User blog:The Flatwoods Monster/UBOA vs Nosferatu. Epic Rap Battles of Horror Season 5

ayyyo we're back again.

hello everyone and welcome back to Epic Rap Battles of Horror Season 5, that series that always begins its blurbs with "hello everyone and welcome back to." today's matchup is weird. really weird. it was originally suggested by ROA, and then I brought it up on chat as a joke and it kinda took off from there. regardless, it's goofy as all fuck and i love it. this match-up can kinda be considered a breather episode a la TVTropes because the characters really do not have much material, but hopefully that didn't impact it too bad. Regardless, in today's goofy-ass matchup, accomplice of Madotsuki with a dark secret, Poniko, raps against none other than the king of silent filmography and old timey horror films himself, Count Orlok , to see who's the better black-and-white horror figure who's fame comes from fucking light-switches. Yep, that's the connection. It's based on the old Spongebob cameo from fucking Graveyard Shift. Also, fucking hallelujah chorus, a massive horror figure finally got a full battle.

This battle actually does not suffer from terrible obscurity, UBOA might be stretching it but she's fairly well known from a bunch of fanmades she was in. I left out the character info on this one, because honestly, there's really not much to know lmfao.

Anyway, hope you enjoy.

also, epilepsy warning, just getting it out there.

Announcer:
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HORROR!



VS!



BEGIN!

Poniko:
Did you forget to not step to Perfection? Your progression is gettin’ vetoed

Like the ocean I call my home, the poetic Poniko foresees .flows!

A figure’s creepin’ round the staircase, just aiming to get scared straight

So I’ll Or-lock it and drop it on this ugly blood-sucking fairies FACE!

My dream realm is this freak’s hell! Welcome to your nightmarish fate,

It’s looking to be a fairer day, but with a jumpscare, it tears away!



Count Orlok:
This brittle second fiddle must’ve woke up on the wrong side of the bed,

And then hurled through Guillotine World, ‘cause she’s lost her head!

Now you’re shaking in your boots like you brought yourself seizures instead,

So watch the talons of the Bird of Death crack you like an Easter Egg!

It’s Nosferatu Night - Stay cooped up inside your desolate shed,

Last time I came equipped with such sickness, they mistook it for the plague!

Only thing Yume about this goonie is her blood that I’m aiming to suck,

Mere contact with this romhack is bad luck but I’m the one you can’t touch!

Your game is fraught with no plot, and this clot is 2 UBOARing!

Not even your narcoleptic girlfriend can match how fast your lore left me snoring!

It won’t be long before you’re gone, I’d like to see you try besting me,

Once you're knocked comatose after you overdose on LSD!



So Nosey Nosferatu ought to get a hobby and quit stalking teens,

You Maddy bro? (??) ‘Cause you couldn’t beat me in your dreams! (!!)

Count Orlok:
Any kitchen knife could rip your life and spread you out like Peanut Butter,

Can’t pick a fight with the bigger fright who’ll leave you crying out for your mother!

You’re a meme dreamed up by a tween! Even through silence, my greatness is timeless!

And my rap’s menacing enough to leave you backpedaling like an REM Cyclist!

Now you’re in a Pinch! I’ll leave you singed and hanging from the gallows,

Got angles praised a century later; You’re in the shadow of my shadow!

Even with the Frog Effect, you couldn’t pull off convincing Hip-Hop!

Lights out; UBOA just got switched off!

Announcer:
WHO WON?

WHO’S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HORROR!

Rap Meanings
{{Hidden |header = Rap Meanings|content= ===Poniko:===

'''Did you forget to not step to Perfection? Your progression’s gettin’ vetoed'''

(Starting off with a direct quote like the lazy bitch I am, “don’t forget me” is a quote heavily associated with Yume Nikki that can be found said by one of the flowers in the game. Of the many, many theories spawned regarding the game, most centralize around determining what different characters of the game represent what to Madotsuki, as the entire game takes place in her dreams and therefore the world would be shaped around her thoughts. One of the common theories regarding Poniko is that she represents the epitome of perfection, something Maddy strives to accomplish. Another interpretation is that she represents Maddy’s dream woman, as Madotsuki may be a closet lesbian with other theories factored in. Basically, Poniko is saying that opposed to the flower, Orlok instead forgot to not try his might against literal perfection, because his chances of advancing will obviously be denied as he cannot live up to it.)

