Eastern Philosophers vs Western Philosophers/Rap Meanings

The Western Philosophers:
I'm coming off the Acropolis to start some pandemonium.

(The Acropolis of Athens is where Socrates taught. A pandemonium is a wild uproar or unrestrained disorder and a word originating from Ancient Greek. Basically, Socrates is starting the battle with an uproar.)

Don't bring limp raps to a pimp-slap symposium!

(Symposium in this case has two meanings. Firstly, a conference-like meeting to discuss a particular topic, usually involving lectures and panels so people can learn more about certain subjects. Secondly, a symposium was a drinking party held in Ancient Greece and was also the title of a work by Plato, Socrates' most famous student. Socrates is saying that The Eastern Philosophers have only brought weak lyrics to battle the Western Philosophers' who are assembled to "pimp-slap" (backhand slap) the Eastern Philosophers and educate them, like a symposium might. The second Greek usage is used as a pun and reference to Socrates coming from Greece.)

The mad gadfly, philosophy was my invention!

(Socrates is often known as the father of philosophy. He had the habit of making people aware of their own ignorance by asking them to explain the meaning of things they thought they knew, such as justice or piety. Because of this, he was described by his student Plato as a "gadfly", annoying the placid Athenian citizens like a gadfly annoys the horses.)

Rolling with the flyest nihilist, and me, their French henchman!

(Nietzsche and Voltaire introduce themselves. A nihilist is someone who follows nihilism, which is the belief that all religious and moral values are baseless and that nothing can be known or communicated. Nietzsche was known to be one of these, so he calls himself the flyest one, or the most superior. Voltaire was born in France, so he interjects by saying he's the French partner of the group and, being the more optimistic, lighthearted and freethinking of the three, is humble and suggests he is a henchman of the other two.)

We've got the wisdom and the wit that even I couldn't question!

(As stated above, Socrates made a habit of questioning the supposed knowledge people had. An idea often associated with him is that the wisest man is the one who's aware of his own ignorance. Here, however, he claims that not even he will question the fact that his team has wisdom and wit.)

Dropping Western medicine on these East infections!

(Western minds of the past made many important discoveries in medicine. The West will use their advantage in medicinal knowledge to remove the East philosophers, who they claim are a disease. This is also a play on words, as a yeast infection is an illness in which the yeast Candida, normally symbiotic in the human body, goes into overgrowth and causes a range of symptoms, such as thrush and varying degrees of irritation in both genders. This may also be comparing the traditional style of Western medicine which is founded upon biological and chemical research into curing diseases scientifically and originated in Greece, while traditional Eastern medicine is based around herbs and remedies passed down through generations and comes from ancient China. The Westerners could be saying that things like Eastern medicine and philosophy are based around tradition while their Western counterparts involve actual thought.)

It's evident you've never been our type of mental brethren!

(The West team states that it is obvious the Eastern team isn't on the same level of intelligence as them.)

We're better thinkers, better speakers, better lovers, better men!

(This line says the Western team is superior in every way, including philosophical thinking, speeches, sexual prowess, and more advanced as humans in general. The philosopher that says each quality is also significant. Nietzsche was primarily known of all things to be an incredible thinker while Socrates gave many speeches to his students and Voltaire was known for being rather suave and had frequent sex with many women.)

The Eastern Philosophers:
This type of arrogance is sure to be expected,

(The Eastern philosophers were expecting the Western philosophers to boast as they just did; the reason explained in the next line.)

From men who speak of wisdom with no clue of what respect is!

(They believe the Western philosophers are disrespectful, which makes them unwise. Showing respect for others is an important part of Eastern culture.)

You Westerners are sloppy, needing discipline in life.

(Lao Tzu's philosophy was to have discipline in life, to follow the flow of life, and have everything balanced. He says that the Westerners do not follow this lifestyle.)

You lack control of yourselves and of the mic.

(As previously stated, the Western team cannot control themselves nor have balance according to the Eastern philosophers, and the same goes for when they are rapping. "Lack of mic control" in rap terms is to have bad raps.)

While we use precise strikes to disrupt your concentration,

(Sun Tzu's philosophy talks about precision as an important factor during war, and they will use that tactic in the battle.)

Hand you an ass whooping our descendants will honor for generations!

(Honoring one's ancestors is one of the bases of Confucius' teachings. Here, he claims that his and his teammates' descendants will be proud of the fact that their ancestors won this rap battle.)

We filled a nation with patience, and the presence for living,

(The Eastern philosophers believe that they have made their nation, China, a better place with their teachings.)

And you'll never hold a candle to the wisdom we've written!

