Epic Rap Battles of History Wiki
Epic Rap Battles of History Wiki
Rap Meanings

Philosophers East vs West Meanings.png

The Western Philosophers:


I'm coming off the Acropolis to start some pandemonium.

(The Acropolis of Athens is where Socrates taught. A pandemonium is a wild uproar or unrestrained disorder and a word originating from Ancient Greek. Basically, Socrates is starting the battle with an uproar.)

Don't bring limp raps to a pimp slap symposium!

(Symposium, in this case, has two meanings. Firstly, it is a conference-like meeting to discuss a particular topic, usually involving lectures and panels so people can learn more about certain subjects. Secondly, a symposium was a drinking party held in Ancient Greece and was also the title of a work by Plato, Socrates' most famous student. Socrates is saying that the Eastern philosophers have only brought weak lyrics to battle the Western philosophers who are assembled to "pimp slap" (backhand slap) the Eastern philosophers and educate them, like a symposium might. The second Greek usage is used as a pun and reference to Socrates coming from Greece.)

The mad gadfly, philosophy was my invention!

(Socrates is often known as the father of philosophy. He had the habit of making people aware of their own ignorance by asking them to explain the meaning of things they thought they knew, such as justice or piety. Because of this, he was described by his student Plato as a "gadfly", annoying the placid Athenian citizens like a gadfly annoys the horses.)


Rolling with the flyest nihilist,

(Nietzsche introduces himself. A nihilist is someone who follows nihilism, which is the belief that all religious and moral values are baseless and that nothing can be known or communicated. Nietzsche was known to be one of these, so he calls himself the flyest one, or the most superior.)


And me, their French henchman!

(Voltaire follows by introducing himself as well. Voltaire was born in France, so he interjects by saying he's the French member of the group and, being the more optimistic, lighthearted and freethinking of the three, is humble by titling himself as a henchman of the other two.)

The Western Philosophers:

We've got the wisdom and the wit that even I couldn't question!

(As stated above, Socrates made a habit of questioning the supposed knowledge people had. An idea often associated with him is that the wisest man is the one who's aware of his own ignorance. Here, however, he claims that not even he will question the fact that his team has wisdom and wit.)

Dropping Western medicine on these East infections!

(Western minds of the past made many important discoveries in medicine. The West will use their advantage in medicinal knowledge to remove the Eastern philosophers, who they claim are a disease. This is also a play on words, as a yeast infection is an illness in which the yeast Candida, normally symbiotic in the human body, goes into overgrowth and causes a range of symptoms, such as thrush and varying degrees of irritation in both genders. This may also be comparing the traditional style of Western medicine which is founded upon biological and chemical research into curing diseases scientifically and originated in Greece, while traditional Eastern medicine is based around herbs and remedies passed down through generations and comes from ancient China. The Westerners could be saying that things like Eastern medicine and philosophy are based around tradition while their Western counterparts involve actual thought.)

It's evident you've never been our type of mental brethren!

(The Western team states that it is obvious the Eastern team isn't on the same level of intelligence as them.)

We're better thinkers, better speakers, better lovers, better men!

(This line says the Western team is superior in every way, including philosophical thinking, giving speeches, sexual prowess, and more advanced as humans in general. The philosopher that says each quality is also significant. Nietzsche was primarily known of all things to be an incredible thinker while Socrates gave many speeches to his students and Voltaire was known for being rather suave and had frequent sex with many women.)

The Eastern Philosophers:


This type of arrogance is sure to be expected

(The Eastern philosophers were expecting the Western philosophers to boast as they just did. Confucius also once said, "The superior man is modest in his speech, but exceeds in his actions." This implies a person is more in deeds than in words, and saying the Western philosophers' boasting aren't effective; the reason is explained in the next line.)

From men who speak of wisdom with no clue of what respect is!

(They believe the Western philosophers are disrespectful, which makes them unwise and disgraceful. Showing respect for others is an important part of Eastern culture. Confucius once said that one should respect one's ancestor; since the Eastern philosophers are older than the Western philosophers, Confucius suggests the West should respect the East, rather than dis them.)

Lao Tzu:

You Westerners are sloppy, needing discipline in life.

(Lao Tzu's philosophy was to have discipline in life, to follow the flow of life, and have everything balanced. He says that the Westerners are sloppy from not following this lifestyle.)

You lack control of yourselves and of the mic,

(As previously stated, the Western team cannot control themselves nor have balance according to the Eastern philosophers, and the same goes for when they are rapping. "Lack of mic control" in rap terms is to have bad raps. Also, one of Nietzsche's teachings was having control of your own life.)

