Vlad the Impaler vs Count Dracula is the seventy-eighth installment of Epic Rap Battles of History and the seventh episode of Season 6. It features Romanian ruler, Vlad the Impaler, rapping against the classic vampire, Count Dracula. It was released on October 25th, 2019.
Nice Peter as Count Dracula
EpicLLOYD as Vlad the Impaler
Morgan Christensen as R. M. Renfield (cameo)
[Note: Vlad the Impaler is in dark red, Count Dracula is in gray, and R. M. Renfield is in light blue.]
Vlad the Impaler:
Imagine forests of corpses, dripping on a buffet,
You call that a nightmare? I call that a Tuesday.
Vlad Dracula, spawn of the devil!
Dipping my bread in your weeping blood vessels!
Scorched the Earth from Hungary to Wallachia!
I inspire fear, you inspire Count Chocula!
Stepped to the Turks and the bodies started dropping!
Put my foot on Ottomans like I was furniture shopping!
I save my stakes, no need crucifix:
I kill you with Olive Garden garlic breadsticks!
I butcher men, women, and children like cows!
Put more meat on swords than Fogo de Chão!
Does this mic still work after that blah, blah, blah?
Check one... two... ah, ah, ah!
The flex of a rear-spearing princeling can't vex me
'Cause I nibble necks and I make it look sexy!
I'm Universally known for intrigue and desire!
I shapeshift into mist and bone Winona Ryder!
Slick hair, popped collar, and a damn nice cape
While you've got less taste than an Anne Rice cake!
Your rhymes are empty, like I leave vascular systems!
I'd grant you the privilege of being Dracula's victim,
But the thought of biting you makes me get nauseous!
You don't look like the type that's keen on neck washes!
Vlad the Impaler:
Did you shapeshift those punchlines? 'Cause they mist!
Your skill's like your reflection: it doesn't exist!
I'll turn your taint to a 'tis, when I put a stick through ya!
Haven't seen a sucker this soft, since Bunnicula!
Get beat by Count Dracula? You're smoking crack-ula!
I dunk on your whack-ula raps like I'm Shaq-ula! (Ohhhhh!)
I'm Vlad to the bone, Vlad the hat-nailer,
Vlad the commits heinous acts on rats, ask the jailer!
You leeched my name, you pale son of a bitch!
And your weak ass gets beat by the sun at the beach!
Your slick hair and cape are all flappy razzle-dazzle,
But at end of day, you're a bat and that's only half a battle!
Wow! I did not know that you could read!
That's great. Now, let's see if you can bleed! (*hiss*)
Ha! You thought the sun could kill me? Not true!
I'm the vampire so cold they call me Nosfer-achoo!
My syllable delivery is devilishly intricate!
I rock the house, once I'm invited into it!
And here's a tidbit that you can stick a stake up:
You're losing so bad you should join Team Jacob!
Renfield! Yes, master? Call a doctor, not Seward (ugh!)
'Cause Vlad the Impaler has just been skewered!
Vlad the Impaler:
Transylvania maniac win belts like Wrestlemania.
You 8-bit my whole style and get whipped like Castlevania.
Everybody plays you, even cuckoo Sandler do you.
Tell old man Christopher Lee he count better when he's Dooku.
Speaking of bite, your rhymes are bloody awful.
I've seen better writing in a Twilight novel.
- A demo of the battle can be accessed on the ERB Patreon.
- At 1:53, when Vlad the Impaler says "Ohhhhh!", the expression and motion he makes across the screen resemble a similar action from the popular video, 'The Rap Battle (PARODY) (ORIGINAL)'.
- The ending sequence has the ERB logo transform into an 8-bit sprite of Count Dracula, while another logo, also pixelated, appears and attacks Dracula with a whip. This is a direct reference to the Castlevania video game series by Konami, with the logo taking the place of series protagonist Simon Belmont engaging Dracula in a battle.
- At 0:38 when Vlad the Impaler says, "Put my foot on Ottomans like I was furniture shopping", part of the stake that is pierced through the ottoman that Vlad has his foot on is transparent.