| Life is Strange vs Stranger Things | |
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| Battle information | |
| Release date | October 25th, 2019 |
| Timeline | |
| Previous | nah. |
| Next | nah. |
| Beat Information | |
| Other information | |
| Actors | The Flatwoods Monster |
| Rappers |      
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| Cameos | 
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| Location(s) | American Rust Junkyard Byers House The Lighthouse |
hey guys. 'flats? the fuck? you just posted a battle get out of here you can't come back for another six months' i know i know. i started writing this battle three years ago, give me a break.
secondly, this isn't a sequel, it's a remake. the original st vs lis was really biased, rushed and for some reason had warren in it and i thought this was too cool of a match up to not redo. ‘aw, come on, flats, you’ve done three life is strange battles and guested as max/chloe in four different battles not including the many others you were lined up for that didn’t happen’ i GET IT i swear ive played more games since then and this is hopefully the last lis battle you'll ever see from me.
Delinquents in arms Chloe Price and Rachel Amber from DONTNOD/Decknine's Life is Strange: Before the Storm step up to bat against Demagorgon-hunting love triangle Nancy Wheeler, Steve Harrington and Jonathan Byers from Netflix's Stranger Things to see who's truly the strangest bunch of rebellious teens.
don't worry, it'll be a while til you see my ugly mug again after this. my 'to-do' document has run empty (thats not true, theres a coraline vs darko remake started on there but that'll never finish) and i'll crawl back up my mountain again for a while.
oh, also, i haven't changed, so expect a lot of unapologetically gay content as you go into this battle.
i think that’s all i got for you guys so thanks for baring with me and supporting my battles even though i’m the equivalent of the wiki’s distant relative who doesn’t come to thanksgiving or christmas but sometimes randomly messages you on facebook to check out their mixtape.
lots of love.
Credits[]
Ruby Rose as Chloe Price
Cara Delevigne as Rachel Amber
Chloe Fineman as Nancy Wheeler
Casey Neistat as Steve Harrington
Jimmy Donaldson as Jonathan Byers
Ashley Benson as Steph Gingrich
Elliot Page as Max Caulfield
Beat:
Title Cards[]
The Battle[]
Life is Strange (0:11):[]
(Chloe, Rachel)
Yo, what’s up, Rach’? Steph just sent me her latest screenplay.
Blackwell presents; ‘Nancy the Slut!’ UGGHH. That sounds HELLA cliché.
Another teenage princess busy going through her ‘me’ phase…
Just ditch Steve H. and creepface or fix it with a three-way!
Hmm… I don’t think Harrington likes sharing while on top of her
That’s why Johnny’s in the backyard bushes with binoculars!
Yikes! That’s hella hawkarder! Best guess is Netflix had a death wish!
And pitched the kids from IT to sick pricks that make children neck kiss!
Shit! Get this to Gingrich! Even I can’t fix a car wreck!
Holland should win her heart instead!... I’m afraid Barb is dead.
Then I guess I'll switch to Hulu. This four-Wheeler’s trunk is too loose!
So let’s see you sleuth douches deduce the one lie from these two truths!
(One!) You’ve got family issues, but at least you’re sure your father loves your mother!
(Two!) And at least you found a stable date before your baby brother!
(Three!) Your appeal’s not your tits, your boys LIKE your touchy-feely shit,
(Bzzt!) They were all lies. I like games! Deal with it!
Stranger Things (0:56):[]
(Nancy, Steve, Jonathan)
Why are you dressed as the Tobanga? Aren’t you a little old for nerd plays?
Or is it just an expert bait to turn the little mermaid into your slave?
Play your arcadia games with cheat codes, you'll have to mind the groin talk,
But Max already beat your highscore on filling Chloe’s coin-slot!
We’ll cancel your comics, and bid farewell to bonus episodes,
Is your TV series more than just a legend, though? Heck no!
Our theory to your chaos is your plot waffles more than Eggo’s!
Even my bro’s board games have less prose than these depressing lesbos!
I’ve seen stranger things than awful dads, but I’ll still play the bad cop.
So cap a snapshot of Chloe catching backhands for her back-talk!
With one candid canning the combined art of these three kids!
You’re more e-girl than artist, Max, but Warren will buy your feet pics!
I’d say to shut your mouth, but I’m just not as into tape and gags as she is!
Nice Rachel we’re having, but we make it rain like an E6!
I catch Z's in history, but I’ll always take the shot in the dark room,
I knew Jefferson owned slaves, but I didn’t think they meant Mark, too!
More stoned than Oregon Dema-gorgon’s, let's kick it up a higher notch
Since no British kid’s petition could prevent your dumpster-Firewalk!
This trio’s seeing blue, things get hairy ‘gainst the Harrington!
Looks like the Bongo’s out of the bag that you were buried in.
Life is Strange (1:53):[]
(Chloe, Rachel, Max)
Fact-check your subs stats ASAP, guess choose-your-own’s were bad choices!
“bUt My DaD wAs BaD, tOo!!!” Bitch! We’ve got hella more alike than Joyce’s!
'Cuz dissing our Mary Jane's a low 'blow' too 'blunt' for me to smoke,
When they caught your green card red-handed with old addictions to new coke!
(Psst! Did you notice? Don’t tell them, but I turned back the hour)
(To insert myself into their verse… what? You don’t like unexplained powers?...)
(Wowser. Do I even turn it up to eleven on these everyday zeroes?)
(Prepare to be blinded with science by a time-winding superhero!) Max?
Don’t nod off on me like that! Sorry! I just dozed off after a single look!
Pfft! These wimps die before daylight, you’re not off this pirate’s hook!
Guess there’s no room for chicks that kiss, it’s a dark age in Steven’s Hawkins!
It’s just ‘cuz he’s locked outta popping cherries on top in Baskin-Robin’s!
Billie’s blasting off his wrist rocket to hot pics of your Mom,
You couldn’t rock in our mosh pit, so you took a toddler to prom! Shaka brah!
Then the salt clogged your senses in a deprived cesspool of sexists!
So you chased a mutant rat-race. This overreaction will have consequences!
We’ll solve a murder case, bust the D.A. and save Kate when we handle clues!
Think you could even solve the case of what you’ll have for breakfast, Nancy Drew?!
We told our story and moved on, though don’t you ever forget me.
I’ve got all the time in the world, and I’m done wasting it on damn hettys.
Stranger Things (2:49):[]
(Nancy, Steve, Jonathan)
I’m not homophobic, I’ve got a gay friend! Steve, please keep your mouth shut.
But if we flip their whole world upside-down, how will they know which way is up?
They can’t even see straight! Not since skinny-dipping into the disabled fund!
Caught scent of these otter’s nosebleeds in our water and now the monsters are on the hunt.
We’ll need to secure a lure, there’s plenty of cheesy dialogue to tempt this hoodrat!
Let’s master bait her with Blade Runner smut, then clamp her down in our butch traps!
Next, eclipse little miss pyro’s fire stunt with a solar vice!
As our cold flows form a snowstorm, we’ll leave this hothead polar-iced!
Two-whaling on your double moons, do you stay, or go see if Chloe’s dead again?
