- - - - - - - THE OFFICIAL STAHL OF THE EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY WIKI - - - - - - -
My name is Stahlix, salutations! I have been with Epic Rap Battles of History since a while before the Sinatra/Mercury battle, and I have been an avid fan ever since. I found this wiki after looking up rap meanings for rap battles, and it's taken me a while to get an account . . . but better late than never, right? I love ranking things, and I love explaining why things are ranked. I intend on ranking the battles within the seasons and overall. It'll be fun! Thank you for visiting my user page.
My username is a combination of "Stahl" (my favorite character from the 3DS game "Fire Emblem: Awakening") and "Steelix" (my favorite Pokemon). Rolled off the tongue well, so I kept the name.
D VH VGNJ JIZ CZQQ JA V APMMD.
I didn't think a wiki like this could house such a great group of people. Thank you to everyone who's read, agreed, and disagreed with any points I may make.
A big thanks to people who care:
DudeWithASuit, for responding to my first comment;
GravityMan, for showing me the lay of the land;
Hippie Rat, for being an agreeable dude;
Brandon service, a chill guy;
and most of all, Rival Silver, who's my best bro on the wiki.
DO NOT misunderstand me: I LOVE EPIC RAP BATTLES.
I'm just a pessimistic guy by nature, and I have certain preferences. I need a spot to vent my opinions, and here I am!
- I think "Three Musketeers/Three Stooges" is a terrible idea that I find myself liking less and less every time it is bandied about.
- Artists/TMNT was a great battle, with plenty of content to go around. The reason it was short was because of the faster-than-usual rapping. It also has my favorite beat of all time.
- I am worried about the suggestions I see most for Season Five. They seem much worse than the actual battles presented in all seasons beforehand. For example: Kreuger/Wolverine, Al Gore/Captain Planet, all these extraneous superhero battles, and the aforementioned 3M/3S battle. I'm certain that ERB can do a very good job with all these suggestions... but I still prefer actual well-known historical characters. Not because of the Epic Rap Battles of History name, but just because I find battles with real characters typically better than battles without.
- After 57 battles... how many good historical characters do they have left? Almost every suggestion I see has very few iconic historical figures... because it seems as if ERB has already used most of them.
- I don't like the notion of any more video game characters in ERBs.
- I felt that half of Season Four was nothing spectacular.
- Season Three is far and away the best season they have ever made. Season Four comes next, then Season Two, then Season One.
- I want ERB to quit before they turn stale due to poor character matchups and choices. Best case scenario: ERB goes on for several more seasons and continues to improve. But I don't ever want to see a day where ERB goes south, just like every other Youtube channel that's been around for a long time (a perfect example is Smosh).
- All things considered, Sir Isaac Newton/Bill Nye is the best battle they've ever made. A blog post will come at some point in time concerning my thoughts.
There are four rappers left, in no particular order, that I desperately wish are in an ERB at some point. I will be content with ERB as a whole ending once at least three out of four of these have been included. Note that they are all very much historical.
- Alexander the Great.
- Jane Austen.
- Johann Sebastian Bach.
- Charles Darwin.
Ranking the Rap Battles: Seasons 3 & 4
Listed rankings below, plus best lines from each rapper and winner(s).
- Sir Isaac Newton vs Bill Nye.
- "Every action has an equal and opposite reaction - except for when we both start rapping!"
- "Stick to drinking that mercury, cause I hypothesize you're about to get beat!"
- "By the way, the answer to your little calculation is "i". As in I put the swag back in science while Isaac Newton was lying and sticking daggers in Liebniz."
- Winner - Sir Isaac Newton
- Stephen King vs Edgar Allan Poe.
- "See, I'm the author with the blood and gore lore galore that'll horrify a reader to the core!"
- "Poe's Poems Pwn Posers!"
- Winner - Stephen King
- Bob Ross vs Pablo Picasso.
- "With the voice that soothes, so let's do this... I'll twist you up like a Rubik's Cubist!"
- "But I think you must be a genius, cause with zero training, you made millions teaching people how to suck at painting!"
- Winner - Bob Ross
- Steven Spielberg vs Alfred Hitchcock.
- "I'm the master! Of suspense, so intense, no defense against Hitchcock once he presents!"
- "Scripts that I write ain't the... cleanest. But when I grip mics I'm the... meanest."
- "Drop ultra-violent rhymes... like Clockwork!"
- "I take my checks to the bank, and I sign 'em with my nuts!"
- "Try to Duel with me Alfred? You must be Psycho."
- Winner - Alfred Hitchcock
- Artists vs TMNT.
- "Uh, Dona-tell me who you are again, dude? Cause I don't Gattamelata clue what you do."
- "I'm a rap God and you can't quite touch me! This battle's your Last Judgment, trust me!"
- "You guys draw more dicks than New York Pride!"
- "Put you back in School with the tip of my two sai!"
