User blog:Awesomesix/Epaise Rap Battles of Coupe Made this: Santa vs Scrooge

Time for a Crhistmassms special, kiddies

strap in tight

this isn't my car

Battle
FOR FUCK'S SAKE!

DO I HAVE TO?

FINE....

AWESOME... GO FUCK YOURSELF... IT'S SANTA VERSUS SCROOGE.

YOU CAN DO THE OUTRO, I QUIT!

Santa Claus:

Scrooge, you must change your ways!

I have no ghosts, but I give presents on Christmas day!

And I’ll gift you with an ass whooping, you dense fuck!

Give up being rude, and be nice, you schmuck!

You’re a ho ho ho, now give me some cookies!

Maybe if you weren’t rude, you’d be good looking!

Like me! My jelly roles get Mrs. Claus excited!

I’m throwing a Christmas party, but you’re uninvited!

Ebenezer Scrooge:

The name’s Scrooge! I’m about to Ebenezer Splooge!

You’re getting Screwged! Your raps are all Pooge!

Bah Humbug! Lick my cum up! It’s pretty yum, yup!

Merry Christmas, you faggots! It’s gonna be a white one!

My dick’ll grow three sizes before I penetrate your tush!

I have bigger nuts than George Bush, this’ll be over soon, so shoosh!

Bitch!

I’m going to cum down your chimney, you can sue me if you want but it honestly doesn’t matter to me in the slightest because I’m rich!

Jack Frost:

Woah there, Scrooge, that was naughty.

I’ll deck your face will balls of holly.

I am Jack Frost, because I’m cold.

Santa is really, really old.

Unlike me. I’m young.

You’re all so dumb.

I make kids numb.

Yum yum.

The Grinch:

I stole Christmas like a bitch!

I got a fucking badass song, call me Lilo and Stitch!

I’m so green I’m mean!

Cookies and Milk:

Green machine mean

The Grinch:

I’ll wrap you in paper to blind what you’ve seen!

Santa’s not real; he’s just a figment of the imagination!

Christmas is just an excuse for a kid’s vacation!

Scrooge is pretty cool, but those ghosts man!

Frost’s jokes are as worse as talk show hosts, man!

Fucking Christmas just gets dumb and dumber,

OH SANTA? Go back to being a toilet plumber!

Frank Sinatra:

Boom!

Tim Allen:

Hey, it’s Tim Allen, I think it’s Tool Time for me to kick your butts!

My raps are so sexy; it’ll make you all Buzz!

I played you Santa! (That ho!)

Played a Krank! (that mofo!)

Was friends with Richard Karn! (yolo!!!)

I’m an actor in my prime!

Freddie Mercury:

Prime!

Tim Allen:

Beat Don Rickles in a dime!

You are Lightyears away from defeating me!

I beat all you pricks! Call me Freddy, cuz IT’S ME!

Jack Skellington:

I’m so spooky, so so so so so spooky. Boo.

Grinch, I’m here to steal from you! Yoo hoo!

You Who, you’re ew! I’ll kick you to Timbuktu!

I don’t have shoes! Santa, I’ll steal from you, too!

Woo! That was tiring! I need to poo! Ew.

Easter Bunny:

Ooh! Christmas? More like, suck my dick, miss!

I celebate Jesus's death? Do I? Don't dismiss this!

You're fat and old, and so are you Santa!

When Tim's around, it's easy to keep my pants on!

Lllama:

5!

Easter Bunny:

Ooh! Whatcha gonna do!

Llama just said his own IQ!

Jack frost and Scrooge both are ugly and disgusting!

What are we discussing?

Elvis Presley:

We're discussing my album, buy it, please.

All the ladies love me, indeed.

I love bananas, but I don't love Santa.

You're fatter than Scrooge while he's overdosing on Fanta.

Yuck! What the fuck! Santa with a tummy tuck looks like Jack! Gross!

Tim as Santa is obese! No!

Grinch, go steal a soap and drop it! You green pube anus!

I'll kick Jack Frost way up into Uranus!

Snoop Diggity:

Yo, hommie. Snoop Dizzle here to teach you Christmas.

Don't be a dummizzle shizzle, let it drizzle some glitters.

Hand me my chisel, I got y'all a new commandizzle.

I have doves that can make me a businessmanizzle.

Boobdove:

I'm so majestic

Snoop Diggity:

Listen to the fat fuckizzle, you really need to change, yo,

Your underwizzle so you can be a much better man, yo.

Also, like the fuckizzle, I'll make you sadizzle and exited.

'Cause I'm throwing a blunt party. You're still not invited.

