Hey yo hi hello.
This is the script to my just-released Seven Deadly Sins Royale Review. The script is directly copy-pasted from its original form which was changed during filming and editing so there will be discrepancies.
Seven Deadly Sins Royale Review[]
(Me in the storm.) God is angry! God is oh so very angry! What could have brought about the rage of the Almighty?! (Turns my head) You! (It's a piece of paper that says Uber Rap Battles of Fiction.) Mancha. I've made a promise, yes. Review a newer battle. One you put all your focus on. But you made a promise right back. You told me, /you told me/! that you would look at how you're writing more harshly. And I'm the only one holding my end! You failed. You failed me. You failed you. You failed your viewers. And you failed the big guy upstairs. He's angry. He wants to see sinners punished. You praised them. And now we're facing His wrath for your lame hand. You moved the cemetery but you left the bodies, didn't you?! You son of a bitch, you left the bodies and you only moved the headstones! YOU ONLY MOVED THE HEADSTONES!
(In my room) Wow that got really unfocused just *snap* like that.
(I listen to the first twenty seconds of Seven Deadly Asian Jake Pauls by Manchameme.)
Hey so before I begin, I want to explain what’s going on here. So basically, my previous videos have been posted all at once as extremely huge videos, and already that’s proving to toll my technical limitations, so I decided that this time I would post the video in chunks and hopefully that will make my videos higher quality. I’ve always believed in substance over style but I know that in order for that substance to be taken in by an audience then the style has to be somewhat decent, so I’m going to be working much harder not only to increase the frequency of my uploads, but the quality of them. Also, you may have found that hurricane cold open strange, but let’s just say that this video has been in the makes for a regretfully long time. It should be noted, however, that it is never a bad time to donate to charity, so yeah, make sure you find it in your heart to do that. If not for the expansion of help that charitable organizations can deliver, then for the self-gratification of having given for a good cause. I don’t know, it’s a nice thing to do. Anyway, onto the actual beef of the video.
Hey yo hi hello. I'm Hippie Rat and this is Hippie Rat Reviews. This battle is, to the fanmade ERB community, what Antman was to the MCU. They showed some promise thanks to who was working on the project, when suddenly they weren't working on it, and thus it went from the potential of being a masterpiece to an episode that doesn't bring anything new to the table and could've essentially been skipped...
Okay actually that was a bit mean. Antman wasn't as bad as this.
Call me salty I guess but you should know the context of this. The audio for this battle was out for like half a year and the day I finally got around to filming the review the video came out. Literally like twelve hours later. And of course the video made me change my opinion a little at some parts. Also some conversations with Zander that included my viewing of the original ERBP draft changed my review a little. Basically the whole review was mostly me blaming Mancha. And like, it wasn't all Mancha's fault, the issues in this battle, but regardless, the issues in the original draft that still made it into the actual URBoF kinda shoulda been fixed in the process, so... Yeah you know what this is all Mancha’s fault.
I mean, I reviewed Jigsaw vs GLaDOS over a year ago and Mancha personally responded saying something along the lines of “I’m going to work harder on my lyrics, especially since I’m working on the Seven Deadly Sins Royale,” and because the entire review was me complaining that he didn’t put enough substance and instead filled the lyrics to the brim with references and lamedrops, I figured that he would give this battle substance. He didn’t. Like at all.
I have two main issues with the battle. 1)The Seven Deadly Sins aren't given a good representation. Some characters are questionable and the sins themselves aren't given a deep enough analysis into what's bad about them. 2)There's a lot of moments in which the lyrics are actually retarded. Like "your rhymes are profound" levels. These mostly rose from the ERBP draft, go figure, but again, they were never fixed. And the sheer amount of times in which it occurs is absolutely staggering.
So I guess before I begin I'll give a little rant about the format. The format is, in itself, questionable to me. At first I had decided that it was fundamentally flawed because the audio, which, I must stress, was out for half of a year before the video finally came out, so for half a year this unfinished, fundamentally flawed version was the only version available, /and/ I'm pretty sure that's still the only version available on SoundCloud that isn’t a karaoke or vocal-only track, so it's worth talking about. It starts off one v one, then everyone else comes in. Because that's how royales work, right? Can't challenge the format from the ground-up, can you?
You see, the way this format works does not work for this battle. The sins are all bad. We can establish that as a major truth to play the battle around. So that means that all the sins should be given the ability to be dissed equally. This battle features all the characters only dissing the character immediately in front of them, which means that greed and lust is dissed twice over while pride isn't dissed at all. Okay, yes, the video has Dante come in to diss all the sins, but no diss is directed straight at Frankenstein, leaving pride in itself as having not been dissed, which is a bit ironic, considering there's a fair amount of this battle in which Mancha seems to stroke his ego a tad bit. Anyway, I think we can agree that for our purposes the normal royale just doesn't work right.
See, what you do is send in these two people. They have a solid ulterior connection, but then this guy disses both of them, then the guy after that makes no reference to the previous two and only disses this guy, and it continues on like this. You see, when you do a normal royale, the last speaker must have some kind of ultimate superiority over the others that justifies him not being dissed or he should be a sort of parody of himself to diss himself in his mannerisms like Putin and Michael Bay. Now, you do add in Dante, who gives a couple generalized insults, but disses no sins directly and more just boasts a lot. So, not only does pride not get dissed, it gets further enforced. It fails in what it should be trying to do. A much better option would've been to put all seven characters in a circle and make it a big free-for-all. Everyone gets two verses for full argumentative potential. Kinda like Tattletail vs Fazbear vs Neighbor vs Bendy, except, you know, not made by riding on the coattails of YouTube tumors.
