User blog:M.A.T.S.H/Nurse Ratched vs The Joker

If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. No pictures or beat for this one because of laziness and I wrote it in about 7 hours. The Joker's lines were meant to be a combination of all of the incarnations of him. Enjoy!

Nurse Ratched's background: Oregon State Hospital

The Joker's background: Joker's Funhouse from the Arkham games

Cameo appearances by: Harley Quinn, Batman (reused footage), Mr. Martini, Randle McMurphy, Charles Cheswick, Billy Bibbit and Chief Bromden.

Let's do this.

Nurse Ratched:
Good morning. Mr. J, is it? Welcome to today’s therapy session.

Take a seat. Let us talk about your insanity and aggression.

I’ve read about your crimes. But to me, you’re just another specimen.

And my tongue has more acidity than the chemicals you were bathed in.

Now, I'm not a great detective but let me see if I have this right:

You try to kill a man dressed in black while wearing whiteface? Yikes.

I am a medical professional. You’re a spoiled brat filled with incel rage!

I’ve seen more intellect from Mr. Martini than from any of your comic pages!

You're nothing special. I see crazier madmen than you at work every day.

And I'll smack you around and beat you just like how you treat your Harley!

The Joker:
Helloooooo Nurse! Ooh, I’m positively giddy! Now the fun can begin!

Watch as I turn this nuthouse into my new funhouse after I’ve checked in!

Keep your medical equipment to yourself, my rhymes are what will electro-shock.

You belong in Arkham too! You’ve got Poison Ivy’s tits and the brains of Killer Croc!

Wanna know how I got these scars?! You got yours from a fucking divorce!

Don’t try and act like you’re so sane. You lost your head over a fishing tour!

Got rhymes icier than Mr. Freeze or that bath you shove your human vegetables into!

How can you hope to beat me when your own patients rose up against you?!

And you’re powerless when you leave that hospital! I’ll make this frogface croak!

But at least go out with a smile! After all, this isn’t the first time you’ve choked!

Nurse Ratched:
And here I thought McMurphy was bad. But your behavior is abhorrent.

(Fuck you, nurse!) You don't belong in a fight. You’re just a reject from the circus.

You call yourself the Clown Prince of Crime but you're more of a knave.

Do you want a cold scalpel through your brain? Then I suggest you behave!

Gentlemen, have a look at this pastel-wearing twit who can't spit it sick.

(I DON’T CARE! I WANT MY CIGARETTES!) Sit down, Mr. Cheswick.

You're right. We do live in a society. One that you should have left long ago!

And I don't need to wear tights to defeat you. All I need is my microphone!

I don't like little troublemakers who hang around with gangsters and poisons others!

I’ll leave this clown crying. But I’ll have to do a lot more than threaten to tell your mother!

You’re nothing more than a third-rate pulp villain. It’s no joke that your act is a bore.

I'm recommending you take an indefinite stay here. Here's what I’ll have in store:

You like playing cards, do you? Well then, we’ll start with a blackjack to the head!

I run this place like I run these tracks! My orderlies will mop the floor with your henchmen!

Some nice hydrotherapy! Then, it’s time for some electroshock! You'll really get smoked!

Finally, we lobotomize you and leave you drooling in a corner! That's my killing joke!

The Joker:
You got outsmarted by a Chief. I left the Police Commissioner a broken man!

I’m out knocking banks and causing chaos while you’re busy changing bedpans!

Hey, do you want to see a magic trick? I’m sure your inmates would approve of it.

Go suck on your Thorazine, bitch. What I’ve got is something your asylum can’t fix!

Ripping out frontal lobes, are we? Even Bats would think you’re vile.

And you’re so damn morose, even my laughing gas couldn’t get you to smile!

I’m ripping into you like how Bromden ripped up the fountain.

But fuck him! I’m the only one in this room that’s as big as a mountain!

Now, I appreciate your manipulative skills and enjoy a bit of foul play.

But driving a kid to slit his wrists?! Ah, what the hell. I’ll laugh anyway!

You’re a bigger psycho than I am! I don’t need any of your rigged card tests

To prove that this Ratched skank is the biggest cuckoo in her own fucking nest!

You think you can win with syringes and straitjackets?! You’re delirious!

Lock yourself in a padded cel! I've just got one more question. Why so serious?!

Nurse Ratched:
Are you really proud of yourself, Mr. Joker? Are you proud of the legacy you'll leave?

I'm the dopest nurse with the verse that'll leave you bleeding and saying "that's not funny"!

No more clowning around. If you actually thought that your bars would make me shiver:

Then you are as twisted as your gamer fans that shoot up midnight movie theaters!

The Joker:
Oh, you're awful, Mildred. I'm still making audiences scream and studios rich!

Whereas the last time anyone even thought about you was back in 1976!

There's no way you Kai Winn, bitch! Beam yourself up back to Deep Space 9!

Hey, maybe you were just looking for a good laugh! How about that, so was I!

Who won? Nurse Ratched The Joker