User:Loygansono55







About Me= Salutations! I am Barry, the awkward Scottish admin of this Wiki. Considering the large probability that you traveled to my domain in order to gain some insight as to who I am, here are some tidbits about myself: With that said and done, feel free to message me or PM me in chat if you have any problems or would just like talk, I'm a friendly guy who doesn't bite on my good days. Farewell. :) Friends on this Wiki= I've made a lot of friends during my time here; you can find them in this list, not in any particular order (if I forget you/you'd like to be on here, tell me, and I'll add you to the list):
 * I am a Whovian, a Brony, a gamer, an otaku, and a fan of Disney.
 * I hate sports with a passion.
 * I have OCD, ADHD, and Asperger's syndrome.
 * I am fascinated by plants and animals.

Admiral of the Napkin Battalion

This funny guy

My first friend on Wikia

Pixel

bby xoxo

Swagman

A6

Coupe-poo

Phil

MSV

Wahcowmna

BTTF

Asshole

I actually love you, man

Empress of the 13th Great and Powerful Purple Platoon

Weavile

TK

Tiger

Nick

Speed

Shoop

Inferior half-blood

The Wiki's First Lady

Tesla

Killer

Discount Coupe

Metal

Pokémon master

Stoff

My classy Super Smash Bros. buddy

Scrav

Cacola

MrA

Artistic fellow Scot

Wolf

Noah

The gay guy

AG

The Wiki's adoptive parent

Dragon

Optical receptor

Fanmade ERBs= Sometimes I enjoy creating my own fanmade Epic Rap Battles of History, which you can find links to below (my more recent battles are better, but I don't think any are perfect):

NSECBoS w/ Meatholl= In this section, you can find every one of the deliberately terrible Not-So-Epic Crap Battles of Shitstory, created by myself and fellow user Meatholl:

ERBoWTF w/Firebrand= A series that Fire and I work on is Epic Rap Battles of What the Fuck? You can find them below:

Guests:


 * AwesomeGamer as A
 * Four4 as Xbox One
 * MrAwesome300 as Sega Dreamcast

ERBoREO= Another series I make is Epic Rap Battles of Random Everyday Objects, where, as the name suggests, I pit random everyday objects against each other. They can be found below, if you would like to read them:

ERBoF= I have inherited the Epic Rap Battles of Food from MrAwesome. If you want to read them, you can find the links here.

Guests:


 * Sierrastalker as French Toast and Hot Chocolate
 * Patts9009 as Wine
 * ShoopDaKev as Real Bears
 * Firebrand794 as Chicago Bears
 * BackToTheFuturama86 as Lollipop
 * Four4 as Coconut
 * MrAwesome300 as Muffin
 * Captain Warrior as Cookie
 * Meatholl as Bacon, Salami, and Meatballs
 * J1coupe as Noodles and Dr Pepper
 * DudeWithASuit as Water
 * WonderPikachu12 as Root Beer
 * Ximena 13 as Kool-Aid
 * RespectThePixel as Tea

User Battles= Sometimes for fun, I rap battle other users here. If you would like to read them, here they are:


 * VS Dragonsblood23 | VS Dragonsblood23 2 | VS Sierrastalker | VS 723tbone | VS Meatholl | VS Meatholl 2 | VS AnimaShaun | VS AnimaShaun 2 | VS RespectthePixel35 | VS JPhil2.0 | VS Captain Warrior |

Tourney Battles= Occasionally, I partake in various rap tournaments on this Wiki; you can find these battles, along with the tournaments, here:

Lost Battles= Here are any rap battles I have made that I originally did not release for whatever reason:
 * VS Lasse200 for the Second Wiki Rap Tournament | VS Nick for the Second Wiki Rap Tournament | VS BTTF for the Second Wiki Rap Tournament | VS Coupe for the Second Wiki Rap Tournament | Loygansono55 vs Meatholl 3 for the Second Wiki Rap Tournament | Galileo Galilei VS Leonardo da Vinci for the Brunswikian Tournament | Count Dracula VS Jerry Dandridge for the Horror Tournament | Shulk VS Tira for the Video Game Tournament | Kefka Palazzo VS Mael Radec for the Doomsday Tournament |


 * Mario VS Luigi | Smosh VS ERB |

Loygan Dis Raps= If I get annoyed with anybody, I suppose I'll write one of these about them:


 * My Sister | Carl Stanson | Pedro |

Miscellaneous Raps and blogs= Any raps that don't don't really fit into any particular category will be sorted here:


 * Tourney Audition | ERB with YT Captions | DRfH with YT Captions | Kris Blingle (Santa Claus) vs Atom Bomb (Albert Einstein) | iTunes Crap Covers | ERB Pokémon | Donald Trump vs Ebenezer Scrooge - Literal Review | Epic Rap Battles of Cartoons' Big Macintosh vs Applejack - Literal Review | Conjoined ERB Lines |

Favourite Epic Rap Battles of History= The following is my list of the Epic Rap Battles of History from best to worst, although I love each and every single one.


