User blog:The Flatwoods Monster/Red vs Cloverfield. Epic Rap Battles of Horror Season 5

''OH LOOK GUYS IT'S FUCKING RED VS CLOVER. RED VS CLOVER CAN YOU BELIEVE IT OH MY GOD IT'S RED VS CLOVER RED VS CLOVER HAPPENED GUYS OH MY GOD'' yes okay i finally fucking did this suggestion can you stop suggesting it to me now. the matchup was originally suggested by guess fucking who. you were wrong. it was BTTF. BackToTheFuckingFuturama suggested this one time and holy shit it took off from there. Enough ranting about how many times this has been suggested, welcome back to Epic Rap Battles of Horror Season 5. This battle features two characters v dear to my heart and also yea it got rewritten like, six times. It was also moved, originally going to be the starter of the next set but got replaced due to some schedule shiftiness, and now that brings us up to here. In today's matchup, two towering kaiju go at it once again, unnamed monster from Manhattan, The Large Scale Aggressor also known as Clover somehow raps against the shit-talking antagonist from NES Godzilla Creepypasta, Red. This one started off fun to write, got a little tedious later on. i need to start using people with more material smh

As always, hope you enjoy, lend me your thoughts.

Announcer:
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HORROR!



VS!



BEGIN!

Clover:
Resurfacing from an ocean crib comes the opus of your hopelessness,

Who’ll overload the slowest glitch with most ferocious motion sickness!

You want to Combat, Kaiju? Your writing’s always been the laziest,

This Shadow’s getting lit up by a Golden Light, but it’s not Acacius!

I’ll topple a colossal Lobster no matter how many times he shape-shifts

I’m comprised of ground-breaking CGI! You’re just a gallery of fake pics!

Watch you rage quit versus the greatest rated that even Face picks,

So take the easy way out and Kill Yourself; Red went like an 8-Bitch!

Red:
Your rapping matches your movie’s atmosphere when you’re attacking me,

Because much like half the film, I couldn’t tell what the fuck was happening

Ground-Breaking CGI? I look realer than you on the NES,

And as far as amphibian Kaiju stretch, Godzilla is Still the Best

You Can Die like the Rest! As you choke across all four of your lungs,

Since this twenty-four story M.U.T.O. couldn’t size up to my lunch!

When I vomit a verbal bombing to decimate you worse than the first one,

GET OUT of here! This brain dead train-head should’ve known when to RUN

Clover:
Take your recycled schemes to the title screen; You’re a .exe Replay,

From film formula, I deviate! You open more leeway for cliches!

I flattened half of Manhattan. Facin’ J.J.’s payday is a Lost cause,

Like any empty threat against this petty mess, I’ll leave you with a dropped jaw

You’re just a lukewarm spook who needed more than two forms,

To catch a lizard while I tower over your heaviest hitter as a newborn!

You’re a giant, gliding spider but I’ll leave you in a tangled web,

Weaved of hotter roasts that’ll come at your throat until you’re Strangled, Red!

Red:
I’ll Tell You a Secret: You’d never reach your level without roids (Ha!)

It’s Too Late Now for escape! Data Erased! I’m gonna Destroyah

Deviate from film formula? You’re not the first to break the Brooklyn Bridge, bitch

You’re King Kong as a chick flick that nitpicked the Blair Witch tricks

Even in the most ridiculous alternate endings, you couldn’t win this

You Are Weak! More of a Pathetic Worm than the bait I’d fake out this fish with

But there’s no one left to save you! It’s Game Over unless this poser yields,

The Devil vs an unspecial quadrupedal? The unluckiest Four Leaf Cloverfield

Clover:
Take up your swimming form; I’m about to blow you out the water,

I’m War-locked in my success; Even your creator Would Like a New Monster!

Five thousand metric tons of river beast that’ll block the Pathos of your victory,

So just like the act every apocalypse reenacts, I’ll be taking the Liberty!

You Can’t Break the Ruler of Found Footage Filmography, as even you would say

But when diminishing grimacing brats to ash, every day is a good day!

I’m Still Alive and wandering the depths; You got beat at your own game!

You can’t measure up to a 10th of me, so stay out of Cloverfield’s Lane!

Red:
So now the rat's bragging about that cash-grabbing sequel as if it’s some kind of safe diss?

