User blog:Icey778/Icey Reviews: Rap Battles of Excellence 1: Sonic vs Spyro

I got inspired by Hippie so let's take a look at my worst battle yet, because it was my first!

RAP BATTLES OF EXCELLENCE!

SONIC!

Versus!

SPYRO!

Begin!

(Here it comes.)

Sonic:

IIIIIIII'M the fastest thing alive!

(Stretched out "I" is not epic jackass.)

Try to move and I already arrive

(THANK YOU FOR FUCKING STATING THE OBVIOUS IN BOTH LINES. Wow so good, really I mean what was the point of this bar? Where is the flow  here?)

I'll speed blitz this overrated purple barney

(Barney is a dinosaur too get it? Except he has no real relevance to video games so this is a shit comparison. Huh why is "Barney" not capitalized? Didn't I used to get on people for that?)

Run up to him and ripto him to bits

(What a horrible name pun, just stop, it is too painful. Can't forget that I never capitalized "Ripo." I should have just said rip him to bits. Also there is no middle rhymes why? "Barney" and "bits" doesn't rhyme.)

Dude you got your own eggs stolen for sleepin' on the job by being a dumbfuck

(You're just stating this line so obviously. Why not make some clever WORDPLAY, or something? RIP syllable counter for the next line. Another point lack of middle rhymes aka flow.)

And your games are having some really bum luck

(Yes this is sort of obvious and feels like filler even though it isn't. And when something feels like filler you know you did something wrong. Again where is the middle rhymes, you know what I give up! Because honestly I doubt this battle really ever flows.)

I'll eviscerate all of your pansy friends

(WHO is his pansy friends? You never really explain this anywhere in the battle!)

Fool this blue blur you can't incinerate

(I get what I was trying to do rhyme middle rhymes with the last bar with the end ones of this bar. I don't care I read multiple fanmades before this. There is no excuse I just wanted to be different for the sake of being different. Did it work hell no! "incinerate" and "friends" do not rhyme.

I'll beat you so fast I'll already be destroying the Egg Viper

(I'll beat you easy generic line part, as well filler. Why do we need to know this? You've already mentioned you're fast.)

Yo wannabe banjo kazooie I just gave your girl Cynder a ring in her bouncer...

(Wait so now we're talking about Legend of Spyro, Spyro?  What where did this battle say it was any Spyro? This is fucking confusing. Lol sex joke because it's so clevr n funy rite? WRONG! By the way "viper" and "bouncer" do not rhyme.)

Spyro:

There's about to be one less hedgehog on an adventure, barbecue anyone?

(This adds no substance to the battle, FILLER.)

I seen you run into spikes and now your life is down to one, ANOTHER WORDS about to be well DONE!

(Could have cut the line after "one," but instead you went over the syllable counter and blew it. Also what does him running in the spikes have to do with anything? This isn't a diss, it's not even filler, it's drivel. So the second part of this line was a burn joke? I mean it's not really a good one.)

The Sonic franchise only had one good recent game

(Nope this is pretty wrong there was several good ones.)

Yet your trying to put your bad rep on me for your infamy.

(Wrong "you're," did you even proof read this? Oh yeah "game" and "infamy" don't rhyme.)

This blue man crew needs to get his running shoes and shoo

Wtf this line is WHAT WHAT, NO! Blue man crew isn't even relevant to here, just because they are blue that doesn't mean anything.)

The only thing I gotta do is drown you

(Ok, but this is really just another threat after you threatened to kill him once.)

Closet homosexual sonic was showing Tails his (egg man voice) pingas!

(Gay joke, not a good one either. Also bad meme.)

I'd rather get beaten by a lizard than an evil scientist eggman and his robotnitwits.

(First what? Spyro didn't lose to Ripto he won in fact. Second, "pingas" and your terrible pun on robotniks doesn't really rhyme.)

Bitch I'm the one who will spinball drop down on ya into the ground

(ANOTHER threat are you serious? Also I think the second part of this line is filler.)

I was faster than you in that speed race against an egg thief where all we did was go around!

(Ok the second line is something random that happens in the game. It is a reference for the sake of being a reference therefore adds little value. Also the syllable counter again..)

Sonic:

IIIIIIIIMMMMPOSSIBLE I'm the golden super sonic that's invincible (sonic transforms)

(Unneeded stretching of the "I" in impossible, was that an attempt to look epic? Again stating the obvious that you're invincible in no clever way.)

How are you gonna burn me when I am unbeatable?

(Cliche second line I can't be beat, but not clever at all, and I think it's filler unsure really. Because I will be honest I don't know every single possible sentence that's filler.)

Your gems are useless mine make me all powerful

(The first line is sort of just stating something simply, not really much substance. I mean it's decent. And that says a lot in this terrible first battle.)

I'm more cheerful, delightful, skillful and overall successful

(Now THIS is filler and it goes over the syllable counter. Can't forget it is just cramming words for rhyme for the sake of rhyming.)

I'm skylanding this battle and this chump into the forgotten worlds

(I don't know if anyone really agrees with me, but I actually like this line. It is pretty clever for a first time battle.)

Hear this "evil" barney, soon they'll be dragon your ass out of here in droves

(You already called him Barney once and you didn't capitalize it again. AND Barney still has no relation to video games. Ugh, that terrible dragon joke it stings. "worlds and "droves" rhymes?)

Spyro:

(spyro starts to fly and shoot big fireballs) I fly wings to the sky

(WHAT why is the action sequence not at the end of the line? Because it happens before. So why isn't it on a seperate line before the line? Still stating the obvious here as usual.)

bonus stage kick your ass and give your skin color a new dye

(Why is the beginning of this sentence not capitalized? As well the second part is filler..)

Gems are everywhere spastic overenthusiastic rip off of DRAGONball Z

(Oh hey I'm actually trying for middle rhymes now. But still cramming in two rhymes just for the sake of rhyming. I do like the "ripoff of DBZ" part of this line.

Don't need a GUN just burn through his shield and melt through him like plastic see

(We get it you want him dead blah blah. So the "see" part is just so you can rhyme for the sake of rhyming, ok!)

I'll puncture ram this hoe from Soleanna to Avalar!

(Another I'm gonna beat you line. Repetition can be good in a battle, but this kind is not. Also these feel like forced references.)

You got copied by metal junk while I'm authentic and not some wannabe Avatar

(The first part is good actually imo. The second part is whaaaa? I don't get how Sonic relates to Avata- Oh my god. The fucking MOVIE?! Because he is blue right? No you idiot, NO!)

I'm making sparks leaving this sonic rider in the dust cause I'm too prolific

(You aren't leaving anything in the dust you have both lost from a pitiful performance. You just saw Poe vs King didn't you? That's why you have that end rhyme.)

This battle has already been won, you could say I beat him at the speed of SONIC! (mocks tail's voice)

(Filler last line. Also yep you fucking watched King vs Poe. You got that concept from King mocking "The Raven." One last thing "prolific" and "Sonic" do not rhyme.)

Closing:

That was a travesty, I am surprised Joe never pointed out how shit it was. I will have a full remake on it for Redux. But honestly at the same time this battle helped me in the long run though, because after it I did get a little better. And I always look back on this battle to remember where I came from. If you guys want me to review something let me know in the comments. And new RBoER coming either next month or in April. Hope you enjoyed!