User blog:Hippie Rat/Mario vs Link by Epic Rap Battles of Extreme - Hippie Rat Reviews

Hey yo hi hello

Happy Mario Fools Day.

I know, I know, I said I wouldn't do unredeemable battles and battles with no good quality, but fuck it, it's April Fools Day and everyone and their mother has made fun of this battle already, so I might as well throw my cap in or whatever the phrase is.

Speaking of those who've already reviewed it, the battle can't be found in its full on YouTube save for these review videos, so the links to this battle will be in these brief reviews of those review videos:

Mat4yo just looked at the first couple verses and noted a few good points, mostly points in writing, but left a lot of important shit out by not reviewing anything past Link, coincidentally just before his embarrassing performances.

[https://www.youtube.com/FBgvopnqavk Justin and that one guy just had a simple reaction to it and just gave the simple "omg this is cringe" spiel. Doesn't build on much but remains entertaining.]

B-Lo combines the points made in the previous two videos and introduces his own points of concern in my personal favorite review of this battle.

Yes, the battle occasionally gets reuploaded by other channels, but that can be pretty inconsistent in terms of when they're available to watch, and their reuploads don't really fall under fair use had the battle been fully copyrighted, so out of respect of those involved and respect for blog consistency, I'm not going to link to any of those.

Anyway, I'm going to do the normal review thing on the lyrics to this. I'm going to skip the review on the visuals and stuff because that's pretty obvious. If you really want to hear stuff on the visuals, watch Brandon's review. I'll comment on the visuals a bit when it's relevant, but otherwise fuck it.

I'm not going to rewrite it. I'm just going to look at the lyrics and execution, and comment my thoughts on what others have commented on in regards to this before. That's it.

So here we go.

Licyral Alynaiss
Aouncemr:

'''E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-Epic Rap Battles of Extreme! Super Mario vs Link! Begin!'''

(This is it. One of the battles that will go down in infamy. A dirty spot on the record of everyone involved in making this. This battle was originally released on September 16th, 2014. The entirety of Epic Rap Battles of Extreme was deleted about seven months later. There was a clear atmosphere of shame around this battle. Some was channeled into publicly laughing at it months after it was released. Some was channeled into the hiding of its existence. A very small bit was channeled into desperate attempts to undermine a couple criticisms in the battle. Very very small bit but it was there. But why? This couldn't have been the worst battle ever, right? Well, in relation to what level those involved were at, this really sucks. Like, a lot. As bad as a lot of the battles these guys all made at the time were, this is just abysmal. The announcer is just Anthony. He's kinda growling yeah but that's all that is. Enjoy. Fucking 13 separate "Eh"s to start it all out. Fucking hell man. The influence other rap battle series have on this is apparent from the very beginning, as Mario is announced as "Super Mario," something old to the fanmade ERB community dating as far back as VGRB's Ash Ketchum vs Mario, which I normally would recognize as a mistake on VGRB's part if it weren't for Mario vs Sonic proving that that's just how he's kinda going to do it. The costume of Mario is a classic: STOC's good old costume he's used a number of times before in ERBP and ERBoCreepypasta. Hilariously shitty, with an obvious hint of effort (at least he fucking tries to make the mustache look correct). And Link's costume. Ooh boy. XP9 Rap Battles. A landmark in the fanmade rap battle community. Shrock I'mma hit you with my cock, and then I'll soar to the top like the eagle whose feather I would sport in the helmet that I wore as I swatted my many enemies, shattered them like Link does to clay pots. Byutefell.)

You no liking us meesa thinks:

'''It's-a me, Mario! I just beat World Link - Bitch.'''

(Woof. Like wow these lyrics really do suck. This is the generic "this battle's just started and I already won" line, trying to be clever, but is just awkward.)

I can spit more than you with a mask that don't quit.

(Are those two ideas related? Seriously are they? Because I'm already lost on the idea of a mask in Mario, but a mask that helps him spit or something? I don't get ittttt)

Don't try and hit; I'll stomp on you like a Goomba.

(Coming out swinging there. "Don't try and hit." Fists flailing all over the place but no wait Link can't hit because Mario told him not to yo dawg shits tight. Also, Hip Hip Hooray it's Goomba Stomping Day!)

You're not a legend at all but I'm actually supah.

(Super doesn't rhyme with Goomba so I had to change up the spelling there. And like...Link isn't the legend because it's the Legend of Zelda. So like..either you're pulling the fucking Smosh Legend of Link joke out of the barrel or you actually decided to refer to Link by the name Zelda in a way. And if you give me the "well he's saying he's not a legend because the legend is Zelda," then it's just a convoluted fact-state. Also this line is just fucking boring and should be fucked off with regardless.)