Sun Tzu:

While we use precise strikes to disrupt your concentration!

(Sun Tzu's philosophy talks about precision as an important factor during war, and they will use that tactic in the battle.)


Hand you an ass-whipping our descendants will honor for generations!

(Honoring one's ancestors is one of the bases of Confucius' teachings. Here, he claims that his and his teammates' descendants will be proud of the fact that their ancestors won this rap battle.)

The Eastern Philosophers:

We filled a nation with patience and the presence for living,

(The Eastern philosophers believe that they have made their nation, China, a better place with their teachings, which students in China continue to learn.)

And you'll never hold a candle to the wisdom we've written!

(Holding a candle to something/one is to say that nothing can ever be as good as it. The East claim that the West's influence isn't even close to the philosophy that the Eastern team has written, such as the Analects, the Tao Te Ching, and The Art of War. Additionally, while the Analects was actually written by his students, Confucius authored four of the "Five Classics", known as the Classic of Poetry, the Book of Documents, the Book of Rites, and Spring and Autumn Annals.)

The Western Philosophers:


Oh, I'll give you something you can bow and kowtow to

("Kautau (叩頭)" (sometimes Westernized as "kowtow") is the Chinese act of kneeling and bowing one's head so that it touches the ground in order to show deep respect and reverence; the Eastern philosophers do this at the end of their verse. Nietzsche is saying he will do something that they will have no choice but to respect, continued in the next line.)

When I squat down and squeeze out a Tao of Pooh on Lao Tzu!

(The Tao of Pooh, by Benjamin Hoff, is a book that is meant to explain the Eastern philosophy of Taoism to Western society using the characters from Winnie-the-Pooh. "Pooh" or "poo" is another term for feces, and to "shit on" someone is to diss or demoralize them. Continuing from the previous line, Nietzsche is saying he will take a shit on, or insult and demoralize, Lao Tzu.)

You need to take control of the life you're given!

(One of Nietzsche's teachings was based on the concept of free will or having control of your own life. In contrast, one of the primary doctrines of Taoism is the concept of wu-wei, which, in essential, teaches letting go of control and letting life take you on a natural course to achieve harmony. Nietzsche states that Lao Tzu's teachings are, in fact, invalid.)

They call me Übermensch 'cause I'm so driven!

("Übermensch", German for "beyond-human", is a concept created by Nietzsche. In his book Also Sprach Zarathustra (Thus Spoke Zarathustra), Nietzsche describes the Übermensch as one who is driven to seek meaning in their current life, in contrast with the acceptance advocated by Taoism. This is also a pun on Uber, a company that offers car rides and would therefore make its users "driven" in a literal sense.)


And I'm a freethinker, so confronting conformists like you? It's my job!

(Freethinking is a philosophical viewpoint which believes that truths should be formed on the basis of logic and reason rather than authority and conformity, a concept that was central to the Enlightenment period, during which Voltaire wrote. Voltaire himself rejected groups that supported conformity such as the Catholic Church and the French ruling class, and therefore deems himself qualified to target Confucius, who taught conformist ideas, including adherence to tradition, obedience and respect to elders and authority, and the honoring of ancestors.)

Got a sharp wit like a spit that'll skewer you like a Confu-shish kebab!

(Voltaire says he will use his sharp wit, or intelligence, to impale Confucius. A spit is a rod used to stick through meat when roasting it over a fire, i.e. making shish kebabs, or sticks with meat and vegetables on them. A lyrical pun is made with Confucius' name.)

(Oh!) You flubbed the mission; I'm beating your submissive ass into submission!

(Confucius was ultimately unable to have the heavily fortified walls of the Ji, Meng, and Shu families in China dismantled after many years of trying. Having failed his mission, Confucius went into self-exile for 18 years and would not return until his enemy, Viscount Ji Huan, was dead. The line could be implying that Confucius simply submitted to Huan after not reaching his goal. Voltaire says that Confucius will do the same to him.)

Dishing out more disses than letters and pamphlets and plays I've been publishing!

(Apart from being a philosopher, Voltaire was also a writer. He produced many works in almost every literary form, including plays, poems, novels, essays, and historical and scientific works. He wrote more than 20,000 letters and more than 2,000 books and pamphlets, meaning he will make more insults towards his opponents than the amount of his written works combined.)


Now that we've covered the two Yin and Yang twins, I can move on to Jackie Chan!

