User blog:Awesomesix/Awesome Rap Battles 31: Dr. House vs Hippocrates

Okay, so I didn't even plan to make this suggestion, but as I was stumbling around thinking of lines for random battles, one came into my head and I was like "holy shit I have to make this or that line will be a waste". So, without further ado, House vs Hippocrates.

Beat: Ignore the booties  BATTLE= AWESOME RAP BATTLES!

GREGORY HOUSE!

VS!

HIPPOCRATES!

BEGIN!

Dr. House:

It’s a busy mind in the House with an MD head,

Lone doc MC with the jail block cred,

About to kill the so called ruler of Kos and Lango,

Modern med lingo, tongue to make this old man go

“I can’t walk this off”, cause my disses so damn sharp,

May limp, but I got the strength to tear Gandalf apart.

I’ll operate on an Opera Omnia author verbally,

Cause the “dad of meds” ain’t got no damn degree,

That’s right bitch; now succumb to the crisis,

Cause House is going to leave an old hippo lifeless!

Now to be residual. I analyze each individual.

Your rhymes: Highly pathetic. Condition: Hypocritical.

Hippocrates:

The rule’s “first, do no harm”, and it’s clear that you’ve followed it.

Now prepare to eat more than just the pills that you’re swallowin’!

Lie down on my bench, or you’ll receive the Hippocratic Finger,

And I’ll give a case to break this mentally diagnostic thinker!

Your Detox claims that you make are lamer than the Dre of Doctorates,

You’re testing positive for depositing Vicodin, and the opposite

Option’s Therapeutic treatment, like that wife of yours could help with!

But no, you hid her citizenship, and she left you still cold and selfish!

Now prepare to face reality, you couldn’t pass on Grey’s Anatomy,

Go back to all your hookers while I begin to change House’s philanthropy!

This psychotic’s search for narcotics ends with the father of modern Medicine!

Snoop through my private life and you can’t feel the pain you’re getting in!

Dr. House:

Oh, please, Socrates, you’re just a Greek fossil, bitch.

It’s no surprise that this pussy’s biographer’s a gynecologist.

Hippocrates:

You’re one to talk, Gregory! Why, you’re more boring than Foreman!

A crippled little daddy’s boy who finds golf more important!

Dr. House:

Watch it, grandpa! Before I cut the life support!

How can you top my art when, you say, life’s so short?

Hippocrates:

A bit late on the observation, there! This is but one of many,

This cocky Doctor Cox needs his break; I say, take twenty!

Dr. House:

You claim to be a philosopher, but I bet you couldn’t answer this:

I think cancer’s boring, but damn, why’re you so cancerous?

Hippocrates:

Someone’s in regression! It seems you’re romantically deprived!

Last time you fell for something, you ended up losing your thigh!

Dr. House:

Let me say my opinion, or according to you, my “ignorance”:

This doc’s got no patients because he’s such a belligerent.

Hippocrates:

I see you have love for medicine, but none for humanity!

I believe I’ve observed a new anomaly: Hippocratic Calamity!

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!

AWESOME! RAP! BAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

'' *The sound of a heartbeat cutting out plays. *''  RAP MEANINGS= '''Dr. House:

It’s a busy mind in the House with an MD head,

''(House starts off by saying that, since he’s a doctor, he has a busy mind. One such reason could be that he uses his mind to diagnose people with success as his technique. He then makes a pun on the phrase “In the House”, meaning someone is present, and his own name. The title of his show is “House MD”, and he titles himself an “MD head” for being an M.D., or Medical Doctor. It’s also a phonetic pun on “empty”; he says while his mind is full, his head is empty.) '' Lone doc MC with the jail block cred,

(Due to his personality on the show, House describes himself as a “lone doc”, a take on the “lone wolf” personality description. A jail block is used to describe a portion of jail or prison, the latter of which House has been in. To have “jail block cred” is to have enough recognition, or credit, to be respected/feared/famous within the facility; many rappers often claim to have street credit or have been to jail. House, however, has been to prison, and could thus possibly have some credit within the jail.)

About to kill the so called ruler of Kos and Lango,

(In an incorrect writing in the compilation of sir John Mandeville, John wrote Hippocrates ruled the islands of Kos and Lango, and that his daughter was a one hundred foot dragon. Seeing this as an opportunity to mock Hippocrates, House uses this insignificant story as an insult.)

Modern med lingo, tongue to make this old man go

(Due to the large amount of years that have passed since he was alive, many new terms in the medical world may seem weird and unusual to Hippocrates. Having knowledge in such, House brags his language, or tongue, is intelligent enough to get a certain reaction from Hippocrates, explained in the next line.)

“I can’t walk this off”, cause my disses so damn sharp, 

(One of Hippocrates’ quotes is “Walking is a man’s best medicine”. Walking something off usually refers to letting an injury insult directed towards you go away by walking to take your mind off of it. To the contrary, House says his insults are so sharp, or painful, that the pain cannot be ignored or taken away.)

May limp, but I got the strength to tear Gandalf apart.

