User blog:Obamabot 3000/Mussolini vs Charlemagne I

The first and last installlment of my muy cool rap series "ok rap battles of shit'. Dont worry the rest of this is unironic but I had to include some epic self loathing to make myself relatable o shit I just realized I had to make a cover for this. here.

Charlemagne:
It is Charlemagne the first of the E’s to the R,

with an H for “Holy shit he’s got bars!”

I’m Europe’s grandaddy and a tactical genius,

And after this battle Imma still reign undefeated!

Cause I’ll corner you and take you over, like it’s Africa!

And then I’ll get you to meekly surrender, like it’s Africa!

Because you’re weak, poorly armed, and horribly equipped,

And this battle will be the beginning of your end! (also Africa)

So do yourself a favor and stay away from the mic,

Unless you want the public to despise you for a second time,

Fuck it, you can wall yourself off while you at it!

Like the Pope when he found out you were talking mad shit!

So listen, here's some tips on how to be a good ruler,

Don't invade the Greeks to try and seem a bit cooler,

Don't send your tiny little armies to the Soviets,

And don't I mean don't stand by Hitler when he's boasting shit!

Cause let's face it, you're nothing but a hype man,

Halfway into the war and you try to hide? Damn!

Pull a World War I and switch sides before it gets bad!

Because this ain't even roasting, it's an all out attack!

Mussolini:
Charlie let's admit it, that was painfully average,

If you're gonna shoot me then you would be handicapping,

Like your left leg, that verse dragged for days, You should’ve made it short like the guy who stole your name!

You’re Charlemagne tha God awful when handling a mic, Einhard was mad right, man you really can’t write! I'm so sick on the track you can call me Ill Duce! Perhaps you are my father, I’ve got issues with you! I'll break you up like your kingdom when your kids got older, So you can call me Scottie Pippin when I’m balling all over! You messed with the Bulls, now you’re getting the horns!

You’re about as legit as when your eighteenth son was born!

Charlemagne:
Shit, wanna talk about kids? Oh this Romano's Full of it,

Your grandchild couldn't handle Jim Carrey on some twitter shit!

Mussolini:
At least she wasn't fighting her own family for lands to take,

Ironic, Europe's father didn't have his kids well raised!

Charlemagne:
Dude, you’re the guy who embarrassed Hitler,

He had to help you out when you were closest to the shitter!

I mean look! the Axis were fighting off Russia and the US, You crumbled under some Greeks and Africans man you’re useless!

So I will call you deuce cause you are shit all around! You couldn’t get beat harder if I hung you upside down! I’m slaying this beat like Saxons who didn’t convert, So you better hope that you and the Pope are on good terms! Nobody likes you, not the Vatican, your allies,

The actual Allies, your country, the kids you baptized

Mussolini:
That verse fell shorter than your dad ever could,

Should've shelved it, like your library books, Speaking of which, how's it going not reading em? I'm just finished up my 24th volume of Nietchtze, So does your weak brain compare to this Ubermensch? Hell no!

and I'm claustrophobic, so we ain't even close! You're finished, your star has fallen, you're in the past! You got your name taken by some midget on a podcast, I'm sharp like chest pains, and they're splitting like Berlin! I haven't spoken to this big of a pussy since Chamberlain!

Oh shit! You just got played like a Saxon-phone,

You can suck my dick and have more even kids at the back of your throat! You got libraries to preserve cultures through peace and wars, So your kingdom's ending must've hurt bad like a Charlie Horse.

omfg guys it's Julius Ceasar
I came to stop this war, y

ou guys should be friends,

and take this battle off the floor

So you guys shouldn't fight and stop this test,

And I'll get Brutus to tell me who's the best!

Hey brutus who's the best?

ouc h
 * gets stabbed 23 times in a row then dies*