(The concept of Yin-Yang is used in Confucianism (Confucius) and Taoism (Lao Tzu). This is also a reference to the rap group, the Ying Yang Twins. Sun Tzu, in this line, is compared with action star, Jackie Chan. Chan is known for his impressive and often comedic fighting style. Socrates is saying although Sun Tzu is a mighty warrior, he finds him laughable.)

Sun Tzu, I'll be picking apart your Wu with my method, man!

(Wu (武) is the Chinese word for military, or combat-related matters, which Sun Tzu was famous for discussing in his work The Art of War. In addition, he was born, and lived, in the Chinese state of Wu. He was also said to be the minister to King Helü, the ruler of Wu. Socrates says that he will criticize or "pick apart" Sun Tzu with his Socratic method, a form of discussion named after the Greek philosopher. This line is also a reference to Method Man, an American rapper who is best known as being a member of the Wu-Tang Clan. Furthermore, it may also reference Sun Tzu's birth name, which was Sun Wu.)

The seminal general isn't so tough on the mic; all your men must be like, "Yo, what happened?"

(Sun Tzu was a Chinese military general considered to be very influential. However, Socrates says that Sun Tzu is not very good at rapping and his soldiers will be shocked by his loss.)

You're pitiful lyrically. Lucky for history, you didn't author The Art of Rapping!

(Socrates goes on to describe his opponent's lyrics as pitiful. The Art of War was an ancient Chinese military work written by Sun Tzu, which described many different tactics of war. Socrates mentions that it is lucky that Sun Tzu didn't write The Art of Rapping as he believes it would mislead people, as Sun Tzu is bad at rapping.)

The Eastern Philosophers:

Sun Tzu:

Bitch, I wrote The Art of War, so you better get your guns out!

(Sun Tzu's biggest influence is the aforementioned The Art of War, which is a book full of tactical aspects meant for battle but is applicable on daily events. He is challenging the Westerners to start a war against him knowing he'll win even if they used firearms.)

These white boys getting burned 'cause guess what? Now, the Sun's out!

(A pun on Sun Tzu's name, comparing himself to the Sun which is very hot. To be "burned" in rap aspect is to be insulted and humiliated. Sun Tzu also calls the Western philosophers "white boys", perhaps implying they can't rap. People with fairer skin are also more susceptible to sunburn.)

Asians spitting sick, but no, this isn't SARS!

(To spit sick is to rap very well. This is a pun on the literal definition of "sick". Severe acute respiratory syndrome (SARS) is a disease that had spread throughout southern China, causing over 8,000 reported cases and 774 deaths in a nine-month span.)

Laozi, kick the beat; now Confucius, drop some bars!

(Sun Tzu, a war leader, commands his team of philosophers with a one-two attack; Lao Tzu beatboxing, referencing his actor, KRNFX, who is a beatboxer, and Confucius rapping faster.)


Let me be Candide with you, Voltaire,

(This is a play on the words "candid", meaning truthful, and Candide, a French satirical novel written by Voltaire.)

French drip with the egg noodle hair.

(On the surface level, Voltaire is French, and "drip" is a slang term for a boring, stupid, or unenergetic person. On a deeper level, Voltaire had an extreme coffee addiction, apparently drinking 50-72 cups per day. The grégue, or "French drip" is a traditional style of coffee pot originating in colonial France. The line thus also serves to mock this addiction. Finally, Confucius mocks Voltaire's looks, saying that his hair is stringy like egg noodles.)

Your ego's just so distracting.

(Voltaire's previous verse consisted of him talking about himself and how supposedly witty he is, which made his lines sidetracked.)

Free speech doesn't mean just keep yapping!

(Voltaire was a man of free speech, but even as Confucius realizes this, he mentions that he should keep quiet in this battle.)

And you killed God, so I gotta ask:

(Nietzsche is popular for his quote, "God is dead", and how mankind killed Him as a race, so Confucius asks him a question on this in the next line.)

Did he die of shame when he made your mustache?

(Confucius disses Nietzsche's unique mustache, as it is big and bushy, by saying God would have died of shame because of how horrible it looks.)

You tried to plant a new German psyche,

(Nietzsche's main goal was to spread his ideas and philosophy to share it with his fellow Germans but he failed on doing so because it was misinterpreted and changed into the basis for Nazism.)

But you just grew hate; me no Third Reichy!

