User blog:Bantha117/Captain Hook vs Maleficent - ORRBoUDQ (OGTTIAL) Season 2 Finale



AYYYYY! It’s November! Not Halloween!

Who gives a fuck.

Anytime is MunKitteh time! And today we bring to you a finale so undeterminedly overrated and absurdly long that it’s probably close to ERBP levels of silly.

Today, we’ve got 2 badass baddies in a battle of badditude, the original BAMF (Badass Magical Fairy), Maleficent, going against the OG CAPTAIN GANGSTA, played by special guest Not Mind! Two of the greatest Disney villains, in the ultimate showdown of dastardly dickishness, titanical terribleness, wild wickedness, and bombastic booty. This has been a battle 10+ months in the making, and it fills me with great happiness to finally show it off to all of you. Enjoy, and thanks for a great Season 2.

Tigger’s Note: I took too long to do my stuff riperoni went to down riding on a pony stuck a riperoni hat and called it riperoni riperoni keep it up riperoni dandy mind the roni and the rip and with the rip be roni

The guest verses blew anything I wrote out of the water and when I got them I was like "damn nigga"

Regardless, loved how this turned out. blapple captain hook is a fuck to find good render for without making it myself

pls readarino it has gooood shit

Captain Hook vs Maleficent
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OVERRATED…

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RAP BATTLES OF UNDETERMINED QUALITY!

(0:19)

OH GOD...

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THAT TITLE IS ABSURDLY LONG!

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(0:32)

VVVVVERSUS!

(0:35)



BEGIN!

Captain Hook:

(Begins at 0:38)

Yo, ho! The Captain of rapping and sacking a village is filling the meter

Against this wicked bitch rip off, no question I'm itching to beat her.

Attacking with passion like Patton. Magnificent bitch I read yer book!

I warn ye before ye rap with me: this trap beat comes with a killer Hook.

My fame spans decades, Descendants marks your decline into decadence

And your legend's been dented, Maleficent. So much for being malevolent.

You got pissy for missing a christening. Impotent rage and prophecy filling!

Smee, dismiss this wicked bitch at once: Missy yer a Croc of a villain!

Maleficent:

(Begins at 1:04)

Really? Bringing in your first and only mate to finish your verse?

I took down 3 of them, a kingdom, and a princess with a curse.

While Jake and his toddler crew make a mockery of you, I’m the evilest fairy godmother (ooh)

Calling me a “wicked bitch”? Please, I’ll get you and your little Smee seadog too!

So call off your attacks, you stand no chance against me, Hoffman!

Losing to Tink, you’d think you’d shrink whenever our paths crossed, damn

I’m the cruelest! Jolie rocks the Jolly Roger harder than ever, man

Firing off disses like cannonballs, while your hits seem to Never land.

Cruella de Vil:

(Begins at 1:29)

Cruelest? Did you summon me? I think you'll find I'm quite the devil.

You two are weaklings, other "villains" couldn't possibly get on my level.

Of PETA’s nightmares, I’m the worst! Chasing after puppies with glee!

But I’ll turn your croc ‘to a purse, after I feed him your fuckbuddy Smee

And Mal, dear, a wingless fairy’ll scare me as much as a ghost: nary

A little prick undid you twice (yikes!), Turn into a dragon? Results may vary.

I’ll turn these bitches into my next fur coat: a faux villain shawl,

Because I don't need magic to stand out, I'm the best villain of all.

Ursula:

(Begins at 2:10)

Oh, you poor souls, how unfortunate to face me

The better half of Medusa’s ‘bout to let loose upon you babies

Cruella, you’re no devil, Lady Gaga’s more mysterious

Release the Kraken, Captain, take a crack at who’s superior

Crack a porthole, inferior mortals, your flows all stink, it’s true,

But best beware Maleficent, or I’ll take your tongue, too.

I’m electric, epically wretched, and all indebted are fated

to witness the sea beauty give the definition of true hatred

Gaston:

(Begins at 2:35)

Who do you all think you are? You fools are tangling with the wrong man!

Nobody spits quick wit disses against shitty nitwits quite like Gaston can! (Cuz no oooooone…)

(Raps like Gaston!) I’m a Beast on the mic, shots fired faster than from my musket!

(Disses saps like Gaston!) I at least almost won my fight, you all quickly kicked the bucket!

(Flows like Gaston!) A pirate more girly than Sparrow, surely turned into seafood with the squid,

(Steals the show like Gaston!) Then there’s the fur hunting cunt, and the dragon I’ll ruin faster than her movie did!

There’s not one who could match this! A town hero, remembered even after he passed on!

As a specimen yes, I’m intimidating, and I say I’ve killed the beat! (My what a guy that Gaston!)

Jafar:

(Begins at 3:20)

You're no more than common street thieves, when compared to me, see?

You wish you could beat this mystical, lyrical genie

But sadly for you, I am your master when it comes to the mic

I'm a sly supreme sultan sorcerer spitting snake-like

The sea bitch is outdone by throwing out a hook, line and sinker,

All of Hook's lines are stinkers, leave him and his boat look like sinkers

Rhymes like he's snorting dust, and I'm not talking 'bout Tinkerbell's

Gaston, guess who is rubbing my lamp tonight, I'm thinkin' Belle

Scar:

(Begins at 3:41)

SILENCE! Be Prepared for a true villain Majesty,

A true killer, the monarch with no wish to grant amnesty.

