Dis Raps For Hire - Episode 1 is the first installment of Dis Raps For Hire and the first episode of Season 1. In this episode, EpicLLOYD helps aysharpietwintip13, whose brother, Charles, picks on him and acts like a jerk. It was released on October 10th, 2011.
Your time on earth as a bully is about to officially expire
'Cause you've been targeted for destruction by Dis Raps For Hire!
I hear you've been a dick to your brother aysharpietwintip.
Well, EpicLLOYD's arrived to exact a little bit of his vengeance!
I promise, you're gonna dislike every one of these comments
Like you do cheese, potatoes, mayo, and most condiments!
That's your brother, man. Why do you have to be such a big jerk?
You better answer me and stop grunting like one of them pigs from Angry Birds!
I'll rip your arms off like a Wookie and then eat 'em for lunch,
Then watch you flop around on the ground trying to throw that last punch.
I'm gonna mangle you, Charlie, and spill out all of your guts,
Then serve them to you on a plate making sure the different pieces never touch!
It doesn't bother me that you don't like Thing 1 or Thing 2 that much.
I think Charles here is just mad that no one ever calls him Chuck!
And plus, if something I wrote was the type of style that you loved,
I'd have to burn it 'cause that'd mean all the lyrics I came up with sucked!
You got no business sporting facial hair. That's just ridiculous!
You're not done growing yet! That mustache is probably bigger than your dick is!
And your clothes are so goth, I can't even see where you go!
Walking around like some kind of 15-year-old version of The Crow!
I'll say this clearly once and make sure not to stutter:
Quit fricking picking on your little younger brother!
So sharpie, when you see him, go ahead and blow him a kiss,
But then raise your fists in self defense 'cause you're on your own after this!
- The board in the background at the beginning showed a hint saying "Clint Eastwood vs ???", which later became Bruce Lee vs Clint Eastwood.
- The board also showed some scrapped lyrics from Christopher Columbus vs Captain Kirk (most likely Captain Kirk) which were not heard in the Behind the Scenes. The lyrics were "Keep my crew's name out of your mouth or you'll get hurt. I'll Leif Ericson your ass and predate your best work."
- Many people mistook this as a hint to a future appearance for Leif Ericson, but it's proven otherwise since the lyrics weren't used.
- At the start of each Dis Rap, after reading the requester's comment, Lloyd yells angrily. In this episode, he says, "Bullies!"