User blog:The Flatwoods Monster/Fallen Down (Wondertale Ep. 2)

AN: preemptive apology to loygan lmao. also the illustrations only get worse from here so prep your eyes for some sores.

'' *Now, where did we leave off? ''

'' *Oh, that's right. ''

'' *You were just about to get killed by the British potato. ''

'' *Back to business, then. ''

'' *The bullets surround your SOUL, moving in painfully slowly as Bobdave's ring of bullets close in. You are beginning to suspect that he made that name up. ''

'' *You shut your eyes tightly in suspense, wishing you were just about anywhere else right about now. ''

 *... 

'' * But, instead of the unmistakable sound of your fleshy SOUL splitting in two like a walnut, a young voice in a thick Scottish accent shouts out what sounds like a garbled "BACKSLASH!" and Bobdave's auditory response of surprise.''

'' * Then, the sounds of roots being torn up, and Bobdave's voice trailing off into the distance of the room, shouting "WHAT THE FUUUUCCCC..." before fading off.''

'' *Finally, there is silence for a short period of time. Though still trembling from the shock, you force yourself to open your eyes, being reunited with your pratically-crumbling SOUL and the man who saved your life. ''

* All right! And stay out, ya fucking reprobate!

* Glad that's settled then. And as for you...



* Salutations! I'm Loygansono. Are you lo-

'' * Loygan cuts himself off in surprise from the look of you. You can read concern and somewhat fear on his face.''

* O-Oh! You're a STAR, aren't you?

* ...okay then, yes, you are DEFINITELY lost.

* Don't worry about it, though! I'm sure that little sssssssssh jerk made a bad first impression on you.

* Do not fear, newcomer! I will show you around the place in a much less murder-y manner.

* Follow me!

'' * Though his reaction to your... species seems need for concern, you trust Loygan and decide to follow him. Your options are lacking anyhow.''

 * Into the next room you go.

 * The darkness of the past rooms had adjusted your eyes, so you had to squint to see past the natural brightness of the RUINS.

'' * The RUINS itself is an intimidating structure; Large, overbearing, and... bright, bright green. Obnoxiously green. So green, it's straining to look at.''

 * Your creativity has plummeted simply by association.

'' * However, knowing that your prolonging survival probably angers your new-found foe... you are filled with PERSEVERANCE to spite Bobdave by living.''

 * HP Fully Restored.

'' * Loygan waits patiently for you at the top of the stairs, which you swiftly ascend to reunite with him. He leads to into the next room.''

* As you might could tell, the RUINS operate through a connected series of puzzles and halibut.

* But frankly put, that lifestyle is a bunch of mentally exhausting bullsssss nonsense!

* So I've built shortcuts around literally all of them.

* Nevermind all that! Come along!

'' * Loygan hastily dashes into the next room. You glance around the room briefly, taking note of the six buttons on the ground. They appear to represent some sort of puzzle involving distribution of mass to keep all necessary buttons held down.''

 * Someone, however, has placed rocks on all the buttons to skip this procedure.

 * Not wanting to keep him waiting, you follow Loygan into the next room.

'' * You survey the following room. It is a short, curved hallway, with the exit being walled off by a set of spikes. Loygan stands in front of them giddly, awaiting your arrival.''

 * You decide not to keep him waiting.

* Y'Alright, this one's a doozy! You can do it with your eyes closed.

* Just press the proper switch that's labeled on the wall, and these pesky spikes will fucccc get right on out of your way!

'' * You proceed to the two switches on the wall. One has a pathway paved into the ground leading up to it, giant cardboard cut-outs of arrows pointing towards it and a little note taped underneath it that reads "THIS IS THE ONE YOU SHOULD PRESS!!!! - Loygan" ''

'' * You feel as if it's dentrimental to everyone, but you can't resist temptation. You flip the other switch.''

 * The spikes detract immediately.

* Ohohoho! Not one to take orders, are you?

* The joke's on you, though. The spikes would have detracted no matter what lever you hit.

* So not only have you disappointed me and revealed your rebellious nature, but you've also made a fool out of yourself!

* Don't think too hard about it. Follow me!

 * You feel as if you can only be played so many times in one day.

 * Hoping this action won't have consequences, you shyly continue your tour of the RUINS into the next room.

'' * As with the rest of the RUINS, the following room was obnoxiously green. Loygan waited patiently as you entered and took in the scenery, which included a large, steel statue of a mustached man pointing in your general direction.''

* Right. How do I say this... down here, you're sort of an... "oddity."

* As with any foreigner we don't recognize, USERS will likely attack you on sight.

* Wow! I'm just now realizing how racist that sounds!

* Don't sweat it, though! There's a peaceful way out of any conflict.

* For every chance to fight, there's a better chance to make friends.

* Exercise your social skills with this metal dummy right here!

* (Good luck attacking that thing, asshole)

 * You approach the metal man timidly, as if expecting him to jump to life and attack you.



 * Unsurprisingly, he does not.



* You approach the statue.

* ACT ->



CHECK=

* STATUE - 0 ATK 999 DEF

This unbreakable figure of pure steel only wishes for his voice to be heard.



TALK=

 * You greet the statue with open arms.

 * You swear his facial expressions shift slightly in response.

 * Truly, this is the pinnacle of human/statue communication.

'' * Wait. Nevermind.''

 * It was just your reflection.

 * Nonetheless, Loygan seems pleased with you.

YOU DID YOUR BEST! You gained 0 XP and 0 gold.



FIGHT=

 * Seeing no point in mindless babble, you swipe swiftly at the statue with your hook.

 * However, it simply bounces off, and damage is instead dealt to you as your hook-hand is now crooked.

 * Loygan shakes his head disappointedly while watching you bend your hook back into place using the stone floors.

 * Loygan is considering if he is ready to be a parent or not.

YOU WON!...? You gained 0 XP and 0 gold either way.



FLEE=

'' * The judgmental gaze of the statue is too much for your child psyche. Having no strength to continue, you quickly back away.''

 * Loygan is unsure how to react.

Got away safely!



If you chose TALK=

* That's the ticket!

* You and this statue are undoubtedly the closest of friends down here.

* Until you meet a better one. A more animate one, rather.

* Or until he decides to opt for the slaughter of an entire race under the false precedent of freedom as if that justifies murder.

* A betrayal that will turn you to a life of solitude and desolation, as your best of friends crumbles mentally before your eyes under the pressure of an entire kingdom's wants.

 * You give Loygan a look nothing short of concerning.

 * He snaps out of it.

* Y'Right! That won't happen though!! That's totally hypothetical!! HERE WE GO!!

 * You are beginning to question if it is a good idea to stay here.



If you chose FIGHT=

* This is truly the worst case of second-hand embarrassment I have felt in my life.

* That's okay, though! Come along now, clearly, we've got a lot of work to do.

* I'm gonna need to pick up a lot more scotch then I thought.



If you chose FLEE=

* Uh

* Wh

* Bu

* I

* Okay???

* You alright there???

* Uncanny valley, then? I get it.

* (I don't get it.)

* Let's... move on???

* Following close behind, you let Loygan lead you into the next room.

ending note: well that was long as fuck. thanks to neo and probably some other people for reading over it. thanks to loyg for being okay with this kind of portrayal of him lmao.