I was succeeded by a demon! You got replaced by a rapist!

Only One Will Survive this fight and I am Not Done With You,

Watch the Zenith crew rip you through and call it “mental illness two”

Forget anxiety issues; Dementia’s the next curse you’d have to live through,

But I Will End This Futile Struggle! No family members left to Miss You

You Can’t Win! I bring fluent flows in which the scarier Gamera’ll drown,

As this frailer seasnail got nailed when I brought the HammerDown

Announcer:
WHO WON?

WHO’S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HORROR!

Rap Meanings
{{Hidden |header = Rap Meanings|content= ===Clover:===

Resurfacing from an ocean crib comes the opus of your hopelessness,

(Clover is a sea monster who fell unconscious and remained at the bottom of the ocean for a decent duration of it’s stupidly-long lifespan. A “crib” is a place where infants are left to sleep, and Clover is still a baby despite being over ten centuries old, so the ocean is their “crib” in this sense. Thus, when Clover comes out from the ocean to attack New York, they are “resurfacing from an ocean crib.”)

Who’ll overload the slowest glitch with most ferocious motion sickness!

(Due to his own strange appearance, and also the creepypasta cliche of “I assumed it was a glitch and continued,” Clover refers to Red as such, threatening to “overload” him with motion sickness. As with any found footage film, Cloverfield ended up giving many audiences bad cases of motion sickness from the constant flailing of the camera, so Clover repurposes this to mean “sickness” as in the dopeness of their raps and how it will destroy Red.)

'''You want to Combat, Kaiju? Your writing’s always been the laziest,'''

(Red appears in a fighting game similar to the old Godzilla gamecube game called “Kaiju Combat,” alongside Solomon. Clover twists the title of this game, asking Red if he really wants to spar with Clover. Clover accuses Red’s story of lazy writing, something the writer was accused of after his infamously disappointing ending left audiences unfulfilled.)

This Shadow’s getting lit up by a Golden Light, but it’s not Acacius!

(The version of Red that appears in Kaiju Combat is actually the “Shadow of Red,” explained as “what’s left of him manifested back into a smaller monster that could fight in the game” due to Red’s average tremendous size. Since he is referred to as a “shadow,” Clover says that he’s gonna get “lit up,” or shot down, or enlightened, by Clover. “Acacius the Golden Light” was the name of the final unlocked monster in the NES Godzilla creepypasta that allowed for Red to be defeated, so Clover is specifying that though Red has already been “lit up” by a Golden Light, Acacius, he’s going to go through it again as Clover’s enlightening raps finish him off. This is all told in wordplay of darkness, ergo shadow, getting lit up and thus disappearing, ergo Golden Light.)

I’ll topple a colossal Lobster no matter how many times he shape-shifts

(Due to his multiple legs, outward arms and dark red appearance, Clover compares Red to a lobster, all the while referencing the actual Godzilla Kaiju, Ebirah. Red takes on multiple forms across NES Godzilla, including a flying form, a swimming form, and a giant “final form.” Clover boldly states that, no matter how many times he changes form, he’ll never be able to defeat Clover.)

'''I’m comprised of ground-breaking CGI! You’re just a gallery of fake pics!'''

(Clover is animated in way of CGI, something that wasn’t at it’s peak when Cloverfield came out, but thanks to the obscuring of the monster, most of the effects could be compiled into the two scenes Clover is directly visible for to construct a realistic monster that looked great for it’s time. Clover says that, while their appearance was a big hit in film, Red by contrast only exists through the sprite edits and pictures that his creator put together. Red’s sprite sheets were put on DeviantArt by his creator, allowing for anyone to make their own NES Godzilla fakes.)

Watch you rage quit versus the greatest rated that even Face picks,

(Cloverfield has 77% on Rotten Tomatoes and a 7/10 on IMDb, and is critically acclaimed in several aspects, over-all making it a successful film. Face is a character in NES Godzilla who asks the player a series of random questions in between levels, often nonsensical and plain weird, so Clover says that even someone as unpredictable as Face would still have to agree Red lost. To “rage quit” is to leave a battle because of frustration from losing, a term popularly associated with games, which Red of course originates from.)

So take the easy way out and Kill Yourself; Red went like an 8-Bitch!

