Betty White vs Bettie Page is an unofficial installment of Epic Rap Battles of History that was planned in Season 2, but was scrapped mid-production. It would have featured American actress, Betty White, rapping against the Queen of Pin-ups, Bettie Page.
Bettie Page is my name! I'm the pin-up queen!
I tamed leopards with my fist and some breasty physique!
You're like a hundred and a dumb shit, and you're not still hot either!
Hot in Cleveland? Yeah, you're a Cleveland Steamer!
I sewed my own panties and set fashion trends!
Come see me some time; I'll make you a cute pair of Depends!
I was in Playboy, hag; I got paid to pose!
Folks would shell out all they owned just for you to stay clothed!
Ho, why don't you go make yourself handy?
Dive down and munch on my wrinkled poonannie!
You're racist, but you'll feel some White power
When I lift my muumuu and give you a Golden Girl shower!
You showed T 'n' A, but who's still relevant? Me!
'Cause unlike you, my T and A spells L-E-N-T!
Bettie with the I-E, don't try me!
I'm old and grumpy; it's been a while since I've had a man inside me!
A golden shower party? Sounds kinky! I'm in!
It's just too bad you've outlived all of your friends!
It took Facebook to put you back in the comedy trail!
Congrats on being the oldest host to ever suck on SNL!
If you tripped and fell, you'd probably never get up!
Ladies and gentlemen, the secret password is "slut!"
Lovely bangs, Bettie, you country hoodrat!
You wear those to remind you banging's all that you're good at?
I'm a calendar girl; you're a GILF at best!
The only thing that needs pinned up on you is your chest!
You went from bondage model to born-again Christian!
I've been acting since 39; bitch, I'm consistent!
Bitch, I'm crazy! I'll stab you like my landlady!
Go back to St. Olaf and keep not having babies!
This is just like one of your old fashion shoots, skank!
Stick a ball-gag in your mouth 'cause you just got spanked!
- The existence of this battle was first revealed by EpicLLOYD in a video with Smosh Games.
- The battle was eventually played in audio form during a Facebook livestream with EpicLLOYD.
- EpicLLOYD confirmed in the ERB Patreon Discord that while they never had a cast nailed down, he "would have asked Kimmy Gatewood to play Betty White for sure.”