- "Cowabunga, dude, so let's get it on! Reptiles against the fathers of the Renaissance!"
- "Yo! Raphael and I came to flow. Deemed dope by the pope and I boned till I croaked!"
- "Ugh! Hard shell, but you're gross in the middle. Wouldn't want to touch you with a six-foot chisel!"
- "I don't think you want to mess with my katana blades! Get back in your floppy helicopter, fly away!"
- Winner - Artists
- Shaka Zulu vs Julius Caesar.
- "Cause there's no use in murdering you and your heathen... you can grow my wheat for me, after you're beaten."
- "If you cross that equator, you'll head straight into a massacre, and get fucked by more than just Cleopatra in Africa!"
- Winner - Julius Caesar
- Goku vs Superman.
- "There's only one way that this battle's gonna end - one more Superman who's never gonna walk AGAIN."
- "You're primitive and limited! You live in a village of idiots!"
- Winner - Goku
- Philosophers East vs Philosophers West.
- "Let me be frank. Don't start beef with the Frank, who hangs with B. Franks, giving ladies beef franks!"
- "Plebe, bitch? I'm toxic like a hemlock sip. Hang a sandal on the door, cause you can suck Soc's dick!"
- "I'm N-I-E-T-Z-S-C-H-E! And I'll end any motherfucker like my name in a spelling bee!"
- "Now, here's the real golden rule - I'm way above you weak rookies. Confucius say: You can all hold these fortune cookies!!"
- "Get out The Way!
- "These white boys getting burned, cause, guess what? Now the Sun's out."
- Winner: Philosophers West
- Lewis & Clark vs Bill & Ted.
- "Suffering your raps is a most Bogus Journey!"
- "Let's keep it excellent between us! And show these boy scouts how it goes in San Dimas!"
- Winners - Lewis & Clark
- Blackbeard vs Al Capone.
- "Slapping bitch-ass teaches back since I was fourteen. You ain't a tough guy, my kids dress up like you for Halloween!"
- "You're an obese, greasy sleaze, squeezing a diseased peter that no skeezer would touch if she had fifty-foot tweezers!"
- Winner - Al Capone
- Robocop vs Terminator.
- "I'm RoboCop, and I got the flow to beat roided-out C-3PO!"
- "Based on my detailed analysis of the lyrical structure of battle raps: It's time for your next shit verse, and then.... I'll be back.
- Winner - RoboCop
- Harry Houdini vs David Copperfield.
- "I'm badder with patter, and matter of fact, you can't match all my skill if you sawed me in half."
- "You talk shit about your hero... that ain't right. But you can look up to me now, I know you like heights."
- Winner - Harry Houdini
- Michael Jordan vs Muhammad Ali.
- "You better bounce back to North Carolina, kid, cause your rapping sucks more than Space Jam did!"
- "Used to float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. Now you double-dribble balls that nobody can see!"
- Winner - Michael Jordan
- Zeus vs Thor.
- "I will drop you like Greece's GDP!"
- "MC Hammer just got struck twice by greased lightning!"
- Winner - Thor
- George Washington vs William Wallace.
- "Looking like a stiffer white dick than your monument!"
- "Ain't nobody more street than Big G! Stone face with a grill of sheep teeth! A Mel Gibson movie is your legacy! I got a state and a day and a D.C.!"
- Winner - William Wallace
- Rick Grimes vs Walter White.
- "Cause you're a loser! A failure to your whole entire crew... I've seen Walter Jr. handle walkers better than you!"
- "Carl, stay back. This is gonna get bad. I'm 'bout to show this lab rat how to be a real dad."
- Winner - Walter White
- Ghostbusters vs Mythbusters.
- "Your science is preposterous - the opposite of competent process. And in this episode, we'll give you a synopsis. Starting with the vacuum cleaners strapped upon your back, it's a fact: positrons don't react like that!"
- "Like your show, it's all fluff and filler. I'll kick your heinie, man. I'm a savage killer."
- "We reject your flows, and substitute our own!"
- "I smother Ghostbusters in fluffernutter, I don't play. Show these dweebs how to rock a beret!"
- Winner - Mythbusters
- Romeo & Juliet vs Bonnie & Clyde.
- "No, no, my Romeo will beat your beau in contest blow for blow!"
- "Do you quarrel sir? Ho, shall I draw my long sword? Or will you duck your chicken-shit ass back into your Ford?"
- "There's gonna be a tragedy! Make you ache like your balls on the balcony! Barrow gang put their money where their mouth is. Spit sick like a plague on both your houses."
- Winners - Romeo & Juliet
- Donald Trump vs Ebenezer Scrooge.
- Hitler vs Vader 3.
- Jim Henson vs Stan Lee.
- Miley Cyrus vs Joan of Arc.
- Jack the Ripper vs Hannibal Lecter.
- Ellen vs Oprah.