User blog:BlueFrackle/Fanmade: Isaac Asimov vs. H. P. Lovecraft

It's time for a showdown between two of the most influential men in the history of science fiction. Yet their styles and themes are almost complete opposites. It's Lovecraft vs. Asimov. Elaborate prose vs. simple prose; nihilism vs. optimism; aliens vs. robots! So, let's see who will win! Oh, and also, for this battle, I tried a different format: each contestant gets five verses rather than two.

Alright now, enough introduction, let's go to battle!

Cast as I've imagined it:
 * Nice Peter as H. P. Lovecraft
 * EpicLLOYD as Isaac Asimov

Asimov's location is the futuristic megalopolis of the planet Trantor Lovecraft's location is a huge old style library

Battle
FANMADE RAP BATTLES OF WHATEVER!!! ISAAC ASIMOV VS. H. P. LOVECRAFT!!! BEGIN!

Isaac Asimov:

I supply the Foundation to the whole SF basis

I shall stand no sesquipedalian crap from a racist

My writing style is clear, tidy and concise

Cut down on the adjectives, that would be my advice

I'm your Nemesis; you could say this is your Nightfall

If I needed help, I'd rather ask George and Azazel

Eat some fresh disses, this might be your last dish

I'm a claustrophile, you're afraid of fish!

H. P. Lovecraft:

The most merciful thing in the world, I think

Is that this arrogant bitch won't even see what hit him

Hard science fiction master? Oh, R'lyeh? You amaze me

Think you're better than me? In your Dreamlands, maybe

What the fhtagn are you doing creating robotic laws?

It's clear to me your ego is vaster than Yog-Sothoth!

How dare the likes of you accuse me of bigotry?

Your Eternals are guilty of so much misogyny!

So are the Black Widowers, and they're also idiots

Seeking answers that are obvious to the waiter and the readers

Isaac Asimov:

You never graduated, I'm a school prodigy

Mensa level IQ, and the Gods Themselves agree!

To the End of Eternity, I'll infinitely outsell you

Your poems are more unreadable than Chambers' King in Yellow

This pussy of Ulthar is trapped in a Blind Alley

I give lectures on rap; don't even need to prepare them

You ghostwrote for Houdini; well he liked it, mazel tov

But the shadow over you belongs to I. Asimov!

H. P. Lovecraft:

I advance like a shoggoth crushing all up my course

All your 500 books are even worse than your verse!

Call Herbert West, you'll need to be re-animated

Venus is a Watery Place, now? I think you're outdated

You got rejected by Playboy and by Paul McCartney

Get an Ythian to switch your mind: should improve your writing

Isaac Asimov:

Like a Mule, you're crude and will never reproduce

Such a skinny, reclusive hack stuffed in a suit

I make circuits overheat, hotter than Multivac

You'll too get sideburns when I fire my attack

Need no psycho-history to predict who will win

You're soft like the pulp of an Astounding magazine

In fact it's almost like you're made of Thiotimoline

'Cause you'll dissolve before you even get in touch with my hymn!

H. P. Lovecraft:

The man from Providence provides a cycle of cyclopean lore

Kick you back to the navy and then to the candy store

You're so grotesque, it's like your mother slept with some eldritch creature

I'll twist your style, distort it, make it look non-Euclidean!

The Color Out of Space must be nearby: your rhymes are rotten

This fiend's fetid fiction ought to soon be forgotten

When I show Janet my cyclopean thing you can be sure

She'll forget the two-centimeter demon you conjure

Isaac Asimov:

I choke Ashton Smith, kick Howard back to Cimmeria

Your parents were locked up in an asylum with hysteria!

You're a poor Poe imitator, with an eerie reputation

Who can't write romance or characterization!

Every time you pull off the same so-called plot

Getting into your themes is disgusting, so Let's Not

This is Asimov's guide to kicking Lovecraft's ass

'Cause this Ugly Little Boy belongs to The Dead Past!

H. P. Lovecraft:

You don't even know the date of your own birthday, it seems

I'll squash your Trap Door Spiders with your own Magazine

Hear me approach at night; I'm The Whisperer in Darkness

You should avoid this Festival for I induce madness

Show you the Plateau of Leng, you could meet the Outer Gods

Then you'll become the new inmate of Arkham's madhouse, good doc

Isaac Asimov:

You see monsters everywhere, are you madly paranoid?

I suggest that Someday you make an appointment with Freud

I'm a Star, you're Like Dust! You don't know how I detest you!

How can you have fans? That's the real Last Question!

H. P. Lovecraft:

You wrote so many shaggy dog tales I lost track

After this all will recall the Doom that Came to Isaac!

That is not rap which can eternal suck

I've had enough of your crap, Asimov; get fucked!

WHO WON?! YOU DECIDE! FANMADE RAP BATTLES OF WHATEVER!!!