I guess now is about time to get into the actual battle.
"Uber Rap Battles of Fiction! The Seven Deadly Sins Royale!" (I hold up seven fingers). "Greed!" (Counts to one finger). "Vs Lust!" (Counts to two fingers). "Begin!" (Looks shocked at my fingers) Excuse me?! See, this is what's so wrong about this. Besides Dante, the characters are not surprise inclusions. You tell us that these characters are going to show up, yet they're played off in the actual battle as being surprises. And nowhere is that shown better than you saying that there are seven then only listing two, like you lost count...before....three.....
- cut to me scribbling in a notebook, crazed and obsessive over something nabbing at me*
Oh my god...just last battle we had two instances of people failing to count to three...and here it is again...there's a conspiracy here...and I intend to uncover it...if it's the last thing I do...
- puts my finger to my ear* What’s that? Yeah I ‘member, but it wasn’t actually Jake Paul it was Ricegum. Yeah, the whole video centered around a rapper involved with the Seven Deadly Sins. Yes of course it ended with a diss track. You think I don’t know that? That shit was catchy af. I still sing it in the shower and it’s been irrelevant for like two months. You’re not saying...? I.. Oh come on... Look last time I tried my hand at rapping it was a Dragon Rap Battle. I...fine fine. I guess I could use the views. Okay, bye, yeah, see ya. Bye. Buh-bye.
- brings my hand down and speaks somewhat slow and flustered* I...guess I have a treat for you guys if you stick around till the end.
Gatsby:
Did you receive an invitation to challenge the MC?
Excuse my manners old sport, I’m Gatsby!
(Jacob's voice for Gatsby ain't bad. If I were to nitpick I think it would've been better if it was just a bit deeper, and perhaps, though quite the Yank he is, a slight twang of the Queen's Latin might've played more to the phony high-profile character that was Gatsby. Also, the lyrics chosen cram the beat way too much, so this is pretty goddamn slurred. Not Jacob's fault, this is purely an error of the writer and sound designer. Now, before I continue, I want to blow your minds real quick with a socratic analysis on the idea of being..sinful. We begin by analyzing what greed truly is when determining basic human flaws. What is greed, and does one specific character fully represent what it means to be "greedy"? Greed is what happens when a person does some work toward bettering their stance economically, which, historically meant how much land was controlled by a person, but started reaching toward too much of a high economic stance while others are left below them and their ability to raise their economic gain was stinted by this person's economic stance. Jay Gatsby is a great example for this case, though one thing that plays toward a large part of his character is that he only did this to make himself look better socially, something that is never mentioned in the lyrics, leading me to believe you either did not read the book or simply did not understand it.)
I don’t plan to agree so leave your contracts
In your playroom’s toy chest before ya’ comeback
(This is a pretty good format for a couplet. I wish there were more of these, but I can tell that this was only a result of there being a fast beat chosen and wouldn't happen normally with this writer.)
Got more than Roaring Twenties in my pocket
You couldn’t even finish Harvard economics!
(I'm only going to talk about the puns /once/ here, so listen closely. This pun is ech. Don't understand? Basically I classify puns in one of three main ways, based on meaning and coherency. A great pun has multiple meanings that both contribute to two different sentences while still only being one sentence. For example, in your GLaDOS vs Neo you deliver one of my favorite lyrics from you: "The One's more of a zero, see, now that's what I've been counting on!" It has no word or syllable that contribute to a pun that wouldn't make sense out of context, and has two meanings: the face-value meaning, what the lyric means to an outsider, which in this case is the idea that Neo is a loser, and that is what GLaDOS was hoping for; along with the referential meaning, which is the stuff you'd explain in a rap meanings, which states that Neo is an error in the coding that GLaDOS was reading while also alluding to the song Want You Gone. These are the puns to strive for. The decent puns are those that are a coherent sentence and only references the source material through the pun. Think "I'll Frisk your win, darling" from Mettaton vs R. O. B., In this case the sentence makes sense at face value, but it doesn't make sense when you think of it as "I'll [main protagonist of Undertale] your win, darling." Then the ech puns are not a coherent sentence. In this case, the word roaring does not work in a sentence. Here's how to test this stuff: always say the sentence out loud with the assumption that there is no pun. There is no reference you are making. The Roaring Twenties are not a thing that exist. Now the word roaring has no reason to be in this battle. That is the stuff to avoid. This same issue happens again in this battle with bad west egg, how I rolls-royce, carraway'd, loose buchanan, prohibitching, kick the charlie bucket, scottish played, Scarmigliowned, and probably more that I'm skipping over. I will not repeat myself on those lyrics. Just know...if you're going to make your lyrics nothing but puns, at least make them good. They don’t all have to be like that, some of the best lines from ERB have been ech puns, like “Me no third-reichy,” but still, it’s lazy.