 *Being hungry, Snoop Diggity opens the fridge and sees...* 

Banana:

They said I would never survive that slice... well, I'm back, and I brought the Food Gang!

Christmas Potato:

Time for potato to desecrato you great ho's.

Waito a second, I do not rato you eighto out of eighto!

I'mma splooge on Scrooge and Jack off on Jack Frost!

Make a feast of cummy on the easter bunny no matter what the cost!

Don't deny me, I will fry ye like a french fry-ee!

Look up in the sky, see, it's a... spicy lichee!

 *Christmas potato steals all their wallets while they look up to the sky* 

Fruit Cake:

don't wish you a Merry Christmas! And I don't wish you a Happy New Year!

You can suck the fruit cake's fruit, that means you can suck my dick, y'hear?

Can you go away? It's obvious I'm the winner!

Just like, go and drink paint thinner!

My favourite Christmas movie is Elf!

You can suck your dick yourself!

Cause you're flexible, well, not really, but you will be when I break your spine!

Victory is mine!

\o

o/

\o

o/

\o

o/

\o

Figgy Pudding:

Figgy Pudding, Feggy Pudding, "Fuck you" ~Pudding

Foggy Pudding, I can't see because of all this Fog Pudding

I'm pooping, stronger than Putin, rootin tootin, give you the boot and,

Forcefully thrust my humongous erect penis into your anal cavity and make you scream in agony!

Frank Sinatra:

BOOM!

Freddie Mercury!

Ass!

Piano: Yo, it's a piano, I'm not a banjo,

Fo sho, need some tuning, dammit oh so,

I have more keys than a janito,

Greatest instrument existing on the planet, hoe!

my raps are sharper, louder, finer!

I kick your flat ass, outta here, you're just minor,

and I'm a major pain, it's pedal to the metal,

I come in so many forms, you never have to settle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Beethoven:

FUCK THIS PIANO IN PARTICULAR!

 *Beethoven tosses Piano over, causing it to explode into a million piece and reveal...* 

Jesus:

Don’t panic, Scrooge, but you’re about to crash!

I’m J.P. Morgan  Jesus Christ, the Ghost of Rich Dudes Past,

Who’s properly rocking the Monopoly mustache!

Yo, I own the railroad, I run these tracks!

You got dumped on a bench, now you’re pissed at the world!

You should’ve made like Sebastian, and kissed the girl!

Because your greed is the curse that’s gonna tear you apart!

Nobody calls me chicken!

Kanye West:

It’s Yeezy, take it easy, Scroogy, be like me!

Have a sexy face like me, now everyone likes me!

If you weren’t ugly, people’d like you like me!

Be kind and rich like me, be loved just like me!

Kanye! We all love Kanye! I make the best music!

Kanye! I’m a rap god! (Fuck you.) I’m the next Jesus!

(That doesn’t rhyme, and it’s false, you jackass fuckass.)

The last line is Kanye! We all love him! If you’re a hater, fuck you asshat!

Alfred Hitchcock:

That was a close encounter of the turd kind.

But there won’t be a pretty ending this time.

 *a giant shadow is cast over the entire battle, revealing itself to be...* 

Magikarp:

Blub….

NO THERE WON’T! OH! I’M THE FISH GOD!

AND THE RAP GOD! YOU SUCK MORE THAN TAMPONS!

I AM THE GREATEST, CALL ME MUHAMMAD ALI!

I MELT FACES! CALL ME A MICROWAVE! BEEP!

I AM THE STRONGEST POKEMANZ! GOTTA CATCH ME!

I MAY NOT BE AN EMINEMZ BUT MY RHYMES ARE STILL CATCHY!

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, EXCEPT FOR THE JEWS! FUCK YOU!

AND TO ALL A GOOD DAY AFTER DECEMBER 22!

AND ALSO A GOOD CHRISTMAS, AND CHRISTMAS EVE!

I THINK I SHOULD LEAVE!

Loygansono55:

Oh, Salutations. My name is Loygansono55, and I will be your announcer today.

WHO WON?

Captain Warrior:

Not Loyg.

Loygansono55:

I wasn't even in this battle, plz.

Captain Warrior:

That's why you didn't win, plz.

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU!

I'M COMING FOR YOU!

YOU'RE GONNA DIE!

IDFK

Awesomesix:

10/10! Perfect! Lovely outro!

Cookies and Milk:

Cookiesandmilk

 Who Won? Santa Scrooge Jack Frost Grinch Tim Allen Easter Bunny Elvis Preslet-nope Elvis Press-fuck Elvis Presley Snoop Diggity Jesus Kanye West The Food Piano Magikarp

Special thanks to Grinch, Bobdave, Nail, Tiger, and Loyg for help!