Civil War. Trixter's Semi Surfaced Rap Battles Mid-Season Finale

I give other people a present on my birthday. I'm not sure what that says about me really. But regardless, this series has been dead in the water for a while, mostly due to no motivation for either choice of mid season finale, especially since I switched halfway through. So now we're getting a whole damn Civil War, between the three Civil Wars this wiki is likely familiar with: The American Civil War (Ulysses S. Grant and Robert E. Lee), Marvel's Civil War (Captain America and Iron Man) And our own Civil War (Tesla Man and NightFalcon9004, though people call that one Wiki War), which team of war leaders will outclass their rivals in this giant battle?

Special thanks to Tiger for writing Ulysses when I was too lazy, and special apologies to TK for working on this battle when I was supposed to be in his Cap vs. Grant.

Intro

TRIXTER'S SEMI SURFACED RAP BATTLES

VERSUS

All these made by TK, I just didn't feel like saying it for all of them.

BEGIN

Team 1 (Tesla, Robert, Iron)

(Iron Man, Robert E. Lee, and Tesla Man,)

Ready for war, boys? Business calls, so let's make this quick,

We've more important things to do than smack down these pricks.)

Run multi-million companies for one, As well as colleges for another,

What do you three run? The unenlightened crowd, And still living with your mother.

We can swing the people to our side, overwhelm you with hundreds of backers,

Cold disses to clip bird wings, and turn Steve back into The Human Firecracker.

We've succeeded where none of you have, We have every right to be arrogant,

We destroy under-estimators in battle, like, real Americans!

Team 2 (Night, Ulysses, Cap)

(Captain America, Ulysses S. Grant, and NightFalcon9004,)

Assemble, my men! When we go to War We'll be far from Civil, so don't expect mercy!

We've won battles before, The only thing you three win in is levels of controversy.

We're three leaders you can't beat! As much as you'd try to usurp our position,

We've been voted in, elected to kick ass: Without any petitions!

We're embedded in the legends, True heroes, You're merely degenerates,

A psychopath, A drunken metalhead, And in General, a lowly Confederate

How can you all achieve victory when you couldn't achieve your goals?

We all split the masses with our wars, But this battle won't have a split in the polls.

Iron Man

You don't seem too sharp, Steve, guess your shield isn't the only thing getting dull,

But since I spit lines Red hot, maybe they'll melt through your frozen thick Skull.

You weren't relevant before our films, I had Black Sabbath screaming my name,

Don't act so high and mighty to me, Steve, saying I have my problems when you're just the same.

You keep getting on my case for drinking, and saying that I should be ashamed,

But what's he made of, J.A.R.V.I.S? (Bullshit, Hot Air, and steroids under a different name.)

I'm a self made man, all of your powers come from your superhero injects,

You're like a glorified Lance Armstrong, but with fruitier spandex.

Captain America

A self made man, huh? Why not step outta the suit and prove it?

Without the armor, Tony, you're a discount Bruce Wayne with a tool kit!

I stomp Nazis, saved my best pal and led you and the Avengers to saving the world,

In Stark contrast to a lonely homely Downey on his luck misogynist who can't get the girl!

Heroes aren't born? Explains why you hide behind sarcastics and ratchets.

Just playing human? Guess God was playing with dramatics with your parents tragic traffic.

Fact is, you are no Arno, your parents knew that when they adopted you,

You've had everything done for you, so have your ass handed to you too!

Robert E. Lee

Generally, General Lee won't be so generous as to talk with the enemy,

No pleasantries, my men and me will flank and outrank this presi with the best pedigree of weaponry

Mess with me? Mess with Confederacy! Even Fred will see you don't step to Lee!

Your threats are like your strategy to trench bomb, they fail stupendously!

My raps are head-splittingly deadly, so run back to Philidelphi

Won't be the first Southern ready to give a president a verbal Kennedy!

Let's see our legacies; They remember me for brevity, victory and my amnesty,

Yours was a tragedy, family's peasantry dynasty and the worst damn presidency!

Ulysses S. Grant

Appointed by the Union to bruise and strew you into sections

Unleashing Appomageddon, I'll quell this rebel's transgression

From Anaconda waters to campaigns Overland, no question:

Any victory in your grasp's declared intention of secession

I'm Reconstructing a country and deconstructing you with bars

Dying from throat cancer, and still writing up my memoirs

You're General Lee generic, I fought to the top with merit

I left our nation preserved, you left a Lost Cause to inherit

Tesla Man

What time is it? Time for me to ground a manchild falcon with just my words.

I thought you played Pokémon son, don't you know electric takes down birds?

Of all the staff I've ever seen, you've done the worst at keeping a consistent role so far,

How could you lock down Robin when you couldn't even lock down your role as a Star?

