Deadpool vs Spider-Man. Epic Rap Battles of Comics One-Shot

It's about time I did Deadpool, amirite guys? (bpf)

Now this matchup is not something any of you expected, probably, but hopefully it's entertaining to you guys nonetheless!

Today we have your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man facing off against the Merc With The Mouth, Deadpool in a classic rivalry battle!

Nobody suggested this, obviously, but I liked it! As always, leave your suggestions down below!

Now then, let's get riiiiight into the battle.

Cast:

Robert Hoffman (body)/EpicLLOYD (voice) as Deadpool

George Watsky as Spider-Man

Beat - Produced by MattKProductions

Intro:

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF COMICS!!!

VS...

Battle:

Spider-Man (0:23):

Oh, COME ON! Of all the people to pit me against. Wade?!

Eh, on second thought, I'd like to see him throw some shade.

And before you say anything: No. We're not friends.

I don't understand HOW you think I like you. It never ends!

Your babbling and non-stop chitter chatter. It would really help

to put one of your guns to your head and literally off yourself!

Oh wait, Spidey Senses reminded me that you can't die.

So I guess I'll have to web you in a ball like a little fly

and beat you down harder than a Rhino. Yeah, I know.

I'm painful to Pool who's a dead-fool when I flow.

Just like good ol' Vanessa, Wade, you're just a Copycat.

You got all my looks! But my legacy? You'd never copy that.

I'm mold of the young superhero. Marvel's money maker.

LEAGUES above this red and black schizophrenic lawbreaker

who talks to his superiors as if they were below him

and would tell a little blind old lady to "blow him".

Well, now you're facing Parker. And these rhymes I will disperse

will show my FULL skill when I spit a Spider-Verse!

I'll spider-sting ya to the ground before you have anything to say!

I know you heal, but face me? You wouldn't get One More Day.

Deadpool (1:18):

"Oh, look at me! I'm Spider-Man, and I can crawl on walls,

and wear spandex that perfectly show off my balls!" (Ew!) Eh, at least they're small.

Hey Trent! Is it okay for me to shoot this kid in his south?

No, Wade! No violence! Verbal it is! After all, I'm the Merc With The Mouth! ;)

Didn't know you felt that way about me, Pete. Bet it feels good to get it off your chest.

But a spider hits as hard as a bug? Huh, who would've guessed?

A trained mercenary, blastin' his way straight through the ranks.

After this, Pete, you'll be screaming my name like Tom Hanks!

I'm all the hype now, bitch! Every scene I'm in, I steal it!

So all the hype around your Civil War appearance? Didn't feel it.

Sense me all you want. You'll just end up another of my dead bodies

cuz' you're not special! You're just ONE of the many people I've copied-wait WHAT?-

Spider-Man (1:51):

THAT was your verse? (NO, IT WASN'T-) Kind of a self-dissing cypher

don't ya think? (YES I DO! WTF-) Well, that's what happens when you try to face the Spider. (Shut up for a minute-)

I'm on a lyrical movement, you're just standing around, mingling! (Oh my fucking go-)

And I-STOP INTERRUPTING ME, WADE!....wait, SPidey-Senses are tingling!-

Aaaaand done with that. Now then, let me get something straight, Trent. Why did you have me say that?

Wait, what-

You know, my last line in my first verse. The whole "Oh, you're just ONE of the people I copied" thing. THAT thing, why'd you have me say that?

Deadpool?!...h-how are you talking to me right now-

You think that, just because you write this mother fucking blog, that that gives you the right to say wheter you want and to have me say stupid, self-dissing shit like THAT?!

Well, I-I-I-

SHUT the fuck up, you pansy ass comic book nerd who no-one but his damn dog and the air around him likes. I'm talking here. You will go back and and change my last line into something cooler. NOW. Or so help me, there will be so many things lodged in every one of your holes that, afterwards, you'll look like a damn SPONGE.

Um-well- ya see, I can't. 

...excuse me? Why the holy fuck not?!

Well, I'm writing all of THIS, too.

.....what?!!!

Well yeah, I wanna seem like I'm creative at writing a story battle, so I ended up making this battle where you end up killing Spider-Man and then try to talk to me and I pretend like it's actually happening, then it ends funny, with you "killing" me or something along those lines-

You're telling me: that what I'm saying RIGHT NOW, is just you typing?

Pretty much, yeah.

.......there any way to get you to stop?

I am literally writing your dialogue as we "speak", Wade. There's not a whole lot that you can do.

Look, I know you wanna be "creative" so you can get on the top blogs and everything, but is it too late to go back now and battle Spidey?-

No. That would require me having to erase all this dialogue.

Oh :(

I got this far. I'll just have you give the whole ending thing.

Fine.

Here's your fucking template.

Hint to next battle:

And what the actual FUCK is the hint?!

Idk maybe it's called a "hint" for a reason?

Smart ass.

Says YOU. Which is technically me.

......you got some shit writing, Trent. Shit writing....