Go back to Hyrule where I rule, you're about to get schooled,

(Hyrule/I rule because if it rhymes it automatically means good lyrics right? Substance and meter don't matter if you can manage to stuff as many rhymes into one line as possible, right? You're about to get schooled is filler.)

By the Mario Fools, you got a fairy brain, did you go to school?

(Seriously, it's asked every time, but who the fuck are the Mario Fools? And to those who don't like the fairy brain diss, I'll play devil's advocate and say it's actually decent as a neat way to say that Link is annoying and obnoxious, referring to the annoying "Hey, look, listen!" and it calls Link's brain small. So looking to deep into it and giving the "fairies are actually intelligent" argument need not apply. Did you go to school is filler. Also, I'll say it, rhyming schooled with school is allowable when you have three other "ool" rhymes in your lines, but the crux of the line should not be how many rhymes you can fit in the fucking line.)

It's over Link, you lost 'cause your rhymes are profound,

(I mean, shit, I keep saying this for other misused words but here we are, the granddaddy of them all, the lyric that actually awoke people to their fuckery. The only thing I can do now is give you a very special official "your rhymes are profound" seal. Have fun with it. Also, the motif of stealing things from other battles is strong with this one. The exact same word-for-word quote from Slender Man vs Jeff the Killer? For shame.)

It's hard to battle me when you've BEN DROWNED.

(I hate this so much. Just..non-Creepypasta battles having the need to reference Creepypastas. What actual part of Legend of Zelda's history is BEN DROWNED going to have a huge impact on in the long run? None of them. There isn't one single creepypasta based off a single entity that is actually influential enough to mention in a rap battle of that entity. Not Squidward's Suicide, not Lost Silver, not Sonic.exe, not suicidemouse.avi, not Dead Bart, and most certainly not BEN DROWNED. So never, and I fucking mean never, reference a creepypasta in a non-creepypasta rap battle, you fucking twat.)

Fairy brain:

'''Will you ever get your hand up Peach's skirt? Oh hell no!'''

(Yeah well I mean yeah I guess this isn't really incorrect. Neato libido Danny devito. I will mention that this is fucking dumb. Just saying. "Will this cliché meme from 2007 butchered by the writing of a twelve-year-old be meme? [Answer]!" Like ew.)

My flow is like the money you'll never make; it's worth gold!

("My flow is money is money is flow is I AM RAPPING RIGHT NOW ISN'T IT FUNNY THAT I'M RAPPING." But like seriously where does the idea that Mario doesn't make money come from HE COLLECTS GOLD COINS IN LIKE EVERY FUCKING GAME. This makes zero fucking sense dude.)

Your games are so repetitive, I'd rather play fucking Q-Bert.

(The way this battle references the fact that Mario's games have gotten repetitive over the year is stupid. For one, "fucking" is entirely filler for syllables when you've already been taking up way too many syllables with words like "repetitive." Speaking of, who says repetitive in a rap battle? Even if I were to rap battle you right now I would not say "your raps are too repetitive," I'd probably find a more flowing and top-of-the-mind choice of diction. And finally, really bro there's material for these characters to battle rap for days, you don't need to bring in other video games three lines into this verse then proceed to do it again TWO LINES LATER GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!)

And then there's you, a pizza-loving, Italian bastard.

(I mean...I...where did...but why are you saying...but.... WHAT THE FUCK WHERE DID THIS FUCKING LINE COME FROM?! Here's what probably happened here: you wrote this line intending for the line before it to be "Here we got the time-traveling tunic-wearing Hero of Raps," or something, but you didn't get around to writing that line before you wrote the Q-Bert line, which you intended to have said somewhere else. Then you ran out of ideas and had to settle with the not-rhyming-at-all "Q-Bert/bastard" rhyme and you didn't change the fucking format. PROOFREAD YOUR SHIT MOTHERFUCKER.)

You're like Bomberman, because you being here is a bomber.

(You've heard all you need to hear about this line tbh. All I have to mention is Bomberman shouldn't even be referenced, especially when you had just referenced an irrelevant video game a couple lines ago.)

Yeah I may be a little elf but at least I'm not a fat plumber.

(Here's another thing, either make the generalities clever and funny, or fuck off with them. And if you're going to do concession-refutation try either doing "I may be flawed this way but you're flawed the exact same way to a higher degree" or "you may have been decent before but this is how your sucking counteracts that." This is "I may suck but hey you also suck." We need a "suck more" not a "suck also." Especially when MARIO NEVER SAID YOU WERE A LITTLE ELF, SO DON'T GIVE HIM THE FUCKING MATERIAL. Bomber and plumber don't rhyme.)

