User blog:TKandMit/Jason Voorhees vs Hannibal Lecter. Epic Rap Battles of Mitstory S2 - The Spooky Special

Blah blah blah, I did this intro already but then I accidentally lost everything, so ye, I get to make this blog again. TODAY, I bring you a very spooky special, as this battle will be in celebration for Halloween, which occurs Friday. SO HERE WE GO! I hope you all love it <3

Oh. It is also very, ...very long. So brace for a long session of reading. I also recommend listening to the provided beats.

Cast
Epic Lloyd as Hannibal Lecter, Chucky (voice), Jack Torrance

Zach Sherwin as Jason Voorhees, Michael Myers, Pennywise

Nice Peter as Freddy Krueger, Alex DeLarge, Grim Reaper

Jesse Wellens as Leatherface, The Headless Horseman

Alex Farnham as Norman Bates, Billy the Puppet (voice)

Dan Bull as Alex DeLarge (voice)

Battle - Announcer starts at 0:13
Epiiiic raaaaap baaaattles of Miiiitstoryyyy!!!

JASON VOORHEES!

Versus!

Haaaaaannibal Leeeecteeeer!!

Beg-g-gin!!

Hannibal Lecter
Mr. Hannibal Lecter, good to finally see you, lovely dear boy Jason

I’m a cannibal, never met a cliché like you, I wonder how you’ll be tastin’

You came back a few times, you can’t die? Oh, you’re in for a fright,

I’ll slice and dice you before you put up a fight, you’re my main course tonight,

I wonder what drowned liver with fava beans and Chianti tastes like...

A simple culinary knife; maniacal mind against awful Friday the 13th Five!

Where’d you get a machete in the first place? Who has that at Crystal Lake?

I’d love to dispose of you as you lay, but a disgrace like you would be a waste!

Jason Voorhees
A foiled cannibal can’t so simply step to the baddest of the bad,

So what do we have? A maniac, Silence, you brainiac Lamb.

Jason, the face of all evil, what you think of when I say “Slasher”

You’re a pure psychopath? Ha! You’re just a Lithuanian bastard.

Voorhees’ a jolly good fellow, you’re strapped to a dolly, dear fellow,

Just go to your cell, now, wallow in pain and just mellow,

You can’t beat me, I kill those who just see me! Face it, you can’t kill!

From the Red Dragon, but can’t spit fire, I’d prefer to meet Buffalo Bill!

Hannibal Lecter
Your raps are all the same; “I’m gonna kill you!”, “I’ll rip you apart!”

Come on, son, at least act like your smart! To hell with it, I'll eat your heart!

Hannibal and Jason, the clash of a man in his hockey mask, no wit,

Facing defeat to my straightjacket, now put the lotion in the basket.

It’s Halloween; pumpkin season, sprinkle you and you’ll be eaten!

Jason, please, it’s pathetic how easily you’ve just been beaten.

Jason Voorhees
Thinking you’re all high and mighty, pfft, stop your all sophisticated whining,

You got caught by the FBI, that’s what you DON’T do after cannibalizing,

You’re born in the 40s, an old man with ‘the finger’ deformities.

Courteous, he is, acting like he can beat J. Voorhees!

I’m the most fearsome villain! I strike fear in millions!

You? Krueger? Ash Williams? I defeated all of them!

Freddy Krueger
Want to put your money where your mask is, Jason? Ha! I’m back, bitch!

Freddy’s bringing pain, more a head of you than your own mother is!

Oh, and Hannibal is here, I don’t think we’ve formally met;

Hi! My name’s Fred! Sleep tight, it’ll leave you off dead!!

What can you even do to me? Your arms are strapped,

You wear a mask, you can’t even properly rap!

Tired or not, I’ll be right here, I’m your biggest Nightmare!

Beware, Jason’s in despair, you eat without silverware!

Were you raised in a barn? I’d kill you, but that scene costs extra,

Settle this villain vendetta, I spit hell, and, “Tell him Freddy sent ya.”

Jason Voorhees
God fucking damn it, it’s you again. You’re scary? Nah, that’s funny,

Oh and look what day it is; Friday the 13th, I guess you’re just unlucky.

Hannibal, trust me, this guy is nothing, just a hothead,

That’s because he was burned down and was hunted!

Hannibal Lecter
I deduced as much from his presence and facial features,

Killing teenagers? Hmm… eating you will only be sweeter…

Freddy Krueger
Sweeter? HA! You think you’re evil, please, I’ll conquer you easy!

Yeah, I kill teens, what’s it to you? You eat human meat!!

One, two, Freddy’s coming for you,

Three, four, I got some backup, too…

Michael Myers - 0:27
This is Halloween, you cannot beat Michael Myers,

Killing kids and teenagers, these jokes aren’t real fighters.

I’m the Busta Rhymes of horror, you can’t endure it no more,

By the time you stalk four, I’ve already killed that Laurie whore,

Between Doc and Jason here, they’re just goofy, crazy, and loony,

Step up your game, like Mortal Kombat or Call of Duty!

Chucky
Hi, I’m Chucky, wanna play?! I’m the fucking best in this battle, boy!

Jason’s a masked asshole with a machete, I’m a possessed toy!

You can’t hurt me! Whether you’re the cop, partner, or voodoo doctor!

You’re fucked up humans, I’m both a doll and a monster!

I’ve been in car crashes, fire places, Jason ain’t shit to me!

And notice how Lecter sucked so bad, he got only one movie!

