User blog:Dark Cyan/Cyan's Rap Battles of Literature 1: Jane Austen vs J.K. Rowling

Hello, everyone. And welcome back to Cyan's Rap Battles! It's only been a week since my last series ended but it's felt like forever. This battle alone has been finished since Sunday. I had a lot of fun writing this, as believe it or not, it has been the first full battle I've written this year!

And the starting of a new, themed series! This is exciting to me, and I hope it will be exciting to a lot of you too. I'm personally a massive reader, and love classics and contemporary in equal measure, and a taste ranging in all genres, so I'm naturally pumped to get this series up and rolling.

So anyway, expect to see these battles every Thursday, though the times of uploading may vary. Look, ma! I'm actually uploading battles once a week! i'm serious business now! jk.

Enjoy!

Beat: Hard Gangsta Rap Violin Beat

Jane Austen
(starts at 0:12)

O, Jo. Is this real life or but fantasy?

Do let this Georgian scribe on parchment a most Premium Rhapsody

But hereafter thus begins the end of the Interlude

For I must slap some Sense and Sensibility into you!

I shall use my admirable prowess as author and seamstress,

To innovate the art of Rhythm and Poetry until it’s seamless.

Much as, I suppose, this will fill the Casual Vacancy in your crown.

So let the greatest female author in history shut your ass down!

J.k. Rowling
(starts at 0:35)

This is gonna hurt me as I’ve always admired you, Jane.

But I do have a few harsh critiques to get out of the way.

Such as how in your books you don’t show any restraint,

In having a lady’s only purpose in life be to give their hand away!

And sure, I know that it’s only a reflection of the times.

But waving those morals around in my time should be a crime!

My franchise is huge! Over 400 million copies printed and shifted!

‘Greatest female author in history’? Bitch please. I’m minted!

Jane Austen
(starts at 0:59)

I wrote until it killed me! I never did see any of my acclaim!

Whilst you gave up your beloved series to write under a man's name.

And inspirations are fair game, but just look how you achieved your fame;

Ripping off Dickens, Dahl, Tolkien and Elizabeth Goudge. For shame!

Maybe you need some Persuasion to try and break new ground.

Because some Gary Stu slacking school is hardly profound.

Write one more instalment of ‘Harry Potter and the Deus Ex MacGuffin’

And you shall deserve to have every future novel published by Puffin!

J.K. Rowling
(starts at 1:23)

You’re just bitter because you never gained any wealth.

Published you books anon? You’ve no one to blame but yourself.

Would it have hurt you to have marketed you books for a spell?

It’s ironic that only your posthumous ones have aged well.

I’m a juggernaut! A Titan of exciting writing!

Created a global phenomenon that still keeps kids smiling!

I’m feeling charitable, so I’ll give you credit for your pedigree.

Be [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pride_and_Prejudice Proud. No Prejudice], but you’ll just never match my legacy.

WHO WON? Jane Austen J.k. Rowling