I helped make this wiki more professional, and I have never once looked back,

You helped make it a haven for cringe, fights and horsefuckers like Jack.

I heard you've had a lot of "wives" and that can't be an easy feat;

I wouldn't Marry-a trap who only got fucked by Meat.

NightFalcon9004

I'll finish your story here, since you can't end those on your own,

You've gotten as irrelevant as your codes, man, are you even known?

You've WikiLOST already, why don't you go steal what Wachow wrote?

Or maybe if you're lucky I'll start another petition so you can get at least one vote.

You're a wannabe Hannibal, a "psychiatrist" psycho for hire,

Until you get mad and do what, you're 8th leave and retire?

I created the user battles here, do you think you can settle the score?

Check your timeline, Jace, you've never beaten me before!

Iron Man

Stop painting me as the bad guy, Cap, and look at yourself for once in your life!

We have to have a nerdy arachnid kid be the mediator in between all of this strife!

Look at what you've started! And over a damn law being passed by!

And Bucky may have been your friend, but, hey man, so was I!

And look how many lives you've made lost on this battlefield!

You're no true hero, Steve, and you don't deserve that shield!

Captain America

*Sigh* Maybe you're right, Tony, it didn't have to be like this, I think I see.

We shouldn't have to fight, and over such little things. Who are we, DC?

So many heroes dead by my hand, when this all could've been just one little issue,

Maybe I should've just discussed this with you, rather than fight and harm and diss you.

You're right, I don't deserve this *tosses his shield on the ground* I've torn the world apart over all of this fuss.

Forgive me, Anthony, I shouldn't have let such a little thing become a big problem between us.

Interlude

(Iron Man takes off his mask and smiles, then reaches out his hand, which Captain America smiles in return and goes to shake it, but out of nowhere Crossbones appears, rifle in hand, and fires at Captain America, he's shot and killed, leaving Iron Man completely shocked.)

Robert E. Lee

Damn, I'm being dominated, could this verse be the ender?

Union on all sides of the place with me at the center.

Maybe I oughtta call it quits now, even if I'm not much of an escape attempter,

On second thought, I better hand my men over than try and flee western.

Nobody's done this before, Grant, so I'm gonna make like those Avengers,

I think you bested me here, and so with that... I surrender.

Ulysses S. Grant

It is well you rap so terrible - but I can't say I'm fond of it

Even in his own Cheat, Granny Lee shows no confidence

Learn from those two other times you tried to ride on my turf

Know what I'm worth? Even my underlings scorch the earth

A Civil victory civil rightly deserved, I'll report now

This war's sounds its end, Grant's the judge in the Court House

Robert E. Lee

But we're cool, man, right? *Reaches for a handshake*

Ulysses S. Grant

Ah what the hell *Goes in for the handshake and they perform it, smiling.*

Abraham Lincoln

*Flies in on an Eagle* UNITY, BITCHES! *Flies off, leaving everybody confused as to what just happened*

Tesla Man

It's Day Eagle all over Max, you cross me, and you'll regret it,

You're as poor as your Joe and Assy wars, as pathetic as your "edits".

You'd be irrelevant here too if it weren't for bringing the hurt/heals to Light

You're 18 and still live with mom and watch toons? Get a life, Night!

I'd give you another mouthful, but seems you're getting that from sucking TJ's cock,

So don't talk shit with me when you're the one who actually got blocked, Hawk!

NightFalcon9004

In a Hysteria there? I must be the Bane of your existence,

Guess you still can't battle yourself, go gather up some assistance.

Off the Topic, though; fuck you, don't go making this rap about Nikki,

She did more for this place than you did for any of your wikis.

But if you want another war, I'm game, so come on, then!

I'll be happy to make this piece of shit fuck off yet again!

(A figure is slowly seen descending, completely shadowed and unidentifiable)

Tesla Man

I've seen better socks than yours come from Frank's!

Your shots are like your edits cuz you're firing blanks!

(The figure begins approaching the two, slowly)

NightFalcon9004

I've still done more than you have, and don't call my girls skanks!

You only helped this place to get your ego some yanks!

(The figure begins walking into the light, slowly becoming visible)

Night and Tesla

I'M THE SUPREME USER HERE, YOU WILL NEVER RISE ABOVE MY RANKS!

(The figure fully exits the light, now visible)

???

Ahem.

(NightFalcon9004 and Tesla Man turn to see who is interrupting them, when they realize, with both hands raised, it's Scrawland Scribblescratch. Scraw promptly smacks both of them.)

Can you gay 10 year olds stop bitching about who's better? Thanks.

(With that Scraw takes his leave, Night and Tesla stare at each other, not sure what to think at the moment.)

Outro and Polls

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

TRIXTER'S SEMI SURFACED RAP BATTLES!

Hints :00000

Also check the battles of my buddy Tiger.