User blog:TKandMit/Jesse James vs Al Capone. Epic Rap Battles of Heroes and Villains Season 2

Aye, another battle written by the Mit guy. The second ever nonfictional battle in the series, we have two of America's most infamous criminals going toe to toe; Missouri outlaw and bandit, Jesse James, scarfaces off with the Sicilian mobster of Chicago, Al Capone. Huge thanks, as always, to fgt for making the title cards and covers. So ye, enjoy.

Cast
Nice Peter as Jesse James

EpicLLOYD as Al Capone

Reused footage of Mustached Cowboys as members of the James-Younger Gang

Intro
Epic Rap Battles of Heroes and Villains!

Versus!

Begin!

Jesse James
Round ‘em up, boys, we got ourselves a criminal who’s seen the joints,

Lot o’ reasons to leave ‘em in the sand, now that’s your Five Points,

Blow up your little syndicate with five sticks of miner’s dynamite,

Don’t step foot in Clay County, ‘less ya down to rhymin’ right!

You guinea pig shit, you best retreat to your soup kitchens,

Don’t pull a switchblade on me, I’m used to handling bitches,

You’re a racket making racketeer, with ‘em Tommys and grenadiers,

I’m out the stirrups, son, gonna give this Italian the boot- *spits* ...legger.

This hobgoblin of a carpenter, ragged old man Godfather,

Sicilian sissy out of his noodle, he’s finely chopped-up pasta!

I bring the pain to trains, but this verse will go off the tracks,

When my gang of horse backs run in with them gats!

Al Capone
I ain’t missing this missy of Missouri, who you trying to mess with?

I’m the King of Chicago, baby, now do you have a deathwish?

Hustler versus mob boss? Do you know what you’re getting into?

You’re just a Confederate prick looking like Billy the Kid and Cisco!

Better slow your roll, Jimmy, you ain’t getting Younger,

And your crooked hick gang of brothers is gonna face a blunder;

Could’a offered you'se protection, but you seem to have some check-ins

I’ll bushwhack your bungalow, and cash the insurance collected.

Your little rednecks by your side ain’t gonna stop my men from hunting you,

Taking you, cutting you and verbally gutting the FUCK outta you!

But that won’t be too hard, while you’re blacked out in the desert sun,

Leave a kiss of death on your head, straight from the number one.

Jesse James
Don’t kiss me, Gabriel, this ain’t your Valentine’s Day,

If you’re gonna have a heart attack, stay at one of your cabarets

You might fit your Outfit better if you went and drop some pounds,

So, all hail the name of Jesse James when he strolls into your town!

Al Capone
Easy there, Sheriff, or I’m tearing down your Home on the Prairie,

I’ve assassinated assassins, now how can you scare me?

C'mon, you married your cousin, what do you think you’re doing?

Your Jayhawk ass is deader than seceding from the Union!

Jesse James
I might’a died as an outlaw, but I’m carried on through claims,

While you rot in a jail cell, clutching your chest in pain,

Contracting syphilis and no chances of getting laid,

I’m tearing down that Wanted poster, and aiming for your brain!

Al Capone
I stepped on bigger rats back in Alcatraz, capisce?

When I rip you to pieces, there won’t be no rest in peace!

You enslaved some blacks, evaded life, while I evaded tax

I made ‘em stacks, Jesse, let’s check out your facts:

You're a country boy who fled town, hopped to every other county

Pissed so many off, this hot head had many a bounty,

Everyone you robbed, died for you. Everyone you loved, died for you.

I shoot out from black Cadillacs, but I got a Ford in mind for you.

Who won?!

Who's next?

You decide!

'Epic! *gunfire* Rap battles of Heroes and Villains!'

Who won? Jesse James Al Capone