Your games never end, so like Bowser, I'll get meaner,

(I'm gonna be honest here, of the Mario and Zelda games I know, Zelda games definitely feel like they go on a bit longer. That may just be me though, but if it isn't just me, then the first part of this line is stupid. Also I love how the consensus for what Bowser does throughout each new Mario game is "gets meaner" like mmk gg m8.)

Stop this feud now as I play my ocarina!

("Stop this battle rap." "Make the suffering end." Seriously we get a lot of "this battle will end right now!...okay now!.....now!...dammit..it ends right now! Now! Now! Now! Fuck!" in this battle. This one ends with Link playing the ocarina because reference or something.)

Mario Fools:

'''Mamma Mia! 'Bout to squish a little boy with my boots,'''

(Obligatory Mario catchphrase plus a second stomping line BECAUSE HIP HIP HOORAY ITS GOOMBA STOMPING DAY!!!!)

How can you rap, you fairy, when in your games, you're mute?

(Fairy fairy did I mention fairy because fairy. And seriously don't point this out or people will question the battle. It's like if Mel Gibson in Signs said "but wait why would the aliens have come here if they don't like water?" You're pointing out why this doesn't fucking work. Fucking hell man.)

I know I may be fat, but at least I'm not a gay elf!

(MMMMMMMMMMMM YOU JUST DID THE EXACT SAME FUCKING THING AS BEFORE WITH THE "SUCK ALSO" AHHH YOU SUCK SO MUCCHHHH.)

I'll burn you with a fire flower then I'll make you burn in hell!

(Don't have anything to add, Mat4yo worded it perfectly with the good old "I'll burn you relevantly then I'll burn you irrelevantly.")

Let's-a go kick his ass all the way back to the Lost Woods,

(Ugh. Nothing to say, just botched references. It's boring af.)

Let's face it, Link, without my influence, your games wouldn't be half as good.

(Trying to be serious. Fucking the fuck up. Horrid. Just dumb. What fucking influence? These are two completely separate entities dude.)

Been beating King Koopa since the '80s with my rhymes,

(I'm kinda clocking out on these lyrics, you can probably guess the problems yourself but in terms of myself there are lyrics further on I definitely need to look at.)

You say you have the Tri-Force yet you can't tell the time!

(This just makes no fucking sense. Where in all fucking hell did you get "Tri-Force is involved in time"? Fucking hell man.)

Zelda:

You're a fucking fatass, how do you fit going down those small pipes?

(I didn't understand the joke can you please overfuckingexplain it some more?)

I'll kill you with my Master Sword and you won't get a second life!

(Master Sword. Remember that word. Or I'll remind you in a minute. And let's go ahead and get a "1-Up mushroom" reference or something instead of "second life," which goes for literally every other fucking game.)

I'm the true king of Nintendo, no way you'll win this,

(I'll talk about the first half of this line in a minute; the second half of this line is complete filler.)

I'm the Hero of Time, bitch, don't try to make a diss!

(Making disses. Because rapping. Laugh. Seriously, I want you to take note of the word "diss," because you will hear that word used so many fucking times. Holy shit. This is also completely filler.)

Swing my Master Sword so much you could call me Toby Turner,

(Here we have the Master Sword mentioned again. No reason really, except for a FUCKING TOBUSCUS REFERENCE! WHAT THE FUCK! Next thing you know Mario is gonna break out into CaptainSparkles's So Way Back in the Mine song. Like, do you know what relevance is? No? Well then fuck off.)

Take your power-ups, turn you to ice, then I'll burn ya!

("I got ice arrows as my Chillrend, the Sun Song is my Dawnbreaker!" Basically the same shit except now for some bullshit reason Link is taking Mario's power-ups. Might be a reference to Charles Darwin vs Professor Oak by VGRB ("You can thunderbolt me, freeze me with an ice beam, and leave me fireblasted,"). Idk. What I do know is it's not clever. Pretty boring. And who the fuck is dumb enough to light ice on fire?)

I'm the true king of Nintendo, end of discussion,

(I can't fucking believe this. I'm actually appalled by this bullshit. You actually reused the same first half of the line twice. Each time using a different filler phrase to end the line. This is so fucking stupid.)

I'm the winner of this battle so there's no competition.

(Are you guys sure this isn't an elaborate prank? Zack's been known to completely botch his guest appearances when he knows it's going to be a bad battle, I mean look at his appearance in Shazam's bullshit. That was a fucking joke. Are you, like, sure that this isn't a joke too? Fucking complexion. Two possibilities here: Anthony sent him a version of the lyrics that actually fucking said complexion and Zack just decided not to question it, or he straight-up did that because prank. No way is he going to fuck up that badly and not rerecord it and go on to make a mockery of Shazam's battles. That's hypocritical to the fuckth degree, as fuck as Shazam's battles are. I'm going to be devil's advocate and assume this isn't actually a fuck up on Zack's behalf. Nevertheless, he said complexion, we all know it, but the real problem here is this is the end of the Mario vs Link section, like the entirety of it, and this is the most filler line I've ever fucking seen. There is not a single person in existence who could not have said this line in their verse in a rap battle. Fuck off with this. Also, discussion and competition don't rhyme, neither do discussion and complexion.)

