User blog:BlueFrackle/Fanmade - Galileo vs. Leeuwenhoek

Hi guys and welcome to another blog of mine! Today: inventor of the modern microscope and Father of Microbiology, Antonie van Leeuwenhoek raps against inventor of the modern telescope and Father of Astronomy Galileo Galilei. Both are pioneering scientists whose findings were met with skepticism and ridicule (Leeuwenhoek for his claiming that microorganisms exist, and Galileo for his claiming that the Earth goes around the sun). Let's see who's going to win this scientific lyrical mêlée.

Cast as I've imagines it:
 * Nice Peter as Galileo Galilei
 * EpicLLOYD as Antonie van Leeuwenhoek

Leeuwenhoek's location: an amplified drop of water, with microscopic algae and protozoa swimming by. Galileo's location: the night sky, with the milky way visible behind him.

Battle
FANMADE RAP BATTLES OF WHATEVER!!! GALILEO GALILEI VS. ANTONIE VAN LEEUWENHOEK!!! BEGIN!

Leeuwenhoek:

You back off, I'm the OG of microscopy!

The stars foretell my victory, should check in your horoscopy

I amplify the rhyme, going smooth like my lenses

This angry piece of shit's about to feel my offences

You don't believe in comets, but I'm freezing like the Halley

No respect for this clown, I'd rather watch Marie and Gali!

Rap flows in my veins, even in my capillaries!

You're under house arrest; I'm loved by my contemporaries!

Even with my best lens I can't observe your dick, besides

You're an even bigger failure than your theory on tides!

My microscope was an attraction, even impressed Hooke

Leibniz, the mayor and the Russian Tsar all begged to take a look

I'll dissect you and describe you as a new microbe genus

You can kiss my full moon and Marina's full Venus

Galileo:

In this Dialogue Concerning two MCs from the Renaissance

One's got starships named after him, the other stand no chance!

You're scrutinizing lichens; I'm discovering new worlds!

I've been immortalized by Brecht and by the Indigo Girls

You talk more shit than Simplicio, rhymes so easy to refute

I'm tougher than you while playing tunes in my lute!

Ask your friend Vermeer to paint a portrait of this

I got more street cred than you in Florence, Padua and Venice

I'm studying the stars, you're studying mold, lice and sperms

My flow's iller than the plague combined with any of your germs!

So watch out, Leeuwen-whore, it's about to get doper

I spit it hot like Io, rhymes wetter than Europa!

Bringing lyrical solar flares that ought to get you hurt

Three hundred years after my death, I'm still flipping the bird!

Leeuwenhoek:

Get away, Galilei, your verse was a disaster!

I'm an ace naturalist, chamberlain, wine master!

This erratic heretic's about to feel the pain

You're like an animalcule, with a single-celled brain

Which of our instruments's the best, why don't you ask Sherlock Holmes?

Mine is used to solve crimes, yours is used by peeping toms

You keep angering the Jesuits, it's your fault you got on trial!

I'm spitting rhymes so hot I'll make your thermoscope go wild!

When the folks laughed at me: I shut them up with the facts

When the Pope confronts you, what do you do? Retract!

You sent your daughters to a nunnery, and should have joined too

The Inquisition burned your books and my verse burned you!

Galileo:

You should go back to selling cloth; even Einstein is my fan

I'll kick you into orbit, make a Flying Dutchman!

You're getting out-schooled by me because I'm a real teacher

You're just a fat recluse who found out some small creatures!

I'll bitch slap you harder than I did Aristotle

When I showed that heliocentrism's the only real model

My verse still goes on, like a pendulum swinging

You should fear the Starry Messenger for the note he's bringing!

I'll dump you from the Tower of Pisa and watch from above, eh

My rapping ends here, bitch, e pur si muove

WHO WON?! YOU DECIDE! FANMADE RAP BATTLES OF WHATEVER!!!

Trivia

 * Scrapped lyrics for Leeuwenhoek:
 * I’ve had enough of all this crap, I’ll knock into you some sense, man!
 * Fuck you and the Kinnisons: I’m the ultimate lens-man!


 * Scrapped lyrics for Galileo:
 * You’re like a beardless Bombur! Who can even say your name?
 * I’ve drawn maps of inferno, but the heavens’ my domain