User blog:El Alamein/Yondu vs. Mary Poppins. Epic Rap Battles of Things That Don't Make Sense.

After the rousing success of Count Dooku vs. Hagrid (which you should go read to acquaint yourself with this series if you haven't done so yet), my friends and I continued on our quest to come up with the most ludicrous ERB suggestions possible. This time, I am afraid I must claim responsibility for the monster that is this battle (and I'm quite proud of it), which has been set to the tune of Gordon Ramsay vs. Julia Child. Not as much of a backstory for this one, but, hey, that's pretty much all it took. So, without further ado, I present my second affecionate parody in the newly-christened "Epic Rap Battles of Things That Don't Make Sense."



Beat: Gordon Ramsay vs. Julia Child



VS!



Begin!

Lyrics
Yondu

And that's how you find the Infinity Stone.

Right, Mrs. Poppins, welcome to the MCU,

We've got exactly three hours but still no room for you

Because we're in the fucking weeds with all these characters to fit

So you can stand behind Stan, but that's about it

I'm a bounty hunter, you're nice Nanny McPhee

I've got Infinity Stones, you sip infinity tea!

I'm cruising through space like Neil Armstrong with superheroes

And I'm shitting on you and your cartoony zeroes!

Mary Poppins
Oh isn't that a wonderful thing?

A grumpy blue Merle who thinks he can bring

Enough sugar to make the medicine go down

Against this happy nanny who doesn't know how to frown!

I rock raw as chimney dirt on top of this space squirt

Been working my boy Bert since you left Starlord unhurt

I served the Bankses dutifully and I sing songs beautifully

I reign supreme from tap dancing to rapping brutally!

Go on and purse your lips in that arrow-whistle,

When it comes to ranged attacks there's one  weapon: missiles!

Here's a rhyme that's supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

Take a blue-balled alien who raps: it's atrocious!

You're a pissy uninspired little fuck, hear me Yondu?

You couldn't rap your way out of my carpet bag, now could you?

I sing and take care of kids, you kidnapped one and hid,

But my instruction raised them better than your abduction ever did!

Yondu
I'm glad you got that off your chest, now take a hike!

You've got a lot of Dick, but you're still a van Dyke!

When my Ravaging pirates bust a rhyme,

They'll unload on you and wipe out your whole blood line!

I'm an interstellar traveler, you're not up to my caliber,

Stepping up to me like you could ever hope to be my challenger!

I'm a Dixon, you were just the queen in Shrek,

All right, fuck it, Ravagers, give me a mic check! (Yes, Yondu!)

I've seen your motion pic and I'm sure not havin' it,

One part Sesame Street, two parts Roger Rabbit!

You can't calm me with your singsong pleasantries,

Call your film Mary Gets a Cap Popped in Her Knees!

I mean, it's rubbish! (Yes, Yondu!)  Look at the movie's ending scene!

Tell me, who the fuck (Yes, Yondu!)  dies of laughing, that's obscene!

You call this film good? (No, Yondu!)  It makes me scoff! Now open your umbrella... now fly away and fuck off!

Mary Poppins
Oh please, your defeat's guaranteed!

Concede, I've got knives in my bag and I'll make you bleed!

Infinity indeed, I thought you film wouldn't end

I could think of better ways to kill time with my friends

I could pave a road with your gravelly voice

What's with your habit of taking kids against their choice?

You fought with Starlord, but the tricks he pulled on you

Make you the bluest bitch in the MCU!

I'll pat you on the head, draw you, and make you creepy!

Anything's good with enough sugar! Cheeky!

Oh, I'm so glad you rode my carousel!

Now fuck this horse and go to hell!

Poll
Who won? Yondu Mary Poppins

Hint
They both get saved a lot, except for when they don't.