User blog:Hippie Rat/Hippie Rat Reviews - Justin Buckner's Five Nights at Freddy's vs The SCP Foundation 1 AND 2

Hey yo hi hello

Who's Justin Buckner? This is Justin Buckner. What's FNAF vs SCP? This is FNAF vs SCP. What's FNAF vs SCP 2? This is FNAF vs SCP 2.

That's right, today I'm reviewing TWO battles in ONE. Might do this more often. It's possible. If I do, my next stop would definitely have to be ERBP's Vault Boy vs Cole Phelps. "But Hippie, you do too much goddamn ERBP!" That's right.

And I don't care.

So today we got trash, then a CRAZY leap up from the trash it was. Like, seriously, FNAF vs SCP 2 wasn't a masterpiece, but juxtapose it to FNAF vs SCP 1 and it damn near is one.

Fair warning: I'm not doing a full rewrite on this one, as I have exhausted all my Five Nights at Freddy's lyrics on Slender Man. Sorry guys. I will only be demonstrating simple concepts that were not given their full opportunity that they should've gotten in these.

So what is there to say about FNAF vs SCP that I can't sum up in "the first was trash, the second was so much better but still by no means a fucking masterpiece"? Let's begin.

FNAF vs SCP 1
Oh boy. Like just oh boy. Right from the thumbnail you can see how horrid the visuals will be. The advertised image we get of these characters from the thumbnail is a bootleg version of the FNAF character models in similar poses to some of their poses in-game that raise the question of why those images weren't just used instead, and on the SCP side we got a still image of 173 from the Containment Breach video game, a still image of the kinda-face from 087 pulled straight from the SCP wiki, KGBronies after dunking his head in black crayola marker ink to be 106, and Justin in his actually fairly decent 049 costume. The SoundCloud cover is a much more fun story. 173, 106, and 049 are more or less the same, the 087 face is given a gaping mouth, a glow, and some weird appendages coming off the side, while, on the FNAF side, we actually have a decent still image of Freddy from the FNAF box art, an EVEN MORE bootleg character model of Chica, and some weird fanarts of Bonnie and Foxy. This weird inconsistency between characters in the thumbnail and cover are foreshadowing of the crazy as fuck inconsistency between character images you'll see throughout the whole battle. It's actually a fucking mess. I'm not going to go through a step-by-step look at each visual thing, but I will give some stats on each character for how many times the character changes to a different version of each character are shown, including changes between actual in-game images, bootleg character models, and fanart.

Amount of times character version changes:

Chica: 10

Bonnie: 15

Foxy: 13

Freddy: 14

087: 3

049: None, it stays the same the whole time

106: None, it stays the same the whole time

173: 2

That is just ridiculous tbh. I honestly couldn't follow most of that anyway so that count is probably bull. Either way, the visuals were shit.

FNAF vs SCP 2
The visuals were a bit better. It stays consistent. It doesn't have a thousand different changes of character image. Hell, it doesn't even have a character represented by fanart except for one, 608. I will mention that that fanart is actually bullshit though, because the drawing depicts 608 as some kind of wolf thing with green stuff all over it instead of the reptile-esque thing it is supposed to be. The character models are kinda bootleg but that was basically the best you could hope for at the time this battle was made. The animation was a bit choppy but eh it was one of Zander's first attempts at it, I can forgive its imperfections, especially when SToC's animation of Golden Freddy were even choppier. Woof. Anyway, editing is altogether much more consistent and has better effects and stuff. It's just all around a much better video.

FNAF vs SCP 1
Announcer:

'''Rap Battle! Haha! The SCP Foundation.....vs..Five Nights at Freddy's! Begin!'''

(The fuckery begins with the announcer. We got Justin shouting in his normal voice then laughing as if he's been putting on a horror charade. Great foreshadowing to the fuckery of the voice acting in this (spoiler alert: every fucking character is voiced by a different teenager doing the exact same raspy "horror character" voice. Mancha and Zander were the only ones who had a fucking voice mod, one of them ending with results scarier than the actual fucking battle, then everything else is either "graaahhh" or Justin with officially the worst pirate voice I ever heard). Calling the SCPs "The SCP Foundation" is stupid because "the foundation" implies FNAF is going against the administrators of the facility, and the SCPs generally have a hatred of their imprisonment and wouldn't want to be associated with "the foundation." Calling the animatronics "Five Nights at Freddy's" is stupid because it implies the SCPs are going against the game, like just the concept and idea around the animatronics instead of just the animatronics as they actually are.)

FNAF:

'''Let's eat! These SCP's don't have a clue what they've done!'''

(AH MY FUCKING EARS WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO MANCHA'S VOICE?! Seriously, it sounded like you took Mancha, pitched his voice, then actually dropped his recording in a garbage disposal and this is what you pulled out. Now that my incident of terror is over, here's the actual analysis of the lyric: not good. Super generic. Like, it starts with "the words on Chica's bib." There was plenty of material for FNAF, even when there was just one game out, to easily fill up an 8-8-8-8 battle, you don't have to resort to the words on Chica's bib in the very first line. Then the only other thing this line does is imply that "the SCP's have done something." Fucking what? Actually what? Not only do the SCP's not know what they've done, I ALSO DON'T HAVE A FUCKING CLUE WHAT THEY'VE DONE. This is like a hidden secret of Justin's. "What have the SCP's done? The world may never know...")

