Epic Rap Battles of History Wiki
Epic Rap Battles of History Wiki

I'm just on a roll recently I guess lmao. I actually got this done earlier, but I wanted to wait a little bit after Coco vs Rarity so it wouldn't be released *immediately* after the fact. There were a lot of Ironwood jokes I wanted to make, but I either felt like I was overdoing it, or that other pre-existing lines covered it well enough as is. This battle also made me realize I REALLY should rewatch FMAB in full, it's been a while.

The Flame Alchemist, Colonel Roy Mustang, battles the leader of Atlas' army and headmaster of Atlas Academy, General James Ironwood. An elemental (fire) themed military man who fought against a tyrannical power vs An elemental (metal) themed military man who led a tyrannical power.


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Colonel Mustang TC.png
General Ironwood TC.png

Colonel Mustang

Colonel Mustang's rising up again, to crush another tyrant,

No vision, so I'm immune to the effects of any Lusty sirens!

And even when blinded, I've still got better foresight than you,

Betrayed by RWBY, Qrow, the Ace-Ops, and Winter, too!

Your arrogance caused the city in the sky to crash into the deep blue!

By the end of my story, I was still backed by my whole crew!

You're no Hero, you're a hypocrite holding two seats of power,

I could've easily stopped you in the broadcast's time allotted: one hour!

Central's Flame Alchemist! Best believe I'm always packing heat,

Fire's super effective against Steel, I won't go down like Sleet!

The Elric Brothers give me grief, but I wouldn't resort to shooting,

Or were you too miffed a literal child was giving you the schooling?

General Ironwood

I've always promised to protect my kingdom from felonish villains,

While you were having trouble protecting the streets from a felon Ishvalan!

Maes Hughes' death was a tragedy, and I know it brought you pain,

But we all know, for your sparks, it's always a terrible day for rain!

Two young amputee alchemists, and you come knocking at the door,

Enlisting twelve year olds, do you think those children can win a war?

Edward can step aside! To stop evil, I'm the true Full Mettle!

The innocent feel safe when protected by someone that's full medal!

You were played as more of a puppet than even Penny,

Bring your might, my forces are like Yang; Armed and Ready!

You took up the title of "Fuhrer," but try to criticize me for tyranny,

I may be Ironwood, but you're the one spelling irony!

Colonel Mustang

Of all the horrid things Bradley did, none can hold a candle,

To the way you enforce horrendous conditions in Mantle!

Nora called you out on it, but you wouldn't even debate her,

Then a few days later, you destroy ships saving people in the Crater!

Robyn was robbin' you of materials, so you considered martial law,

From Vale to your own streets, you in charge is a Vytal, fatal flaw!

It's no dick measuring contest! James is playing checkers in a chess game,

You'll accept your fate like Envy when I say The Final Word: Checkmate!

General Ironwood

With all the backstabbing I've endured, my spine's more scarred than Hawkeye,

But the thought of you winning is worse than Ruby half-truths and Oz lies!

Insubordination, admittedly, was what helped you to excel,

But if you were one of my men, I'd have shot you myself!

I sacrificed everything to save Atlas! Your only sacrifice helped the enemy,

Opened the portal when forced to commit the ultimate taboo of Alchemy!

I set embargoes in place to keep the world from falling into more peril,

My friends call me James, but to you, Colonel, it's General!

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