User blog:Joeaikman/Joe's Rap Battles of Fiction Season 4 Episode 7 - Deathstroke vs Deadpool

 Hey dudes and dudettes! I am back, as many of you know, from my global block for insulting Johan Liebert, so I can officially confirm that he will never be used in one of these battles, partly because of my grudge against him, and partly because who the fuck even is he. Anyways, back to this masterpiece of shittiness. So, in this battle we have DC’s mercurial assassin and mercenary, Deathstroke, go up against Marvel’s very own Merc with a Mouth, Deadpool, I hope-



Erm, hey there guy. Did you just say my name? Shit, dude, did you not get the motherfucking memo? Ever since I was in that ERB battling Buttmuncher Fett I have been used in almost every fucking series on this fucking weeb site. TK and Alan can blow me for the amount of work I did for them. Well, that is not going to be happening anymore, motherfucker. From now on, you people have to start paying me to be in your nerdy ass battles. Now, I’m gonna go and make Francis eat chimichangas made out of his own ass. Ciao!



 Erm



'' Deadpool dials a number on his phone, having to backspace a few times due to the problems caused by dialling in spandex. ''



Dopinder, where the fuck is the taxi? I said to come in when I said the ass chimichanga line.



'' Deapool turns to the camera. ''



Can you fucking believe this?

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> Do you want me to call you a cab?

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,0,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">Nah, it’s cool, dickface. Dop is a dope dude. Get it. Because his name-

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">'' Dopinder’s taxi pulls up. ''

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(246,178,107);white-space:pre-wrap;">Sorry Mr Pool. I was watching Bandhu steal the heart of my beloved.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,0,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">Oh boy. More Dop drama. You’d think this film wasn’t called fucking Deadpool.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">'' Deadpool climbs into the car through the window and Dopinder drives off. ''

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> Well shit. He’s gone.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(69,129,142);white-space:pre-wrap;">Erm. Dude. I wrote a whole bunch of lines for this battle. I even got my kids to think of some of them, and, well, you know...

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> Yeah, that must have been hard. They hate your guts. Don’t worry. I have a backup on call for precisely this scenario.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(69,129,142);white-space:pre-wrap;">Do you always have this?

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> No...

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(69,129,142);white-space:pre-wrap;">Weird. Almost like this encounter has been scripted or something.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">'' Joe puts the phone to his ear. ''

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> Hey, it’s me. Yes, I know I said you couldn’t appear in a battle, but something came up. You’re up for it? Cool. Let me put you on speaker.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">'' Joe presses a button. ''

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(127,96,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">Oh boy. I pity whatever fool you got battling me.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<h2 dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> Battle

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> JOE’S RAP BATTLES OF FICTION!!!!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> Deathstroke!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> VS

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> B. A. BARACUSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> Begin!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<h2 dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> Baracus

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(127,96,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">Who this fool steppin’ up with the black tinted eyelids?

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(127,96,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">Gettin’ all gay with Ollie Queen on their Lost Boys island!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(127,96,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">He should back off Baracus or be battered back to back!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(127,96,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">‘Cause I bough’ off his backers and am here to attack!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(127,96,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">This sadist that Slade is, a basic example of an enemy!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(127,96,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">But when Bad Attitude pulls up then expect a calamity

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(127,96,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">Take this T and add what you need before serving me,

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(127,96,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">If this punk needs defending he should find a Mercenary!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(127,96,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">You a fool, boy, or did you not see all this coming?

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(127,96,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">Your whole fuckin’ story ‘cause of the loss of a woman!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(127,96,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">And the stabbing of your son! Man, that wasn’t ideal!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(127,96,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">But with a more stable protagonist it might help them to feel!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(127,96,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">Emotional development is cool, you see it in all the bes’ villains!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(127,96,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">‘Cept maybe for those who are thrilled and chill with just killin’!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(127,96,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">I’ve been hired for a job, me and the boys at my back!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(127,96,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">Better run off like your daughter when she learned you a hack!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<h2 dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> Deathstroke

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(69,129,142);white-space:pre-wrap;">Who should I kill? The shill black with a back packet of an Arsenal?