I'll leave you Freed if you excuse my greed
and admit that it's time you submit to me
(You may have noticed that every character /says/ the sin they represent somewhere in their verse. And Mancha was so proud of that fact that he typed them in bold colors in the subtitles. In this battle, the general idea is that not only is it acceptable to be sinful, it is something to boast. It's not. Also, I hate subtitle fetishing. Stop messing with the subtitles. The subtitles are not a secondary location to hide jokes and show off png's and stuff. They're there for the purpose of allowing the audience to follow along the lyrics in case they're not immediately understandable. They are not meant to distract the audience. There’s one segment in this battle where the subtitle play is acceptable, and is actually one of my favorite parts of the video, but that’s only because the setup of the video all-around changes. It goes from a full screen of the character but then pulls the character into a little box, leaving a ton of negative space for subtitle fetishing, and that’s fine. But stop fucking subtitle fetishing elsewhere. As a general rule, keep your subtitles least-distracting as possible.)
So Steele yourself, cuz you're a bad West Egg
Believe me, I know a lot about bootlegs
(What does that even mean? He should steal himself?... because he's a bad egg? *laughing* Did Grey regularly steal eggs or something? And Gatsby justifies this with his own history in bootlegging booze. I don't get it, is this supposed to allude to Fifty Shades being a Twilight fan fiction? There's absolutely no way to make heads or tails of this stuff.)
I'm prevailin', Trevelyan, so let it sink in
Your fortune only came from picking up Lincolns
(Did you just call him by his middle name? When was the last time you heard someone refer to someone else by only their middle name? Man, let THAT sink in. Great job recapping part of Grey's backstory though. Seriously, you're comparing apples to oranges here. When Gatsby mentions things picked up from Elena Lincoln by Christian Grey and the battle is about the Seven Deadly Sins, then Gatsby should be talking about Grey's gross sexual habits rather than his fortune. It is about DISSING. the sins, not praising them.)
And no fanfiction that they give the green light
Will convince me you're not just black and white
(This couplet is wonderful. You're actually dissing Grey based on the sexual content, kudos. The black and white equals Grey joke is hilarious, kudos. And the way you incorporate the green light joke into this couplet is very clever, kudos. Much much more of this please.)
Grey:
Hold on Jay, let's slow this down
Mr. Grey will diss you now
You better not get too Carraway'd
because when it comes to rap, I dominate
(Seth's voice is nice. Suave and professional. Possibly better than what Mat4yo would've made the character out to be had he done the character. Considering the initial stigma toward Fifty Shades of Grey, he likely would've played the character as a joke like he did Louis Tomlinson and Ed Wood. It's nice to have some consistency here in terms of how seriously the characters are taken. These lyrics are the same basic level of generic as most of the rest of this. The cadences are fun enough to keep someone entertained. My biggest gripe is the Carraway pun. It could've easily just been pronounced as "ker•əd 'way" and it would've been much more recognizable as the words carried away unlike what it's like now while still making the reference to Carraway. Now, I ask you, what is lust? What does it mean to be "lustful"? Reproduction is a basic human instinct. It is necessary for the continuation of the human race. But it can't be the one thing that dominates your life. Every activity in your life cannot be between sexual interactions. Yet Christian Grey still truly exemplifies this mindset. In terms of characters to use to represent lust, Grey is the best choice, especially since Grey and Gatsby have their further connection of being high-wealth men with an obsession towards specific women. Kudos.)
and you'd make a doctor's billboard weep
while I take the time to leave my rhymes deep
inside both your mind and my Red Room
flayed Fifty Shades of black and blue
(How are those things supposed to relate? How does the billboard have any stake in the matter of how deep Grey leaves his lyrics? I understand the billboard is this stuff about God's judgment, but what is he judging? You mean Gatsby's greed? What's so bad about it that it requires God's judgment? No seriously, answer me. Tell me exactly what's wrong with that and use that information in the rap battle. Also it would be a tad better if the cadence went more like "both inside your mind and my red room flayed Fifty shades of black and blue." Cadence and annunciation is important.)
I'm pumped up, lusting for a win
You're a friendless fat cat and loose Bu-cannon
(Again, your sin is not something to boast. Also, it's byoo-cannon, not boo-cannon)
The Jazz Aged Gatz and turned potential
into a most fatal case of Affluenza
(That's not a sentence! That makes literally no sense because this is not a sentence! The Jazz-Aged Gatz is not a full clause and turned potential into a most fatal case of affluenza is also not a full clause. In fact, those are the subject and predicate of the clause you meant to say. Had you said "The Jazz-Aged Gatz /had/ turned potential into a most fatal case of affluenza" instead of "The Jazz-Aged Gatz /and/ turned potential into a most fatal case of affluenza,” this would have been one of the best couplets in the battle. Proofread.)
It just goes to show I've got the love of the ladies
Since you're in the pool yet we're BOTH pushing Daisies
(You do realize that Daisy was a character in Great Gatsby, right? Did you get those two reversed? This is so backwards and bizarre. Are you implying that this is supposed to be a “steal your girl” line? Because that’s not what it comes across as.)
Gloop:
Guten tag! I’ve won a golden ticket to whoopassery!
And Grey, despite the name, keep your Willy out this factory!
