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Joan Rivers
Joan Rivers In Battle
Jackie Tohn as Joan Rivers
Character information
Birth name Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Nickname(s) Joan Rivers
The Queen of the Barbed One-liners
Born June 8, 1933
Brooklyn, New York
Died September 4, 2014 (aged 81)
Manhattan, New York
Physical description
Hair Blonde
Eyes Brown
Based on
Joan Rivers Based On
Rap battle information
Appeared in George Carlin vs Richard Pryor
Vs George Carlin
Richard Pryor
Bill Cosby
Robin Williams
Release date July 13, 2019
Official vote(s) 28% (ERB Patreon poll)
Location(s) A comedy light stage
The Cave of Wonders
Shapes representing Robin Williams' films
So don't throw down with Rivers! The flow is too relentless!
— Joan Rivers

Joan Rivers battled George Carlin, Richard Pryor, and Bill Cosby, preceding Robin Williams, in George Carlin vs Richard Pryor. She was portrayed by Jackie Tohn.

Information on the rapper

Joan Alexandra Molinsky was born on June 8th, 1933, in Brooklyn, New York. Known professionally as Joan Rivers, she was a comedian, actress, writer, producer, and television host. She was noted for her often controversial comedic persona—heavily self-deprecating or sharply acerbic, especially toward celebrities and politicians.

Rivers rose to prominence in 1965 as a guest on The Tonight Show. Hosted by her mentor, Johnny Carson, the show established Rivers' comedic style. In 1986, with her own rival program, The Late Show with Joan Rivers, Rivers became the first woman to host a late night network television talk show. She subsequently hosted The Joan Rivers Show, winning a Daytime Emmy for Outstanding Talk Show Host. From the mid-1990s, she became known for her comedic red carpet awards show celebrity interviews, and in 2009, she was the Celebrity Apprentice Winner. Rivers co-hosted the E! celebrity fashion show Fashion Police from 2010 to 2014 and starred in the reality series Joan & Melissa: Joan Knows Best? with daughter Melissa Rivers. She was the subject of the documentary Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work.

In addition to marketing a line of jewelry and apparel on the QVC shopping channel, Rivers authored 12 best-selling books and three LP comedy albums under her own name: Mr. Phyllis And Other Funny Stories, The Next To Last Joan Rivers Album, and What Becomes A Semi-Legend Most?. She was nominated in 1984 for a Grammy Award for her album What Becomes a Semi-Legend Most?; and was nominated in 1994 for the Tony Award for Best Actress in a Play for her performance of the title role in Sally Marr ... and Her Escorts. In 2015, Rivers posthumously received a Grammy Award for Best Spoken Word Album for her book, Diary of a Mad Diva.

In 1968, The New York Times television critic Jack Gould called Rivers "quite possibly the most intuitively funny woman alive". In 2017, Rolling Stone magazine ranked her sixth on its list of the 50 best stand-up comics of all time, and in October the same year, she was inducted into the Television Academy Hall of Fame.

Rivers' death on September 4, 2014 was attributed to complications from a medical procedure on her throat. Her daughter Melissa filed suit for malpractice, and her case was settled in 2016.

Lyrics

[Note: Joan Rivers is in light brown, while Bill Cosby is in regular text.]

Oh, shut up, you stupid son of a bitch, you know you blew it!

I'd have attacked you two first, but your hearts beat me to it! (Oh!)

Cosby, you can't be here! (Ah!) You're making people nervous (Ah!)

So let me end you real quick like I was Hannibal Buress! (Ohh!)

It turns out you were just like your sweater: monstrous!

The men that I slept with only wished they were unconscious!

My sex jokes offend, you're on the sex offender registry!

Oh, who are you wearing now? Is that State Penitentiary?

Enough with the roofies, let me move on to Rufus.

My jokes always had bite, you started out toothless

And you just kept talking, you wouldn't shut up.

Honestly, I'm glad you died. Fourteen specials was enough!

And Richard, can we talk? Can I call you Dick?

Like your fifth wife did when you remarried your sixth?

At this point, I've got more plastic than flesh,

But my Tupperware body couldn't keep your raps fresh!

I think my pudding-

So don't throw down with Rivers! The flow is too relentless!

I haven't thrashed celebrities this bad since The Apprentice!

I'm closing this battle! No one else compares!

The only place I'm in the middle is on Hollywood Squares!

Scrapped lyrics

You always make the lists of stand-ups near the top

But your movies ended up like your cheeks: flops!


I'm headlining this battle! No one else compares!

Trivia

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