I'm surrounded by idiots... All fell victim to pride,

While I stormed mine, a shere motherfucker of a feline!

Ask Simba why they call me Scar: cause I leave 'em.

Break the Circle of Life of those who try leave me beaten!

I laughed like a hyena when you all stepped into the ring

I’ve pushed you all past the brink, now Long Live the King!

Frollo:

(Begins at 4:06)

Beata Maria, you know I did what God wanted, of this fact I am justly proud. (Et tibit Pater)

Beata Maria, you know I’m so much greater than this pathetic and vulgar crowd. (Quia peccavi nimis)

Then tell me, Maria, why these fools step to me, why I'm to be settled with their immoral souls?

Such damnation, your sins rival that of a gypsy, it shall be for you all that Notre Dame tolls.

We've a captain more defiant than Phoebus, a witch demon, and one who can't keep his pets by his side

Then there's a puppy killer, Octomom and the kitten committing the horrid sin of fratricide.

Lastly the "town hero", so distraught over a female, even Quasimodo bangs more Belles.

I shall smite the wicked and plunge them into the fiery pit, prepare to taste the fires of hell!

Hades:

(Begins at 4:57)

Hellfire? How about you see fire spit from Hell himself?

I rain Pain and spray volcanic Panic! And the planets tell

Of the GOD of six feet under trippin' villain misfits

Killing lyrics so sick, their souls are swimming in the Styx!

So Hades Nutz! And bow to this immoral, immortal tyrant!

Frollo, why you always dyin'? Scar, why you always lion?

I'm true evil, above your errors of schemes and fairy spells.

It's blatant: there's no escaping when you're damned to my realm!

Yzma:

(Begins at 5:38)

Hold it, Hollywood. Hand me the mic and raise the banner

I’ll put the beat in a box and then I’LL SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER

Snuff out the lights on all with fright, bring forth a true life of darkness

Compared to me you’re all nobodies, I’m the harshest, most heartless,

Plus potent with potions, powerful, and pushy

I fought back as a cat, Scar, but you're just a pussy!

The eminent empress! I'm the greatest villain ever!

Now pull the lever, Kronk! (uhhhh….)

WRONG L EV  ER!!!

Dr. Facilier:

(Begins at 6:26)

Back off bitch, allow the dealer to get meaner

The doc's in, stormin' the barn harder than Katrina

Real magic, no hat tricks, Hades, we've got an agreement:

I've got spirits on my side, sea saps and street rats will feel it.

Jazz and pizzazz to outlast and outrap these spastic outcasts

Gaston’s a bastard, Jaf’s a quack, and Mal’s caught in the act

I’ll bruise you all with beaucoup voodoo, hoodoo, stuff I ain’t even tried

Doctor’s orders: damn you all to my Friends on the Other Side.

Wreck-It Ralph:

(Begins at 7:02)

Sit down, Shadow Man. Go back to the "friends" to which you're indebted,

I'll be cracking the backs of villains who try to fight to see who's more pathetic.

They say my breath is bad, and yet it’s your raps that are fetid!

When wretched rejects wanna be hectic and dreaded, I'M GONNA WRECK IT!

You're all busy getting bested by frogs, crocs, dogs, and llamas,

While I'm busy fighting aliens and solving candy-coated drama.

I'm nice and from Niceland. I'll leave you seeing a World of Color,

When it comes to burning rubber and helping those who suffer, there ain't no other.

Take a lesson from me, and see the light of being good.

Turn your backs on being evil and show you're just misunderstood.

I'm a hero at heart, even if I'm a bad guy in my game.

And deep down, I'm sure you guys aren't bad either. You just rap that way.

WHO WON?

WHO’S NEXT?



OVER-

-RATED

RAP

BATTLES

OF

UN-

DE-

TERMINED

QUALITY!!!!!!

HAPPYHALLOWEENGOFUCKYOURSELFIFYOUBITCHTHATIT'SNOVEMBERTHESPOOKFESTWILLNEVEREND!!!

Who done a winner? Captain Hook Maleficent Cruella de Vil Ursula Gaston Jafar Scar Frollo Hades Yzma Dr. Facilier Wreck-It Ralph

Which MunKitteh Season 2 Battle Was Your Favorite? Light Yagami vs Thomas Jefferson Walt Disney vs Jim Henson Van Gogh vs Banksy Bach vs Tupac Robin Hood vs Zorro The Zodiac Killer vs Slender Man Captain Hook vs Maleficent

Check out more battles from All of Our Amazing Guests:

Lexi’s Page Because She Has No Nav That I Can Find!

Disclaimer

 * Special Thanks to ClogZ, who played Jafar
 * Yes, we offered Scar to him, of course. He took a different route, and we love him for helping out regardless.
 * Special Thanks to Lexi, who played both Gaston and Frollo. <3
 * Special Thanks to Matt, who finally achieved his dream of rapping with MunKitteh by playing Ralph.
 * Double Thanks for tolerating our endless jokes about you in a battle.
 * Yes, that means the Wonder gag is dead. RIP in Putin.
 * Apologies to Laura, who was originally going to be both Ursula and Yzma. I’d like to personally apologize that things didn’t work out, and I hope that if you get to see this that you understand the timing of the situation. <3
 * Yes, that was actually Coupe. That was last season’s finale.
 * Last but not least: Season 3. Ye, we're pretty sure we'll do one. And we've got the premiere set. But here's the kicker: nothing else is. Suggest away!
 * No really, we really have no clue what else we're doing. Pls halp.