(Augustus Gloop everyone! This does not sound great! I mean, it's better than what most other people probably could have done, but generally speaking this is not a consistently good German accent. Sorry Skeep. Good job on your Tattletail voice though. Bloody spot on, mate. The lyrics are your same level of Mancha-brand entertainment. Now, because I'm sure you're wondering, what is gluttony? And does this character purely represent what it means to be gluttonous? I'm about to blow your minds here, people. Gluttony, in the case of a deadly sin, is not being fat. Gluttony is the taking of a share of something when it is not your turn to take that share. Gluttony is only so closely associated with food because, from a hunter-gathered standpoint, that was the only context to have it historically. When someone hunted a gazelle and the first to eat is traditionally the elders but a younger person ignores that and eats before them anyway, they are gluttonous. From a more modern standpoint, gluttony is not necessarily just being a fat guy. Gluttony is facing a hurricane and taking six cases of water for a two-family household as if you were about to be plunged into a wasteland for a damned month, while plenty other people do not get the chance to receive a decent amount of water for the weekend, all because news stories broke out that the devastating storm in Texas, where they happen to not be used to storms, making their situation more unique and newsworthy, leading the demand of water to raise high enough to cause shortages. That. Is gluttony. And Augustus Gloop plays to the fattened ideal of gluttony. I understand, it's difficult. The nuances of gluttony are not fully explored in popular literature, especially since the common depiction of gluttony is simply being fat, and in a world where so many people are overweight, there are not many characters today that are unique in that they are so. From the logic being presented, Augustus Gloop is a decent pick, but if you really wanted to make something of artistic value, a character that popularly took a share of something when it was not their turn to do so would've been much better. Now, Augustus Gloop would've worked much better if you wrote it around anything more than him being fat. If you used his jumpiness to consume the chocolate river despite the attempts to dissuade him as an example of his gluttony, or if you used the moment in which he mocks Charlie Bucket for not having brought his own candy bar, where Charlie is the needy character the chocolate is being withheld from due to Augustus's own gluttony, then it would work as an example of his /true/ gluttony. But it wasn't...)
Too Hungary to focus on your cheating and effrontery
I’m clod stopping, Everlasting on this track and in my gluttony
(Text convo with Zander)
You’ve both lost your man cards, so get chewed out, mastication!
Come with me and you’ll be in a world of pure annihilation!
(Now, way too many of these lyrics are just unnecessary references. Blueberries? A reference to Mrs. Gloop saying "save some for later, Augustus"? How low are you setting the bar for references you can make on this? Anyway I skipped over those, but you needed to see this right here. The pure annihilation line isn't that bad, but mastication? You do realize that Augustus Gloop was like, ten years old, right? He doesn't just have words like "mastication" in his vocabulary. This isn't a competition to see who can fit more words from a word of the day calendar into their battle, you know.)
Sawyer: Who let the pig out of his pen? Oop, it’s just Augustus Gloop Guess I’m too slothful to tell a petting zoo from an obese nincompoop
(Now, credit where credit is due, the first seven lines from Sawyer were boss. They were the only lines where you eased up on cramming in puns and references. They don't really touch up on gluttony in a way that they should, but for what they do they're pretty good lyrics. Glad to see Zander's Tom Sawyer has improved in the last four years. I probably would've just killed myself if that weren't the case. You guys probably want me to get to what sloth is so yeah. It's basically as simple as you can get. Except Wikipedia went and told me it was the most difficult to define so I'm going to listen to the internet experts on this one. "It finds expression in laziness, idleness, and indolence." Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ, which is it? Is it super hard to define or is it easy? Let's just sum it up on "you based it on one chapter from Sawyer's life but other than that fact he was easily one of the best choices for sloth you could've had.")
In this rap and the in factory (sic) I guess you were the first to choke
Man it seems you’re really fudged just like the Oompa Loompa’s hoped
(Just like the Oompa Loompas hoped? Are you really pulling out the "how did the Oompa Loompas know what would happen to Augustus to have the song ready?" approach to your lyrics here? Except you're not even hinting at it, you're giving us the assumption that that is what definitively happened. What?)
Learn to chew and rhyme, you’re not getting enough time to breathe!
How can you come out on top while you can’t see what’s underneath?
(Fairly easily actually. You see, inherently when you are on top of something, it's not as easy to see what is beneath the thing you're on top of. This would hold some kind of bearing in the sense of Augustus being hopelessly dumb if he was beneath something but can't see what's underneath, but instead Mancha just came across as hopelessly dumb by leaving that in the lyrics.)
Haha it’s funny because fat guy can’t find his penis!
I think I'll cut on Tom Sawyer's verse for now. Fair warning: it's all steeply downhill from here until we get to Dante, but even then...
Macbeth: It’s my fate to keep you like my bodyguards in the foyer You’ll be tilted, italics, when [Exeunt, today’s Tom Sawyer!]
(What the heck does this mean? Is that the jousting version of tilting? He'll be lunged at in a jousting match, when (exit, today's Tom Sawyer)? What is today's Tom Sawyer? Is "today" the noun that is possessive of Tom Sawyer? Is this exact day known as "Tom Sawyer”? Did you misspell something? I don't geeetttt itttt. As for the voice, Ciaran's Macbeth is... Well, frankly, he put no thought into it.
