User blog:Bobdave/Epic Rap Battles: Modern vs Classic. Jesse Owens vs Usain Bolt

Holy. Fuck. I'm tired.

Hello again! The Olympics is over, but I was away and couldn't finish this battle in time. It's still Olympic season with the Paralympics coming up so I guess it's aight. Britain did the best they've ever done in any Olympics so far, coming second in the medal table, so that's really cool. But yeah, reason I'm tired is because I always do my title cards and such at the last moment before release, which is dumb. I went into it at around 11:30 PM maybe? I, for some reason, opted to take the monochrome Jesse Owens image I found, and colourise it. Which didn't take all that long and looked pretty aight. Then I go into Jesse's title card and fucking hell. Since I'd already colourised him once I had to now colourise his background. This took over an hour (probably closer to 2). Combined with other such fuckery like the endslate, I'm now uploading this at 2:42 AM at the time of writing this sentence. But I digress. Oh, and quick thanks to Barry for reviewing lines and giving me the awesome idea for the endslate <3

This battle is written to a fast beat. You know, 'cause Bolt and Owens are like, hella fast and shit. I opted to do this battle because a few people in the comments made me realise if I was gonna do it I might as well do it now rather than a random time (or in four years). I rescheduled a little and this is now battle four. Prepare yourselves for odd verse structure.

The bout you're about to view contains two decorated Olympians. The first, James Cleveland "Jesse" Owens. He earned gold medals in all four of his events (100m, 200m, 4x100m, and long jump) at the Berlin 1936 Olympics. So significant because this was during the rise of Adolf Hitler, whose Aryan theory was stomped on by this African-American chap dominating track and field. Owens, despite his success, faced much prejudice in segregated America and received hardly any significant recognition until long after his achievements. The second competitor is fastest man ever, Usain Bolt. The most successful sprinter in history, recently obtaining the "triple triple", i.e. three gold medals in the three same events across three Olympics. Bolt currently holds the top three times ever recorded for the men's 100m and his name litters the rest of the top of the list.

WARNING: Jamaican patois incoming. Get an online phrasebook or something.

Instrumental: Elevate by Tristan





Jesse Owens:
I'll make this quick, I got a track to run

Man, I'm popping 'em fast like a Gatlin gun

From long jump to 100 metres, I'm elite

I put the pedal to the medal, level-headed athlete

You exceed my speed, good for making a retreat

But like a segway, I'll segregate the ground from your feet

Showing up to compete by itself's a good effort

'Cause I'm 'bout to set the new punk stomp world record

Lemme relay the facts, you're as fast as you're arrogant

Like 2004 Athens, just a massive embarrassment

You got sponsorships making you spondulicks

But when I wanted bit, I got dropped and ditched

'Cause when I raced, it weren't about the race you win

The relevant race was the colour of your face and skin

And though I ain't got the hair of an Aryan

I still got the pace to dominate the stadium

And run laps and rap round the Bolt from the Blue

I'm the Buckeye Bullet, but that's "Earth Wire" to you

You're freakishly tall, but I'm a real sporting giant

Crushing cultural hurdles with my track meet triumphs

Are Usain? Up in Rio when the runner got riggish

And cheated on a Gold with a Did Not Finish

Now I know in events you aren't good with an entrance

But I'll pass the baton, try to match my momentum

Usain Bolt:
Uhh, what do I do when my foe's verse ends?

Only seconds I'm familiar with are sub tens

So I apologise if my bars start off gentle

But I'd look at your career if we're talking uneventful Jesse's guide to failure, step one: blame the racists

Wanna trip? I'll make it even and untie my laces

Football, cricket, track: All-Star, get paid

Got my head in the game; you skipped leg day, brudduh

Come een like a lightning strike since me was a tyke

You won't fight for rights, just shake hands with the Reich

Ain't a man on the planet who's a better competitor

In your stint as a sprinter, you're just sixth in America

I'm my only opponent, I don't go for the podium

My charisma sells while you peddle soda and petroleum

Now I have to say, you're pretty fast when you race

But I'll smoke a dope out like a pack a day

Because Tyson Gay and Yohan Blake

Can't break the records that Bolt can make

I'm creng, you're scrawny! I'm peng, you're crawny!

Southern boy get destroy by the stinga from Trelawny

Apartheid athlete represents the free

Against the chief who's the best of this century?

Triple gold rip a hole in this Oakville joke

Black fist to your face, leave you two-time broke

Jesse Owens:
Son, hit me up when you get your own award

In the meantime you can showboat some more

Just gloat and revel in your medals, but consider

That back in my day, you would never be a winner

Usain Bolt:
Man, please, no yank can best the West Indies

You're struggling for breath while I make my own windspeeds

So memba mi tell yu next time you fault

Don't step in the path of a lightning bolt

Announcer:
WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?



EPIC (A collection of logos move forwards)

RAP (They get into position)

BATTLES (They ready for the push off)

MODERN VS CLASSIC (They all dart across and off the screen)

Hints explained
The image was Tristan on the Track's logo. "On the track" being a hint to the track events that the two athletes compete in. (The beat used was also by Tristan, so ye).

Hints for the next battle
COMING SOON

WHO WON? Jesse Owens Usain Bolt