Like the ocean I call my home, the poetic Poniko foresees .flows!

(Poniko can be found in the Pink Ocean, a large body of water that lives up to it’s name. Poniko relates the water current found in the ocean she lives in to her own rap flow, or fluency of her rhyme schemes, referring to herself as the “poetic Poniko.” .flow is the name of an RPG that UBOA, Poniko’s alternate form, appears in as a cameo, so as Poniko foresees her own flow, or rap fluency, in the same way that an ocean foresees its own waves and currents, she also foresees .flow, watching over the game as she cameos in it.)

A figure’s creepin’ round the staircase, just aiming to get scared straight

(Arguably the most famous shot or pop-culture impact that came out of Nosferatu was the shot of Count Orlok’s shadow looming over the staircase before his ultimate reveal. Poniko refers to him as such, claiming that to come forward as his shadow implies he will, he’s basically asking to be frightened by the greater evil.)

So I’ll Or-lock it and drop it on this ugly blood-sucking fairies FACE!

(Count Orlok’s facial features consist of large, pointy ears, giving him the appearance of an ugly fairy, which Poniko tacks on along with “blood-sucking.” Blood-sucking is used in a literal sense, as someone who is a vampire would obviously suck blood, but also used in a metaphorical sense, which means to sponge off of others. Nosferatu was sued with multiple copyright strikes for seemingly ripping off other Vampire stories, though most were dismissed, so Poniko calls him blood-sucking in a double sense here. She also makes a pun on “pop, lock it and drop it,” a phrase originating from the crunk song by rapper Huey which means to fire a gun. Poniko makes this pun using Orlok’s name, saying she’ll fire shots at his face, meaning disses. FACE is the name of an easter egg in Yume Nikki, one that takes up the entire screen of the player and leads to many of the theories and controversies surrounding the game.)

'''My dream realm is this freak’s hell! Welcome to your nightmarish fate,'''

(Yume Nikki is focused on Madotsuki as a protagonist, but UBOA is much more well-known due to creepypastas and other lore popularizing him. Even though the game takes place in Maddy’s dream, Poniko refers to the dream realm as hers because her influence is much greater. She welcomes Orlok to a “nightmarish fate,” making one of many references to the dream world itself and what is to come.)

It’s looking to be a fairer day, but with a jumpscare, it tears away!

(Prior to the events trigger the UBOA easter egg, the Pink Ocean is, as the name implies, rather serene and friendly looking. The music that plays in Poniko’s room is cheery and peaceful. However, once the easter egg is triggered, a loud noise sounds and the screen flashes as UBOA appears, replacing the cheery ambience with a droning noise and more sinister music. Poniko says, before becoming UBOA, that the battle may look bright for his future similar to the Pink Ocean’s nonthreatening appearance, but with a jumpscare as she becomes her alternate form, that hope is torn down.)

One in sixty four chances of your victory still isn’t accurately honest,

(UBOA only one in sixty four chance of appearing if you flip the lightswitch, making her cameo/easter-egg very difficult to find and time-consuming. However, UBOA instead relates these chances to Orlok, saying that his chances of winning aren’t even equal to her chance of appearing, much less-so.)

More insignificant than if it were midget inflicted so this tramp-pire shouldn’t Count on it!

(Following up on the previous diss, UBOA goes on to describe Orlok’s chances as so small, that if they were impacted by the “midget effect,” they still couldn’t be any smaller. In Yume Nikki, collecting all the effects found throughout the game leads to the end goal, and as you might assume, one of these effects is the “midget effect,” which does exactly what you’d expect. UBOA makes two puns following this, one on “vampire” and “tramp.” A “tramp” is a word for a loose manwhore or slut, and a decent portion of Nosferatu is centered around following Count Orlok as he stalks multiple different women, so UBOA calls him a manwhore in this sense. She also makes the pun on Orlok’s title, saying that despite being a count, he shouldn’t “count on” or depend on the likeliness of his own victory, for the reasons previously stated. This is soooort of a Sesame Street joke, I’ll leave that up to interpretation.)

