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- - - - - - - THE OFFICIAL STAHL OF THE EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY WIKI - - - - - - -
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About Stahlix

My name is Stahlix, salutations! I have been with Epic Rap Battles of History since a while before the Sinatra/Mercury battle, and I have been an avid fan ever since. I found this wiki after looking up rap meanings for rap battles, and it's taken me a while to get an account . . . but better late than never, right? I love ranking things, and I love explaining why things are ranked. I intend on ranking the battles within the seasons and overall. It'll be fun! Thank you for visiting my user page.

My username is a combination of "Stahl" (my favorite character from the 3DS game "Fire Emblem: Awakening") and "Steelix" (my favorite Pokemon). Rolled off the tongue well, so I kept the name.

D VH VGNJ JIZ CZQQ JA V APMMD.

Concerning People

I didn't think a wiki like this could house such a great group of people. Thank you to everyone who's read, agreed, and disagreed with any points I may make.

A big thanks to people who care:

DudeWithASuit, for responding to my first comment;

GravityMan, for showing me the lay of the land;

Hippie Rat, for being an agreeable dude;

Brandon service, a chill guy;

and most of all, Rival Silver, who's my best bro on the wiki.

Unpopular Opinions That I Share

DO NOT misunderstand me: I LOVE EPIC RAP BATTLES.

I'm just a pessimistic guy by nature, and I have certain preferences. I need a spot to vent my opinions, and here I am!

  • I think "Three Musketeers/Three Stooges" is a terrible idea that I find myself liking less and less every time it is bandied about.
  • Artists/TMNT was a great battle, with plenty of content to go around. The reason it was short was because of the faster-than-usual rapping. It also has my favorite beat of all time.
  • I am worried about the suggestions I see most for Season Five. They seem much worse than the actual battles presented in all seasons beforehand. For example: Kreuger/Wolverine, Al Gore/Captain Planet, all these extraneous superhero battles, and the aforementioned 3M/3S battle. I'm certain that ERB can do a very good job with all these suggestions... but I still prefer actual well-known historical characters. Not because of the Epic Rap Battles of History name, but just because I find battles with real characters typically better than battles without.
  • After 57 battles... how many good historical characters do they have left? Almost every suggestion I see has very few iconic historical figures... because it seems as if ERB has already used most of them.
  • I don't like the notion of any more video game characters in ERBs.
  • I felt that half of Season Four was nothing spectacular.
  • Season Three is far and away the best season they have ever made. Season Four comes next, then Season Two, then Season One.
  • I want ERB to quit before they turn stale due to poor character matchups and choices. Best case scenario: ERB goes on for several more seasons and continues to improve. But I don't ever want to see a day where ERB goes south, just like every other Youtube channel that's been around for a long time (a perfect example is Smosh).
  • All things considered, Sir Isaac Newton/Bill Nye is the best battle they've ever made. A blog post will come at some point in time concerning my thoughts.

Desired Rappers

There are four rappers left, in no particular order, that I desperately wish are in an ERB at some point. I will be content with ERB as a whole ending once at least three out of four of these have been included. Note that they are all very much historical.

  • Alexander the Great.
  • Jane Austen.
  • Johann Sebastian Bach.
  • Charles Darwin.

Ranking the Rap Battles: Seasons 3 & 4

Listed rankings below, plus best lines from each rapper and winner(s).

