Christopher Columbus
Christopher Columbus Title Card
Nice Peter as Christopher Columbus
Character information
Birth name Cristoforo Colombo (Italian birth name)
Nickname(s) Columbus
The Navigator
Born c. October 31, 1451
Genoa, Italy
Died May 20, 1506 (aged 54)
Valladolid, Spain
Physical description
Hair Black
Eyes Brown
Based on
Christopher Columbus Based On
Rap battle information
Appeared in Christopher Columbus vs Captain Kirk
Vs Captain Kirk
Release date October 10, 2011
Official vote(s) 61% (Old poll from ERB Website)
Location(s) A shore
A black background (end credits)
I'll stick a flag up your ass and claim you for Spain!
— Christopher Columbus

Christopher Columbus battled Captain Kirk in Christopher Columbus vs Captain Kirk. He was portrayed by Nice Peter.

Information on the rapper

Christopher Columbus was born circa October 31st, 1451, in the Republic of Genoa, Italy. His first voyage into the Atlantic Ocean in 1476 nearly cost him his life. Columbus also participated in several other expeditions to Africa. In 1492, he left Spain in the Pinta, the Niña, and the Santa María. He has been credited for opening up the Americas to European colonization.

Columbus befriended and later enslaved the native tribes on three islands, though not without also killing large numbers of them through imported diseases, war, and famine. He would make three return trips to his claims before his arrest in 1500 amid allegations of misconduct as governor of the new lands. He was cleared of these charges, but died at the age of 54 on May 20th, 1506, to various illnesses. Columbus' exploits cleared a path for future European exploration and colonization of western lands, then known as the "New World".

The former name of the Americas (Columbia) and the country of Colombia are named in Columbus' honor, as well as the U.S. holiday, Columbus Day, which is celebrated on October 12th, and the U.S. capital Washington, D.C., formally known as the District of Columbia. However, as the debate over Columbus's legacy continues, many attempts are being made to remove memorials that were made in his honor, and October 12th has received increasing recognition as "Indigenous People's Day" in order to commemorate the indigenous people who were ravaged by Columbus.


I am an Italian explorer who sailed for Spain. I was financed by Queen Isabella and King Ferdinand after every other country turned me down. I was the captain of the Nina, the Pinta and the Santa Maria. We were headed to the East Indies in 1492 when I sailed the ocean blue to trade spices, but instead I landed on the Caribbean Island of San Salvador. We met the locals, whom I called Indians because I assumed I was in India. Then I captured and sold them into slavery. My arrival did not turn out well for them. I went back and forth between Spain and South America three more times and did quite a few terrible things, both to their people and my own. When I returned to Spain in 1500 I was immediately arrested for torture and theft during my time as governor of the Caribbean island Hispaniola. Now, people celebrate me every year by getting a day off work on the second Monday of October. You're welcome, America! Arrivederci!


Verse 1:

Arrivederci, I'mma leave before this battle begins…

…'Cause we both know in the end which of these captains gonna win!

I'll show you how a real explorer handles a situation!

I'll beat you so bad, they'll feel it in the next generation,

So bring it on! I'll whip you like a Klingon!

My rhymes will burrow in your ears like The Wrath of Khan!

I've got a neck chop for Spock! I'll put my sword through Sulu!

Check into a Priceline hotel and watch your fat ass on Hulu!

Verse 2:

You know, rapping against you, it's not even fun.

It's like somebody's set your brains on stun!

I am the fabric of history! You are a fictional stain!

I'll stick a flag up your ass and claim you for Spain!

Scrapped lyrics

Keep my crew's name out your mouth or you'll get hurt

I'll Leif Ericson your ass and predate your best work

Yeoman Rand and Marlena gave you too many favors

Bones diagnosed, you got sores on your phaser


  • Columbus' title card is misspelled as "Colombus".
    • This makes him the second rapper with a spelling error in their official title card, after Adolf Hitler.
  • He is the first character to have absolutely no background at one point, as there was only a black space where his background was meant to be; this was due to an error during the "Who won? Who's next? You decide!" sequence at the end.
  • He was originally going to battle Neil Armstrong, but he was later switched with Captain Kirk because Nice Peter thought Armstrong was kind of "unflappable".
  • He is the first, and so far only rapper to rap in three different languages, albeit one fictional, rapping in English, Italian and Klingon.
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