User blog:The Flatwoods Monster/Rod Serling vs The Crypt Keeper - Epic Rap Battles of Horror Season 3

Hello everyone and welcome to a completely predictable - OH SHIT (stabbing noises are heard) HELLO KIDDIES, AND WELCOME TO ANOTHER EPISODE OF WHATEVER THE HELL THIS IS. I DON’T CARE, TKANDWHATEVER AND DRAGON WANTED TO SEE ME FLAME THIS MOTHERFUCKER! AHAHAHAHA! LET’S GET THIS FUCKIN SHOW ON THE ROAD!

Cast
EpicLLOYD as The Crypt Keeper (audio)

Some puppeteer as The Crypt Keeper (video)

Nice Peter as Rod Serling

Catie Wayne as Talky Tina (audio, cameo)

Instrumental - Whip the Dope

Introduction
The Crypt Keeper: (0:12)

''' EPIC RAP BATTLES OF WHATEVER THE FUCK THIS IS, CRYPT KEEPERS GOING TO WIN ANYWAYS! '''

''' ME! '''

 

 VS! 

 

''' THIS BITCHFACE! '''

''' LET’S GO! '''

The Battle
Crypt Keeper: (0:25)

HELLO, Boils and Ghouls! Let me tell you a Tale from the Crypt!

Where this Serling prick tried to spit, we threw his tail in the Crypt!

Leave this pale dick in the Pit! This Third Pig’ll get devoured!

[http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716901/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1 This’ll Kill Ya! ]I bring the power to put the Terror in your Tower!

Let’s crack ‘em right! You’re just packing spooky shacks and lights!

That’s whack, alright? I’ll smack you thrice back to black and white!

Creeping out using Dolls and Clowns? Ghost towns?For Cryin’ Out Loud!

Two’s a beatdown into the ground if they say Three’s a Crowd!

What’s Cookin’ hot? It’s Crooked Rod, roasting him above mild!

I’m going wild with my style! I’m your every Nightmare as a Child!

Feeling a migraine? I know how to fix it! Final Cut off your head!

Keeper brings dread? You’re Dead Right! Emphasis on the “DEAD”!

Rod Serling: (1:02)

Submitted for your approval, it’s the black and grey dashing brave,

Serling enters the fray unscatched to send this Thing back to his Grave

I’m an excellent host, you’re a ghost who I’ll roast till I boast a K.O.

Erase this mindless muppet’s flow like when the HBO censored his show

Try to withstand the best of rhymes and you’ll be bested, climbed and damned

Like how you couldn’t stand the test of time and it left you Obsolete, Man

The Storm is coming. You’ve yet to discover the bone crushers Serling ushers

While you steal thunder fromothers? You’re more two faced than your mother!

Man to ma’am, your acclaim to half fame is mained by scams

Violent? Retain the Silence. This puppet can’t even stand without a helping hand

I can’t even debate you, but let me set it straight for this ape-mule

My show is as timeless as infinity, and I think I could even hate you!

Crypt Keeper: (1:40)

Oh look at Serling, the bigger man! At least I’m not tricky with my spouse!

I’ll bring down the house without a doubt! While you just sell out to Mickey Mouse!

You think you’re smart, you fucktard?! Step to me again and you’ll get torn apart!

Split you open like your surgery with attacks rougher than your hearts!

Rod Serling: (1:52)

Come Wander With Me - Or, I guess, don’t, since you can barely move

It’s a Slight Case of Murder. Oil’s Well that Ends Well when Rod gets in the Groove

If this annoying gnome thinks he’s well-known, it’s Execution for Mr. Bones

But reap what Ye Sow, so take your show and get the fuck out of the Twilight Zone

...

And that’s a wrap, ladies and gentlemen.

Who won this scuffle between the devilishly handsome show host, and the creepy, sickly fear mongerer?

And who is next to join the combat on this show, so horrific?

I dare say the choice is yours.

And that’s Epic Rap Battles of Horror for you. Thank you for your time, and have a good night.

Outro


HINT TO THE NEXT BATTLE: (FINALE)

I want to believe

Who won? The Crypt Keeper Rod Serling