User blog:ResonX/Sally Acorn vs. Mega Man 2: Moleman's Epic Rap Battles Season 2 Premiere



MOLEMAN'S EPIC RAP BATTLES… SEASON 2, BITCHES!!!!!

MEGA MAN…

…VS…

…SALLY ACORN!!!!!!!!

BEGIN!

• Sally Acorn: •

So, yeah…

Flynn made a mess, and the fans threw a fit,

And then that douchebag Kenny sued, and everything went apeshit!

And thus, I got cast aside, resolution again denied,

While they brought in your rusty little hide and had our worlds collide!

And from that poor man's "Crisis" on one Mobius and one Earth,

My homeworld's gone through major changes, we can't legally reverse:

Just ask my brother and my mother who no longer exist!

But I'm still here – back in the flesh, with lightsabers on my wrists!

Burst your Bubble Lead before, now watch me do it again:

Your biggest mega–embarrassment since Captain–Freaking–N!

Immune to all your attacks, like a Mettaur's hard hat,

With words so sharp, you'll explode at the slightest contact.

You know who I roll with; best believe I go fast.

Like Iron Queen, usurp your sinking franchise from your washed–up ass!

You could say I'm like Tron Bonne, because I'll serve you forty times,

Just like her lawsuits against Gru for stolen henchmen designs!

A rebel leader princess who needs no help from Obi–Wan;

The day I throw a fight to you's the day I marry Antoine,

'Cause you're a "peacekeeper" that couldn't be more reliant on violence,

With a voice so whiny, oughta seal you in the Zone of Silence.

Fight me fully–Powered Up, with nine E–Tanks in supply;

This Freedom Fighter queen will whoop you 'til those reserves run dry!

Don't need to weasel my way through this; beating you is my Nack.

This Acorn's like a macadamia: one tough nut to crack!

• Mega Man: •

Enough from you, Ricky; don't you make one more squeak:

You're as obnoxious as Squirrel Girl, if she weren't tongue–in–cheek!

Dug up some dirt with Rush Search to use to give you the Blues,

Like Proto Man, who helped me with some major whistle–blowing, too!

I'll make your TV comeback hopes go "BOOM!" like French animators;

Make this cannon on my arm your Ultimate Annihilator!

Thunder Beam you 'cross the room in pieces like a Yellow Devil,

Then use your soul to make a new S–Model Biometal!

Kill you in cold blood, then say you had the Sigma Virus;

Claim self–defense, like I was Zero, you were Iris.

Super robot legend speaking – not your average Sniper Joe.

Forget Marvel vs. Capcom; viva Super Smash Bros.!

I beat the robo–solar system, girl, from Neptune to Venus.

Haul off to AoStH's world; go suck a PINGAS!

You're the Knothole Village bicycle, and even Rotor knows;

Took censors twenty years to give this skank a full set of clothes!

I'm the Hercules of automatons: I always go the distance.

You're like Wily himself, because you fail at existence!

I'll shoot the brown clean off your body: turn your sorry ass pink,

While my Navi self deletes a certain virtual lynx.

Light up the Night; Vengeance to the sounds of my own rock opera.

Go so hard, they'll have to drug–test me for Force Metal–Supra,

'Cause my power score's a million, times one hundred and ten!

This mega–ownage isn't over either, bitch; I brought a friend:

Don't you call me that, Rock – you're to address me as "Master";

When it comes to robot heroes, I'm the Omega Factor!

• Astro Boy: •

I'm Astro–nomical; manga's granddaddy's favored pride and joy,

And you have as little chance of beating me as Robotboy!

Royal rodent of the West, come face the far–East Mickey Mouse;

Not even Thor's gonna stop me from bringing down your Acorn House!

Seems we're alike in at least one way: not afraid to go 'round shirtless,

But I'm a Robot Hall of Famer; you belong in a furry circus!

Screw A.I.! I'm the Pinocchio of sci–fi, it's no lie,

With such mad focus on this rhythm, very well may grow a third eye!

Freely fly all through the sky; don't need no doggie adaptor.

Got a heart of gold that doubles as a nuclear reactor.

I've been in so many series, difficult just to list them.

I'll hurl you way past Pluto; to a whole different Star System!

Sacrificial solar savior, long before Cillian Murphy.

Just go back to playing nanny, Aunt Sally; you're not worthy!

Go ask my homeboys back in Niiza, where my name's duly enshrined:

The Mighty Atom can't be smashed, even by Albert Rothstein!

(Beat stops, screen abruptly goes black)

• Geno: •

This shooting star'll sink your ship soon as he comes on board,

Crashing down into this battle like a giant–ass sword.

I know about timed rhymes, they're critical, my first priority;

When I'm on the mic, I'm my own highest authority!

Yo, I come fully–stacked at 99 Flower Points.

Forget silver or gold; I be spitting straight Frog Coins!

I take the cake, make no mistake: it's like my name was Bundt;

Cannon–blast these war machines and this Chipette reject cu– (*Record scratch*)

• Announcer: •

'''WOAH, WOAH, HOLD IT! THIS IS A DICK THING TO DO!'''

