User blog:Dark Cyan/CyGIR Rap Battles 35/1: Pines Twins vs Olsen Twins

Hello, everyone. And welcome to CyGIR Rap Battles!

This it it! The official debut of CyGIR! (inb4 nobody reads this or cares after all this)

And there would really be no more approprate battle to launch this partnership than a Gravity Falls battle, now, would there? :p

This battle features the Pines Twins, Dipper and Mabel, go head to head against the Olsen twins, Mary-Kate and Ashley, to see which set of Mystery Twins really rules television

I wrote for Olsens, GIR wrote for Pines (of course)

Enjoy!

Beat: Oops!

(Dipper is blue, Mabel is pink, Mary-Kate is violet, Ashley is yellow )

Olsen Twins
(starts at 0:21)

*Phone rings*

We’ll get it! Olsen and Olsen Mystery Agency!

We solve any crime by dinnertime! Or else! Or else solve it belatedly!

What’s that, Ms. Northwest? A pair of rival Mystery Twins?

Don’t worry, we’ll put them in their place! Now let the screen spin!

(The screen transitions, and the Olsen twins are now in a shopping mall)

We’re the original! Household names! Honestly, you should get a Clue

So just split up! And read your cheat book! To crack you, It Takes Two!

It’s hardly a mystery why even a Duck puts shame to your way

Because the definition of ‘solve’ is not to stumble upon a monster then run away!

Pines Twins
(starts at 0:42)

Citizens of Gravity Falls! We invite you to Mary Kate and Ashley's defeat! What WAS that cheese?

They're from the 90's, Mabel. They think they're better than us? Oh puh-leaze!

They're a disease to TV screens! That's true, but what I'd really like to discus;

Is how the Heckahedron this Gleeful team had more episodes than us!

It's a mystery. Definitely! Absolutely! *Fist Bump* Let the REAL Mystery Twins sleuth this!

This'll be messy! Beg to Jesse. We have NO mercy when we spit ruthless. (Let's do this!)

Cause I've got Several Rhymez to block tots whines of prime time, I know how ruuuude it is!

And we find it kind of ironic; The whiteness of these two actor kids!

Olsen Twins
(starts at 1:04)

(The Olsen Twins are replaced by their adult selves)

Chill, girl! Did I miss the moment when Dee Dee started to snack,

And got the same fat figure as her hack uncle who owns a failing shack?

As for Mr. Sherlock, thinking he’s cool or manly. He’s not even thirteen!

I see you gazing at Wendy, kid. I wouldn’t want to de-Cipher your wet dreams

We’re a brand! We own Dualstar! We’re the fashion queens, while you’re still childlike

(Ashley knocks Dipper’s cap off)

In case you don’t know from living at the Falls, this is what a successful business looks like!

All the weird shit in the woods, but it is your home that’s truly ghastly!

Go back to your Scooby-Doo shtick, but remember you got owned by Mary Kate and Ashley!

Pines Twins
(starts at 1:25)

Ahhh! Dipper I told you NOT to raise the dead! No Mabes, let me explain.

These "zombies" are just washed up older Olsen versions. Oh, Okay!

So the Two Of A Kind Schnooks Gobbel-dy gook's just a grab at attention? Exactly.

That explains the new look! Take my Grappling hook to latch onto that burnt-out fame Ash-ley!

Under the seams, these Drama Queens aren't what they seem! Let's do some meddlin!

Ew! Backstage your "fashion's" off for celebrities. Even Armstrong's pedallin!

Bringing lyrical Weirdmaggedon! So Little Time left to expose;

Joke's worse than Joey's! And bigger pigs than Waddles! The winner was US. Case closed!

WHO WON? Dipper & Mabel Mary-Kate & Ashley

Hints For The Next CRB:
Hint 1: Rasputin, Stalin, Lenin, Gorbachev, Putin

Hint 2: Isn't that chick from TMNT an idiot sometimes?