You weren’t even there in spirit, so you sacrificed your jobs to Mexicans!
Your diss-alis ran out of time. Not like YOU could comprehend it.
The strangest thing all along was that your choices couldn’t change the ending.
Outro[]
Rap Meanings[]
yes i know no one reads these i just think theyre fun to write
Life is Strange:
Yo, what’s up, Rach’? Steph just sent me her latest screenplay.
(The battle begins as Chloe greets Rachel, seemingly ignoring her opponents to ask what she’s up to. Rachel responds that she’s in the midst of reading a script for a play, intentionally referencing their mutual friend Steph Gingrich. Steph - who makes a cameo appearance later in this verse - is the behind-the-scenes organizer of the Blackwell Academy playhouse students and puts together the scripts, music, lighting and costumes for their plays.)
Blackwell presents; ‘Nancy the Slut!’ UGGHH. That sounds HELLA cliche.
(The play in mind that Rachel is referring to, however, is titled ‘Nancy the Slut’ - the exact name of the fake ‘movie’ Steve advertised through graffiti on the side of the Hawkins theatre. In season 1 when Nance and Steve were dating, Steve tried surprising Nancy with a visit only to find her being comforted by Jonathan after the two had been through the Upside-Down. He assumed that Nancy was cheating on him with Jonathan, thus leading to his revenge in publicly shaming her through vandalizing the theater with the advertising of a fake film that Rachel now seems to be in the works to bring to life, essentially already bringing up the trio’s troubled past. Chloe, however, is disinterested.)
Another teenage princess busy going through her ‘me’ phase…
(Chloe’s problems, however, lie in Nancy herself. Chloe takes Nancy for an archetype, thinking of her as nothing more than a spoiled teenage girl who thinks everything is about her.)
Just ditch Steve H. and creepface or fix it with a three-way!
(And by association of being this teenage girl archetype, has too much romance drama that Chloe offers an easy solution for; either abandoning both her love interests, describing Jonathan as ‘creepface’ for reasons later lines will explain, or going all in by having a threesome with them both, implicitly starting a polyamorous relationship. ‘Throuples,’ as they’re called, are popular in both these fandoms as the end of Stranger Things Season 1 showed Nancy still with Steve, yet kissing Jonathan, leading many to think she was dating both of them - thus began the ship ‘NanceJonaSteve.’ Meanwhile, Life is Strange has it’s own three-way ship, AmberPriceField, something supported by the voice actresses for Chloe and Max and one that is implicitly canon if it weren’t for Rachel being dead when Max and Chloe got together.)
Hmm… I don’t think Harrington likes sharing while on top of her
(Rachel counters Chloe’s proposition that the three get together by suggesting that Steve wouldn’t want to share Nancy in the bedroom.)
That’s why Johnny’s in the backyard bushes with binoculars!
(Fortunately, because of course she does, Chloe has a solution - that being that Jonathan isn’t actually in the room when they have sex, but is instead hiding in the backyard watching through a pair of binoculars and implicitly masturbating. This is in reference to season 1 of Stranger Things, when Jonathan’s search for his missing brother takes him to behind Steve’s house. At the time, Steve and Nancy were about to have sex, something Jonathan spots from their open window and, for some reason that is literally never addressed by the show, decides to take pictures of her. This is later how they end up finding out about the demagorgon as Jonathan caught it on camera, but seriously what the fuck Jon)
Yikes! That’s hella hawkarder! Best guess is Netflix had a death wish!
(Rachel expresses shock at Chloe’s idea and Albert Einstein is suing me for stealing his line. ‘Hawkwarder’ is a pun on ‘Hawkins,’ the town where Stranger Things takes place. Chloe continues to suggest that in order to greenlight Stranger Things, Netflix, the host of the show, must have been eager to end themselves with such an awful idea.)
And pitched the kids from IT to sick pricks that are making children neck kiss!
(This line is a lot of words. ‘Kids from IT’ is in reference to Finn Wolfhard, the lead actor from Stranger Things who also appeared in Stephen King’s IT. Though he was the only actor shared between the two, Chloe is comparing Dustin, Lucas, Will, Max and Eleven to the actual loser club from IT, which was another team of young children hunting a monster. The second half of this line references the Duffer Brothers, the directors of Stranger Things, who had a controversy at the end of Season 2 when Max’s actress, Sadie Sink, claimed the brothers intentionally wrote a scene into their scripts depicting her character kissing Lucas after finding out that Sadie specifically requested to not have to kiss anyone, just to bother her. This controversy is in combination with another child couple on Stranger Things, Eleven and Mike, leading Chloe to believe the directors are perverts who ship children together - the ‘neck kiss’ being a direct reference to Season 3 when Eleven and Mike literally make out.)
Shit! Get this to Gingrich! Even I can’t fix a car wreck!
(Shocked at what she is hearing, Rachel demands Steph - her last name is Gingrich - gets word of this new information to help her with fixing the plot of Stranger Things. However, Chloe laments that even though she’s an expert on fixing vehicles as seen in Episode 2 of Before the Storm when Chloe repairs her truck seen in season 1 of the original Life is Strange using only spare parts from the junkyard, if Stranger Things was a proverbial car wreck, even she couldn’t fix it, let alone Steph.)
Holland should win her heart instead!... but I’m afraid Barb is dead.
(Regardless, Rachel tries and brings the script to Steph, her first solution to the script being that Nancy falls in love with her best friend Barbara Holland rather than Steve or Jonathan. This is, of course, a literal ‘make it gayer’ line in accordance with Life is Strange being known for it’s LGBT+ representation versus Stranger Things’ heavily heterosexual oreinted plot. Unfortunately, Steph chimes in with a line directly from her dialogue in the game - ‘I’m afraid Barb is dead.’ In Before the Storm, she says this in reference to Chloe’s character dying in a quick session of tabletop D&D. However, ‘Barb’ is the nickname given to Barbara who indeed died very early into season 1 of Stranger Things, a death that greatly impacted Nancy’s character and wrought with it quite a bit of uproar.)
Then I guess I'll switch to Hulu. This four-Wheeler’s trunk is too loose!
(Rachel decides that if she can’t get a better written, lesbian version of Stranger Things, then she has no use for Netflix and instead will be getting it’s main competitor, Hulu, a different streaming service. Chloe picks up a new path here to lament that Nancy’s problems come from her being too promiscuous, comparing her again to a car by making a pun out of her last name, ‘Wheeler.’ ‘Trunk’ in this case would imply butthole or vagina [i know you guys dont know what those are so just look it up] that’s ‘too loose’ from being frequented by Steve, Jonathan and implicitly anyone else Nancy would let have sex with her.)
So let’s see you sleuth douches deduce the one lie from these two truths!
(Frustrated, Rachel and Chloe start a game of two truths and a lie. If you don’t know what that game is, the name is the instructions. Anyway, this same game was played in the first episode of Before the Storm as a way for Rachel to get to know Chloe, and one of the options for telling Rachel her lies is to make every one of her answers a lie. I don’t know what Rachel’s reaction to this is because I never did it in my playthrough but I imagine she gets fussy.)