Grind you up, take you down, before you see the sun.

(Fucking FNAF and its Rule 34. I don't want to see Chica grinding up on anybody. It's a good thing that's nothing that we see in the game. Grinding things up. How does that even get into your head? Like, seriously. It has nothing to do with either party in this. Also, "taking opponent down" is overused and filler. Also, "before you see the sun" is overused and filler. Ooh but Hippie, the animatronics attack at night, blah blah blah, shut up it's filler.)

You're all Euclid bitches, trying to step to real horror.

(What kind of voice is this now? Did you actually think this out? This character entertains children. What child would let giant bunny with the voice of an edgy teen doing "chain smoker" entertain them? "Ooh but Hippie their voice boxes are broken and raspy." Then do THAT voice, not this bullshit. Hell, even then, with that logic, doesn't the jumpscare sound effect qualify as the voice to use? No, it doesn't, so that doesn't. Anyway, onto the line. "Real horror" is such a big statement to make that FNAF really has no place in saying. Sure it's scary, but just about anyone, even fans of the series like me, wouldn't consider FNAF as the sole entity able to claim themselves "real horror." Also, Euclid is totally the rating for "this thing may or may not be super fucking dangerous, its best not to chill next to it to find out". Basically, if you actually wanna diss these guys, call them "Safe". Euclid is "more than likely dangerous" and not a good diss. It becomes even less of a diss when most of the characters are going against are actually Euclid. It just becomes a statement then. Seriously though stop using Euclid as a diss.)

Let's see how safe you feel when you can't close your doors.

(Alright, it's a good line. Don't really have a gripe. It's menacing and ominous. It isn't filler. It actually has to do with something. Alright.)

'''Ahoy, mateys! Ye hear my footsteps on the ground?'''

(Yar har diddly dee! Scurvy water dogs with shivering timbers! Fuckin hell man, Cameron did a better pirate voice in that FNAF vs Candle Cove battle. And he can't do a fucking voice to save his life. Also, filler pirate jargon because filler pirate jargon. Why would the SCPs need to hear his footsteps to show that he's coming when he's currently in the same location as the others rapping against the SCPs? I usually don't like to nitpick obvious falsities in lyrics but this is too forced and unnecessary.)

Hook up these SCPs to show that I'm the scariest around.

(This is Foxy. The enigma with depth. A force worth reckoning with. The most surprising, scariest, and question-raising character in FNaF. But what are all aspects about the character that he boasts when he gets his solo chance at the mic? He runs and has a hook hand. That's it. Fucking hell man. A horror-themed battle is allowed to be clever, it doesn't have to be made up entirely of lazy pandering filler, you know that, right? It can be filled with real developed jokes and disses. Do that shit every once in a while.)

The power's running out, play dead all you want,

(Now this is a line right here. Great buildup, great suspense. It gives the same feeling as when the power actually goes out in FNaF and you're faced with Freddy about to strike. Only way I would've changed this line is to have it at the end of the battle with an epic finisher for this buildup.)

But you'll know there's no way out when I start playing my song.

(You fucking ruined it goddammit. You had such great buildup and for bullshit. Just bullshit. Seriously what the fuck is this bullshit. "Watch out he's going to play his fucking song." Do you know what you did? You have solid buildup...that builds up to shit buildup! You killed the fucking couplet. That couplet died! That couplet was alive literally three seconds ago and now it's dead! "You'll know there's no way out" is filler. He's currently rapping, so him stopping to play his song is filler. It's more buildup. You. Already. Gave. Us. The. Buildup. SO DON'T GIVE US MORE BUILDUP. Especially when this is the last line! You ended the verse on buildup! That's the exact definition of anticlimactic. Fucking. Hell. Man.)

SCP:

The SCPs are here for your necks to get snapped.

(Why in all hell is this, but fucking, what the fuck, this is the most blatant "hi hey what's up I'm going to kill you" line I've ever seen but it's worded like what)

These robots will be breaking down, now to finish this crap.

(There's a formula here. Check it, ready, okay, so, here's how to write a bullshit line. First, write a reference. It doesn't have to tie in or really mean anything, it just has to be a reference. That one reference will fill up an entire line. Next, realize you don't know how to rhyme things. Go to rhymezone.com and type in the last word in the line. Find a word that rhymes, bonus points if you only use words that don't rhyme at all OR rhyme way too close to not seem forced. Find a filler phrase that can be fit into the second half of the second line that ends in that word. Finally, find another, non-integrated reference and just stick it into the front half of the line. Boom. You have a couplet and most likely a brain tumor. You're welcome.)

I can't believe we're battling a fox, bear, chicken, and a bunny,

(So obviously this was a bit of a mouthful that could've been shortened a good bit so it wasn't awkward in listing each fucking character or whatever. And why is it bad that you're facing a fox, bear, chicken, and bunny when they're facing a statue, bird, staircase, and old guy? The generalities can be flipped to both sides, it's not a diss, it's a statement.)

These Chuck E. Cheese rip offs can never get past the SCP MCs.

(They're not Chuck E. Cheese rip offs at all. The only way they would be is if the game Five Nights at Freddy's was based off of an existing Chuck E. Cheese horror game, which I'm fairly certain was not a thing. They're inspired by Chuck E. Cheese urban legends, but they are not "Chuck E. Cheese rip offs." I'm only saying this because goddamn you guys need to chill with using the same jokes all the fucking time. "Chuck E. Cheese rip offs." "Stuff you in a bear suit." Try being clever. Also, SCP MC E.T. from DC in the ex-CCCP.)