(Holding a candle to something/one is to say that nothing can ever be as good as it. The East claim that the West's influence isn't even close to the philosophy that the Eastern team has wrote, such as the Analects, the Tao Te Ching, and The Art of War.)

The Western Philosophers:
Oh, I'll give you something you can bow and kowtow to!

("Kautau (叩頭)" (sometimes Westernized as "kowtow") is the Chinese act of kneeling and bowing one's head so that it touches the ground in order to show deep respect and reverence. Nietzsche is saying he will do something that Lao Tzu will have no choice but respect, continued in the next line.)

When I squat down and squeeze out a Tao of Pooh on Lao Tzu!

(The Tao of Pooh, by Benjamin Hoff, is a book that is meant to explain the Eastern philosophy of Taoism to Western society using the characters from Winnie-the-Pooh. "Pooh" or "poo" is another term for feces, or shit, and to "shit on" someone is to diss or demoralize them. Continuing from the previous line, Nietzsche is saying he will take a shit on, or insult and demoralize, Lao Tzu.)

You need to take control of the life you're given!

(One of Nietzsche's teachings was based on the concept of free will or having control of your own life.)

They call me Übermensch 'cause I'm so driven!

("Übermensch", German for "beyond-human", is a concept created by Nietzsche. In his book Also Sprach Zarathustra, Nietzsche uses the concept to discuss the idea that humanity should try to improve itself, and that, according to him, would include abandoning all religious beliefs. Since Lao Tzu's teachings form the basis of a religion, Nietzsche is basically rejecting them. It may also be a pun on "Uber", an international transportation network company, hence why Nietzsche says he's so driven.)

'''And I'm a freethinker so confronting conformists like you? It's my job!'''

(Freethinking is a philosophical viewpoint which believes that truths should be formed on the basis of logic and reason, rather than authority and conformity. Therefore, Voltaire states that because he is a freethinker, he can easily confront the Eastern philosophers, whom he says are conformists. Specifically, he is targeting Confucius, as Confucianism teaches adherence to tradition, obedience and respect to elders and authority, and the honoring of ancestors, all of which would be considered conformity.)

Got a sharp wit like a spit that'll skewer you like a Confu-shish kebab!

(Voltaire says he will use his sharp wit, or intelligence, to impale Confucius. A spit is a rod used to stick through meat when roasting it over a fire, i.e. making shish kebabs, or sticks with meat and vegetables on them. A lyrical pun is made with Confucius' name.)

'''(Oh!) You flubbed the mission! I'm beating your submissive ass into submission!'''

Dishing out more disses than letters and pamphlets and plays I've been publishing!

(Apart from being a philosopher, Voltaire was also a writer. He produced many works in almost every literary form, including plays, poems, novels, essays, and historical and scientific works. He wrote more than 20,000 letters and more than 2,000 books and pamphlets.)

Now that we've covered the two Yin and Yang twins, I can move onto Jackie Chan!

(The concept of Yin-Yang is used in Confucianism (Confucius) and Taoism (Lao Tzu). This is also a possible reference to the rap group, the Ying Yang Twins. Sun Tzu, in this line, is compared with action star, Jackie Chan. Chan is known for his impressive and often comedic fighting style. Socrates is saying although Sun Tzu is a mighty warrior, he finds him laughable.)

Sun Tzu, I'll be picking apart your Wu with my Method, Man!

(Sun Tzu was born, and lived, in the Chinese state of Wu. He was also said to be the minister to King Helü, the ruler of Wu. Socrates says that he will criticize or "pick apart" Sun Tzu with his Socratic method, a form of discussion named after the Greek philosopher. This line is also a reference to Method Man, an American rapper who is best known as being a member of the Wu-Tang Clan.)

This seminal general isn't so tough on the mic, all your men must be like, "Yo, what happened?".

(Sun Tzu was a Chinese military general and was often very influential. However, Socrates says that Sun Tzu is not very good at rapping and his soldiers will be very shocked.)

'''You're pitiful lyrically. Lucky for history, you didn't author The Art of Rapping!'''

(Socrates goes on to describe his opponent's lyrics as pitiful. The Art of War was an ancient Chinese military work written by Sun Tzu, which described many different tactics of war. Socrates mentions that it is lucky that Sun Tzu didn't write The Art of Rapping as he believes it would mislead people, as Sun Tzu is bad at rapping.)

The Eastern Philosophers:
Bitch, I wrote The Art of War, so you better get your guns out!

(Sun Tzu's biggest influence is the aforementioned The Art of War, which is a book full of tactical aspects meant for battle but is applicable on daily events. He's challenging the Westerners to start a war against him knowing he'll win.)

