User blog:The Flatwoods Monster/baldivsmonika.txt

back to school kids.

Titular teacher with an advanced sense of hearing from the surrealist "edutainment" horror game "Baldi's Basics in Education and Learning," Baldi pits poems against the president of the literature club and self-aware, unrequited lover Monika from "Doki Doki Literature Club" to see who's the better reality-bending, glitchy horror parody to take place in a school setting.

Credits
Random Encounters as Baldi

OR30 as Monika

Beat:



Intro




Baldi: (0:07)
Oh noes!!! Someone forgot to toss their weeb and now I gotta sweep!!!

I better stock some chocolat sweets. Yawndere’s make me wanna sleep!!!

Let’s warm up with my favorit subject; Answer correct for a cash prize!!!

Three dead friends plus three dead ends equals??? Six of the best!!! That’s right!!!

Your reward; a shiny quarter!!! Worth twenty-five more sense than your poems!!!

I hear the creak of every door hinge; so I’ll shut one you left open!!!

You’re out of your league!!! Like the nerdy wimp your girls are flirting with!!!

I’m all A’s, but even B-Soda's still won’t quench your thirstiness!!!

When it comes to schoolhouse horror, you can't graduate past Kindergarten!!!

And I just get angrier for every waifu war your game has started!!!

First prize for worst rhymes is just Monika’s!!! Wow!!! You exist!!!

No breaking the fourth wall in the halls!!! Deletion for you, miss!!!

Monika: (0:45)
Do I even have to say it? It’s in the title; Baldi’s basic!

I just got my pencils sharpened, so brace yourself for today’s ‘tip!’

My rivals always jump the rope, but let’s play a round of hangman!

I’m serving buttered toast for breakfast, topped with thinly-spread game-jam!

Sayori! Be a peach, and rewrite our bald friend’s presentation speech.

I’d rather snap my neck than play SCP Edutainment Breach!

Your reality check; smacking children isn’t okay, everyone!

Are your quizzes rigged, ‘cuz whipping kids is the only way you’re getting sums?

Instead of collecting cash to burn and keep alit your sequel schemes,

Go scraping for ‘fan donations’ from underneath the vending machines!

Your yardstick only carries you as far as YouTube thrills can!

Fifteen seconds, attention for you! Enjoy it while you still can!

Baldi: (1:24)
I thought I’d hear raps that bad!!! There’s room for improvment...

Youre're no one's favorit doki student. Load the tape and face the music!!!

In addition; your aggressiveness has put a great divide

Between you and your player; minus them and now you’ll never multiply!!! Haw-haw!!!

Monika (1:37)


Can your excellent ears hear the fact that no one likes math?

Okay, girls! Today’s homework is to make this man a missing poster!

A poem never ends, but Baldi’s rhyming days are over.

Outro
Who won? Baldi Monika