Slaughter you and your guard, there shall be no witness.

(This line does nothing but say "I'm going to kill you" and, strangely enough, "I'm going to kill your enemy." There shall be no witness is stock filler killer babble.)

Your pizza place the only thing that's going out of business.

(What was implied to also be going out of business that made this line worthy of inclusion? Was the SCP Foundation set to go out of business until this line? Seriously, it's universally known that Fazbear's Pizza went out of business, this presents that idea as if something else was thought to be going out of business. Context. It helps keep lines from being bullshit.)

'''Blink! I dare you! You scum are nowhere near lucid!'''

(Ahem. So, according to rhymezone's definitions tab, because let's be honest, that's where you got the inspiration to use the word lucid, "Lucid - having a clear mind; (of language) transparently clear; easily understandable; capable of thinking and expressing yourself in a clear and consistent manner; transmitting light; able to be seen through with clarity." In what way do any of these fit into the battle? Why are you saying this? Was the way the FNAF characters rapped similar to a...lucid rapper..? Seriously. Don't stick in filler rhymes with rhymezone if it's not going to make ANY sense, because if you do, then, you guessed it, your rhymes get profound.)

I'd give you respect if your game wasn't so stupid.

(Who in fuck say that when rap battle. Seriously though. Like everyone's favorite scene in 8 Mile was when B. Rabbit talked about how he'd give Poppa Doc or whatever respect if he weren't so stupid. Seriously man. No one fucking says this shit. This is some paint by numbers stock lyrics rap battle that I'm sure you used some kind of mad libs frame to write. Fuck. I'd give this rap battle respect if it could competently be described as a rap battle.)

FNAF:

We'll be running down the corridor, giving many gamers fright,

(Freddy says this, being one of two characters to not run down the hallway in any FNAF1 source, as Foxy does it in game, Bonnie did it in the trailer. Obviously you would only have Foxy say it in that instance, but at least if it was Bonnie there would be some leeway. You just had Freddy run down the corridor. Like...wtf man. Did you predict Freddy would do that in future games? Because the closest your sorry ass is gonna get at this point in time is Phantom Freddy shambling his ass down the hallway in FNAF3. Either way it's fucking wrong. It's just that you wrote these lines, then gave it a paint-by-numbers format of each character getting a fucking line to themselves, then telepathically choreographing lines that they say parts of somehow. It's just bad. And blah blah blah "giving many gamers fright" is fuck you.)

We're draining your power, you'll never survive the night!

(You literally already did the losing power joke. FNAF did not have such a small amount of shit to talk about back then. It really didn't. I remember when the first game came out I made a battle with more than like twice the amount of lyrics this battle has between FNAF and DHMIS. There is plenty of material in that first game. It wasn't the most amount of material to ever exist for any character, but it was a decent amount for one little indie game. And blah blah blah "you'll never survive the night" is fuck you.)

'''Super Creepy Pastas? And you call our game stupid, HA!'''

(Holy shit this is garbage. The joke here is that SCP can be acronymed to "Super Creepy Pastas" along with its actual acronyms "Secure. Contain. Protect." and "Special Containment Procedures," which is supposed to mock them for them proclaiming themselves as "super" creepypastas. But that doesn't work because that's just an acronym people come up with when they don't know what SCP stands for, it's in no way a legitimate thing that anyone associated with SCP has proclaimed. Also, and I'm not sure you noticed since it's totally not obvious, but this was the second line in this couplet to be written, with a line that ends with a random exclamation that kinda, but really doesn't, rhyme with the next line. Basically this is the equivalent of rhyming "I'm the best" with "that's right. Yes.")

You won't see us coming when you can't see the security cameras!

(No shit Sherlock. "You won't be able to do the thing when you can't do the only fucking thing that allows you to do the aforementioned thing." Like holy shit no fucking duh. And what context is this in? Is it one of those moments when all the cameras inexplicably turn static? Did the animatronics take the fucking security monitors away before killing the fucking SCPs? Is it a fucking SCP-895 reference? Is this just a bullshit line for the sake of a bullshit line? Probably that last one tbh.)

Don't try to close the doors, or you'll be jump scared!

(Actually, there's a foolproof jumpscare-blocker in FNAF. Most powerful one ever made. It has only one design flaw. The door MUST BE CLOSED! Seriously, you actually just told me that the one thing preventing you from getting jumpscared is what gets you jumpscared. Sure it gets you jumpscared if you keep them closed too long and drain the power, and if you try to but can't close the door because the animatronic is already in the room you'll be jumpscared, but neither closing nor attempting to close will directly get you jumpscared. Also, jumpscared as a verb being used in a rap battle is kinda stupid.)

'''I read your pastas, they sucked! You're not going anywhere!'''

(The first part is a filler generality phrase that can be said to literally (LITERALLY (emphasis on literally)) any creepypasta character EVER. Nothing specific. Nothing clever. Then the phrase "You're not going anywhere," which, again, has no context and is just filler. Who was going to go somewhere? What concept of the SCPs containment breaching their asses out of this fucking battle came about?)

Static on the screen, watch out, ain't you cute!

