User blog:The Bespectacled Guy/Bespec's Rap Battles of History 7: Thomas Becket VS Thomas the Tank Engine

Introduction


In this long-delayed battle, famed medieval martyred Archbishop Thomas Becket takes on the talking train from children's TV shows "Shining Time Station" and "Thomas & Friends", Thomas the Tank Engine, to determine who's the better Thomas.

Beat
This one. (Courtesy of Supreme Beats)

The Battle
BESPEC'S RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!

THOMAS BECKET!

VS

THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE!

BEGIN!

Thomas Becket:

(Begins at 0:13)

Whose idea was it to paint a face on a train?

Raise generations to be mentally insane?

Your no-budget show is flat and mundane,

I'm a high-class priest with a king-size brain!

You've lost track of your mind if you're messing with me,

I'm the OG MC Archbishop of Canterbury!

I'm at the top, the world is my see!

You're The Little Engine That Could never beat me!

Thomas the Tank Engine:

(Begins at 0:27)

This crazy Catholic's trying to cross me with his rapping?

The fact you're stepping to me proves Accidents Can Happen!

Your murder's what you're known for today,

But you had that mess coming anyway!

You're pompous and self-righteous, a pampered priest,

Avaricious and malicious, and full of conceit!

You fought the king and ended up in a pile of gore,

I'll splatter you like your brains all over the floor!

Thomas Becket:

(Begins at 0:40)

Yes, I admit, I lived a life of luxury,

But I never let that prevent my true piety.

I'm a simple man, really, with simple fancies,

Like baths and rushes and herbal tea!

Climbed social ladders, how I toiled,

Now I'm on par with all the royals,

I hang with a king, connections I've built,

While you're ruled by some shitty fat Vanderbilt!

Canonised as a martyr when I died,

Now thousands flock to see my shrine!

People have been fascinated through the centuries,

With the low-born priest who's pervaded history!

Your silly tale will only remain in thought,

As the worst thing a Beatle did since the Mystery Tour!

You're derailed, and there's no counter-action,

No Luddite, but I've just smashed this contraption!

Thomas the Tank Engine:

(Begins at 1:07)

Equal to the king? Well that's obfuscation.

You were the puppet of the whole nation!

He made a mockery of everything you stood for,

You tried to play buddy-buddy and he made you his whore!

I went from bedtime story to global sensation,

Making people laugh in every destination,

Since 1984, been making tracks on TV,

You've been boring school-kids since 1170!

I'm loved, you were hated! Fame wasn't important!

And I rap so fast you can call me Gordon!

I'm the best at what I do! Yeah, I work hard all day,

At least I don't have a tantrum when I don't get my way!

'Cause I'm a Really Useful Engine, and you'll soon see,

Why you'll RUE the day you battled me!

I'll beat you 'til there's blood from the altar to the transept,

Sure, I'm a train, but you're the one who's been wrecked!

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!

BESPEC'S (choo-choo) RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!

Rap Meanings
(Coming soon)

Scrapped Lyrics
Thomas the Tank Engine:

I don't hate your church, but I got to tell ya,

There're more kiddy-fiddlers in there than a youth orchestra!

Next Battle...
It's another music battle. Sorry.

Poll
Who won? Thomas Becket Thomas the Tank Engine