(One!) You’ve got family issues, but at least you’re sure your father loves your mother!
(Rachel takes it from here, with her first proposed ‘lie or truth’ being that Nancy is certain her own mother, Karen, loves her father, Ted, despite the thick and thin of what their family has been through. Unfortunately, this is a lie, as Nancy tells Jonathan in season 1 that she doesn’t think her father or mother really loved each other, and that they only married because ‘it felt like the right thing to do.’)
(Two!) And at least you found a stable date before your baby brother!
(For the second, Rachel adds that at least Nancy was able to enter a stable relationship before her younger brother, Mike - who was a pre-teen in season 1 - could. While you could say this is true because Nancy and Steve got together before Mike and Eleven did, their relationship was plagued with Steve thinking Nancy cheated on him and they didn’t settle down until December of the same year - only to break up again in season 2. Meanwhile, Mike and Eleven hit it off from the start and are still together.)
(Three!) Your appeal’s not just your tits, they LIKE your touchy-feely shit,
(The final truth/lie! This one is cheating because it’s not based on a fact or anything provable. Either way, Rachel gives Chloe a chance and she instantly jumps at the ability to talk about Nancy’s boobs [in the original LiS vs ST she talks about wanting to have sex with nance so just ignore her] by saying that while Nancy thinks Jonathan and Steve love every part of her, including her softer side and emotions, the two really just want a shot at having sex with her. This is considered a lie because Steve was all about having sex with Nance from the beginning, and Jonathan is a creeper who photographed her naked without her knowing. For as little as this probably matters, ‘touchy-feely shit’ is Chloe’s exact words for talking out her feelings with a loved one.)
(Bzzt!) They were all lies. I like games! Deal with it!
(Times up and Chloe mimicks the average gameshow timer as Rachel breaks the truth; everything she said was a lie. Nancy doesn’t know if her parents love each other, she couldn’t find a stable date before Mike, and her boyfriends don’t love her. She finishes by breaking the bad news to Nancy while finishing with a line straight from Before the Storm - ‘I like games. Deal with it.’ originally spoken to Chloe when they were actually playing games, but here meaning mindgames; having played with Nancy into thinking she was telling the truth.)
Stranger Things:
Why are you dressed as the Tobanga? Aren’t you a little old for nerd plays?
(Nancy opens for the Stranger Things team by taking aim at Chloe’s dress - comparing her to the Tobanga, a totem pole outside Prescott Dormitory that features a bird’s head and wings. She’s not referring to Chloe’s normal outfit but instead her outfit during the performance of Tempest, when she was made to dress as the character Ariel. Ariel’s outfit was inspired by a raven, a prominent theme in Before the Storm, but before Chloe knew she’d be wearing it she referred to it as ‘an ugly bird costume.’ Nancy mocks Chloe for being suckered into wearing that outfit while questioning if she’s not too old to be still performing in things like school plays. I actually found out after writing this line that Steph’s notebook shows she DID base Ariel’s outfit off the tobanga so fuck you.)
Or is it just expert bait to turn the little mermaid into your slave?
(That being that the play they starred in, Tempest, features the two characters Chloe and Rachel play - Prospera and Ariel respectively. Prospera is a sex-switched version of Prospero, who is a mystical sorcerer in Tempest who Ariel serves as a fairy indebted to him. Nancy proposes that the reason Rachel dragged Chloe into her performance of Tempest was to force her to play the role of her slave, essentially calling Rachel power-crazed and Chloe a bottom since that’s how a lot of people view their relationship [and they’re right.] Ariel, of course, shares a name with the protagonist of the Little Mermaid, who Nancy references here.)
Play your arcadia games with cheat codes, you'll have to mind the groin talk,
(Following up on Rachel’s previous last line, Nancy makes a pun off the town that Life is Strange takes place in, Arcadia Bay, to reference arcade games. Stranger Things Season 2 opens with an arcade, something that will become relevant in the next line. However, the ‘games’ Rachel refers to - being literal games and mind games - are instead being used to refer to playing games in a relationship, otherwise meaning to be shifty and noncommittal. ‘Cheat codes’ is a double reference here to reference actual cheat codes that can be put into an arcade machine to make a game easier or harder, but also to literally ‘cheat.’ In Rachel’s case, it’s revealed in Life is Strange that she was having an affair with her drug dealer, Frank Bowers. Here debuts Steve’s first line which is naturally already discussing vaginas. Because Steve.)
Max already topped your highscore on filling Chloe’s coin-slot!
(Stranger Things Season 2 opens with Mike and his friends discovering that someone has beaten all their high scores in the arcade machines going by the name ‘MADMAX.’ Max Mayfield, the Stranger Things character, shares a first [and almost a last] name with Max Caulfield, the protagonist of Life is Strange and Chloe’s best friend/girlfriend. Since Max in Stranger Things beat all the highscores on arcade games, Steve jokes that if having sex with Chloe was an arcade game, then Life is Strange’s own Max would’ve beaten Rachel’s highscore by having sex with her even more times. ‘Coin-slot’ is a pun, because actual arcade machines have coin-slots for inserting tokens into and yeah it’s also a euphemism for asshole. If you’re wondering how lesbian sex involves anything getting ‘filled’... well, it’s not my job to explain that to you.)
We’ll cancel your comics, and bid farewell to bonus episodes,
(Life is Strange’s central plotline featuring Max, Chloe and Rachel ended with Farewell, a ‘bonus episode’ released for those who pre-ordered Before the Storm. It was and still is followed by an extended lore comic series, but Steve and Nancy threaten to cancel their comics so that there’s no story left to tell for Max, Chloe and Rachel - including no hopes of getting further bonus episodes, as their story is over.)
Is your TV series more than just a legend, though? Heck no!
(Life is Strange’s rights were bought by the film company Legendary for a TV series adaptation. However, this purchase was announced several years ago, and there’s been no word on it since then. Steve and Nancy claim that the Life is Strange live action series is just a rumor, making a pun on ‘Legendary’ as the developers and claim that it will never be more than that, thus supporting that the Max/Chloe/Rachel story is dead.)
Our theory to your chaos is your plot waffles more than Eggo’s!
(The third episode of Life is Strange was titled ‘Chaos Theory,’ referencing the actual chaos theory that basically says seemingly random chaos has a traceable connection. Steve twists the components of the phrase, ‘theory’ and ‘chaos’ to instead claim he believes that Life is Strange, as a game, is chaotic or hard to follow and he has an idea of why that is. Eggo’s are a brand of grocery store breakfast items best known for waffles that featured heavily in season 1 of Stranger Things, as the main character Eleven would steal frozen waffles and eat them raw due to her lack of experience with society. To ‘waffle on’ is to go on about something for a long time without ever reaching a point, which Steve says Life is Strange’s plot does - drags on with no substance, ‘waffling’ more than an actual waffle brand would.)
Even my bro’s board games have less prose than these depressing lesbos!