YOUR WISH IS TO BE IN THIS, BUT I WON'T LET THAT COME TRUE!

GET YOUR ASS BACK TO THE FOREST; LEAVE THE RAPPING TO THE OTHERS.

YOU ARE NOT IN THIS BATTLE, AND YOU'RE NOT IN SMASH BROTHERS!

• Geno: •

Oh, come on, Papa Mole! Don't you treat me like a stranger;

I help Mario battle bad guys like the Axem Rangers.

Geno's whirling up onto the stage by popular demand,

And if you don't let me stay here, dude, I'm blowing up Japan! (Holds up detonator)

• Announcer: •

HOLY CRAP, THAT WOULD BE, LIKE… AN ACT OF GENO CIDE!

OKAY, FINE, CHUCKY, YOU WIN; STAY ALONG FOR THE RIDE!

• Geno: •

Yeah, when nutjobs mess with this here piece of wood, they get cracked;

I'll toss you clear across the field like an NY quarterback.

Weave a verbal maze to spend the rest of your rapping lives,

'Cause you're a bunch of Squares, just like the guys who own my legal rights!

• Sally Acorn: •

THAT'S IT, ENOUGH! I've been upstaged enough times for one life,

So don't you think I'll let this slide; I'd sooner be a monkey's wife,

Because I came here for a grudge match, not a battle royale,

But now, you leave me with no choice. Hey, you asked for this, pal:

• Sonic the Hedgehog: •

It's my world, when I come and step it up into the zone;

Chaotic raps! Like this was Camelot, I'm stealing the throne!

Throw you for a Shuttle Loop with that mad Spin Dash.

YOU'RE TOO SLOW for me to fight; yo, let me battle the Flash!

Score that S–Rank with flying Colors when I Unleash my rhymes,

With 700 rings in hand, and I'll Crush you 40 times!

I can't promise that you'll Live, but you're sure as Iblis Learn

Just What I'm Made Of, when I give you all wack friction burns!

• Sally Acorn: •

What? No! Hey, you – announcer voice up above,

That's the modern Sega Sonic, not the one I know and love;

Get my real boyfriend in here so we can properly win this!

• Announcer: •

WELL, SALLY, IS THERE EVEN REALLY THAT MUCH OF A DIFFERENCE?

• Sally Acorn: •

For the love of Furry–Jesus, yes it does, dude! Yes!

• Announcer: •

GEE, WHEN YOU PUT IT THAT WAY, EXCUUUUUUUSE ME, PRINCESS!

• Sally Acorn: •

Look, I don't want to argue; just make this whole mess right:

Bring in the character as played on TV by Jaleel White!

• Announcer: •

AS THE JOKER WOULD SAY, SALLY, VERY POOR CHOICE OF WORDS:

I'M GONNA EXPLOIT THE HELL OUT OF WHAT FROM YOU I JUST HEARD!

• Sonic the Hedgehog: •

(Has been continuing to rap during the above exchange, seeming oblivious to it and his lines in the background audible only as "blah blah blah", etc.)

…Cracked so many eggs, I could live on omelet– GAAAAHHH!

(*Is suddenly impaled from behind by an offscreen assailant, and then explodes for no reason. The screen goes dark.*)

..................

..................

..................Oops… Did I do that?

• Steve Urkel: •

Heidi–ho, it's me, Steve, but this ain't Blue's Clues;

No, it's the Urk–Man in this Full House, giving y'all the Urkel Blues!

Always the life of the party when I get down and dance;

Total pro at stealing shows, so hold on to your pants,

'Cause I'll be wearing you down until you fall and can't get up.

Being me is pretty hard work, but Thank God I'm Fly enough!

I'm a breakout when I break loose on the television set,

And I'll break you Perfect Strangers without breaking a sweat.

Yeah, screw Family: I'm what Matters! I'm the ultimate geek.

When I show up on the scene, just watch those rating start to peak!

This grumpy little doll seems to think he's so medieval,

But wait and see how tough he is once he meets up with Stevil.

Rock here may have a franchise, but that'll give him no advantage

When I bankrupt Capcom's whole business from property damage!

This other 'bot's the fruit of some guy trying to clone his dead son,

But I can make real clones; just go and ask Stephan.

Hey, what's wrong, Sal? You don't look like you should.

Do I make you feel uncomfortable? Aw, that's no good!

Well, I don't need you to be anybody I wanna be,

Literally: swapped genes with folks like Elvis and Bruce Lee.

Besides, there's no way anyone will replace Laura in my heart;

Girl, you're not even Myra, so don't you even start,

Or I'll stalk you home tonight and put an A–bomb in your dinner,

'Cause I'm cooler than the Fonz, so just accept it: I'm the winner!

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

I DECIDE!!!!!!!!!!

MOLEMAN'S EPIC RAP BATTLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Who Won? Sally Acorn Mega Man Astro Boy Geno Steve Urkel