User blog:Dark Cyan/Cyan's Rap Battles of Literature 36: Jane Austen vs J. K. Rowling 2

Hello, everyone. And welcome back to the Finale of Cyan's Rap Battles of Literature! Not just season 2, but the whole thing!

This is the last CRBoL! In fact, it's my last solo battle likely ever on this site! CyGIR will still be a thing, though, so don't worry.

This was originally supposed to be Dante vs The Nine Circles of Hell, with each circle being an author, but that idea was too big in scale. I don't even have it left in me to make this bigger than a standard battle.

This was also meant to be released yesterday, on my three year wiki anniversary, but I fucked it up. I chose this battle, as it was the first literature battle in the series, and the first battle I ever wrote on this site. I wanted to end my solo rap battle career with a bang.

Instead, you have this.

Enjoy!

Beat: Kill The Strings

Jane Austen
(starts at 0:22)

O, Jo. Here we are again! How sad to see an Authoress resort to Broadway

Cursed, child, by the Thorne in your side of this dreadful two-act play!

You wrote Chamber of Secrets but the biggest secret is thus;

How do you still have fans after killing your series with edgy Y.A. muck?

With each instalment, the magic and wonder ironically lessened in amount

I cannot blame the publishers for refusing to print your book on twelve counts!

And stop George Lucas-ing your series with all these prequels, trying to desperately

Best my immortal legacy with your ‘My Immortal’ legacy!

J. K. Rowling
(starts at 0:56)

Oh, please, Jane! Like you’ve never had a book sent back!

And it’s called world building, which *gasp* requires more effort that “I hate Bath”!

And you want to talk legacy? My net worth is $650 million!

Chill out at the theme parks for my franchise that’s grossed $7 billion!

While you’re only read by women’s book clubs and literary snobs,

And even though your earnings were shit, you’ve never held a single job!

You’re a spinster, jealous that I’m living my success. That’s evident

Not even adding Zombies have made your stories relevant!

Jane Austen
(starts at 1:30)

I have always said it is difficult for the prosperous to be humble,

Now do let us address your bitter Twitter faux pas and fumbles

Watching you making an utter fool out of yourself is sheer torture

[http://knowyourmeme.com/photos/1226779-pewdiepie “Wow. You’re good at making up stories. You should be an author.”]

Take that reply to heart. Trump and the referendum are immaterial

Your political musings are not so much critical as hypocritical!

This isn’t the Elephant House you should be focusing on. Tweets cannot topple tyrants

Cease acting without sense! From politics, it’s an easy step to silence

J. K. Rowling
(starts at 2:04)

I really can’t believe the audacity of some of your claims!

Wealthy sisters marrying gentlemen and soldiers; your books are all the same

Which is amazing as you yourself never had great luck with boys

I’m surprised you kept to romances after how badly it went with Tom Lefroy!

You mock my political conviction? These are my ideals, and I’m convinced!

You sucked up to George IV even though you secretly hated that Half-Blood Prince!

Maybe you’d have a life outside writing if you ever had kids. That’s real magic

And if you were with us today, my charity work may have saved your life. Tragic

WHO WON? Jane Austen J. K. Rowling