(Easily the most creepy and memorable part of NES Godzilla is when Red fills up the entire screen with “Kill Yourself” written in red text, prompting the first main character of NES Godzilla to commit suicide. Clover claims that, in order to avoid the devastating loss that will come, Red should “take the easy way out” the same way Melissa, said character from before, committed suicide. To “go out like a bitch” is to die in a cowardly fashion, which Red would be guilty of if he was to forfeit the battle via suicide. NES Godzilla, the actual game, is of course stylized in 8-bit graphics, so the pun is made there.)

Red:
Your rapping matches your movie’s atmosphere when you’re attacking me,

(Red begins with what might seem like a compliment, comparing Clover’s rapping style to the style or theme exhibited by their film.)

Because much like half the film, I couldn’t tell what the fuck was happening

(However, he quickly reveals the nature of the comparison to be a negative one, claiming that the movie and Clover’s verse share a lack of direction and easiness to understand. This comparison is a jab at the found footage film style that Cloverfield is shot in, making intentionally shaky camera work and poorly pieced together scenes, which Red relates to Clover’s verse, being confusing, misdirected and poorly construed.)

'''Ground-Breaking CGI? I look realer than you on the NES,'''

(Directly referring to Clover’s brag about being ground-breaking CGI, Red retaliates that he looks realer than Clover despite the obvious huge gap in processing quality between them. Red, being on the NES, is processed in 16-bit style graphics, and though obviously artistic, don’t look remotely real as they’re not even meant to. Regardless of this, Red says that he looks more realistic than Clover does, because the CGI used to emulate them was “poor quality,” enough so that 16 bit graphics would display a more realistic character even.)

And as far as amphibian Kaiju stretch, Godzilla is Still the Best

(Clover’s origins are in the ocean, being a sea monster technically. However, as they crawl onto land, they seem to be more amphibious in nature. Godzilla, the monster that Red’s game was obviously based on, is similar to Clover in that both are large monsters who live in the sea but come onto land to destroy. Godzilla is considered the king of this genre, referred to as “King of the Monsters” in fact, so to demolish all of Clover’s brags, Red tells them that as far as Kaiju who start on water and go on to land, Godzilla will always be better. “Still the Best: 1973” is a victory quote that appears alongside an image of Solomon every time a level is completed with the character in NES Godzilla.)

'''You Can Die like the Rest! As you choke across all four of your lungs,'''

(One of Red’s many quotes is “You Can Die Like the Rest,” referring to Solomon who apparently worked with him at one point. Red instead directs this at Clover, implying that they’ll die like the rest who opposed Red due to them “choking across all four of their lungs.” Clover’s design includes two internal lungs, and two external lungs. Since lungs are, as you should know, used for breathing, Red makes the pun on choking, as in actually choking, which is how they’d “die like the rest,” as well as choking in rap form.)

Since this twenty-four story M.U.T.O. couldn’t size up to my lunch!

(Clover is 24 stories tall according to the official Cloverfield description. Regardless of this, Red does not believe Clover will ever “size up to,” or live up to the fame of Godzilla. When Red catches Godzilla in NES Godzilla, he devours him, thus meaning Clover couldn’t reach the influence of something Red considers merely his lunch. The M.U.T.O.’s were the main antagonists of the 2014 Godzilla, and their design and appearance is very similar to that of Clover. Since the M.U.T.O’s were defeated by Godzilla, Red also implies that Clover would be beaten by Godzilla as well, which Red defeats easily.)

When I vomit a verbal bombing to decimate you worse than the first one,

(Red’s attacks usually include barfing out fire. In this case, he’s referring to his raps as “bombs” which he’ll vomit out like any inferno attack of his. Cloverfield ends with Clover getting carpet-bombed by the military, leading in their demise, so Red claims that his rap bombs will “decimate” or destroy Clover harder than the actual bombs that killed them.)

'''GET OUT of here! This brain dead train-head should’ve known when to RUN'''

(One of the many scares of NES Godzilla is a bleeding face that appears alongside bloody text that reads “GET OUT.” Red references this picture, telling Clover to “get out of here” or leave the battle as they are not wanted. The chase sequences of NES Godzilla are the first time that Red is introduced and repeat several times throughout the story, and are basically self-explanatory; Red appears and chases the player, who has to flee while white text flashes on the screen that reads “RUN.” Clover suffers from several mental disabilities, so Red insults them on this, claiming they’re a “braindead trainhead,” which would imply someone with a large head but a damaged brain.)

