User blog:Ultimate Hair Dryer/Guy Fawkes vs Che Guevara. Ultimate Hair Dryer's Rap Battles



Yooo, season 6 hype is strooong ! Made this in a (comparatively) short spantime during my free time, because I'm pretty busy at the moment and also because, goddamn, season 6 is approaching fast !

Instrumental
Beat is Go Ham by Allrounda Beats.



Lyrics
ULTIMATE HAIR DRYER'S RAP BATTLES

CHE GUEVARA

VS

GUY FAWKES

BEGIN

Guy Fawkes (0:10)
Gentlemen, let's slay something better than a king.

We'll drag this bombastic messiah into the ring.

I've got more allies by me than your country has ever gained

and barrels of ammunition to keep pigs like you at bay !

When I see Che riding on his high horse, I topple that !

Your flimsy beret can't top my big fat cockle hat.

I'm earnest, Ernesto. Here's a bit of trivia:

Defying me will end like a trip to Bolivia !

Che Guevara (0:32)
Don't flex too hard, Guido. You might pull a muscle.

What does some posh Hugo Weaving know about struggle ?

You're an insecure blot who literally lost the plot

'cause no woman's papaya has ever seen your apricots !

Come at me, bolado. Assert your dominance

before my gat licks your group of Al-catholics Anonymous.

Modern warfare isn't fair against frail men in tights.

but call it November 5, 'cause I'm burning you all night !

Guy Fawkes (0:53)
Your raucous empty talking cannot do this Fawkes in.

I make an Argentine retreat faster than the Falklands !

'Cause I choke Guevara like asthma from here to Havana.

How does a commie like his face on more merch than Nirvana ?

The world knows that Nikita plays you like a tuba

but when going ballistic, try not to blow Cuba !

What kind of savior puts another tyrant in power ?

I smoke broke blokes like cigars with lyrical gunpowder !

Che Guevara (1:14)
Because it blows or because it's a dud of a plan ?

I've seen more coherent plots from M. Night Shyamalan.

When I'm leading guerillas, I get farther than the cellar.

Even my medical skills can't fix a lifetime of errors.

I mean Jesús ! You managed to fuck up your execution !

Now you're reduced to incels' illusion of revolution !

You're a mask ! My face fuels passion in my people's hearts

while all London has to give you is V for "up your arse" !

WHO WON ?

WHO'S NEXT ?

YOU DECIDE

ULTIMATE HAIR DRYER'S RAP BATTLES

Meanings
Here's some meanies with a peenie huehuehuehue

Guy Fawkes

Gentlemen, let's slay something better than a king.

Guy Fawkes, along with several other conspirators, is famous for attempting to assassinate King James I.

We'll drag this bombastic messiah into the ring.

''Che Guevara has often been hailed as an icon of the fight for the South America people against the Western imperialist powers. Lil' pun with the "bomb" in "bombastic", considering Guy Fawkes handled the explosive in the plot to assassinate the King.''

I've got more allies by me than your country has ever gained

''Guy planned the assassination along with 11 other conspirators, all led by Robert Catesby. Cuba, while supported by the Soviet Union, was kind of alone in the fight between Latin America and the US during the Cold War, since other South American countries didn't really have the means to fight it ; and it grew even more isolated towards the end of the war.''

and barrels of ammunition to keep pigs like you at bay !

''Guy was in charge of the barrels of gunpowder that would have been used to blow up the Parliament. Figuratively, ammunition can also mean information you can use against your opponent. Also, reference to the Bay of Pigs invasion that Che helped push back under Fidel Castro's leadership.''

When I see Che riding on his high horse, I topple that !

''"Get of your high horse" is an expression used when telling someone to stop being arrogant. Guevara was definitely a confident person, and also literally rode horses. Guy would literally topple him like they both try to figuratively topple higher powers.''

Your flimsy beret can't top my big fat cockle hat.

''Che's iconic look has him sporting a sweet beret, whereas Fawkes is often depicted wearing a capotain, also known as a cockle hat, which is larger. Very, very clever and highbrow pun with "big fat cock".''

'''I'm earnest, Ernesto. Here's a bit of trivia:'''

Che's real first name is Ernesto.

Defying me will end like a trip to Bolivia !

Che Guevara died in Bolivia after being captured by CIA-assisted bolivian forces where he tried, unsuccessfully, to starts a revolution among Bolivians.

Che Guevara

'''Don't flex too hard, Guido. You might pull a muscle.'''

''Play on the double-meaning of "flexing", which can also mean "to show off". Guido was the name Guy was given while fighting for the Spanish in the Eighty Years War.''

What does some posh Hugo Weaving know about struggle ?

''Whereas Che Guevara fought for poor people, Guy Fawkes's financial situation didn't really seem to be a particular problem (not one that drove him to the assassination attempt at least). Hugo Weaving is an actor who portrayed V in "V for Vendetta", a rebel who uses Guy Fawkes' persona to hide his identity and personify his cause. The movie also kinda revived interest in Guy in recent times.''

You're an insecure blot who literally lost the plot

''"To lose the plot" is a british expression that means "to stop acting rationally". Also references the Gunpowder Plot, which is what the plan to assassinate the King was called, which Guy "lost" since it failed.''

cause no woman's papaya has ever seen your apricots !

''"Papaya" is slang in Cuba that means "vagina". It's also a fruit outside of Cuba, and so are apricots, which are used here as euphemism for balls (writing this as an afterthough, I realized it could also be a reference to the United Fruit Company, an american company that exploited Latin American plantations, a symbol of neocolonialism that Che also fought against). Other than secondary sources which can't be confirmed, it seems like Guy has never been married or had children.''

