Jacques Cousteau:
Jacques Cousteau, here to spit flow.
(Cousteau introduces himself and says he is ready to battle and spit some flow.)
Invented Scuba, captained the Calypso!
(Cousteau and Emile Gagnan designed the first successful open-circuit scuba known as the Aqua Lung which people use to go scuba diving. The RV Calypso was the vessel for Cousteau's oceanographic research and was converted from a British Royal Navy minesweeper.)
Palme d'Or-winning documenter of the ocean,
(Cousteau won a Palme d'Or award at the 1956 Cannes Film Festival for his underwater documentary film, The Silent World.)
Ready to battle a desperate, sweaty showman!
(Steve Irwin had an eccentric personality which he maintained when hosting his shows and introducing viewers to animals he found in the wild. He explored different environments and would get sweaty from the heat in some locations. Cousteau attributes Irwin's personality to desperation in keeping his audiences hooked.)
You're chunky and soft; you get on my nerves!
(Cousteau insults Irwin's portly build and delicate demeanor. He also says his overenthusiastic personality annoys him.)
You're the only manatee I don't want to conserve!
(Cousteau was a famous ocean explorer and conservationist. Manatees are rotund sea mammals also known as sea cows, which are becoming endangered. Cousteau compares Irwin to a manatee and says he wouldn’t want to protect him.)
My Life Aquatic was adventure and beauty,
(Cousteau says his life was full of beauty exploring nature. Cousteau was the basis for the acclaimed Wes Anderson film The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou.)
I'm so cool, Bill Murray played me in the movie.
(The titular character of the film is played by Bill Murray. Cousteau says he has such a high reputation, an acclaimed actor known for his countercultural exploits like Murray was cast as a character based upon him.)
I have Oscars! You're in Doctor Dolittle 2!
(Cousteau has won three Academy Awards for his documentaries and short films. Meanwhile, one of Irwin's few film roles was a small gag bit in the sequel film, Doctor Dolittle 2, starring Eddie Murphy, where Irwin played himself and had his arm bitten off by a crocodile. Unlike the Academy Award-winning films made by Cousteau, Doctor Dolittle 2 was not well-received by critics or audiences upon release.)
So run back home to your daddy's zoo!
(Australia Zoo, which Irwin owned and operated before his passing, was opened by his parents in 1970. Cousteau says Irwin is better off going back to where he came from.)
And just to be clear, 'cause I'm no veterinarian,
(Cousteau asks Irwin to confirm his next line as he isn't a veterinary surgeon.)
Were you killed by a fish kids pet at the aquarium?
(Steve Irwin was struck in the heart by a stingray barb during the filming of the documentary Ocean's Deadliest, which eventually led to his death. Cousteau's grandson Philippe Jr. had actually filmed the event as it occurred. Small stingrays are often found in aquarium exhibitions where kids are able to touch them alongside other sea creatures such as starfish and sea anemone, although their tails should not be touched. Cousteau mocks Irwin for being killed by an animal children usually touch at aquariums without harm.)
Steve Irwin:
Holy smokes! What a place to go!
("Holy smokes!" is a phrase commonly used by Irwin. Irwin reacts in shock at Cousteau's last line poking fun of the stingray incident that killed him because he is still highly regarded, and making jokes about his death are oft-regarded as tasteless.)
You'd need a submarine for a blow that low! (Awhh!)
(Irwin says that Cousteau's death joke was such a low blow that he would need his submarine to reach it.)
You'd better run! You'd better take cover!
(Irwin quotes the final lyric of the chorus of the song "Down Under" by Australian rock band Men at Work, which is about Australia. He also suggests that Cousteau should run away or take cover from his raps.)
'Cause crikey, I'm going from 'Croc' to 'Jacques' Hunter!
('Crikey' is a minced oath of "Christ kill me" and is also Irwin's signature catchphrase. Irwin's nickname is "The Crocodile Hunter," but he says he should rename himself to the "Jacques Hunter" to show he will beat Cousteau.)
Have a look at this salty fella:
(Irwin describes Cousteau as if he were introducing an animal on his television show The Crocodile Hunter. He describes Cousteau as salty, either from seawater or being cantakerous. In doing so, he compares Cousteau to a saltwater crocodile, referencing "Jacques hunter" from the previous line.)
His face looks like it's made of pure leather!
(Irwin continues comparing Cousteau to a saltwater crocodile, insulting Cousteau's appearance by saying that his face has the same coarseness and roughness as leather. As leather is only obtainable by processing the animal's skin after its death, Irwin completes his transformation into the "Jacques hunter" by suggesting he has hunted down and skinned the saltwater crocodile that is Cousteau.)
Look out! He's got the body of a naked mole-rat!
