Ash Ketchum vs Charles Darwin



Ash Ketchum vs Charles Darwin is the sixty-sixth installment of Epic Rap Battles of History and the eighth episode of Season 5. It features the main protagonist of the Pokémon anime and aspiring Pokémon Master, Ash Ketchum, and the discoverer of natural selection and other mechanisms of biological evolution, Charles Darwin. It was released on November 14th, 2016.

Cast
Nice Peter as Charles Darwin

Brian Walters as Ash Ketchum

Mary Doodles as Jessie (cameo)

Dante Cimadamore as James and an evolving man (cameo)

EpicLLOYD as Ash Williams (cameo)

Pikachu, Charizard, Butterfree, Alolan Exeggutor, Magikarp, and Lapras (animations, cameos)

Lyrics
[Note: Ash Ketchum is in blue, Charles Darwin is in dark gray , Charizard is in orange , and Pikachu is in yellow .]

Ash Ketchum:
Darwin wants to battle? Doesn't seem like a fight,

But this should be fun! I've yet to catch the Ghost type!

Got the highest speed stat, drop raps lightning fast,

Open my pockets and go (Charizard!)  on your ass!

'Cause I'm Ash! And that's A to the "shush"!

I don't care how many beetles and butterflies you squoosh!

Your earthworms can't beat these magical beasties!

Your shit-talking mouth is the origin of feces!

You got candy raps: Reese's Pieces!

In this ecosystem, I'm the dominant species!

When it's time to train, I turn to Pikachu, (Pika!)

But when I need a weak verse, I choose you!

Charles Darwin:
Hello there. Welcome to a world called Earth,

Where actual minds do groundbreaking work!

If you're looking for the fittest, I'm the natural selection!

You're so ineffective you couldn't even turn 11!

What you spit's just not hard-hitting enough!

It's kids stuff! You're soft like a Jigglypuff!

You got no Game, Boy, so you'll get the broom quick!

The real Ash  packs a much bigger BOOMSTICK!

I'm a masterful naturalist!

What I've glimpsed will outclass all the crap on your laughable list!

My research reversed the first words of the Church!

You measure your worth by the sales of your merch!

Ash Ketchum:
Yo, ummm, real quick?

This dude spent eight years studying barnacle dick! Kick it!

You think I'm impressed by your boat trip? Please!

You're the most annoying thing on a Beagle  since fleas!

You're a glitchy old man best left out at sea!

Set sail and Galápago-suck on these!

Charles Darwin:
Look, Mighty Morphin' Michael Vick,

Your animated slave fights make me sick!

When I battle a foe from so simple a beginning,

I'm not Charles Sheen, but I am Dar-winning!

Ash Ketchum:
Man, if that's true, then nature is cruel

'Cause the only thing you're winning is your cousin's gene pool!

You lost three children while they were still small!

TB and scarlet fever; gotta catch 'em all!

Charles Darwin:
It took millions of years for mankind to evolve!

Now they're hunched over cell phones playing with your balls!

And it was hard losing my daughters and their brother,

As hard as the wood that Oak gave your mother!

Charles Darwin:
Hello there! Welcome to the world of reality,

Where animals are merely benefactors to humanity,

Not family! This is natural order and no lesser!

Now prepare to be uprooted by an actual professor!

Generations of evolution has made me the most fit

To shit on unscientific metamorphosis!

The process you misdefine is how we adapt,

And based on your league record, that's something you can't grasp!

Not family! This is the cycle that we are born from,

And I'm the next professor you're taking orders from!

Against a kid not smart enough to evolve a Pikachu !

This battle's natural selection, and it won't choose you!

On the Origin of Species, we grow as a population,

Revising, but not restarting, as we move through generations.

These survival traits are nature's fate to pick and choose,

And I see an endangered species when I Pikachu!

If to Ketchum was your real test, then you scored an F!

What you call evolution is short of metamorphosis!

Now, the force of biology is how we reproduce!

It's called natural selection, and it won't choose you!

Your glorified dogfights just make my heart sick!

I'd say you're an even worse trainer than Michael Vick!

I've been catching critters before you were a Squirtle in your daddy's Poké Balls!

Over centuries, mankind has grown to be upright!

Today, they need to Pokémon GO get a life!

Hunched over touching balls with a phone in their hand,

So I hypothesize this fight is the Descent of a PokéMan!

What you call evolution is mere shapeshifting!

You've got no Game, Boy, so you better choose quick!

I'm sailing the championship that you never won,

You little grunt! You're soft like a Jigglypuff!

Ash Ketchum:
Darwin wants to battle? Doesn't seem like a fair fight,

But this should be fun! I'm yet to catch a Ghost type!

I spit ice-cold rhymes, and your ass is grass!

This ain't no glitch; I'll be missing no hits!

Your attract is so ineffective you gave your cousin your trainer tip!

All your burns have been squelched by my flow!

There's no need for part two; it's a one-hit K.O.!

Spittin' ice-cold rhymes, and your ass is just grass!

But right now I need a weak verse; I choose you!

My six balls are a lady's dream team!

Yo, ummm, just in case you didn't know,

This dude spent five years with sea men studying homos!

You're bugging; it's the old man glitch disease!

General

 * This is the first battle to feature moving subtitles, as the lyrics "doesn't seem like a fight" are translated down the screen as the camera moves around Ash Ketchum.
 * The special guest writers, Mat4yo and Cam Greely, have previously been involved in fanmade versions of this battle, including Greely's own Professor Oak vs. Charles Darwin in his VideoGameRapBattles series.
 * A preview of Wonder Woman appears during the end credits.
 * This battle was "#1 trending" on YouTube the day after it was released.
 * This is the shortest battle of Season 5 so far, beating J. R. R. Tolkien vs George R. R. Martin by 25 seconds.

Production

 * The video games Pokémon Sun and Pokémon Moon were released in the United States the same week of this battle's release.
 * This battle is the first to have been released on a Monday since Frederick Douglass vs Thomas Jefferson.
 * This is the fifth battle to include animated characters.
 * This is also the first one to include hand-drawn animated characters.

Errors

 * During the line, "You got candy raps: Reese's Pieces!", Ketchum can be seen throwing what appears to be a Great Ball, but as soon as it leaves his hand, it turns into a regular Poké Ball.