Abe Lincoln vs Chuck Norris is the third installment of Epic Rap Battles of History and the third episode of Season 1. It features the 16th President of the United States, Abe Lincoln, rapping against actor and martial artist, Chuck Norris. It was released on December 8th, 2010.
Nice Peter as Abe Lincoln
EpicLLOYD as Chuck Norris
Four score and 65 years in the past,
I won the Civil War with my beard! Now I'm here to whup your ass!
I've read up on your facts. You cure cancer with your tears?
Well, tell me, Chuck. How come you never sat down and cried on your career?
You're a washed-up has-been on TV selling Total Gyms,
And you're gonna lose this battle like you lost Return of the Dragon!
I'll rip your chest hairs out, put 'em in my mouth.
I'll squash you like I squashed the South!
I never told a lie, and I won't start now.
You're a horse with a limp; I will put you down!
This isn't Gettysburg, punk. I'd suggest retreating,
For I invented rap music when my heart started beating.
Chuck Norris doesn't battle. He just allows you to lose.
My raps will blow your mind like a verbal John Wilkes Booth.
I've got my face on the side of a mountain. You voted for John McCain!
I've got a bucket full of my head, and I'm about to make it rain!
You block bullets with your beard? I catch 'em with my skull!
I'd make fun of Walker, Texas Ranger, but I've never even seen that show!
I am Chuck fucking Norris!
I've spread more blood and gore than 40 score of your puny Civil Wars, bitch!
I split the Union with a roundhouse kick!
I wear a black belt on the beard that I grow on my dick!
I attack sharks when I smell them bleed!
I don't go swimming; water just wants to be around me!
My fists make the speed of light wish that it was faster!
You may have freed the slaves, but Chuck is everyone's master!
- This battle and Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates are the only rap battles where the announcer does not say "Begin" in the beginning of the rap battle.
- However, this is the only battle so far to have the "Begin" screen shown, but not have it announced. In Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates, Steve Jobs interrupted the announcer before the screen could be shown.
- The behind the scenes video for this battle have the “vs” capitalized.
- This battle is the first to feature title cards showing the names in a different font.
- This is one of the battles viewable with YouTube's "Restricted Mode" on.
- On August 22nd, 2016, "Does Abe deserve another appearance in Season 5.5? Let us know in the comments," was written in the description of the video.
- Both rappers' title cards are cut off by the side of the screen.
- At a few points in the video, the green screen below the rappers can be seen wrinkled below them, such as at around 0:33.
- When changing, Chuck Norris can be seen lying in the pile of pennies, and then growing behind it, despite his body still being present in the pennies. These could be his clothes, but it does not explain the pose of his pants and boots.
- Norris' beard can be seen coming off during his second verse.
- During Norris' second verse, the phrase "make the speed of light" appears twice in the subtitles.
- During Norris' second verse, "wish that it was faster" is misspelled as "wish that is was faster."