("Me no rikey" is a stereotypical phrase used to mock Chinese people learning English, as they often cannot pronounce the "L" sound properly. It literally means "I don't like this". Confucius makes a pun on the "Third Reich", another way of saying Nazi Germany, and the aforementioned phrase, stating that Nietzsche inspired hatred as he was an influence for Adolf Hitler. Although Nietzche's ideas on the Übermensch, or the superior man, were co-opted by many supporters of Naziism to describe the Aryan race as a whole, Nietzsche was vehemently against antisemitism, proof being letters he wrote to his sister, where he lambasted her for her backwards views on the Jews. Also, that very same sister reappropriated his work for the Nazi cause.)

Sun Tzu:

And it all starts with you: you're the father, Socrates!

(Socrates is often thought of as the father of modern thought, with many philosophers following his ideals.)

Honestly, I think you owe both of your students here an apology!

(Since Socrates is billed as the one who started philosophy in the West, he is also to blame for the implied failures of Nietzsche and Voltaire. This verse also references Plato's Apology, an account of Socrates' trial and how he defended himself against the charges.)

The Western Philosophers:


I wouldn't exactly call myself a student of this plebe.

(Plebe, or plebian, is a Greek term which refers to a poor citizen. Nietzsche is calling Socrates a poor citizen of no importance. It's worth noting that Nietzsche didn't hold Socrates' philosophy in high regard, which is why he was offended by Sun Tzu referring to him and Voltaire as Socrates' students. Nietzche's theories also revolve heavily on the superior man, or Übermensch, who is someone who risks everything to forge his own path for humanity. As such, Sun Tzu calling Nietzche a student of Socrates offends him. This line will end up being important later on.)

Don't make Nietzsche come over and put a knee up in your chi!

(Chi (氣) is the Chinese word for life flow. Nietzsche is saying that he will knee Sun Tzu in his crotch. Additionally, "knee" and "chi" together form a pun on Nietzsche's name.)

'Cause I'm N-I-E-T-Z-S-C-H-E,

(Nietzsche spells out his name as a set-up for his next line.)

And I'll end any motherfucker like my name in a spelling bee!

(Nietzsche would be a very hard word to spell in a spelling bee, due to the fact that it is pronounced as /NEET-shuh/, very different to how it is actually spelled. Nietzsche is essentially saying that anyone facing him will fail the same way they would if they had to spell out his name.)


Plebe, bitch? I'm toxic like a hemlock sip!

(Socrates, now angered by Nietzsche's line in which he calls him a plebe, doesn't believe he is a plebe, claiming his raps are toxic like hemlock, a poisonous drink that was given to him during his execution and killed him with a sip.)

Hang a sandal on the door 'cause you can suck Soc's dick!

(Socrates is referencing the practice of placing a sock or a rubber band on a door knob (typically in a college dorm setting) in order to inform others that the person inside the room is having sex, and thus to not enter. Since Socrates is from Ancient Greece and did not wear proper footwear, he uses a sandal instead of a sock. He is telling Nietzsche to ask for some privacy while simultaneously telling him to suck his dick.)


Sacré bleu, Socrates! You're making things a little tense!

("Sacré bleu" is an antiquated, stereotypical French profanity which equates to "God damn it" in English. Voltaire is saying that Socrates is making things tense by arguing with Nietzsche, his teammate.)

Come, let's blind these Chinese heinies with some shiny bright enlightenment!

(Continuing his attempt to cease the argument between Nietzsche and Socrates, he reminds them that they must rap battle the Eastern philosophers, Voltaire makes a series of puns using the vocabulary of enlightenment in reference to the Enlightened (les Lumières in French), the name of Voltaire's movement of philosophers, whose motto was to "enlighten the people with logic and knowledge".)


I'll not be taught camaraderie from a frog who rigged the lottery!

(Voltaire exploited a monthly Paris lottery, organizing a group to collect every ticket in the city. By the time his tricks were discovered, he had amassed 1 million francs. "Frog" is a slang term for a French person, usually used in a derogatory manner. Socrates is saying that someone who cheated should not be telling others how to get along.)

You make a mockery of ethics, so keep your fat nose in your coffee!

(Voltaire is known for his large nose and having an addiction to coffee. Socrates is saying that he should go back to drinking coffee, as he has no place in telling him what to do. This also references that Socrates taught and contributed extensively on the study of ethics. As such, he takes Voltaire's illegal behavior as a personal offense.)