Clover:
Take your recycled schemes to the title screen; You’re a .exe Replay,

(Clover accuses Red of being victim to generic creepypasta cliches, claiming he’s simply a rewrite of an infamously bad creepypasta, Sonic.exe. “.exe” has become a trend in joke trollpastas due to the infamy of Sonic.exe, so Clover combines this with “Replay,” the title of the NES Godzilla sequel, “NES Replay.” Once Red is defeated, the game reverts back to the original NES Godzilla title screen, so Clover claims that Red should take his story back to the title screen as he is already beaten.)

'''From film formula, I deviate! You open more leeway for cliches!'''

(Clover claims that they deviate from standard formula that most horror films featuring giant monsters tend to follow. However, Clover claims that all Red did was open more paths for future gamingpastas to take to replicate his story, ergo opening more leeway for creepypastas to be generic and simplistic.)

'''I flattened half of Manhattan. Facin’ J.J.’s payday is a Lost cause,'''

(Clover’s rampage through Manhattan left tremendous damage, and what wasn’t destroyed by them was later demolished by the carpet bombing used to kill them. Cloverfield was directed by famed director J. J. Abrams, who is also famous for directing the TV series “Lost.” Abrams claims that he used many of his film techniques from Lost to direct Cloverfield.)

Like any empty threat against this petty mess, I’ll leave you with a dropped jaw

(When Red appears and eats Melissa’s ghost, Zachary, the main character of NES Godzilla, claims that Red “will pay.” In response to this, Red turns to look at the screen, his eyes lighting up as his mouth gapes open. Though his unhinging jaw was obviously meant to be a threat in this case, Clover insists that their sheer power will leave Red with a dropped jaw in a different fashion, one of shock.)

You’re just a lukewarm spook who needed more than two forms,

(Despite being surrounded by flames, Clover calls Red “lukewarm,” or weak. Red uses several different forms throughout NES Godzilla, used for different kinds of terrain, whereas Clover only has one form that allows them to travel both land and water.)

To catch a lizard while I tower over your heaviest hitter as a newborn!

(Clover demeans Godzilla, referring to him as simply “a lizard” that Red was inable to “catch.” Clover reaches a tremendous size, 24 stories as Red mentioned, despite being an infant. Being almost the size of regular Godzilla, who most NES Godzilla enemies are smaller than, Clover is easily taller than most of Red’s infantry despite only being a baby, meaning they’d tower over Red himself once they reach full age.)

You’re a giant, gliding spider but I’ll leave you in a tangled web,

(Following on referring to Godzilla as a lizard, Clover calls Red nothing but a “gliding spider” due to his flying form and his abundance of legs. Despite the similarities, Clover claims that they’ll be the one to spin a web that Red will be trapped in.)

Weaved of hotter roasts that’ll come at your throat until you’re Strangled, Red!

(The web from before is actually composed of Clover’s “hotter roasts,” or “better disses” than what Red has to offer. To “come at someone’s throat” is to make fun of them to their face, but in this case, Clover means it both figuratively and literally, intending to asphyxiate Red while making a reference to another gamingpasta, “Strangled Red.”)

Red:
I’ll Tell You a Secret: You’d never reach your level without roids (Ha!)

(“I’ll tell you a secret” is another NES Godzila quote, this time prefacing Red’s attack on Clover’s size. Clover was comatose in the ocean for well over a number of centuries, unintentionally feeding off of a steroid-like substance at the bottom of the ocean which led to their tremendous size. Otherwise, they would not have been nearly as large.)

'''It’s Too Late Now for escape! Data Erased! I’m gonna Destroyah'''

(“It’s Too Late Now” is another NES Godzilla quote. When a file is erased in a NES game, as you’d assume, all progress is lost and the game must start over. In this case, Red is claiming that he’ll “erase” Clover’s “data,” or destroy them completely. Destroyah is the name of a Godzilla monster who appears in NES Godzilla, being a major plot point towards the player realizing what was wrong with the game as the monster appeared in a film several years after the original NES Godzilla came out. Red makes the pun here on “destroy ya.”)

