User blog:Hippie Rat/Pokémon GO Dis Rap

Hey yo hi hello.

Before I start, quick update. School's starting soon. School board decided it would be smart to make this summer break end a few weeks early so we're going to school earlier than usual. So I'm going to need a quick break from writing (and I mean quick break, I'll be back to writing really soon here), just to get my brain back in the swing of school things and stuff. I have the fiftieth battle written already, I just need to format it into a blog, and the fifty-first battle is still in writing. After that almost all my other battles are in like stage one of writing so I'm going to need to get a step up on that. Just so you're in the loop, here's some info on my next two battles:

Number fifty is Rod Serling vs R. L. Stine (as both were in my battle number one, The Midnight Society vs The Crypt Keeper). It's not a big battle per se, but it means a lot to me due to the other less-good attempts I've had at writing a battle between the two.

Number fifty-one is The Joker vs The Comedian. It was going to be Lee Harvey Oswald vs Gavrilo Princip but I had to push that one back and push this one forward to get the punchline of the whole "Deadpool introduction" arc from my other season-four battles out of the way after some complaints about them have come up.

Anyway, today we have something a bit different. A dis rap. I recently caved and downloaded Pokémon GO and decided I'd express my thoughts about it through a quick rap. I might make this a series. But it wouldn't just be dis raps, it'd also be gift raps. Gift raps and dis raps all sorta mashed in one series. I only have a faint idea of what else I would dis/gift rap, so if you have any suggestions put 'em in the comments. I'd rather limit these to certain works like a TV show or music or a movie or a video game or something, though I could possibly also dis/gift rap a famous person or something if so suggested. So if you want me to do this again, give me your suggestions for dis/gift rapping.

I give 100% permission to the use of my lyrics in any audio and/or visual production, as long as credit is given where credit is due. A beat can be requested if so necessary. It would also be appreciated that, if any lyrics are used, a link to the production be sent to me. Any questions and/or links can most easily be sent in my most recent blog. Thank you very much.

Also, thanks for taking the time to read this stuff. I know I'm not necessarily anyone's first pick for reading blogs on this wiki, so the fact you stopped by here earns you a Hippie Rat Seal of Approval. They're at least 0.6x as valuable as a Nobel Prize, so it'll get you places.

The Pokémon GO Dis Rap
So I lack a background in the Pokémon franchise,

Save for the memes and themes told on any old website,

But I do know these clip art sprites hitting the spotlight,

In real life is as dumb as any old geezer would realize.

I feel I shouldn't bias my thoughts on inexperience,

So I downloaded the app to see just how cool the journey is,

And gotta say, having these little guys actually in my pocket,

It's kind of a blast, and not like Team Rocket.

I almost turned my whole opinion on this little maybe,

In just a couple hours I was miles down Dale Mabry.

'Fore I looked up just in time to duck a truck,

Perhaps a message at the start just isn't quite enough.

I wouldn't let it deter me, that Chrysler didn't hurt me,

The same amount of Pokémon was around since before it came and skirted me.

Let's count it! Zero, zilch, nothing, nada,

Wait, what's that?! Ugh, just another Rattata.

And don't lash at me, I catch Pokémon disastrously,

A tutorial woulda worked wonders for me,

But now I'm stuck panicking with a Beedrill at this intersection,

Leave the circle big? Small? Where do I throw? Mr. Willow, I would LOVE an interjection!

And no I'm not checking those GO tips my sis mentioned are on Snapchat,

Hippie Rat lacks space on his phone to get another app for that.

Let's back away from that, I'll add one thing that's not bad: I lose fat from this,

Well that's if, I stay active, with a game that I feel worthy enough to stay at this.

But I still think it's overrated, overheating with how hot it's trending,

The hottest thing this summer ISN'T the weather, feels like the world is ending?!

I digress, I got a different bone to pick,

With a certain Instinct, Valor, and Mystic,

Or, the bone they pick amongst themselves,

I shouldn't watch an unrelated livestream where the live chat is nothing but a fight over which team they delve

In. What I'm saying is, it's a turf war that's extended,

To the real world and every corner of the Internet, no matter how relevant,

It's annoying and all, but I also want people to lay off it,

Since it's also just another reason for a guy to show off another monster that happens to be in his pocket.

That's Pokénudes, all poking out the screen at you,

Man, don't you have other apps to get people to Pik-at-chu? Ew!

I heard about these GO offers at my local McDonald's and zoo,

They're in on it too? Big businesses taking us for fools?

I'm only screwing with you, but I can still raise an eyebrow, at how,

It's so huge these fat cat dudes are Snorlaxin' and relaxin' on unwitting publicity, wow.

This lifestyle's crude and unusual, the weeaboo toddlers are now out of high school,

It's huge from the kids to the grannies, it's total insanity, how can something for children end up so cool?!

Well, if SpongeBob did it, this would be more of a laugh to me,

I backed myself into a corner over my own hypocrisy.

I'm honestly appalled at how I went off on it,

It's nostalgia that fuels this and the adrenaline of living it.

...

If there were such adrenaline! Send hell if it's gonna win,

I stumbled for hours and met fifteen fucking Pidgeys 'fore calling in

Quits! I'll be back in the morning but for now I'm in mourning,

Over how often you found Poké's in any other games you can tour in.

Is it just the suburb I view,

Or are Pikachus actually as rare as a Mewtwo?

I heard a guy drowned when he tried to catch a Magikarp,

Dude saw a Growlithe but he didn't see the speeding car,

This game's a distraction badder than any tweeting or texting,

How embarrassing when the obituary says "death by inattention."

Did I mention how lame and cringy it feels,

For Hillary Clinton to try to be "hip" and "with it"? Don't it make you reel?

Yeah, she's better than Trump, but fuck those white-ass dabs and whips on The Ellen Show,

Point is, "Pokémon GO to the polls?" I vote "no".

Epilogue
But hey, I have a Raticate now. I named it Pizza. I don't know why, it just seemed like a fun, quirky name. Maybe the whole point is just that it's a fun, quirky game. I shouldn't be nitpicky, I should just play and have fun. This game is probably going to turn me into a much more social person now that I think about it. In like a day of having this game I probably walked more than I've walked throughout the entire rest of the summer. If I just get enough practice and start playing along with the fun this game will probably end up leaving me a better, more social human. "Carpe diem," they say. Anyway, hope you guys enjoyed, have a good day.