User blog:The Flatwoods Monster/Authors vs Directors - Epic Rap Battles of Horror Season 3 Mid-Season Finale

And here it is. Go read these important blogs before you read this battle. I don't know why I waited so long to post this, but oh well. Todays matchup hasn't been suggested specifically by anyone other then Angemon but I've received tons and tons of suggestions for royales of directors, royales of authors, director vs author, etc. and I decided the easiest way to do all these suggestions justice is to go full force in a bigass mid-season finale pitting the timeless authors, Dracula's creator, Bram Stoker, Cthulhu's creator, H.P. Lovecraft, and Goosebumps writer R.L. Stine against famed directors, Norman Bate's creator, Alfred Hitchcock, FreddyKrueger and Ghostfaces creator, Wes Craven, and Edward Scissorhands, Sweeney Todd and Coraline's creator, Tim Burton, to see who better adapted horror from pages to the big screen. HUGE special thanks to Tina for guest starring as H.P. Lovecraft. Like I said, this is the Midseason finale, and the next battle will have the honor of special guest writer Joeaikman and the battle after that will have guest writer GIR writing, so look forward to a lot of guest writers in the near future. With that all said and done, let's get to the battle.

Cast
Nice Peter as Bram Stoker

EpicLLOYD as Alfred Hitchcock

Jacksfilms as H.P. Lovecraft

Nice Peter as Wes Craven

EpicLLOYD as R.L. Stine

Nice Peter as Tim Burton

JacksFilms as Norman Bates (cameo)

YamiMash as Dracula (cameo)

Nice Peter as Freddy Krueger (cameo)

Nice Peter as Ghost Face (cameo)

A whole fuckton of nonspecific Goosebumps camoes

Zach Sherwin as Stephen King (cameo)

George Watsky as Edgar Allan Poe (cameo)

George Watsky as Sweeney Todd (cameo)

George Watsky as Edward Scissorhands (cameo)

Brooke Lawson as Coraline (cameo)

Instrumental -



Opening
''The video fades in, showing a space like background, as black and white images of film reels, cameras, pens and books fly by. A large clock is seen ticking in the background. One of the books stops and opens up, revealing the logo, which continues to say...''

Intro
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HORROR!



VS!



BEGIN!

The Battle
(Note: For some reason, every time I added in more links, the editor goes batshit crazy. I'll try to add them in later, but for now, go without.)

Bram Stoker: (0:25)

It was a dark and stormy night! When Stoker revoked a thorn,

Choked a bloke, I conjured hopes before your mother was even born!

So Tell Your Children that your works can stick to rotting on the Telley’

And you thought you could step to me, the OG who inspired Mary Shelley!

Bram’s on a Frenzy! Slam this pansy with my vernacular so spectacular!

Man to Woman, I’m rapping her! Let’s see you go toe to toe with Dracula!

But this elmerich albino will learn I’m the main attraction! You’re just the sideshow!

With a black and white version of Birdemic, surely you’re Psycho!

Sink your Lifeboat! I must Confess, your films put people on their tiptoes,

But I’ll link this Lamb to his Slaughter and leave his wife a Young Widow!

You obese, greasy, meaty sleze! I’ll leave blood splattered on your posters!

That theLast Days of Alfred Hitchcock were once again ended by a “Stroke”-r!

Alfred Hitchcock: (1:01)

Ladies and Gentlemen, take a seat, and watch as Bram Stoker gets beat,

Alfred Hitchcock Presents rhymes to lead this grand poser to his defeat

If you hope to fence the Master of Suspense, I’m afraid you won’t get far,

So Dial M for Murder as this MC brings the heat to be rated R!

This so called rival doesn’t deserve to be prideful, are you homicidal?

Your novels never went viral, while I was Steven Spielberg's idol!

Thinking you’re better? You’re in denial! Can’t cramp on Weird Al's style!

I’ve got the lines sicker than your health when you were a child!

When stepping to this cultural icon, you’ll need a strong plan,

At least my characters can step outside! Battle me and you’re Wrong, Man!

Shooting lyrical cannons and jamming this imbecile into a phantom,

The hardest thing slamming Ireland since the potato famine

H.P. Lovecraft: (1:37)

I am singing this under an appreciable mental strain,

Since by tonight will be the end of this Hitched shit stain! Take one, for the team when Dagon, makes you pray,

Breakdown, all your plays and you’re a Beast In A Cave!

The suspense is killing me; do not test me! You’ve become Bird food!

I am H.P., You cannot best me; Call up Cthulhu to stomp all over you!

Cosmicism is too complex for the mind of this mess!

You’re a pest, I’m Herbert West! You can’t Murder! this!

 Wes Craven: (1:58) 

Ring, ring! H.P, it’s me, and it’s time to put down the phone,

Break some bones, without Cthulhu you wouldn’t be known!

So let’s Scream! This battle’s truly getting spooky,

Meet the next Nightmare from Elm Street! Do you like Scary Movies?

So continue collecting dust, this poser bones groan to decompose

You’re so ugly, you’re the reason the Hills keep their Eyes closed!

You’re in for a Shocker! Craven’s craving this blazen, stay low,

The pain’s slow! I’m the Serpent, you’re more like the Rainbow!

R. L. Stine: (2:20)

My dearest rappers, beware, you’ve begun to explore the damned

So put down the camera and step into my horror land

I’ll shoot you Losers to Space, I’m Craven to diss this Psycho,

But this is no Beast from the East! This dino Came From Ohio!

Who Let The Ghosts Out? I’ll send Wes west with a seizure,

Pop this geezer back to the freezer! I’m a real life Body Squeezer!

Be Afraid - Be Very Afraid! With my ancient power, you’ll never be saved,

Are You Terrified Yet? Slappy you all to and back beyond the grave!

My flow will sting any competition a faux poser foe will bring

My horror swings kids books more terrifying than Poe or King!

So Say Cheese and Die! When on the mic, I abuse grumps!

Tick Tock, You’re Dead. Left your bodies riddled with Goosebumps.

Tim Burton: (3:06)

We interrupt this program to tell you you’re going to lose,

This bad man Returns to mash the three of you to Beetle Juice!

So Stoker got lazy and rose another Stine to diss my maties,

But to think you could beat me, you’re Planet of the Ape-shit crazy!

But R.L., let’s be real, you’re a Living Dummy, and you’re slacking, boy,

I’ll call up Scissorhands and Sweeney to mutilate this Cabin Boy

So keep those Big Eyes open and take a peek through my Looking Glass,

And see that Depp won’t be needed to produce my foot up your ass!

You couldn’t hope to beat me, with your kids books on banshees,

See these? I produce Big Adventures worth way more then you Pee-Wees!

A real Nightmare Before Christmas with these disses! You’ll have died!

Collect dust like your creations. The future has arrived, my friends.

Announcer: (3:46)

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HORROR!

Outro


Who won? Authors (Bram Stoker, H.P. Lovecraft, R.L. Stine) Directors (Alfred Hitchcock, Wes Craven, Tim Burton)

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