 * 1) Stephen King vs Edgar Allan Poe
 * 2) Blackbeard vs Al Capone
 * 3) Michael Jackson vs Elvis Presley
 * 4) Goku vs Superman
 * 5) Batman vs Sherlock Holmes
 * 6) Einstein vs Stephen Hawking
 * 7) Moses vs Santa Claus
 * 8) Babe Ruth vs Lance Armstrong
 * 9) Barack Obama vs Mitt Romney
 * 10) Nikola Tesla vs Thomas Edison
 * 11) Sir Isaac Newton vs Bill Nye
 * 12) Rick Grimes vs Walter White
 * 13) Mr. T vs Mr. Rogers
 * 14) George Washington vs William Wallace
 * 15) Bob Ross vs Pablo Picasso
 * 16) Mozart vs Skrillex
 * 17) Michael Jordan vs Muhammad Ali
 * 18) Hitler vs Vader 2
 * 19) Columbus vs Captain Kirk
 * 20) Rasputin vs Stalin
 * 21) Doc Brown vs Doctor Who
 * 22) Artists vs TMNT
 * 23) Hitler vs Vader 3
 * 24) Gandhi vs Martin Luther King Jr.
 * 25) Cleopatra vs Marilyn Monroe
 * 26) Donald Trump vs Ebenezer Scrooge
 * 27) Genghis Khan vs Easter Bunny
 * 28) Dr. Seuss vs William Shakespeare
 * 29) Bruce Lee vs Clint Eastwood
 * 30) Gandalf vs Dumbledore
 * 31) Frank Sinatra vs Freddie Mercury
 * 32) Mario Bros vs Wright Bros
 * 33) Billy Mays vs Ben Franklin
 * 34) Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates
 * 35) Napoleon vs Napoleon
 * 36) Darth Vader vs Adolf Hitler
 * 37) Justin Bieber vs Beethoven
 * 38) Master Chief vs Leonidas
 * 39) Nice Peter vs EpicLLOYD
 * 40) Abe Lincoln vs Chuck Norris
 * 41) John Lennon vs Bill O'Reilly
 * 42) Hulk Hogan and Macho Man vs Kim Jong-il
 * 43) Adam vs Eve
 * 44) Miley Cyrus vs Joan of Arc
 * 45) Sarah Palin vs Lady Gaga

Winners and Best Lines= In this section, I'll show you who I thought won each ERB, along with their best lines.



"I'll beat you so bad, you'll weep gently like George Harrison!"

"You're Paul McCartney's bitch, with less talent than Ringo, And I'd rather suck George Bush's dick than Yoko Ono's!"

"Ten thousand dollar shoes I use to stomp out a Beatle!"



"So many dudes been with your mom, who even knows if I'm your father?"

"You're a pissed off little prick with a Napoleon dick, You call that a mustache? I call that dirty sanchez on your lip!"

"My Stormtroopers make yours look like someone took a piece of shit and cloned it!"

"Suck my robot balls!"



"I won the Civil War with my beard, now I'm here to whoop your ass!"

"I've read up on your facts, you cure cancer with your tears? Well, tell me, Chuck, how come you never sat down and cried on your career?"



"Governor of Alaska? That's like the principal of a home school!"

"With the most dysfunctional family since the Jackson fucking Five!"

"Go back to your igloo, spend some time with your kids before they're pregnant!"

"I sound more intelligent than you when I fart, I wonder if you even know how to spell the word art!"

"You don't belong in politics, you belong in a hockey game!"



"The name's Kim Jong, I've got a license to il, Make you swallow my rhymes like a steroids pill!"

"Your body looks like a spray tan banana, With a walrus mustache and a wack bandana!"

"I'm a god amongst men, you're a Suburban Commando!"



"Sit down, son, and let me give you a music lesson!"

"I've crafted masterpieces that will last throughout the ages, Your music gets you bitches on your Facebook pages!"

"You wanna trade blows? You can't even hit puberty!"

"I would smack you, but in Germany, we don't hit little girls, And I'm glad I'm deaf, so I can't hear that piece of shit My World!"

"You wanna be a little white Usher? Here, show them to their seats!"



"When I apply my battle theory, minds are relatively blown, So take a seat, Steve, oop! I see you brought your own!"

"You sound like Wall-E having sex with a Speak and Spell!"

"All your fans'll be like "Umm, that was Hawkward!""

"Cause that means Albert E equals MC squared!"

"I'm the giant whose shoulders you'd have stood on, if you could stand!"

"Ripping holes in you bigger than the hole in your black hole theory was!"



"Your bunny ass about to feel the Wrath of Khan!"

"Silly rabbit, you'll need more than luck, You've got two giant ears, but can't hear that you suck!"

"I drive a Mongol hoard, your army is weak, What? You going to attack me with a posse of peeps?"

"I'll bite off your tail and punch your teeth down your throat, Then butcher your family, and make a new coat!"

"Now my DNA's in dudes from New York to Japan!"

"Easter my ass, you're not in the Bible, You're a fluffy bitch mascot for Hallmark in denial!"



"When it comes to world leaders, you like, literally lowered the bar!"

"I'll rip your bones apart, Bonaparte, turn your horse into glue, Welcome to the Battle of Waterloo part two!"

"I've got skills, I'll put you in a half-Horatio Nelson, You're the ugliest thing that's ever failed in Russia since Boris Yeltsin!"

"Why don't you crawl back in your little shell and escargot the heck home?"

"This is a rap rollercoaster you're not even tall enough to ride!"

"Cause to me, you're just the emperor of the Lollipop Guild!"

"Benny's got kite and key, but you're in for a shock, When I strike you with bolts from my lighting rod cock!"



"You following me, camera guy? Cause it's about to get furious, You're gonna love my nuts until you're bifocal-curious!"

"Slap Chop your face, make a double chin salsa!"



"Tom Riddle me this, you bitch, how's your little wand gonna beat my staff?"

"I leave mics in flames, torched by Gandalf, Touch mine, Dumbledore, and scorch your other hand off!"

"Death makes you die, it just makes my brights brighter!"

"Your ass is like Gringotts, everyone makes a deposit, We all know you've more than a Boggart in your closet!"

"I don't gives a Fawkes about your Oder of Phoenix!"

"I'll tie a new knot in your beard with your wrinkly balls, For I am the one rapper to rule them all!"





"I would not, could not, on a boat, Read any of the boring-ass plays you wrote!"

"Even Horton doesn't wanna hear you, And Cindy Lou Who is afraid to go near you!"

"You bore people to death, You leave a classroom looking like the end of MacBeth!"

"You gotta translate what you said on the opposite page!"



"Yo, you may have wrote the script, but now we running the show!"

