User blog:Icey778/Icey Reviews: Stephen King vs Edgar Allan Poe

Edgar Allan Poe:  Once upon a midnight dreary, as I spit this weak and weary,

You're not spitting weak or weary though.

'''I will choke this joker with a trochee till his cheeks are teary! (Ahh!)'''

Choking someone with a trochee isn't possible. Also that's not scary. :/

But y'all don't hear me, all should fear me! No unless you give me a reason.

I'll forever be better, you'll never be near me,

That's a ridiculous claim you have there.

Your books are as eerie as Beverly Cleary!

Nope.avi

You're a faux Bram Stoker, so scram, the show's over.

I'll give you that one, but sadly this battle didn't end.

'''Your flow's so-so, Poe's poems pwn posers! (oh snap!)'''

He's not really a poser though.

I wrote them locked in a cave, while I sobbed in a rage.

You're defeating yourself now.

'''The Tell-Tale Heart beats soft in its grave, while this jerk just beats off on a page! '''

Ok that's saying he loves himself a little too much which isn't true. We get it now how about dissing him with one of his books.

Stephen King:  Oh, you want to talk shop, you gothed-out fop?

Making fun of someone's attire when yours isn't any better is not very smart.

Go back to Hot Topic and shop for a top!

Again your attire isn't that great either bud.

There's a melancholy alcoholic laughingstock!

If you lived his life that might have actually been offensive.

In the King's house, now watch the Castle Rock!

He's not in your house and you really aren't making anything shake. :/

Pouty little poet with an opiate affliction.

Making fun of a drug problem is good right? No wrong.

I'm a workaholic with a fiction addiction.

Cool story, but no dragons so I don't care.

I'm making dedicated readers shivery and jittery.

It's not good when you get assumptive because not every dedicated reader gets scared of your books.

Feel that Rage and Misery!

Nah you've just been making a fool of yourself this whole battle.

You better start Running Man, you're in deep poo, Poe!

You really aren't a threat so there is no reason.

I'm a mad dog, fangs Shining, Cujo!

No you're a human who is being assumptive this battle.

Tommyknock you down till you can't Stand up.

If only you actually could.

You're as soft as Po, the Kung Fu Panda!

He must not have read anything from Poe. Again with assumptions.

Racks on racks cause I pen fat stacks of frightening writing, have you seen the pile?

Yeah I got that after you bragged about your books in these last what 8 lines? You aren't better though.

I can even take a break from my routine style;

How about taking a break from rapping.

Crank out a Shawshank or a Green Mile.

Oh I see now you're rapping style. Due to the fact all you have been doing is making yourself look stupid that's highly unlikely.

'''Masque of the Red Death? Barely blood curdling.'''

You obviously have not read it.

'''Pit and the Pendulum? Not even unnerving.'''

This is true the happy ending was dumb.

'''Perving on your first cousin when she's thirteen years old? Now that's disturbing! '''

This I agree with.

Edgar Allan Poe:  Stephen, you pretend to do it, I've been really living through it,

I will give you this he doesn't know what you had to go through.

Misery and poverty and family woes!

He should be lucky he didn't though.

'''I see through you like pantyhose, doing Chappelle and Simpsons cameos! (ahh!)'''

King already proved you were past a pervert so I'm not suprised.

Even if you're gripping on a weapon then you better get to stepping if you're messing with the horror lord!

The horror lord thing is all just from opinion. Imo Alfred Hitchcock has that title.

'''In a minute maybe I'mma hit him, cut him into itty bitty bits and I'mma stick him in the floorboards! '''

Alright we get it you are nuts and you keep reminding us of your books, but you could have at least rapped two more lines.

Stephen King:  (Sigh) Speaking of bored, you're the worst!

Says that, but look at this guy's attire.

Dropped out of school but you can't drop a verse.

He had a gambling addiction that's not easy to break, but he shouldn't have gambled in the first place.

I could have spent that time better.

So then step off the mic you've already tied with Poe because of all the flaws I have stated about you.

In eight bars, I can write a whole best-seller!

K.

I'm so prolific, this sickly goblin won't be bothering me, I'm on a clobbering spree.

Bragging, being assumptive, and acting like a fool is not prolific. You really haven't killed anything except in your books.

And I'll be smacking you with any of the big thick books in my big dick bibliography!

Yeah going up against a psycho is smart... NOT! Yes we get that you have a thing for Poe enough though.

See, I'm the author with the blood and gore lore galore that'll horrify a reader to the core!

More bragging and assuming.

'''Fame? Money? Talent? Success? You'll always have less, never more! '''  The only things he didn't have was money and success. This means the never more line was false.