User blog:Awesomesix/Awesome Rap Battles 29: Usain Bolt vs Michael Phelps

I'm confused as to how no one guessed this

Jamaican racer Usain Bolt faces off against the Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps to see who's faster: The bolt on land, or the swimmer in the water?

Beat: Here

 Battle= AWESOME RAP BATTLES!

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USAIN BOLT!

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VERSUS!

MICHAEL PHELPS!

BEGIN!

Usain Bolt: (at 0:22)

Who can revolt and uphold the jolt of Usain Bolt?

Overthrow rowers with my flow, and cause backstrokes!

While you’re treading water, I lap splashes with ease like Jesus,

I can’t leave dust on the mic, but you can still come eat this!

I breathe with my steps, this water swallower’s gonna be beached,

With all the pizza you eat, it’s a wonder nothin' but air's in them cheeks!

You’re doing YMCA shit! Get out of the hot tub and enter real races!

With that protection on your head, we know where your real first place is!

I’ll ruin you faster than urine in the pool, hop this hurdle like a cricket!

Man, you’re nothing to me! I didn’t want a sunfish, I wanted competition!

I’ll leave you sunken! I’m the iceberg to this Olympic Titanic!

So go back to your flips, even touch my lyrics and you’re dipped!

Michael Phelps:

As I dive in, MC MP’s IM being putting UB in his place,

Freestyle so hard, I smash the records and your face,

Why don’t you leave the big leagues and run your little shop?

I’ve got this; I’m not scared of a freak who puts his shoes on wrong!

Chapelle’s crackbaby ain’t gonna humor me much longer,

Best believe me, Marley, cause we both know who’s stronger!

With every line I’m synchronized, you’re paddling to last,

Time to drown a sick puppy and see if that bark means jack!

As Phelps launches off, he maneuvers through the losers running,

Now he guns in to tell Insane how it is with a real 200!

The circle-jerk running monkey here’s about to see hence,

Why a mind so shallow couldn’t handle the deep end!

Usain Bolt:

You’d know a bit about Guinness with all your DUIs,

Let me rectify: You’ll need more than your weed to remain high,

Against the heels of a speed demon, who relays what you say,

You best pray this white won’t be chewed up by the great!

Cause the floater’s gonna feel the sting from the speedy bee,

When this butterfly gets beat by the mix of chlorine,

And his own saltiness, and when I choke you with buoy rope,

You’re gonna need floaties and a plug for more than your nose!

Michael Phelps:

Just stop! I’ve seen more effort while playing QWOP!

Even Pistorius gets more glory than this Jamaican rock!

You’re sweating like a faucet, I’m just jogging but I’m flawless!

You think you’re a God when your competition is Sonic?

Michael steps to the podium, crowd’s going crazy with joy,

Cause this Buffalo Soldier drowned the Soulja Boy!

As he takes the medal, the press with Phelps is told,

“Now excuse me, as I go Scrooge McDuck in my gold!”

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

TUNE IN TO FIND OUT!

AWESOME RAP-

 * A splash is heard*

BATTLES! (GO) BATTLES! (GO) BAAAATTTTLESSS! (CHEERING)

 Rap Meanings= Usain Bolt:

Who can revolt and uphold the jolt of Usain Bolt?

(Usain Bolt starts off his verse by questioning how anyone is able to withstand and match his rapping. Due to his last name, “Bolt”, a term used in describing lightning’s shape or electricity in general, he makes a pun on “jolt”, or a word used to describe electricity traveling through someone or thing, and his flows being a “jolt”.) 

Overthrow rowers with my flow, and cause backstrokes!

(Rowing is often done when paddling a boat such as a kayak or canoe, and is rather slow. Usain says his rapping is more powerful, and calls everyone below him “rowers”, referring to swimmers. Flow is also a double entendre, as water “flows” in motion, and rhymes and lines in rap or poetry that transition smoothly are considered to have good “flow”. “Backstrokes” is a pun on a stroke, a failure in the circulatory system when blood cannot reach the brain which can cause death, and a backstroke, a swimming maneuver which is slowly moving through the water while on your back, as implied.)

While you’re treading water, I lap splashees with ease like Jesus,

(Treading water is done usually to keep above surface of the water while still, and can prevent drowning. In sports, the word  lap is used to describe a completed run, swim, drive, or other in a race of some sort. When passing ahead  of someone by a full lap in a race, it is considered “lapping”. Here, Usain compares himself with Jesus: While Phelps is stuck treading, or barely floating, on the surface of water, Usain Bolt is not only walking on water, but getting laps ahead of Phelps, walking on water being one of Jesus’ most iconic traits.)