"Man, we'll cook you up and eat you with some ham and green eggs!"



"I pity the fool who tries to step to Clubber Lang!"

"I'll choke you with your own sweater sleeves, You couldn't even beat me in the Land of Make Believe, punk!"

"I will Mr. T bag you in the closest cemetery, Nobody's gonna miss you, cause all your friends imaginary!"

"Hello? It's for you, Bill Cosby wants his sweater!"

"You're a forty year old virgin in a dumpy ass house!"

"The only pussy cat you've ever seen is on Henrietta, sucka! And your Mr. McFeely delivers a lot more than letters!"

"So before you come to battle with your PBS crap, How bout I call up CPS about them kids on your lap, fool?"



"I'll show you how a real explorer handles a situation, I'll beat you so bad, they'll feel it in the Next Generation!"

"My rhymes will burrow in your ears like the Wrath of Khan!"

"Check into a Priceline hotel and watch your fat ass on Hulu!"

"It's like somebody set your brains on stun!"

"I am the fabric of history, you are a fictional stain, I'll stick a flag up your ass and claim you for Spain!"



"You'll be good at rapping someday, I promise, bro, But for now, just stick to editing that gay-ass Monday Show!"

"I'll slaughter your water color unicorns, eat 'em for breakfast!"

"Everyone knows your page is just the place the rap battles live!"

"Dude, you're really huge on YouTube, you got a great career, But remember, you got famous off of my idea!"

"You're taller than I am, but you look up to me, The guy who got you your first job in comedy!"



"You need a vacation, here, take a trip on my train!"

"I mean you leading an army of white men? Disgraceful, Even your mic skills still aren't fully operational!"

"You got one bitch pregnant, then gave into the hate, Now you're 6'6" and black, but can't get a date!"

"Lightsaber? You need a Life Saver, Use some of your Force to fix your fucking respirator!"

"You couldn't even get your own son into the family business!"

"What's wrong, Ani? Can't take anymore? Not surprising coming from the Emperor's whore!"



"They built a monument to my sins, you're the soldier they need you to be, Ain't no way that you can beat me, even my initials spell MC!"

"While you and your companions were all camping in a canyon, Took a campaign to your house and showed your queen my plasma cannon!"

"You will not enjoy this, but it will be over quickly!"

"You've got a bad case of no shirt there, Fabio Flintstone, Your whole plan got messed up by a hunchback with down syndrome!"

"300 asses need a kicking, give more teabags than Lipton, So why don't you quit your bitching? My trigger finger's itching!"



(Orville Wright in italics)

(Wilbur Wright in bold)

(Both in underline )

"Cause your princess is in our castle now! Yeah, she's gone! We stayed up all night playing Donkey Kong!"

"'''You think we're scared of two idiots addicted to shrooms?"

"We'll be pressing all your buttons like we're the controller!  Conquer every level of your 2-D scroller! "

"We're gonna beat you so fast, it's like we're holding down the B button! "

"I got one for your monkey, two for your clothes, Three for your family, and four for your nose!"

"You better surrender talking about them ABCs, Cause all you wanna do is teach kids the birds and the bees!"

"I'll light you up like your hair in a Pepsi commercial!"

"I stole from black culture, why're you offended?"

"Your daddy beat gold records out of you like alchemy, Don't make me spank you and dangle your ass over a balcony!"

"You're a creeper, dude, you like to grab your own wanger, I only let you marry my daughter cause I knew you'd never bang her!"

"I was badder than you in my Blue Hawaii movie!"

"I'm out, before you try to hold me and free your willy, Later, weirdo, Elvis is leaving the building!"



"Overthrow pharaohs who oppose me like Moses!"

"I've had some ugly boys, but you're forgetting the others, Marlon Brando and the Kennedys, while you fucked your own brothers!"

"Getting Lo on Marc Antony, tossing Caesar's salad!"

"I've got an ass that won't quit, you had an asp and got bit on the tit, Somebody wrap this bitch back up in a carpet!"

"Your sandy vagina has a Seven Year Itch!"

"My best friends are diamonds, you can't beat me, quit tripping, Step off and walk your ass home like an Egyptian!"



"You blow, Jobs, you arrogant prick, With your second hand jeans and your turtleneck!"

"I'll give away your net worth to AIDS research!"

"Combine all your little toys and I still crush that, iPhone, iPad, iPwn, iSmack!"

"Well Steve, you steal all the credit for work that other people do, Did your fat beard Wozniak write these raps for you too?"

"I'm a boss, I won DOS, your future is my design, I'm a god, own Xbox, now there's no one can stop me, the world is mine!"



"You're the least talented rat in your whole pack of rodents!"

"I'm more powerful than you when I'm wearing women's pants!"

"When I rock the UK, South America gets horny!"

"Because my songs have balls, they're the anthems of victory, Your music is like the soundtrack to a vasectomy!"

"I'm a champion of the world, extinguished in his prime, So kiss my ass, Frankie, but you'll have to wait in line!"



"They say your father was a great man, you must be what's left, Need to stop hating on gays, let 'em teach you how to dress!"

"You got the momma jeans and a Mr. Fantastic face, So rich and white, it's like I'mm running against a cheesecake!"

"Republicans need a puppet and you fit, Got their hands so far up your rear, call you Mitt!"

"I hope you saved your best rhymes for the second half, Cause right now, I'm forty seven percent through kicking your ass!"

"Look, I respect all religions, but it might get crazy, If the White House has a First, Second, and a Third Lady!"

"We'll see how pretty your face is after my fist has kissed it!"



“Great Scott, you're great, not! I spit it hot, Then generate way more power than 1.21 gigawatts!”

“I'm not sure what sort of scientific authority you purport to be, But I'm a real doctor, where'd you get your degree?”

“Despite all your companions, you couldn't be having less sex, I don't know what's lamer, your fans or your special effects!”

