User blog:Dark Cyan/Cyan's Rap Battles 14: Hermione Granger vs Katniss Everdeen

(And here we go. This battle was published on the 20th of May last year as a kind of celebration for getting through my exams, and now it's being posted here on my 22nd birthday! Fancy that. Anyway, this battle is the favourite of many of my family, and is my own personal favourite out of all I've written. I hope you guys enjoy.)

CYAN'S RAP BATTLES!



VS.



BEGIN!

Katniss: Let the games begin! I’m pulling no punches of mine.

I’ll be quick in case this mudblood nerd gets petrified a second time.

I accomplished more with a Bow than you did with all your magic spells.

Try freeing 13 Districts when you’re finished with your house elves.

You’ll agree I have archery skills that put Robin Hood to shame, yes?

But when you try and take charge of things, I notice you’re quite aimless.

Just stick to being a plot device to give your friends clues,

Because trying to be a main character really doesn’t suit you.

Everyone in Panem knows ‘The Girl Who Was On Fire.’

I single-handedly turned this Post-Apocalypse hell into the Shire!

And when all this success and press gives me the need to relieve some stress,

I’ll hang a dummy of R-Patz, and write Cedric’s name on the chest.

Hermione: ‘The Girl Who Was On Fire.’ Is that supposed to be a joke?

Your integrity’s like your whole home District; up in smoke.

Now I know everyone loves to root for an underdog,

But I’m getting real sick of your constant inner monologue!

And yes, everyone in Panem knows of Katniss Everdeen.

You were the pawn of both the White King and the Black Queen.

Without Haymitch to mentor you, you wouldn’t have been well trained.

You’d probably have died at least four times and you’d be Kat-shit insane.

Can you do anything by yourself? Even Peeta has to lie for your sake!

To even consider you the protagonist actually makes my head ache.

I’m top of the class! Go back to school! Spend more time in the library!

You’re still a muggle, Legolas. You shouldn’t have crossed wands with me.

Katniss: I’m the Mockingjay! I face my issues head on and fight!

Not run away for a year in search of Voldemort’s Kryptonite.

I’ve honestly lost count of all the times I’ve been injured,

And yet I still managed to start a family with a guy who isn’t ginger!

OOOH! Is this ‘Catching Fire’? Coz you just got burned!

I’m willing to teach you the meaning of pain as you’re so eager to learn.

Still think you made an impact? I’ll put this bluntly;

How can you match a franchise that got banned in several countries?

Hermione: Was there a mix-up at the print shop with half your book replaced by Twilight?

Your fans think Gale’s the bomb? Ha! That’ll look ironic in hindsight.

Your love triangle’s terrible. It’s just uninspired claptrap.

Sit down, shut up and let me give you a brief recap.

Teenage heroine? Did it first. Got two male friends? Did it first.

Splitting you last book into two films to make more money? Did it first.

Well, at least your story’s not a rip-off of anything, Noriko Nakagawa.

Oh wait, I was thinking of Battle Royale. My bad.

WHO WON? Hermione Katniss