'''Deviate from film formula? You’re not the first to break the Brooklyn Bridge, bitch'''

(Red calls Clover out on claiming to be a deviant from film formula, as a part of Cloverfield relies on Clover breaking the Brooklyn Bridge, which is a very common theme in most monster or apocalypse movies.)

You’re King Kong as a chick flick that nitpicked the Blair Witch tricks

(Cloverfield was heavily inspired by King Kong, Abrams claiming that the film and Godzilla are what drove him to direct the film, as well as a King Kong easter egg appearing in the film. Both films feature similarities, with both monsters being scared more than malevolent and eventually being killed by the government intervention. Red calls Cloverfield a “chick flick” due to it’s large focus on relationship drama and characters no one cares about, while also claiming it ripped off it’s film style from Blair Witch Project, another “found footage” film released years before Cloverfield.)

Even in the most ridiculous alternate endings, you couldn’t win this

(Due to the negative response regarding the ending of NES Godzilla, the author released an “alternate ending.” However, the ending was a complete joke. Red claims that, even if an alternate ending was made to try and accommodate for Clover’s failure, they’d still lose no matter how ridiculous or unrealistic it was.)

'''You Are Weak! More of a Pathetic Worm than the bait I’d fake out this fish with'''

(“Your monsters are weak” is another NES Godzilla quote, as is “You Pathetic Worm.” Clover is a fish. In fishing, lines are baited with worms to attract the fish before they are reeled in, so Red is claiming that he’d use a hook, line and sinker to bait out Clover before killing them, basically patronizing them for being a fish, while also claiming they’re more helpless and pathetic than the worm Red would use as bait.)

'''But there’s no one left to save you! It’s Game Over unless this poser yields,'''

(Melissa comes to save Zachary at the ending of NES Godzilla with a new monster, but Clover obviously doesn’t have anyone to do the same for them. “Game Over” is both a quote from Red, as well as an obvious signifier in games that you have lost. Red is basically saying Clover will die unless they pull out from the battle.)

'''The Devil vs an unspecial quadrupedal? The unluckiest Four Leaf Cloverfield'''

(This lines a bit tricky to explain. Red calls himself the Devil due to this satanic appearance, let’s get that out of the way. Clover has four legs, making them a quadrupedal. Four leaf clovers are a symbol of luck. Since Clover has four legs, they can be compared to four leaf clovers as such, while also sharing a name. However, Red points out that, despite these similarities, Clover is “out of luck.” Red also calls them unspecial for the reasons stated before regarding similarities to other movie monsters.)

Clover:
Take up your swimming form; I’m about to blow you out the water,

(Clover advises Red to change to his swimming form, a form of Red that obviously allows him to easily travel through water. Clover explains that they warn Red to do this because they’re about to “blow Red out the water,” a phrase meaning to outshine someone in every way but this case also being literal because Clover is a fish.)

I’m War-locked in my success; Even your creator Would Like a New Monster!

(Red was replaced as main antagonist in the NES Godzilla sequel by a monster named “Warlock.” Clover makes the pun saying that they’re irreplaceable, whereas even Red’s creator wanted him gone. “Would You Like A New Monster?” is a question asked to Zachary by Face, the character from NES Godzilla.)

Five thousand metric tons of river beast that’ll block the Pathos of your victory,

(Clover weighs in at five thousand metric tons. They reference the TV show “River Beasts,” a show where the hosts explore rivers in search of sighted giant aquatic creatures, which Clover obviously is. Using their referenced sheer size, Clover will “block the path of Red’s victory,” or not allow them to advance, making the pun on “Pathos,” the title of one of the world's/chapters from NES Godzilla.)

So just like the act every apocalypse reenacts, I’ll be taking the Liberty!

(Though technically not the first to do so, Clover popularized the concept of destroying the Statue of Liberty, something that many, many apocalypse themed films would later replicate. In their previous line, Clover claims they are able to block Red’s path, so in this line, Clover claims they will do so. To “take the liberty” is to act on an opportunity, but Clover also literally “took Liberty,” by destroying the statue.)

