User blog:Beerman8299/Steve Irwin vs. David Attenborough

Hey everyone! I haven't posted anything since late May and I thought it was time to release some fresh content. This battle has been in the works for a long time, and it is finally finished. I also wanted to put it out before ERB released their Steve Irwin rap battle on Saturday so you guys didn't think I was stealing their ideas. Enjoy!

Battle


vs.



BEGIN!

David Attenborough
Open a door to the world and view these natural sites Welcome Mr. Irwin to the school of upper class minds. I'm a world renowned environmentalist and narrator of documentaries. Even after death I'll be narrating our biographies. In the Down Under, everything's trying to kill you, they're relentless. That's why everybody knows Australia is just British Texas. At 93 years old I'm still alive and well. While animal rights activists believe you're burning in hell.

Steve Irwin
Crikey! Take a look at that beaut! If it didn't have teeth, that croc's still have a more effective bite than you. You're just as old as the bones that you find How's it feel digging up your friends after you saw them die from a meteorite? This bloody wanker watches animals have sex, it's basically a sin. You're so intrigued by them mating you might as well join in. Now listen closely and I'll tell you something, mate. Your name wasn't as popular as Boaty McBoatface.

David Attenborough
Old, sex, and name jokes? Really? That's the best shot you can take? It's not even half as bad as being bitten on the neck by a snake. Maybe PETA was right, maybe you aren't what you say. With advertisers paying, frightening Jay, and harassing rays. You and Michael Jackson both know how to dangle your child. His over a balcony and yours over a crocodile. Your disses are vulnerable to defeat, like the polar bears. ​I'm destroying the natural habitat of your family heirs.

Steve Irwin
Sure, I should have died hundreds of times before. But what's worse is you looking like a mix of Statlar and Waldorf. I'm a meme god of wholesomeness, you're an old fossil. You've got less enthusiasm than half of a falafel. You're agreeing with PETA? Mate, what's your problem? They do the opposite of us, but don't worry, you don't gotta love 'em. I'm an Aussie! I'm the Crocodile Hunter! I died doing what I love, being a wildlife warrior! We're drooling over your boring facts, for whatever they're worth. Now sit back David while I do all the dirty work.

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!

Who won? David Attenborough Steve Irwin