''[*A television rolls in between the five rappers, all of them face the screen. Billy the Puppet appears through the static.*]''

Billy the Puppet
I want to play a game: I’ve rounded up even fiercer enemies,

Whether it’s insane mentally or with a large amount of weaponry,

You will see soon all the incredible obscenities we watch on TV,

Especially each and different felony committed, fearing dreadfully…

Leatherface
^Vrinn vrinn* HAHA! Jigsaw said that y’all want to face off!

I’ll rip y’all apart, a Texas Massacre, I’m packin’ a chainsaw!

I grew up this way, I’m naturally born to be a killer,

All you are are just one-off time sinners- Ha! I’M ILLER!

You’ll face calamity when you meet my family,

And Hannibal, please, don’t be a rip off of me.

Pennywise
Look at you, Leather, trying to save face and eating it, too,

I’m Pennywise the Dancing Clown, bitches, you know I’m coming for you.

Billy the Puppet and Chucky the doll, this isn’t Toy Story, kiddies,

And you know what’s burned, black, and red all over? The face of Freddy’s.

I’ve done this shit before, I’ll leave you all like I did The Joker,

And you’ll truly know who the winner is when this battle is over!

Hannibal Lecter
This is outright preposterous, obnoxious even, it’s ridiculous!

I can’t prepare so many disses to serve as my best cold dishes!

Jason Voorhees
How many times are you going to talk about eating people?

All of these idiots are just wannabe’s of me, the root of all evil!

Alex DeLarge - 0:30
Well, viddy well, if it isn’t fat, stinking Billy goat Billy Boys in poison,

All you yarble-less suckers do this for revenge, I do it for enjoyment!

Oh, I was cured, alright! I’m still sick from the Ludovico technique!

The lot of you kill teens? You devochkas surely never met me!

You’ve fallen unlucky, Freddy’s ugly, Lambs have fallen to Silence,

Now…who would care to join me in a bit of the ol’ ultraviolence?

Jack Torrance - 0:24
I would, again, guess who it is! *chop chop* IIIIT’S JOHNNY!

Myers’ ruined by Rob Zombie, I’ll chase you out my lobby!

Alex, how’ve ya been? I’ll still leave ya screaming “bloody hell”,

I must axe you a question; “How was your stay at my hotel?”

Hannibal Lecter, you just bit on more than you could chew,

Note it down when I kill Krueger and his abortion, too!

Norman Bates
Tony Perkins, uncertain if you killers are serious

Because when Norman steps in this battle, it’s curtains,

Putting the hurt in you monsters while you’re still lurkin’,

Most fearsome is Bates, as he ‘bates in his skirting,

As he’s creeping, don’t take a shower while I’m present,

My mother’s descendant representin’, don’t lie to me, peasants!

Jason, make a reservation, I’m sure we will have a fun time,

But all in all, at the end of the line, we all go a little mad some times.

Jason Voorhees
Ah, yes, the boy with mother problems, an alcoholic,

And a British twat who follows Ludovico’s logic!

Hannibal Lecter
Yes, we’ve had inept idots; Penny, Freddy, Leather the inbred,

Torrance, Chucky, Michael, Jigs, and finally Alex DeGenerate.

This started as Voorhees vs The Lect, only except,

After Fred joined in, he open the floodgates…who the hell is next?

The Headless Horseman
I say nay, this battle is over, neigh, time to take this away!

I’m the Headless Horseman, my fame brings the pain!

Neigh, I say, I’ll be rapping until my voice is horse,

And when all of yours are ripped out your corpse!

There’s no contest, I’m the symbol of Halloween,

Trick or treat, bob for apples on the Thirteenth,

I’m the original, then horror became famous and you all followed,

You’re all from shitty slasher films, I’m from Legend of Sleepy Hollow!

This tournament’s being conquered, you knuckleheads,

So, stay still as I carve into you like pumpkins, kids.

The Grim Reaper - 0:13
...HAHAHA! BOO! Horseman’s no original, I am Death itself!

I’m too spooky for you fucks, you all will be burning in hell!

That’s cute, guys, come at me all you want with those puny knives,

I’ll take your soul and Reap it with the bite of my fucking scythe!

Hannibal! You kill and feast upon the weak, you’re Bill’s snitch,

Jason and Norman’s following their dead mother’s bitch’s wish!

Freddy was burned before anyone insulted him, I’ll light you ablaze,

Chucky’s a possessed little toy, charred or not, he’s just crazed,

Myers is a dumbfounded, troubled kid, obsessed with:

Pumpkins, Loomis and a babysitter, that fuckin’ bitch,

Pennywise, hell, what a demon I’ve found, I’m taking you home, now!

You fucking clown – actually, it’s less embarrassing than Norman’s gown.

Can’t tolerate Torrance nor Alex, you two disgraces of Stanley Kubrick,

You were outsmarted by a kid in a maze, are you drunk or just stupid?

Leatherface? HA! Have at me, you can’t make a mask outta skulls,

The slasher villains have taken a fall, your weapons are dull!

Finally, we have Jigsaw, mastermind behind all this,

The worst rapper villain I’ve ever… SAW, bitch,

Well, that’s about it, Thirteenth and Halloween have been weakened,

With that, I bid you adieu, taking you all with me. Happy trick or treatin’.

Who won?! Jason Voorhees Hannibal Lecter Freddy Krueger Michael Myers Chucky Jigsaw/Billy the Puppet Leatherface Pennywise Alex DeLarge Jack Torrance Norman Bates The Headless Horseman The Grim Reaper