User blog:The Flatwoods Monster/House, M.D. vs Scrubs. Rap Battle



"but flats, this is an unusual time for you to be posting a battle!!!" but reader, this is an unusual time for you to be butting into my intro.

anyway hi. welcome back to Epic Rap Battles of It's Been a Long Couple of Months. originally this battle was gonna be in may, then complications moved it back to june, then the entire schedule went to hell in a handbasket and now im just kinda doing things when theyre finished. the next battle will hopefully not be long from now actually, lexi is guesting on it and my parts are 2/3rds of the way finished so we'll see about that one. until then, here's this shorter one to tide you over.

this was not the battle the hints were for.

big s/o to neo, who was originally guesting as house in this battle but things didn't work out. here's your preemptive suggestion to not beat yourself up over that. nonetheless, he still looked over the battle itself and gave me some pointers about house, md and was overall a big help. thanks bud. this battle was half suggestion i genuinely enjoy, half a reason to dig back into scrubs, which is hands down my favorite sitcom and a show everyone should watch eventually. yes, turk actually talks like that.

In today's battle, sociopathic, but undeniably intelligent physician Dr. Gregory House from his titular show, House, M.D., competes with the inseparable duo from the sitcom Scrubs, Dr. John Dorian and Dr. Christopher Turk, to see who's the better T.V. doctor(s) in a battle of contrasting personalities and loyalties to the Hippocratic oath.

s/o to munkitteh, tk, and wonder, all of whom i have suggested this to lmao. house vs gray's anatomy works better for wonder's series tho

lyrics in italics represent J.D.'s daydream.

Announcer: (0:07)
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!



VS!



BEGIN!

J.D. & Turk : (0:16)


Today is the day we engage a fake in that great fight,

But I promised Turk that we’d celebrate with Steak Night...

''If only I could split in two. I’d still win by a huge amount,''

And Body could prepare our feast while Head chews him out!

Cut the daydreams, J.D.! Huh?! Mr. House has got it out for us,

Let’s check the charts! So you’ve caught a case of sourpuss?

Then it’s my job to help dislodge your skull from your pelvic cavity,

That’d explain why this grump’s less colorful than Gray’s Anatomy!

So high up on his boss’s nuts, I gotta grab my cystoscope,

Epic flows to match our episodes, but yours are hit-or-misanthrope!

Even my scooter can move smoother than this loser can,

I’m way fly and save lives, but I’m no Superman!

Tell (Janitor!) to take the day off, I’ll sweep floors with Greg!

Diagnosis: You’re just a druggie trying to score his meds!

Second opinion: Your court cred’s more dead than Ted’s!

But it’s Your First Day, so make like Stacy… a n d b r e a k a l e g !

Doctor House: (0:47)
Your case doesn’t interest me, but I’ll strap on my own gloves

‘Cause all you bring are flat lines, I don’t want no Scrubs.

Not fair? Sure. But as far as I can stop to care,

You’re big game hunting; Bambi and the Chocolate Bear.

Instead of force-feeding eight seasons of Reid in our face,

Skip the vaccines for Turk Fever and cut to the Chase.

As for the dribbling simpleton who’s whipped by a Dominican,

For a diabetic, it’s not surprising you’re insulint

No need for a coat; I don’t cleanly battle.

Doctor’s note: Appletinis doesn’t equal teenie apples,

People don’t change like a penny in the door,

But instead of testing my patience, stick to killing yours.

Here’s a gamble; I deduce your subjects, and in turn,

You hand the camera over to your interns.

At least Denise won’t put me to sleep like Laverne,

Take two antacids to cure that Sacred Heartburn.

J.D. & Turk : (1:18)
Seems you swore the Hippocritic oath, to defy our type of Guy Love

Ain’t talking surgery, but we know who Wilson’s been inside of!

With your ranting and raving, you’re better fought with Doctor Cox,

W e n t D o u b l e o r N o t h i n g, b u t t h i s t i m e , t h e H o u s e l o s t !

Doctor House: (1:26)
I’ll give you a clue, since you choose to pursue this,

The rash you get left with doesn’t come from Lupus.

Environment scan: You work in a corrupt cesspool,

Bill Lawrence should’ve pulled the plug on Med School.

Announcer: (1:34)
WHO WON?

WHO’S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!

Outro


Who won? J.D. & Turk Doctor House

HINT TO THE NEXT BATTLE: (for real this time)