User blog:Beerman8299/Augustus vs. Hernán Cortés

Greetings heroes! Honestly, I wasn't expecting to release another battle between Halloween and Christmas, but whenever ERB releases a new battle, I get the urge to write. Not only that, but this battle was started over two years ago and was roughly half done when I took a break from it. With that being said, you may notice a difference in some of the lines in each verse and how cheesy they are compared to others, but I think they pulled through well enough. So, here we have the first emperor of the Roman Empire, Augustus, versus Spanish conquistador and explorer, Hernán Cortés.

Here's the beat. I tried to get all of the lyrics to match the rhythm, but not all of them did. Sorry bout that. The battle starts at 1:09.

Battle
AUGUSTUS

VS.

HERNÁN CORTÉS

BEGIN!

Hernán Cortés
I am Hernán Cortés de Monroy y Pizarro Altamirano.

I lead my men to take down the Aztecs in the midland of Mexico.

Now I know they were defenseless and didn't see it coming.

But I handed down their lives like they were the signet ring.

You had Agrippa on your nation, but you let it all slip away.

It didn't last as long as you expected while you laid and decayed.

You're a Disney Princeps living in a fairytale Principate.

I'll end you so fast like your Pompey the Great.

Livia might agree that you're probably not a pillar.

And that you will topple like your state you stupid elephant killer!

You can't fight just yet in your Roman Colosseum.

I think you need to stay in a history museum.

Augustus
While I created one, you destroyed a whole empire.

I know Yucatan do it, but your situation would be dire.

You make Mars look normal with the genocide you headed.

I can build Rome in a day, and my standing army with tread on you till your dead.

I am the heir of Caesar, you're a heavy sea air breather.

I rose from the ashes of the Republic to become their first emperor.

You and your slave making conquest are no match for my military, so predominant.

With Antony and Lepidus we'll beat threefold as the Second Triumvirate.

I'm a province collector, from North Africa to Cyprus.

You looked into your Cristóbal and saw the way was paved for you by Columbus.

You better step bakc before I knock down your conquista-door.

Because I think we all know that you didn't go to America just to explore.

Hernán Cortés
So you just admitted you can't beat me by yourself?

You knew of my skills, so you called up your friends for help.

Augustus ain't illustrious, go back to being Octavius.

Cause with a name like that I can call you Dr. Octopus.

For 30 years your citizens experienced a shortage of food.

While royalty like yourself must've eaten like Augustus Gloop.

You forced your way into this fight, like how you forced your people out of their towns.

How did you expect them to react? You became a civic clown.

Augustus
I began my reign at a presidential age.

And was soon given the title of Pater Patriae.

You presence here has disrupted the Pax Romana.

You've choked in this battle, but don't tell that you Catalina.

I'm transitioning through this like I did from BC to AD.

All you got is a lizard, I got a month named after me.

You don't deserve to be a Marquis, not even a Don.

Especially for what you did to Tenochtitlan.

Sail back to Spain before you're sacrificed to the Aztec gods.

Have I played the part well? Then as I exit, do applaud.

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE! Who won? Hernán Cortés Augustus