User blog:Wachowman/Wiki Tales: Borderlands ep5 (Annoyance)

Last Time on Wiki Tales
TK: well, Legionston doesn't have Crozon Devices.

Steeler: why the fuck not?

TK: like I said before, it's a rare material.

Joe: Then who does?

TK: the only place I can think of that does is Iron Wrath.

Wonder: It seems Wachow hates Crozon, we know you have Crozon.

CW: indeed I do.

Wonder: well, of you give some to us, we may be able to take down one of the deadliest fuckers on Pandora.

CW: take down Wachow eh?

CW: there's a town not to far from here, Iron Class, made by a scumbag named CE, not many people live there, but CE has something I want.

Steeler: what is it?

CW: a Puppet Flute.

Steeler: well, we're here now.

(Screen shows the group in front of Iron Class)

(The screen goes black as Tigers voice is heard)

Tiger: let's just get this over with.

This Time
(Screen shows the group at the Iron Class gates)

(ROB is placing explosions at the gate)

Joe: I can't believe no one in this town came to check on the gunshots.

Tiger: I doubt they care.

Steeler: let's hurry this up, I'm ready to not run out of ammo.

Joe: I feel like you're gunna kill us all with that thing.

Wonder: why couldn't you get a normal gun.

Steeler: this gun is as normal as it gets.

Tiger: you're highly wrong but, who am I to judge.

ROB: the e-explosives are placed!

(The group gets a distance away from the explosives)

Steeler: couldn't we have just jumped over?

ROB: this is m-much more f-fun!

(ROBs hand turns into a button)

ROB: explosion in 3.

Wonder:...

ROB: 2.

Joe:...

ROB: 1.

Steeler:...

ROB: here we go!

(ROB presses the button as a giant explosion occurs at the gate)

Joe: *is knocked to the ground* gah! Fuck!

(Screen shows a pile of smoke in front of Iron Class)

Tiger: ROB.

(ROBs stomach opens as he starts to vacuum in the smoke)

ROB: one m-moment please.

(The smoke starts to go inside of ROB as Iron Class can now be seen)

Joe:...wow.

Steeler: uh...

Wonder: was that supposed to happen?

(Screen shows half of the whole town is destroyed)

ROB: Nope!

Tiger: makes life...sorta easier I guess.

Wonder: let's just go.

(The group starts to run through Iron Class)

(Screen shows a Man meditating in a dark room)

(3 Bandits enter the room)

Bandit 1: Puppet Master CE there seems to be intruders.

CE: then kill them.

Bandit 2: half of the town is destroyed.

CE: then kill them.

Bandit 2: they have already killed many of our men due to the explosion.

CE: then kill them!

Bandit 1: sir, you aren't listeni-

(A shard of glass flies into the Badits neck)

Bandit 1: a-ack-gah.

(The Bandit falls to the ground)

CE:...

Bandit 3: holy shit.

Bandit 2:...ok, I'll do it calmer...Master CE, there are-

(Another shard of glass flies into the Bandits neck)

Bandit 2: n-ack-no.

(The Bandit falls to the ground)

CE:...then kill them...ok Randy?

Randy: y-yessir!

(Randy leaves as CE is alone in the room)

CE:...they're all gunna die.

(Screen shows Tiger surrounded by 3 Men)

Lachowman: You can't beat the mighty Lachowman! I'll rip you to shreds!

'''LACHOWMAN! HE'LL RIP YOU TO SHREDS'''

Oachowman: And I, Oachowman, will eat the shreds that he rips you into!

'''OACHOWMAN! HE WILL EAT YOUR SHREDS'''

Tachowman: And then there me! Tachowman! I'll eat Oachowman after he eats you!

'''TACHOWMAN! HE'LL EAT YOUR EATER'''

Lachowman: let's get him boys!

Tiger: enough of this.

(Tiger aims his Triple-gun at the Bandits)

Tiger: says cheese.

