User blog:Nikki Lee 1999/CALVIN vs HOBBS (the battle you have all been requesting)

I know a lot of AWCs were requesting Calvin and Hobbs be in a battle, but I couldn't think of someone for them to battle so I pitted them against each other. I wrote this is my English class in 45 minutes so it probably isn't very good.

Epic Rap Battles of History!

Calvin!

vs

Hobbs!

Begin!

Calvin: I've been Thinking About You and how much you suck.

You fought Dom but I can tell you two just want to fuck.

You act like a badass, but I can tell that it's lies.

You got your ass kicked by a bald guy one half of your size.

I'm a world wide star. I Invented Disco.

You're just a 'roided up jackass who showers in Crisco.

Your rhymes are as ugly as your fucked-up face.

They're about to find your body in a hopeless place.

Hobbs:

I chose to battle you because I liked your smile.

But, I'll punch you so hard it'll be gone for a while.

You got things Under Control? You must be bluffing.

I'll beat your face until it looks like Sweet Nothing

I'm buff. I'm gruff. I got oil and stuff.

I'll keep toughening up because tough ain't tough enough.

I got a team of diamonds in the rough and I'mma buff 'em up.

Take off the cuffs. My wolves'll rough 'em up.

Calvin:

I'm not one of those brain-dead street racing punks.

When I go hiding you won't find me for 18 Months.

I'm Not Alone in any single one of my songs.

I always get RiRi or Florence to tag along.

Hobbs:

You barely ever even talk! Now hear me roar!

I'm like the Hulk, if the Hulk was fucking six foot four.

I'm Captain America. I'm like a Somoan Thor.

You got 24 hours before I fuck you up some more.

Who won? Calvin Hobbs

Who's next?