User blog:Dark Cyan/CyGIR Rap Battles 13: Robbie Rotten vs Dick Dastardly

The Corpse of Dick Dastardly lies strewn across the floor, riddled with around a dozen bullet holes in his chest!

Hello, denizens of this Virtual Fandom Database. My name is Lemony Snicket, and it is my solemn duty to record and retell the abhorrent happenings about to occur. If you are looking for something more pleasant, like for example, a light-hearted jesting between two comedic trios, an annotation leading to Eddsworld vs The Three Stooges will be provided.

Because despite the pleasant purple cover, akin to something you’d perhaps see adorning a child’s cover album, this track is composed of very unfortunate events. There are no happy endings to this battle. Now is the time to turn away, because this tale involves memetic and lethargic (a word which here means slovenly, or lazy) ne’er do well, Robbie Rotten of Lazy Town against the wretched, vile, vastly untalented actor Count Olaf (A Series of Unfortunate Events) in a nasty verbal brawl to determine who truly don’s the most dastardly disguises.

You have been warned.

Beat: Circus

Robbie Rotten
(starts at 0:09)

Here’s a Little Lesson they didn’t teach in Prufrock Prep;

The simplest way to capture three children….is this net!

Shirley there’s no need to drag this song on as long as your premise;

Cause it’s no Great Unknown: You really put the loco in ‘in loco parentis”!

BUT DON’T LET HIM WATCH YOUR KIDS! He’ll lay back and make a slave out of your brat

And Poor Violet; *cough* He tried to Handler post-Wedding! NO, DON’T TOUCH THAT!

Yawn I’ll never get my nap! I thought those volunteers kept things quiet!?

(Robbie quickly spins round. When he stops, he's wearing a beard and an eyepatch)

Hey Kids! If you’re a Sham who pretends he likes to fish: You Are Not a Pirate!

(switches back)

True, he’s got daggers, whips and poison shrooms; but what is truly scary;

He’s managed somehow to be a more dreadfully retched actor than Jim Carrey!

(Olaf let’s out small, offended gasp)

They built up your scraggly butt for 13 books! But what did The End entail?

Olaf played doctor for a second time then “Oh no, I’ve been impaled’

Count Olaf
(starts at 0:39)

The moral high ground’s quite a Slippery Slope to take when bragging of villainy;

I mean it literally when saying that Bad Beginning of yours is going down in history!

Such a poor performance! Allow my fiery finesse to bring down your orphanage

Which is Unfortunate; I’m indifferent on adopting fortuneless in-sub-ordinates

So assemble your Dream Team; coordinate a whole ska number announcing your coup

But the Bitter Truth is that your YouTube Poop crew’s uprooted ten-fold by my troupe!

This Violet Fashion Disaster’s such an unmanly... Fruit! Yes... what the baby babbled

If that Blue Tracer gets your heart racing, you’d adore a peek at Genghis’s Apples

Tsk tsk, don’t turn to chagrin crowdfunding; learn to take it on your grotesque chin!

Move past 2016; like your funders did! This year, Waluigi’s soooooooooooo in!

Get your pasty face out that pastry posthaste; your cake sniffing’s shamefully blatant

Although even I must admire your greatest guise: the cured cancer patient!

Robbie Rotten
(beat stops)

*sigh* Let's try something else!

(starts slightly faster at 1:08)

If you thought you can fool me by covering your tattoo and a quick coat swap,

Then who were you expecting? Sportaflop?

Even my enemies can’t see through me! You get given away by your speech!

Go back to the bottle and face that you suck worse than a Laycromose Leech!

We Are Number One on Nick Jr. You had that awful Nickleodeon movie

Money’s no factor. I’ll beat you for nothing; it’s for free! (Free?!)

No idiocy you accuse me of is as stupid as your voice for Stefano

But I congratulate you bungling your ship with Kit. Bravo!

Count Olaf
(starts at 1:28)

(Olaf stabs the wall next to Robbie’s head with a knife)

That’s enough! This Icelandic clot think he spitting Volcano-hot,

But you’re a pinstripe-wearing ripoff of the Dick I just shot!

I’m trying to make my crime pay. Where there’s a will, there’s a way,

While you’re sitting on a couch watching television all day!

From seeing how you look at your clones, I would accuse you of selfcest,

But on the other hand, chasing a pink-haired little girl around’s a little suspect

Even with my acting skills, I couldn’t convincingly say a nice thing about you

So get off your Lazy behind and do these chores assigned to you!

WHO WON? Robbie Rotten Count Olaf

Dearest Beatrice-

These opponents got burned

But unfortunately, so did you

…….Which one of us is he talking to?

(Bea Shrugs)