User blog:JakeTheManiac/Inside The User's Studio Season 3: Left 4 speed

Inside The User's Studio with JakeTheManiac

Jake: Welcome back to Inside the User's Studio. It's been a very long time since last time we were here. A lot has happened since then. For example, we now have a n(ew) president and by the time the next interview comes out, we will have another n(ew) president. A lot can change in a month. But now that I'm back with the interviews, I would like to say this: I'm not doing the User's Choice. That might have legitimately been a giant waste of time. Anyways, today I have a pretty special guest. This guy is celebrating his 5th wiki anniversary (a month ago). He is the oldest active user on the wiki, ladies and gentlemen, Left 4 speed!

Let's begin: How did you first come across this wiki?

Speed: I was searching for ERB lyrics on Google. That was around October 2011 I think. I came across this wiki.

Jake: Where did you come up with your username?

Speed: This account was originally intended for Left 4 Dead Wiki, hence an L4D related username.

Jake: Third question: What are some of your favorite hobbies?

Speed: Listening to music, resarching about my fandom favorites (TWD, GOT etc), playing basketball, drawing, reading, contemplating about stuff that may vary from simple everyday stuff to stuff about the universe, stalking my crush. The stalking part is pretty embarrasing but fuck it. Doing foreign accents. Singing loud till my vocal chords crack.

Jake: Wow, that's a lot of hobbies.

Speed: I've got like a thousand more.

Jake: Tell more!

Speed: Hmmmmmm. I often think of stories that I wanna write but end up not being able to write them at all. Playing GTA V. Playing Minecraft on my phone. Getting baked. Staring at the ceiling fan in my living room at 12 midnight. And grooming my beard.

Jake: Fourth question: What is your favorite and least favorite ERB?

Speed: Least favorite is Oprah vs Ellen. God, that one was cringy as fuck. It's hard to name a favorite but if I have to, then Moses vs Santa.

Jake: Hmm. Unique answer. Fifth question: Who are your three best friends on the wiki?

Speed: Assy, Leandro, and Grav. Tho I'm rarely seen interacting with these guys on the wiki, I chat with them a lot on Skype.

???: Why are you so hot?

Speed: I get it from you, Sega.

Jake: What is your favorite thing to eat?

Speed: Eggs. Scrambled eggs, hard boiled eggs. Eggs.

Jake: Since you have been on this wiki for a little over five years now, what has been your most favorite memory?

Speed: Early 2013. I consider it the golden age of the wiki. Many favorite memories from that era. Hmmm, let me recall one..... the whole Devilishmind bullshit thingy.

Jake: How about a least favorite one?

Speed: The ones when I stayed up late spending time on the wiki until morning came. I love the wiki, but man, those were horrible. I would sleepfor the entire day, wake up at night, go to the wiki, sleep again when day comes. That went on for about 3 months. That was also back in 2013 I think.

Jake: rip your healthy sleep schedule

Speed: I have it fixed now, thank God.

Jake: Good. But now, it's time to ruin it.

Speed: Wait, why?

(bzzt)

Jake: BECAUSE IT'S AWKWARD QUESTION TIME!!!!

Speed: Oh, bring it on, baby.

Jake: WHAT TURNS YOU ON?!?!?!?!

Speed: Hot girls, I guess. Wait, I think I'm actually gay.

Sega: Yeah, you are.

Speed: No. Hot girls, definitely.

Jake: I HEAR YOU LIKE PARROTS?!?!?!

Speed: Yes. Especially when they're roasted. Parrot soup is good too. Best when served hot.

Jake: YES, BUT DO YOU LIKE TO PUT YOUR PECKER ON THEIR PECKERS?!?!?!

Speed: Who all gets to read this?

Jake: EVERYONE!!!! IT'S A BLOG!!!!

Speed: No one needs to know that I'm a parrot fucker. But nvm tell them about it idgaf anymore.

Jake: YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST, FOLKS!!! SPEED "DGAF" IF PEOPLE KNOWS THAT HE HAS INTERSPECIES SEX WITH TROPICAL BIRDS!!!!

Speed: I'd happily endorse parrot fucking to everyone.

Jake: IMMA GO BUY ME A PARROT NOW!!!!!

Speed: You won't regret buying one. It will be the best decision of your life.

Jake: KINKY AF, SPEED!!! KINKY! A! F! BERNARD PIVOT QUESTIONNAIRE TIME! *ahem* What is your favorite word?

Speed: "Euphoria."

Jake: What is your least favorite word?

Speed: "Cancer."

Jake: What makes you happy?

Speed: Getting what I want. Or who I want.

Jake: Kinky af. What makes you unhappy?

Speed: hmmm…waiting. Yeah. Waiting makes me unhappy, then I get angry, then I realize that I can't do anything about it, then I get unhappy again. Fuck waiting.

Jake: What sound do you love?

Speed: Ambience.

Jake: What sound do you hate?

Speed: The sound of my alarm cock.

Jake: Whoa now.

Speed: Alarm cock can mean the rooster that cries at dawn.

Jake: Fair enough. What is your favorite curse word?

Speed: "Peste". Literally means pest, but here, it is used in the same context as "shit", "damn", or "fuck". An expression of anger.

Jake: A three for one! Cool! What profession, other than yours (if you have one), would you like to attempt?

Speed: Acting/directing. Movie making.

Jake: What profession would you not like to participate in?

Speed: Hmm… Military. I mean, I appreciate their work. I have a fascination for guns and warfare, but I don't wanna get killed in the battleground, die of diseases or hunger during war or get tortured by captors.

Jake: Any final thoughts on this interview?

Speed: I am really honored to have someone interview me makes me feel a bit important.

Jake: It was my pleasure. Happy (belated) fifth anniversary, Grandpa Speed.

That's all the time we have here. Stay tuned next time for another

FIN