User blog:MrAwesome300/JFK vs. William McKinley. Epic Fan Battles of History 6.

A very happy President's Day to you, my friend! It's a new Epic Fan Battle to honor this day, with 35th assassinated president John F. Kennedy going up against 25th assassinated president William McKinley.

William McKinley: Hold on a minute, just wait, I'm battling JFK?

A man who people find too "charming" to admit that he's gay?

You were cold in your war, with Teddy we crushed Spain

You're a nerdy Ben Stein, although you think you're bad, like John McClaine

Nixon should have beat you, at least he didn't die

Do what for your country? All you did was lie!

Maybe you shouldn't have died, but then again

You tried to blow up Cuba, we tried to make them one of our friends!

John F. Kennedy: I think that those raps were, ah, unrealistically bad

Remember you died, too, pal, by, ah, an immigrant who was raving mad

The Rough Riders sound like an name I would give to my dick

I'm glad I beat Nixon, his sleeves were filled with tricks

My death was memorable, explored and studied for nearly 50 years

Your death is as interesting as, ah, Abe Lincoln's beard!

William McKinley: Son, you suck at these new-fangled raps in this day and age

All of your presidential decisions were not well made

And if you thought you were already played

Allow me to add more to my serenade

Your accent's annoying, all of your family members are ugly

Your whole family died because everybody got sick of them, buddy

I'm great, I'm a legend, don't believe me? Just ask Teddy

You're such a wimp that Jackie's got to tuck you into your bed-dy!

John F. Kennedy: (talking) Why, you little...take that back!

William McKinley: (talking) Make me, Roman Catholic boy!

John F. Kennedy: I will kill you with my bare-

Unknown figure: STOP!

(Unknown figure steps out, revealing to be Thomas Jefferson.)

Thomas Jefferson: Just stop. You both lose, your lines suck!

Just because nobody knows McKinley anymore doesn't make Kennedy cool as f**k.

McKinley, don't you DARE bring religion to the rap

Dissing religions is against the rules, stop or your win will be broken into a snap!

JFK, you little momma's boy, you think you're so great

Just remember that you weren't! Lee Harvey Oswald was filled with hate!

This Founding Father doesn't find this appealing, what has America become?

In 1776, we had no raps, and love for our country was being sung!

It's Presidents Day, b*tches, so just gain respect for one another

I also think I should let you that I slept with both of your mothers!

Kennedy: (talking) Well, this is, ah, awkward.

Who won? John F. Kennedy William McKinley Thomas Jefferson