Please note, before I go into this, that Ciaran is, in fact, Irish, and thus does have a bit of notable accent, but a large part of that accent is lost once he starts rapping. It's like how anyone singing in English sings with an American accent unless they specifically fight for a different accent as they sing. So when I talk about Ciaran's accent here, just know that I'm talking about it in the sense that it sounds basically American with a growl save for a few words. On with the show.
It's not a Scottish accent for one. So maybe you're going for a Shakespearean accent? But it's an American accent. Now, when you Google "Shakespearean accent" it's true that the very first article says that Shakespearean English sounded more American than British. But that comes from Fairbanks Daily News-Miner - The Voice of Interior Alaska. Alaska. You trusted some Alaskan to know more about Shakespeare than, I don't know, the second result on Google, a man from the actual Globe theatre demonstrating what they call Original Pronunciation, which sounds particularly Welsh. An Alaskan dude. It holds no grounds, yet you still went in giving your voice no change except a slight growl.
Now, what is envy? Is Macbeth a good example of envy? Envy is also as simple as it comes, you seem to have a tight understanding of it. To keep it simple Macbeth is also one of the best examples of envy you could've come across, so kudos.)
You’re all whitewashed up, but this Scot’s got it on Loch!
With lines as intricate as MacDougal’s cave to leave you lost!
(I don't like being THAT guy, but this is not Shakespeare. Shakespeare would not write things like this. Am I saying I could do better? No. In fact, I did particularly worse already. But this just ain't quite it.)
You envy me? I’m dastardly! Just ask all those I’ve slayed!
Succumb to your MacDaddy! Thou’ve just been Scottish Played!
(So now you're dissing people for being envious of your own life? Is the sinfulness based on how hypocritical you can be of your own sin?)
White: Your tragedy is written! Something wicked this way crumbles Baby, be prepared to drown in blood, bent over, double doubled!
((Looks at my ketchup-smothered ears)
Seriously both the voice and the beat are ridiculously overmodulated. I actually broke a pair of headphones I had when I got to this part a few months back. That's never happened to me before. They were pretty cheap headphones but regardless it was still enough to blow out both speakers. As for the voice itself, well...remember when I criticized Walter Downing playing Winston Zeddemore in Ghostbuster vs Mythbusters because it was just token black guy playing token black guy without any distinguishing features to make him truly take on the character of Zeddemore? Well this is token female voice actress playing token female character. She has a bit of sass, and we all know the importance of making sure you refrain from having "no amount of sass" in your rapping, but other than that the only thing that evokes wrath is the overmodulation. Even if you did something to exaggerate your "anger", like really put some good yelled-out words in there. A really emphasized articulate annunciation with maybe a few consonant pops would also add to the intimidation factor. Is Carrie a good example for wrath? Sure, yeah. Wrath is unjustified anger. Basically an angered response to something that is too severe for the wrongdoings. Fire massacre for a blood prank? I'd say she fits. Though, she's arguably not the most...popular character to represent wrath. That makes sense, wrath is a sin that can easily be translated to literature. Your choice of Carrie feels arbitrary. It also arises the argument of Carrie representing wrath when she was being pushed to respond, an argument interestingly not brought up in the actual battle. What if I told you there were other, more popular characters that reacted in an even less justified way than Carrie? What if I told you there were other, more popular STEPHEN KING characters that reacted in an even less justified way than Carrie? Annie Wilkes - Misery. She imprisoned and tortured a man for killing off a character in a book series she liked. Not to mention her movie adaptation left Kathy Bates with an Oscar, meaning you actually have someone for UnamusedDetective to test her voice acting skills and build a decent portfolio through her channeling of an Academy-Award-winning performance. Jack Torrance - The Shining. He is...an "angry drinker." His inability to kick his addiction to substance abuse led to him being easily impressionable to the ghosts in the Overlook, finally culminating in a serious murder attempt. Now, in the book and miniseries he is able to redeem himself in the end, somewhat hindering his placement as an embodiment of wrath, but for what he does, I'd say he would've been a good character to use, especially since you can challenge the performance of Jack Nicholson similar to the ability to challenge the performance of Kathy Bates as Annie Wilkes. If I had my say, I definitely would've replaced Carrie with Annie Wilkes and encouraged UnamusedDetective to try and channel Kathy Bates's performance to make something much more distinguishable. Or, you know, Captain Ahab like you wanted. Seriously, it was your damn work, you don't have to keep literally everything from the ERBP draft.)
Your awful tests and rotten quotes make me wish I was illiterate
Thus I’m causing more death than a tale written by an idiot
(Mancha you ignorant slut. You just called William Shakespeare an idiot? Like YOU can write any better? Let's break this one down. This is based off of a quote from Macbeth that reads, /in my best impression of original pronunciation/, *ahem*
Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
You may argue that Shakespeare was being ironic and calling himself the idiot, but it actually was a simple metaphor that, if it had any ulterior allusion it was simply him poking fun at lesser playwrights. An idiot in Shakespeare's time is simply one who knows null by nature and thus thinks not for himself. You know, like you with the writing for this battle. You're the one putting those words in your mouth. You're the one who thinks himself a better writer than Shakespeare. Nice one. As a wise man, Brendan Pelsue, once said: “Life may be a tale told by an idiot, but Macbeth is not.” Oh, did I mention that one of the Seven Deadly Sins was pride? Here's a refresher.)
