User blog:Bobdave/Epic Rap Battles: Modern vs Classic. William Wilberforce vs Spartacus

Okay, class. What have we learned today? Well. We've learned that William Wilberforce has very few usable pictures available on Google Images for title cards. We also learned that as long as you blur a picture of a muscular actor enough, you can't tell the different between him and the different actor you'd been using for the character before. Finally, we learned that there aren't many pictures of empty House of Commons from the 1800s pictures in circulation.

Seriously though, the graphics for this battle on Wilberforce's side are bullshit.

Never mind that though! Here's the second episode of Modern vs Classic and I'm fairly proud of this one. The beat's quite a bit slower, meaning the rapping's quite fast paced and I enjoy writing in that style so yee. Apologies in advance for the awkward pauses in the beat. Sometimes I think they work, others they're too long, but fuck it. I think it still sounds aight.

This battle features William Wilberforce, the British politician who was central to the dissolution of the slave trade and slavery overall in the British Empire. An extremely pious man whom historians have both praised for his resolute nature, and criticised for his lack of efficiency in getting his message out to his fellow politicians and the public. It also features ex-gladiator Spartacus. The man who led his fellow slaves in a revolt against Rome and its government against seemingly impossible odds, but eventually died at the hands of Marcus Licinius Crassus and his army whilst ol' Spart's allies lined the Via Appia with their crucified bodies. Fun. Here you go!

DISCLAIMER: Major trigger warning if you're dense and think that these lines represent my personal views.

Instrumental: Now or Never by Hollywood Legend Productions (Intro from 0:00-0:17)





William Wilberforce:
When I consider the magnitude of the man whom I am rapping to

It's ludicrous! Go back to the ludus before I battle you

I'm a badass activist with a radical attitude

You're just barbarous, Spartacus, maybe show a little gratitude

My man, you're a brother, and I totally respect you

But after shit went south, you shoulda learned who to step to

You were enslaved of course, that's a trade I can't support

But that don't mean you won't feel my raging Wilberforce, sport!

I'll skewer your scutum, you ruined your revolution

Your campaigns were naught but a stain on the slave movement

Now, we're both human, but I col-'em like I seum

You only get one shot and you fucked up your freedom!

Retreated to the Rhegium region for no reason

Got cheated by some seamen, under siege from eight legions

You were beaten! I died in peace with my protests successful

<font color=#0C9696>Your arse was better off being oppressed in that cesspool!

decent-sized pause

<font color=#990000>Spartacus:
<font color=#990000>Take a seat! I'm back in the arena again!

<font color=#990000>How's an MP gonna MC to a leader of men?

<font color=#990000>'Cause I rallied the Gallic and the Germanic to engagement

<font color=#990000>Attack a tactician, get thrashed by a Thracian

<font color=#990000>Glad you got the Africans off the plantations

<font color=#990000>But I escaped enslavement without your Cambridge education

<font color=#990000>Ask Plutarch, ruthless willpower is a part of us

<font color=#990000>I'm no slave or gladiator, I am Spartacus!

short pause

<font color=#0C9696>William Wilberforce:
<font color=#0C9696>I'll leave you in a worse state than my mates in the middle passage

<font color=#0C9696>Crucify you and your troops like Crassus

<font color=#0C9696>You didn't aim for change, you're a freedman fraud

<font color=#0C9696>Seems your lowly raps have been allotted by God

<font color=#990000>Spartacus:
<font color=#990000>Your rhymes are a vice to suppress, so quit spittin'

<font color=#990000>Or I'll rip you to bits with some kitchen equipment

<font color=#990000>You passed the bill, Bill, twenty years in that battle

<font color=#990000>Then another twenty six till blacks were actually unshackled

<font color=#990000>Your inefficient abolition is the only thing insulting

<font color=#990000>These white-collar raps are like my comrades: revolting

<font color=#990000>Assault your paltry policies and throw you in a Pitt

<font color=#990000>I'm a man of the people, you're only in it for the rich!

<font color=#990000>I'm the baddest in battle and the rebellion's catalyst

<font color=#990000>Come let your big mouth have a chat with my gladius

<font color=#990000>I take a Practical View on how to make things right

<font color=#990000>Less piety! Less sloth! Less talk! More fight!

huge fucking pause

<font color=#0C9696>William Wilberforce:
<font color=#0C9696>Is that your warplan, man? 'Cause the fact remains

<font color=#0C9696>Your strategy was more run, fewer aims, less brains!

<font color=#0C9696>I created a link when I broke open the chains!

<font color=#0C9696>So will you finish this battle or just desert it again?

<font color=#990000>Spartacus:
<font color=#990000>We're not brothers, you know jack about being a submissive

<font color=#990000>Only time you've been whipped is on Whigs and your missus

<font color=#990000>People died 'cause you couldn't grow a sack, you wack bastard!

<font color=#990000>You may have been the liberator, but this victory's been captured

decent-sized pause

Announcer:
WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?



Epic (the logo is on the floor and attempts to rise but it restrained by a chain)

Rap (the logo attempts again, with more vigour)

BATTLES (another attempt)

MODERN VS CLASSIC (the logo breaks free and leaps to fill the screen)

Hints Explained:
The robot, or machine, wears a crown. The crown symbolises a Queen whilst the robot is a machine. Queen is further referenced by the capital letters in the file title spelling Sinatra, Mercury's opponent. Machines is a song by Queen which on the B-Side, or backside as the arrow was pointing to, has "I Want To Be Free", a reference to slavery. I'll try and make the hints less in-depth next time, but I think people were getting pretty close so yee.

WHO WON? William Wilberforce Spartacus