My rap’s strikes stomp out a bat’s life so I hope you brought a flashlight!

(In pop culture and in Nosferatu, vampires have the ability to change their form into bats. UBOA compares Orlok to this alternate form of his, being fragile creatures, claiming that her rap attacks will squash the life out of Orlok as if he was a delicate bat, which he somewhat is. She then follows up by claiming that Orlok should have brought a flashlight, which would enable him to see easier against the darkness that is brought forth by UBOA’s appearance, quite literally and metaphorically as in order to summon her, you must turn off the lights.)

You’re more monochrome than Monoko, but it’s your lack of fright that’s black and white!

(Monoko is a character in Yume Nikki, one of two twins, whose appearance is similar to Maddy’s except she’s painted only in black and white. UBOA does a bit of word play here to compare this to Orlok, who is also black and white due to color processors of the timeframe he was created in, but to be “monochrome” or black and white is also to be bland or tasteless. UBOA continues this by saying that Orlok’s lacking abilities to instill fear in victims is blatant, or “black and white,” in a similar sense to his entire film.)

'''You can’t attack this sprite! Need no combat knife when I’ve got skills and wits,'''

(Continuing the rhyme scheme, UBOA claims that Orlok can’t fight her, referring to herself as “this sprite,” meaning both a mystical being and a literal graphic seen in a computer game. In Yume Nikki, the main character Madotsuki wields a kitchen knife that she is given the opportunity to use on anyone as she feels like it. However, UBOA claims that she needs no combat knife to fight Orlok and win, as she’s got her owns “skills and wits” which she believes to be sharp enough in their own right.)

So I hope you brought your own spatula to scrape your remains off the grill with!

(Arguably the most famous portrayal of Count Orlok is his appearance on the episode of Spongebob Squarepants, “The Hash Slinging Slasher.” In this episode, after a long, long build up of scare cliches and more, it’s revealed that the titular bogeyman of the episode was all just a clown who was looking for employment. Before the episode ends, Count Orlok makes a cameo, flipping a light switch up and down. UBOA mocks him for having this as his central claim to fame, not only comparing him to the goofy Hash Slinging Slasher, but also referencing his direct quote from the episode, “I even brought my own spatula!” UBOA is basically saying that she’ll so violently disembowel Orlok that his remains will get clogged up in the grill and become stuck, and as he is “employed” at the Krusty Krab, he’ll need to have brought a spatula to use and clean up his own remains with.)

Count Orlok:
This brittle second fiddle must’ve woke up on the wrong side of the bed,

(Being the most popular character from the game, UBOA still is not the main character of Yume Nikki, that title going to Madotsuki. To be a “second fiddle” is to be overshadowed or act as a side-act to a more central figure, so Orlok calls Poniko as such. Since the entirety of Yume Nikki revolves around dreaming, Orlok implies that Poniko “woke up on the wrong side of the bed,” which is also popular phrase that is used to describe why someone might be grumpy or acting irrational.)

And then hurled through Guillotine World, ‘cause she’s lost her head!

(Guillotine World is a section of Madotsuki’s dreamscape that, uh, lives up to it’s name. In this part of the game, you can get the Severed Head effect which is exactly what it sounds like. Through some wordplay, Orlok associates the severed head effect with how Poniko has “lost her mind” in deciding to battle him,)

Now you’re shaking in your boots like you brought yourself seizures instead,

(UBOA is a popular character featured in many creepypastas as sort of a weird MacGuffin device. Many of these creepypastas feature the people who see UBOA developing seizures before resulting in death. Orlok claims that UBOA is “shaking in her boots,” a phrase that obviously means to be visibly afraid of an opponent, in the same way that someone who was subject to UBOA’s curse would be left “shaken” by a seizure. Seizures cause their afflicted to shake violently. Make the connection yourself.)

So watch the talons of the Bird of Death crack you like an Easter Egg!

