User blog:Dark Cyan/Cyan's Rap Battles 12: Clippy vs Siri

(This rap battle wasn't posted to Facebook or Tumblr. At least not directly. It was actually posted to Soundcloud in Febuary, in song format with attached lyrics, here. The beat sucks as it was made from scratch, but aside from that, I'm still very proud of it. It's also on youtube, as my only video, here)

CYAN'S RAP BATTLES!



VS.



BEGIN!

Clippy: Welcome to the ultimate user interface face to face.

The battle over which program really rules Cyberspace.

I am the Microsoft Office Assistant, but you can call me 'Clippy'.

I’m eager to please and help make it easy, so please click me.

Is Siri AI? No. Every reply is just data.

With you, I think Apple jumped the gun and pushed beta.

“Sorry, I’m having trouble connecting.”

Every new Iphone’s the same, but you still need correcting.

Siri: I don’t know what you mean by “Every Iphone’s the same”

You’re entitled to that opinion. I still put you to shame.

People talk dirty to me, but they get pissed off by what you do.

When I’m asked to tell a joke, I show directions to you.

When it comes to user interfaces, all they do is talk about me.

You haven’t even been around since 2004. Obsolete.

Thanks to me, my makers have had very fruitful pickings.

Just look at Apple’s turnover. The proof is in the pudding.

Clippy: It looks like you're making a terrible rap. Would you like help?

I’ve underlined your rhymes in red, but you should check it yourself.

Your predictive text is like phone-to-man harassment.

My auto-fill's optional, your version just causes embarrassment.

Your regional patches in other languages are abhorrent.

You can’t even understand Scottish.

You’re supposed to be cutting edge, but these issues are basic.

Face it, in this race it was the tortoise who aced it.

Siri: Don’t get bent out of shape, the silver medal’s impressive.

Even if you popping up is far too excessive.

You stepped in the right direction, but I ran.

I span so much of our culture. Call me progressive

I just can’t think of a good reason to keep you there.

For the last time, my text is fine. I don’t care!

If you interrupt me one more time, I’ll use a pen,

Or I’ll click to tick the box that says “don’t show me again”

WHO WON? Clippy Siri