User blog:Captain Coder/Coding Literal Reviews 6 ~ ERB10's Justin Bieber VS Santa Claus(e)

Part two of Season One's Coding Literal Reviews kicks off with an EpicRapBattles10 battle. Now, this guy is notorious for being one of the first fan-made shitty rap makers, so this should be fun. This was suggested by my friend, YypX, in chat. Comment below on your opinion, and thanks for coming!

The Review:

 * Is sitting through Mr. Monotone doing this 30 second intro and is about to doze off

Dude, you don't need to do this, just leave it to the public who won. Also, you've got about as much emotion as a fucking apple. At least ACT like you don't know this battle will be crap. Not mention... you paired up Charlie Sheen and Rebecca Black.... who the fuck did you THINK people were going to vote for?

Justin Bieber:
I'm a pop star, you're a made up figure

Then, what the hell are you doing? If he doesn't exsist, then are you legit just rapping to some picture of Santa Claus?

And I bet my dick is 20 times bigger

Claus is made up... meaning 0 inches of dick on his part. 0 X 20 = 0, dumbfuck.

I sing in front of crowds that always cheer

Debatable. Considering your performances, it's usually a custom to cheer for whoever that is there on stage that THEY chose to go to. Just because some morons buy tickets to your shit, doesn't mean that you're some great thing for making them cheer, it's what's expected of them.

You only come around once every year!

As you've proabably noticed, i'm not adding a capital everytime like he did. Sorry, ERB10, I'm not going to type like MeltingPotOFriendship for this whole damn thing just because you don't understand how words work. Anyway, he may only come around once, but he gets a hell of a lot better reviews than you do. Quality over Quantity, Bieber.

I bet you don't even have a mother

Impossible. In order for a human to be created, it's, oh i don't know, a scientific fact that anybody has to come from SOME mother.

And with that beard your the white version of Osama's brother

Why does it have to be his brother? Can't he just be the white version of Osama? Just because the guy has a beard doesn't mean that he's some terrorist. You WISH you had one like his. Oh, and it's "You're"

And every single one of your Christmas Lists

Mmmhmm?

Is a wish to get a Justin Bieber kiss

Wait, everyone of his LISTS or WISHES on said lists? You said the former, which makes no sense. It's not a list if it's only one thing.

Santa Claus:
Your time is up, I've hoped that you had fun

You have been hoping he'd had fun? Is Santa witnessing this battle long after Bieber rapped and his know just getting his verse out? What's the point of the "I've"?

How is your dick bigger when you don't even have one?

See? Santa knows his math.

I've heard many stories, but this one is new to me

You can say that again.

For Christmas, you wished that you would finally hit puberty!

Okay, I have to give it to ERB10, that rhyme was decent.

Stupid little boy, no matter what you say

Yes?

You will always be 100% gay!

Which is a BAD thing, obviously! But damn, that's pretty impressive to actually be formed, on a cellular level, of absoutly nothing but pure gayness.

I have millions of boys and girls as friends

Not really. I mean, as soon as they see they ain't getting anymore free shit from you, I promise, you're losing ALL your "friends"

But I'm never going to deliver to your house again!

Oh snap. Probably a good thing anyway, you'd probably get egged or shot down by some SWAT officer camping outside the mansion.

Justin Bieber:
"Santa Clause, I just thought you should know"

Clause? Wait... what? That's not his name! Did you really mistake CLAUS, his name, with that movie and you decided his name was "Clause"? Jesus Christ, this is even worse than not doing research, IT'S BASIC KNOWLEDGE!

"You will never in your life get a HOE, HOE, HOE!"

And? Santa has a dedicated wife he is probably happy with, why would he even want hoes? Just because you have to resort to hoes to get some, doesn't mean everyone else is that sad.

"I don't even want to see Mrs. Clause" 

Well, I don't know who this Mrs."Clause" is, but I'm sure the feeling's mutual.

'''"She's probably uglier than the shark from Jaws!" '''

Well, you can't really judge a human's looks based on a shark's looks. You shouldn't even be bullying some random lady named "Clause" who's not even in the battle or related to Santa "Claus" anyway.

"Everybody already knows that you're fake"

O ...... Oh no... NO!!!!! But seriously, obviously not, or the tradition wouldn't be alive today.

"And when you get up to walk, you cause an earthquake!"

So, by your logic, this fake thing you're rapping against is causing earthquakes when it walks.

"People get lost inside your jelly roll" 

Highly unlikely, Santa isn't THAT huge of a person, I'd be extremely difficult to impossible for someone to hide in a roll of his fat.

"And you want your elfs to suck on your dirty South Pole!" Man, it's ELVES, as in multiple elves. This is hard to watch.
 * Winces

Santa Claus:
"Santa Clause is here to end this shit!"

Where is Santa Clause? Is he the third party rapper? If that's the case, then he can introduce himself, you know.

"When you have your period, you need a first aid kit!"

Unless Bieber's vagina is extremly lacerated, cut, torn, and damaged, I seriously doubt that.

"In school dodge ball, you probably get pegged!"

Eh, that's probably true.

"And I saw that video at your concert when you got egged!"

How the hell do you get good internet up in the North Pole? This also begs the question what you do all year, if you have time for watching Justin's videos.

"Nobody wants to hear your high pitched voice"

I'm sure some do, considering how he has a huge career, like it or not, in singing.

"They woul rather die if they had a choice,"

Actually, I probably wouldn't end my life over something as stupid as Justin's voice. That's be dumb as fuck.

"I'm saying this for a very good cause"

Alright, let's hear it.

"Think twice, before you fuck with Santa Clause" 

Okey Dookie, I'll make sure to keep that in mind if I ever run into some guy named "Santa Clause". Thanks, Santa Claus!

Or stop the battle.... what all does this announcer control here?
 * Dramatic announcer "Cover your ears!"

Justin Bieber:
"The fans love me so I'll add another verse."

No, you're adding another verse because ERB10's Announcer is a total pussy pushover.

"If you're such a role model, then why did you just curse?"

Santa isn't really a "role model". That'd imply kids would want to grow up to BE the next Santa. Santa is just sort of respected and appreciated.

"Is that a sac, or is that your purse?"

It's neither. It's his SACK, you dumbshit.

"The more I go on, your raps get worse!"

Then why did you keep going on? Oh well, at least Santa is the bigger man, and won't-

Santa Claus:
"That's right, Santa has autotune too!"

.....Are you fucking kidding me?

"I have a much bigger and badder crew"

Involving "Elfs"? Whatever organization E.L.F.S is, it will have a job in taking down psychotic Belibers.

"The ladies love me more than you,"

That's gross. You're like, what, hundreds of years old?

"How many rappers have beat me? Very few" 

Wait, you do this often? And you're admiting that others have beaten you in the past? Who then?

"Very few"

No, Santa, I mean, WHO of those few.

"Very few"

What the fuck is wrong with you?

"Very feeeeEEEee-"

-_- ah fuck it.

Outro:
Alright, glad to be back in the swing of things and doing these. Leave a comment below on this and which I should do next. Next one coming very soon!