User blog:JakeTheManiac/Inside The User's Studio Season 3 Premiere: The Flatwoods Monster

Inside The User's Studio with JakeTheManiac

Jake: Welcome to Season 3 of Inside the User's Studio. It's been a very long time since last time we were here. A lot has happened since then but now that I'm back with this, things are gonna be a little different. This time around, Season 3 will be User's Choice, which pretty much means people get to choose who they want to see interviewed (excluding themselves) an the user with the most "votes" will be interviewed next. And today I am starting this stipulation off right with a guy/dog everybody has been wanting. He is the winner of the 4th Official ERB Wiki Rap Tournament and the resident horror rap battle guy. He's your favorite cryptid and mine! Ladies and gentlemen, The Flatwoods Monster!

Let's begin with the first question: How did you first come across this wiki?

Flats: I think I officially first found it when searching just to see if it really existed. Then I observed comments for a long time and eventually decided to get an account so I could upload pictures or something like that.

Jake: Where did you come up with your username?

Flats: The original one is a long enough story that I don't think it'd fit the character limit and by that, I mean I made up a bullsh*t name and prefaced it with "probably" because I was under the impression I could change it at any time.

Jake: Third question: What are some of your favorite hobbies?

Flats: I enjoy hiking and walking a lot, which is about the most generic hobbies ever. Other than that, I play video games and watch YouTube, so about what you'd expect.

Jake: Typical hobbies for a giant cryptid from the mountains of West Virginia.

Flats: Of course.

Jake: Fourth question: What is your favorite and least favorite ERB?

Flats: My favorite is easily Newton vs Nye because i have a unadulterated love for Tyson. My least favorite is, generically, Adam vs Eve, because it really just did not need to be a thing.

Jake: There are a lot of things that don't need to be things. Like a two year long season of a rap battle series that no one reads anyway.

Flats: Or five seasons of generic horror characters.

Jake: Hey, I'll take five seasons of generic horror characters over eight seasons of generic video game characters any day.



Coupe: *walking down the street and then stops and ponders aloud* Hmm, I don't know why and I don't know how, but I am feeling the need to kick Jake off the streets today.

Jake: Fifth question: Who are your three best friends on the wiki?

Flats: TK, Trix, and Jude in no order.

Jake: What is your favorite thing to eat?

Flats: Pizza is great, but my diet is unhealthily largely consisted of cheese, crackers and grapes.

Jake: If it were my choice, I'd eat cheese and crackers all day. You white people better watch out.

Flats: White people is also on my menu more often than not.

Jake: Yum. You have stated a few times before that you don't know much about horror. Why did you make a series solely about horror?

Flats: I'm pretty sure my thought process on starting it mostly had to do with wanting to use a BUNCH of really, really obscure horror games that I never went through. Games like ones I'd find from YouTube videos that had less than 100k views. Somehow, that evolved into five seasons.

Jake: And one of the best series on the whole Wiki, as well.

Flats: 2muchflattery4me

Jake: More like flats-ery.

Flats: That pun was wooden.

Jake: Speaking of awkward puns…

(bzzt)

Flats: oh boy

Jake: AWKWARD QUESTION TIME!!!!

Flats: I was warned.

Jake: WHAT TURNS YOU ON?!?!?!?!

Flats: Concentrated and unadulterated spite. Also, futa is a nice aesthetic.

Jake: WHAT'S THE DEALIO WITH YOUR SPIRALLY PECKER?!?!

Flats: I'M STILL FIGURING THAT ONE OUT!!! I'LL GET BACK TO YOU ON IT!!!!

Jake: HAVE YOU EVER USED IT AS A CORKSCREW?!?!

Flats: NO, BUT IT DOES DOUBLE OVER AS A SPORK!!!!

Jake: WHAT?!?!?!?!?! YOU'VE GOT A DINNER DONG!!!!!

Flats: IT DEPENDS ON THE DAY!!! SOMETIMES I DON'T EVEN HAVE IT!!! IT MAY BE SELF-AWARE OF ITS OWN TORMENTAL EXISTENCE AND THE FACT THAT ITS CONTINUED PROLONGINGNESS IS A CRIME!!!!

Jake: NOW LET'S HAVE A MOMENT OF SILENCE FOR THIS SAD MISUNDERSTOOD CREATURE!!!!

Chad Kroeger: LOOK AT THIS PHOTOGRAPH…

Jake: *hits Kroeger with a stick*

Flats: THANK YOU!!

Jake: AND NOW, IT IS WITH A HEAVY HEART THAT WE GO TO THE BERNARD PIVOT QUESTIONNAIRE. *ahem* What is your favorite word?

Flats: I don't care enough about specific words to have one, but if I had to pick one it'd prolly be something like "assetry" considering how often I use it on here.

Jake: What is your least favorite word?

Flats: "Cockroach."

Jake: Oh. What makes you happy?

Flats: Nothing. >:(

Jake: Yay. What makes you unhappy?

Flats: Cockroaches.

Jake: That must make you upsetti spaghetti.

Flats: rip

Jake: What sound do you love?

Flats: The sound effect that nickels make when you pick them up in Binding of Isaac.

Jake: What sound do you hate?

Flats: The sound of my own voice in most cases. Also, styrofoam

Jake: What is your favorite curse word?

Flats: As fake as this is gonna sound, I don't actually legitimately enjoy cursing. I've just sorta gotten into a bad habit of doing it in every single sentence I type or say. I think "assetry" is probably a fav tho tbh.

Jake: What profession, other than yours (if you have one), would you like to attempt?

Flats: I wanted to be an outdoor activity guide for some time. Turns out there's a lot of physical training involved in that that I did not want to force myself through.

Jake: What profession would you not like to participate in?

Flats: No, that would be anything with kids.

Jake: If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say to you, when you arrive at the pearly gates?

Flats: "Could've done better, but eh, could've been worse."

Jake: Any final thoughts on this interview?

Flats: Glad you took the time to take it, I'm sorry I'm not interesting lol.

Jake: You were excellent. That is all the time we have fo-wait, wait, wait a minute! There is still ONE important question left to ask! The question that I am sure everyone wants to know the answer to! The question that may cause the world to implode upon itself for even knowing the real true answer to!! The question that even God Himself may not know the answer to!! The question that makes "If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?" seem like basic math!!!

Flats: Well, go ahead and ask it!!

Jake: THE QUESTION, MR. FLATWOODS MONSTER, IS WHAT IS YOUR REAL NAME?!?!?

Flats: Oh, m-my goodness. Wow. I-I-I'm almost caught offguard by this actually. I get asked it so many times that I just shrug it off and ignore it. But now, I have no other choice. This is a real interview and I must answer this with the upmost honesty. Jake, I believe I have the answer you are wanting!

Jake: Well, let's hear it!!

Flats: MY REAL NAME I-

~The Flatwoods Monster has dubstepped out of the house.~

Jake: …Well… A phenomenal start to the season, I guess. I hope you enjoyed this interview as much as I enjoyed conducting it. That is all the time we have here. Stay tuned next time for a-

~J1coupe has just stepped right in~

~J1coupe kicks punks like JakeTheManiac off the streets.~

Coupe: Eat sh*t, fgt. Enjoy the rest of the season, guys.

~J1coupe has dubstepped out of the house.~

FIN