(Due to cancer essentially killing his thigh muscle, House must use a cane, and he walks with a slight limp. Despite this, House feels he has enough strength to succeed in the battle. Gandalf is a character from the Lord of the Rings with a large, grey/white beard, similar to Hippocrates.)

I’ll operate on an Opera Omnia author verbally,

(Hippocrates is an author, and one of his writings is the Opera Omnia. Operating is a practice in the business of medicine and doctors in which the doctor(s) cut open and perform surgery on a patient. To verbally operate on Hippocrates, House implies he will cut him open, dissecting him with his “sharp” disses.)

Cause the “dad of meds” ain’t got no damn degree,

(In history, Hippocrates is labeled the Father of Medicine. House disagrees, and his reasoning is he does not have Doctor’s or Medicinal degrees, which were not developed until around the 19th century. A degree is a requirement for one’s field of work in modern times; not having one means no work, since it is proof that you have passed that branch of study.)

That’s right bitch; now succumb to the crisis,

(The “crisis” is, as Hippocrates described it, the point at which one’s disease overcame them, leading to severe illness and eventually death. Succumbing to an illness kills one, and House wants Hippocrates to give in to his rapping.)

Cause House is going to leave an old hippo lifeless!

(Making a pun on Hippocrates’ name, House calls him a hippo, a rather large and fat African mammal, and says he’ll kill him.)

'''Now to be residual. I analyze each individual.'''

(House states he’ll now continue with his raps after getting multiple things out of the way, and tells Hippocrates his methods, the analyses he performs to diagnose.)

'''Your rhymes: Highly pathetic. Condition: Hypocritical.'''

(House is done making his analysis, and tells the results. He believes Hippocrates’ verses will be awful; as for his physical condition, House makes another pun with the word “hypocritical”, when one’s actions are what they claim to speak against, and “critical condition”, or being in such severe condition health wise that it is unlikely one will make it.)

Hippocrates:

The rule’s “first, do no harm”, and it’s clear that you’ve followed it.

(Hippocrates starts off by quoting the Hippocratic oath, “First do no harm”, and admits that House’s insults do not offend him.)

Now prepare to eat more than just the pills that you’re swallowin’!

(One of the main themes in House’s show is he is addicted to Vicodin, the medicine which caused his cancer and loss of thigh. Hippocrates warns him he is about to eat his words, or regret what he’s said, along with said pills.)

Lie down on my bench, or you’ll receive the Hippocratic Finger,

(Many things related to medicine share a name after Hippocrates. The Hippocratic Bench was a device used to help aid one’s bones with tension. The Hippocratic Finger, or the proper term Elsenmenger’s Syndrome, is when one’s fingers begin to swell abnormally. To give someone “the finger” is to show one’s middle finger to them, which is considered to mean “fuck you”. In a nutshell, Hippocrates wants House to lay down or he’ll flip him off.)

And I’ll give a case to break this mentally diagnostic thinker!

(Due to his methods of only mental diagnoses, House’s work could be considered somewhat difficult. Hippocrates believes he has a case that even House himself couldn’t solve.)

Your Detox claims that you make are lamer than the Dre of Doctorates,

(In the episode “Detox”, House claims he could go a week without Vicodin; obviously, this does not succeed. Dr./Doctor Dre, referred to here as “Dre of Doctorates”, is a rapper and producer infamous for his album “Detox”, which has not yet been released. Hippocrates believes House’s claims are more bogus than Dre’s.)

You’re testing positive for depositing Vicodin, and the opposite

(In tests for medicine or STDs, testing positive is a bad thing. As it is quite obvious, House is addicted to Vicodin. Hippocrates states this, and tells House the opposite, next line…)

Option’s Therapeutic treatment, like that wife of yours could help with!

(His addiction to Vicodin is used as a form of therapy from his troubled life. This seems to do quite the opposite, as it is made a center problem in many episodes. Hippocrates points out an obvious solution that will not tear his life apart due to drug addiction; a massage from Dominika, House’s widow.)

But no, you hid her citizenship, and she left you still cold and selfish!

(Despite the last line, Hippocrates acknowledges doing so is useless because Dominika left House after he hid her acceptance into citizenship, as she is Ukrainian. Hippocrates claims this changed nothing of House, saying when she did go, he was still as self-centered and cold-souled as ever.)

Now prepare to face reality, you couldn’t pass on Grey’s Anatomy,

(Hippocrates now announces he’s going to show House the truth, or reality, and tells him he couldn’t fit for a character on Grey’s Anatomy, another, more soap opera like television drama about doctors which has gone on longer than House’s own show.)

Go back to all your hookers while I begin to change House’s philanthropy!

(In his show, Dr. House had been with prostitute, his favorite being a girl named Emily. Philanthropy is all about one’s love of humanity; due to his actions, House can be seen as a rather bitter individual, thus not having one, but Hippocrates has plans to change this.)

This psychotic’s search for narcotics ends with the father of modern Medicine!

(In the episode of House, M.D., “Merry Little Christmas”, House’s work is cut along with his prescription, so he goes to look for narcotics elsewhere. With how he acts, Hippocrates seems it’s fitting to call House a psychotic. Making somewhat of an analogy, Hippocrates claims House’s search for medicine lead him right towards its “father”.)

