Epic Rap Battles of History Wiki
Epic Rap Battles of History Wiki
Vlad the Impaler
Vlad the Impaler Title Card.png
EpicLLOYD as Vlad the Impaler
Character information
Birth name Vlad Tepes
Nickname(s) Vlad the Impaler
Vlad III Dracula
Kazıklı Voyvoda
Born November 2, 1431
Sighișoara, Romania
Died December 1476 (aged 45)
București, Romania
Physical description
Hair Black
Eyes Dark green
Based on
Vlad the Impaler Based On.png
Rap battle information
Appeared in Vlad the Impaler vs Count Dracula
Vs Count Dracula
Release date October 25, 2019
Official vote(s) TBD
Location(s) Blood splatter
I butcher men, women and children like cows!
— Vlad the Impaler

Vlad the Impaler battled Count Dracula in Vlad the Impaler vs Count Dracula. He was portrayed by EpicLLOYD.

Information on the rapper

Vlad III, better known as Vlad the Impaler (Romanian: Vlad Țepeș) or Dracula, was born in 1431 in Sighișoara, Romania. He was voivode, or prince, of Wallachia three times between 1448 and his death. Vlad is known for the exceedingly cruel punishments he imposed during his reign as recorded in later chronicles. His reputation for brutality, as well as his patronymic, also inspired the name of the vampire Count Dracula in Bram Stoker's 1897 novel Dracula. He was presumably killed in battle against a large Turkish army in December 1476 in Bucharest, Romania. His decapitated head was then sent to Constantinople in January 1477, where the sultan had it displayed on a stake as proof of Vlad's death.


Verse 1:

Imagine forests of corpses, dripping on a buffet,

You call that a nightmare? I call that a Tuesday.

Vlad Dracula, spawn of the devil!

Dipping my bread in your weeping blood vessels!

Scorched the Earth from Hungary to Wallachia!

I inspire fear, you inspire Count Chocula!

Stepped to the Turks and the bodies started dropping!

Put my foot on Ottomans like I was furniture shopping!

I save my stakes, no need crucifix:

I kill you with Olive Garden garlic breadsticks!

I butcher men, women, and children like cows!

Put more meat on swords than Fogo de Chão!

Verse 2:

Did you shapeshift those punchlines? 'Cause they mist!

Your skill's like your reflection: it doesn't exist!

I'll turn your taint to a 'tis, when I put a stick through ya!

Haven't seen a sucker this soft, since Bunnicula!

Get beat by Count Dracula? You're smoking crack-ula!

I dunk on your whack-ula raps like I'm Shaq-ula! (Ohhhhh!)

I'm Vlad to the bone, Vlad the hat-nailer,

Vlad the commits heinous acts on rats, ask the jailer!

You leeched my name, you pale son of a bitch!

And your weak ass gets beat by the sun at the beach!

Your slick hair and cape are all flappy razzle-dazzle,

But at end of day, you're a bat and that's only half a battle!

Scrapped lyrics

Transylvania maniac win belts like Wrestlemania.

You 8-bit my whole style and get whipped like Castlevania.

Everybody plays you, even cuckoo Sandler do you.

Tell old man Christopher Lee he count better when he's Dooku.

Speaking of bite, your rhymes are bloody awful.

I've seen better writing in a Twilight novel.