George Carlin vs Richard Pryor



George Carlin vs Richard Pryor is the seventy-fifth installment of Epic Rap Battles of History and the fourth episode of Season 6. It features American stand-up comedians George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Bill Cosby, Joan Rivers, and Robin Williams in a stand-up comic battle royale. It was released on July 13th, 2019.

Cast
Nice Peter as George Carlin

Zeale as Richard Pryor

Gary Anthony Williams as Bill Cosby

Jackie Tohn as Joan Rivers

EpicLLOYD as Robin Williams

Lyrics
[Note: George Carlin is in gray, Richard Pryor is in red , Bill Cosby is in dark brown , Joan Rivers is in light brown , and Robin Williams is in blue .]

George Carlin:
Here we go, it's George Carlin. I'm a mad dog snarling.

I was born in the Bronx and brought up in Harlem.

I'm dope at spitting bars and getting crowds hardy harring,

While you're the least threatening black dude since Carlton!

Now, there's seven words you can't say on a TV set,

But this is the pissing fucking cunting Internet

And my cocksucking motherfucking bits are the tits!

Non-stopping brain droppings like my wit’s got the shits!

So call this Pryor-rhea: I doo doo on you constantly!

No pauses in my punchlines, no commas in my comedy!

You'll be down for the count when this counter-culture counterman

Serves you with a stand-uppercut you can't counter, damn!

I'm Wilder than Gene when I'm killing the beat!

You're steady taking second place, now that's a Silver Streak!

Richard Pryor:
Any rap battles with you, I'll be winning 'em!

Your style's like two drinks: it's the minimum!

(Ooh!) It's ya boy from Peoria, Illinois!

One hand on my mic, one hand on my groin

'Cause ain't no set tighter in this whole damn game

Even the shit that I spit off the top: flames! (Stand up!)

My delivery is rupturing the tummies!

You tell a joke and people go, "Hmm, that's funny."

My mama was a prostitute and grandma ran the brothel!

Seen some shit but not as awful as your haircut debacle!

I'm the original brother (Hey!) to give the scene some color! (Hey!)

The most iconic stand-up comic! Stand down, motherfucker!

Bill Cosby:
Hey, you forgot the Cos and you know it's a mistake!

I eat emcees for breakfast like they're made of chocolate cake!

I'm the greatest...

What's wrong... what's wrong with my lip?

Did somebody put something in my pudding?

They put something in the pudding. It's in the pudding...

Joan Rivers:
Oh, shut up, you stupid son of a bitch, you know you blew it!

I'd have attacked you two first, but your hearts beat me to it! (Oh!)

Cosby, you can't be here! (Ah!) You're making people nervous (Ah!)

So let me end you real quick like I was Hannibal Buress! (Ohh!)

It turns out you were just like your sweater: monstrous!

The men that I slept with only wish they were unconscious!

My sex jokes offend, you're on the sex offender registry!

Oh, who are you wearing now? Is that State Penitentiary?

Enough with the roofies, let me move on to Rufus.

My jokes always had bite, you started out toothless

And you just kept talking, you wouldn't shut up.

Honestly, I'm glad you died. Fourteen specials was enough!

And Richard, can we talk? Can I call you Dick?

Like your fifth wife did when you remarried your sixth?

At this point, I've got more plastic than flesh,

But my Tupperware body couldn't keep your raps fresh!

(I think my pudding-)

So don't throw down with Rivers! The flow is too relentless!

I haven't thrashed celebrities this bad since The Apprentice!

I'm closing this battle! No one else compares!

The only place I'm in the middle is on Hollywood Squares!

Robin Williams:
Good morning, movie bombs! Nice shoulder pads, chief!

I'm a genie in a bottle for some comic relief!

O Carlin, my Carlin, what can I say about you?

Except I don't think you've had a good shit since 1962!

Mork aged backwards and Joan, you must too!

80 years old but that nose looks brand new! Nanu!

Yo Pryor, I Doubtfire makes a good shampoo!

Left you running down the street like "Oh, no!"

Comedy ain't easy, I've played plenty of dumps,

And believe me, we've all hit plenty of bumps (Yeah!)

But now I've got the Flubber flows that'll get the club jumping!

You got second-hand raps. "Found 'em Goodwill Hunting!"

Got more hair on my arms than a Monchhichi!

And I'll finish this battle like it's Jumanji!

I love the prince, but you'll never have a friend like me!

Thanks folks, that's my time! Gotta set myself free!

Joan Rivers:
You always make the lists of stand-ups near the top

But your movies ended up like your cheeks: flops!

I'm headlining this battle! No one else compares!

Robin Williams:
And yo Pryor, I Doubtfire makes a good shampoo!

Lit yourself up and ran down the street like "Oh, no!"

And the road ain't been easy, we've played plenty of dumps,

But I got the Flubber flows that'll get the club jumping!

You got second-hand raps. "Hey we found these Goodwill Hunting!"

That's my time now watch me set myself free!

Trivia

 * This battle was written in conjunction with members of the ERB Patreon. Patrons in the "Writer" and "Director" tiers on Discord were able to submit lines for the rappers, which were then incorporated into the battle. As well, the addition of Robin Williams was a result of requests from patrons upon being told the matchup.
 * This is the fourth-longest rap battle to date, with an overall rapping time of 3:18.
 * This is the 3rd "battle royale", after Rasputin vs Stalin and Steven Spielberg vs Alfred Hitchcock.
 * Counting Donald Trump vs Ebenezer Scrooge and Alexander the Great vs Ivan the Terrible, where a multitude of rappers serve as a gauntlet for their singular opponent, it is the 5th "cavalcade battle" as termed by Lloyd.
 * This is the first battle royale to feature a female rapper.
 * This is the first battle royale not to be finished by a character portrayed by Nice Peter.
 * This is the first battle royale to primarily consist of four rappers, rather than five.
 * The first beat from this battle appears at the end of "Nice Peter's Favorite Rap Battle. s." and during the Behind the Scenes for Ronald McDonald vs The Burger King.
 * This is the first battle without the "Begin" slate during the intro.
 * Steve Irwin can be seen at the very end of the outro, along with a link to the ERB Patreon.
 * The is the second battle to use a hyphen in the title instead of a period, after Freddy Krueger vs Wolverine.