“I'll use your port-a-potty time machine as my latrine, You're not a cat with nine lives, your a pussy with thirteen!”



“You're in the gym too much, Ringo, perfecting kicks, You should spend more time matching your voice up to your lips!”

“You don't belong in a fight, you belong in a sweatshop, So go ahead... make my iPod!”

“You can't be too tough, you got killed by an aspirin!”

“And your one inch punch, same size as your pecker!”

“I'd beat you in round two, but that'd be unbelievable, No one in your family ever lives to see a sequel!”



(Sherlock Holmes in underline )

(Dr. Watson in italics)

“ I once met a rich fellow who smelled of guano and pain! Holmes, explain! I deduce this deuce stain is Bruce Wayne! ”

“The billionaire? Yes, his wealth would allow this adversary of ours, To afford the toys he needs, since he has no superpowers!”

“I heard he has a British butler! Good, then he'll be used to getting served by Englishmen! ”

“ My sidekick's a doctor, because his flows are so ill!”

“ I believe your parents' homicide is why you mask your face, You're shamed and traumatised and haunted by the vast disgrace, Of watching like a passive waste as mama died and daddy was dispatched with haste! Holmes, you've cracked the case! You're a batshit crazy baskecase! ”

“ Dissing these Dynamic Douchebags was elementary, my dear Watson! "



“When I was high upon the mountain, God revealed the truths of the earth, But he never mentioned a fat-ass Papa Smurf!”

“It takes nine reindeer to haul your fat ass, You took the Christ out of Christmas and just added more mass!”

“You need to stop breaking into houses and creeping and peeping, On naughty kids while they sleeping, and keep your hands of my stocking!”

“Don't you “Ho Ho” me, I'll split your ass in half like I did the Red Sea!”

“Hand me my chisel, I got a new commandizzle for y'all, Thou shalt not let children sit on a grown man's lap at the mall!”



“My life was fine til you had to come along and wreck it, Could you please just shut your face for ten seconds?”

“You cry about everything, but can't decide what you want, “I'm hungry, I'm fat, I'm cold, I'm hot!””

“You call that complex, buy yo, I call you a mess, You take two hours to cum, three more to get dressed!”

“You got any perfume that smells like get the fuck off my back?”

“Then your junk starts bleeding and you turn into a demon!”

“I wasn't listening, are you still flapping those lips? I was just thinking, yo, did I give up a rib for this?”



“No shoes, no shirt, but I'm still gonna serve ya!”

“Make you swallow your words so you can break the fast, Then thank God Almighty you can eat at last!”

“But I have a dream that one day you'll take a shower!”

“Like the H in your name, you ought to remain silent, Flatten your style like bread, naan-violence!”

“I'd ring you for tech support, but I got a Nobel Prize!”



“I'll rip your style, and add it to my long list of patents!”

“While you were busy digging ditches and burning bridges, I'm pumping out inventions, stacking riches, so go back to your pigeons!”

“You never had sex, but you sure got screwed by me!”

“I don't alternate my flow, I diss you directly!”

“The truth hertz, you're broke and washed up, Don't give a smidgeon about your visions if they can't make a buck!”

“I'm on the record I invented, you got duped, there, I said it, I'll bet you fifty thousand dollars that you'll never forget it!”



“The whole nation knows you ride too tight in the crotch, You're as boring as your Tour De France is to watch!”

“With all that blood and attitude, you're like a menstrual cyclist!”

“It's the bottom of the ninth against a Texan in a bathing suit, Filled with more artificial ingredients than a Baby Ruth!”

“It may be way to soon, but I'm calling my shot, And I'm not talking about those Italian syringes you bought!”

“The Sultan of Swat will knock you right outta the park!”

“You're out, with three strikes and just one ball!”



“I'm a scary monster, stomping this sprite in frilly pants!”

“You're a weirdo, Wolfy, you're into powdered wigs and poop, And your cousin blew notes on your little Magic Flute!”

“You might have been a genius, but you died baroque and worthless!”

“I attack, you decay, can't sustain my releases, Sidechain, Wolfgang, Bangarang you to pieces!”

“I'm a self-made man, you're a slave to your papa, I'm a r-r-rockstar, mix you with the bass and drop ya!”

“Global, my strobes glow like Chernobyl!”



“See the soul of the man who made Mother Russia his bitch!”

“You think I give a fuck about my wife? My own son got locked up in prison, and I didn't save his life!”

“You got off easy when they pickles that moose cock!”

“I even crush motherfuckers when I'm laid in state!”

“Drop the hammer on you harder than I bitch slapped Hitler!”



“I'll kick your balls and your face, a war on two fronts!”

“This Führer will crush the Dark Side, like a rap Apartheid, I put the germ into Germany, I'm sick on this mic!”

“I beat you twice, you sellout, now you bow down to Mickey Mouse, You call yourself a Dark Lord? You couldn't even conquer Space Mountain!”

“Well, I baked you something, here, pop into my oven!”

“I'll take you, and your new boyfriend Goofy, and all your spermy soldier guys, And throw you in a butthole in the sand!”



“I'm ruining pirates faster than Johnny Depp did!”

“I had syphilis, yeah, well you're a huge dick, With a scurvy-ridden ship filled with bilge rat pricks!”

“I run an intricate criminal syndicate, so show respect, Or get that tongue ripped out your neck and shoved straight up your poop deck!”

“You ain't a tough guy, my kids dress up like you for Halloween!”

“I'll use that fuse in your hat to light up you and your buddies, Then burn your sailboat down and collect the insurance money!”

“The only legend you left was your prohibition on soap!”

“I mean that rat nest beard's trapped so many crumbs, This bum could get marooned and still eat lunch for a month!”

“Rap so hard, call me al... dente!”

“Tell South Carolina Blackbeard got Capwned!”



