Lao Tzu

"We must remember: a bowl is most useful when it is empty."

- Lao Tzu

Lao Tzu battled the Western Philosophers as part of the Eastern Philosophers, alongside Confucius and Sun Tzu in Eastern Philosophers vs Western Philosophers. He was portrayed by KRNFX.

Information on the rapper
Lao Tzu was a philosopher and poet of the ancient Chinese period. He is best known as the reputed author of Tao Te Ching (道德經) and the founder of philosophical Taoism (also known as Daoism), but he is also revered as a deity in religious Taoism and traditional Chinese religions. Although a legendary figure, he is usually dated to around the 6th century BC and reckoned a contemporary of Confucius, but some historians contend that he actually lived during the Warring States period of the 5th or 4th century BC. A central figure in Chinese culture, Lao Tzu is claimed by both the emperors of the Tang dynasty and modern people of the Li surname as a founder of their lineage. Throughout history, Lao Tzu's work has been embraced by various anti-authoritarian movements. He is often considered one of the most influential philosophers of all time.

Lyrics
[Note: Lao Tzu's solo lines are in  yellow, while Sun Tzu and Confucius are in regular text.]

Verse 1:
This type of arrogance is sure to be expected

From men who speak of wisdom with no clue of what respect is!

You Westerners are sloppy, needing discipline in life.

You lack control of yourselves and of the mic.

While we use precise strikes to disrupt your concentration,

Hand you an ass-whipping our descendants will honor for generations!

We filled a nation  with patience and the presence for living,

And you'll never hold a candle  to the wisdom we've  written!

Verse 2:
Bitch, I wrote The Art of War so you better get your guns out!

These white boys getting burned 'cause guess what? Now, the Sun's out!

Asians spitting sick, but no, this isn't SARS!

Laozi, kick the beat; now Confucius, drop some bars!

Let me be Candide with you, Voltaire,

French drip with the egg noodle hair.

Your ego's just so distracting.

Free speech doesn't mean just keep yapping!

And you killed God so I gotta ask:

Did he die of shame when he made your mustache?

You tried to plant a new German psyche,

But you just grew hate; me no Third Reichy!

And it all starts with you: you're the father, Socrates!

Honestly, I think you owe both of your students here an apology!

Verse 3:
I have turned them on themselves. Their chaos is our opportunity!

We must remember: a bowl is most useful when it is empty.

(Ugh!) Laozi, I don't mean no disrespect,

But you need to fill your bowl with some shit that makes some sense!

Oh, you don't wanna stand in the path of Lao Tzu today.

I'll make you move, bitch. Get out The Way!

Yo, where in the tradition of rap battles is it written

That two dudes on the same team should squabble like some clucking chickens?

Man, Confucius, you always try to put something in its place.

Why don't you tell your eyebrows they need to fit better on your face?

Okay, I see. You wanna make it like that?

I'll smack that warmongering head out of your to-go box hat!

So here's the real golden rule: I'm way above you weak rookies.

Confucius say, you can all hold these fortune cookies!

Trivia

 * He is the fourth rapper revealed by being edited into a background that isn't his own, after Jack the Ripper, Alfred Hitchcock, and RoboCop.
 * Coincidentally, all of these rappers made their appearances in Season 4.
 * He is the first rapper to make his own beat (by beatboxing).
 * He is the first team rapper to not rap at all during a verse.