I can’t leave dust on the mic, but you can still come eat this!

(Running fast enough on certain terrain picks up, or “leaves” dust, kicked up from the movement. Bolt acknowledges that he cannot do so on a microphone, but still makes reference to the phrase “eat my dust”, often used to mock someone for being much slower thus being stuck behind in your dust, or eating it, so to speak, and instead implies Phelps should kiss his ass, or “eat this”.)

I breathe with my steps, this water swallower’s gonna be beached,

(Breathing with your steps while jogging is often said to help with cramps while running and maintains a good amount of oxygen, and Usain claims he’s got enough air to keep going steady and win. On the contrary, swallowing water while swimming is bad, especially with chlorine, and Usain is mocking Phelps’ swimming abilities. Usain also subtly calls Phelps a whale, as whales are often beached and left to die on beaches, often leaving giant corpses.)

With all the pizza you eat, it’s a wonder nothin' but air's in them cheeks,

(For his practice for the Olympics, Michael Phelps has a diet consisting of a large proportion of food, including multiple slices of pizza. Bolt is amazed by the fact that Phelps isn’t obese yet, which is obviously due to his exercise, but his diet, if eaten by a non-athlete may cause morbid obesity. Swimmers often inflate their cheeks with air when surfacing to help them breathe longer, which Usain compares to looking like chipmunks, who store food in their cheeks.)

'''You’re doing YMCA shit! Get out of the hot tub and enter real races!'''

(The YMCA is a place where kids and adults both can go and swim; not many real athletes go there on the regular. Usain claims anyone can do what Phelps is famous for, and mocks his sport by saying he does it in a hot tub, a small, heated pool used for relaxation, and tells him to get into the real races, A.K.A. his track runs.)

With that protection on your head, we know where your real first place is!

(Usain once again mocks something about Phelps, this time his swimming cap, meant to reduce chlorine in one’s hair and water in ears, calling it a condom, put on the penis, and covers the head, to prevent fertilization of eggs, then says Phelps always climaxes first during sex, which is often despised in men, explaining his need for such protection.)

I’ll ruin you faster than urine in the pool, hop this hurdle like a cricket!

(Peeing in a pool contaminates the water, thus ruining the swimming for others as they have to be evacuated. Ruining someone also means to physically injure them. In other words, Usain is going to hurt Phelps, then jump over him like a hurdle, which isn’t difficult for someone who does track, as it is often done per regular by them. Crickets are insects known for their jumping, and is also a sport which Usain played when young.)

'''Man, you’re nothing to me! I didn’t want a sunfish, I wanted competition!'''

(Once again mocking Phelps, Usain calls him slow, and then insults him by calling him a sunfish. Sunfish are large, rather dopey looking fish that are very flat and tall.)

'''I’ll leave you sunken! I’m the iceberg to this Olympic Titanic!'''

(Bolt threatens to sink Phelps, referencing the board game Battleship, then brings up the Titanic incident, where a large, praised ship hit an iceberg and sunk, killing most of its passengers, and says he’ll do the same to Phelps. Phelps, like Usain, is an athlete in the Olympics.)

So go back to your flips, even touch my lyrics and get dipped!

(Swimming involves diving and entering/exiting water, often referred to as dipping. To touch someone’s lyrics is to get to one’s calibur, and Usain warns Phelps that he shouldn’t try, as he’ll get shocked by his previously mentioned “jolts”, and drown. Electricity is rather dangerous when in contact with water.)

Michael Phelps:

As I dive in, MC MP’s IM being putting UB in his place,

(Phelps begins by saying he’s diving into the battle, a way swimmers enter pools. Phelps then uses initials: MC is the shortened slang for “Emcee”, the person in control of the record or microphone; MP are Michael Phelps’ initials; IM is short for Individual Melody, a term used for all swimming strokes, and a pun on “melody” in music and instrumentals; UB are Usain Bolt’s initials. To sum up the line, Michael Phelps will defeat Usain Bolt immensely with his own style.)

Freestyle so hard, I smash the records and your face!

(Freestyle is a type of swimming, and also a term used for rapping without previous writing or practice. Phelps states his lines are so hard, that they are able to smash the record playing the beat and brutally damage Bolts’ face. This is also a reference to Phelps’ multiple world records, 7 of the 35 which he still holds today.)

