User blog:JKGame/Dan (Dan Vs.) vs AVGN: Epic Rap Battles of the Universe

Hello there.

This was supposed to be out a really while ago, but I sort of scrapped it as I lost interest in the matchup overtime. Now I decided to resurrect this and finish what I started. Dan was always an interesting character that I wanted to use at some point.

Also, this is the, what, the fourth time I'm including a story? This was inspired by TCalderon's recent battle Isabelle vs Fluttershy which is a pretty good battle! I suggest you check it out! There are a FEW similarities, but I really wanted to make it different and not just me copying his intro.

Also, next time I'm gonna be releasing finally another installment of Fire Emblem vs History as well as update on Season 2.5 of My Little Rap Battles!

"Renowned Internet video game reviewer, The Angry Video Game Nerd, and the guy with bad anger issues as well as the main protagonist of the show Dan Vs., Dan, battle each other to see who's the better ill-tempered grown men who go against things they despise in over-the-top ways."

Prologue
Dan was returning home after a particularly bad day. He got a parking ticket, was stalked by a ninja again, and Burgerphile removed his favorite food off the menu. At least he had a new video game he wanted to try out. He opened the door to his apartment, only to see it being completely different from how it originally looked. There were shelves of games everywhere, consoles can be seen stacked on top of each other, and worst of all, someone was sitting on his couch. Someone with glasses and a white shirt with pens in pockets.

"What the-" Dan blurted, "What are you doing in my house?!"

"I was just f*cking sent here for some reason so I changed it up to fit my style." said the mysterious guest.

"Who even are you?! Don't tell me you're my imposter again!"

"Imposter?! Do I look like you? Anyway, I'm the f*cking Nerd. Or The Angry Video Game Nerd."

"Oh, hello, Angry Video Game Nerd. Get out of my house. I have a new video game I want to try. It's called E.T.-"

"F*CK NO!"

The Nerd immediately pulled out his NES Zapper and shot it at Dan's game, shattering it into a million pieces.

"WHY DID YOU DO THAT!" Dan yelled, "THIS WAS THE ONE THING THAT COULD'VE MADE MY DAY BETTER!"

"Oh trust me," The Nerd assured, "It would've made your day a whole lot sh*ttier!"

At that moment, Dan couldn't take it anymore. This "Nerd" was already getting on his nerves by being in his house, and his shattering his game, the one thing that coud've made his horrible day at least decent, was the last straw.

Dan's face turned red as he put his arms in the air and bellowed out,

"ANGRY VIDEO GAME NERD!!!!"

Battle
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF THE UNIVERSE!!!

DAN!

VS!

THE ANGRY VIDEO GAME NERD!

BEGIN!

AVGN:
I'd rather watch 2016 Ghostbusters than sit through your piece of sh*t show!

I'd probably need lots of Rolling Rock just to tolerate your flow!

You had a Flash game? I had to go back to the past to play that!

But it wasn't even worth the effort, 'cause guess what? It sucked @ss!

Can I spell it out? You're the biggest poopyhead of all poopyheads!

How can you beat a grown-up if you get your @ss kicked by f*cking kids?

You're messing with the guy who beat Freddy Krueger and the devil!

Your house is like one massive sh*tstain, and I thought I was surrounded by filth!

You're your worst enemy, 'cause you're nothing but Karkat's imposter!

You'll be more beat up than your car like those bonus rounds in Street Fighter!

Watch this! This is gonna scar you harder than your childhood!

This sh*t clogged up his network! Glad they cancelled you for good!

Dan:
Wow, this manchild really thinks he's on top of me with that verse?

This Sh*t's now got himself in a Pickle! I'll make sure to give him what he deserves!

I know my Shakespeare, and you're not even on par with his rhyming talent!

Makes sense why you're such a loner when you're always beating up your guests!

I'll reveal your skeleton in your closet or under your couch in your case!

In the end, Bugs Bunny will replace you again for your series and for Mondays!

Being all Campy to make people laugh, but I'd say you're just Atrocious!

Everyone's tired of angry reviews! Your beliefs of relevancy are prepostrous!

My Attacks will leave you Screwed like the channel that brought you on Board, James!

The closest thing you have to getting laid was when you played those saucy Atari games!

With your constant screaming and insults, you're like the Bill O'Reilly of gaming!

For someone knowledged in movies, how do explain your disaster on the big screen?

AVGN:
You couldn't score with Hortence and even your dopey friend first got a wife!

I swear the guy behind that Zelda Rap can better rock the Mike!

At least I target just sh*tty games, you targeted an entire country

All for what? Just because you got maple syrup all over your body?!

I could understand the citizens from Simon's Quest better than your motives!

Tried to R.O.B. an entire bank all to get your hands on some measly fifty cents!

I'm the rage on the Internet, you got overshadowed by some pastel horse!

I'm giving you both middle fingers (spins around) at full force!

Dan:
Flip all the bird you want, I'll just shoot them down like it's a game of Duck Hunt!

Your toilet jokes can't ever land as if they were the plane from Top Gun!

Dare to box with me and I'll punch you through your boxes and your idiot box!

I'll be you and you be the Joker, I'll be sticking your lyrics up your rectum!

I've experienced real trauma! You got PTSD just from freaking E.T.!

You're old news! You're bigger mistake than Chris being with Elise!

It took a mediocre Mega Man game for you to finally quit!

F*ck this piece of sh*t! I had more Nostalgia watching the Critic!

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!!!

EPIC RAP-

(A loud farting noise can be heard.)

-BATTLES OF THE UNIVERSE!!!

Epilogue
The Nerd and Dan looked at each other, writhing with hat as they stared down each other. This didn't last too long, though, as they heard a familiar voice, at least for the Nerd.

"Eeeh, what's up, doc?" said Bugs Bunny.

"Oh great, another jerk in my house." Dan sighed.

"What the f*ck are you doing here?!" AVGN yelled.

"Eeeh, while you f*ckers were busy arguing and making sh*tty raps, I took over BOTH of your shows! Now it's The Angry Video Game Bunny and Bugs Vs.! Isn't that great? Dan, your show gets to continue after being canceled, and Nerd, you're free from playing sh*tty games! I even have appropriate clothes for both series!"

The Nerd and Dan stared at Bugs in horror and then turned to face each other. They nodded and smiled slowly, as if they were telepathically agreeing that while they were enemies at the time, Bugs was the bigger enemy here. They then faced Bugs again, ready to beat him up and finish him once and for all.

Poll
Who won? Dan AVGN

Trivia

 * I Hate Everything was originally gonna appear as the third rapper, but he was in the end scrapped.
 * Chris and The Nostalgia Critic were going to appear as back-up rappers for Dan and AVGN respectively. Maybe for a potential sequel?

Hints for upcoming battles (Mostly for Fire Emblem vs. History)
2. A battle between two epic concept crossovers with one of the franchises being crossed over being a JRPG. One is a popular franchise with a recent game released and another is a rather obscure game from the Wii U.
 * 1) Battle between two intimidating red-headed warriors. Here are some pictures to go with this hint:

3. It's not like I'm doing this royale just for you, b-baka!