User blog:TKandMit/The Bride vs Scott Pilgrim. Epic Rap Battles of Heroes and Villains Season 2

A long time ago, in the mysterious land... of Wikia: TKandMit posted another fanmade battle. Today, the indie rock guitarist and lover of Ramona Flowers, Scott Pilgrim, battles deadly samurai assassin Beatrix Kiddo (aka The Bride, aka Black Mamba) in a fight for their loved ones. This is one of my longer requested battles, suggested by Cave, that I've loved the idea of ever since. Huge thanks again to my good friend Wonder for the title cards and cover. Quick note: Several of the links shown below lead to extremely graphic scenes from Kill Bill, so click at your own risk. Anyways, enjoy.

Cast
Michelle Glavan as The Bride

George Watsky as Scott Pilgrim

Nice Peter, EpicLLOYD and Josie Ahlquist as Sex Bob-omb (speaking cameo)

Dodger as Ramona Flowers (speaking cameo)

Anna Akana as Knives Chau and O-Ren Ishii (cameos)

Intro
Epic Rap Battles of Heroes and Villains!

Versus!

Begin!

The Bride
Should’ve held your peace, don’t put a halt on my marriage.

You should cherish your loved ones, but all you’ve done is perish.

How can someone so blinded by love, still walk with both eyes?

Your insolent, pedophilic ways shall end with your demise!

Best abide against The Bride, your friends’ already set aside,

Want to test my samurai side? You’re setting yourself up for genocide!

Let the Reverend mention if I’m fixin’ to send him to O-Ren’s; “I do.”

You want to threaten against my deadly weapon? Then I guess it’s high noon.

(Hya!) The rap is on! You don’t want to battle the Black Mamba Amazon!

Not the one you’re browsing on. And why did Wallace make you a vagabond?

I slayed the Crazy 88, you can’t break up with a groupie?

Your legend’s just another geeky Michael Cera movie!

Scott Pilgrim
Battle raps with “The Power of Love”

Don’t co-op as an opponent of Pilgrim and Ramona,

I got the persona of the cobras that send you into comas!

Take the time to tackle the titular titan of Toronto.

I have the heart to hack the hack of Hattori Hanzo!

You want to battle rap amp to amp? You’ll get band!

Your blood and gore stories just leave us asking “What the Puck, man?!”

Your worst enemy was Gogo. You’re no longer in the Dojo.

After this, even Tarantino would be thanking me like Domo.

I’ve beaten tons of arcades full of your ninja jujitsu.

There’s no two-player in this game, Kiddo. Continue?

The Bride
I’m a Pai Mei graduate, you’re just another monk to me,

All you kill are hipsters and drummers who don’t eat meat.

So Ciao, Scotty. I have more Knives up my sleeve than in your pants.

Your girl brings the Flowers to the date? Where’s the romance?

I’m basting this nerdy turkey of a Pilgrim for Thanksgiving

Who's just a shaggy haired Casablanca that needs a spank giving!

Of the evil ex league, you’ll merely be the eighth!

Dying for a basic bitch? You should’ve claimed a better faith.

* The Bride finishes her line with several quick jabs to Scott Pilgrim’s torso, having just performed the Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique. Scott chokes on his blood and steps back, where he falls to his death.*

* Walking away, The Bride turns back to see Scott Pilgrim rising to his feet, holding in his hand a one-up icon*

Scott Pilgrim
We have unfinished business, Beatrix...

...Love is pointless without self respect.

 * SCOTT PILGRIM HAS EARNED THE POWER OF SELF-RESPECT and fast rapping*

Winning against Gideon and literally every hipster idiot

There isn’t a ton of shit the bumblebee bitch can spit against the Pilgrim

I’m sick of this foe, who took minutes to wiggle her big toe

The pissed off widow, coming to kill me for calling her Kiddo?

You’re an assassin, attracted to your masochist captain

Who capped you, and had his brother put you in a casket!

How can you beat me when you spend the first volume slashing Japanese gangsters?

Lost your child for four years! Bea’s blunder: that’s what B.B. stands for.

Who won?!

Who's next?



Epic Rap Battles of Heroes and Villains!

Who won? The Bride Scott Pilgrim