Abe Lincoln vs Chuck Norris

thumb|300px|right|Epic Rap Battles of History 3Epic Rap Battles of History #3 is the third installment of the Epic Rap Battles of History series. It features President Abraham Lincoln, competing against Actor Chuck Norris. It came out December 10, 2010.

Cast
Nice Peter as Abraham "Abe" Lincoln

Lloyd Ahlquist as Chuck Norris

Lyrics
Abe Lincoln (Nice Peter):

Four score and 65 years in the past I won the Civil War with my beard Now I’m here to whup your *ss I’ve read up on your facts You cure cancer with your tears? Well, tell me Chuck how come you never sat down and cried on your career? You’re a washed up has been on TV selling Total Gyms And you’re gonna lose this battle Like you lost Return of the Dragon I’ll rip your chest hairs out Put em’ in my mouth I’ll squash you like I squashed the South I never told a lie And I won’t start now You’re a horse with a limp I’ll put you down.

Chuck Norris (Lloyd Ahlquist):

This isn’t Gettysburg, punk I’d suggest retreating For I invented rap music When my heart started beating Chuck Norris doesn’t battle He just allow you to lose My raps will blow your mind like a verbal John Wilkes Booth

Abe Linclon (Nice Peter):

I’ve got my face on the side of a mountain You voted for John McCain I’ve got a bucket full of my head and I’m about to make it rain You block bullets with your beard? I catch em’ with my skull I’d make fun of Walker, Texas Ranger but I’ve never ever seen that show

Chck Norris (Lloyd Ahlquist):

I am Chuck F*cking Norris! I’ve spread more blood and gore Than forty score of your puny Civil Wars, bitch I split the Union with a roundhouse kick I wear a black belt on the beard that I grow on my d*ck I attack sharks when I smell them bleed I don't go swimming Water just wants to be around me My fists make the speed of light Make the speed of light wish that it was faster You may have freed the slaves But Chuck is everyone’s master