I don't even know the last time I wrote a battle that wasn't a HaV but here we fuckin go y'all
Today, we've got a battle to settle who's the best rapper: g-funk legend Snoop Dogg or PaRappa, a rapping dog. This battle was initially planned to be a part of Wonder's Epic Rap Battles of Video Games vs History and I was meant to guest write for it, but since he and the series is inactive, I adopted the battle to finish it! I did the same thing with Jack the Ripper vs Slender Man so basically I'm just stealing all of Matt's shit at this point.
Snoop Dogg
Rollin’ on the spot, as I pull up on the block
As me and my boys rollin’, see, we be rollin’ on the Spot
Aw, Doggfather poppin’ off; got on the Chronic with the Doc
These fake-ass bitches never stop! I make ‘em Drop It Like It’s Hot!
Get what I’m saying, son? Now roll over and die, boy
And no amount of begging’s gonna you get you outta my sights, boy
You want me to keep it real? An OG like me’ll never squeal
Barking up the wrong trees, see, we keep ‘em for the deals
Nizzle listen up, a cripple won’t spill blood if it’s civil
Fuckin’ with the D-O-Double G? Yo shit’ll fizzle, fo’ shizzle
So step to me, I'll have your bones buried in the Long Beach bay
Or just don’t and be dope, and we'll
Nate Dogg
Smoke weed everydayyyy!
PaRappa
Puff, puff, pass the mic before you smoke it up too,
Are these two West Coast legends, or Shaggy and Scooby-Doo?
Yo, you dropped your Farrakhan beliefs for Rastafarian leaves
So blazed and dazed you thought this was Bob Marley and Me
So lit with your Swisher Sweets, you forget to frickin' study?
Not a single reference, so I guess I’ll have to put this bluntly,
Your career's in the kitty litter but you still ain't shit
You went from crippin’, shooting pigs to feuding with Saint Nick!
And rollin’ deep with the hoodrats to rollin’ weed on a podcast
Go back to gang violence and violating your contracts!
Like what, did the blitzy uncle of Nipsey Hussle just get neutered?
The only thing you’ve ever served was cooked by you and Martha Stewart!
Eminem
Stand at attention at the mention of this bat outta hell and Excedrin
Ready to dismember this bitch like a vet revvin’ for heavy pettin’!
This little hoe's supposed to kick the sickest oceanic flows on Joe Chin
But your mojo and dojo’s so hopeless, you’re getting us motion sick!
I ain’t never bowing out or throwing out the towel, when
This guy is tryna bow chicka chicka wow wow with that Flowey bitch!
Here’s a tip, don’t be pissin’ on her like that doc of R. Kelly
Already droppin' bombs ‘cause my palms are sweaty, nah, I’m just petty!
What, you take the parts of Paper Mario that’s lame and hardly known,
Throw a bass and gaudy chords in, and it’s the PS Star that no one owns?
Turned the doghouse to a Slaughter, my alma mater is old school
Spiritually kicking lyrics you couldn’t sniff out the ass of Ja Rule!
You’re a Ruff Riders reject, I'll fuckin' punch a biter's teeth in
Watch my Trump cypher, I love ridin’ beats, riots and beatin’s
I am the reason rap's alive and breathin’, Revived and tweakin’
The rise of a G to dunk on rhymers, you'd just die in the deep end!
PaRappa
Who puts their baby daughter on a song about killing her mama?
I hope the two diamond albums were worth all that trauma!
You’re just a misogynist who only wants chicks for mating calls
And a honkey drive-bying as long as the bullets are paintballs!
Say you got me in the sights of your sniper, as if you’re frightenin’
The only shots you ever popped were a fifth of vodka with the Vicodin!
You were better off a dopehead, but now that you're older and sober
Fans walk out the show before your curtains close, your time is over
You’re holding the game hostage ‘cause what you’re hearin’s all the same
Not even Stan wants twenty tracks of your million dollar pain!
Kamikaze crashing, this “Rap God”’ is a laughing stock!
How 'bout you Relapse back to ill raps and ask the Doc?
Fuck forgetting Dre, Marshall, who forgot about who?
This Caucasian fool who blew up and ran out on his whole crew
Don’t need ICP to clown you; white kids would be suicidal Without You
Your album's the soundtrack school shooters blast their brains out to!
2Pac
Hail Mary, please grant upon me patience but no strength
Or else this bad dog’ll need a ticket to the pearly gates
So PaRappa, plead on your knees, and respect the greats
Or you’ll be R.I.P., out like featherweights!
Karate chop your sensei, diced, and make you cry
Head to toe in ink for the Lord, word to the wise
All arise, open your eyez and watch my life
Thuggin’, blunts and bitches are nice, but fuck the vice!
I’m the poet bridging gaps of the bridges that were burned
Gave a voice to the youth that no one ever heard
Black Panthers, bandanas, Outlawz of society!
You rhyme to pass the time, but never had a real rivalry!
You were crashing whips in driver’s ed; no crips, mine are red
Such a cold blooded G that I predict my own death!
See, I dug away from Hell and made a name for myself
While at the end of the day, your game sits dusty on the shelf!
PaRappa
Makaveli! I’m loving the nostalgia trip to ‘94!
But uh, you didn’t see the “do not disturb” sign on the door?
Yap yap yap, old heads this, golden era that
All your fans are stoners packed in dirty ass Coachella stands
With your hits, I see you got your hooks from Iron Mike!
But all it was was preaching; all bicker, no bite!
From born behind bars to a poet prancing in ballet,
Jeez, you make me wish I was in the ASPCA!
Look, I took apart two Doggs hotboxing in the park
Stood atop the mad Mathers mutt too old he couldn't bark
It’s true that all of you shook the charts, but you blew it hard
Especially you, Tupac, when you were Crooked from the start
Yo, I’m just toying with this has-been owned by Hasbro!
Who has no shirt, no truce, nothing but one whack flow
People think you’re some angel? You got killed in Sin City!
Sayin’ you’re so great, but ehhh… you ain’t no Biggie.