Why don’t you leave the big leagues and run your little shop?

(For most of his current life, Usain Bolt has been in the “big leagues”, or the major international races. Despite his feats, Phelps thinks he should step out and return to his parents’ shop down in Jamaica, making a pun out of running a store and running in races.)

I’ve got this; I’m not scared of a freak who puts his shoes on wrong!

(In one of his earliest major races, Usain Bolt was so nervous he put his shoes on the wrong feet. Michael Phelps sees Bolt as harmless and weak because of this, and thus not a threat.)

Chappelle’s crackbaby ain’t gonna humor me much longer,

(David Chappelle is an African American comedian and bears some resemblance to Bolt. Phelps claims this resemblance is Bolt is the result of Chappelle having a child while on crack, insulting his looks, then tells Usain that his awful verses aren’t going to amuse him anymore.)

Best believe me, Marley, cause we both know who’s stronger!

(Bob Marley is a reggae musician from Jamaica, which Bolt represents in the Olympics. One of Marley’s most famous quotes is “You never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice.” Phelps uses this quote to claim he’s more physically and verbally fit than Usain.)

With every line I’m synchronized, you’re paddling to last,

(Synchronized means to be timed together perfectly as a group or within one, and Phelps brags his flow is synchronized with the beat. He then calls out Bolt by saying he’s doggie paddling, a maneuver frowned upon due to being frantic and counterproductive in swimming, often done when struggling while drowning.)

Time to drown a sick puppy and see if that bark means jack!

(Continuing his reference to doggie paddling, Phelps threatens to drown, or surpass, Bolt, and calls him a sick puppy, a term for someone mentally disturbed or attention seeking, and plans to see if under this circumstance, if he actually does mean what he says in his lines, or if his bark (the threats he is making/claiming) is as strong as his bite (his desire/strength to carry said threats out on Michael).)

As Phelps launches off, he maneuvers through the losers running,

(Phelps starts talking like a broadcaster announcing the swimming races at the Olympics. Launching off the pool wall is often done by swimmers for a boost in the water. Unlike swimming, where everyone is in their own lane, Phelps is able to get around Bolt, like runners can do in races.)

Now he guns in to tell Insane how it is with a real 200!

(Continuing the announcer shtick, Phelps narrates himself going in, or gunning in, to educate Bolt on a real two-hundred meter race. Due to pressure and water slowing you down, a race in water would be somewhat more difficult than a normal race. Insane is a pun on Usain’s name, and Phelps believing Bolt has no sanity.)

The circle-jerk running monkey here’s about to see hence,

(Racers such as Usain often run around on ovular tracks, an oval being often categorized similar to a circle. To run in circles usually means someone has nowhere in particular to go, and might be stupid; Phelps furthers this by calling Bolt a “monkey”, a synonym for “stupid” as monkeys are usually seen as humans’ ancestors. Circle jerks are groups of men who masturbate together. Beginning to explain himself, Phelps claims Usain will learn something in the next line.)

Why a mind so shallow couldn’t handle the deep end!

(Phelps insults Usain’s intelligence by bringing up the shallow end and deep ends of pools. In public pools, the shallow end is usually where kids can swim due to the low water, while deeper ends are for older and taller people, who are less likely to drown in the high water. Having a shallow mind infers one is stupid, and not being able to handle the deep part of a pool, as big as Usain is, means he is terrible at swimming, and more context-wise, Phelps’ lines.)

Usain Bolt:

You’d know a bit about Guinness with all your DUIs,

(Bolt calls out Michael for his records line, by using the name “Guinness” to refer to both the World Record book company and the beer. In his career, Michael Phelps has had two cases of DUIs, and Bolt says Michael has knowledge on the records company by saying he drinks beer made by a company with the same name, which would be a lousy way to know.)

Let me rectify: You’ll need more than your weed to remain high,

(Bolt demands to let himself clear something up, and takes another shot at Phelps with his case of being caught with marijuana, a drug which makes one high, and tells him that in order to get above Bolt in this battle, he’ll need more than drugs. Jamaica is often stereotyped itself for the amount of people who smoke weed there.)

Against the heels of a speed demon, who relays what you say,

(Bolts flatters himself by calling himself a speed demon, someone who’s so fast it’s slightly unreal. A relay is a race where people take turns running, and signify the switching of one racing by a relay baton. Bolt says he takes the insults Michael delivers him then gives him some insults back.)

