User blog comment:JakeTheManiac/JakeTheManiac vs ERBofSmoshery. Seventh Official Wiki Rap Tournament Round 1/@comment-3401602-20180715065858

Jake continues to improve oh my fucking god. I was expecting Smoshery to have this in the bag but I felt like Jake's... not flow, but like, overall style and process of setting up punchlines was superior to Smoshery's.

Not to say Smoshery did bad but I feel like he would have finished off the battle better if he flipped his verses around, having his first one last and vice versa. The "FIN" thing was a really great finisher and way stronger than "you flopped on the spongebob wiki" imo.

I vote Jake.

Continue reading if you want to read about a relatively simple writing structure both rappers used that I overanalyzed for no good reason.

I noticed both rappers here used a similar formula of trying to insult their opponent in a fast, concise, almost-bullet point format:

"Help choose! Help write! Help research!"

"Have you even seen your damn name? / Or your series? Or your Twitter?"

I like this form of writing as it quickly establishes several insults in one foul swoop, but I think I can theorize what works here and what doesn't, at least for me.

Let's start with Jake's take on the format. He sets up this process in the last line of the previous bar, with "Have you even seen your damn name?", completing the rhyme with "it's all the same" in the line prior. With the new bar being introduced, the quick repetition of two "Or your ___"s makes a strong opening. After listing three traits of Smoshery's, Jake ridicules all of them by saying he's boring and not creative.

Smoshery's take on the format resides in the second line of a bar. To me, these two lines don't flow very well so trying to rap these three "Help ____!" feel clunky before the punchline "Am I battling Jake or Julius?". imo. These three remarks have a syllable count of two, two, and then three. If the last one had a syllable count of two like the others, I think it would have felt like a better one-two-three punch that constantly hammered Jake with consistently structured insults, but the extra syllable in the last question fattens it and falls apart in flow and effectiveness. In contrast, Jake asks his first question, a relatively long one, in the previous line and then hitting his opponent with two smaller ones--the two of these with the same syllable count of four; more consistent and impactful.

Also there's the general theory of Jake here asking similar questions and then attacking the subject of why these questions even exist in the first place, invoking Smoshery to ponder imperfections of himself: "Why are you such a bore, thus causing your Twitter, series, and name being so bland as well?". Smoshery instead makes three short remarks and asks a question based on them, where I think a stronger structure in this case would be asking questions and then answering them, or asking the one "am I battling Jake or Julius?" question and then providing the three reasons why he's comparing the two.

Conjecture conjecture.

Good memes overall, good job to both of you.