(Tiger pulls the trigger as a pistol bullet, a shotgun bullet, and an automatic bullet fly out)

Tachowman: aha-*gets shots by the pistol*

Oachowman: brin-*gets shot by the shotgun*

Lachowman: *gets shot by the automatic*

(The 3 Bandits fall to the ground at the same time)

Tiger: there we go...Wonder you good over there?

(Wonder is aiming his gun at a defenseless Bandit)

Eachowman: no, no please, you can't kill the great Eachowman.

'''EACHOWMAN! ABOUT TO DIE'''

Wonder: yes I can. *pulls his trigger*

(Eachowman falls to the ground)

Tiger: nice, now where's Joe?

Joe: uh...guys?

(Screen shows 2 Bandits trying to bring Joe to the ground)

Joe:...they're trying to force me to the ground, it's not working so well for them.

Yachowman: arg, I'll show you! *tries to kick Joe but misses*

'''YACHOWMAN! CANT KICK'''

Rachowman: and you think I won't do it, you're crazy. *grabs on to Joes leg but is then kicked off*

'''RACHOWMAN! CANT GRAB'''

Joe: they're like fucking cats.

Tiger: I hate cats.

Wonder: that's ironic.

Tiger: why?

Wonder: cause your names Ti-eh nevermind.

Joe: do we even kill these guys? There no actual threat.

Wonder: eh, just do it.

Joe: alright.

Tiger: I got it.

(Tiger shoots both the Bandits in the head with his Pistol Barrel)

Wonder: good shot.

Tiger: thanks.

Joe: now, where's Steeler and ROB?

Bandit 1: you won't escape!

Wonder: hm?

(Screen shows multiple Bandits in front of Steeler and ROB)

Uachowman: The great Uachowman cannot be beaten!

Dachowman: Neither can the great Dachowman!

Pachowman: or Pachowman!

Nachowman: or Nachowman!

Sachowman: Sachowman can't be defeated either!

Wahcowman: neither can Wahcowman!

'''UACHOWMAN, DACHOWMAN, PACHOWMAN, NACHOWMAN, SACHOWMAN AND WAHCOWMAN! DAMMIT CE'''

Steeler: ready ROB?

ROB: r-ready!

(Steeler pulls out his Minigun and ROBs hand turns into a Minigun)

Dachowman: oh shit.

(Steeler and ROB fire into the group of Bandits)

Steeler: Ahhhhhhh!

ROB: Ahhhh-ahhhh!

(Bullets are seen flying through the Bandits)

Steeler: ahhhhhhh-I fucking love this thing!

(Steeler and ROB stop shooting as the screen shows all the Bandits dead)

Steeler: hell yeah!

ROB: by my calculations, that should be all of them, and I only say that because we already killed half of them with the explosion.

Wonder: great, now let's go.

ROB: yes, let's g-g-g-o-o-o-o-o-o.

Joe: ROB? You ok?

ROB: *transforms into a car* I-I-I-I.

Steeler: ROB, What's happening?

ROB: *transforms into a dumpster* H-h-h-h-h-e-e.

Tiger: shit!

ROB: *transforms back to normal* I-I-I-I-I-I-I n-n-eed h-e-e-elp.

Tiger: he's being controlled!

Steeler: what?

Joe: by who?

Wonder: CE has the Puppet Flute!

Tiger: ROB, fold up!

(ROB turns into a cube and falls to the ground)

Joe: did that help?

(Tiger picks up ROB from the ground and puts him in his pocket)

Tiger: looks like it.

Wonder: let's keep going.

Joe: I'm guessing CE is in here.

(Screen shows a building with a giant "CE" on it)

Steeler: wow, that's being full of yourself.

Wonder: we need to be careful, CE seems dangerous.

Steeler: no shit.

(Randy runs out of the building)

Randy:...uh...uh...

Steeler:...yo.

Randy: I'm just...gunna go.

Wonder: good choice kid.

(Randy runs past the group to the outside)

Joe: if only they were all that smart.