Frankenstein: It's alive! It's aliiiive!
(Oh boy. Well, I mean...god why isn't Mancha just doing this voice. Again, that thing I said was from before the video was out, but regardless Mancha probably would have done this voice better. You specifically include this "it's alive" part for us to compare this voice to the popular Victor Frankenstein voice because "haha he said that famous movie line." But it's nowhere close to the voice. It's an even less consistent German accent than Augustus Gloop's earlier. Jesus Christ...no seriously Jesus Christ please help me. I know you're listening. Help me a little bit here. Ugh... Let's just try and get this over with. Yes, Frankenstein, God complex central, is a good fit for pride. I must say, it's pretty fitting that Mancha, someone who's so egocentric that he thinks he writes better than the Bard himself, would leave the sin of pride completely void of insults toward it. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.)
My rhymes are alive! Cower to my power, Frankenstein! Playing God, the aramanthine Victor knows naught but true pride!
(Ugh there he goes again, it's a spontaneous battle rap, the last thing people are going to freestyle is a four-syllable word like that. And yes, it's established that it's a freestyle because Frankenstein is supposed to be a "surprise inclusion" in your seven-character royale between greed and lust. In fact, it's so much /not/ a word someone would spontaneously say in a rap that it was /mispronounced/. This is what happens. This is what happens when you use big words for the sake of using big words. You end up with people who pronounce "amaranthine" as "aramanthine." You know what else? I had to look up the word amaranthine, just so that I could know what it meant. You know what it means? You're going to love this. "Unfading and undying." That makes sense, right? He is the everlasting victor of this battle? Wrong! If you looked at the goddamn etymology of the word, you would realize that it's used when describing things that are related to the amaranth. A flower. A goddamn flower. Pristine and dainty as a goddamn flower. You know what the word amaranthine is appropriate for? Impressing Samantha in your English class by saying that her beauty is amaranthine. Because that says that she is beautiful as a flower and that her beauty will never fade. You know what the word amaranthine is not appropriate for? Describing your victory! In no way does your victory share the characteristics of a flower! Goddammit! If you were judging your writing more harshly, how the hell could you let. This. Slip. By.
YOUR RHYMES ARE PROFOUND!!!!
I’d say take a shower to vash up, but even that’s been drenched in blood
Quit spewing out that rancid flow, go take your mouth and plug it up!
(You.../would/ say that Carrie should wash herself off, presumably because she's covered in blood, but she ultimately is unable to....because the shower, listen carefully now, /the shower/...is drenched in blood. The shower, a device which-...actually, no, your stupidity is worthy of a visual demonstration.
(In a shower) This is a shower. Now, imagine I have been rather battered by the elements, and thus have messed my skin with the blood of a pig, visualized here with ketchup. Unfortunately, the shower itself is also covered in blood. (Proceeds to spray ketchup throughout the shower.) When I am faced with this predicament, and boy do I have to deal with this a lot, I have one, very simple fix, that could have easily gone over anyone's head while they were busy writing a battle such as this- I TURN THE SHOWER ON AND CLEAN OUT THE BLOOD FROM WITHIN THE SHOWER FIRST. (Demonstrates exactly that.) It's that easy. And that is assuming you're not comfortable cleaning yourself in a dirty shower, but when covered in festering blood, most people would reconsider their priorities. You see, what a shower does is dispense water that is used to clean anything within the vicinity of the shower. A dirty shower does not mean that it is a useless device, and I trust most of us already knew that. But this is not a review of what the casual audience to my videos know, this is a review of Mancha and his logic-based understanding of basic human functions. You see, this battle is so horrendously written, it demonstrates so much incompetence, that the writers do not even know what a shower's primary function is. And that, my friends, is what is so sinful about this battle.)
Not even your mother loves you, Monster! You’re thunderstruck, electrified! No one will know your name once I leave you like her, crucified!
(And with that, it's over. Actually, wait, that "and with that, it's over" moment is particularly interesting. The end-all-be-all finisher to this deep, intrinsic, character study of the seven deadly sins, is "no one will know your name once I leave you like [your mother], crucified." For one, you're presenting this absolute sinner as a Christ figure by leaving her crucified. That is pure, unadulterated blasphemy. Sacrilege. Second, you end it with a vague, empty threat, something I absolutely tore into you for doing so much in Jigsaw vs GLaDOS. Third, it's just a basic reference to a specific moment in Carrie's story. You basically just ended this extremely important battle in the most anticlimactic way possible. Good job.)
Right whoops sorry it's not over. Dante showed up for the video. Half a year though. Half a year of nothing but just the audio. Remember that.
Dante: Abandon all hope ye who face Alighieri, You say you rhyme divine but it all manifests as comedy.
(Okay...mixed emotions on this. On one hand, there's still some issues with the lyrics. They're more nitpicky and based on what's missing than what's actually there, because Dante actually is a surprise inclusion, and the lyrics aren't based on the ERBP draft, so Mancha (and I guess maybe Pool a bit) wrote this whole verse from scratch. Alighieri doesn't really rhyme with comedy because you're just rhyming the unemphasized syllable "ee". Also you blatantly mispronounce Alighieri. It’s Alighieri, not alligary. The voice itself is...okay. I mean, of course Mancha casts himself as the character that represents virtue. It's really close to his Sideshow Bob voice. If it had some hint of Italian accent it would be a lot better. I understand you’re trying for, it’s like an assertive religious voice, like Claude Frollo from Hunchback of Notre Dame, but give us some Italian. There’s so many parts here that would have much better delivery if it was given an Italian accent.)