Totally not Ash Ketchum don't worry:

'''What's up, bitches? Red Trainer has arrived!'''

(I find it so funny that Mat4yo had a good old ten-minute long spiel about how bad the Mario vs Link section of this battle is and makes sure to not get to this part of the battle. The Chiseler, everyone. Takes bad lyrics and makes them good. He's had a part in some of the writing of every character he's done out of principle, I have no idea why he didn't this time, or why he would do a Chisel This episode on this battle, as if to direct anyone towards where his worst raps ever are. I guess it would probably be even more embarrassing to have put any effort in chiseling the lyrics and have the good lyrics stick out like a decent thumb on a bad hand. You understand what I'm getting at so I'll just move on to the actual lyric. "Hi I'm this guy." Okay moving on.)

By the end of this battle you will never make it out alive!

(🎶Gimme an F to the I to the double-L ER..🎶)

I'mma shock you like a Pikachu, flame you like a Charizard,

(I don't even need to say it because you know it just pops in your fucking mind. VGRB's first battle, which, shockingly enough I don't claim to be his worst, but sure as hell fucking sucks enough to not require lines to be lifted straight from it.)

You have to realize that you both won't get far!

(Fucking Idiot Likes Ludicrously Extraneous Rhymes.)

I got Squirtle and Ivysaur by my side, there's nothing you can do!

(Listing Pokémon names followed by a rhyme filler phrase is fuck you.)

You two are worse than my enemy, Blue!

(In what way? Like legit though what way? Is that just a thing to say? Because it sure as fuck doesn't fit as anything other than just a thing to say.)

You're gonna get screwed 'cause you're about to fall!

(That's correlation, not causation. Seriously, you guys gotta learn that one. You can't say "'cause" or "because" unless the thing that was happening is actually because of the other thing. And sure okay maybe falling could screw you, but in the context of the battle these would normally be two separate things. Also, "I make bad lyrics good," -Mat4yo; "You're gonna get screwed 'cause you're about to fall," -Mat4yo character.)

You can't win this, so come and suck my Pokéballs!

(Because testicles are hilarious.)

Blue being here is a Bomber:

It's Megaman here, time to finish off this rivalry,

(Finish off. Finish it off. Did somebody say finish off? Because finish off. Obligatory filler introduction line.)

Once I bring the heat, you guys will be feeling the irony!

(I don't...what... Okay so obviously you're one of the millions of fucktwats that don't understand what irony is, but even then, in a skewed and incorrect definition, where even is the fake irony? Is it because Megaman is like...something fire? Forged in lava? Melted in the sun? I never played the game so I don't know that backstory, but I feel like it's stupid if it is anything. If it isn't then where the fuck do you get irony?! Finally, irony and rivalry don't rhyme.)

Link, you're just a faggot, Mario, stop being such a furry,

(I figured he would've called Red the furry since he's much more closely associated with animals, but nope it's a tanooki or whatever suit joke. Context. Put it in fucking context. "But where do I put the context?" How about where you put the bullshit "Link you're just a faggot" bit?! You don't need to individually insult every character in this battle in every fucking verse, and you don't need to format it with "[this guy] is [stock insult]".)

Red, you're the worst, stop promoting animal cruelty!

(Clever way to insult cartoon animal violence in Pokémon: "Look, Mighty Morphin Michael Vick." What this battle does: "Red, you're the worst, stop promoting animal cruelty!" Just gonna leave that there. Furry and cruelty don't rhyme.)

I was dead but now I'm back to beat you all finally!

(Again, never played Megaman, don't know the story, but I do know that this isn't a thing to say. "I died, but now I'm here to rap battle you. It's either funny because I could've left the first part out and just likewise take out the rest of the line or it's funny because hahahaaha I'm rapping.")

I got the perfect plan to win, just ask Dr. Wily!

(Because namedrop characters and for some reason include them as a cameo. Seriously why does he do this? None of the characters have good costumes yet he keeps feeling it necessary to include them in the video for a half second when they're mentioned. Ew. Finally and Wily don't rhyme.)

