User blog:Mortal5075/George R. R. Martin vs J. R. R. Tolkien ERB Fan-made

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY

​GEORGE R. R. MARTIN

​VS 

'''​J. R. R. TOLKIEN '''

​BEGIN!​

Martin-​

​"One does not simply brawl with the king of writing

As I'm a high lording and you're a wrinkly wlidling

I'm going over the trends, collecting people's tears

And then swallow them all, the fat men drive fears

From the historical periods my pages lie

When people greet me, they'd be like Azor O'Hi

Its a simple civilian against a strong Valyrian

Your raps are like your plot- simply convenient"

Tolkien-

"A wrinkly wlidling? Look who's Tolkien!

I was the one who built the foundation you'll rot in

You're a medieval porn writer, I'm the father of high fantasy

Your Mumakil ass cannot Exeter my rap disease

You shall not pass this mistake by flashing some boobies

Next time do some writing instead of gory groopies

From England to Parris, I go there and back again, you fat wack

As six years will pass since I'll hear a good verse in your rap"

Martin-

"You're just another beetle that I've got up my sleeves

And I'm crushing these beetles harder than Yoko Ono did

Your sorrows are the fountain inside my big mansion

Check my net worth dawg, money's the only passion

In the game of raps, there is no middle round

So let me pass the mic to the men who raised my found"

D. B. Weiss and D. Benioff-

"You're getting fucked up and double D is double power

Call us Billy and Jimmy, cause we're the Double Dragon

We're like the Targeryens, as we can stand your wack burns

If you want fire out your mouth, you're gonna need some wildfire (It hurts!)

The fire was green, it flaming spread

Your raps are like torches blazed with the light of the dead

We don't care for personalities or your fantasy priorities

As after this battle, we're gonna get a Blackwater out of your shining wallets"

Tolkien-

" You want to light me up, but there's no match for me

You are as much of a winner as Stannis is a true king

I am immortal, might as well call me Mr. Groom

After battling me you're gonna fall to your Doom

The only battle you can win is a competition for fudges

Martin, to become me you're gonna need my wits"

Peter Jackson-

"And my budget!

I'll make this lord bow so low he'll be right upon my nuts

Cause mine are sharp and long, m'lord, not like your bars

I have so many nominations I can't count all the titles

I'm like Legolas, jumping over you as my name is Super Mario

Your raps are bland, they're 2D, pathetic on the page

Meanwhile I get Ed Sheeran on my backstage

Now David, if you suck George's dick your feelings must be sincere

You can now marry, we'll play the Rains of Castamere."

Martin-

"Fall to my doom? My name is not Andy Serkins

You shall watch out, might fall into one of your plotholes

I killed so many characters you cannot question my nerve

But with the hairy feet, I'm not sure who's the biggest perv"

Weiss and Benioff-

"Your rings right now don't do much, I'm pretty honest

You should've done like Thanos and made a fucking Gaunlet

Peter, you spent millions to promote your own homeland

So let me show you where we spent money in the Hollywood land

Peter Dinklage-

"I am the only superior, premier man, you're just my grip

I'm the imp who'll make you limp and send you back to your pimp

You're just my Dicklings that I dickle around in this ring

Cause I don't pick beef with you, I simply win

I'm so untouchable that I didn't get picked while being a dwarf

I spit posion and I've got it enough for you all."

Jackson-

​​"I shall not take insults from a man who worked with Adam Sandler

Your greedy mind is very dark, but there's not much terror

I'm the king of cameos, a modern day Hitchcock

But I'll let my homies finish this overrated ditch block"

C. S. Lewis-

"The Russians stepped out but C. S. still goes

Dropping Christian bombs on this father-killing gnome

Solve this riddle- how the hell did you write a fantasy story

With realistic concepts, blood and pornography gories?

You sure serve your raps, but your sauce is not gravy

You're all worse than the Disaster Movie! (Oh no baby!)"

Tolkien-

" You're all finished, your last name is a Stark

Creuel Reuel will cut you down like a three-headed shark

I promise to deal with you, its not that hard of the buisness

I dodged the bullets of the Somme I can dodge your sickness"

Martin-

"Dodging sicknesses? Thats a very good fact

Too bad your own father couldn't do that (Aha!)

I've created the scenarios no'ones ever been

Unlike you, I had a reason to kill Sean Bean

That's it, dig your grave, you're all getting trapped

Too bad your eagles can't fucking rap"

Weiss and Benioff-

" If you wish to continue, better call Chris

He'll release your raps 88 years after your defeat

If you promised your victory, I shall title you as Oathbreaker

Sword fight you till I earn the badge of a Bonebreaker"

​D​inklage-

" Your raps are like cartoons, going Ralp Bakshit crazy

You're earning your Razzie while I'm enjoying my Emmy

Boliver is Gulliver in terms of rap skills

All your joy will turn into ash, and you'll be never seen"

Tolkien team-

"They're thieves, they're thieves, they're dirty little thieves"

Tolkien-

"Stealing my middle names"

Jackson-

"And my battle scenes!"

Tolkien-

"Could you stop for a moment on being so greedy?

If you were the true Tyrion, you would be a fucking city!"

Lewis-

"You are all rectangular, in the shape of a vector

I am so dope, I get played by Hannibal Lecter"

Jackson-

" My thick bone shall now finish this brawl"

The Tolkien team-

"As we're the one Fellowship to rule them all!"

WHO WON?

​WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!

​EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORYYYY!

P.S. This is my first rap battle, and I think I've donne pretty good. If you are not sure about what certain lines mean or, most importantly, if you want to write your feedback, write whats good and whats not so good. Cheers.