Jacques Cousteau vs Steve Irwin



Jacques Cousteau vs Steve Irwin is the seventy-sixth installment of Epic Rap Battles of History and the fifth episode of Season 6. It features French oceanographer and conservationist, Jacques Cousteau, rapping against Australian zookeeper and conservationist, Steve Irwin. It was released on August 18th, 2019.

Cast
Nice Peter as Jacques Cousteau

EpicLLOYD as Steve Irwin

Jacques Cousteau:
Jacques Cousteau, here to spit flow.

Invented Scuba, captained the Calypso!

Palme d'Or-winning documenter of the ocean,

Ready to battle a desperate, sweaty showman!

You're chunky and soft, you get on my nerves!

You're the only manatee I don't want to conserve!

My Life Aquatic was adventure and beauty,

I'm so cool, Bill Murray played me in the movie.

I have Oscars! You're in Dr. Dolittle 2!

So run back home to your daddy's zoo!

And just to be clear, 'cause I'm no veterinarian,

Were you killed by a fish kids pet at the aquarium?

Steve Irwin:
Holy smokes, what a place to go!

You'd need a submarine for a blow that low! (Awhh!)

You better run! You better take cover!

'Cause crikey, I'm going from 'croc' to 'Jacques' hunter!

Have a look at this salty fella,

His face looks like it's made of pure leather!

Look out! He's got the body of a naked mole-rat!

He's cranky 'cause he has to wear a Papa Smurf hat!

I'm a wild man, you're a subdued sub-dude!

The only crocs you could handle are some slip-on shoes!

And crikey, you're such a boring guy,

You could make a whole show about the ocean dry!

But with the sheilas you sure had fun!

Your mistress was as young as your first-born son!

You never should have stepped to the wildlife defender,

Now embrace your French nature and quietly surrender!

Jacques Cousteau:
Talk about sons? Better watch what you say now!

You almost turned yours into Outback Mistake House!

Steve Irwin:
Would you rather talk about your brother? Ooh boy!

Nazi, Nazi, Nazi! Oy yoy yoy!

Jacques Cousteau:
Enough of your antics and madness!

Contain yourself, like my underwater breathing apparatus!

You're a joke of a bloke in a tacky khaki romper!

Go grope a nope rope, crocodile humper!

There's a type of snail, recently discovered,

And named after you; I'll eat them with butter!

Hey Skippy the Bush League Kangaroo,

Hold the 'dee', I'm Crocodile Dun with you!

Steve Irwin:
Where ya going, fella? Hang on a minute,

Like a joey in a pouch, this ain't quite finished!

Take a look how destructive your old films are:

Silent World? More like Silent WorldStar!

If you wanna count fish, please take the reef tour!

Don't go throwing C-4 on the seafloor!

I'm the gold medal rhymer on the podium,

Cleaning you up like a Jacques Custodian! (Woo!)

I'm Mother Nature's greatest conservationist!

When I rock the mic, I'm danger danger dangerous!

So go back down under with your crew,

I just blew through you like a didgeridoo!

General

 * This battle was written in conjunction with members of the ERB Patreon. Patrons in the "Writer" and "Director" tiers on Discord were able to submit lines for the rappers, which were then incorporated into the battle. As well, the matchup was a result of Nice Peter and EpicLLOYD's requests for a Peter vs Lloyd battle idea.
 * This is the first battle of Season 6 without any guest rappers.
 * After the battle, during the Patreon credits, numerous clips of various ERB fans helping to clean up their environment can be seen. This was part of an ERB-run initiative called the #Trashtag Challenge, a movement based on both Jacques Cousteau and Steve Irwin's respective conservation efforts.
 * This is the second battle to feature an animal in the thumbnail and cover art, after Cleopatra vs Marilyn Monroe.
 * This is the fourth battle to not include a swear word, after Albert Einstein vs Stephen Hawking, Nikola Tesla vs Thomas Edison, and Wonder Woman vs Stevie Wonder.

Production

 * This episode was released a day later than originally scheduled due to technical difficulties.

Errors

 * At 1:00, Cousteau can be seen not having his grain effects for a second.
 * Despite Jacques Cousteau saying "Enough of your antics and madness!", the subtitles at this line read "Enough with your antics and madness!".
 * A CGI model for an american alligator used to represent a saltwater crocodile Steve Irwin feeds some meat to, even though they are two different types of animals native to different continents.