(Irwin warns against viewing Cousteau's body since his physique, particularly in his elder years, resembles that of naked mole rats, burrowing African rodents which have hairless bodies and wrinkled skin.)
He's cranky 'cause he has to wear a Papa Smurf hat!
(Cousteau is well-known for his trademark red beanie. To Irwin, it resembles the hat worn by Papa Smurf, the elderly leader of the Smurfs.)
I'm a wild man; you're a subdued sub-dude!
(Irwin is known for his enthusiastic and energetic personality, which contrasts to Cousteau's more relaxed and quiet, or "subdued," attitude. "Sub" could also be short for a submarine as well as "subpar." Irwin says that Cousteau is below him both literally in his submarine and figuratively as a man.)
The only crocs you could handle are some slip-on shoes!
(Crocs are a popular brand of soft, slip-on footwear. Irwin says that while he handles real crocodiles, Cousteau could only handle Croc shoes.)
And crikey! You're such a boring guy,
(Irwin calls Cousteau boring while saying his catchphrase.)
You could make a whole show about the ocean dry!
(Cousteau has presented many different documentaries about the ocean. Irwin says that despite all the water in the ocean, an environment of excitement and fascinating species, Cousteau still makes his shows dry by his mellow voice and personality.)
But with the sheilas you sure had fun!
(Sheila is an Australian term often referring to a woman, which one Irwin often adopted when referring to them. Cousteau had a long marriage to Simone Melchior whom he married in 1937 and used to accompany him on his underwater expeditions; they also had two children together. A year after his wife's death, the picture of their perfect marriage was tarnished when Cousteau announced in 1991 that he had a secret mistress, Francine Triplet, and fathered two children with her; Cousteau later married Triplet. Irwin mocks Cousteau's secret relationship as having fun as opposed to the boring tone of his documentaries.)
Your mistress was as young as your first-born son!
(Continuing from the previous line, Irwin points out the considerably young age of Cousteau's mistress and later wife, Francine Triplet, who was 36 years younger than Cousteau, born in 1946. Cousteau’s first-born son Jean-Michel was 8 years older than her.)
You never should have stepped to the wildlife defender,
(Irwin calls himself a protector of wildlife and says Cousteau should not have messed with him.)
Now embrace your French nature and quietly surrender!
(Despite France having the most successful military record in history, French people are often stereotyped as being prone to surrendering due to the events that happens to France in World War II. In 1941, France famously fell to Nazi Germany in a month and following an armistice, Northern France was occupied by Nazi Germany (the unoccupied Southern part of France was governed by a collaborationist regime based in Vichy under the rule of Philippe Petain until November 10, 1942 when Nazi Germany occupied the southern part of France). When the French capital city, Paris, fell to the Nazis during the war, Cousteau took shelter with his family in Megeve, close to the Swiss border and spent the first few years of the war quietly conducting his underwater experiments and explorations before joining the French Resistance movement.)
Jacques Cousteau:
Talk about sons? Better watch what you say now!
(Cousteau says that Irwin is being hypocritical in mentioning his son because...)
You almost turned yours into Outback Mistake House!
(On January 2, 2004, Irwin became a subject of controversy when he was filmed feeding a crocodile while holding his son Robert (who was only a month old at the time) on his other hand during a public show. Steve was never charged because he asserted that he had been handling crocodiles since childhood and at the time of the event, there was no law in Queensland prohibiting minors from entering crocodile enclosures. The local government of Queensland nevertheless amended its laws to prohibit minor and untrained people from entering crocodile enclosures. Outback Steakhouse is an Australian-themed chain of steakhouse restaurants. Jacques makes a pun with it saying that his son almost became food for the crocodile.)
Steve Irwin:
Would you rather talk about your brother? Ooh boy!
(Irwin replies and asks if Cousteau would rather have his brother mentioned rather than their sons.)
Nazi, Nazi, Nazi! Oy yoy yoy!
(Jacques' brother, Pierre-Antoine Cousteau, was a leftist until he was drawn to fascist, anti-Semitic, and anti-democratic ideologies. Pierre once went to Nazi Germany in 1936, and his trips helped develop his interest in fascist ideology. He later collaborated with the Nazis when they defeated and occupied France. Irwin also makes a play on the Australian chant, "Aussie! Aussie! Aussie! Oi! Oi! Oi!" Likewise, "Oy, yoy, yoy" is a phrase for sorrow or disappointment.)
Jacques Cousteau:
Enough of your antics and madness!
(Cousteau has had enough of Irwin's eccentricities, including his diss of his brother.)
Contain yourself, like my underwater breathing apparatus!
(Cousteau tells Irwin to calm down and stop dissing him. He makes another reference to scuba equipment as SCUBA stands for Self-Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus.)
