User blog:The Flatwoods Monster/Laughing Jack vs Captain Spaulding- Epic Rat Battles of Horror Season 2

Hello everybody and welcome to yet another goddamned ERBoHorror. Hopefully the "Quick Question" blog is no longer on your screen, cause I asked for that blog to be deleted and hopefully it was. Point aside, today we have yet another clown battle, and this time, it's Captain Spaulding, AKA "Cutter" from the Devil's Rejects movies, clowning around with Laughing Jack to see who's the better stripe-y clown to murder small children. Yeah. Good connection. Either way ,this battle was suggested to me by a WC, so I really only need to thank Mr. Coupe for the title cards, as always, because I know how big of a pain it must be to edit out Laughing Jack's hair. That said, let's get the battle started. Does anybody actually read these little dialouge things?

Cast
Laughing Jack- Nice Peter

Captain Spaulding- Shay Carl

Gamzee Makara (Cameo)- EpicLLOYD

Pennywise (Cameo)- EpicLLOYD

Instrumental- Go Ham

Introduction
Announcer: (0:10)

EPIC RAT BATTLES OF HORROR!



VS!



BEGIN!

The Battle
Captain Spaulding: (0:21)

PLAY TIME, BITCH! Alright Jackass, it’s time to go inside!

Time for you to die, ‘cause my flow’s a lyrical MURDER RIDE!

I’ll stomp this ass, leave him flat, fuckin’ slice this brat in half!

Your names about right, Jack, cause your story makes me laugh!

You miserable motherfucker, stop Jacking off and feel the real pain!

I’ll Rob this victory from you, leave you feeling Tiny like your name was James!

Look at me, I’m gorgeous! You’re a distorted orphan morph, bitch!

When I’m done, we’ll change the name of my film to “One thousand and ONE corpses!”

Laughing Jack: (0:42)

(Hahaha…) Jacky’s about to leave this bearded slob smitten,

You sell expired fried poultry, but it looks like you’re the old burned chicken,

Make a whole carnival frown when I take this greasy disappointment down!

Because in an unexpected plot-twist, YOU’RE the reason kids hate clowns!

I’d rather face Eyeless Jackthen this buffoon, who’s the weak foe?

You’re just an egotistical dimwit who belongs in his own freakshow,

Cutter you open- Hang up this old hooker, leave his stomach full of sugar,

And don’t feel special- You’re not even the first dog I’ve butchered.

Captain Spaulding: (1:04)

You make me I-sick! And I’m gonna leave this social defect wrecked!

With your emo face-paint, you’re looking like the Devil’s Reject!

Wanna act manly? You’re really a pansy, but that’s fine and dandy!

but you’re by FAR the last person I’d want giving ME candy!

Laughing Jack: (1:15)

I’ll slaughter this stalker after I blow him out of the water,

My rhymes are hotter then the fires that grilled your daughter,

Burn down your shack, all you’ll hear is my laugh,

And then they’ll mark your death ruled as “suicide by Laughing Jack”

Captain Spaulding: (1:25)

I oughta bash your balls in! Your pasta ain’t got shit on my movie!

Pfft! Think you’re spooky? There’s no way you could handle my duties!

You’re just kooky and moody, I’m the best around, but truly,

So I guess you could say beating you was TUTTI FUCKIN FRUITY!

Laughing Jack: (1:35)

All around the Mulberry bush, Jacky chased the pedophile,

The pedo though twas all in fun, until he found the Jack to be hostile,

Jack followed him to his home, left him flattened before he knew what happened,

Now he’s missing in action- Pop! Goes the captain!

Announcer: (1:46)

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!

*To the theme of "Pop Goes the Weasel" E-E-e-e-E-E-E-PIC RAT BAttLES of HORRoRRRRRRRRR!

Conclusion


Who won? Laughing Jack Captain Spaulding