User blog:Awesomesix/Awesome Rap Battles 11: Dr. Phil vs Sigmund Freud

In the sixth reinstallment of Awesome Rap Battles, famous T.V. doctor Dr. Phil faces off against the genious Sigmund Freud to see who is better at finding solutions.

Battle Information
Originally relased: May 14, 2014

Characters: Dr. Phil, Sigmund Freud, Lindsay Lohan, Vlad the Impaler, Hannibal Lecter

Battle
AWESOME RAP BATTLES 2.0!

DR. PHIL!

VERSUS!

SIGMUND FREUD!

BEGIN!

Dr. Phil:

Come on and sit down, Sigmund, let's have us a little talk.

About how you think you're superior with your inferior cock.

Today, I've got three patients we need you to examine,

Who all seem to have been struck by a sanity famine,

Patient number one, please come and have a seat,

Miss Lindsay Lohan, how do you do? Tell us, please.

Lindsay Lohan:

Hello, doctors, I have a problem, in case you haven't seen,

I've gone from kid friendly, to the female Charlie Sheen.

I went from the Parent Trap to apparently trapped,

In a psychotic world, where I go through nothing but crap,

I wanna go back to the time, where I appear on a screen,

And people don't make fun of me, like I'm the rehab queen.

Sigmund Freud:

Well, first off, Miss Lohan, let's cut straight to the chase:

You're not insane, just a bitch who shoves drugs in her face,

Also, the only thing bad about you is your sense of fashion,

But I admire how you care about human traffic, it's just tragic,

Phil, this wasn't a challenge, it feels more like a joke,

So show me someone so insane, you've got 2 more to go.

Dr. Phil:

Well then, how about a talk with the truly blood craving,

If this doesn't spell insanity to you, then you're just crazy.

The lunatic of the past, who brought nothing but terror,

Without further ado, here's Vlad the Impaler!

Vlad the Impaler:

No sane man would step to me; this battle's a huge stake,

I'm Vlad Tepes, motherfucker, and your blood I will take,

You're some freak, diagnosing little bits of grey matter,

I'll sip your blood like its tea; just call me the Mad Splatter.

People call me Dracula, because losing to me really bites,

Fuck that Twilight shit, I'm the true terror of the night.

Sigmund Freud:

You're no terror, just a bloodthirsty, idiotic, deranged cretin,

For someone who clearly lost their head, it was fitting you got beheaded,

Phil, I've had it with your pathetic picking of perplexing patients,

If you really wanted a battle, there's no need for this arrangement.

Dr. Phil:

Nonsense, Sigmund, the man who supports motherly incest,

I'm just finding people that have conditions to fit your interest,

Stop being a bitch, and start acting like a mental dissector,

Your final task is to go against Hannibal Lecter!

Hannibal Lecter:

My flows will eat up these poor bastards like...well, me,

Try your hardest to ever get inside my inner psyche, bite me,

I'll slaughter you like a lamb and eat you up like breakfast,

Not afraid of a white male Oprah, and a doctor who's sexist,

Decipher this, bitch; I'll make you into a nice dish of Balut,

I'll send true fear through your body, make your eyes dilute,

I'm insane in the membrane, but there's no need for a fixin',

When I cook from the book, I raise hell in the kitchen;

So quit that bitchin'! I like my meals silent, not screaming,

You nerds think you can cure me? Hell no, you're dreaming.

Dr. Phil:

So, Freud, do you care to step back into the feud,

Or did you get so scared, that you left the room?

Admit it: I won; I broke you, end of story, good riddance.

Don't ever stretch the truth if you can't handle the distance.

Sigmund Freud:

I didn't leave, oh no, so far from it, in fact, I'd rather stay,

And turn your brains to mush the philosophical way,

You're no menace to me, you just meddle in the field of teen crisis,

But by far you're the worst, because out of all, you lacked excitement.

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

TUNE IN TO FIND OUT!

AWESOME RAP BATTLES, 2.0!

Who won? Dr. Phil & his team Sigmund Freud