User blog:Loygansono55/Epic Rap Battles of Dafuuuuuuuq 25

The crowd goes silent as Satoru Iwata walks on stage, ready to talk about games and shit.

Satoru Iwata:

Hello, everyone. I-

Iwata is interrupted by gasps from the audience as Reggie Fils-Aime walks on stage, ready to talk about shit and games.

Reggie Fils-Aime:

No you don't! Fuck no!

A random woman and her drunk boyfriend climb onto the stage to announce the impending rap battle.

EPIC!

*burp*

RAAAAAAA- *hiccup*

RAP!

BATTLES OF WHAT THE FUCK!

SATORU IWATA!

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH, V-VERSUS!

REGGIE FILS-AIME!

A security guard runs after them with a taser gun, but not before taking over as the announcer.

BEGIN!

Satoru Iwata:

Don't cut me off when I'm talking about shit!

I present ass beatings... directly to you, so just quit!

I unboxed Wii U! Now I'll unbox my wee! (Woo!)

So you can lick it! Please understand that it's huge!

Reggie Fils-Aime:

My body is ready! To kick. Your ass!

You want me to lick your wee? Nah, I'll pass!

I talk about shit better than you! But I talk about games worse,

Would you look at what's inside my purse?!

Reggie opens his purse to pull out something, but Koji Kondo burts out of it.

Koji Kondo:

It's the best: Koji Kondo! You're both little cunts, though!

I jumped out of your wallet, now I'll make off with your dough!

I compose the best themes, but you compose the worst memes!

Your butts will now need Kondo-curing cream!

Masahiro Sakurai, who has been standing in the middle of the stage the whole time, is fed up with this nonsense, so he grabs a microphone.

Masahiro Sakurai:

Sakurai here to Smash Balls up in this B!

When I shove you off this stage, you will all clap for me!

I made a soft, pink puffball tougher than you freaks,

Face me, and your bladders will be like Smash 4: Leaked!

''The audience is now completely silent, save for one man. Glowing radiantly, Shigeru Miyamato does a backflip for no reason and flies on stage, leaving a crater, several dead bodies, and a copy of Super Mario 3d World in his wake.''

Shigeru Miyamoto:

Die.

It's-a Mi, 'Yamoto! I'm not your amigo!

You're all my little toys: amiibo!

You probably touch little boys: a pedo!

... I said die.

Kondo, please! I've played better tunes than you on Wii Music!

You're losing! I'd look cooler than you in Link's tunic!

Just die!

''Everybody who was in the audience has now left, along with Satoru Iwata, who had to make a prompt exit because his wife was making her special casserole. Also, the actual announcer is back.''

WHO WON?

I PERSONALLY THINK THAT MASAHIRO SAKURAI TOOK THAT ONE!

BUT NOBODY CARES ABOUT WHAT I THINK!

OH, I'M JUST THE ANNOUNCER, IS THAT IT?!

MAYBE YOU SHOULD THINK ABOUT MY FEELINGS FOR A CHANGE!

YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO BE OVERLOOKED CONSTANTLY?

THIS IS JUST LIKE MY CHILDHOOD ALL OVER AGAIN!

I HATE YOU, DAD! I WISH YOU HADN'T SURVIVED THAT CAR CRASH!

FUCK YOU, MAN!

THIS JOB IS SO LONELY!

THEY ONLY EVER FEED ME COLD SOUP, IT'S HORRIBLE!

MY NAME IS ACTUALLY ARTHUR!

SOMEBODY GET ME OUT OF HERE!

'''Will somebody answer the announcer's calls for help? Will the security guard catch the woman and her drunk boyfriend? Will Satoru Iwata make it home in time for that delicious casserole? Stay tuned and find out!'''

Who won? Satoru Iwata Reggie Fils-Aime Koji Kondo Masahiro Sakurai Shigeru Miyamoto