User blog:LemonCore/Captain Morgan vs Cap’n Crunch. Lemon Rap Battle(s).



Welcome, ladies, gentlemen, etc. Welcome to the very first installment of Lemon Finally Does a Fucking Rap Battle.

Consider this battle to be a “test run” of sorts, thus I picked the stupidest fucking matchup so that if I fuck up badly, it won’t be too humiliating. I am well aware that this is less than adequate, so any sort of criticism, constructive or not, would be greatly appreciated.

Captain Morgan, face of the eponymous rum brand (He was also a real dude but shushhhh) battles Cap’n Crunch , cereal character, to see which captain is the better brand mascot.

Beat

Battle
lemons rap battleeeeees

captain morgan

vs

cap’n cruuuuuuunch

begins

Captain Morgan: (0:59)
Avast, this off-brand pirate wants to bring some foul bowlcrap

Against a real privateer with a knack for popping Caps?

Ye wish to face against me? I’m the colder MC!

The O. Spice G., call me Long Island Ice-T!

When it comes to bars, I serve hard, ye serve grotty, soggy slop!

I’ll put me arms around yer noggin and “Snap, Crackle, Pop!”

Leave ya wasted, but you’ll be truly shitfaced after I ruined yer neck

when I slam me LaFoote down and stomp ye gainst the poopdeck!

Cap’n Crunch: (1:19)
Cast the anchor! My rhymes are hot; Limited edition like it’s Christmas!

Thus this fight will be unbalanced, quite unlike my breakfast!

You know your rum’s whack when not even the Navy would bother

I’d rather drink soy milk than your bottled bilgewater!

I’ll heave it into the ocean, ‘cause that shit makes me seasick!

You’re fruitless! I’m so clever, you can call me Trix!

I don’t quit! I’m breaking your spirits! I’ll diss-till ya!

I’m beating you so bad, you’re gonna need a painkilla!

I’ve got oats to punch and bars to munch! Look alive when I’m rappin’!

or I’ll leave you in pieces like I Crunchatized you, Captain!

I’ve got the tasteful lines! This Limey has no Bite

’cause I bring smiles to their mornings! You bring upchuck to their nights!

Captain Morgan: (1:49)
I expected dope rhymes, but it seems yer out of stock

Finding one would be like digging up a Lucky Charm in a Bran box

I’m outdoing you and yer whole kiddy crew like Fruit Loops!

I’ll reel back and Crunch a pedo’s Berries with me boot. Oops!

I’ll bring a hell bloodier than yer crumbs cutting me gums!

when the illest cereal killer blends ye into redrum!

Yer no Nelson, but we’ll be quaffing Horatio’s blood for years!

Ye best abandon ship, Crunch. Yer arse is Toast. Cheers!

Cap’n Crunch: (2:09)
I’ll put your drink on the rocks with your sales stagnating,

while I’m like my Halloween ghosts, swimming in green!

Next time, bring your whole band when you step to the better brand

‘cause I’m a hard worker, like the slaves on your land

Who won? Captain Morgan Cap’n Crunch