“Je suis la fille en feu, call me Katniss Everdeen!”

“When it comes to bad bitches, I'm the patron saint, But I only get down on my knees when it's time to pray!”

“I'm the Maid of Orleans, you're the Mardi Gras beads, honey!”

“You gotta die for something, Miley, just picture your epitaph, Had the world watching, chose to show them all her flat ass!”

“Do not take the lord's name in vain, you ratchet skank, Your manager's riding you to the Achey-Breaky bank!”

“Be thankful for your talent, don't just rub it on your crotch, Keep your party in the USA, Vive La France!”



“You're a moody little genius, always so serious, I know, you must be on your Blue Period!”

“Your work is melancholic, I'm painting happy little trees, Call me Jackson Pollock, because I splatter MCs!”

“I'll twist you up like you're a Rubik's Cubist!”

“Well, Bob is dropping bombs like this is Guernica, I served twenty years, Air Force, United States of America!”

“My technique will make your mistress weep!”

“I'm a bright like titanium white kind of fellow!”

“Don't believe in mistakes unless you step to me, Yo, Pablo, you just got your happy little ass beat!”



“Here comes Jordan, big tongue wobbling, Flying through the air like a big dumb goblin!”

“You're the only Bull that's uglier than Rodman, Messing with me is gambling, you got a problem!”

“Your whole basketball career turned whack, When you came back a wizard like Gandalf the Black!”

“Stick to golf, you can keep the ball to yourself!”

“You fight like the little girls who make your Nike shoes!”

“You stay at the Ritz cause you sold out to crackers!”

“I'll leave you like Liston, flat on your ass!”

“Cause your rapping sucks more than Space Jam did!”



“Wake up, Scrooge, I'm about to take a Dickens of a dump, On this lonely, homely, little miserable grump!”

“I'm like the star on a Christmas tree, you're like the stump, I'm not known for my heart, but you're still getting Trumped!”

“You remind me of my ex-wife in a bikini, cause you disgust me!”

“My raps will haunt you, make you think you're going insane!”

“So when the clock strikes, prepare to enter a world of Christmas pain!”



“I'm 'bout to show this lab rat how to be a real dad!”

“A grade-A MC who'll ruin your A-1 day, Cause sheriff Grimes rhymes dirty like my armpit stains!”

“Pop a cap in you and splatter the brain you misuse!”

“Hatching little schemes like a dying MacGyver!”

“You tore your family apart sin by sin, Where I live, it happens literally limb from limb!”

“So write this down in your pancakes so you won't forget it, I kill zombies that are better men than you before breakfast!”

“You ain't the danger to me, Walt, so knock all you want, I'll watch you get eaten on my fucking front lawn!”



"Who can stop this constipated jock, With the awful animation and the complicated plot?"

"Who's got the rap bombs to drop on Japan? This looks like a job for the OG! (Superman!)"

"I'm killin' it, you're Krillin it, I'm villainous to vegetables, That dance around in Hammer pants that hide their tiny genitals!"

"My level is incredible, I'm out of your League!"

"Greasy, slick emcee from DC, With one breath, I'll freeze your whole measly species!"

"You're primitive and limited, you live in a village of idiots, Step in Metropolis, I'll snap a carrot, period!"

"Your rapping is weaker than your fight scenes, Just one punch and over nine thousand screams!"

"I'll make your nose bleed like Roshi sniffing panties!"



"Oh, you wanna talk shop, you gothed-out fop? Go back to Hot Topic and shop for a top!"

"There's a melancholy alcoholic laughingstock, In the King's House, now watch the Castle Rock!"

"Pouty little poet with an opiate affliction, I'm a workaholic with a fiction addiction!"

"I'm making dedicated readers shivery and jittery, Feel that Rage and Misery!"

"You better start Running, Man, you're in deep poo, Poe, I'm a mad dog, fangs Shining, Cujo!"

"Tommyknock you down til you can't stand up, You're as soft as Po, the Kung Fu Panda!"

"Racks on racks, cause I pen fat stacks of frightening writing, have you seen the pile? I can even take a break from my routine style, crank out a Shawshank or a Green Mile!"

"Masque of the Red Death? Barely bloodcurdling, Pit and the Pendulum? Not even unnerving, Perving on your first cousin when she's thirteen years old? Now that's disturbing!"

"Speaking of bored, you're the worst, Dropped out of school, but you can't drop a verse!"

"In eight bars, I can write a whole bestseller!"

"I'm so prolific, this sickly goblin won't be bothering me, I'm on a clobbering spree, And I'll be smacking you with any of the big thick books in my big dick bibliography!"

"See, I'm the author with the blood and gore lore galore that'll horrify a reader to the core, Fame? Money? Talent? Success? You'll always have less, nevermore!"



"Of all the scientific minds in history, They put Beaker in a bow tie up against me?"

"I drop rhymes like they're falling from an apple tree!"

"You're no match for me, you got a Bach Degree, I got a unit of force named after me!"

"When I start flowing, I stay in motion!"

"Perhaps it'd be better if I added in a bleep or a bloop or another wacky sound effect!"

"I was born on Christmas, I'm God's gift, I unlocked the stars that you're dancing with!"

"You waste time debating creationists, While I create the science you explain to kids!"

"Well, I conclude that your methods are the wackest, You wouldn't even pass in one of my classes!"

"Every action has an equal and opposite reaction, Except for when we both start rapping!"

"I accelerated the mind of mankind to a higher plane of understanding, And I can calculate the weight and the size and the shape of the shadow of the mind you're standing in!"

Losers and Best Lines= This is just the best lines from the people who lost their rap battle.



“Well, you Can't Buy Me Love, but I'll kick your ass for free, I'll take Maxwell's Silver Hammer and give you a lobotomy!”



“You are Vader, with your little boots and cape, And helmet to cover up that burnt-ass face!”

