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Season 6
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Jacques Cousteau vs Steve Irwin

Jacques Cousteau vs Steve Irwin. Epic Rap Battles of History

Jacques Cousteau vs Steve Irwin is the seventy-sixth installment of Epic Rap Battles of History and the fifth episode of Season 6. It features French oceanographer and conservationist, Jacques Cousteau, rapping against Australian zookeeper and conservationist, Steve Irwin. It was released on August 18th, 2019.

Cast

Nice Peter as Jacques Cousteau

EpicLLOYD as Steve Irwin

Lyrics

Jacques Cousteau:

Jacques Cousteau, here to spit flow.

Invented Scuba, captained the Calypso!

Palme d'Or-winning documenter of the ocean,

Ready to battle a desperate, sweaty showman!

You're chunky and soft, you get on my nerves!

You're the only manatee I don't want to conserve!

My Life Aquatic was adventure and beauty,

I'm so cool, Bill Murray played me in the movie.

I have Oscars! You're in Dr. Dolittle 2!

So run back home to your daddy's zoo!

And just to be clear, 'cause I'm no veterinarian,

Were you killed by a fish kids pet at the aquarium?

Steve Irwin:

Holy smokes, what a place to go!

You'd need a submarine for a blow that low! (Awhh!)

You better run! You better take cover!

'Cause crikey, I'm going from 'croc' to 'Jacques' hunter!

Have a look at this salty fella,

His face looks like it's made of pure leather!

Look out! He's got the body of a naked mole-rat!

He's cranky 'cause he has to wear a Papa Smurf hat!

I'm a wild man, you're a subdued sub-dude!

The only crocs you could handle are some slip-on shoes!

And crikey, you're such a boring guy,

You could make a whole show about the ocean dry!

But with the sheilas you sure had fun!

Your mistress was as young as your first-born son!

You never should have stepped to the wildlife defender,

Now embrace your French nature and quietly surrender!

Jacques Cousteau:

Talk about sons? Better watch what you say now!

You almost turned yours into Outback Mistake House!

Steve Irwin:

Would you rather talk about your brother? Ooh boy!

Nazi, Nazi, Nazi! Oy yoy yoy!

Jacques Cousteau:

Enough of your antics and madness!

Contain yourself, like my underwater breathing apparatus!

You're a joke of a bloke in a tacky khaki romper!

Go grope a nope rope, crocodile humper!

There's a type of snail, recently discovered,

And named after you; I'll eat them with butter!

Hey Skippy the Bush League Kangaroo,

Hold the 'dee', I'm Crocodile Dun with you!

Steve Irwin:

Where ya going, fella? Hang on a minute,

Like a joey in a pouch, this ain't quite finished!

Take a look how destructive your old films are,

Silent World? More like Silent WorldStar!

If you wanna count fish, please take the reef tour!

Don't go throwing C-4 on the seafloor!

I'm the gold medal rhymer on the podium,

Cleaning you up like a Jacques Custodian! (Woo!)

I'm Mother Nature's greatest conservationist!

When I rock the mic, I'm danger danger dangerous!

So go back down under with your crew,

I just blew through you like a didgeridoo!

Poll

Who Won?
 
276
 
1805
 

The poll was created at 16:29 on August 18, 2019, and so far 2081 people voted.

Trivia

General

Production

  • This episode was released a day later than originally scheduled due to technical difficulties.

Errors

  • The saltwater crocodile that Steve Irwin feeds during the battle and is also seen on the thumbnail is a CGI model of an American alligator, a species of reptile that is not found in Steve Irwin's home country of Australia.
  • When Cousteau says "Outback Mistakehouse", the background can be seen through his left sleeve.
  • Despite Cousteau saying "Enough of your antics and madness!", the subtitles at this line read "Enough with your antics and madness!".
  • In Jacques Cousteau’s title card, part of his left shirt cuff is slightly keyed out.
  • After Irwin says "Silent WorldStar", part of his right shoe is slightly cut out.

Related videos

References

Epic Rap Battles of History
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