User blog:Awesomesix/Mike Wazowski vs Dan Crenshaw - Epic Rap Battles of History Season 6

In this EPIC rap battle of EPIC proportions, human walrus, Dan Crenshaw (played by Kevin Smith) faces off against teen heartthrob and cannibal, Mike Wazowski (Kevin James) to see whose cock shows the most inside their jeans.

Instrumental: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-8kIsYP0wPY

Battle
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!

DAN CRENSHAW!

VERSUS!

MIKE WAZOWSKI!

BEGIN!

Dan Crenshaw:

A SEAL versus a ball? Let’s get this stupid circus finished.

A respected service member wrecking this green egg midget,

I fought for the freedom of others, served with the toughest!

You find kids to fuck with, teamed up with a dumb Muppet!

While I watched my closest friends die, you chase after a baby!

Running from a fat-cat spider and an ugly slug lady!

You’re another lowlife at war; I’ll make this unholy freak suffer,

I entangle with more threatening greens in my pea supper!

Fought for freedom, stand up for the most persecuted president!

So just try to diss the toughest republican representative!

I am a god damn troop, best show me some respect!

Or I’ll dropkick this eyeball back into the nutsack of Shrek!

Mike Wazowski:

Wow, Dan Crenshaw! Such an incredible guy!

Did it hurt when you jacked a kidney stone into your eye?

I’ll steal the win, and your valor! Maybe even fuck your wife!

Then abort your next term, the pro-choice to save life!

I go hard against a soldier, dipshit, and crazy navy grunt!

I don’t hold back the punches! I’m no coward, unlike Pete Davidson!

Don’t lecture me about children, your party puts them in cages,

As they cross some fake line because you fucked their home places,

You glorify murdering innocents and letting children get bombed,

All because you lost your eye in the dumbest war since Vietnam!

I’ll crush that purple heart like it was my comedy special!

You may have the bronze star, but I’ll take the gold medal!

Dan Crenshaw:

What did you say about my wife? I’ll have you know I’ve served,

I’m cool with murdering; the one abortion I support is yours.

What do you know about fighting in another person’s land?

Have you ever had a gun in hand, had to kill a random man?

Travel far away from your family, just to protect their very lives?

I’ll ruin you like a sock on your skin, you’ll fucking die!

Never fuck with a vet, I’ll follow you in stealth like Buscemi!

So step back through your ugly door before this gets deadly!

Mike Wazowski:

What’s wrong, Big Boss Baby? Make you shit a Liquid Snake?

Like to milk your tour, but all you’re owed is an Antifa milkshake!

How were you elected? I thought the government hated pirates!

Those the best threats you got? My man Fungus is more violent!

Like republican women and your eye, you’re gonna quickly lose your rights!

Don’t like stuff being publicly owned, but you still came to this fight!

Like your mom when you were ten, your fame will wither away!

You’re done now, Dan; consider yourself M-eye-A!

WHO WON?

WHO’S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Who Won? Dan Crenshaw Mike Wazowski