User blog:Captain Coder/Coding Literal Reviews ~ Slender Man VS The Rake

I think this could be a good series for me to partake in when not doing something else. First up, we got SuperThingsOnCups *shudder* fanmade Slender Man VS The Rake.

Slender Man:
'''HA! Slenderman here just in time to static your ass!'''

First things first dude, static is an ADJECTIVE, not a verb to "static his ass". Trying to hard to sound like other battles already

I'm playing with children, you're just a thing of the past!

The Rake didn't really come much after YOU did, so that last part makes no sense. Not to mention how playing with children has NOTHING to do with being "hipper" than the Rake, just a self insult.

'''You're the Rake? Wow, so much fun here, stick!'''

In case you didn't see the other title card, yes, he is. Who are YOU to insult him for being a "stick"

You're always naked with nothing while I have a slender dick!

.............. two things you just randomly compared, and come on dude, do we need ANOTHER slender dick joke? Not to mention ANOTHER self insult.

You stole my way to stalk, your story's outrageous

No more than YOURS is, and it's come to who can stalk better? Get a life.

How bout you step inside my game to find my eight pages?

You spend all this time insulting him, now you want him to play your game..... k.

I'm Slender Man, the best stalker in the universe

Watch out guys >_>

'''You're always second, but me? I'm always first!'''

In what? Rapping? Stalking? Comma splices?

The Rake:
Just to get this part outta the way...... STOC... put some fucking clothes on....

Yo, i'm the Rake, i'm great, all you need is a break,

So now the Rake talks like some cracka gangsta. And why would you suggest a break to him? It's a battle, not hospitality hour.

I'm better than a faceless suit-wearing bitch for god's sake!

It's kinda the whole point of the battle to prove you're better, but elaborate

I am popular, I was on the fucking news!

Slender Man is obviously more known than you are. And a fake small town local news brodcast? Whoa man.

And you stole my idea, you should be sued!

You pretty much ripped off his other line. Also, I'd love to see you try and make Slender Man go to court.

You're just a manniquin, I'm every kids nightmare!

No he's not....

I have a mouth that grows slowly, you won't think it's fair!

.........wut?

'''Oh, you have clothes? Well at least I have a face!'''

We don't give a fuck

Let's play a new game, it's called, the Death Race!

That made no sense whatsoever

Slender Man:
'''I FOUND YOU! This is a great night to play hide and seek!'''

Wait... the Rake's right in front of you, and you JUST found him. And the whole time this battles been happening and you all of a sudden say you want to play hide and seek.....

Your story was written by a drugged up creep!

You seem to have the assumption that the Rake gives two shits about who his author was

The videos for investigation, I bet they were fake!

You don't say?

Now excuse me, I have to scare a shit named the Rake!

I think Slender Man is legit Alzheimers and short term memory loss or something, losing the Rake right in front of him and now going back to scare him right to his face.

The Rake:
Let me stomp this "horror" so we can finish this off

Of all the things you can do, you want to stomp someone about 8X your height.

When I was reading your story, I got bored then coughed!

................ cool story bro?

After two verses of your crap, I've finally had it

After all the verses of THIS crap, I'VE had it.

Now let me finish this battle by making your screen static!

Three things. One, contradicts your last threat to STOMP him to finish this. Two, the Rake doesn't make people's screen static, he slices and dices them with claws. Third, really? ANOTHER "make your screen static" line?

Outro
Well, this was actually pretty fun for me. If you liked this or thought it was funny in some way, say so in the comments. Also tell me which bad battle (ERB, Youtube battles, or Wiki battles) I should review next.