Welcome to my second off-season. All you reality gameshow addicts like me most likely know that today is the end of Big Brother and the start of Survivor (In America atleast, Big Brother Australia for example just started like two weeks ago). This means next week Surivor will take over the Big Brother spot completely, but before that happens, the hosts of both shows will compete in a rap battle. Special thanks to Patts, for writing the last verse of this battle.
BREZ RAP BATTLEZ!
Hope you’re ready for Smorgasbord, cause I’m serving up a Jeff Special.
Take your Last Gasp, cause my flow is about to drown you under water level.
So go grab a life vest, you floater. Obviously I’m the best.
Just go and ask all the voters, let’s put this rivalry to rest.
I win this by beheading you, I’m like the Richard Hatch-etman, see?
I will send you home, even if you are a pawn. Hashtag Blindside!
I’d tell you to bring me your torch to get snuffed, but you don’t have fire
That’s able to burn me anyway, you’ll be saying your final words as a crier.
You stink as much as your rhymes, simply pure shit.
You may be used to outplay, outlast and outwit.
But in this battle I will out-rap, out-dis and out-spit.
You’re unfashionable, never change your outfit.
While my dresses always leave people luscious.
Nobody cares about your many man-crushes.
Though you and Cochran fit, both a cockles cockroach.
To win you’re going to need a twist in the form of a rap-coach.
Like seriously, you rap even worse than I predicted.
Hope you packed your stuff, you’re getting evicted.
Your rhyming is less tough than meals of slop are.
With so much outside interference the people will just keep on complaining.
While all the Big Brother conspiracy theories will just keep on gaining.
You deliver your rhymes with such a scripted delivery I should call you Chenbot.
Think you’re hot, I’ll make sure you get shot right from your high spot.
It’s the way it is, the Survivor God has spoken, it’s time for you to go.
BB is only on because people need something while we shoot our show.
And because you whored yourself out and married CBS’s president and CEO.
Even your biggest fans know that survivorsucks
My raps storm like lightning and you’re getting struck.
This is one verse that you will not survive.
I’ll leave you terrified, like I’m a butter knife.
And I can fight for myself, you don’t want to cross me, but that doesn’t have to do with me marrying the boss.
Get something to hold onto, cutting down your tower sized ego.
You want to know about survival, I’m the predator and you’re just prey.
You’re gonna hate me cause I’m flipping you off like I’m Jonny Fairplay.
Looks like you’ve hit your final road block in this last leg of the race,
But you’re facing me now and I’m already at the Pit Stop; first place;
Let’s Fast Forward: I’ve been hosting for twenty-five seasons and still going strong,
and if you think I’ll go easy on you, I’m sure you’ll be regretting that all summer long.
especially when your hosting skills and the show views are severely lacking.
I won’t leave a survivor left; the big Bear in the Wild will leave you running,
I’ve been to Madagascar and the animals are fiercer than you; that’s stunning.
Julie, Jeff, I’m happy to say that you’re the losers and you have been eliminated.
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