Talk:Vlad the Impaler vs Count Dracula/@comment-25874117-20191025110759/@comment-31574768-20191025112712

Epic Rap Battles of History!

Count Dracula...

VS!

Vlad the Impaler! BEGIN!

Vlad: Imagine forests of corpses, dripping on a buffet,

You call that a nightmare? I call it a Tuesday

Vlad Dracula, spawn of the devil

Dipping my bread in your weeping blood vessel!

Scorched the earth from Hungary to Wallachia #

I inspire fear, you inspire Count Chocula

Step to the Turks and the bodies started dropping

Put my foot on Ottomans like I was furniture shopping

I save my stakes, no need crucifix

I kill you with Olive Garden garlic breadsticks!

I butcher men, women and children like cows

Put more meat on swords than Fogo de Chao!

Dracula: Does this mic still work after that ‘blah blah blah’?

Check one... two... ah ah ah!

The flex of a real spirit princeling, can’t vex me

‘Cause I nibble necks and I make it look sexy

I’m universally known for intrigue and desire

I shapeshift into mist and bone Winona Ryder!

Slick hair, popped collar, and a damn nice cape

While you’ve got less taste than a ??? rice cake!

Your rhymes are empty, like I leave vascular systems

I’d grant you the privilege of being Dracula’s victim

But the thought of biting you makes me get nauseous

You don’t look like the type who’s keen on neck washes!

Vlad:

Did you shapeshift those punchlines? ‘Cause they ‘mist’

Your skill’s like your reflection: it doesn’t exist!

Turn your 'taint' to a 'tis', when I put a stick through ya

Haven’t seen a sucker this soft, since ????

Get beat by Count Dracula? You’re smoking crack-ula

I dunk on your wack-ula raps like I’m shaq-ula (Oh!)

I’m Vlad to the bone, Vlad the hat-nailer,

Vlad that commits heinous acts on rats, ask the jailer!

You leeched my name, you pale son of a bitch

And your pale ass gets beat by the sun at the beach!

Your slick hair and cape are all flappy razzle-dazzle

But at end of day you’re a bat, and that’s only half a battle!

Dracula:

Wow! I didn’t know that you could read

That’s great... now let’s see if you can bleed! (*hiss!*)

Ha! You thought the sun could kill me? Not true!

I’m the vampire so cold they called me Nosfer-atchoo!

My syllable delivery is devilishly intricate

I rock the house, once I’m invited into it

And here’s a tidbit, that you can stick a stake up:

You’re losing so bad you should join team Jacob!

Renfield!

(Renfield): Yes master?

Call a doctor, not Seward (ugh!)

Cause Vlad the Impaler has just been skewered!

Who won? Who’s next? You decide! Epic... hahaha... ahahaha! Rap Battles of History!