User blog:Wachowman/Macho Rap Battles of Wachow (Eminem vs Jesus)



Hello everyone, welcome back to Macho Rap Battles of Wachow (fucking iPad making me type this whole thing twice) now, today's battle...ohh...today's battle has been a long time in the making, that basically means Coupe took 5 months for Eminems verses and I forgot about the battle for 5 months...yeah...but it's here now, and with the religious icon, Jesus Christ, verse a mon known as the best, and whitest rapper there is, Eminem, I hope you enjoy :D

I would like to thank Coupe for his verses as Eminem, it's very well known I don't like that much, so I wouldn't know much about him, but anyways, the verses came out great...even if they're five months old :)

Battle
MACHO RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY

JESUS CHRIST

VS

EMINEM

BEGIN

Eminem verse 1
Holy Christ, you're back, but I'm Not Afraid to kick you back to the Jews,

I'm crucifying you, so why don't you try in another millenia or two?

This Ass-Holy Messiah is too easy to beat, we're on a different class;

but don't even try to Cross me, or I'll walk 8 Miles to kick your ass!

I'm a Rap God, so let me teach this idiot who got betrayed by his apostle,

that your religion is dragging us down; but now your reign is being toppled!

For I am bestowing you a new Commandment that will leave you floored,

"Thy Shalt Keep Thy Religion And Rhymes To Thyself That Disgusts Me, Thy Lord!"

Jesus verse 1
I Love The Way You Lie when you say that you'll win,

But you're just a Rap God, while I'm the three letters at the end.

Your life was a little hard? Well how about I show you my scars.

You may have been hurt as a kid but it never went that far.

Listen my child, I assure you forgiveness will come along,

But I must ask, How many times has my name been said in your songs?

You might have a fan base but I have my own religion,

I'm Not Afraid of you but when it comes to me I know you'll listen.

Eminem verse 2
You're a Mama's Boy, so let me guide this Son of a Bitch; Let there be light!

So preach this: your momma wasn't a virgin when I was with her last night!

This Toy Soldier is dissing you 'Till I Collapse, I'm going Berzerk!

Turning your followers to atheists, it seems your teachings need more work.

You aren't reliable, read the Bible, with your twleve bucket full of lies,

I'm not your disciple, but this'll be final, drowning you 'til you're Baptized!

Like a Roman, I'll nail you; if you step up to me- you'll pay the price!

So remember who brought you the lyrical hell, Slim Shady, AKA Anti-Christ!

Jesus verse 2
Ask Kim, You might be going mad, cause in all your song you always snap,

Speaking gibberish all the time, always with your yappity, rap crap!

Everyone knows you think you're Berserk, but then you look me in the eyes,

Then you have different beliefs, lets say my raps got him Baptized.

Now Marshall, You'll treat me like your mother, you're too scared to speak,

At least when it came to my mother she actually gave a shit about me.

Try to be a Wise man, and see my own Legacy,

Lets also mention how your songs must be about me cause I'm On Everything!

Eminem verse 3
Call me Saint Peter, I'm about to deny your victory for the third time

You'll need more than three days if you want to recover from my rhymes,

This is going to be your Last Supper, so why don't you raise your cup,

Now, will the real outdated hoax by the Christians, please Stand Up?

Jesus verse 3
Can you speak a little clearer! Even just a little bit!

Guess you lost your voice from screaming out a bunch of random shit!

I bet by now you would think your fan base would come in handy,

But for now, you're a crumbled up wrapper, with a name of candy.

WHO WON

WHOS NEXT

YOU DECIDE

MACHO RAP BATTLES OF *halo sound* WACHOW

Who won? Eminem Jesus