'''These white boys getting burned 'cause guess what? Now, the Sun's out!'''

(A pun on Sun Tzu's name, comparing himself to the Sun which is very hot. To be "burned" in rap aspect is to be insulted and humiliated. Sun Tzu also calls the Western philosophers "white boys", perhaps implying they can't rap. People with fairer skin are also more susceptible to sunburn.)

Asians spitting sick, but no, this isn't SARS.

(To spit sick is to rap very well. This is a pun on the literal definition of "sick". Severe acute respiratory syndrome (SARS) is a disease that had spread throughout southern China, causing over 8,000 reported cases and 774 deaths in a nine-month span.)

Laozi, kick the beat; now Confucius, drop some bars!

(Sun Tzu, a war leader, commands his team of philosophers with a one-two attack; Lao Tzu beatboxing, referencing his actor, KRNFX, who is a beatboxer, and Confucius rapping faster.)

Let me be Candide with you, Voltaire,

(This is a play on the words "candid", meaning truthful, and Candide, a French satirical novel written by Voltaire.)

French drip with the egg noodle hair.

(Confucius says that Voltaire's hair is stringy like egg noodles.)

Your ego's just so distracting.

Free speech doesn't mean just keep yapping!

(Voltaire was a man of free speech, but even as Confucius realizes this, he mentions that he should keep quiet in this battle.)

And you killed God so I gotta ask:

(Nietzsche is popular for his quote, "God is dead", and how we killed Him as a race, so Confucius asks him a question on this in the next line.)

Did he die of shame when he made your mustache?

(Confucius disses Nietzsche's unique mustache, as it is big and bushy, by saying God would have died of shame because of how horrible it looks.)

You tried to plant a new German psyche,

But you just grew hate; me no Third Reich-y!

("Me no rikey" is a stereotypical phrase used to mock Chinese people learning English, as they often cannot pronounce the "L" sound properly. This literally means "I don't like this". Confucius makes a pun on the "Third Reich", another way of saying Nazi Germany, and the aforementioned phrase, stating that Nietzsche inspired hatred as he was an influence for Adolf Hitler.)

'''And it all starts with you! You're the father, Socrates!'''

(Socrates is often thought of as the godfather of modern thought, with many philosophers following his ideals. This may also be playing on when tabloid talk-show hosts tell a guest that they are or aren't the father of their ex-partner's child.)

Honestly, I think you owe both of your students here an apology!

(Since Socrates is billed as the one who started philosophy in the West, he is also to blame for the implied failures of Nietzsche and Voltaire. This verse also references Plato's Apology, an account of Socrates' trial and how he defended himself against the charges.)

The Western Philosophers:
I wouldn't exactly call myself a student of this plebe.

(Plebe, or plebian, is a Greek term which refers to a poor citizen. Nietzsche is calling Socrates a poor citizen of no importance. It's worth noting that Nietzsche didn't hold Socrates' philosophy in high regard, which is why he was offended by Sun Tzu referring to him and Voltaire as Socrates' students.)

Don't make Nietzsche come over and put a knee up in your chi!

(Chi (氣) is the Chinese word for life flow. Nietzsche is saying that he will knee Sun Tzu in his crotch.)

'Cause I'm N-I-E-T-Z-S-C-H-E,

(Nietzsche spells out his name as a set-up for his next line.)

And I'll end any motherfucker like my name in a spelling bee!

(Nietzsche is a common word used during spelling bees as it is especially hard. Thus, it is usually gotten wrong due to the fact it is pronounced as "Ni-cha".)

'''Plebe? Bitch, I'm toxic like a hemlock sip!'''

(Socrates doesn't believe he is a plebe, claiming his raps are toxic like hemlock, a poisonous drink that was given to him during his execution and killed him with a sip.)

Hang a sandal on the door 'cause you can suck Soc's dick!

(Socrates is referencing the practice of placing a sock or a rubber band on a door knob (typically in a college dorm setting) in order to inform others that the person inside the room is having sex, and thus to not enter. Since Socrates is from Ancient Greece and did not have proper footwear, he uses a sandal instead of a sock. He is telling Nietzsche to ask for some privacy while simultaneously telling him to suck his dick.)

'''Sacrebleu, Socrates! You're making things a little tense!'''

("Sacrebleu" is a antiquated, stereotypical French profanity which equates to "God damn it" in English. Voltaire is saying that Socrates is making things tense by arguing with Nietzsche, his teammate.)

Come, let's blind these Chinese heinies with some shiny bright enlightenment!

