User blog:Jella141/Bear Grylls vs Steve Irwin - Historical Epic Rap Battles



Bear Grylls vs Steve Irwin is the seventh installment of Historical Epic Rap Battles and the seventh episode of Season 1. It features British adventurer, writer, and television presenter, Bear Grylls, rapping against Australian wildlife expert, television personality, and conservationist, Steve Irwin , to see who is truly more in touch with nature. It was released on August 7th, 2016.

Intro


[Insert Bear Grylls title card here.]



[Insert Steve Irwin title card here.]



Bear Grylls:
(Beat starts at 1:11)

I'm Bear Grylls, and today I'm joined by an Aussie chap who's made a terrible blunder.

I'll skin him to the bone and consume his flesh through the culmination of pure hunger!

I'm a Born Survivor; you died of cardiac arrest! It'd be best to acquire yourself a life vest,

'Cause you're Facing the Frozen Ocean, and it dishes disses colder than Mount Everest!

This is A Survival Guide for Life! Step 1: don't step to me when I'm on the mic!

While we're engaged in strife, "Crocodile"'s putting his Dun-D into your widowed wife!

I'll toss this scrimpy shrimp on the barbie till he's been Gryll'd every which way,

Sending him into more distress and dismay than the sensation of being severely struck by a stingray!

Steve Irwin:
Crikey, mate! Call me Chris Hemsworth 'cause the Crocodile Hunter's bringing the thunder

When I stomp on sloppy survivalists who tussle with blokes from the Land Down Under!

I'll put my fist through the piss-drinking lips of the Brit who spits drier than a dead dingo's donger!

With all that grit, you look like a bloody brown-eyed mullet when you go for a dip in the water!

You act built like a brick shithouse, but I reckon you should just stick to your writing,

'Cause I'll shatter you worse than your back after landing on a parachute pack while skydiving,

Then when you've reached your Breaking Point, I'll finish you off with a shot like Harambe,

And finally, I'll dump you on some rocks the same way you left your son all alone out at sea!

Bear Grylls:
I'm still relevant in my element; eminently shining brighter than the Gold of the Gods!

This lyrical tornado'll send Dorothy flying like a boomerang back to the Land of Oz,

Then you'll inevitably return for another round of being abused more than your kid!

Like your insignificant cameo roles in films, your defeat'll be rather quick!

I'm Running Wild with celebrities, while you're sleeping with the fishes!

You can't see True Grit till you witness the wits used to gruesomely spit in these conditions!

So piss off, or else I'll string your khaki-wearing arse up in a tree!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go make myself a cup of pine needle tea.

Steve Irwin:
Enjoy your cuppa, mate! There'll be no more coming the raw prawn with me!

Like your trip to Antarctica, my victory'll leave you medically evacuated immediately!

If you ever come back to 'Straya, I'll bury your filthy clacker in a casket!

I'll be mourned for eternity! Your death? The world would eventually move passed it!

Before I carked it, I followed the path to success; I'll send you on a Collision Course to your demise!

I had a wild life wrestling with wildlife; your best achievement's the scripted shows you devise!

You just got bogged down deeper than the flowing jungle river you nearly drowned in!

Ripping this pommy bastard into bits was one hell of a fair dinkum Ir-win!

Outro








Poll
Who Won? Bear Grylls Steve Irwin