Snoop through my private life and you can’t feel the pain you’re getting in!

(Often in the show, House goes through people’s more private lives. Hippocrates threatens that if he goes through his, he’ll hurt House so bad he could not imagine or later feel the pain he’ll be given from doing such.)

Dr. House:

Oh, please, Socrates, you’re just a Greek fossil, bitch.

(Hippocrates’ time was in Ancient Greece, which is from the A.D.’s. By now, he’d be so old, that House believes he’d just be his skeleton preserved as a fossil; Socrates was a Greek philosopher from around the same time as Hippocrates.)

It’s no surprise that this pussy’s biographer’s a gynecologist.

(Soranus of Ephesus was Hippocrates’ first biographer, and was a gynecologist, a type of doctor who examines the vagina. Pussy is slang for vagina, and calling someone one mean’s they’re weak or a coward. House says it’s a perfect coincidence Hippocrates’ biographer, whom wrote about examined vaginas, because he is one, according to House.)

Hippocrates:

'''You’re one to talk, Gregory! Why, you’re more boring than Foreman!'''

(Hippocrates retorts to House’s statement, addressing him by his first name. He then calls him boring, and compares him to Eric Foreman, a man House himself has said has done nothing “stupid, spontaneous, or even remotely interesting” since he was a teen.)

A crippled little daddy’s boy who finds golf more important!

(Further mocking him, Hippocrates brings House’s thigh into account, calling him crippled, which he ironically tried to avoid being. One prominent aspect of House’s past life is his dad’s rather abusive relationship with him; House was a golf player before his cancer, a sport which is seen as rather uninteresting. Combining these together, Hippocrates claims these are the reasons House is boring.)

Dr. House:

'''Watch it, grandpa! Before I cut the life support!'''

(Once again mocking Hippocrates’ old man portrayal in most art of him, House calls him grandpa, and threatens to pull his life support systems, which is often used on patients, mainly elders, in hospitals. If it’s ended, he’ll most certainly die.)

How can you top my art when, you say, life’s so short?

(Another of Hippocrates’ quotes is “Art is long, life is short”. House uses this against him, mocking Hippocrates’ ability to think of lines and his age saying he’ll likely die before he can top House.)

Hippocrates:

'''A bit late on the observation, there! This is but one of many, '''

(Hippocrates retaliates saying House was late to bring up the quote, and teases that this is one of his many timely errors.)

This cocky Doctor Cox needs his break; I say, take twenty!

(Doctor Cox is a fictional character on the comedy show “Scrubs”, also set in a hospital, known for his rather immature and snarky attitude. House is rather rude as well, so calling him a “cocky Doctor Cox” is adding more insult to injury. An episode of House M.D. was titled “Twenty Vicodin”, which could be seen as an overdose, and Hippocrates willingly suggests to House he should overdose and kill himself.)

Dr. House:

You claim to be a philosopher, but I bet you couldn’t answer this:

(Hippocrates is one of many famous Greek philosophers, who are stereotyped to answer tough, challenging questions about existence. House says despite this, Hippocrates won’t be able to answer his next question:)

I think cancer’s boring, but damn, why’re you so cancerous?

(In his show, House is quoted as saying cancer’s boring as his last words. By calling Hippocrates cancerous, he is also saying he is incredibly boring, and House wants to know why this is.)

Hippocrates:

'''Someone’s in regression! It seems you’re romantically deprived!'''

(Regression is to return to a less developed state, a characteristic House is said to have. The word is also used in place of the word “denial”, another characteristic House has. Due to his relationships, Hippocrates comes to the conclusion House is low in the romance department.)

Last time you fell for something, you ended up losing your thigh!

(The last time House “fell for”, or was romantically attracted to, jokingly stated by Hippocrates, was his addiction, which resulted in  the aforementioned cancer costing him his thigh muscle. Hippocrates uses this to say House has bad luck with love.)

Dr. House:

Let me say my opinion, or according to you, my “ignorance”:

(Yet again, House brings up a quote of Hippocrates’, this time “There are in fact two things, science and opinion; the former begets knowledge, the latter ignorance.”. House mocks the quote, calling his opinion “ignorance”, and demands to tell his.)

This doc’s got no patients because he’s such a belligerent.

(A pun is used here: To have no patients as a doctor is a sign of being a terrible doctor; to have no “patience” means to be short tempered, in the case of word following. A belligerent is a rather unintelligent brute, and to call Hippocrates one is an insult.)

Hippocrates:

I see you have love for medicine, but none for humanity!

(A fourth one of Hippocrates’ quote is “Wherever the art of medicine is loved, there is also a love for humanity”. Hippocrates once again mocks the addiction as an aspect of love, saying despite his addiction, House doesn’t appreciate humans.)

I believe I’ve observed a new anomaly: Hippocratic Calamity!

(Most diseases or other named after Hippocrates are named as such as he was the first to record such. He claims to have found yet another, and classifies House as a calamity, or disaster, and prides in naming House’s new nickname after himself.)

Who Won? Dr. House Hippocrates