(Nancy’s little brother, Mike, regularly hosts Dungeons & Dragons sessions with his friends Dustin, Lucas and Will. D&D is known for being a tabletop board game with long, committed sessions that can span hours or even days to complete a storyline. These storylines involve a lot of complex terms that seem foreign to people who haven’t played the game, such as Nancy, who argues that despite all this, the writing and story of Life is Strange is so needlessly complicated that it’d be easier to understand a D&D session. ‘Prose’ is a synonym for tedious writing. She finishes the line by typecasting Rachel and Chloe as ‘depressing lesbos,’ a combination of the two main traits associated with Life is Strange; A, being the game’s extremely heavy content based around suicide, loss, murder and destroyed relationships, and B, the LGBT themes in the game best recognized by Max and Chloe and then again with Chloe and Rachel.)
I’ve seen stranger things than awful dads, but I’ll still play the bad cop.
(A recurring line in Stranger Things advertising is the use of the show’s title in sentences, the most common being ‘stranger things have happened’ or ‘I’ve seen stranger things.’ In this case, Jonathan repurposes the same line in reference to bad father figures in his and Chloe’s lives. Chloe’s father, William, died in a car crash and so her mother remarried David Madsen, an ex-military police officer demoted to a school security guard with PTSD that causes him to lash out at and abuse Chloe. Jonathan somewhat sympathizes with Chloe yet at the same time denies her the right to play victim to her bad father as he himself grew up with Lonnie Byers, his unsupportive father who verbally abused his little brother, Will. As previously mentioned, Madsen was a cop until he lost his job due to abusing his power, thus making him literally a ‘bad cop’ - but ‘bad cop’ is also a term used in interrogations for the person aggressing the interrogatee. Essentially, Jonathan is saying though Chloe had an awful step-dad who was a literal ‘bad cop,’ he won’t mind playing the role himself, excusing himself by his own history with bad father figures.)
So cap a snapshot of Chloe catching backhands for her back-talk!
(This line marks the first hint that Max has joined the battle unannounced and had manipulated time so much that she is being treated as if she’s been there all along. Max is a photographer, like Jonathan. In the original Life is Strange, David nearly catches Max and Chloe hanging out and Max avoids him by hiding in the closet. Here, she can choose either to come out and save Chloe from being hurt by her step-dad by taking the blame, or she can stay in the closet undetected and watch Chloe get smacked across the face by David. Jonathan attacks Max as doing the latter, claiming she might as well take a photo as a photographer capturing the moment of Chloe getting smacked, either by David or himself, if she’s not going to help. ‘Back-talk’ is a mechanic introduced in Before the Storm that allows Chloe to try and mouth off certain figures in the game to get herself into advantageous situations, though it can fail.)
With one candid canning the combined art of these three kids!
(A ‘candid’ is a genuine photo of someone not attempting to pose for the camera, something Jonathan’s pictures can certainly claim to be given that Nancy was not aware he was there when he took the photo. Regardless, Jonathan attempts to justify his photography as a good thing by comparing it to the three artists on the Life is Strange team - this being the first more direct hint that Max has joined the battle. Rachel is an actress, Chloe is a graffiti artist and Max is a photographer, but Jonathan claims just one of his candids has more artistic value than all three of their separate arts combined.)
You’re more e-girl than artist, Max, but Warren will buy your feet pics!
(This line is the first that references Max by name, with Nancy mocking Max’s style of taking photographs. While Jonathan takes candid photos of people, Max’s work is largely comprised of selfies. ‘E-girl’ is a term for a woman who brands herself through a certain hobby or uploading pictures of herself [that’s the best that i can understand it] which Nancy accuses Max of being due to her primary subject being herself. A common joke tagged with the ‘e-girl’ slang is the selling of ‘feet pics,’ clearly for foot fetishists. In Life is Strange, the character Warren has an unreciprocated crush on Max that leads him to rather desperate measures like stalking her outside her window or keeping pictures of her in his locker. Steve bets that Warren’s unhealthy obsession with Max would have him willing to pay money just for photos of Max’s body, even her feet.)
I’d say to shut your mouth, but I’m just not as into tape as she is!
(Following his rhyme-scheme, Jonathan tells Max to shut up - or at least claims he would, but won’t for reasons Steve picks up. Dark Room through Polarized sees Max being caught in the main antagonist’s… dark room, ahem, where her mouth, wrists and legs are all taped down to keep her from escaping. Tape is a prominent tool used in BDSM for the same reasons Max was tied down, although obviously Max was tied down nonconsensually - still, Steve suggests that Max is into BDSM simply because of what was done to her in the Dark Room, and claims that by ‘shutting her mouth’ like with a patch of tape, she’d be sexually interested, something Steve isn’t ‘into.’)
Nice Rachel we’re having, but we make it rain like an E6!
(When Chloe and Rachel meet for the second time, Chloe is flustered by how odd it is that they’ve become fast friends and stumbles over her words. While trying to talk about the weather, she accidentally says ‘nice Rachel we’re having!’ which became a recurring joke in the Life is Strange fandom afterwards. However, ‘Rachel’ being synonymous with ‘Weather’ can also be seen as a reference to two other things - first being the fan theory that Rachel has powers over the weather, and the second being that the storm in Life is Strange was a result of Rachel’s spirit seeking revenge. To ‘make it rain’ means to make money, something the Stranger Things series has certainly accomplished, but the obvious pun on ‘rain’ ties into weather and the storm - finished by a pun on the rap song ‘Like a G6,’ with ‘G6’ being replaced by ‘E6,’ a fictional, super-classification of hurricanes/tornados that the Life is Strange storm is said to have reached.)
I catch Z's in history, but I’ll always take the shot in the dark room,
(Steve, being the bad student he is, admits to having usually slept through his history class as preparation for what his next line will say; he adds that even though he doesn’t pay attention to his history classes, he’s willing to guess about something he lacks context for, making a spin on the idiom ‘take a shot in the dark’ by combining it with two different Life is Strange references; the first being ‘always take the shot,’ referencing photography, and the second being the addition of ‘room’ to mean the dark room, a setting where Life is Strange takes place and a title for one of the episodes.)
I knew Jefferson owned slaves, but I didn’t think they meant Mark, too!
(This line’s got some Life is Strange spoilers. His line continues on to reference Thomas Jefferson, one of the founding fathers Steve would’ve presumably learned about in history had he paid attention. Even with that in mind, though, he claims he knows Jefferson owned slaves, but thought that knowledge was exclusive to **Thomas** Jefferson. Instead, the main antagonist of Life is Strange is MARK Jefferson, who kidnaps young girls like Kate, Rachel and eventually Max and ties them up in his dark room. Since bondage is a theme well-associated with slavery, Steve essentially implies Max is one of Jefferson’s many slaves, although meaning Mark Jefferson instead of Thomas.)
More stoned than Oregon Dema-gorgon’s, let's kick it up a higher notch
(In Greek mythlogy, a ‘gorgon’ is a beast that can turn people into stone with a mere look. The Demagorgon, however, was the main antagonist of Stranger Things season 1. Chloe and Rachel both are addicted to marijuana and usually can’t be found far from it, and to be ‘stoned’ is another word for being high. Thus, the wordplay here is ‘stoned’ meaning high or literally turned to stone with ‘gorgon’ being half of ‘demagorgon.’ Oregon just happens to be the place that Life is Strange takes place in. ‘Higher notch’ is a pun on getting high, IE the weedz.)
