Epic Rap Battles of History Wiki
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Rap Meanings


King Henry VIII:

I am Henry the Eighth! King of England, Ireland, and Wales!

(King Henry begins the battle by bragging about his rule over much of United Kingdom, which, during his reign, included territory that is part of modern-day France. He also defines himself by his distinguished lineage, being the eighth.)

You are a presidential candidate in a pantsuit who fails!

(Henry devalues Clinton by calling her out both on her inferior style of dress, being a Tudor who prided himself on dressing well, and deriding her for having failed as a presidential candidate, at the time against Barack Obama, in contrast to his success as a monarch.)

Girls don't belong in politics, too much stress!  

(As someone who lived in the 16th century and had an opinion on women in politics from that time period, Henry believed that women were too weak to be involved in politics, and he mocks Clinton's political aspirations.)

You should stay at home and wash the stains out of another lady's dress!

(Henry believes that women should stay at home and do the housework while the men are out working. Henry refers to the literal mess of Bill Clinton's sex scandal, which was created by his semen being found on the dress of Monica Lewinsky, one of the women who reportedly had sexual relations with him.)

I tend to have separation issues with women.

(Henry is famous for his issues with his wives. Separation issues refers to his divorces of his first wife, Catherine of Aragon, and his fourth wife, Anne Of Cleves. It also works as double entendre for beheadings where the head is separated from the body. Henry ordered the beheadings of his second wife, Anne Boleyn, and his fifth wife, Catherine Howard, both on charges for adultery. His third wife, Jane Seymour, died after childbirth, and his sixth wife, Catherine Parr, outlived him. The fates of his six wives is popularly taught in schools with the epigram "Divorced, Beheaded, Died, Divorced, Beheaded, Survived." Henry relates the fates of his beheaded wives to the fate that Clinton will suffer in the battle.)

It's like their heads are the Pope and their necks the Church of England!

(Henry creates an analogy between the beheading of two of his wives, and his separation with the Catholic Church, here represented solely by the Pope, and the British people, where the national religion became the Church of England, of which Henry was the head of. There is also a link created between the two executed wives, and Catherine of Aragon, who caused Henry to establish the Church of England for divorce because the Pope would not approve it.)

Madam Secretary, hold my calls! I'm off for a walk!

(Henry plays upon Clinton's then-title of Secretary of State by referring to her as Madam Secretary and asking her to "hold his calls" as if she were an executive secretary.)

'Cause no one's beat you this bad since a swarthy man named Barack!

(Henry compares his defeat of Clinton to her former defeat at the hands of would-be President, Barack Obama, whom he defines as "swarthy" by his skin tone as per his time period.)

Hillary Clinton:

(Ha ha ha ha ha!) Let's just get down to it.

(Clinton laughs, thinking she will win, and wants to "get down to it," meaning to get it over with since she wants to finish the battle already.)

You done messed with the wrong Rodham. I'm about to Tudor and boot it!

(Clinton's maiden name is Rodham, and she tells King Henry not to challenge her. The term "Tudor" refers to the English royal dynasty who ruled between 1485 and 1603, which King Henry was a member of. It may also play on the word tutor, in which case she also says she will teach him a lesson. "Toot It and Boot It" is a 2010 rap song by YG about having sex with women, and then immediately "booting" them out of your house, which is something that King Henry VIII has been guilty of many times.[1])

You make more false accusations than Whitewater!

(Whitewater was a political controversy investigating into the real estate investments of Bill and Hillary Clinton and their associates. In the end, neither Bill nor Hillary Clinton were ever prosecuted.)

It's not your wives' fault your balls keep making daughters!

(Clinton calls out King Henry for his divorce of Catherine Of Aragon and his beheading of Anne Bolelyn for not birthing a surviving son as he wanted a male to serve as the heir to his throne. Most of the surviving pregnancies were daughters, and the sons were either miscarriages or didn't survive birth. Henry only managed to have a surviving son from his third wife, Jane Seymour. Clinton points out that it's his fault he wasn't able to get his wish for a surviving male child as it is the father's sperm that determines the sex of the child.)

Your country's the size of Ohio. You couldn't even beat Spain!