(So now you're talking about the security camera static, so is this what you were talking about with the random "no shit Sherlock" line from earlier? If so put them right next to them. If not then that just cements that final option I gave earlier for that line. Not to mention there are three, count 'em, three, random fucking disjointed phrases that have no context to anything else in the battle nor to themselves. It's fucking insane how messy you got with writing this. And where do you get "ain't you cute?" Like seriously, of all phoned-in random disjointed phrases you could've ever used, "ain't you cute" is so fucking...rapey. Especially with that poopy Foxy voice. We don't need that shit.)

You couldn't stay alive for one night, now we'll stuff you in a bear suit!

(Filler obligatory unclever "blah blah something night" phrase in FNAF rap battle. Filler obligatory unclever "blah blah blah something bear suit" phrase in FNAF rap battle. Terrible.)

SCP:

'''You guys still want to fight us? Well this should be fun.'''

(This does nothing. This is just "I ran out of shit to say so here's a filler 'this is my second verse' phrase.")

Better step back before these animals get [DATA EXPUNGED].

(This is one of the worst things in SCP rap battles that is done in every one of them. I want to be extremely clear right now: "[DATA EXPUNGED]" is a term seen in many SCP documents as a way of illustrating that the information that was originally set there on the page has been taken out as classified information. It is not an actual verb done to someone or anything. In any real circumstance, "[DATA EXPUNGED]" in a lyric means say whatever you want there just as long as it's censored beyond recognition post-recording, it does not actually mean say the words "data expunged." Anyway, "step back before we kill you" line is too much "step back before we kill you" line.)

Wipe the blood off your face, you're all just a disgrace.

(Okay, 1. You're referring to them as having blood on their face when they are never shown as having blood on their face at any point by this time in the series. It can be implied that it's happened, but they don't currently have blood on their face. Unless you're talking about the handful of fanart (again, fuck off with the fanart btw) that you had in the battle that featured the characters having blood on their faces, in which case that's not canon. 2. "You're all just a disgrace" is not only filler but doesn't make sense as a plurality can't be one singular thing that they all are singularly. 3. Really? A We Will Rock You reference? Where does this fit in? It's not done cleverly as I just pointed out in 1 and 2, so why is it here besides "random Queen because random Queen.")

This battle will end when you walk up my staircase.

(Are you implying they're running away like scaredy cats? Or do you think that running up the stairs in SCP-087 is how he kills you or some shit? Either way, fucking passé line.)

'''This'll be your time, Freddy. We won't be sending you to heaven.'''

(Are we almost done yet? Because there's only so much I can say about how filler a battle can be. "We're going to kill you and you're going to go to hell.")

We'll be ripping off your heads like that girl in '87.

(This might be the first time I was actually unironically angered by someone assuming someone's gender. And not without due purpose. For some reason, whoever wrote this line somehow found evidence of the victim of the Bite of '87 being female. You know how? Fan depictions of the Bite of '87, at a time when rumors would be spread about the game and people were too lazy to fact check and silly shit like "there's a dog animatronic hidden in the game" and "if you put in 1-9-8-7 on custom night you get a special cutscenes showing the Bite of '87." People, including whoever wrote this line, just believed anything. And false facts is horrible rap battle integrity. I'm still slightly altering my Freddy Fazbear vs Slender Man lyrics with every small release as little things keep getting retconned in. But something that had zero (and, if you believe the theory that FNAF4 was showing the Bite of '83 instead of the Bite of '87, still has zero) evidence pointing toward its validity, but in the long run will still most likely be proven false, and even then "unconfirmed" essentially means "false," especially in a medium like this. I actually would've let this line slide if it just said "kid," EVEN when FNAF2 raises questions over whether it was actually a kid involved in the Bite of '87 or a security guard, because then at least you weren't pulling in assumptions that couldn't have been easily made with information given in the first game. Also, it was specifically stated in-game that the victim lost their frontal lobe and survived, not lost their entire fucking head duh.)

And now for our next show, our rhymes will murder, you old abominations,

(Was this line intended for FNAF? They're the ones with the show. Is it ironic? Fucking hell man. Context. And of course, whoever mixed this audio should've pitched the different phrases and made them shorter to fit on the fucking line. Most times I watch this I can't even hear "you old abominations" because it's quiet and practically on the next line when everyone else is screaming at once. "Foundation" don't rhyme with "murder" muddafucka.)

You guys could never compare to the SCP Foundation.

(And it ends with one more filler line. These guys' opponents coulda ended this the same way with a good old "You guys can never compare to Five Nights at Freddy's." Anyone coulda said this bullshit.)

Announcer:

'''Who won? Who's next? You Decide! Stay Tuned for the Next Rap Battle!'''

(1)No one, it was all shit. 2)Probably more horror characters. 3)This is all too obviously not our decision. 4)What's in it for me?)

FNAF vs SCP 2
Announcer:

Rap Battle! Five Nights at Freddy's vs The SCP Foundation! 2! Begin!

(He did the same shit as last time except he tried to fix one thing but failed and then added another thing that was wrong. He tried to make the announcer sound fiercer and more direct but ultimately it's just Justin screaming again. And for the love of god stop announcing "2" on every fucking sequel. We have a fucking title we see right there. It's on the thumbnail. No idiot clicked on this video thinking it was the first one that justifies you saying "2". We already know what battle we're on. Don't remind us. Did ERB ever find it worthwhile to announce 2 or 3 or whatever? No. Because that's stupid.)

