Board Thread:General Discussion/@comment-24353761-20140115153727

A Humbly Suggested New Year's Resolution for 2014 and Pledge for Those Who Support the Epic Rap Battles of History 

I, [Pledge's Username], do solemnly swear, by the grace and dominion of Nice Peter, EpicLLOYD, Mary Doodles and all others who help make the Epic Rap Battles of History (hitherto "ERBoH" in reference) both possible and invariably entertaining, that, for no less a duration than the entirety of the year 2014, I shall dutifully comply with the following three restraints on my suggestions for future Epic Rap Battles:

1)  That I shall unerringly refrain from posting a suggestion without offering, at minimum, a faint appraisal, word of praise, word of criticism or other comment relevant to the Epic Rap Battle under which I am commenting.

2)  That I shall persistently strive to include no less than *one* actual historical figure in every suggestion, to be done without complaint, without accusation, without question to the series' premise and without the slightest mention of "Gandalf vs. Dumbledore," in so understanding that Nice Peter and EpicLLOYD did not negate the series' entire premise by committing what some people would describe as "that one mistake".  The field of History remains a superbly useful, enlightening and fascinating field of intellectual study, and *all* human beings would do well to pursue it and to embrace it, as ignorance remains a shortcoming which all should work to reduce and eradicate, and as what we are and what we shall become is directly founded on what we were.

3)  That, when composing my humble suggestions, I shall unswervingly refrain from including any entities which (due to a combination of sheer novelty, irritatingly frequent repetition, blatant fanboyism, concerns to trademark or other potential grounds for lawsuit or criminal conviction, absolute lack of an anthropomorphic persona--and hence, beyond the capabilities of Mary Doodles' costuming department--or miscellaneous character traits which would preclude the obligatory appearances of Nice Peter and EpicLLOYD in every video and/or prevent such a character from being suitable as a rap battler) have been included in what shall be called the List of Insipid Shit.  The List of Insipid Shit shall include but shall _not_ be limited to the following entities:

• PewDiePie • Tobuscus • Smosh • Any other YouTube personality (who has, by definition, proven to be quite capable of promoting himself/herself/themselves, thank you very much) • One Direction • The Wanted • Deadmau5 • Slipknot • R5 • Any other band of musicians or quasi-musicians • Any song <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Goku <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Any other character from the Dragonball franchise <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Dexter Morgan <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Walter White <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Dr. Gregory House <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Sheldon Cooper <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Any fast food restaurant <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Any mascot for any fast food restaurant <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Any comic book publisher <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Any character from the Twilight franchise <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Any character from the Hunger Games franchise <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Any character from the Elder Scrolls franchise <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Any character from the Percy Jackson franchise <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Any character from the Metal Gear franchise <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Any character from the Walking Dead franchise <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Any character from the Team Fortress franchise <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Any character from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Any character from the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers franchise <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Any character from the My Little Pony franchise (with apologies to Rarity, who remains the best pony ever) <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Any character created by Matt Groening <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Any character created by Seth MacFarlane <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Any animated Disney character <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Anything related to Minecraft <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Anything related to Pokémon <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Anything related to Yu-Gi-Oh! <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Anything related to Call of Duty <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Anything related to the Battlefield video game series <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Any video game, particularly one without any memorable characters <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Any animal <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Any emotion, sentiment, condition or state of being <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Any deity <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Any religion <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Any nation or nationality <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Any ethnicity <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Any model of vehicle <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Any publication, including periodicals <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Any variety of food <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Any variety of beverage <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Any hallucinogen, narcotic or other mind-altering substance of questionable legality <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Any celestial body <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Any sign from the Zodiac <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Any television commentator or talk show host <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Anyone from the Kardashian family <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Anyone from "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Anyone from "Jersey Shore" <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Anyone from any reality show whatsoever, at all, for any reason or rationale, now and forever, Amen. <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• GLaDOS <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Siri <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Skynet <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Any Terminator <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Any Autobot <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Any Decepticon <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Any computer operating system or application; we already have "Bill Gates vs. Steve Jobs," and that should be enough for anyone. <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Any cell phone, tablet, MP3 player or other small electronic device. The companies which produce those devices already have marketing departments, which do not include Peter and Lloyd on their payrolls. <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Slenderman <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Jeff the Killer <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Any other Creepypasta character <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• "Someone," "somebody," "anyone" or any similarly vague pronoun <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• Any character who would utterly devour Mary Doodles' costume budget and/or Nice Peter's computer animation resources (ie. RoboCop, the ED-209 and the aforementioned Transformers) <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">• And anything else that could conceivably constitute an utterly stupid, pointless or unreasonable suggestion.

<span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">This do I affirm with all due honesty and conviction, with Nice Peter and EpicLLOYD as my witnesses, on the [Day of the Month] day of [Month], 2014, and that, for the entire span of the year 2014, I shall honor and uphold this contract with ERBoH under pain of being bludgeoned, raped, tortured, murdered and mutilated by the entire Internet, not necessarily in the aforementioned order.

<span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">_________________________________________ <span style="color:rgb(64,64,64);font-family:Roboto,arial,sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:18px;text-align:start;">(Your Signature Here) <ac_metadata title="A Humble Resolution for 2014"> </ac_metadata>