User blog:Kungfuguy27/Big Daddy vs SpongeBob

LYRICALLY INADEQUATE CRAP BATTLES OF WHATEVER THE FUCK

BIG DADDY

[The background of Big Daddy’s abode is extremely atmospheric, suiting the visual style of the Bioshock franchise, from which he emerges. The foreboding hallway, dimly-lit with the only clear light illuminating the goliathan himself, provides a sense of emptiness in the scenario. The hall seems to stretch on infinitely, a hopeless situation suiting a character who could arguably represent the aggressive, primal instincts of man, stuck in an endless cycle, without much meaning, in the long run. Through a glass window, scratched and scraped as a result of decades of use, there is a peek into the ocean, aiding in providing further fuelling for the fires of thematics within this set. The ocean, specifically the deep blue represented, makes someone feel rather… inescapable. Claustrophobic reactions would be common, assuming this setting were to be real. The threatening, bleak outside, of which no human could survive a trek through, boosts the thoughts represented by the seemingly endless hallway, that being, the feeling of repetitive hopelessness, implicating the world around us, being the chief contributor in the endless cycle of life’s pitiful existence. Within this setting, the culmination of such thoughts stands, in an unbridled rage. The Big Daddy is, without a doubt, a beast. Though he is suited up in a vaguely-advanced, vaguely-progressive armor, it is becoming dated, and is little more than a shell, to hide the beast. Within the illusions of advancement, lies the same primal beast as would have existed within nature, millions of years ago. The seething rage of Big Daddy suits said point. The Little Sister, meanwhile, takes his hand, signifying that, though the Big Daddy is a monster, by nature, it is not entirely impure. Its actions, on an individual level, hold purpose. It is not changing the world, nor is it improving it. It is another passenger, on the ride of infinite repetition, known as existence. However, in its own small way, it has values. It has love, it has life. Though the hallway is long, and the ocean is frightening, and living beings are aggressive, primal beasts in their roots, there is, still, love. There is a point, on an individual level. That is all that matters for the Big Daddy. Maybe we should take a lesson.]

VERSES

SPONGEBOB

[just a fucking pineapple i don’t know]

BEGIN!

 SPONGEBOB (Gary) :

Ahoy!

Quit acting so coy!

You look like a lame toy!

Who would be played with by a lame boy!

(Meow.)

I’ll flip your attitude!

With my delicious Krabby Pattitude!

I’ve got a good attitude!

With my delicious Krabby Pattitude!

So, why don’t you buzz off?

Dude!

 BIG DADDY (Little Sister) :

Who lives in a society under the sea?

(It’s Big Daddy!)

Who will tear your ass open for the price of free?

(It’s.. Still Big Daddy..)

Rip you into pieces, burn you like your Krabby Patty!

(I… I said it was Big Daddy. I already said it.)

The only reason you’re yellow is you’re soaking in pee!

(If you won’t listen, I won’t speak.)

SPONGEBOB:

Hey

Hey

Fucking piece of shit fucking little fucking armoured fucking pussy

I’ll fucking cut you

I’ll fucking end you you little piece of fucking feces

You piece of shit fucking bitch fucking tits fucking fuck

No

No

You can’t speak that way to me

No

Ever met Squidward?

Squidward is my fucking bitch

I got muscle I got fucking I got fucking Patrick Star

Pull a fucking Legion this is a fucking freestyle

Fuck

Patrick Star that N-word*

You know he’s a fucking Starfish

It’s in his fucking name his parents were descriptive

Fuck

He’s a fucking starfish those fucking NIGGAS* regrow their fucking

Limbs

Your fucking what your fucking drill?

What are you a fucking dentist?

No

You’re a piece of shit

That’s what you are

(Meo-)

Shut the fuck up Gary jesus fucking christ

What the fuck do you do around here Gary jesus

Give fucking

Give Ash

Give Ash a rough time

Fucking pisses me off

What the fuck did Ash do to you

You’re ten

What the fuck

Why the fuck

Why

Why do you have a fucking

A fucking car?

And in that car you have a brothel

A fucking brothel Gary

Get back to bed

Get back to fucking bed

Prepare your fucking anus

I may have all the ho--

(Meow)

SHUT THE FUCK UP GARY OR SHOULD I SAY GAY-RY

YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT DISASTER

There’s a reason your grandpa can’t fucking remember you

There’s a reason

There’s a reason your grampa is a fucking ALZHEIMERS ASS BITCH

But like also cause you SUCK Gay-ry

CHRIST

Anyway Starfish

They regrow limbs

You have a fucking drill what the fuck are you going to do to me

I look like a fucking swiss cheese with pants anyway

As a child I would cry due to it

I would cut myself

With like a Spatula and the Spatula

The pain was the only way I felt love right?

Now I’m better

I only like burn myself on purpose sometimes

Allows me to masturbate

(Meow--) NO GARY YOU DO NOTHING FOR MY PENIS ANYMORE

My penis is malleable for I am a sponge

They call me Spongey-bob Squarepants

This one bitch named fucking SALLY SQUIRREL or some fuckin I don’t know

We were getting busy one night

And so I’ve been looking forward because squirrels am I right?

So like

We get in bed and shit

I take off my fucking Square-ass pants

And my dick

She tries to suck my dick

As I am a sponge

It becomes just damp

I am a beast

I am not a man

I am not a SPONGE

Sponges can’t FEEL

What fucking MONSTROSITY am I

(Speaking of monstrosities--)

Please stop talking

(Big Daddies can’t rap!)

Neither can you and we are in a rap battle so please

But wait

You have a point

Niggsy who the fuck is you

[Seeing through the symbolic facade that is scientific and societal advancements, symbolized through the accusation that Big Daddy, through all of the hiding that we, as a society, are still primal beings, Gary “Go Back to Fucking Bed Or Else I’ll Throw You Down the Stairs” Oak, with further confirmation of suspicions by Sponge “I Am Sexually Attracted to Krabby Pattys” Bobsquarepants accuses Big Daddy of truly being an undeveloped beast. As if the bolts were dislodged by such an accusation, Big Daddy’s metallic shell comes into pieces, all spectators watching with baited breath, as they await witnessing Big Daddy’s true form....]

[It’s a fucking Man in an Ape Suit.]

[Not even a good Ape Suit.]

[I quit. Good luck, dickwads.]

 MAN IN APE SUIT (Little Sister) :

… fuck

(No! My illegal possibly beastial boyfriend!)

I’m not clear on the canon of the Bioshock franchise, Kung. What is the relation between the two?

Hey, can we talk about the Gay-ry thing--

Any sort of Freudian thing? Would people get offended by this joke?

No, but, y’know, my name’s Gary irl and I’m uncomfortable with--

Hey, shut the fuck up. I did this one, Blub. Fish on Fish Writing.

…

Don’t ellipses me, mister.

I think I’m gonna… gonna go to bed.

Make sure to be awake. We’ve got a trailer to write.

BRANFU SEASON TWO // ← cross this out when you post, Kung. Pull your weight. Fatass.

BRANFU SEASON ONE POINT FIVE.

BECAUSE CAVE ASKED FOR IT, I GUESS.

JUST REMEMBER, SUCKER MCs!</span?

YOU CAN’T KEEP A MIDDLING SERIES DOWN!

*Naughty