Since no British kid’s petition could prevent your dumpster-Firewalk!
(Before the Storm marked the return of a background character from Life is Strange, Evan, a pretentious British student of Blackwell. If Chloe talks to him, he asks her to sign a petition he’s started for fire safety in Arcadia Bay, something hinting at the future of the episode. In that same episode, Rachel discovers her father is having an affair, and is so furious that she lights a photo of her with him on fire and drops it in a trashcan, then kicking the trash can over in rage and starting a forest fire that burns for the rest of the game. Since the fire started in a trashcan, it’s literally a ‘dumpster fire,’ a term meaning something miserably bad as a fire is a bad thing to begin with, but in a dumpster means it also smells putrid. The ‘dumpster fire’ in this case is both the fire Rachel literally started as well as Life is Strange as a game, which the Stranger Things team believes to be garbage. ‘Firewalk’ is the final part of the puzzle in this line, simply being the band that Chloe meets Rachel at a concert for at the beginning of the game.)
This trio’s seeing blue, things get hairy ‘gainst the Harrington!
(Another mention of ‘trio’ to signify that Max is here, seeing ‘blue’ is in reference to Chloe’s hair. Chloe is a natural strawberry blonde who dyes her hair blue progressively more throughout the series. Obviously, to ‘see blue’ would mean to be sad. ‘Hairy’ is a double-meaning for both hairy, literally, because Chloe’s hair, but also meaning a difficult situation. Steve was also well-known for his haircut in season 1 of Stranger Things, and his last name, Harrington, just happens to have ‘hair’ in the word.)
Looks like the Bongo’s out of the bag that you were buried in.
(Nancy finishes by making a play on the phrase ‘the cat’s out of the bag.` The phrase itself means that the truth is revealed regardless of if the person hiding it wanted it to be or not - in this case, ‘cat’ is replaced with Bongo, the name of Chloe’s childhood pet who was struck and killed by a car in her early youth. Bongo - cat, by association - also refers to Rachel, who is a proud ‘Leo’ and won’t shut up about it like most people who think the Zodiac matters. Rachel’s secret is that she cheated on Chloe, something that is found out in the original Life is Strange - however, by this point, Rachel is dead, killed and buried in the junkyard by the game’s main antagonist. When she’s dug up, it’s shown that Rachel was buried in a trash bag. Thus, the ‘cat’ - Rachel - was quite literally ‘in the bag.’)
Life is Strange:
Fact-check your subs stats ASAP, guess choose-your-own’s were bad choices!
(Rachel re-enters the battle by telling the Stranger Things team to check on how many people are unsubscribing from Netflix. 2018 recently saw the only year that Netflix lost more subscribers than it gained, leading Rachel to conclude that the program is on the decline thanks to Stranger Things as a series. Max, meanwhile, enters with her first line, referencing another creative decision Netflix announced they’d be making soon - that being that certain shows and movies will feature ‘choose your own adventure’ esque programming that allows the viewer to choose how the story develops. This insult comes at the expense that Life is Strange IS a choose-your-own-adventure game [in theory] so Max is claiming that while they pulled off the genre, Netflix failed to and lost fans as a result.)
“bUt My DaD wAs BaD tOo!” Bitch, we’ve got hella more alike than Joyce’s!
(Chloe rejoins by mocking Jonathan’s allusion to his abusive dad in a whiny voice to imply that Jonathan’s situation was nothing near as bad as Chloe’s with David - in a way true, as Lonnie was verbally abusive while David was physically, but really it’s not a race to see who has the worst dad - Chloe goes on to explain that she and Jonathan are alike in more ways than the obvious, making explicit reference to the two characters named Joyce. Joyce Byers in Stranger Things is Jonathan’s mom, while Joyce Price in Life is Strange is Chloe’s, thus giving them a similarity between parents names.)
‘Cause dissing our Mary Jane is a low blow too blunt for me to smoke,
(Rachel follows by beginning to imply what Chloe is getting onto, that being that Jonathan was the one to call out Rachel and Chloe for smoking marijuana. There are three puns in this line, the first being ‘Mary Jane’ as ‘Jane’ is Eleven’s real name - that’s just fun wordplay more than anything - ‘blow’ and ‘blunt.’ ‘Blow’ is another term for cocaine, named as such for how it can be ingested, while blunts are obviously rolled up pouches of marijuana.)
They caught your green card red-handed with old addictions to new coke!
(Max begins the line by referencing an incident in 2018 when Jonathan’s actor, Charlie Heaton, was denied entrance to the United States. A ‘green card’ allows someone to legally enter the country, but to be caught ‘red-handed’ is a secondary color reference meaning he was caught in the act. Chloe finally points out what connection she and Jonathan has and reveals that it was drugs all along. While Jonathan, the character, never did drugs, his actor, Charlie Heaton was busted trying to smuggle cocaine across the American border. ‘Coke’ is short for ‘cocaine’ and the name of a type of cola that appears in Stranger Things, first when Eleven is entranced by a commercial for it and secondly when the actual brand, Coca Cola did a sponsorship event with Stranger Things by bringing back their flavor ‘new Coke.’)
(Psst! Did you notice? Don’t tell them, but I turned back the hour)
(Max freezes time at this point of the battle to come out and admit herself to the viewer - that being to ask them if they noticed her sudden appearance, which obviously most people reading this would have. In video format, I imagine halfway through Stranger Thing’s first verse, Max would just begin to appear alongside Chloe and Rachel with no formal entrance. Anyway, Max can break the fourth wall in canon but only does it once, to curse out the ‘damn developers’ for putting in too many number puzzles. Regardless, Max admits that she turned back time…)
(To insert myself into their verse… what? You don’t like unexplained powers?...)
(And restarted the battle, this time including herself, which went unnoticed by us because the battle was already underway at our part in time and therefore we saw only the changed effect of Max being included without witnessing the battle restarting - thus making us, the readers, be the only people who can detect Max’s sudden entry. However, Max finds herself faced with implied criticism of her time travel powers crashing a battle that previously only featured characters with no supernatural abilities [if you don’t buy the theory that Rachel controls the weather]...)
(Wowser. Do I even turn it up to eleven on these everyday zeroes?)
(Max expresses disbelief over this rude objection to her introduction into the battle using her catchphrase, ‘wowser.’ Her mentioning Eleven in the same line is wholly intentional as a way to draw parallels to Stranger Things’ own character with an unexplained power. While Max’s time control is never explained in Life is Strange canon, Stranger Things’ excuse for Eleven having powers is very spotty and rarely addressed. There are two other references in this verse, the last being ‘everyday zeroes’ in direct reference to the ‘Everyday Heroes’ contest that Life is Strange opens to. ‘Turn it up to eleven’ is an iconic line from the mockumentary ‘Spinal Tap,’ a film making light of heavy metal bands by having one character claim that his amp goes ‘up to eleven’ rather than ten in terms of amplitude. The phrase ‘turn it up to eleven’ means to go beyond what was expected, so Max is asking if it’s even worth putting in effort against the Stranger Things team.)