Let me be frank: don't start beef with the Frank,

(The adjective "frank" means direct and honest, thus Voltaire is saying that he'll sum up quickly and sincerely why Socrates and Nietzsche should not challenge him. "Frank" is also a nickname for "François", Voltaire's real first name. Further, Voltaire is French and "Frank" was a nickname for a Frenchmen among the English. By referring to himself as the Frank, he is elevating himself above all Frenchmen, and even above the other philosophers in claiming himself to be an icon, the greatest of an entire nation, which they are not. Voltaire is making a pun off of this by telling Socrates that, in all honesty, he should not be picking a fight with him.)

Who hangs with B. Franks, giving ladies beef franks!

(Voltaire was a friend of Ben Franklin. Beef franks, short for "beef frankfurters", are soft sausages or hot dogs. As "sausage" can be an euphemism for "penis", Voltaire is saying that he has sex with a lot of women.)

The Eastern Philosophers:

Sun Tzu:

I have turned them on themselves. Their chaos is our opportunity!

(Sun Tzu references one of the quotes in The Art of War: "In the midst of chaos, there is also opportunity". As an experienced general and tactician, Sun Tzu managed to exploit his opponents' weakness and cause them to fight among themselves. He claims this will give his team an advantage, i.e. an opportunity to win the battle. In the battle, he also snuck up on the Western philosophers fighting, referencing the fact that he valued the use of espionage to help win wars and dedicated an entire chapter of his book to it.)

Lao Tzu:

We must remember: a bowl is most useful when it is empty.

(Lao Tzu references one of his famous quotes: "Mold clay to form a bowl; it is the empty space which makes the bowl useful", suggesting that the convenient opportunity they have been given to strike against their quarreling opponents is very helpful. During this line in the video, Confucius can also be seen showing respect by nodding his head, since Confucius was Lao Tzu's student in real life.)

Sun Tzu:

(Ugh!) Laozi, I don't mean no disrespect,

(Sun Tzu doesn't mean to insult Lao Tzu, as the Eastern Philosophers had previously cited the importance of respect. However…)

But you need to fill your bowl with some shit that makes some sense!

(…Sun counters Lao's former line, saying that to make better use of said bowl is to fill it with better logic as an empty bowl being useful doesn't make sense to Sun Tzu. It is also a play on words that Lao is full of bull (bowl) shit.)

Lao Tzu:

Oh, you don't wanna stand in the path of Lao Tzu today.

(Lao Tzu is telling Sun Tzu not to attack his philosophy. The Tao is referred to as a path in Lao Tzu's Tao Te Ching, as Tao (道) also means a road in Chinese. In Taoism, it also mentions that you should go with the flow but this time…)

I'll make you move, bitch. Get out the way!

(…he will move Sun Tzu instead of letting things be. Lao Tzu also tells Sun Tzu to step off by making a direct reference to Move Bitch (Get Out the Way), a song by Ludacris. He also references the book that he wrote titled, Tao Te Ching or The Way of Life.)


Yo, where in the tradition of rap battles is it written

(Confucius rhetorically asks about the structure of rap battles and how…)

That two dudes on the same team should squabble like some clucking chickens?

(…teammates in rap battles shouldn't be battling each other, comparing it to chickens squabbling. Confucius refers to the term as tradition, as the one of him teaching is about following the tradition and ritual, or li (禮). As stated in the Analects by Confucius, the quote "In the application of the rites, harmony is to be prized" implies one should not argue over small things. Furthermore, Confucius also wrote a book titled the Book of Rites, which is a compiled collection of texts describing social forms, administration, and ceremonial rites.)

Sun Tzu:

Man, Confucius, you always try to put something in its place.

(To "put someone/thing in its place" means to make them more humble or less arrogant. Confucius taught the propriety of social relationships, emphasizing that one must act accordingly to his or her position in society and life. An example of this comes from one of his quotes, "Let the king be a king, the minister a minister, the father a father and the son a son". He also had considerable political power and influence. Sun Tzu is telling Confucius that he has control issues, but if he wishes to control things so badly…)

Why don't you tell your eyebrows they need to fit better on your face?

(…then he should start by getting his eyebrows under control. Confucius is known for having large eyebrows in sketches and portraits that droop down the side of his face.)


Okay, I see. You wanna make it like that?

(Confucius understands that Sun Tzu is looking for a fight and he's willing to give him one.)

I'll smack that warmongering head out of your to-go box hat!

(A warmonger is a person who advocates war, as Sun Tzu's teaching indirectly lead to a lot of war in later times. In some Western countries, Chinese restaurants offer Chinese takeout which are usually served in a special takeout box. Confucius mocks Sun Tzu's hat by saying that it looks like a Chinese takeout box and he also says that he will smack him so hard that his hat will fall off; in addition, he says Sun Tzu is a warmonger, which is often seen as being barbaric.)

