User blog:Amontgomery1432/Joel McHale vs Daniel Tosh - Epic Rap Battles of Gomery Season 1 Finale

I apologise for my absense! Probably no one knew I was gone, but I apologoize, nonetheless. Today is the Season 1 finale of Epic Rap Battles of Gomery. I'm putting two comedy talk show hosts up against each other, and you bet your hairy cat they aren't alone! It's Joel McHale of The Soup versus Daniel Tosh of Tosh.0. But, first, I feel I should explain my inactivity as of late. First off, there was school. Sadly, school is a normal part of lives and...Ye. Secondly, I began a new Rap Battle series over on the Courage the Cowardly Dog wiki. You can find it here. The other wiki users don't seem to pay it much attention, but people have done the poll stuffs for a few of the battles. Lastly,  all most of my battles in this series...Well, they aren't that good. Let's just leave it at that. So, for this one, since it's the last battle of the season, I wanted it to be the best one yet, and, this time, I ain't pulling any punches! I'll never be as good as Noah or Coupe and I've accepted that, but I want to be the best that I can be. For me, it's not about one-uping the competition, it's about fun. And I want you guys to have fun reading my battles as much as I have fun writing them. So I, for the first time ever in this series, pre-wrote the battle. Yeah, that never happens. I edited the lyrics constantly, trying to make them as good as they possibly can be, for all of your entertainment. Cause I wouldn't be doing this if it weren't for you guys. So, thank you. Thank you all for your support during this season. And so, at long last, this is it for Season 1...It's been fun...But, sadly, all  good things must come to an end eventually, and so I proudly present to you...Daniel Tosh versus Joel McHale:

Ray William Johnson as Joel McHale

Nice Peter as Daniel Tosh

Tobuscus as Rob Dyrdek

Chris Gorbos as Conan O'Brian

George Watsky as  Eric Andre

Keegan-Michael Key as Himself

Jordan Peele as Himself

Zach Sherwin as  Stephen Colbert

EpicLLOYD as Jay Leno

DeStorm Power as Dave Chappelle

Lyrics in white if multiple people are rapping at once (this is mainly for Key & Peele)

The Battle:
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF GOMERY!!

SEASON FINALE!!

JOEL MCHALE!!

VERSUS!!

DANIEL TOSH!!

BEGIN!!

Daniel Tosh:
Welcome to Tosh.0 and, while I'm gonna keep it clean,

Buddy, I gotta warn you, right now, that I'm coming in mean!

You ripped off my style of comedy and merely made it worse!

I'll take this punk to his grave and end him with this one verse!

My rhymes will make you freak out, kid! Just know you won't win this!

We all know that you're ugly if you look like Chris Hardwick!

There's no chance of your survival so just give up right now

And let the greatest show of all time take this piece of trash down!

Joel McHale:
If you're looking for a victory, you're completely out of luck!

You're one of the many things that madeThe Love Guru suck!

You say you're a good comic? You really need to stop playing!

You're only known for controversies and that should go without saying!

You think Brickleberry is funny? Everyone knows it's not!

It's very obvious that you're gay! You always have Happy Thoughts!

You're the absolute worst thing to happen to comedy, so just shut up!

I guess you can say your victory is a True Story You Made Up!

Daniel Tosh:
Let's up 20 seconds on the clock and see how many funny comments we can make!

You can't act to save your live! Voicing Eliot was a mistake!

Who really needs 20 seconds with All the Time in the World to beat you down?

I'm the King of Clipshow Comedy and I've come to take the crown!

You think you can stand up to me? Spoiler Alert! No, you can't!

You have a Master of Fine Arts yet your acting is utter crap!

I'm Completely Serious when I say that your show is terrible!

Everyone knows I'm better than you! You're simply unbearable!

Joel McHale:
Quit kidding around, Tosh! Cut the jokes and just go!

You think you're better? Dude, you freaking had me on your show!

You don't need to be a comedian, you're a joke on your own!

The self-called "King of Comedy" here is about to be overthrown!

When it comes to Stand-up comics, you're the absolute worst!

How can you say I ripped you off when The Soup came first!?

The Soup Investigates the slaughter of Daniel Tosh tonight!

The shows over for you, bub, now that you've just lost this fight!

Rob Dyrdek:
Shut your mouths and bow down to your comedic superior!