(Prepare to be blinded with science by a time-winding superhero!) Max?
(Max warns the audience by referencing a line from her friend and unrequited stalker creep Warren Graham, who uses the line ‘she blinded me with science…’ in-game after Max gives him the ingredients to make his beaker blow up in his face [it’s all in good fun.] ‘Science’ is also slang for ‘facts,’ which is in turn slang for disses or things perceived as hard truths. Max also refers to her powers, but her claim to being a ‘superhero’ is in line with her childhood persona and usual nickname ‘Super Max.’ Max also goes by a variety of nicknames through Life is Strange, many of which reference superheroes, like ‘BatMax’ or ‘Spider-Max.’ At the end of her discussion with the reader, Chloe interjects to call Max back to reality, implying she fainted during this section of her verse - something Max does often when overusing her powers.)
Don’t nod off on me like that! Sorry! I just dozed off after a single look!
(this part is just fun with words. To ‘nod off’ is to fall asleep, something Max might as well have done by fainting mid-battle, but ‘DONTNOD’ is the name of the company that produced Life is Strange. Chloe chastises Max for falling asleep mid battle, to which Max apologizes, claiming that the Stranger Things team is so boring that they simply made her fall asleep just by glancing at her.)
Pfft! These wimps die before daylight, and you’re not off this pirate’s hook!
(Rachel joins again to assure Max her falling asleep isn’t a problem because Steve and Nancy aren’t able to survive until daylight themselves, implicitly by waking up after a good night’s sleep. This is in reference to the video game Dead by Daylight, where Nancy and Steve joined the roster of ‘survivors’ as playable characters with the Demagorgon being added as a potential monster. The title ‘Dead BY Daylight’ assumes confidence that the survivors can last into the night, but Rachel casts doubt that Steve or Nancy could live even that long against their enemies. A core mechanic of Dead by Daylight is that when a survivor - like Nance or Steve - are caught, they are picked up and brutally impaled upon a massive hook. Hooks are also, of course, a cliche replacement for pirate’s hands, and Chloe and Max both had an obsession with pirates growing up, something Chloe brought with her into adult-hood. To be ‘off the hook’ means to be out of trouble, which Chloe says Nancy and Steve aren’t, similarly to how they’re not off the hook in Dead by Daylight.)
Guess there’s no room for chicks that kiss, it’s a dark age in Steven’s Hawkins!
(Chloe and Max now set sight on the Stranger Things’ teams lines against their relationship statuses, essentially painting the team as homophobic in how they aren’t accepting of their all-girl relationship. Max follows by referring to Hawkins, the town in which Stranger Things is set, as living under Steve’s rules, of course making a pun on Stephen Hawking the astrophysicist. The mention of a ‘dark age’ is used both in that the term often refers to times of less progressive or backwards-oriented ideas, but also is just meant to combine ‘dark’ in the same line as ‘room’ to reference the Life is Strange episode and setting, ‘the dark room.’)
It’s just ‘cuz he’s locked outta popping cherries on top in Baskin-Robin’s!
(However, Rachel excuses Steve’s homophobia by claiming it’s merely spite due to him being rejected by his coworker, Robin, who is also a lesbian. Baskin-Robbins is an ice cream parlor chain much like Scoops Ahoy, where both Steve and Robin work. To ‘pop a cherry’ is to take someone’s virginity, while ‘cherry on top’ is an idiom that originates from cherries being put on sundaes. Essentially, Rachel is implying Steve hates lesbians because they won’t have sex with him like Robin wouldn’t.)
Billie’s blasting off his wrist rocket to hot pics of your Mom,
(Stranger Things Season 2 introduced the character of Billie, Max’s older step-brother who abused her. While Billie would become an antagonist later in the season, he wasn’t known as an abuser to the rest of the town, including Nancy’s mother, Karen Wheeler. Billie visits the Wheeler household and he and Karen begin to flirt with each other, even though Karen is a married woman. Chloe mocks Nancy for her mother’s promiscuousness even claiming that she lent Billie some nude photos of herself and going the extra mile to claim Billie masturbates to her, using the term ‘wrist rocket’ as slang for a penis being jerked off. You guys don’t need me to explain what role the wrist plays in jerking off, you know damn well. ‘Wrist rocket,’ however, is an actual term for a tool employed by Mike and his friends to fight the Demagorgon, something Dustin/Lucas doubt will be effective… and were right.)
You couldn’t rock in our mosh pit, so you took a toddler to prom! Shaka brah!
(Max doubles up afterwards by claiming that Nancy wouldn’t be cool enough to join her, Rachel and Chloe in a proverbial mosh pit, really meaning just to enjoy their company but also implying actual mosh pits. Before the Storm opens with Chloe and Rachel meeting at a mosh pit - something perhaps in reference to season 1 of Life is Strange, where Max borrows Rachel’s clothes and utters the infamous line ‘ready for the mosh pit, Shaka Brah.’ This line is used a lot as an example of how bad Life is Strange’s dialogue gets sometimes, but Max spins it here in her own favor. In Stranger Things, a recurring theme is the Snowball, a dance at Michael’s school where he takes Eleven. Nancy attends the dance, but as a chaperone instead of a participant as she is obviously too old - regardless, since Lucas and Mike both have partners and Dustin doesn’t, she dances with him to make him feel better. Rachel claims that Nancy actually danced with Dustin out of desperation for not having a good man in her life and projecting those feelings onto a little kid like Dustin, who is especially baby-ish due to his appearance. Max pops in to finish her quote just for fun.)
Then your own salt clogged your senses in a deprived cesspool of sexists!
(In season 3, Nancy and Jonathan both get jobs at the Hawkins post, where Jonathan is accepted but Nancy is ostracized by her sexist coworkers. In season 1 of Stranger Things, Eleven finds that she can visit the Upside-Down through sensory deprivation tanks, which are essentially tanks of water filled with salt so that she can float while losing access to all her senses. In order to build their own SDT, the Stranger Things gang fills a swimming pool with salt. Rachel and Chloe reference the SDT in several ways, but instead imply the ‘pool’ was a ‘cesspool’ - meaning a bad place full of bad people, being the Hawkins post - where Nancy’s bitterness - referred to as salt in reference to the term ‘salty’ being a popular synonym for bitter - made her lose her common sense for reasons the next line will explain. 'Deprived' simply implies the cesspool where Nancy worked was lacking basic manners.)
So you chased a mutant rat-race. This overreaction will have consequences!
(Nancy is determined to prove herself as a reporter, so she sets out to explore a case that she believes after some clue-hunting leads back to a large, mutated rodent. However, it is later revealed that the actual crook of her case was an old woman - this misconception lost both her and Jonathan their jobs. A 'ratrace' is a term for a lifestyle based on constantly searching for the next opportunity at wealth or power, something Nancy could've been accused of doing in her grand scheme to win her coworkers respect. But also, it's literally a rat race because she thought she was chasing a rat.A common phrase in Life is Strange is ‘this action will have consequences,’ put on the screen any time a decision that will impact the plot is made. Max repeats the phrase here by extending ‘action’ into ‘overreaction,’ saying that Nancy’s jumping to conclusions to prove herself led to her losing her job.)
