Rasputin vs Stalin

center|border|600px"Epic Rap Battles of History!"

- Announcer Epic Rap Battles of History #33 is the thirty-third installment of the Epic Rap Battles of History series and the final episode of Season 2. It features  Grigori Rasputin ,  Joseph Stalin ,  Vladimir Lenin ,  Mikhail Gorbachev  and  Vladimir Putin  in a Russian battle royale. It was released on April 22, 2013.

Cast
Nice Peter as Grigori Rasputin, Vladimir Lenin, and Vladimir Putin

EpicLLOYD as Joseph Stalin and Mikhail Gorbachev

PewDiePie as Mikhail Baryshnikov (cameo)

Rasputin:
Cool mustache, Wario

Try messing with the mad monk, you'll be sorry, yo

How many dictators does it take

To turn an empire into a union of ruinous states?

It's a disgrace what you did to your own people

Yo daddy beat you like a dog and now you're evil!

You're from Georgia, sweet Georgia

And history books unfold ya

As a messed up mutha fucka bent in the mind

Who built a superpower, but he paid the price

With the endless destruction of Russian lives

If you're the man of steel, I spit kryptonite!

Big dick mystic, known to hypnotize

I can end you with a whisper to your wife

Stalin:
Look into my eyes, you perverted witch

See the soul of the man who made Mother Russia his bitch!

You think I give a fuck about my wife?

My own son got locked up in prison, and I didn't save his life!

You got off easy when they pickled that moose cock

I'll leave your neck in a noose in a trench and shot

Your whole family, shot! All your wizard friends, shot!

Anyone who sold you pierogi, shot!

Starve you for days till you waste away

I even crushed motherfuckers when I'm laid in state

Pride of Lenin, took Trotsky out of the picture

Dropped a hammer on you harder than I bitch-slapped Hitler

Lenin:
I have no pride for you

Who ruined everything my revolution was doing

To stop the Bourgeoisie

I fought the bondage of classes. The proletariat masses

Have brought me here to spit a thesis against both of yo asses!

Let me start with you there, Frankenstein!

Looking like something out of R.L. Stine!

It's hip-hop chowder, red over white

Cause the Tsar's wife can't do shit tonight

And Joseph, you were supposed to be my right-hand man

But your loyalty shriveled up like your right hand, man!

Our whole future was bright! You let your heart grow dark

And stopped the greatest revolution since the birth of Marx!

Gorbachev:
(Knock Knock Knock Knock)

Did somebody say birth marks?

Yo, I'm the host with the most glasnost

Assholes made a mess and the war got cold

Shook hands with both Ronald's, Reagan and McDonald's, no doubt

If your name end with "in", time to get out!

I have the balls to let Baryshnikov dance, player!

Tore down that wall like the Kool-Aid Man, oh yeah!

You two need yoga. You need to shower

And you all need to learn how to handle real power!

Putin:
Did somebody say real power?

Дa, you want to mess with me

I spit hot borsch when I'm crushing these beats

Blow it up like a tuba while I'm balling in Cuba

Doing judo moves and schooling every Communist сука

I'm a president in my prime, my enemies don't distract me

The last man who attacked me lived a half-life, so Comrade, come at me!

You don't know what you're doing, when you try to bust a rhyme against a mind like Putin

You'll find that the ex-KGB is the best MC in the ex-CCCP!

Poll
Who won? Rasputin Stalin Lenin Gorbachev Putin

Trivia

 * Like Dr. Seuss vs William Shakespeare and Moses vs Santa Claus, this battle features 5 rappers.
 * This battle, however, is the only battle where each of the 5 rappers only has one verse each.
 * The reasoning behind this battle is to redeem Peter from Vladimir Putin's "quote" saying he'd kill Peter with his hands if Season 2 did not feature a Russian rapper.
 * This is the fourth battle where an actor plays more than one rapper (not counting cameos).
 * This is the third battle to have a third (or fourth and fifth for that matter) person to enter the battle but not be on another rapper's side.
 * This is the second battle where each rapper has one verse.
 * Coincidentally, the first battle is the season 2 premiere, while this one is the finale.
 * This is the second battle where the announcer doesn't say "Who won? Who's next? You decide!" at the end. The first was Nice Peter vs EpicLLOYD.
 * Both of them being finales is probably why.
 * This is the first battle where someone raps against themselves as a different character.
 * This is the second battle to have 5 different backgrounds, the first being Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates.