Moses vs Santa Claus/Rap Meanings

Santa Claus:
Sweet robes, Obi Wan-too many days in the sun?

(A jab at Moses being dark-skinned and looking a bit like Obi-wan Kenobi of "Star Wars" fame.  But Moses wears his tunic well, Santa thinks)

'''Stop preaching, homie. Teach your flock to covet some fun!'''

(Santa also says Moses is too uptight trying to administer God's law and that he and the Jews should chill out. A play on the Commandment, "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor anything that is thy neighbor's." (King James version))

'''I bring joy every year. Man, I represent cheer!'''

(Santa brings presents for kids, and represents most kids' favorite holiday, Christmas.)

You represent sandals and a scraggly beard!

(Moses represents the look of a homeless man according to Santa.)

'''I'm from the North Pole. That's why my rhymes are so cold.'''

(Santa Claus lives at the North Pole. The North Pole is a frosty, cold area, a reason for Santa's "cold" rhymes. A cold phrase generally refers to a phrase or rhyme that is cruel.)

I spit diamonds, but I'm serving up some fresh coal!

(Santa brings coal for naughty kids. He is implying Moses is naughty.)

'''You've been a naughty boy. You brought a plague of frogs.'''

(He backs up his claim of Moses being naughty. Moses brought a plague of frogs' upon' Egypt, albeit with God's help.)

You'd best arrest yourself; you broke your own law!

(Because Moses broke covenant with God, Santa claims, he had best turn himelf in.  We'll see why in following verses.)

Or was there something in Rule Six I didn't understand?

(A shot at "Thou shalt not kill.", another of the Commandments.  According to the Bible, Moses killed an Egyptian to protect a Hebrew. Also, because the waters of the Red Sea smothered the Egyptians after the Jews crossed it, Moses could be found to have killed them. )

My list says, "Killed Egyptian dude, buried him in sand"!

(The prior verse is, thus, fodder for Santa, who is rumored to keep "nice" and "naughty" lists.)

'''I read your book. You got a strict religion.'''

(Santa read about Moses's religion, and finds it very strict.)

'''No bacon?! But mandatory circumcision?!'''

(Jews are forbidden by Scripture to eat any part of a cloven-hoofed animal that does not chew its cud (i.e. "ruminate") or any animal that is not cloven-hoofed but which chews cud, such as pork or, in this case, bacon.  Men of faith are also required to have the foreskin of the penis trimmed, preferably at birth.  Santa is stunned that these are even rules to follow.)

I'm a jolly bowl a jelly, giving holiday presents.

(In the story "The Night Before Christmas", Santa is described with his tummy jiggling like jelly when he laughs. He brings gifts during the Holidays.)

But all the chosen people ever get for Christmas is jealous!

(A pot-shot at the Jews, the "chosen people" who, coincidentally, observe Hanukkah, often prior to Christmas. Santa says here that because Christmas is more popular and brings more gifts, Jews get envious.  This is outright false.)

Moses:
When I was high up on the mountain, God revealed the truths of the Earth,

(According to the Jewish religion, God revealed the Ten Commandments to Moses, while he was on a mountain.)

But he never mentioned a fat-ass Papa Smurf!

(Moses was never told about Santa, who is very fat and sort of like Papa Smurf with his elves.)

It takes nine reindeers to haul your fat ass!

(Santa uses nine reindeer to pull his flying sleigh; Moses is saying that this is because of his weight.)

You took the Christ out of Christmas and just added more mass!

(Moses thinks that Christmas is too commercial, having "removed the Christ", and is again jabbing at Santa's weight.)

You need to stop breakin into houses and creepin' and peepin'

(Santa enters kids' houses and watches kids when they sleep, sort of like a pedophile.)

On naughty kids while they sleepin' and keep your hands off my stocking

(Santa knows if you've been "bad or good", and Moses possibly refers to "naughty"  kids, and Santa watching them. He also wants Santa to keep away from his sock, or stocking.)

Don't you "Ho Ho" me!

(Santa's catchphrase is "Ho Ho Ho.")

I'll split your ass in half, like I did the Red Sea!

(One well-known part of Moses' story was that he parted the Red Sea in order to cross it with his followers. This even shows up on his background in the rap.)

You ain't a saint, you a slaver, like a pharaoh in the snow!

(Egyptian rulers, or Pharoahs, kept others as slaves. Moses is comparing Santa to the Pharoahs with his elves, and due to this, Santa is not a Saint, which comes from "St. Nicholas.")

Stop with the unpaid labor and let my little people go!

(Santa never pays the elves to our knowledge, and Moses wants them freed.)

Elves:
We ain't slaves!

(The elves are fighting against Moses's previous lines, about them being slaves.)

All that sand turned your brains to mush!

(Sand, as in Egypt and the Sinai, is abrasive and might turn things into Jell-O-like mush, but the Elves think all that time in the desert has made Moses dumb.)

Santa Claus:
I think you need to stop smokin' all that burnin' bush

(Part of Moses's story involves a bush being on fire. Burning bush, in this case, is refering to drugs, like marijuana, which is "taken" by smoking it.)

Elves:
Yeah, we're magical workers, man!

(They're magical workers.)

We hang with reindeers.

(They chill with reindeers.)

Yo, here's a GPS!

(GPS receivers are used to find directions.)

Who gets lost for forty years?!

(In Moses' story, he was lost for 40 years.)

Santa Claus:
You're a glorified secretary, so write this down.

(Moses wrote down the Ten Commandments, which would make him a "glorified secretary.")

Elves:
Begat deez nutz!

(Beget, as is used in the Bible,  means "to bring or bear", as in to bear a child, with "begat" as its past tense.  Many verses in Genesis document a family history in the form "...and X begat Y, and Y begat Z..."  But here, the Elf is telling Moses to suck balls.  Sad, but true.)

Santa Claus:
Santa Claus is comin' to town!

("Santa Claus Is Coming To Town" is a popular Christmas song.) 

Moses:
So much drama in the Israe-L B.C.

(Much turmoil befell the Jews before the time of Christ. The Torah and the Old Testament of the Bible document much of this "drama".)

It's kinda hard talking directly to the G O single D.

(Moses apparently talked with God. Possibly a reference to Dr Dre's song "Forgot About Dre", where Snoop Dogg, at the time, was referenced as "Snoop D O double G's")

Hand me my chisel, I got a new commandizzle for y'all:

(Moses wrote down the Ten Commandments on stone plaques with a chisel. Now he wants to write an eleventh.  Snoop Lion, playing Moses, tweaked "commandment" with his trademark "izzle-speak" to keep rhyme with "chisel")

'Thou shalt not let your children sit on a grown man's lap at the mall.'

(Moses is refering to mall Santas, and how kids sit on their laps all day. This would imply that Santa is once again a pedophile.)

I'll beat you ten times before the bread can rise, you dummy,

(Moses saying he'lll beat Santa ten times in rhyme before bread leavens, or rises with yeast.  During Passover, Jews must eat matzo--a bread that is unleavened and which therefore has no yeast.)

And walk of into the land of my milk and honies.

(He's off to the Promised Land of Canaan, which flows with milk, honey, and apparently, drop-dead-gorgeous women.)