Wonder: alright, let's get inside.

(The group walks inside the building)

Joe:...

Tiger:...

Wonder:....

Steeler:...wow.

(Screen shows the walls covered in pictures of CE naked)

Joe: I...I feel sick.

Wonder: there's an elevator...let's go up that.

Steeler: wow...his dick is big.

Tiger: shut up Steeler.

Steeler: what? Being honest.

(Joe presses the elevator button)

Joe: I'm sorta scared to see the elevator.

Steeler: *looks closer at a picture* I swear, his dick is in 3-D.

Tiger: I don't need to know this.

Wonder: Steeler do you need to tell us something?

Joe: ironic.

Steeler: *touches the picture*...what the fuck?

(Steelers finger goes through the picture)

Steeler: it's hollow.

(An alarm starts to go off)

Tiger: dammit Steeler!

Joe: what'd you press?!

Steeler: just the tip!

(2 cans are dropped into the room)

Tiger: shit!

Joe: get out o-

(The cans explode releasing a purple gas)

Tiger: don't breathe!

Wonder: men run!

Joe: I-I...can't. *collapses*

Tiger: it's...too...much. *collapses*

Steeler: I only...touched...the tip. *collapses*

Wonder:...men...*collapses*

(The screen goes black)

(Screen shows the users in a room full of hundreds of Mirrors)

Joe: *wakes up* uhg-uh...w-where are we?

Wonder: *wakes up* what happened.

Tiger: we were fucking gassed.

Joe: what? By who?

CE: oh don't be silly.

(Screen shows a man in one of the mirrors)

Steeler: CE!

(CE switches from one mirror to another)

CE: I know why you're all here, it's for my precious Puppet Flute, that bastard CW thinks he can have everything, but too bad!

(CE switches to another mirror)

CE: I'll show him, oh yes, he'll be delighted to see you all again, beheaded!

Steeler: I hope everyone's awake.

(Steeler shoots the mirror CE is in)

CE: ahahahaha, cute.

(CE appears in all the mirrors in the room)

CE: let me show you how to fight with Class!

'''CE! THE PUPPET MASTER'''

CE: take this!

(A mirror breaks into pieces and the shards fly at the users)

Steeler: shit!

(The shards of glass give the users cuts)

Steeler: *gets cut in the face* fuck!

Joe: *gets cut in the arm* god dammit!

Wonder: how do we fight this guy?!

CE: a little more?

(5 more mirror breaks as the shards float in the air)

CE:...bye bye.

(The shards fly towards the users)

Tiger: take cover!

Joe: there is no cover!

Wonder: shit!

(The shards are about to hit the users)

Steeler: *braces self*

Tiger: *closes eyes*...what?

(A large Metal sheet is seen in front of the group as it blocks the shards)

Tiger: ROB!

ROB: n-n-n-not a scratch-ch.

CE: ah, so you came out I see.

Tiger: ROB, fold back up!

CE: too late for that.

(CE pulls out the Puppet Flute)

Joe: no!

Wonder: the Puppet Flute!

(CE starts to play the Puppet Flute)

ROB: P-p-p-p-p-p-p-l-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9.

Tiger: ROB! Fold up! C'mon!

ROB: 8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8.

Joe: is he counting down?

Wonder: that can't be good.

Steeler: fuck! I'm stopping this!

(Steeler pulls out his Minigun)

Steeler: take this Classhole!

(Steeler starts to shoot the mirrors)

CE: ahahahaha...that's cute.

(A shard of glass flies into Steelers shoulder)

Steeler: ahg!

Wonder: he have to stop these shards of glass!

Joe: they're pretty big, I think I can shoot them.

ROB: 5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5.

Wonder: what happens when he hits 0?!

Tiger: I don't know!

ROB: 4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4.

Tiger: ROB! ROB!

(A shard of glass hits Tiger in the back)

Tiger: Ahh! Fuck!