And as I write my cantos, I stray from my allegory,
With a fictionalized rewrite of the greatest poet in history.
(Well, credit where due, this line is nice in terms of introducing not only a reason for the character to be there, but a justification as to why the character fits in the series. It doesn't build much in terms of the purpose of the actual battle, but it really did not need to.)
Not even Virgil could lead you to a life of temperance,
Thus you're damned to the Inferno rotting in eternal penitence.
(See, now this is where things get really interesting to me. He mentions temperance, which is one of the seven heavenly virtues, the one opposite of gluttony, and it lead me to believe that this battle would not fail. I thought Dante would then, if not fully explain the issues with the sins, then contrast them with a truly good human trait, their own virtues to follow, but this is the only heavenly virtue mentioned in this rap. It's so utterly disappointing. It makes me think it was mentioned by accident as another entry in a word of the day calendar. It’s especially disappointing when considering what the missing good character-study lyrics have in place of them:)
These Devils just May Cry when they get Scarmigliowned,
You're all stuck in a rap limbo, a true purgatorio.
(He starts lamedropping pop culture references and elements from the Divine Comedy. That is just a kick in the goddamn nuts. I talk so much about how much I don't like lamedrops, but even just lamedropping the seven virtues rather than this stuff would be so much better. It would have just...something. Anything. Of any possible value that you could mayyyybe pull away from this.)
I've shed my sin, with worthiness to seek audience with God Himself
But you don't have the virtue to stand by the mirror and face yourselves.
(And here it is. What's supposed to be the killer diss toward all sins. Y'all do realize this just says "I am not sinful but you are sinful," right? This is nothing. We understand. These are the truths we know. Dig deeper.)
The angels sing in harmony thus I'll remain from dropping bars
To spend my life in Paradise, with Beatrice, among the stars.
("Because I'm so goddamn humble. Look at how humble I am. So virtuous. Pride? Not a tad bit, bro.")
Ugh....well there's the battle. I guess before I conclude this I'll talk about the really stellar part of this: the animation. The animation is beyond great. I just...wow. Like, this whole thing I've been ragging on you so much Mancha...but this is...okay, there are multiple times in this where I got chills. That slideshow of Grey and Ana was a very great inclusion, adds so much to the cinematic feel of this video. The scene where Sawyer's verse transitions to a parody of the Oompa Loompa song sequence, that was great, phenomenal, /inspired/. I'm usually the first to say, calm down with the subtitle fetishing, but here there was a real definitive reason to be creative with the way the lyrics are shown on the screen, and it pays off beautifully. All around the video for this is just amazing, and if I was just grading this battle based on the technical aspects, the animation and stylistic choices alone would have rewarded you a ten out of ten.
The problem is the battle has such purpose, a reason to exist, potential to succeed greatly, the /literally/ God-given ability to project a meaning, a lesson to the entire audience. Not only does it fail to explain to the audience the true flaws in demonstrating the Seven Deadly Sins, but it also has instances of appearing to praise the sins. That may not have been the intention, but that's what it comes across as. And not only does it appear to praise the sins, it also manages to come across as entirely incompetent due to a plethora of factual and logical errors that made their way through so many writers, dripped through the cracks, and ultimately ended up in the final product. This battle fails, it fails right down to its core, and no matter how beautiful the animation, this battle could not be saved from being damned to the bottommost reaches of hell. If I had to give this battle a rating, it would have to be seven out of seven....hundred and seventy seven.
And now that that's over I guess I'm going to twist the knife by directly pointing out certain mistakes they probably didn't want you to notice, both recapping ones I already said and showing new ones. Like I said, words like "Buchanan," "amaranthine," and "Alighieri," were mispronounced, and phrases like "The Jazz-Aged Gatz and turned potential," and "Exeunt, today's Tom Sawyer" make no sense. Also, Augustus Gloop isn't from Hungary, Christian Grey never did anything involving a daisy, not being able to see what is underneath something that you are on top of makes perfect sense, and showers do not become useless when dirty. Also Gatsby’s hand melts into his wrist here before being turned around and disjointed. Gatsby’s pocket is torn, allowing the 413-dollar-bill to pass through. The Christian Grey in the background here (“because when it...”) teleports. The picket fence is unfinished here, finished here, unfinished once again. For one frame when the curtains begin opening back up, Macbeth is still there, then Carrie appears. In the same shot, the text for Carrie White’s title card leaves a residue for a frame. In the next shot the background moves to a higher degree than the microphones in the foreground, when in reality it would be the inverse of that. When the screen starts shaking near the end of her verse, the background appears to be a part of a grid of duplications of the background since some other versions seem to show up near the borders of the video. When Carrie moves into the screen after that, some weird uncropped anomaly appears above her. You can hear a mouse click after Frankenstein’s verse, riiiight..there. Oh, and listen to this: ("get Scarmigliowned; you're all stuck in a rap limbo") did you hear that? Listen again: (shortened to bring more attention to the vocal slip). Here, try the acapella version: (acapella version so you can hear the vocal slip). (An audio track of me mocking the vocal slip).