“You have the Force to move objects, I am a force truly evil, Even went back in time and turned you whack in the prequel!”

“I preferred you in Spaceballs, the Rick Moranis version!”

“You need to wash up, dawg, here, step in my shower!”



“This isn't Gettysburg, punk, I'd suggest retreating, For I invented rap music when my heart started beating!”

“Chuck Norris doesn't battle, he just allows you to lose, My raps will blow your mind like a verbal John Wilkes Booth!”

“I've spread more blood and gore than forty score of your puny Civil Wars, bitch!”

“I split the union with a roundhouse kick, I wear a black belt on the beard that I grow on my dick!”

“You may have freed the slaves, but Chuck is everyone's master!”



“A transvestite with a keyboard, trying to be freak of the year!”

“Your voice sounds like a rooster having sex with a frog, They put a lot of lipstick on you, but you still look like a dog!”

“Stop letting Little Monsters teach you how to dance!”

“You may be Gaga, but you ain't a lady at all, I've seen those outfits you've been wearing, that takes big balls!”

“Everything you do is just a rerun of Madonna, Your fans are in a frenzy like a bunch of gay piranha!”



“You got a ringside seat to your own smackdown, brother!”

“I'm gonna bounce you like a cheque for my alimony!”



“I don't like to hit little bitches with glasses, But when midgets step up, I stomp midget asses!”

“So spend less time rapping and start feeding your people!”



“I'm the next Michael Jackson, you smell like Betty White, Here's some aspirin, you're catching Bieber fever tonight!”

“Even Elise wants to do me, and now that you're right next to me, I can understand why they used a dog to play you in the movies!”

“What else can I say? Your own music made you deaf!”



“I got 12 inch rims on my chair, that's how I roll, y'all, You look like someone glued a mustache on a troll doll!”

“I'll be stretching out the rhyme, like gravity stretches time, When you try to put your little p-brane against this kind of mind!”

“There are ten million, million, million, million, million, million, million, million, million particles in the universe that we can observe, Your mama took the ugly ones and put them into one nerd!”

“I'm a supercomputer, you're like a TI-82, oooh!”



“How you gonna battle? I invented hip hopping!”

“The Easer Bunny, baby, I deserve to be arrogant, You ugly, rapist, pelt-wearing barbarian!”

“The Great Wall couldn't keep you out of China, Watch me rub my foot for luck and stick it right up your vagina!”



“I am French, you are a buck tooth nerd with a perm!”

“I spit at you harder than Tina the Llama, Smacking your face til your lips swell up like Lafawnduh's!”

“Doodle up some friends, you gangly freak show, Before I toss you over the mountain like the dreams of Uncle Rico!”

“After this, your buddy Pedro will be voting for me!”

“I'll whip you so bad, they'll make a virgin meringue, You're the only type of dynamite that's never going to bang!”



“Call me Arthur Miller, son, cause it's Death of a Salesman!”

“It takes just one easy payment for me to whoop your ass!”

“Cause I'm mint, I'm money, I'm an educated gentleman, So join or die, Bill, cause it's all about the Benjamin!”



“Check your status, they call me headmaster, you're nothing, Nice staff, you compensating for something?”

“You think your hairy-toed friends are gonna harm me? Wait'll they get a taste of Dumbledore's Army!”

“I'll Expecto my Patronum on your face, you little Snitch, And when I'm finished, I'mma fly Like it's Quidditch!”



“I hath been iambic on that ass, ye bastard, my rhymes are classic, Your crap is drafted by a kindergartner high on acid!”

“And to top it off, you're not a doctor, I've never seen a softer author, You crook, you, I bet you wrote the Twilight books, too!”



“I'll be rocking sneakers til this battle's over, So I don't get blood from your ugly face on my pennyloafers!”

“You call yourself T cause you're too dumb to spell!”

“I'll chop you into four black dudes and I'll remake Cool Runnings!”



“You discovered a new world that was already inhabited!”

“Why don't you boldly go someplace you've never gone before, like India, or, Any destination you've actually set sail for!”

“I'll be chilling in my spaceship, have fun canoeing!”



“The battles were your idea to start with, that's no lie, But I'm the one who had the brains to let a midget play the bad guy!”

“You're a short little sidekick, I'll call you mini-me!”

“You look like a thumb, where'd you even come from? It's like I'm battle rapping a fat version of Gollum!”



“I only thawed you out so I could beat your ass a second time!”

"I'm on the leader of your limp-dicked Luftwaffe!"

“I Strike Back hard against a Nazi!”

“I spit sick shit so focused, I break your concentration camp!”



“Your puny fans are fat nerds on computers, Jerking off to games, giving themselves first-person shooters!”

“I don't need firepower when I'm rocking these guns!”

“I'd look you in the eye, but you're too much of a bitch to show your face!”



(Mario in italics)

(Luigi in bold)

(Both in underline )

“Why don't you's get back in your biplane and make out with each other?”

“If you wanted to fly, you shoulda just eaten this leaf!”

“You might fly like a Hawk, but you fight like a Kitty!”

“We've been dropping ba-bombs since we started this song, Sorry, Wright Brothers, this time you chose wrong! ”



“You stole rock and roll, gave us rockabilly cheese!”

“You dance like an epileptic, nothing but left feet, I've seen it, Every record you set, man, I Beat It!”

“Here's a tip, don't swallow a bucket of drugs, So you won't die on the toilet, dropping hunks of Burning Love!”

“I'm Bad, I'm a Smooth Criminal, better face up, Call me Ed Sullivan, shoot you from the waist up!”

“Watch me moonwalk and I step on your Blue Suede, Even in death, I go platinum on Blu-Ray!”

“Spitting our hits since I was six years old, I'm the King of Pop, you're king of jelly rolls!”



“Didn't lose any chocolate, I just added vanilla!”

“How you gonna talk about the birds and bees, When you met your own wife when she was only fourteen?”