In the Smash I'll beat you all because bullets shoot faster,

(Super Smash Bros. Its funny because that's the game they all fight in. Simple acknowledgement of the game warrants laughter, correct? Also, context motherfucker, bullets are faster than what? Arrows? Fireballs? Also, are Megaman's projectiles technically bullets? I always thought they were like..plasma or something. Idk.)

Y'all will plummet into disaster when I shoot my Mega Blaster!

("Mega Blasting your ass and pop a Capcom in ya." Okay yeah I know my own Mario vs Link is trash, but hey, not as trash as this. I'm gonna be honest, I feel like I remember there being something in Megaman or Smash that was Mega Blaster instead of Mega Buster. I don't remember where it was and can't find anything on it right now, but I'm going to honestly give the benefit of the doubt on this one, because I'm pretty sure the Mega Blaster was at least a mistake on a SSB wiki that was only just more recently fixed or something. I won't let "plummet into disaster" go though. Who the fuck says that? Who plummets..into disaster (besides the writer(s) of this battle)?)

Liquid Lizard:

They call me Snake, about to kill you with my venomous flow,

(Not really anything wrong. It's just a tad boring.)

I'm number one in this game, call this Super Smash Bros.

(Oh shit more Smash holy fak. Try to quit with the cliché Smash lamedrops Mr. Smash God.)

Megaman, what's your Mega Blaster have against my snipe?

(Again, passing the Mega Blaster thing. I know Mega Buster is the right thing and the actually iconic bit, but I'm pretty damn sure whoever wrote this isn't actually at fault on the fuckup. Otherwise, I don't really know how a bird from the marshlands would actually hold up against a plasma gun thing, but if you meant sniper, then your rhymes are profound. And really why are we having a fucking dick measuring contest with their guns, just fucking insult him.)

And Mario, do your job, ho, unclog the pipes!

(I love how he tried to get an internal rhyme scheme going, but he literally did that whole "phrase that rhymes with yes; phrase that doesn't, yes!" thing that the guy who voices Snake and likes to talk about fixing bad lyrics hates. How about we just have Mat stick to "I'm a proud plumber whose business thrives on flushed-out content your franchise provides" instead of "you're just a plumber haha it's funny because plumber." And holy fucking shit I didn't realize it until I finally watched it, but you took this line from the totally awesome finisher from only the most beautiful battle, Mario vs Sonic by Epic Rap Battles of Cartoons . Seriously, earlier ERBOC can rot in hell.)

I can't take you losers, you're all giving me a headache!

(I collect spores. Tell 'em 'bout the Twinkie. Like your show, it's all fluff and)

I'll take Peach and Zelda to my castle to taste my Solid Snake!

(But I thought Solid Snake was the opposite definition of his dick. Oh are we not there yet? Okay then just fuck you for the unnecessary fuck yo' bitch line.)

You guys are just glitches who can't even rap,

(Hahahahhahahahahahhahahahhaha get it? Because glitch is a video game term. I don't think you'd understand unless every fucking video game rap battle used the word glitch in it. By the way, in case you didn't realize, I'm insinuating that this is cliché. "Who can't even rap" is filler.)

I'm out, you guys lost now, I'm done with this crap.

("I'm out" is filler. "You guys lost now" is a different filler. "I'm done with this crap" is yet another filler. This is filler cubed.)

FOR MOTHER RUSSIA:

'''Imma Reznov! Time to warn you - you're gonna get shot,'''

(TIME TO WARN YOU?! 1)Why would you warn them?! Just fucking do it you damn commie cuck! 2)How paint-by-numbers does your fuckshit battle gotta be that you actually say that it's time to do this filler thing?! Holy fuck dude. There's nothing that has to do with any character here. It's all bullshit.)

I may be cold-hearted but my raps are just hot!

(Because we never heard fucking anyone use that before.)

I outlasted World War II and saved the life of Alex Mason,

(Obligatory short list of achievements that will have nothing to do with anything further on in this battle.)

I'm the spirit of the red army, you don't know who you're facing!

(You just told them who they were facing then claimed they still don't know who they're facing. Only way that makes sense is if this person is exclaiming their own irrelevance, in which case, who the fuck does that in a rap battle you ducking fumbass.)

You bitches cannot win this, your raps are just too weak,

(These bitches cannot win this. Is it because they're glitches? Bitchy glitches? Glitchy bitches? Totally original lyric? Well get used to it either way. And hey check it out, it's the j-word unnecessarily filling up another syllable and ruining normal speech and shit. You know what I have to say about this? Your raps are too weak. (Which is a filler phrase anyway so fuck you.))

I'll shoot you with my rhymes, call it a five rhyme kill streak!

