(Cousteau introduces himself and says he is ready to battle and spit some flow.)
Invented Scuba, captained the Calypso!
(Cousteau and Emile Gagnan designed the first successful open-circuit scuba (self-contained underwater breathing apparatus) known as the Aqua Lung which people use to go scuba diving. TheRV Calypsowas the vessel for Cousteau's oceanographic research and was converted from a British Royal Navy minesweeper.)
Palme d'Or-winning documenter of the ocean,
(Cousteau won a Palme d'Or award at the 1956 Cannes Film Festival for his underwater documentary film, The Silent World.)
Ready to battle a desperate, sweaty showman!
(Steve Irwin had an eccentric personality which he maintained when hosting his shows and introducing viewers to animals he found in the wild. He explored different environments and would get sweaty from the heat in some locations. Cousteau attributes Irwin's personality to desperation in keeping his audiences hooked.)
You're chunky and soft, you get on my nerves!
(Cousteau calls Irwin chunky and says that he has an annoying personality.)
You're the only manatee I don't want to conserve!
(Cousteau was a famous ocean explorer and conservationist. Manatees are rotund sea mammals also known as sea cows which are becoming endangered. Cousteau compares Irwin to a manatee and says he wouldn’t want to protect him.)
My Life Aquatic was adventure and beauty,
(Cousteau says his life was full of beauty exploring nature. Cousteau was the basis for the acclaimed Wes Anderson movie The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, whose titular character is played by Bill Murray.)
I'm so cool, Bill Murray played me in the movie.
(Cousteau says he has such a high reputation, an acclaimed actor known for his countercultural exploits like Murray was cast as a character based upon him.)
I have Oscars! You're in Doctor Dolittle 2!
(Cousteau has won three Academy Awards for his documentaries and short films. Meanwhile, one of Irwin's few film roles was a small gag bit in the sequel film, Doctor Dolittle 2, starring Eddie Murphy, where Irwin played himself and had his arm bitten off by a crocodile. Unlike the Academy Award-winning films made by Cousteau, Doctor Dolittle 2 was met with a lukewarm critical reception upon release.)
So run back home to your daddy's zoo!
(Australia Zoo, which Irwin owned and operated before his passing, was opened by his parents in 1970.)
And just to be clear, 'cause I'm no veterinarian,
(Cousteau asks Irwin to confirm his next line as he isn’t a veterinary surgeon.)
Were you killed by a fish kids pet at the aquarium?
(Steve Irwin was struck in the heart by a stingray barb during the filming of the documentary Ocean's Deadliest, which eventually led to his death. Small stingrays are often found in aquarium exhibitions where kids are able to touch them alongside other sea creatures such as starfish and sea anemone, although their tails should not be touched. Cousteau is mocking Irwin for being killed by an animal children usually touch at aquariums without harm. The implication that a veterinarian would be the one needed to confirm Irwin's cause of death also resonates with Cousteau calling him a manatee earlier.)
(“Holy smokes” is a phrase commonly used by Irwin. Irwin reacts in shock at Cousteau's last line poking fun of the stingray incident that eventually killed him, as Steve Irwin is still highly regarded, making jokes about his death are oft-regarded as tasteless.)
You'd need a submarine for a blow that low! (Awhh!)
(Irwin says that Cousteau's death joke was such a low blow that he would need his submarine to reach it.)
You'd better run! You'd better take cover!
(Irwin references the final lyric of the chorus of the song "Down Under" by Australian rock band Men at Work, which is about Australia. He also suggests that Cousteau should run away or take cover.)
'Cause crikey, I'm going from 'Croc' to 'Jacques' Hunter!
('Crikey' is a minced oath of 'Christ kill me' and is also Irwin's signature catchphrase. Irwin's nickname is "The Crocodile Hunter", but here he says he should rename himself to the "Jacques Hunter", saying he is going to beat Cousteau.)
Have a look at this salty fella,
(Irwin describes Cousteau as if he were introducing an animal on his television show The Crocodile Hunter. He describes Cousteau as salty, either from seawater, or being cantakerous. In doing so, he compares Cousteau to a saltwater crocodile, referencing "Jacques hunter" from the previous line.)
His face looks like it's made of pure leather!