We’ll solve a murder case, bust the D.A. and save Kate when we handle clues!
(Meanwhile, the Life is Strange gang gets to work listing their accomplishments - for Chloe, she boasts about ‘solving a murder case,’ referring to how she and Max successfully tracked down and put an end to the main villain of Life is Strange’s plot of kidnapping young girls and killing them should they seem to pose a threat. Ironically, the ‘murder case’ Chloe refers to was actually centered around Rachel’s death. Rachel follows by bringing up the District Attorney of Arcadia Bay - her own father - who she and Chloe busted for taking part in an assassination attempt on her birth mother’s life while working with a known crimelord. Meanwhile, Max finishes by referencing her very own dear friend Kate Marsh, who attempts suicide but can be saved should the player make the right choices. Kate was drugged and photographed earlier in the game and Max hunts clues to deduce who was responsible, eventually correctly guessing Nathan Prescott although leaving out the true villain of the story.)
Think you could even solve the case of what you’ll have for breakfast, Nancy Drew?!
(Stranger Things Season 3 follows Nancy as she gets a new job working for a newspaper, but all of her coworkers are huge misogynists. As she suggests a potential topic for the paper, she is told off by her male colleagues, one of which uttering the line ‘do you think you could solve the case of the missing condiment, Nancy Drew?’ in reference to his sandwich not having all the ingredients he wanted. Chloe repurposes this sexist remark in a way to doubt Nancy’s crime-solving abilities, while also referencing a recurring decision in Life is Strange that became a bit of a joke in the fanbase - that being Max’s decision between two different breakfast foods, first at the Two Whales, then at Chloe’s house. These decisions have no impact on the plot and seem questionably irrelevant to the game, but as they’re so baseless and easy, Chloe still doesn’t think Nancy could make the choice out of indecisiveness.)
We told our story and moved on, though don’t you ever forget me.
(Rachel begins to wrap up by boasting that her, Chloe’s, Max’s, and the Life is Strange’s world told their plot start to finish, tying up loose ends with Before the Storm and bidding adieu in Farewell. Life is Strange Season 2, then, took over for new protagonists because the original casts story was told and finished. Meanwhile, Stranger Things has three seasons with a fourth incoming, all featuring the same cast - so essentially, Rachel is accusing the Stranger Things team of drawing their storyline out by comparison to themselves, who told their story concisely. Chloe interjects to claim that even though their story is told and no more content is being produced for it, that she and many others from her world are unforgettable characters that players will continue to remember - doing so by referencing her exact, last line from the Sacrifice Chloe ending, ‘don’t you ever forget about me.’)
I’ve got all the time in the world, and I’m done wasting it on damn hettys.
(A recurring catchphrase in Life is Strange is that Max has ‘all the time in the world.’ It’s an ironic statement because thanks to her power of time control, it’s literal. However, Max implies that even with all the time available, she doesn’t want to lose any more dealing with the Stranger Things team, who she views as stereotypically embarrassing heterosexuals compared to her team. If you don’t get the ‘hettys’ portion of this line, don’t worry, it just means you missed out on the golden age of this wiki’s culture.)
Stranger Things:
I’m not homophobic, I’ve got a gay friend! Steve, please keep your mouth shut.
(Steve reopens his verse by directly addressing the accusations made that he’s homophobic by using the classic strawman argument; ‘I’ve got a ___ friend, I can’t be ____!’ In Steve’s case, he’s referring to Robin, his lesbian friend. Nancy, embarrassed, immediately comes in to tell Steve to please stop talking if he’s gonna spout dumb shit like that.)
But if we flip their whole world upside-down, how will they know which way is up?
(One of the quotes from Before the Storm featured in the trailers was Chloe asking ‘how do you know which way is up when your whole world has been flipped upside-down?,’ implicitly referring to her new friendship with Rachel. However, ‘the Upside-Down’ is also the name of the alternate dimension in Stranger Things, something Steve and Jonathan combine the phrase with to essentially say if they blow the Life is Strange team’s minds, they’ll be too confused to tell directions apart.)
They can’t even see straight! Not since skinny-dipping into the disabled fund!
(Speaking of directions, this is another gay joke! Max and Chloe’s first real ‘date’ in Life is Strange is when the break into the Blackwell pool. They don’t literally skinny dip since the game has a rating to maintain, but they do strip down to their underwear and go swimming, a moment most consider to be the gay-est scene in the game and thus what Jonathan believes is the experience that turned Max gay for good. In the same night, Chloe finds the school’s handicap fund and wants to steal it to pay back a debt of her own, something Max can either stop her from or let her do. The game is really on the fence about whether or not this is actually a bad thing, since the alternate timeline implies the school doesn’t actually use the handicap fund on disabled people but at the same time, the ‘wheelchair ramps’ for the dorms are cancelled if you do steal it. Regardless, to ‘dip’ into something can mean to take part of it, and Jonathan accuses Max and Chloe of stealing the handicap fund, something that is - surprise - horrible to do.)
Caught scent of these otter’s nosebleeds in our water and now us monsters are on the hunt.
(this is a long line. In the same aforementioned episode, Chloe teases Max by claiming she’s ‘an otter in her water’ and that she’s a shark, a joke made because Arcadia Bay’s swim team is called ‘the Otters.’ Nance refers to the Life is Strange team in the same way, referencing sharks by their way of smelling blood in water and doubling over by referencing Max’s nosebleeds, something she gets when overusing her powers just like Eleven does. Similarly, Nancy was responsible for discovering that the Demagorgon was attracted to blood, and found that out by comparing it to animals like sharks. Finally, the next section entirely is devoted to a chunk of Stranger Things Season 1 when Nancy secures a variety of tools to hunt the Demagorgon with, and when asked why she was buying them, simply answers ‘for monster hunting.’)
We’ll need to secure a lure, there’s plenty of cheesy dialogue to tempt this hoodrat!
(The next four lines are in reference to the later half of Stranger Things season 1 when Nancy and Jonathan [and later Steve] join together to hunt the Demagorgon with a variety of tools, including beartraps and gasoline. They start their hunt by slitting their own fingers as the monster is attracted to blood, and so Nancy suggests they begin hunting the Life is Strange team similarly. Steve pitches in to suggest his idea for capturing Chloe, that being the classic ‘rodent goes to cheese’ idiom. In this case, ‘cheese’ is represented by ‘cheesy dialogue,’ something Life is Strange was often criticized for due to it’s attempt to incorporate ‘modern slang’ like ‘kek’ or ‘hella.’ The ‘rat’ in this idiom is replaced by ‘hoodrat,’ meaning Chloe, as ‘hoodrat’ means someone ill-behaved usually coming from a place of poverty with a thuggish demeanor, something Chloe fits the bill for.)
Let’s master bait her with Blade Runner smut, then clamp her down in our butch traps!