You Can’t Break the Ruler of Found Footage Filmography, as even you would say

(Mimicking Red’s constant reuse of quotes [metta as fuck] Clover makes the pun on Red’s quote “can’t break the rules” by claiming Red can’t attack the “ruler,” or figurehead of Found Footage Filmography, the style of filming that Cloverfield is presented in. Since the pun is being made on Red’s quote, Clover claims that even Red would agree.)

But when diminishing grimacing brats to ash, every day is a good day!

(After being finished off, Red was reduced to a pile of ash. Red wears an almost perpetual frown as well, thus making him “grimacing.” “I had a good day” was the ending line in Cloverfield, an obviously satirical line taken out of context after showing a horrifying sequence of events, so Clover references the line, claiming every day can be a good day if it involves destroying Red or others like him.)

I’m Still Alive and wandering the depths; You got beat at your own game!

(After the credits of Cloverfield, a whisper can be heard saying “it’s still alive.” Clover claims that, while they live on in speculation, “wandering the depths” or swimming in the ocean, Red got defeated in a game that he even rigged by being stupidly overpowered.)

You can’t measure up to a 10th of me, so stay out of Cloverfield’s Lane!

(10 Cloverfield Lane is the spiritual successor to Cloverfield, not actually featuring the monster but following the same themes. Making the pun on both parts of the title, Clover claims that Red’s entire story won’t even be able to meet a tenth of Clover’s influence. To “stay out of someone’s lane” means to not get in their business.)

Red:
So now the rat's bragging about that cash-grabbing sequel as if it’s some kind of safe diss?

(Red acts confused about why Clover would bother referencing their spiritual successor when Red believes the film to be made exclusively for extra profits.)

'''I was succeeded by a demon! You got replaced by a rapist!'''

(While Red was replaced by Warlock, another towering and malevolent monster, Clover was in turn replaced by Howard Stambler, an overweight kidnapper who captures the main protagonist of the film and chains them up in his basement naked.)

Only One Will Survive this fight and I am Not Done With You,

(Reference to two separate Red quotes, “Only One Will Survive” and “I’m Not Done With You.” He goes on.)

Watch the Zenith crew rip you through and call it “mental illness two”

(Zenith is the final world/chapter of NES Godzilla, featuring the most malicious and horrifying monsters in the story. Red claims that the monsters from this realm will tear apart Clover mentally, so Red claims that they’ll refer to this tearing as “mental illness 2.” This is explained in the next line.)

Forget anxiety issues; Dementia’s the next curse you’d have to live through,

(Due to being alone, Clover apparently suffers from separation anxiety which led to their rampage. Red claims that the separation anxiety will be the least of their worries after the ripping the Zenith crew gives them will leave Clover with Dementia. Dementia is not only obviously a mental condition caused by physical trauma, but also the title of one of the world’s/chapters of NES Godzilla.)

'''But I Will End This Futile Struggle! No family members left to Miss You'''

(Reference to another Red quote, “I will end this futile struggle.” Teasing Clover for their anxiety issues, Red drives the point home by mentioning that all of Clover’s species members have died off, leaving them to die alone with no one left to miss them. “Will you miss me?” is the last question asked by Face in NES Godzilla.)

'''You Can’t Win! I bring fluent flows in which the scarier Gamera’ll drown,'''

(Reference to the Red quote “You can’t win!” Red claims that the flows he brings will drown Clover, despite them being a fish. He compares Clover to a “scarier” version of Gamera, another large Kaiju. However, Gamera is a turtle, and also “friend to all children,” making Clover seem babyish if the two can be compared.)

As this frailer seasnail got nailed when I brought the HammerDown

(Stiiiill mocking Clover for being a fish, Red calls him a “frail seasnail.” The HammerDown initiative was the name of the program launched to destroy Clover at the end of Cloverfield, a carpet bombing that succeeded. Red makes the pun here, claiming Clover got “nailed” the same way an actual nail would get hit by a hammer.)

}}

Outro


Who won? Clover Red

HINT DEDUCTIONS:

Vs. Charizard - Charizard is, of course, a red, firey monster, making him similar to Red in that regard. Coupled with that, the trainer in Pokemon is named "Red." To add on to that, Red is fleeing from the battle, meaning he is "running," mirroring "RUN" from the NES Godzilla creepypasta. I think this is the first complex hint I've had that you guys guessed all the way, nice.