(I don't think the entire Epic Rap Battles of History series says the word "rhyme" so much as 10% of the time this sole battle does. And "haha get it? Because they're rapping so nothing is literal and WE ARE GOING TO RIDE THE IDEA OF NOTHING BEING LITERAL AND EVERYTHING BEING LYRICAL INTO THE FUCKING GROUND NO MATTER WHO THE CHARACTER IS.")

I'll behead the Snake and make Megaman less of a man,

(I haven't played Metal Gear but I'm like 99% sure that beheading Snake is a completely irrelevant thing that is just a filler empty threat. Then he threatens to castrate Megaman, for no real relevant reason, while using the most non-flowing syllables anyone in the world could've ever used.)

Then slaughter all the Pokémon and Link Mario to his wrath!

(Slaughtering Pokémon is an irrelevant baseless empty threat. Someone's wrath is their extreme anger, so he's just going to show Mario something that will make him angry, something very weak and tame compared to the rest of what he said and somewhat against Mario's character, making the empty threat irrelevant. The whole Link Mario thing tries to be clever but just comes across as dumb because of how non-clever everything else is.)

The dragonBourne Identity:

It's time you guys just stop and let the true winner take this!

(There's the j-word again. Complete filler by the way. "Ooh look at me, I just barely entered the battle but I'm already able to consider myself the 'true winner' even though that phrase is never actually used anywhere in the history of the English language!")

The Elder Scrolls say I'll burn you all with a fiery hot diss.

(Because raps are hot. Is that a joke made in this battle yet? Eh screw it it's not like it could be overdone to the point where it gets annoying.)

Link, you're just a ripoff, Mario, quit the shit!

(Link is a ripoff of what? Elder Scrolls? IN WHAT FUCKING UNIVERSE?! And what shit?! Is this another plumber joke? Not intentionally? Then get tHE FUCK OUT OF HERE WITH YOUR FILLER BULLSHIT)

I'm penetrating you so hard, so it's best you just quit!

(It's funny because penis. In fact, the first half was so funny that the second half didn't need anything of substance except no it wasn't and yes it did. You literally already rhymed quit with shit in the last line, don't do it again.)

Megaman and Solid Snake, don't even try to diss,

(Second time in a row where Megaman and Snake were mentioned in the same line, suggesting a deeper connection between the two, of which there is none. Don't even try to diss is fuckshit filler.)

Because we all know your names are the opposite definitions of your dicks.

(I love how we finally have something that has almost-humor, but it's ruined by you having to throw in so many goddamn syllables. Fucking opposite definitions. Anyone could've made that shorter. Like the word that literally means "opposite definition": antonym. Or have you literally never cracked open a fucking thesaurus to know that shit?)

Once you see my Biggoron's Sword, you pussies will head on home to your moms,

(It's funny because penis. And you know the only research for this character that was done was that ERBP when a sarcastic euphemism for penis used there is used there and then used here but attributed to the wrong person because of a lack of sarcasm. And yeah run home to your moms that's not filler or anything.)

Now let me finish off this battle with my mighty Fus-Ro-Dah!

("Let me finish off this battle" is something I wish would actually fucking happen in the twelve times it's said in this battle. And of course "fusrodah" because it's a meme and memes don't need to be given a new integration to be funny in this new context it just has to be mentioned duh.)

Is the character black? Get Frenzy:

It's time to finish this battle off with the almighty FC!

(Oh boy another person going to finish off the goddamn battle who would've guessed. And...oh no...not acronyms...please don't make me do it...)

Don't think any of you have flow, 'cause I'm a GTA MC!

(SCP GTA MC E.T. from DC in the ex-CCCP god fucking damn you for making me extend this anymore. One day that shit is going to extend way too fucking long. And being good at something doesn't automatically mean someone else is bad at that thing.)

My game has car crashes and prostitutes, what do you got?

(Oh wow neat what a fucking thing to brag about, what are you, 9? And mmm yeah show me what you got. Do you got anything? Does that phrase have any meaning? Probably not to all questions.)

A red plumber who doesn't plumb and a blue robot with a small cock!

(Oh shit he doesn't actually plumb wow what a solid fuck you. And hold on, did you really hit us with like the third or fourth Megaman penis line here? Like, as in you've talked about Megaman's penis a lot. A lot a lot. Way too fucking much.)

'''Solid Snake? Come on! Who are you trying to fool?'''

(...excuse me? What is he trying to make people get fooled over? Seriously. I know that, knowing your track record with lines so far, this is another fucking penis joke, but where is the fucking context? Just...filler? Yeah okay, sure, filler.)

And Red, quit shoving animals in balls and stop acting like a tool!

("Stop doing this kinda relevant thing you do and stop doing this irrelevant thing I guess you do." I'm losing my goddamn mind with this bullshit. It sucks. It's all filler and the same two goddamn disses over and over.)