'''Come at me, bolado. Assert your dominance'''

"Bolado" is a word in Argentina (which is where Che is from) that would basically mean something like "bro" or "asshole" in this context.

before my gat licks your group of Al-catholics Anonymous.

The reason for the assassination attempt was that the conspirators felt their Catholic faith was threatened under King James I. This is a reference to the Alcoholics Anonymous, gatherings of alcoholics so they can help each other, and Anonymous, the decentralized group that of hacktivists that use Guy Fawkes (from V for Vendetta) as their symbol.

Modern warfare isn't fair against defenseless men in tights.

''Che Guevara was a military theorist and guerilla leader. However, since Guy Fawkes and his pals are just unarmed men, dressed in that time's...interesting fashion, using those skills and weapons would be unfair for them.''

but call it November 5, 'cause I'm burning you all night !

''The Fifth of November is the day the assassination was supposed to take place and was foiled. That day is now celebrated around London and throughout the UK with fireworks, bonfires, and the burning of Guy Fawkes effigies.''

Guy Fawkes

Your raucous empty talking cannot do this Fawkes in.

''Che was known to inspire rebellion in his supporters. Fawkes just calls his speech noisy and empty.''

I make an Argentine retreat faster than the Falklands !

''Che Guevara was originally Argentine. The Falklands War was fought between Argentina and the UK (where Guy is from) in the 1980s over the ownership of the Falkland Islands. It lasted 74 days and ended with Argentina surrendering.''

Cause I choke Guevara like asthma from here to Havana.

''Guevara was prone to acute bouts of asthma throughat his life. Havana is the capital of Cuba.''

How does a commie like his face on more merch than Nirvana ?

''As a marxist communist, Che Guevara fought against the capitalistic imperialism of the Western powers. Ironically, the world-famous picture of his face is now plastered on many shirts and posters, profiting the system he sought to take down. Nirvana was a rock band in the late 80s and early 90s which now have their logo on millions of shirts and posters as well.''

The world knows that Nikita plays you like a tuba

''Nikita Khrushchev was the leader of the Soviet Union during the time Che Guevara and Fidel Castro were both at the head of Cuba. While Guevara was instrumental in the Soviet Union-Cuba relationship, he reportedly felt betrayed after the Cuban Missile Crisis when the Soviet Union decided to dismantle the missiles in Cuba. Those two lines' rhyme is also a lil' reference to Putin's line in the Russian battle "Blow it up like a tuba while I'm ballin' in Cuba".''

but when going ballistic, try not to blow Cuba !

''"To go ballistic" means "to fly into a rage", which Che definitely did after the Cuban Missile Crisis which involved ballistic missiles. The whole event threatened very closely to starts a nuclear war, and Che later said that if the missiles had been under Cuban control, they would have fired them off, adding that the liberation against global "imperialist aggression" would have been worth the possibility of "millions of atomic war victims".''

What kind of savior puts another tyrant in power ?

''With the Cuban revolution, Che helped Fidel Castro become Cuba's new leader. Their government was polarizing, as it was accused of human-rights abuses and of suppressing dissent.''

I smoke broke blokes like cigars with lyrical gunpowder !

''"Bloke" is british slang for dude. Cigar tobacco is a major export of Cuba, and Che Guevara is also seen in a lot of pictures smoking a pipe or cigar. Again, Guy was in charge of the gunpowder for the Gunpowder Plot.''

Che Guevara

Because it blows or because it's a dud of a plan ?

''Che asks Guy if his lyrics are akin to gunpowder because they "blow", meaning "suck" (pun on "blowing up") or because they fail, like the Gunpowder Plot did. A dud is also the name for an ammunition round or explosive that fails to fire or detonate, like Guy's gunpowder.''

I've seen more coherent plot from M. Night Shyamalan.

''Play on the double-meaning of "plot", which can be a plan made in secret to do something illegal or harmful (like the Gunpowder Plot) and the main events of a story. M. Night Shyamalan is a filmmaker who had a pretty lenthy streak of critically panned movies, often criticized for their far-fetched and contrived stories.''

When I'm leading guerillas, I get farther than the cellar.

Che Guevara was a guerilla war leader, leading them into many succesful battle, whereas Guy Fawkes's plot failed as he was found and arrested while leaving the cellar of the Parliament where the gunpowder was stockpiled.

Even my medical skills can't fix a lifetime of errors.

''Che also studied medecine and became a physician. He says Guy's life has been nothing but failures.''

'''I mean Jesús ! You managed to fuck up your execution !'''

''"Jesús" is the spanish spelling of "Jesus". After being arrested, he was sentenced to being hanged, drawn and quartered, but as he was climbing up the stage, he fell from the ladder and broke his neck, dying on the spot. It is unknown whether or not this was intentional (I'd say probably considering this was apparently one of the worst forms of execution), but hey, for the sake of the battle we'll just say it wasn't.''

Now you're reduced to incels' illusion of revolution !

Guy Fawkes now mostly lives through the Anonymous movement, which harbours an anarchist and anti-establishment ideology and originated on 4chan around 2004, a website that incels are often associated with.

'''You're a mask ! My face fuels passion in my people's hearts'''

Again, the Anonymous movement uses Guy Fawkes masks as their symbol, whereas Che Guevara is famous nowadays through the iconic picture of his face which is still used as a symbol of rebellion around the world and especially Latin America.

while all London has to give you is V for "up your arse" !

''While Che Guevara is still held in high regard by South Americans, Guy's country, to this day, celebrates the failure of the Gunpowder Plot on the Fifth of November bu burning effigies of him. There is a hand gesture in the UK which is a V made with fingers with the palm facing inward and is basically the equivalent of the middle finger and means "up yours". Also another reference to "V for Vendetta".''

Poll
Who won ? Guy Fawkes Che Guevara By the way, have you seen that picture of a black hole ? Holy shit, what a beaut.