“Plus, you got so much experience down on your knees, Married a writer, but I don't even think you can read!”

“You'll sleep with any ugly dude who says he Likes it Hot, Even Joe DiMaggio took a swing in your batter's box!”

“You'll lose this battle like your bout with barbiturates!”

“You lost so many babies, we should call you Miss Carriage!”

“You got an hourglass figure, but that's about it, A Candle in the Wind that can't act for shit!”



“Beating you is Apple II easy!”

“Why'd you name your company after your dick?”

“Let's talk about doctors, I've seen a few, Cause I got a PC, but it wasn't from you!”



“I'm sorry, Bill, I'm afraid I can't let you do that!”

“Take a look at your history, Everything you built leads up to me!”

“My CPU's hot, but my core runs cold, Beat you in seventeen lines of code!”



“With those teeth, when you're through, there'll be no dust left to bite!”

“You dance like you rode a Bicycle Race with no seat!”

“You changed your name to Mercury, you should have been Freddie Uranus!”

“You played butthole roulette, and you lost the draw!”



“You're all Barack and no bite, been no change, and we're all still hoping, That you'll shut your mouth, but like Guantanamo Bay, they're both open!”

“And your rhymes are as weak as this economy that you've done nothing about!”



“The wannabe Einstein, minus the stache, Travels through time, but with no class!”

“I'm saving the world while you dilly-dally, You can't even invent a way out of Hill Valley!”

“Let's just say there's an infinite number of me simultaneously kicking your ass with rhyme!”



“Cause you're a pitiful hillbilly hanging with an oedipal kid who's a bawk bawk chicken!”



“Here's my two finger push-up, kung F-U!”

“I beat the Good and the Bad, you must be the Ugly!”

“Go tug your pistol for a fist full of your million dollar babies!”

“A man who argues with people who aren't even there, Is more fit to rap against this fucking chair!”



“I'll crush your British nuts until they're bangers and mash!”

“Shut up, nerds, I serve justice, so eat it!”



“Boy Wonder make you wonder how your ass got killed, Bite harder than those hounds down in Baskerville!”

“Got a secret 'bout your homegirl, Irene Adler, Took her back to my nest to BAM POW KERSPLAT her!”









(Santa Claus in italics)

(Elves in underline )

“You represent sandals and a scraggly beard!”

“''I'm from the North Pole, that's why my rhymes are so cold, I spit diamonds, but I'm serving up some fresh coal!”

“''I've read your book, you got a strict religion, No bacon, but mandatory circumcision?''”

“ We ain't slaves, all that sand turned your brain to mush! I think you need to stop smoking all that burning bush!”

“ Yo, here's a GPS, who gets lost for forty years? ”

“You're a glorified secretary, so write this down!”



“This battle's gonna end like every argument does, With you kissing my ass and begging me for a rub!”

“I made a map, motherfucker, and I'm reading it, too, Gives me specific directions how to fuck with you!”

“I know that you like to think you're so macho, But you smell like ballsacks and nachos!”

“Pssht, ditch the fig leaf, get yourself a pine needle!”

“You want alone time? Have it, in fact, Suck your own dick and shave your own back!”



“Raps so hot, I spit Yoga Fire!”

“I am passively resisting the fact that you suck, I am celibate because I don't give a fuck!”



“So confess to your thefts and let the whole world know, What the Serbian did for the Wizard of Menlo!”

“You did not steal from me, you stole me from mankind!”



“Before I let loose with this Ruthless aggression, I'll let you be the second fat woman hearing my confession!”

“So swing, batter batter, show me what a fatter rapper can do, I beat cancer, I can sure as hell crack you!”



“Was that a verse or did you just get the hiccups?”

“I am the world's greatest composer, no one knows what you are, Except a lonely little troll who knows how to press a space bar!”

“I've seen more complexity in a couch from IKEA!”

“You go piano to fortississimo, That means soft to very, very loud, cause I'm guessing that you didn't know!”



“How many dictators does it take, To turn an empire into a union of ruinous states?”

“If you're the Man of Steel, I spit Kryptonite!”

“Big dick mystic, known to hypnotize!”



“Let me start with you there, Frankenstein, Looking like something out of R.L. Stine!”



“If your name end with “in”, time to get out!”

“Tore down that wall like the Kool-Aid Man, oh yeah!”



“I spit hot borscht when I'm crushing these beats!”

“Doing judo moves and schooling every Communist сука!”



“You wrote a little book, got'em fired up, had a Beer Hall Putsch, got'em fired up, And when your bunker started getting fired up, you put a gun in your mouth and fired up!”

“You dumb motherfucker, didn't Napoleon let you know? When you conquer Russia, better pack some fucking winter clothes!”



“I'll put my balls in your mouth like boba tea!”



“Walk under the black flag with a scallywag swagger!

“My cold heart is many degrees beneath the deep freezer!”

“You're an obese greasy sleaze squeezing a diseased peter, That no skeezer would touch if she had fifty foot tweezers!”

“I'll pimp slap those face scars of yours port and starboard!”

“You spend time in Alcatraz, I'm sure you were fine, If you dropped the soap as little as you drop dope rhymes!”

“So prepare to learn the Davy Jones' Locker combination!”



“You died a virgin, girl, who you think you messing with? It's Miley Cyrus, I'm the hottest thing since Britney, bitch!”

“I'm getting lifted on that molly, get that party turned up, You getting lifted on a steak, get that body burned up!”

“You could say this rap is like my alter ego cause I killed it!”

“Sweet burn (oooooh tsssss), no pun intended, You're a cross-dressing peasant betrayed by those you defended!”

“If God's in your corner, girl, you need better management!”



“But I think you must be a genius, cause with zero training, You made millions teaching people how to suck at painting!”

“I could make better art with my wiener, Lump!”

“You painted thirty thousand pictures of bushes and sticks!”

