User blog:The Flatwoods Monster/Samus vs Pharah. Rap Battle



well this didnt take long at all lmao.

hi everyone welcome back to Epic Rap Battles of Okay This is Still Happening. i said this would come out quickly and for once i was actually right. ive been wanting to do a non-tracer overwatch battle for a while now and pharah was basically my first choice so lol. this battle was, at one point, going to be zero suit samus vs tracer -> power suit samus vs pharah but that makes no sense and also is dumb. so now its just samus vs pharah. moving on.

In today's battle, the airborne soldier from the 2016 title Overwatch, Fareeha Amari, raps against the space pirate battling bounty huntress from Metroid, Samus Aran , to see who flats has written more self-insert fanfics of being dominated by to see who's the badder bird-based missile-firing hero-for-hire who wears an unrealistically heavy suit of armor.

big s/o to trix, she wrote for Pharah and won and also dealt with me being my usual naggy self so thanks a bunch pal. sort of a mini-shoutout to neo bc he gave me some tips about overwatch stuff long enough ago that he's probably forgotten.

enjoy.

Announcer: (0:10)
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!



VS!



BEGIN!

Pharah: (0:19)
I'm being put on offense this match, and I see an objective to attack;

Mega Man with a rack who spends half a game having to backtrack.

I've got a mission to do, I will protect the innocent,

And I don't need permission, but that's something Adam won't give, isn't it?

I've got the superior super missile, your peashooter can't hurt me,

And my flow is so sick that I'm packing the entire PharMercy!

Step back, or my Concussion Blast will leave you brain-dead, like your villain

The only Mother you knew, while me and mine are together, killing.

I'm fly like a bird; you know, your second group of parents?

I'm in the air, making an errand of eradicating an arrogant errant Aran!

Competitive top pick, you're sharing spotlights with another dude-looking lady,

So what’re you gonna do, get all angsty and start crying about "the Baby?”

You gotta have balls to face me, but your's are only spinoffs and morphs.

Why not crawl back in my shadow and send in the Federation Force?

You can't overlook Overwatch, while Smash is your only claim to fame,

So when this round ends, don't be ashamed when it's me on Play of the Game.

Samus: (0:58)
Weren’t you taught respect for elders? Then shouldn’t I be bowed to?

I’m old enough to be your mother, and I care just as much about you.

Yet still I paved more paths for you than her, you follow in my footsteps,

But the only race you run is costume controversies on the internet!

Call a medic for support or this’ll be an eyesore for Horus,

You’ve only got one game to acclaim, if you don’t count Team Fortress.

So find the irony: Firing rockets in your “fight for peace,”

Total Gabe Re-Newell, even Paladin’s has more Variaty,

Try me. Your entire arsenal’s worth less than a zero laser,

And you copied so much, even your mascot is a Tracer.

If any blue birdie’s bent on serving justice, it’d better be Phoenix.

Fought Lombardi’s tougher than Amari; She’s about to get her wings clipped.

So put up the dukes and I’ll lose the suit; Still you stand no chance against me,

Got the techs and tethers to make you ask “Yo, is that a pro Genji?!”

You’ll pay a price harsher than your sixty dollar purchase,

With one burst kick and reverse flip, nerds wish they could nerf this!

Pharah: (1:36)
We've got a big Payload, but not even your company measures your worth,

After all, it took a whole decade for your franchise to get a fourth.

Game of the year here. The only thing big about your series is Ridley,

And we’re not the ones known for being copies, believe it or not, Ripley.

Samus: (1:46)
Our feats are aSymmetracal; This is just in, Bailey,

I’m spanning multidimensional. Blasting Bastion’s won’t Phaaze me.

Check the scoreboard for war lore; You come up shorter than Torbjörn,

Your hopes are forlorned; Struck down like SFM porn.

Pharah: (1:55)
You’re one to talk porn! Guess who has even more?

The chick whose Zero Suit debut made Metroid Prime for Rule 34.

And now we’ve got geeks drooling over your Amiibo toy,

Thirty years later, some of them STILL think you’re a boy!

Want another forecast? Because the skies are looking deadly,

We’re calling for a Heroic Storm now that my Ultimate is ready!

And don’t think you’ll live this onslaught because of alien love,

You better run for cover, when Justice Rains From Above!





Samus: (2:14)
I’ll give you this; You gained a following at a teeny age,

But for which was the outrage to save? LGBT or T’n’A?

Your fanbase of reprobates could teach Winston how to go ape.

“Blizzard’s” a good name for a community full of snowflakes.

It’s game, set, match once I crack open a Smash ball,

While one bullet can turn your ult into a pratfall. Is that all?

Helix can’t secure you when there’s a bounty on your head,

Drop the trash talk with your last stock; Heroes should know when to stay dead.

Outro


Who won? Pharah Samus

HINT EXPLANATIONS: or something

Undyne: mandatory undertale hint. Undyne wears a heavy suit of armor that masks her face and hunts after a species different from her, which mirrors Samus. the picture also links to Undyne's standard battle theme, "Spear of Justice," which is in reference to "Justice rains from above."

Batman Forecast: Batman's fascination with justice is a recurring joke. In his weather forecast, he's pointing towards severe thunderstorms. Justice rains from above.

Paper Mario and Mario: paper mario is an alternate form of mario, and the M on his hat is circled. Other M. the picture also links to Justin Bieber's "Baby" which is a reference to the commonly criticized significance of "the baby" in Other M and how many times Samus says it.

Hawk vs Bluejay: Samus was raised by Chozo's, hawk-like bird people, and Pharah's armor is blue and avian-like.