User blog:Dark Cyan/Cyan's Rap Battles of Literature 31: Homer vs Andrew Hussie

Hello, everyone. And welcome back to Cyan's Rap Battles of Literature!

Whoops. It's been like two months since the last one.

This one features the writing talents of none other than our own Admin Matt as Andrew Hussie!

This battle pits the ancient Greek writer of Epics, Homer, against the popluar webcomic author, Andrew Hussie, in a battle of authors of very long, epic works of fiction with shifting narratives, flashbacks and points of view. Also new vs old.

Fun fact: Homer's lines are all in the Meter of Epic! Channelling my inner Watsky for this one, lol (I'm never writing in meter again if I can help it >.>)

Enjoy!

Beat: Medal Of Honor

Homer
(starts at 0:11)

Sing to me of the man, great Muse, the man of tedious outset,

Who takes three hundred pages to start. You bore the internet!

Gave rise to cosplayers; foul brutes with painted grey skin and fake horns

Have you no shame? Even that Rule 34 warrants not such porn!

I weep! Such grief I feel! Your isolation despite fame!

Not even he with the game! You called for help but nobody came!

Dear Toby, musically fine, even his story brings shame

To a man who switches characterization for merely TyP1ng StR4NG3!

Andrew Hussie
(starts at 0:34)

Oh hell no, this is a terrible idea. This old dude is the craziest

I mean, he had a man cast out to sea just for being an atheist!

But if he thinks he can challenge me, he must not be of Light nor Mind

I may be the Waste of Space, but to me, you're just a Waste of Time

You're like a siren, singing a good tune, but behind that mask, you're trash

The only thing "epic" here is the manner in which I kick your ass!

People don't even know who you are! Your whole existence is a misnomer!

Reading through the boring drivel you wrote, I'd rather you be the other Homer

Homer
(starts at 0:58)

I am insulted that you dare compare me to Simpson, you cad!

Another irrelevant, dull Intermission, I’d rather have!

I cannot blame you for losing track of whether you are dreaming,

Thinking you can defeat me with such banal, yellow-toothed screeching!

I crafted narrative structures since given timeless exposure!

You stole plots, tropes, clichés and even real, licensed movie posters!

Throw yourself to the crows! Zeus knows even Scott Cawthorn wrote a book!

My fame has travelled the world! Read by Kings! Andrew, you are just Homestuck

Andrew Hussie
(starts at 1:21)

What a rough verse. Maybe you should apply some oil to it like it was Greece

I'd go another hiatus before wanting to deal with the shit you failed to release!

Famous for two stories only 'cause kids are forced to read one of them totally

You're called a poet, but oh man, what you write isn't even poetry!

I'm the king of the internet! You're like Socrates writing bad fanfics

Your rapping is just like a pumpkin- wait, what pumpkin? Shit!

Forget it! You'll be forgotten! Not even an opponent Bec Noir would've beckoned

Skaia knows my verse is much meteor, and your death has been reckoned

(Homer gets to his knees, weeps, and prays fervently to the Gods, seeing the object of their wrath hurtling towards him from Olympus on high. He brays to Hades for a quick death and a swift deliverance to the Underworld, before the Meteor connects with the Earth.)

WHO WON? Homer Andrew Hussie