Tosh, you're nowhere being the King of Comedy, you're inferior!

You're obviously out of your minds if you think you can win this!

Trying to step up to me? Talk about Ridiculousness!

I'm funnier than both of you and I don't even have to try!

And if you guys think you're really worth something, it's a lie!

I've worked with Snoop Lion and Smosh and countless other guest stars!

I'm gonna cut ya'll down to size as I spit these lethal bars!

Tosh is nothing but a Batman obsessed freak with no skills!

If you don't change, your awful jokes are sure to get you killed!

Joel, why should I even bother? You're as weak as can be!

It's time to exit this rap now that Dyrdek has schooled you wussies!

Conan O'Brian:
It's Conan! I've come to show ya'll what true comedy looks like!

If Dyrdek had a beard, him and Joel would look exactly alike!

Like a barbarian, I'm going ballistic on this track!

Tosh should join Bam Margera cause he's nothing but a Jackass!

Dyrdek thinks he's so cool but, in reality, he makes me scoff!

Most influential skateboarder? You're a Tony Hawk ripoff!

When Daniel sings, it sounds like a cat caught in a blender!

Think you can get past me? Ha! No need to be a pretender!

Eric Andre:
When it comes to failed comics, Conan's as bad as they get!

I'll destroy all you maggots like my show's opening set!

With Hannibal at my side, I'll take you punks for a stand!

You're nowhere near as funny as me and you're weaker than sand!

Daniel's jokes are as awful as Todd Glass' prank show!

It wouldn't be a good idea to let Conan host Tosh.0!

Joel, you're absolutely nothing so just go back to Italy!

There's absolutely no way you chumps can stand up to me!

Key & Peele:
Why don't you shut your ugly face? Nobody wants to hear you speak!

If no one Photoshops your face, you look like a complete freak!

Based on the theme of your show it's clear that you don't have a brain!

Other people may find you funny, but it's clear that you're insane!

We're actually funny, unlike ya'll! Tosh, people hate you for real!

Our names will last throughout the ages! We are Key &amp; Peele!

All five of you cannot compare to a duo like us!

You're just a handful of talk show hosts, we're not understanding all the fuss!

Stephen Colbert:
I've returned to report on the defeats of these losers!

Your rhymes are flat like paper while my lines are true bruisers!

Once on The Daily Show, I even had a show of my own!

I'm the greatest comedian that the world has ever known!

Mr. O'Brian, you're lyin' if you believe that you're the best!

If only Jon were here so we could finally put our feud to rest!

I may have ended the report, but I'm still going strong!

Defeating these six wannabes really shouldn't take too long!

Jay Leno:
You might wanna hold onto something, this might get hectic!

I can clearly see my victory in sight, and I'm dyslexic!

I'm in the TV Hall of Fame! You fools will never compare to me!

I'm the absolute best thing that ever happened to NBC!

All eight of you pieces of trash clearly don't know what comedy is

And you're all complete psychos if you think you can win this!

Key & Peele? Dumbest name for a TV show ever!

A time when any of you are better than me? Ha! That's never!

''Everything darkens for a minute. Suddenly, the light cuts back on, revealing the final rapper...''

Dave Chappelle:
Chappelle's Show has begun so I hope you're all ready to fail!

You can attack me all you like but it will be to no avail!

Joel and Tosh are the two worst comics I've ever seen

And Dyrdek is simply nothing when he is compared to me!

O'Brian, you chubby chump, you think we actually find you funny?

I'M RICH but I don't see how this fool made any money!

Eric Andre? Never heard of you! Are you knew around here?

They way you act ain't funny, it fills the crowd's hearts with fear!

Key & Peele? There's no way these chumps can get past me!

Your show just seems like a ripoff of mine, if you ask me!

Colbert? Thank goodness your show is done with!

Cause no one wants to hear dumb jokes from a poorly-dressed idiot!

Jay Leno is the fattest man that I have ever seen!

But don't be mad at me because I'm just way too mean!

I'm the absolute greatest, none of ya'll can top my fame!

Here's a tip to fix your shows: Try having them not be lame!

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!!

EPIC RAP BATTLES...OF GOMERY!!

Poll:
Who won the battle? Joel McHale Daniel Tosh Rob Dyrdek Conan O'Brian Eric Andre Key & Peele Stephen Colbert Jay Leno Dave Chappelle