User blog:Joeaikman/Rap Battles of Thrones Chapter VII - Rhaegar Targaryen

The Silver Prince was walking through the ruins of the ancient Targaryen palace, his harp in his hands and humming a tune to himself under his breath. He wears armour bearing the sigil of his house, and on his head rests the crown that denotes him as Prince of the realm and heir apparent to the Iron Throne. This place is peaceful. He walks into a large courtyard...

RHAEGAR TARGARYEN

The courtyard is surrounded by villas, and gathered around the outside are men in togas...

VS

"Ahhh, my challenger approaches. He comes, I see him, and now comes the conquering!"

JULIUS CAESAR

BEGIN!

So one morn I found myself in the ruins of the Summer Halls

And a prophecy came for me and told me of a Ceasar's Fall

And all I thought was of the approaching shadows and knives

That would strike many times and claim a degenerate's life

Crassus couldn't pay this debt, Rhaegar is owed his due

So deny the denarii and start to cry before my statue

I've got Valyrian blood, you're an upjumped Thoros in wreaths

Try to cross me and an exile will be Golden in his eternal peace

Great changes are abound, such as your removal from office

So walk through the forum and your senators will soon off it

You best not Darry or Myles will have your head brought forth

For the scores of vultures that gather over this battlefield's gore

I'm the Ruby rapper, you simply cannot af-Ford my high standards

I'll run the Rhine river dry without calling my men's banners

You offed Pompey and family to secure your place in government

I'll finish dragon spit and Rome will lose another man of the triumvirate

Your empire collapsed, and your little island was desolate

Then the conquest brought back lands, but you put an end to it

With a lust for cheap sex out of your marital bed

Lend your ears, my countrymen, he cost his father his head

And he himself was left dead when the hammer came down

He may have been first in line but he would never wear a crown

Upon his traitor's brow because his vassals said no

And now a part time poet tries to test a pro's prose flow

I'm lethal with rivers, flows brought forth like the waters

That slaughters a beat like I'm Lorch and it is your daughter

I was the beginning of Rome, even the Russians took notice

Devoted to my people whilst you caused war with some roses

You claimed to be smitten, but a villain abducted his women

Compensating as he would stiffen at the sight of a griffin

But now besties in exile and there's no way you can fight it

As I wash away this bloody stain like I'm the waters of the Trident

Your paxing must be taxing, so push back off to Asia, Minor

Woe to any usurpers who try to best a truly Promised rhymer

With Fire and Blood I will desolate your pretty city to ashes

And blast rashes from history like I'm a Titan winning Clashes

And the fact is that fate has already decided me as winner

Over sinners who burn their food to gassy giants at dinner

You're known for a literal backstabbing and a fictional play

Whilst my story is true romance, fell in love and stole her away

To Dorne where my love was born, I don't care for my throne

All I need is her and then my heart will truly be at home

''*Rhaegar is surrounded by the sound of battle, a hammer hits him square in the chest and he falls. He lies on his back, dying*''

So wash up your toga, brother, I'll be rocking ruby armour

And even if my body gets taken, I will still love you... Lyanna

*Rhaegar fades away*

Has my opponent given up or was he felled a second time?

Whilst his story may be touching, love doesn't feature in rhymes

He stole a woman, that's illegal, raped her, that's illegal

No wonder by the end he was despised by all his people

So when lions stormed your city and a mad dog took your wife

Raped her hard and killed your son you were forming a new life?

I wonder who this boy could be, three headed in the Snow

Or did I spoil your plot twist, you adulterating fucking emo

You've no purpose in knighthood, fought one battle and fell over

Fighting honourably and justly led to them killing your boner

*Julius walks through the forum but is stabbed by a senator, other gather around and stab him too, as he lies dying*

What is this? A knife? What was it that silver prince did say

Offed by my senators? What another? Another? ...Et Tu Brute?

*Julius fades away*

Who won? Rhaegar Targaryen Julius Caesar