(Ohio has been one of the most important swing states in the U.S. during the 21st century, and it is one that Clinton won in the 2008 Democratic primaries. Ohio is the 34th largest state of the 50 states of the United States of America, therefore Clinton tells King Henry that his country, England, isn't very large compared to the USA, so his leadership of it is less impressive than Clinton being a Secretary of State of the USA. Spain was a major player in European politics at the time and was ruled by Charles V, who was the nephew of Henry's first wife, Catherine of Aragon. Henry had a few wars with Francis I of France and often made alliances with Spain to fight them. Spain beat France in the Battle Of Pavia in 1525 without England's involvement and captured Francis. After Henry split from the Catholic Church to divorce Catherine, the Pope urged both France and Spain to wage war with England. Henry sided with Charles again in 1544 to battle Francis, but after the successful capture of Boulogne, Charles betrayed Henry and negotiated a truce with Francis. Hillary suggests that Henry could not beat Spain in war, which is why he always allies with them instead to fight France.)

I could defeat you with the grassroots email campaign!

(A grassroots campaign is a political movement driven by a community, in this case via email. Clinton also implemented grassroots email campaigns in 2008 and 2016, the latter of which was when she became a presidential candidate. Clinton says she could easily beat Henry using this method.)

I'd eat you alive, but I'd probably never finish.

(Clinton is depicted as an independent/powerful female icon, so she says she would be able to beat King Henry with ease. To "eat someone alive" in a figurative sense means to defeat someone, often inexperienced, thoroughly. Clinton thinks doing so in a literal sense will cause her to be unable to eat Henry entirely.)

You're so fat, your body could feed a whole freakin' village!

(Clinton continues to jab at Henry's weight, claiming that if he were to be eaten, his body could supply enough meat for an entire village. This line may be reference to Clinton's book, It Takes A Village)

King Henry VIII:

I'm big because I'm God's appointed vessel!

(Henry retorts his weight comes from God choosing him to be king, leading him to be a large figure like a vessel. Henry's creation and subsequent leadership of the Church of England gave him a messiah complex.)

The only way you could beat me is if maybe we wrestled!

(Henry thinks Hillary could only beat him in a wrestling match. In his youth, wrestling was one of Henry's favorite activities, and he once challenged King Francis I to wrestle but lost.)

I mean, come on! Is it any wonder why you can't keep your man at home?

(Henry claims the ancient "divine right of kings" and insults Clinton for not being able to keep her husband Bill interested because of him famously cheating on her with Monica Lewinsky.)

The only thing getting blown is Bill's saxophone!

(Bill Clinton claimed that he only received oral sex from Lewinsky, and Henry asserts that this was because when Bill was at home with Hillary, his saxophone was what got blown rather than his penis. Clinton was known for playing the saxophone, even famously doing so on the Arsenio Hall Show during his campaign for President.)

Hillary Clinton:

You couldn't even handle the goods that I'm selling!

(Clinton believes Henry is too incompetent to properly beat a woman of her caliber.)

I'm more powerful than Oprah!

(Clinton compares herself to Oprah Winfrey, a TV presenter who is one of the most influential women in show business. Clinton thinks she is even stronger and more influential than Oprah.)

King Henry VIII:

And more handsome than Ellen!

(Ellen DeGeneres is a TV presenter as well. Ellen is also a lesbian with short hair, so he insults Hillary's appearance as being masculine. Coincidentally, both these people would appear in their own battle.)

Hillary Clinton:

Don't you interrupt me, you chauvinist prick!

(Clinton angrily tells Henry not to interrupt her when she is talking and calls him a chauvinist, alluding to his sexist views.)

You put the needs of your country behind the whims of your dick!

(Hillary scolds Henry because of his disregard for the economy and the needs of his people at the end of his reign. By that time, his desires were to finally have a heir son, not improve the state.)

I'll banish you back to your Tower of London, baby!

(Clinton threatens to banish Henry to his Tower of London, one of the most famous and oldest buildings in London. During its long history it managed to be a fortress, a palace, an arsenal, a prison and a zoo, becoming one of the UK most legendary symbols. During the Henry's reign, the Tower gained a reputation for sinister deeds, such as the beheading of Anne Boleyn and her brother for treason.)

You can tell them Henry VIII got spanked by the first lady! (Ha ha ha ha ha!)

(Clinton claims she defeated Henry by comparing their rank, saying Henry was eighth while she is first from being the First Lady of the United States.)

References

Rap Meanings
Michael J. Fox vs ChuckyKing Henry VIII vs Hillary ClintonBetty White vs Bettie PageSpongeBob Movie Rap Battle
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