User blog:TKandMit/Jack Bauer vs Jason Bourne vs James Bond. Epic Rap Battles of Heroes and Villains Season 3

Oh hey. Welcome to another episode of Epic Rap Battles of Heroes and Villains, trying something different today. We have a three-way battle between agents: Jack Bauer, the counter-terrorist operative of 24, Jason Bourne, the amnesiac super assassin trained by the CIA, and James Bond, Britain's infamous Secret Service spy. Oh, and they all have the same initials. Since this battle was so particularly unique to anything else I have done, I brought aboard my good pal Grav to help me on this, writing as Bond. James Bond. With all of that, enjoy the battle.

Cast
Nice Peter as Jack Bauer

Wax as Jason Bourne

EpicLLOYD as James Bond

Beat
(Starts at 0:29)

Introduction
Epic Rap Battles of Heroes and Villains!

Versus! Versus! Begin!

Jack Bauer:
I’ll make this quick, I’m brandishing skills and Jason just can’t match it,

You two have twenty-four hours to leave the country without a casket!

I’m not one to start off wars, but I guess Bourne forgot his bars,

Much like how is life starts, don’t worry, I’ll load you in a cop car.

The Majesty’s Secret Service has been repurposed. Both of you are failed missions!

You’re lost in the water with the sail missing, saved by a crew that went whale fishing!

Mr. Bond, strapped with gadgets and chance; Jason, his own fighting stance!

By the time this line ends, this traitor would have already crafted an escape plan.

Jason Bourne:
I’m not one for the classics, and that last bit was tragic,

I’m a one man army! Matt Damon giving Jack an ass kick!

I got entire agencies hot on my trail, and I still prevail!

But why would a spy go on chasing some Bond girl tail?

The name’s Bond, James Bond, from which cliches spawned:

Every agent from across the pond’s been singing the same song.

Don't bring a gun to a knife fight, ‘cause my pen is mightier than the sword,

All I need is an article in my arsenal, and I’ll make everyone hit the floor.

James Bond:
007, reporting for duty, but truly this must be a joke, this is to be taken quite rudely,

For I am a smooth looney with an uzi, who has had more beauties than movies,

While both of you are simply moody, parodies that aren’t even “groovy”

Yet I’ve been sent to sweep the floor of these groupies? This is a janitor’s duty!

On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, with a Q for the fool whose ratings had became a Spectre,

Jack, how does it feel to have your tactics be implemented better by Dexter?

And Jason! Be careful where you Treadstone or I’ll leave your Webb diss-assembled,

My enemies are infamous Thunderballers, you can’t even beat Jimmy Kimmel!

Jack Bauer:
I Spy two spies marked for me, you should’ve died out at sea!

A super soldier who relies on jump cuts and shaky camera scenes!

And then there’s this fiend, dressed clean with some hard gear,

Whose legacy inspired Austin Powers and this fraud here!

Tread lightly, Jason, you’re gonna get gunned down by Treadstone!

Should have head home. You want a fake name on your headstone?

It may be sad, but has to be said, James is just another agent: dead

So face it, Jason, this is the bullet that marked David Webb.

Jason Bourne:
Now, is it just me, Jimmy, or is Jack repeating himself?

Because it seems all he does is makes threats, wave his gun around, and yell

While you lay in the cut, waiting for me to expose my expertise,

Thinking you can get a one-up on me, but I’ll never cease!

Jack, it’s best to leave the action to me in this movie, of course

Because in the blink of an eye, I can make you two cower like pussy galores.

Time’s ticking down, Bauer. I got power to take you down with little work.

With the track that’ll jack Jack up; and leave James shaken, not stirred.

James Bond:
I’ll leave Jason barely stirring, while Nina keeps Bauer busy shaking his martini,

I’m Onatopp of this battle, going Greek with Marie, just the slightest bit cheeky.

Bourne’s just a generic rip off of me, that’s why he keeps searching for his own Identity,

Your fans are already Cross, so vanish from the rap faster than you did your own Legacy!

What’s the matter? You rap like there’s a bullet in your throat, but you aren’t Bourne’s brother,

And whose performance is more dead than Bauer’s daughter? Her mother.

Jason, do the bombs I drop trigger the memory of the ones that killed your family?

I just wanted to hear one good line, but like Bauer’s second child, it never made delivery.

Who won?!

Who's next?!



Who won? Jack Bauer Jason Bourne James Bond

Hints: Decoded
Monkey with a gun: This just hinted to the fact that Grav was going to be in a battle, as using this image to hint to upcoming battles has become a running joke in his series. Mcdamon23: Jason Bourne is portrayed by Matt Damon in the films, and "Damon" is in Mcdamon23's username. 23 is also a number close to 24, the television series Jack Bauer is from.