running the show!

You can take your fancy words and send 'em back home to your mama!

Break our foot off in your ass with our feetie pajamas!

Man, we'll cook you up and eat you with some ham and green eggs!

We'll break offa your legs! Make no mistake, we in a rage!

All does not end well when we bust out our cage!

You getting upstaged Bill- Yo, you just got played!

Trivia

 * This is the first battle where neither of the title characters are played by Nice Peter nor EpicLLOYD.
 * Cleopatra vs Marilyn Monroe was the first battle, however, where both Nice Peter and EpicLLOYD didn't have a rapping role at all.