User blog:Hippie Rat/James Bond vs Indiana Jones

Hey yo hi hello, Hippie Rat back again. Welcome back to my rap battle series, featuring the most pimpin' archeologist, a creation of the United States, Indiana Jones, against 007 — James Bond (the Sean Connery version) — the secret service spy, a creation of the United Kingdom. And let's just say this won't be the only America vs Britain battle (maybe you'll see something like that towards the end of the season..maybe even the finale of the season *wink*)

So it came to my attention that Silicon Valley vs The Big Bang Theory is probably a much better idea than Silicon Valley vs The Last Man on Earth. Actually, it's definitely a better idea, because, you know, it actually has a connection besides "my favorite TV shows". But hey, I don't watch Big Bang Theory, and I already wrote the battle. What's done is done. Besides, it turned out great anyway so :)

As usual, other battles to be written, so stay tuned. Thanks for stopping by and giving my battle a read :)



Lyrics
Announcer:

Epic Rap Battles of History! James Bond vs Indiana Jones ! Begin!

James Bond:

When I received this special mission, I was expecting something better,

Than Han Solo on safari who hasn't taken a bath in forever.

But On Her Majesty's Secret Service, without a tool from Q,

007 is about to beat The Living Daylights out of you.

They call you Indiana Jones? Yikes!

This hunk of tanned meat, white bread, should be called Jersey Mikes.

You're just another cowboy from the Stars and Stripes,

I got the Powers to groove you just the way your step-mother likes!

You fucked the same gal as your father, gotcha on stage with Jerry,

Have Shia LaBeouf as a son, and who's your daddy?

Ain't nothing blow your mind more coming from James,

Than when my PPK went through your buddy Adolf's brains.

Indiana Jones:

Dr. No way I'll lose to some Secret Service joke,

Gone riding Wonder Woman's Vanquish and fake-hair-wearing bloke.

If Jamie with the ladies has a different kind of bond,

Then I'll call up Terry Crews and watch him Goldfinger Bond!

The greater Raider be beloved more than Bond? No hassle,

Heck, Spielberg chose me over you while making a sand castle.

Let Die today, not Another, A View to a Temple of Doom,

Ain't seen a trashier multi-faced Brit since Doctor Motherfucking Who.

You can bet your GoldenEye the smoothest archaeologist hates,

This slimy cold-blooded worm. Why'd it have to be snakes?

There can be only one slick action icon, and it ain't Craig, Pierce, or Sean,

So eat your heart out, James Bond. Kali Ma...

James Bond:

Keep talking about Steven on the script changes,

When he made sure you're not as promiscuous as James is.

Got the name meant lame, gained fame, you're a sitting bird,

My Henry should've served this baby shaken, not stirred.

Indiana Jones:

Shoot a sucker down between puking out my guts,

From seeing sickly practical effects and surfing chroma cuts.

I'm detonating Jimmy and ride the wake out in a fridge,

I just beat the double-O into silent-O, now watch me whip.

Announcer:

Who won? Who's next? You Decide! Epic Rap Battles of History!

Polls
Who won? James Bond Indiana Jones

Who's next? Silicon Valley vs The Last Man on Earth Freddy Fazbear vs Slender Man