User blog:Underlying/Red Guy vs. Salad Fingers

This is something I might do occasionally, just for fun. I'm not very good at writing rap battles. But hey, if you're one of the few people who probably see this, just enjoy.

This battle pairs up two characters with a surprising amount of similarities: Red Guy from Don't Hug Me I'm Scared, and Salad Fingers from the show of the same name.

I originally planned to have the Llamas with Hats come in as a surprise rappers at the end, but the only real similarity they had was that they were from a YouTube horror. Llamas with Hats is fairly straightforward with its story, unlike these two which are extremely vague and a theorizer's dream, and additionally it isn't British. Both of those are some of the main factors that make Red and Salad similar. It's shame, because a floating llama head saying "CAAAARLLL...!" would make for the most awesome entrance ever.

https://youtu.be/5bpMzyjzYnY

[BB Announcer]

BEAT BATTLES

VERSUS

FIGHT!

[The Red Guy]

Zombies, goblins, ghosts, bugs that crawl

Aren't even scary, because you're a disgrace to them all

You're like a rusty spoon, no one gives a crap about you

My show is like The Office, people still rewatch it, dude

Some dude on the web tries horrific cinema and this is what we get?

You're like the killer tomato flick, you tried to be odd but you missed

You creepy green gore loving sadomasochist prick

Marjary, Hubert, and Jeremy can all suck my dick

[Salad Fingers]

Hello there, chap, you could use a slap

Not to mention you should have a wash (Ugh!)

I like it when the red water pours from your face

After I slice it and send it back to it's place

I'll send nuclear bombs of the war to your space

Cannibalize your crew and exterminate

I've been through hell no one's ever seen, literally

So pardon my personality please

When Salad comes on the scene everyone bows down to me

'Cause I'm the kind of YouTube horror no one had ever seen

It's rather ironic though, at least to me

That your show is the most uncreative thing I've ever seen

[The Red Guy]

I can't be the only one that finds it a bit OOC

That you've got the mental capacity to even rap back at me

Mate, I don't even know what the hell you're tryin' to do

But I'll beat you 'til you're black and my favorite colour; blue

You make me sick and not in an entertaining way

You should've taken after your brother and stayed under the grave

When it comes to bein' a hero, Salad Fingers ain't the one

I just burned you so bad. I wonder what will happen.

[Salad Fingers]

Ahahaha! You think you've seen shit?

You messed with the wrong guy, and now you're really in for it

I wonder what will happen, too. Actually, I think I know!

We'll have a corpse that's already so crimson, the red water won't show!

My show's a goldmine for conspiracies alike

Your own creators said there's no meaning to the fright

But I'll have to end this here, I'm feelin' rather weary

Pretty sure I won this showdown, but hey, that's just a theory

[BB Announcer]

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!

BEAT BATTLES!