You best pray this white won’t be chewed up by the great!

(Now, Bolt makes a reference to the aquatic predator the great white shark, calling Michael Phelps the “white” due to his skin color, and himself “the great”, a title given to someone who is the best at something, then threatens to possibly chew him up lyrically much like real great white sharks chew their prey.)

Cause the floater’s gonna feel the sting from the speedy bee,

(This line and the following are a reference to the famous Muhammad Ali quote, “Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee”, saying Phelps is a the butterfly, or a “floater”, slang for feces in a pool and also a word possible to describe someone who lounges on the surface of a body of water. Bolt himself is the bee, and being fast, calls himself a speedy bee.)

When this butterfly gets beat by the mix of chlorine,

(Continuing the quote, Bolt insults Phelps with the name “butterfly”, which is also a swimming move. Chlorine is a chemical known for its dangerous reactions when mixing with other chemicals, and it is also used in pools to keep them more sanitary. Bolt says he’ll use chlorine to mix it with…)

And his own saltiness, and when I choke you with buoy rope,

(Sodium and Chlorine, when mixed together, form table salt. Despite this harmless product, the two elements due so by igniting, causing anything near to heat up and/or burn. Being “salty” means to react to something in an extremely hurt or bad-sportsmanship like manner. Buoy ropes are usually used in pools to divide lanes up more clearly.)

You’re gonna need floaties and a plug for more than your nose!

(Floaties are rubber inflatables worn on infants’ arms to prevent them from sinking. Bolt claims Michael will need these to continue swimming, and that he will need to plug himself up, due to 1- Bolt leaving multiple holes in him after “shooting him up”, his words and insults being the bullets, or 2- being so badly beaten, he bleeds/etc. from all of his orifices, including a butt plug. Swimmers often wear nose plugs to prevent water in the pool from entering their nose.)  

Michael Phelps:

'''Just stop! I’ve seen more effort while playing QWOP!'''

(Michael Phelps says Bolts’ verses showed no effort, and asks him to give up. QWOP is a game involving a racer in similar look to Usain, moved by the Q, W, O, and P keys on one’s computer. It is infamous for its awful and sensitive movements, where hitting one key wrong messes up the player severely. Despite this, Phelps says the character in that game is better at running than Usain Bolt at rapping.)

Even Pistorius gets more glory than this Jamaican rock!

(Pistorius is another racer, one from South Africa who has prosthetic legs. Although he was originally praised, his murder of his wife has put him in bad light. Despite all this, he is still more recognized and praised than Usain Bolt, at least in Phelps’ eyes. Rock is another word for stone; Jamaican stone is a type of drug that helps with premature ejaculation in men.)

You’re sweating like a faucet, I’m just jogging but I’m flawless!

(Normally, when racing, one sweats a lot due to the heat and energy release taking place in your body. To sweat like a faucet usually implies someone is sweating a terrible amount. Jogging is usually at a bit faster pace than walking but not a full run, and Phelps is “verbally” jogging, or going somewhat easy/slow, yet is still managing to be faster against Bolt, supposedly the fastest man alive.)

You think you’re a God when your competition is Sonic?

(Although he is often considered the fastest man, Phelps belittles Bolt by saying his only competition is Sonic the Hedgehog, a furry blue hedgehog whose fanbase and games can be considered rather poor. As with this, being pit up against a hedgehog in anything can be seen as embarrassing as, well, a hedgehog is a small, somewhat harmless and rather adorable animal.)

Michael steps to the podium, crowd’s going crazy with joy,

(Once again doing the announcer bit, Michael narrates himself winning, and stepping up to the victory podium while the crowd cheers.)

Cause this Buffalo Soldier drowned the Soulja Boy!

(Phelps names himself the Buffalo Soldier is a song by Bob Marley, and Bolt Soulja Boy, a mediocre rapper with only one technical hit song which is majorly panned due to its mediocrity. In other words, Phelps is stronger than Bolt.)

As he takes the medal, the press with Phelps is told,

(Phelps now says he is getting the medal, IE gold, after finishing his race. He then has a conversation with the press supposedly, and when asked a question, gives them the following response:)

Now excuse me, as I go Scrooge McDuck in my gold!

(In the Olympics, the gold medal is given to the winner of the competition. Scrooge McDuck is a cartoon character well known for having amounts of gold so large, he could dive into and swim in them. Phelps says he has won the battle, and will now proceed to “swim” in his victory.)