User blog:Dark Cyan/Cyan's Rap Battles of Literature 23: Jeff Kinney vs Anne Frank

Hello, everyone. And welcome back to Cyan's Rap Battles of Literature!

Before you sharpen your pitchforks after reading the title, I know. Don't think I don't know because I know. Still, Anne Frank needed to be used in this series due to how important she is, and Jeff Kinney's probably the best opponent I can use.

That being said, this battle pits the 'Diary of a Wimpy Kid' author Jeff Kinney against the 'Diary of a Young Girl' author Anne Frank in a battle of the diary writers.

GIR wrote for Anne Frank. Let's do this!

(Try to) Enjoy!

(Just ignore hints, seriously. I might stop doing them as using them means I can't change what the next battle will be on the fly, which I do a lot.)

Beat: Golden Voice

Jeff Kinney
(starts at 0:26)

Saturday: This is the journal of one controversial battle rap

Don’t expect me to be all “Dear Diary” this or “Dear Diary” that,

Or give my journal a fucking pet name. This girl’s got Cabin Fever

From sad habits like that, I can believe you’d be a Belieber!

You’re a sauerkraut who could start an argument with your own mirror

Hate your mom, don’t trust your dad, and you’re jealous of your sister

Hells Bells, Stop fighting with the Van Pels and try to patch things up!

But you won’t. You’re edgier than the prick who even used this matchup!

Anne Frank
(starts at 0:51)

Dear Kitty; Today a shitty 'Acclaimed" writer thought he could attack

Me with his wacky antics, but I've seen more 'rave' reviews in my attic

I'm a LEGEND, Amster-damn it! You're just the Third Wheel of the Diary gig, see?

Hell, Fielding's better than you, dude! You're ass is more fit for Ned Bigby!

I admit though, this growley pedo lookin bitch is probably the next Rowling

J.K! Truth is; Your Peanuts Re-Run’s bout as ugly as your fuckin face, Rowley!

You see, your series is a disease to the bookshelves. Like the Cheese Touch, it sends kids runnin.

I’m dropping lyrical bombs like the RAF that Jew did just Nazi coming!

Jeff Kinney
(starts at 1:15)

Is that it? Hard Luck. Your achievements compared to mine are weak

I created Poptropica, and you whined onto a page like once a week!

Your dad Otto have omitted more of these entries, they’re just so gritty

I don’t want to read detailed descriptions of you playing with your ‘Dear Kitty’

Or your lesbian fantasies or how you cream over Peter!

If I had the chance to go back in time, guys, I still wouldn’t wanna meet her

You’d drive me insane! The Ugly Truth is you’re such a dunce,

I dissed you in fifteen lines and didn’t mention the Holocaust once!

Anne Frank
(starts at 1:39)

THAT’S THE LAST STRAW! Your teenage Drama is WEAK SAUCE!

''“Ohhhh Rodrick! Will a girl go near my dick?”'' BITCH I LIVED THROUGH THE HOLOCAUST!

And I died, but get this, shit head; my Legacy reigns on eternal!

While you’ve got a few minor hits from Gregory’s STUPID journals!

And even though it’s against my faith, I’m going H.A.M on this scam, bro!

I thought your movies were bad but then I saw your fucking cameos!

I stomped Hitler and his haters like Vader. Now scram! I don’t want my potato latkes to burn

Anne Frankly I shall retire before this shit gets more tasteless. Smell ya later nerd!

WHO WON? Jeff Kinney Anne Frank