SCP:

Time for another curbstomp so we'll finish this for good,

(This is nothing. Like a big old stack of nothing. All this does is pose an empty threat and remind us that this is a sequel AS IF THE ANNOUNCER WASNT A FUCKSHIT ABOUT IT ALREADY HALF A SECOND BEFORE THIS!)

With brute force, we'll terrorize more than you ever could.

(Still literally nothing.)

Your trilogy won't ever catch up to our secure containment breach.

(Justin wanted to make sure we know he knew the third game was going to happen but he somehow expected it to cut off at three, ruining the lyric. Also, in what way is a containment breach "secure"? And why would the SCPs boast that? And altogether, so far, every single lyric is some lazy "we're scarier than you" line. No substance. No cleverness. You're not giving us a frosting-covered cake, nor a plain pound cake, nor a tub of frosting, you are actually giving us a picture of a cake. Something we can observe and long for but not experience by substance nor taste. You gave us nothing.)

Your franchise is an even worse cash cow than Call of Duty.

(And now this battle is being killed by a dead meme. Good jawb m8. Someone call in the fucking ROFLcopter to take this joke back to the Internet in 2010.)

See this through our eyes, you're nothing to what we've achieved.

("We do things better than you." That is all the SCPs wanted to tell you.)

We broke out of captivity but in your place you'll never leave!

(Are you saying the animatronics can't physically leave their restaurant? At this point in the series you had no evidence pointing at that. The only thing that can be thought of as so is in FNAF 3, all animatronics were programmed to not visit the back room so it can be assumed they were also programmed not to leave but even then that's just assumption. FNAF 4 has them in someone's fucking house. So much for never leaving huh? This is what happens when you write a battle with your own assumptions and theories that get proven wrong later. For once I'm going to tell you, just because it will keep you from spreading false facts in your battles, get more vague. But only get vague on the FNAF references. Don't get vague with the SCP references, because those are already way too fucking vague.)

We'll strangle you purple, then break your neck with these disses,

(Starts off great with a clever Purple Guy reference, kudos on that part, then you pull out the "break your neck" part. Like we get it, 173 breaks necks. But he may also strangle. So you just did nothing but list the two possibilities of how he kills people. You also said "with these disses," which makes every threat you made null and void as they are now figurative. Just actually kill the motherfuckers.)

Then escape without a trace and take out the witnesses!

(Actually not that bad of a line.)

If there's an ounce of enjoyment with your crap then it's been lost.

(So now more SCPs have joined in and also inexplicably are choreographed with certain lines. What. Why weren't these guys rapping with the others for the first 8 lines? Just 'cause. Okay fine but fuck you. Anyway, this is actually a really good line.)

Probably under all of your porn, where your fans jerk off.

(This is a great concept for a line, but any use of "jerk off" or different phrases that mean the same thing is cliché and unnecessary considering the porn was already mentioned. You practically could've taken out Tetris Block Number 4's entire part if it weren't for the fact that it fills a rhyme.)'''

You're a glitched-out pack of misfits, turn the power off and leave.

(Night of the Misfits joke is good. Glitched-out joke is cliché. Telling them to leave contradicts an entire line you had earlier.)

Because it's clear to see to us SCPs you crossed the wrong team.

(Basically the "you guys can never compare to the SCP foundation" line but with a cool rhyme scheme that implies injury and is just all around much better sounding and stuff.)

FNAF:

'''You think you can escape? This will be a long night.'''

(Ooooooh that Bonnie voice is so much better. Might be my favorite Bonnie voice. Sure it's British but it still has that bubbliness you'd expect from the Bonnie character and the accent makes it easily differentiable to Freddy's voice. Kudos to Fel. This line is also really cool. That defeated tone of "alright let's get this over with" implies a superiority complex that also belittles the one thing the SCPs are notable for in terms of indie video games. Fucking great line.)

I've got you in my sights, but don't worry, I'll make everything alright!

("Everything's gonna be alright when it's really not" cliché. Why mention the "in my sights" part? Is it a security camera reference? A reference to Freddy staring into said cameras? Is it nothing? I'm gonna guess it's nothing. Unconnected phrases meant to seem like they connect is fuck.)

'''Bonnie, hit the lights. Yarr! I'll be the one that bites!'''

(Having Bonnie hit the lights is clever both in reference to he and the one saying it being the ones involved in that game mechanic and it brings about a reason for their choreographed lyrics. Kudos. The delivery of that wasn't the best though. Now instead of sounding like Satan's butt Mancha sounds like a guy doing a girly voice as if this wasn't a time where there were three or four actual female voice actresses available to the community. And the way he says it sounds more like "Bonnie was the one that hit the lights" instead of "Bonnie, go hit the lights." This pirate voice is much better than before, although feels a little bit too vicious. These animatronics are children's entertainment. The pirate would have a much more fun, less intimidating voice. Also, is that a Breaking Bad reference? First the Queen reference, now the Breaking Bad reference? And again, it's not confirmed that Foxy did the Bite of '87, but okay.)

Welcome to night 2, I hope you're ready for a fight!

(This is night 2, so the last battle should've been night 1, so only Bonnie and Chica should've rapped in the last battle, and Freddy shouldn't be rapping in this battle. Also, for a subseries of battles that you didn't want to continue, you did a great job essentially promising three more battles with this line. Just saying. "I hope you're ready for a fight" is filler lame fuckoff.)