(Tiger falls to the ground)

ROB: 3-3-3-3-3-3-...Ti-3-3-3-3-3-ger.

Joe: he spoke! *shoots a shard of glass*

Tiger: ROB! What is it?!

ROB:...*turns towards the Mirror CE is in*

CE: what? How are you resisting? No full Robot can resist my Puppet Flute.

Tiger:...wait...He isn't full Robot...he has the mind of a human.

Joe: what do you mean?

Tiger:...ROBs mind is that of an old friend of mine, Jagaur, he died and I was able to put his DNA into ROB...but he didn't remember anything.

Steeler: we never knew this?

Tiger: ROB never knew this, he has no memory and it was useless to try and make him remember.

ROB: I remember now...Tiger.

Tiger: what?

ROB: *turns his stomach into a Vacuum* it seems CE trying to take control of me altered my data.

CE: stop! Attack your creator!

ROB: and I'm thankful for what you did.

Tiger: J-Jagaur.

ROB: but I can't hold this in much longer.

(ROB starts to suck in with his Vacuum)

CE: w-why can't I move!

(The mirror CE is in gets sucked onto ROBs body)

ROB: and this shall be my final act.

(ROB reaches into the Mirror and pulls the Puppet Flute out)

CE: how are you doing this?!

Tiger: Jag!

Steeler: he got the flute!

(ROB gives Tiger the Puppet Flute)

ROB: now run.

Joe: wait, we have the puppet flute, you're fine now right?

ROB:...no, the one you knew as ROB is gone...and I cannot hold this body for much longer, I wasn't made to be a Robot.

Tiger: no...

ROB: please, leave before I...or ROB...self destructs.

CE: you can't beat me! Stop!

Tiger: No! RO-er-Jag, I can't leave you.

ROB:...3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3.

(A bunch of CE's mirrors start to break)

(One of CE's mirrors break to show a Window behind it)

Wonder: *sees the Window* Tiger, we have to go!

Joe: shit, how high are we?!

Wonder: it's the only option!

(Wonder, Steeler and Joe break the window open)

(Screen shows the group is only 3 stories high)

Wonder: we can survive it...I think.

Joe: Tiger! C'mon!

ROB: 2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2.

Tiger:...

(Tiger opens ROBs back and takes something out)

Tiger: I'm coming!

(Joe and Steeler jump out the Window)

Wonder: Tige-

(Wonder is cut off by Tiger jumping out the window)

ROB: 1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1.

Wonder:...good bye ROB...

(Wonder jumps out the Window)

CE: No! Let me go!

ROB: 0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0...good bye friends...good bye Tiger.

(ROB self destructs as the whole room in engulfed in blaze)

(Screen shows the group at the ground look up at the explosion)

Tiger:...ROB...Jagaur...

Wonder:...I'm sorry Tiger.

(Movement under some rubble is seen)

(Nachowman pops up from under some rubble)

Nachowman: I'm back bitches!

'''NACHOWMAN IS BACK! FOR A FEW SECONDS'''

Nachowman: now who dies fi-

(Nachowman is shot in the head by Joe)

Joe: not the time...

Steeler: so guys...I guess we head back.

Wonder:...I guess so...

Tiger: *looking at a piece of metal he grabbed from ROB*...*tightens his grip on the object*

(The screen goes black)

Next Time on Wiki Tales
Tiger: I'm not going back to Iron Wrath until I get ROB back!

Wonder: how do you expect to get him back?

Tiger: *holds up the object*

Man 1: Tiger? It is you, how's it been.

Tiger: I need to see your building supplies.

Man 1: woah woah, easy now, what's the hurry.

Tiger: I'm bringing back family.

Joe: so your whole story was a lie?

Tiger:...

Joe:...everything you told us was a lie, wow, ok, is your name actually Tiger?

Man 1: I get it, you wanna bring back ROB...I don't know if I have the materials for it.

Steeler: *looks at his ECHO and sees TK*

TK: where the fuck are you guys?!