So here's the real golden rule: I'm way above you weak rookies!

(Confucius came up with the Golden Rule (恕道), which states, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". What Confucius says here is that Sun Tzu should not dis him, as now Confucius disses him back. Also, both Confucius and Lao Tzu had come up with the Golden Rule in their respective philosophy, Confucianism and Taoism. Here, he claims that the actual golden rule is that he is the better of both Sun Tzu and Lao Tzu, and that Lao Tzu's Golden Rule is wrong.)

Confucius say you can all hold these fortune cookies!

(Confucius Says is a meme (also called Wise Confucius) referring to the way that Confucius speaks in his writings. At first glance, the upper half of the image impersonates Confucius giving sage advice, but the lower half reveals it to be the set up of a pun. "Holding fortune cookies" means everyone in the battle can hold Confucius's balls, mainly because they're lower than him. Fortune cookies are assumed by many to be Chinese but they were actually created in Kyoto, Japan.)

Scrapped lyrics

The Western Philosophers:


I'll check in first, 'cause I'm the best Western.

(Best Western is a hotel chain. To "check in" means to arrive and register at a hotel. Socrates introduces himself in the battle first, because he is the (self-proclaimed) best of the Western Philosophers.)

Like, how did these boring geeks from the Far East get invited?

(They ponder in a similar way to the Socratic Method why the Eastern Philosophers were allowed to join this battle. Far East is a term used by Westerners to describe people in Asian countries, i.e. Chinese people, like the Eastern Philosophers.)


Well, I hope they can speak their minds better than they can write it!

(Nietzsche challenges the Eastern Philosophers to have better raps than their philosophical writings, which he belittles.)


Oh, I'm delighted by their writing; such charming little thoughts

(Voltaire remarks his entertainment in reading the Eastern Philosophers' writings, "charming" being used sarcastically, in this case meaning underdeveloped and immature compared to the Western Philosophers.)

From such charming simple little men in charming little smocks!

(Voltaire continues his previous clause by insulting the intelligence and clothing of the Eastern Philosophers.)

What a fearsome trio!

(Voltaire gives one last sarcastic jab at the Easterners…)


Yes, but what does it all mean?

(…before Socrates continues the Socratic Seminar with a question of reason of existence and being.)


It means the fate of these ancients is about to be seen!

(Nietzsche answers Socrates again, saying that they'll ultimately confirm who will destroy whom in the rap battle. The only philosopher on the Western team that is considered ancient is Socrates, while all three members of the Eastern team are considered ancient, and Nietzsche implies that the wider range of time for thought on the Western team would translate to better, more refined thought.)

The Western Philosophers:

We got the logical means to philosophically dominate your rhetoric

(The Westerners brag about their well-organized thought patterns and their mastery of logos, a rhetorical appeal based around logical thought with etymology stemming from term for "words" and "reasoning".)

And get it boiled down to its essentials till it's evident!

(To boil down something means to bring something to its most basic state. The Westerners will use their logic and reasoning to exploit the basic principles of Eastern philosophy, transitioning into the next lines, left in the official version, starting with, "It's evident," which states that it's obvious that the Westerners are much smarter than the Easterners.)

The Eastern Philosophers:

And you'll never hold a candle to the wisdom we've given!

(This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "And you'll never hold a candle to the wisdom we've written!")

The Western Philosophers:


But first I'll squat down and drop a Dao of Pooh on Lao Tzu!

(This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "When I squat down and squeeze out a Tao of Pooh on Lao Tzu!")

And call me Übermensch 'cause I'm so driven!

(This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "They call me Übermensch 'cause I'm so driven!")


I'm Voltaire; I'm fucking fabulous, bitch! Yo!

Motherfucking French, bitch!

I'm Voltaire; motherfucking French, bitch!

(These lyrics were a freestyle by Nice Peter for Zach Sherwin to place his own lyrics in later, consisting mainly of Voltaire proclaiming his nationality and eccentricity.)


That covers the Yin and Yang twins; now it's on to Jackie Chan!

(This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "Now that we've covered the two Yin and Yang twins, I can move on to Jackie Chan!")

I'll Chang your Wu with my Method, Man!

(This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "Sun Tzu, I'll be picking apart your Wu with my Method, Man!" Chang, or "zhàng," is a Chinese unit of measurement equivalent to about 3.58 meters. Socrates says that his language and thought will go further than and be better than Sun Tzu's.)

