It’s been a while since I’ve even been on the wiki and it looks like fandom made it worse, idk I’m still an iPad user so maybe it’s just me. The blog might look terrible.
Hey guys, I assume a good bit of you that actually know me will see this and I’m not too sure how to start this so the basic way to do it is to just say what’s on my mind.
The entire life I have told you all about me was a lie. Other than my personal interests probably about 85% of “Axel Berry” was fabricated to escape the real world at the time. The name, age, baby, childhood stories, etc were all fake. I don’t remember how old I really made myself out to be but I’m currently 23. I started this account in my first year of middle school which was the worst years of my life, constant bullying made me think so low of myself that I made up a whole new life to somewhat escape reality. By the time I got to highschool which was a lot better (still not great) I was in pretty deep and due to the baby lie I didn’t feel I could come clean.
I started to drift away from the Wiki more and more once it became harder to keep up with this character but also struggling to be myself who I was at least starting to like, but the real me isn’t Axel. I don’t want to say my real name here cause I don’t want any future friends or family to look up my name and this be a related search but by the end of Highschool and after graduation I had more than one name amongst my peers.
I have three different groups of friends in real life, those from school, those from camp, and those from work. All call me different names but only the school friends call me my real name and while the other groups do know my real name they just don’t refer to me as it for one reason or another, which I was fine with. The issue is these 3 friend groups have very different ways of going about life and ideologies and I mixed with them all, I didn’t really lie to these friends I just bit my tongue sometimes, that’s it. But recently after being built up like this for so long, not to mention I was also a completely different person around family, got really really tiring like I didn’t even know what my true beliefs are about the world or who can do what, what I can do, etc. Sadly this also recently backfired as once the groups started slightly meshing it was seen as me being a liar and not actually liking the people, which isn’t true cause I cherished some of these friendships. I lost friendships of 6-10 years.
Now none of these friends really want to talk to me and it’s made me question which one of them I really was. I wish I could’ve always just been myself and I suppose that reminded me of the Wiki, where my first “persona” was made. Granted while Axel was all a lie my personality was still real, I would just foolishly add backstory for sympathy, attention, respect, whatever I could get since I got none of that in the real world. But if every other group knows me I thought it’d be peace at mind to also tell you guys. I am sorry for the past and using anything fabricated to gain friendship from any of you that I might’ve done it to. Obviously it’s been years and I can’t remember much I’ve done but I know I’ve told fake stories about either friends or relatives dying for some sort of personal gain, it was stupid and was hard to reveal once I started growing up more. I’ve typed up a confession blog twice before but never posted them because it didn’t seem like it mattered, the Wiki was dying, I wasn’t active, and I was suffice with just leaving it be but now with everything that’s happened I feel like I have to. To really put into words how devastating life is for me right now, despite being Wrestlemania weekend this is probably the worst weekend in my life, by a lot. But typing this has made me feel a little better despite knowing it’ll probably get worse again soon (not from you guys). I actually hate lying or being lied to with a passion so it might be this taking some weight off of me despite how little it comes up in recent everyday life.
I think thats it. I’m more than happy to tell more personal info of my life in discord which I somewhat use now but I’m still in a pretty bad state. I’m not suicidal if anyone worries but I’m certainly not happy which will affect my activeness.
Thanks for reading if you did. I’m sorry about the deception from the past and while this doesn’t mean I’ll be active, I’m at least happy for people to find out the real me.