Imma shoot you all like I did to Trevor and Mike!

(Fuck you. I mean like, this is just boring. "I'll do this thing like I did to this subject" is so fucking bland. Fuck you.)

Before I go, I gotta say, you guys are dikes!

(Is this like really the big finisher? Just a filler vulgarity? Fuck you.)

Fuck it, come up with a joke name yourself:

Look out losers, I'm the hero who's important,

(When I asked for relevance and something of substance I meant that I wanted that shit, this is just bullshit "blah blah I'm better than you.")

Verbal destruction is coming and it won't be Drake's Misfortune!

(More non-literalities rocking the mic again. Plus a fucking lamedrop because fuck good stuff.)

Clinton's more like Bill or Nixon and it's his ass I'll be fixin',

(Okay, first, how is he like Bill Clinton in any fucking way? Second, same for Richard Nixon? Third, how do you transition from Clinton to Nixon besides "hurr durr it rhymes so it's clever." And whose fucking ass, you mentioned like 3 people in this. This is just a clusterfuck.)

I have the Eye of Indra, Dovahkunt, so you better listen!

(I swear to fucking god, you just actually said that he should listen, because Drake has the eye. Remember in the 2016 Ghostbusters when Thor covered his eyes because he heard a loud noise? And the episode of SpongeBob where Patrick couldn't hear SpongeBob because it was too dark? Whoever wrote this is officially as dumb as the characters whose pure stupidity was specifically exaggerated. You are exaggeratedly stupid.)

Reznov, get ready, you see, you'll be begging for mercy!

("Uh hey you, person who hasn't really been addressed...uhm..suck my penis!" I mean like really it might as well be.)

When I drown you in my riches and leave you topsy-turvy!

(Goddamn it he actually was talking about sucking his dick. I haven't read these lyrics here in months and I completely forgot, this fuckshit is just so predictably shit. Like where do you get the phrase topsy-turvy in all this? This shit is some bullshit.)

You bitches are just glitches, whose games are truly lame!

(AY THERE IT FUCKING IS. You bitches are just glitches. ITS CLEVER BECAUSE IT RHYMES. LAUGH. Wonder how he came up with that joke. Probably by watching Missingno's verse in Slender Man vs Jeff the Killer because this entire battle is just an amalgamation of the worst things to come from the more popular fanmade ERB series. And after that is a filler phrase so you know what fuck you.)

Call me the PlayStation All-Star because I get all the fame!

(Because like SSB vs PlayStation All-Stars was a VGRB or something. Idk. He gets all the fame though. He obtains 100% of the intangible limitless concept because fuck you.)

I swear to god if it's Steve from Minecraft I'm out:

'''Yo it's Steve! And you guys should try to face the facts!'''

(I'm out. Okay like seriously you know this is some fuckshit when you're like "video game royale and STEVE FROM MINECRAFT WILL BE THE FINALE!" I'd say anything else of substance to review this line, but I have nothing else to say besides face the facts. No I don't know what facts, no I don't know why you should, just face the goddamn facts.)

Beat you all like Bear Grylls because this is Minecraft!

(Because every fucking rap battle must be referenced in this. BEAR FUCKING GRYLLS. Is it because he drinks urine? Is that the joke? Because I want to drink bleach. Because this is Minecraft.)

You asses just proved why people are now playing computer games!

(I like how he includes "asses" as if there hasn't been too many profanities in this shit already like wtf and it takes up syllables that crams too much into this line like omg fucking hell man. I guess the line idea is decent but it doesn't incorporate much thought and isn't clever or anything it's just there.)

'''Mario getting high on mushrooms? That is fucking insane!'''

(I'm going to be honest, these mushroom jokes were killing me, and I'm glad that someone finally spoke out on the issue.)

And Red, how would you like to suck on my Pokéballs!

(Gee I don't fucking know everyone else was already too busy sucking Red's own Pokéballs because he already made this fucking "joke.")

Let the leader do it, son, don't try and fight with Pokémon!

(Okay first, "stop doing this thing you do because no reason really." Second, you just rhymed Pokéballs with Pokémon. That's like a million percent fuck. You don't just rhyme something with the same roots like that. I'll explain better in a later review, but this is most shit of a way to be doing that mainly because this is from the same fucking franchise. It would be the most lazy way to rhyme something...if it actually fucking rhymed. You made the laziest rhyme ever..and it doesn't rhyme. Fucking hell man)

Solid Snake, no one will fall for that, stop hiding in that box!

(Anastrophe. Study the word. Encode it into your head. Find the definition. Know what it means. Take that definition to heart. Then neVER FUCKING TAKE PART IN PUTTING EXAMPLES OF THIS IN THESE FUCKING RAP BATTLES)

Megaman, go back to sucking Dr. Wily's little cock!