You're supposed to be the tough one, dude, what happened?

(This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "The seminal general isn't so tough on the mic, all your men must be like, 'Yo, what happened?'")

History's lucky that you didn't write The Art of Rapping!

(This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "You're pitiful lyrically, lucky for history, you didn't author The Art of Rapping!")

The Western Philosophers:

Wise guys from the East are supposed to be the best,

(The Westerners are disappointed after high expectations were given by those who know the Eastern Philosophers as very wise.)

But we've seen more flavor in a Panda Express!

(Flavor in this case means quality and character, and is interchanged with the meaning of flavor associated with taste of food, making a pun comparing the philosophers to Panda Express, an American Chinese food chain, saying that has more flavor than the Easterners.)

Our philosophy flourishes! Western culture has ascended!

(The Westerners boast about their philosophy continuing to be well-respected and thought about, rising in a professional and spiritual way.)

While even your descendants seem a bit disoriented!

(Eastern Philosophy has many aspects based around respect of family and the effect one's action has on their ancestors and descendants. The Westerners boast that while their philosophy ascends, the Easterner's descendants are lost and confused, as well as having lost their ancient culture throughout reforms in the May Fourth Movement, with disoriented being a pun on "Oriental," meaning "of East Asian descent." The language used in early writings of the Eastern Philosophers were also distincted and more difficult to understand comparing the current language used among Chinese people.)

The Eastern Philosophers:

Lao Tzu:

Hey man, I'm Lao Tzu. You ain't gotta talk like that to me.

(Lao Tzu calmly assures that Nietzsche doesn't have to speak so crudely to him.)

I'll fuck you up like the Tao Te Ching, G.

(Lao Tzu then backlashes with a claim that he'll "fuck him up" like the Tao Te Ching, which translates to "The Book of the Way of Virtues," meaning that Lao Tzu will defeat Nietzsche as if it was the way of virtue. This could also be a reference to how translating the Tao Te Ching has been known to be a challenge because of the semantic style of Classical Chinese, being so contorted and corrupt that it can be considered "fucked up". He calls Nietzsche "G", which means "gangster" in rap culture.)

​Sun Tzu:

You egg noodle hair, what are you doing with your egg noodle hair? [repeated twice]

(This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "French drip with the egg-noodle hair.")


Nietzsche, you're the one who killed God, so I gotta ask:

(This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "And you killed God, so I gotta ask:")

Do you think he died of embarrassment after he made your fucking mustache?

(This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "Did he die of shame when he made your mustache?")

Tried to plant seeds of a new German psyche,

(This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "Tried to plant a new German psyche.")

But you grew a bunch of racists, bro; me no Third Reichy!

(This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "But you just grew hate, me no Third Reichy!")

(???) your followers stem right from the source.

(This line continues the scenario of Nietzsche planting and growing his ideas, with his followers "stemming" from him, in reference to the grumpy, negative attitude of Nietzsche and his followers.)

Confucius say never trust a dude who Crazy Horse.

(Using the "Confucius say" joke, Confucius says not to trust Nietzsche because of his unusual fondness for horses. Crazy Horse was a Native American war leader alluded to as another joke about Chinese people's struggle with the English language, which includes the unintentional skipping of words of lesser importance to a sentence.)

The Eastern Philosophers:

All your self-righteous Western philosophy has gotten us

(The Easterners claim that Western philosophy is self-righteous, as it isn't based around the good of community as much as the good of the individual, and says that this hasn't done anything but…)

Is a world full of debauchery, guillotines and fucking swastikas!

(…bring the world debauchery, the excessive indulgence in sexual pleasures (likely aimed toward Socrates), guillotines, an execution method of decapitation (likely aimed toward Voltaire, as most members of French government were assassinated via guillotine during the French Revolution, which was inspired by Enlightenment thought), and swastikas, a symbol of well-being used by the Nazi Party (likely aimed toward Nietzsche).)

The Western Philosophers:


That's N-I-T-Z-C-H-E!

(This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "'Cause I'm N-I-E-T-Z-S-C-H-E!" Originally, Nietzsche's name was misspelled, likely due to Peter not having the correct spelling yet memorized or written in front of him during the demo recording.)


Ooh, is this going to be like one of your schoolboy lessons?

(Voltaire mocks Socrates, sarcastically asking if Socrates's claim of having Nietzsche "suck Soc's dick" is reminiscent of Socrates's teachings to younger men such as Plato and Xenophon, insinuating that instead of taking these boys away to teach them, he instead is engaging in intercourse with them, as was common practice in Ancient Greece.)