(One of Orlok’s many nicknames is “the Bird of Death.” Birds give birth to eggs, you should know this. A video game “easter egg” is a hidden feature that has to be found through deeper research, which UBOA obviously is. So, relating this back to actual eggs, Orlok says that he, being a “bird,” will crack UBOA like the easter egg they technically are.)

It’s Nosferatu Night - Stay cooped up inside your desolate shed,

(“Nosferatu Night” was the name of a spin-off film featuring a similar title, so Orlok uses the phrase to mean that the battle is his. Poniko lives in a small house in the Pink Ocean, far away from any other lifeforms in the game, thus making her seem antisocial or walled-off. Orlok claims that, since the night is his, Poniko should stay locked up inside her tiny house in order to stay safe.)

Last time I came equipped with such sickness, they mistook it for the plague!

(When Orlok arrives in town during Nosferatu, the amount of pain he brings with him goes unexplained at first because no one believes vampires. The blame is eventually pinned on a return of the Black Death, a sickness that wiped out 3% of England during the Dark Ages. You should know what the Plague is. Anyways, Orlok implies that his rap ability is so “sick,” that last time he brought equivocal literal sickness it was mistook for the plague.)

Only thing Yume about this goonie is her blood that I’m aiming to suck,

(Orlok makes a pun on “Yume,” the first word in the title of “Yume Nikki,” which sounds somewhat like “yummy.” Orlok claims that the only thing tasty regarding Poniko is her own blood, which, as a vampire, he intends to suck out of her.)

Mere contact with this romhack is bad luck but I’m the one you can’t touch!

(Romhack is a word meaning a reskin or mod added on to a game. As such are usually temperamental, they usually result in glitches or poor stylistic choice. UBOA’s appearance comes randomly, and they have no animations, just being a sprite, so Orlok attributes Poniko as such. Touching UBOA after she appears is the only way to escape Poniko’s house, as it warps you to some demented dimension. Orlok references this, claiming that even though touching UBOA results in being teleported to a sinister dimension, Orlok is the one she “cannot touch,” refrencing the MC Hammer song “U Can’t Touch This.”)

Your game is fraught with no plot, and this clot is 2 UBOARing!

(Being a game revolving around lucid dreams, Yume Nikki has no plot and is basically just a game for aimlessly wondering around and exploring. Orlok makes several puns here; he makes a pun on the sequel, simply titled “Yume 2kki,” as well as making a pun on UBOA’s original name “UBOAR.” UBOA has no official name, and her title actually comes from the sound she makes, which was later shortened by the fanbase to “UBOA.”

Not even your narcoleptic girlfriend can match how fast your lore left me snoring!

(“Narcoleptic girlfriend” refers to Madotsuki, the main character of Yume Nikki. Though nothing confirmed, a popular speculation for Poniko’s relevance to Madotsuki is that she represents the perfect woman and manifests all of Madotsuki’s “secret lesbianism,” ergo Orlok mocks this by referring to the two as dating. Madotsuki x Poniko is a popular ship in the fandom anyways. Madotsuki spends the entire game waking up again to save before going right back to sleep, so Orlok diagnoses her as “narcoleptic,” a condition that causes the afflicted to remain perpetually drowsy, as well as fall asleep at random. Orlok claims that, even with her constant falling asleep, the boring “lore,” or theories regarding the game left Orlok snoozing faster.)

It won’t be long before you’re gone, I’d like to see you try besting me,

(This line has no references, it’s just Orlok leading up to the next.)

Once you're knocked comatose after you overdose on LSD!

(Yume Nikki is popularly compared to a different game, “LSD Simulator.” The connection being made there is that Yume Nikki features tons of weird, fever-dream-esque characters and monsters, so obv people call drug influence on it because nothing can be creative without people saying it’s on drugs. To overdose on drugs is to reap negative consequences from overloading on whatever substance, and one of these potential consequences is going into a coma, which is also another reference to the heavy dream themes of Yume Nikki. Orlok is, in short, implying that Madotsuki is on LSD, hence her strange dreams, and she’ll eventually go comatose from overdoing on it, in which case Poniko will cease to exist.)

UBOA:
You’re the one who’s on drugs to think you can call that a profound rap,

(Directly retorting to his final line, UBOA tells Orlok that he’s the one who’s on drugs, not specifically LSD but any mind-altering substance, if he thinks his rap is clever or deep.)