I guess that's it for today. I'm Hippie Rat, this has been Hippie Rat Reviews. Make sure to subscribe to keep up with future videos and check up on my older installments, and remember...an understanding of the worst flaws in humanity can do wonders, but not as much as the understanding, and application of, the best traits, a person can have. Nix the lust, gluttony, sloth, envy, wrath, pride, and greed; practice a little chastity, temperance, diligence, gratitude, patience, humility, and most importantly, charity. Thank you all very much.
And now, a gift from me to you for sticking around through this whole thing.
Hurricane Mancha Lyrics[]
Hurricane Mancha *DISS TRACK*
Beat:
Powr by Kustom Beats - https://soundgine.com/@kustommike/euplayer/?tr=beat-1527819
Hook:
(Mancha...I knew it must have been you...)
(Who could have done this...who could have brought upon the wrath of the Almighty?!)
(OHHHHHHH!)
Verse 1:
Dank meme, bro, they’re what you do best,
That was an absolute joke, you’re an ass and you choked in Zander’s test,
Of a Seven Sins Royale! With that hyped-up morale!
But a failure at keeping your reps all nice and corralled.
You gotta hand it to Zander. No, seriously, give it back to Zander.
I’m hoping Jesus returns just to sue you for slander!
And don’t go telling me the jokes were clever, boy I won’t hear it,
They were so predictable I almost accused you of plagiarizing my trash prediction lyrics.
With my subscriber base you may not be envious of me,
But at least I’m smart enough to tell you what the hell is gluttony.
It’s like milking the views with a Pokémon series, that shit’s trite, dawg.
And don’t just take a different channel’s battle like it’s right, dawg.
You want me to dish out for your raps, yet you couldn’t grasp greed?
I write better than you and, bitch, I kick it for free!
Yeah! Mancha? I’m baking a batch of raps directly at him.
What’s that? Some of these issues were Adam? Fuck Adam.
Chorus:
Hurricane Meme. Hurricane Dropya.
Your song’s a constant hum, if that’s your mantra.
But Mancha, what’s you and a little bit of Pool gonna do
When every single one of your Seven Deadly Sins come back to haunt you? Ooh!
Verse 2:
Let’s take a step in the confessional booth, because to tell the whole truth,
When you snatched that draft, then you gotta pay a hail-Mary toll, dude!
You’re a functioning egomaniac, and I know that, we go way back,
If you weren’t going to put effort in your words, now why would you say that?
“But I got good flow-“ and lack the tickling wit.
Wouldn’t need to be fictionalized to play pride, you’re already a fake-ass little bitch!
And nice accent, what, is that Claude Frollo with throat cancer?
Would you swear by lamedropped sins as simple sentence enhancers?
These questions need answers, and they’re serving perfect pain.
Dante limping out of this rap like “damn, where’s my hurry cane?”
(Random mumbling in the background of this lyric) You repped him for virtue, but it still weren’t the best though,
Now he’s rolling in his grave and you only moved the headstones!
Chorus:
Hurricane Meme. Hurricane Dropya.
Your song’s a constant hum, if that’s your mantra.
But Mancha, what’s you and a little bit of Pool gonna do
When every single one of your Seven Deadly Sins come back to haunt you?
Verse 3:
So did you like that Poltergeist reference? Or were you in a fright,
‘Cause you thought I was about to mention the ghosts who helped you write?
I mean, ten people credited, and they were all fucking incompetent?
Were y’all just happy that Hungary and Germany were on the same fucking continent?
And what was with that shower stuff, have you never used one?
Granted, you /do/ look like a hobo who broke out of institution.
And I am relieved you let up a bit on the “you’ll be killed” lines,
But even with a Christ-figure like Jacob, this sin shit still died.
Again, the Seven Deadly Sins isn’t a boast topic.
Again, the Seven Deadly Sins isn’t a boast topic.
I saw it get dumber every time we hit the next line,
What more can I say but “better luck next time!”?
Go ahead and scrap the fast beats. They stumble when they recite,
If you focused on getting the flow well, it’s something you failed at in the rewrite.
Remember that? When you said that same shit to me?
So if you’re gonna comment to cover your ass again then whats it gonna be?
I already gave you like three hours of footage to scroll through
Like Multi on April Fool’s.
So when you don’t return the favor the whole Discord be like “damn! Hippie Rat dropped a diss track
“And a half on your ass and you’re too slothful to strike back? That’s sad!”
I’ll accept any diss that may come, then kiss and make up,
And hope you fix your writing with a substance shape-up.
Hellfire burn through a chimney. Now say it with me.
You just felt wrath! like the ERB wiki after Hurricane Nikki!
Chorus:
Hurricane Meme. Hurricane Dropya.
Your song’s a constant hum, if that’s your mantra.
But Mancha, what’s you and a little bit of Pool gonna do
When every single one of your Seven Deadly Sins come back to haunt you?
Epilogue:
Lust. I couldn’t find a clever way to force that one in. Granted, neither did you, so I guess it’s mutual. Also, crack a book. I’m still convinced you hadn’t read a single one you used here. What’s done is done. Hippie Rat. Peace out.