(Once again, Megaman and Solid Snake being talked about right back to back and it's about someone's wang again. I don't get. And like oh yeh Dr wily that's the penis he usually succ)

'''Link, your sword is big? How about you see my diamond sword?'''

(You don't get to mention diamond swords after that "you can call me Tony Turner" fuckshit. And yeah no all this is is a dick measuring contest with swords. No one cares. Of course.)

Cut you into Tri-Force pieces and take Zelda as my reward!

(Why do some people get two lines specifically against them while others get just one? Why not just make the last rapper in a royale a lyrical showcase rap like ERB proved you probably should do with the last rapper in a royale? Also like there's some more subtle references to other battles. "Blow them all into TriForce pieces." Like we cared enough about those battles to want to be reminded of them here. Get fucking original mothewficker)

Vik, you're a ripoff of Stalin, but you're just as worse!

(How in all hell is he a ripoff of Stalin? Did you watch Rasputin vs Stalin and just assume there was no characteristics to Stalin besides "Russian guy who kills people." Stop being so willy nilly with the word ripoff. You should probably just stop using it in general. And you can't be "just as worse." You can be "just as bad" or "even worse," but not "just as worse." Either way, if he's just as bad as Stalin and you already called him a ripoff of Stalin, why even mention him being as bad? We kinda pieced that one together with him apparently being a ripoff of Stalin right down to the bad shit he did. Did you think you could just get away with that rhyme filler phrase like it was okay? Fuck you.)

I've got the best flow so I don't even need a second verse!

(Yet you're going longer than most of the people who gone before you already, and the length of which this one verse is was separated into two verses for the only characters to rap as long as you, so yeah it looks like you're already smack-dab in the middle of your second fucking verse. Dumbass. And, now don't think about this for too long because it makes no sense, but apparently having the best flow equates to not having to rap anymore. And before you say ERB did the same with Daniel Craig's Bond, that was him claiming he only needs one verse and stylizing it with the word "flow". Nowhere did Craig claim he only needed one round because of the flow. He doesn't even give a reason. It's assumed that it's because he's badass, or golden, or some shit. Meanwhile, back to Mario vs Link here, this is shit and this whole line is filler.)

Drake, you're not amazing, your victory is uncharted!

(Amazing Drake, yeah sure I guess that's a thing. Either that or it's just a filler claim. And hold the fuck on, you retard. "Uncharted" means that it is a land not yet transcribed into a map or journal or anything that will hold information on the area, despite the area having possibly been already been discovered and explored. You're saying that Nathan Drake won, it just hasn't been officially been documented; you are not saying that it doesn't exist. So yeah, you know, y o u r r h y m e s  a r e  p r o f o u n d)

You all are failures, it's time y'all departed!

(Yeah oh yeah baby fill that space. Fill that space right up with your micro penis baby oh yeah)

This battle just ended, so wipe off that damn frown!

(Mmmmmmmmmmmmm keep filling the space it feels sooooo gooooood. And wait wouldn't they start frowning once it's over since they just lost? Or they would be relieved because they don't have to listen to his "great flow" anymore? Or should they just be frowning 24/7 for participating in this in the first place?)

None of you will top me so I'll put you all on SHUTDOWN!

(FILLER LINE TO PUT THIS FUCKING BATTLE ON SHUTDOWN HELL YEAH GAME OVER MOTHERFUKCERS)

E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-PIC:

'''Who won? Who's next? You Decide! E! Pic! Rap! *seizure* Rap Battles of Extreme!'''

(This sucked)

Hear me out here
This battle was possibly one of the most important battles this community made.

No seriously, yes it was horrible, but it can't be written off for what it is.

Now obviously this was sort of a bad moment for everyone involved, right? Okay yeah probably. This was when ERBP season 3 had just ended, so obviously those in ERBP were in a sharp incline in quality from here on (tssss). This was just a bad mark.

But honestly, those of you who worked on this battle, this is an opportunity. You have a choice. Live and learn. Or reject it.

I know plenty of you have already chosen, and chosen correctly. This battle helped the community realize some of their worst habits. So yeah good go ahead and fix them.

And then realize that there are even more bad habits to break.

The worst of the worst definitely is a good thing to kick, but there are other bad things. Things like cliché and unusual words you throw in to fill a rhyme like "prattle" and "bout." Or excessive anastrophe. Things that aren't technically incorrect but just aren't fit for rap battles and have yet to be called out by someone like Mat4yo. Find that kind of stuff. Kick it. Live and learn.

And I know what you're thinking "but Hippie you've done bad things in the past why don't you fix it?" Well stick around for about six more reviews and I will.

And until then, have a good day.