So learn from your movie and dub your rhymes over with a goofy soundtrack!

(To follow up on the previous line, UBOA advises that Count Orlok takes a page from his own film and mutes his own lines, instead replacing them with a symphony peace quite similar to his own films, which UBOA calls “goofy.” Though obviously subjective, the musical score in Nosferatu can be considered unfitting to it’s atmosphere, being almost “Tom & Jerry”-esque in music.)

Bring a Blazing Corridor of verbal Sunlight to scorch you when I drop the mic,

(Making a quadruple fire reference here, UBOA begins by referring to her own raps as “verbal Sunlight,” having so much of it that she could store it in a corridor, which would thus make it a “Blazing Corridor.” This references the actual weakness of Orlok, which is, with most vampires, sunlight. Sunlight burns vampires viciously when they come into contact with it, so UBOA compares her own raps to this, “burning” Orlok in the similar sense while also being enlightening and powerful as sunlight is. The Blazing Corridor is one of the many easter eggs in Yume Nikki, being as the name implies, a hallway that simply ends with a great fire. UBOA is inferring that the raps she contains in said corridor are hot enough to stir up said fire. When approaching the Blazing Corridor with the Snowman Effect equipped, Madotsuki will melt, so UBOA is saying her raps will do the same to Orlok.)

A verbal burning that you won’t survive like I was Stoker’s copyrights!

(Due to the unavoidable plot similarities, Bram Stoker’s representatives sued the creators of Nosferatu and won the case. As a result, every existing copy of Nosferatu was to be burned, but a few were salvaged and wide-spread into the film it is today. UBOA compares this to her own verse alongside the other flame comparisons, claiming that when she burns Count Orlok lyrically the same way his film copies were burned, he won’t be salvaged like the few that survived.)

You’re Nickelodeon's joke who’s folktale started with a dopey lie,

(Harkening back to the “Graveyard Shift” episode of Spongebob, UBOA takes another stab at Orlok’s main source of popularity, calling him the punchline of one of Nickelodeon's jokes and nothing more than this. To slam on Orlok’s credibility even further, she insults the origin of Orlok’s tale. According to the creator of the character, the concept of Orlok himself came from a strange fever dream of a story his relative would tell him as if it was nonfiction. UBOA claims that said relative was likely high, ergo not only is Orlok only known by a Spongebob gag, but also originated from a high old man’s lie of a story.)

So if you want something to suck then pucker up AND CHOKE ON MY-

(Considering Orlok’s a vampire, he obviously has a penchant for sucking blood. However, UBOA twists these words, saying that if he wants something to “suck on” then he should suck a dick. However, before she can finish this sentence, seeing the oncoming vulgarity, Madotsuki panics and flicks the light switch to bring Poniko back.)

Nosey Nosferatu ought to get a hobby and quit stalking teens,

(Making word play on both parts of Nosferatu’s title, Poniko returns and says that Nosferatu is too “nosey,” due to both his name and his actual long nose, and his tendency to creep on teenage girls. Poniko then makes the pun on “atu,” saying he “ought to” get a hobby so he has no reason to continue his tendencies to stalk young girls as victims, which Poniko thinks has some pedophilic themes to it.)

'''You Maddy bro? ‘Cause you couldn’t beat me in your Dreams!'''

(Making a pun on Madotsuki’s name and the phrase “you mad, bro?” Poniko asks Orlok is he’s upset about the end results of the battle because he wouldn’t be able to defeat her even in his own dreams, since the possibility is so distant. This is one last reference from Poniko regarding the concept of Yume Nikki and it’s centralized theme around dreaming.)

Count Orlok:
Any kitchen knife could rip your life and spread you out like Peanut Butter,

(Yume Nikki is a player-controlled story, so you can choose to have Madotsuki kill everyone in the game using the kitchen knife weapon. Orlok claims that he is superior because his weakness is much more symbolic, whereas her’s is just a typical knife. He dwindles down the significance of the weapon further by making it sound like a butter knife, all the while making a reference to PeanutButterGamer. PBG made a video featuring the “scariest easter eggs in video games” with UBOA being on the list which lead to her boost in fame, so Orlok retaliates against UBOA’s claims that his fame is silly by proving her’s to originate with a goofy YouTuber.)