It hasn't been an hour yet, and your time's already running out,

(...don't you mean..power...? Like...these guys were so irresponsible with their power while trying to keep out FNAF that they ran out within an hour? Either way, passé.)

Winding up like a jack-in-the-box, making this a bloody bout.

(This Puppet voice is questionable. It's assumed by Phone Guy's apprehension to the Puppet that there's some intimidating qualities to it, but this feels a little bit too far in the intimidating voice side for children's entertainment. Tone it back very slightly, and it'll be perfect. Comparing Puppet to jack in the box is a good idea, but it's kinda waved in our faces here without any clever setup. Who the fuck says "bout" in a rap battle? "Ooh it was in two ERB's though" yeah and in 99% of every fucking fanmade. It's overused, and you guys keep using it as the crutch of the line. Like, the last two lines built up to fucking "bout." You are describing an informal rap battle. In this case, this is just backwash of rhymezone. Bout is defined by the New Oxford American Dictionary as a short period of intense activity of a specified kind. You didn't specify what kind of intense activity this is, making this lyric profound. And if you are saying "pout" like SToC put in the lyrics, then fuck your face even more. Wtf is a bloody pout.)

Fighting against us, the craziest killer crew?

(This is decent buildup, it's just that calling the animatronics "the craziest killer crew" doesn't feel correct. Again, child's entertainment here. You're painting them in a light as if they're The Wiggles by day, Manson Cult by night.)

How many SCPs does it take to know that they'll lose?

(Writing this line obviously didn't take that much thought, but I'll be damned if it didn't actually made me laugh. Kudos.)

When we spot you from the corridors, let's tag team and show,

(Fucking awesome Mangle voice. Decent buildup, but the phrases feel a bit too disconnected. Full consideration of the lines prove that these are technically connected phrases, but it just doesn't feel like that on first viewing.)

Why it's not a good idea to be here at night alone.

(Oooh. I got chills on that line. Successfully intimidating. Kudos.)

Oh please don't move on my account, let's have some fun,

(Woah woah woah, why does Balloon Boy sound like this? He's not only one of the least broken animatronics, he's the only one with a legitimate voice. SToC without heavy audio mixing would've been perfect, and you went and heavily edited it. Strange af. Also, these phrases definitely aren't connected at all.)

This would be better with the lights out, because from the darkness I lunge.

(Much better line, but anastrophe almost always sounds super awkward in rap battles, and this is no exception.)

SCP:

'''Let's take 'em and break 'em! I'll do it later..'''

(The first part of the line is the kind of thing you say after a few lines talking about the characters, not something you open with. That opens the question of "who is 'them'?" Sure it's an obvious answer, but still. Pronoun game ain't a good game. Also, a ProcrasiNathan Provost joke for the sake of a ProcrastiNathan Provost joke. SCP-___-J could've been omitted and no one would mind.)

Tearing up these animals and putting this chick in an incubator.

(So are you tearing them up? Are you leaving Chica be? Because putting chicks in incubators is good. Like it helps them grow and develop and remain alive. As in remain a-fucking-live. As in there's no way to stretch this line to mean anything derogatory besides calling Chica a baby, which doesn't fit when juxtaposed to a "we will tear you apart" phrase. This line just wasn't thought out enough, was it?)

Welcome to our horror box, you stepped too far this time,

(It's the last two lines the SCPs say and you're just now saying "welcome". Again, not thought out. Not sure how these two phrases connect, but whatever.)

You'll find that you'll get weaker at the end of each line!

(Were these last two lines an extended reference to a specific SCP? Because it's over my head right now. I don't know if this is actually a very popular SCP you're referencing and I'm just out of the loop but if it's just some random SCP why is this what you're having the SCPs end on? Just a random reference to another SCP? Boo.)

Phone Guy:

'''Hello? Can you hear me? I'm just here to leave a message,'''

(First off, dammit SToC, you made a decent buildup story line turn into Phone Guy being a pissy twit. "I'm too scared to leave a message," fine, then don't. Fucking hell man. Anyway, it's a decent story line, but Phone Guy's vocal inflections need to be worked on. He has a deeper voice, and it's filled with a bunch of "uh"s, "um"s, and "oh yeah"s. Lots of those interjections that are meant to sound like someone trying to remember important tips and deliver those tips in a calm way are missing.)

There's something besides the animatronics that's in your presence.

(Take out "that's" and this will sound a bit more natural. Otherwise, pretty neat buildup, but is Phone Guy actually aware of Golden Freddy's omnipotence? He never mentions him before, it's usually left to assume he just haunts the player and goes undetected by Phone Guy.)

But I think you can handle it, it doesn't seem like such a threat,

(Also a really great line, Phone Guy was notorious for trying to downplay how horrifying the enemies are in FNAF, it just could've been made perfect with the right delivery. Think of the delivery of "buuut at least I saved the rubles on the garrote wire" in Ivan vs Alexander. Also "much of a" would've been a bit better in place of "such a". That may seem a bit nitpicky, but trust me, little different choices of diction like that help bring a great line to an exemplary line.)

Oh, let me give you a tip, hopefully I don't discon-

(Again, the delivery could be better. It's should have a more "ehh, it'll be fiiiine, don't worry" tone than a "oh god I really hope this doesn't happen" tone. Again, little bits of diction, like "I do have a tip for facing him..hopefully I don't discon-" instead, since why would he be calling to warn of Golden Freddy if he didn't have a tip already set, yet the way he says "oh yeah" implies it wasn't at the top of his head.")

