This was waaaaaaaaaay long overdo. God, this makes, what, my twelth hiatus? Jesus, I've just, like, gotta stop that. Well, anyway, I'm back! And I'm bring y'all the long-awaited - Oh, WHAT THE FU - (the intro text is interrupted by Deadpool swooping in and lopping Amont's head off) FFFFFFFFFFuck, this joke is getting old! Oh, hello. You must be this poor bastard's readers. Well, I bet you all must really enjoy it when he goes fucking years without posting anything! So, I took the liberty of fixing that. You're welcome. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must be off. I left the stove on by mistake.
Oh, what? You're here for a battle? Um, why? I've been used enough time by this guy.
Wha-Oh, motherfucker, fine. Let's just get through with this.
Welcome to Deadpool Rap Battles! Today's matchup is myself, the hilarious and attractive Deadpool, versus some orange asshole. I don't even need scripted lyrics. Fuck that, I got this. I think you all know who's gonna win this. Yeh. You all didn't want this, so now you're getting it. Here we go! My lyrics are written in red, while this orange asshole's lyrics are written in orange. You know the drill by now.
The Battle: []
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF DEADPOOL!
ME!
VERSUS!
THIS GUY!
LET'S GO!
Me, Myself, & I: []
You should leave this fight and just go back to your machines
I get real relationships, while this pedo chases teens
Let's be Honest , here. What do you think you can do against me?
Those screwed attacks can't do shit against a guy with immortality!
That suit you're wearing looks like it came straight from Call of Duty
I'm in the big leagues! All you get is a place in Batman's movie
You fucking second-rate loser, you're not a threat to me at all!
Wait, now that I think about it, why am I even here? Like, da fuck?
Deathstroke: []
It's time for chimichanga face to suffer The Return of Slade
Unlike his game , this unfunny bitch is gonna get played
Sherwin's here for a third win and, based on that performance,
Watching you in a green suit made me feel more rewarded!
Pop culture and dick jokes? Honestly, you're a disgrace!
But you've done a good job teaching kids how to swear in the first place
You're a trend that needs to die! I'm respected, you're outdated
Weapon X out this mistake; Consider yourself Terminated.
Captain Deaaadpoooool (Nah, just Deadpool): []
Oh. Well, shit. That was scripted and practiced
But I still felt more emotion from a fucking cactus
Wait, huh? I don't know, it rhymed, okay? Uh, fu-fuck you!
You're just a...fffffuuuAAAAH shit. Eh, just fuckin'- just go.
Deathstroke: []
You're a babbling child; I'll shut this merc's mouth for good
This melee will take One Minute , then, as a prize, I'll take your hood
I'm the comics quarterback and you're the fucking cheerleader!
Well, no one hits like Deadpool! No one shits like him, either.
Well, you're a -
Deadshot: []
If you bitches could quit bitching, a real assassin could take this!
What the hell are you doing? I'm participating. No. You're not. ;-;
Are we gonna battle or not, Wade?
Yeah, bro. Yeah. Back to business.
Both: []
Man, fuck you'! I bet you'd like that! Yeah, you've got me in a trance!
I've clearly got you seeing red, so did you wear your brown pants?
No! They're at home. Are you even at all taking this serious?
Yeah. What makes you say that? You're clearly just Night-winging this
I understood that reference. Jesus CHRIST! What the hell do you want?
We've been at this three times! It's getting boring by this point!
That didn't rhyme. Like, at all. Does this face look like I care? (he unmasks himself)
No, it looks like a plate of spaghetti gasping for air!
(Wade stares in disbelief at his opponent for a few moments. Then, he advances towards him, as if to kiss him)
What the hell are you-? You mean, you don't? No. Oh.
I'm sorry. Got caught up in the moment. I think we're done here. You can go.
Outro, I suppose: []
Oh, um, okay. Uh, who won?
Who gives a shit? I sure don't!
I killed the previous host, so, uh, yeah.
This hiatus is gonna be a bit longer. Yeh.
DEADPOOL RAP BATTLES!
Also, did you see the trailer for Deadpool 2? Fucking hysterical, am I right?
Ehh
I'm so lonely ;-;
Place ya bets! []
Oh, and, uh, I believe this goes without saying, but APRIL FOOLS! Amont really is dead, though. Yeah. Sorry! Deadpool out!