(Following that, Steve suggests a different bait - that being porn of characters from the movie Blade Runner. In Life is Strange, Max and Chloe’s childhood favorite movie was Blade Runner, something they watch together again in the alternate timeline where Chloe is paralyzed. However, Before the Storm opens with a diary entry of Chloe reminiscing on how the night before, when jerking off to mental pictures of Blade Runner characters, the character Pris entered her mind instead of the many men from the movie, thus bringing her to the beginning realization that she is gay. ‘Master bait’ is a very, very obvious pun. As mentioned previously, bear traps are a tool used by the Stranger Things team, but ‘bear’ can also mean a large, husky gay man. The lesbian equivalent to a ‘bear’ can arguably be a ‘butch,’ a lesbian archetype who exhibits far more masculine traits than feminine. Chloe can be described as butch thanks to her tattoo sleeves, style of dress and aggressive behavior, so ‘bear’ is substituted for ‘butch’ to imply a trap made just to catch Chloe.)
Next, eclipse little miss pyro’s fire stunt with a solar vice!
(The Stranger Things team next takes aim at Rachel, making reference to their gasoline and lighter trap by implying their tricks with fire - and i guess implicitly their raps - will overshadow Rachel’s act of arson when she burned down the forest out of rage toward her father. They also make reference to one of the first signals that the timeline was being disrupted by Max’s time travel in Life is Strange, that being when the moon passed over the sun during an eclipse that was unscheduled. ‘Solar vice’ basically is jargon for ‘fiery passion,’ with ‘vice’ just meaning a more sinister intention. Finally, ‘little miss pyro’ is a play off of Rachel’s nickname, ‘little miss perfect.’)
As our cold flows form a snowstorm, we’ll leave this hothead polar-iced!
(The second reference to strange happenings that implied Max’s destruction of the timeline, a snowstorm hit Arcadia Bay during September without any forecast calling for it previously. The Stranger Things team makes light of this snowstorm by comparing it to their cold raps, claiming they’ll cool Rachel’s ‘hothead’ - meaning temper, something she certainly has - down. ‘Polar-iced’ is a pun on Polarized, the final episode of Life is Strange.)
Two-whaling on your double moons, do you stay, or go see if Chloe’s dead again?
(This line has a lot of references. So to start, ‘two-whaling’ is a pun on ‘wailing,’ meaning to pound or beat down, but is also a pun on ‘Two Whales,’ a diner in Life is Strange where Chloe and Max meet often as well as being where Chloe’s mother works. Secondly, another part of the strange occurrences leading up to the storm in Life is Strange is that the moon seemingly duplicates, thanks to timelines beginning to collide. However, ‘moon’ is also slang for ‘ass,’ with ‘double moon’ implying two butt cheeks. So ‘two-whaling on your double moons’ essentially means ‘beating your ass.’ Jonathan joins in after with a reference to a song prominently featured in Stranger Things Season 1, ‘Do I Stay or Do I Go?’ He and his brother, Will, mutually enjoyed this song and it led to Will being found later down the road. Here, Jonathan challenges Max to see if she’ll forfeit the battle in favor of checking on Chloe - the reason being that Chloe dies A LOT in Life is Strange, only being saved by Max’s rewind. She can 1., be shot by Nathan, 2. shoot herself by mistake in the junkyard, 3., get hit by a train, 4., asks Max to pull her plug in an alternate reality, 5. be killed by the main antagonist or 6., be killed by Frank. I’m not even sure that’s all the times she can die, but needless to say it’s a bit of a recurring joke in Life is Strange’s media about just how often Chloe dies.)
You weren’t even there in spirit, so you sacrificed your jobs to Mexicans!
(To be ‘there in spirit’ means to not physically be somewhere, but to place your well-wishes on whatever that situation might be. Captain Spirit was also the name of the prequel to Life is Strange 2, released in-between 2 and Farewell as a preview into the next game’s setting. However, Max and Chloe [and Rachel] make no appearance in Life is Strange 2 nor Captain Spirit and aren’t even mentioned, thus literally ‘not being there in Spirit’ or spirit. The two protagonists of Life is Strange 2, Sean and Daniel Diaz are of Mexican heritage. A common complaint from the far right is that Mexicans crossing the border into the United States illegally are taking people’s jobs [this is not true nor a problem even if it was] with the common terminology being ‘they’re taking our jobs!’ Since Max and Chloe’s roles as main protagonist were taken over by the Diaz brothers, they quite literally ‘had their jobs taken’ by Mexicans. ‘Sacrifice’ is used in this sentence to specifically reference the ending of Life is Strange, where Max has to make the choice between ‘sacrifice Chloe’ or ‘sacrifice Arcadia Bay.’)
Your diss-alis ran out of time. Not like you could comprehend it.
(The first half of this line references the first two Life is Strange episodes, Chrysalis and Out of Time. A chrysalis is the form a caterpillar takes before it enters the cocoon and is thus often used to reference the start to something bigger - however, Jonathan implies that the Life is Strange team’s introduction to rap - their ‘diss chrysalis’ - took too long to get to the point and now they have no bars left to rap.)
The strangest thing all along is that your choices couldn’t change the ending.
(To end the battle, Nancy makes double reference to the classic ‘stranger things have happened’ line by delivering an ultimatum on what is ‘strangest’ between their two game’s titles - that being that Life is Strange advertises itself as a decision-based choose-your-own-adventure story, yet there are only three real endings to the game with one just being a variant of the other. You either sacrifice the Bay [the right option,] get a kiss from Chloe before sacrificing her [the wrong option but you at least played the game right,] or you sacrifice Chloe and don’t get a kiss [the wrong option and you played the game wrong.] Nancy implies that despite what choices the Life is Strange team made when coming up with their raps, they couldn’t change the inevitable outcome of losing.)
Ugh. Let’s address the obvious, or should I say, the frank?
You’re some sucky buccaneer based on how quick your ships have sank!
While your daddy walked the plank, and her papa is a crimelord
The last we saw of Mad Max was next to arcade highscores!
This stalker always takes the shot of a thot’s tits
Just to shoot off his wrist rocket to Nancy’s hot pics!
Ew! Chloe, stop it! I know a dark room that just opened up an internship!
Sweet! Now Jon can make the bread while his lover’s boyfriend babysits!
You like to play? I’ll say! The kind of sports they don’t make guides for.
But if Chloe’s coin slot was an Arcadia game, Max already beat your highscore!
Your mother chose to flea, shotti bounced out like an acrobat
While Willy played the absentee daddy act; left for ‘groceries’ and never happened back!
Let’s talk different dimensions, ‘cause you’re clearly from another,
Where your ‘Joyce’ is a sniffling sous-chef instead of my badass mother!
So call this extra panic attack we put you through a ‘bonus episode!’
Cause even Elly knows, your plot waffles more than Eggo’s!
Then can the dudes who screwed up King Kong get your story right? Heck no!
Even my bro’s board games have less prose than these depressive lesbos!
Don’t nod off on me! I’m good! I just liked their lines about LGBT...
Since Johnny’s almost out of time ‘til his bro figures out he likes the D&D!
Sucks, don’t it? When you fuck a town, and then it comes around?
But let’s see you find which way is straight when I flip your whole world upside-down!
probably a lot more than this but i can't be assed to go back through doc history to find it.