Golden Freddy:

I'm the one that kids fear, you should never overlook this bear,

(Fear and bear don't rhyme without schwa-ing them out, even though that was obviously the rhyme scheme you were going for without telling Zander to schwa it out. Why would kids fear Golden Freddy? At this point in the series it was assumed Golden Freddy was the suit Purple Guy wore when he lured the kids to the back to kill them, so obviously the kids trusted the character of Golden Freddy. Even when it's learned it wasn't Golden Freddy we learn that Golden Freddy was one of the original performing animatronics, so kids would've enjoyed him. Only assumption that could be made is that Golden Freddy's ghost is seen around the restaurant by kids on occasion and they'd be scared as he killed them (with known knowledge up to second game), but for the first one, wouldn't Phone Guy have known and disclosed Golden Freddy appearing in-game, and for the second one, they still didn't fear Golden Freddy when he lured them over.)

Go fall down the stairs and collapse at my grizzly stare.

(Clever pun thing, but all this accomplishes is telling them to fall in two different ways.)

Surviving five nights isn't as easy as it seems,

(Ooh yes tell me why tell me why tell me why ooh this is some good suspense. I don't understand how awesome lines like this are rarely utilized in place of boring filler cliché crap that uses the same "hide in your room before I bring you to your doom" bullshit.)

'''When you see, my victory's golden. Get what I mean?'''

(No I don't know what you mean. Who has ever called a victory "golden"? I can see "my raps are golden" or "my comedy's golden", but not "my victory's golden". This suggests 1)his victory is really good, and 2)that the victory is his in the first place, which in suggesting both in one lyric brings down your quality, and thus bragging about your victory has the capabilities to take that victory away from you because it's so cliché and boring. So don't. Such great buildup to such a disappointing payoff once again.)

Kain Pathos Crow:

No I don't know what you mean, but there's a first time for everything,

(This line is kinda filler but holds okay as a decent introduction line so I'll let it slide. What I won't let slide is who the fuck is this. So I know this is one of the guys who makes entries for the SCP Foundation and is one of the higher up figures in doing such, but why is he being included? Is there not some kind of world-ending SCP that could hold his own better than this dude? I'm like 100% sure there's this SCP that has apocalyptic predictions of the future. In fact, I just looked it up. There is. It's 990. Not only does he do that shit but he also is sentient and talks and shit and appears in a loading screen in Containment Breech, giving him enough questionability to match up to Golden Freddy. He also doesn't require a horrible wolf mask to play as.)

Out of all the subjects I've reported, you're the most ridiculous being.

(The idea is okay. Reporting Golden Freddy as an SCP. That's the kind of stuff that would be expected in this instance. That doesn't excuse the low level of work it takes to actually right this line, right to calling Golden Freddy a being in a diction choice more vague than the bullshit that was "why don't you blow off some steam by escaping my little place.")

Beating you is something I'll scratch off of my todo list,

(Why? You haven't said enough to warrant acceptance of victory yet. Is this just a nod to his todo list? Why does that need a nod? Was there a diehard SCP fan who needed that reference put in or were you just running out of ideas because you chose to rap as a character that has no character?)

Because coming to this facility put your lives at risk!

(Fucking nail in the coffin. Can't come back from that shit. Totally pulls the character of Crow full circle and creates a great artistic rap story. Fuck you by the way. This line is shit. The SCPs had like 8 lines that do nothing already besides say they're deadly and are in a foundation that you will basically die in if you end up in it. FNAF also had a few lines like that. It does nothing and this verse was all for nothing.)

Mike Schmidt:

I've been watching over you guys and now it's time I step in,

(Obligatory VGRB verse. The only person to get an 8 line verse. Cam actually beat out the owner of the series for more lines in this battle. Only thing I can assume this means is that Cam's inclusion was an all-out cash-in to try and succeed using his success in the genre of FNAF raps (which might I add, all suck. The only good bits about any of his FNAF songs were the choruses from the songs past FNAF 3, which are specifically the parts that are not him). Bold claim, I know, but there's no way that's not what's going on here. You have a guest finishing the battle that otherwise has featured no one getting any more than four-line verses and he gets twice as much rapping time, and he happens to be the guy you have connections to who got a million views on all his FNAF rap videos up to that point and further. That can't just be a coincidence. Anyway, this line opens plot questions. Why the fuck is Mike Schmidt rapping? He is the one being attacked by the animatronics in the game, why would he jump into their activities. Which in itself raises another question, why is he rapping on the animatronics' side in the first place? Just why?)

On this scientist and his subjects trying so hard to win.

(As one does in a rap battle. Are you not trying to win at all? I'm legitimately confused. And is "this scientist and his subjects" supposed to be a diss? It's established further that Schmidt is focusing his raps on Crow to explain how Crow couldn't last one day doing what he does, so saying "his subjects" shouldn't diss the SCPs because that's not who he's rapping against. Was "this scientist" supposed to be in a sarcastic and belittling tone? Then goddammit Cam, say it in a sarcastic and belittling tone!)

'''It's meaningless! You don't know what those machines are like!'''

