User blog:Joeaikman/Joe's Rap Battles of Fiction Season 4 Episode 8 - Eren Jaeger vs Shulk

Well hello there. Thank you for clicking on this blog. Either you are intrigued by the characters, or you are checking who the fuck they are. Well, I am sure most of you Nintendo nerds know who Shulk is, owing to his appearance in Super Smash Bros, and any of you that have spent more than five minutes with Bobdave will have heard of Eren Jaeger. Shoutout to Bobdave, who, in a parallel universe, wrote for Eren. Unfortunately I expanded on the number of verses and, after rewatching Attack on Titan (dubbed not subbed fite me), I really wanted to give it a go as Mr Jaeger myself. Shoutout also to Loygansono. That Shulk fanboy proofread for part of this battle, and he even got a reference in it himself!

So in this battle Xenoblade and Super Smash Bros star, Shulk, goes up against the nominal Attack on Titan protagonist, Eren Jaeger, to see who is the better teenage boy fighter in stories related to titans. Or something like that. Jeez, I dunno. Be warned, parts of this battle were written for dynamic video release, with intense choreography, and cameos from the various members of both teams because, true to form, I love me some cameos. Fortunately here they don’t speak, so nubs like Flats can get off my back about it, amirite??? I am.

Shulk
I bet I can use this chance to face off with a violent half-titan,

Counter any throws in my direction with my upgraded rhyming!

Unlock the Monado’s power, and see my victory as what will be!

Whilst you’d still be stuck at the basement roots of my skill tree!

I can buster rhymes when one of my back slashes is coming!

<span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#CC4125;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">Reyn over your shouty lyrics with a slit edge! That is incoming!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#CC4125;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">Open some Hogan on your team! We won’t go too far, though!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#CC4125;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">This will be as godless as Trost was, you’ll be deader than Marco!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#CC4125;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">How many betrayals to your name?! Walled off in your pen, sheep!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#CC4125;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">Whilst I’m battling machines, you’re in the courthouse getting beat!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#CC4125;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">A murderer since ten, and an orphan since your teens! (Ouch)

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#CC4125;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">Too slow on the bite, Jaeger bombs, and couldn’t get his team out!

<span style="font-family:Arial,sans-serif;">Eren Jaeger
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#38761D;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">I’m scouting for boys who want to be beaten like this ain’t a love song!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#38761D;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">Because when I go all rage form I’ll right all it is that you have done wrong!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#38761D;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">You weren’t in Trost! You’re as sheltered as all the fools from the centre!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#38761D;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">Believing that sheer hope and faith in walls will help the Earth get better!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#38761D;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">I’m a ranger! No stranger to danger when clad in my maneuver gear!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#38761D;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">I WILL KILL THEM ALL! And then you too if you enter my crew’s sphere!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#38761D;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">Mecha monsters and minions are your bane, I take on fifteen foot creatures!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#38761D;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">All those failures you have, it’s Incredible Shulk still has any of his believers!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#38761D;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">‘Cos I’m busy killing titans I face whilst you waste your days on one’s frame!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#38761D;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">Switch out before it’s too late! I strike blows with critical hits to the nape!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#38761D;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">So get it in the neck, play the game, not even Lord Riki will stop you being hit!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#38761D;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">I have the lust for vengeance in my veins, and right now I’m really feeling it! <h2 class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal">Action

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* EREN bites down on his hand and transforms into titan form and stands opposite Shulk, who has to dodge and slash at Eren as he raps his next verse. Shulk’s companions can be seen flying in around Eren’s feet and neck too.*

<span style="font-family:Arial,sans-serif;">Shulk
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#CC4125;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">I’ve asked the Monado to give you advice on how to structure more lines,

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#CC4125;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">So you don’t end up charging into battle and shouting all your rhymes!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#CC4125;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">Sheer force and willpower isn’t enough to be mobile and agile with a blade!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#CC4125;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">You should trade out your stats, to get full power in being alone and afraid!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#CC4125;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">All the plans are concocted by one, and then enforced by another friend!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#CC4125;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">Your daddy’s trickery set you up to be an oversized means to an end!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#CC4125;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">Courage is one thing, but a lion’s heart won’t save you from all the treachery!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#CC4125;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">You have blind rage for all the Titans, but put up walls to your true enemies! <h2 class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#CC4125;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">Action

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* Shulk slashes at the nape of Eren’s neck in slow motion, but Armen, Mikasa, Jean, Connie, Sasha, and Krista rush in and pull him away. He fights against them, and stands opposite Shulk, breathing with intense rage. Both have their companions at their back, and they leap in, to fight each other as they rap*

<span style="font-family:Arial,sans-serif;">Eren Jaeger
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#38761D;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">I’ve seen your future, naked boy, regarding enemies, don’t mention mine!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#38761D;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">When your very own antagonist was residing in your own braindead mind!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#38761D;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">It’s no joke! The power YOU claim to have is really that of your foes!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#38761D;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">So go, faux hero, and don your cloak and flow if you wanna smash, bro!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#38761D;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">I can block up walls, my skills COLOSSAL, I’m the bigger rapper of us two!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#38761D;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">I’ve seen worse in my few years than anything you have been through!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#38761D;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">I fight for freedom and to protect my friends! I fight to find ANSWERS!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#38761D;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">You fight for nine, so you may save yourself from a case of Colony cancer!

<span style="font-family:Arial,sans-serif;">Shulk
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#CC4125;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">Your Rose flows suggest that a proud Marian, like Shiganshina must fall!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#CC4125;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">Then end up cowering in poverty behind an even larger emotional wall!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#CC4125;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">I see you’re trying to go Levi, but your ego won’t fit into those sweats!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#CC4125;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">So better call up your special squad and ask them what’s up in death!

<span style="font-family:Arial,sans-serif;">Eren Jaeger
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#38761D;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">Surely Riki and Dunban are the closest thing to girls that you will get!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#38761D;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">What kind of lame-ass loser claims to have pessimism as a skill set!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#38761D;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">That’s too much Strife, Cloud, your role playing gambit will be diminished-

<span style="font-family:Arial,sans-serif;">Shulk
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#CC4125;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">Judging by your anime, it will be two years before this punchline is finished!

<span style="font-family:Arial,sans-serif;">Eren Jaeger
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#38761D;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">You’re acting like a dick. son! Ha! Your father figure turned out to be evil!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: normal"><span style="font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "TimesNewRoman";color:#38761D;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">At least I got a Season Two! 3D is the closest you are getting to a sequel!

Who Won? Shulk Eren Jaeger