(Irwin continues comparing Cousteau to a saltwater crocodile, insulting Cousteau's aged appearance by saying that his face has the same coarseness and roughness as leather. As leather is only obtainable by processing the animal's skin after its death, Irwin completes his transformation into the "Jacques hunter" by suggesting he has hunted down and skinned the saltwater crocodile that is Cousteau.)
Look out! He's got the body of a naked mole-rat!
(Irwin is saying that Cousteau's body, particularly in his elder years, resembles that of naked mole rats, burrowing African rodents which have hairless bodies and wrinkled skin.)
He's cranky 'cause he has to wear a Papa Smurf hat!
(Cousteau is well-known for his trademark red beanie. To Irwin, it resembles the hat worn by Papa Smurf, the elderly leader of the Smurfs.)
I'm a wild man, you're a subdued sub-dude!
(Irwin is known for his enthusiastic and energetic personality, which contrasts to Cousteau's more relaxed and quiet attitude. "Sub" could also be short for a submarine as well as "subpar". Irwin says that Cousteau is below him both literally in his submarine, and figuratively as a man.)
The only crocs you could handle are some slip-on shoes!
(Crocs are a popular brand of soft, slip-on footwear. Irwin says that while he handles real crocodiles, Cousteau could only handle croc shoes.)
And Crikey! You're such a boring guy,
(Irwin calls Cousteau dull and boring.)
You could make a whole show about the ocean dry!
(Cousteau has presented many different documentaries about the ocean. Irwin says that despite all the water in the ocean, Cousteau still makes his shows dry by his boring personality.)
But with the sheilas you sure had fun!
(Sheila is an Australian term often referring to a woman and one Irwin often adopted when referring to them. Cousteau had a long marriage to Simone Melchior whom he married in 1937 and used to accompany him on his underwater expeditions. They also had two children together. A year after his wife's death, the picture of their perfect marriage was tarnished when Cousteau announced in 1991 that he had a secret mistress, Francine Triplet, and fathered two children with her. Cousteau later married Triplet. Irwin mocks Cousteau's secret relationship as having fun as opposed to the boring tone of his documentaries.)
Your mistress was as young as your first-born son!
(Continuing from the previous line, Irwin points out the considerably young age of Cousteau's mistress, Francine Triplet, who was 36 years younger than Cousteau, born in 1946. Irwin notes that she was about the same age as Cousteau's first-born son, Jean-Michel, who was born in 1938 and therefore 8 years older than her.)
You never should have stepped to the wildlife defender,
(Irwin calls himself a protector of wildlife and says Cousteau shouldn’t mess with him.)
Now embrace your French nature and quietly surrender!
(French people are often stereotyped as being prone to surrendering due to the events of World War II. When the French capital city, Paris, fell to the Nazis during the war, Cousteau took shelter with his family in Megreve, close to the Swiss border and spent the first few years of the war quietly conducting his underwater experiments and explorations before joining the French Resistance movement.)
Talk about sons? Better watch what you say now!
(Cousteau says that Irwin is in no position to joke about his son.)
You almost turned yours into Outback Mistake House!
(Steve Irwin was once filmed feeding a crocodile while holding his month-old son Robert in his hands during a public show. This became a controversy as the act was perceived as dangerous. Outback Steakhouse is an Australian-themed chain of steakhouse restaurants. Jacques makes a pun with it saying that his son almost became food for the crocodile.)
Would you rather talk about your brother? Ooh boy!
(Irwin replies and asks if Cousteau would rather have his brother mentioned rather than his son.)
Nazi, Nazi, Nazi! Oy yoy yoy!
(Pierre-Antoine Cousteau, Jacques' brother was a leftist until he was drawn to anti-Semitism and anti-democracy ideology and thus, converted to fascism. He once went to Nazi Germany in 1936, where his trips helped develop his fascism, and later became a collaborator when the Nazis occupied France. Irwin also makes a play on the Australian chant, Aussie! Aussie! Aussie! Oi! Oi! Oi!)
Enough of your antics and madness!
(Cousteau has had enough of Irwin's eccentricities, including his diss of another of his family members.)
Contain yourself, like my underwater breathing apparatus!