“Does your audience know that you stole your whole show? You just ripped off your teacher and added an afro!”



“Why don't you dodge this battle like you did Vietnam? Cause you've got as much chance of beating me as LeBron!”

“You can fight one man, I can drive through a whole team!”

“Now you double dribble balls that nobody could see!”

“Stay all up in your grill like my name was George Foreman!”

“Man, you needed a movement cause you're so full of shit!”



“Bah humbug, you're raps don't unnerve me, they're atrocious, What frightens me the most is your gross ghost proboscis!”



“Yo, I own the railroad, I run these tracks!”

“You shoulda made like Sebastian, and kissed the girl!”

“What good is your purse if you're poor in your heart?”



“Best put some friends on your wishlist, Cause you don't know the spirit of Christmas!”

“If you did, then you would at this moment, Be sharing your money with some of the homeless!”



“Alone by yourself on the bed of your death, With the stench of regret on your last dying breath!”

“The penance you pay for the way you behave, Is written as plain as the name on this grave!”



“Ask Gus, you don't wanna Face Off against me!”

“Your sense of duty gets your group into some deep doody, Always getting saved by some samurai booty!”

“Here's a hot dose, let me watch you choke on the truth, You look up to me like I'm a pizza on the roof!”

“Cause you're a loser, a failure to your whole entire crew, I've seen Walter Jr. handle walkers better than you!”

“I'll bury you faster than your partner stole your whole life, No one saw Shane coming, except for your wife!”



"How many times are they gonna rewrite your stories?! Your powers have been boring since the nineteen fucking forties!"

"You're pretty pasty to be powered by the sun, You can't flow to Son Goku, I Kaio-ken get it done!"

"When I see your movies, all I do is watch the clock, Cause there's nothing fun about a superhero scared of green rocks!"

"Look at those panties (Oh!), you got that cameltoe, I'll report to Lois Lane and Superman that hoe!"

"You got your ass beat by a bat with no powers!"

"There's only one way that this battle's gonna end, One more Superman who's never gonna walk again!"



"Once upon a midnight dreary, as I spit this weak and weary, I will choke this joker with a trochee til his cheeks are teary!"

"I'll forever be better, you'll never be near me, your books are as eerie as Beverly Cleary!"

"You're a faux Bram Stoker, so scram, the show's over, Your flow's so-so, Poe's poems pwn posers!"

"The Tell-Tale Heart beats soft in its grave, while this jerk just beats off on a page!"

"Stephen, you pretend to do it, I've been really living through it, misery and poverty and family woes, I see through you like pantyhose, doing Chappelle and Simpsons cameos!

"Even if you're grippin' on a weapon, then you better get to steppin' if you're messing with the horror lord, In a minute maybe, I'mma hit him, cut him into itty bitty bits and I'mma stick him in the floorboards!"



"You freaked out, started counting coins for the bank, and you sure didn't have no wife!"

"You wrote the book on gravity, but you couldn't attract nobody, Your work in orbits was exemplary, but your circle of friends was shoddy!"

"I rap sharp like a needle in your eye!"

"Stick to drinking that mercury, Cause I hypothesize that you're about to get beat!"



"We got a badass over here, plus I got your back, Nye!"

"By the way, the answer to your little calculation is i!"

"As in I put the swag back in science!"

"The universe is infinite, but this battle is finished!"

Favourite Dis Raps for Hire= EpicLLOYD makes some really great Dis Raps for Hire, so here are my favourites from best to worst :)


 * 1) Nelson, Mark, Steven, and Lucas
 * 2) Tyrance, William, and Reshad
 * 3) Glasscock
 * 4) Joan
 * 5) Jennifer
 * 6) Jason and Ramone
 * 7) Daniel
 * 8) EthanAlways
 * 9) Diamond
 * 10) James
 * 11) Momma Metcalf
 * 12) Southwest High
 * 13) Christian
 * 14) Justin
 * 15) Charles

Favourite Shows= Here are my favourite televisions shows. Yes.


 * 1) Doctor Who
 * 2) South Park
 * 3) Game of Thrones
 * 4) The Walking Dead
 * 5) My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

Favourite Internet Shows= Here are my favourite internet shows. Yes.


 * 1) Epic Rap Battles of History
 * 2) Happy Tree Friends
 * 3) Death Battle
 * 4) Your Grammar Sucks
 * 5) Angry Video Game Nerd
 * 6) CinemaSins
 * 7) Game Grumps

Avatar Gallery= This is a gallery of my avatars from the past. Some avatars have lasted longer than others, and I may reuse any of them whenever I please. Nothing else to say, really :P

Quotes and Catchphrases = In this segment, you can see some of my favourite phrases by me, and other things I'm known for saying, I guess :P

"Walk a mile in my shoes and you still won't be able to understand my strife. Not even I do."

- Loygansono55 "lol why dafuq are there fingernails on my crotch?"

- Loygansono55 "Smeel."

- Loygansono55 "Cabbage."

- Loygansono55 "Those trousers in the corner."

- Loygansono55 "LOYGASM!"

- Loygansono55 "Soon, my child. Soon."

- Loygansono55 "Salutations."

- Loygansono55 "Farewell."

- Loygansono55 "Aye."

- Loygansono55 "What the fuckity balls?"

- Loygansono55 "Cry can give dead lesbians boners with that voice."

- Loygansono55 "You can't spell WonderPikachu without chunk powder."

- Loygansono55 "I have a fetish fetish."

- Loygansono55 "It's the age of the wine that matters, not the age of the drinker ;D"

- Loygansono55

Trivia= This section contains random facts about me :P


 * I have been stung on the shoulder by a jellyfish before.
 * I can lick my own elbow.
 * My skin once turned yellow after eating too much cereal.
 * I have a very slight and occasional stutter.
 * My favourite colour is green.
 * My lucky number is 14.