Moses

"I'll split your ass in half, like I did the Red Sea!"

- Moses Moses battled Santa Claus and his Elves in Epic Rap Battles of History 27. He is portrayed by real life rap sensation, Snoop Dogg/Snoop Lion.



Information on Rapper
(Lived ca. 1200 BCE) Moses is a well-known figure from the Jewish Torah and the Christian Bible. First appearing in the Book of Exodus, his story follows the progression of the Jewish people from oppressed slaves in Egypt to a God-fearing people in ancient Israel.

During his time on Earth, Moses is said to have been found in a reed basket, raised as a king in the court of Ramesses II, exiled to slavery with his Jewish family, and called by God to deliver His chosen people. When called, Moses encountered God in the guise of a burning bush and was given a staff at his place of summoning, to which God in turn gave his power.

Moses was to plea with the great pharaoh in order to set the Hebrews free, but the pharaoh was "hard of heart" and refused. Through Moses and the staff, God summoned ten plagues upon Egypt, one of which gave rise to the Passover meal. The Jews were freed through a crossing at the Red Sea and led into the area known as Sinai.

With the Jews gathered there, Moses was called to meet God on a mountain nearby. There, God wrote in stone the Ten Commandments for the Jewish people. The people would remain in the area (though they had wandered aimlessly) for forty years before moving on to Canaan and their Promised Land. Moses would live for several hundred years after the Commandments were delivered, continuing to preach and to administer God's law until his death in the Book of Deuteronomy.

ERBoH Bio
My name… is Moses. I'm a religious leader, lawgiver and a prophet and I've got a hot new book out called the Old Testament. It's about how I led the Hebrew people out of Egypt and took them all the way to the land of Milk and Honey. It wasn't easy convincing the Egyptian Pharaoh to "let my people go" -- it took a few plagues. Frogs, Locusts. Blood. That kind of thing. We also made a short (forty-year) side-journey where we wandered the wilderness and I received God's law for his chosen people, the Ten Commandments. Yeah, my good friend God made a habit of appearing to me as a burning bush.

Verse 1:
When I was high up on the mountain, God revealed the truths of the earth

But he never mentioned a fat-ass Papa Smurf

It takes nine reindeers to haul your fat ass

You took the Christ out of Christmas and just added more mass

You need to stop breakin' into houses and creepin' and peepin'

On naughty kids while they sleepin' and keep your hands off my stocking

Don't you "Ho Ho" me

I split your ass in half like I did the Red Sea

You ain't a saint, you a slaver, like a pharaoh in the snow

Stop with the unpaid labor and let my little people go

Verse 2:
So much drama in the Israe-L B.C.

It's kinda hard talking directly to the G O single D

Hand me my chisel, I got a new Commandizzle for y'all

Thou shalt not let children sit on a grown man's lap at the mall

I'll beat you ten times before the bread can rise, you dummy

And walk off into the land of my milk and honies

Trivia

 * Moses is the first religious person to rap in the series. The first person to make a cameo was Jesus Christ.
 * He was mentioned by Marilyn Monroe in Epic Rap Battles of History 20, making him the third person to appear after being mentioned.
 * His actor, Snoop Lion, was mentioned by Stephen Hawking in Epic Rap Battles of History 7.
 * If 7 and 20 were to be added, it would result into 27. Moses appeared in ERB 27. However, this is plainly a coincidence.
 * On Santa Claus' Naughty List, he is labeled as "Killed Egyptian Dude, Buried him in sand". This was also one of Santa's lyrics.