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(69,129,142);white-space:pre-wrap;">You can fire all the shots you want at me, none of them’ll be harmful!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(69,129,142);white-space:pre-wrap;">I can kill Uncle Sam and Phantoms, and it’s always just business!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(69,129,142);white-space:pre-wrap;">I end the life force of my targets with just the swift push of a digit!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(69,129,142);white-space:pre-wrap;">I’m fighting titans, mutant monsters and heroes out of your league!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(69,129,142);white-space:pre-wrap;">Won’t need to be on my A Game to solo take out the A-Team!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(69,129,142);white-space:pre-wrap;">Face up to the truth, you’d have to be Howling Mad to step to me!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(69,129,142);white-space:pre-wrap;">You’re next in my death pool, I pity you as the fool, Mr T!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<h2 dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> Baracus <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(127,96,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">Great fourth wall break! You back up to all your old tricks?

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(127,96,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">Or stealing from more popular characters who run the same schtick!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(127,96,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">We get the edge off you like a katana met up with your crew!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(127,96,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">Trying to put off death, when death was likely put off by you!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(127,96,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">You can throw shit at the team for me jus’ tryin’ to be me!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(127,96,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">When I watch you I see you got toned down to make you PG!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(127,96,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">Slade, you a fool if you think in hand to hand you won’t choke!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(127,96,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">Your wife’s death left you with no other choice but the death stroke!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<h2 dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> Deathstroke

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(69,129,142);white-space:pre-wrap;">Calm down, Mario, this is no excuse for a rage out to stun at me!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(69,129,142);white-space:pre-wrap;">You take any excuse to strip off your sweater and 40s dungarees!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(69,129,142);white-space:pre-wrap;">This is just you and me! When you’re dead, then your team can hate me,

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(69,129,142);white-space:pre-wrap;">Because I’m about to kick your mohawked ass right back to the eighties!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(69,129,142);white-space:pre-wrap;">I’m a badass assassin blastin’ kick ass baddies and heroes into line,

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(69,129,142);white-space:pre-wrap;">Fighting crime and crime fighters for whatever it costs to buy my time!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(69,129,142);white-space:pre-wrap;">I am the epitome of a killer, your team is the paradigm of benign!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(69,129,142);white-space:pre-wrap;">With the ease it took me to leave you bloody I would only charge a dime!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(69,129,142);white-space:pre-wrap;">Your group could catch a bam to the van, and a wham to their fams,

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(69,129,142);white-space:pre-wrap;">Just for pretending that you know at all what it was like out in ‘Nam!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(69,129,142);white-space:pre-wrap;">When I fire onomatopoeia these hits can’t miss the targets I’ve acquired!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(69,129,142);white-space:pre-wrap;">You’re always in my way, Scooter, so prepare to be trialed by fire!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(69,129,142);white-space:pre-wrap;">You better stay silent or my titans will send you off to the asylum!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(69,129,142);white-space:pre-wrap;">The guys there are no joke, they would show you how to be violent!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(69,129,142);white-space:pre-wrap;">When you hit the four seasons your ratings dropped, I should mention,

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(69,129,142);white-space:pre-wrap;">Because your stories lacked dark characters, except for your complexion!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<h2 dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> Baracus <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(127,96,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">I’m not getting on that verse, fool! You think that’s how you’re gonna win?

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(127,96,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">You too blind to see my victory so instead you concentrate on my skin?

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(127,96,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">How did I meet you up with the image I had before? That’s simple, Wilson,

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(127,96,0);white-space:pre-wrap;">I know you’re an overgrown psycho who has a fetish for wanting to kill sons!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<h2 dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> Deathstroke

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(69,129,142);white-space:pre-wrap;">Clunky action scenes and scriptwriting leave your serial a joke!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(69,129,142);white-space:pre-wrap;">With the amount of killing I do for cash, I am a serial on my own!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(69,129,142);white-space:pre-wrap;">Take your Shaka Zulu ass and crash your van when you try!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(69,129,142);white-space:pre-wrap;">Your rhymes stay grounded, because you’re too scared to be fly!

Who won? B. A. Baracus Deathstroke

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(69,129,142);white-space:pre-wrap;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">