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Dr Seuss VS Shakespeare

Dr Seuss VS Shakespeare. Epic Rap Battles of History 12

Dr. Seuss vs Shakespeare is the twelfth installment of Epic Rap Battles of History and the twelfth episode of Season 1. It features children's author, Dr. Seuss, calling upon his creations, the Cat in the Hat and Things 1 & 2, to rap against English playwright and poet, William Shakespeare. It was released on August 17th, 2011.


Nice Peter as The Cat in the Hat

EpicLLOYD as Things 1 & 2

George Watsky as William Shakespeare

Mickey Meyer as Dr. Seuss


William Shakespeare:

Come bite my thumb! I hope you know the stakes!

I'll put a slug between your shoulder blades,

Then ask what light through yonder poser breaks?

I hath been iambic on that ass, ye bastard! My rhymes are classic!

Your crap is drafted by a kindergartner high on acid!

Ye hoebag. You're an old white Soulja Boy who has no swag,

And no gonads. Egads, it's so sad!

And to top it off, you're not a doctor.

I've never seen a softer author!

You crook, you. I bet you wrote the Twilight books, too!

The Cat in the Hat:

I would not, could not, on a boat

Read any of the boring-ass plays you wrote!

Even Horton doesn't want to hear you,

And Cindy Lou Who is afraid to go near you!

You bore people to death!

You leave a classroom looking like the end of Macbeth!

I entertain a child of any age!

You gotta translate what you said on the opposite page!

How you gonna battle with the Cat in the Hat?

Little kids get scared when I step on the mat!

You think your ruffled-neck ass gonna rap to that?

I got a best-selling book about me coming back!

William Shakespeare:

I'm switching up my style like the Beatles with my pieces.

Each is such a wonder with a plethora of features.

You're pathetically predictable.

You think your new book might include a trisyllabic meter

And some ghetto Muppet creatures.

The Bard is in the building. It's a castle, I'm a boss!

I bet I'm Parliament. I'm positive I'm killing it.

I'm iller than the plague. I've never caught or cholera,

A baller baller, on some cricket bowler business

While you're sitting in the bleachers!

The Cat in the Hat:

You rap fast, you do. Yes, you rap fast, it's true.

Now, let's see how you rap versus Things 1 and 2!

Things 1 & 2:

Oh, no, we'll smash your globe!

Yo, you may have wrote the script, but now we running the show!

You can take your fancy words and send 'em back home to your mama!

Break our foot off in your ass with our feetie pajamas!

Man, we'll cook you up and eat you with some ham and green eggs!

We'll break offa your legs! Make no mistake, we in a rage!

All does not end well when we bust out our cage!

You getting upstaged, Bill. Yo, you just got played!

Scrapped lyrics:

Lyrically struct, I hope you know the stakes!

I just got iambic on that ass, you bastard! My rhymes are classic!

You hoebag. You're an old white Soulja Boy with no swag,

And no gonads. Oh dag, it's so sad!


Who Won?

The poll was created at 13:20 on February 19, 2014, and so far 5926 people voted.




  • This is the first battle where neither of the title characters are portrayed by Nice Peter or EpicLLOYD.


  • Dr. Seuss did not rap in the battle because he had throat cancer in real life, and because he was generally silent in public, preferring to let his work speak for itself.
  • Before his second verse, Shakespeare holds up a skull, which is a reference to a famous scene in one of his well known plays, Hamlet, where the eponymous character holds up the skull that he recognises as belonging to the deceased court jester, Yorick.


  • During the line, "And to top it off, you're not a doctor," the subtitles read, "And to top if off you're not a doctor."

Related videos

Epic Rap Battles of History
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