Oh, do teach the Prussian what the Greeks consider wrestling!

(Voltaire encourages to have Socrates "teach" Nietzsche "Greek wrestling," an innuendo meaning sexual intercourse based on the actual Ancient Greek sport. He refers to Nietzsche being Prussian as during Voltaire's time, Germany wasn't yet in existence, yet the nation that Germany would derive from, Prussia, was then one of the biggest nations in Europe.)


Why don't you keep your fat French nose in your coffee?

(This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "You make a mockery of ethics, so keep your fat nose in your coffee!")

The most impressive thing you ever did was rip off your own lottery!

(This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "I'll not be taught camaraderie from a frog who rigged the lottery!")


Who hangs out with B. Franks, giving the chicks beef franks!

(This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "Who hangs with B. Franks, giving ladies beef franks!")

The Eastern Philosophers:

Sun Tzu:

I have turned them on ourselves. This chaos is our opportunity!

(This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "I have turned them on themselves. Their chaos is our opportunity!")

Bro, enough with the riddles; I don't mean no disrespect!

(This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "(Ugh!) Laozi, I don't mean no disrespect," He mentions Lao Tzu's syntax being very unusual, unintuitive, open-ended, and up to interpretation, similar to a riddle.)


That two dudes on the same team should squabble like some fucking chickens?

(This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "That two dudes on the same team should squabble like some clucking chickens?!")

Sun Tzu:

Confucius, if you always wanna try to put something in its place,

(This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "Man, Confucius, you always try to put something in its place,")


Oh! You wanna make it like that?

(This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "Okay, I see, you wanna make it like that?")

I'll smack your warmongering ass out of your to-go box hat!

(This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "I'll smack that warmongering head out of your to-go box hat!")

You couldn't measure my style with a Golden Ruler!

(Confucius brags that he has more style than the others, and that he has enough style that if it were a physical or material thing, it's size couldn't be measured with a ruler or anything else of the sort, even a highly valuable and precise "golden ruler." This of course alludes to the Golden Rule, a thesis in communal philosophy known as the law of reciprocity, which was touched upon by both Lao Tzu and Confucius, although is most normally attributed to Confucius.)

If you fucked with Confucius, you get fucked with unto ya!

(This line is a paraphrase of the Golden Rule, stating that any negative thing that is done by one unto another will be received by a negative thing unto oneself. Confucius says that if anyone challenges him, he will retaliate.)

The Western Philosophers:


Sacré bleu, I'm the one you'll kowtow to,

(This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "Oh I'll give you something you can bow and kowtow to,", originally being said by Voltaire.)

When I squat down and drop a Tao of Pooh on Lao Tzu!

The Western Philosophers:

When I squat down and drop a Tao of Pooh on who? Lao Tzu!

(These lyrics are what developed into the lyric, "When I squat down and squeeze out a Tao of Pooh on Lao Tzu!" In this version, Voltaire asks who he would insult, to which Nietzsche responds it would be Lao Tzu.)


You're pitiful lyrically. Lucky for history, you didn't write The Art of Rapping!

(This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "You're pitiful lyrically. Lucky for history, you didn't author The Art of Rapping!")

The Eastern Philosophers:

Sun Tzu:

(Uh!) Cute verse. Now watch the masters rebut. (Sun Tzu demeans the Western Philosophers' verse. And now it is the Eastern Philosophers to counter their opponents.)

Lao Tzu, drop a beat; Confucius, show these fools what's up! (This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "Laozi, kick the beat; now Confucius, drop some bars!")


Free speech don't mean that you must keep yapping. (This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "Free speech doesn't mean just keep yapping!")

The Western Philosophers:

You make a mockery of ethics, so keep your nose inside your coffee! (This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "You make a mockery of ethics, so keep your fat nose in your coffee!")

The Eastern Philosophers:

Lao Tzu:

In the midst of this chaos lies our opportunity!

But remember a bowl is useful when empty.

(This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "I have turned them on themselves. Their chaos is our opportunity!/We must remember: a bowl is most useful when it is empty.")

See, I have turned them on themselves. Their chaos' our opportunity!

(This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "I have turned them on themselves. Their chaos is our opportunity!")

(Yo!) Lao Tzu, I don't mean to show you disrespect,

(This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "(Ugh!) Laozi, I don't mean no disrespect,")

Rap Meanings

Season 7.png

Ragnar Lodbrok vs Richard The Lionheart (Speculated Premiere) • TBA