(I'm 99% sure these lines were just the scrapped lyrics from one of Cam's FNAF rap songs. It has that same awkward and cringy "scared to death but still going to mindlessly explain my circumstances" lyrical setup as those songs, it must be the leftovers from that.)

Balloon Boy will trap you and Foxy ain't afraid to bite.

(Just in case you weren't totally aware that FNAF 2 was a thing, this battle is here to shove FNAF 2 down your throats. Also, this isn't a boast, diss, nor is it even an empty threat. This is just explaining. This is just explaining a fucking game mechanic.)

Blood and gore on the floor with no chance to shut the doors.

(This is the same kind of archived copy and paste overdone cliché bullshit horror lyrics that try to sound good with an internal rhyme scheme but ultimately is just irrelevant and has already been used by everyone.)

The power's running low, I had no clue what I was in for!

(It's the same shit. It's the same shit as Cam's FNAF rap song. I know I keep saying the same shit myself but I can't help it when IT'S ALL THE SAME SHIT.)

But I can't believe I survived the whole entire week,

(IT'S NOT EVEN A RAP BATTLE ANYMORE! Tell me I'm not the only one noticing this. Cam actually stopped making this about being a late-entry rap battler and actually is just rehashing the same kind of shit lyrics as the fucking shit he called the FNAF rap songs right to the "I'm finally done working here" conclusion. What the actual fuck.)

It's 6 A.M., my shift is done and my work here is complete.

("........oh and fuck you by the way, SCPs. Sorry I forgot to mention you in my entire verse because my verse was just a rehash of those other FNAF songs so I could get my friend Justin some views through being able to associate it with my videos. Okay see ya!")

Announcer:

'''Who won? Who's next? You Decide! Stay Tuned for the next Rap Battle!'''

(I don't even know if this battle technically is able to have a winner. Everyone kept going a step above the previous until the final guy makes it not a rap battle. So...no?)

Rewrite
Again, this rewrite is only to incorporate basic principles that were not used to their full potential in the battle, so some of this won't even be raps as much as basic rap storyboards and maybe a few ideas here and there. I'm going to base it more off of the second battle, as the first battle gave me absolutely nothing to work with in terms of story and substance. Without further ado blah blah here you go.

So first off let's cut out the announcer. Your decision to keep out a title for a series makes just shouting "rap battle!" awkward and does nothing but remind everyone it's a fanmade ERB when it does not need to remind everyone that. Not to mention the things you could announce the characters as is just weird and shouldn't be done. Just stick with some establishing shots and the beat starting before opening the battle on the characters just rap battling.

Now choosing who would begin the battle may not seem important but choosing to take the time to make that decision can make the creative process of writing much more flowing and easier. So to do that we must look at the personalities of the characters. FNAF: very murderous and attacking, but gradually, choosing to get more aggressive as time goes on. SCP: it really depends, some are immediately aggressive, some are slow and conversational. So lets let the aggressive SCPs go, then, since the FNAF animatronics are held back by them, those slower SCPs join in, until finally the FNAF crew gets their chance. It's starts with the main four, when suddenly a music box performance of Pop Goes the Weasel can be heard getting louder and louder until finally the Puppet jumps out and raps a short verse before we cut back to the SCPs for a short verse. The SCPs are then cut off abruptly by Balloon Boy, not rapping, just laughing, as he was the only animatronic in FNAF 2 that didn't jumpscare, so here he will be the only one who doesn't rap. Instead the SCPs are kept from rapping because of his presence, just like his flashlight mechanic. Another short verse from the main FNAF crew is cut off by the phone ringing. Phone Guy introduces Golden Freddy as an outside ethereal being, but don't worry, everything is going to be okay. Golden Freddy then appears and SCP-990 steps up to confront him. Everyone is interrupted by a short warning announcement rap from an unseen SCP Overseer on an intercom. We then cut to a security room (designed as half-SCP security room, half-FNAF security room split down the middle ERB-style) for a short commentary break between the SCP Overseer and Mike Schmidt where they comment on the SCPs and animatronics on the security monitors rap battling before each of them rap battle over which team is a more formidable foe before it finally ending on either one of them, you choose.

All of that literally just poured from my mind from me choosing who should rap first. Sure it was inspired by FNAF vs SCP 2's existing format, but all parts done to slightly improve it just flowed from my mind. And now we have a clear theme to each verse. Clear motives. So now things to say can flow better AND IT CAN REMAIN A RAP BATTLE.

"But wait, this is confusing! What are the animatronics and SCPs doing when 990 and Golden Freddy are duking it out?" Well they're just in the background being hype men. "And what are the animatronics and SCPs doing when we cut to the security office?" Well during Schmidt and Overseer's rap battle we can see in the background some security monitors showing everyone still engaging themselves in their part of the rap battle.

So there you go. That's how to make the battle make sense. Now start making the lyrics better, because I've been working on this review for too long and I am not motivated to actually write it, but fuck it, I gave you enough critiques and enough idea for a story that you'd be able to come up with something.

Conclusion (with respects paid to Mancha)
So some of you guys may remember my Jigsaw vs GLaDOS review, which was exceptionally harsh on Mancha. So to make up for it, I'm going to commemorate him by reopening the semi-joking plea of #jmbwhereisfnafvsscp3ineeditnowty. I gave you something to work with, now work with it. Fuck it, bring in Springtrap and Circus Baby in the FNAF team somewhere. Idk. Just don't fuck this one up.

Thanks for reading! Have a great day! :)