Aye... welcome to the 4th of July special for you American users... I am late... no, I am early, almost a whole year early... Yes, I'm definetely early, nothing is late, I'm early... bpf

Now, let me welcome to a battle that's 75% written by Grav but I'm still going to take credit for, a battle in which the four heads of Mount Rushmore decide to murder each other with rap.

Yes I know I uploaded a Marvel v DC battle yesterday... Yes, I'm probably going to be uploading my NicePeter v EpicLLOYD parody tomorrow... but after that the amount of uploads from me should stagnate again... cause the only other battle that's done is from Joe's and mine's game of thrones thingy, which he'll be uploading when he's all ready to upload it.

Anyways... thanks again to Grav for helping me. Also thanks to Skeep for the Itunes cover.

Now, let's get started.


George Washington:

First off, is the OG beast of the presidency!

Dropping rhymes harder than the trunks of cherry trees!

I believe the whores I’m waging war with have reached my seat!

But trust me, you’re just weaker copies who can’t match what I’ve achieved!

I won the land you were born on, spit in the faces of kings,

I got a lead grill, bitch, that’s why y’all getting poisoning!

I got this battle in chains, like I bought it from it’s family at the local market!

Lincoln’s head’s spinning at this news, my shots assassinate their target!

Jefferson thinks he’s the shit, but he was outlasted by the Adams clan!

If his verses shine, it’s cause Franklin proofread it, man!

And finally, Teddy rode a moose, but so did FDR!

Shouldn’t have brought up his niece, now he’ll go hard! Uh!

Thomas Jefferson (with Burr in italics):

George your verse was too term for me to like!

Move aside, I’m known for whipping my bitches on the mic!

Gah I wrote the motherfucking Declaration!

When I spit my words I rock the nation!

Washington married Martha just to get her cash!

We all know this pig in a wig loved Fairfax! (Bang!)

Yo Teddy get ready, to move yo fat ass!

How could such a big boy get bit by Taft? (Oh!)

When my bitch Napoleon came begging for money,

He ended up selling me half of our country!

But then ol’ Abe oh gone and went,

Lost another half! Money well spent? (No!)

All men are made equal except for these three!

I’m shutting down these haters harder than I did to Haiti!

Theodore Roosevelt:

Your shots can’t take down this Bull Moose, it’s time that I spit

George chops down wood cause he himself ain’t got a big stick

Come on Lincoln, I got shot and I still continued

Cause I got that attitude, which gives me fortitude

You two may have contributed to the constitute

But you can’t refute, that you used slaves as prostitutes

I can say with certitude, for rap you have an ineptitude

Being first is the only reason you got a tribute

Certainly not cause of your “idyllic” limited skill set

An eviscerated kilted man could beat you with lyrics

Abe, I’m more manly than Chuck Norris, a one man fortress

My lines ride you the way I ride my fucking horses

Bet you won’t dare bare-knuckle fighting a Teddy Bear

I swear I must be dealing with a bunch of squares

Abraham Lincoln:


Except I just realized America don’t need y’all

You’re drunkards and cuckolds who spit nothing but bull,

I may have freed the slaves but the mic is under my control!

Yo no mofo can stop my drive, that’s why I was sworn in on a train!

I splatter fatter rappers with pieces of my mind, I mean brain!

Washington, you’re an idiot, every day sticking lead in your mouth,

And Jefferson, what can I say? I’d rather have Corey in the House!

Teddy while you’re off climbing the trunk of John Muir!

A womanizer is riding your moose of a daughter!

I emancipate my flows but keep the battle locked up!

I find fresher raps in the back of a border jumpers truck!

I’m ashamed of the way you’re acting!! We built a nation motherfuckers!

So grab my Lincoln log and start loving each other!



The poll was created at 23:01 on July 28, 2015, and so far 8 people voted.

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