User blog:Dark Cyan/NeoCyGIR Rap Battles 8: Angry Video Game Nerd vs Jontron

Hello, everyone. And welcome to CyGIR Rap Battles!

Oops, I didn't post anything for the entire of March! What can I say? it's bee a busy month.

As you may have noticed from the title, this installment of CyGIR also features the writing talents of Neo!

This battle pits the online videogame comedic review shows, Angry Video Game Nerd, and Jontron, battle it out.

Enjoy!

Beat: Fearless

Angry Video Game Nerd
(starts at 0:34)

Let’s skip past all formalities Jon, cause you damn well Know What’s BuuuuuuullSHIT!

Hold on a fucking tick! I swore I already fought that bitch, Nostalgia Critic!

Oh wait! He Jacque’d BOTH our shticks and mixed in some 4-chan nonsense!

I’d rather deep throat a buffalo’s shit filled dick than sit through your channel’s contents!

While I’m making fucking progress, that Pixel art’s worse than Atari’s!

Parroting off of Gilbert Gottfried’s just In-Sultan, Jon Jafar-I!

And those skits’ drag on so damn long, I can’t watch them without fucking drinking!

This fat slouch sat down on a couch with Breitbart! What the FUCK were you THINKING?

Jontron
(starts at 0:55)

Now, James was the first of his kind, quite impressive for his time!

So strap in! We’re diving into a badly-aged web series that’s completely asinine!

You’re not a critic or fair reviewer! You just bash on irredeemably shitty games!

That’s just low-hanging fruit! You’re leavin’ me Bored, James!

Are you actually going to see this through to the finish or just rant about the first minute?

There’s been some terrible Screwattack shows over the years, but you’re the shittest!

I’m going H.A.M! Fear me like the Scissorman, and hide in one of your flimsy boxes!

Your comedy is puking into Bugs Bunny’s mouth! Mmmmm-I DUN LIKE IT!

Angry Video Game Nerd
(starts at 1:17)

Ohhhhhhh don’t you talk shit about my boxes! You’re Loot-Crates biggest shill! And no length of Twittlonger spiel could make your ass ideals any less Audible!

Low hanging fruit? Bitch I’ll gladly Latch onto Jon’s Nut’s ‘n Bolt’s!

Cut! Another Cinemassacre; expertly executed by James Rolfe!

Jontron
(starts at 1:28)

I don’t like where this is going. Please, you don’t know what you’re doing here!

You need to STAHP! What, you got diarrhoea in you ear?

You’re a retard, and I’m not going to apologize for that, dude!

I pay my taxes. I can live my life and say what I want. Fuck you!

Angry Video Game Nerd
(starts at 1:39)

You just keep digging that fucking hole! Y’know, I’d like you BETTER in the dirt!

You knew you couldn’t be the best so you sure as hell became the worst!

Damn dude, you really DO like Rare Wear: Look at the prices of your fucking merch!

This skirmish isn’t even worth a damn FOOTNOTE in my fucking Adventures

Jontron
(starts at 1:50)

Say that again. Go on; say that to my fuckin’ face

You silly bitch! I wasn’t Hyding my Grumpiness in the first place!

You’ve got some major Buals for saying that! Seriously, you’re a massive hypocrite!

You keep saying you’re gonna quit…….. But I aiiiiiiiiiiiiint having that shit!

Angry Video Game Nerd
(starts at 2:01)

You aren’t worth a damn FOOTNOTE! There bitch, I fucking said it!

That was a bunch of filler Bullfuck in desperate need of a Barry edit!

Rolling Rockin two games and a fuckin movie! The F bombs I drop are B-17’s!

While your sub’s are crashing faster than what fucking ET did back in ’83!

Jontron
(starts at 2:12)

That’s hokey, and old AVGN was better!

Though I really wonder how an angry drunk became a trendsetter

Is this the kind of respect you get when you suck Doug Walker’s dick?

Whaaaaat? I just….It’s no use…Fuck it! I quit!

Angry Video Game Nerd & Irate Gamer
(starts at 2:22)

Park your fucking fat ass! I’m taking you back to the past, when you had a damn fandom!

Until you abandoned them fast! For that, I’m Ghostbusting Danny’s fucking Phantom!

I for one though, am happy that Bannon found his shitty YouTube pastime!

Cause when he’s online, he’s not beating his wife! Thank Super Mecha Death Christ (FUCKERS!!!)

At this point, not even your boyfriend can give New Grounds to defend this cuck!

This cunts rhyme schemes boil down to forum memes! And THAT’S a shit load of fuck!

You Bastard! Taste the end of my NES Blaster, lazy fucking slob!

Irate you 0/10 for being ANOTHER FUCKING BORING RIPOFF! Ya just got ROB-bed Jon! FUCK YOU!

Jontron & Jacques
(starts at 2:45)

Ech! Jon. We should give James Rolfe’s verse a score

Good idea, Jacque! Though I hope it’s not a tenoughttaten he’s asking for!

Beating you isn’t even a trial for a guy who beat Takeshi’s Challenge!

I’m fucking metal as fuck! When I said give a score, I actually meant with my talons

Baby, you ain’t a Firework, though you sure made a bang with those fucking lefties

By not watching a film just because none of the main characters had testes

Are you kidding me? For such a has-been, I fucking wish you’d actually disappear

Fuck it! There’s a lot to see in this life. Not wastin’ in here!

Caddicarus
(new beatstarts at 0:22)

Greetings and salutations, my beautiful people! I’m Caddicarus!

Where I always have the dirty deed of deciding who gets salvaged or dissed

When grump and not so grump try to CRASH’M BASH’M, it’s me

That’ll be kicking their controversial asses in 2.5D!

So here’s Caddy’s Conundrum: Why are these gnatz covered in shatz

More popular than any other reviewer? They’re the exact same, BUT WITH TWATS!

But to explain why they’re hated? Now THAT isn’t tricky!

Join us as we partake in another instalment of Current Quickies!

(Caddy quickly puts on a flat cap)

‘Ello, my duckies! These two shows are quite popular from what I can tell

Cyoar! But are they any good or not? Well…. *gasp*

(fast rap starts)

Jontron suffers not only from a creative standpoint but from a moral standpoint as well

Ranting about rich black people committing more crime than poor white people. He’s going to hell!

As for James, well, he’s not as racist but his comedy hasn’t aged as gracefully

His series would be good if this was 2007 but in today’s climate I can’t recommend it, honestly

(fast rap ends)

Fun fact: Did you know? A ten minute ep from you two would be nine minutes shorter

If you took out the swearwords? I’m sorry, but you both get the slaughter

WHO WON? Angry Video Game Nerd Jontron Caddicarus