(Continuing his attempt to cease the argument between Nietzsche and Socrates, he reminds them that they must rap battle the Eastern philosophers, Voltaire makes a series of puns using the vocabulary of enlightenment in reference to the Enlightened (les Lumières in French), the name of Voltaire's movement of philosophers, whose motto was to "enlighten the people with logic and knowledge".)

I'll not be taught camaraderie from a frog who rigged the lottery!

(Voltaire exploited a monthly Paris lottery, organizing a group to collect every ticket in the city. By the time his tricks were discovered, he had amassed 1 million francs. "Frog" is a slang term for a French person, usually used in a derogatory manner. Socrates is saying that someone who cheated should not be telling others how to get along.)

You make a mockery of ethics so keep your fat nose in your coffee!

(Socrates calls Voltaire a fool in philosophy. Voltaire is known for his fat nose and is an addict to coffee. Socrates is saying to go back to drinking coffee.)

Let me be frank, don't start beef with the Frank,

("Frank" can mean "honest" or "sincere", and is also a nickname for "François", Voltaire's real first name. Further, Voltaire is French and "Frank" was a nickname for a Frenchmen among the English. By referring to himself as the Frank, he is elevating himself above all Frenchmen, and even above the other Philosophers in claiming himself to be an icon, the greatest of an entire nation, which they are not. Voltaire is making a pun off of this by telling Socrates that, in all honesty, he should not be picking a fight with him.)

Who hangs with B. Franks, giving ladies beef franks!

(Voltaire was a friend of Ben Franklin. Beef franks, short for "beef frankfurters", are soft sausages or hot dogs. As "sausage" can be an euphemism for "penis", Voltaire is saying that he has sex with a lot of women.)

The Eastern Philosophers:
'''I have turned them on themselves. Their chaos is our opportunity!'''

(As an experienced general and tactician, Sun Tzu managed to exploit his opponents' weakness and cause them to fight among themselves. He claims this will give his team an advantage, i.e. an opportunity to win the battle.)

We must remember: a bowl is most useful when it is empty.

(Lao Tzu references one of his famous quotes: "Mold clay to form a bowl; it is the empty space which makes the bowl useful", suggesting that the convenient opportunity they have been given to strike against their quarreling opponents is very helpful.)

'''Ugh, Laozi! I don't mean no disrespect,'''

(Sun Tzu doesn't mean to insult Lao Tzu but...)

But you need to fill your bowl with some shit that makes some sense!

(Sun counters Lao's former line, saying that to make better use of said bowl is to fill it with better logic as an empty bowl being useful doesn't make sense to Sun Tzu. It is also a play on words that Lao is full of bull (bowl) shit.)

Oh, you don't want to stand in the path of Lao Tzu today.

(Lao Tzu is telling Sun Tzu not to attack his philosophy. The Tao is referred to as a path in Lao Tzu's Tao Te Ching. In Taoism, it also mentions that you should go with the flow but this time...)

'''I'll make you move, bitch. Get out the way!'''

(...he will move Sun Tzu instead of letting things be. Lao Tzu also tells Sun Tzu to step off by making a direct reference to Move Bitch (Get Out the Way), a song by Ludacris. He also references the book that he has written titled, Tao Te Ching or The Way of Life.)

Yo, where in the tradition of rap battles is it written

(Confucius is saying that asking about the structure of rap battles and how...)

That two dudes on the same team should squabble like some clucking chickens?

(...teammates in rap battles shouldn't be battling each other, comparing it to chickens squabbling. Confucius also refers to the term as tradition, as the Chinese have for their strict traditions.)

Man, Confucius, you always trying to put something in its place.

Why don't you tell your eyebrows they need to fit better on your face?

(Confucius is known for having large eyebrows in sketches and portraits. Sun Tzu mocks this facial feature.)

'''Okay, I see. You wanna make it like that?'''

(Confucius understands that Sun Tzu is looking for a fight and he's willing to give him one.)

I'll smack that warmongering head out of your to-go box hat!

(A warmonger is a person who advocates war. In some Western countries, Chinese restaurants offer Chinese takeout which are usually served in a special takeout box. Confucius mocks Sun Tzu's hat by saying that it looks like a Chinese takeout box and he also says that he will smack him so hard that his hat will fall off.)

So here's the real golden rule: I'm way above you weak rookies!

(Confucius came up with the Golden Rule: Do onto others what they would do to you. Here, he claims that the actual golden rule is that he is the better of both Sun Tzu and Lao Tzu.)

Confucius say you can all hold these fortune cookies!

(Confucius Says is a common term when referring to the way that Confucius speaks, and "holding fortune cookies" means everyone in the battle can hold Confucius's balls, mainly because they're lower than him. Fortune cookies are assumed by many to be Chinese but they were actually created in Kyoto, Japan.)