User blog:The Flatwoods Monster/Freddy Krueger vs Jason Voorhees Remastered - Epic Rap Battles of Horror Season 1

Hello, hello, and welcome to the very first episode of Epic Rat Battles of Horror! This lovely suggestion comes to us from Dragonsblood23, Nikki Lee 1999, and a lovely Wikia Contributer, and I thought it made for the perfect season opening- The first battle of season one, a pair of blood rivals, battling since 2003, it's the dream haunting abomination from Elm Street, Freddy Krueger, squaring off against the bulky man with a mask and a machete, from Camp Crystal Lake, Jason Voorhees! Be sure to vote for who you thought won, and leave a suggestion for who you want to see battle next. Remember, I'm fairly flexible with my character selection, so let me hear your ideas :P

...ye sorry couldn’t resist. Anyways hi, welcome to part one of the series of remasters I’m doing. I know the last thing anyone on here wants to read is another god damn Freddy vs Jason but this needed to be done basically. These two characters basically defined the modern horror genre and the fact that they got two really shitty battles with no redemption is a bit unfair :P So here we are again. Special thanks to TK and Grav for checking out the battle beforehand and giving me some advice, especially Grav, who wrote one of the lines in Jason’s first verse. The real S5 should be starting around this time next week. I was originally going to write rap meanings for this, but got way too lazy, so if you need a line explained, let me know.

Here's links to the originals if you for some reason want to suffer through them again.

Here's the obligatory "the original was better!!!!!" joke so that you don't have to make it.

Without further delay, let's get this battle started!

Cast:
Nice Peter as Freddy Krueger

EpicLLOYD as Jason Voorhees

Instrumental: School of Hard Knocks

Announcer:
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HORROR!

Welcome to Camp Crystal Lake, where...



...I don't give a damn if you claim to be a God...

VS!

...Get ready, Jason, I’m coming back to...



...a New Blood will be spilled...

BEGIN!

Freddy Krueger:
Welcome to Wonderland, Alice! Down here, you do things my way

The Springwood Slasher’s rapping wrath to bring about your Final Friday!

I haunt you anytime that you’re asleep - This freak waits until the 13th!

Was there any doubt that I could kill the beat? I was raised on the Street!

Welcome to Primetime, bitch! You’re just that BEN kid mixed with Unfriended,

But I intend to leave this blockhead blended and uglier than LJN did!

You’re stuck in my nightmare, I’m giving you a second suffocating in flow,

No need to tell Hell who sent you back down below, they’ll already know

Jason:
Welcome to Crystal Lake. Frederick's sore, but wants to get ripped more

Jason Lives for leaving your damn lip torn off of your slit corpse,

Freddy’s Dead. Bad Luck? You don’t know half of what you’re in for

You’re merely a dream demon because your story makes even kids snore

Even mommy could out-rock zombie Cosby. They never called me sane,

so I’ll knock this salty copy’s face away like it’s a hockey game

Your director went anal on details when you were made the pride of parades

But with that Santa sweater, your film must have been made for the wrong holiday

Freddy:
Feeling Tongue Tied? Per usual, your attempts to be scary failed,

The most terrifying film ever made? Sorry, kid, I don’t believe those fairy tales!

Your scripts can’t be fixed by another reboot with THOSE ratings!

To lay waste to the mastur-Bate-in’ Jason, I’ve got a Craven

Jason:
This tactless rap attacker’s only good as a child harasser,

So though I’m not packing a chainsaw, I’m still bringing the massacre

Jason X’d out this California Raisin ‘fore he could make oral contact,

So Die, Die, Die, dumbass. I even replaced you in Mortal Kombat.

Freddy:
How sweet, you ugly little bitch. Still upset that that girl died!

You couldn’t launch an attack on Manhattan while I’m taking over worldwide!

Even Alien could do a more convincing job leaving Kombat scared,

But try to square with Freddy? Bitch, you couldn’t even beat Fazbear!

My old nun mum could face this skewered loser, and she would have won, too!

I could run through this overdone dude faster than you can say “One, Two”

While this waterlogged slaughter hog stalks through fog, I’ll sever freaks to win

Only friends you’ve got in that loch are frogs, Leatherface’s twin will never sleep again

Jason:
If your presence is based on fear, then your existence will soon cease

You’re just jealous I can bring hell to the city that never sleeps

Even your fans have some real doubts. This madman’s still out,

You’re not worth a third of my ill sounds or a third of my kill count

Pennywise here got beat by the Loser group yet still wants to take on Myers

But this classic’s Burns left him in Ash-es, Robert once again got Fire’d

The lakebed was made red, and it was a Call of the Dead for Freaky Fred,

Because the word on the Elm Street says Krueger just lost his head

Announcer:
WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!



(The logo burns up and is replaced by a new one, as the outro is played backwards.)



Outro


Who won? Freddy (Again) Jason (Again)

''Alright, that's fixed... next stop, May 27th''