You're a joke of a bloke in a tacky khaki romper!
(Irwin's outfit is most known as his khaki-colored shirt and shorts, which Cousteau compares to a romper, a one-piece outer garment for adults, and Cousteau thinks he is a childish buffoon who wears one.)
Go grope a nope rope, Crocodile Humper!
(A nope rope is a term which refers to a venomous snake. "Crocodile Humper" is a song by Bubba the Love Sponge, and it is also a joke associated with Irwin. Cousteau suggests that if Irwin loves animals so much he should get into bestiality.)
There's a type of snail, recently discovered,
(Crikey steveirwini is a species of snail that was classified in 2009 and named after Irwin.)
And named after you; I'll eat them with butter!
(Cousteau says that he is going to eat the snail named after Irwin as a reference to the French dish escargot, snails typically cooked with butter.)
Hey Skippy the Bush League Kangaroo,
(Cousteau makes reference to the Australian television series, Skippy the Bush Kangaroo, which aired from 1968 to 1970 and was centered on the adventures of a young boy and his pet kangaroo. By comparing Irwin to a kangaroo in a TV show, Cousteau calls Irwin childish. Bush-league refers to something or someone of mediocre quality.)
Hold the 'dee', I'm Crocodile Dun with you!
(Crocodile Dundee is a 1986 Australian film starring Paul Hogan as the eponymous character. Cousteau, while telling Irwin to hold his manhood, also makes a nod to the film's title to show he is done beating Irwin.)
Steve Irwin:
Where ya going, fella? Hang on a minute.
(Irwin tells Cousteau not to try and leave the battle yet. "Where ya, going fella?" is something Irwin often says whenever an animal tries to escape him. He also literally means "a minute," as he delivers this line exactly one minute before the video ends.)
Like a joey in a pouch, this ain't quite finished!
("Joey" is a term used to describe baby marsupials, especially kangaroos. Mother marsupials usually carry their infants in a pouch for years, so Irwin states the battle is not finished like the way a joey's growth isn't.)
Take a look how destructive your old films are:
(Some of Cousteau's films contained scenes of violence and destruction associated with the film. In his 1956 film Silent World, the death of a whale and several sharks were featured. During the process of filming the 1972 documentary Voyage of the Edge of the World, the first mate of the film crew's ship was killed by a helicopter propeller.)
Silent World? More like Silent WorldStar!
(Silent World was a 1956 documentary film directed by Cousteau which explores marine life and habitats. During the film, a whale calf was heavily mutilated by the propeller of the crew's boat, forcing them to shoot the whale to end its suffering. The blood in the water attracted sharks to feast on the whale's corpse, which were then killed by the crew by harpooning and pulling them out of the water before hacking them to death. Because of the violence towards marine life during the film, Irwin compares it to WorldStarHipHop, a video hosting site that is frequently used to upload videos of street fights, shootings, and other violent and shocking content.)
If you wanna count fish, please take the reef tour!
(Irwin says that Cousteau should take a harmless tour of the reef if he wants to explore the different species in the ocean.)
Don't go throwing C-4 on the seafloor!
(In a scene from Silent World, Cousteau and his crew used dynamite underwater, reasoning that studying the collection of corpses that came floating to the surface was the most reliable way of surveying the local ecosystem, but Irwin calls this destructive. C-4 is an explosive, and Irwin uses it for sounding similar to "seafloor.")
I'm the gold medal rhymer on the podium,
(Irwin received many awards during his life, including the Centenary Medal for his services to global conservation and tourism. A gold medalist at a sporting event such as the Olympics is the athlete declared the winner, so Irwin claims to be the winner presented at the podium for this battle.)
Cleaning you up like a Jacques Custodian! (Woo!)
(Irwin makes a play on Cousteau's name with the word "custodian," a person who is employed with the responsibility to clean and maintain a building. Irwin says that he will sweep away the mess he made of Cousteau like a custodian. Irwin is known for screaming "Woo!" with his arms up in the air as shown in the video.)
I'm Mother Nature's greatest conservationist!
(Irwin says he is the better conservationist and the best protector of wildlife. He has been lauded many times for his role in raising awareness of many environmental issues. )
When I rock the mic, I'm danger danger dangerous!
(This refers to the phrase "Danger, danger, danger!" said by Irwin in one of his shows. Irwin says that although he protects wildlife, he is dangerous when he starts rapping.)
So go back down under with your crew,
(Down under is a term used to refer to Australia, though Irwin says Cousteau should disappear back under the water with his crew.)
I just blew through you like a didgeridoo!
(A didgeridoo is an Aboriginal Australian tube-shaped musical instrument, played by blowing air into it. To blow through something is to finish it quickly and easily. Steve declares he defeated Cousteau quickly and with little effort.)