(SCUBA stands for Self-Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus, Cousteau makes a reference to the scuba as he was the designer of the first successful and safe open-circuit scuba, known as the Aqua-Lung. At the same time he is saying that Irwin should control himself namely for interrupting his second verse as soon as it began.
You're a joke of a bloke in a tacky khaki romper!
(Irwin is most known for wearing a khaki-colored shirt and shorts which Cousteau compares to a romper, a one-piece outer garment for adults.)
Go grope a nope rope, Crocodile Humper!
(A nope rope is a term which refers to a venomous snake. Crocodile Humper is a song by Bubba the Love Sponge, and is also a meme associated with Irwin. Cousteau is suggesting that if Irwin loves animals so much he should get into bestiality.)
There's a type of snail, recently discovered,
(Crikey steveirwini is a species of snail that was classified in 2009 and is named after Irwin.)
And named after you; I'll eat them with butter!
(Cousteau says that he is going to eat the snail named after Irwin as a reference to the French dish escargot, snails typically cooked with butter.)
Hey Skippy the Bush League Kangaroo,
(Cousteau makes reference to the Australian television series, Skippy the Bush Kangaroo, which aired from 1968 to 1970 and was centered on the adventures of a young boy and his pet kangaroo. Bush-league refers to something or someone of mediocre quality.)
Hold the 'dee', I'm Crocodile Dun with you!
(Crocodile Dundee is a 1986 Australian film starring Paul Hogan as the eponymous character. Cousteau is making a joke with the film's title to show he is refusing to continue the battle.)
Where ya going, fella? Hang on a minute,
(Irwin tells Cousteau not to try and leave the battle yet.)
Like a joey in a pouch, this ain't quite finished!
("Joey" is a term used to describe baby marsupials, especially kangaroos. Mother marsupials usually carry their infants in a pouch for years. Steve states the battle is not finished.)
Take a look how destructive your old films are:
(Some of Cousteau's films contained scenes of violence and destruction, or had incidents associated with the film. In his 1956 film Silent World, the death of a whale and several sharks were featured. During the process of filming the 1972 documentary Voyage of the Edge of the World, the first mate of the film crew's ship was killed by a helicopter propeller.)
Silent World? More like Silent WorldStar!
(Silent World was a 1956 documentary film directed by Cousteau which explores marine life and habitats. During the film, a whale calf was heavily mutilated by the propeller of the crew's boat, forcing them to shoot the whale to end its suffering. The blood in the water attracted sharks to feast on the whale's corpse, which were then killed by the crew by harpooning and pulling them out of the water before hacking them to death. In addition, the crew used dynamite to get a better look at a coral reef habitat. Because of the violence towards marine life during the film, Irwin compares it to WorldStarHipHop, a video hosting site that is frequently used to upload videos of street fights, shootings, and other violent and shocking content.)
If you wanna count fish, please take the reef tour!
(Irwin says that Cousteau should take a harmless tour of the reef if he wants to explore the different species in the ocean.)
Don't go throwing C-4 on the seafloor!
(In a scene from Silent World, Cousteau and his crew used dynamite underwater, reasoning that studying the collection of corpses that came floating to the surface was the most reliable way of surveying the local ecosystem. Irwin calls his actions destructive.)
I'm the gold medal rhymer on the podium,
(Irwin says he is the superior rapper.)
Cleaning you up like a Jacques Custodian! (Woo!)
(Irwin makes a play on Cousteau's name with the word custodian, a person who has responsibility for taking care of or protecting something or is employed to clean and maintain a building. Irwin says that he will sweep away the mess he made of Cousteau like a custodian.)
I'm Mother Nature's greatest conservationist!
(Irwin says he is the better conservationist and the best protector of wildlife.)
When I rock the mic, I'm danger danger dangerous!
(This refers to the phrase “Danger, danger, danger!”, said by Irwin in one of his shows. Irwin says that although he protects wildlife, he is dangerous when he starts rapping.)
So go back down under with your crew,
(Down under is a term used to refer to Australia, though Irwin says Cousteau should disappear back under the water with his crew.)
I just blew through you like a didgeridoo!
(A didgeridoo is an Aboriginal Australian tube-shaped musical instrument, played by blowing air into it. To blow through something is to finish it quickly. Steve declares he defeated Cousteau fast.)