Hello there.
Welcome to the very first Captain Sham's Rap Battles, the series no one wanted but everyone deserved.
Our first matchup is between the love her or hate her Queen of the Instahoes, Kim Kardashian, versus Wario, the disgusting, greedy brute from Nintendo, in a battle of wallet thickness and body thiccness.
The first wave of this season will consist of six battles I will be releasing consecutively within the next eight to twelve hours, just so you can really see if this series is meant for you. This is NOT going to be my normal schedule.
On a separate note, Google refuses to see a connection between these two. Odd.
With that, let's get this show on the road...
Beat: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5vshCYJF1T0
CAPTAIN SHAM'S RAP BATTLES!
KIM KARDASHIAN! VS! WARIOOOO!
BEGIN!
Kim (starts at 0:19)
I'm an idol to millions, my beauty's divine
Got my own perfume, always dressed to the nines
And this obese midget's who I'm rapping against?
My fanbase and clout are like your gut: immense
You can't keep up with me with those short little legs
It'd be fairer to battle Waluigi instead
Overalls? Elf shoes? What poor fashion taste
While I'm making billions you're stuck in last place
Wario (starts at 0:39)
Well, a blue shell will leave a Kardashian kart smashed
But it seems it wouldn't be your family's first car crash
Your liposuction did indeed make your ass huge
But now even Tatanga looks more human than you
Piggybacking off Paris to make your fat stacks
That's as wack as your husband, the one who can't rap
I made my own fortune, no sex tape required
So this Superstar should head West and retire
Kim and Kanye West (starts at 0:58) Kanye is underlined, Kim is bold
Don't talk about Kimmy in that kind of tone
When your best franchise was 8-bit from Mario
Besides I know my wife's on your tab incognito
So don't act all superior, Danny DeGuido
My fragrances sell out, you've got garlic breath
I'll use your party dice to beat you to death
I outshined both my sisters, there's no way you'll beat me
All guys want to date me and all girls want to be me
There's nothing about you I consider beauty
You've got ghost nipples while I've got dat booty
Kim always wins and Nintendon't you forget
I'm so hot my ass broke the fucking internet!
Wario (starts at 1:28)
Think you'll win due to that, Wreck-It Ralph? No chance
You act so stuck-up it's like you're being robbed in France
I spit Camp Fire from Hell to burn this fake Saint
Who was only noticed with Ray J's balls on her taint
Think Shaking it on Instagram makes you great? Hardly
We have a more uplifting role model in Barbie
Body dysmorphia's your biggest legacy (shame)
I can't even call you thot because you clearly lack brains
My worst fart is less toxic than Britney's bitch
I'm stealing the win and you can't Photoshop this
Between the two of you Jong-Un has a better Korea-r
And on top of that, I have the biggest ass! Mamma Mia!
WHO WON?
WHO'S NEXT?
YOU DECIDE!
CAPTAIN SHAM'S RAP BATTLES!