User blog:The Flatwoods Monster/Samus vs Ripley

hey.

The last survivor of the Nostromo, Ellen Ripley from the iconic sci-fi film series Alien raps against bounty hunter extraordinaire Samus Aran from Nintendo's Metroid to see who's the better sci-fi heroine to do battle with invasive alien species.

Credits
Colleen Ballinger as Ripley

Brie Larson as Samus

Some little kid as Newt

Beat:



Ellen Ripley:
Another steroid-pumping space junkie thinks he can out-blaster me,

While all I’m asking is, ‘who do I have to fuck to battle Master Chief?’

Let’s start with this Starcrafter geek. To me, you’re all a dead show.

Buncha copying offspring and I’m the Queen Bee you echo.

No threats detected in the franchise Nintendo begs to let die.

I don’t trust androids, or amiibos. I bleed red, you’re bled dry.

Keep reaching for success, but it’s far above your head-height,

Since Team Ninja already cut you down a peg-size!

You take away a planet from the people who keep it,

And say “the galaxy’s at peace” once a part of it’s in pieces!

My flamethrower will barbeque the chosen of the Chozo!

Fastest a flock of flightless birds has died off since the Dodo!

One pump-propelled grenade will make a crater out of Kraid!

Biggest killing since your parents that a Ridley’s ever made!

You wouldn’t last seventeen seconds in my field,

Shed the suit, and you’re just a damsel in high-heels.

Samus:
Check your radar; there’s a new predator aboard your ship.

Your name’s been on my list of scores to hit, but there’s no sport in it.

‘Cause fighting fire with fireproof isn’t fun, nor fair

I outclassed your futuristic warfare when I had short hair!

You’re flying close to the sun unlicensed under questionable judgement,

Known for savagely dragging dragons, you hide from the threat, I hunt it!

Your shots miss the beauty mark, like a miscasted actress.

Mine’s precise enough to zap the blackfacehugger off of Vasquez!

I’ll choke a total xenophobe with how this headline reads!

Ripley’s tearing baby aliens from the Queen! Cold like an ICE beam!

Either stay a crazy cat lady or watch the kid, stupid!

Not one to baby-sit, but sub me for you and Hicks and Newt lives!

You’re the ‘original copy...’ of Kubrick and Lucas’s!

It must be hard to stomach when that truth burst out your uterus!

Samus returned to open arms; you ran straight into Prometheus,

But can prequels Resurrect your fans? Ripley, I’m not believing it.



Ellen Ripley:
I don’t copy? Make like your gameplay and back-pedal,

The raps you need to succeed must be way past in the last level!

Zero missions left for you while my impact is too big for Smash!

Punt this morphball through the net, but for soccer, you’re picked last!



Samus:
Over thirty years, I’ve led every game except for one.

See me next mission while you’ve been MIA since Requiem!

With poison blood acidity, I’ll rip through Ripley like Ridley!

The last survivor of the Nostromo just signed into raptivity.

Ellen Ripley:
Thirty years and fourteen games! Over all but one you’ve degraded,

So if I beat you by the first verse, do I get to see you naked?

Now when Adam says Space Jump, you say affirmative!

You’re an exterminator. I’ll give you a call for termite services.

Screw Attack out of this death battle, I’ll nuke you from the atmosphere!

Leave ashes flatter than when Ultimate patched your cupsize into B-tier!

Now you’re just Prime 4 another port! Like that’s a fucking Switch!

Stick a long-beam in your open airlock and suck on this, you bitch!

Samus:
Cryogenics kept you aging well, but fuck, you’re getting old.

Can it, Grandma, and keep those pants on at least until the credits roll.

Twice, I’ve had a clone to face; a single Samus won the race,

That’s why I’m the entrusted ‘one,’ and you’re Ripley number eight.

Your trusting Burke makes me think your brains ran on short circuits

Sigourney screamed to stop weaving scripts, but in space, nobody heard it!

I’ve got the superior tech to blow Mother’s brains over,

Like your daughter’s isolated death; game over, man, game over!

Outro
Who won? Ripley Samus

Rap Meanings
can you tell how much time i've had?