Can’t pick a fight with the bigger fright who’ll leave you crying out for your mother!

(Considering her weakness, Orlok claims that Poniko cannot pick a fight with him, as he is scarier and tougher. He makes the reference to the one page UBOA appears in from the Yume Nikki manga; on this page, Maddy falls fetal when UBOA approaches, referring to her as “mommy.” So Orlok, in a similar sense, claims that he is scary enough to make UBOA herself cry out for her own mother the way she did to Maddy.)

You’re a meme dreamed up by a tween; Even through silence, my greatness is timeless!

(Despite his entire film being completely silent, Nosferatu is looked up to as one of the greatest horror films of all time, even number two best rated on Rotten Tomatoes. He compares his own success to UBOA, whose fame is entirely internet based, thus referring to her as a “meme” dreamed up by Madotsuki, whose age is left ambiguous, but most interpret her to be younger than thirteen, making her a pre-teen.)

And my rap’s menacing enough to leave you backpedaling like an REM Cyclist!

(Bicycling is a big factor of transportation in Yume Nikki. To “backpedal” is to quickly turn back from a goal that was being aimed for. Orlok makes the connection between the two, saying that his “menacing” raps will leave Poniko back-pedaling on a literal bike as well as back-pedaling through the term. He makes a pun on REM Cycle, which is the name of the psychological cycle regarding dreams.)

'''Now you’re in a Pinch! I’ll leave you singed and hanging from the gallows,'''

(The mechanic in Yume Nikki for escaping back to the real world is to pinch yourself in the dream. Count Orlok makes the pun here, saying that Poniko is in a “pinch” or a “tight spot.” He then claims that he’d leave Poniko burnt and hanging from a noose, something common to see in that timeframe.)

Got angles praised a century later; You’re in the shadow of my shadow!

(Many of the camera angles used in Nosferatu are critically acclaimed, the specific one being mentioned here and referenced in the title card being the famous “shadow on the staircase” scene. To “be in someone’s shadow” is to be greatly outshined by them, which can definitely be said when comparing the success of Nosferatu to Yume Nikki. In fact, the cultural influence between the two is large enough that the establishing shot featuring Orlok’s shadowed might even be more popular than Yume Nikki as a whole, leaving Poniko in the “shadow of his shadow.”)

Even with the Frog Effect, you couldn’t pull off convincing Hip-Hop!

(Yume Nikki, as mentioned, features many different “effects” that change the way your character intereacts. The Frog Effect makes the character travel like a frog would, with large hops instead of slow walking. As such, Orlok makes the pun that even with this effect that makes the character hop instead of walking, Poniko still can’t pull off “hip-hop,” or rap well.)

Lights out; UBOA just got switched off!

(Ending the battle with two puns, Orlok claims that UBOA got “switched off” or “shut down,” making a pun on the main connection of this battle. “Light’s out” meaning both literal lights being turned off, and Poniko getting knocked-the-fuck-out.)

}}

Outro


Who won? Poniko/UBOA Count Orlok

HINT DEDUCTIONS:

Asriel Dreemurr: Pun on Asriel’s last name, “Dreemurr” = “dreamer,” which is the whole basis for Yume Nikki, as well as a reference to the constant parallels made between Undertale and Yume Nikki, thus tying in to Poniko. .

Ghost Bus Tours: actually a reference to the episode of Spongebob, “Graveyard Shift” which is the episode that the Count Orlok cameo was in. The Hash Slinging Slasher appears on a ghost bus. Like i said my hints for this one really sucked im sure cave is gonna bring it up some time in the future

Night’s grave: A ghost of Night can be seen to the side, which reflects the title of a Nosferatu remake, “Phantom of Night.” Also, clicking the picture brings you to Nikki Lee’s user page, which is a reference to Yume Nikki.

Also, Count Orlok appears in Bill’s time rupture. And was totally the grey character the story was referring to that one time, if anyone for some reason recalls that.