  1. Sir Isaac Newton vs Bill Nye.
    1. "Every action has an equal and opposite reaction - except for when we both start rapping!"
    2. "Stick to drinking that mercury, cause I hypothesize you're about to get beat!"
    3. "By the way, the answer to your little calculation is "i". As in I put the swag back in science while Isaac Newton was lying and sticking daggers in Liebniz."
    4. Winner - Sir Isaac Newton
  2. Stephen King vs Edgar Allan Poe.
    1. "See, I'm the author with the blood and gore lore galore that'll horrify a reader to the core!"
    2. "Poe's Poems Pwn Posers!"
    3. Winner - Stephen King
  3. Bob Ross vs Pablo Picasso.
    1. "With the voice that soothes, so let's do this... I'll twist you up like a Rubik's Cubist!"
    2. "But I think you must be a genius, cause with zero training, you made millions teaching people how to suck at painting!"
    3. Winner - Bob Ross
  4. Steven Spielberg vs Alfred Hitchcock.
    1. "I'm the master! Of suspense, so intense, no defense against Hitchcock once he presents!"
    2. "Scripts that I write ain't the... cleanest. But when I grip mics I'm the... meanest."
    3. "Drop ultra-violent rhymes... like Clockwork!"
    4. "I take my checks to the bank, and I sign 'em with my nuts!"
    5. "Try to Duel with me Alfred? You must be Psycho."
    6. Winner - Alfred Hitchcock
  5. Artists vs TMNT.
    1. "Uh, Dona-tell me who you are again, dude? Cause I don't Gattamelata clue what you do."
    2. "I'm a rap God and you can't quite touch me! This battle's your Last Judgment, trust me!"
    3. "You guys draw more dicks than New York Pride!"
    4. "Put you back in School with the tip of my two sai!"
    5. "Cowabunga, dude, so let's get it on! Reptiles against the fathers of the Renaissance!"
    6. "Yo! Raphael and I came to flow. Deemed dope by the pope and I boned till I croaked!"
    7. "Ugh! Hard shell, but you're gross in the middle. Wouldn't want to touch you with a six-foot chisel!"
    8. "I don't think you want to mess with my katana blades! Get back in your floppy helicopter, fly away!"
    9. Winner - Artists
  6. Shaka Zulu vs Julius Caesar.
    1. "Cause there's no use in murdering you and your heathen... you can grow my wheat for me, after you're beaten."
    2. "If you cross that equator, you'll head straight into a massacre, and get fucked by more than just Cleopatra in Africa!"
    3. Winner - Julius Caesar
  7. Goku vs Superman.
    1. "There's only one way that this battle's gonna end - one more Superman who's never gonna walk AGAIN."
    2. "You're primitive and limited! You live in a village of idiots!"
    3. Winner - Goku
  8. Philosophers East vs Philosophers West.
    1. "Let me be frank. Don't start beef with the Frank, who hangs with B. Franks, giving ladies beef franks!"
    2. "Plebe, bitch? I'm toxic like a hemlock sip. Hang a sandal on the door, cause you can suck Soc's dick!"
    3. "I'm N-I-E-T-Z-S-C-H-E! And I'll end any motherfucker like my name in a spelling bee!"
    4. "Now, here's the real golden rule - I'm way above you weak rookies. Confucius say: You can all hold these fortune cookies!!"
    5. "Get out The Way!
    6. "These white boys getting burned, cause, guess what? Now the Sun's out."
    7. Winner: Philosophers West
  9. Lewis & Clark vs Bill & Ted.
    1. "Suffering your raps is a most Bogus Journey!"
    2. "Let's keep it excellent between us! And show these boy scouts how it goes in San Dimas!"
    3. Winners - Lewis & Clark
  10. Blackbeard vs Al Capone.
    1. "Slapping bitch-ass teaches back since I was fourteen. You ain't a tough guy, my kids dress up like you for Halloween!"
    2. "You're an obese, greasy sleaze, squeezing a diseased peter that no skeezer would touch if she had fifty-foot tweezers!"
    3. Winner - Al Capone
  11. Robocop vs Terminator.
    1. "I'm RoboCop, and I got the flow to beat roided-out C-3PO!"
    2. "Based on my detailed analysis of the lyrical structure of battle raps: It's time for your next shit verse, and then.... I'll be back.
    3. Winner - RoboCop
  12. Harry Houdini vs David Copperfield.
    1. "I'm badder with patter, and matter of fact, you can't match all my skill if you sawed me in half."
    2. "You talk shit about your hero... that ain't right. But you can look up to me now, I know you like heights."
    3. "Oh..."
    4. Winner - Harry Houdini
  13. Michael Jordan vs Muhammad Ali.
    1. "You better bounce back to North Carolina, kid, cause your rapping sucks more than Space Jam did!"
    2. "Used to float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. Now you double-dribble balls that nobody can see!"
    3. Winner - Michael Jordan
  14. Zeus vs Thor.
    1. "I will drop you like Greece's GDP!"
    2. "MC Hammer just got struck twice by greased lightning!"
    3. Winner - Thor
  15. George Washington vs William Wallace.
    1. "Looking like a stiffer white dick than your monument!"
    2. "Ain't nobody more street than Big G! Stone face with a grill of sheep teeth! A Mel Gibson movie is your legacy! I got a state and a day and a D.C.!"
    3. Winner - William Wallace
  16. Rick Grimes vs Walter White.
    1. "Cause you're a loser! A failure to your whole entire crew... I've seen Walter Jr. handle walkers better than you!"
    2. "Carl, stay back. This is gonna get bad. I'm 'bout to show this lab rat how to be a real dad."
    3. Winner - Walter White
  17. Ghostbusters vs Mythbusters.
    1. "Your science is preposterous - the opposite of competent process. And in this episode, we'll give you a synopsis. Starting with the vacuum cleaners strapped upon your back, it's a fact: positrons don't react like that!"
    2. "Like your show, it's all fluff and filler. I'll kick your heinie, man. I'm a savage killer."
    3. "We reject your flows, and substitute our own!"
    4. "I smother Ghostbusters in fluffernutter, I don't play. Show these dweebs how to rock a beret!"
    5. Winner - Mythbusters
  18. Romeo & Juliet vs Bonnie & Clyde.
    1. "No, no, my Romeo will beat your beau in contest blow for blow!"
    2. "Do you quarrel sir? Ho, shall I draw my long sword? Or will you duck your chicken-shit ass back into your Ford?"
    3. "There's gonna be a tragedy! Make you ache like your balls on the balcony! Barrow gang put their money where their mouth is. Spit sick like a plague on both your houses."
    4. Winners - Romeo & Juliet
  19. Donald Trump vs Ebenezer Scrooge.
  20. Hitler vs Vader 3.
  21. Jim Henson vs Stan Lee.
  22. Miley Cyrus vs Joan of Arc.
  23. Jack the Ripper vs Hannibal Lecter.
  24. Ellen vs Oprah.
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